Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare Ep 1635: Would YOU chip in on a communal Peloton? (a half and half special)

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

How do you get cast in a police line up? What household object would we turn into in a Beauty & the Beast style curse? And how many continuity errors can you spot? This very special episode was recorded over 2 sessions for reasons of Ayoade Bamgboye. Produced by Connor Hayles Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live NEXT SHOW(S) October 12th - Bedford Pub, Balham with guests Ania Magliano and Spencer Jones. It's our Halloween special and fancy dress is actively encouraged! Our Christmas show will be at the Clapham Grand on December 8th, tickets go on sale in November. Mark the date, it’s gonna be our biggest show ever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My reg league goalie says he plays for the love of the game. You gave up six goals last week, Steve? Maybe play to win, huh? Like with Bet365, I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout and can cash out at any time before the game ends. Steve, Bet365, the home of winning early. Must be 19 and older, Ontario only. Please play responsibly.

If you were someone you know is concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca, or call 1866-5-1-2,600. Terms and conditions apply. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew. And what a show we have for you. It's another classic Pappies Flatshare.

Absolutely. And one like no other, actually, because much like a game of football, I've always said a game of football is like a game of two halves. Bloody hell, Tom. I'm sick as a palat. Yeah. And this podcast is as well, because we started recording and we were chatting about all kinds of interesting things.

We were talking about cul-de-sacs, pelotons. Sell, sell, sell, sell, Tom. But then we were watching the Sopranos on a wrong machine. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. And then we were abruptly interrupted by one of our podcast guests arrived. So we paused the record. And then we started it again in a different recording session.

A week later, yeah. So actually there is a haircut that happens. Mid-record, if you're watching on the YouTube. I genuinely, when you said that, I was like, that's not a term I've heard before. It was like a recording thing. We performed a haircut. Yeah, there was a continuity error in this record. See if you can spot it.

Yeah. So please do look out for that. We'll probably let you know when the join's happening. But otherwise, really enjoy this. Yeah, so like I said, if you want to say that to the list, doesn't it? I really enjoy this. If you want to see the join, you can see the join. it on YouTube. We stick these episodes up on YouTube

or because I listen to it obviously where you're listening to it now. Support us on socials. Hop on the clips and share them around. Help us get more listeners. And if you do want to support us on our journey of podcasting to the grave, then go to patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share.

What do you get at the patron? Oh, you get all kinds of wonderful stuff. Every single week, you get a bonus episode. Pappy's Flatshare Pop Brown, which is a lovely little chat. We read your emails. We have a chat. The emails he sent us. We don't go into your inbox.

We hack into a different listeners account and we read their emails. It's not a bad idea actually. It's not a bad format. It's a hell of a format. Yeah, so we hack into your emails. We read those. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. And we do, of course, we do tell some stories that are just too hot for the main feed.

That's true. I don't mind it. Okay, but in the meantime, get in to this recording of Pappy Flashier. We're always looking for the next big thing, right? It's fair to say, right? Here's a circuit I think we could do very well on. Police lineups. Do you get paid?

You must get paid. They're not always going to be to volunteer. That's a good point. But are they out of work actors? They must be. Out of work, out of work, local characters. Are they still doing them? That was going to be my other question.

I've never, obviously, I've never seen one. I've never been involved in one. I've only ever seen them in television, but presumably the reason they're in television is because they exist in real life. Lots of things on television at day. No, no, I know that. I've seen sci-fi.

We learned up the hard way. That tele-tubby's conversation was difficult with Clarking. If one came at me, I'd shoot it. I don't care. I would throttle it with my bare hands. Aim for the screen. That's the kill shot. But yeah, do you not think, right,

firstly, do they exist? Secondly, we're not going to be able to answer that today. We can't answer that today. Get in touch, guys. Pappy's Flatshare at gmail.com. Please do you get in touch if you've been involved in one. Because didn't they move, it felt like they moved away into the less fun photo fit category.

I think they're two separate things. No. Two separate things. Because the photo fit is, the photo fit is to get the guy in, right? Yeah. And then they want people who looks like that guy. Yeah.

Or doesn't. You can't have, they can't be so close. Because also if you, it's a bit like, you know when you go for a casting for an advert? Yeah. And you go in and it's like,

all, for me, it's all the little guys with the short guys with beard and glasses. We're all there. We're all doing the same casting. You can't have that, can you? Because it makes the little old lady who's got to finger the crim for one of a better term.

