Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1607: Lulu Popplewell (and Dotty the dog) “Dogmaster”

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

Is there more to dog owners' personalities than just owning a dog? How long do you have to have spent in a place to have lived there? And have you seen Badults and are you lying? We’re joined by the wonderful Lulu Popplewell and her sweet dog Dottie to talk goat yoga, awkward train chats and… dogs, dogs, dogs! Lulu Popplewell - https://www.instagram.com/lulubirdpopplewell/ Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/?hl=en Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Olivia Swash with tech help from Max Brill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Get tickets now. Greetings listener, dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a very exciting episode. episode, a guest episode of Pappy's Flat Share. You can hear there's a giggle in Tom's voice. We're very excited because it's a beautiful guest we've got today. A wonderful guest, Lulu Popperwell is on the couch with us. Two guests, Lulie Popperwell and Dotty the Dog.

Dotty the Dog. Is this our first podcast with the dog? It's a question we ask ourselves during the podcast. You'll love the answer. It's yes. Yeah. Great. Well, look, enjoy the show. Enjoy listening to or if you're watching online, enjoy watching. If you want to support us, then please do get along to Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Papi's Flat Share and support us and send £4 a month. You make it seem like you've got to put it in a stamped and dressed envelope.

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I'm not sure when this episode's going out. but go to pappiescomedy.com forward slash live and have a look today because that's where the tickets will be. I'm going to go and check if we have got a flashed this, Landau coming up. Yes. And we'll tell you after the episode. Great. Lulu Popplewell. Hi, how are you doing?

I'm good. How are you? Really, really good. And thank you so much. Now, last time you came on the podcast, when you came to Clarkie's flat, you brought Kinder Surprise. I knew this was going to come up. This time, what's inside this dog? you've brought.

Crack, cracker open. You brought a little doggy. I was considering getting Kinder eggs on the way here. I looked in one shop. They're hard to find now, Kinder eggs. Oh no. I don't know what's happened to Big Kinder, but...

It's woke. The answer is always woke. It's always woke. But you've brought something better than a Kinder surprise. I've brought Little Dotty the Dog. Is this our first dog guest? I think so.

Yeah. Why did we have to think so long about that? We both spent... There was a real... Both Clark and I were like, okay, no, no, he's not a dog. No, she's not a dog. No, she's not a dog. Is Steve Boucher a dog?

He's, in a way. The jury's still out. Steve Bouda has got something of the terrier about him. But this is absolutely adorable. This is so great. Thank you so much. So, I've got a question that genuinely occurred to me on the train before I realized you were going to be bringing your dog.

Yeah. It was a really cute dog on the, on the overground. Mm-hmm. And someone got on and took a picture of it. Oh. And I was wondering, obviously, as a pet parent, you're never happy when a stranger takes a picture of your kid. It's not on.

Even if they ask, it's not on. Even to the point, you've got to ask why. Right. Yeah, follow up question. Does that, do you feel the same way about a dog? If someone takes a picture of your dog, are you like, what you're doing with that picture of my dog, mate? I probably, a bit more relaxed.

No, it's all right. It doesn't feel as nefarious. I don't, I prefer people to ask. I mean, what bothers me is more when people just sort of grab her without. Sorry, okay, okay, okay. As with a child. Yes, absolutely. No, no, you guys, fine.

But this fringe has just gone, actually, the etiquette around this dog. People have gone insane. I'd just be chatting to someone, and a stranger would come and just pick her up. What? No. Because you don't know if they're going to then run. I know. And also, she's so used to being passed around people that she wouldn't make a fuss.

She's too trusting. Yeah, if she gets kidnapped, she's gone. She's not bad. She's got absolutely no stranger-d-d-rethreat. Well, because I get on stage and I hand her to people. So she's like, yeah, normal. Right. You're taking away.

Yeah, no, really bizarre. And actually, she's an assistance animal. And the amount of people, this fringe would be like, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? And I'm like, well, you're not really meant to work. No, that's. And I do.

Say what you like about guide dogs, but you don't need to ask. Exactly. Yeah. If you're wearing that badge that says, you know, not all disabilities are visible. It isn't sort of like, see if you can guess. Yeah. come a parlor game then does it if you're asking about a guide dog you probably need a guide dog

that's true yeah yeah no i get it she's not she doesn't look like a service animal but i um i'm gonna be honest about i i've done i'm very honest about well i've got her she's a psychiatric assistance dog and um sometimes if i want to upset people i say well she know she helps me with my psychosis i'm seeing things right now and you bet you better walk away um um um you've weaponized your disability yeah yeah absolutely you've got to um but it's sort of with that or saying it's none of your business and sometimes it's much more fun to sort of of make people learn a lesson by by answering incredibly honestly. Well, we'd like to say to Dotty now, thank you for your service.

Is there a way we could train Dotty if she hears that question to attack? I have wanted her to learn to attack for years. You just next people. It's not great. She's got terrible breath though, so it's sort of attack. That's the one thing that I'll be back with dogs. This dog in particular. What?

