Pappy's Flatshare - Series 6, Episode 10 (Do The Ironing)

Episode Date: October 1, 2016

Natasia Demetriou and Milton Jones join the teams in a cut-throat battle to avoid doing the ironing. As you'd expect, the show features reggae, murder, philosophy and a quickfire round theme-based bomb shell. Please help spread the word about the show to all your iron and ironing-obsessed friends through all the usual channels. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, your host for the evening. It's Pappy! Hey! Oh! We for the evening, it's Papi! Hey! Oh! We were already here, guys! That's the big reveal. That was a good tricky play there.

I am the emnite Shlayamalan of podcasts. Yeah, you shit, mate. That would be dangerous. So folks, the idea is that we're going to try and work out who's not going to do a household chore this week, and the household chore is ironing. I'm not going to do it. You just want to get into character. Absolutely on message there, Clarky. Yeah, so this week it's all about doing the ironing. Let's do it. Tom, Ben, what is it about the hour?

Yeah, what is it but it? Well, what's that? Full of humour adopted there, Ben. Just my eyes, Ben. It's a good voice, I enjoy it. The problem is, someone has to do the ironing this week. Whoa, it's not going to be me, Ben. It's not going to be me.

It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to be me. It's not going to, man. It's a good voice, I enjoy it.

The problem is, someone has to do the ironing this week. Whoa, it's not gonna be me, mate. Oh yeah? Why is that? Because I'm bored. Yeah? Yeah, bored. Yeah, so I get a hint.

That's my own joke. Yeah, I was right. So I only have to do something. Well, what I meant, save us. Niggas may have to do it. Well, there's no way this settled Ben's voice, but there's only one way to settle the ironing problem. We're going to have to have a Flashest Lando!

Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Flashest Lando! Roar!

Roar! Roar! Roar! Roar! Hello and welcome to Flashest L Down, the panel show that says, Call me, call me by my name, call me by my number, put me through. I'll still be doing it the way I do it, and yet you try to make me forget who I really am Don't tell me I know best. I'm not the same as all the rest

You can take that away from me on I'm the host of Manlul Matthew Crosby and Wobble. They're under my roof. They'll be following my rules. Let's meet the tenants Tom Perry and Benedict Cot. Ho! Can I just... I think that was the best vocal performance I've turned in. That's absolutely gorgeous, right?

It's perfect. I don't know if it's possible to be moved by your own singing. But I really was. So Tom, you finished the podcast today by singing us out with that. I'll sing another one of Chesney Hawks' hits. And... So, Tom, why do you start crying when I ask you to iron?

Well, Matthew, it's a terrible tale. The last time I tried to get all of the creases out of my shirt, I pressed it so hard with a piece of hot metal that it affected the number of electrons and the number of protons in the shirt so that all of the atoms had a positive or negative electronic charge. That's the last time I do the iron ink. I am, it's when I had to write it down.

Yeah. I was gonna say, someone's definitely been a wicker pdf. I'm honest. I am. I've got a bit of paper over explaining exactly what I am to our top. The moon.

Ah. Ben, what about you? Why are you unwilling to iron? Well, I've got one for you. A bit of paper over and explaining exactly what high-ons are, Tom. The moon. Ah! Ben, what about you? Why are you unwilling to iron? Well, I've got one for you. It's really going to crease you up. Er... And then straighten you out again. And by that, I mean, that's the only laugh this is going to get. Lovely stuff from Baskin' It's not bad, stop it. It's not bad!

But... I mean, it's not strong enough. Yes! It's not bad. But I mean, it's not strong. No. It's not bad. What I deal, it's not. But it's the best we've got and we'll just work with what we've got, right? So everyone knows that I only requires a team of at least two people. So Tom, who have you brought with you this week? Well, let me tell you something.

Needs must, over in a jamboree. And the jamboree was in trouble, Matthew. Oh no. Yeah. Needed to have some refreshments. Is that the only trouble you have? Yeah. No refreshments. No refreshments. So I called them a good friend because everyone knows her milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard. Don't open up. You don't know the song, did you?

It's my wonderful friend, Tash Demetri! Tash, it's great to have you here. What kind of a flatmate are you? You're a good flatmate. Brilliant. A bad flatmate. What makes you brilliant? It's not funny. It's just really good.

I take on a lot of responsibilities of the day so running up the flat. Oh, God. I bet you're intolerable. Wait, disappoint your teammate, Thomas. I put up with a lot. My flatmate loves to cook with oil. And...

What a maverick. Crue oil. Oh, oh. Have you got a fan of oil, Tash? No, I'm a big fan of oil, but just not with like absolutely everything at all times a day. You don't wake up into like an oil field, which is what it is, living in my flat. What's your favourite oil?