Whoa, what happens? Yeah, I know. All right, I'm in. Clark is calling his agent. You know what? Wave the fee. Wave the fee. Just get me in their door. Give me the keys, you cocksucker. I'll be for real.

Flip me! So they can't all look too similar. So actually the three of us could probably do... It could be like, no, it's definitely not that guy. Yeah, because now in my head, I'm just backpedaling it because I was thinking, is there a risk of you going into a police lineup? And being innocent and coming out as a person who did it. That's what I used to think.

But then if you're the fucking actor, then you're... Do you know what I mean? Like, what's the deal there? My greatest ever role. A 10-year stretch. Well, it's nice to have some consistent work, isn't it? It's an out-of-work actor. If someone said, I've got the next 10 years your life sorted.

Catering accommodation. Exactly. Better, bored. Yes, please. It's either east end. It's better. Very bored. Lots of time to work up my manuscript.

Come out of 10 years later. How did it go? I still not started, if I'm honest with you. No. I've got some good outlines, really strong ideas. Yeah. It's sitting in a prison. I know that.

But yeah, I always thought that that if you went in for a police line up and you weren't the criminal and they said it's him, you went to jail. And that can't be right. They can't be right. Because they must have,

they must know that they haven't got five people who might have done it. They've got one person who might have done it and a bunch of other people. We should be in on that circuit. I also thought they just asked other criminals who are knocking around the station. Yeah, but who's going to fall for that, honey trap?

Hey, listen, we're not going to arrest you for this. We know you've done loads of other crimes. Come on in. And people knocking around the cells kind of thing, like get them in while we got them. That's good. That is good. That's not bad, is it?

You know what? You've already got a bunch of people in. Because I'm also thinking, and I don't want to go full bus cocks on this, but if you show me five people and four of the rackers and one of them is a criminal, I'm backing myself. Oh, are you now?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm backing myself. Did you ever watch? Everyone's got desperation in their eyes, though. Very hard to tell. The criminal is the only one not sweating. Did you ever watch the show?

I think it was called This Is My House. Did you ever watch that? And it was, it was a very funny format. And it was Stacey Dooley would, Stacy Dooley would go around a house. Yeah, already good. And some celebrities would have to, some celebrities who are watching videos

of Stacey Dooley going around a house would have to watch four people showing Stacey Dudy around this house. Often at the same time, only one person owns the house. Okay. So, and... And if you succeed in the blag, you keep the house. Yeah, it's the amazed house.

I mean, that is basically what MTV Cribs was, wasn't it? Because it was never their house. What? Yeah, they'd hire houses. They'd hire houses. And famously, the only person who ever did it for real was Red Man, where he just, it was famously. You can't want it to tell me.

You ask anyone. Why are we telling this famous story? Anyone will tell you? Oh, yeah. Oh, the famous Redman Cribs thing. It was a very famous... You walk into any pub in the country and someone of me chat about

the Redman episode of Cribs. Famously Redman. It was a famous episode because it was just like a flat. He had like his mate asleep on the sofa. He was like, this is where I keep my money. He had a shoebox with like... He was keeping it.

And it was just like a messy flat. And they were doing all the... You know, all the cool music to it. Wow. But for everyone else, weren't as rich as they said they'd just hire a house. It'd be like, here are all my cars. But that's why all of them just didn't look like a lived in house.

And it's just they're going around. I just thought they'd had a big old clean beforehand. Proper deep clean. Proper gassy up before they. None of them lived there. Where'd you stand on the amaze houses? You interested? Do you dabble?

I always think. I never dabbled. I'd always, I always just think like, wow. that'd be great. Amazing. Maybe I'd have a weekend there at the start before. Nice one, Tom.

Don't mind it. That's their pub, but yeah. Go on. You're looking around it. I'd sell it. You'd have to sell it. Because you can't afford to live in it. That's the thing.

The first electricity bill, I'll be like, oh shit. You're inheriting a money pit, is what you're in. You know, and because it just, someone just won the May's house recently in Cornwall. and it obviously looks incredible. My neighbours. Are you neighbours? Down the road. It's quite far away.

You'd have been Devon, don't you? It's, you know, on a clear night, you can tell you a maze house. Three-hour drive. Only the three-hour drive. This is somebody who's moved out of London. Oh, we're very close. It's three hours to get to Cornwall. Just down the road.

