Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy’s Flatshare ep 1610: Tales of the Circus

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

Is the circus still relevant in the modern age? How would we survive at “clown school”? And is it cruel to make a child join the family unicycling business? Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Olivia Swash with tech help from Max Brill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, when I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IG Private Wealth.com.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to yet another very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share. Flat share, Flat share, it's what we do. And you can't stop us, stop trying to. Yes, we're running in a new theme tune, guys. Do let us know what you think of it. Pappy's Flatshire at gmail.com.

That's Tom's entry. We're doing it a bit like the Eurovision song contest. Yeah, yeah. That is Tom's entry. for a song for Pappies. And today's episode was one of the classics where we all sit around and have a gnatta. It's an absolutely classic.

You're saying it was like, it's one of the classics, guys. What you're about to listen to is a classic podcast. Yeah, it's all good stuff though. And we did have a nice time. Oh, we did. If you're worried about us having a nice time, don't worry, we all had a nice time. We always have a nice time.

And if you want to join us in even more nice times, then get along to the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Pappies Flatsheet. Where for just four pounds a month, or $6? I don't know what the exchange rate. You can get a bonus podcast episode every week from us. We stick this one out for free on the main feed and on YouTube and or wherever you get your podcast from. But we stick out on the Patreon, another episode every Thursday.

So for four pounds a month, get on board, get the extra content, get discounts off the live show, and get that warm feeling in your stomach that you're supporting your boys on their journey. as they podcast to the grave. Absolutely right. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flatshare is where you have to go for that. And you also, if you sign up today, we are doing seven days free trial. Oh, cool. Go along.

And it gets you discounted tickets to shows like our Flat Share slamdown shows we've got this month. Very excitingly, on the 27th of April and the 28th of April, we're back at the Phoenix in London's glittering West End, right by Oxford Circus. Come along, support your boys. have a wonderful time and enjoy it. Lovely. So have a listen to this episode, please. That was good there.

So, oh yeah. I recently went. Oh no. Yeah. And how was it? Listen, as you get older, it takes a bit more effort. No, I recently went to the circus. No.

Yes. Yes. I went to the circus. It very much feels like a thing of the past. It does feel like a thing of the past. I don't know if I've ever been. Have you never been to a circus? Hang on God, you've never been to a circus.

Not as a kid. You never went as a kid. I must have been to the circus. Or was it one of those things that because you were sort of devoutly Christian, you weren't allowed to go to the circus. It's the devil's play. It lets the devil in. It does let the devil in.

Yeah. So. There is something of the devil about the circus. Yes. There's a danger in the air of a circus. Yeah. West Park, Wolverhampton. that's where you'd have been.

Yeah, yeah. That's where you'd have seen the circus. You would have thought so. I must have done. I must have done. Well, what do you think of when you think of being at the circus? Clowns?

Yeah, clowns, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you've been to the circus. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Now, Clark, I've got to ask you another question. Are you imagining it in a, in a building that is a permanent structure or more of a September arrangement?

Yeah. I'm thinking big tent. Right. Oh, yes. You've been to the circus. Congratulations. This is a new service that me and great.

It's a new podcast. Me and Crosby have started. It's called Have You Been to the Circus? We invite a guest on. You're our first guest. Congratulations. And that's the end of the episode. Thank God for that.

Yeah, it's, you know, it's no off menu, not yet. But like, we, we, we, it could be there. Here's Olivia Coleman. Do you remember there was trapezes, clowns? Yes, you've been to the circus. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes they'll say, oh, I remember like, I'd go in and there'd be like rows and rows of books

and I'd use my card to get books out. That's the library. You get change. You'd put your clothes in a locker. It was very hot. hot and then you get wet, that's a leisure centre. Thanks for coming in, Benedict Camabatch. I tell you what, we're getting good guests on this podcast.

I know, very impressive. It's weird that I'm the first guest, to be honest. Well, we're trialing the fore. I'm just like, it's a non-tie ex-pipe. That makes bed. Oh, thank God this isn't going out. This is more of an office run through this is. Oh, I'll undo my top button.

Is that your top button? What's it going down there? So here's what I remember at the circus. This is when I think you'll know if you'll know if you've been in the circuit. Okay. There's a only, it's a very unique smell to a circus. I think, you're halfway through saying stench. You don't get that smell anywhere else.

Well, I think that smell is gone because you know what that smell was? Live animals. Live animals. That's gone. You're not having live animals at the circus anymore. That must have been a tough day for the circus when they were like, you know that elephant you've been abusing? No more.

No. So no animals at all. This is the meeting they had. Surely a dog. How often a cabre of a dog does a backflip? Heard a sheep. It must have been, there must have been a bartering thing. Yeah.

Well, bartering is a sheep, yeah. Give us a guinea pig at least. Surely give us a guinea pig. Well, I'll trade you two lions for 15 foxes. Come on. Yeah. What does the lion tame a tame now? The lion tam is not there, man.

