Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown ep 1614: Rosie Jones & Mike Wozniak

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

This month we're joined by the amazing Rosie Jones & Mike Wozniak. Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown is a silly panel show, recorded in front of a live audience and hosted by Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry-Wicks. Rosie Jones - https://www.instagram.com/josierones/ Mike Wozniak - https://www.instagram.com/mrmikewozniak/ Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. Hi, Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a very, very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Shair, Slamdown. That's right. It's the flagship Epp. It's the start of the month. It's where we've got a big crowd together to watch our live show with two fantastic guests. That's right. We've got a big crowd here in the Phoenix in London's glittering West End.

And we have two amazing guests. We've literally just finished the show. And we had Mike Wozniak and we had Rosie Joe. I've heard of them. You've heard of them. I've heard of them. You know, from Taskmaster and all. You know, so many, so many fantastic shows.

They were, I would say, even better on our podcast. So you're going to want to stick around to listen to this. I know a lot of people just watch the intro. This time, guys, go beyond. It's worth it. It really is worth it. Absolutely. And if you want to be part of a live audience for one of these records,

which is always a fantastic night. We have got a few more coming up for you. Crossbow, hit them with the deets. We do indeed. So I can tell you now, as I read them off my phone, coming up on the 27th and 28th of April. I've heard of it. Okay.

Oh, hang on a sec. This episode would go out before, after that. Well, on the 27th and 28th April, we had an absolutely wonderful time, guys. You missed it. Oh, you snoozed you lose, boys. You snooze you lose. But yes, indeed. Have a look at pappiescom.

For slash live to go. to go see those any shows we might be doing in the future. Who knows, you might have booked one in. Otherwise, if you want to support us on our journey of podcasting to the grave, then get to patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share, where for just £4 a month, you can support your boys on their journey to keep it real. We do keep it real. We keep it real, guys.

We keep it fresh and we keep it real. If you care about the battle against AI, then you'll give us £4 a month because ain't nothing AI about us. No. Guaranteed human, can you believe we're human beings? We see, may I? We're so malformed. My six fingers.

May make you think that I'm AI? But I'm just from Wolverham. I'm session born, boy. Right, let's get into this episode, for God's sake. Come on, let's do it. Guys, forget about the episodes we've already recorded. Forget about the other episodes you've missed. Let's live in the moment.

This is the episode you're watching. It's Mike Wosso. It's Rosie Jones. You're gonna love it. Enjoy. Oh, Ben. What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it, Big Dog? Oh, yes, Big Dog. Please don't call me that.

The ban has been lifted. Hooray! Oh wait a, no, no, no, not that ban Clarkie. That's still very much illegal. No, I'm talking about the hosepipe ban. Oh, wow. So one of you two has got to uncoil the hosepipe. Oh, wow, wait.

Not that one. Clarkie, not that one clocky. Oh well, it's not going to be me, Matthew. Oh no. I actually tried. I went online and googled hose pipes for an afternoon. And I ended up on the alt-right hose pipeline. And I finally found the manosphere. And to be honest, I was chuffed with it.

You know, the manosphere, finally, a space for me, a space for spherical men. You're one of the great all-rounders, aren't you? Parry, what about you? Can we just leave it at that? Yeah, let's leave it at that. There's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a flat share slam down.

We're in a flat. Flat share slam down. The panel show that says, sing, Hosanna, sing Hosanna to the king. Kings sing hosanna sing hosanna sing hosanna to the king aren't those of landlord matthew thought me let's meet the fools that loves you on spool it's tom parry and benedict clark but you can't sunday school instincts kick it in there very much so they don't go away do they now listen tom you can't unfurl the hose on your own who have you

brought with you tonight well the jamboree's in danger everyone you've got to be kidding me This is bad news. I know. This is unprecedented. It's a moustache fell off. Oh no! Can you believe it? A bare-lipped jamboree.

A bald-lip jamboree, you can't have it. Just before the prince's visit. Wait, which prince? Oh. Age everybody up. Hairy-lip friend, Mike Wozniak, to come along everybody. Mike Wozniak. Yes.

What a joy to have you here. Thank you. And to bring your moustache as well. Bring it everywhere with you. Yeah, I'm very much the entourage. What do you like as a person to live with? What's it like to live with a man like you? I would say I'm willing but incompetent.

