Pappy's Flatshare - Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown ep 1623: Heidi Regan & Christopher Hall

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

This month we're joined by the wonderful Christopher Hall & Heidi Regan, who are helping us to sort out the damp. Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown is a silly panel show, recorded in front of a live audience and hosted by Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry-Wicks. Christopher Hall - https://www.instagram.com/chrxstopher.hall/?hl=en  @chrxstopherhallcomedy  Heidi Regan - https://www.instagram.com/heidi_regan/?hl=en  @HeidiReganComedy  Pappy's - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshare Support us on Patreon - patreon.com/pappysflatshare Find tickets to all our live shows here - https://pappyscomedy.com/live Produced by Connor Hayles, Olivia Swash and Gwyn Rhys Davies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here we go. Someone's already claiming this is our year. Someone else said that last year too. A round of Jameson, Ginger, and Lime arrives at a table. Smooth enough for kickoff, smooth enough for extra time. New friends pulling up a stool. Debates about whether that was a handball.

Cheers rising like a roar around the room. Because match days are about the shared moments. How did Jameson to your match day lineup? Jameson, it's what you bring. Please enjoy our products responsibly. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a very exciting episode of Pappies, Flat Shair, Slamdown.

Heidi Regan, Christopher Hall, the Pappy's Boys, in the Phoenix basement. Yes, that's right, that's right. Basement. Absolutely right. If you show up at the upstairs of the Phoenix and try and see a Pappies Flat Shared Slam down, you ain't going to see it. No. We're in the basement, where we belong, where we dwell. And actually, the basement is very kind of apropos for this week's theme.

But you have to wait to the episode to find out what that is. It's basements. One of you guys has got to go to the back. It's not a bad thing. Actually, got to go down to the basement. We'll hang on to that one. That'll be next week's. We've got it sorted.

Please do join the Patreon. If you're enjoying what we're putting out, then please do join the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flatshare. Tom, what kind of stuff do they get if they join the Patreon? get a bonus episode every Thursday, the episode that we put out for our patrons called Pappy's Popp'rown. That's a great little number

that you're bound to enjoy. You also get discounted tickets for the live shows, and you get the warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing you're supporting your boys on their journey as they podcast to the grave.

So that's something that you can do. Yes, you also get these episodes early and ad-free. So you get them early and ad-free, and that is well, well worth it. And if you want to, And you don't have to watch them early. You just have the option.

Some people might be thinking, too soon. You can sit on them and watch them when you normally watch them. But they'll be ad for all. Yes. And if you miss the ads, you can imagine the ads, I suppose.

Yeah. Yeah. Create your own ads. Be creative, guys. My point is even if you enjoy it being late and adful, you can still join the Patreon, is my point, I think,

and one worth making. Absolutely. It's a well, well made point. It was worth, it was worth saying. It was absolutely worth of sake. And don't forget as well, if you join now,

we are doing a seven day free trial. You can join for seven days, and if you like it, stick around. We'd love to you to stick around. And we'd love you to stick around on this episode. It's Heidi Rican. It's Christopher Hall. It's a flat share slam down.

Enjoy it, folks. Tom Bell! What is it, you beach? Oh, well, look at this. Look at this place. The damp situation is getting worse and worse. We are up to our ankles in water. Well, you guys are.

I'm up to just below my chin. One of you two has got to sort out the damp. It's not going to be me. No. Ben, you want to go first? Go on, tell me why. Tell me why. Why is it not going to be you, Clarkie?

I like my walls like I like my mattress. Damn. Oh, my kid. Oh, Clarkie. Clarkie, my dear. What about you, Tom? Why is it not going to be you? It's not going to be me, Matthew,

because I've been spending all my time coming up with a gag that is completely damp proof. And let me tell you, that's a joke that never grows mold. I don't mind that. I don't dislike it, but also I don't like it. Square that circle. Well, there's only one way to settle this time. There's only one way to settle this Ben.

We're going to have to have a flasher's flat down. Funches that down. Yes. Flat share slam down. Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down, the panel show that says, We can damp if we want to, we can leave your friends behind because your friends aren't damp and if they're not damp, where they're no friends of mine.

I'm the host of landlord Matthew Crosby. Let's meet my Water Boys. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby. Oh baby, baby, baby, but you know you can't sort out the damp on your own. Who have you brought to mop up tonight? Tom. The jamboree's in danger, Matthew! This is bad.

news, Tom. It's covered in spores. Is it? Oh no. Oh no. I have got damp at the moment. That's why I chose this of the topic.

Yes, of course. What a wounder. Oh, it's bad in it now. So I brought along my favorite case. Heidi Regan, everybody. Thank you. Heidi Regan is here.

Heidi, thank you so much for coming on the show. You must be shocked by the news that Tom's got damp. I am. We've known it for years. I respected him, but now not so much. No, no, exactly.

What kind of a person are you to live with though? I thought you were going to ask what kind of damp I've got? What kind of damp has he got though? Tom, I'm going to talk to Heidi for a second now. That's okay. But about my damp, yeah?

Yes, of course. Listen, what kind of a person are you to live with? I mean, I think delightful. I have been told by every flatmate I'm like a puppy. If I'm left more than a day, I kind of run up.

Chew the furniture. Chew the furniture, wet myself, etc. I need a lot of attention. I'm currently living for last year with Senil Patel. Oh! Friend of the park.

Yeah. And coincidentally, he's the first flatmate I've lived with that has introduced me to damp monitoring humidity measurers. And where he... That's what he calls him, is it? Is this a thing? It's a camera in my bedroom, he set up. He said it was to measure down.

