Pappy's Flatshare - Series 6, Episode 1 (Recycling)

Episode Date: January 1, 2016

Lou Sanders and Stuart Goldsmith join Pappy's for the first episode of Series 6! Brace yourself for all the usual gubbins PLUS: Matthew apologising for his script, Ben eventually working out a chicken pun, Tom forming Brave Hat club, Lou having some sort of yaketty-based fit and Stu telling us what a 'body wand' is. It's good to be back! Please do help us spread the word about the new series - which will be coming out on the first day of every month throughout 2016 (if all goes to plan): Facebook it, tweet it, comment on iTunes it. Thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's fall and you can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region.

See you at for details. Tom, Ben, what are you doing? See, you cute little ass cheeks down in my fjou? We are gonna make you breakfast. Why are you doing? See, your cute little ass cheeks down in my fjell. We are gonna make you a breakfast. Why are you dancing around? I'm throwing bread. And I'm catching the bread and putting it in the toaster. And I'm dancing around with the cupboard,

doors, then I'm throwing eggs. I'm smashing the eggs and then, whisking! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! What's wrong, Matthew, you old-years little toad? Well, two things. Firstly, you're doing a very visual sketch for what is an audio medium, so it isn't working. And secondly, that's not a sketch what you wrote. You're ripping off Markham and Wise.

We're just doing what you told us to do. Yeah, you told us to recycle some old material. I said do the recycling. Oh... I am so surprised. I'm gonna lean against this bar and... BOOM! Yeah, I get it. Very, very funny. It's only frozen horses.

Stupid boy. Alright, I see what you're doing, okay? I don't believe it! What a mistake I got, I make a... I've, okay? I don't believe it! What a mistakenly make-up! I've broken my tailbone! Wait, what's that from? Nothing. I think I've genuinely broken my tailbone.

Nanu, Nanu. Look, this is ridiculous. One of you two has got to do the recycling. Well, it's not gonna be me. I've got to go outside and beat up a mini with this small tree. And it's not gonna be me. I have genuinely broken my tailbone, and it's just a rare and extreme pain.

Well, there's only one way to settle this. Call an ambulance. Do my own stunters I roll escape under a lorry? No, we're going to have to have a... Flashes land down! Oh! Flashes land down! Oh!

Flashes land down! Oh! Flashes land down! Oh! Oh! Oh! And welcome to Flashes landown, the panel show that says, I can't seem to fizz up to the facts, I'm tilting nervous, can't relax, I can't sleep, beds on fire, don't touch me, I'm a real live wire and a recycle killer Kiss kissy

Fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah Better run run run run run run run away Oh oh oh oh Recycle killer Kiss kissy Fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah fah Better run run run run run run run run away Fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, fuff, f, better, run, And while they're under my roof, they'll be following my rules. Let's beat the flat-based Tom Perry and Benedict Fargo. Woo!

So many boys, why are you refusing to recycle? Because I feel like I've already done enough, because this one time I had this push bike and, um, recently it was a little bit broken. So I thought, I did the right thing here. I called Councillor, getting to come collect it. That's right. I've re-bicalled. Oh!

I think we need to ask, is everybody okay? Cheaper, creeper, dumb, there's everything to play for. Well, as you well know, always try breaking to the film industry. Years ago, I thought I had my chance. I got a job working for Mr Richard Curtis, one of my absolute heroes. This is my chance, I thought. So I'm the set of his film, love actually, as a run-out.

True story. Put him charge of a well-shactor, playing the part of Spike in the film. Oh, it was not a kill, it was not a kill. True story. True story. True story. True story! Why like did you and the last person in the entire room

to ruin you a true story? It was the film Notting Hill, looking after a well shactor, put in charge of his contact lenses. Tragically I lost those contact lenses. So you lost the contact lenses like you've lost a room? What's rich? Yeah, but don't worry. At the end of the story, I got them back.

