Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1604: Clarky tries to tell an anecdote

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

What was Clarky’s holiday beef? How did Parry take on a street preacher? And who wants to sneeze into a wet wipe? Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/?hl=en Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Olivia Swash with tech help from Max Brill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Greetings viewer dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a very exciting episode of Pappy's Fletcher. It absolutely is always an exciting episode when Clark he decides to bless us was one with one of his first-rate anecdotes. Oh boy. And this one comes straight from his holiday in Malta. Yes. Yeah, we're, you know, sometimes on a sort of magazine-style podcast, they'll say we're devoting today's episode to one story.

and that's really true in this case we're devoting the entire episode to one absolutely scintillating story you're not going to want to miss this one and occasionally now the press will pick up they'll listen to podcasts and they'll run this in like the Daily Mail Online or something like this is going to be one of those kind of

I don't want to I'm not going to spoil it suspense plot twists an incredible conclusion we wish it had any of those things all it has is one unreliable narrator and two people intent on fucking it up syllable by syllable.

So that's what you've got ahead of you. Thank you very much for listening to this. We have a Patreon. Of course, if you want to support us, Tom. Absolutely right. If you want to support your boys on their journey as they podcast to the grave,

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We're still workshopping. We're with a little bit more money from you guys. We can get our best writers on the job. Oh, it's also worth mentioning that if you want to come and see Pappy's Flat Share Live, then Pappiescom. Forward Slash Live for tickets. We've got a couple of shows coming up. I don't know if we can announce the line up yet, but they're coming up.

So go to pappiescomedy.com forward slash live to live to live. look at tickets there and perhaps even buy them. Fun to look at. Even more fun to buy, I'd say. We should also say if you can follow us on Instagram or TikTok or wherever you do your socials and we're on YouTube. So if you want to leave a comment, if you want to recommend us in real life to someone that you know or someone you don't or someone who's just near you on public transport,

then do that, spread the word. And otherwise, keep well. Keep well. Really. And what will make you feel more well than a lovely boat trip with our dear friend Clarkie? Here we go. So I went on holiday this year. Bragg.

Yeah, yeah. Tom, I've got to ask you, who was your favourite ever host of the South Bank show? Sorry, I'll do not. Thank you. Yeah, well done. And we went on a boat trip. Oh, my Lord. Bring, bring, bring.

What's the, what was that? I took my guitar. Is there a phone or a mandolin or both? Bring, bring, bring. Hello, boat rentals. Let me finish the act out. Hello, boat rentals. You like a boat.

Are you on holiday? I do like the idea of somebody who works deep in the sort of tourist industry who's always slagging off people who are on holiday. Yeah. Who gives a shit, mate. Oh, you're on holiday, are you? You're on a fucking boat. Where are you guys from, France?

Yeah, well, I was. No, he couldn't give it a bit of a shit. Anyway, Clarkie, you're on your holidays, man. Went on a boat trip. Beautiful. You, are you driving the boat? You're sat on someone else's boat, like some kind of fucking piece of shit. Wait, Tom, check your attitude here.

Clarkie's trying to tell us a story. Wait, is it a brag or what? Sheving his holiday in my face. We sat on someone else's boat. Did they know? Go on, go on. Sorry, right, here we go. No, no.

Tell me. No, no, seriously. Forget about him. Forget about him, tell me. Does the boat trip start? Bragg. Oh, it started, did it? It's one of those boat trips.

It's one that starts. Can I have a boat trip that starts? I'm on my honeybubbs. I just want to check, because I've had a few that didn't start. Does this one start? We have booked for it to start. And it's our holiday. Brogg

Anyway Sorry, Clarkie We apologize Sorry, sorry You're on No, no, no You mustn't But

Well, so The boat ship starts I can picture And a guy stands up And it's like quite a small boat So he stands up

And he's facing out Which is just like You're on a small boat That's not a holiday And the guy goes He goes Here are your fake passports Everyone

Who? He's facing out? He's facing out, but he's like blocking our view. Okay. So he's doing a Titanic. Yeah, kind of out the back of the boat. I'm picturing more like he's got, he's captain of the ship and he's like, that way, lads. What, from the back of the boat?

