Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Y2K) S11E01

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. The Thames, The Thames, The Thames ain't on fireeeee. Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener, dear! Should old listener, dear, be forgot, have never brought to mind! Happy new year, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to the first house meeting of the new year, 2021. Here we are, hashtag be fair in 2021. Yeah, of course, be fair in 2021. Yeah of course be fair in 2021. Well in fact shouldn't we upgrade was it was be fair in 2020? It was be honest in 2019 be fair in 2020 what do you want for 2021? Be kind in 2021. Yeah why not? Why not? Be hashtag be kind. Yeah. I you know it, it's good to remind people. I got some abuse on Twitter yesterday. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's alright.

Well, no, I'm sorry to have done that. You were answering your phone, so I thought, I've got to get through to one way or another. But inevitably, it's awful when you get those messages telling you your rubbish. And then I'll go to the page of the person, I'll go to the person's Twitter bio and read it. And it's always without fail, they'll mention how it's important to be kind. Oh yeah. It's mad.

Yeah. It seems like the people who have be kind, you know, like the signs that say be kind of work hard up in the house are Presumably just all lazy ourselves Because anyone who says are you gonna be kind? I feel like but you know what it's important to remember it isn't Let me just Oh wait a second, but it is Here's the thing I'm trying to think of whether or not I No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Welcome to the show. So yeah, it was a fun chat you're going to enjoy now. Obviously it's a brand new year, so we take on the topic of Y2K, why wouldn't we?

That's key. If you want to start your new year off right, then why not join our Patreon? Yeah, get on board, guys. The patrons are Love to Community. We offer a whole ton of bonus material. Yeah, and we've got a brand new offer that as we've been doing all through lockdown. So since about sort of March, April of last year,

we started doing this show called Flat Share Lockdown, which is very similar to the house meeting actually. So if you join the house meetings, you'll enjoy FlatShare Lockdown. It's us having a silly chat, reading out your emails, that kind of stuff. And now, if you join as a $2 Patreon, we thought, you know, money's tight for a lot of people.

If you join as a $2 Patreon, you get the first 50 episodes of FlatShare Lockdown. 50, 5.0. 5.0 episodes, you get them for your $2. So if you want to, you know, send us a little bit of money to, if you enjoy the podcast and you want us to keep doing it, we rely on those donations, so that would be,

that would be great. $2 Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share, and you could be a happy camper, just like our friend Math, who writes via Patreon. Thank you for the best shout out ever. This is from one of our Patreon neighborhood watch role calls. He says, thank you for the best shout out ever.

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. What am I feeling? The bullshit of Math Berryman. It's going on my headstone. So there you go, not only do you get all of those bonus episodes, you also get to be insulted by us. So what a treat. Why not? There you go, not only do you get all of those bonus episodes, you also get to be insulted by us. So, what a treat.

Why not? Get in touch, guys. Get in touch during the Patreon, but otherwise enjoy this house meeting. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat.

Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has beaten. Why on earth am I always weak? Has beaten. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Has beaten.

What's the point? Does life have a meaning? Has beaten. Well, happy new year. Happy new year everybody. Swinging into the new year. Woohoo! Feeling strong.

There's a lot, there's a lot gone into, 2021 feels like if every year is gonna buckle under the weight of expectation, right? Because never has a year had more. Well, it's going to be good. Can you remember a year that's had better stakes like maybe 2000. Yeah, I think the millennium. Yeah. But but but but also like the millenium wasn't like, it has to be good this year. It was like New Year's Eve was big and it was like, there's the event, but it wasn't like, oh my god, 20. No one's going like 2000's got to be good this year. It was like, New Year's Eve was big, and it was like, there's the event,

but it wasn't like, oh my God, 20, no one's going like, 2000's got to be the best year ever. The Millennium basically had, if it gets to 2000, if it's midnight, 1999, it gets 2000 and planes don't fall out of the sky, then it's a good year. That's what we should have had. 2000 had it easy, didn't they?

2000 was like, look, all I have to do is exist and I'm already on to a winner. Why didn't, why didn't they, you know, if I was working high up in the government as a diversionary tactic, that's what I would have done. I would have said, look guys, let's bring out a new Y2K bug. Yeah, because, you know.

Just get that rumor started. Get the rumor started that actually, it turns out that all we did when we fixed the Y2 K bug Because remember that it's what ameth it was fixed. That's the thing about it It was say you know like people think it was a myth actually know they worked really hard to make sure it was fixed But they didn't fix it. They didn't fix it enough. They only postponed it 21 years Is that what is that the is that what people peddle that they fixed the one to K-Bug? Yeah. That's a good racket, isn't it?

