Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1624: What’s our biological age?

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Could Clarky bring back the sea shanty? Does Parry have the strongest core in the UK? And is Matthew as old as he looks? Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Connor Hayles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew, and I was sorry, I was just adjusting bits of my face there. Hello and welcome to a very exciting episode of Papi's Flatshap. Absolutely right. Ben, Matthew and Tom, we sit down, we talk, we chew the fat. Yes.

Clarkie hits us with another one of his famous anecdotes. And off we go. Now, if you like this content that we're putting out, and it goes out on YouTube, it goes out wherever you get your podcasts. It goes out via clips on social media, unless we forget the clips and out of the content. So if you want to support us,

follow us on social media, like and share our clips and try and help drive people to the podcast. We're on Instagram. We're on TikTok. We're on YouTube. Yeah, good. Because that's a surprise.

That's good stuff. We're on all of those things. Yeah, yeah. Hey, by the way, we recently passed a significant milestone on YouTube. Over 2,000 followers. Get us in the conversation, guys. Thank you so much, everybody. If you did subscribe to our YouTube channel, we would like, you know what?

We'd like some more. Yeah, we'd like that. I know it's terrible to say it because 2,000 people's a lot of people. It's so funny sounding like we've just started a podcast when we've been doing it for 15 years. Yes, but crucially, the YouTube channel is pretty new. Yes. Right?

The YouTube channel is pretty, is pretty fresh. Yeah. And, uh, don't listen, Tom,

don't listen. I know you, I know, you rattle through it so quickly because if you stop for a second, you hate it. Yeah. But we,

we love doing this podcast and we would love for more people to see it. So please do subscribe to our YouTube channel. Absolutely right. And we also need your support on Patreon as well for just four pounds a month, which is the price of a half decent, coffee. Then you help us out immensely and you also get bonus podcast every week. You get discount to the live shows. You get these episodes early and add free. So hop on the Patreon, slap us some cash and enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling of supporting your boys on their journey

as they podcast to an early grave as we find out for this episode. I was, yeah, this podcast, You're going to enjoy this episode. Why not? It starts, it really is. We have a lot of podcasts that are basically the meme of like how it started, how it's going, where it ends with us going, oh, let's just tell a story about, in Clarkie's case, being on a boat, spoiler alert, and ends with Tom having a real sort of facing up to your mortality, I think, is fair to say.

It's a hell of a journey and we're glad that you are on it with us, guys. So look forward to that laugh riot. As we travel down, the river sticks. Do you got something to say? Yeah. We'll be the judge of that. I know. I know you will.

You're not going to believe this, guys. I went on another boat trip. He's been back on the water. Oh, this is great. You've been messing about on the river. Yeah. Clarkie, how much time do you spend on dry land currently? What do you think the ratio of boating to non-boating is?

I'd say it's 80-20. I said 8040 there. It's 8040. Yeah. Do you think there's a touch of the houseboat personality in Clarkie? What a slam. Yeah.

It's not like I was ready to say it. You took it as a compliment. You took it as the insult it was intended to me. There's a touch of the houseboat owner to you. I've got to ask you. I've never met you before, but do you live on a houseboat? It doesn't feel like a compliment. No, no, no.

Obviously, you can have a very happy life living on a house. Yes, of course. And to any listener to dear who's living on a houseboat, congratulations, and enjoy yourself and a hoi-hoi. Oh, hoi to you. Have a wonderful time. You know, the lethal weapon rigs lives on like a caravan next to a beach. Yes.

I remember when I was a kid being like, that's the absolute dream. To live in a caravan park. It's live in a caravan. Isn't it funny when you re-watch movies and you don't understand that what they're trying to tell you is, this person is not having a good time in life. This guy is down and out and I'm like, that's me, man. That's the goal. Yeah.

He's drinking on his own at night crying and you're like, yeah, please. The key example for me, re-watching swingers and you go, oh, they're all, or swingers or Wayne's world? Yeah. Oh, they're all losers. They're all losers. That's what it's supposed to be about. And I was like, how can he be a loser?