Well, it is in a way. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we discussed that a lot for the first few months. And I tried to use as a way to argue that he couldn't vape in the living room. It became a whole thing. Is it a dehumidifier?

No, no. It's like a thermometer on the wall but tells you how humid the room is. And then that tells you if you're going to get damp, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that sounds right. A barometer? No, Tom. Okay. She's telling you what it is.

I'll get there in the end. I'll work it out. We've got to ask, what's the dampest room of your house? I thought you'd never ask. I know. I know if we were jamping at the bit to find out. I mean, it's boring answer, but I must be factual. I'm going to say, the bathroom.

It's going to be the bathroom. It's always the bathroom, guys. It's the answer. That's the end of room one. There we go. Very rare that someone scores a point during the opening chat, but you've gone and done it. Fierce. Fearsely competitive, but very, very happy to have you. Sineal's going to be really proud.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's Sinelli's won the point, by the way. Oh, man. So one point to Sinal Patel. Heidi Riga's on the show. And Ben Clark, who have you brought along with you this week? I brought along my long lost son. Twice removed, it's Christopher Hoare.

Yay. Christopher. Christopher, let's get it out of the way with, what's the dampest room? It is actually my bedroom. Is it? I know this, because why? I've got damn.

It's my bedroom. It's grim, it's annoying. Yeah. What do we do? What do we do? We just leave it. Guy comes around,

you got damp, right? Great, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what's the next step? I guess I'll leave the country. Like, I don't know what I've got to do. Just move to somewhere really dry. Yeah. I don't understand it either because it's like,

oh, it like open a window, but surely the outside is damp. Yeah. Yeah, it's raining. Yeah. Absolutely. you're inviting in the damp of anything.

It's got to ask you first though. It's a phone empiric. Dampire. Guys, you've got to give more for dampire, that's what are we doing here? Another point to Saddam Patel. If you guys didn't If you didn't enjoy dampire,

this is going to be such an arduous night for you. That's basically all this is, guys. That's where it's at. So Christopher, what kind of a person are you to live with? I think I'm a good house mate. Yeah. Very, very fun, very cooperative. I do leave cupboard doors open though.

Yeah. Is that your toxic traits? Yeah. Very much so. There's a hiss. Which cup, like kitchen cupboards. Kitchen cupboards. Yeah.

I'll sort of be like, sort of like Swedish chefing around the kitchen. And just like, wha. And then, and then, yeah, cupboard doors get left open. But then you can see what's in them. You can see what's there. Absolutely. You can now see what's in them. If you ever go into like a posh person's house,

they'll often have like glass-fronted cupboard so you can see anything. You're saving, you know, you're saving money. Exactly. You're saving money. I love that that's idea, our idea of a posh person's house. Glass-fronted cupboards.

I think that's true though. You don't, like, your average house, if you go to a house and they've got glass-fronted cupboards, they're a poshant. Yeah. They just are. Because it means the contents has got to look nice. Exactly.

Contents are my cupboards. They need to be covered. Yeah. It's like bolt his shirt. Yeah. I'm with you on that. I'm also a cupboard opener, but my wife is a cupboard closer,

so we make it work. Great. You know, we definitely make it work, by which I mean, she's divorcing me. Christopher's here. So we've met our guests. We've had a fantastic dry run. Let's get sopping wet as we play.

Round one. It gets all moldy between November and May. It grows some black spores that won't go away. The paint gets bubbly and the woodlice stay. That's why the landing has got down. It's all right, dear? I love that.

I absolutely adored that. Tom, I tell you one thing. You can really swing when you're winning, can you really got that. It's my one good sound. It's your one good... No, no, no, you've got loads of good settings. I'm sure we'll find the other ones. They'll eventually, you're right.

Right, the first round we're going to play is called dampety-damp. We are going to give... If you enjoy damp-pie-you-go-dampy-damp. Every morning I wake up with a blankety-damp. Well, I'll tell you now that this is an original game that we have come up with ourselves and there's no resemblance to any games on the telly.

So it's called dampety-damp. each player a sentence or two about something wet. However, a key word or phrase has been removed and replaced with the word damp. I want our teams to write down what they think that word or phrase should be. I'll then ask one of the players what they came up with. If that player matches with any other player, they both get a whopping five points. Okay. That's good.

Yeah, that's good. Okay, that's really good. That's what we're talking, Sinel Patel kind of levels there. That's the kind of points he would win. So, we'll start with Tom. Tom, what word or phrase is missing from this? Now, we'll start with Tom's answer, but I'd like you all to write them down.

You've got your sharpie pens there, if you want to use your sharpie pens so the audience can see them as well. Oaky dokey. Here we go. Yeah, is it one answer per piece of paper? One answer per piece of paper. Oh, the budget's gone up, guys! And you flip them round, absolutely right.

You'll flip them round just like that. Okay. Big pens as well. Big pens. I feel like I'm a posh person, sounds. Yes, absolutely. Honestly, they would definitely go behind some glass. Right, we're going to start with Tom.

What word or phrase is missing from this? Our camping trip was a washout. It rained all weekend. My map fell apart, our firewood got drenched, and I even dropped my damp in a puddle. Okay, our camping trip was a washout. It rained all weekend. My map fell apart, our firewood got drenched,

and I even dropped my damp in a puddle. I'd like you to write down what you would have dropped. in a puddle, but most importantly, write down what you think Tom has written down, okay? Right. What do you think Tom is dropping in a puddle? He's currently got a look on his face that's just he's never dropped anything in a puddle. Can I have it one more time?