No, no, that's the truth. That's the truth, Father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the truth. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, you wake up sheep all there was. I look, we could all pretend something's going to happen and then go, hey, good news guys, we fixed it. It's like, did you really?

Yeah, yeah, we fixed it. I saw it. Well, they did because it didn't happen. Yeah, exactly. That thing that wasn't gonna happen didn't happen because some guy fixed it. You know what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying.

I think you're saying, barmy mate. I'm saying some nerd in his computer room was like, some computer room, it's not university in the 90s. Some nerd in the, I mean, it kind of was. That's like, it was, yeah, it did happen in a university in the 90s. So yeah, so I retract my previous statement about it not being in university in the 90s. Crossed me, I can't believe you're coming at us

with these mad theories, mate. This is a really embarrassing actually. They looked around and they said, look, okay, I've got a plan here to get us some kudos. We're going to pretend we saved the planet and then they engineer the whole thing, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Pulling their little computer strings.

It's true because most people don't understand technology. That's fair to say, isn't it? Most people, you're walking around with an iPhone in your pocket, obviously you weren't at the time, strings. It's true because most people don't understand technology. That's fair to say, isn't it? Most people, you're walking around with an iPhone in your pocket, obviously you weren't at the time, but you're walking around with technology that you yourself cannot comprehend. Put it this way, no one's made a film about how they saved the planet. You know, like think about all the films that they made. Yeah, they have. I think your theory's falling apart here. Harry, I think your theory is falling apart here. Harry, what?

This was made a film about you. No, bug, is that what you're saying? Because... That hasn't, that hasn't, has it? Not really. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. But you're saying there's never been a movie about the Y2K bug, is that what you're saying? Because... No, that hasn't, that hasn't, that hasn't. No, I'm not. Yeah, I don't think there is. And you're saying that's because it didn't happen.

But... Or, well no. Or it was quite underwhelming because the nature of it not happening doesn't make for a very exciting movie. And also you know, like, it's fair enough that a trono remember is logging. It's been ages trying to connect to a printer. I'd prefer it to be honest. It's the swordfish problem isn't it? No one really wants to watch people doing things on computers.

It's swordfish still a good reference. I don't, I never saw swordfish. No one saw swordfish. It's swordfish, still a good reference. I don't, I never saw swordfish. What was swordfish, what happened in swordfish? This is not the precursor to catfish, is it? It's not about people who say to be someone else. To cats. Oh, Jesus Christ, we're no one wants that. They were swordfish, but their tails came out

of their arsoles and they upset everyone, okay? Yeah. Very realistic genitals on those swordfish, and it really, yeah. That was where they put the swords, wasn't it? Oh, Jesus Christ. If the Y2K thing, if it's true, I wouldn't say if it's true. Yeah, okay.

And no one's made a film about it. We should be those people, right? Because there have been films made about computer people doing great things. Yeah. The problem is, it's such a famous story. The end of it is so famous, but the end of it is so kind of

like dramatically unsatisfying. It's not like, you know, everyone knows how Titanic's going to end, right? But at the same time, seeing that great ship going down is extremely satisfying for the viewers, you know, it's heart breaking, whereas if you know what you're leading towards at the end, you know, this is why the imitation game, for example, right?

Oh, yeah, you know, you know, you know, they crack the code. I mean, if anything, it would be a, I guess it's more of a human story. It's kind of a remake of that, isn't it, really? But like, say, so the imitation game too, you K but it takes like so for MSN I said the problem as well is during the imitation game there is a big event happening like that the adversion of what you K is the millennium mate yeah but it's will Smith's doing the same track. It was a pretty big. Will Smith and Robbie Williams. Yeah, and subplot is the guy, the guy who is most sneerie to them,

is also the guy who's planning the firework display along the Thames. And it turns out he's the one who fucks things up. So he, why is he? I got forks. So basically, he's realized realized Old forks has realized that he hasn't That he hasn't got the fireworks in place Well, he's like well, what can be more impressive than a load of planes falling into the tent?

He's so busy laughing at the nerds that he forgets to like the fireworks at the end And it's like he gets a good old comeuppance So it's a double whammy. It's a double whammy of nothing happens and nothing happens. Yeah, but nothing happens twice. Now I'm interested. It's cool. Of course.

It's the, what are you saving for the sequel, there, though? Well, we don't even make the sequel. And that is, that's the ultimate nothing happening. Honestly, Christopher Nolan's very excited to make the sequel to... What would be the third movie in the imitation game franchise? Would we call it? Not even going to show up. Would we call it nothing happens?

