Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown ep 1618: Toussaint Douglass & Chris Cantrill

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

This month we're joined by the lovely Toussaint Douglass & Chris Cantrill Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown is a silly panel show, recorded in front of a live audience and hosted by Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry-Wicks. Chris Cantrill - https://www.instagram.com/chris_cantrill/?hl=en-gb Toussaint Douglass - https://www.instagram.com/toussaint_gram/?hl=en Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Greetings listener here. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome one and all to a very exciting. Tom, are you okay? I tried to lean on your chair and mist.

It's too far back, isn't it? You kind of hit your bus. Yeah, just you lead on me. If you're not strong, not your friends. And I'm not. And I'll help you carry on. Now, I'm going to carry on now and tell you that this is, of course, flat share slam down.

Papi's Flat Share slam down. We're here in the Phoenix. We've just recorded the show. What a fun show it was. It was lovely. Two tremendous guests, Chris Cantrell. you might know from The Delightful Sausage. And Tucson Douglas, who was nominated for a newcomer at Edinburgh this year.

Yeah, absolutely brilliant. Two absolute dream boats. Yeah, wonderful, wonderful. And so funny. We love them both, so funny. We had a wonderful, wonderful time. And if you would like to come along to see an upcoming FlatShare slam down, then go along to pappiescomoddy.com forward slash live for ticket details.

But also, if you're a member of our Patreon, then you get discounted tickets. There were people here who got a whopping two. Two quid off their ticket. Oh, you're kidding me. For being a member of the... It's unbelievable. Pretty much giving them away. We're giving them away.

We're giving them away. Yes. So come along to a flagship standout if you can make it. Papy'scommono.com forward slash live and patron. com forward slash Papi's Flatshare to get all those goodies. Absolutely. And also the warm feeling that you support. Your boys on their journey as they podcast to the grave.

Not long now. Not long. Not long now. That's the spirit. I can feel it. I can feel the icy hand of death. Should we get into this? Well, I was going to say, if you are watching this on YouTube or listening to it on Spotify,

and there's somewhere you can comment. Oh, yeah. Who's going first? Oh, let us know. We've suspended the betting on that one. Now, let's get into this. You may pick up the fact that we recorded this on a bank holiday weekend. Oh, yes.

It comes up. Yes, it certainly does get mentioned that it was a bank holiday Monday, a fact that we didn't realize when we put the date in our diary. But it didn't matter. No. We got a wonderful crowd. We had wonderful, you know, we had wonderful guests. We weren't wonderful, but that's pretty much part for the course, isn't it?

But you're going to have a wonderful, wonderful time watching or indeed listening or both to this. Flat Shared slam down. Tom, Ben. What is it, Matthew? What is it, buddy? Happy Easter Monday. Sorry. Sorry.

Tom. Pulled at the first hurdle. There, you know. Tom, it is right there. That's torn straight from today's papers, isn't it? Well, happy Easter Monday to both of you, and of course he is risen. But no, look at this. Look at this.

What a mess. So much rubbish, unbelievable levels of filth. Sorry, I was just reading the reviews for our podcast. But no, look at our flat too. What a mess. So much rubbish. Unbelievable levels of filth. All of this has to be thrown away.

Apart from those jokes. We'll recycle those. One of you two has got to go to the tip. Oh, it's not going to be me, Matthew. No. It's not going to be you. Why not, Tom? My local tip is actually amazing, but it is on the summit of a mountain,

so I'm going to give you some good advice. Don't go. Top tip. No, come on, that's not bad, actually. If that doesn't scream Easter Monday, I don't know what does. That's a lovely bit of business. That's a lovely bit of business. Tom said before the show, I've got a good one,

and he wasn't lying. And the thing about Tom is he's honest. He often says, I haven't got a good one. Go to Clarkie first. So this could only mean one thing. Clarkie, what you got for us? I'm not going to the tip. It's rubbish.

Well, that was good. Clarkie, you're right. There's only one minute to settle this. We're going to have to have a. Flashes slam down. Flatchet down. We're going to flack. Plachie.

Slam Down. They're sharing with our mate. Flat share slam down. So we're going to slow it down. Flat share slam down. Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down, the panel show that says, I came to get down, I came to get down, I came to get down. So get out, you see it and dump around. Dump around.

Dump around. Dump around. Dump up, dump up and get down. I'm the host of Landlord Matthew Crosby. Let's meet my Stigs of the Dump. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clive. Now listen, you can't go to the tip on your own. of you brought to help chuck out the old mattress tonight, Clarkie.

I bought my South London pal. It's Tucson Douglas. Tucson Douglas is here. SC20 in the house. SC20, baby. SE 20 all the way. Tucson, what come up, well, firstly, we've got to talk about something because when I said, and I said, I was explaining the rules of the show before the show, and I was saying you're trying to avoid doing a household chore. This week, it's trying to avoid going to the tip, and you were like, why I want to avoid doing that?

I think the tip is a fun place to go to. Am I alone? No. I think it's a joyous place. It's a place of wonder. I go to Lewisham Reuse and Recycling Center, Landman's Way, and shout out to that. And it's got 3.5 stars on Google, which I think is harsh.

I think that's harsh. I think that's harsh. It's not Pizza Express, guys. I don't know what you're expected. It clearly says on the sign out of the front, enter at your own peril. your own peril it does say that actually does say Nair your own peril it says peril it's a it's a it's a it's a sacred place that it's it's a it's a

it's a sanctuary you know this is this is a place where it's the last resting place of your kettle yeah preach of your broken bookcase you know it's a place where you can go and say goodbye yeah and also it's just really fun chucking stuff into a massive bed you go up the stairs and you just go It's like that scene where the ring on Mordor, you're like, oh. It's like, do you not do that? My precious, my precious cattle, do you? Am I the only one, guys? Hello?

Am I the only one? Well, it's going to be a very short episode because I can announce now that Tom and Chris, you've won. Congratulations. Our winners. What kind of a person are you to live with, though? What kind of a flat-made, a housemate, a person to live with? I'm quite a particular person, I would say.