He's a bad captain. I thought he was at the front. I like the idea. Listen, don't know anyone find out I'm not a real captain. Anyway, that way, lad. That's the back, sir. Is he at the front of the boat? No, he's at the back of the boat.

Right. You remember the carcary story he was telling us? I wasn't really listening, actually. Bragg. This guy stands up at the back. He stands up at the back, and a lady tells him to sit down. He's a passenger. Yes.

Yeah, he's a passenger. Stands up at the back. A lady's like, can sit down, please, you block the view? Of the back. At the back. Well, can't you look at any of the other ways? The side. Yeah.

There's kind of stuff up on the back. the side. It's like there's a like a nice big view. Are you below deck? It was a submarine. Could you get out of the way of the only of the only periscope we've got? There's like awning up on the side. You can't really see that as well. Good trip. You booked one of those good boats with loads of awning, yeah? Can I can I just like two things. Firstly, will it start? Secondly, will there be absolutely no chance we having any kind of you if one man out. Yeah, great.

Yeah. But there's a nice big space, but he comes and plunks himself. He's a big guy. Oh, yeah. Plonks himself in the middle of. He's holding up onto the bars at the top. Reader, I was that man. He tells him to sit down.

Yeah. So he sits down, but you can tell he's like, I didn't want to sit. I didn't want to sit. He's bristling. He's bristling. And then after about five more minutes, he just stands up. He stands there again. Right.

And the lady's like. She, after about another five minutes, she's like, can you sit down, please? And he's like, why? Like, I'm not blocking anyone's view. And then she... No, the awnings are doing that. She gestures to me and Megan, who are the only people that sat facing the back. Why are you facing the back?

What are you looking out? Very confused by this. It was, okay. It was quite a busy boat. There are seats facing that way. We were like the last on, so we were sat on like this square in the middle. We had to sit facing at the back. Right.

How much do you pay for this? I'm so shit. 15 euro. Oh, fair enough. You get what you pay for. Okay. It was a boat trip. Okay.

So there's a boat trip within a boat trip. What? It was a Russian boat trip? It was one of these things. We went on a big boat trip to like an island. You're on a life boat that's on like a cruise ship. And there's a tarp over the top of you. You were stowing away, and she was saying,

if you keep standing up, we're going to get caught. Paddington's in the corner looking out some marmalade. The worst way of describing it. That's what he does. I think. Yeah, but come on. It gets right in amongst it. Thanks for ruining Pallington forever now.

Yeah. And Lady Marmalade. Anyway. Anyway. She tries to get you into the mix. We're on the big boat trip. Yeah. Well, you've asked me to explain more than us.

on the big boat trip and while we're on the big boat trip there's videos playing of like better low trips yeah yeah there's like a speed boat going to caves and we're like hold on you can't do that on the big boat this isn't what so hang on you got on a small boat to get to the big boat we got on the big boat first oh big boat for going to an island makes sense and then they come around they go by the way on these videos if you want to go do that yeah 15 euros okay oh okay yeah so it's like an added it's like add on boat trip right so like you can go on the speedboat and then you get on the speed boat

and they're like, you can go on the coracle. I'm going to skim a stone in a second. You can stand on top of it. 15 euros. 15 euros. Yeah. You just sat on a boy. Can you sit down please?

I can't see. Oh, I just sat on my boy. Could do barmalade. You can't eat marmalade that's out of my boy. Don't stick marmalade on it. Oh dear. Marmalade, by the way, gross. Carry on.

I can't believe it's even the debate. I love it. Yeah, it's great. What you want about? What you want about? Yeah, it's delicious. Gross. Do you think...

Do you like orange? Yeah. Do you think it's something to do with the... Right, case closed. What do you mean? Do you think it's something? to do with the prefix mar that you either love it or you hate it you've got your marmalade you've got your marmite you've got marmasettes it doesn't listen don't why are you interrogating me on this

it doesn't hold up to tremendous scrutiny you do love or hate marmises it's true isn't it the marky decide i'm all you know you're either really into that sort of thing or you're like oh chill out mate i haven't ever thought that before though is marmite in the slip stream of marmalade is that why they call it that and what does ma'am mean as a problem Preffat. Ma'am. Professors. And do you prefer,

Marlboret? I'm professors of ma'am. I'm a professor, ma'am. Anyway, let's not go down that route. So, Clarkie. You're on a boat and a boat. We're on a boat and a boat.