Right, okay. Yeah. So you don't weaponise your incompetence. You throw yourself into it. No, like I've recently got, like DIY. I've got into DIY recently and that, but you can mostly tell it there's sort of blood stains and spats up. You throw yourself off the ladder, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. Exactly that kind of stuff. That's my level. What have you done? What have I done to myself? What have I done to myself? What have you done for you? What have you DIYed?

I've tried to repair a baluster and sort of smashed it to pieces. I tried to repair a hole in the roof. When it rains now, it cries in our bath in our bedroom. So I, yeah. So that sort of thing. Generally, I'm really good for the economy, basically. I create work. You are sort of task rabbits dream.

Yeah, I create work for local artisans. How long into a job do you go, I'm just going to throw some money at this and get a big, strong boy to do it? It's normally either when I'm incapacitated on the floor on contract. To the point that I have to be wheeled away with someone else in DeVee. Right. So that's what your wife drags you out.

Yeah. We've got you to wheelbarrow. Yeah, we've got a system, though. You've got him a system. Well, Mike Wozziak is here. And you know what, I have a sense that you're going to stay for the whole show. We're not going to replace you at any point with a big strong boy. I promise you.

I promise you that. Ben, what about you? Who have you brought this week? I bought my loudest friend. It's Rosie Jones! It's Rosie Jones! La Rosie Jones is great to have you here. Listen, what kind of a person are you to live with?

I know what kind of a person is. you are, but what would it be like if we live with you? An O six, two, one, I'm naked. Fantastic. Seven other people in the house, they weren't loving the fact that you were going onatural all the time? Yeah, we.

Philistines. Pearls before swine. Yeah. It feels like an elaborate reality TV show. It's like one person gets voted off every two years when they've had enough of your tits. So they don't, I kill. But with your tits.

That's what a way to go. Well, Rosie Jones is here, everybody. Let the fun time's time for round one. Wish it was something else. Listen, guys, if you're groaning at that, stick around. I'm going to give each player a problem or sort of personality trait. They have to behave like they have that personality trait to get their teammate to guess what it is.

Now the way they're going to do that is by playing out a scene where they're appearing as a guest on a brash TV talk show, the Jerry Sprinkler show. Your teammate will play the host and throughout the interview they'll try to work out what your problem is. It's two points for a correct guess and bonus points if I pick up only hosting tips. Okay, so Tom and Mike, you're up first. Tom, you are going to be the host. Mike, here is your personality trait. That is your personality trait. Now, for our audience here tonight, and for the folks at home, but not for Tom. Here is Mike's problem. Mike is a dungeon master in dungeons and dragons.

It's behind us, but don't look behind. You don't look behind either, guys, in case you want to steal later. Okay, there we go. There we go. Just a quick question. Can I steal now? Well, I tell you what, I'll let you have a guess in just a bit, but first, let's play the actual round. Okay, so remember Tom, you're the host. Mike has the first idea trait.

It's the Jerry Sprinkler show. Off we go. Hi, I can't even remember. Hi, hi, and welcome to the Jerry Sprinkler show. I'm joined by my first guest, and how are you this evening? Roll three, and thee shall see. Exactly how I be to thee. Right, yes. Just remind me, is this the first time we're not.

had you on the show? In this realm. Now you've had a busy year, so what have you got coming up? I go lower, this is where I go. And where will you go? Where will the fate

have in store for you? Sort of the interview, back on me. No, but seriously, I mean, what are you going to plug? What have you got coming out? Something the audience want to see you in or do?

I have a selection of leather belts and woolen cow. I've been branching into merch which people don't normally do in my life. Well it's been lovely having you on. Please give it up for our first guest of Dungeons and Dragons Masters. Yeah!

That's good. Okay, you've heard the answer twice. Do you want to steal? Yeah, but he got into the merch, I was like, maybe I read it wrong. Yes, I'm sorry about that. I didn't really know what it was. Hey, listen, that was absolutely fantastic.

It's two points to Mike Wozniak there. And I'm going to give a further two points to Tom Perry for a fantastic hosting job there. Four points all round. We go. Okay. Next up, it's Rosie. Rosie, there you go.

Guys, you're supposed to do that, though. I tell her, like, Rosie, you're going to host. That is Ben's. That's Ben's there. Oh, what a shame. What a shame. There you go. So, Rosie, you're the host.

