Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1625: Sarah Roberts “World Cup of UK Accents”

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

What's the best accent in the UK? Where is Ireland? And which body part has Tom had botoxed? The brilliant Sarah Roberts pops into the flat to talk self tapes, allergies and her love of the Midlands. Sarah Roberts https://www.instagram.com/sarahroberts_69/?hl=en  @SarahRoberts_69  https://www.tiktok.com/@sarahroberts_69 Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Connor Hayles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Hulu original series Furious is coming to Disney Plus, starring Emmy Rossum. Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. Don't miss the three-episode premiere of the Hulu original series Furious on July 27th, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. The first ever all-electric 2026 Subaru Trail Seeker is the EV for the Trail Obsessed, with up to 444 kilometers on a full charge and DC fast charging from 10 to 80% in about 30 minutes in ideal conditions.

Plus, ample ground clearance and symmetrical all-wheel drive make the 26 Trail Seeker the most capable EV Subaru has ever built. Test drive it at your local Subaru dealer or visit Subaru.ca. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome everybody to this very exciting guest episode of Pappy's Flat Share. It is a guest episode. Yes, indeed. We had a guest on. If you hear the three claps, you know what it must mean. It must mean the three slaps on the thigh. It must mean we've got ourselves a guest. And we had a great time chatting to. I want to say Sarah Roberts. I want to say Sarah Roberts as well because that's her name. Yes. And it was fantabi-dozy. We had a tracking time, we had an impromptu tournament. Yes. Which I think you'll enjoy.

Yet again, in our desperate search for a new format, we found one that's, you know what, it's not going to unite the country, I'll say that much. And it's certainly not going to unite other countries. But, you know, in an ever divisive world, you need a divisive podcast, and this is the podcast for you. And finally, we got to demonstrate our range. Yes. Get in touch if you're casting anything. Oh, no.

to Clarkie. Oh, God, please. Oh, no. Oh, dear. Okay, well, look. Ever since we brought cameras into this, Clarki sees every single episode as a self-tape. Right, well, listen,

if you want to support Clarkie in his life, then please get along to Patreon, give us £4 a month. Not only do you get a bonus episode every week, you get discounted live tickets, you get these episodes early and ad-free, and the warm, fuzzy feeling that you're supporting your boys on their journey as they podcast.

To the grave. So please do get in touch by a Patreon with your cash. One of the best ways to get in touch. To be honest, we don't read the emails. We just see the cash. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. We love to chat into Sarah. And if you do get a chance to go and see Sarah,

it sounds like she's told us stuff about her Edinburgh show, which she doesn't talk about on the pod, but makes it sound very, very, very excited. It's going to be a great show. So we really, really recommend go to see Sarah up at the fringe. If you're up there this year. All right, enjoy this. We'll see you on the other side. Lovely.

It's lovely that is. Hello. Hello, how you doing? I'm good. How are you guys doing? Very good, thank you very much. Too hot. It is too hot, isn't it? How'd you fare in the heat?

I hate the heat. Hate the heat. I hate it so much. I'm a very sort of sensitive person in terms of I have really bad allergies. I have eczema. So I just need it to be cool. Cool and dark. Cool and dark.

Yeah. Yeah. Would you like us to turn the lights off? I actually am allergic to light. Are you? What? Yeah. Oh no.

I've had to start talking about it on stage. How does that? Because also you're under lights now. What's, how's that manifest itself? I mean, it essentially gives me like hay fever symptoms. So when I'm on stage for longer than like 20 minutes,

with, especially when it's like in my face, then I just start like getting teary-eyed and like, I have to wipe my nose. And I didn't, realized I had this and then when I did my first Edinburgh Fringe I was doing half an hour and I'd never been on stage for longer than like 15 minutes before and the tech guy said to my friend that I was doing the show with he was like Sarah taking cocaine before the show because she's always like sniffing and I was like that is like I didn't even notice I was just like on stage and then I was like wait that is weird and then basically found I have photoscent Yeah. Do you think this is the wrong career for you? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. It's not ideal.

That's what we've got you want to talk about. You should be developing photos, really. It's what you should be doing. Just find a nice, nice dark room to be in. So can you, would sunglasses indoors fix that? Well, someone's suggested this to me the other day and I do think I could, because I do like to wear sunglasses indoors. You've got them on the top of your head right now. It's a short journey. Yeah. And so, very, very. very dirty.