Right round the corner. Yeah, so they've won the Cornwall House. They've won the Cornwall House. and the guy was saying, you know, we've always wanted to go to Cornwall. We could never afford to go to Cornwall. But now we're going to spend our first, you know,

our first holiday in Cornwall is going to be in our own house. And I thought, you can't afford to go to Cornwall, right? What's that? I don't know where he lives in the house, in the world, but like, say it's an 80 quid in petrol, right? Say it's 80 quid in petrol.

Yeah. You can't afford that. Yeah. You ain't turn the lights on in there. He still can't afford it. You can't afford it. Yeah. What are you doing with your mayor's house?

You have to, yeah, to sell it. Oh, don't they give you a cash? Don't they give you a lump sum at the start as well? Yeah, you get like a million quid or something or half. Like, you get a big chunk of change. You get a chunk of change.

It's a good. Yeah, yeah. Is it a good deal? 100,000, I think. It must be a good deal. It must be a good deal. There's no reason why a company who gives away free houses would be giving bad deals to people.

There's no reason. I also think they probably go, look, you can have the house or you can have two million. I mean, we've, Clark and I've talked about this before about, like, there is the sense of living in a house that's slightly too big. As Carkey's talked about that? I've seen his house. Like, you've got so much space, man.

You know, you go to someone's house, and it's a big house, and you get into, like, the third room, and it's like, well, what's this room for? Yeah. Yeah. It's that. It's like, I think your lifestyle would get baggy. You would, you would use WhatsApp for people inside the house.

Yeah, you'd be constantly like, where are you? Yeah. What am I doing in here? Yeah. You'd have a bit of a crisis, I think, of confidence. You'd be like, well, I don't know what's doing here now. I've got to take up some fucking new hobby. You know what?

I'm hitting. Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like I'd panic with slightly, like you want enough space to fill, but you don't want to be, you know, pushing to fill it.

It goes into, it goes into the shining territory, doesn't it? There's something that's shining about winning the Amaze House because they're always quite remote as well. When you switched off your last light, basically,

because you can't afford to pay it to make it out of email. Yeah. But it's like, you know, when you switch off, why did I invest so much money at this axe? Yeah. Oh, well,

Oh, well. Yeah. I might just thinking of mazes. Is that the reason why I think of... Maybe that's what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The frozen maize house. The O-Maze, the O-Maze maze.

Yeah. You don't want to be too big, I don't think. And a maze is always like... Yeah. I don't know. Like an extra room. What would you do with a superfluous room? If someone now gave you an extra room,

graft it onto your house. So my... So my auntie's just bought a house It's got a cinema room in it. Fucking don't mind that. Wow. Don't mind that one bit. That's very cool.

Yeah. She was like open that door and you open it. It's like, oh, there's a cinema room. Completely blacked out. Two steps for sofas and a screen. It's actually an Odeon, isn't it? She's not really allowed to be. I don't know why you knock that wall through because that isn't your...

That leads straight onto the high street. But that, yeah, don't mind that. Yeah, don't mind that. Cinema room would be nice. Cinema room's good. Panic room? Panic room. Every room in my house is a panic room.

If you try hard enough, yeah. The other thing, of course, is the bowling alley where you're going to murder Paul Dano. You always know you've achieved everything you can achieve in life if you're smashing someone's head in with a bowling pin. I always thought pool table. That's what you'd always go to. Yes. Well, I think now, who you play it with. Yeah, in light of what,

and also in light of my stage in life, you'd probably lean towards gym now. Oh, yeah. And then you go, well, go and have a little gym session. Yeah, that's a room you definitely not go in there, isn't it? Yeah. Cinema room, you're going to be in there every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jim room. Yeah, I think an entire room for a hobby you've never had is not the plan. I know. Not the plan. But cinema. One you're going to need. Yeah. Cinema room with an excise biking.

Hello. Yes. Now we're talking. Peloton with a really big screen. I've done this. I've got myself set up now in my work shed. Yeah. I've got a telly in a row machine.

Lovely. No. Because it's not nice to row when you're watching something. It's very hard to just enjoy it. Yeah. It fucks it actually. So it's like I'd rather just like, I'd struggle. You've got off all the telly, haven't you?