I like things where the things should be. In the tip. In the tip, yeah. Skip two household ways. Please, come on, you've got to follow Skip 12 furniture. That's a little thing. Yeah, in fact, in my house, there's just skips, and they just sort of go. People are constantly getting into your house saying, do you need all this stuff?

Can we take this away? Yeah. Have you had a skip outside your house before? So I used to live on, I was brought up on an estate, a council estate. So all I've ever known is just giant, you just have one bin, just a huge, so it's just a huge skit. And now I live on a, on a street, because I'm doing all right. You've done okay. It's a real rax to Rich's story.

And now I've got my own bin. It's incredible, Matthew. I've got four bins. I don't know what they all do, but I'm loving it. Seems way too many bins. I'm loving finding out. You've got four bins. I've got four bins.

I think that's overkill. It may be, but I'm in my element. This is what happens. You know, you've got to the stage where you've made a little bit of money, but you don't know what to do with it, do you? I'm literally wasting it. Tucson Douglas is here. Tom Parry, who have you brought along with us on this Easter Monday?

Fingers crossed it's Jesus. Oh, Matthew the Jamborees in danger. Oh no. Yeah, we close on bank holidays. My friend never stops working. It's Chris Cantrell, everybody. Chris Cantrell's here. Chris, are you a tip fat?

Whoa, you've adopted a cool stance to start things off. That's the reason to watch the video, guys. You're missing the many stances our guests bring. I should have told you he's a teenage mutant ninja turtle. He's a what? M. On the emphasis on the teenage boots. Yes, absolutely.

Listen, it's great to have you here. Thank you. Are you a tip kind of guy? You a dump kind of guy? Do you love it? Well, I used to live in Manchester. There was a tip that was next to a screw fix and a Toby cavalry around a roundabout.

And I want to be buried in that roundabout. It's a holy trinity of being a dad. Do you know what I mean? I love the tip. Only bit of peace you get in the week. My son has to stay in the car legally. Yeah. I know.

You learn that the hard way when the kid hops out Because that would be a real fun thing Me and my dad going to the tip And everyone would be able to, you know, basically you could scramble around in the rubbish. Once Nigel gets back in, kids will be allowed to add. Here, here.

Get Nigel in all that woke nonsense. I can't wait. I've told the kids, they're so excited for it. I cannot wait to light up on a forecourt. I can't wait. Here we go, kids. Chuck that mattress in that hedge. I love watching the tip rats that work there, you know, with a stick, getting things out that you fell away after.

I love watching that seeing him pull out half a chair. What are you doing with it? I have a half a sit down. I'm not as tired as I thought I was. I just eat half a chair. Have you ever had someone go through your bin bag to check that it's all recyclable or actual household waste? No, they trust me. Oh, it's intrusive.

In mine, you're not allowed to put gypsom in it. you know like pasta board and stuff like that and I had some pasta being done and I broke it up and put it in bin bags of food away anyway he's a rebel because he never ever does any good that explains his pose at the start absolutely well Chris Cantrell is here everybody

Chris Cantrell is here we have met our guests but that's just the tip let's get to the horse let's get things start We started with round one. Yes, indeed. Now, this first round is called word dump. You have to get your teammates to guess a book, film, play, TV show or character

by giving them a single word clue. Okay, you cannot use any of the words in the name of that thing. If your teammate guesses it in one, they win three points. If they cannot guess it, you can give them two further words worth two and one points, respectively. We're going to start with you, Tom. Imagine if you could use a word in it, and it was just like us going, Jaws. Is it Jaws?

Yes. Tailed it. Tom, I've got to give you different one. I'm going to tell you what it is, so it's okay. Tom has got a famous book. Tom has got a famous book, so you've got one word. If you want to get the full three points, Chris, what book has Tom got? Okay.

Yeah, make as many noises as you like, but you're going to use one full word. Intrusive. Wow. This is really difficult. It's difficult, isn't it? Intrusive. Can I tell him it's a book? He knows it to book.

So far, that's the only good clue he's had. Intrusive. Intrusive. Yeah. You know, like our thoughts. Intrusive. Intrusive. Intruding.

Yes, that's right. Yeah, right. Now you're thinking. In a famous book. Is it like I'm drawn to American Psycho? It's not American Psych. Okay, this is for two points, second word. Animal.

Intrusive animal. Yeah. There's some murmurings. There's a murmurings in the audience. Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. No. Mad if I went, that's a famous book. I believe he's still trying to get the film rights off the ground.

Intrusive animal dinner. Oh Intrusive Animal Dinner Just to Straw poll Do you guys Are you guys there?

I think Can we steal Let's let Chris have one Let's have one guest Let's have one guest But are you ready to go out Yeah Intrusive animal dinner

Yeah Okay I think that's good I think that is good That got better as it went along Any idea? Intrusive animal dinner. The hungry caterpillar. Oh.

I was going to go with that one. I was going to go on that one. Also, it's the very hungry caterpillar. So technically he's wrong. It's right. Either way, you're both wrong, guys. Hang on, hang on. He's not improving.

He's not improving. He doesn't actually go in at his food. He's very hungry. Okay, listen. Just on Saturday alone he went through a long mood. Guys, are we forgetting it's Easter Monday? No one is forgetting that. I can tell you now that it is not either the hungry or very hungry caterpillar.

Audience, what is it? It's the tiger who came to tea. There we go. Tiger who came to tea. All right. I reckon four more words we'd have got there. Four more, yeah, yeah. Especially if one of those words been Tiger or Tea.

Yeah, there you go. Tucson, you're up next. Now, Tucson's. It's not easy. It's not easy. You've got a famous film there. Ben, you are guessing. Okay.

Okay. So, Tucson. Happy to do it. That is your famous film. So it's a famous film, Ben. Thank you. Thank you, thank you,

Tisod. Okay. Famous film. I would just, when you're thinking about this film. Hang on it. It sounds like a lot. I'm not saying any words,

but I'm just going to. Wait, hang on it. Can we roll back the tape on that? He is good. Can we check? Was he saying words here? Because it sounds. This is just,

This is like the signs before you go on the skip. You haven't entered the skip. All right, okay. This is the peril bit. Yeah, there's the peril bit. Okay. Is this why you're not doing it into the microphone? You're just leaving out.