Extra virgin, the oil of... Classic. The oil and get from them. That's a great oil. Yeah. What a terrible chat show. Oil will be the judge of that. Now, you're a good flatmate, do you do the ironing?

No, I do, the ironing is a waste of time. It's good, cool. And also, I'm a woman, and last time I checked, we had the vote and stuff, so why would I get the iron out? Yeah, yeah. To write, put me in my place. Put me in my place. Patriarchy.

Yeah. I didn't realise I was a misogynist, but apparently I am. So I'm going to talk to the men over here if that's all right. Tilt your... Clarke, who have you brought with you this week? I have bought my weird uncle, Milton Jo! Milton Jo, did he? Hi, kids.

What kind of a flatmate are you, Milton? Well, I love cooking with oil. Sometimes I feel like I'm frittering my life away. I'm sorry. Be very careful, by the way. Oil puns don't play with this crowd. They're very much a water-based crowd apparently. For enough, I should have flapped it to girls once

until they found out. LAUGHTER Oh, I'll take that. So we've got our contestants. We've got our contestants. Which one of them is going to be ironing my smalls? Which is what I call pretty much all my clothes. Let's play round one. Pass the old tom Ford, the ironing board, and get your million per shirt. Find a skyrocket, the new emboldt, and get your million per shirt

Find a skyrocket, the new splucks socket, and think it in the living room rack Plus, oh you've got a dumb freak, and your john hurts Shirt's hard too straight in the hat, so plucky in the Jeremy Iron, yeah barrel head rollin' at, oh Ready old iron, ready old iron, any, any, any, any old iron I'd like to tell you more but calmly rhyming slangs to Tyron. Oh my God! I think the award for shortest ever G-D-File, that was incredible stuff.

Well our accents were starting to slip, so I could probably call it our dad. No, those were perfect Australian accents. So speaking of accents, round one is called Iron, Lion, Zion. Uh oh. Yep. Speaking of accents, round one is called Iron Lion, Zion. Uh-oh, yep. It's named, as you can imagine, after the classic reggae hit by Robert Marley, aka Bob, and the rules could not be simpler. Generally, we've made zero effort. So I'm going to give each one of our contestants a subject that is in some way related to

Iron, and they're going to ask them to improvise a song in the reggae style about that topic. Their team mates feel the tension in the room. This is going to be so upsetting for everyone. This is going to be a lot of fun. We're all going to enjoy ourselves guys. As I said, at the last reggae night I hosted. I mean, the thing is you won't be able to do the accents. So I wouldn't worry too much about it. Ah, why do reggae are too big? Now the teammate has to guess what they'd be vibing about. Now obviously there's going to be one point for a correct answer, but I'm mainly awarding points for whichever raster man

be jam in the most diary here. So producer Ben, who was, by the way, this is genuinely true. Producer Ben was, in fact, a reg A DJ. What was your name, by the way? DJ is genuinely true producer Ben was in fact a reg a DJ What's your name by the way? DJ bucket lousy Big up DJ bucket lous Yeah, he'll be applying the reg a backup Ben Clark you are up first Milton you're guessing But if you get it early just give Clark a minute of chance to sing it go with the flow So the music begins any second now and then off you go

Here we go There is sorry Oh, it is a drink they drink it is the color of sand It comes from a land of no-go. Yes, a place called Scott It is a very tasty drink. I drink quite a lot But I'm trying to cut down because my new is the resolution was not to drink soft drinks Yes, first time resolution was not to drink soft drinks. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo And I think there was one and a half rhymes in there. I'll call them fair.

I'm going to give you one and a half points there, and of course Milton, one point there. So it's two and a half points to Ben and Milton! Oh, over to Natasha now. Tom, you're guessing. Off you go. Do I get it? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Is it bombs? You're up to that bomb. She was the eye and lady, she made the real one crazy.

I don't know what it is. She's got some gun from the children. She really didn't make them happy. All the men were screaming out in the streets. Gave us all the money. She was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who was the only one who from the children. She really didn't make them happy. All the men were screaming out in the streets and giving us all work back Maggie.

By the way, keep going, darling, doing this so much. She was the Iron Lady. She made me crazy. She worked really hard. I kind of respect her. Oh my gosh! No one expected that! I love it! She was mad. It's amazing how reggae coaxies have the truth, isn't it?

I'm from North Finchley. I think that's where she was. The main premise of that. No, because it was her contingency. I'm not fitchly, I think that's where she was, the main premise of that. No, it was her contingency and I love the way she used to look at me. Oh my god! My taxi were her attraction imagery. So done. So done. Can you work out which Maggie was also known as the Iron Lady?

Is it Dennis that? He was so close. Oh, close. I'll give you half a point. Yeah, it was of course Margaret Thatcher. But I'm not going to attach five points to this. That was amazing. Six points to Tash and Tom.