Well, it's awful. And like, it's the same, like, you know, you don't think John would improve this if I was fucking cycling whilst watching it. And it's like, it just, even the Tour de France. Just compromises. It compromises the Sopranos. Yeah, like, you know what? It deserves to be watched. You can't row and watch the Sopranos.

It turns everything into a slog, doesn't it? Yeah. It backfires in every which way. That's true. So it's like, actually. Yeah, there's a real Pavlovian effect then to watching any media. Yeah. You're like, oh, God.

I just immediately start. sweating which is my Pavlovian effect of most things to be honest so I don't know that's what I feel like you've got to fucking nail your colours to the mast

yeah this is who I am now I'm going to sit here on this so what are you doing on this sofa what are you doing when you're rowing are you rowing in silence or are you rowing with like music on or what are you he's not rowing

I'm crucially not rowing but I'm not Watching the sopranos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have ruined the sopranos. I'm going to go watch the sopranos in my shed if that's all right, Jane. I sit on the row machine. But I dare to row.

You watch Battleship Potemkin. I respect the fucking game, haven't you? Just that really uncomfy chair? Very, very small, the chair, isn't it? Oh, yeah. I don't know who it was designed for, but very, very, very, very small. Like a bony chair. Yeah.

Yeah, but that's, my plan is to row myself to glory. but like I don't know if I haven't started yet and I've owned the road machine for three years. But it's just like... And I bought it off a person who said, oh, I bought this and I've never used it

and I was like, yeah, you mug, well, I'm going to. Yeah, I did that with a bike. Three years I've not used it yet. I got a bike off a guy who bought a Peloton instead and I was like, I can see that in my future. But then someone stole the bike

so sadly not. Couldn't have gone. One thing about a Peloton is they don't get nicked very often. That's it. Don't even need to lock them up. I forgot. I said that. I left it downstairs.

What about a public Peloton? Or like you buy one together as a street and you're going on it. It's like a tandem but for every part on the street. I've considered that. We've got a courtyard downstairs. It's just largely unused. And I feel like if we could all club together and get something going on. But isn't a peloton for the street, the gym?

It is. But if you had a gin in your house. If everyone on the street WhatsApp bums in 30 quid, then there's a street Peloton, isn't there? It's bought. Yeah, but then you just use a rotor. They need subscriptions. That's how they get you.

That's how they get you. How are we doing it, though? Because there's going to be real peaked, like people are going to want to wake up in the morning and before work do their Peloton. Not me. No, you're never going to want to do it. Yeah.

You were the mastermind. behind the group of Peloton, but you in no way are interested, no way interested in the, actually applying it. Yeah. I mean, I like, I think the idea of a blank courtyard, this is, this is an interesting space. Because I think whereas I'm operating on a cul-de-sac,

I can't really envisage where the, where the pelotons living. A cul-de-sac, though, surely, right in the middle. Right in the middle of that. Right in the middle of a little. But you're turning, sir. The turning wheel. Yeah, yeah. You'll need a little pagoda for it.

It's a weatherproof. It's not that big a turning circle. Put it on a plin. So you've got a very long pole. It's a full workout. That's a lot of scrutiny, isn't it, for your work? Yeah. Getting up there on the cliff.

Not if it's high enough. It's so high people can't see you. How are you getting up there? You jimmy it up. It's a full body workout. You jimmy up the pole. Slide back down. That's exciting.

That's the fun bit. Like you're on a ship. Yeah. You climb the rigging. It's going up to the crows there. You climb the rigging. You get up on the peloton. You do your workout.

Also, the peloton's powering all the houses. So everyone's saving money. Yeah. The more peddling you do, the more people can, you know, bore the kettle for cups of tea and all that kind of caper. And then slide down. Off you go to work. It starts to feel quite dystopian if the street is being powered by the people who live there.

Or is it utopian? No. No. No, yeah. Sorry. I was BIA. Because I think the... No, no, it isn't.

It's probably like an hour on a peloton to power up a kettle boiling. So I think, yeah, you're going to have to do a lot. You're going to need a fleet of pelotons and everyone's going to have to do a shift. It's a street kettle, though. Everybody's getting it. It's a big earn.

It's a big earn right next to it. And basically, you pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal until the urn whistles and then everyone goes well you'll waken the street up with a lovely cup of tea earn lives at number eight by the way fastest milkman in the west he's in charge of the whistle whereas i think this courtyard thing that does that does feel utopian that feels like if you said look come on everyone let's get an all-weather ping pong table it's going to be this much money we can all put in it's going to change our lives yeah come on everyone everyone you're What about like solar panels, a garden?