Ben, that is your personality trait. Now, for our audience here, and not for anybody else, sitting at this table. Okay. Ben is making a Louis the Rue style documentary. Not for Rosie either. That is Ben's problem.

Okay. All right. Rosie, off we go. That's a very interesting question, actually. I'd like to turn that back on you, perhaps, and I wonder why you would ask that kind of... TV shows, Rosie. Fucking hell, how have you been?

We've got to get Claudia Winkleman off the telly and get Rosie Jones in that seat. Because fuck me, I love this show. Have you ever shut yourself and how have you been? Jerry, Jerry, Charlie. I've actually forgotten the question. How you been? Have you been?

Yes, I will. And also, I'd like to ask you, how have you been? Sorry, I'm a bit flustered. You see, normally I'm used to asking the questions myself. You're creeping. Dumb Jungeonmaster you are. It's how you're in.

If they don't give a quick answer, are you dead? Start to feel like I might be. No, no, no, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. Very much in the present. Yeah. I'm quite topical. As a person.

We're asking, I've actually had a big series. A big documentary out. What you should say? Frequently. Oh, documentary. Absolutely right there. Two points of Rosie Jones there. You'd be watching,

Are You Dead? Rosie Jones. That shit, was that before or after you died? You know, the questions were so good as well. You did actually give me some hosting tips. I'm going to give you three points for hosting because clearly, I've been talking way too fast

and being way too relevant to what the people are saying back to me. So I feel like, I've learned a real lesson here. Tom, you're up. You're up next. We're back to Tom and Mike. Now, Mike, you're hosting.

Tom, you've got a personality trait. Everybody, eyes forward, but for the listener at home or the viewer and for the audience here tonight, this is Tom. Tom is a performance poet. Is it a personality trait? It is personality trait.

Okay, let's start the show. Welcome to the show. Have you changed yourself? How have you been? Cracking the curtain, feel for certain that I wait. Do you then to music, or you just sort of pompously spout rhymes? Questions, questions flying around. Answers, not so easy to be found. And are you still thriving now?

Or is it more the sort of 60s that you were, was your big era? And now you're probably in a sort of serious phase of cognitive decline. Here's to the question askers. the once being on taskmasters the don't mind questions am I being rude I'm on at 345 Saturday Latitude It's a specific man It is a specific man isn't it

What is a man? As someone with a plan Or just the genre of a bloke Who wants humbly Spoke Generic beat poet aren't you You can't say Luke Wright It's a performance poet.

Of course your performance poet. Fantastic. You know what? I'm going to give you two points, obviously for a correct guess. I'm going to give an extra two points for performance because that was fantastic. I mean, fantastic.

A chilling glimpse at my future. He moved to Exeter. It was only a matter of time. And two points for hosting as well. So that is six points there. Fantastic. Van Dabby Dozy. Now, Rosie and

Ben. Ben, you're the host. Rosie, here is your personality trait. For our audience here tonight and for the folks at home for the final time, but not for Rosie. Rosie is scared of everything. Of course it is for Rosie, it's not for Clarke. Be mad if we do you show to Rosie as well. But yes, okay. Clarkie, you're hosting. Rosie, you've got the personality trait. On with the show. Welcome to the Ben Show.

Tonight we've got this. Sorry, the Ben Show. Yeah, the Ben Show. It's the Ben Show, everybody. It's nice to get a little, as it's your... Yes. Into your monologue.

All right to see you, to see you. All right. Did you say alright or alright? Let's want to check. I'm on the hose pipeline again. Today we have this lovely out lady. What's your name? Where are you got?

Can we start the game? Can we start now? Oh God. Are you okay? Can I do anything to help make you feel at ease? I'm afraid to say the Ben Show is not going to theories.

What's going on? Lady who's very afraid. Rosie was of course terrified of everything. Of course she was. I was scared of everything. By the end, I thought she was. He said that before. She's been nominated for a bathe

That was good, he was really good That'll also be your acceptance speech as well, won't it? Yeah, yeah. Right, as you do that. Why'd you live on your own again? You can have a bonus point for that. I'm going to give hosting in very tricky circumstances there. I'm going to give you a point for the hosting

for the hosting but I'll give you two points for a correct answer so I believe that's four points there so at the end of that round my big problem is that I don't know the scores producer ben sort that out please or in the words of rosy jones um Tom and Mike have 10 Ben and Rosie have nine oh Tom and Mike are in the lead will they maintain that lead no one hose there's still everything to play for when we return in part two see you in a bit the break were in the lead the scores haven't moved Nothing has changed during the break and my hose remains coiled. It's been a cruel, hoseless summer.