How good did the word constituency sound in a reggae song? There's not enough songs about constituencies. That's true. OK, let's throw it over to Milton. Ben, you enough songs about constituencies, that's true. Okay, let's throw it over to Milton, Ben, you're guessing, and Milton, as soon as the music starts, you may also start. I ain't fine fatter. This is a name of his band. Get down man. To Brixton Town. Quickly.

Imagine there's no heaven. She don't feels like hell there's anyway. This is going to be pan. It is the name of Ozzy Oz Bond's pan. Clarke, have you got any ideas? Can I just tell you now it's not the name of Ozzy Oz Bond's warts? Oh no! I know what it was. It was Paul Deanna or Bruce Dickinson, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I think he crossed with it.

I think you're fine. It's actually Bruce Dickinson. Can I get two points, if I guess? Who he was thinking about, and also, what about it? Yeah, go ahead, I'll give you an extra point. He was thinking about Black Sabbath. He was, yes, yeah. But the uptreband is I, mate. am made in this cigarette with the band, so...

Here are a flat sample. Let's give two points for an incorrect answer. So... I'm gonna give an extra point because I like... We enjoyed the uncomfortableness of that so much, so... So it's three points there to Melody the Tobin, and we're gonna throw it over to Tom. Now Tom, your clothes are up for us.

Close up strong. Strong. Mmm. All right! Bucket Lowes in the House. for us clothes up strong strong Bucket Louse in the house Give it up for my main man bucket Louse Don't feel it like a mouse Stop, stop, stop feeling me So we're going to have to eat my cream

Oh, oh, oh me, oh my I'm kicking with my mind He is papaya Oh, yes, I'm feeling strong I'll blanch this with some garlic Very long And eat it with the juice Oh my God, pocket loses Leave it my house

Cause I made him some juice Bucket loses leave me my hoose cause I gave him some juice If it in my blender he stand up he under-telling I hate this name I poopy smelling all boy Pop by over there stick it to your pie Polyfoil don't care I know you don't like oil, but the hassle of the reference it, it's the end. Please don't go with it, bucket louse, give me a spin. Everybody know what I'm talking about, eat it. That was absolutely wonderful Tom. You haven't found your showbiz.

I'm a showbiz. Tash, what do you think he was surviving about? Spinning. It was spinach! Oh, spinach of course! Oh, mama, mama. Oh, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it right so six points to Tom and Tash. Oh my God, DJ bucket. I love it, his Tash is clapped. That's it. Wow, it's blown out the speakers. It's made DJ bucket hours go cross-eyed. So bucket hours, one of the schoolers.

I've been Milton have five and a half. Tom and Tash have 12. 12! Oh. Well, like an island, it's Steve on to round two, it's flat games! Yay! Games! Let's play together!

Games! Let's play forever! Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down! Who is your toll? Games! If you lose, you get nothing! Games! If you win, you get gold!

Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! You get nothing, games! If you win, you get gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! That, my friends, is the sound of a cultural phenomenon! Sweep in the room! So, yes, it is quite games. And this week we are playing our version of Cludo. And it's called, I'm sorry, I haven't a Cludo.

And here's how we play. Player one has committed a murder. Player two is the police officer trying to extract a confession from them. Unfortunately, the murderer doesn't have a clue who they murdered, where they murdered them, or with what? Okay? So only the police officer knows exactly what happened. And so, in their questioning, they have to give their team

a clues to the crime. It's basically what happened in making a murderer. LAUGHTER Or as I'm calling it, murder in unsuccessful. So, now, like the game Cludo, we're looking for the victim's name, the murder weapon, and the location. So we're going to start with Ben...

Oh, a colour. Let's not get uncomfortable. LAUGHTER Oh, shit. I don't actually probe our time. I don't have to start with the profile. I don't have to start with the profile. If you hadn't heard this before, you came here and you were like, what is this podcast about? What is this weird rally we're having at the moment?

That was a cleaner reference, not a... Oh, I see, are they like Professor Plum? Yeah, they're celebrity names. We've got for celebrity names. That'm not a tie-brat. OK, yeah. That was the same thing. Very bad. Oh. It did sound bad.

So we're going to start with Ben and Milton. Milton, you're the murderer. For Ben, the audience here, and you listen at home, but not for Milton, this is what the dirty, rotter done. Milton murdered Philip Schofield with a pot noodle in a bouncy cast. Yeah? Have you got it, Ben?

Yeah. Begin your cross-examination of Milton Jones now. First of all, why did you do that? A weird thing to do, buddy. OK. So that's right. Don't get a word in it, you. Don't let it beriminate himself, Clark.