It's quite like that as a title. The imitation... Well, first is... The imitation, well, first is, the imitation game too, Cologne, Y2K, semi-colon, nothing happens. Brackets twice. Well, I think we saved the brackets twice. The thing is, I was thinking about putting in brackets twice,

but I think we saved the brackets twice as a little, because obviously you've got to leave something for the audience. I mean, they didn't, so they didn't, I'm guessing they didn't fit like, what we're gonna have to stretch the truth here is that they fixed it. They probably fixed it a few years before, right? But like, what we, you want them to fix it literally like like a bomb disposal. Yeah. Where it's, where it's, where it's counting down. That big,

that big clock that counts down to the millennium. That's what you want. You want them to be like, which do we cut the red wire or the green wire and why have we built this clock? Somehow it's not. It's a big bend. It's got to be a big bend. They're inside big bend and they're like, the computer inside big bend, they're trying to kind of like snip the wires to stop it from becoming the millennium. I had good money there on clocky, waiting inside the Big Ben's, the name of the bell, not the clock. Come on, mate.

I read, I've got a lot of it. It's gonna happen. We all know it's the name of the scientist, not the monster. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha made about unexciting things. Okay. Okay. This is a sort of swordfish. Like, you know, hidden figures, hidden figures that everyone was interested in. That was people doing maths. Yeah. A beautiful mind, I guess.

You know, there's computer shit going on in films that people like. Is it fair? Yeah, is it fair? You don't like computers. Is that what it is that you do? Well, I'm just going to say that these are all films that don't really interest me. So I think I'm also in that category. A swordfish got a lot of chat about at the time

because Halle Berry got her norks out during it, which I think is testament to the screen writers struggling to make computers interesting. Because no one needs, no one needs to hack a computer topless, right? Is that what it was? It was a topless computer hacker? I mean, I don't, I don't know. I can't.

I mean, there's a lot of courtroom. I sort of feel like we saw this in the cinema together, Perry, but... Did we really? There was a bit where someone comes out of a sunroof and the car spins around. Someone coming out of a sunroof happens in big. Was it big you went to see in the cinema? The first time they make him do hacking, they, hey, he's getting like a blowjob while it happens.

Oh no! Is that what it is? It's like a really horny life, yeah. So put him off, like, can you do it under this situation? What? What is? So in Japanese game show. So it's sort of, when Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, she blows into his ear, but it's taken up a couple

of notches. Oh, down a couple of notches. So the IT professor. So the human flute, she went down a couple of hoses. The imitation game too, colon Y2K, semi-colon, nothing happens, bracket's twice, is suddenly starting to take shape because if it's set around the turn of the millennium and it's a boardy set-up.

It's American, no, it's American pie. Meat set. Oh, beautiful mind. Meat's zordfish. Yes. But in Britain. Now we're talking, this is, you know what, this is actually.

I think we're talking, I'm very, this is a good idea because the... The idea is because the... You know, the one industry that I feel has really dropped off in the last 40 to 50 years is the British sex comedy. Carry on up the Y2K. Exactly. The confessions of an IT expert,

this is the thing that we're missing. And you know, obviously, Clarky back in the day, born on, pre-beard Clarky, born on Kenny Rezemblant to Robin Asquith, didn't he? Did you used to get that quite a lot? Yeah. Well, good boy, we'd ask you to clean their window. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're a short-lived career as a pop performer. Less do we forget.

But yeah, I feel like a subject which we, whether we believe in it or not, agree, not that fascinating. But everyone knows about it, right? All you've got to do is stick a couple of dicks in it I'm thinking Clarke is the first one Stick a couple of dicks in it stick stick two or three boobs in it and you've got yourself a movie three boobs Three boobs are a total recall. Exactly. Yeah. Do you totally recall the millennia? We'll be the line. It's also totally recalling the millennium.

Has anyone ever done a sequel? That is a sequel to two different movies. Hello. Oh, that's... I guess it's Alien vs Predator, isn't it? Yes, that is. It's not a good idea. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes that? You know, you know, someone's, someone's, someone's, someone's, I don't know, look. I'm the, I'm the chick who stopped the Y2K thing happening, okay? Do you wanna buy me a drink? Right, you know what actually, another film that is all computers and sex is the girl with the dragon tattoo. So maybe it's got that kind of vibe to it, you know? Maybe it's got

that sort of... I'm loving this. That sort of energy. Because crucially, big, look, trilogy, you know, so then nothing happens three times. So, suddenly, we've got as another movie there, and I'm interested. So, I wonder if, hey, the Millennium Dome features, there we go. What we do though is we make this movie. Let's not worry about what it's called for the moment. Let's just make the movie. Untitled, Pappy's Summer Blockbuster Project. Okay, that's what we're calling it currently.

Brackets, Y2K. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to be giving it all away. But then, when we bring it out, right? Yeah. It's a sequel to three films. Yeah. Okay, a three-pool. And I open the pitch meeting by saying, no one's ever seen a film where someone saves the world. Yes, now hear me out.

