Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1619: "The timeless appeal of flicking the Vs"
Episode Date: June 10, 2026Is it actually lucky to get pooped on by a bird? What do we consider to be a "recent" film? Have we found the answer to the rise of Reform? Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://w...ww.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live NEXT LIVE SHOW: June 22nd - Flatshare Slamdown with special guests Phil Ellis and Chloe Petts, Phoenix Pub, Cavendish Square, London Produced by Olivia Swash with tech help from Max Brill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Greetings, listener, dear, I'm Tom.
I'm Ben.
And I am Matthew, and that took me, by surprise.
You really launched into it.
People, by the way, people who are watching the video, by the way, welcome everybody to a very exciting episode of Pappy's Flatshare.
But people who watch the video say that I have got a sort of spaced out look on my face in the intros and never more so than this one.
I'm literally gazing off into space and then suddenly have to look down the barrel.
But welcome one and all to a very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share.
It is a very exciting one. Tom Ben and Matthew, the three of us sit together and we chew the shit, shoot the fat.
I'm talking about Ben.
It's very fun.
So get into it.
This is one of those.
This is one of those episodes.
It's never to me either.
Just across.
I've sat there while Tom and Matthew
discussed me.
Tom and I,
well, we do discuss.
We do.
Yeah.
Discussed and discussed you in equal major.
Tom and I talk over Ben in every sense of the term.
He sat between us and we don't let him get a word in edge words.
But today is one of those very fun episodes where Clarkie attempt.
to tell an anecdote.
Enjoy, we'll see you on the other side.
Before we start this very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share,
let me tell you all about the next Pappy's Flat Share slam down.
It's happening on June the 22nd, 2026 in London.
That's right, London, the nation's capital.
It's at the Phoenix Cavendish Square,
and you're going to see Chloe Petz and Phil Ellis
as our guests. Absolutely brilliant guest. Phil's never been on before. Chloe's been on before. We can't
wait to have both of them on. But come along to the Phoenix, Cavendish Square on the 22nd for a fantastic
flat share slam down. Tickets are still available and they're available from pappiescombe.com
forward slash live. Cannot wait to see you there. Now on with the show. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Already
an episode. Parry has the
whiff of blood in his nose.
Straight away, Clarkie says,
and by the way, Clarkie's not said a fucking word.
Just the two of us talking.
Clarkie says I've got a starter.
Off Parry goes.
I'm always ready to interrupt Parry
interrupting Clarkie.
The system works, guys.
Good story, by the way.
Thanks, man.
Should we end it there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a pooped on by a bird.
Oh, no.
The day.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Oh, more misadventures of Britain's unluckiest boy.
Even the birds have got a whiff of it.
Did you try and tell him an anecdote?
I was in a boat at the time.
I must say.
An anecdote.
Clarkie's anecdotes.
It's another Clarkie anipote.
Yeah.
Properly.
properly on the face.
Yeah, boy, jackpot.
That's good.
Now that's mad because we thought when we paid that bird,
we assumed.
We knew he was good.
We didn't know how good.
He said he had great aim.
He did say.
Were you sunbathing or something?
No, it got me in movement.
So you weren't proffering your face to the sky?
You weren't shawshanking it.
You hadn't told you.
Donald out the flat again.
We have told you about Shawshanking it.
God
got out through the sewer pipe
and then got shot on at the end.
That's a very funny thing to happen
in Shaw's Daywardession.
Andy Dufrein
crawled through 30 miles of shit
and then he gets out in the river.
And he's like,
fuck this goes back in.
If anything, it's better in there
than he's out of here.
I would follow somebody who did that.
A bird shitting on key movie movies.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, because immediately, as soon as you say the Shawshank,
I think of the platoon as well.
On the knee, you're looking at, there are certain images.
Yeah, front of the boat, Titanic.
Front of the boat, Titanic.
Of course, it's got to be on a boat.
Trouble at the door.
Good afternoon, good evening.
Oh, God.
Like, whenever.
And you know, any second hour would think of a recent film.
But that's not really what we do.
Pretty recent, actually.
Truman Show.
They're already remaking the couple of years.
Okay, what's some recent film?
The drama.
That was a drama, I guess.
It's terrible, isn't it, when someone says.
Tom, name a recent song.
Go on, name a recent song.
