Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1621: Ayoade Bamgboye "Do hedgehogs shower?"

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

SNL’s breakout star Ayoade Bamgboye joins us to talk foot maintenance, Bear Grylls filters and the hygiene habits of woodland creatures. Ayoade Bamgboye on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ayoadebam/ Ayoade Bamgboye on TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/discover/ayoadebamgboye Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy and https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - patreon.com/pappysflatshare Tickets to all our live shows - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Connor Hayles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Greetings, listeners, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I am Matthew, and why have we taken such a... Is it Dulcet? Is that what we're going for, Dulcet tones? Yeah. I don't mind that. Yeah. Yes. Welcome to a very special late-night episode.

Happy Splatchett. That's right, and it's a lovely guest episode. We had the wonderful I-I-Wardi Ban Bay on our episode, and it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. And I don't think it's turning tales outside of school to say, this one took us by surprise. in that Iowardy went to the wrong place. Yes. We realised that she was going to be over an hour late,

so we said, don't worry. And then we started recording another episode. The doorbell goes, guess who it is? Well, you don't need to guess. You're about to see it was Iowardy. So, yeah, it was a surprise. Yes. A welcome surprise.

A very welcome surprise. A meeting relaxed by talking about her feet. So do enjoy that. And if you enjoy this, which, of course, you should, then get along to patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share to chuck us a few coins and keep things going.

Absolutely. You keep the lights on our Pappy's Towers. You get a bonus podcast every week. You get early on ad free episodes. You also get that warm. Woo, woo, woo. Go on. I like, we're always trying to mix it up here.

Go on. Do you get that warm? I like it. Go on. Back yourself. I was going to say, was he? I was going to say was he. And then I tried to correct

Fuzzy I'm not going to lie to you This is our sick episode We've done today And Tom's buffering Oh, wow Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa I couldn't get out of it

The warm fuzzy feeling You support your boys In their journey As they podcast To do it Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Gray! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, la la la. That was the equivalent. You're like when you're leaning back on your chair and you're not quite falling over, but you are, but it was like the vocal. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

The braid equivalent. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Right, okay. Well, anyway, enjoy this. Whilst I have a brief lie down. Your nails are in good, Nick. Yeah, they are, aren't they? Yeah.

Very nice. Really good Nick. That's what happens when you've got time. But also a full stop, like your toenails are. Yeah, yeah. there's like uniformity there and... I don't fuck about with the toes.

It's great. I don't fuck about. Blunt, that's like you've, have you never kicked a ball in your life? I have, I used to, I've played a couple five years. Did you? Yeah, yeah. So what, how?

I scrubbed them with an acid almost every other day. Use an acid on your feet? Oh yeah. I think we started the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you comfortable talking about your feet on the podcast? Very comfortable, but it's not about me. It's not about me today.

it's about you guys no but my toenails are we've discussed your no no no no no can I can I well let me see it this is going to be this is going on a really awful I mean it's

bad stuff look at that what's going on there what would your what would your toe person do with these toes what would your nail your nail clinic do with these toes I just can't believe how a The specs have come off, Parry.

What happened? Parry, put those dogs away. Please, please put those trotters away. What happened? I know, it's bad, isn't it? That's trauma, that is. Yeah, it makes me shivering, man. Trauma nail or some stuff.

Did you see, what? Is this football? Is that football? Well, I've played a lot of football and stuff, but like, not recently. And also, let me tell you something, the fact that there are no socks, you are not wearing socks with your air maxes? Oh, no, no, no, don't wear the socks kind of. He popped it.

He popped a sock off. Okay, I forgot that actually just that literally went. Yeah. So should they are? Do you think I set your brain? Could acid save me or is it too late? You know what? I think you need a targeted regimen with a podiatrist.