Oh. Oh, yeah. there was just a bloke in a long coat with the stool cracking a whir. Yeah. I wouldn't have minded that, actually. Lion tamer without the woke, woke ruined lion taming would be a great little bit of the show, wouldn't it?

I bet there's a lot of bars where the lion tamer is a, they're slitting back a whisker. They're at the bar, but they're still holding the stool. Seriously, mate, pop that out. No, I bought it from home. I'm trying to give you a drink bat. But yeah, the circus. Yeah, okay.

So, well, I tell you what, tell me what you think is still in the circus. If we've not got the animals, what do you think is still there? Just to double check, it wasn't Cirque du Soleil, was it? No, no, no, no. This was in the car park of a garden centre. Now we're talking. Okay. Yes.

So we're talking Ruxley Manor Garden Centre, not just a garden centre, the garden centre. Oh, is that the Ringmaster set? The Ringmaster. Okay. Well, I'm guessing Ringmaster. Ringmaster. I mean, the ringmaster loved it. He never left the stage, right?

Okay, and he's always there. And he talked like this all of the time. Okay. So even when he's doing the announcement, you can take photographs if you would like. Please take photographs and post them to social media. However, do not use flash photography. Anybody using flash photography, we will take appropriate measures. Right.

And which, by the way, how comes the line say, but appropriate measures. So menacing the phrase, we will take appropriate measures. We will take appropriate measures. measures. And you're like, really? Okay. He's got, he's, he's giving it the old tits and teeth and everything. But you're still saying, what are you going to do to us?

If I, if the flag accidentally goes off on my camera. The lion tamer comes like, this is, this is my job now. You get to steal up your boy. So, yeah. Oh, not up my boy. Right up my. Cherish your boy. That's the first act.

I can't fit seal up that. Do not take any pictures, especially when we bring out the live animals. Yeah, no, no live animals. Ringmaster was there. What else are we seeing? Your clown. Your clown. Oh, no.

Your clown. Oh, no. Your clown, yeah. Single clown. No. What about them all getting out of a small car? Yeah. Him getting out of a normal size car.

Sure. Fair of pay was a smart car. It's quite a small car. But, yeah. You've got to invert that now. You need a really big car with just one clan getting out. Yeah. Big limousine.

He gets out. He's got a stretched limo and he tumbles out and looks in and then cries. All this, all my mates were live animals. He gets out of the driver's seat as well. What does the clown do on his own? Well, he does that great thing, which in this bit I really do like is the clown is going around the audience before the show starts and just messing around with people. Right.

In, I think, and again, I don't think he's allowed to like physically touch anybody. Do you know what I mean? Like, because that thing is. Exactly. Otherwise, you'll have to take appropriate measures. He's not allowed to take inappropriate measures with members of the public because that was a big thing

the clouds would come they would take someone's hat off and they would rub their bald head and all that kind of stuff and then throw out I don't know why I said that but I don't know why the idea taking someone's hat off

and rubbing their bald head came in but that kind of thing that's an inappropriate yeah sorry sorry that was an inappropriate that really was I'm very sorry what are we talking about

the guy from Seaworld who's clipped always go viral every year or two. Exactly. He was definitely, yes. I beat to SeaWorld. Yes.

He was absolutely one of those clowns who would walk behind people and do like a funny walk. Right. Yeah. He was that kind of guy. You don't like that. You're in his sort of sneery look to the...

Oh, come on. That's mean clowning, isn't it? You know what's the sort of... Clowning is quite. There's a mean edge to clowning. The bucket of, you know, the bucket and confetti over people. It's all kind of... R.P. Golié.

R. IP Goli. Yeah. Apsi. The mean clown. The original mean clown. Gone. It was very interesting having... Obviously, like, a guy whose reputation is... It was awful to people. Yeah. And then to have him pass away and everyone post their tributes where it was like...

Yeah, we're going to really struggle when you go, Tom. Surely he must have done one good thing. All the tributes being like... I'll never forget him. He changed my life. He just called me a shit clown for three weeks, refused to look at me. And it was the making of me and I'll miss him. Yeah. It was like they were all just like, because that was his style was just to be a complete bastard to people. And it was like, oh, he was the biggest bastard I ever met. Oh, rest in peace. It was like, that was all of the, all of the people left their tributes. Yeah. I don't understand what he's making. And it was always like pictures of like, here's me with the great man. just be him sat there like going. Yeah. Real sour, real sour look on his face.

This awful looking angry guy. Sat in his chair. They're like, I got to meet him. Yeah, and they've got a toaster strap to their head. You're like, come on, guys.

What's any of you getting out of it, apart from Collier, who's getting you up cash. He lived the absolute dream. It was like rich kids are going to give me loads of money. I'm going to call them cunts. They're going to thank me for it

and then I'm never going to see them again. And it's like, Like every three months, a new producer, a new, like a convey about rich kids arrive. Yeah. And it's like, I think you are a twat. And it's like, thank you, sir. And it's like, this is the life, man. I don't think I could handle it.