You can have it one more time, of course. Okay, don't, yes. All right, here we go. Our camping trip was a washout. Okay. Horrible when that happens, isn't it, Tom? It rained all weekend. My map fell apart, our firewood got drenched, and I even dropped my damp.

in a puddle. What might you even drop in a puddle that would ruin your camping trip? Okay. Not happy with that. Not happy with it? Okay. That's what we like to hear on. I started very happy with it. Your first couple of letters you thought I'm flying here. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right Tom. Has everybody else written their answers? Yes. Everybody else. Here we go. Okay. Tom. Oh, did you come to me first? Our camping trip was a washout. It rained all weekend. My map fell apart. Our firewood got drenched and I even dropped my caravan in a puddle. I get now why you're not happy with it. And Tom, you're absolutely right to not be happy with it.

Okay, caravan is what we're trying to match with. In my defence, my wife hates camping. So she said we can only ever go if we stay in a caravan. Which is a camping. And that was quite, I think that's what led me to caravan. That's okay. All right, well, I'm not expected to be too high scoring this. this first round of the game.

Clarkie, what did you come up with? I even dropped my... Daughter. In a puddle. Christopher, I even dropped my... Phone. In a puddle! That's what I was expecting as well.

And Heidi, I even dropped my... Lover! In a puddle! No points there, but very well... That's why she doesn't like camping. Very well done. Okay, we're going to throw over to Christopher now. What word or phrase is missing?

I went to a soire at the house of Marty Pello for Wet, Wet, Wet. He insisted on singing. Not being much of a fan, I ran over to the buffet and stuck a damp in each ear. Okay, I went to a soire at the house of Marty Pello of Wet, Wet, Wet. He insisted on singing. Not being much of a fan, I ran over to the buffet and stuck a damp in each ear. What could you stick to? In your ear, what do you think Christopher is thinking of?

Okay, Clark has got an answer. Heidi's got an answer. Tom, I've got to ask you a question. Are you happy with your answer? Yes. Okay, okay, all right. We're going to start with you, Tom. Oh, no.

Even when it's not my go. What's that? Oh, sorry, we still, yes. Absolutely right. Absolutely right. We're going to start with Christopher. Okay, Christopher, we're going to start with you. I went to a showre.

At the house of Marty Pello, he insisted on singing. Not being much of a fan, I ran over to the buffet and stuck a cheese and pineapple stick. A cheese and pineapple stick in each ear. Yeah. And burst my eardrums in the process. Okay. Tom, we're back to you. What did you write?

I wrote, I feel it in my chocolate fingers. I feel it in my chocolate toes. Chocolate fingers is the answer. Chocolate fingers is, it's a good answer, but it's not what Christopher had there. No points to you. Heidi, what did you have? Electric wire. at a buffet

there'd be a sound system or something especially if there's a band or the fondue set or something just unplug that and pop that in your ears what about you Clarkie swim with spring rolls oh it's not similar well yeah

I tell you what if it was the fourth go around I'd give you the points because I sense we're not going to get a lot of points for this but that is okay because we're having a lot of fun as we play do you get to point Points for your favourite answer.

Yeah. We should do that really, should be. Okay, next time it may be points for favourite answer. Here we go. Heidi, it's your turn now. I should never have asked my local fruit and veg cellar to organise the beach volleyball tournament. Instead of a ball, he brought a damp.

I should never have asked my local fruit and veg seller to organise the beach volleyball tournament. Instead of a ball, he brought a damp. Now, remember, we're trying to match with Heidi's answer here. and Heidi's last answer was electric wires. So trying to match with Heidi's answer. You're going to get this one. Yeah, I got to get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, all right. Telepathy, guys. Yeah, yeah. Have you written anything down, Clark? You've got it? Oh, yeah, I did, I did. Okay, you've got it.

Okay, here we go. And you've got an answer there, Christopher. You've got an answer. Tom, are you happy with your answer? Yeah. Heidi, let's hear it again. Okay, so we've got, I should never have asked my local fruit and veg seller

to organize the beach volleyball tournament. Instead of a ball, he brought a court summons who got her Ben I'm looking at you He's going through a bad time isn't he You should have remembered that It will be for my favourite answer

I think we've established that would be for my favourite answer He's distracted at the moment That's probably explains what's happened This is how I reach out to you Ben Clarkie What did you come up with I did go for electrical wire No, it didn't strike twice, I'm afraid.

What about you, Christopher? I was just trying to go, I wasn't sure whether you'd just go sort of literal. So I did go for watermelon and I just feel like a fool. You know what? That's the sort of thing I was hoping people would write down. You weren't clear. You weren't clear. You're playing the game.

You're just say, absolutely. Somebody is, someone has played this. It's like you're a seasoned dampety-damp player. I can tell. I'm playing the game, guys. And Tom Parry, I've got to ask you, I actually wrote for a counter. Like mellam because I feel like it's random.

Do you know what? In which case, because you too match your answers, I'm going to give you five points in. There we go. I get it. You wish he was your partner. Byading by the rules. Playing fairly.

Finally, Clarkie. Okay. This is your wet related phrase. Cardi B has cleaned up her act. She insists that WAP now stands for wet. ass damp.