Yeah. You need to see a doctor who will begin to just treat. That needs, that your leg, it needs treatment. Can I also say on the podcast now, I am going to clean this tabletop. So if anyone sees you. this if my partner sees these this I have cleaned this area

so if anyone sees it specifically if Megan sees it if Megan sees this you've this has been clean this area has been treated okay fine if you if you want to go onto the Patreon

by the way you can see Clarkie treating the table that's a bonus episode treating the table in a way Tom never could with acid yeah if I treated he's taking it down the tip so you've got a tonal regime yeah just with just feet generally

I just like, I have a glass footfile that I used to sort of buff off the dead skin cells I'll go and get. How much is a, how much is a glass? Glass foot file, quite cheap actually. I got it for about 20 pounds. Did you know Tom's a foot file?

That's why I keep to be in your face. Why have you got a thing with feet? No. Well, not everybody's feet. I'm just deeply impressed. But also it's like I, I, I, I just think that because I wear a lot of like sandals and heels and stuff like that

it's just prudent. Your feet aren't out. If your feet were out, then the prudent thing to do would be to sort them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't,

you don't need to. I don't put them on display. Is there a, is there a, a benefit to having hard skin on your feet? Is it there for a reason? Is that a good thing? But it's,

I think it must be, because I also, you know, did you, do you remember the little foot shoes I've got? I used to wear around. I have these, they're called Vibram Five Fingers.

Like the mountain climbering shoes. Yes. So I've got those. So I'm trying to figure out a way to just be closer to the ground. And I think calluses typically would be, they would represent some kind of groundedness, I think. You would think so, wouldn't you? Yes.

But I think it's to the point where you no longer have sensation. You need to go and see someone. Yeah. But let me see your hands. Oh, wow. A very uncalist. These are beautiful. He's not worked a day.

He's not worked a day in his life. Not yet. Have you inherited? Cleaning the table will be the first bit of work he does. So you've inherited? No, no. There is no reason why it, how old are you? 45.

45 to have hands that I wish you guys could feel baby soft. Very, very soft hands. That is beautiful. Thank you. By the way, again, if you're on the top tier of the Patreon, Clarkie will come around and hold your hand. Oh yeah. No, no, that should be a service you offer.

You have got soft hands, actually. Yeah, I do. I've always... Very soft hands. You are not a threat. They'll get calluses and then they'll go almost instantly. Oh, you're not a threat to anyone. No.

Hands like that? No, no, no. Same pair of hands. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's cushioned. Cushand. Yeah.

It's relaxing to have me fight you. The way you did this, the weakness. in your, oh, that's, that is not right. You know, we don't, yeah, we have no men anymore. Can I just say, we scrutinize you, we scrutinize us, absolutely fair. That's tip for tat. 100%. This is so interesting because I'm like, I'm here today, you know, against all odds.

Yes, that's true. You've had quite the journey. Surrounded by. The softest men. The softest men, no to mind. Actually, TPs have got, you got a little bit. I think there's, when you're, when you're, when you're, Cross.

When he's cross, he's like this. Oh, we know. Yeah, we know. We've done entire podcast records where he's just sat there doing that. We've seen the veil. Yeah. Which is quite scary. Yeah.

Yeah. There's something about that sort of fixed rage. Yeah. Yeah. It feels. Yeah. It feels barely corked, doesn't it? Like you think if I just, it could go at any time.

It could go at any time. Yeah. Yes. We're on the same page. Which is famously my favorite kind of person. Yeah. Do you have anything to say for yourself? Well, I mean, I've got terrible hands, I'd say.

No. They're in a bad way. You look more work. You look a lot more work than like the way. They are terrible. They are terrible. They're bad way. What's happened?

Oh, it's all over the shop. What's happened here? This happens all the time. What is that? It's just like my skin cracks with rage. Basically I. you did this. He had baby smooth hands before S&R.

And then it just all went downhill. The stress all just manifest itself. Yeah, very, very, yeah. It's bad stuff. Just maybe figure out how to slough that off. I'm trying to get into a hand cream regime, but it's not for me. What do you mean it's not for you?