Especially if I have this extra detail, which I left out by original sentence, which is from the Y2K bug. What if, all I'm saying is, if this film doesn't have a scene where there's four people sat in their kegs around a table that's on top of the millennium, does it? It's in what you drink beer out of?

I guess someone's knick their trousers, they've got to wear a barrel with some braces over their top. Oh, hello. They look like Bill and Ben. I mean, that is a British institution. Okay. They're sat in their pants around a table that's positioned on top of the millennium dome

and they're trying to hack into the big bend mainframe. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's almost like kind of like lay lines type things, like that's where the millennium starts first. The top of the millennium dome is the first place on earth where the millennium will start. So if they don't catch it there, then it will start spreading. What you actually want is that it don't quite catch it. And the top of the millennium dome starts glowing with the Y2K bug, it starts to go down,

like spread down, looking like a big Christmas pudding, all the way down, it's electricity, and then they chop the right thing on big Ben at the same time and it starts going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, back up into the guys' computer. Unfortunately, yeah, go on, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, back up into the guy's computer. Unfortunately, yeah, go on. Right, but no, here's the thing,

it's all gonna be contained in this like one flash drive because it's always down to like one little bit of microfiche or flash drive or something like that. And the flash drive is the shape of a but plug. This is what I'm thinking. Gotta go somewhere. And it's like the bit when Randy Quaid goes straight up into the, you know, like he flies his, his, his,

is he cool to in a space as well though? No, no, not in a space, that was dead space. It was no, in a space two upper butts. No, it was, it, it, it, Randy Quaid goes up in, in a, in a independence day. Yes. Yeah, and so it's like that thing and he goes, there's only one way I'm gonna have to become the Millennium bug. He shoves the flash drive up his ass. He turns into this big like electric

bug, obviously, with his dick out. And he like, but then like using his own strength snaps his own neck. Using his own strength snaps his own neck. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a great stage direction. You see what you see right? Straight to his neck, you snap your own neck. Or he spears himself on the spike at the top of the Millennium Dome. And it's Will Smith. And we see GI digitally.

Well, they've already done that. They're a young Will Smith, and CGI. So maybe we can just borrow the footage from that. They're not using it anymore? We're going to take the computer brushes of Gemini man, or whatever it's called, and set it in Britain. Yeah, I think this is actually, I mean, I know I say this a lot, but this is our best

idea yet. Hahahaha! How's B.D. B.D. B.D. Can I have a lift I live in the need? How's B.D. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.

A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's a like theatre bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th. A cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of curious Canadian history. A bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome,

and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcast everywhere. Acast.com Well, I think what it needs to be, which hasn't been, I don't think it was done enough.

You've changed it now from it was never been done. It's not been done enough. Let me finish. Listen, have the courage of a conviction. It's never been done. A championing, a revisiting of the millennium and what a special time that was. Yeah. Were you excited about the millennium?

I mean, I was thrilled about it. I was thrilled about it. Do'm trying to think, yeah. Do you remember what you did? Like New Year's Eve millennium, I walked up, I remember I was in Wales and I walked up a hill and wrote a poem at the top of the hill. So I was like, No, you're thinking of the turn of the 18th century.

You're gonna give the age to the great. Yeah, I was confused. I was on the ground tour. Yeah, that's right. You were flying a kite with a key hanging off it. What's wrong? Do you remember, do you remember the poem? I've got the poem actually. Yes, please.

That's right, it's not good. Come on, let's go. Yeah, of course we'll be. Of course we'll be. Oh, I've got it. I could not be more excited to hear this. What's also amazing is that Perry, like, I haven't got, like, stuff I wrote yesterday. Here it is, it's amazing.

How has he got it, he's got it to hand. Oh gosh. Right. So I could have been able to find that if I'd written it in my notes. Yeah. If I sent it in an email, since I've started using Gmail, that's the only time I would have been,

and even then, what would I type in? I wouldn't remember any of the words out of it, tapping the word power into Gmail. Do you own a poem in your IOL accounts? Right, the millennium. Yeah, I don't, honestly, my MSN was absolutely buzzing at my, it was popping off off and thank you to whoever made it pop off because the ones who came would really, there was a lot of good content going down that night. The only thing that didn't pop off with a fireworks along with Tim, am I right? Too right. That kind of, there must have been someone fired for that, right?

Is that, that's what happened? Wasn't this supposed to be, we were supposed to become a river of fire? Wasn that that's what happened wasn't supposed to be Revea of fire was that wasn't that what they don't know this I know yeah, I've got no memory of this so there was a guy That well there was a person there was there was there was a firework display planned that would Make the it look like the river Thames was on fire whoa It's basically called like the river of like the River of Fire display. And so everyone was at big bed. Everyone was at big bed. Could be, I mean, we'll put it in there. River of Fire.