Someone stood up. Boated in a boat. And he stood up. And so she's like, did everyone on the big boat pay for the smaller boat trip? No. Okay.

Otherwise there wouldn't be enough room I'm confused now Are you on the smaller boat I'm on the smaller boat? Right so you got off the big boats Got on the smaller boat Yeah 15 euros 15 euros

And this is a video of a speed boat Right They show you a video of a speed boat But you're not on a speed boat No it is But it's not quite as good as the one On the video There's more awning than the one

On the video Sure Yeah Okay And are you the last ones on Because you're the last ones To swing for the 15 euros You're seeing everyone get on

No It was just It was our coach back to where it was was the last coach as well there was all sorts mate this is a terrible holiday was there at any point where your feet were on the ground did you ever touch any pavement or soil at any point or were you constantly in motion yeah were you on the run did you do hunted sit down mate they'll spot us you got a coach to a boat to a boat yeah okay Yeah.

Yeah. And then, the guy stood up. Again. You're right, Clarkie. Do you feel like we could, do you feel like we could work a sort of police interrogation

to break people's will? I feel like we could. Because I don't think we've ever met a Clarkie anecdote or we couldn't pull up one small thread and the whole thing falls apart. They are built on shifting sand. They are.

They've run aground. There's very rarely a concrete fan. to these bad boys. So far, so far, reading the headlines, it's man stands up. Well, it's not a terrible story. I'm enjoying it.

I feel like I'm on holiday. What was he standing up for? Just to, well, I guess to enjoy the view more. Right, okay. But at the expense. The view here was better than the view here. He sat with his back to the best view.

Oh, okay. So he's going to stand up. So he's looking into the boat and he's like, I want to look that way. He's looking at you and Megan. basically. Yeah. Basically that's it.

And the lady's like, can you sit down? You're looking at two people having the worst holiday of their life. Clarkie's telling an anecdote. Megas go, what? I know,

we're on the boat right now. 30 euros for this. We're facing that way. Yeah, but each. That's good point. He's done to you there. Yes. Yeah.

Case dismissed. Cheers. End of anecdote. So. Sorry, Clarkie. Sorry. This must be very frustrating. I have got a question for you though.

Must be very frustrating for Matthew and Tom. What's the view that way? An island. There's, there's, there's, there's, yeah, we're leaving one island to go to another one. So it's nice. It is out of the back. It's nice, yeah. Okay.

Yeah. And, uh, he, he, he stood up again. He stood up the second time. Yeah. She asked him a second time. And he's like, what, like, why? Yeah. And she's like, you're like, you're.

ruined in the view and then she points to me and Megan for them yeah so he turns around and i think you're brought into the situation we're brought into the situation i think she maybe had clot that when he stood up i made a little snide comment to megan about him doing that what do you say i can't remember something like that guy's ruined him on view okay okay okay i think i even took a photo of him whoa whoa you just a photo of a stranger there's photographic evidence of this Can we flash it up now on the pod? No.

We're not taking photos of strangers and put him on our podcast. That cannot be the case. He does have his back to me. I think it's still, it's only his ass. In my defense, you're on that. I took photos of people's asses. I was only taking a picture of his ass.

Yes, I was lying. Yes, I was lying in the gutter outside of a nightclub, but I was only taking photos of people's asses. So, oh, that is a, that is a crime. Is it okay? Fair enough. Not on me. No.

never said. Yeah. I would find this photo useful just to get a bearing of what the hell's going on. I'm really confused by this awning setup that goes all the way around the boat apart. There are kind of windows, but because it's like, you know, it's like the plasticy awning thing. So some bits are solid and some bit are like plastic windows. Right. But at the back is just...

Nothing but sky. Pure. Pure. Pure view. Panoramic. Nice. So you'd make it... Or pan. I was going to say, it doesn't feel very panoramic.