He's had a girlfriend. Yeah. She broke up with him, but he has, crucially, he has had one girlfriend. That doesn't suggest a loser to me. Was it lethal weapon two where he has sex seven times in a night? I think it's a lethal weapon seven. That's how they pitched it, isn't it? I'd tell you what the lethal weapon is.

Don't you remember they're having, there's like, who's the, who's the South African, is it, Patsy Kensit? I don't know. I've not seen any of the lethal weapon. movies. You've not? No. I think we've

I smell a watch along. You always say this and I don't want to do it. Constantly, every time you're like, oh, you've not seen like, I've not seen any of those lethal weapon. What?

Not seen. What are the other big franchises? I've seen one of the Rocky movies. Tell me you've seen lethal weapon two. Okay. You'd love it. Have you seen lethal weapon three? You like having sex seven times at the night, don't you?

Make sure we've seen lethal weapon three. Tell me you've seen lethal weapon three. I ain't seen lethal weapon three, man. I think in lethal weapon two, is it lethal weapon two? Is it lethal? He might be lethal weapon one actually. Anyway, he takes the girl back. Yeah. And they have sex.

And then it cuts to them post-coitly. I was right. And then they start to have sex again. And I think he says, it's time for the seventh inning stretch. And then it's like batter up or something like that. Implying that this is the seventh time they've had sex is what I took from it. I say that after the first time. Yeah, so either like seventh thinning stretch is like,

I'm going again for the second time. But then why would you say seventh thinning stretch? Have I missed remembered this? He also, doesn't he also? I can't remember this. He reaches across and just flicks a bead of the abacus, doesn't it? Yeah, no, seven times. But I was left thinking seven is a,

so that's the, to be successful for you, you need to have sex like seven times in the night. And you're like, I haven't done seven times in my life. I'm going to bump these numbers up. Yeah. So either it's, either I've misheard or misremember that it was second inning stretch, but I think it is the seventh inning stretch is the phrase,

I think. And I don't think you'd be saying that if it wasn't the seventh time you were having, she would have said. Well, hang on, we've only done it once. Wait, a minute. Cut.

What do you say, me? What they're trying to communicate is he's a loser. Time enough sex for the seventh time. What are you talking about? We haven't even got sex one. Anyway, that's what... That's the real... The feeling of like,

well, I've got to be seven times a night and that's a lot, man. That's too many. Yeah, that's way too many. That's far too many. It's like four. Seven times too many. It's certainly six, seven...

It's five times too many, I think. Even in the flush of success, twice is fine. In the flush of success. What? If it's like, God, what a night,

we did it twice? Yeah. Three. Because also it's going to be different this time. Also, how long is a night and how long recovery time do you need each time, right? Yeah.

Okay. So, two weeks. This is it. This is like, you want to, at the very least, have a long weekend. Maybe the way he does it, though, it's like, really fast. It's like a quarter of a go. You know that the way they say if you sneeze,

it's a sort of eighth of an orgasm. Have you just sneezed on me six times? Bless me. He's got hay fever. Yeah, anyway. Anyway, that's the dream. And the other thing to take away from either weapon is how dangerous pools are when they've got the cover over them. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. But then that's still a danger. It's like an 80s fear, it feels like. That, to me, is a holiday fear. They fell off the building into a pool with a cover on it and nearly died. Yes, that's it. And those scenes exist with people be like, ooh. You think my own of unbreakable?

Because that happens in that as well. He falls into a pool with a pool cover on and gets caught in it. Never seen it. Well, we gotta have a watch. You do film studies at uni. They're not classics. Tom, they are not classics. Tom.

We didn't watch. We didn't watch lethal weapon two and unbreakable. I'm so sorry. I will say this though. You know, Felini's eight and a half. Yep. That's how many times he did it. That's what that film's about.

It's a hell of a watch. It's a disappointing ending, isn't it? They're pushing for nine, and he's like, I just can't. In the credits roll. You're sorry, I can't finish. Is it a Scottish movie? I think that's a set.