They can't stand your breath. breath. Let's be honest. Dog's breath is rank. Her honks. Yeah. She honks. And I love it to bits,

but it is her one sort of massive, like I can he's hushabst. Thanks for bringing her anyway. Yeah, yeah. Popper so. So are you brushing her teeth then? Is there something you can do? I'm giving it a go.

I'm giving it a go. But actually, I've just found it's really normal. more of little dogs, they often have to have loads of their teeth out. She's already had four out. And she's now about to have another three. So she's this close to doggy dentures. Yeah. Which, let's face it, that's adorable, right?

Yeah. If you saw a dog and it grinned and had a big old set of dentures. Stuff of nightmares, I think. Yeah, fair enough, it wouldn't help you your psychosis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To get another dog for the... I mean, it's a bit like, you know what I would say about the energy of this podcast already? Is it's a bit like babies first.

Christmas. Do you know, like, if you have, like, you'll know this stuff. I've not heard that podcast. Have you not the most Christmas? I know. It's so cute. But basically, if you, Christmas can be a very turbulent time for families, right? Christmas grew quite, but the first year that someone brings a little tiny baby into it, just the energy, like, the energy changes, doesn't it?

Yeah. It's good. What's, what's the, what's the sympathetic nervous system? Is that what dogs are good for? Is it like, if you stroke a dog, it's good for the sympathetic nervous system. I think the same is true of having a baby in the room. And I feel like already we're way calmer than we've ever been weirdly. Did they do like, do they do like dog yoga in the way they do like cat yoga or goat yoga?

I thought dog yoga was the thing that was known. I've never heard of cat yoga. Or goat yoga. Goat yoga. Yeah, goat yoga. What? Well, you do yoga around goats. I mean, I figured what it was going to be.

I actually, I was thinking it's goats doing yoga. genuinely so I'm really glad you said that because I was like goats doing yoga we're you listen this is you've got to play to a mixability here that's what it is it's what and you just go and watch like as a spectator sport and they've got their dentures in ever seen a coat downward goat yeah that's the only thing all the positions are so it's not it's not the cobra it's the goat it's the downward goats it's just goat to goats there's all the different positions yeah So there is dog yoga, that exists. There's puppy, yeah, I've heard of puppy yoga.

Yeah, I guess the bigger, you don't want to have a, you know of Beethoven, do you? Yeah. Are you bringing a puppy or are you going to kind of see puppy? No, no, no. There are services, they bring these puppies to yoga. But I'm very fascinated by it because where are they getting, where are they collating the puppies?

Yeah, and also, like, well, people are picking them up and running away with them. I'm setting up a studio, baby. Do you then have to like retire the dog? Well, I think Presumably very quick turn. Take them out back. That's not.

That's the end of the session, everyone. Well done. Let's really relax those chakras. I'll be back in a second. Yeah. Can I just say? You just soup the dog with the goats. And then you go bickram yoga and cook them.

May. That's a bit much in it. It isn't a bit much, isn't it? It isn't a bit much. By the way, congratulations to your dad in his retirement, by the way. It's not the worst thing that's happened with Big Crab Yoga, but it's up there. It's up there. Yeah, that's true.

Do you think there's like a racket going on whereby people are... Not quite loud, actually. Where they're sort of saying, well, I'll dog sit your dog and they're on kind of double bubble. So they're going around, you know, like when you see those people who are dog walkers and they're walking like sort of 15 dogs. Yeah. Rather than just taking them around the park, they're taking them to some, you know, pineapple dance studio somewhere. Sure. And they're, and they're... So, like, people...

People don't realize that their dogs have been doing the yoga. It's like a, yeah. While you're at work, I'll take your dog for you. But then also I'll charge other people. Yeah. But they get found out when they've, oh yeah, take my dog because I'm going to go to dog yoga. Wait, wait a minute. Give yourself a bit of time away from dogs, man.

Who are you talking to? By the way, we've had a dog. What just happened? We've had a dog on the podcast for about five minutes and already you're anti-dog. Who's this person who's giving him? way they're dog and then going to dog yoga to see other dogs. Sorry. You've got a dog sitter.

And then you're funny to do yoga around your own dog. It's a good point. Who's this person who's so obsessed with dogs? It's too much. It just felt like a separate existential statement. We've had enough of dogs. We've had it. Yeah, but you're absolutely right to be angry at this hypothetical man that

Clarkie created 10 seconds again. You get a dog sitter so you can go and do dog. Take your dog to dog yoga. It's mad. Or stay around your own dog and do yoga. Yeah. Fucking hell. You're right.

You're right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You've convinced them. But is it calm in having a dog? Because the thing about this dog is, I mean, right now she's very relaxed, you know, very, very, you know, she's sort of melting into the sofa.

But when she comes in, she's got hot energy to start with. Sure, she's coming in hot. She's coming in hot. She's a chill dog man. It's only doorbells that set her off. That's it. Yeah, she will go nuts. I'm afraid of that.