I could do this. I could, it does, I think so. But also, I think you would lose a lot of yourself a few more sunglasses on stage. Yeah, it's quite, say that to Bono. Bono wears something because of his... But he doesn't need to emote.

Mitch Headberg. Oh, what? Bono, who sings one, doesn't need to emote. Do you think it's all in the songs already? Yeah, it's in the songs already. Like, we're talking. We have to use our... The other thing as well that's going to happen is you start wearing sunglasses on stage

and your techie goes, is she on cocaine? Whatever you do, people think you're on cocaine. Is it MDMA? Like, what's going on? Why is she on? You read glasses all the time. I can't win. Yeah.

Obviously, you do a lot of eye work. Yeah. Well, because I, I mean, I always am like, also I couldn't afford it, but I'm always like, I couldn't get Botox because you have to move your face on stage. I would be less funny. And I feel like sunglasses is even worse. Botox of the eyes. I suppose Botox is Botox of the eyes.

I had Botox in my arsell. Famously. Well, famously. We're stretching the word famously to breaking points. Back in the day, I had an anal fissure. And in order to... Fisher? Like, yeah.

Oh, Fis. Fisier. Fisier. I was like an anal fissure. Have you not seen the day? series of movies. I do know what you mean. Yeah.

I think. And it's, in order for it to heal, you need to relax your inner sphincter, which never, I'm sorry to tell of you this. It feels like therapy again, isn't it? Do you want to talk to your inner sphincter right now, Tom?

So apparently you have two sphincters. Yeah. The outer sphincter you have control of. Inside you, there are two sphincter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the inner sphincter. In a sphincter is constantly taught. What do you mean that we have control of one of that?

The outer wall. You can relax it when you want to. So we have an awareness of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the other one we don't have no awareness of. It's always there, tight, taught. This is what I was found out. You can't choose to relax your inner sphincter.

So they put Botox. My inner sphincter. So it would relax for a couple of weeks. Yeah, that was a rough couple of weeks. And they said you'll have no control over flatulence. Did you not? You never did. It was like a free.

pass, like a hall pass. It's like, fart your way through these couple of weeks, off you go. So it was, you always think

it was farting loads just like, it looked amazing. Oh my God, it looks gorgeous, smells, I never guess it was there. So I have had Botox,

but only on the inside. Internal Botox. How did, how did Botox even start as a thing? Because I didn't even realize that it had other medical uses. Yeah.

Well, I imagine that's the way it started. That's why most things happen, isn't it? Right. Starts from like, you know, most things start at the ass. Right, their way up to the face. Yeah.

So is that your reason to not have Botox is because you want full? Well, I mean, I'm saying this as if people constantly being like, have you thought about Botox? I've had one conversation with my friend about it. But I do think that like it would make you less funny. I mean, I've been watching, um, euphoria, even though it's terribly bad. But it's like the difference between

the actresses who haven't had Botox and the actresses who have is like crazy to watch. It is strange. It's a very, I understand it, but it's very strange. Particularly in acting where you go, you need to amount. Yeah, even more in comedy. You have people who literally can't. Yeah.

It's never held me back. The full range, yeah. The concept of it, though, not one of them a recognisable emotion, by the way. Do you want to the arranges? Oh, yeah, it's always good. Say an emotion and I'll try.

Oh, right, okay. And you try as well. Pensive. It's so hard to do it. It's not great for an audio podcast. I think this is good. Pick a camera and give us your best friend. Because it's audio as well,

you've got to give a noise. You've got to do a noise with it as well. Okay, good. pensive. You're too jolly. Your pensive is very jolly. Your pensive is way too done on. I'm a bit worried now that I don't know what pensive means.

Sort of a anxious. An anxious, a slightly nervous anticipation. They waited pensively. I think that's it, right? Right. Yeah. I was thinking more sort of like thoughtful.

I think you can go down that really. Yeah. Thoughtful. Yeah. You're like, yeah, no, forget. But also, you haven't done either of those. Well, do yours. Have you ever considered both times?

Clarkie's a good actor. What should they check this out? Give us a bit of pensive. Clark is the reactor amongst us. You've got actor face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, doesn't he? Yeah, definitely. He's got mid-naughties advert face.

Wow, that's good, isn't it? Mid-naughty's advert face so specific. Yeah. And so true. Yeah. It was a good few years. He lived high on the hog in the mid-noise If you needed someone to look pensive at a citron

You get clarky If you know someone To be pensively eating a bowl of crunchy nut loops It's you Do you do Do you go in for acting? Are you an actor? I've been going in for a lot of ads

How's that working out? Are you having to self-tape? I hate self- You know what? I hate the whole process. I did one the other week and I really want it was okay it was so like I won't say what it's for but I also no one's ever it's not it's just an American company and I had to do an American accent and I'm not a good actor my sister's an actress and she's really good and she helps me

but like that's not my skill set but I did an American accent and I was like this is so stupid this is such waste of my time and then I got penciled for the role and I was like you know when something happens that's so beyond your expectations that you're like, well, I'm going to get it now. Like it's 100% I'm going to get it because that's already above and beyond to the possibilities of what was possible. And then when I went to the in-person like thing, it was so bad. Like I, because I don't think they actually watched the self-tapes. Like I don't think that they actually had watched me do an American accent. you've got to give it to us

we've got to hear the American come on come on but one of my friends went to a party and she met a casting director and she was like how long do you watch self tapes for and she was like three seconds yeah

like literally so I don't honestly you don't think until that point that they knew that I couldn't do an American accent and in my head I was like I'm amazing now it's literally like okay well can you go first

I can't do I can't do accent so terrible it depends Matthew does a good American accent I can do an American Yeah I'll do an American accent Sorry I completely over a queue that And also where in America

Where in America? Well that's That's what I'm listening to the side Okay Where can I do Well the accent I used to With a very high Reedy American like

Hey everybody That was my accent I used to do Like it's like very much like the Like the NPR Welcome to this American life Today on the show We're going to be They all talk like that

Because that's all I listen to And they all look like that They all look like me They all talk like me Yeah Hold on a second. And you are in a glass. Today on our show.

And it's always that bit. Today on our show, if you're stuck in an iced attention center, you're like, no, I can't be of watching this. I can't be handling this too much. It's too much. It's too depressing. Start with the vowels and accent. There's your basis.

Do the vowels. Go through A-E-I-O-U and find out your accent. As you know, as you know, you're down. Hey, hey, hey, I-I-O-U. Once you've got the vowels, You can proceed from the... Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. It's my moment now. Yeah. What should I say? Well, uh, what did you have to say for the advert that isn't giving away the product too much? I, Heinz Beans. That's.

Great American company. I think it might. Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? I stand corrected. I think, I think,

Heinz Beans is like the most British product. Yeah. I thought it was the thing that he looked like Ringo Star would fill his suitcase with before he went to America because he was worried. Yeah. What the hell? Oh, that's really upsetting. I could be wrong. That's a shame.

Yeah. They've, they're just selling us back our own culture, aren't they? Yeah. What did I have to say? Okay, I should have thought of that. That's good. Are you joking? No, that's good.

That's good. Really? Yeah. Yeah, you've got the part. Really? I, that was, you know what? That was three seconds of perfection that was. That was great.

Amazing. I really should have thought of that. I really should have thought of that. I should have thought of that. I should have thought of that. Really? You guys think... How bad were you expecting it to be?

I thought it could be really. Honestly, we thought it was going to be dog shit. And that was... No, that was good. I would say it's like a five out of ten. It's not good enough for me to be selling products in America, I don't think. Yeah. Yeah.

It's tricky. I'm thinking of like, you and McGregor, for example, has never convinced with an American accent. Or, for that matter, Scottish accent. He's done entire films. Yeah. Sorry, Yuma Gregg is never convinced. Sorry. Like there are some actors who...

Choose life. Who else am I thinking of? McAvoy. There are like actors who I just don't think have ever convinced with a... Connery. Wait a second.

Connolly has never tried. Yeah. Whereas Tom Holland. Oh, it's good. Yeah, he is good. He is good. It's really good. But he's like basically married to an American person. That's right.

Yeah, yeah. He's married to Zendaya, isn't he? So he's basically married. Yeah. That's what he's to say to her. Come on, we're basically nice. But yeah, so I guess he's, you know. Does that, just being, I guess I'm being around American person, you just pick up there.

But then we, I watch so much American TV. I would think it would be easy for me to do an American accent. You spent a lot of time around Zendaya, yeah? But just through now TV. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So you should be able to speak in her accent. Yeah.

Yeah. But no. You've had acts, you've been asked to do. Wolverhampton accent before. And struggled. And then said, don't do it anymore, which is your accent.

Yeah. Really? Because as soon as someone says, can you be more Wolverhampton? This is my favourite accent. The Midlands? The Midlands?

It can't be. Surely. No, I love it. Oh, there we go. I think it's the best accent. It's a good accent. I love it. What I hate?

Welsh. Oh, no. Incredible. You're kidding me. It's one of the best. What have you got to get to the Welsh? Accent. I just,

I feel like, maybe what I'm going to say is really offensive. No, no, we're here for it. I just think that the Welsh accent, it just grates on me. I think it makes them sound thick. And you like the brai accent. It's like the thickest accent than the world.

No, I just think that the Bramian accent is got, like, it feels like, it feels round. Yeah. Whereas the Welsh accent, now I'm saying all this, I can't think of the Welsh accent, but it just sounds like, It just sounds a bit wet. It sounds so wet.

It sounds wet. Yeah. What is a wet place? You just up your accent then when you said that. It sounds weird. It sounds weird. It's weird. It's actually.

You don't say you like the Midlands accent, are you? Wow. It's doing a lot. I will say that. The Welsh accent is doing a lot. It's there. Oh, yeah. It's very bad.

It's very present. It's very present. It's in the room. Do you know what I mean? So I will say that. Like I'm a fan of the music. I'm half Welsh so I've got a lot of Welsh with my family. So I don't mind the musicality of it.

Yeah, I like that. I think it's very friendly and bouncing. But rank the Celtic accents. Oh. Oh. Well, you go first. Okay. This is somebody who's got four fourth places, basically, isn't it?

You don't want to say it. You don't like any of the Celtic accents. I think in terms of what I would want to have, go with that. Okay, there you go. Instead of saying what you think of them. Yeah. Let's say if you had to have a Celtic accent, what order would you put in terms of preference? So personally,

I think I'd go Irish, Welsh, Scottish. Don't get me wrong, I like the Scottish accent, but I would take Welsh and Irish over it. It's a very diplomatic way to say this. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. No. So go on. Welsh over Scottish? Yeah, yeah. I'd go 100% Irish Scottish.

Welsh. I think I do that as well. Even though I really like the Welsh accent. But I'd take them all over English. Some Scottish accents might are going hard. Yeah. Well, this is it. It's like the English accent.

You know, the Scottish accent is multifaceted, isn't it? Yeah. It has multifaceted. Well, maybe we don't have the ear for it. We don't have the ear for it, exactly. Yeah, it's true. It's true. But I think you're probably right.

I mean, England's like, it's mad. I reckon we've got the most diverse. accents on earth. Yeah. I've seen TikToks about this. Is it true? Yeah, people are like, you go to England, it's like

everyone's speaking 100 different, in 100 different ways. People from outside. Is that reform candidate? I don't recognise any of the voices. None of them look like me. I think it's like people from America who have like never left

their state before and they're like, oh my God. Come on, do the accent. they come to the UK and they're like oh my God what the hell they can't like there's some thank you there's some they just can't like they can't get their head around like scouse for example

Scouse to me feels like it exists in its own dimension sure yeah yeah yeah yeah I love Scouse though I'd love to have a Scouse accent I think it's a great accent do you not think so it's meaty yeah but even the like even the more niliting

I wouldn't want it though like I think you don't like it. Paul McCartney, right? I know Paul McCartney's not your typical Scouse accent, but I like that sing-songy Paul McCartney, you know, there. Oh, that kind of thing. That's like the, like the deep one. I do like when they go, you know, they got a, I love that. There's that. There's that one. Yeah. I like that. You can't be like that. There's that. Stephen Graham. Stephen Graham. No, no, lad. Why have you done that for no? Yeah. I see that. I love that. I'm opposed to the kind of this kind of.

That's what I got off to watch Everton play and I hope we win the FA Cup. I like the Scouse accent that just sounds like they're sort of constantly in a state of like frenzy. Yeah.

That's nice. Cram! Cram! Camp in me like, Array! The kind of Brooksidey, the brook's ID accent. The accent that was like

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streaming August 5th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up now at Disneyplus.com. what we could do, let's try and do a rudimentary UK accent World Cup. Right, great. We're going to whip through it. Manchester or Scouse? Manchester. Manchester.

You've got the deciding vote here. Manchester. Manchester's through. Who said Scouts? Owl. Eliminated. Yorkshire or Geordie. It's not even my accent.

Ooh, Jordy's nice. So is Yorkshire, though? I prefer Yorkshire personally. I'm going to go Yorkshire as well. I'll go Yorkshire as well. I'll go Yorkshire. Yorkshire's just... It's cozy.

Tea. It's just... Yorkshire is tea. Do you know what? American Company? You know what? Yorkshire Tea, American Company. One of the great American company.

It's a Yorkshire Coffee. New Yorkshire tea. We're learning a new thing every day. Okay, good. So then we're going to go Birmingham. Yeah. Midlands.

Against the South West. South West we're talking... Like Devon, kind of way. Get out of here. I don't like that. You already said that the Midlands accent's your favourite accents. Of course. I go to Devon personally.

West Coldstore. I know how we make it so creamy. All right, B. That's out of order. All right, B. No, you don't have as much of a strong one. You lived in the posh bottle of war room. So that, this, the stronger one

has been getting on your nerves for your life. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Then that's fair enough. I like that you call me the stronger one. I'll take it. So Midlands against South West. All right. Like Cornish, either Cornish or Devon.

That wasn't any of... Okay. It's like, well, this is like... Okay, so Midlands versus the South... It's really tricky because I like them both. I'm going to go for... I'm going to go Midlands. I'm going to go Midlands.

I'm going to go Devon. You're going to go Devon. You'll go Midlands. Midlands. We've got Manchester. We've got Manchester. We've got Yorkshire. It's on one side of the drawer.

On the other side of the drawer, we've got Midlands versus and this is going to be we've got to do like a London Derby haven't we we've got to do Cockney versus RP we've missed quite a lot yeah I know I know but we're on our toes here yeah Cockney yeah Cockney Cockney versus what was the Celtic accent that won our Celtic accent conversation Irish Irish I think Irish

Cockney against Irish and that is a good Irish I thought you're saying English World Cup no UK No is it UK so we're doing Northern Ireland we're not doing Northern Ireland we're not doing Northern Ireland They didn't qualify for the World Cup because they were too aggressive sounding. Is anyone here going to vote for the Northern Irish accent? It's not a popular accent.

Me? You like it? I like it. What do you like about the Northern Irish accent? I think. That was more robot than anything else. How are you feeling about the Northern Irish accent? Why do you use your lips?

They don't? It's so nice. That's nice. Can you go for what? Is that nice? More than Irish? No. Northern Irish accent.

It sounds like they're always smiling. You're not talking through your mouth, Tom. You're using your nose to... Go on then. Give us a Northern Irish. This is a Northern Irish accent. Oh, it's good. It's good. It's good.

He's good at accents. He is good at accents. Yeah, you've got a special talent. We're good, we're good at accents, you know. Together we're good at accents, right? We're good at accents, you and I. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, then let's bring Northern Ireland

into the mix then. Okay. So we go Northern Ireland. Southern Ireland. Oh, no. That's not healthy. No. I don't think we want to do that anymore.

Southern Ireland wins, right? Yeah. Okay, we're doing Southern Ireland versus. Right. Let's do Southern Ireland versus... Calling Ireland as well. Calling Ireland. Such a no-go.

Imagine if this is the one where you get cancelled. Yeah. This would be the... Yeah, this will be the one. Definitely. But our intentions are pure here. Yeah. Are they?

It's just accents. It's just accents. It's just accents. It's not people. It's just an accent. It's just a purely accents. The people can be lovely. The people can be lovely on a horrible accent.

Yeah. Hey. Hey. So we're talking to the bockers. Yeah. I'll say as people, hate, hate, rummies. The worst. The worst.

The worst. The worst people. Midlanders disgusting. I think they're scum, by the right. Yeah, I said I like the accent. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

So we've got Ireland versus Cockney. Yes. That we're saying. Yes. See, I think the Cockney accent, unfortunately, has been taken and ruined. by the mockneys. Yeah, boys went to private school and are pretending to be Cockney.

And so I can't take it seriously anymore. Let's go Irish. Let's go Ireland. So Irish, of course. Okay. Cockneys are out of here. So we've got an entire country. Okay.

So we've got on the one. So it's not part of the UK. Yeah. We're all over the shop here. Great Britain we've gone too now. That's okay, isn't it? Is it part of Great Britain? British Isles? the British Isles then we're going to

okay I'm very nervous I'm very nervous I'm staying out of this stay out of it let's just do places okay yeah great our places

places places acts in World Cup okay I reckon if you if we add like Spain or something in there then we'll just be completely relieved that's yeah

let's back Spain in there okay anyone wait for Spain no okay can I see you Spain can I see you Spain I'll sit back out okay so on the one side of the draw

we've got got Manchester versus Yorkshire. Manchester. Big semi-file. Manchester. I think it's Yorkshire for me. You've got the deciding vote. Yorkshire.

Yorkshire. There we go. Right. Yorkshire. Yorkshire. Through to the semis. I was mank. But that's okay.

You've lost many times. So I'm going to be gracious. Yorkshire through to the final. Through to the final? Against two other teams. Birmingham or Ireland. Oh, right. Yeah.

The thing is... It has to be Ireland. The Irish accent's very in vogue. It's very in vogue, isn't it? That was so bad to say, probably. People... There are a lot of... There are a lot of big Irish stars at the moment.

You know, people love the Irish... How are Irish accents? Like, I think... Oh, bad. Not good. You said that and everyone's like you with fear in there. No, no. No one's comfortable. No.

So, it's... Are we saying Ireland versus Brummy? Yeah. For the semi-final? Look, I think Island, you know, everyone, people are obsessed with the Irish. I'm going to go Brumme. Amazing. Okay.

Bucking the trend here. Yeah. I'm going to go Irish. Because my lineage. Yeah. Yeah, of course. My heritage. That's not the game.

I know. But it's how it makes you feel, isn't it? It's impossible to. I was going to say, I've got Irish heritage. You're from Wolverhampton. but like it's impossible to devote you can't just it can't just operate in a vacuum can it you've got to bring a little bit of yourself to it yeah do you not think so yeah

yeah well they're they're both about to vote Irish we are yeah yeah are you I think I have to it's a nicer accent you've lost two 70 finals here yeah yeah I have yeah I have and look at me I'm really channeling a lot of faith in your people

I know that's why that's how this whole thing started and you're right at the end you turned against if I come burn it with you yeah it's a draw that producer Connor has the deciding vote

okay great if he goes Birmingham or Irish what would you go for Connor don't fuck this up Irish yeah Irish it's gonna be Irish yeah but that's because he's has Irish he's called Connor for goodness

yeah exactly A good guy called Connell What you voted for? What do you think, Shaibus? Shame's on you, man. Okay, so... This, by the way, is...

Now you sort of frame it as you do, it is bad, that you say a nice thing and we decide to organise a tournament to prove you wrong. Yeah. What's going on... And you know what I will say as well

is that... Here's how pure my love for the accent is. right is that I have a couple of ex-boyfriends from the Midlands and when I did a show in the Midlands recently went absolutely terribly but still I'm flying that flag yeah that's dedication yeah yeah we've had to rough gigs in the event yeah actually that says a lot more about me you're like you need to sort yourself out everyone's had rough gigs in the Midlands they didn't love me there and it was

sad because I love them and I was like guys you're my favorites and they were like what out of what? In an accent world cup around the British Isles. And Ireland. And Irish and Ireland. And Irish. Yeah.

Okay. So what's our final? Ireland versus Yorkshire? Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's what? Sarah, how are you going to vote? Obviously Irish.

Really? Yeah. Well, let's just spend, I think Yorkshire. Nice. Boring. Dependable. solid, yorks you. Warm.

You can rely on me. I mean, I'm coming round to fix your tire. So don't worry about it. Okay. I'm very worried about it. Yeah, yeah. Why you didn't call this man? Listen, I heard your tire's flat.

As far as I know, my tie's fine. I heard you've got to flat. Someone's put a nail in your tire. And you're going to need someone to fix it. And I'm coming around. I'm already here. You've got... It's really scary.

Yeah, you've got Manchester and Scouse at the same time. Trying to bring it to some other players from other teams. When you were in Advert, well, did you... I bet you had to do a lot of Yorkshire accents. No, I once did, I once did like a generic northern accent on a children's television program. And I was very surprised that they went with it. Wow.

Because I'm sure it wasn't a good accent but I think it's because everyone on the production was from the south of England and so just assumed it was a good. That's a northern accent, yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm not an accent person. Clarkie.

You might have noticed. I don't think I'm an accent. I don't even have my own accent. I don't even have my own accent. I know. You can sound more different. Clarkie's got his expressions were his moneymaker. He was all in the face.

That's where the adverts came from. So much money. man. All of you being advert. Exclusive in me at my sphincter but I'm so uncomfortable

I'm so uncomfortable I can't act anymore you're always in pain right you? People thought you're allergic to light. Didn't you have to learn a bit of German

for one of them? I did and I was actually going to bring that up because that was the worst audition I did where I turned up and I'd read the email

and it said it's in German and English the scripts in German in English don't worry about the German and in the German. And in the audition.

I could hear, I started chatting someone I knew in the waiting room and I could hear someone else in the audition doing German.

And as I was chatting to this person I was like, but it said in the email and then I was like, you didn't read the email. And then looked at the email as soon as I finished that

and it was like, it's in German and in English, don't worry too much if you can't do German. Just give it your best shot. Oh. That's why I went here.

I'm so sorry. I've learned. Simon Cowell, do you there? You will not be needing to speak German in this advert very well. But just keep on doing it. You know, it does have to be perfect German. But, you know, give it a go. And I went in and I was like, I'm so sorry.

I haven't learned the German part of it. And he was like, that's okay. Just like approximate it. Oh, no. I was like, I can't approximate German. So I did. And I got the advert. You got it?

I got it. What a way to find out. What the advert was. In fact, Clarkey, describe the, It's the most insane advert you've ever seen. And it was for, it was for Fulder tires, German tires. No, that wasn't the one that I was speaking German for. What?

That was a Netflix advert. It was, wasn't it? God, how many adverts did two German adverts? I did three German adverts. He did a lot of adverts. Oh, I was thinking if the other one where you had to do, tell, tell Sarah about the other advert. The other advert was for tires and a man came in at ordering tires and he was like these prices are correct are there and I was like yeah

and then that guy had to have an orgasm. He jizzed in his pants because the prices were so good and I was like... That was the advert and they put it out. And Clark had to watch him have a jizzing his pants and how did you have to react? That's what it's all on the expressions. Yeah. It's pretty good. It happens all the time. Yeah they're like this again. This happens all the time. Oh and then at the end

like a really attractive woman walks in and I'm like whoa because I'm going to get to watch her have an orgasm. We're very old. It was a different time. Terrible. Terrible. Yeah. Did you have to do chemistry reads

with various people pretending to come in their pants in front of you? Oh my gosh. And they also had a dog in the advert of the guy who was... The dog comes to leg, isn't it?

Yeah, the guy who was scared of the dog. So we had to do an orgasm, but also being scared of this dog. God, that's actually a really specific and hard ask. It's very tough to orgasm when you're scared of a dog. They would have to call in very highly trained actors for that. That's asking you to convey so many different emotions. He's got one

niche thing this guy and he's been waiting years. I can do two things. I should clarify. He was scared of the dog in real life that wasn't. Oh right. That wasn't part of the casting. Oh wow. Okay. Right. They brought it in and he was like and he was like no. And they're like well you didn't say that

you. It was in the whole thing that you were you had to have a dog with you. And he's like I know, yeah. And the dog's like barking against him, isn't it? In a lot of these adverts you did, the overriding things, none of you knew how to read. It was a different time.

Yeah, and then we read the emails. Well, we're at, does he say, that's a lot. Says it, you could ride a horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. See, the thing you said about the doing the German and having to approximate German and then getting the advert,

is the kind of thing that, if that happened to me, I would then fully start believing and I would become psychotic. I would be like, this was a gift from the universe. That, like, how, well,

and you like, this is so confusing. It goes to show, again, it's that thing of like, all they care about. And then, because I,

I'd done such a bad, I'd done such a bad audition. I was like, well, I'm not going to get that advert, of course. So I had a haircut. And then they cast me.

And then I had to go, oh, by the way, I've had a haircut. And I almost lost the advert. Clarkie celebrates every bad casting with a haircut. You've got to treat yourself. It's why my hair's so terrible. It's his thing.

In a long time since I've done a good casting. So, but all they cared about was the money maker. Yeah. Which apparently was my hair. Did you get around this time when you're doing all these adverts like very big-headed? No. He did, yeah. Did he?

He was a nightmare to be around. He was awful. Honestly. It really went to his head. Yeah, yeah. Walking into tire factory is going. Yeah. See the advert?

I watch the guy, James, just walk around and doing it. Yeah, it's me. It's me, guys. It's me. Stand outside, fall the tire shops.

I will say one thing. I was in a, I was in like a takeaway place quite late at night and one of Clarkie's adverts came on the telly, and I said to the guy, I know that guy,

and he couldn't give a shit. And of course, what was I thinking I was going to, I know that guy, standing next to that car? I know. You have to say it. You've got to.

You've got to say it. If you see someone on the telly that you know in real life, not just, I said, Daya. But, you know, if you say something, you've got to say it, even if it's an advert, right? You just got to. Hugh Jackman, he did an advert with Hugh Jackman. I did. Did you?

What was he like? He was lovely. Really? Yeah, very nice. Spent a little weekend with him. Do the accent. Following him around. Do the accent, then.

I was an Australian. He was lovely. Oh, he's a lovely black. Oh, he's a lovely black. He's a lovely black. God, you've really, you've lived a thousand lives. I have, yeah. A thousand adverts.

All over now, though. Don't even have an acting agent anymore, so. So, come on, let's keep it like. Let's keep it like. Okay. So, okay. The big final. Yorkshire against Thailand, everyone.

Okay, here we go. The big final. The big final. So, the final votes are in. Yorkshire against Thailand, everyone. Lucky, come on. You guys. What was I do?

What was the living? Of course, the money's all gone now, isn't the money's all gone? The big final guy, Yorkshire versus Ireland. We didn't invest the money. Okay, so Ireland against Yorkshire. You know where I stand, Ireland. Island. Island.

Island. Great. Ireland. The best accent. In England. In the USA. It is. And surrounding Ireland.

You know, the Irish people have got where they finally wanted, approval from the English. Tournament favorites Tournament favorites. Tournament favorites, yes. Well, well done to Jackie Charlton and the boys. Well, thank you for coming in and seeing us. Thank you.

Irish. I thought that was American. Well, you know, it's a Boston Irish. Here's what he was going for. That was you after you got up at 2.30 a.m. to pray. Any castings you've got coming up? Any castings you're going to plug? You got an acting agent?

Yeah, could you just show them on the hands and say where you come from? I'm going to imagine if this whole thing was a self-tape. And we don't really exist. Yeah. So, you're going to be at the fringe? I am. Is it a spoiler to tell us about what the show is about? Not really.

I mean... We're not going to ruin your finale. No, we're not going to do the finale. No. Which I've told you about. Very exciting. Very exciting. We've heard about it and it sounds very exciting.

Thank you. What do you think? We're through. It'll be great. Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited about that. Honestly, I don't really know what the show is about. Tell them the title.

So actually, it wouldn't be a spoiler. It would be very useful for that to be out there because then I would know. Then you have a brief to write to. Yeah. Yeah. It's about fear. It's a spooky show. It's sort of about how we respond to fear, I suppose.

But that doesn't sound very funny. And what's the title? Scary Movie 7. Great. It's a fantastic time. Have you run it past any legal teams? No. No.

And one person has said you could get sued. And I thought, relax. Was that person the one of the way of brothers? They've just put out Scary Movie 6. It couldn't have come in a better time really, could it? Yeah, it's almost like I knew that, so I called it Scary Movie 7. Um, yeah, there's a possibility that it could, and badly for me, but, um... That's the thrill of the fringe.

Are they going to care? Do you know what? It's an Edinburgh fringe show. And it's a good story. There's no such thing. It's good publicity. Exactly. If you get sued...

You believe that. I think... You're about to get cancelled for... We are. This is only the last episode we ever put out. There's no such thing as bad publicity. Um, yeah, we'll see. We'll see.

It would be quite an icing on top of the cake if I got sued by the scary movie franchise. I would have to be really good for the scary movie franchise to care about it. To notice. Yeah. Are you prepared for at least one person to arrive thinking they're going to watch Scary Movie 7?

Yeah. Yeah, I've completely missold it. I've made a huge mistake with the title. But I think it will be fun. I'm excited to do something kind of gross and spooky. Amazing. Are you doing the full runner? Yeah.

Amazing. Have a great time. Thank you so much. Yay. Thanks for having me. Well, there it is. Well done, everyone. Clarkie, you've still got it, mate.

If you are an agent and you're looking for somebody to act, Clarkie can do some of that. Oh, yeah. Not good with accents. No. Good with expressions. Yeah. He's not good with accents, but he is good with languages.

So if you've got an advert that's in, you know, in Spanish or, you know, French or whatever, he is your man. He doesn't speak those languages, but he does speak those languages. Are you a German casting agent? Alba brother, right. Our calls to arms are getting more and more niche, are they? Okay, well, another one for the books. Another one for the books.

And if you are also a booker, do you get in touch, guys. Speaking of opening the books. Support us on socials. We're on Instagram. We're on TikTok. We're on YouTube. Like, subscribe, share. Oh yeah.

Yes, please. Share, if you're listening. Support us as well. We'd love to have share on this. We believe. Today's episode was produced by producer Connor. Oh, oh, hey. Cheers everyone.

Bye. Bye. That was a weird way.