I'm going, I'm going to look. Y2K2. And then it didn't go off or it just didn't happen and there was like, it was an anti-climax. And people, some people thought that might have been the Millennium Bug kicking in. Have I imagined this? So that's like a-

No, you're not at all. UK news here, an archive site on the BBC News website, River of Fire, dubbed a flop. Thousands of Millennium Refflers will have disappointed by a key part of the UK's Millennium celebrations, a spectacular River of Fire. The event in which a wall of fire have been expected to travel along London's River Thames at midnight has been branded a damp squib. But it was defended by organizers including Popstar Bob Geldoff. They said it turns out it's a lot harder to light water. Yeah. What I was going to say is really difficult actually. Geldoff was like turns out it's really solid. The Geldoff chase Nigel Farage down the Thames on a boat, but I forgot Brexit as well.

Wasn't that gild off? He did, he's never left the Thames. He loves the Thames. He's never left. That's one thing you've never said on fire. He's there with his nipo lighter. He's like, you know what, he's like the great alchemists that, you know, in spite of science, he is the one man who wants to turn water into flames.

And you know what, there's something incredibly romantic about that. I mean, thick, but romantic. Do they know it's Y2K at all? He was singing. Light the water. Can I borrow some matches, please? I mean, they're called Swan Vestors, where does ones go on the water? Think about that people.

Adolf's killed, Adolf! So yeah that's the guy who that's the character in the film. Tell me. So did you think I was just... I thought you'd made up a detail, but I like the film. You've told him. So did you think I was just, so, I thought you, I thought you just made up a detail, but I like that. I love to have a detail. Yeah, I mean there are fireworks at New Year's, but I've forgotten about the River of Fire completely,

or at least. The guy who's kind of going, yeah, you nerds, you're worrying about your white-o-k bug, leave it to the River of Fire lot, actually. So, Geld off to the baddie. And then, and then it's, well, not the baddie, just a little bit of a bit of comedy color generally like they're gonna they're gonna

get there come up with at the end when the river of fire he's there with his plunger does it do is that the wrong is that the wrong wire that they initially why a gild of cuts the wire in big bend and it's like oh no you cut the river of fire wire. And just before that it stops the river of fire and then they're like cut the other one it's like for you we saved Y2K and everyone's like boo and they're like you'll never know you'll never know but we've just saved you. You'll never know what happened this night until the film comes out. And then we finish on Tom's poem. Yes. Well I was going to say what I'm not

mad file line for a movie to be like someone turning to the camera and going you'll never know about this until the film comes out. What? Then he goes cross eyed. Yes, but yeah of course, of course what would really happen is then we would have, you know it would go to the credits would be going up one half of the screen and then you'd see the real Tom Perry

because obviously the subplot is a man who went up a hill and came down a mountain. Yeah, absolutely. So, he was like, who hills? Yeah, so then you see, the character's been played by Hugh Grant all the way through the movie, turns out to be Tom Perry and people are a little taken aback when they see.

So I'll take that any day. I'm happy with that. Let's get in touch with Hugh and see. I'll drop him a text. So then the credits start to roll, Hugh Grant was Tom Perry, Ben Clark has Robin Asquith. I can actually see, I tell you who I could see doing this. Devices himself.

I could see Shane doing this. Michael Shane. Oh yeah. I was in Wales at the top. Nothing to do. There's nothing to do. I was up a Welsh mountain and I could see Shane really, really giving it this. Is that what you saw when you got some of the mountains in Shane?

Yeah, Shane. Is that what you saw when you got some of the mountains she? She was in character always Okay Oh God come on Tom come on be bold be brave be strong to roll the thing you have to remember Going into this is it doesn't make any sense. Oh It's one of those sort of abstracts kind of street It's called the first of the first 2000 for obvious reasons. Remind us to go when you wrote it? OK, let's hear it.

Sorry, Tom, let's hear it. Here we go. And in fact, what kind of, because we can ask Emma to lay some music under in post, what kind of, we can ask Emma to lay some music under in post. What kind of music do you need? What kind of, we'll find some library music and we'll just lay it. It's Jerusalem, isn't it, really? Can we find some library music that sounds enough like, I mean, Jerusalem presumably, we could use it going.

We'll find a MIDI version of Jerusalem. Like an instrumental version of Jerusalem. Because you don't want the words of Jerusalem to distract from your words. Yeah. What's the name of that bird that are arising? The Wind Hover? A rising? Is that the...