Okay, Cardi B. You know the pop star, Kydie B. Oh yes. You know the pop star. Of course you do. Of course I do. Wet, ass, what, though, okay? So try and think about Clark, the inside of Clarkie's brain. What would Clarkie write down

if he was thinking about Cardi B and he was thinking about what WAP would stand for? Tom, you got an answer? Yes. Heidi, you got an answer? Christopher. Have you got an answer? Yeah. Okay. we'll wait a second more

Clarkie Have you got an answer? I do Okay Christopher we are waiting on you But that's okay They're a patient crowd Okay Alright Here we go

Cardi B has cleaned up her act She insists that WAP Now stands for Wet ass Pottered plant It's okay It's a good answer Christopher what did you have

Wet ass Plummer I like that. You know what? You just know how to play the game. Yeah. He's fixing the dam. He's fixing the dam.

And it's good. Is he? Did you for introduce two peas? What? It's WAPE for you, no. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah, sorry.

Yeah. Let's change your answer to palmer. Let's call it hyphenated. Heidi, what about you? Wet ass. Parents. Wet ass. That's wholesome.

That's for a family crowd. Exactly. Bringing the parents into it. Who doesn't have wet-ass pants? Absolutely. And what about you, Tom Perry? You said cleaned up her act. I went for wet-ass purcell.

Oh, that's a good answer. And I'm going to give you the five points there, Tom Perry. So, at the end of that round, producer Olivia, please tell us the scores substituting absolutely no word for the word damp. Tom and Heidi have 10. And Ben and Christopher have five. Oh! So Tom and Heidi are in the lead, but Ben and Christopher are not yet down in the damps.

Everything could change. We're returning part two. See you in a bit. This spring, denim gets a softer, lighter update. Introducing Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg, a new fit that moves with you. It's everything you want denim to feel like for summer. Easy, breathable, and effortlessly cool. With a fit that creates natural movement and a wide leg.

that feels modern, not overwhelming. Plus, that signature, wait, for this price, moment. Old Navy's drapey denim wide leg. Welcome back to Flash Slamdown! Before the break, Tom and Heidi were in the lead. The scores have not changed, and the water levels are rising. Guys, this is going to shock you.

Crossby, have you seen my shoe anyway? I'm having to use it as a kayak, mate. But never mind that now. Hyperflat games! Games! Let's play together. Games! Let's play forever.

Roll the dice, spin that thing. Put that there. Do you as your toe? Games. If you lose, you get nothing. Games, if you win, you get gold. Oh, my word. Listen to that.

Listen to that. Oh, my God. It's almost like they've rehearsed it. It's amazing. It's amazing. They don't need to. Rehearsal, one take wonders. Honestly, you know what? I'm getting out of my shoe kayak for that.

This week, we're playing our version of World of Warcraft, which we're calling World Cup of Songcraft. You have to sing. We are calling it that, guys. We have to sing to the tune of a famous football-related song about a famous cup. So, and there are four famous cups, guys. But there's three and a half. Finally, we're on to famous cups. We're on to famous cups.

Don't you use a famous cup as a kite? That's right, I do. I do. Well, that's why the answer's gone. Your teammate must guess which cup you're singing about. One point for a correct guess and ten points for being, to quote Anton Deck, on the ball. We'll start with Clarkie.

Ben, your famous football song is, your famous football song is You'll Never Walk Alone by Jerry and the Pacemakers. Oh, beautiful. Okay. But Christopher, what famous cup is Ben singing about? DJ Olivia, please pop it in the onion bag. When you walk across the fields in your shiniest armour and your friends will they all come with you, your table,

is lovely around and your pals want to go on a mission so you set off to find some glasses or some other things no but it is very special

I'm a bit Lost in this song. Doing great. But if you drink out of it, I think you might have eternal life for something. I'm not quite sure. A couple of still feet. That was unbelievable.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Wasn't that gorgeous? That was amazing. That was absolutely gorgeous. I do not want to follow that. A compelling case against eternal life. but we're going to give you points in a second for performance

but first Christopher what famous cup do you think Ben Clark was singing very beautifully about was it the Holy Grail? It was the Holy Grail! There's a big question mom now on are there three other famous cups? Your opening line I turned to Dom I went it's the Holy Grail and that's the only famous cup well good luck to the next three players

yes what am I going to give you for performance though oh I'm going to have to give you a whopping nine out of ten it was very very very strong very very strong okay next up next up a completely different song for three minutes I should have listened to it please

there's one bit of that song that was the song and it was the last two lines you know what that's that's all you need right it's a bit like if it's sunny on the last day your holiday. You come what you think and you've had a nice holiday. That's very true. You're fantastic. So, Heidi, you're up next. Heidi, Regan, you are up next. Your song is

Three Lions by Badil, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds. But Tom, what famous cup is Heidi singing about? Could you remind me just the start of three lions? I know we... Oh, you don't have to worry about that kind of thing, apparently. That tune? Just the opening... Do you want to hear it?

Do you want to hear it one more time? Just the opening line tune because I'm Australian and don't watch football. That's okay. We'll hear the music. This is fair. It's coming home. Is that the tune?

Oh, okay. It's coming home. Okay, okay, yeah. There you go. But Tom, what famous cup is Heidi singing about? DJ Olivia, bring it home. Do I start now? You can start with it, whatever you like.

It tastes like shit. It has your name on it, but they never hear your name right. It has something like a black liquid, but again they put the wrong name on it. And is this the chorus? Yes, okay. It tastes like shit,

but they ask for your name and no one hears it, and it's a chain, They're in the movies and I think there's a character in a sci-fi TV show, Battle Star Galactica. I might have that wrong. I don't know if you've seen it. I've lost the tune and did I mention I'm tone deaf? I've said everything I know about this and I think you've got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Heidi Reagan, everybody. Heidi Reagan. Now Tom, do you want me to mark Heidi very harshly for not hugging the lines of the tune this time? Because that seemed to be what you were saying last time around. Would you like me, dear? Because I will give up points for performance in just a second. But Tom, first grade, do you want to guess

what you think the famous cup was? I think it's a Starbucks coffee cup. It's correct! And you know what? For a song you'd never heard before, I thought you did a very, very good job. I'm going to give you 8 out of 10. I thought it was fantastic.

Thank you. Thank you. Absolutely fantastic from Heidi there. Christopher, you are up next. Now, you have the match of the day theme tune. It's a jaun- It's a chauncy number, so hang on to your hats, folks.

But Ben, what famous cup is Christopher singing about, okay? DJ Olivia, give us 110%. But buy it from a shop that sells lots of stuff. and you it's really big and it fits in your hand but it's about the size of your head and it is branded from the shop that it comes from it's it's really good for holding lots of drink usually hot beverages but cold no worries and then you um if you think that rhymed but i didn't finish

the rest of the line. I've got one from it, but I don't have anything else from the shop. Does that make sense? I think so. It's not really my kind of shop because they sell things I don't really care about. But apart from this thing, where you can use, and it's really useful, if you give it to a builder, they'll say, oh, this is nice.

And what's good about it? good about it. I can't explain enough. How the size, that is the size of your head. Christopher Horr, everybody. A gorgeous rendition. A gorgeous rendition. And you know what? A fantastic set of clues there as well. Clarkie, what famous cup was Christopher Hall singing about?

It's got to be the sports director. It's the last of sports dialect. Of course it is. And Heidi got it as well as you. And she got it. There was a real moment when Heidi got it as well. It was a lovely moment, wasn't it? It was a real moment.

I think that really boils you to do another verse. All right, yeah. I'm onto some in here. If Heidi's on, he's on, so. I'll have got a bit extra. Okay, what am I going to give you a performance? I mean, I really, really enjoyed it. I'm going to give you...

I'm going to give you 10 out of 10. I love it. 10 out of 10. Tom. Yes. Tom, now we're going to end the round. Good luck, Tom. with everybody's favorite footballing song,

Waka Waka this time for Africa by Shakira. Okay. Okay. All right. Here we go, guys. One of my children's favourite songs. Now, Heidi, we've got to... It's one of your kids' favourite songs.

Do your kids proud, Tom. It's Waka Waka and Shotgun at the moment. Oh, shotgun's great. Life is hell. Two of the best songs at more time, though. Give it up like 20 times a day. Not enough. Waka Waka to Shotgun to Waka.

You're going to Wakawakawaka. himself on you. Okay, Heidi, what famous cup is Tom whacking about DJ Olivia? Make it feel like it's 2010 all over again. Here we go. This isn't one cup, it's actually two cups up on a side. You look, it's fine, it's in black and white, you're driving your car, you nearly crash, you make a noise, hello boys, look at that. that not strictly a cup you drink from but one that you like to think on from the 90s yes oh

from the 90s yes hey we all talked about it for ages in the playground waka wacker what a like what a wacker look at those lots of cups lots of sizes and hello boys going to give you some points for performance in a second. But first, Heidi, have you got any idea what Tom was wack-a-whacker-wacking about? No time. Is the fact that I didn't live here in the 90s going to be a problem?

I think this was an international thing. Black and white cups you saw on a sign. That said, hello boys, yeah. Oh, that's it. Is it like a bra? It is a bra. It is a bra. That is international.

That is international. They've got him. But they go around the other way, don't they? Yeah. It was of course the Wonderbra. Tom, do you know what? You went for it there and I loved it. You have to go for it.

Also, that was a very surreal cup to give us for the ending. I just think we should get extra points out. Did you have the Wonder bra when you were grown up? Not personally. It was really personal question. Don't go on this podcast, they ask you what bra are you all growing up? Where is it damp and what bra are you wearing? It's not great. There was like the Wonderbra and Addidas Predator Football Boots.

And they both arrived at a similar time and it was like, technology is changing our bodies. That's how it felt. It's like cyberpunk. It was like, you can do that now and you can do that now. Wow. It was great. And Tom, what side were you on?

a bra or predator. So yeah, the answer is of course the wonderbite. You get the point for that, but you know what, I'm going to take it all the up to 11. 11 out of 10, I loved it. I loved it. Now, producer Olivia, let's hear the scores to the tune.

Of course, the match of the day theme tune. We loved it first time around. Let's hear it again. Here we go. Tom and Heidi have 31 in Baden. Christopher, how 26. Oh, fantastic. Tom and Heidi in the lead.

Now it's time to consult the ultimate referee, the twisted legal counsel of the Beef Brothers. Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat. Weird to give us the starting note now, the round's over. When you walk, again, there's no.

Okay, this one comes from... This... What comes from Cherise? Cherise, are you there in the audience? Now, Cherise writes, I gift my retired slash pensioner father good quality, branded jumpers and sweatshirts, which he proceeds to cut off the sleeves at the elbow

before wearing. Nah. When question on this, he simply laughs. Now, Ben and Christopher, and I think you'll be happy with this you are on Cherise's side you are on the side of the high quality branded jumpers remaining intact

whereas Heidi and Tom you are on the side of getting out the pinking shears and letting your freak flag fly and your elbows breathe so before all of that you'll get a chance to make your cases but Cherise is here I'm assuming your father not here

not here today okay couldn't make your face Being a legend. Okay. That is conjecture at this juncture. Full-time legend. Anyone got any questions for Cherise about the situation she is in?

What kind of brands are we talking? Yeah, let's get a collab going. Kind of super dry. Yeah, it's kind of maybe £60,000, kind of £70. You don't even know about the brand. Just 60 quits. Okay, so we're talking nice quality,

nice quality but you can get them on the high street super dry are we talking about the ones that have got some sort of got some sort of gothic print on the back is it like that kind of thing no no it's not that plain yeah nice plane jumper from super dry about 60 good we're saying here what do you think is your father does he what activities does your father do in his retired life my dad didn't actually retire until he was 74

and he's always outdoors he does a lot of volunteering for local football clubs. So that's, yeah, he cuts them off, he says, because it's just easier for him to reach, you know, his tools or whatever he's repairing. Yeah. Reach his one. Reach his tools.

That's his excuse. He's a handyman, yes. Can I ask another question as well? This is a crucial question. How long slash short are his arms? Is this out of necessity? To be fair, he is quite, short so he has got quite short arms

I'm already biased towards him my first thought is that cutting at the elbow which I've never seen in real life he's clearly having a breakdown so I think we need to be kind to him and let him do whatever he needs to do to cope

you can pop that in your argument but that sounds like conjecture at this stage anybody else got any questions for sure at the elbow above the elbow or below the elbow good question at the elbow yeah this is such a great look I'm so Take a minute. Do his elbows really dry skin on the elbow?

How dare you? No, that's a, you want to, he's trying to let them breathe, maybe. No, not dry skin, no. Do the jumpers unravel consequently because of the shearing off of the sleeves? Yes, a little bit, and then he'll end up, yeah, they'll end up. Then he goes to super dry and goes, look what you've sold me. Does he want a motorbike? No, he doesn't, no.

What's your dad's name, by the way? Terry. Terry, of course it is. Yes. What would Terry wear if you didn't buy him sweatshirts? What would he wear? Well, he'll wear, you know, shirts, t-shirts. With the sleeves, he won't cut them off.

I have moved on to buying him. I brought him a jillet and he loved it. Oh my gosh. Yeah. The answer was staring us in the face. Of course. Of course. Cherise.

I wish you kept that last bit to yourself. It's getting a little harder. That's weakening your argument tonight, isn't it? He loves his jillet. I don't think he likes sleeves, babe. What's his approach to trousers? No, he doesn't cut them off. And so he wears long sleeves that he buys, but if you buy them, he cuts them.

He doesn't buy anything for himself, to be honest, because of his own. age so it's usually you know a present for me or my two brothers clothing wise does he do it in front of you as well like does he open it go oh thank you and stare you in the eye as he doesn't know he's not that cruel you're like Terry's a new hero of mine I can tell how many ratio how many presents slash jumpers do you buy compared to the two brothers um I do probably buy him a bit more yeah yeah yeah Does he dismember any other gifts?

No. We're on Terry's side. I'm just getting to know my client. Okay, I think we've got, I think hopefully that's enough information for our teams to make their cases. So we're going to begin with you, Christopher. Remember, you are on Cherise's side. You have one minute. And, you know, you have to time yourself because I've left the phone over there.

But you've got one minute to be. begin the case for the prosecution. Your minute begins now. I think Terry is an absolute disgrace. Stop volunteering, firstly. Yeah, absolutely. Firstly, stop that. And I think that's the real issue.

Clearly, clearly there's something really going on there. And I think without Cherise, without my client buying him gifts in the first place, he would be nowhere. I don't believe that the brothers buy him anything. I think you'll be, I think you're defending the brothers. I think they're waste of space. Are they here tonight?

No, they're not. They're a waste of space. And we should and they should also be here to hear this, to hear this. And I think, I think Terry should not only financially compensate Cherise for all gifts,

but we should force him instead of volunteering, which again, let's cut that. To repair all sweatshirts and then give them back to Sherees. So she can donate them to another father. that will find and I will find you another one

because Terry's done nothing for you Terry's done nothing for you no one expected the second father fear of it. We shouldn't want to bring it up but I thought that was an ace in the hole that was very very strong

from Christopher there but we're going to throw over now to Heidi now Heidi you have a minute to begin the case for the defence your minute begins now Terry has worked his whole life past retirement age for the man. He now wants to be an artiste, and you keep trying to put him in a box,

and artist thrive with some boundaries. So when you give him long sleeves, he cuts them to put his own stamp on it. And if you can't handle that, then you don't deserve to have him as a father. Either way, you're losing this father. And he's probably hoping that Super Drive will pick up this new clothing range, but you're outing him on a podcast and shaming him. I'm sorry, I accidentally shamed. because I didn't understand the rules of the game. How do you weekend, everybody? Apology accepted, Your Honor.

Now, Cherise, how do you think it's going so far? Two very compelling arguments. Yeah, for way, I think, at a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Shrease. I think Sheree is tapped out. Right. I think even Sheree has forgotten who's on two sides.

I find you another dad if you don't want one. Now, we're going to throw it back to Ben. Ben, to conclude the case for the prosecution, your minute begins now. Well, first of all, can I say, I was very triggered when I heard you mention super dry, because I don't know if I mentioned, but I want my mattresses. Super damp. I don't think it's all. You know, what's it?

Come on. What's he up to him? He's a handy man. He's not a forearm, man. That's good stuff actually. The defense, Russ. He's not a four army man.

That's good stuff. Who is he? That's good stuff. Who is he? Popeye or something? That's less good. That's less good. Come on.

Come on, guys. Come on. Anyway, we're going to find you a new dad. Yeah, we'll find you a new dad. We'll find you a new dad. Ben Clark, everybody. Very strong argument from Clarkie. very strong argument, McCarthy.

Now, Tom, finally, to conclude the case for the defence, will you be doing this as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a Deep South defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel, Mr. Fanshaustand. Fanshaustandum, presiding and providing, your minute, yes. I just want to check. Do you want me to get the timer for you? Yes, that would be very useful. Very

useful. You go and grab the timer. Fanshaustan, presiding and providing, your minute should you need, it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, of the jury. pleasure to see you in these unfortunate circumstances I wish we were at the bakery got that tattooed the other day on the base of my spine bury me face down

anyway I digress them there's there from the big city over there arriving into town in their motormobile using a lot of big words over there words us folks don't care to understand forearms. Round here we believe in two, like the good Lord suggested. I don't care how you choose to identify in that day city. They let the children sit in a cat tray.

Round here we simple folk. But let me tell you something. We're progressive with it. I'll remember the story of farmer-masted. Tragic tale. Little wife passed away, love of his life. Seven years. Dead.

Before he told anyone. That's not good, farmer-masted. Before you know it, day after the funeral, he's walking around with a dark and a wig. Well, it ate what it's supposed to be, but it's certainly doing something for farmer masters. Spring back in his step. Sometimes, sometimes you got to put a wig on a dog

to get a spring back in your step. The defense rests your own. Oh, fansha, standing, everybody. Now, unfortunately, I cannot make the decision myself as I'm currently down to the last two to be Sharita. his new dad. It's a great role. Fingers cross, guys.

It goes by way in the recalls. So instead, I'm going to ask the live Phoenix audience to cast their vote. If you think Cherise, and therefore Ben and Christopher are in the right, applaud now. Wow. A lot of people.

But if you think Terry and Fanchure and Heidi made the best case, please applaud now. Well, that was pretty much, that was, you know, that was an open, closed shut, beef case for you there, Cherise. Congratulations, Charisse. Well, well done. It's gone your way. How do you feel about the results? Yeah, I think it's fair.

And I think he'll like listening to this podcast because he was a damp proof surveyor for years. Oh. So the perfect podcast. That is absolutely adorable. Yeah, we are for old codgers, really. We are. Well, we love you, Terry. And we love you, Cherie.

Cherise, total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. And now very soon we'll be finding out who'll be sorting out that damp. But first, it's time for a jingle that's as relaxing as floating downstream in one of Perry's shoes as a kayak. It's the Quick Fire Round Jingle! This is the Quick Fire Round. It's a round that goes really quickly. Which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction.

Ooh, it's a running guy. It has a long introduction, though the round itself is short. In many ways, they're an odd couple. A long jingle paired up with a short round. It's not unlike the movie, Junior. Released in 1994, the science fiction comedy film. It famously repaired the classic odd couple. Of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, they were back again.

with another strong poster a poster much better than the film Can you think of a more attention-grabbing image Than Arnold Schwarzenegger Wait, hear me out He is pregnant Wow I can picture it

Danny DeVito's holding the stethoscope to his chest, is he the doctor or is he the dad? Anyway, they tried to recapture the magic that the two so ably demonstrated in the 1988 it's a classic. And if you recall that was a box office smash Well can lightning strike twice Is the world prepared to do it all again

Well you know what it's not half bad That's a surprise Although the film did not perform quite as well as expected. It had a budget of $60 million. And it took 108 mil back. That's not bad going. I would take that for a film with a 39%

approval rating on rotten tomatoes. But anyway, I've banged on long enough about the 1994 science fiction comedy film, Judeo. It's not like you want to hear the plot read off Wikipedia. About an Austrian research geneticist Dr Alex Hess. and his OBGYN, colleague Dr. Larry Orbergast

and them inventing a fertility drug That's enough It's called expectane Doesn't get approved by the FDA The colleagues are not authorized To test it and continue their research Until Noah Baines The director of the lab informed

Larry that while the FDA denied human experimentation the term has received a donation ooh how interesting from geneticist Dr. Diana Reddin from the ovum cryogenics department Jesus Christ for a comedy it doesn't sound that great this stuff doesn't exactly fly off the page I feel like I'm revising for for my A level. Oh, so does the audience. And I did A levels in boring film. None of that.

Suffice to say, Arnie ends up having a baby. And my Macbook is about to lose battery, so let's leave it there and say the quick fire round. Oh yes This is the quick fire round And as the show is all about sorting out the damp We're asking you to dampen your answers By saying the word wet Before and after every word

If the answer was West, it would be wet, West, West, wet West, wet. If the answer was West Wickham, it would be wet, West, wet, Wickham, wet. Oh my God, guys, are we about to have a lot of fun? Wet, yes, wet. Instead of buzzers, I would like you to shout your first names with wet on either side of it.

Ben and Christopher, let's hear yours. Wet Ben, Wets. Wet, Chris, Wet, wet, Tom, wet. Thank you very much. Off we go. What's the name of the character played by Brian Cranston in the TV show Breaking Back?

Ben Wet. Yes. Wet Walter, Wet, White, Wet. It's correct. In the world of the internet, what does WWW stand for? Tom. Wet, Chris, Wet. Go on Chris. The first word is wet.

Wet. World, wet, wide, web, wet. It's correct. In the book, Charlie in the Shop, A factory. Who is the eccentric owner of the factory? Wet Heidi. Oh sorry. Wet Willie Wet Wonka Wet. It's correct.

Name the song by Sam Cook that begins. Don't know much about history. Wet. Heidi. Wet. Heidi wet. Go on. Wet. What? Wet. It doesn't have all those words. It's two words long. So don't worry.

It's the last two words of that. Wet would wet be? No. Wet on Wet on Wet. Wet, wonderful, wet, world, wet. It's correct, yes. Which international incident lasting from 1911, 1914 to 1980? Wet, Tom Wet.

Wet, Wet, Wet, Wet, Wet, Wet, Wet. It's correct. Which book series encourages its readers to locate a bespectacled man in a red... White, Heidi, Whit. Yes, go for it. Wet, Whiz, Wet, Wally, Wet. It's correct. And what is that series of books called in North America?

Wet Heidi Witt. Go for it, Heidi, Whit. Where's Wet Waldo, Wet. Is correct. Name the 1999 steampunk Western movie that stars Will Smith. Go on Tom. Wet, Wald, Wet, Wet, Wet.

It's correct. Name the title of... This is for you, Tom. Name the title of Shakira's 2010 song. Subtitled this time for Africa. Wet, Wacker, wet, wacker, wet. It's correct. And then you knew this was coming, guys.

Name the band. Wet, Heidi, wet, wet, wet. Go on, Heidi. Wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet. It's correct. That is the end of the round and the end of the game. So before we find out the final scores, Christopher and Heidi, have you got anything you'd like to plug?

Heidi, where can people find you? Where can people find your comedy? Follow me on Instagram is best Heidi underscore Regan. Wet Heidi underscore Regan. And Christopher. I'm online Christopher Hall with an X instead of the I. I'm going to Edinburgh Fringe and I'm on tour later in this year

if anyone wants to come and see me live. Fantastic. If this was enough, totally understand. Thanks to all of you for watching for you watching here tonight and watching at home. As always, check out our Patreon. Patreon.com for slash Pappy's Flat Share.

Like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. So, producer Olivia, let's hear the final scores. Well, wet, but no, no, no. Ben and Christopher have 29 and Tom and Heidi have 39.

Oh! So Ben and Christopher are sorting out the damp whilst Tom and Heidi are joining me for a snort from the kitchen. Thanks to our guest, Christopher Hall and Heidi Regan. We've been Papi's. See you next time on. Flatshire Standdown.

Tabless Flatshire Standout featured Matthew Crosby, Ben Carter. Tom Perry, who's special guest, Heidi Regan and Christopher Hall. It was devised by Pappies and Ben Walker. It was recording and produced by Liddot Swash and Brimmy Failis, Big help, video help from Max Brill. Big thanks to everyone at the fees

to all the wonderful folks for getting to today's show and to all of you at home for listening and watching. Happy Flash! Stam, and see what you're watching for Megaphone. Cheers, everyone.

Bye! Flash, slam down. That was the ep, and what an ep it was. We rattled through it on a Tuesday night. Absolutely right. That's what you want to hear, isn't it?

We rattled through it. It nipped along. It did nip along. And, yeah, We hope you enjoyed it, folks. If you'd like to come and see a Pappy's Flat Share slam down, then go to pappiescom.com forward slash live. Hit it, Tom.

That's what we're talking about. Papiescomedy.com forward slash live for all tickets to see our shows. And Clarkie, talk about the socials, if you would, please. Oh, guys, please come and join us on Insta, on TikTok. Look at our lovely little clips. We put them out weekly, two, three clips sometimes. Yeah.

They're great. Clips of the content these days. Clips of the content. We've been told the clips of the content. If you join the clips, bung them into other people's accounts by retweeting them. Because it takes somebody quite a long time to do it.

So it'd be really lovely if people watch. The clips of the content guys. Copy the link guys. You've got to remember that these days. This is, no, you know what? I think we should start the drive. It's copy the link month, guys. Copy the link.

Here at Flat Slam Towers, it is copy the link month. So we would like you to copy the link and paste it into a document of your choice. your biggest, your biggest WhatsApp group. Pop it on your MySpace page. Pop it into a WhatsApp group. I have to copy the link

and then I go to a WhatsApp group and then I paste it into the WhatsApp group. That's good, man. Really? Yeah. Do you post it in your family WhatsApp? If it's suitable.

If it's suitable, it's not too cheeky. Sometimes we do sail very close to the wind, but that's the way we like it. But yeah, do copy the link, guys. And what we'd like you do is send a screen grab of you.

Get a screen grab of you copying the link and pasting it and then send that. to Pappiesflatshare at gmail.com or drop us a DM on Twitter. Can you do DMs on Twitter? Yeah, you could DM on Twitter. Do you a DM to Clarkie on Instagram or close to Parry? In the WhatsApp group. In his family WhatsApp group. Our favorite, that's not a bad, well, I've got it now, guys. Okay.

Our favorite screenshot gets to join Perry's family WhatsApp for a month. You have to marry my sister, though. Good luck we got. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. She's actually really nice, ma'all and shame. Absolutely right. Anyway, have a lot of fun copying, have a lot of fun pasting, and have a lot of fun folks. Whatever you get up to this month, we'll see you next time on Pappies. Well, actually, slam down. It was produced by Olivia Swash, producer Green.

Case was on the door. Cheers everyone. Bye!