If the view is only through here, but it's more... It's more... It's the opposite of panoramic. It's a blurry polaroids. It's not so much, yeah. It's pinprick aperture is what it is. It's not...

It's not your IMAX cinema here. It's what you're getting. It's an I'm in. You're looking through the keyhole into an IMAX cinema. It's what's going on. And a monster. And that keyhole is a guy's ass on.

I'm taking a picture off. We forget that Clarkie brings a, for his holiday photographs, he brings a colonoscopy camera, doesn't he? After he had his, after he had his midlife check, he said, do you why have I take that camera? You take it to the selfie, Clarkie? Yes, I am. Give us a quick. background on who this guy is. Give us a character. What's his, what age? Travelling on his own? No, he's there with his wife. She's, she keeps quiet.

She sat down. She sat down. He's, he's quite, is she, is she facing you? Is she facing you? Yeah. So when you made that comment to Megan, she's seeing it. It was for, it was so. Thank you for this. Thanks for that, mate. Yeah, go on. How that kind of thing for that, mate, snap. Nice for you. If you said nice view and then took a picture of his ass. I didn't take a photo right in there straight away. Nice view. Did that later on.

Can I ask, was this a sex tourism? Is that why the boat's completely enclosed so we can fuck on it? It's a very nice view. It's a fuckboat. I thought so. Did you get on a fuckboat? Did someone stand up on a fuckboat? Never stand up on a fuckboat.

No. I think that's one of the songs from West Side Story, isn't it? Oh, Skies and dolls. Guy's in dolls. Guys and dolls. Oh, no. Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down and you're fucking the boat. So yeah, you've got a guy standing up on the fuck boat.

And a doll. And a doll. His doll sat next to him. She's not complaining, but you've got another person there who's also complaining and is trying to get you into the mix. How do you react to a situation like that, Lucky? Oh, not well. No. I really, yeah, really kind of went inside myself.

With the camera. quick I'm going to get to the selfie I'm going to get my 15 euros worth by hook and my crook Foot boat ticket for one He's a Johnny sailor

He really is A periscope Oh dear Oh dear Evee Okay Is this guy older than you? Yes I'd say he's

35 because I had that quite a lot where I go Oh yeah It was older than me It was probably like Early 40s Yeah

That's younger That's younger than me Maybe Maybe late 50s Oh okay Okay Yeah Intimitating

Tall sturdy Tall sturdy Tall sturdy You want that You want that for a boat Australian A tall Sturdy

Australian Yeah A god damn Ozzy Ashes Ashes have just finished Yeah No

Yeah mid mids, mid ashes, yeah. Mid ashes. Was he celebrating? Was he watching? And they'd just been a wicket. Was he watching? Was he listening on a little radio?

Ray! How's that? Oh, sorry, that's my camera. What's that? More like. You should get yourself checked out for that. People were very disappointed when they had me their camera. Do you mind taking a photo of me?

Oh. Oh. That third umpire's a bit close. So you're in the melee now. You're in the situation. You either have to side with her or you have to side with him. Yeah, and I do either. Yeah, I do either.

So it's... Hit me out, Dame Helen Mirren. You're not going to believe it. She loves a fuck boat. So, she is... kind of yeah similar age I'd say she's with a younger lady as well very modern okay yeah don't know don't know what their relationship is um no not the time to ask is it don't ask is it before he sits down what's going

with you two what is this mother daughter or something spicy of you is a fuck boat after all I've only got one camera but Okay, yeah, so you see, and she wants, she wants, she wants, she wants a fracas. She's brought you in for backup. No, she's quite, she's trying to be really polite. She's also defending your rights. You've thrown out these vibes that you're not happy. Yeah.

She's stood up for you. And he's stood up for himself to have a look. The only person not standing up is you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was a real coward in the situation. I would imagine.

Yeah, but I would imagine Megan in that kind of situation, she comes into her own. She must have loved it. She did as she kept quiet as well. Really? She loves the fact that her man's a real caro. This is a little reminder of why we're together. Come on, Megan, it's a fuck pooh.