I'd love to step into Gourlier shoes. Well, that. Big shoes. Big shoes to fill. How do you think you'd be in that? Do you think you could maintain it? Or would you just go back to your, you know, back to your mansion at the end of each day and be like, like, I can't add it anymore. Can't not be mean to people anymore

Or do you think you'd be able to? I think you'd be alright. They lap it up. The clowns, that's what they want. Yeah. It's what makes them, you know. A bit of a hair, try a treatment. Yeah.

Can't be nice to clowns. Well, I don't know who this guy trained with, but he was very good. Yeah, okay, here we go. It wasn't mean. It was cheeky, cheeky, you know? Yeah. Cheeky, cheeky fun.

So the clown, the clown is there. You've got your clown. Great. It's a real. chain that it's not clowns. Is that? Budget. Oh, right.

Okay. That is a legislation. I don't think so. No. It's not like, it's not like, like, uh, or even like kids in a news agents. No more than two, no more than two clowns in this big top at any one time. What is the plural for clowns? Clowns.

End of episode, guys. No, no. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. You've been collective now. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, yeah. Collective down. Yeah. Like a jolly. Like lions. right. Yeah, that's lions. It's a pride of lions.

No, I know, I know. We're having a bit of fun with you. This is the Golié treatment of us. Inbrez Zaflop. No. No, you are shit. This is very much. It's very much Tom's cloud.

I'm just going to want 80 that on you. If you had gone to Goliate, he just done the same thing back to him. Fire with fire. You might be the first one he loved. Can I ask a serious question? Did you murder God? Yes.

I would watch that knives out, Phil, man. Clown murder? A bunch of clowns. He's mean to where the clown master's mean to them all. He gets found face down in a bucket of water. Surely custard. He's pired to death. He's got a banana sticking out of his back.

I do like that. A clown murders. Clown murders. Because they're inherently. creepy, right? Even before you get into the kind of, you know, the... Get him into the hearse. He's been buried alongside 17 of his friends.

She'd chalk a block. It's a mass grave. Less funny than the car with a load of people falling out of it, isn't it? Go on then. Anyway, so... Yes. Ringmaster, clown. A juggler.

There was, yeah. Now, there was a juggler. Now, it was an odd act because it was an act you thought, well, you've just done this on your sofa at home and now it's the act. But she juggled cushions. But she juggled them like, it was almost like it was a cross between plate spinning and juggling in that she would lie on her back and she would spin the cushions with her hands and her feet. Sorry, Clarkie. And her feet. And then she would like flip them all between her.

hands and feet. It was very, very impressive. Okay. It was very impressive, but it was one of those things where you go, Are you training? Well, you know, she's definitely training, but like you feel like it's one of those you're like, oh, you were just, you know, lying on your sofa one night, wouldn't you bet? Do you think in three years' time, you'll go back and watch it and there'll be vases? Oh, right. Oh, I see.

This is her first year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, do it with cushions. Because if you drop them, it doesn't really match. Next year, we'll start you on plates and then, yeah, it's chainsaws. And then, yeah, it's chainsaws. Yeah. And then vars is the big one.

They're massive vases. Is she juggling two vases? Or is these two people having a very frantic conversation? I just can't tell. So the cushion juggling. Cushing juggling was absolutely fine, I thought. I genuinely do think she's in training if she's doing it with cushions because no one builds up to cushions. Yeah.

What you're starting with? Everyone starts. You're starting with nothing. Can you lie on your back and wiggle your legs? Oh, yeah, okay, cool. That was it. Those were a tough few shows. When she was like, I'm in training.

I'm in training, but they haven't yet let me have the cushions. Too dangerous. They're my nice cushions. They're off the good furniture. Quick question. Yes. Were your children enthralled by this? Absolutely loved it.

I absolutely loved it. Couldn't believe it. They could not believe it. I always found the circus to how. a slightly unnerving air to it. Yeah. Where it was hard to really enjoy because she felt too far out of your comfort zone. I know what you mean,

but I think the sinister edge of the circus. It was all the bars is, let's be honest. I think the sinister edge of the circus is a thing of the past. I think it's a lot more family, no, it was always family friendly. It was always family friendly, but in like kind of quite a scary way.

Yeah. It was transitioning probably from kind of freak show elements as we were growing up. Exactly. Wait, when did you grow up in the 1930s? What was that movie, the Guillermo del Toro movie with Bradley Cooper? That was a documentary about it, wasn't it? That was it, yeah, yeah.

You were in the geek show. You remember the geek show? I mean, obviously not remember the geek show, but you heard of the geek show? No. Which was, they'd get an alcoholic man. And they'd say, if you want to have a bottle of booze, would you please bite this head off a chicken in front of all these people? It was a different time.

And I think that's where... That was the sinister edge. Yeah. I've been to the circus. Yeah, yeah. I've been in the circus. I originated the circus. If you want to drink, you have to bite the head off this chicken.

Yeah. So the geek. What is the name of that film? It's called, like, Desolation Alley or something. Judapto. It's the Judapite. Yeah, yeah. Linda Cardinelli bites head of a chicken.