Now, listen, I'm not, I'm not shutting down the dog chat. But, but last night, I went to see, I went to see John Kearns do his show before he takes on tour. Side note, brilliant. And three separate people said, where's the dog? Oh, no. And then it's sort of conversations unfolded about how the dog is my whole personality. see him and my whole gram. Now I've brought the dog. Yes, and that's on you.

I'll cop to that. Right? She came with me. But I get that with my wife. I have the exact same thing. Yeah, she's amazing. Is Jane not coming? Yeah, but Jane hooks is the best thing that's ever. You go. Yeah, exactly. And you go, no. And then you see the light go out in there, right? Yeah. Yeah. I just turn away. I get it. I get it. So you're telling us, Jane's not coming today. Sorry. Yeah. I know.

Devastated. Right. That's. So no, I do just worry. But I, and then I sort of had a, had a I had a little chat with Cairns, and he said, where's the dog? And I said, she's not my whole personality. And he went, well, Lula, here is your right to reply to the nation. What's the rest of your personality? Psychosis, clearly. Oh, of course, yeah, yeah.

So she's actually keeping the rest of the personality at bay. Yeah, yeah, it's one or the other. No, I just worry because I met someone else at a party every day, and I said, oh, yeah, you're the comedian, Scott Dog. And I do love her very much, but she will die at some point. Yes. Not at my hand, but, like, I don't know why I said it.

Sure. Yeah, it feels weird that you had to point that out. There's been a lot of dog murder chat. But I'm worried that people will then, I'll just sort of cease to exist as an entity. So, but you're right, I should then have an answer to what is the rest of my personality ready.

This is it. You need to get a hubby. Because I'm thinking about legally blonde, she also had the law thing going on, didn't she? She did, yeah. It wasn't just the dog. It wasn't just the dog, yeah. She had the pink things and the law things.

Sure. Two more things, I think, to get to elevate from. You don't think of legally blonde as the dog person. Sure. To me, to be fair to you, I didn't know what you were talking about for a second. But yeah, that's right. She is a dog person. She's got a dog.

I sort of flicking on your eyes. Yeah. I was like. You stayed with me though, man. Yeah, yeah. Because she wasn't, the film's not called legally dog owner, is it? No. The things about her are.

That's my point. That's my point. You are blonde and you wear pink. Sure. But yeah, but then now that feels like that's been taken. But she's all, have you got a legal, any legal qualification? My whole family are. lawyers, my dad's a judge, is that, am I...

Now we're talking. Am I... Okay, so you're legally adjacent. Sure. Yeah. That's not good title for a film. It's less exciting, isn't it? We've had legally blonde, legally blonde too, and then legally adjacent.

There's a sense that a franchise is run out of steam, hasn't it? This is very much like when one of the Fast and Furious movies was called two of their names. You know? Yes. It's like, we're just going to call it Hobbs and Shores. now. So people think it's about a kid

and his toy tiger. But yeah, are you all right, Tom? I'm trying to think about with the dog people because Legally Blonde was number one with a bullet it turns out

when I'm thinking of dog people like with little carrier dogs. Turtwood Hooch? No, carrier dogs. Oh. Oh, the simple life, the girls from the simple life. Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie. Yeah. They were lap dog. They were lap dog people. Right, okay, there you go. I also think There's another comedian who, I don't want to... Yes, there are other comedians with dogs.

There's another comedian who brings a small dog around quite a lot of the time. There are a few. Yeah. But you're the main one. No, he is McQuondry. Part of me wants to fight to be the main one. Yeah. And then I'm also like, no, I don't want that to be my whole thing.

So I've got to pick a lane with it. Yeah. No, Tams and Kelly has a little dog. They're about... You see, I saw a lot of them as fringe people having little dogs about. Do you think you started it? And now everyone's sort of... Because the thing about dogs is they just so...

They'll start the concept of having a dog. Yes, are you the first pet owner? I can't blame that. Is there a taskmaster kind of spin-off? Oh, it's like dog fighter. Dogmaster. Oh, I think... Oh, I was so close to me like, this is a...

Oh, terrible idea. It's in the car park, the taskmaster. Can we not? I think dog master straight away, because it's dog and master. Why have you got them fighting? Yeah. Crofts. Crust comedians.

Okay, let's go. Brilliant. Okay, let's go with dog master. During lockdown, there was a, someone did it where it was all virtual, but people had their, comedians had their dogs doing tasks. And then me and Stu Laws

were hosting it together. Of course. And quite unfairly at the end, even though she wasn't an entrant, we declared Dotty the winner. Right. So you had a ringer there basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It was a racket. Croft for laughs? Would that work as a title? Croft's for laugh. Crofts for laughs. I mean, what are you asking me? I'm asking you.

First of all, you interrupt. I'm asking you, I'm asking you, Croft for laughs. No further questions. That's the language of your family. No further questions. Hang on. I've got a really good round.