Spoiler alert. Well, I just thought that contact lenses aren't they? I mean, surely Mr. Ifan isn't going to notice. If instead of his contact lenses, I just use maybe some, I don't know, cling film. So I cut out two little discs of cling film. Put them on Mr. Ifan's table and thought maybe he'll be able to just wear these As contact lenses and get away with them anyway, it turns out it went disastrously wrong He was blinded in both eyes and I was fired for my Reese I

Longer than the film itself that story. Now as you can't minimize your carbon footprint on your own, who have you locally sourced to help you this week Tom? Well, Matthew, the Jamboree's in trouble. Oh, guys. Yeah. They're saying we don't provide enough entertainment for the people who come to the Jamboree.

So I've set up a smash the crockery store and I was thinking to myself who is the person I know who could run a smash the crockery store? Who's got those skills? And I thought this lady smashes every gig she does, it's Lucinda's everyone! So Lou, thanks for coming on the show. It's great. You're welcome. It's great to have you here. Do you recycle? I have a recycle, but I make a big fanfare of it. How do you make a fanfare of recycling? What do you do? I'm just like, I'm struck to tell.

I'm just like, I'm just really hoping everyone's watching me. Be a real good person. And it takes the foul of the recycling sometimes. It's like, is it a natty piece on it? What? What natty piece of old cardboard? Wood, I make some stuff on wood. This is interesting. What have you made with wood? It's amazing.

Then I was like, what's it going to do? I just wasted four hours, basically, and put it back in a recycling. But it looked pretty. So you take the recycling out, you paint it based on putting it back in a recycling, but it looked pretty ugly. So you take the recycling out, you paint it, you put it back. Yeah, well you've got it, you've got to do it a bit. Flarky, you know if you brought along with you this week? I have bought along my twin brother, the gorgeous Stu Goldsmith. APPLAUSE

That's you, are you a good, you a good flat mate? I am a good flat mate, I was going to do a recycling story, no. If that's what I'm doing, if you like. Or I'll ask a different question. We know you're a good flat mate, I've taken this given. But are you a recycling? I'm just really not saying really bad, this isn't actually a recycling story. It's a throwing thing. It's not a flat mate, don't go back, don't go back. It's throwing things away story, but there's no recycling involved. You know those four rings that you get that go on beer cans?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you're supposed to cut them. You're supposed to cut them so that they don't go around in otters' heads. So they don't go around in otters' heads? Yeah, of course. Could they bring a family of otters together? LAUGHTER The thing that it wasn't otters I had in mind,

I always thought it would fuck up a goose if you put the thing, that's just what I had in mind. And then I only recently realized that like we're still saying yeah, but it's okay to just put them into the bin. Do you know what I mean? It's about they're going to end up in wildlife. I'll snip them first and then just fuck them into the wildlife. That's fine. If anything, go down a goose's throat, couldn't it? Yes. I'd say that's hopesome. I mean, yeah. Well, you like to put out of goose is the right

So we would you rather goose and otter or otter a goose? That's the big question otter not one more words We have bet oh I was gonna say damn but Matt again one of those four plastic holders round your beaver. So we have met our teams and it's time for you to recycle the well-worn old phrase and say, it's time for round one! I mean, I feel like trash, but you were trash too. Guess I was in the right type of girl for you.

We've worked like Romeo and Juliet It's different as you could get You're a cannot-beens, I'm a pizza box I just been pissed on by a fox Cause I'm all alone, I'm in a bed I can tell your heart is made of tin Oh, first we can't fit And we got sorted Now I've been a band that's been We got sorted now

We'll be the back that's been transported Oh, we got sorted So I've got sorted You can't be so cruel Love that's sorted We're not much to use in calculus We're people versus mess and plastics You're too much paper-hired to

When you choose the green box, not the blue Party is such a treasure The bins can't take guns tomorrow Oh since we got sorted I've got sorted The love here is suck good at the gun Transforming, oh, I'll see you again Spread over in a new skin

And I'll come back as the paper bag you get packed in Woo! Cheers! It is great to have Weet us back together again. I'm doing the gym was for us this week. So round one is called Recycle Thing. I'm going to give each team the name of an object and they have one minute to come up with as many different uses for that thing.