I only got one series. But yeah, it was, it would be, it would be like a pit, right? And all the people would stand around the pit. Oh, no. And they'd bring out the geek. And the geek would be like, yeah. No, no good show starts with a pit, doesn't it?

Like, come to the pit. Stand around the pit. Actually, it was very moving. It was a beautiful, beautiful one-man show, actually. Around the pit, yeah. And then he would come out there. And they would throw a chicken,

he'd be like, there would be, yeah. And then they'd give him a drink. Yeah, but I mean, I think the drink was, the drink was backstage. It wasn't like we've got, you know. Oh, right. Okay.

Yeah, he didn't support the magic. A lot of people in the audience. It's pretty similar to what we do with Clarky at these records, isn't it? He never gets his drink till we finish. It's just off camera. But I think there was, yeah, there was, bite the head off Matthew. There are a lot of people who went to those geek shows and thought,

he just loves geeking. He just absolutely loves biting the head off chickens. John, I'd love to do at the end of this. We'd probably have to use AI to do it. but we pan out. Yeah. And it turns out we're in a pit. And there's a lot of people.

There's loads of people up there watching us do these same times. And we're podcasting from a pit. I think we would have to use AI. I think so. I think so. I think so because crucially, we're not currently in a pit. No. Don't ruin the magic.

If anyone, if anyone doesn't the audio early version, just a little peek behind the curtain, we're not in a pit. I think we might have to. Worth, we're thinking about. Well, yeah. We'll chat to the good folks at GROC and see what they've got for us. Okay. You've got a cushion juggler.

A cushion juggling. Yes. And I believe that was the very beautiful and talented Miss Octavia. Right. From Chile. They would always tell you where they were from. From DFS. The sofa show.

Two for one. Well, it's the clown. One for two. Sell ends boxing day. Did they have like... No. I know what you're going to say. Knife throwing?

No. Knife throwing? No. They didn't have knife throwing. Didn't have knife throwing. But replaced with cotton wolf. No, they didn't have that. They had tight rope walking.

That was fantastic. Okay. Okay. Now we're up in it. Now we're getting into it. The first, the first act. Or they also had, um, girl in a net. Now, that's, was odd.

From the UK. Yeah, it's cool. She was from the UK. Right. From the UK. the very beautiful, untalented, Miss Georgina. And she gets into a net, like a big hammock. Nice.

She goes to sleep. Mark is interested. She got into a hammock, sort of a cross between a hammock and like a trap you would have seen in like Robin Hood. Yeah, okay. You're like you are. And she did a kind of aerial show in that. Yeah, great. And, you know.

Oh. Yes. What's the shirt? It's the circus. I've never been I'm back out again I've never seen a woman in a net Actually that's

This show of this show is a podcast That we do Okay And who were all these men standing around Looking at us You just quantum leaped It would make a lot of sense What's your question Clarkie

What's the entertainment value Of seeing somebody in there What is the aerial element of it? You know like you'd see those people With the sort of the two silks hanging down and they would twist around and that kind of stuff. Yeah. She was doing that kind of thing.

So she was like stretching out. She's going to get it moving. She gets it moving. She spins around and stuff. And then at one point, at one point she sort of puts her arms up and she goes, and you think, oh no, she's falling out the net. But she kind of catches it with her thighs. And you're like, bloody hell.

Yeah. I underestimated. So she's sometimes in the net, sometimes outside the net. Yeah. Yeah. So that was. I reckon I could do that. Well, here's the thing.

You watch all of it. And you go, well, we'll get to Dangerous Diego. Because I think that's what you do. I think that's what you could do. Oh, that was my next question. Did I have a dangerous Diego? They do. And of course he's closing the show. From the UK.

He's from Mexico City, Mexico, but we'll get to it. Right. Put a pin in Dangerous Diego. Okay. Is he the FBI most wanted guy? On the run. Well, if he is on the run, he's running. Well, I'll tell you what he's, he's basically running on like a, like,

leader of the largest cartel in Mexico City. On the FBI must-wanted list, it's dangerous. Diego. You haven't seen me, okay? Sorry, I keep forgetting not to announce you. You'll get your drink later. Just kill this chicken for us. So, so yeah, so the opening act, though, which I think was probably my favorite act,

was a family from Ukraine, and it was a dad. a mum and a little kid, right? And they were unicyclists. Oh, lovely. Yeah. Loved it. But so they had a little. Wait, Paris. Go on. Go on. What's your problem, Putin? Come on, Vladimir. What's your problem? I don't know. It's not the Moscow State Circus. I'll give you that. How old's the little kid? Probably nine or ten. He was brilliant.

Yeah. Has he had any choice? What do you mean? haven't you had any choice? Yeah, he's like, he's born into unicycle. I want to be a footballer. Yeah. He's born, yeah,

but only 10 year old kids, do you know, want to be a unicyclist in a garden, set in a car park. Just feel for him, that's all. Don't mind if his mom and dad are out there doing it,

but let me leave the kid out of it. He, he, yeah, I mean, get the kid a scooter. Do you think he's, do you think he's, he can't be scooting around.