Yeah, yeah. It's Easter Monday. Yeah, guys. Okay, all right. There's just one word. Thank you. It's famous. Yeah.

Okay, pop it down so they can't see it. Okay, there we go. They're eager to steal. Okay. Here we go. Look me in the eyes. Okay. Yeah.

He's going to do it by telepathy. He's not even going to bother with the words. We get a kiss. Is that what normally happens with you kiss? People move further away from you. Yeah. Yeah. This person leading back from me, it seems like they want to snog.

Who's what's first word? Can't be film. It can be, but. I think looking into Clarkie's eyes, has really thrown you off. Hormonal. Hormonal? You had a hormonal.

Clarkie. When you hear the word hormonal, what movies bring to my? Clueless? It's not clue. The audience reacting as if they know what the answer is. We haven't told them, but yeah. Okay, it's not clueless.

I can tell you that now. I was just say my state of mind. Tucson, you've got another word is for two points. Here we go, here we go, all right. Can the word be, it can allude to the film? Yeah, I think, it kind of should, actually, yeah. How else do you play this game? I was just trying to play in a different way.

What was it going to be, projector, celluloid? Cinema. But you can't, can you reference things in the film? Yeah, yeah. If you want to, yeah, yeah. One word, mad questions. I don't. What person would have I alluded to in the Tiger that came to tea?

It's not the fucking tiger. These are mad questions for the second word. Yeah. I'm already striking hormonal from the record. That was just how Toot was feeling. It's quite hot in here. It's quite high in here. Is that just because we were holding hands?

Okay. Tucson, your second word. Now, try and make it something that might help Clarkie guess the film. Okay? That's what we're going for here. Lindsay. Oh, hormonal Lindsay. Good name for a film.

It's not a bad name for a film. I'd watch it on my own. They've got it. They've got it. But you, crucially, they can't tell you. No. But just let's get them and channel what they're doing. Channel their energy.

Why do you think I'm telepathic? You keep pushing this. Tison, because you don't say anything. I was me telling you to fuck on. Okay, so we... Have you got another guess that's not clueless? I don't know. Okay.

I'm going to put that out there. I can't think of any one. I can't think of any Lindsay's. But I felt like the reaction. Yeah. I felt like I was quite close with clueless. I was on the right track. Yes, but bear my, they don't know what the answer is.

So, but. That's the good point, right. Yeah. I'm going to say mean girls. It was mean girls. I'm not crazy. My methods work. Fair play.

That was unbelievable. Two points. Two points there to Tucson and to Clarkie. Chris, we're over to you. Now, you have a famous TV show. Tom, you are guessing. Now, a little bit of advice. Pick words that allude.

Yeah. It's just as you know how it's done. Tucson crawled so you could walk. Pick words that allude to the famous TV show. Okay, Chris, first word. Unusual. Oh. Okay.

Okay. Unusual. Any ideas, Tom? TV show. TV show. Stranger Things. It's correct. Three points.

Three points. I tell you what, Tom, Tucson, you've unlocked the game. Finally, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben. You have got a famous play. Oh. Yes, gone. We've discussed.

Just pre-game that we were going to do three words a person, right? Yeah. Could we not do that anymore? It's been quite a long one, hasn't it? You want it? You want it to be a shorter round? Just pass it to us. Are you not having fun?

You're not having a good time. It's about holiday Monday, mate. There's nothing else to do. You're not going to cash a check today, mate. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Clarkie, who wants this round to be over quickly?

What's your first word? Or do you want to do all three straight away? Does he know what it is? Famous play. Famous play. Lovely. Yeah. Good.

I needed that as well actually. Denmark. Oh. Oh. The girl with the dragon tattoo. Damn it. Is it Hamlet? It is Hamlet.

There we go. See, Clarkie, the power to make it quick was in your hands. Okay. Right. You know, sometimes words say far too much. Let's make the round a little trickier by playing noise. jump, okay? You have to get your opponents to guess a thing using one, two, or three noises with three to or one points respectively. Tom, we're going to go back to you. It's a fictional character. It's a fictional character. Is it the tiger that comes to today? Okay, so we need a noise from you that suggests this fictional character, Tom.

Yeah! Whoa! That really went places. I'm going to count that all of us. one noise technically was a portmanteau noise yeah ha ha just one more time yeah yeah anybody else want to have a go in it yeah ha ha ha ha ha two son is it no go with you got go with your gut um fucking a pirate a pirate um who is captain jacksbow is correct oh my god that was really good Congratulations to Tucson there. He unlocked the game.

All these points going to the Tucson. You've got a TV show, Tucson. Okay, Ben, you're guessing. Tucson, what's your first noise? Again, the stances. What the live audience gets. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm limbering up.

Although, you had a bit of this going. But not simultaneous to the noise. Okay, yeah. We'll allow a simultaneous action, but you can't do a ramp-up action, okay? Tucson, can I just request that you move the answer so it's not facing directly out of you? You're lucky I'm dyslexic.

Yeah, tricky, right? That is tricky. It is tricky. Do you want to hazard a guess. Remember, you've got two more noises. And it's a TV show. It's a TV show, famous TV show, yeah. Is it Scooby-Doo?

It's not Scooby-Doo. It was when you did it. But I think... I did the pirate weirdly enough as well. I think if you listen to two songs one rather than the one you did three times. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good note. Thank you for that. Sorry. Sorry. That was the tricky bit. Yeah. Okay, so we've had that noise. You can either do the noise

again and then another noise or just give us a brand new noise. Whatever you like. That might be good. Since I've still just not whining my head. Since Clarkie's blanked the noise from his head. Okay, your second noise, Tucson. Dun, dun,

dun, dun, dun, done, done. Is that five noises? Oh, exactly. I'm going to allow that because it had no discernible tune. Yeah. A stronger singer would have been banqu to rights on that one, but not

not our friend Tucson. That was a fair. Unless he was spelling out in Force code. So let's hear them together, please. So we can, so Clarkie can have a bit of it. Both. Yeah, go on, let's hear both together.