Is Recycle Thing a play on Recycling? Yes, not great. That's not strong, is it? No, not strong. I feel shamed, but I just too like to change it now. Ben and Stu, you're up first. As many different uses for an electric whisk as possible, and your minute begins now.

A whisking thing. Yeah, a really painful electric toothbrush. A really painful body wand, which is what they call a vibrator on this morning. Is it really wand? Yeah, it's a magic. I'm not going to accept body wand today, too. The same review body wand on this morning.

I hold on, no, no, no, this is a bad minute. I'm an excellent game player, excellent game player. A self-jacuzzi maker. Yes. A coffee froth for your capsule pod. Say that three times. A coffee froth for your cup. No, no, it's for you. A replacement hand for a kitchen robot. I'm glad you said. Wait, hang on, what a kitchen robot. I'm glad you're following that mate. Yeah. For getting a head on your beer when you lose the head on your beer. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going.

I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going.

I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going.

I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. I'll keep you going. replacement hand for a kitchen robot right it just be its hand if you're building a kitchen robot and it's hand isn't an election wish to begin with no one is it one hand is a clamp and the other is a knife strong I'll take it out so Lou and Tom your minutes aye your minute begins anything. Three team. Any second now, would you like to hear what your objective is? No. Okay, great. We're just going to switch to the game friend. No, you're just going to get in front.

No, no, no, go on, then what is it? It is. A toaster and your minute begins now. Toaster. Killing someone in a bath. Yes. Um, heating up some... Box.

What kind of... What kind of... Okay, destroying books you don't like. You can't work. A necklace in an urban environment. Sock warmer. A gift. A brave... I'm coming to allow it. A brave hat.

A titsy warmer. For you to tease, please. Hello. A hand torturer. Yeah. Um, Marshmallow Bacon. Um, Marshmallow Bacon. Yeah. Marshmallow Bacon. That's your mouth.

Yeah. Global warming advocates. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to accept a global warming advocates. Like you, mate. An art installation. Yes.

No, what? A weapon for a modern night. Yes. What, hands? A weapon for a modern night. Yes. What, handsweet, we get it round by the plug. Exactly right, mate. Tom, don't listen to me, that's fucking excellent. That is your time, I'm afraid. That is your time. Yes, yes, yes.

I make that 11 point. It's very impressive. I like 12. I like 12. You've got a challenge, don't you, Glocky? You allow me to explain to you what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well get the point back. Oh my, make sure, Niche. What? He's going to make sure that the fucking toast run, right? I'm defecating, I'm making a gig. That's about Lady Gaga. I actually was in shortage today and I saw a bloke,

and I was like, fucking hell, the fashion has gone too far, and I realized he was just carrying an armchair. Nice. So, right, because you said the body won, right? Basically saying, would you put a whisk on your vagina or would you put a toast to your own your would you put a toaster on your head? Now give me a cheer if you would put a toaster on your head. Yeah!

Give me a cheer if you put a whisk in or on your vagina. Yeah! I stand corrected, seven points there. No! You did it for the Monty, but you spun corn this way. Sorry, at the end of that round, we don't even need to ask producer Bemma because it is seven points to Stu and to Ben and 11. Whole points to Lew and to Tom.

Team Brave. Team Brave, hey! So Lew and Tom are recycling top drops while Stu and Bemma down in the dumps. No! I was tired when I wrote the script guys. But it's not over yet. Let's see if either team can salvage the pride from round two. It's flat games!