It looks like it's a crash or something. I'm trying to get my kids to ride a bike at the moment. I mean, that'll only unicycle. He's only 10. No, 10 is a perfectly normal age to ride a bike, Tom. Yeah, but not a unicycle. Well, here's the thing.

Half of the bike. No, he was very good. He seemed to be enjoying himself. I don't know what the future holds for this kid. He's going to rebel. He's going to rebel. He's going to be on a price of wheel. He's going to get a tandem, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is who I am, Mom and Dad. It's going to be. Three wheels. Yeah. He's going to marry, like, you know, like, Brooklyn Beckham, he's going to marry into a billionaire tandem, tandem family. He's just going to cycle off into the...

He's going to be a quad biker. He's going to be a quad biker. That's it. Fuck you. To you unicyclist, mom and dad. Absolutely. But currently he's... He's just going to segue through his teens.

Well, didn't we all? In a way. But yeah, he's got to rebel, but currently he's not in the rebellious day. He hasn't got a choice. I don't think. It didn't feel like there was duress. It was, it felt like... No, he's not going to be like...

blinking help me is he you're making this you're convinced that the opposite you it's some kind of mort's code i thought i i think he was having a nice time right i'm i'd imagine if i was 10 i'm going to choose to great i'm going to choose to great i get to rehearse riding the unicycle seven hours a day for the rest of my life what else you're doing when you're 10 you do science of maths and stuff is the as hell. I prefer unicycle to that. Also, it's the school it was the school holidays, right?

So, you know, maybe he's in school the rest of the time. I don't, like, his, like, right, his dad I, no, I see this. Yeah. You know, you, obviously, you've got to protect the children. But I think this was a case where

he's chosen to do it. He was, no, I'm not saying he's chosen to do it, he loves it. But I think there's an element of, like, he probably admires the family business and wants to be a part of it. Okay. Okay. You know, this is his apprenticeship. I don't, I mean, we don't know.

If he, you know, like if he gets to teenage or his 20s, I'm sure his parents won't say no, you are a unicyclist and that is what you do. If he decided to move on, but it felt like he was like, oh, get, I'm getting to. It should be the other way around, though. Surely you should get to 16, having had a normal childhood. And then it's like, do you want to join the business? It shouldn't be the other way around. It shouldn't be we're forcing you into the family business and then at 16. You're adding the word forcing.

You get forcing from, though. Because I don't think a 10-year-old is on a unicycle of his own volition. Yeah, but a 10-year-old isn't doing anything of their own volition, really. All of the stuff your kids do, your kids don't wake up and of their own volition do all the things during the day. There is an element of, when you're, when you're parenting a kid, there's an element of going, well, we like doing this thing, we're doing this thing. I could totally see if my parents are unicyclists that I could imagine.

If I was a young guy, I'd be like, great. I want to join in that. That looks fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way kids work, isn't it? It is.

But like, you know, like the church, for example, right? You were very involved in the church as kids and then you moved away from when you're a bit older. Yeah. That came from your parents, right? That was a, that was a, that was a prongued. But we weren't you. Crucially, we weren't like you. We're going to do a ride out through the center of town.

Like the most cyclists do. We're all going to carry. flags for Jesus on our unicycles and we're like, let's go. I think there was, I think there would have been things you wouldn't have done otherwise if your parents, like in your childhood, there were things you wouldn't have done otherwise if your parents hadn't gone, this is what we do as a family, right? And I think actually unicycling, in terms of like abuse, it's one of the milder ones, isn't it?

My parents, I never knew that, you know, and it was saying, hey, listen, the part of the act was that he's cycling around on a real bicycle and it comes. apart, the front wheel just flies off and the kid catches the front wheel and the dad goes... For his childhood, isn't it? It's all come apart. Having a nice normal life cycling around? No. One wheel.

Yeah, you're making it sound really sad in a way. I didn't... Yeah, but anyway, so that was my favourite. I'll tell you... What was the big finale? Well, I'll tell you, I wanted to mention the ringmaster as well. The other thing the ringmaster did, because, like you say, when the, when the girls in the it's not entirely clear for quite a lot of it,

what it is you're supposed to be getting. You know? Yeah. Like, there's got a lot of that. So he would, the ringmaster would occasionally, in order to get the audience to applaud. I mean, he was always standing there,

kind of doing this. Was it like a commentator throughout? Yes, he was. But the commentating was, it was mainly three things, right? It was mainly, uh, yes. Okay, good. So that was,

so when you heard yes, you were like, well, I guess that means applaud. Because someone's done the thing. Yes. The other one was whip. Oh, cool.

So yes and wep. There was the two. Weep. Whip. And the third one was, no. And the other one was, they've ruined his childhood. They've robbed from him the best years of his life.

Appropriate measures will be taken by social services. Yes. Whip. Either that or it was a work in progress. I couldn't tell. She's going to move up from cushions to vases. If you come and see us in October, whip. That's why the tickets were a fiver.