I mean, I feel, I know, I feel such an affinity for you in this situation because I am frequently in a situation with my partner where I know I should be the one. even even like sending a meal back in a restaurant or like some kind of and I hate those moments where you have to kind of

step up to the plate yeah but I don't know you do have to do that if you send it the meal back this table's too high okay we can't eat here have you got one of those child seats that you can slap me I actually have you asked that quite a lot

one child seat please and then two normal seats for my kids but yeah but then you you know do you have to step up to the plate can you say actually no this is this is fine hey let's let's live and let live he's massive you know is they're not a way of doing that it was tricky because i like i didn't want to defend him because i think he was doing the wrong thing but at the same time i'm like well i don't really want to get into an argument about it i'm like i'll just touch like i'll be quite happy being a bit upset by this guy.

I don't actually want to... You love being upset by things. You think this is actually improving my holiday. I love being a bit upset. Or part and parcel. Also, we don't know his situation. You know, he could have... He could have deep vein thrombosis

and has to kind of constantly be moving around. He could have... You know, he could have all manner of reasons why... Physical reasons why he needs to keep standing up. It's true. It's true. He didn't bring any of those out. That's not what's going on, though, is it?

He wants to look at the view. It really felt out. Hasn't he said that? Didn't he say that in the first exchange? he wants to look at the view I can't remember but it got slightly spicier as the boat trip went on

right well it's a puck boat you know that she'll pay 15 euros for this well 30 sorry for you so how did it get spicy the young lady asked him like for a third time

and he like so he got up a third time he stayed up by that point he didn't sit down he didn't sit down so when she brought you into the mix and said these guys you kind of went we just kind of sat there right yeah and he eyeballed you not really oh yeah flaming gillard yeah fucking three tests down that's that's

that's not a view this is a fool asshole can i just say for one why did you why did you pose and pull your pants to one side in that mind rather than just sort of turning your bum round That's coquettish Yeah, but Can you get Can you show? He's not gonna go Oh, asshole

He's like He's popping a leg up And he's pulling his pants up That's the Aussie way Isn't it? Yeah, yeah Fucking ride man Fucking hell

You really You really take me back at top So yeah He's up and he's staying up Yeah And the young lady is like Asked him the third time And he's like

He snaps at that point And he's like Other people have stood up. We couldn't see that, but up people at the front. I think there's they've got more going on there. There's more view. Are you allowed to stand up? Well, no one said anything.

No one said anything either way. Why don't you stand up? Why don't they stand up? Wouldn't improve any of our views. They wouldn't be able to look over the awning. He's got the... Is there a roof? There's a roof, yeah. Oh, right, okay. I've got no idea what it's boat looks like. I didn't think there was a roof.

Imagine it like a car. Well, I guess there has to be with warnings, but... Imagine it like a car, maybe. But if you're... You forgot to tell us it was chitty, chitty bang, bang. That'd sink straight away. Who wants for 15 euros? I will drive a car into the sea.

It was with me. No standing up. Oh. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. And I've got to... ask the question at what point do you drop an egg

it's gotta be soon it's gonna be soon we're 20 minutes into this beast and we haven't even mentioned the egg yet oh dear you're making me sweat would you feel more comfortable if Tom and I should understand can't believe we've

charged you 15 euros to tell the time best I've ever spent so it gets it gets spicier he snaps He snaps. And he's like, there's other people standing up,

mind your own business. Mind your own business. I've never said that. No. I've ever said, mind your own business. Mind your own business. And that's pretty much where

like he stays up for the rest of the trip and no one says anything to him. Can I ask? There are glances. There's a guy over here that looks at them and kind of like,

is like, you know, and rolls his eyes at the guy's an asshole. Everyone thinks this guy's an asshole. Your sharing looks? By that point I'm like I can't now start sharing look I can't now be like oh yeah you're right because it's like

you did this on my behalf and I kept quiet you're filming I've got my secret camera and then you get to then we look at some caves and go back it's quite a short trip oh so this is not you're not going to an island you're not going to run off and no we did actually we did but did you think right well I'm getting to the back of the boat when you get back on on the boat to leave to go back?

Did you know? Back on the big boat. So the big boat is going to that island as well. This small boat has caused too much trouble. Let's fill it with rocks and sink it. What would the views like on the big boat? I don't know. Weren't on it.