He can cause. So, you murdered someone. I believe it was this morning. LAUGHTER Yes, I wanted to get it done before the afternoon. LAUGHTER Thank you for your honesty. LAUGHTER

You silvered head, fox you. Yeah. Oh, no, not you. Who you murdered. I hate how you've been oh foxes. You did it I believe. And it took forever. It took about a minute standing time once you put the lid back over the top. Yes! Garnish with a sachet of soy sauce. Automato ketchup, you monster. I always pay attention to my sauces.

Am I right in thinking? Are you right, Clark? It's a good question. We're all asking ends. There, there, he was like... Have you done those bloated? Bloated, eh? Yeah, that's how I like them. Full of air. Exactly that. Full of air. Exactly that. Yes.

Full of air. Full of air. On a bed of air. Is it a bouncy thing? Yes, maybe. Maybe, I mean, you tell me. You did it. Do you think you were ready to confess?

Yeah, um, poor. This morning. Yes, it was this morningf. LAUGHTER This morning. Yes, it was this morning. You noodled. Oh, no! Oh, I can't use that word, guys. I'm going to allow it. Milton, have you got any idea who it was that you murdered?

I called Ben. You were. Any idea where you murdered that person? Was it on a bouncy castle? It wasn't a bouncy castle, that was twice. Any idea where you murdered that person? It wasn't a bouncy castle. It wasn't a bouncy castle, that was boys. Any idea what I'm with. Some kind of chopstick? Oh, it's getting very close.

I'm going to throw it over to the other team. We put it to you, Milton Jones, that you killed Philip Skofield with a pot noodle on a bounty castle. Oh, that's a... Two points to Tom and Tash, and one point to Milton and Ben. Excellent work and Ben.

Excellent work, Ben. Excellent work. We found love this. Oh, look. You're just never singing on my own. Now, Tom, you are cross-examining Natasha for the audience and for the listener at home, here is the horrible crime. Natasha murdered a dang duty-dentched with a wheelie bin in specksavers Off you go well you scumbag

Look at you sitting there. Oh, yeah, yeah, you feel good about it, don't you? Oh, yeah Destroying a national treasure. I feel good does does it? Yeah. They say M's for murder. Well a bit bonded, I think, or two to say about that. Honestly, it's a crying game, I mean, shame. How dare you. Yeah. Yeah. I did. Yeah. I did it. Was it...

LAUGHTER I did. Yeah. But I did it. Was it... LAUGHTER Yeah. And for murder bond would say, Oh yeah, yeah, it's come. I love to murder me. Oh, you do do your pizza of shit. Yeah, that's a shit, yeah. Would you like a coffee?

I'm good copat cop in your bitch. Anyway, that's the first line of questioning out of the way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, feel good about that. Do you bitch? Oh, yeah, I love it. Do it for the thrill. No.

No. But come back very comfortably. I need to talk about where you're killed. Yeah, where? Yeah, but I need to know about your location first. Where'd you been? And don't lie to me. Tell me where you'd really been. You're asking dangerous e-closet to, er...

Yeah. For this to be inadmissible. Yeah. I know what you were thinking because if it was a Thursday the evidence would have been taken away. Yeah, you like that? I just hate Mondays, that's when I do my killing. You bob girl doff us a shit. Wait no, that's not the game. That can use your game. And then I guess the final thing would be, well, I can't tell. I guess I should have gone to somewhere so I could read this properly to cross examine you. Should have gone there, should have gone there. Tash, do you have any idea what crime you committed? I think I do know what crime I committed.

I'm a crime. Well that's fantastic. What do I tell us? I had to kill Judy Donge. Yes correct. I had to do it in a bin. I'm going to give you that, yeah any specific bin? Oh wee bin. Oh that's another point there. I just had to do it with my glasses. What location? The bin. You've killed her with a bin in what location? I killed her with a bin. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Any idea where it was, it has to do with glasses. I'd have seen that too if I should have gone to the bloody place. I should have done it underneath the table, so no one could see it,

instead I didn't inspect savings. Oh! I'm going to give you two and a half boys, I think, like if you've been in the system, but two and a half points at top and Tash. OK, Milton. Now Milton, your cross examining bed. For the audience, listening at home, and of course for the audience here, but not for Ben.

Here's what happened. Ben murdered JK Rowling with an oboe inside a Renault Clio. So, Monsieur, seems you are the author of your own fate. May we? We may! Fuck it out! You struggled so much in English and you're trying to do the whole scene in French. Oh my God!

I think we'd love to hear it, Clarkie. It is a pleasure to speak to a fellow Belgian at last. LAUGHTER May I call you just by your initials? I will bring you to book. But... Season your? LAUGHTER I'll give you a clue, it's an author.

Oh! After that point, we were just pottering about. LAUGHTER Now, what instrument did you use? After that point we were just pottering about. Now, what instrument did you use for the killing and was it a deadly blow? I... yes. Oh no! No. Or something like that. Also, was there a getaway vehicle?

Yes it was, I'm telling you there was. We have found it. It's the same rag I bought. Yeah. Anyway, a small car of some kind was your getaway vehicle. I have a feeling you've committed it inside as well. Papa? That's what I'm saying.ar! Have you got any idea?

Well, I believe it was J.K. Rowling. It was J.K. Rowling, yes! And the murder weapon? A trumpet? Oh, no, I'm afraid not. Any idea of the location? A Renault Clio. It was a Renault Clio, yes!

Yes. Any idea guys what the intro was? We would draw repeaters. Okay, fair enough, Clarenette. Oh, very close. It was a fact in Obo. Okay, so Tash, you're interrogating Tom and Tom, you don't know what the murder is, but for the audience here. Well, I do know, because I did it, didn't I? Who are you doing? Who are you doing? Danny Dyer. So for the audience here, well I do know because I did it didn't I? I mean who are you doing? Dany Dyer. So for the audience at home, here's what Tom did. Tom murdered Ed Sheeran with a piece of burnt toast in the International Space Station. Okay, off you go. Hello, I am Mara Motswit from the number one ladies detective agency.

Oh my god! Is it too offensive? Well you've said it now. I'll just say it now. Stick with it. Why did you murder this man? He has done so much for all of our iPods. All of your iPods. He has just made a wonderful song with the Justin Bieber and I love to listen to it. What I am driving down the road to my agency, the number one ladies detective agency. I feel like the number one ladies detective agency might be a bum steer. I find, go with things fine. Yeah, how could you do? I mean, what are the families...

Who are you? I'm her assistant. I'm an intern from London. How you find it, I'm an intern from London. Um... All right, how you finding out, Henry? Where are you? You're scoffing, everything. Oh, London, but I've been here for a while. You know, I've been here for the golf stay for the murdering. So, we are in Botswana, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Living a life. Tom! Yes, sir! Such a good guy, he's friends with everyone in the music industry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're in trouble darling, you tell me that for nothing. I've been in Botswana ever not for years, I can't get an radio.

There are radios in Botswana. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for being a bit judgmental there. He's... So I've been in economy, it's what I came. And I mean to do it with this, this is just like the quintessential British breakfast or the world breakfast, lovely. Yeah. It goes so well with honey and butter.

Oh yeah! Okay. I mean, it's all right, it's my... Come on, buddy. Can I just stop the game for a second? You're basically just describing the things to it. Well, could you sort of phrase it with questions at least? Does it pay lip service to the rules?

We do it differently, I agree. We do it differently in my own. Different rules. Are you all right, or are you all right? We knew that we were booked here, of course. Okay, so I mean, and like, what were you doing in such an important place? This is how we play. LAUGHTER

Less funny, less funny. It's less fun, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But it's more roles? Yeah, yeah. LAUGHTER Welcome to the show. What was you doing with this place? Yeah, just to come out and ask me about it. This place, I can't tell you where it is.

I don't know where it is, but... Right. I think it's in... What were you doing in America? Is this a man? Okay. I mean, I'll give you a clue where it is. It's for middle words. LAUGHTER

Oh, what were you doing up there? LAUGHTER Geez, how did you get up there? I respect you for being so adventurous, but to take such a sweet, dedicated to music, guy, and do this to him in a play so far far away. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, to be talking about, how did you even get a purchase to do it?

Because you would have been like floating around. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so excited to be talking to you. How did you even get a purchase to do it? Cause you would have been like floating around. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Floating around. Yeah. I mean, your face doesn't say, oh yeah, your mouth just said it. It's okay. Your face doesn't say, oh yeah.

Well look, all confets. Oh, confets, confets, confets. Oh, killed. Ed Sheeran. Yeah. With a crumpe. Oh, toast with some toast. It was a pizza-burnt toast. Build Ed Sheeran Yeah! With a crumpet Oh! Toast with some toast

It was a piece of bird toast I'll give you a quarter of a point for that Did it in the space center? Yeah! It was in the space center It's your national space station Where you are, Tom? Crumpet

You are absolutely right We did not need to do that four times I ever. It's fall, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No. But turtles the dessert? Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too.

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Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coast of freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. What a horrible crime against comedy. But that's not the end of our legal battles. There's still beef brothers!

Well, you've got a problem. Don't call it a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a beef. If you've got a beef, please. There's still beef brothers Yes, it's beef brothers where each week we ask our palace to sort out a flat shared based beef and this one comes from Jim Who is in our audience Jim are you there? Hello? Hello Jim or James for James No further questions Jim, are you there? Hello. Hello, Jim. Or James, for James? Ah, for James. You know, he's been... No, Jim. No, Jim. No further questions, you're honest. Do not overformalise this. Okay. So, Jim writes, I have to live with someone who approaches

every little philosophical thought or controversial idea as if he is Plato or Nietzsche. Can I move him with you? His insights are not insightful at all. He's put insightful with an exclamation mark at the end of that and at all, with an exclamation mark at the end of that. So you really don't like this guy. Is he here tonight? Thankfully not.

No, he's not. I cannot be brave enough to do this. So I like the idea that you've got philosophical debates going on in your house. What kind of debates are we talking about here? This week we've had the novel idea that maybe it's harder being rich. Wow! So who came up with this?

Was it Eugene? Was it here? No, no, this guy called Jasper, which may give you some sense of this. Jasper's. Oh my god. So Jasper's. So Jasper's. So Jasper's... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

So Jasper's rich and he thinks it's hard to be in rich then it is being anything else. Er, yeah. But it's... That's a philosophical element, isn't it? And why on Jasper's side? You're on Gymside. Ah, Jasper, your Tory bastard. LAUGHTER So Tom and Natasha, you are on Gymside, Ben and Milton, you are on the side of Jasper,

but before we begin, let's have a cross-examination. Any questions, anyone would like to ask of gym? So let's go this straight gym, right? So, normal everyday problems in the house, he will over-philosophies. No, it's more that we have conversations about like normal topics, or politics, or that sort of stuff. And when he thinks of something that seems really new, he's like, wow, unfortunately, it's like stuff that was thought of 20, 30, 100 years ago.

He kind of thinks it's his idea and he's so amazing that you come up with. I really did appreciate you talking about my dad like this. LAUGHTER Milton, Abed, do you have any questions for Jim? Did he go to public school? I don't know, I haven't dared ask. He pretty well did.

LAUGHTER Where are his eyes? That was awesome. Which is a great... Did he go to private school? That he's learning well, dude. Has this tough got a real job? I think that he could sit at home all day on his father's money,

thinking about pointless shit. All right, he's not Scrooge McDuck. He sounds like Scrooge McDuck. Is he Scrooge McDuck? Scrooge McDuck. Is he Scrooge McDuck? Does anyone know who Scrooge McDuck is? Can we please, let Jim get a word in Edgemix.

You're really corraying in with this Scrooge McDuck. Scrooge McDuck, yeah, you have to. Scrooge McDuck. Scrooge McDuck? No, no. Does he clean the toilet? We clean the toilet duck? Or Scrooge McDuck? Whatrooge McDuck? Does he clean the toilet? Or Scrooge McDuck? What's his job? Does he have a job?

So we both work in health, so we're supposed to be helping people, but he maybe comes across as, I guess, not necessarily thinking of the person that's effective. What does he do in health? We both work in mental health. Okay. Fanny stuff. Funny stuff. We've got lots of good stuff on mental health. I'll tell you something with mental health. Scrooge McDougher.

Scrooge McDougher. That's why you dialled into that. It's that big vat of course. I know that's how he died. You can't die in the coin to me. You're going to break the big cock. He's first, he's first snapped off and he found it. All for the bled to death in his course.

His nephew's found him. That's all for it. Anyway, letfully bled to death in his course. His nephew's found him. That's awful. Anyway, let's get back to this Jasper cup. Yeah. It's a great. What's the worst philosophical chat you've had with him? You want to go to bed?

I don't want to put words into your back. Wait, how do you like to go to bed with him? With Jasper. Yeah. Just try and kiss him and he wants to talk, right? We've all been there with that. Not for the yapping jazz, but out already. What's the worst philosophical debate you've had with him, apart from there being rich things?

Probably that trying to help people with parenting and caring for their children, maybe that could cause a lot of problems by shutting down innovation. Wow, so it could stifle creativity if we raise our children better. Yeah, I like this guy, you think that's how it depends. It's got a lot to share. He reminds me of a young screwdriver duck. RIP. RIP Scrojie.

It's been a terrible year. Terrible year. It's been just the two of you at the flat. The two of you at the flat. Good question. More than two people in the flat. Yeah, and all of the other you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you.

The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you.

The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you.

The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. The two of you. Is he quite a rich dude? He looks that way. I don't know actually. What does that mean? He's got the bass. He's got the bass. I believe it's called a bill. Can I just final question? Does he think they're four years? It may well be that he's completely afficment of my imagination. Well, I hope that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. Natasha, you're up first.

Without further ado, I'm going to call upon Natasha to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to be sure to What does he do with all that money? Give me some! It's a bold argument, yes! I think he should move out and be a good guy. Be self-aware. It's not hard to sense that Jim's upset. Is hair go straight when he's upset? So lovely go straight when he's upset. So lovely and curly when he's not. It's beautiful, isn't it? To truth is, I didn't fully understand

what we were doing here. It's a podcast, yeah. So it's coming. Right, yeah. Well, you're all right, your minute is up, but a wonderful case, my little, actually, you're all welcome. One of is up. But a wonderful case, mate. Actually, we show everyone. One of the things open the prosecution

to open the defense, and there really is everything to play for. Milton, your minute begins now. I think the truth is that he's so thoughtful because you're so thoughtless. Oh, yeah. You probably don't do your chores around the flat. And maybe even he's not a flatmate that you're his clients

And that you all think you work in mental health He's got a shot of Ireland on you And the flat is actually to be And the flat is actually 2B. You could wander around saying, is this really the right number? Or not. I think we can see where I'm going with this. That's your minute, I'm afraid. There we go. Little Jones. A very compelling case. So Jim, how do you think it's going so far? Well I thought Natasha had some really good real suggestions, but now I'm really worried that things could not be as they seem.

As my client I need you to have more confidence in your own. So the second prosecution obviously is Tom. Now Tom, are you going to do it yourself? No, I'm going to be doing it in the character of a Southern Defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel. John Grisham novel? Yes, Mr. Fanshawer Standard. Mr. Fanshawer Standard, presiding in, indeed, providing your minutes should you need it,

begins right about now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, I've been-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he philosophy I see Dave over there. He don't know no philosophy We small town full Dave day hit a ball with a hammer Don't need to think about it. Is that a Polish person? Yeah, come around here taking our jobs Hell we small town folk. I got another word for that dear philosophy, thought. Mmm, oh yeah! We don't like too kindly to go for that dear thought now, do we?

Hell, where's the ninja? Tell your little story, five years ago. Walk him down the road, started looking at the sky. What's beyond that this guy? He'll wonder if there's nothing behind that this guy three days later pants and socks Brothel out of town Daughter comes a knocking come on daddy

Daughter comes and knocking, come on daddy. They're dead everywhere, they're dead in pockets you know. Listen to the preacher, let's not think too much, see you in church on Sunday. No more questions you'll know. Oh, it's Pancho standing there. I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can pel- I can Plato, overworld, Nietzsche. We can all make up words. But what we're really dealing with here is a dude, Jasper, who is giving you a counterpoint for your life. Without him, what have he got to battle against? What I'm trying to tell you is, the world, all of us need cunts. It's important, it gives us meaning. If Jasper wasn't there, what the fuck are we going to be doing with our lives?

Who else is wrong? We are! Five seconds. He's laying down his life for your sins. Oh, he's doing so well! I mean, that was an incredible argument, and it also explains Jasper Christ's superstar. Yes. Well, it also explains the friendship between myself Ben and Tom. The world does need cuts.

Now, we are our own counterpoint. Well, that was pretty compelling stuff there from Clarky. Sadly, I am unable to make the decision myself as I'm clearly biased against both teams. Instead, instead, our Phoenix audience is going to fulfill that role. So if you think fan sure and Natasha and therefore Jim is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now Oh dear I mean we agree

We just had a chat about it. We were like Jasper sounds like a ledge. Yeah And also they nailed it. Yeah, absolutely nailed it. By the way, not bothered about you, but can we hang out with Jasper? I'll be alright. So if you think Ben and Milton made the best case, I've brought now! Well, rather than strike while the Iron's hot, let's allow it to cool down over the course of a very long jingle. Nearly time for the quickfire round, but let's hear the jingle first. Here we go.

This is the quickfire round. It's the round that goes really quickly. And we're here right now to tell you how you can make your own quick fire round. You can do it if you try. you let it dry. All you need are about 15 questions. Then you put those questions on the boil. Simmer those questions and season with spices and sage then from bay those questions in the oven but do it really quickly Adlem and Jews quickly Fanassisted Then chop the onions Into question mark shapes

And put them on a plate And we've got a garnish with some puns Then light the candles, Put it all on a plate And have yourself a quick fire round Put it on a plate Invite all your friends round And have yourself a nice quick fire round.

There we go! And of course, in this quick fire round, all of the questions will be iron based. Now instead of buzzers, what we're gonna do is, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. So Tom and Natasha, let's hear that. Oh, you're amazing. You're amazing enough. You're amazing enough.

What do you mean the quick fire's soggy? I'm amazing. I try my best. Why don't you make it next time? Do you know what you've got a real nerve? It took me all afternoon to make this quick fire round. I've invited you round and lit a candle We've been sent in

You know what? You can take that quick fire that I've baked you And you can stick it in the recycling Yes, that's right, it's made of cardboard. I'm never making you a quick fire round ever again. Oh wow! What a journey! So, is this being never going to do a quick fire round jingle ever again? Yes. Is that true? Yes. I don't know. I don't want to.

I feel trapped in a cycle of making those fucking jingles. Yeah, but for about six years now. Think of the money, mate. Okay, of course. In this quick fire round, all questions will be iron based. Instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. Tom and Natasha, let's hear that now. Tom and Natasha. Tom and Natasha. You're gonna be okay, fair enough. Tom and Natasha. Tom and Natasha. Tom and Milton, off you go.

Bet. See, I think they might have the edge on you there, guys. Sorry, sorry, right. So quick. All right, off we go. First question. Which CS Lewis book was all about press? Tyron, Tyron, Tyron Natasha. Natasha. The Iron The Witch and the Wardrobe. The Iron The Witch and the Wardrobe. What did the vigilant man holding a horseshoe say?

Iron. Oh, it's so close. It's actually I've got my iron you. Oh. Oh. I mean, it's good, but I hate actually I've got my iron you. Oh. Oh. I mean it's good, but I hate you for it. Yeah, me too. Me too.

Why did Iron Man have trouble breathing? Because he was the best. No, Clarkie, you had too much to drink, come on mate. Tom and Natasha. Tom and Natasha. He's doing the ironing too much. That's it, that's the correct answer. He's doing the ironing too much. That's it, that's the correct answer. He's doing the ironing too much. He's got an iron lung.

Why did it take iron man ages to look out the window in the mornings? Tom and Natasha. Yes. Got Natasha. And the ironing board was in the way. Yeah, it was. It was. It was. It was. It was made up iron and it's very difficult to get out of bed. No, he had iron curtains. What do you? Yeah, it was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It pineapple that's been flattened. Oh, how are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? What star of the movie drive flattened himself with a steam pressing device? Oh, time at Asha. Yes.

It is Iron Gosling. Yes. Which member of E17 flattened himself with a steam pressing device after eating two of those potatoes? It says how many? Little Jones. Brian. I am sorry.

I am. I am one. Brian Harvey. It was I am Harvey. I'm... I am one. Brian Harvey. It was I am Harvey, I'm gonna give... No one any points for that. Which, which 1992 film about the IRA had a surprise twist when the steam pressing device turned out to have a penis? Finding Nemo.

Oh, Tom and Natasha. You're half a poet, Tom. The Crayon game. Crayon game, exactly. Which loud English actor and star of Flash Gordon flattened himself with a steam pressing jam. Top of Natasha. Top of Natasha, yes. Crayon, bless it. Was Crayon, bless it, yeah. What do you call it when someone puts his steam pressing

devices in order in a cabinet? I know Blair. Do you know what? It's not the answer. It's good though, but it's such a good answer that I'm going to give you three points. It seems only fair. Which star are you? Tom and Natasha. Okay, the Mayan calendar. Rote it, took it out mate. Can you believe it? Three points. What do you call it? Someone puts his steam? Yes, I'm not richy. I don't know, you need two points because it's basically the same as I don't bear. That's the thing.

But I loved it. Okay, I'm just going to say question now and you just throw out an answer. Ben, yes, the I know count down. Oh! This is how we play. Three points to me. A question. Milton, Milton, I know tap. Oh! This is how we play. Three points to make. A question. Milton, Milton, I know tap.

Oh! This is how we play. Question. I was just going to talk to the boy because I felt too shy in. Oh! Minus three points. Okay. Question.

I put my shirt on and then I put my tie on. Oh, yes. Where's the bird's fly in the sky on? OK, I'm going to get minus three points. Let's keep this rolling. Question. Jeremy Ion. Again, I'm going to give you three points there. And my favorite type of documentary

is a fly on the wall. Oh! Six points, and points! Six points! That was the end of the quickfire round, which means... We must have a winner, DJ Bucket Louse. Yeah. Put us all out of our tremendous victory. Oh, Frankenstein.

Oh, I'm sorry. Minus ten? My eyes. Producer Ben aka DJ Bucket Laus. The end of the show is so tantalisingly close. Let's hear the final scores. Ben and Milton have 21. Tom and Tash have 30 and a quarter. Oh my God!

So Ben and Milton have to get out of the iron. While Tom and Tash get the C7 on psychedelic heavy rock band. From... What's that for? To Malice. the iron while Tom and Tash get the seasonal psychedelic heavy rock band from but thanks toop and Milton Jones. It was devised by Patrick and Peter Maybrook and the company came down to the recording to the good people who've been to London to orient the park and the Breach comedy guy and at the image of Semper Bell without having a flat chair stand down as a fuck production with the Breach comedy guy,

these days, cheers and run, bye! CHEERING Oh my God. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes! Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to act in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's the like theaters, December 15th. I'd like the theaters December 15th.