Yeah. So we've got, we've got. We've got him going, whoop, who, and obviously he would, he would whistle as well. He could do that thing where, you know, that kind of really good whistling. Just a quick question. Yes.

Are we talking red tunic? he had the long kind of yeah he had the long coats yeah red it was blue okay it was blue he wasn't wearing a top hat okay are you sure this guy's gonna be hat at all no he was not wearing a hat of any kind did you have like a high vis vest was just car park please park it's a very busy show today there is an overspill car park he was just trying to get everyone's attention the whole show Is nobody concerned for this child? Unicycling is not a natural thing to do.

It's 10 years old. Curly mustache? No. Little goat, little, right, so yeah, bald head, big sidebones, little goatey beard. Okay. Yeah, I'm interesting. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

A bit like a touch of the, is it Andy Parsons from the week? Yes. Okay. Yeah. But deeply, deeply tanned. Like a very, very tanned, very tall Andy Parsons from the week. Oh. We had a selfie with him afterwards.

And, you know, when you see, you know, when you see somebody off stage and you're like, oh, you've really got to go for it in order to stand out, he was a deep mahogany. He was like a David Dickinson, like. Do you think like body paint? You're like a bodybuilder's body paint? Yes, I think it was, yeah, like it was like a, it was like a Santrape. It was like a deep Santrape. He was having, you know.

Was he six foot four kind of big build kind of person? No, no. Quite a lean fellow, but yes, I would say probably six three, six, four. Tall, a commanding presence, absolutely. And then, yeah, you're liking him already. He was good, he was good. A whip. He didn't have a whip, no.

He says, what. He said, what? Maybe, maybe the bloke who hands out the whips wasn't there that day. Whip! Whip! No! These are all the elements that added the element of danger to the circus. Yeah, I think the whip was more for the, that was for the lion tamer rather than just for the,

I don't think he was whipping the clowns into the car. This is what I, this is. I swear the ringmaster would have a whip I think a ringmaster has a whip. Does he have a whip as well? You know, sometimes you might have someone who did a whip act and they would like whip a cigarette out of someone's mouth.

Yes. You know, that wasn't happening too dangerous. That wasn't too dangerous, too dangerous. But then dangerous Diego. Now this is too dangerous. Dangerous Diego comes out. Now, this is a skill that it's really hard to kind of work out how he realized he could do it.

So I want you to imagine this structure okay. So it's a big kind of windmill, right? A giant windmill that goes to the very, very top. It goes from the bottom of the right to the ground to the bottom. So it's like a big propeller basically. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That goes all the way up. Absolutely enormous. Yeah. We're talking, I don't know, 25 foot high or something. They wheel in. Yeah, they wheel it in. It's off to the side anyway because they have to have it somewhere. So it's off the side. You're always seeing like, what's that big thing? And it's like, it's like, it's like a big pair of handcuffs. You know, the very thing he fears the most.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, it's like a bar, a big circle, and then on either end of it. Right, okay. And that rotates, okay. Yeah. So Dangerous Diego gets into the circle and just starts walking. And then the propeller goes around and he doesn't appear to break strier, but it just kind of starts rotating.

And you're watching it going, well, I could do that. Like a hamster in a wheel. Like a hamster in a wheel. Except he's not going round. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. No, exactly like a hamster in a wheel. Yeah. Yeah, exactly like a hamsterner wheel, except the wheel is two wheels.

And they're divided by a bar and it's taking him up into the, up into the sky. Right. So he's walking, walking around on it. And then, then he's doing stuff where he's like doing a backflip

inside the wheel. And then he's grabbing on, he's grabbing onto it up the top and it's going all the way around. Right. Whoops, Lottie. Yes. And then,

then they say, would you like to see something really dangerous? And actually, at this point, now, Dangerous Diego, he's a man in his 50s. Oh.

Yeah. This is dangerous. Yeah. There was a bit where, when the ringmaster's going, do you want to see something really dangerous? We're like, I don't know, man.

I don't know. He seems... I've had my money's worth, thank you. There's vibes of Mickey Rourke and the wrestler. Like Dangerous Diego tried to retire, but he couldn't stand life outside the big top. He could hack it, you know? And now he's been dragged back in to close the show.

He was also struggled to live as Diego. Exactly. A crucial part of his personality was lost. Yeah. I've got a feeling that his parents at 10 years old, put him in one of those things. That's how it starts. Exactly.

Yeah. So anyway, he's... So he's there. they say, do you want to seem to me really dangerous? He gets on the outside of the ring. Oh, yeah. Okay. So it gets on the outside of the ring.

He's hanging on to the ring. The ring's going around. It gets to the top. He takes out like an old kind of weird, battered bit of rope. And he decides to skip on top. Yeah, yes, this is exactly. And this is the vibe.

I thought you could say he decides to hang himself. Tom. Like red from short, like redemption. He comes his thing. He goes on the wheel. Diego was here. Tom.