Oh, I don't know the Wind Hover arising. I don't know, I don't know if it is. What's the... I don't know what the... Vaughn Williams, that's who I'm thinking of. Okay, so either Vaughn Williams is the Wind Hover arising have all Williams that's what I'm thinking. Okay, so either the Vaughn Williams is the Windhover arising Yeah, that's it For Jerusalem something bomb something bombastic something stirring something is gonna, you know make our hearts a flame

As I remember top this was you did this a few times on on night out Walked off to London after a poem. Yeah, at what point did that stop? Was this your last poem? It is the big question. Did you get a sequel? Well, in fact, it stopped for a while and then it has started. Again, I do write, I've started writing poetry again a couple of years ago. I remember you, what we did a gig in Wales at your cousin's hotel and you were staying with your cousin and you went off and wrote a poem that night.

Was it after a gig at your cousin's hotel and because he had a little dog called peanut. Oh god, yeah. And you wrote a poem called Fuck Off Peanut. Yes, that's right. I mean, it wasn't very long. If I got peanut, we're bigger than we'll ever be. We're better than we'll ever be.

It was something like that, along those lines, I remember thinking. That's it, yeah, that was about it. That's what I'm going in the whole poem. You haven't got that one's a hand. I've got a tattooed on my back. I've got a peanut. Because what we should say, a little bit of context for this, is Tom was getting peanut

at school all the time. They were always peanut in the school really badly. Remind me what a peanut is. Getting peanut is, oh, peanutting is, right. When you were at school and they, you know, they would, you have your school tie. If they yanked the front of it, it would tighten without, but it wouldn't strangle you,

but it would tighten the knot so much that you couldn't ever get your tie undone again. You stand it be just there. Sorry, I'm sorry. It's so hard. I never heard of it. I thought you would break it. You never had peanuts be just there. Sorry, I'm sorry. So, I never, I've never heard of it. You never had peanuts up there, nothing. No, no, no, no, no.

This is not like Tom's fantastical leg of fire. This is a real thing. So anyway, the, so, P-nutting, you would, what I was told when I first started at school was, there's a real,-outing is right for this school. If you don't want to be pin-outed, you come to the wrong guy in school. Right into the middle of a pin-outing spirit. This be pin-outing country. It's going to be dry roasted within an inch of your life.

Our school logo was that little nut with the hat, you know, that guy. Mr. K. Mr. K was our... Mr. K was our headmaster. Mr. K was our headmaster. Yeah. So, good job on our left school tonight. Yeah, he is in it. Bloody hell. So, he was like, kill Whity, they were talking about Whity K. Headmaster.

My headmaster was the guy after Pringles Cheebs. That's right. That's a cool headscore, yeah. A floating head, wasn't it? Yeah, your head must have. My head must have was the guy after Pringles Cheebs. Oh, that's cool. That's cool, yeah. A floating head, wasn't it? Although, it wasn't he replaced by the monopoly man halfway through it, came in Academy. As Mr. Soft from the Troublesoft adverts,

he was our supply teacher. Took images to get into the classroom, didn't it? He'd never tell us why the world he was living in was so strange. But so they said to me, right, like the bigger boys, they took me to one side and they said, listen, listen, was this your induction? Yeah, this my induction by the bigger boys, they're like, they said, listen, it's it's peanuts. It's right.

First, it's peanut in season because you're new, you know, you're the new fish. You've arrived. You're a nut, fresh nuts. They cried fresh nuts. It're the new fish. Not fresh, not, is what I think. He cried, fresh, not. It's the school bus pulled up. All the bigger boys were there shaking the ratings.

Fresh, fresh, fresh, not. Fresh, not. All the bigger boys were there. Yeah, wait, fresh, not fresh, not fresh. Right, and we were there. This could absolutely be a seeding up Y2K. We were, we were two thousand. Coworing, right, we were cowowering because obviously we'd you know

I my my previous school tie had been just an elasticated. It was a pre tied A simple time or I had the I had the one that was a little clip on one You know like you might get if you worked in Argos in the in the 80s like that kind of one I had that which you if someone Yank that it popped straight off, so you were fine. I did. Well, also a different kind of issue. If someone popped that, it could fly back into your face. Oh yeah, definitely. And that's the key.

Or that's the key. The other one might, like, undo all your buttons, like pop them all off, like a giant zip. Hey, could actually, yeah. And all your buttons go flying off. And then, like, hit other kids in the eyes and it becomes very, very dangerous. Yeah.

There's no greater symbol actually for growing up. That kind of going up a level of sophistication and going from the stretch elastic tie to the done tie at secondary school. It's very symbolic, isn't it? Yeah, it really, really is. And then you're regressed. Yeah, you regressed to the clip on.