I don't know, there's like, that is, there's something to be done there. There is. It could change people's lives. Yeah. It's just, yeah, it's convincing the WhatsApp. Our fantasy commission says for him it's all about the friendships. Cute, Kevin, but I disagree. Like with about 365, I get paid the second my team goes up big with early payout

and can cash out at any time before the game ends. No hard feelings, Kevin. Just faster payouts from Bet365. The home of winning early. Must be 19 and older. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you were someone you know

is concerns about gambling, visit connectsontario.ca. Or call 1866 5 through 1.2600. Terms and conditions apply. This is the problem, isn't it? Because you don't want to be having like town meetings effectively where you've got your ping pong contingent

and you've got your petonk contingent or whatever. There's going to be a bunch of different things that everyone's going to have their idea, aren't they? There's room for poton contingent. Tonkin ping pong in the same courtyard, I'd say. Yeah, I think we can manage it here. Okay, we've got Patonkin. Those are, that might be it.

Potonkin, that's all you need, isn't it? Yeah, they're both really good suggestions. Squash court. We are going to have to board up two of the flats. If you're living on the ground floor, I'm sorry. We have to roof the courtyard. Yeah, we're going to roof the courtyard, board up one of the flats. And by the way, if you fancy getting to sleep, you're going to hear, gond, gond, gond, gond, gond,

yeah, gond, gond, outside of your. which to be fair is the sounds of South London anyway. Paddle? Caddok versus Paddock. Bit of paddle. Tell me about paddle. I've heard this before. Pardell.

Is it, well, there's two, isn't there? Yeah. There's pickleball and Pardell. Yeah. Oh. I didn't know it's Padell. No, it's not. I'm just, that's how you, that's how it's sorry.

It's just how it's spelled it. It's spelled Padel, isn't it? Yeah. And it's tennis for older people. Yeah. Or younger people, but it's like easy tennis. Old at heart. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm down with that. I like the idea of Paddlewood. Yeah. But I think you then also have to kind of... Paddle board is something else. You need three other pieces. We talked about Paddlewater two episodes ago.

You have to flood the court, y'all. That's going to be less popular than the squash court. It's going to be one of those big tanks of tropical fish that you get in really posh buildings. Yes, quite a few people are going to drown. But think of how beautiful it is to open your window

and suddenly clownfish coming by a coy. Boy of coy. Don't be coy. Vote for our... Vote for our enormous Japanese garden. You'll wake up in your beds at Ireland. Or a tropical garden. Thinking about investing in like

the plants and stuff like that and turn it into a... Like urban landscape. Urban spaces, yeah. Oh, yeah. Vegetable patch. Yeah. Vegetable patch.

Public art gallery. Yeah. You could do like the fourth plinth into Phagas Square. It's the fourth plinth. And it's like every... every month a flat get to go on the plinth. Do what you like up there?

I think this is a fantastic idea. Oh, I love it. Yeah. And you call it like courtyard club? Courtyard. Well, yeah, like a courtyard club. No, yeah. I'm still there.

It seems like the blocker is courtyard club. This fantastic idea and you're shutting it down over courtyard club. You're really whiffed on courtyard club. Whiffleball's a different thing, though, isn't it? You're telling him you wouldn't go for a WhatsApp group called Courtyard Club. Yeah, yeah, I'm down. He's not, is he? No.

You've got no poker face. By the way, that's it four months' time. Poker table. Casino. Cautier casino. Casino. Yeah, let's... Plockes plowed all his money.

I should have got the Amaze House, actually. I plowed all my money into a... Into a... Poker piazza. An illegal crapshoot. Outtour roulette wheel. I just lost some of my money on the roulette wheel itself. Fucking guys and dolls up in this shit.

It's guys and dogs, but because it's South London, it's cockfighting and dog fighting. Dogfight. Courtyard dog fight. Courtyard dog fight. Courtyard dog fight. We've got a courtyard.

And my dog is in a fight. There's a bold new format. Is there a dog fighting? There are a lot of. We're not the most likely hosts. There are lots of dog-related podcasts, but crucially, they've never once gone what would happen if the two of them fought.

I'll go walking with your dog, but at the end of it, we're walking into the dirtiest parts of South London, and they're going to go at it. We're walking to a bit. It's like Finn versus History, but it's dog versus dog. Why is it like?