You have a little mini mic stand with a mic on it. I'll say this about him. He's got the tenacity of a pit bull. He's like a dog with a bone. He's like a dog with a bone. You have a little mic stand with a mic in it. And the dog comes on and the owner is backstage

and they have to mouth, they have to kind of do the stand-up routine that the dog's doing. And it's who sinks up the best. So like Lully would be behind the curtain. Dottie would be on stage. And it's like... Okay, not ventured of course. You're not suggesting a hand up a...

No, no. No, no. There's no hands up anywhere. Thank you. I actually didn't mean that. I don't think that was ever implied by me. Tom, we just got to clarify. Are you suggesting the dog gets fisted?

We've just got to check that out. No, I'll own that. I went there. So the idea is that the dog is trained to sort of respond. No, the dog's just wandering around. It'd be adorable. Trust me. It's going to be adorable.

Hello. That's the opening line. Hello. My breath stinks. there's a bit of food on the on the on the on the on the mic oh that's good heard in this okay

it's like hello yeah I hope you're all doing well because it's convincing because comedians do normally sort of lick the mic yeah yeah yeah don't worry it's croft for laughs everyone's like

I gotta get the branding in we don't listen we're not going to bet your material in anyway just as long as you can say the day as your opening joke is just the name of the that's the name of the right vetting your material come on

oh lovely And then at the end, they're dewormed. I don't know what a vet's too. That's the price. But what I was going to ask you anyway, and I know we're still talking about dogs to you. But do you have, is there a voice that Dottie has for you? Like when you're alone, do you chat? I don't do her voice for her.

No. But when I have sort of done it a few times, like, talking about her in conversation, it does come out very sort of like Pat Butcher. Oh, really? Yeah, it's quite surprising. I'm surprised by it because you think it would be softer. Give us a blast of good.

It's like to meet other people when they're impersonating dogs. They're like, oh, I really? There you go. Welcome to craft laughs. Graphal laugh, yeah. The Jeff Innocent type. It's a Jeffinic, yeah, absolutely.

Jeffiniscence's got a dog's voice. Yeah. Which I'll be very happy to say to him next time I see him. Anyway. Jeff, I was talking about you the other day. What do you think you've got a dog's voice anyway? I did a version of my show last year

quite early on. during a whip where we had Dotty's voice on like as audio cues and it was just jos Norris's voice course um which obviously beautiful voice of an angel but uh didn't really didn't land didn't didn't sink up no no she used to be a gruff woman i think yeah yeah i can see that didn't carry it on as an idea no fair enough fair enough a voice over of your of your dog as voiced by jos norris it had all the potential of working didn't it sure Sure. But it's an idea.

Yeah, it works on place. That's what whips are for. I've got a, I've got a bone to pick with you, though. When we're going to move away from dog chat. No, listen, I've got to try my best. Pun. I've got a splinter to pick with you. So last night when I was inviting on the pod, you said that you've fallen away from this podcast.

You fall away from now. I saw you as one of our dearest, as one of our dearest listeners. Our dearest listener deers, and you said, I foot you, by the way, in accepting the... Do you want to stop talking about dogs again? Yeah, it is. She said, I'll come on the pod, but I will tell you now, I've fallen away because I associate you so much with lockdown that it's traumatic to listen to you. So...

Well, listen here. I... Listen here is what we've been saying to you, and you're singular refusing to... You've stopped listening to Chris Whitties podcast as well. Next slide. I've loved your podcast since way before lockdown. Like, a big fan, pre-me starting comedy. That's why I was so exciting when I first.

I listened back a while ago to the first time I came on here. I think I sounded a bit, no, because I was such a, like, fan, to be on it. Now I don't give a fuck. No, no, no. No, no. I'm repulsed to be here. It's coming across. I'll bring the dog on, fucking hell.

No, but I just was, I was such a huge fan, and then I got to know you guys. it's quite weird. And then that really took, yeah. Yeah. And then that's sort of soured it for me. You discovered your real personality. It's even worse than the ones on the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. No, but then obviously you did such huge output during lockdown. It was sort of daily. Thank you. And it was very helpful for me and a lot of other people and we thank you for your service. But then you got a dog. It's time to give up guys. No, genuinely,

they came a point where I'd be going for a walk and I put, I put my puppies on. and I would just feel like I was in lockdown again. It was just, it was too traumatic. Also, I think I got, I got, I got too involved. I got, I went in too deep and essentially ended up trolling your podcast. Because hardfists is a deep cut. I don't know if you remember hardfists.

I remember hardfists, of course I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We knew it was you. I eventually revealed it. Yeah, yeah. And then I thought, do you know what? Do you want it for the listener who doesn't remember hard fists, explain what hard fists was?

because you were corresponding with our podcast during lockdown. And it's not around on Cruffaloft. No, no. Thankfully. Hopefully not. Yeah, I mean, it's a sort of absolutely psychosite thing for me to have done. I'm friends with you, I knew of you. And there was a point, do you want to know who our hardest listener is?