I don't do well with like, ointments and creams and you think you're currently doing well without ointments. But when I get prescribed, like I get prescribed creams and I give it about two days and then bid him off. and then just continue to have bad skin. Yeah, that's tough.

I guess I find that quite irritating. So does my skin. Yeah. Yeah. Because if this is something that the doctors are trying to address. My brother works for Nivia. I have access to a lot of free hand creams. You keep sending me ones with urea in.

The urea ones are, urea is a magic ingredient. Here you go. I've got urea. I've got urea on right fucking now. Yeah. You've got access to. to free urea and you don't use it, you're stupid. We've all got access to free urea.

I'm having so much fun. This is my favorite podcast we ever done. Happy to sit back and just watch the two of you bicker. That's fine by me. Yeah, I've got it in my bag right now. I've got urea coming out at my wazoo. Isn't that where it comes out of in the first place? I'd be surprised.

Wait, is urea like in urine? Yeah, that's what I was... I don't think it's in urine. U-R-E-A, I don't think it is... Yeah, it sounds like it's in urine. I don't think it is... in it. What's your role, darling? This is our producer.

Hello. Can you check what your ear's from? Yeah. It's your ear in because can you just, yeah, not in your ear. That's the problem, isn't it? I've been pouring this in my ear the entire time. Because the Romans used to wash their clothes in your urine. In you. Yeah. Who did? The Romans. Yeah. Oh, God.

Right. So there's a reptile fell for a reason. Jesus Christ. So maybe there's something in that. So they stank of piss. Yeah. Yeah. The olden days did fucking stink, didn't they basically? Yeah.

That's the thing you have to factor in. That's true. That's true. Everything stank. Like if you go to the Yorvik Viking Center, which you should. Oh, fucking. It's, the first thing they're doing is like pumping smells into it. This is what it smelled like back in the middle ages.

And particularly like, yeah, like in Britain, there was lots of just chucking, chucking stuff out of windows. Just as a disgusting. And that's just disposal. Yeah. That's disposal. It's like, it's not in my house. Fine. the street sort it out.

Yeah. Let it just run down the gutters. Yeah, gross. That's your ancestors, aren't they? Yeah. And I live in a cul-de-sac, so that's problematic. You can't, could not work at all. You didn't tell me you live in.

I didn't know you lived in a cul-de-sac. Well, I don't like to brag. I was also raised in a cul-de-sac. I'm a cordis-sac-lad. I love your accent. I'm bloody-love a cul-de-sac. Rised in a cul-de-sac. Was that part of the charm of when

when you were moving, were you like, great. Yeah. I was looking for a cul-de-sac. They're fucking cracking. They are good, col-de-sats. They feel a bit more community. Exactly. Eurea is one of the principal products.

Yeah. It's piss, mate. You're putting piss on your hands. It's urine. And I don't get, I'm not sorry about it. Yeah. Good. Yeah.

It's probably gone through some kind of centrifugal force. Yeah? And it doesn't stink at all. No. And I have the skin to prove it. Yeah, you know what? Piss works. And I think there's piss on everything, isn't there really?

No, don't say it. There is. You're in South London. There is. You're about to be put on a time out. There's a piss on everything. There is piss on everything, isn't there? There's piss on everything.

What the fuck have you got me into it? What do you have children? I love that you and I have. Back to Tom as well. To get them to the boys. Yeah, because he's, this is his doing. We got in there. We had our connection.

So how do you guys know each other? Great question. We do a podcast together. We met ten minutes ago. It's going really well. Feels like it. We started by pissing on each other and then. Yeah, yeah.

To move away from Euree briefly. Yep. You said earlier about tap water, right? We offered you a water and you said you shouldn't be drinking that stuff. Yep. What's your, what's your issue with tap water? I just, and I feel like I have already been on record saying this, but you don't know what is going on with the British waterways.