Can I just say, Finn versus History did not invent the concept of verses. That was Pearl Jam, as we remember, in about 19. 91. But yeah, we understand what two things, we don't want to fight is. Yeah, we need to sell it. You've got to make it modern. You've got to make it modern. Exactly. Yeah, you got to make it modern. But anyway, so, but anyway, yeah, so, so, so Stacey Dooley, right? She's showing them around this house. Oh, God. She's showing them around this house. Yes. And the, uh, the, the problem with having

three actors and one normie was that three people are absolutely popping it on. their show reel. Yeah. You know? So if you said to somebody, oh, hang on a set, that's our next guest. Take a break. Yeah. Okay.

This is probably where we stopped recording. I think it's definitely where we stopped recording. Yeah. And then a week happened. It'd be weird if it wasn't. You got a haircut. We tried to wear the same clothes or similar clothes. Didn't have them with us?

We sat in the same positions. I think you had a cap on, didn't you? I had a cap on and different shorts. So there you go. We're sort of giving away the game here a little bit. See, if you can spot any other errors and do. get in touch, Mappiesflatshire at gmail.com and tell us what else is different. So this Stacey Doley show?

This Stacey Doley show, yes, that is what I was talking about. Yeah. Yeah. So the Stacey Dolly show, the first series of the Stacey Dole show basically, just to remind you. Yeah. It's some celebrities watching Stacey Doley. You don't need to remind me. We were literally just talking about it.

You might need to remind me a little bit. And that's actually very realistically because I would need that. It's Stacey Dooley walking around a house, right? some celebrities are watching Stacey Dule walk around a house with four people, one of whom actually lives in that house. The other three are actors, right? And Stacey Duley will say to, and here's how you could tell which ones were the actors. Stacey Dule would say to somebody, oh, tell us the story behind this mug.

And they'd go, oh, it's just a mug. And then every actor would go, the funny thing about this mug is I was given this by Dame Helen Mirren. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you actually go around your house normally, you haven't got a funny story for every, Not every mug has a story is what you're saying. It does for me. Do you know what I found the other day? What?

In my... And thanks for yes, I'm thinking. This might be a bit of something. No, no, no, no. On you go. Let's face it. Tom, Tom basically wanted to get the Stacey Dooley a bit over with

because he's got a thing he wants to talk about. No, no, I'm jumping off for literally what we were just about. Oh, okay. It's a continuation. But it's just not a team to what clock you're still going to know it is. It is. A video of me bungee jumping out. No, no, no.

Next my kitchen is like where the, like a little utility room. Oh yeah. And we've got another little cupboard in there. And completely forgotten about. Our mug cupboard is too full. And so there's like a, there's another stash of mugs. Like the forgotten mugs. Yeah.

And I had like a tremendous kind of like, oh my God, you're all still here. Sorry, lads. There's mugs that you kind of go, oh, fucking hell. You've not been used in eight months. Yeah. I'm not sure that's enough to make the edit, Tom.

Tell us about this mug. Well, that's not been used in eight months. Get that. Cut that. It's a bit of a dead moment. But it made you think of, like, mug story, like, you know,

like the toy story type thing, where you like go, you do feel like those... You want to do a toy story but mugs? I think it's a good idea. Don't mind that. I actually think that would play, wouldn't it?

Because mugs do have, and we talked about before, mugs do have personalities. They don't all have interesting stories, but they do have personalities. There are certain object, like your t-shirts and your mugs. You've got your favourites.

They have, and they have personalities. Like if someone hit, if someone hit, not hit you, but if someone hit you, hit you with a mug. If someone's like,

you've got to animate a certain sect of something in your house. Yeah. Don't love the word sect. And they've got to have personality. What would you choose, inanimate objects-wise? Sox. Okay.

Straight away, I think, because the sock drawer, a bit like the mug cupboard, there's a lot of strays in there. There's something a bit outsidery about, about socks, you know, like, although my socks aren't disparate enough for that. No, they're all, I've seen your socks. Yeah. They're all black with a hole in the end. Yeah. Every single one of them. So like, well, how else did he get his feet in?

You've got to say. All right, yes, it's just true. Like, in terms of going like, here's this sock. It's like, actually there's not going to be many in my draw. You're revealing yourself to be Sid's house. Oh. Right? In Toy Story that the...