The grass is arid, the flowers are wilting and our saucy games after them in was a total failure. No one wants a dry t-shirt competition. Still, congratulations to Clarkie. Speaking of games, let's play round two. It's flat game! to that. Guys, have you been practicing that?

Did you do a rehearsal? That was so good. This week, we're playing our version of cross-country skiing, which we're calling cross-country scarring. You have to be... Stick around, guys. You're going to enjoy it.

You have to be rude about a particular country, so rude, in fact, that it makes that country cross. And you have to do it to the tune of a classic scars song, cross-country skying. So that is slagging off another country to the tune of a Jamaican song. This could go badly in at least two ways. Yeah. It's really deeply problematic, isn't it?

It could be a real problem. But it hasn't stopped us, it hasn't stopped us in the past. That two tone you can hear, it's police sirens. We don't plug the laptop for a reason, mate. Save it ourselves. Your teammate must guess a What country you are roasting. One point for a correct guess. 10 points for inciting a diplomatic incident. Slash keeping things iry.

Okay. We're going to start with you. Ben. Oh dear. Last one, I promise. It's over to you. Clarkie, you've got the specials. A message to you, Rudy.

But Rosie, what country is Clarkie being Rudy about? It's great to have DJ Bucketlaus back. Hey. I can tell you what, he's not lost his magic touch. You never lose it. You never lose it. You never lose it. You never lose it.

We've got him back. DJ Bucketlaus, make it special. Let's do the song carkey. This place is covered. The pressure it put on his face. I said as well, I love the fact that the entire time you were doing this with your arms like a chicken all the way through. Fantastic.

That's not a clue. That's not as far as I can tell a clue. Rosie, any idea what country Clarkie was roasting there? Hints of snow, yeah. Yeah, I hate so. Yes, definitely hints of ice hockey. Yeah. Here we go. I think you know it.

It's Canada. You know, you wrote down snow, and I would like to informer you, that that was fantastic. I'm going to give you eight points. Lovely bit of business, sir. Lovely bit of business. Okay, it's over now to Mike, our dear friend, Mike Wozniak. I'd like you to give us just a girl by no doubt.

There you go, but there's your country right there. You've got it there? Okay, okay. But Tom, what country is Mike tearing a new one? DJ Bucketlaus, there is no doubt that I need you to play that tune. I am fictional. I am functional. I've got a queen and she likes sherbet.

No, she doesn't. She likes Turkish to life. And she likes men. who's got a gogy legs oh she likes man with gogy legs who becomes a slave and children come they start dancing around and they get special gifts from a lion he's a bit with a shaky customer and then he dies and then he's the world and then some so am i the malagree for jesus and the compass and there's a talking mouse at the sword or possibly he comes later then he goes over a ship with a man called casket or something

Yes! He's a Dungeons and Dragons Yes. It's correct, correct. Very much. There's a real theme emerging for Mike tonight. There's a real theme emerging. Tom, have you got any idea?

What country? What country was Mike singing about there? It's Narnia, isn't it? It's the country of Narnia! Of course it is. I didn't know Narnia was a country. I thought it was a land. No, it is a country.

It is a country. I checked on Wikipedia. before I write it into the Google Doc. But it is, it's a country. And how many points am I going to give you? Well, I think I would be foolish not to give you any more than eight and a half points. A half points.

Okay. As audio books go. Yeah. Mike Woz and the Act since the Tales of Nile. To Scar. To Scar. It's unique in the only sort of half remember. You can remember the guitar.

It's songs from the tragic kingdom about the white witch's kingdom. There's a concept album here I think we could be working on. The audience less convinced, but that's... You know, you begin the project when they come to you. Rosie, you're up next.

Rosie, there is your country. You've got... It must be loved by madness. Okay, that is the country that it must be hate. Clarkie, you're guessing. That's how much. Oh shit. Okay.

DJ Bucketlaus, I would like you to take us one step beyond. As you as Rose, you think, a little bitch is. I'm going to give you for that. I mean, you really hugged the lines of the song there. You really do. I'm going to give you nine out of ten. Finally, Tom, that is for you, my dear friend. Now, you have one of your favourite songs, the theme from the Vitalite advert. Clarkies left the building.