It is very scary how the complete lack of oversight and the regulatory mayhem that's going on with the waterways. There's sewage in there. There is sewage. Hey. You shouldn't. There's sewage on everything. That cannot be your, you said it same about urine.

This cannot be your eyes. not be your argument. It's my, it's my counter argument to everything. The world is covered in piss and shit. We just have to exist in it. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. No. You're going to trust these people. If you watch a parliamentary debate, I watched a parliamentary debate on the waterways.

And I was like, you're going to trust these thickos. This is a compelling argument, actually. But water is treated before it comes through the taps, though, isn't it? It's treated, but it's treated with all. It's not treated with something that I want to be drinking. You're ready.

Yes. I put my hands up. I'll say, look, I have, I've drunk tap water before and I did not die. Yeah. Famously. I also just don't really like the taste. Really?

I prefer the taste of tap water to the taste of bottled water. Does that make me some kind of perfect now? It makes you a fucking freeze. I think it's just got a bit more to it, you know? That's got to be a bit. I come down on the other side and go, doesn't it all not much taste of anything?

Yeah. I mean, you don't taste the water, you taste the impurities, I think. So yeah, have chat war, it's got a bit of argy-bargy to it.

It's got something going on. Don't like that. It's a bit of a cheese. Don't like that. What does that mean? Bit of a reservoir. Reservoir? Yeah,

a bit of reservoir in it. What's a bit of reservoir in it? The way you have given me, you've given me about five minutes worth of material. I met a man who, who, who, who proclaimed that he prefers the taste of tap water to bottled water. I feel like, I feel like drop kicking you. Very aggressive tone, Iwardi. Come on, man. I was like, what are you going to say about black women? Yeah, yeah.

Did you hear that guy? He just called me a black bitch. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Put it out there. Put it out there. Christ, it's going to be a short episode

this one. I've just stuck a bare grills filter under my sink. What? Bear grills is selling water filters. Oh, come off here. And you clip them in and out and they take out everything.

And so I did it literally two nights ago. Flooded baggage. I'm always furious with me. And it forces you to drink your own piss, doesn't it? It's always bears system. So proud of myself. Pride coming before the fall.

So what inspired you? what sponsored content inspired you to buy a bare grills filter. Yes. It's bare grills saying, I'll clean your water for you and you believe the guy,

don't you? You believe the guy. Not a bad guy who's famous for drinking his own piss. So he knows. He baptised Russell Brand in the Thames. Yeah. He's Chief Scout.

Yeah. Come on. He's chief knobbed. Literally. Put that on his tombstone. He's, sells these filters and you plug them in bish bash bosh yeah flood your kitchen

went to bed and I was like I've done that worker in the morning there's a huge function I had to tighten the screw oh that's key that actually hands is dry as yours you can't even do a bit DIY oh what the hell his hands are that dry because he hasn't drunk water in five

years because why is my fucking floor yeah so you're showing up here today you're showing up here with a plastic bottle of water, what about the microplastics that are going to go straight to your testicles? What? They end up in your bollocks, don't they?

But they are. And isn't it great that I don't actually have bollocks? But not anymore. After more. Come on. I'm hacked off. I also read that microplastics might be not really something to worry about.

Yeah, I've... I've... You can able to think these things... Are they saying that it's nothing to worry about because they're just everywhere. It could well be that. It's very difficult to know what to believe. Yeah.

I think, I guess maybe it's just the general, my general consensus is that you just do what you feel is right. I like that. And you just do, you live according to your tastes. Yeah. And your taste is ranked up water.

What are you, what are you washing your hands in? What are you washing your face in? What are you showering in? So I'm, I'm washing, I'm doing all of that in shower water, which is essentially,

essentially poo water. But I'm using a lot of like products to counter that. So like when I wash my hair, I use a keylating shampoo. What does that do? So the keylating shampoo is going to soften the water. Yes. So that is just going to do my thing.