What you said back on the big boat? Oh no. Wait. Okay. So we go on the motorboat. Yeah. The big boat goes as well. But the motorboat goes around the caves of the island, right?

Where the big boat just pulls in. Yeah. And then we get back on the big boats go over at the end. and what the views like off that big boat you know just like big boat views why don't you get your own boat this is what it's building up to yeah

this way you're in Greece we're in Malta Malta you get your own boat not for 15 you're on holiday aren't you chuck a bit of money at it throw a bit of cash at it was there ever a talk you said I can tell from this anecdote

you're never going on a whole day again there's no maybe next year about I'm telling an anecdote again, I'll tell you that much. What you barely did today. And that's not your fault. That's absolutely not your fault in any way. Oh, dear. Do they avoid each other then for the rest of the trip?

Or are you back in the same seats? Oh, no. It's back on big boats, so never the twain, shall be. Do you ever see him again? No, it didn't, actually. Is there any part of you that wishes you... hadn't started telling us this? with every fibre of my being.

I ran through the scenarios the whole time of like what I should say to him. So have you come up with it? No. Did you have like, you haven't come up with it? In the spur of the moment, I was like,

I should like tell him off. And then I was like, well, I don't think you should actually because that might, it might escalate things. Have you ever told someone off in public and afterwards walked away going,

well, I'm glad I did that. It's like, it's never. If you get the red mist descends and you think, oh, this will be, you know, this is a little, I'll prove my point here. The second the telling off begins,

you feel like I've lost this, haven't I? Oh, yeah. I did that thing where I addressed the train carriage. Oh, no. After the, after the, to apologize. The preacher person got off. I told you about that. No?

Well, maybe, but we weren't. We don't remember. By the way, we always, you say, have I told you this? We say no. The comments are just like, yeah, this was two episodes ago, guys. Yeah, yeah. But for the people who weren't listening, Glocky and I, tell us the story again. I was sat on the overground and a preacher got up and said, you're all sinners and you're all going to hell.

Oh, no. Wrong kind of preacher. And was like, we all have to repent of our sins and only the Lord can save you. Okay. Which are all going to hell. Okay. It's turning around. Started out,

that's the hook of Christianity. You know what? What train was this? I'm getting on. I know, I think... It was a fuck train.

He was absolutely right. We were all sinners in that moment. I was nuts deep into Dame Helen. It was awful. She was giving me a colonoscopy. What, it was a hell of a hell of the time on the overground. You both double-joins it?

Big Aussie guys, stood up. Do you know what I would have said to the Aussie guy? Yeah, go on. I'd have gone. Come on, mate. Sit down, mate. This is when good neighbours become good friends.

Because I think that would immediately... And you've always wanted to be buried at sea, haven't you? So it's a two for one special. But I think making a silly neighbours joke to an Aussie would... I think it would... Yeah. It would kind of do something... It's the one time where racism works, isn't it?

It's kind of... It's the one time where... I don't think it's racist. to say, you made neighbours. Your country, your country made a soap opera neighbours. No, I think that's a better one. Just go, yeah, well, you made neighbours.

Put your scuba gear on and fall off the back. This is when good neighbours become good friends. I think you've got a weird laugh. And I think it would have done something to his authority in standing up just by bringing in the Australian notion of the soap opera. So, but it's taken me a while to get there. Yeah, yeah. did you sing

and now we're there we're not entirely happy with it did you sing the East Ender's theme tune to the carriage where the preacher got I went doosh dish dish dish and got off

that would have got that pretty good I imagine no yeah so the preacher did that and then I'm just trying to think whether they got off or whether they stayed on but they I think they got off

and then I was getting off the next stop and I stood up and said I just want to say I think all of that's a load of bollocks and you're all just trying your best. You just shouldn't feel that kind of judgment

and it's all okay. We just kind of make the best of this life. Yeah, that feels quite... So just ignore that stuff. That feels quite measured, but were people... And then I got off. Were people... Well, it's just...