So we can, Clarki have a bit of an idea. Can I just ask you to rotate the paper back towards you? Does anyone else here? have it. They're from the same TV show effectively. Yeah, they're supposed to be from the same TV. There's two approaches to it. Do they allude to the TV show?

Two approaches. One's more like lateral. The first one was more kind of lateral. And then you're going abstract. And then you're going lateral. That business game needs. It's lateral and literal, I think, is kind of, isn't it? Yeah, I was trying to.

That's what we're aiming for. You've got a third sound. You've got a third sound. Have you had a guess yet? the TV show might be? I just have a guess, mate. Happy days? It's not happy days, no.

It's a fantastic guess. It's not happy days. Third noise. I actually don't know. No, okay. Let me, all right. Do you want to have a look at it again?

Yeah, let me. Please. There you go. Oh, I've been doing it wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Good to have a little, good to have a little refresher on the,

on the TV show you're supposed to be conveying here. Oh, dear. Okay. Okay. That's right. Have a little sip. and here we go. Third, final noise.

Can you work out what TV show this is? Get ready to steal. So we've had the sort of kind of noise. Bamp, bam, bam, bam, bum, then a hum. Okay. Got it.

Yeah? What do you think it is, Clarkie? Is it Ali McBeal? Oh! It's not Alibald, of course, not. It's not Ali McBeal. It is, of course, guys. The opportunity to steal is over to you.

course, Chernobyl. It's not Chernobyl. Anyone in the audience think they have an idea? Someone must have, come on. It was of course dragon's dead, yes. So the first one was a dragon. Which one got you? Which one? Which was it the abstract one to start with? Or the, the... So you're being a dragon at the start. You've been a dragon. What was the second one? It was kind of like that, you know, when they come up the lift or when they come just come out and they go,

that little music thing. I'm not going to do it again. It's not that. When they come up the spiral staircase, that bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the third one was like when they don't give them money or something. How did you even get it? They don't even make any sense, actually. I'm saying that. I don't know how you actually got it from that. Okay, the final.

Oh, no, so I wish it were the final. So does Ben. It's, for Chris, that's for you. Now, Chris, that is for you. Now, you have a film. Tom, you are guessing. Okay. You've got three noises.

Okay. Right. Is that your first noise? No, no, no, no, no. Neither of those. That's not the first noise. No. Okay.

First noise. It's very good. It's very good. Did it again? Yep. That's actually fantastic. I'm going to allow the gentle mime. There will be blood.

It's not. Not there will be blood. Good guess, though. It's not there will be blood. A second... Brings all the voice of the yard, doesn't it? Now, second noise from Chris to see if you can bathe.

Chris, into the mic or not at all. You know the rules. Can it allude to music in it? Like, can it be... Yeah, go on. I think if someone was allowed to allude to music. Is that what he was doing? If not perform any actual music, then yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so we've got... I love that we've all learned the word alludes. Can I allude to something now, please? I would say the gameplay is slightly eluding us at the moment. That's what's going on. Okay. Okay. These are two fantastic clues, I think.

This is very... Yeah. No, none of that. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's all right, it's not the vomit. It's, um... Why, I don't have to omit?

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Murder on the dance floor, that was. Okay, so the film is... First one. Uh, saltburn! It's open! Do you know what I enjoyed about that? The amount of...

time between the the mime and the disgust. Congratulations, two points there to you guys. Now, final, final one is going to be for Ben. We've got a famous book, Toussaint, you're guessing. Okay, you've got it in front of you, Clarkie. Pop it open. It's the easiest way to play the game.

Ben, can we hurry this round? It's been a long time, mate. We're all trying to allude to a break. Okay. Famous book Please have Please make your first noise Clarkie

Oh it's good Control straight in there Okay Two sons We heard We heard we had we There was a little mime as well A bit of finger wagging

We had bra bra bra bra bra bra bra And what book do you think Clarkie was conveying there Oh Like there was It had a real energy to it Yeah

definitely kind of telling off. I'm going to go with a Christmas carol. Not a Christmas carol. Good guess. Okay, good guess though. A good guess. Let's have the second noise from Clarkie, please.

He's really leaning into the mimes here. But yeah. Okay, so we've had, let's hear the first one again. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Is that the thing? from Dragon's death. So, actually we heard that and then

Okay. So he's like, don't do that and then he's done it and he's drowned. He's underwater. Is it? He's underwater books the famous. Oh, it's not

like, is it Moby Dick? It's not Moby Dick. Very, very good guess. It's a good guess. Third and final sound, Clarkie. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good.

There's a mind there as well, for the people listening on audio only, there was mine there, you were sort of hammering something there, weren't you? I wouldn't tell two something like. There was a sort of telling off, a sort of kind of in the water, and a sort of kind of like inspecting his surroundings, or the person's surrounding, whoever this person, or something, What a wild interpretation. Of what they just told you it was.

Is it grand designs, the book? Can we steal for speed? Yeah, God, steal it's the Bible. Of course it's the Bible. Of course it's the Bible. It's Easter Monday after all. What was that one? He's nailing him up, would I?

Oh, gosh. That one was the one. And also, guys, crucially, it's Easter. Sunday, surely. What other book are you thinking of? So at the end of that round, producer Olivia, please tell us the scores in three words, then probably another three words,

and then as many words as you like. Oh, wait, I was going to allude to it via noise. Oh, okay, let's do it. Here we go, here we go. Okay, give us the, give us a noise for the amount of points that Ben and Toussaint have scored. Nine.

Oh, that's, that's. I didn't know you to do that. I forgot to mention that the noises could be full words. I forgot to mention... Dragos then. It still sounds like it's scooby-D to me. Okay. So now we've got nine points,

the two sort of bed. Sorry, sorry. It was the other way around. It was the way around, sorry. I'll tell you, I tell you what, producer Olivia, let's just hear the scores. Tom and Chris. have nine as discussed Ben and Tucson have five oh okay so Tom and Chris are in the lead

but Ben and of course Tucson are not yet down in the dumps well they might be everything could change we return in part two see you in a bit welcome back to Flat Shetland now before the break Ben and Tucson were in the lead then they weren't and then and then Tom and Chris were what a roller coaster The score. I normally say the scores haven't changed, but they slightly did. They did just before the break. But the scores haven't changed. And I cannot believe this huge pile of rubbish is still here popping up on my explore page. Sorry, I'm just reading our Instagram comments. Do us a favour and chuck us a follow everyone at Pappy's comedy

or of course at Pappy's FlatShirt on TikTok. How many followers are you on at the moment? 1,060. Oh my God. Make it 1061 tonight. And while you do it, let's play round two. It's flat games. Games. Let's play together.

Games. Let's play forever. Roll the dice, spin that thing. Put that there. Do as your toll. Games. If you lose, you get nothing. Games.

If you win, you get gold, gold. Whoa. Listen to that. It's unbelievable, Tom. Last one laughing. Last one chanting gold more like. Good competition actually. Yeah.

We've got to get to Amazon. We really have to. It's a good idea. Get us on Prime, baby. Get us on Prime. We're in our Prime. Or at least we were 15 years ago. Now, this week.

It's a long time. How long's the Prime last? The Prime never stopped. The Prime for us. I'm still waiting for it to start if I want us with you. It's going to be a hell of a Prime. Clarkie is on the Cusp of Prime. He really is.

And by the Cusp of Prime. He's in chats with Logan Paul at the moment to be selling some soft drinks. This week we're doing our version of Roblox, which we're calling RoRox. I would like you to sing about a famous robot slash android slash cyborg or similar computerized human facsimile to the tune of a classic rock and roll song. A bit of the past, bit of the future. Bit of the future, exactly. Absolutely right.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Tom was right there, guys. That'd be so condescending to him. But yes, your teammate must correctly identify the famous robot to win a point, but there's also a huge 10 points up for grab for performance. So really give it some bleep, bleep, and indeed some bloop bloop. We're going to start with you, Clarkie.

There you go. Crucial question, are you allowed to allude to the robot in the song? I'm glad you asked Tom, and you simply must. Okay. Okay, here we go. All right, so Clarkie, now your... Can we just say when we were doing the briefing before this? Chris's question was,

and is this a real robot or one you've just made up? Imagine if that was it, though. Imagine if it was... Yeah, a bunch of robots I invented it on the journey over here. Good luck guessing them, guys. Imagine if we did. There was a lot of stuff that it was moving quite clearly. In your defence.

Fair enough. So, Clarkie, your rock and roll song is Great Balls of Fire by our dear underage cousin marrying pal, Jerry Lee Lewis. It was a different time. It was. Even at that time, that was not on. Tucson, what genuine real robot that I haven't just invented myself, I promise you, is Clarkie clanking about. DJ Olivia Bot 3,000, play that tune. Oh, I am made of metal and I'm a run about.

All the world is full of roll. I'm box it up and trash compacted. Goodness gracious, look at my tracks. Yeah, I run around on the planet. All the people are in space of vats. They are on things that fly them around. Goodness gracious, I'm... But I'm lonely on earth my own.

I can't quite remember. This gracious, I'm around. Yes, fantastic from Ben Clark there. Clarkie, can I just check? Can I just check? Are you fine? Because I've never heard someone say, I'm fine, and sound less like they mean it. Since me with my therapist. So, that was good. That was really, really good.

Oh, thank you. Really, really good, Clarkie. I suddenly put in a lot of effort. I didn't enjoy the body shaming of all the people in space, but apart from that, apart from that, I loved it. We'll talk about your points in just a second, but two, some, before that, what robot was Ben singing about? I think so.

I got from that, that he said he's a robot. Yes. That's half the battle. I believe he was a robot that works in the refuse sector. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Very on theme. I appreciate that. And it was mentions of space. So actually, I think I'm thinking this could be in the set in the future. Could be set in the future? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We haven't experienced this robot yet. We didn't have, we didn't have space in the past.

We're waiting for space to be discovered. That's what Artemis 2 is currently up there doing. So what robot do you think it is? Sorry, we can't patronise Tom, but you can patronise me. Sorry, did anyone else feel that? Sorry. Oh, we can't patronise Tom. Tom in the corner can't be patronised.

But I mentioned space. And I can be wholly patronised. It's a terrible double standard. You're absolutely right. I'm sticking with it. Please don't start patronising me. This whole thing unravels. I never would.

I never would. You're just too sweet. You're just... Anyway. Tucson, I'm going to have to push you for an answer. That's actually quite nice. Quite a nice relationship they have, actually. It's quite nice to see.

What's the robot, Tucson? I think it's Wally. It's Wally! And a very, very strong, a very strong vocal performance from Clarkie. I am going to give you a robotic eight out of ten oh eight out of ten there there we go so we're over now we're over we're over now to chris now your song is oh pretty woman by roy orbison but tom what old tin can

is chris singing about okay DJ Olivia bot 3,000 press play on the stereo on your sternum we'll get to your get your points and i can tell you that now so look forward to that but for you I've got to ask, what robot was Chris singing, and it was singing about? It's got to be the Terminator. It has to be the Terminator. It has to be the Terminator, guys. And I'm going to give you 9 out of 10 for performance. I loved it.

I loved it. Wow. Now, Tucson, we're over to you. You have, You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry, the old twist scene from Pulp Fiction. But Ben, what aluminium ally is Tucson singing about? Okay. You got that there, Tucson? Okay.

The confidence of a true performer. Okay. DJ Olivia Bot 3,000. Don't give me no 404 error messages. Just press play. Dragons dead everyone. Sintel Tits himself. Unbelievable.

Clarkie. For that reason. Omer. Clarkie, what robot was Tucson singing? And it was singing. Of course. And you know what? I'm going to give you 10 out of 10.

It was a fantastic performance. A fantastic performance. Finally, Tom, let's end the round with the king. It's Elvis Presley. Always on my mind. Yeah. Okay. Now, Chris, what Rust Bucket is currently on Tom's mind.

Okay? DJ Olivia Bot 3,000. Now, I know you cannot feel emotions. But do not let the rest of us suffer. Play that tune. It's quite a tough time for me. with this war in a round I can fill my tank up quite as often as I can sometimes I like to drive and then I walk like I'm alive truck absolutely beautiful I feel the mood cooled when you

mentioned the wall in the room had a nice rock and more vibe going in the room it's always on my mind Okay. Well, the points may reflect that. But Chris, do you know what robot Tom was singing about? I believe I do, but it really did kick in in the last sentence of the top. Up until that point, it was quite touching good, but I believe we are talking about Optimus Prime. It's correct.

Thank goodness. Optimus Prime. So you get the point there. And I'm going to give you... And it was singing. Was it... Was it a... Was it a...

Was it a protest song? Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to give you 8 out of 10 for that. Thank you very much, actually. So, producer Olivia Bot 3,000, let's hear the scores in your best robot voice. Gwynn's to line them up.

Okay. The Gwynbot 3,000 is a little slower than he used to be. Yeah, yeah. I accidentally. I suddenly spilled a can of Vimta on him earlier on. And he's fritzing ever so slightly. But that's okay. As soon as you have the data,

producer at Libbyroth 3,000. Let's hear the scores in your best robot voice. The data has been processed by Gwynn. Tom and Chris have 28. Ben and Tucson have 25. Oh, very, very close. Very, very close. Well, I can tell you there is no artificial intelligence in our next round.

There is no intelligence at all. It's time to take a trip to the fallibly human. Court of the Beef Brothers. Oh! Well, if you got a problem... I've lost the beef. A can of mepto on here. I've found the beef. A real sudden panic now and I sort of looked around it.

It just wasn't... It simply wasn't there, but crucially it is here now. And so is Sarah, who's in the audience. Sarah, are you there? I am. Hi, Sarah. How are you doing? Good. Right.

Well, you're doing good currently, but you do have a beef here. And it says, my husband slash flatmate thinks it's normal. He thinks it's normal behaviour to flush cake slash food down the toilet. Yeah, this resulted in the last time he did this. His panicked mother thinking she had blocked the toilet and me having to scoop chocolate cake. And it was chocolate cake. Which was obviously presumed to be shit out of the toilet.

The only defense he has is how Labrador is on a diet. So we can't use food waste. So you can't use food waste. Now, I believe Sarah, your husband is here as well. What's your husband's name, please? Andy. Hi, Andy. Okay, so we've got Sarah and Andy both here.

This is how we like to play. I'll tell you now, Ben and Tucson, you are on Sarah's side. Tom and Chris, you are on Andy's side. Okay, okay, okay. Does anybody have any questions? We'll start with Sarah. Anyone got any questions for Sarah before we begin our cases? How are you?

How fat is your lab? Forty-eight kilos. And just had about a pancreatia. He's basically a hundred pounds. So this is a big dog. Oh, he's a horse. Was there any food going down the loo before your dog got big? Yeah.

Not the answer Tom wanted there. Not the answer Tom wanted. Any other questions? Chris, do you have a question for Sarah? Do you have like council-enabled food waste collection. 100%. Oh.

Andy, what are you doing to us? Okay. I think that's enough for our teams to make the cases. We ask the question it gets worse. Okay. Tucson, Clarkie, remember you're on Sarah's side, as is everybody.

So any questions for Sarah? Then we'll move on to Andy in a second because you never know. What was the event the cake was for? And why wasn't Clarkie invited? So he took our eldest kid out to a gig, was having a great time while I was left with his mum, who then panicked and came downstairs and said,

oh my God, I'm so sorry, I blocked the toilet. And I ran up, she needed me to help, so I ran up. And it was the cake that he'd earlier gone, oh, I just found a cake under the bed, so I flushed it. What? Wait. Yeah. You found a cake under the bed, so you flushed it.

I've got more questions. I've ever had in my life. Yeah, Clarkie, some follow-up questions are needed, I think, yeah. Why was the cake under the bit? It was in a cake tin. Yeah, so we have two wonderful children. Yeah, it wasn't the question.

Occasionally, they make cake and stuff at school. They bring it home. They're both known for abandoning stuff in our room. This tin of cake abandoning or gifting, my friend. Hang on, hang on, right. So this cake was made by our youngest son

and no sensible human alive would eat anything made by his fair hands. But they would flush it down the toilet. Hang on, but so I may have hidden it under the bed at some point. And then that was like three months ago. And when it came back out, it was green. The icing was originally green though, just as. So it went from green to just the same green basically. Yeah, yeah.

Still green. Still green. Okay. So, and you flushed it down, you flushed it down the loo. How old is your son? How old are your kids? 12. 12 and 17.

Yep, don't touch that. Is that, what, is that the biggest thing you flushed? No, no, no, no, like food wise. It's a good question. What's the biggest thing you got down there, man? So, talk us through an average week in your household, Andy. What are you putting down the U-Bend? Today is like, he was, like, he was.

was sat outside, I was like, I can't go to the toilet. There's stuff in it. And he went, oh no, I'll just come and flush it for you as I was on it. And then water touched my off. Water, water and a sausage roll. It was vegetable peeling. Oh, you're doing the peelings as well. Right, yeah. Good, good. Andy, save you. Come on. Okay, Andy, talk to us about the dog.

Right, so the dog is, as we said before, is 47 kilos. And we know this exactly because he was weighed by the vet the other day, who used the term morbid obese. Okay, okay. So what the vet said was, is he helping himself to anything else because we had him on a diet for quite a while? And I said, yeah, he just eats out of the bin.

So the vet said, don't just, you know, don't put things in the bin if he's just going to fish them out of it. Find somewhere else to put them. Have you thought about under the bed? Exactly. Have you thought about training your dog to any level whatsoever? It's not exerting any sort of power over it. taking it for a walk.

I feel like it's a good time to remind you that you're on my side. Objection, Your Honor. Strike from the record. So my mother was coming to visit. I had been tidying the house. I had a bit of a panic. They can't put it in the bin. So just flush the cake, thinking it'll go.

And it didn't. When you say it like that, it sounds fucking normal. Did you used to be a drug dealer? Is it like this old habit? You just flush things when you panic. Did you cut the cake into slices and you flush to each slice? Oh no. You just tipped it.

So you just, okay. And what kind of a cake are we talking about? We're talking about like... It's small with cake. So you take, you chucked a load of basically... Cup cakes. into the loo with the with the did you set the paper off yeah did you take the paper off so you take just okay so it's paper and cake it might be and it's just and candles were there candles

i'm getting the feeling there were candles i'm just sensing there were candles i was I feel like one of those lawyers that had to defend the Nazis at the head. It needs doing, but I don't agree with it. Everyone's got the right to a fair trial, remember. How old do you dog, Andy? Do you love your dog? He's 11, and no, he's a dig. He's the best. The dog was the only case we had.

Of course he doesn't love his dog. He's putting cake down the toilet. The man's reduced to putting cake down the toilet. toilet. Well, listen, I would love to chat more to Andy and Sarah, and I'm sure we will when we call social services. But for now, that should be enough time for our, enough information for our teams to make their cases. So, Tucson, you're up first. You're going to be opening the case for the prosecution. You have a minute, okay? I'm going to call upon you. Your minute begins now. He's putting cake down a toilet.

That's all we need to hear. That's all we need to hear. Now, now we're over to you, Chris. All you've got to do is rebut all of the points that Tucson made in his fairly extensive argument. You've got a minute. You don't need to use all of it, but I suggest you do.

Your minute begins now. Who here? A monster. It's a strong star. Can claim not to have had a bit. bit of beef bergen-young left and thought, you know where the best place for this is? The toilet, exactly.

Now, what do we know about Andy? A family man. He was taking his children to a concert and he had the generosity to leave his wife, Sarah, with his mother-in-law. And just from

reading her, it was just slightly between the lines. She didn't appreciate that at all. Just one of the many ways in which Andy is quite a put-upon hero. He might not care for his wife, no his mother, or no his dog. But it doesn't stop him doing what's right. He wants to keep that dog alive

and in pain as long as possible. Seriously obese. Suffering. Keeping it from the thing that would euphonise it in a really quick and happy way. And for that reason Yeah Chris Cantill everybody Two incredibly compelling

arguments Sarah how do you think it's going so far Good Good Andy any advance on good? It's been bad It's been bad We've got good and bad

Okay so we're back over to you Clarkie now you're going to conclude the case For the prosecution Clarkie you're a minute begins now. We're putting cake down the toilet. Okay, yes, yeah, there we go. Very,

very strong, compelling argument, yeah, yeah. Presumably it's a chocolate lab, right? I'd underline that. You know, you have to have a system for these things. I actually have a friend who has

four bins. And the fourth bin is exclusively. for chocolate cake. This has actually happened to me before as well because one time my girlfriend flushed a red velvet cake and, whoa, I was scared that day.

How'd you underline that? Mary Antoinette famously was misquoted for saying let them eat cake. What she actually said was I'm fucking flushed cake down the toilet, you know bed. The defence, the defence does indeed rest. Okay, Tom, Tom.

Just told me to bring it home. Oh, Chris, I've got some really bad news for you, mate. Tom, yes. Are you going to do this as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a deep south defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel, Mr. Fanshaugh-Standand. Fanshaar Standen, presiding and providing, your minute should you need, it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, of the jury, well, we've been on a real journey today. Bank holiday

Them their lawyers from the big city arriving in town with their fancy foreign woods Barignon Oh no wait a minute That was my We'll chat about that later Actually

Around here we ain't no Bargignon people This ain't no Bargignon county I don't want to allude to the conflict In Iran Like a delicacy they eat over there. We simple folk, hell, we animal-loving folk. Sounds to me like we got a man here with a best friend

who'd be morbidly obese. Now let me tell you, I know someone with a best friend who's morbidly obese and it's my best friend. And the times my best friend has flushed something down the toilet to save my life, I could count on all of my fingers. and I lost one of them in a police read. I don't understand something in life. Sometimes you've got to put something in a toilet

before you can... Actually. The defence rests, you are. Guys, if you wonder what that was, that was someone bringing it home. Now, I cannot make the decision myself as I am far too busy working at a ClickFarm. I'm trying to redress the balance on our YouTube comments.

I'm going to ask the live Phoenix audience to cast their vote now. If you think Sarah and therefore Ben and Tucson are in the right, applaud now. But if you think Chris and Fanshaw and indeed our dear friend Andy made the best case, please applaud now. Thank you Andy. It's this close. We're going to have to go to VAR and, no. Of course, Sarah, congratulations. You are the winner.

Tucson and Ben, you get the one point. Sarah, Andy. How do you feel about the results though? Fair. Fair. It's absolutely fair. Yeah, I'll accept it. You simply have to accept it.

Does this mean you're going to stop? Oh, no. He accepts the result, but he will re-offend. That's what we like to see. Can we lock the toilets? I think he already has. Now for a jingle that's both quantity and quality, the main quality being that it's much much, much, much quantity.

It's the quickfire round jingle. This is the quick fire round. It's a round that goes really quickly, which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long. introduction it has a long introduction when the round itself is short this jingles long I'd better warn you it's about as long as a long weekend on a bank holiday holiday If you're a loud one If you don't have something to interrupt it Something like a podcast record

That you booked when you did not know It was Easter Monday What a terrible mistake I went's Easter Monday Can't it be the same every year? What's the deal with Easter? How does it get to do that? Just bowl around somewhere anywhere between March and May

It's just a roaming holiday That actually carries clout You can say what you like about Christmas At least it made its mind up It stakes its nail to the mast And says these three dates every year I don't care where they come mate It's fucking boxing day

But Easter's just So attached to the days. Oh, Easter Monday. Well, it's got to be on a Monday. Grow a fucking pair of balls.

Have good Friday on a Wednesday. And stick Easter Sunday. Up your pipe in tune. Oh no, hang on. Anyway, you get the point I did and check the diary. When I

suggested today. as a building this is all self-loathing I did it to I we're paying the price anyway let's not get bogged down in the details we've got a round to do right now and let's remind you it is a quick round it's positively brief where I'm The jingle... I don't think I could take one for. I don't think I can take one for. Anyway, happy Easter.

Oh, don't get me started on chuckler. Why is it that they taste so much nicer when they're in egg shaping? Anyway, here it is the quick fire rung. The quick fire rung. I think it could have been longer. being longer. This is, in case you hadn't already heard, the quickfire round. And as

this show is all about the tip, okay, the dump, we're asking you to throw your answers into the trash compactor, mush the two words together to make a brand new portmante word. Not a word that already exists. That was too clever for me to write. Instead of buzzers, I'd like you to shout out your first names. Ben and Tucson, let's hear yours.

Ben. Tucson. Thank you very much. And Chris and Tom, let's hear yours. Chris. Okay, guys, this is going to get harder than this, all right? If you're panicking on the shout out your names bit. Okay, what is the... What is the name of the celebrity chef known for his fiery TV persona? His show Hell's Kitchen.

Tucson. Guamsy. Garamzy is correct. What do you call the punctuation mark that looks like a full stop with a comma beneath it? I believe Tucson said his actual name. in first. That looks like a... Hang on, you can't buzz in for clarification.

Chris. Squirrel on. It's correct. Who plays Barbie in the movie Barbie? Tucson. Tucson. Moby. Moby.

Yes. Moby. It is. Weird bit of casting. Wood watch. And who starred alongside Moby in the Wolf of Wall Street? Chris! I think Chris was just there first.

Gliton Caprio. It's correct, yeah. What is the name of the bell in the... tower in the houses of parliament tom's tom be ben yeah all right what's the what's the largest ocean on earth Tucson Tucson it's not the correct answer Tom Tom Passeosha ocean I'm gonna have to accept it name the American media personality socialite and businesswoman who is married to Travis Barker Chris

Yes. Holy Valens? It's not Holly Valas. No, though. She's made to Nick Candy. Courtney Daschian. Courtney Dashian is correct. Yeah, speaking of Barkers,

named Ronnie Barker's double-act partner in the two Ronnie's. Tom, Tom. Robben is correct. Which pop star released the album's 1989, reputation of folk? Tom, Tom. Tayif is correct.

What LT is the full name of the sport played at Wimbledon? Tucson. Tucson. Lennis. It's correct. Which tall English footballer is famous for his robot dance? Pouche.

Pouch. Pouch is correct. Pouch, pouch. And which popular TV show is based on George R.R.R. Martin's a song. To some. Two som. Gairones. Gairos is correct.

Not sure you're allowed to say that, but that's the end of the round. And the end of the game. So, before we end the show, Before we find out those final scores, Tucson and Chris, have you got anything you would like to plug Tucson? Where can people see you? Where can people find you? When are you next performing?

You can find me online on Instagram, yeah, Tucson underscore Graham, and I've already done my shows. So that's it. You've retired. You've retired tonight. This is like when David Bowie shut down the Spotted to Mars live on stage. This is last ever show. This is Tucson's last ever again?

I would just like to promote the Lewisham reuse and recycling center, actually. That's what I would like to do. Good. Congratulations. Enjoy your retirement. I mean, that's, you know, you get to four bins and that's, that's God's way. It's God's way of telling you to stop, isn't it? The quick fire jingle got to it.

If I mean, the same business as these guys, I want out. Chris, what about you? I've got a podcast called World Concerns. Yep, we could. We could do with some more listeners. Nice, they both came, though. And if you wanted to watch SNLUK, then I'm working on that with Tom and he started my boss and he said I had to do this one too.

And I won't take, but it's Easter Monday for an answer. Thanks to all of you for watching. As always, check out our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash pappy splachshare. Like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast, or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. So, producer Olivia. What are the final scores?

Well, Ben and Tucson have 32, while Tom and Chris have 34. Oh, so Ben and Tucson are going to the tip, whilst Tom and Chris are seeing mine. Thanks to our guest, Tucson Douglas and Chris Cantrell, we have been Pappies. See you next time on Flatshire Slamdown. Pappy's Flashers Slendown, feature Matthew, Brodney, and Ben Clark. Tom Pry, who's special guest, Chris Cantrill and Tucson Douglas. my Pat meets and my Ben Walker, which was recorded and produced by a living squash

and Ben Rees Davis with video help from Max Brill. In fact, to everyone at the Phoenix, to Katie Headview at the door, to all the wonderful folks who came to today's show and to you at home for watching and listening. Happy Flatshire Stamdown and to see you to do's production for Megaphone, I believe. Cheers, everyone.

There we go. That was fun. Oh, what a lovely episode. What a lovely episode. You know what? Yeah. I can't think of a better way to spend the evening of a bank holiday Monday and with you two doing a flat share slam down.

It really is. I can think of a few things. Yeah, sure. I'd actually booked in a few things. So, and all of them were better. I had a lovely, I went, National Trust property today. Oh, during the daytime, National Trust property, and then a flat slam at night.

File under perfect day, guys. File it under perfect day. All right, well, like and subscribe in all the social things that we do. That helps these days. Wait, can we just get one more of those when you don't sound like your straining to do. No, like and subscribe. Like and subscribe and all the things we do

Whenever we have to talk about socials We get a nose pleased Because we're old men It's TikTok, it's YouTube, it's Instagram It's all those things The society's addicted to It's Bebo, it's MySpace It's Friends Reunited

Find us on Wikipedia guys It's Apple, it's Google, it's Tinder It's Tech Bros Central It's Tesla Absolutely. Anyway, the three else have got to take part in an ultimate fighting championship right now. So we've got to wrap it up.

What other way to close up of Bangkok on Monday? But thank you all so much. Don't forget, pappiescom. Ford slash live for tickets for our live shows. And of course, go to patreon.com forward slash pappiesflatshare for the Patreon. We would love to see you over there. And invest in our crypto coin.

Baby, yeah. Papi's com. Get a bit of pap coin, guys. Get some pap coin in your life. All right. Off we go. There's still a bit of this Easter weekend left for us to squeeze a bit of juice out of. Salute, now I'm going to lead on you for a second if that's all right.

Cheers, everyone. It was produced by. It was. Olivia Swash. Producer Gwyn was around. Kate, he was on the door. Yeah, Maxprio helps us with the cameras, well. Oh, hello, I like that.

Cheers, everyone. Bye!