Yeah. And then I normally take every, do you know, do you guys know everything showers? No. You don't know. What's in everything shower? And everything shower is when you are in there scrubbing like your life depends on.

So you shower everything. Everything. but then the products are almost everything as well. So I use a glycolic acid. I'm using a, like a lot of urea based products as well. But I'm scrubbing, I scrubbing, I scrubbing, I'm scrubbing, glass foot file comes out, fucking oils come out, everything is out. How long are you in the shower for?

Oh, about 47 minutes. No. No. You're not in a podcast. You share it for 47 minutes. And what are you, you got to, if you got a brush, have you like brush it, you got those hard, hard, every day, you know, those. You know the, not the hard brush.

I use the like dry brush. You dry brush first. Dry brush, yeah, yeah. Then when you're not getting, get all the dead skin up. You're brushing pre-shower. Of course. You buff, you buff the skin.

You've never seen that. The dry brushing before then. What? I'm so panicked. What's happening here? Yeah, yeah, dry brush it before. Isn't your body, though, supposed to have like natural oils

that are good for you and you shouldn't over? We shouldn't be showering. No, hold on. I feel like we've been. Surely there's going to be a happy medium between the two of you. Like to hedgehog shower? No, that's a weird example.

They famously have flees. I don't know why I reach for that. Let's pause. Let's pause. Let's pause. I think we could stop. Do hedgehogs. Shower.

Fuck. Well, we've got the title of the episode, for starters. And actually, I think Tom, that could be your new book. You know, it's always like, look to the caveman, paleo diet. Look to the hedgehog for your. hygiene. I think me and you need to start a podcast

together basically as two ends with the hygiene to be true. I would never ever do something so silly.

I O'RD is getting that hedgehog and scrubbing it into the fucking needles. We're not built to show 47 minutes.

Okay, I exaggerate 30, half an hour. I shower, I don't think I shower for, I go for less than the length

of a song. Like three minute. Two minutes. Tops. Two minutes showers. Two minutes showers. Two minutes showers. I'm in.

I wee. I clean my teeth. I'm out. Weeing as part of the process. Well, that's very I-O-R-D. Your rears. Yeah.

To be fair. Rub it all over your legs. Yeah, yeah. And in fact, your feet would be gaudy. Well, no, currently as well, my bath. Oh, God, this all sounds very bleak from my ass.

The plugs blocked. Oh, Tom. So when I do we in the shower, it just sits around my feet for a minute. Oh, my turn-in-s-same. So actually, my toenails, are getting a good amount of your ear in that way. It all sounds bleak but it isn't bleak.

It's just a bit chaotic. It's a very joyful house. It's just very chaotic. There's like beauty in the chaos, I guess. But I just don't really... So how long are you guys shower for? I have a long shower. I mean, yeah, 10 minutes maybe.

10 minutes maybe, yeah. Mick out of my half hour shower shower. Oh, half hour shower. That's standard, right? A 10 minute shower is a standard, right? But do you use this sponge? No. Nature sponge, the hand?

The callous hand. He's buffing. His hand has got all the dead skin from the rest of his body. He's taking more layers of skin off than anyone alive. He gets out the shower and his wife goes, why are you wearing white gloves? Just dead skin, yeah, yeah. The human loafers. You come out and go like Mickey Mouse.

It's enormous. He basically peels his mother. Oh, TP, you've got to want more for yourself. You've got to want more for yourself. You're going to want more for yourself. You're rubber around. Give yourself a rubber round with a bit of soap. Clear your teeth, have a wee.

And you're out. You're right? I clearly my teeth as part of the showers. That's okay, isn't it? I don't dislike that bit. I think that's fine. That's fine. Why not just do it over the sink like a normal person?

