Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1622: A brush with death!

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

What’s the coolest “glasses wearer move”? Are we living in the shadow of Top Gear? Who’s headlining the actors-only music festival? Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Connor Hayles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. This spring, Denham gets a softer, lighter, update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg that feels modern, not overwhelming. Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment. Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of

Pappy's Flatshare. It is exciting because this week Tom, Ben and Matthew sit down, hold microphones

and chat away baby! Absolutely right. If you're not familiar with what a podcast is, that's what it is. It's three white

guys talking into microphones but crucially, we're sat down. Almost no effort made on our part. We're sat down, we're chatting into microphones. Yes,

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Other than that, please enjoy this episode. So I was recently hospitalised. No. Yeah. I love it when you sit on stuff like this. Well, it's all this end of the hospital. I love when you sit on this light bulb. So DIY was it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been sitting on this. He really has. We have a strange relationship. And I have this with a few people now. Yeah. Where things all happen to me. Yeah.

And I don't tell them because I think, well, I can tell them when I've got a microphone. Yeah. Yeah. This is the sum of our friendship now. We only talk to each other on mic. Before this recording. How are you, by the way? Yeah.

No, no, don't ask that. It's not how do you cope with John Robbins. This is, this is. Oh, he's taking his glasses on. He's putting his glasses back on. So, Tom, let's not forget, Tom. This is still an audio medium. If you're going to do an impersonation, you've got to do a good bit of business, though.

It's a lovely bit of business. I didn't see it, sadly. I'll give you a pair of glasses. You can really do it. As Pacino said to Chris O'Donnell, I didn't see it, son. Tom's taking his glasses off. He's nodding. He's putting his glasses back on.

I love glasses. I'd love glasses. I'd love glasses. Nature's prop. Yeah. You've got so much wheelery. Naturally, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Like, I want to, I want them, I don't need them. Like, you know,

but then you can't be going around in clear-framed glasses. What would your top glasses move be? Because I think one way, you stick your hand your ear and wiggle it when someone says something suggestive. Or when a busty lady walks into the room. Okay.

Okay. There's a good reason. That's why I'm not allowed glasses. I do need them. I went with the opticians. It was the first thing. I did and they said we're going to have to take those off you, I'm a friend. Oh, well, thank you, Matron.

What year is this, Tom? Up here? Yeah. 78. Which is weird, so I wasn't born there. You weren't around in 78. Yeah. You're an old soul.

A man born out of time, politically. Morally. Morally. And in terms of... And comedy. And your general, but yeah, comedy as well, crucially. Crucially. Yeah, but like, that, that, take them off.

I like the take off and holding the bridge of your nose. That's good. Well, when I'm saying something. Yeah, yeah, that's it. You're wobbling your glasses. I'm taking mine off and holding the bridge of my nose. What about the, what about putting one arm to the mouth? Just to, I'm really thinking.

I'm going to cue the end of my glasses. That's how much I'm thinking. Or I don't, people who wear glasses that I don't like it when they take them off. you do look odd don't you you look I feel like you're angry at me every time I'll take you glass off

because I look a lot more stirred make me to my glasses off but the thing is that if I was angry at you I took my glass off I had no idea where you were you got a great chance to escape you could stack a load of cushions up there

and I'd be ticking you off like Mr Magoo anyway listen I was in hospital oh yes of course let's talk about it so I woke up on Saturday morning, 5 a.m.

Right. It's an excruciating pain. Oh, no. Yeah, excruciating pain. He looks so happy about this. It's because I thought I've got to really tell on the podcast. It didn't even matter. Whatever the outcome.

Don't tell the boys, but I've got something going on. Don't tell my emergency contacts. Speaking of emergency contacts. Was it return of the anal Charlie Horse? No, it wasn't the return of the anal Charlie Horse. Thank you for bringing that. It's been a while. Yeah.

It's been a while since we mentioned it. Not asthma. You used to have to sit on a tennis ball, do you remember? I do. Well, I was told to sit on a tennis ball. I did, and it did absolutely nothing, except to send me straight back to A&E. It was like a space hopper for you, though, wasn't it?

You got around on it for a while. Off to work on the tennis ball. Absolutely. Tennis ball and two match sticks, and off I go. Ball bearing you. You have to scale down. Ball bearing for you. That's right.

Honestly, though. honestly, if I was feeling too relaxed, that's the last you see that ball bearing. Away he goes. I would just, I would walk into a room and I'd be rattling like a pinball machine. People would be wiggling their glasses.