Exactly, because you've got a job in Argus, yeah. That's right. Because you've not given a shit about life. Or you get to a stage where you are funky, executive and you don't have or amount of it. Of course, yeah. You become a millionaire by the time. You become a millionaire. You were a tosser with an apple in your hand. You become a man after the school. Now I'm the granddad. The word is original granddad was I had left. Now I'm the grandad and I give nuts to my children. And I make sure I have an happy pen handy.

Now, right, so they said, the bigger boys said, look, you see more right, but we're in P nutting. We're in P nutting territory here. What you've got to do is get yourself a two-pence piece and put it in the knot of your tie. Okay, so anyway. And then you go, that's a perfect, it's a...-pence piece and put it in the knot of your tie. Okay, so anyway. Yes. And then you go, that is a perfect... Is that so you can use it in a fight?

You can whip someone around the way. You can whip someone around the way. David and the Goliath are at least a... Take your tie off and do, take out both eyes, penning each. And the... No, so that's what happened if they tried to go to pee not you and then the tie would tighten around the the coin But it wouldn't tighten you know like you wouldn't have to cut your tie off

Then I just bought your face Then I heard and this was this really was awful You're in a you're in a no-win situation here. Then I heard that in another school a Kids right they he'd been peanut it so hard then I heard that in another school, a kid, right? They, he'd been pee-nutted, so hard. The two-pen space had shot like a rifle, straight up under his chin at the back of his head, killed him.

Everyone got a, everyone got a, everyone got a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. Yeah, everyone got A's in their sat, but apart from that, it did mean that you were then walking around, basically, you're walking around with a cocked gun under your chin all day. So now you have to decide, what do you want? Do you want the fact that I'm going to go home to your parents and say, look, I got P-notted, you're going to cut the knot out of this tie and buy me a new tie from the school shop,

or do you want to be dead? Oh yeah, two pants, two pants pieces of skull every day of the week, right? Clarke's school was so rough, he used to walk around with a cocked gun under his chin every day of the week. It's a bit like being in prison, you've got to prove you're the craziest one. I'm not having that then being mean. He put a cocked gun straight through his tie under his chin and it'd have his toe, it was a bit long rifle, he'd have his toe through the trigger

and he'd be like, make a move. Absolutely mental that we make kids wear ties to school. Mental, mental, mental, mental. At some point that has to be stopped right. Why? Because the vast majority of people don't make. The vast majority of people don't wear ties. No, but the thing with the thing with the school though,

is it's about the idea is it's the first time you begin to take a kind of pride in your appearance. So you know, you're wearing. But why is that manifested in ties? Because it's smart wear, isn't it? Smart blazer, smart tie, you begin to, you know, like it's teaching you a little bit of self-sufficiency, learning to tie your tie and keep your clothes clean, that's a little bit of self-sufficiency.

Obviously, it isn't really in real life because your parents do it all for you. Put this piece of material around your neck so it can be used as a handle, as a weapon, as a choking hazard. Yeah, it's like their kids don't put things around their necks. That's right, that's why you've said you know nude schools No, no kegs kegs

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you've got a Everyone's wearing a keg a barrel around their ways with braces and The old hobo school that you're running. It's not a bad idea actually Yeah, the old Hobo school that you're running. It's not a bad idea, actually. How's meeting? What's the worst thing you've considered eating? How's meeting? I'd love to hear this poem.

I feel like this is going to be that time. Yeah, it's got to be that time. You cut the wire. Credits for all. First of the first, 2000. I stopped to see if the river would cease, to witness a recognition of the world of man. That had popped its corks and talked of peace, overindulged itself with opulence whilst appealing with photos of Kurdistan.

The clocked! You're in a desert for a rhyme there, weren't you? Oh, no. Okay, let's carry on carry on. I'm with the mad. Well, I can only think of one thing. Yeah. I had a flan earlier on, but that's not exactly poetic, is it?

Oh, I can't believe I didn't use the can can. It was New Year's Eve. Who's... By the way, stopping right in Paris to parties. Because if he's not fucking off before midnight to go and write a poem, he's shown us phones as the Kurdistan to get us all in the mood. He's cancass. He's cutting himself up that hill again.