And I was sitting, I was, I was, I, yeah, it's not a bad feature that. Not a bad feature. Who's our hardest listener? A bad bit of context. Do you know what? I ran with it. I ran with it. Yeah.

And I created an email, which was like big hard fists at gmail.com or something like that. And took on, look, we all went a bit mad in lockdown. We all messed up. You're all. Speak for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I was doing a daily podcast reading your emails.

It was the only thing keeping me saying. Yeah. Oh, okay. I mean, and I just thought at that point, who am I? What have I become? Yeah. It's time to take a step back. So.

Were you, Jeremy stronging this? Were you living as hard fists? Well, you wake up in the morning and sort of doing bench presses and stuff. And I don't know who Jeremy Strong is. Jeremy Strong is the guy who plays Kendall Roy on Succession. He's like famous for like completely, you know, he'll only be referred to as Kent. He's de Lewis in it. Exactly.

He's de Lewis. He's living the role. No, no. I, I wasn't beating people up. Well, you know. Okay. She just up an email account. We almost had, no, let's face it.

Yeah. There was a string of attacks in your area. We're still trying to pin them on you. We were so close. We almost had her there. We were so close. Yeah. And you didn't really want to get me on today.

No, I was just enjoying. It was fun to think of the way such a person might, like, insult people. And I remember calling you sandwich mouth, darts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, this is good, this is writing. I'm being creative in lockdown. This is an outlet. Yeah.

This is an outlet for all of this. And then I think I mess with Sean being like, I've got to come clean. And then I just stopped listening to the podcast because, honestly, like, I didn't like who it had made me become. Oh, no. Hald fists. I'm at GMA.com.

We are holding out for another pandemic aren't we to get our listeners back. We go around sneezing on people now. I've eaten so many bats.

Just constantly licking a pangling a stranger. That's it. Yeah, yeah. You've got to do it. No, sorry, to be clear, big fan of you guys.

Love the podcast. Love your work. But you're more a fan of appearing on it than listening to it these days. Well, now you let me. Yeah. You've got you just stop let me appear on it.

I'll start listening again. but oh is that it yeah okay well it's been great having you on the pod it's been really good so so yeah to get back to the the interactions with the dog because I feel like that that's that's more no no no honestly no no no no listen listen this is we can talk about whatever you'd like to talk about oh do I now have to bring a topic to the table no no no no no but if you've got one but if you want to talk about something I'll tell you what actually on the way

here, I got chatting to a lady on the train and I, it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences in my life, but that's true of every time someone tries to talk to me on a train and all the way from London Bridge to here we had to talk and she was American and there are lovely people but they love a chat with a stranger. Sure. An American tourist very, very excited to talk to a stranger I'd say. No, can't even forgive it. No. She's been living here. it for 20 years. No, unacceptable then.

She ought to know better. Yeah. And it was that classic, again, going back to the dogs. The dog is the routine, is it? Yeah. And she had a dog. And so I went,

oh, lovely dog. And then she started talking about dog adoption. Hang on a second. Oh, no, no, no. After she'd said, after she'd said, I'm not beginning anything like that. Well, the dog's interacting. No, they,

they kept a respectful distance. And her dog looked quite traumatized, to be honest. Wasda's Dottie, so. But then I just saw how to spend however many stops that is. Oh. I was just sitting diagonally from each other.

And the worst thing about it was, she started the conversation, but then didn't then provide, I had to sort of then NC. Is this across the aisle? Yes. That's too much distance. Yeah.

That's loud. Diagonally, it's all two tables, right? So I'm in one corner of one table. She's in the opposite diagonal corner of the other table. What? Too loud, too loud. I agree. There was another man.

I thought, I'm so sorry. Opposite sides of the train? Yeah. No, the opposite side of the train. No. She's a train conductor. She's on the other, she's not, we're not around the same table.

No, two different tables, two side by side. Yeah. Right, okay. Cross the side of the train. She's in the diagonal opposite corner of the other table. Are you 100% sure she was talking to you? Is there someone else sat around you? Are you asking?

This person's really chatty. Yeah, was she actually real, the dot-ins to identify areas. I've got to stop saying how psychotic I am on podcast. It does not make me look good. Listen, you're trying to come up with something new. I'm trying to, are you the psychotic person?

I've got to have a thing, haven't I? Yeah. she just, look, it's not her fault, well, it is her fault, but like, I then had to keep it going and that's what I resented. Yeah, and that's a lot of projection. Like, to get, I hadn't warmed up. That's live.

That's loud. That's laid on the train. You know. Your vocal warms, yeah. Yeah, and then, oh, and then she started saying things like, well, the thing about the gypsies and the travel community. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Let's use our quiet voices. And, or just not talk at all. Yeah, I'd preferably. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I just feel like that was an option. My favorite quiet voice. Come closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the most quiet voice.