Lethal if you farted. Yeah. I'd be like a gatling gun. So wasn't the anal Charlie Horse. Do you think there's, because there was an act, you know, a turn back in the day, Mr. Methane, who would, you know,

who was able to fart on command. 78s. the good old days of turns he was able to fart on command yes he could sort of he could suck air up and fire it out again okay that was how and do a tune couldn't he could do a tune

he could fire a dart he could suck up he could suck up so he could I wonder if he could I wonder if you could drink a drink like if he could get out an innocent smoothie not so innocent

not so innocent but yeah anyway there was him do you think I that could be my, you know, the next stage of my performing career could be the human,

we come on stage. The human gatling gang. We put balloons in our mouths. Yeah. You go to the other end of the room. Drop my kex. And off we go. Yeah.

I feel like Benadorm is the place. I mean, for us. By the way, you would fit in very well. Again, politically, morally and comedy. My sunglasses have done a lot of work in Benadon.

You would be great in Benadorn. I feel like if, if we, the three of us, move to Benedorn, with me, with my ass at five

bearings. Matthew Tom and Benadour. Matthew Tom and Benadour. Here we go. Matthew Tom and Benadour. Tomarief. Okay. Hello?

We're back out. Yes. Matthew and Benadorn. Yeah. Croatia. Croatia. Croatia is the name of a place now. Benadorn.

Tomarief. And Croatia. Croatia. Matthew's in Croatia. Why am I Croatia? We're trying to have a good time, mate. Yeah, I know. You keep telling off the cushions.

Croatia. It's Croatia. Crosby's in Croatia. It's going off the first three letters. I mean, you've looked out. I mean, Croatia's beautiful. Yeah. But I don't know if Dabrovnik needs a man with a Gatlin gun for an ass.

I don't think there are many places that do, but I think Dibrovnik is a one of them. Listen. Yes. Anyway, I woke up in excruciating pain. If we were having a word, we'd be doing specials. where we'd be coming live from Beledom next week, wouldn't we? That's what we'd be doing.

If we had the funding behind us, yeah, that's it. The YouTube special, the boys hit Croatia B. I'm really trying to make it work. Yeah, I know,

and it's not. I think it's confusing. It is, yeah. I think the thing, the thing, the thing, I've, I've,

I've, I've been watching a lot of, like, what makes good online content. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Simplicity of idea. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and that's always been our problem. We've either got, it's either way too simple, or there's no idea. Or bad of idea. Yes, bad of idea has always been our problem, bad of idea. But anyway, yes, so I'm going to Croatia with Dan and Adam. They don't know about it yet, but I'm sure they'll be up for it. Or is it like we all wake up in Benadorm, Tomarief and Croatia, bro, and we race back to the sofa? It's very top gear.

It's very classic gear. of Top Gear. It's very grand tour. We're all in the shadow of Top Gear, I think, as content creators. Do you think so? Absolutely. Why did you go to the hospital, Matthew? Yeah, because I've got so many questions about we're all in the shadow of top gear, but I don't think I want any answers.

Yeah. I'd love it. I'd just like to ask the questions to just a stony wall of silence. Crosby ended up in hospital because he was driving a mini metro through Mount Everest. Crucially, Tom's so in the shadow of it. He's never seen it. It's too intimidated to watch it. Listen, we've all read, we're going on a bear hunt.

If you come across Mount Everest, you can't go through it. Tom. I think around or over are your two options. Yeah, but that's what gives, you know, top gear clerks, and it'll be like, well, I'm going through it. It's not bad clerks, to be fair. Thanks. More the sort of redness of face than anything else.

Yeah, more the brain. On the old 78 brain. So, yes. I woke up in excruciating pain. Excruciating pain. Excruciated pain. Talking of redness. One red foot.

What? One red foot, yeah. Go out. Whoa. That's my initial thought. I thought, you can't be a go. It's finally coming for me. And what an absolute, what a, what a kicker.

Yeah, we heard it. What a kicker. Yeah. We heard it, Tom. Yep. So what a... Give him the full Tim on the office. Are you all right, Tom?

Are you, are you okay? You're having a breakdown? Check his feet. He's got two black feet. I think you've got gout of the brain. So, go on, go on. But I would say, wouldn't it be bad if I get gout, having stopped. drinking two years ago.