But then he changes his mind. him and unicycle Tim run off to live the life in Palm Springs or wherever it is. No, Tom. Okay.

Do you think I would have told the story on a podcast if I take my kids to watch a man hang himself? The circus has these curveball elements to it.

He spent a long time talking about the woman in the net. You've really buried the lead on this story. He's watched a snuff show. No. Diego, as far as I know, this was only a couple of days ago, I saw the show. As far as I know, it's still alive and well. Few. He starts to skip now. Diego can do a lot of things. Your boy can't skip. Oh no. He's catching his trainers on it. And he's, yeah, and he's wearing a skin, he's wearing a skin tie.

And that's not part of the act. No. He's wearing a skin tie outfit. And he keeps kind of shrugging to the audience and not in a kind of clowning kind of way. Just kind of like a, oh, yesterday's show went all right. It was like that. Wow. And kept slapping his big old belly, right? Got to go and, you know, I guess I've been, you know, I've been living a little too high on the hog while I've been on the road with the circus these last 50 years. And so he skips a little bit and everyone's like, hey, yeah, Diego, we believe you.

You know, like, we get the idea, mate. And then, and then that, and the ringmaster, and now I don't know if the ringmaster sense the sort of nervous tension in the room, but he goes, would you like to see it get really dangerous? We're like, yeah, we've had a good time here. I haven't bought any popcorn yet. I'll buy, you know, I'll buy bags for the whole family. Let's just close the show up here.

We've done our 45 minutes, haven't we? Come on. Diego pops a black bag over his head. And then sticks his head in the oven. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, he abe graves himself. He black bags himself.

And then they go, now would you like to see Diego walk around the circle on the outside with a bag on his head? And it was like, I was like, I was like, You know, but he did it. He did it. And also, I filmed it because I was like, if this, if this is Diego's last show, appropriate, appropriate measures will be taken. Hey, I didn't use the flash.

You're allowed to film. Oh. You're allowed to film just no flash. I mean, but actually, they stick a black bag over your phone. Yeah. Jack White. But yeah. I've, what, what's Jack White?

What money? I went to see Jack White at the Hammersmith Apollo. They put your phones in bags. Oh, I see. Sorry. Okay. So I think that happened just to you. No, no, no.

To everyone who went to Jack White. No, they didn't just go, hang on, this boat looks dodgy. Give us your phone. That'd be weird. Everyone gets... Jack White isn't doing a thing where he's smashing it with a hammer and then. Putting out a dove. It's like, yeah.

Everyone has to have their phones sealed in bags so that you can't film the gig. Keep music live. Jack White comes on stage and the first thing I experience is something hits me on the shoulder like that and it's a phone bag that's been chewed through.

Oh my God. That's absolutely felt. Yeah. Someone really needed to get to their phone to film Jack White that chewed through one of the bags. They're quite thick bags The idea with that is he's not like

He's not running in new material That might be controversial is he It's not like when Chris Rock is like No Or Dave Chappelle or someone like that This is just he just doesn't want He wants people to keep He isn't playing a lot of his hits though

I will say A little bit too much new material Yeah I will say that What are you going to do guys Oh I'm not playing seven eight shalmy What the fuck are you going to do You're going to have to guess Online

If he doesn't play Blue Hawking I'm chewing through a bag I'd prefer to hand my phone in, put them in a little locker, and then you're away from your phone, rather than be with your phone, but not allowed. You've got a kind of loaded gun in your pocket in the way, haven't you? Weirdly, they let me have that. No phones, but that loaded gun you're taking in, that's absolutely fine. What about they give you padded gloves so you can't use your phone?

Like, anti-mastomation gloves in prison or something? They give you a big pair of other mitts that they gaffer tape onto you. They blindfold you and they put you in a coffin. And you're not looking at your phone, mate. Absolutely no way. You're doing the search. Exactly. Next thing you know, you wake up, you're on a unicycle.

Mark, what even have to me? Listen, it's either that or the geek show, boy. What do you prefer? There are two jobs available. Do you want to chew through a chicken's neck or do you want to cycle on a bike with only one wheel? Have you done a no phone gig? I've done a no phone event. Oh, or Jimmy thinks.

Yeah, we're all thinking of. Sex club, sex club. Ben's got a sex club. What was your no phone event? It was one of those kind of immersive kind of walk around things. Yeah. How immersive was it? Everyone's in masks.

Nothing else. Do you see this? Like you punch drunk theater. type things. That kind of vibe, yeah, I can't quite remember. Do they take your phone away from you or do they put it in a bag? I think he was in a bag. And do they pad up your hands?

The reason. They didn't do anyone else, but they did for me. I tell you what, though, I think sometimes, I'm not one of these. I don't mind if people are filming gigs or anything like that. I don't mind if someone's in front of me filming a gig. I've filmed, you know, it doesn't, I'm so used to it now. It doesn't film Dangerous Diego. Famed Dangerous Diego, happy to do it.