What are your go-toes? In that instance, like, if you're trying to, I mean, I'm assuming you didn't bring up the traveler community yourself, what are your go-to is if you know the conversation is going, it's not going to happen, but you feel like you have to kind of deliver. In my dream world, I would have got back on my phone. I didn't reply to you because I was like, I have to deal with a woman.

Yeah, sure. You can't go back on your phone at a certain point, after I think three minutes is the threshold you're like we're in this now until fake a call I was wondering that could you go call oh so sorry just got to get this

hello how are you it's good this is good man yeah it's really good I buy that as well yeah not so bad oh no you can't say that about them out of the frying pan into the fire

isn't it no no no no no that's not acceptable wait let me get this right So you're saying you gave your dog to someone else to go to dog yoga? No, no, no, no. I have some time away from the dog, man. I honestly felt like I was emceeing a gig. I've had some time off stand-up to focus on finding a personality.

And one of the things I haven't missed about it is having to like make polite conversation, A, as an emcee and B, after the gig, right? So I really resented it because I was like, I'm out of. this game and um but it did remind me of them like those colder sacks you go down when you're emceeing and being like so so you mentioned Paris tell me about you're sort of like reaching back all this while being like I don't want to I don't why am I doing this I don't give a shit to you we're never going to meet again this is nothing less than nothing maybe you could have led to an interval because you're brought on Josh Morris okay this has been great we're going to be back in 15

minutes there's a buffet train find the buffet car. One more out of applause, please. Okay, these guys have been great. We'll see you in 15. Oh, God. Is there something empowering, though, about the fact that you go,

we are never going to see each other again. You could literally say, well, this has been really, really great. I'm going back on my phone. It's, yes, but again, the configuration matters, right? So if it wasn't directly in her eye line for that, I would have just done it,

but it would have involved going back on my phone and her just being in the corner in my eye, the whole time. And also, don't you feel like when you, when you have a genuine interaction now in the real world, there's like a weight that comes with it of like, I'm flying the flag for how society should be. We can't all be trapped in our phones.

We're having a genuine chat. And as you're talking, you're kind of thinking that. And it's like, this is what I should be doing. Yeah. And it's like you can't, it's like, you know, you can't then go, okay, I'm part of the problem again. Yes.

Like, oh, we're still humans. You're representing humankind. Yeah, exactly. lot to represent society. So normal interactions now come with a terrible weight to them. Do you just have to have a book in your backpack? So, so,

I've always got a book in my backpack. I've got it in my hand. I'm not reading it. I haven't read a book in about seven years. You don't read it. You don't, you just pretend it around. Yeah, exactly.

Pretending on my phone. It's not great. I actually, though, I'm not, I'm not saying we shouldn't talk to each other. I'm not one of those people that's like, no, I just think there need to be rules about time limits. This is what you need.

A countdown clock. You need a big countdown clock. Or just to stop watch around your, like, it's around your neck, and you go bink, and everyone can see it. Yeah. And then when it bips, you shut down. Yeah. horrible opinions on the traveller community quicker.

You basically just turn in the five minutes. Okay, so here's the theme. They just turn up in parks. I was like really scared of where she was going to go with that. But I don't know. I mean, do you guys like having conversations with people like strangers? It depends. I don't like having conversations with friends,

to be honest. It does depend because, but I think I know what you're thinking. I mean, I know your sort of mindset. I know what you're thinking. Harry Potter's left off. He's emceeing.

He's always emceeing. in a talk you. I know what you're thinking. Crofts for laughs. And that's cross for laughs. That's cross for laughs. Is that quote from the office? And that's crufts.

For laughs. But what you're really hoping is somebody gets off the train. And then when they see their real friends, they go, I had a great conversation with a stranger. That's sort of what you, you want to be an ambassador for train conversations. If it's generational, if they're a generation older than you, what you're really hoping for is that night,

They're on the phone to their daughter. And they go, do you know what? I had a lovely chat with a gentleman on the train today. That's what you want. I want to say that about me. Yeah. That I've been a lovely gentleman to go. You want them to go.

I had a lovely interaction with a fellow on the train. Yeah. Talk to me about. As you put them in and stop talking to me. What a thing to talk about? These are noise cancelling, all right? He spoke very loudly. It is one of the things that comes

with having a dog is that people do start chatting to you Yeah That can be nice And it can be good for your mental health To sort of have When you're having a day I'm not

You're working from home You don't speak to anyone A little bit of a conversation With a stranger Fine But my problem is My wife goes down to the dog And I'm left up here

With the dog owner Right Yeah I don't care about Other people's dogs I like I don't get me wrong My dog is on your lap Yeah

I don't want to talk to you about this dog. I'm enjoying this, but it's like... I want to talk about the dog. John has made that very clear from the start. He has no interest in your fucking dog, right? Tom has made that very clear. This is grand and I love it. A dog can come and set up and it's like crack it,

but I don't want to talk about it. And I don't want to, and like, so Jane's down there with the dog. Should we start the podcast again? Jane's talking with the dog and I'm left here and I have to go. Well, that's its name. And then I go, how old is it? How old? What breed? And then they say seven and I'm left.