What's wrong with a bit of... What's wrong with a bit of open-subsides your head? Why do you have to get a photo? Curtis, and also this is pre- Oh, I'm glad I'm fine, my ass. This is pre-camera phones as well. He was bringing a portfolio. He's bringing a, and I've had projector. Right. Sorry, we left you at Curtis down. The clock jared its way to 12, but the river flowed consistently. The river flowed strong,

and the timeless waters refused to cease. The BBC and the subcommittees were proven wrong. He's taken the BBC down. I was an early adopter. The mainstream media. The critic of the BBC. Well, you'd just sign a big deal with B-Skype at that stage, you're in the pocket. Exactly. And the trees nearby watched with disdain as they poured another drink and talked of change and the steady endless river mocked them for it knew things would always be the same. The clock grown on and the river flowed in this brave

new world of uncharted time and I stood to watch the river flow. I could have said that. You know what? I like that. I enjoyed that poem and it's interesting as well because it sort of feels like it's very apropos for the idea of the... The river of fire. What the Millennium bug as well, the idea that you stood atop this hill, expecting a great seismic thing to happen. And when it didn't happen, it was actually a sign of... It's actually a good thing rather than a bad thing. You expected all nature to cease,

but instead nature carries on as it will do, because nature doesn't respect the millennium. I've also found in a book the Inlay card to God gave rock and roll TV by Bill and Ted. Do you sure you watch the 3D Lil' Lyrics of that? I remember that. Oh, no, sorry, let me finish. God gave rock and roll to you.

Sorry, I've got to the chorus. Put it in the soul, all of everyone. Of Kurdistan. Put it in the soul, all outside of everyone. Kurdistan was a bit of a reach, wasn't it? Yeah. I'm not even sure what was going on in Kurdistan at the time. I don't think it was current. Well, that's a bit of a kick in the jaffers of the people in Kurdistan.

I don't even have the Millennium Bug over there. So, can we go back to that line? I obviously, we don't want to go back to this lit firework. This river of fire. this lit firework. This river of fire. So what we, I got the popping bottles, we all do that, to celebrate, you know, to celebrate the new years. And we,

I drink popping bottles. I drink them, I get a lovely bit of soda popping bottles. A little bit of lemonade. Yeah. I got the popping bottles thing. And what was the, what was the line? Can we just go back to that? Which, okay.

I stopped to see if the river would cease to witness a recognition of the world of man What was the line? Can we just go back to that? Which okay I stopped to see if the river would cease to witness a recognition of the world of man Which had popped its corks and talked of peace over and dourged itself with opulence whilst appealing with photos of Kurdistan Right, what are you trying to what what are you trying to say if you can go back? 21 years to the to the mind of a young Tom Perry? I think it was to do with the, there was a lot of charity appeals going on at the time and talk of redistribution. I think there was a big drive for redistribution of wealth. There was like celebrity led kind of like a bandaid type initiative to redistribute world world funds. So it's a sort of scatting satire of champagne

socialism? Yeah I think so and and that went hand in hand with the kind of like you know you know you've got to be drinking champagne and celebrating the millennium in a big way it was like you you know, it was looking at that. It was good. It's a good poem, man. There it is. There it is. Stick a bit of music underneath it. Well, that's our end credits. I've got to ask as well what. I'm not going to get my tits. You'll drop your barrel. The barrel drops. After Old Langseye and we sing roll out the barrel. The barrel drops. After old Lang's Iron, we sing roll out the barrel. It's like like like the in-time square. Like the ball in-time square, that's it. It's Tom with a barrel that gradually drops the floor.

So Tom is stirred at the top of the biggest hill of the mall, the Millennium Dome. The Millennium Dome of the most. Barrel around his waist, he drops the barrel. We see the red ball The Hang on are you playing me? Yeah He's your body double cool. We see you on your red scroll to my I'm gonna I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do any of the any of the close-up new teams bless you very happy to do that

The man who went up a dome and came down a barrel it's a working title it's a working title hashtag Y2K forever can I get this piece of the liver to the meat there it is everybody. I really enjoyed that. A really great start to the year. I love it. It's good to be back. It's great to be back. It's good to be back.

There's something for everyone there. A bloopers to film. A bit of literature. A bit of social commentary. Absolutely. And nostalgia. What? And everything in that.

Any brew. It's the best podcast of the year so far, I'd say. Certainly the best one we've done. Yeah, exactly right. Five stars on iTunes all to do it. Get on board. It's the best podcast of the year so far I'd say. Certainly the best one we've done. Yeah, exactly right. Five stars on iTunes ought to do it. Um, get on board or fuck off. Yeah, okay, well, sure.

And don't forget guys, be kind. Please hashtag be kind into us. hashtag be kind, hashtag get on board or fuck off. Um, the, yeah, the other, yeah. So find us on Instagram and Twitter and all those places and tell other people, like we really want to do a drive in 2021 to get some new listeners, because it's always fun when someone says, I've just discovered your podcast and I'm now working my way through you know, all 150 episodes. It's really thrilling for us. So if you know somebody you think

might like it or just want to, you know, just want to tweet about it or talk about it on Facebook or whatever Please do because we'd love some new listeners in 2021 Absolutely right spread the word spread the love or fuck off I couldn't have put it there myself Today's episode was produced by Emma caution Cheers everyone! Bye! to freedom at a lot more.

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.