Barkies walked out. The theme for the Vitalite advert, the Israelites. Here's your country, and I can tell you now. It's not... It's not... It's not Israel. Please chill. Guys, unclench.

We've all got... Listen, we all think things. But listen, this is not the forum. We're not going to solve it tonight. Oh, thank God. It's a ran. DJ Bucketlaus. Give us some rest.

Wake up in the morning wanting some bowels. Then I'm going to with some barabree. His own brethren. He's going to be so disappointed in you. Look about Israel, though. He's got snow. Of Nadu. It's Wales.

It's Wales, of course it's Wales. You get the points. And you know what? Despite what the audience says, fuck Wales, 10 out of 10. Never going to get on House of Games, not. That news got announced, Tom sent me a message

and said he's doing it as Osman. And I thought, I love the idea that he comes out almost a bit like, you know, Ripley in the suit, in Alien. But it's just a big... False head on top of your head. False head on top of your head.

Sheen's doing as Osmond. Old. So, at the end of that round, DJ Bucketlaus, give us the scores to the tune of the Israelites. We've got to hear it again, guys. We've got to hear it again. Wake up in the morning wanting to know scores. Ben and Rosie have 26.

And Tom and Mike have 28.5. Where will I spend? Our inevitable trial at the Hague. Let's have a... have a practice running the sordid court of the Beef Brothers. Fuck it, lous, you're going to have as long as you like. Well, it's on Beef Brothers, we have... Musically, this show has got it all.

It's got it all. It's got it all. Yeah, so this is, of course, Beef Brothers. We sold a Flatshare-based beef. This is from Trevor, who I believe, Trevor, are you in the audience tonight? Hello, Trevor, how you doing, pal? There you go. We're going to give you a microphone.

Wow. Oh, you'll wake up in the morning. I take some breakfast, but margarine while I spend on my breath. Years in the games. Covering up every error. Lovely stuff. There's nothing but error.

That's all we've got. So, Trev writes, this is his beat. We live together and share a cat. When my housemate Sophie is driving, she will only indicate to turn or merge in the split-second before actually performing the manoeuvre. This is particularly a problem

when joining to the motorway or changing lanes to exit. I have tried to explain the point of an indicator is to indicate to other drivers your intentions. Oh, I don't know about that tone, Trevor. It's all in capitals. I'm reading this as it lies here. To indicate to other drivers your intentions,

but she prefers to risk death every time. Help me, Pappies. I fear our luck is running out. So, Trevor is in the audience. Now, when I said Trevor, will you be, will you be the beef tonight before we started the show? Someone next to you shouted, oh shit. Sophie, is that you?

Yes, hello. Okay, so we have Trevor and Sophie here. Does any, oh, I'll tell you now. Ironically, you gave early indications. Actually, Tom and my... Mike, you are on Trevor's side. Ben and Rosie, you are on Sophie's side. Let's have a cross-examination. We'll start with Trevor because it's his beat. Any questions from either side for our friend Trevor?

Trevor, can you drive? Yes. Ah. I'm driving fucking cell. It's a strong argument. It's a strong argument, save it for you. You'll get a minute to make your case. It's a good argument, Rosie. No one's the argument.

No one's in like is a strong argument. Any other questions for Trevor? And please, don't be rude to him. So Trevor, up top and giving fairly prominent billing, you mentioned the... You share a cat. Relevance?

We share a car. The handwriting maybe wasn't. It does make more sense. That is a lot more relevant, actually. So it's illiteracy. I get out there. I get up to start all over. again on the argument.

We thought this was a cat-based, a cat-based beef. This is, I mean, I moved for a mistrial. We need to take... Just two people riding a cat down the M4. It's the last year where he's faith. Just jingle the bell. I thought you were just giving us a bit of colour.

God is in the details, they say. Prevent says we share a cat. Just thought that was set. We live together. We share a cat. Share a cat. Anyway, she's a shitty driver. Trevor, Trevor. What am I going to do with you? Okay.

So we live together and share a car. That's crucial. Could have to be more crucial. Could it be more crucial detail then? I'm not really it again. Anyone got any... We've got to ask. Do you also have a cat?