Yeah. And then it finally, like it follows. And no meat either. Bad for the brand. No meats. Yeah, exactly. Or maybe your foot is like the picture of Dorian Gray. It's like,

why you're gesturing to me, mate? Like it's dealing with the sins of all of us kind of thing. Why am I dealing with your sins? My poor foot. But yeah, so you think that like what, like because of the way I lived up until the point when I stopped drinking,

something had to give. and in this case it was my little tone. It's all gone down to your foot. Yeah. Well, anyway, it wasn't gout. I didn't know it wasn't gout at the time though. Where was it read up to? Well, it was read up to about halfway up the foot.

Oh. Okay, about halfway up. And so I went to, I woke Charlie up and I said, I'm going to go and drive myself to the urgent care. Oh, how? Right. Because I did, I did the old, you know, NHS 1-1-1. I checked and they said, like, heart attack. Seek.

They always say heart attack. They always say you're in a heart attack of the foot. Get yourself immediately to the urge to care. Did you have to drive the hospital upside down like Mr. B working the pedals with your hands? I don't think he drives upside down. It's the kind of thing you would do though. Some of you've seen anything. Do you know what?

Top Gear was in the shadow of Mr. B. Top Gear saw that and said, hold my beer. Hold my beer. I'm driving to Everest. Hold my Hawkstone beer. Is that what it's called? I don't know. That's not.

So anyway. Right. Did I drive upside down? I asked your question, Tom. Tom, no, I didn't drive upside down like Mr. Bean would do. You've got a bad foot though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

We've clarified that. It wasn't so, but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't drive. Okay. It was okay. It wasn't so bad you had to have it out the window all the way to the hospital to keep it cool. What's the sensation, this pain thing? Burning. Burning.

Burning. Burning. And a tightness of skin as well. Is it swollen? It's swollen, yeah, it's red and it's swollen. And so all of the definition in my foot, and you know I've been working out my feet. All of the definition I've been working for. My foot six-pack was invisible.

Oh, no. So that was gone. It was just a big, swollen, red foot. A sign of a bite? No sign of a bite. No sign of a bite. We're all working out. Oh, is that what we're doing?

Is that what you're doing? You're going to webmdee this. We'll get to the diagnosis. Did you go up against the radiator as he slept? No, not up against a radiator. And crucially is the summertime. Had you slept with a tawny on? No.

Again. No. Tom a gay more like. I hadn't. I hadn't been swimming and like, you know, the little thing you get with the key on it. I hadn't had that. Oh, yeah. I didn't keep that around my ankle overnight or something like that.

No. But a memory. No. They're too small for me, though, is at the pool? Really? Mm. Is that what you're saying? Where are you?

Yeah. Yeah. They're like, yeah, I can't get them around my wrist. Is that true? I don't know if they're like people are smaller in Exeter or in the South West. Yeah, yeah, people are a kind of giant who's come down from the Midlands. The Midlands giant, the Wolverhampton Giant. I have to tie it in my, like, wrapped your waist.

You're indicating your waist there now. Tom. Don't want to see. Like a rubber ring. You're giving yourself a gastric band. Tom, what are you doing to yourself? I woke up with an agonising pain, the whole bottom. at the top of my body

and I drowned I have to tie it into my trunks with the top with like the tying cord and just have it there so it doesn't go around your wrist doesn't go around your wrist

doesn't go around my wrist no because it does but it causes some discomfort red hand have like a swimming float

come out with a hand like a swimming float you know those rafts that you could do five kids using it the rafts they brought in half term I'm like one of

walking around, get up on kids. Please don't say that. Do you, have you spoken to any other sort of dads who might be like... Were you saying dads of the full of figure? I wasn't going to say anything. There was a real euphemism with how you said dads there. What you really meant was fat lads.

Have you spoken to any other men of your standing? Full dads. I did it, dads, you know. That was loaded. You can see the roller decks going, what phrase do I use? I'm going to go with dads. It worked as well. Yeah.

Say no more. I suggested what I meant to say. Any other dad bodied men? Oh yeah. I like Dad bodied. Yeah. Dad bodied. That's going to be the name of my next Edinburgh show.

Dad bodied. Dad bod. Nice. Not bad, is it? When are you doing the Edinburgh show? 2017? I don't know. I'm going to get really hench first.

so never it's good title though isn't it dad bodd yeah oh not enough I don't know it feels like it feels like a thing

that was around a little while ago yeah yeah yeah okay of course cut an edge

to be you top what would it be now then in the shadow a top kid what's like replaced dad bodod swall

oh I see you're looking for it Is that what people say, he's swall? He's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's got, he's swollen, so swall muscular though. Yeah, so what's, like, not just swollen. What's like dad bodied.