Why do it over the sink? You're literally in a place where there's shit loads of water coming at your face. Great. You want it to be, you want the fluoride to be around your mouth for a long period of time. Well, the fluorides in the tap water. that you love so much? I know. You're addicted to fluoride.

I love a bit of fluoride, me. Yeah, but everyone loves fluoride. Everyone loves fluoride, right? Yeah. Fluoride's not getting a bad route. It's delicious. I think fluoride's good for you though. It is good for you.

It is certain amounts. I don't think so. Certain amounts is very, like I don't think it is good for you. I don't swallow my toothpaste, but... You swallow a bit of your toothpaste, right? But there's fluoride in the water because it is good for you. What is going on here? Because it tastes nice.

Why have they made it minty? Fluoride is a mintyma. You don't swallow a bit of your toothbrush. You're a minger. You're an absolute minger. And I don't say that lightly. Has this jeopardised our friendship? In every way.

In every way possible. We've watched a friendship die in real time. You came in with so much admiration. You know, you were talking about the pet. Honestly. Of course, we all love this man. That's it. And it's gone.

It's all now. It's gone. Whistle burn the wind. I used to take your word seriously. I take his words and go on live television. Yeah. With these messages ringing in my ear. But crucially,

that message was never about hygiene. It was never about beauty. One of Tom's pep talks before you'd send you out on SNL, you was like, don't worry, they can't smell you. They can see you, they can hear you,

but they cannot spell you. So stink as much as you like. Just get out there, guys. Have fun to remember. Headdogs can't shout. You absolute beast. Ew. We are beasts.

Yuck. We are beasts. That's the point. We're creatures. We're creatures. We're supposed to be fucking rummaging around the fucking bushes and in the hedges. We're not apart from that. We put ourselves away.

Let's finish. We put ourselves away from the natural world. We are of the natural world. We should fucking stink and be fucking covered in grot. That's where we are. That's where we were from. Fucking make your tube of toothbrush and have a fucking good Saturday nights. It's like we're divorcing ourselves from the fucking earth.

That's what we're of. Are you done? Yes. You done? He's done all right. Yeah, yeah. You got really carried away there. I enjoyed that.

Fucking party manifesto. Yeah, right around in a moat. He almost convinced me to be honest. I saw your eyes lying up. Clark and I were very close to taking our tops off and rolling around in the dirt. Yeah, there we go. I think, you know, you are right.

There's some of it. We should be returning to nature in a way. Do you not think so? Do you not think? Yeah, in some aspects, yeah. I think you should put your feet on the ground. You should put your feet in grass. But then go home and cover the grass.

Tom should put his feet in very thick shoes. Yes. Not thick shoes Not thick shoes The grass The grass Like there's a reason We're wearing

You're wearing feet Shoes What? Feet shoes Yeah I've got feet shoes The little She's got feet shoes

Yeah And they're weird Right They're comfy But when you see them They're weird They're shoes with toes Yeah

They're very weird It throws you Yeah Like it's weird Yeah They're shoes with toes You're not getting in A pair of those

Oh yeah Yeah Yeah I tried to I got into Like back in the day I got into Barefoot running

Yes. I remember that. What's that about? Are you wearing the barefoot shoes, though? So the best long-distance runners on the planet still come from South American tribes who run barefoot. And they run for, you know, days, months, ultramarathons. And they always run barefoot.

And the theory is that the history of injuries and running injuries stems from the fact that nobody runs barefoot anymore. So I was training for a run and was injured And then I read this book And they were saying like one of the best things you can do Recover from Injuries Just run barefoot So we were in South Wales on tour

And I hit the streets running barefoot It's fucking wrecked Yeah It shouldn't also be pavements as well Because I saw Eddie Isard she did all those marathons She did like 100 marathes or something like that And I saw her running through

Soho Barefoot and I was like Soho No. This is the countryside at best, right? Soho. Soho Farmhouse. Do a couple of circuits to Soho Farmhouse, sure. And then go and have a pedicure afterwards. But not so...