No, sorry. No, you don't. Okay. All right, any other questions? Sophie, how did you feel about Trevor's driving? Trevor actually took, was it four or five times to pass his driving test? Objection, not relevant. You might have taken more.

First time. You're on Trevor's side. These are crucial details, guys. Any questions from... He was magnacomlorian. Any other questions? Clarkie, do you have a question for either Trevor or for Sophie? No, I think I'm happy.

You're happy? Well, it wasn't up. It's not Stuart Goldsmith's podcast. I was asking, do you have any questions for them? I'm actually allergic to cats, but... Are you a habitual risk taker? Not at all a habitual risk taker. Are you habitually someone with poor insights

of their own personal qualities? Don't bring paws into this. We've got enough confusion already. No, there is a rationale. There is a rationale. What's the rationale? Well... What, is it, the indicator light is bigger than the car?

That's the only working rationale. No, no. Otherwise you are using the car as the indication. Motorway, I sort of, if I can see... One of the most dangerous places in my thesis. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, if I can see that there is a load of cars in the next lane and it's not safe to, you know, go into the next lane,

then I don't indicate and I don't try to do it. I wait till there's a gap. and then I indicate but Trevor takes issue with this approach. I think the law does as well. I think other drivers would really take an issue with it. I do wait till there's a gap.

Okay, right? This is all useful information. Any further questions before we open the case? No, okay. Oki-dokey. What's the car? It's a VWT, Teguam. And is that a ginger or a tom? Ginger and Tom, the TV that I do the podcast with.

Okay, that is hopefully enough information for our teams to make their cases. So without further ado, I am going to call... Can we pop that microphone off for the moment? I feel it's feeding back to like. Yeah. So without further ado, I call upon Mike Wozniak to begin the case for the prosecution. The prosecution, you have one minute and it begins now. Okay. Tom is a man with his life in his hands.

He's dealing with... It's Trevor. I'm sorry. But yeah, and Trevor can understand that situation. He's both, he's living without being conveyed by someone who is exhibiting deplorable hubris. I've never heard such arrogance in my life. This woman is a menace to society.

She presents well. She's articulate, as we all know. They also can't be rehabilitated. So my advice, really, would be for Trevor get to get out. Take that Tijuana. And drive into the sunset on your own, baby. Mike Wozniak, everybody. Mike Wozniak, opening the case for the prosecution.

Now to open the case for the defense, Rosie Jones. Remember you're on Sophie's side. Your minute begins now. So Trevor is pretty much silent. Rosie Jones there. Rosie. It's all quite personal so far.

Yeah. It's all quite personal. Can I just say the opinions expressed in Beef Brothers aren't not necessarily the opinions of the greater Pappy's conglomerate. Trevor, Sophie, how do you think it's going so far? Yep, I agree with you. So, Tom, yes. Tom, you are going to conclude the case for the prosecution.

Are you going to do it as yourself, Tom? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a defence lawyer from the deep south in a John Grisham novel. Van Schor Standing. Van Shore Standing. Fanshaw standing, presiding and providing. Your minute, should you need it, begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm the Jewel.

I can see some of you folk looking as baffled as me. Looking like a hen, just poked yourself in the ear. Them there lawyers arrive in town, in their mechanical horses using their big language, that motorway. We ain't got no motorway round here. We got Sally's track. Let me tell you, I want Sally's track just last weekend and the views are fine.

Now, stop telling me those rumors about me and Sally, by the way. She mends my shoes. Then we have intercourse. I digress. We're talking about here today is some kind of wizardcraft technology there that you won't be finding in the good book. Did our Lord our Savior have an indicator at Galilee? Remember Market Day when you're trying to steer a cow through a door and you're holding a jar of pickles.

I have the defence rest, you're on. Fanshawn there. Presiding and providing. Very compelling argument. Always troubling when it makes sense. That's for me, the worry one I go, oh yeah, actually. You're making a salient point there. Clarkie, you're going to conclude the case for the defence.

You've got a minute. Remember you are on Sophie's side Your minute begins. Now, lots of good arguments so far. Sadly, I have only written down the word snows. And then a little bit of trouble.