I don't torture my socks. Yes, you do. Tom, yes, you do. You absolutely do. As anyone who's seen the I-O-R-D episode will know, that you're at those feet. Yes. I wouldn't wish that on my worst sock. But I think, yeah, I'm just worried about the amount of characters I could get into my

sock drawer, basically. So what about, what about open it up, clothing? T-shirts for you would definitely be one. I think that's where I'd go. Yeah. You think there's more variety. I mean, I guess there is more variety in T-shirt than socks, isn't it? But beyond the kind of like the slogan that's on the front, giving it the person.

It feels like you're, it feels like you're telling us in a way. It's going to be a bit of writing, isn't there? In that, you can have to read something off the T-shirt to work out what the T-shirt is. It's your football shirt, right? I'll give you that. Football shirts, one. There's your vest, you know, or your sleeveless.

You know. Classic. He's got loads of sleeves. I'm just trying to think of different, not your T-shirts necessarily. Your muscle T-s. My sleeveless T-shirts very confused. What am I doing here? There's your crop top.

There's your boob tube. I'm just mentally going through your wardrobe, Tom. But you know what I mean? In terms of T-shirts, variety, what a lot of it is what's printed on the T-shirt is doing the work. Yeah. But that's also true of mugs. They do feel like they have a person.

Maybe toys was a good idea, actually. Have we just established that Toy Story is a good idea for a franchise? Because they're all different. Yeah. It's a good point. Why did Thimble's story never take off? Everyone's got a favourite Thimble. Did you see the thing that they were trying to do

when they were selling the Toy Story film where everyone was like, do the Toy Story thing and all become lifeless when someone walks in? Oh yeah, yeah, I did see that, yeah. Did you see that? No. Can you imagine what it is?

Yeah, it's good, though. Don't try it when you're driving, that's all I'm saying. Why is someone getting in when you're driving? I'm a taxi driver now. But it's a problem because he picks people up at speed. Listen, I'm actually in the middle of a low speed chase. Would you mind jumping in through the window, Geeks of Hazard style?

In Mug Story, yes. Buzz Lightyear is going to be one of those fucking thermos cups with a lid on, isn't it? Like, that's what, that's the way that's the story we go. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have like old faithful. A bit of technology around him.

Yeah. You have old faithful in-house mug. Yeah. Sports Direct. Sports director be there, of course. Yeah. Big bruiser, but it's actually got quite a sensitive side.

Oh, perfect. Yeah. And then old posh mug would arrive was like, yeah. Could you have crossover? Could you have Chip from Beauty and the Beast? Oh. You know.

Well, you'd certainly have like the posh shine. You would have like those kind of cash ones. You can't have Chip because Chip, let's not forget, is a small boy who's been turned into a cup who would be living in a fucking nightmare. Ah! Just screaming and crying. I'm actually real

It's hard enough To get a small child To put a jumper on Let alone turn them into a cup And accept it to be fine And have a song and dance about it Yeah It's quite intense what's going on with them

Isn't it? Oh, I take it's intense what's going on With all of them Every character in beauty In The Beast There's an intensity there Bell

Let's face it She's seen as odd Because she reads books That is odd That's weird man The entire town is like I didn't listen to a podcast. Isn't she...

Listen to a podcast and pretend you read a book? I read a thing the other day. You watched a TikTok, mate. What are you going to be then? So this is kind of a continuation of the mug story thing. If I was a household object, what would I agree? You're in the Beast. Oh, I'm getting to pick.

The curse arrives. I mean, because I don't think they did get to pick, but it did kind of go off their personality a little bit. They called like Coxworth and stuff and Lumier. It kind of, your name is determining who you are. So you're going to be Tom, you're going to be a drum. It's not too bad. I don't know, you get hit with the stick constantly.

Sorry what? You play the drums, by the way, Tom. I say that sorry what and I raise you a sorry what. So yeah, yeah. So you're a drum anyway. I'm just, someone pop him in the spare instrument cupboard. You just beat a drum for a little bit. Get beaten off every day.

Sorry what? You say it again just because you didn't catch it first time. Have we definitely got that, guys? Will we definitely rolling? We've definitely got the sorry what? Sorry. Anyway. Being an instrument's a nice idea, though.

If you want to be, right, if you want to be, what you really want to be, Tom, is a trombone. Tom bone. Yeah. Tom bone. Trombone. And your conceit being most bone.