But she wasn't running so... You saw her with your own two eyes. I saw her with her own two eyes. I was having a pint. And she ran past the pub, barefoot through Soho. Broken glass, hypodermic needles. All manner of... Headhog.

Headhog. Headhog. Yeah. I think that's it. I feel pain just thinking about that. Yeah, yeah. But that's where those shoe feet things that you've got. That's where they come from.

That's where they stem from that kind of movement of get as close to running barefoot as possible. Because those Vivo barefoot shoes, that they're a bit wide at the foot. That's what you're supposed, your feet are not supposed to be. They're supposed to be webbed like a ducks. Yes. Yeah. Essentially. Yeah.

Yeah. We're beast, man. I think though, I genuinely think there's, no, but do you not think Tom could be the beast man on TikTok and become like, The next liver king And it turns out actually What he's doing He's taking a lot of supplements But he's

He's playing He's living in a box old He's sponsored by Nivia Exactly It's big Nivia At the end of the day It'll comes back to you Rhea His brother's palming him off

Yeah It's big Nivius You're basically You're staying in the hotel DeVan round the corner But every morning You get up at 5am To crawl out of a hole

But he's Like that Wimbeast Wimbeast Whimbeast We were The problem is though You know

because obviously the great thing about any TikTokers they wander through the streets and they get recognised, right? Yeah. But you can't wander through the streets. You've got to be... Yeah, exactly. You've got to be in a bush.

You've always got to be in a bush. You've always got to be in a bush wearing a loincloth. And then I think it's less like than they're going to go, oh, I love you on TikTok, more I'm calling the police. That's my bush, mate. You wouldn't. I don't think you'd last a day. Wow. That's fair.

I don't think you'd last a day. I'll tell you what, I was very proud of myself on Saturday night. Oh, yeah. we've been gifted a tent from my sister they haven't used in about three years so you kind of go that's going to be a bit molder so I got it out for the back garden so then it was my first of my daughter

has put a tent up with me and I was like we can sleep in the tent lovely so very excited very excited so we're sleeping in a tent in the back garden where do you hate the world you know what I'm actually a big lover of the world I really am but it's just my world

I'm not a lover of unnecessary friction Yeah, so I understand that. So we're sleeping outside in the tent. We're using the airbed, this huge air bed that we've got, that a year ago, when Matthew and his lovely family stayed in my house burst halfway through the night. Oh, God. And his poor children. Just sunk to the floor.

Well, they would sleep on either side. They were thrown together. They were basically, I woke up to the sound of them of like clonk. Ah! Because they had both hit each other. The air bed had folded. They folded into it. And they woke up inside a baritit.

So it's screaming. It's one o'clock in the morning. There screams. Yeah. So I had to run and get the air pump and some gaffer tape. I gaffer taped it back together and we blew it back up and it survived the night. Wow. And then I put it away and was like, well, I fixed that.

No. So we put up the airbeds in the back of my brain. It was like, how fixed is this? We'll probably be okay. Now, as you know from experience of camping and festivals for years, if you've got a bit of jeopardy around your airbed, Yeah. That's it.

You're going to get found out. Oh, shit. So we both went to sleep. It was like, it was idyllics. We were in the tent and we're asleep and we hear the, we were hearing all the birds singing as we're getting to sleep and stuff. And then I wake up at midnight and the air bed has completely gone down on my side. Yes. You'll keep it to her up.

So then she's like the end of Titanic. So that's what it was. So it's basically, I'm on the ground. And then her body's rolled against mine. And behind there is a big ballooned bit of air. And it's like, so I'm trying to eke her back up into the air to keep her asleep. Because it's like if she wakes up, shit's going to hit the fan. And it's like what we're going to do then.

And so like I'm trying to keep her asleep. So that was half past 12. Between half past 12 and 6 o'clock in the morning where I kept her asleep. I had about 45 minutes sleep. Oh, Tom. It was like the end of Titanic. That's a beautiful story. Keeping her afloat.