The one thing I will say is sometimes it is a barometer. for, like for a performer, it's a barometer for how good a thing is, right? I went to saw Liam Gallagher. Yeah. Every waste of song, thousands of phones. Yeah. He plays Wall of Glass, not a phone inside.

Ironic, actually. All the streams go away for Wall of Glass. It's a real shame. It was a wall of glass eyes. I'll say that much. I also think if a gig, is fucking going for it and you're having a great time. Someone's filming the gig in front of you, you don't care.

No. If you're a mediocre gig, that's going to start getting on your nerves. And it's because I think the performer isn't doing their job enough. Like, if you're stuck going, ah, God, guys with the phone, it's like, if you're, if you're totally absorbed, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get your phones out. I don't care. I'm having this amazing time. But it's like, you'll be bothered by, you'll be distracted by stuff if you're not.

Sorry, I just want, just got to check my phone. It winds me up, I've got to say. Wines me up. Why? Because it's in my way. I'm trying to watch a show. But the thing is for me, every... You go, like, it's above their head.

And also, they did it for so long. You go, when are you ever going to watch that back? You watch it back on the tube. You go, and I wasn't really focusing during the gig. I'll have to watch it back. What did I miss? It's quite good, actually. I totally get it if someone's like, yeah, I'll take it out and do it for like 10

second. But when people are there for like, all songs, they've got their phone in the air. It's like, what do you do? I tell you the thing, and we, we used to do this, but I don't think people do it anymore, uh, was the calling someone during a song. Oh, yeah. I still do that. Do you still do it? Actually, you have still caught, yeah. And I never do video. It's always just like, it'll always just be the audio. Yeah. Phone in the air. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to call someone. They still love that. It's great. Yeah. And being on the receiving. And trying to work out what song it is. Yeah. Yeah. I used to love. doing it, and then I, and I'd get one from you, and it would be recording on an Okuio 3310,

and you're like, I can't. But I'm not there. I mean, fair, I'm not me, father. Fair place, and you see, he's seen Louis Armstrong. I think that's hologram show of it, because I assumed Louis was dead. I'm too, threw a bag. Oh, my God.

It sounds like you are. They're putting fomsy bags in the air. That's not what he meant. call to the next day God, that gig sounded a bit intense. What gig? Sorry, I'm back down to you. He's playing a trombone in the bathroom.

No comment. Essentially. I'd taken my mitts off. I'd chew through my mits. So you've got to this footage of Dangerous Diego. I've got it. Do you think that jeopardy, like, is he going to do it or not with the skipping itself is all part of it? Of course it is. They've got to make it, you know, they've got to make it dangerous. Because so far, you've watched a show and nobody has died.

Someone's shoulders has died. But no, but no performers have died or injured themselves. Right. So you're thinking, we're certainly due at least one, right? Dangerous Diego. I think, I think you're right. So now I think there was a, it was a bit of a fake. Yeah. Well, I can't really skip. I keep, you know, I'm turning to the crowd going, hey, look at me. I'm wearing the skin tight outfit. My, you know, like I haven't taken the greatest care of myself. I'm not like the other live performers you've seen, you know, on their unicycles are in their nets or juggling cushions. Juggling cushions.

That was a hard one to know where to applaud. Whoop. Yes. Yes. Is it a yes, though? Maybe. Perhaps. Yeah, he goes all the way around in a bag?

He goes, yeah. Back off his head. Back off his head. Hey, everybody comes out, does a dance at the end, you know, the clowns. It was great. It was, honestly, it was brilliant. It was really, really brilliant. We're going back in October.

Honest? Yeah. Take Clarkie. Clarkie. You've got to come. Yeah, I'll come a lot of. You've got to come. Absolutely.

I'll pop a bag over your head. We're going to kidnap Clarkie Stick him in a net Put a bag over here Stick him in a net He'll have a great time Yes Your headlining

Tom in the audience Doing his gullier You are shit Thank you You too in Well there you go There it was What a lovely episode

It was All about the circus guys Have you been to the circus Get in touch Are you in the circus If you're in the circus, we'd love to hear from you. That would be exciting. Are you 10 years old and being forced to unicycle against your will?

We are probably not the people to contact. There's not much we can do about it. No. More power to you. But did you unicycle as a child for fun? Let us know. I doubt it. That feels like a lot of, that, Tom, that feels like a loaded question to spoil your argument.

The children inherently would never unicycle of their own volition. There must be some kids who love unicycle. Have you seen your mum and dad do it? You think, oh, I wish I could be like mum and dad. Well, let's not get back into this place. To be fair, none of my kids have expressed any interest in podcasting. So I don't know why I'm suggesting that mum and dad. Anyway.

But yes. So don't forget, folks, patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share for all your Patreon needs. Follow us on YouTube, on TikTok, on Instagram, all of those places. And if you want to come and see us live, it's pappiescomedy.com forward slash live. We are live in the Phoenix in Cavendish, Square on April 28th and 27th, but not necessarily in that order. Today's episode was produced by Olivia Swash.

Hello. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Oh, baby. Tonight. Oh, baby, baby. It's a wild world. Be do do do.