You're just adding to the weirdness, like... Yeah, everybody clapped. Because, like... Yeah, exactly. And it's like... I don't know. As I was doing it, I was like, well, what are you after here?

Yes. Like, I don't... I just felt so strongly about what they just said. Yeah, I was like, I'm just going to counter that and say, that's... I think that's... and it's like, you know, everyone's just trying their best. You got to just keep trying your best.

But immediately I was like, oh no. Oh, no, this is happening. At least you were getting off. I'm doing it. Because you missed the third guy. He said, that guy's a fucking asshole. They're both as bad as each other actually. Every stop.

Until one person's answer goes, just me. It pops off. Wax a camera up his ass. That was a great time. End of the line. Yeah. kind of thought, oh no, oh no, what's gone on here then. Yeah, yeah.

And not, you have exactly the same thing. People are going like, oh. Yeah. Bye. Nice energy, though. Well, the intention was there, but I imagine you, you could probably say that about the preacher as well. I guess the intention's pure.

It's just everyone's going about things. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. It's overcorrected. Did you say you guys, none of you are sinners, in fact. You're wrong. None of you have ever.

I committed a single sin. Even worse, I went round absolving everyone of those. I went person to person. A few impromptu baptisms. I haven't got any holy water but I've got some Lucas Aide, there you go. I've got some Luke Zad and some wet wipes.

God bless you. God bless you. Someone sneezed. You ever, this is a weird just suddenly. Go on. Obviously, when you have kids,

wet wipes suddenly come back. into life Oh yeah, big way. And sneezing with a wet wipe. Oh, it's terrible.

Don't mind it at all. Really? Second only two, wiping your ass with a wet wipe and it's like, why I don't know I do this all the time?

Because you block because you block my toilet off. You don't flush it. Whoa. And that's the reason why you don't do it all the time. And also,

you have to carry it around with you until you find a discreet bin. But my God, it feels like luxury at the time. That was how you ended your speech. And by the way,

Is anyone having a discreet bin? The guy I think none of ye have sin But I do have this But I know I have I do have this wet wipe Covering in shit Has anyone got a plucky bag

I could pop it in Anyone at all? We're all just trying our best We're all just trying our best Can you pop that in your bag? Can I just apologise for pop shitting into a Tupperware while you were watching me?

That's the reason the guy stood up in the first place Hold this of whatever you do don't sneeze Is it there? Oh, boy. Boy, oh, boy. No, I find sneezing into a wet wipe,

I don't know where... Yes. I don't know what... Where the wet starts and the sneeze stops. Exactly. So I'm like, it's a panic. Do you need to know, though? Yeah.

Just one swift movement, Dan, in your L.A.? No, no. No. For everyone else? For everyone else? else for everyone else the clarky on a tube train is blowing your nose big blow one more blow that's cleared it okay on to you you might have used the same tissue do you and can you sit down don't tell me to sit down oh dear is that a fog or no Clark is just blown his nose into a wet wipe

enjoy the rest of your holiday yeah it's all right kind of peaked at the boat trip and I'm honest oh no that sounds that's the saddest thing I've ever heard I can tell you now

you're not going to be hosting Wish you were here How was your holiday I don't know I didn't see it a man stood up I wish you were here and I were there

pressing my face against an awning and then you sing the theme tune to home and away slowly running out of Ozzy TV shows Listen, he still stood up.

I've done round the twist, flying doctors and prisoner cell block H. He just put a pair of stilts on. Lovely stuff, there we go. And please do consider going on holiday to Malta if you are booking a holiday soon. Oh, by the way, hashtag ad this is sponsored by the Maltese tourist board. We forgot to mention that. Sorry, it is all branded content. It's all branded content these days.

I've got a couple of follow-up questions, though. Were you on a boat? Tell us after us. If you would like to get in touch with us, then of course, go to pappiesflatshare at gmail.com. Send us an email today. Tell us if you've ever been on a boat, awnings or nay. Please give us some prior awning. Yes.

And please, have you got an anecdote about a mild confrontation that you either got embroiled in or avoided? Let us know. Yes. No, let us pray. Love me. This episode has been produced. by Olivia Swash. Hello.

Hello. Cheers everyone. Bye! Very, very long blue.