I go, great. How did you get it? What's that in dogs? Is it a rescue? Yeah, yeah. Just like I'm done. And then I do four questions. We will,

but the doggona hates it as well because we've had the same conversation about like, name breed age. No, but there are some that absolutely live for that shit. They cannot wait. They're lonely and sad. Yeah. The one, there's a lot that don't even need to be asked.

She's a board across collie. They're running at you, screaming it. Across the park. We've just crossed the border. I'm actually smuggling her. She's full of drugs. I'm setting up dog yoga. But like I find that very difficult because Jane's having,

Jane's having this down there. Yeah. She's having a whale of a time. And all the while, the dog owner is going, when is Jane going to get here? And I've started to break into the sweat because I'm carrying the weight of a generation. He's trying to have an interaction. Is this a normal interaction?

Does it make you feel good? Will you tell your daughter about me tonight on the phone? She will, but it won't be good, mate. But do you know what the problem with today was, right? It was the worst of everything because if they're nuts, fine, great story later. You want something. Nutter's come up to me all the time. I track nutters.

That's fine. That's going in the stand-up. That's all useful for life. It was this just 20 minutes of, oh, what was Madrid like to live in? Oh, right, well. That is a good question, right? That's a great question. She has to be the Spaniards as well.

Of course. All right. Okay. She's our next guest, actually. She got off the train and same place as me. Have you lived in Madrid? Tom.

Do you know what? I felt the same thing because as soon as you go, I was a really boring conversation, you're saying like, this next one better be a good, this next question better be an absolute pearler. I now feel so horribly dull that you've now got to ask me that.

Did you live in Madrid? It's a question. question we ask all our guests. And now it's time to play, did you live in Madrid? Okay, we've got some problems with the Spaniards. Let's see if they're born out as we ask once again, did you live in Madrid? That's the kind of feature we'd be churning out in lockdown.

That's when you liked us. Yeah, I know. The old stuff, the classic. Do you think? Hola, me liamo strong fists. I love that it changed from hard fists to strong fists, but it didn't get translated to Spanish. Yeah.

It's strong. Estrong, fisto. By the way, for the audio listener, Lulu is wearing a top that says, Ask me about living in Madrid. So you've got a dog, you've got the T-shirt. You're bringing this on yourself, really.

Yeah, no, it's also me. I do wish I could pep that around a bit. You know, like people who go, and then I lived in Barcelona for three months, like, well, three years. Yeah. Like, I don't, I was going to say, I don't think I haven't lived there.

it's hard to be sure it's hard to be sure of that don't think I've lived outside the UK yeah but also you know people like they like to be able to sell that they've lived somewhere

so it's like I lived in Barcelona for four months and it's like did you or is that just a long stay yeah yeah I've got to four months when does it cross over into living

yeah because a friend of mine the other day I heard them in conversation say yes I I lived in Rio for a while. I was there for the Paralympics. You're like,

well, you didn't live in Rio, did you? You worked in Rio for a fortnight. It's not the, it's not the same thing. Is it length of time, or is it how you engage with the city? Oh, wow. I lived in Paris for a year, on my year abroad, I studied languages.

Yeah. Didn't leave my flat much. Just what I'm pissed with two, about two other English speaking around. I left to my phone quite a bit. Yeah. This was before I froze. There wasn't much to look at.

And um, look to the landline. Watch the short breaking bad. Honestly, really didn't get to know Paris well at all. So I've quite lived in Paris, but have I? Yeah.

Whereas I have lived in Paris on a city break. That's how much I absorbed myself. I was there for 48 sweet hours. And I really get, yeah. I was a native by hour 42. Yeah. It's a really good point, isn't it?

Because we, if we're going to say anywhere, we worked for a while in Glasgow. Yeah. together we lived in Glasgow we've been at the edit we were filming our TV show in Glasgow bad odds yes absolutely yes season three just around the corner

and fingers crossed yeah you should watch it but like watching it associate that now with trauma yeah yeah anyone who watched it actually associates it with the drama it actually brought on the pandemic we keep quiet about that

but it was the thing that brought on the pandemic God sort of basically sent the pandemic like like he sent the floods to Noah he was like I've just got to get rid of everything Start again. He saw one episode of adults, he was like, oh dear. It turns out I am wrong. Start again.

Factory reset on earth. I feel like now if I'm not saying, no, no, it's really good. Then you're going to get upset. Okay, thank you. Well, no. No. When I say you have to say anything, say something. I've not seen it.

I've not seen it. Oh. That's worse. And it's a lie. I've not seen it and I'm lying. By the way, I'm going to use that. Whenever I see it or he's got a new TV shot, I've not seen it and I'm lying.

Anyway, see you later. I watched the clip you put up on socials, and that's as much as I needed. Thank you, very much as much as I could bear. I do a lot of that with people, though, when I've seen one clip on socials, I'm like, love your show. Love that bit.