You're a good father. And I managed to get like... You're back on. It's genuine like four to five minutes of sleep. But like miraculously, she slept through and woke up and was like, oh, that was amazing. Dad, I think the airbed's got down a bit. And I was like, yes. I went to try and get up and like my shoulder here is seized up.

Oh, no. But crucially, she did not wake. And it was like this kind of, that was my challenge for the night. But I literally watched it become light through the tent. You know those mugs where they do like world's best dad, number one dad, you need a mug like that. Yeah. For all that. I need a massage.

For all that work you did. Yeah. For all that work you did. Oh, it was all but so uncomfortable. That's, that is, you're paying the price. Future you present you pays the price for past use and discretion. Yes, exactly. Well, here we go.

And when you had that thought of how fixed is this? When you know. You should have, you should have, you should have, that's a rookie error from you. When you know, you know. Yeah. I tell you what, that was a short live. compliment. You started off

saying start off with the mugs about greatest of dad but actually now I think about it you're a cunt again greatest

ever dad stupidest ever person yes it's a double-sided mug the greatest ever dad can still be a thick oh

that's it and should be really yeah yeah because the second you think hang on a sec the indoors is there the night

exactly there's no magic pick her up she wouldn't have to wake up I put her in her bed she wakes in her bed which is very common

for a little kid Going to sleep in one place, wake up in their bed. You want to wake up in the tent, don't you? You do, Tom. You want to wake up in a cent. That's a sacrifice. Got to wake up in the tent, man. But you are right, the greatest ever dad would have gone.

That airbed is faulty. I'm going to buy a new one. Yeah. A year ago. And not put it back into storage, damaged. That's what the greatest dad in the world does, actually. We were talking about this before we recorded this, but I'm not going to come and stay with you.

This summer. the shower was enough but the fact that you haven't replaced the airbus from last August I'm not coming We've got a trip booked in The flooded kitchen Do they do anything for you?

It's not right This episode is brought to you by Airbnb Yeah You must come and stay I will not be doing that Absolutely not Yeah Absolutely not

If you saw out of the shower Sure That's fair Absolutely not That's fair Thanks, Ili, for coming on the podcast. Thank you guys for having me. What a tree.

What a tree. What a tree. What a tree. What a tree. What a tree having you on. Where can people find you if they'd like to find you? That's a good question. Where can they find me?

They can find me at Soho Theatre for the next few days until the 24th of June. I'm going to be in Edinburgh. I'm going to be doing a work in progress show. Oh, fantastic. Yeah, called Small Talk. I'm going to be doing that from the 15th of August up to the two. 20, I think the 15th to like the 24th or something. And then I'm doing swings and roundabouts my show for the last three.

Your award winning show. My award winning show for the last three, three shows ever. Retiring it? Retiring it. Are you filming it? No. No, no. No.

I sculpture. If you don't catch it, gone. It's gone. Love it. Yeah. And that will be it. And then, yeah. Back on the telly.

Oh, yeah. The telly. Oh, the TV. There's always the telly. There's always the tele. It's been an absolute pleasure having you. Thank you. Oh, God, that was good.

Work the journey. Worth the journey. Worth the journey. Oh, there it was. What a guest. What a guest. One in a million, I'm a boy, eh? Go and see her.

She's got a work in progress up at the fringe. She's doing the last few shows of her award-winning newcomer show. Go and check her out live. She's something else. Yeah. It's always nice when a guest really holds us to account.

Yeah. Well, especially Tom. Bracing. It was a bracing experience for all of that. I kept my head down, as per. Support us on the socials. We're on Instagram. We're on TikTok.

We're on YouTube. Like, subscribe. Do all those things. Enjoy yourself. Today's episode is produced by producer Connor. Hey! Cheers everyone. Bye!

Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa.