Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare ep 1633: The secrets of manscaping

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Which one of us is bald? What makes a henge? How would you build a giant? Produced by Connor Hayles Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live PAPPY'S FLATSHARE SLAMDOWN is returning to London for 2 magnificent shows with 4 astounding guests. On Monday 21st September we are at the Phoenix, Cavendish Square WITH SPECIAL GUESTS JOHN ROBINS & CELYA AB Then on Monday 12th October we have our Halloween Special at the Cheerful Earful Festival at the Bedford pub in Balham WITH SPECIAL GUESTS ANIA MAGLIANO & SPENCER JONES They look set to be 2 of the all-time great Flatslams. So get your tickets TODAY!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew. I'm very accusatory. Is there a rumour going around that you're not Ben? I am actually. Well, maybe that rumours started because you've had a haircut and you look so bloody different. All right, listen, so keep the powder dry guys.

We will be, of course, talking about Clarkie's fantastic new haircut on this episode of Pappy's Flatshire. That's right. And if you enjoy us talking about things like haircuts, public art and manscaping, all covered in today's episode. Oh, baby. I've forgotten about that. Yeah, then please do get along to patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share and support your boys

in their journey as they podcast to the grave for just £4 a month. You get a bonus episode every week, you get discounted tickets to live shows and you get episodes like this one, not only early, not only ad free, but early and ad free.

So please do hop on the Patreon and give us £4 a month. Tom, would you be prepared on the Patreon sort of based on this episode to do a live ball shaving. Top tier. Top tier only. Of course, top tier only.

You could see... And there will be tears. If you want to go bottom tier, you've got to go top tier. Bottom tiers have to do it. Right. Well, let's get through this. And we'll see you on the other side.

Tom, you've got to stop saying, let's get through this. This is a pleasure for both us and the listener. You're going to have a wonderful time. You're going to enjoy it. And we'll see you on the other side. Greetings, listener dear. Tickets are on sale. Alert, alert, alert for Pappy's Flat Shair slamdown. Yes, indeed, Tom. You are not wrong. Tickets are currently on sale for the next two Flat Share slamdowns.

We have one on Monday the 21st of September. And my God, are the guests good for that? We've got John Robbins and Celia A.B. Forget about it. Forget about it. I simply can't, Tom. I simply can't forget about it. And then on Monday the 12th of October, we have our Halloween special at the cheerful, airful podcast festival at the Bedford Pub in Ballam, South London.

That's right. Despite our snub at the Golden Lobes this year, we return to the cheerful Earful Festival in Ballam for one of our favourite gigs of the year. Our Halloween special, and it can't be a Halloween special without special guests. And we have Anya Magliano and Spencer Jones,

two of the funniest people we know, getting ready to spook it up with us in Ballon. Yes, indeed. It is the Halloween special. So the specter of us losing out on those golden lobes will be hanging heavy in the air. If you are coming to those, we would love you to come in fancy dress.

We fancy dress it up. We ask our guests to fancy dress it up. So we would like you to fancy dress it up as well. So if you're going to be at those, please come in fancy dress. Also, if you're a member of the Patreon, which I know some of you listening, you are members of the Patreon, if you are, then there are promo codes to get you two quid off all of those tickets. Two quid off the Phoenix Show, two quid off the cheerful, fearful show at the Bedford Pub in Ballon.

That ain't nothing, you know. Four quid. Four quid. Are you on? Tom. Tom. Are you yawning to yorn? promo codes.

At a yawn at the end of the promo. The mad thing is, the promo code is yawn. Yorn 26. It was a clue. And then, of course, for the Bedford one, it's spooky yawn. Of course. Of course it is a spooky yawn. Yes.

All right, folks. Well, do come along to those. 21st of September, John Robbins and Cellier A.B. 12th of October. Anya Magliano and Spencer Jones, all the tickets are available from pappiescomoddy.com forward slash live. Now, on with the show. Have you had a haircut? I have yet. Yeah, boy.

You see? You've got to watch. You've got to observe these things. You've got to watch these things. Clarkie, if you leave him for one second, he will go and have a haircut. Are we? We're on the, we're on the way back, aren't we? We're on the way back. The fact that you say we, because you're bringing down the average in terms of it. Three of us, yes, are all boarding. I got my home. We don't know what's under there.

But I think this is, I think we're looking at a little bit of Widow's Peak here from Clarke. A bit. Is that, I know, hang on, is that a derogatory term these days? I don't think so. I don't think so. Does it make you think about the app, Widows Fire? I don't know what that is. What's Widows Fire?

We were talking about the other day where people go, where Widows go on to hook up. Yeah, yeah. Unlike the ideas, we don't keep thinking about that all the time. this this is going back isn't it Tom is desperate to recruit you to the balding gang maybe but I haven't particularly noticed it but I think give us this side going on

I think that's a pretty reasonable hairline and crucially he's got it all over the top of his head as well Tom well can I tell you one thing I'm going to tell you one thing I've started using regain Have you now? I have. You're a thinning.

Thinning. It's thinning. What's regained? It's the stuff you, it's the foam you massage into your scalp to try and regrow your hair. Is it caffeine? No, I use that as well. The Alpercine, the Alpercino is famous. It's like a pornum of salad dressing.

Alperino. Alperino shampoo. I tell, say one thing about him, he's got a gorgeous head of hair. He has a Leicpercino. So, yeah, he, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's. I use the caffeine shampoo and I use because I've got, I've got a bald patch at the back. Right.

And it's, you know, like, obviously I've got a lot of hair. That's still, you wouldn't. Does that actually work though? The regain thing. Here's the thing, right? Here's the thing, Clarkie. Yeah. Are we becoming one of those podcasts?

Is this branded content? Well, I suppose it hinders on what you're about to say. Right. I don't see hairy palms. So you wash your hands, aren't you? They do say you've got to wash your hands. because I think that's more so you don't just pour it into your mouth by accident.

It's not like magic science like from a film where you suddenly turn into a werewolf. I don't know. Clarkie, it's not like magic science from a film. Okay. Because I know, Clarkie's big question,

anytime you tell him anything. Is this magic science from a film? No, it's not that this time. Okay. It's not this time. Not this time. We've been fooled by magic science from a film before, haven't we?

We have. The thing is, it does seem like it's a lifetime commitment because they say it will, It could take four or five months to start working. Right. So already. That's a lot.

That's a lot. That's a lot of money. When people say this is a series that gets good in, you have to wait for season two. Oh yeah. Wait. Halfway through season two, it kicks in. Forget about it. Who's telling us that, the producers of the show?

Yeah. I tell you what, here's an idea. Make your show good from episode one. How are you impressed on our guys? People in Glasshouses. No, listen, I stand by it. We didn't get good in series two. That's true.

We stuck to our guns. I thought it was good. I thought it was good from the first episode. Second episode, a bit dodgy, but the first episode was good. No. Yeah. So they say four or five months to properly get started. And if you stop doing it, all the effects go away.

All of them. So it's a lifetime commitment of me twice a day massaging my scalp with foam in order to, you know, buy a hat. Well, so if it comes back and you stop, then you reset. Yeah. How long have you been doing it for? I've been doing it for probably about a month. So I'm still early days, early days. But yeah, I've got the,

the hair's thinning, the parting, you can sort of see a bit more scalp on the parting. There's a little bit more at the, you know, a bit more Widow's Peak. It's a worry, isn't it, you know? What are you looking at me like this? Stop looking at me. But the thing is, we've got to maintain our three very different looks.

That's our, that's our brand, isn't it? We've got three very different styles. And so I don't think, you know, we're three guys wearing T-shirts and shirts, shorts who look very, very different from one of them. But I think, you know, the small, the spectra called hairy one, that's my thing. I don't think it's, I think we could sustain all three of us going bored. Hair loss and still be distinct.

Do you think so? That's a relief. Or do we then blue man group in? Do we then lean into it? If we all, if I start to go properly bored, if Clarkie starts to go properly bald, do we go, right, that's it. Just everything but the eyebrows's gone. I don't know what I'm two pubes.

I don't know if I'm... Don't know why. How intimate is this going to get this performance that you're going to be able to see? I've still got my pubs. I've still got my pubs. Can you stop spreading that rumour? Do you...

But I'm all bald. Can I... All bald. You're bull-balled? I'm bald-bould. He's bald... I'm going bald-bould tonight. Check out his bull-balls.

Very Christmas. He's ball-bald. Have you ever landscaped? Manscaped. Yeah. I'm talking about God. But have you ever like... Use a weed whacker on you.

My God. He'll never whack again that much as well. It's like a jungle down there, isn't it? Tom goes in with a machete. Have you ever... Yeah, I've got the mascaper. Yeah. Really?

Oh, yeah. Big time. Not big time. But on occasion. I'm going to... Say big time, Clarkie. Back his own time. Big time, baby.

So you regularly try. trim your pubic region? Yes, yes, I do. How regularly? I'd say three times a day. Because if you stop, then all the effects are lost. Exactly. They really saw you coming, didn't they?

The problem is, it's a bit like when you shave and the hair grows back thicker. Honestly, I can't... In fact, can we wrap this up? Because I've got to go. I've got an appointment with the fly mode. If we don't wrap this up, something will be wrapping that up.

And that thing will be pubic hairs. Matthew I did his shorts one day and I thought we'd open Jumanji. Oh no. A lot of foliage in an elephant's truck. And the rock. Oh no, that's one of my balls. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicety shaved. The rocks. The rocks had a good honor today, isn't he? You're welcome. So weekly, a weekly trim down there. When I'm on my metal, yeah. I should be doing a week. I should be doing at least a fortnightly trimmed.

Gosh. And is that, is that, without meaning to pry? I mean, it's too late for that. Without me to pry, how can you shave your balls?

This is a winning job as you've ever had a house. Without a minute to pry. Do you pry when you get down there? Is it, um, is it just the, like the wig, the hairy bit,

the top bit. It's not a wig. No, but like, you know, obviously I was like, he's done himself there. He really has.

are still hairy. And you wearing a bucket. He came in loud and brown. Because in my head, I don't have to trip by him. Yeah, we know, but in my head it's like, you've got your hair on your head.

Yeah. That's like your pubs at the top. Yeah. And then you've got your kind of chin, you know, like your whittny chin, which is your hairy balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. So it's like, are you doing your balls as well? Yeah. Whoa. Got to do your balls as well. What you're thinking like, you're thinking like really cropped and then just a fatch like at the hanging gardens of Babylon.

Oh, I mean like, you've got, This is my... Tom can't get that concept because that's his look both on top and below. Tom's low hair or beard but times two.

It's Ben, Matthew and the hairy knack. Of course it is. It's very... You know what? It's very morning zoo radio, isn't it? You're listening to Matthew and the hairy knack. Manoy. Traffic.

It's the old bedoyne pop traffic Why have we got the wackiest guy doing the traffic? Seems like that's a bad choice. There's big cues on the MCS. Massive pile up. Get Sally back, get Sally back. Badoin pop traffic. Is that magic science from a film?

I've got to ask. The way you made it. that noise? Was that magic science from a film? What's the phrase when people say, do the upstairs match the carpet or something like that? Does the carpet match the drapes? That's right. Does the carpet match the drapes? That's an unrelated.

That was an unrelated thought. Yeah, thank you for dropping it. That's good podcasting that. But I just don't, I've never felt a need to, like, it's quite a jeopardous exercise. Yeah. Putting any kind of... Did you not have to show you?

of them for your cesarean vasectomy I don't think anyone noticed I don't get anyone noticed something like I would have noticed I'd be like

no no I didn't no no I maybe I had to do a little trim a little trim maybe I had to do a little trim yeah but I didn't

the idea of putting any kind of like blade or raised Yeah, but what about lovely, lovely scented soap? What about that? You can pop that round. You're not, and it falls out. You're beaten.

No, no, no, no. No, you use that, like, in the way that you, when you would shave your face, you would put on like a kind of foam and then you'd shave it off. Well, you lather your balls. Yeah, of course. And then shave them. No wonder you don't enjoy it. You go just dry balls to razor.

You're doing it in the shower with soap. Some shears. Why? Why, why do it? Just to neat it up. I think there's perhaps a little bit of aesthetics and probably quite a lot of comfort. Yeah. Aesthetics and ergonomics.

I think maybe. I think maybe to look at you, I think you're probably not dealing with a lot of hair. Oh, dear you actually. I don't think I am either, which is why you've got very fair, very fair hair. No, I'm not a hair. So, but I think for people who are, I think that could get quite uncomfortable. I don't think... Especially in this weather.

Yeah. I don't think I would know the difference. Tom can't see his testicles. Let's cut out the middleman here. Let's just get down to brass jacks. Tom hasn't seen his dick and balls for the last five years. He wishes he could cut out of the middleman. Dark help me cut out of the middle man.

He got an injection or something. Did you have to shave the balls for your gastric band? What do you mean you wouldn't show the difference? You wouldn't, no, the difference between, right, can you tell the difference between when you've shaved your chin and not shaved your chin? Well, aren't your test, aren't your, isn't your scrotum famously nerveless? Nervless? Isn't, yeah, isn't the scrote? That's quite so pleasant to get kicked in the balls, isn't it?

No, not your balls. Okay. Your balls are full of nerves. No, I think, but I think your scrotum's nerveless. I think, I could stick it out. to take a hammer a nail through it. I think you can stick a needle through your scrote and it's fine actually. I don't know about it.

What Jim Rose Circus Side Show have you been to? Because it's just, it's like your earlobe. No, that hurts. No, no, your earlobe doesn't have... It does. It does. It does. It does.

It does. It does. It does. Okay, it's not like your earlobe. No. Famously full of nerves. Tom just pierced his ear with his finger. I think you can pinch your stroke quite hard.

I think. Come on, Jane, I'm feeling nothing. I think you can grow your nails, pinch your scrote, and it's okay. I don't think, I mansake my nails so I'd never know. So you think that if somebody were to get fingernails. A staple. And a staple. Oh, good God.

But also, then why are you, why? Why are you worried about shaving your balls? This is so, this is so strange to try and follow any of your thought. By the way, just very quickly, Clarkie, it's a lovely haircut. Well, just no one pays you a compliment and we immediately talk about how hairy my balls are. Is that how we don't speak?

Do you shave your balls? I would never do that because it's scary, but also they have no feeling in them. Right, we're all caught up. That was my promise. Why to shave? I was all caught up. If I had anything that wasn't a button pop fly.

No, but the, yeah, anyway, okay. Okay. Okay. So we established that the testicles are, in fact, quite sensitive. No, I think what's in, yeah, what's in the bag is sensitive. Go back to it. What's in the bag is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you've got a carry bag full of two watermelons, right?

Bloody hell, Tom. Yeah. Two watermelons. Not the big ones. Honestly, you've got to get yourself back to the... You know, the small ones. You can get small watermelons. I would say small watermelon still big, right?

Not in comparison to the size of them. Like, I think actually to scale, I don't want to double down, but like, you guys to love you, doubling down. Like a supermarket carrier bag with two small watermelons in. Yeah, okay, I'll take that. You're saying that... If you'll make, if I have to build a giant, like for an exhibition. Yeah.

The key word there is giant, isn't it, Tom? That's what we were saying. No, I'm to about scale. Like, carry a bag to two watermen. Watermelons, not bad actually. Okay, okay, yes, yeah. Well, yeah. We don't know because you don't see the rest of the giant, have we told?

So I've never seen a small water. Sleeping bag full of bubble wrap. Sleeping bag full of bubble wrap, carry a bag full of two warmmelons. No, because, no, sleeping bag is slightly bigger than a human being. I'm moving on. Yeah, okay. You know what, do you know what? If you're moving on, so am I.

I'm moving on to the legs and the knees. I'm like, we've fixed that bit. I'm moving on to the thighs. Can I just say, if you're, making a giant, why are you starting with his bollocks? What project is this? Who's commissioned this? You've got to work out from the middle, haven't you?

You're working like the what's his name? The St. Albus giants. What's the, you know, the one made out of chalk with a big bowler? Oh yeah, I see that on the way to, do I or is it a white horse? I see one of them on the way to London. That's a good story.

Kim, man. You see one of two things on the way to London? I think it's a horse. It's a horse. It's a horse to be how bigger it's bollets. I think there

should be more of them. Are there feelings in the bottom? No, I agree with you. I think more if you go past

Angel of the North beautiful. Fantastic. Right. The old Gormley there. You go past the White Horse.

The White Horse. Unforgetable. It's actually a really good point. This is your first good point in the day by the way. Well,

once, once listener dear facts checks this back then I can't wait for that. But yeah, you just feel like Dear pappies, I stable my scrotum and I want a refund. Currently, lay, Lee, I'm blacked out.

Yeah, please. It goes out saying that anything that, let's just say Tom says, anything that Tom says should not be attempted at home. It's magic podcast science, okay? Don't worry about it. Yeah, I think if I was in charge of any council, first thing I'm doing is like, what can we, what big thing can we put out by a,

motorway. Yes. The thing is with you, it would be an enormous portrait of you, like a dictatorship, wouldn't it? It would be our glorious leader.

It would be you, a big portrait. Yeah. I commissioned Tom to do it because he's, I know where he's going to start. And also, if the council you've taken over

isn't by a motorway, they're going to be upset with that. It's a good point. Can you not sort the bins out first? I think your priorities all out of whack. We have to drive 150 miles to see the work you've done. It's like,

come on. It's a big double defos made out of chalk. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's good. That's good idea. But we're talking about public art, basically. Public art, yeah. And the, you know, the old, the old school public art.

Your hinges. Yeah. Your crop circles. Your chalk drawings. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. Well, the hen, I don't think they built a hen for art.

We don't know what they built it for, do we? That's true. It's a mystery. It certainly looks good. It does look great. Looks amazing. They found another henge the other day, didn't they? They found like an earlier henge.

Yeah. And you think, how did they miss that? They're fucking huge. How small it is like out of spinal tap? We found another one. It's two inches tall. Is it in the ground? Is that right?

It must be in the ground, surely. Overgrown, that kind of vibe. But even if, even if stonehenge was covered in moss, you still see it, right? Yeah, yeah. So if you had to nail your colours to the mast and say, What? The head. It wouldn't hurt.

And trust me, it wouldn't hurt. Um, on, on what the henge is, was there for. Yeah. What are you going for? I think it's got to be something to do with the stars.

That's good. I think it's got to be some kind of like, yeah, it's got to be some kind of, we're looking to the heavens. We're trying to calculate things. So if you look, then what you're saying,

if you lie on this stone. If you view it, if you view it through this way, you can see the great bear. I guess it would be. I think look up has got to be part of it. I'm going to go, isn't it more to do with the sun and where the shadows are going on the ground?

Do you think it's a clock is what you're saying? No, I'm saying it's to do with the sun and whether you have got the ground. Can we all just agree? I think if it was to do, I think if it was a sundial, we would have figured it out by now. You would have gone, that's a big sundial. Because people are always there in the day time. And also you go, why are you making such a big sundial?

But isn't it, isn't there isn't the position of the sun in the solstice? Like, it matters to Stonehenge. Right. So it's, it's not a daily something. It's like the yearly cycles or something. It's a calendar. It's a calendar. Stonehenge is a calendar.

He's very pleased. I think you've cracked it. Okay. I think you've cracked it. Great. There we go. So we're happy with that. Yeah.

So we agree that there's no nerves in the scroters. Yes. Yeah. I'm there for. Ergo, I'm right about everything. Yeah. Ergo you're right about everything. Yeah.

Clark, he's going bald. I'm going bald. I'm going balls. There's no nerves in the scrotum and it's a big calendar. And it's a big calendar. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think we should try and get a, I think if I was a public artist.

Yeah, which in a way you are. Where you're pointing to that. Then a modern, a modern Henge. Let's get a Henge back kind of thing. Yeah, I agree with you there, actually. It's not a bad idea, is it? You're on a role. Yeah.

You can't, because the thing is, the description of Stone Henge is the thing it's made of and henge. Yeah. So you need to work out what you're making. making your henge out of. Yeah. Yeah.

Graphite. Graphite henge. It doesn't sound as good, does it? It doesn't sound as good. The problem is, is that it just, it's going to sound too modern,

isn't it? You know, you don't want a glass henge, you don't want to steel henge. I don't quite like steelhenge. Quite like glass hensers. Glass hens is pretty good. Henge of glass and steel,

like the pompadu center? I think one or the other, though, I think you have to go for singular. It's going to be one thing. I don't think glasshenge. Glasshenge is going to get very hot. It will be, It's going to be a fire hazard.

Those poor ants walking around there, you know, those poor ants who've been living on that, in that field for years. What about meat henge? And it's also a street food market. Oh, so you're saying, so it's a giant outdoor slab of meat that people serve food out of.

And it cooks over a year. Oh, that's what you want. Slow cooked, slow-cooked pork pork henge. Falling off the bone. By the solstice. buy this sauce. It's melting the mouth. Because you know what?

People who are really into Stonehenge tend to eat big meat eat meat eaters. The kind of people who wear this sort of flowing gypsy skirts are the kind of people who love a big hunk of meat. Bill Tong Henge. Yeah. Yeah. Lovely bit of Bill Tong Henge. Yeah, I do like the idea of a henge that is an edible henge. An edible henge.

Do it, does anyone have a reading on? what henge, what it means, what a hench? What is a henge? I don't, no, I'm sorry to say. Yeah, it's a real shame. I'm sure you, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out, mate. In my mind, in my mind, it's just any three bits that are assembled in that way is basically a henge. Like an arch type thing.

Basically like an arch, yeah, but disconnected, yeah. Any three bits, that's your henge. What about, it is. What about an exhibition that is the human Henge? Like a Halifax advert? Yeah. Yes. Exactly.

You've got Howard there singing Henge, Henge, Henge, Henge, Henge, it's a human Hinge. That kind of thing, yeah, it would be good. Oh, the presence of Howard from the Hallyfax Adverts doesn't make it feel, it doesn't, it doesn't feel. It doesn't give it the gravitas. It doesn't quite take, it dates it ever so slightly. But it's like human Henge. And a different person takes over from someone daily. You're doing it for a day.

You don't want to be one of the people who's holding, go on, so, okay, good news, for 24 hours, you're going to be holding another human being above your head. Because the way I'm imagining it is one, one person, arms up. I mean, let's face it, two people who are of a similar height, you two, and me lying across you. Oh, I see.

I'm getting the futon. Sure, I am. I'm planking, very nice thing. Hairy Boys are underneath you. They're too hairy, but yeah, exactly. I can be on top of you going, yeah, you are going bored actually, from this angle you are.

But yeah, that's good. We could be the human Henge. As like an exit, as for comic relief. For comic relief. For comic relief. Always. When will they ask us to be a human?

When will they ask us? Why are they always asking Sarah Cox to ride a bike or whatever it is? And they're never asking the three of us to be a human hedge. 24 hour henge. fresh off their success of the 24-hour stonk they're here to do stonk-ch-ch-ch oh dear Tom I think we did just for a bit of context because because otherwise

Tom's gone into his minds palace every year every year when comic relief rolls around we send each other the song the stonk by hael and pace I would say the best the best comic relief single ever yeah before they started just They're one of the best singles of all time, one of the best British singles of all time. Yes. And we think, wouldn't it be great to do the stonk

to the rhythm of the honky tonk for 24 hours? Yes. Because when I was at university studying performance artists, there was a performance artist kind of theatre company. And one of the things they did is dressed as cowboys. The line dance. I remember that, yeah. Yeah.

Oh. And members of the public were encouraged to go down and join in. and it was some kind of comment on, I guess, American foreign policy or something like that. Or toxic masculinity or any of that. Yeah, I mean, like the beauty of those things is like... You know what? This is the breed of art, isn't it?

It's what you interpret it to be. It could be a calendar. One man's calendar is another man's star circle. Exactly. Exactly. It's rare that Tom's not happy with something he says. The expression on your face after that. He's slamming my...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was to do the stars. Oh, he's proved me wrong. He's proved you. To be fair, I have proved it wrong. He's got me banter rights there. Tom's amazing counter-argument of just scowling it your idea. I've got no words, but this facial expression should tell you you're wrong.

But the good, yeah, like the good thing about those performance art like type endeavors is you do a thing and then people have to work it out. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Abramovich, Maria Abramovich, you know, all of her stuff. You know, what does it mean, though? What does it mean? It's always a statement on something. Yeah.

What does any of it actually mean? You tell me, man. And the less you say, the more. More clever you look. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Just like, well, I think that's for you to.

Exactly. You just listen to the lyrics of, um, the lyrics of, um, the lyrics of the stonk and work out what it is we're trying to say. So exactly. Why are we stonking for 24 hours? Yeah. I mean, I think I'll make releases.

Yeah, I forgot it Yeah, don't tell them that, don't tell them that. In fact, put a red nose in your mind.

But surely it's for charity, right? Oh, well, not for us to say. We have, but where are the funds going? Not for us to say. No.

Not for us to say. Brum, Rolls-Royce. Rolls-Rge. There is a carhenge at Glastonbury, I think. Is there? Carhenge. Okay.

That's good. Shangri-lari type places. Yeah. A car hen... See, there you go. And presumably we're talking three cars, right? I think they've managed to get round. But I mean, each bit is three cars.

Oh, yeah. It's not like made... It's not like sort of a hundred foot high and made of like 40 cars each. You've got two cars on their end. One car. Yeah. But you get round. Oh, you get round.