Isn't that a scene at a train spotting where he's done too much heroin? What were any of the things you just did? I've not seen it. It's like the lady in the tramp moment, isn't it? Oh, so that was an accordion. I thought that was you having sex. A little bit.

A little bit. In the flushes of success. The ninth inning stretch. By the way, I think to say, okay, let's do it for the seventh time. It's what a saddo says. Yeah. It really suggests you're like,

dick. Okay, that's why. Dick, that's another. It just feels... I think... You've been counting. Perhaps he's should say to him, sorry, what's going on?

What you're planning to do? Tell the other one later on. The amount of times I've actually gone in is seven now. So actually I know like that counts us twice actually because I did come out and go back in again. So I am counting that. Does that one count?

Does that one count? Does that one count? It's the worst. It's the worst thing to say both talk as a... Did that one count? Sadly no. I think, yeah, I'm doing this

for the seventh time and does that one count? Worst in and worst out. I actually said I'm doing this for the seventh time when I lost my virginity. Just to suggest that I was a bit more worldly

than I was. Yeah, six times before. Yeah. So you're on a boat. Oh, of course. Yeah. Oh, thank God. I thought we'd finished.

Where do we go to now? We've got to do six more at least. The boat, hose interview, thank God. Where do we go from here? Luckily, Clarkie, as you should know, whenever you and I are talking a lot, it must mean Clark is telling a story. There must be a story trying to be told.

Clarkie's back on a boat. So Clarkie, you're back on a boat. The Annick boat. Tell us. All of all. Tell us the circumstances. Cambridge. Oh, the boat, the boat race.

He's got cocky. He got cocky. He got cocky. He got cocky. He got, listen, you, you entered the Cambridge, the Oxfordon Cambridge boat race. Punting. Of course. Yeah, yeah.

Self punting. Right, cheaper. A mistake. Crucially cheaper. Self punted. Self punting. Yeah. Someone else had booked the boats.

Three boats. You stole their book. And you said, yeah, I'm the going as the punting. I'll sort you out. Eighth, eight quiddish. I'm doing this for the seventh time. So you're there with a big stick? Well, yeah.

So, I, a bit of a mess getting on. I went on the same boat as Megan, but then she got off. So I went on. She made the right decision. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I went on a boat with her brother with her brother. And his family. Did you have the option of someone to punt for you?

No. But this was someone else, as I say, someone else booked it. It's like three self-punting boats. Right. Okay. And her brother went first. Punting away. He spent a lot of time on the water.

Yeah. He's worked in boats. Yeah. It's what attracted you to Megham, wasn't it, in the first boat? To get close to the brother. My brother he works in boats. Well, I do love boats. Yes, please.

Yeah. Been on one of the banana ones. It's why you've always fancied the little mermaid because her father's the god of the sea. It's like if I can get to him through her, that'll work. Never. And I refuse to. So he, so it's like, it's not easy punted.

I'll say that much about it. No. Have you ever done it? No. But I've seen it and fuck me. It doesn't look easy, does it? Yeah. Can I just say,

I've not even seen it. And I refuse to. You're going off the bottom of the river. Yeah. And you're pushing yourself along. Yeah. You're pole vaulting in the water. Yeah.

Basically. Yeah. Totally. You're, you're, it's effectively like, do you know, you'll sometimes see those people

who are walking with two sticks, but they don't need walking sticks. Stilts. No. Stilt walkers, you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

Now that's how you do that in the water? That's how Clarkie did it. He's strapped. He strapped the poles to his ankles. And off the way. A boat went one direction. I went the other. Started trying to get his legs all the way right.

Like he's on the Mississippi. It was the old steamboat clarker. So the brother's doing it well. No, I wouldn't say so. No. It's hard. Everyone is critic. It's hard.

But we have a little ore in the boat as well. So I'm using that frowned upon. That's the cop out, isn't it? Yeah. That's the fork at the Chinese restaurant, isn't it? The ore is right there. That's the, you can't be asking for the oar. No.

First thing I do, chuck the ore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go over any of this. Chuck that, chuck the pole. Exactly, yeah. Forget that. Is the river busy? Yes.

What is the river in Cambridge? The river Cam. Is it? Yeah. And then there's the bridge. going over it? Yeah, the Cambridge. Great.

It does feel like it should be cause something more than that, doesn't it? Yeah. Because it's good like you've got the River X in Exeter. Yeah. Feels like they could have given

five more minutes. Oxford? The River Oxy, yeah, of course. Wow. Yeah, yeah. London. And of course, here we are in FAM. The London done.

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It's a hot weekend. It's a hot weekend. It was the first, yeah, big, big hot weekend, very hot day. Yeah. And that was part of. Clark he's sweating. Yeah. Well, first of all, I'm just in the boat.

So I've got the easy job. Yeah, yeah. But I can hear him, and he's like, he's hoffing and a puffing. Right. And it's very hard. Too bad. To both do the polling and also steer it, because you have to kind of like use it as like a rudder in between. But then that means you lose momentum on the actual moving forward.

Right. So I'm helping Have you been given a tutorial? No This is fucking insane Give a go And it's packed And there's loads of people

Who are like They're doing tours Very few people are doing it Under her and Steve Yeah So they're all And like straight away Like his wife was like

Look at the arms On the people who are doing this And they're all like Young fit Muscular guy She's not look at that Yeah Absolutely

She's sweating Look at the arms Look at the eyes Look at the guns on that guy. Get close to him. I'm hopping off this one. I'm getting off to his. I love you, darling.

Yeah. So I'm helping it with the steering. And I can hear him like properly huffing and a puffing. What are you doing steering-wise? With the, yeah, I'm kind of paddling to straighten it up. It's a sad,

it's a sad table, isn't it? It's awful, yeah. It's awful. This poor woman, I'm feeling the wife on the boat who's like, she needs real arms. Yeah. doesn't she? She's facing him as well.

The worst of him. The worst few. These two thick lads. These two sweaty gouged. These stupid idiots. Thri-everywhere other than by these brilliant musly students. The future of the nation. Brains and gold.

Trade of civilisation. Yeah. These fucking big, washed up. Thick cunts. Easy. Tom, Tom. Tom.

Tom. I'm just, I'm in there. I'm with that. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's in the boat. Yeah.

beautiful though she is come on mate she's your brother and her wife watch what you say you know what I mean Clarkie

how's this story going to end eyes on the all mate if the boats are rocking I'm committing a horrible act of infidelity while he's huffin and puffing behind you into a wheelow tree

isn't what you said to her Clarkie you perv take us under a willow tree mate you're still on the outside yeah I know what I'm doing I'm in the cuck boat Cuckpunt B-52 song

Cuckpunt baby Put it in the willow baby That's what they used to do Yeah I used to go into the willows And have a wiper wheel for a reason It's a major's curtain, isn't it? Yeah

Yeah He's crucially on the outside In this stuff like Yeah He punts you all the way into the willow And then he waits outside He stands there with a It's a sad.

It's a sad sight. Like those poor guys stood outside Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah. He's upless. Yeah. He's shirtless. Clark is puffing and puffing away. We're all hopping and a puffin.

It's awful. It's an awful story, man. I come out and go, that was seven times. That was late. You only in there for five seconds. He only in there. So he. So I'm like, do you want to switch?

And he was like, not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's in a bowl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, what, with my sister? It doesn't work like, you can't swing with me and my sister. She's my sister, mate. You've got this all wrong.

I thought this was supposed to be romantic. So he's, see, it sounds like he's really struggling. And he's like, no. that I'll let you do the way back. Oh, is he swimming against the flow of the river? No. It's like a still river, but it's like, he's just sending us one way, but it's like he's really struggling.

And he's going, you can do the way back. And I'm like, well, I don't want to do as far as this then. Like, stop. Let's start the way back. Let's stop and let's turn around. And he's like, no, I want to get all the way down there. Do you know how to turn around with that pole? No.

We don't know. Oh, yeah. Jam it into the thing and go, I don't think you don't need to turn around. You just go back the other way, don't you? No, no. It's not double-ended. It's not a double-ended.

It's not a double-ender. Go on. So he just keeps going. And the whole time, I'm like, this is, the longer you do, the longer I have to do. Yeah. I don't want it. I don't want to, man.

So you're getting him into a bit of a huff. And then, well, he's offered. And then we turn around. He sits down. doesn't pick up, doesn't pick up the ore Doesn't pick up the ore Picks up a beer Pops it sits back

And I'm like Oh God I'm on ore and pole Yeah Did you say Can you? I had to I had to on multiple occasions

Because it seemed like Every time I I tried to push off It would just turn 90 degrees So it's like really hard So then as I say You try and rudder it back round And then you're like

Almost in the same places As when you start at the punt you're like, I'm not getting anywhere here. Also, notice all the other punters, all the professional punters, they've got these aluminium poles. We've got, we've got like a breadstick, haven't you? They've given you a breadstick. We've got big wooden one.

Clearly this is like way heavier than the ones that everyone else has chosen. And then we get the text message, they're like, oh, the boat needs to be back in half an hour. Otherwise we'll get charged more. And it was like, it's taken us over an hour to get to where we can. No. So it's like, I'm having to do double time. You're trying to do an hour and quarter journey in half an hour.

In half an hour with no awe. Yeah. Panicking. Panicking. Sweating. Getting stuck a couple of times. You get to a bit that's a bit silty. And you're like, I can't get the pole back out.

Oh, God, man. So close to falling in about five times. as well. You get all wobbly. And what about the other boats? There's three boats, you said. There's three. What about the other two boats?

What's going on there? They've gone off in another direction and stuff. To the pub. And they're also across the other side of the river. We passed them on the way back where they were getting, there was like a PIMS boat and they were getting PIMS. Because they hadn't gone as far. So they were just like, they were all relaxed.

Nice. And there was three of them who were rotating on the regular. Yeah. Whereas I was just doing this stint, soaked sweated awful terrible

Clarkie is this the last time we're going to hear you say I'll say I'll say one thing about you is you know they said the definition of madness is doing the same

thing over and over again expecting different results but it feels like that's what's going on here with you we need to do a sort of boat based intervention well a land based intervention well I think though

I'm on my way to get my 10,000 hours that's true actually I will suddenly, it'll just suddenly all click into place. You did 30 minutes there. Yeah, yeah. It's, it all has us. It's getting up there.

So I think that puts me on about an hour and a half so far. So I'm away. Did you get it back in time with Adam's play that extra? I did get it back. Here we go. It's a hero story. Yeah. It's worked out perfectly for you.

And do you feel like you can now punt? No. I'd say absolutely if you get the option, get someone else to pump for you. Because that's the thing as well. You're around all the other people who are like, just sitting on a boat, they're talking through all the history of the place, they're taking photos, they're sitting back, they're having a PIMS.

And I'm like, what am I doing here? Sweatting. Anyway, Joy and I crowdfunded to get Clarkie to Venice. It's going to be a special on the YouTube. Start my own boat tours. But do you think, Clarkie, I hate to say this to you, Clarkie, because we've been filming for ages, but your flies are undone. I'm so sorry, Clarkie.

What would be great now is it's like a punting pole. A punt pole just emerges all the way up and you have to, and off you go. Oh no, that's two pods worth as well. Yeah, yeah. See, another great reason to check us out on YouTube, guys. See if you can see Clarkie's toge.

Do you know what I'd like to do for this? For both episodes, could we heavily pixelate? that area. Yeah, great. That's good. I think that area should be heavily pixelated

to the point where people are like, what is going on there? What's happened here? Up until I zip it up. What about if we just pixelate all of Clarkie? We pixelate all of Clarkie and we disguise his voice.

So it seems like he's a member of the SAS. In the key in Exeter, we've got a ferry that's open every weekend. And you pay the ferry. A ferryman £1.20 and he ferries you across to the other side of the key. Lovely.

And that is on a wire. And he just guides you across with a wire. And I always think, what a life. What a job. I'd be a fair to be the ferryman. You're never going to go off course. You're just out there. Is it ever choppy?

Is he ever like, hold it on for their life? No. Which is why I think this is what I would like to get you to Exeter for you to consider life as a ferryman. because I think you get to be on the water. Yeah. But you're on a wire, baby. You're just pulling yourself back and forth. It's the life.

I think so, yeah. But also the traditions of being a ferryman. Do you know what I mean? I feel like you've got a standing in society. Does he ever sing? No. No. But you would.

I would, yeah. Come up with a shanty of sorts. Yeah. It's just in a key. You know, we're not out at sea. That's the perfect for singing. Do you feel like... It's in key and in key.

He's in key from key to key. Oh, there we go. It's a lovely little thing going on. This is it, yeah. I'm just saying, don't you have to be a bit further out for a shanty? Oh, you think you've got to be actually on the open waters for a... I think you've got to be at least within view of the sea.

For a shanty. But what, the big shanty that was, you know, that was chop in the... Wasn't it? It's soon may the ferryman come, wasn't that? Yeah. Do you not think if he could be... And also, he's got a bit of shantyanty. Sugar and tea and rum and all that.

You know, he's got a little sort of little mini bar or whatever. Okay. He's the ferryman. He's there. You'd probably have to wear a flight. Sue, sue the family. Come, look at my flight. It's a family.

It's a family event, really. I don't know if. Oh, no. I don't know if you want to be doing that. He didn't last a shift. But no, I think, I think that would be, I think you'd have to have something. He probably got halfway across.

They cut the wire on him. He's surrounded by police boats. But yeah, the life of a ferryman. Would you be like in character? Because I definitely think a good role for you would be. You know, like you go to Hampton Court and there's, you know, for example, a Henry the 8th, but he's talking to you like he's really Henry the 8th, you know. Would you be, would you go for the sort of Renaissance Fair of it all?

Would you just be like, you know? Big thick, knitted job. Yeah, I mean, not in this heat. Do you think there's a touch of the young Henry the 8th about Clarkie? I think not so much young. I just think Henry the 8th. What the fuck? I don't think you need to throw young into the mix.

There's a touch of Henry the 8th about Clarkie, I think. Have you seen a codpiece, by the way, one second. And the other water-based activity that I feel like I aspire to in my near future, is paddleboarding. Yes. Oh, really? Yeah.

It's like the cycling, you know, the middle-aged kind of, I've taken up cycling. The equivalent of that is paddle boarding. Yeah.

And you can paddleboard up the river to a pub. Yeah. And then paddleboard back again. And I feel like that, I could get into. Are you wet suiting into the pub?

Or are you doing it? No. Or you're just like shorts and t-shirt. You're so good at paddleboarding that you're shorts and t-shirtting up the river. When I was in up, when I was in a, Australia. I remember we were on a little island and a couple came in. A couple I would say in their

60s or 70s. Ready for a just ready for a day out. Dressed for a day out. She had a handbag, you know, everything. Panelboarded over, hopped off and I thought that's confidence. You're so confident in your battleboarding activities you're wearing. I'd be in. Here's a man so scarred by his experiences on the water so that he can't comprehend staying dry whilst on a boat. And sure, like they were probably barefoot. She probably had... It's Australia.

Exactly. She probably had her thongs in her in her tote bag, in her canvas bag. Steady on. Steady on flip-flops, please, if you will. Listen. I'll tell you what? She's got thongs on. I'm not flip-flopper.

This is, we can't be... I think we're going to have to end this episode by saying a prayer. Singing it. See how much the other words were done again? That's the miracle. Ah, father who art in heaven, heaven, heaven, heaven, battleboard in Devon. I'm just going to have a quick chat with Clarkie.

What the fuck's going on over there? What happened over there? It's absolutely inside. Get out of it. It was the Lord's Prayer as a shanty. It sort of was, yeah. It's all right, isn't it? I don't think it was wrong.

It was the Lord's Prayer as a Sea Shash. Well, Cliffridge had a lot of success singing the Lord's Prayer to the tune of Old Lanzai. In a cable knit jumper. Exactly. There we go. Maybe this is... You'll come full circle. Maybe this is...

This is... This is Clarkie. Right, so Clarkie, we've established what his career is going to be. He's going to be a ferry man who sings the Lord's Prayer to a different tune each time. I love that you're always trying to find me careers because it's clearly like... It's not this. Because then we can start to. stop doing this.

When we started doing this in 2011, we assumed we would flash in the pan. If we can find you gainful employment, we can stop doing this with a clear conscience. Yeah, that's fair. Come on work as a ferryman next to the work. Come and work. Come and work.

Give us a break, mate. Come and work as a singing monk who ferries people from one side of the river X to the other. What's the one thing you say when you see paddle boarders? I always go for, I need a strong core for that. That's like my go-to with paddleboarding. So if you need a strong core. So if you see a paddle board, you say to them.

Or someone near me. Right. Go, strong core for that. Is it okay if I don't say anything? Just the words core strength, core strength on that. Core strength. Not core. Core strength on that.

I've got the strength on that. I can go seven times on that paddleboard. The core strength that you need to paddleboard, that's my only takeaway from paddleboarding. Having never done it, is you need core strength. I quite fancy my chances of having strong core strength. Why?

I don't know. I just like, I feel like it's got such a big core. It'd be mad if it was that big but also weak. You back your arm. own core? I think, oh yeah, go on,

I bet I've got a good core under there. The core. I'll be like, yeah, I'm carrying a bit of timber, but there's a good core strength under the way to be discovered.

It doesn't matter if there's stuff around it. Exactly. All it matters is the core. Yeah. So I don't have to worry about it. I don't have to tend to my core. I just, I just relax and think it's good down there and there.

There are there. Where do you think the core is, by the way? Where are the two places you're pointing down? I see it as a bit like a stick of meat really true. Like a big, like a big fat pepper army or a big Cabab.

Like Robbie Williams is in the rock DJ video. But like as a tube going in, sit up between your ass and your neck. Yeah. Like a meat rope. By the way, have you seen a Clarkie's meat rope spin on display? Have you seen the meat rope musical, by the way, but out of hell? Yeah. It's something, isn't it?

It's all right. Anyway, it's all right. You pop it out there. It's no Lord's Prayer is. Oh boy I don't think I'll ever recover from that. Do you back your own call? Do you think you've got a good call?

No, I would say so. That's a shame. What do you... What are you able to do, apart from paddleboard, if you've got a good... Do you ever like do a plank or anything? Yeah, you can plank, you can plank? That's the thing. Can you plank?

We're not going to make you do it now. Don't worry, don't worry. So you can say the yes or no and the conversation will move on. I always thought of it as a bit of a fad. Do you know what I mean? Right. I can't really do a push-up. Another classic fad.

That's not a body strength, isn't it? No, you do need a good chord to do push-ups as well, though. All right, okay. It does work the core. What exercise do you think you're good at? I'm not very good at any exercise in the moment, but I don't really, because I've got a good cord. Because you've got a good quarter of a lot.

I don't really. You can fall back on that. Yeah. That's why I feel is like when there's money in the bank, yeah. You don't need to keep on putting, you don't need to keep investing, do you? That's what I was,

that's what I was told. At my gym induction, which did make it seem like they were trying to say, we don't want you in this gym. They said, they said like, oh, you know, what your body is already doing just in like walking around, sleeping, breathing is already pretty good. Oh, here we go. And I was like, oh, right, so I don't need to be giving you any money then. Because I've just paid, you know, 50 quid a month to come to this gym. I have the membership, just in case you want to. But honestly, don't turn up.

In case I want to stop breathing. I think I think the ship sailed by this. Sorry to mention. But I think if it gets to a stage where I'm no longer sleeping or breathing or walking around, gym membership is not going to help me. What else did? Did they give you a once over then? They did.

They gave me the once over, yeah. And they said I had the, they said I had the body of a 31 year old. Did that? No. Delighted. Really? Yeah. You say it's because you're still growing.

I was expecting 13. I was expecting 13. I was expecting 13. Yeah, yeah. Actually, yeah. I'm still waiting for my growth spurt. They give you a body age. They give your body age, yeah. Oh, maybe.

You don't have to have it, though. But I can't imagine it's like, do you want, does it work out for most people? Most people who are going to get their age. I wonder if they're, do you think that they're kind of being nice to people in that? Yes, hang on. So you're 14 years older than your body? Yeah, 15 years old. So does that mean you're going to die?

Yes. And then for 14 years, you're going to, like, you know, like when they say a chicken runs around after its head's been chopped off. That's right, yeah. Your brain will die. You'll be there for 14 years. I'm going to have a decade and a half of weekend and burning myself. Probably, you'll be good to hang out with. Sorry, that's, that's my, that's my alarm to take my penicillin.

But yes, yes, I'm going to be, yeah, so I'm going to be, I'll die, and then you're going to have 15 more years of this. I have started looking around at older men. Yeah. Trying to get a gauge on what's going on. Do you know what I mean? As in like where you're going to go? Yeah. What's in your stars?

What variety of old man you're going to be? Yeah. What are you thinking? Well, I feel like I'm at the crossroads, basically. Right. The core's got to start kicking in. Cause got to do a lot of work at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you're at the crossroads. And the crossroads being, I either... Like a certain point of no return to some extent. Yeah. But you're never at that point. I think you, I think I might be. I think mentally you might be. I think you want to be.

You would love it if someone said, oh by the way, there's no point in it. That's you now. That's you now. You're like, great. Yeah. I can just run down the clock.

Relax. Yeah. Your core will see you through now. Yeah. Like protein and stuff like that started to rear its ugly head of like. Do you not eat protein? I don't know. I've chosen not to really think about it.

that kind of stuff. Yeah. And it's like, oh, maybe I have to actually. Yeah, I think you do. There you go,

you see. Look at this face. Yeah. It's a sad reality. We don't look that different, you and I. We're not so different, you and I.

Since you've mentioned body age, I think it's concerned being quite likey. Yeah, we'd be giving it a lot of furtive looks to each other. It's really taking the wind out of our sales. I'm so sorry. It's a recent, thank you.

A 55 year old sales. we're the equivalent we don't have sales we're just a wire we're just pulling ourselves along well I'm really sorry to depress you with my amazing bod yeah it's not on really sorry mate

yeah I just listen if I'd known it was going to hit you this hard I wouldn't have mentioned it because let's face it your heart can't take it it's the heart part of the core it's fused

you're not going to believe it parrhy's heart is fused to his core it'd be nice to hard cut now to this episode being sponsored by like way protein or I thought you were going to do a hard cut to this episode

be an attribute to the two of you just a black like a black card with you guys in black and white photos Tom and Ben drowned in the river cam. Please be careful when out punting.

Why did they go back? His core was so strong. It dragged him to the bottom. Like he just gruntled orca. I used Tom as one of the poles. Because he's got such a rigid core. Oh man. We'll stay away from boats, I guess.

Yes, stay away from boats. Great story, Clarking. Thanks for bumming us out, Clarking. Sorry, mad. Anyway, I'm off to the gym. See you later. there you are. Time to consider our lifestyles. Have some protein.

A wake up call. Have a lovely bit of protein. Okay. All right. It's as easy as that. I know. Eat an egg. Oh, yeah.

Hang on. There you go. Oh, it's going to be fine. It's going to be all right. Today's episode was produced by producer Connor. Ooy. Cheers, everyone. Bye.