Yeah. And again. That's not making it into a Disney movie. That'd be like one of those things on Snopes where it says like, you know, the sky says sex above Mephassa in the... Oh, yeah.

In, uh, in, uh, of course. SFX is what it says, isn't it? It is to say SFX. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. There you go.

What about you, Clarkie? Clarkie. What are you? What's a, what's a, what's a, what's a, what's a, I'm thinking maybe a hat. They said you get to go out a bit? No, he's not allowed out. I guess he gets to go out in the garden, yeah.

But the beast isn't allowed out. The beast is not wearing it. It's a household object. I don't know. It's a good question. It's in the house, isn't it? That's true. That's true.

I think you need, yeah. You're not accepting hats. I'm not accepting hat, but I am interested in hat story. I think hats are good answer to the question. Hats are good answer. Yeah. Yeah. Cats have got personality.

Exactly. Yeah. The only thing is, right? The only thing about this is, are you getting into sticky territory by, you know, it's going to be like when Chris Pratt did the voice of Mario.

Who's doing the sombrero? You know? It needs to be Louis Guzman. Otherwise, it's not on. Samaheik? Samaheik. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

No, Samaheik. Different person. The Mexican version. But yeah. Yeah, I think Hat Story's good. I like Hat Story's good. Yeah. I think hats are

so you could be, I'd let you be a hat stand. Thank you. There you go. You're stuck, but then you're on your feet all the time, aren't you?

It's horrible. Like that whole time. You're constantly, and also you're constantly holding up other arms in the air. Yeah. Everyone puts too much on me. Yeah,

exactly. You don't need the weight of the world. You know, heavy is the hat stand that holds a load of hats. You know, your own expressions. Quick, Tom,

do a sorry what? This is where we need. Sorry what? Quick, give us a sorry. Sorry what. I'm going to be the crown stand. Hoover? Hoover's good.

Yeah. It's good. Yeah, very loud. I have to keep putting him away. So, bloody ill, here he comes. You could suck off the trombone then. Are you cleaning your trombone with the hoover?

Is that the euphemism? Because if it is, then yes, I am. I think everything you've said has been an euphemism so far. Yeah, it's a good question, though. It is a good question. You're constantly eating, right? And if you're a Hoover, right, if you are a Hoover, in the same way that Lumier isn't screaming in pain constantly about being on fire. Yeah, of course.

You actually, you're enjoying the taste of dirt. Do you get to eat all the time, right? You'd be like a hungry hippo. You'd be like a hungry hippo. Or like a Henry. Or Henry. You want to be a bit literal about it. Yeah. Hoover's a good, you can personify a Hoover quite easily.

Yes. Is what I'm saying. Yeah, you could. What about you? Air friar. Very popular. And you'd be like a monk. Yes, exactly.

Air friar attack. I'm air friar. It's like all the friars here. Let's pray. Absolutely. And we'll have to pray after what we've just done together. This confession beats a bit hot This confession beats a bit hot

Hop into the second drawer I don't want to hear confession again lads It's the same one every day In fact actually it turns to me again I've decided I actually do want to hear it I heard the music that was coming from next door Is that house haunted Don't go in the east wing

Tyler's oldest time Hoover and the trombone I think I think you get turned into real people and they're like No right turn us back Please turn us back Don't look at me

Don't look at me Don't look at me It's long as people are like During the war People had a good war Or some people went to the black market It would be like, dream when we were cursed as a house old? Some people went pretty bad.

We never talk about that. Some people served the master and sang songs and other people. It really didn't go well. It really brought out people's true nature actually in the cursed years. Just going back to your job in the village. Just being like, fucking hell. Why does he look so haunted? And why is he still got a brass dick?

Yeah. The spell didn't work entirely. He was moving around too much when it happens. I try to get one last tune out. The petals fall off the rose. Quick, let's go. Anyway. This has been fun.

And there it was. There it was. The podcast of two halves. What a load of fun. It was a load of fun. Fair play, actually. It was a load of fun. We hope, as Tom asked at the start, that you really enjoyed it.

Yes. No half measures, guys. We went for it. I quite like the idea of this as a format, you know. I was thinking that. Where we record the first half of a podcast. And then a year later, we come back to finish it. Yeah.

Okay. Well, we'll look at that. Today's episode was produced by producer Connor He'll look at that He'll be looking at that And yeah Yeah We'll be looking at that guys

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