You get around. Car does not a henge make. No, no, no, no. So, yeah, it has to be a selection of, it has to be a circular formation. Yes. Of three bits. Very literal, my interpretation.

I'm not mad keen about it. But he's described what I can see. Rather than, I've added any interpretation to it. We have, we have been lacking, really. We've, we had, in our lifetime. Yeah. We've had the Millennium Dome.

Yeah. Yeah. We've had the Angel of the North. Yeah. Yes. Crossby Beach, yeah, we've had that as well. Yeah. But not really...

Not really anything else. We need something big. And not for a while. No. And I know times are hard and public arts kind of... No, but you... This is what... You've got to put money into the arts, haven't you?

Yeah. Yeah. I think you do. And also, right, we're in a time when statues are being pulled down, right? Okay. Get rid of all the old, you know, the old slave-owning basters, get rid of all of them. Right.

Something for the people. you know this is Papi's statue a big a big we keep my slave owner

henge went down like yeah who's to say we're celebrating them worse time to do a slave owner

three plantation owners was tough it was a it was a big pitch that it's a comic relief didn't go well

why don't they never book us it's madness but that's because the Millennium Dome it felt like okay I tell you what we have

What we have also got as well is, and you occasionally see this, you'll be walking down the street and you'll occasionally see a painted cow. Yeah, yeah. That seems, and I've got, I never know what they are, and they're always painted different colors. So you can go around and look at all of them. It's like, yeah, but come on. Who's doing that? It's got it.

I think once I've seen one of them, I've kind of seen all the painted cows. They're all painted differently, are they? Yeah. Are they all cows, though? They're all cows. Right. Okay. Well, I mean, I did suggest a meat hench.

It's the fact that. It's just a cow. If that cow had been butchered, then yeah. Yeah, that's, well, you collect them up. Yeah. We need another great big piece of thing. We need another great big piece of thing. Exactly.

That's our pitch. What's the great big piece of thing that we need that's going to, and where is it going to be as well? I mean, you've got a lot of green space around you, haven't you? You've got a lot of... Front garden, back garden. Yeah. Are we coming up with another idea to stick in Tom's cul-de-sac?

For the love of God. You want it somewhere that people are driving. That's the thing the angel of the north has got. People are driving past it a lot, right? Yeah. Yes. Your motorway idea. It's got to be by a train line, buy a motorway.

Thank you. In the car park of a service station. Watford. Watford. Let's finally... There is a gap. Yes. Let's fill it.

We're going to plug the Watford gap. With a giant piece of Bill Tong. With a Bill Tong. Watford's Bill Tong Henge This isn't a good way to spend Comic Relief, well, but we're about out of time so I'm afraid. What I'm afraid we're going with it.

Watford's Bill Tong Henge, by the way, is absolutely the name of a band doing a session for Steve Lamack. Nobody wants to hear, nobody wants to hear some album tracks and some new material from Watford's Bill Tong Henge. They're going to be playing King Tuts Wawahas.

So don't forget to catch their on tour. Well done for getting through that. No, Tom, Tom. Tom. Tom. It's good to say. What we can say is... What a fun episode.

Yeah, sorry. What a fun episode. And since that record, very pleased pronounce, everything I've said has been fact-checked and was correct. So that's very good. Go forth and staple without fear.

Yes. And also don't fact-check yourself. Just. Yes. Absolutely. Treat Harry as the Oracle as we do. And do get in touch and tell us what you think are Henges. Oh my God, yeah, absolutely.

And your suggestions for public art would be greatly appreciated. Can you better Watford's Bill Tonghenge? Not sure anyone can. No, you can't. You can't, guys. Don't even bother. Anyway, Pappiesflatshare at gmail.com if you want to get in touch. Yes, also we're on the socials.

So show the love, share the clips. The clips are the content these days. They really are. They really are. We're on TikTok. We're on Spotify. We're on Spotify. We're on, yeah, yeah.

That's not the socials. On TikTok. We're on Instagram. And we're on YouTube. You might be watching us there right now. Yes. All right then. Well, bon appetit and we will see you on the other side.

Bonapit. Yeah, Tom's looped himself, unfortunately. Today's episode was produced by Connor. Boy, oh, hey. Cheers, everyone. Bye. It's not normally this early in the day that you lose your mind. Bon Appetit.

Bon Appetit. And we'll see you on the other side. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom's in a constant loop of starting podcasts that we haven't done yet.