Not like my foot. If I can't say my foot swole. Call 999, my foot swall. Charlie, call 999, me foot swall. I don't know, what's the, what's the new? Yeah, I don't think there is one. Well, there we go, then it's dad bothered, isn't it? Okay.

I think that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it hasn't been replaced Isn't the new thing It doesn't mean it's good though Focus groups not going well at all I just want you to tell me what I want to hear Okay so

Focus Group over Sorry Tom It's a good It's a good title And I can't wait to see the show None who hates focus groups It's my new character From my Edinburgh show

Dad I'm doing a lockdown The Lens today Well you're getting nothing for us The Lens is the only one giving you anything You're having to do it to the lens My friend

So is what Tim in the office used to do my friend I never saw it and the shadow of top gear of course it's always

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I get into the car. I drive the 15 minutes. You've got automatic. Is it left foot? Unfortunately, it's the right foot. It's the driving foot. So did you have to drive after cross-legged? No.

I can't picture it. You can't picture it. I tell you what, I was driving absolutely normally. but I was driving I was driving in a flip flop Oh okay Of course I was driving in a slider

Did your kids see you in this in a state But no because I it was 5am So that no one was up I had to wait Charlie up and I'm off I'm driving to the I'm driving to the urgent care I got swall I got swall guys

It's a good time to go to urgent care Saturday morning at 5 It's all cleared out There's no one you know No one's around really They've put on Cs BBs, like they're expecting, like, the kids to be up first. So I'm watching CBBs.

I'm sat there with my, with my foot. I get my foot looked at. Anyone else in there? No one else in there. I see a, I see a, I see a kid leaving with his dad. The kid's probably 60 or 17. He's on crutches. So I'm guessing, I don't know, jumped out of a bunk bed or something.

You know, something like that. He's not, there's not a drunken injury. There's no one, you know, no one who's been in a fight. There's none of the argy bargy you get. If I've been there. You had Bupa. It did feel like that, yeah. It was a good, I mean, it was a good service.

I was the only person there. Yeah. The first person seen, naturally, I was the only person there. It would be weird if they were like, anyone, literally anyone else. That looks fucking gross. We'll wait for more people to show up,

and then you can be third or fourth in line. One doctor went outside of broke his wrist just to be seen before you. Come on, they do as a solid. Doctors are injuring themselves, yeah. Shatting his face in a wheelie bin. But yeah, so I, I, um, I get seen by the nurse, about a half an hour later, I get seen by the doctor.

This is embarrassing. It's athlete's foot. What? So I went to the doctors for athletes' foot. He's right. He's like, yeah, it's bad. It's really bad athlete's foot. You've got infection in your athlete's foot, but basically you've got athletes' foot.

Oh, dear. Have some cream. Have some penicillin. Myocotta powder. Oh, I don't know about myocotter powder. What's that? Sounds delicious. Yeah.

That's what we used to have back in the day, I think, my cotter powder. I've not had athletes foot in a long time. Well, I've got it right now, man. It does take you back, doesn't it, Athletes foot? It's like, it's back where there with varucas. Yeah, exactly. But that's what it would be like. You'd be like, oh, have you heard Matthews in hospital with a varuka?

Took yourself to A&A. How weak is he? He has to go to A&E at 5am. Because he's got athletes foot. Athletes. A thing that, yeah, you're right. You should be able to sprinkle some talc into your socks for a few days, and then it's gone. Beauty.

I'm on day six of seven days of penicillin. It's still there. Oh, God. Yeah. And you're podcasting? I'm podcasting on a bad foot. And I drove here. Maybe that's the thing.

Up so down. Pressing the pedals. I was wondering why your handstanded in the room. I was getting loads of people beeping the horn and going, it's Mr. Bean. Our hero. Our comedy hero. Isn't that how Michael Richards got the job of Kramer was doing a handstand? Oh, I thought you meant to have an athlete's foot.

Is that where you get into the room like that, kind of hopping on his good foot? Wasn't that the story? Was that he did a handstand, and that's what, swung it for him. Have I made that up? I don't know.

Doesn't sound real. But you know what? Print the lie, I say. It's a good story. That's why I think you've got to go with the headlines, haven't you? Well, I didn't do a handstand into the doctor's office.

No. But maybe I should have done. The doctor did want to talk to me, though. He said, about how athletic you are. He said, it's the end of my shift. we can have a nice chat. Did he know you?

No. What? He went, it's the end of my shift. We can have a nice chat now. What'd you think about the rise of AI? No. We sat there for about 15, 20 minutes.

Did you say, is that athlete's infection? It's rising all worth my foot, mate. I think it's more serious than you're giving it credit for. Give me some my cotter powder for the love of God. Where's my hair cutter? It was a blue tin with a white, a white top on it. My cotter powder like a metal tin. I don't remember this at all.

And presumably looked like talc, right? Yeah. But it was medicated talc. Yeah, medicated talc. Did you? It takes me back. Talc's, I mean, you know, it's all gone woke now, isn't it? You're not like to talc, haven't they?

They've banned talc. They've banned talc, yeah, yeah. What's happened there? Yeah, you can still get foot powder. Sure, you can still get foot powder. Oh, wow. But you can't get talc in one. Dangerous for the lungs.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. We did all right by it, didn't we? We turned out fine. We're going to two or three. Dobs of Talc.

Look at us sitting on our tennis balls and going to hospital with athletes' foot. We're saying it absolutely fine. The pictures of health. Living in the shadow of talc this is a documentary.

It's a good documentary, Tom. I can't wait to see it on your YouTube channel. No clue what talcs, what's going on with talc, what was it made of? Dust. But it's not just any old dust, is it?

Well, this is the advert. This is not just any. This is not your grandma's dust. This is good dust. This is smelly dust. Yeah. It smells, it smells nice because it's not like chalk powder either.

What does talc even stand for? I don't think it's, is it an acronym? Talcum. Talcum. Talcum. So it's made of talcum. It's powdered to talcum, I guess, yeah.

But crucially, what's talcum? Shh, no, I can ask. Tom, what's talcum? I don't know. Go down the lens. What's Talcom? What's Talcum? Yeah, but I, so you can't get that anymore anyway.

So you could have asked the doctor that when you were having his chat. I know, but he wanted to talk about AI, mate. He wanted to talk about AI. He was very, very interested in... Did he assume you worked in? What do? He said, what do you do? I said, I'm a writer and he said, oh, you know what the next question's going to be? And I said, the usual question is anything I might have heard of.

Right. And he said, no, no, no. What do you think about the rise of AI? So I think whatever the job would have been. Yeah. He would have had... You know what the next question is going to be. Which I'm interested in AI.

Yeah. How was your day, darling? And then the end... Well, you know what the next question's going to be. Fucking hell. What do you think about the rise of AI? He said, so next time you come to the doctors,

which by the way is going to be tomorrow. Because it hasn't cleared up. He didn't realize. He was going to be back quite so soon. But he said, next time you come to the doctors, there'll be... A robot at the door. That's what he said.

That's what he said. He said, next time you come to the doctors, there'll be a choice between me and a robot. What are you going to choose? No. And I was like, well, obviously, I'm not going to say the robot. The insecure. The insecure doctor. No, it's a good doctor.

Well, I mean, hey, every, every occupation is insecure about AI, really. You know, I mean, unless you're like a, I guess unless you're doing something manual that, you know, AI can't replace. Like, podcasting. Like podcasting. Plumbing. Plumbing or podcasting. The two, the two great recession-proof jobs. Good look.

dying this shit, you know what I mean? Yeah. Fucking right. I think, you know, back in the days, like the early days of AI, that's what this sounds like. Before they'd iron out all the kinks. Keep talking about the shadow of top gear. This can't be right. This is very much the podcasting equivalent of those photos, so someone's got seven fingers, you know?

One big red foot. Or a man stroking. Can't be real. He's got a big red foot. Oh, no, no, that'd be real, bro. But he also said to me, he also said to me, he said draw a line on where the red mark is. Draw a line there to check it's not. And if it grows, yeah.

I've done that a fair bit in the past. Well, you start the morning by drawing all over your body, don't you? Not on me, on my wife. Oh, do you? Yeah, she gets bitten a lot. And if a bike gets infected. So it's quite an exciting game, actually. Like, you draw around it in Byro, and then we wait to see which direction it's going.

is the invasion spreading? I feel like you're in a bit of a Hollywood blockbuster. Yeah. I was thinking of, do you remember? The thing or some shit. Do you not seen any media whatsoever?

It's like, it's like, it's like, let's draw a pyro around that bite and see if the alien's going to spread, I guess. Yeah, that's right, yeah, yeah.

That's the summer blockbuster right there. You've been bitten by an alien. It's probably fine. We'll just draw a buyer around to be on the safe. It's quite a. slow movie. It's got real third act problems. They're just watching a bi-ro line.

Actually, actually, actually. I was thinking of melancholia. Do you remember that movie, Melancholia, which is about... End of the world? End of the world, yeah. And he's got that little thing where it goes, if the moon gets bigger, it means it's travelling towards the... He's travelling towards the Earth, and he keeps checking it. They draw a biro around. They draw a birole around the moon.

They get loads of all the barros in the world. They tie them all together. And there they are. There's Kirsten Dunst's just trying to draw a barrow around the moon. Woodwatch. Good movie. Where do you stand on this? I wrote on my daughter's banana in Sharpie.

Oh yeah. My wife put it in the bin. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Five stars. Obviously, you shouldn't stand on a banana skin.

A banana skin can stand a shop. Like Mr. Bean. A banana skin can stand a Sharpie, can't it? I'd say so Does she Think that It's gonna poison the banana Possibly

When in the bin Happy with Byrow Draws a line at Sharpie Ironically She drew around the Sharpie with Byro Draws a permanent line at Sharpie What do you feel about drawing on your own skin? I've always felt uncomfortable with it

From a child Because of the shat Like the specter of ink poisoning Yeah you're always told like but ink poisoning and if you have too much who's them

as a machine gun Kelly gone for like an almost all an almost all black tattoo and he did it too fast and it's causing out and stuff that basically what he's done he made his skin yellow which is like how can you tell

yeah you've covered all your skin up what he's done that's my bit that was my big fear as a seven year old yeah with like if you write too much on your yeah Could you do like a blackout tattoo with my body? A pair of my sacks.

There's a lot of revision. It was like the guy of memento, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Can't fucking find anywhere. Why is Tom smuggled a mirror into his exams? It's top-topless, I can't tell. But that was always a fear. No, I don't even think, I don't think you can get ink poisoning from writing on your skin.

I would say so. I don't know. Try telling them that's a machine gun. I would say that's taken writing on your skin to an extreme level, isn't it? And that's underneath your skin as well, famous. The thing about that, the thing about that, he must have, someone must have said to him, just by yourself a nice breathable jumper. Yeah.

Why has he gone the whole long, long sleeve? Long sleeve black t-shirt. Long-sleeve black t-shirt. Much cheaper. And the second you're, gives you an option. The second you're bored of it, yeah. Switch it out with a nice, with a nice blue one or a yellow one. or a yellow one or a pink one.

I mean, yeah, this is what people just say about any tattoo. No, no, but he wanted to cover up his previous tattoos, didn't he? Yeah. It wasn't that he was like, I've got to get myself, I can't be bothered with getting dressed. I guess it's, it wasn't like his, he's like, okay, right, well, you know, Steve Jobs famously had the same outfit every day. But he was even having to think about which one of his black roll necks he was going to wear. I'm going to have it tattooed on my body. It would be a funny tattoo to have.

What's that? Of a shirt and tie. it was like the t-shirt shirt and tie with the pocket and a name tag

and the buttons a name tag yeah yeah and the cuffs I think you're like like a manager of a weather spruce

what why are you wearing a suit with a name tag he's got to go for realistic expectations I was thinking about

um Simon Pegg and Sean of the dead I think oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah

that's just going to But like, it's a good tattoo, right? I think he made it too cool by making it Simon Peg and Sean of the Dead. It should just be. Oh, no, it should say Tom. I wouldn't say, wouldn't say, Sean, and the Dead. Wouldn't say Simon Pegg and Sean of the Dead. That'd be weird.

Can I tell you, I think that's a better tattoo. I'm going to get the tattoo that just says Simon Pegg and Shore of the Dead. You're a big fan of that movie? No, not especially. It's good. Not really. Sure. Hey, I like it.

Hey, I like it. Just Simon Peg, big fun of... No, not as best. Oh, okay. Hey, I think he's brilliant, but... No, great DJ. He's a fantastic DJ. Not aware of his act of work.

I saw one of his, I didn't like it. I want to be the guy who like, only thinks Damien Lewis is a musician. One of our best saxophonist. Keith of Sutherland, it's like, favourite musician Keith of Sutherland.

Well, yeah, obviously, and you enjoy his films. Films? He's done films. Is he branching out? What? The musician, David DeCovny is on a TV series.

He's got a focus on his music, man. He's got to focus on his music. favourite genre of music at the moment is actors who are prunching out in their middle ages. Oh boy. It's great. Yeah. Well, I saw Dukovny. Do you remember?

I saw Dachovny at the Lachute Festival. Nobody else wanted to join me. I loved it. It was unbelievable. That's the music festival we need to put on. And the line-up is all actors in their mid-lages. Yes. Goldblum's headlining.

Goldblum's, yeah. So, right, this is a... a good list. You've got Goldblum. Yeah. You've got... Now, I know he's not a Hollywood actor, but you've got to have Zander.

Yeah. You've got to have Zander Armstrong, right? You've got to have him playing his torch songs. You've got to... We've got... We're going to... Robson and Jerome back together. Robes and Jerome back together.

Big reunion gig on Sunday afternoon. Do you remember when... Do you remember when Bradley Walsh had the biggest British debut album of the year? Because no one buys albums anymore. Just Nannas. Yeah. I can't remember this.

So Brad is... doing it. Plus, you've also got, you've got the, you know, the Hollywood contingent. You've got Dog Star. Nobody wants Dog Star, but they're showing up. Keanu Reeves is there. Do you do 10 seconds to Mars? Too good.

I'm afraid, can you believe it? A festival where 10 seconds to Mars is too good. 30 seconds to Mars is too good. 10 seconds to Mars is the tribute band. They perform all their songs very quickly. Well, this is the thing. It was 30 seconds to Mars and then they drew a by row around. Before you know it.

Yeah, good stuff It's a good festival A hell of a festival And I remember when I saw I want to go But a hell of a festival Yeah, I love that it exists Yeah

When I saw Dukovny Performing There was one song And I was like Oh, he's really warmed up He's really like vocally He's taking him a few He's opening up

And then I saw Because there was a lot of dry ice On the stage A lot of dry ice And I saw through the dry ice That he had stepped away from the microphone and his much, much younger keyboardist was singing this one. And the keyboard is, by the way, one of the best voice I've ever heard live.

Phenomenal. And you think... You say dry ice. Joe, that was. Cigarette smoking man. Shadow of top gear. Shadow a top gear. Fucking out.

Come on now. Cigarette smoking, man. That's not bad. It's good. It's good, man. It's really good. You can't enjoy it, but you've got to appreciate it. Yeah, that's true.

That's the slogan for our festival. That's Keitha Sutherland performing his country songs You can't enjoy it But you've got to You're simply got to appreciate it man Who do you think is the actor That it's surprising

They don't have a musical A musical For me it's Stanley Tucci Don't you feel like Tucci? You feel like he'd be like a great cruder Well you got to feel like you would Wouldn't But you imagine he does it at parties

Yes And people like Stanley You've got to put that out And he's like no no he's too cool to do the cooking stuff don't really the recipes I will but not the music that's for us I just talk about Italy that's for us yeah it's two Gis on the piano at the end of the night basically

you're right I was considering you're gonna see I had there for a second Clarkie are you okay man I was considering doing uh when the moon hits your eye like a big by row yeah I thought don't do it you gotta lean into that stuff you just gotta give it It's full tin.

Right down the From the office, down the lens, you've got a lens. You can't leave me out here on my own brother, trying stuff. Do you know what?

You've got to come join me? It's actually a perfect time to end the episode. It's been a wonderful episode. Tom, it's been great chatting to you. And here to sing us out, it's with... Tim from the office.

Tim from the office. Stanley Tucci. When the mood hits your eye like a big, Firo. It's athlete's foot. My shift's just. finished

stick around we can chat for 20 minutes we can have a little have a little sing song by the way

if you want to hear the chat I had with the doctor check out the Patreon guys it's mainly

AI generated he was right to be worried well there we go there it is there it was and here we are as status

as quite once famously said so let's wrap this up by saying thank you for listening take care of yourselves and each other support the Patreon

yeah and have a nice day have a lovely day guys have a lovely day have a lovely day yeah please this episode was of course produced by producer Connor oyoy oi oi oi

there we go producer connor's getting an oi today from clarky he doesn't listen he doesn't give out many of his classic South London oy-oys but you know you've got one, Connor, so congratulations. We'll see you very soon. Cheers, everyone. Bye.

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