Happy bird.
to you.
Happy birthday.
Well, it couldn't be more recent.
It's the person, this is going to do, zero.
It's their actual birthday.
So he's game the system there.
Yeah, very good.
Clark, you name a recent TV show.
Widows Bay.
Oh, you know what?
Here's the thing with TV shows.
You could say anything.
That's true.
And I did.
You did.
He said, Woodose Bay.
Birds, Pooh, Head, man.
Crying Park
Where were you going?
It's a story.
It was just
We were just having a walk
A leisurely walk
It's a nice day
It's like let's go
You are asking for it
You were rubbing it
I was smiling
Yeah
I might have been skipping
At the time
Mouth open
Were you talking at the time
Well it's me
So probably not
What's the risk
With bird poo
Can you go blind?
If it goes in your eyes, can you go blind?
Can you go blind with bird poo?
You can with dog poo?
That's famous.
Yes, that's the one.
Yeah, okay.
The big thing about...
It's rare you get that.
I mean, like, I know it's because people pick it up and touch it and rub it,
but if you get shat on from a height by a dog...
Into your eyes.
Into your eyes.
Even I'm having it.
That's really unlucky.
Yeah.
There's a dog on a boulder next to the river where I'm...
frame comes out of
and it just shits in his mouth.
Oh my
God.
I guess it's raining.
At least there's that.
Yeah.
Is it raining?
I hadn't noticed.
Well, I noticed that.
It's raining cats and dogs.
Bird shit's a weird one, isn't it?
Because it's kind of
obviously not brown.
Classically not brain.
Well, there is a bit of it going on, actually.
Someone who's been up close and personal with it.
But it's gilded, isn't it, by the white?
It takes the edge of it.
I didn't felt like it was taking the edge off, if I'm honest.
Was it anywhere near your eyes, though?
Where's it got you on your face?
Down here.
Yeah, maybe.
So it sort of parts your hair slightly, and it goes down the side of your eye, down your cheek.
Yeah, Scarface style.
Oh, yeah.
A little to make the one of the good one.
First you get the money, then you get the power, then you arch.
Oh, yeah, yeah, aye, aye.
Just to check, that was a pile of coke I was sniffing, right?
Why did you get white on every face?
Machine gunning the skies.
Well, they're machine gunning you back.
The birds?
What'd you do then then?
Well, this is the thing.
This is where it gets interesting.
Well, I would say that.
Then I had to try and ask people, see if anyone, I was with Megan.
Yeah.
You were going out to strangers.
Excuse me.
I'd been shot on by a bird.
Did you see that?
Can you help me?
Can you give me five?
bounce.
You're basically
the woman out of
home alone too.
That's what you've become.
Yeah.
I,
we were like,
oh,
if we asked parents
if we've got a Prap,
they'll probably have some wet whites.
People running away.
Which we did.
But well,
there was that?
You shouldn't have
tried to kiss the baby.
He's running for mayor.
He's running for mayor.
Vote for Ben, bird shit, Clark.
Oh, come on.
The birds trust him enough to shit on him.
So, so should you.
He's keeping the shit off the streets.
Happy to take it on the chin.
Actually, the good, it's not a bad mayoral campaign for somebody who's campaign,
their campaign manifest to his old letter.
They'll shit on me, so they won't shit on you.
Ben, Lucky Clark.
Hey, you know what I did the other day.
I, um, because we,
dressed as a bird, hired a hand glider.
Carry on.
Oh yeah.
It was weird.
It wasn't white.
He actually did say.
Had a great time on a zip wire.
Were you at going to go away?
It was scary.
So the other day, because we have had a lot of reform, uh,
candidates in our area because,
great.
I'm living in reform.
Sorry,
go on.
They look like you,
funnily enough.
I'm living in,
I'm living in reform country
at the moment.
Right.
We all are.
Well, we are.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
But yeah,
so Bromley,
Beckenham,
you know,
they were dangerous.
They were dangerous areas
for reform taking a stranglehold.
And they were outside
the local bakery
as we were driving past
and we stopped at the crossing
to, you know,
to drive across.
And they were all like,
with their side.
and I flipped them off and it felt amazing.
I loved it.
And I'm not a flip-off people I don't know kind of person.
I'm not a flip-off merchant at all.
I don't think I've ever seen you flip someone off.
Well, there's only one dude who has and his kids, unfortunately.
But, but yeah, so I flipped him off and he and which I loved.
And then it was only later.
Cosby's things flipping off is voting for him.
had ticked him off
He doesn't understand what flipping off makes
I went straight to the ballot box
Big cross by the guy's name
That will show him
No thank you
No
Gone no reform in my
In fact I'm going to do it three times
All three of them
Cross there, cross there and cross there
That'll learn the bastards
Yeah
Yeah so we were driving down
We were driving further down the road
and then and Charlotte to go
like, are you all right?
And I said, yeah, that was great.
I loved it.
I thought it was pretty.
It was, but like, no, because you never know if you like, you do it.
And then you suddenly like, oh, it's just a person.
Start crying.
But he said, he said, have a nice day, right?
Oh, well, have a nice day.
And I said to, I said, Charlie said, what do he say to you?
And he said, I'll have a nice day.
You know, that's classy.
And I was like, no.
That is not, it's not classy, is it?
No.
I mean, I'm not saying I was classy.
I'm not saying you have to be classy.
There's no one saying you've got to be classy.
But I think, I, I, I, I, it, it's parry on the,
you're making a lot of noise with it.
You did a Farage impression then as well?
Very, it was very farage.
Was he a farragy type guy?
Yeah, yeah.
Of course.
Yeah, he was a far.
he was he was no he was because they they they they come in all stripes in our area but this guy was
he was an older man a man of a certain age yes uh gray hair reasonably well dressed he wasn't
fully suited you know he still have other people um but he was definitely but it did feel like
the kind of like uh you know when when farge got milkshaked he clearly took great pleasure
with well that's you know yeah that's disgraceful but i move on yeah and i go like someone who's just
been shatown by a bird.
I don't vote for that.
Pretty sure it's milkshake.
Were you milkshaked in the park?
Were you handing flyers out for a row?
Skipping along.
We've done well.
I didn't know what was on the rosette.
I just like the look of it.
Just like blue.
It's like a big color goes in your eyes.
But yeah, so what you think it's,
you think that's not the thing to do.
That's not the done thing.
It's a peaceful protest.
It is, yes.
I think
I mean I don't know I think anymore
do you think
do you think
they go low we go high
is that what you
you're more of that
of that kind of thing
I think so
I don't know man
you should have done it
it felt fucking amazing
yeah
it felt so good
and it was just for me
it wasn't
it was just for me and him
just me to go
I'm not voting for you
and this is what I think
of you guys
yeah you know
I think for me it felt
it felt like the right thing
to do
well there you go
that's all you can do
it felt the right thing
at the time
and still
feels like everything and I'm still buzzing.
And I'm thinking about it now and my entire body is vibrating of how good it felt to flip off a guy with a reform poster in his hands outside the sponge kitchen.
You've got to give them the bird.
You got to give them the birds.
Yeah.
Was it a single finger or two fingers?
Yeah, it was a single finger.
It's just that, just one of those, which I think two fingers is a bit too.
It's a bit too friendly.
Bit too friendly, yeah.
It's a bit too.
Get out of here.
Very English though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just find it funny.
The two fingers.
I don't think it's much of an insult.
Yeah.
I can do it to my mates.
You did your mates?
You did your mates?
Last time you did that to your mates?
Behind our backs, he does it all the fucking time.
See that to my mates.
Yeah, man.
When I'm hanging out with all my mates.
Yeah, I'm in the park.
He's just got shot up by a bird.
That is the thing we're making.
it.
One of the biggest feelings I had with it was nostalgia because it felt like such like an old
fashion thing to happen.
This hasn't happened since last week.
This really puts me in mind of last Thursday.
I haven't had a bird shout on me since like, you know.
What do you think of the people who say, well, it's lucky.
Not on the face.
It's not lucky.
No.
It's about as unlucky as it gets.
Are you vibrating thinking about it?
Did you flip off the bird?
A bird in the bird.
It is an inherently American thing, it feels like, isn't it?
To give the middle finger.
Yeah.
I'll go one step further, and this is sort of visual only.
But I think there's that flipping off the bird,
or there's the sort of new metal thing, which is that,
where the two knuckles point forwards.
And I love that.
That feels fucking.
That's very American.
But it's very hard to let you practice it.
It's very easy to go.
And you come up like.
You just bring up a claw.
A claw.
Just bring up a claw.
And he's like,
when everyone started doing it, you'd be like, right.
But then you actually start to execute.
It's like, I've got to really practice that.
Yeah.
Because it comes up and you're like, oh.
Just.
Oh, fuck it again.
Yeah.
And just Star Trek's that guy.
Whereas that feels.
I had to wind down the window for this guy.
Oh, yeah.
Electric.
I'm not doing the, you know, the wind of things.
So already I've got one hand occupied.
I can't use that hand to force my fingers into the correct shape.
Oh, no.
Hang on a second.
Charlie, don't drive on.
I've got, I'm going to get this guy.
Hang on a sec.
Let me just get my...
He thought your Nazi sleets.
There you go, buddy.
He thought your Nazi sleets him.
He was like, great.
Have a good day.
Yes, another voter.
Brilliant.
Solidarity.
He gave me a Nazi salute and then crashed his car.
I loved it.
Do you remember?
Because for me, the first getting to know the middle finger.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Was naked gun when someone's on their driving.
driving lesson.
And the driving instructor
gets the old lady
and it's like wind down the window
put a thing, now extend the middle finger.
Very good. And like she goes
and she gives the middle finger to the truck driver.
It was naked gun I think wasn't it?
Yeah, it is. Yeah. That was my first thing.
That's me and my sister going
oh wow, that's rude. Is it what she's just there?
Yeah. That's where it came from.
Yeah. It's very exciting.
Yeah. Whereas I
like flicking the Vs in the place.
waygrained.
Oh,
to do with my
mate.
It's like we
became friends,
is it?
Clark,
he's just standing
around.
Who wants to
get my
fingers met across
a crowd of
rooms?
People always
think,
who's that
keeps his thing,
isn't it
with his friends?
He's just
flicking the
bees to his
mates.
Can anyone,
can anyone,
can anyone,
can anyone?
I can see
the guy in the anorak
flicking the viz at
everyone.
The guy in the park
of it bird shit,
just flicking
the visa up.
Can I see your baby wet wife, please?
No, not until you put down the can of special brew.
I got absolutely crushed when I first flick the Vs.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Because we were on a school trip and I was like, I'm going to try this out.
Oh, no.
I remember that that's the big.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm going to try this out.
We're on the coach.
Right, I'm flicking the Vs.
And my mates, yeah.
Clark is on board.
He gets it.
He gets it.
He gets it.
He loves him and his, mate.
Love this story, by the way.
And someone said to me, someone said, you're doing that a lot today?
Have you only just discovered it?
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
And the answer was, yeah, I had.
And he was like, yeah, everyone's been doing that for ages.
Oh, rumbled.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, it's like when I try and do six, seven with my kids.
You know, and they tell me it's so last year.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It's one of the things.
Cleo is obsessed with telling me things to so last year.
And you're like, you've been alive for six years.
You haven't had enough years to say so last year.
She's right, though, mate.
She is right.
You've been alive for six, seven years.
I remember my brother teaching me the word bastard.
Like late at night and then the next day going in school.
It's really told you about being adopted.
It's when he told you about being adopted.
wasn't it?
I'm like, what?
Trying on the Vs.
I went into school the next day and tried it out.
How did it feel in the mouth?
Oh, there was immediate repercussions.
The kid I caught a bastard.
He was like, to his mates, he was like, I hold him, keep him there.
And he went to go.
He would have got a bird.
Pin him down.
Oh, we were friends.
Getting to look up.
Held a chicken over your face.
Two eggs cracked on your forehead.
The start of a lifelong,
a lifelong love-hate relationship with having to clean up eggs.
Something, what, they held you and then got a dinner late?
Yeah, yeah.
What a she did punch with the stomach?
It was his mom.
The dillays, putting on knuckle duster.
Work the bobby.
Got one of those metal trays and just cracked it over your face.
W.W.E. style.
It's face the wall for the rest of break.
What?
Yeah.
Like the Blair Witch project.
That'd be another good one.
Bird shits on the...
Another recent film, of course.
We're getting closer.
We are getting closer.
We are getting closer.
We are almost into the noughties now.
These are all up for Oscars this year, I believe.
She had to face the wall.
Yeah.
Face the wall for the rest of the break.
And it was his word against yours anyway.
She hadn't heard it.
No.
But I think,
I mean,
I just said I had.
And after this,
you still went on to flick your vities at the mates.
Yeah,
yeah,
that was a rebel.
Is that your way of sort of going,
listen,
are you cool?
If I swear,
are you going to be cool about it
or are you going to get a dinner ready?
Yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do here?
off-lawed.
Yeah, exactly.
Bollocks was the first for us.
Oh, yeah.
Me and my sister tried out
bollocks at a basketball game.
Beth started saying it.
We knew it was rude.
Beth started saying it
and then it was like,
oh, we can start saying bollocks
a little bit of it.
What can what you're saying?
Check out the bollocks on that.
Check out the bollocks on that.
A basketballer's got big bollocks.
That broke with the Harlem Globe trotters.
He's dribbling three balls.
Check out the ball.
Pollux.
On that basketball.
Obviously, do you know, you know,
Clarkie's least favorite basketball player, Larry Byrds?
Honestly, you don't want to stand under him.
Yeah, he's slam dunks.
You don't want to be anywhere close to him.
He's dunking twice.
What did she say?
What did she say?
What was her?
She just like, oh, bollocks, they're losing.
You're right.
Like, oh yeah, pollocks.
And then was there repercussions?
Well, no, because we were there with Cool Auntie.
So it was like, that's when we could try it out.
That's when we could try it out, yeah.
And it was the same, I mean, I'm sure I've said this problem,
the same call Auntie who,
cassette, and this must, I mean, like, yeah, God, this makes,
I was quite old, but gave me a cassette tape recording
of the Port Fiction soundtrack.
With all the swearing.
It was open with a big swear.
in it.
Right at the top
because I wasn't allowed it.
So like that's cool
cool auntie for swearing basically.
Yeah.
And then and then
I also, I mean
and again in terms of transgressions
I can remember
my parents were going on a school
we were going on a day trip
with a school with a
grand, our godfather
sorry fucking out
our godfather
who was like a family friend
and he said I'll take them to McDonald's
and they said anything
but a big mac
you're not allowed to big Macs
because they're expensive.
Yeah.
Whatever.
It's got to be Riala with cheese.
That was how they,
that's how they should be out.
Yeah, it's Rial with cheese.
It's there.
Ah! Who's got the Pulp Fiction soundtrack?
It would be cool.
And then we got in and he said,
you can have what you want on the menu.
And Beth was like,
I think I want the Big Mac.
And I was like, yeah, I want the Big Macs.
And then we got in and said to Mom and Dad,
we had Big Macs.
And then got sent to our room.
So, like, we'd always transgress
and always tell.
Tell.
That was our kind of relationship.
Yeah.
I remember you and
try to tell it on yourself.
Yeah.
Very.
We're out with bed flicking the moose.
It's like we hang out.
Oh no.
It's very Christian.
Yes.
Isn't it?
It's sin.
Yeah.
Confess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, are you?
It's the thing.
Yeah.
You confess and they send you to bed.
You're like, oh.
Oh, you bastards.
Do you want to say to that?
Bullocks?
Flick the least to mum and dad.
Grounded for the rest of your life.
Are you a swear in front of your parents now?
No.
Still not.
Really?
So even if your parents come to a flat share slam down, which let's face it, they do very regularly.
I swear them.
Would you ever think, would there be a part of your brain going, oh, I won't.
I won't swear.
No.
I try not to let it affect me in that way.
it's funny how there's an automatic sliding scale that kicks in isn't there
like i now come to say i would go to like shit and not even think about it in front of
my dad but like in front of your parents yeah i'll go to shit not even thinking about in front
of my dad does it on me as well shit on ben tom
well i wouldn't use it totally like a human being i wouldn't go to fuck yeah i don't
never go to my parents how to what i have yeah
But you know, like, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you kind of, you have cutoff points like you side to scale, like, a bit like the BBC.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I still would, I still don't say shit in front of my parents.
I got in trouble with my mum recently.
No, this feels very mild, right? Yeah.
Yeah. But my brother and my dad went on a trip, uh, up to the sort of Scottish Isles to, uh, to, to, to, to just do, to, to go puff.
to go Puffin watching, right?
Oh, nice.
Lovely little trip.
What a fantastic trip.
Were you not invited?
Well, they're both into birdwatching.
They're both witches, you know, so.
Well, Clarkie's not.
The birds watch Clarkin.
Yeah, you know what?
They came back, not a speck on them.
Unbelievable.
Can't believe it.
So, anyway, they sent some pictures from the, from the ferry over there.
Yeah.
And there was a picture of my dad looking through a pair of binoculars, right?
Right.
Okay.
So straight away.
Right, straight away.
I am straight onto Insta collage.
And I'm putting it and I'm Google searching Barbara Windsor in Carry On Camping.
And I'm doing a little split image of my dad.
Because he was also going like, like lips kind of purse.
So, so.
So I got the picture.
It's a lovely bit of a bit of a bit.
And I showed it to Charlie first.
Yeah.
Right.
She's like fantastic.
And it's Barbara Windsor from the Karen Camping.
If I had got, you know, if I got, if I got, two girls one.
Two girls.
You know.
You know.
A lot of scat there.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Lucky.
Yes.
We all remember it.
Thank you.
But a recent film.
Again, I don't think of the purchase.
Did he win it in?
Another recent reference.
But anyway, yeah.
So I wasn't getting, you know, body blue or something like that.
Of course.
It was.
It was Barbara Windsor in her little strappy bra, you know.
I would have been a big.
I'd say you what.
We would have had a word with it if you lived on that.
Lovely photo of them, queuing to get in the Buff Buff Puffin Sanctuary.
I thought, oh, well, I'm going to get involved with this.
Both of them still got their wedding rings on.
It's not binoculars, it's a mask.
No, let's not go down that room.
Too sharp and horny.
And the mask will be able to.
Oh, I'm sure
sight is.
Anyway.
He's going to see the front of the queue.
What number of you got?
I'm pretty sure I'm up next.
You run the bat, mate.
But anyway, so I...
It's a lovely bit of business.
A lovely bit of business.
Since it's the family WhatsApp,
there's a notable...
You know, then you suddenly have...
Then suddenly, like, you're like,
nobody's ha-ha in this.
There's no loving...
he's ha-harring it, there's nothing at all, and then mum is typing.
Oh, no.
And then the next comment, which, by the way, I've never been so scared and so, like, and
howling with laughter at the same time, it was like pure panic.
Yeah.
Just, are you real?
Oh, wow.
Are you real?
Question mark, question mark, exclamation, mark, exclamation, mark.
Are you real?
And I said, I'm so sorry.
This was really funny.
Well, I'm pleased you're amusing yourself.
Oh, dear.
But then, then.
Come on.
DEMs.
DEMs.
You can't be DM me saying it's good stuff.
No.
Don't?
Yeah.
DEMs from the others like, you know.
The Duke.
I'm calling out Luke Crosby.
He's DMing me to say that was fantastic.
You've got to go public on that.
That was fantastic.
You've got to go on Maine for that.
Justice for Crosby.
Just across me.
Come on, man.
Get us in that group.
Absolutely.
First thing you're doing,
the bee flicker emoji.
Setting your stall out, right?
Go on.
We're all friends here.
Yeah, I couldn't.
But also, are you real?
Are you real?
So now, constantly, like,
that's now in the house.
If anyone does anything rude.
Are you real?
My kids are very sweary.
They love swearing.
I know.
They also, because,
one of the first books they really got into
and they still love is Joe Wilkinson's book.
They love Joe Wilkinson's book
because it's a comic book but it's not a comic book.
And there's a very funny chapter
where he talks about his upbringing,
how he was raised by wolves
and it's not stray wolves
Wallhapped and Wanderers.
So he's like raised by Wolfhapton Wanderers
and so they walk around the house
singing piss on the villa
we're going to piss on the villa
and they love singing it.
I love it as well.
But Sylvie Cleo, are you real?
You're on your way to nursery
And you're singing piss on the villa
Yeah
No, I love it
Are you real?
Are you real?
Terrifying to get though
To still getting
It's mad, isn't it?
To still feel like
The cavalry didn't arrive
That's awful
Yeah
Yeah
No, to be fair
No, actually to be fair
To the Duke,
he then sent a gif of Kenneth Williams
So that's fine
Yeah
That's fine
Yeah
That's all right
A ha ha on the actual picture
Is what I really needed
Yeah, of course.
But a gift, you know.
An early laughing emoji.
An early laughing emoji, yeah.
Tough stuff, man.
Tough stuff.
Oh, mate.
Couldn't handle it.
I love that.
Yeah.
Would your parents, when was the last time you got told off by your parents?
I was trying to think that.
I was trying to think last time Tom got told on.
Um, I cheated.
at a competition to recite the colours of Joseph's coat.
And you're bringing this in half an hour into the podcast?
Why are you not?
This is an opening.
This is an opening salve.
If ever I heard one.
Are you real?
It was, yeah, it was last summer.
And I thought it'd be very funny.
I'd challenged, I'd called him out.
Stan had gone to see Joseph and my nephew's big into it.
And I was like, I called him out and said, right, two months.
time,
Woolacum,
me and you
will have a colour off.
Because I know of all
and I've never forgotten them.
Yeah.
Of course.
No one knows them all.
I bet you every production
you go and see
of Joseph Hidd has been
and technical dream
but they're seeing a different one
each time.
Yeah,
because you can get into it.
You get then red,
yellow, green,
brown,
scarlet black,
ocher, peach.
Asher,
you've got to get that one.
Olive.
Yeah,
and then you start to get it
and then you realize
you're in,
okay,
you run out of steam.
So I thought it'd be very fun
then.
I've picked it up
all week like this
competition.
And so rather than learning,
I kind of,
I just thought
to be funny.
So I wrote,
I wrote them all down each arm.
So I bought a long sleeve jumper.
And then when it got to like,
there was a big audience on the last night.
And I was like,
right,
Stan, let's go.
And Stan did it.
And then I got up and did it.
And then pulled my sleeve down.
It just started reading my arm and performing like that.
Oh, but that's a bit.
That's a lovely.
It was a bit.
It was a bit.
And my mom did not enjoy it as a bit.
And told me,
for cheating and
don't stand cheating
and cheaters
and prosper and stuff
so it was a bit of a telling off
for what I thought
was a lovely bit of business
yeah because you're still letting him win
like no one's going
oh actually sorry Stan
Tom did actually get one of them
Tom got all of them
yeah yes he was reading
but there's nothing in the rules
so you can't read him off your arms
yeah
so that's the close I've come to like
a proper telling off
I think
I think that's about it
recently
but then crucially I live away
from home.
Yeah.
Which covers a multitude of sins.
Totally.
Yeah.
Like the thing
with my family and like
my parents and me is that I'm the golden
boy now.
You are?
Yeah.
Are you real?
The V-flicker.
Do they know about
they know you're still flicking
the V-timore-mates?
I don't tell them that.
I've got a really good
V-off switch, you know, when you're
around, when you're around,
a lot of people.
So you're the golden boy now.
Yeah.
How do that happen?
I don't know.
So I'm just a bit nicer to it with the other kid.
Well, you're always calling them up asking to borrow for money and stuff, aren't you?
Constantly call you've got it because you want to do three phone calls to everyone.
Sorry, I'm the gold digging.
The gold digging charge, yeah.
You've got to do at least three phone calls to every one you ask for money.
So you're calling every day.
Just a chat this one actually, just a chat.
And also the thing you forget about Ben's mom and dad is that they are.
Absolutely love bird chip.
I love what you've done with your face.
That's gorgeous.
That's gorgeous.
Oh, dear.
The thing is, right, when I asked people for wet wipes,
the reaction I got, I thought they were going to find it funny.
I was like, oh, that's shit on my face.
Both times I asked.
Did you say shit on my face, by the way?
in front of the kids
no
I'm sure I didn't
poop
what did you say
I'm a butt
but
a bird pee on my head
yeah
absolute disgust
like
like I'd
chosen it to happen
they look to be like
why have you done that
you dirty bastard
you are a strange
man in a park
approaching a family
with young kids
baby in a pram
yeah that's worse
I'm just a strange old man
with a beard
his shit on his face looking into a pram what's wrong with that asking you to love me
you had me a bird shit well there we go there we go there we are here we are and there we go
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Today's episode was produced by Olivia Swash.
Hello.
Cheers everyone.
Bye.
Yeah.