But, you know, ultimately, you know, Sophie's right, actually, we are heading to a complete societal collapse. And in our new Mad Max world, Oh, that's going to be fucking indicating,

guys. We're going to be running each other over. And also in the Fasten of Furious, lots of film references here. Oh, and in my neighbour... Fasten the Fureg to the two guys I podcast with, actually. In my neighbour Tatora, there's a bus way out of a cat, I don't know? There's a cat,

cat, cat bus. Get a cat. Prosecution rests. Thank you very much. on the socials for letterbox in just a couple of weeks. Now, obviously, I cannot make the decision myself, as I'm currently legal counsel in Rosie Jones versus the people of Switzerland. So instead,

I'm going to ask our live Phoenix audience to decide. Now, if you think Trevor, and therefore Mike and Fanshaw is in the right, I would like you to applaud now. If you think Sophie and Ben and Rosie made the best case,

please applaud now. Turns out most people, well, hey mate, it's not cool when you say it. Very emboldened there, but no, no, that's not on. So I think, I do believe, congratulations Trevor. You've won. Well done. Trevor, how do you and Sophie feel about the results? We might be getting a divorce. Oh, who's going to get the cat?

So one more round to go before we find out who will be hosing us down. But first, it's time for Tom and Ben to uncoil your friend in mine. It's the Quick Fire Round Jingle! This is the Quick Fire Round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction. Ooh, it gets me every time. It has a long introduction.

It has a long introduction. though the round is really quick No one knows why this is the case We've never got to the bottom of it It's a mystery It's a head scratch and one that we are too thick to figure out I guess what we need is an intellectual to come along and probe until they get the facts

someone like Louis Thoreau. Help us out, Louis. Quit fucking around in the manosphere. Leave them boys alone. Get over here. and ask the question that matters. So, why is it that the jingle's long? It's a short round, isn't it?

That's right, Louis Theroux. Hey, don't you just fuck? Why do you always ask questions of the wrong ones? Why can't you just spend time with? us honest podcasters We're so honest Looking to make a buck on Patreon Louis joined Patreon

Oh who's this now Hey, just one more thing Why is it so long? Oh, it's Klob Fresh from investigating the Manusphere Now that's a documentary I'd watch So you're telling me that you hit yourself in the chin with a hammer? Oh, well, I go one eye.

Just one more thing. What's a manosphere? Please tell us, case closed Colombo. You've done it again. Well, it's a mystery that we will never solve. Wait a minute. Hello. I wrote and I sold the mystery.

The mystery of the quickfire round. Yes, the mystery of the quickfire round. But I would... Oh well, that's a shame. Well, let's just get on with the quickfire round. Richard Osmond came in next. The live audience, give us your Osmond. Because I tell you what, that should be your casting tape for series 2 of S&L UK.

Because it's good, it's good, man, you've got the jobs. Give us your husband. And I finished it and I said, don't think that's good enough to send. And then I just sent it to me. Because I was really tired. Now so are we. Yes.

This is the quick fight around. And as our show is all about hose pipes, I'm going to ask our panellists to cut off their hose to spite their face. You have to give your answer without finishing any of the words, okay? Instead of buzzers, I'd like you to shout out your first names. You can do that without finishing the word if you want. Ben and Rosie? Ben!

Really good. Tom and Mike? My. Perfect. Now, before we again properly, just a quick primer on the rules. You have to give your answer without finishing any of the words. What do I mean? Well, truth be told, I'm not entirely sure.

Tom came up with this round and actually sent, I'm saying it now, way too many examples of the round via WhatsApp voice note. So there's a little mini round before we play. Well it could be. If Mike gets, you could score a load of points. I'm afraid this is not for you Tom, but we've got a few here.

Now, we're going to listen to these and see if you can work out what the answers should be. What answers Tom is giving here? Okay, let's hear the first one. Robbie Who? Robin O Thief. Any idea? Robin.

It is Robin and Britheeve. One point of the audience, there we go. Let's hear another. David McCa. Davin McCall. Davin McCall. Davina McCall. It's Davina McCall, yes.

It's a good game, it's a good game. Hey, just wait till we play it. Let's hear another one. Pachin. Ah, Pachin. Alpachin. It's Alperino, yes, Clarkie.

That was a hard one. Clarkie, you're on fire here. I mean, I was in the WhatsApp group. You've had to be in time to practice. We'll do the last one. We'll do the last one because this one, I've listened to this probably 17 times. I've still not got any clue which one it is.

Let's hear the last one. Fifth World? Any idea what, fifth world? What's that? People World Cup. That right? It's FIFA World Cup. The audience absolutely wrong.

home here. Okay, let's play the round for realsies now. Okay, so we've had a few bonus points given out. Let's go on with the proper round. Question number one, name the series of books and films that follows the misadventures of Frodo Baggins. Huh?

Lorting. It's absolutely correct. Known by the initials, NYC. Are you Dungeons and Dragons? At all times. He loves sword and sorcery. He loves a bit of fantasy. Known by the initials, NYC,

what is the most popular city in the United States? Ro. Ro? Yeah. Yeah. It's correct. Del Boy, Rodney and Uncle Albert appeared in which UK sitcom?

Tom. On, for, and ho. It's correct. Which huge series of fortifications in Asia is known as one of the seven wonders of the world? Ben, Ben, Ben. Grit Wall

Oh dear Whoa Whoa Whoa You thought the star rang wasn't That wasn't That wasn't

Let's What I meant to say Ocean Yeah What I meant to say Was what is the name Including nickname Of the wrestler-turned actor

Who's appeared in such movies as Jumanji Moana and The Smashing Machine Ro Ro? The Full name please.

Will Smith as a wayward teen said from West Philadelphia California, yes. In play, yes, beware the rise of AI. What football team plays at Loftus Road? He's correct.

This is a chunky one. Which Taylor Swift song contains the lyrics? You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. Oh, bear. Oh, bear. With

I bear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get it. Together. What a way to find out.

And finally, which... Go on. Can they say I cannot wait to edit this? And on the... Guys in the room, you've got a real treat. This is the great lost episodes that never saw the light of day. This one seems appropriate. Which Apocalyptic song?

by REM features the lyrics, offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, and I decline. Who wants to step up to the place? Tom. Tom, go on Tom. E, the, N, R, the, wha. A bit where Rosie explains that, Olivia, great responsibility.

So, before we find out the final scores, Mike and Rosie, anything to plug, Mike, I believe you're performing at the London Palladium very soon. The London Palladium, but without my beans. I'll always lead to people to three beans, That's what I call. Yes. Fantastic three bean salad.

A phenomenal podcast. You ought to go and see Mike. He's currently on tour. Absolutely brilliant. Rosie. If you want to see me, turn on your TV. Or just go to bank. If you want to see even more, take a look through the window as well.

Thanks to all of you for watching, for listening and all of that. As always, check out our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. So

producer Ben let's hear those final scores. Well they're very exciting. Ben and Rosie have 32. Tom and Mike have 34 and a half. So Ben and Rosie are uncoiling the hose whilst Tom and Mike will be getting hosier with me

and taking me to church. Thanks to our guests Rosie Jones and Mike Mosciak. We have been Pappies. See you all next time on Flashes Slamda! Rosie Jones. It was devised by Pappas and Franksick came back to today's show.

I'll take you at home for listening. Papas Fla Chilternia Sland is a secret news production for megaphone. Cheers everyone. Bye! Lovely. There it was. Lovely. There it was.

There it was. Lovely. Can anyone else say lovely there it was? Lovely. There it was. Come on guys. Let's say it together. Lovely.

There it was. Mike Wozniak, Rosie Jones, absolutely brilliant. If you ever get a chance to see them live, do go and see them. Yes. On tour at the moment. Yes. And yes. Absolutely.

Neither of them, AI. So true. Despite the rumors. All too real, as you experience. Yeah, so get yourself to Patreon. And of course, you may be watching this on YouTube. You may be watching clips already. But get yourself to YouTube.

Pappy's Flatshire on TikTok, Papi's Comedy on Instagram. These are all fun places where you can watch clips. And in fact, on YouTube, we can watch full episodes. So if you want to see what Mike Wozniak looks like in real life, watch it on YouTube, you want to see it Rosie Jones. See how human Rosie Jones is? Watch it on YouTube. Yes.

Sadly, Mike Wozniak's mustache. It is tragically AI. He forgot it. He left it on the train. His mustache. We're going to call it a day. We're going to call it a day. episode. It's great.

Thanks for being this on the journey. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sporting. Today's episode was produced by Olivia Swash, Ben Walker and Max Brill. Hello, hello, hello. Cheers everyone. Bye. Rosie, you nearly didn't make it.

You went to a completely different venue. If anyone's wondering why we're starting this time, it's Rosie. Yes. Okay, yeah. The city, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't blame us. Don't blame us.

That's right, yeah, yeah.