Yay! Let's play forever! Yeah! Let's play forever! Roll the dice, spin the thing, put the band to the table. Yay! If you lose, you can't not fit, games If you win you can't go, go, go

Listen to that, the sound of indication Six series of this motherfuckers pure goal No, no, I'm never gonna die I can say, I haven't heard the show for ages. You haven't heard the show for ages and you're worrying it's getting a tiny bit indulgence. It is like a weird club that we don't want any new members in. Each week in flat games we take a much love game and mangling until it's completely unlovable. This week is the turn of Swing Ball, which we are calling the great Rock and Roll Swing Ball.

H.T. Yes. No, that's good part. Yeah, F.U. guys. By F I mean fuck. Each team is going to perform a classic rock and roll number as a duet. Take it in turns to sing one word at a time to help them stay in time. They also need to do rock and roll style finger clicks. I will give points for tunefulness, rhythm, shake, rattle, roll and obviously, oh I'm having a rough, rough, rough, rough, rough!

So, Tom and Lou, you are first. You're going to be singing rock around the clock, my famous, of course, by Bill Haley in his comments in 1954, the birth of rock and roll. Now, don't forget, you've got to click along. I've been, What am I doing? Okay, yeah. You're singing a word-h, okay, so who do you think is going to start? Also me and Tom. Yeah. It is Tom. Can we get Louis Bonas Point for getting her team captain's name right?

No, no, no, no, we in time were just discussing we've got real chemistry on our team. Anyway. I was before you fell on my name One, two, three I was gonna say because that is ambitious counting I'm pleased Also you should be counting alternatively right? Yeah, we're singing a word at a time Okay, so you guys are doing it

I know, I know So you guys are doing it One, two, three, four I can't I'm going to go to the toilet at the time. I need to do that. I need to do that. One, two, three, four. I can't. Five, six, seven, eight. Rock, nine, ten. Let's go. Rock.

You say the word nibble, man. You cannot do word nibble. We're going rock around tonight! Puzz, Puzz, yeah! Ranks on dead, join me! We're gonna do something even fun! We're gonna rock around tonight! You're the one who's gonna give us three. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. You came out there, you made the song your own, you made the song your own.

I mean, can I just say, I'm gonna give you five points for that, but they're all going to Tom. So you've got five points, let, but they're all going to Tom. Ah! So, you've scored five points. Let's see how finesse you do. You're only going to be singing Little Richard's 1955 hit, Tuti Frute. Here are your lyrics. And off you go. What? Back a-bop.

La-bop-bump. Tuti frute-o frute. Tuti frute-o frute. oh, fruity, to the fruity, oh, fruity, to the fruity, oh, fruity, to the fruity, oh, fruity, to the fruity, fruity, oh, fruity, to the fruity, oh, fruity, oh, fruity, one bomb, a loo, one bomb, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, I got a girl named Sue. She knows just what to do. I know. I got a girl named Sue. She know just what to do. She rock to the east. She rock to the west. What's your mic take for me? Oh, how shay he is! He's so nice. He's so nice. Keep going, don't be going, man.

Two-Dee and Fruddy. Oh, Rudy. Two-Dee, Fruddy. Oh, Rudy. Two-Dee, Fruddy. It sounds like Steven Rudy. Two-Dee, Fruddy. Oh, Rudy.

Two-Dee, Fruddy. Oh, Rudy. What about a loo-boop, a loo but a loo but boo There is no way There is no way I can't give them a 10 out of 10 that was fucking super I don't know why it was really good. I don't know why we started singing like It's because of loose air pressing. Loose air pressing if you're going, errr. Yeah, errr.

No, fair play, that was really good, but you've got no chemistry to get that. LAUGHTER I'm... I've got two more lyrics. Do you want to do two more rounds of that? I mean, it might be exactly the same. CHEERING

Oh my god. Thomas Lou, we're going to take you all the way back to 1958 with the... With the coast of glass and kit. Yuck of the Yuck. You bastards. Okay. Ready? Off you go.

Do we have to click? Yeah, it makes it. It's really good. There's that famous chemist over here. Sorry, you've got it all about us. Okay, ready? Yeah, it makes it really good Take Come on I just be honest the only reason I wanted to play it was gonna want to see the fuck up again I'm the only reason got this I got this down part come Come on guys. Okay. Take the paper and the...

Jails. Oh, ew! Or... You... No, get... No, just... In and pass. In every...

Don't know. They're proclaiming this, everyone. They're proclaiming this. You... To be honest, they're both a dancer. Ready, ready. What do you want? You can either follow her.-dance. Ready, ready. What do you want? You can eat the fuck.

Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat.

Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. Yeah, you can eat. I'm going to be impressed. That was like that guy over family guy having a stroke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, No difference. Man is too very quick me. Elvis 1957 all shook up off you go It's a tree my friends say I'm acting

Fortunately I'm acting well. Can you not see the window? No, yes, yes. There's a lot of fortune in this. I'm in love. Who? I'm all shook up. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. Yes. Just when I thought he was falling apart,

it all came back together. Good luck using those skills in your everyday lives. LAUGHTER I think that's a draw. It isn't made. It's not a draw. Although I'm going to give you a... I'm going to give you six points. Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Yuckity! Y Okay, five points for that

And I'm gonna give a six points to Ben and to Stu there so at the end of that round we can all agree Today's the day the music died it really is Produce a bed what are one of the scores before we go to the next round it's close Tom and no got, Ben and Stu have got 23! Wooo! It's fall, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No.

But turtles the dessert? Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you at for details. So, loy into flat games, there's up next in the load of old trit that is Beef Brothers! You've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, you've got a problem, call it a beef,

you've got a beef, beef, maybe we can help you, Beef Brothers, starting out your beef! Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panlister sort out a flat share based beef and this one comes from our audience member, Esther says here, my boyfriend thinks it's strange that I go through his cupboards and get rid of his out-of-date food. My boyfriend has the worst cooking habits. He does not defrost food properly. He cooks chicken from frozen. Can I ask what side am I on?

Hang on a sec, I will tell you the cause of the way you're reading this is very biased. LAUGHTER I object your honour, unless I'm prosecuting in which case carry on. My boyfriend. If that's his real name, no that's not. So he's now not allowed to cook. Is he mental or did he do this on purpose? So he never has to cook again. So Ben and Stu you are on Esther's side, whereas Tom and Lou, you are on the side of the boyfriend, the boy friend here.

What's that legend's name? Miss the Renaissance? His name is James. His name is James. So you've got a time to cross exam in both of them. Why not? Any questions from Tom's side or from Ben's side? Any questions at the top?

This cooking chicken from Frozen. I haven't heard about that. Is that bad? Yes. Have you been doing that already? Yeah, you've seen. We don't know. Can you cook frozen chicken?

Yes. Can you curse, why would they freeze it in the first place? Right? And that's conjectured. But also, don't cook frozen. You should defrost it properly. It's dangerous otherwise. You're not allowed to be on a side. Also, Judge. That's conjectured, but also don't cook frozen, you should defrost it properly. It's dangerous otherwise.

You're not allowed to be on a side. Also, Judge, how long have you been living together? Yes, good question. Oh, man. We're not living together. Oh! Oh! Oh, let him or about it.

She thinks you're living together. I do don't think you're living together. Do you think that she's your girlfriend? Yeah, she's my girlfriend, but we aren't living together. What was think that she's your girlfriend? Yeah, she's my girlfriend, but we aren't living together. What was the four months thing? This is really awkward, but I want to know. Can you defrost a chicken in four months?

I've had an operation and been on work for four months, so I think I'm not so funny now. Is it? Two-shot, yes, two-shot. I asked her, can you wear a neck brace for the trial? No, very nice. That was close. Was the operation to remove your sense of right and wrong? It was this medical thing, something awful, can you share it with us?

No, I had my breast reduced. Wow, that's a lucky thing. Was it your chicken breast? James is more of a ligman. Yeah. Come on guys, that was brilliant. You actually are a lot like Tom. That is how Tom gets out of his.

Come on guys. That's good. That is good. Little boy is. Yeah, can he? Yeah, can he? Okay, so, I'm very sorry. That's good, that is good. Yeah, can he? Yeah, can he? Okay, so, I'm very sorry, let's give back to this.

Your boyfriend is recouping, he's helping you. Your cobble extra recouping. I'm going to. It's time to take stock. Can you just shut the clock up please? And then I should do one. Lovely, lovely work there from Hencock. Come on, this poultry excuse you aren't. I cry foul. Come on guys, this is getting very, very upset. Worse the way. Worse the way.

Worse the way, Tom. You're not there in the end. You speak to your feathers. Stop it now. He's stopping the haze. Should we get into it? I think we've got enough to go on there. What, hang on, he's cooked a chicken.

What is this? What is the case? So they really passed hang on, he's cooked a chicken. Is this, what is this? What is the case? So, they really pass me by. He's cooked a chicken. She throws away all his out of date food. He's cooked a chicken, possibly very, very badly, in order to never cook again. So, I'm going to call upon two girls with you. You have one minute to begin the case for the prosecution.

And your time starts. Now, well, I think it's quite clear to all concerned that our client Esther has been wrong. She's recovering from a lady operation, which is the most secretive and special kind. And, and I think it's quite clear that he's deliberately, that James is with his massive Easter Island face. Is quite deliberately, he's like one of those people. Yeah, where's your face reduction, mate? Yes. Yes.

Where's your half of the bargain? Yeah. Esther Island face, more like it. Yeah. APPLAUSE What does that mean? How did that get around her, boys? You've got five seconds, by the way.

Stop me. Yeah, mo. She's never done it. OK. What does that mean? How did that get around her pause? You've got five seconds, by the way. It's not me. Oh, she never done it. Okay, that looks nice. Lovely work for a few girls with that. Let's move the case over now to Los Andres, who is going to open the case for the defendant, at least I cannot wait for.

Your minutes start now. Oh, you're late to get to night. Bringony bells. Lots of people like chicken. You spilt a little bit. Oh! I'm joking. I'm joking.

I'm joking. I'm a feminist. They're just... No, you can't have it by place. You can't call people up to dinner. Oh, I'm a feminist, they're just... No, you cannot have it both ways. You can't call people up to the Jenninger, oh I'm a feminist by the way. So, I'm so sorry Esther, just maybe like cook them, cook them... Yeah, cook them, yeah, cook them. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, cook them some toast wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how do you, I think we know the answer, how do you think it's going so far?

How would you say it really well for me? Is it too late to change my defence team? Keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, so unfair, so unfairness. Well Ben, you're going to continue the case for the prosecution. Your minutes does now, man. Well, here's the thing, right? Bloody hell. Esther, I want your side, so...

...alps tight. James, mate, you can't... Well, that pesto, hey! You had your minute, you bitch. It's all right, Matthew's a friend of mine. I took him with him, guys. Peace, everybody. Peace. You're all cunts, peace, guys.

So if you're a feminist, you're not allowed to call anyone a bitch. That can't be right. No, it is right. Oh, where you could call me? No, it's not. You call me email dogs bitches. Yeah. It's not good though.

No. It's less gangster. Oh, my bitches, be dogs. Not 12 seconds left. Uh, uh, James, ah, here, that's a little rotter. Go fuck yourself mate. That's the time. We don't need that last seconds. Alright, now Tom, you're going to conclude the case for the defence.

Now you're going to be doing it as yourself this way. No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a John Grisham defence lawyer. Errrr... Mr Fanchel Standin. Mr Fanchel Standin presiding and indeed providing your minute, if you need it, begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, we've been sat here long time. Hill, heart room, heart room.

That's a long word there. You look over there, replace. You look over there, that long word, long face. Why the long face, James? I'll tell you why, long face. Why the long face, James? I'll tell you why the long face. Because that their lady, yours there, she presented you with some of them, goes by the name of a frozen chicken.

Now I don't know about you, but I ain't seen none of that there don't frozen chicken. Let me tell you a little story, a paparra mind. Right afar. Up onto the hill, next to Betsy. Hell you know Betsy. Who don't know Betsy?

Ain't gonna call her a bitch though. Betsy, she loved them chickens, hell give them names. Moment they're born, that they're bell Lenny, that they'll be Charlie. Hello, John. Chicken niece. Them chickens dead, they touched the earth. Smell the sky. Hell, I don't know none of them dead chickens dead, no John.

No harry, no Charles. Wanna go running in that this, no now. Please let this go on forever. Ain't natural, ain't natural. You fry your chicken. You see the Harry that their oil there be nice and hot, he liked that. And he go, put me in, beat me round. Eat me up.

Hey John, that dare box there be real cold boy. John ain't into debt. I see today, this ain't about you, it ain't about me. Sure as hell ain't about no damn debt. It's the sh- I say we asked them chickens, hot or cold. Whoa, boy, boiling hot, as cold, let the chicken decide. You know what, there's age, no further questions you want. So, we have heard some things.

So I don't have to be our finish audience because they're the ones who are going to decide who talk the best. So if you think Stu and Ben and they're for Esther is in the right, applaud now. Stunt, if you think Lou and Fanshaw and of course James came out on top, a blot now. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That's all you know. Well, congratulations James, you can cook as much frozen chicken as you like. So, we are almost at the end of the show. All the reins is the quick far round, and of course the quick far round jingles.

So, of course, actually we know we're near the end of the show. Then, as here, that quick far quick fire round jingle off we go! This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly. But the joke obviously is that we take a very long time introducing it. It takes a lot But this morning the irony is I'm in a real rush to get to a meeting My train leaves in about five minutes and it's at least a five minute run If you're going really quickly

So what I'm saying with this jingle, Being short if it was only the right length. If it was the length of a quick round, Then I'd probably make my train. I mean, now I've got probably four minutes. I'm writing that place where you think, well, shall I just let it go? Send a text and get on the next train. Maybe it will be the last thing. Or maybe you can just leave it here

And get on with the quick fire Row. So, well, mercifully brief there that quink fire round jingle. True story. Did you make the meeting? Oh, I really should have gone in. That was my chance. Why am I still singing?

I don't know. I think I'm gonna go mate. I think we've got a day. Sorry mate. Good luck with the day mate. I'll be again my train. I'm just talking. I feel like I'm gonna be on a trip. I'll go again my train Seems like my name

Oh wonderful stuff there that was a real glimpse into your life So of course in this quick far around all the questions will be recycling based so let's hear your buzzers there Tom and Blue, and let's hear your buzzers chewing ben. Fingers on those buzzers, and off we go. Why doesn't it cost anything to hand in dead batteries at your local recycling sector? Because it's good for the environment, down the river. No, I'm afraid that's not the answer. Blue, you get charged a flat rate. I'm going to give you a point as well, charge. The free of charge is yes, that is the half a point to sue in bed there.

The next few questions are anagrams. I've recycled the names of people appearing on this week's show. Which person on the show ruled on As? Los Andres. Tom is correct, it was Los Andres. Which person is sometimes known as my parrot? Shoot. Tom Perry. Tom Perry is correct. It was loose and which person is sometimes known as my parrot Shoot Tom Perry Tom Perry is correct. Yeah, which person is famous for their mild hot gusts Probably me that is you goldsmith. Yeah, and which person did it?

It's gonna be me. It's gonna be me which person did a red cone burps It's me No, it isn't been dark in the brain. No, it is producer Ben. It is producer Ben Yes! And what's the fun? Which person might be known as Cuba- Cuba-Dujing Juniors? Ben. It is Ben Yes, it's Ben Clark everybody.

Okay, enough for the anagrams. What do you call it when you use a silver birch again? Recycling? No, very close. Recycling. Recycling is correct. What do you call it when you use a small striped flying insect again? Recycling. Recycling is correct to your goldsmith. What do you call it when you use the ocean again? Recycling. What do you call it when you use the joint in the middle of your leg again? Recycling. No, you can't. Tom Schauss in the blood of three. Half a Please, I didn't. No, you can't. Tom Schalz, you know, but I think half a word to Stu

who is definitely the first one on the buzzer, would you call it when you use a French cheese again? Free cheese! I didn't make it. Yeah, can I? Yeah, can I? That is a half a word each there. Would you call it when you use Donald Duck's

nephews again? Let me hear you in theory cycling. Yes, correct. What? What you call it when you use the author of the killer mockingbird again? Half a million cycling. Correct Stu, a ghostman. What you call it when you use the author of the killer mockingbird again? Perfectly, Cycle! Correct you, a goldsmith!

What do you call it when you use a Sorbic acid again? DOO! Alex D Cycle! What is it? It's a vinegar, isn't it? It's a steaside. Not Alex D, no! A Sorbic acid is vitamin C Cycling.

What do you call it when you use a mug, a bag of tetly and some milk? Tee-sic, please Cycle! Correct, cover's parry. What do you call it when you use the National Sport of Bangladesh again? Caballi Cycle. Caballi Cycle, yes. What do you call it when you use the City of Nashville again? To the city, sir.

The Caballi Cylinder Cylinder, yes. What do you call it when you use your urine again? Please I'm going to use urine again. No, it's disgusting. What do you call it when you use the same jokes over and over again? Please I'm going to use urine again. No, it's flesh- air slam now. That is our time. Those were our questions. So before we hear the fight us gores, it's just time for you to squeeze in any bugs.

Luce Arnors, do you have anything you would like to plug? Yeah, my butt. You like to plug your butt? Okay. I'm not going to get out to butt. No? No, it's surprising isn't it? Are you happy? Yeah. Shoot, do you want to plug anything? Yeah sure you could do that. I think I want to plug she's done. Oh yeah, do you want to plug for she? He's gone gay.

Oh yeah, you're going very fast. We're having engagement drinks. This Saturday, where will this go out? Well, after this Saturday, yeah. Right, it's at the Freaking'sy Clark and Well. I don't know if any of you know, like in podcast lands Stu runs a very successful podcast called ComcomPod where he is.

He interviews comedians about comedy. He's very good and you should check it out. Pat me's have done an episode, Luke Solan's has done an episode, so many of our guests have done episodes, so do listen to it, it really is fantastic. So, producer Ben, let's hear the final scores. It's very close. Oh, that's what we like. Half-point in it, and these are big scores.

One team has 31 and a half, the other team has 32. Oh, wow. The winners are Ben and Stu! Oh! The winners are Ben and Stuart! So Ben and Stuart get to hit the bottle while Tom and Luke get to hit the bottle bank Thanks to our guest, Slush Anders and Stuart Goldswith, we've been Pat B's part, see you next time on Blascher Slam now! That means Blascher Slam now featured

I think Roger Maygart can talk to Barry on special guest Stuart Goldswith That means flash air, slam down featured. Back in front of me, Garb, it's on par, you'll see what I said to you and Garb's been at loose armors, you'll see what I said to you. Back in front of you, it's a pain or a gum piece, you'll knock for any more Garb's. Make thanks to everyone who came down, and see they're recording to the good folks that do the right thing. We have to thank the Phoenix over again to be the last time we're here, because then we know this fans on the menu.

To the good folks that do the right thing, to attach a referee to Sarah Grunf, helping out to Orange Park and the British comedy guide, and to the Phoenix pub for having us. Happy Splat Share standout is a first production of the British comedy guide, and the year today, cheers! Everyone! Bye! You can get anything you need with Uber Eats.

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