I love your podcast, I listen to it all the time. But I don't. I've just seen two clips yet. But we all do that, right? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. By the way, I love your podcast.

You've been on it. Oh, yeah, and I'm lying. The other thing I think is incredibly romantic is if you've been born in another country. You know, like, if you meet someone... Romantic, like, depends. Water and Rwanda. Yes, I believe that's a be the most romantic city.

That's where I'm going for my anniversary with my wife. But yeah, no, I still think it's, if anyone says, like, like my sister, she did live there. She was there for three or four years. She lived in Singapore and she had her first daughter there, had her first kid there. And so that kid will always be able to say, I was born in Singapore. Lives in the northeast, but is able to say, I was born in Singapore. That's just an immediate...

I was born in Singapore. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but fantastic Singaporean accent. Yes. I really was worried that was what was happening. I was like, what is happening? How old man, I was born in Singapore. Yeah.

They're not excited. Crocodile shoes at the end of that as well. It's a good word for the North East accent. Is it? Because it doesn't sound like it from your two attacks. It's got the potential to be. I'll run it past our producer after we finish. I think you'll find it's cock on.

Is it? Is it really good? Anyone else want cracking it? Can I tell you now? It seems, it sounds neither like a North East accent or the word Singapore. So I think it's spared on both counts. Would anyone else like a go at saying Singapore? born in the Northeastern?

I don't dare. No, no, we don't. Where are you guys born? Warampton. Don't say it with such apology on your face. It's not romantic though, is it? No. No, it's not Rwanda, no.

No, it's surely not Rwanda. I was born in Singapore. Oh, wow. I'm Matthew's nephew. I've had a hard life. Up in the North Eastman. It's dig and it's tall. It was not.

As if it wasn't obvious. Yeah. From his attitudes. What about you? I was only born just down the road in Bromley. So, yeah. I've the least well-travelled person. I've travelled nowhere.

No. There's a reason Lulis asked that question. There's an exciting place coming down. Here we go. Oh, do you think I've got an interesting answer? Yeah. And if not, just do one of your famous lies. Is it Madrid?

Or one of your even more famous accents. In it, Thane. No, I was born in St Thomas's Hospital, in a room overlooking Big Ben in House of Parliament. Oh, wow. I'm a very London girl. Very London. Yeah.

And so every time you hear Big Ben, that gives you trauma as well, doesn't it? Absolutely. Terrible birth. A trauma. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a more exotic story than that.

I wasn't me curing myself. Sometimes you can just ask people questions about it being. about waiting for your turn. It wasn't, that wasn't me asked you so that you would ask me. Sometimes I'm not polite. I've not heard of that kind of question before.

You're not just going, do-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-five, six, seven. Time for one last question, though. Can you do an North East accent? Anyone here? Because that's all we get time for them. What part of Scotland are we in now? So there you go. There it was. A lovely episode.

And I was thinking the whole time what you could do is just get four pound coins, pop them in a smarties tube. Ooh, lovely. Absolutely. Seal that up, get in the post. Would they fit in a smarties tube or is that the victim of shrinkflation? Do the pound coin? Does a pound coin fit in a smarties tube guys? Get in touch.

Pappiesflatshare at gmail.com. We would love to know. We'd love to hear it. Yes, we have got some flashed. Yes, damn, dads coming up. On Monday the 30th of March, we are going to be joined by the brilliant Mike Wozniak and the fantastic Rosie Jones. That's going to be a very exciting one. Then a week later, on Monday, not sold on that. Do you say, well, I said, wow. I genuinely thought you went, well, if you like that sort of thing, then fine.

That's not on you. That's absolutely on me. On Monday, the 6th, April, just a week later, we've got two slant-dog. and Chris Cantrill. Yes. Fantastic. Brilliant. Brilliant.

Brilliant. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Anything good? Yeah. Now we've got,

Wozniak, Jones, Douglas and Cantrill over the next couple of weeks. So yeah, 30th of March. 6th of April, get to Pappiescom

forward slash live to get your tickets today. And remember, if you're a member of our Patreon, Patreon. Patreon. Ford slash Pappies FlatShare, then you can get

discounted tickets not just to each individual show but both shows together. Oh boy. Oh boy is right. You're right. You're right. We've got a bunch of stuff going out on socials.

Fancy supporting us on that. Well, then do it. Do it, guys. Like and subscribe here as well, please. If you are watching on YouTube. We're tantalizingly close to getting the coveted 2,000 followers on YouTube. We get a plaque for that. We get it.

Well, I think I'll make a plaque. If we get to, I'll go back into the old wood shop and I'll make a plaque. I've got plaque, according to my dentist. You do that black? Yeah. do. Anyway, we're going to enjoy that joke a little longer and we will see you very soon.

Today's episode was produced by Olivia Swash. Hello. Hello. Cheers everyone. Bye! It was very good. I love that cladjohn. Black joke was fantastic. You're a very funny man. It's a real play on words.

Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember 988, Canada's suicide crisis helpline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. 988 suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada.