Pappy's Flatshare - Series 6, Episode 5 (Wash The Car)

Episode Date: May 1, 2016

Liam Williams and Barry From Watford are present and occasionally correct as the teams battle over who has to wash the car. In the ensuing scramble we learn a lot about some famous Bens, encounter a novel take on two famous novels and try to help a junior doctor who may or may not be breaking the hippocratic oath. We'd love it if you'd help us bring Flatshare Slamdown to the masses, one sector of society at a time. Accordingly, this episode would be a good one to play on loudspeakers through the windows of any novellists, junior doctors or people called Ben you know. Thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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See you at our details. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. Your flatmates for the evening! It's Pappy Hi everybody welcome welcome welcome how you doing? So as you know folks if you're a regular listener the show begins with an unpopular sketch and What we're trying to do is do the sketch sort of live here. Here we go.

Tom, Ben! What is it, Mathieu? Well, you're never going to believe this, but the car we've got is absolutely filthy. Do we have a car? Yes, we do. Oh, that's a great curveball to throw it in. That is Impro-Wall-O-Wall. We've got a car, mate.

What are you talking about? We don't have a car, we live on a boat! Yes! Well, would you believe it? Right, good at it, in pro. Would you believe it, Tom? That's how dirty this car is. You think it's a boat that we live in? Oh, God! Well, I'm not going to clean it.

I'm a dog! You're a dog, okay? Nice, clucky? Yeah, I'm not going to clean it either. Well, there's anyone better settle this, we're going to have to have a Flash-Slam-Down! Flash-Slam-Down! We're going to Flash-Slam-Down! Flash-Slam-Down! Flash-Slam-Down!

Flash-Slam-Down! Flash-Slam-Down! Hello and welcome to Flash-Slam-own, the panel show that says, Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us. You have come to show you go on. Near the far I'm washing the car. I believe that my car does go on. One more I wash the car door and you're here in my car and my car will go on And on

I'm out of an unload Matthew Cosby And on the under My roof will be falling, my rules Let me attend its Tom Perry and Benedict Clark Oh Oh Clarke, why do you say na when I say wash the car? It's not for me all that stuff

I've gotten trouble with this in the past. Oh yeah. Apparently it's fine to write, clean me on the back of a van. It's not fine to write, clean me on the back of a van driver. Wow. Now, okay. That got got lovely laugh What's but not after the joke? No?

We'll fix that in post Tights out that pause What are you gonna do is we're not only gonna nip out the science gonna nip out the punchline? Oh god for that. Well, I mean Punchline is a very kind Oh my god for that. Well I mean, I think that punchline is a very kind turn of phrase for what that actually was. A lovely bit of business there. Thank you very much.

It's happening. I don't know. But I mean, there's literally everything to play for it. I know. Tom. I lost a lot of confidence in my answer. Do you know what? I think you're absolutely right.

I tell you what, Clarke's was gold. They're just a bad crowd. LAUGHTER I think that's what it is. I'm not going to clean the car Matthew because I was taught how to clean cars by Mr. Myaggy. Oh yes. Yes, he taught me his method Waxon Wax Off and I tried to follow that method but let me tell you, 25 candles later.

LAUGHTER That's it, that's it. Because I burn wax candles onto Mr Maggie's car. He drives the Ford Fiesta. There's times have been hard. For Mr. Myaget. A humble caretaker. Not just times have been hard.

Tom, yes. You brought along with you this week. Well, let me tell you, the jamboree is in trouble. The jamboree that we've run is in trouble. We've been infested by mice and pigeons, but help is a hand because we've got a bird of prey to come in and tackle our pest problems. And my guest is the falconer,

who looks after the bird of prey. It's the one and only Liam Williams is here. Liam Williams is here. Liam Williams. APPLAUSE Hello, Liam. How'd you think the starboard for us? Is that all being the star? Yeah. It had to high points and low points. What were your highlights on the starboard? There was so much of it. Oh look, well let's not dwell on that. So thanks very much for coming into our flat this month.

What kind of a flatmate are you, Liam? Are you a good flatmate, you're a bad flatmate? Well, my last girlfriend, I think, decreed that I was a bad flatmate. What did you do that was that I'm not going to say what did you cause the break up with your relationship? But what did you do that upset your girlfriend? I think there was a...

That's the same question. It's the same question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think one's domestic habits and romantic appeal are often the same thing, right? So like, I never dealt with the things that she wanted dealing with in the house, this shower doesn't work, and hasn't for forever.

Yeah. There are no cupboard doors. I could go on, but she didn't want to. Did you live in an IKEA showroom? It's a good point though, why do we have cupboard doors? I mean, they're just in the way, aren't they? You want a cupboard? Well, if you know the etymology of cupboard,

which everybody has cupboard, it's back there, I've got a cupboard board. It was just a board, Do you hang your cups? And at some point, the idea got made to court and got some ice to it. I placed it in there. Yes. It's like they're like cup wardrobes now.

LAUGHTER Yeah, it's a class of bit of a fucking... They're like cup cupboards now. Yeah, yeah, exactly that. Yes, yes. Well, Clark, I've seen this you've chipped in. Who have you brought along with you this week? I brought along my uncle Barry from Watford!

Barry from Watford is here! Barry from Watford is great to have you here Barry. Nice to be here. Do you share a flat with anyone? Do you live on your own? No, I would have lived with my wife, Margaret, for 62 years married. 62 years together? Yes, a treatment, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a treatment, but no, no, no, no, no. My mother. I know, one of them never knows such thing.

You're sharing a flat. Back in them, don't you have to be married and also. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know, to be in the same flat as someone you have to apply to the parish priest, you have to be escorted round by a party. Supply to the council to be along with someone in the same flat. Really if you want you better off getting married really. So you got married after a lot of sort of paperwork? Yeah well if you've seen her you know it was purely for the enough of a set of

love feelings. I've been out to fill in the form to have a license for her in natural fair, from the past office, you know. I'm so sorry it's not an attractive lady to look at then. Queen's re-roars mate. Sorry, sorry. Jesus Christ. I'm not going to discuss the relationship so we've already found that out from Liam. You've been very personal. at them. Queens be rules mate. Sorry, sorry. Jesus Christ. Just not good at discussing

relationship. So we've already found that out from Liam, you know that. Very personal. Very personal. I want to turn this into Pears Morgan's real lives. I mean I'm already an asshole. So we're 50% of the way there. Well obviously you can't watch the Citroën solo, so it's lucky you've brought to your, in fact I don't know why I said Citroën solo, it's Citroën saxo so it's lucky you've brought to your... In fact, I don't know why I said Citroën solo. Citroën saxo, it's lucky you've brought your guests. We've met our guests. We're now ready to play Round 1! I work at a car wash.

It is the same car wash that they sing about in that song The popular song about a car wash but I have got a problem I am the only person who works in the car wash Who is not funky at all I do not like funk music I don't do disco dancing I keep myself to myself And do a lot of cleaning The others are all dancing Like they are in a disco So I just do the cleaning

All day At the car wash Working at the car wash, working at the car wash, yeah. Thinking about the car wash, working at the car wash, yeah. Ah, ah. Ah, lovely. Woo! Very moving. You brought us all to the verge of losing.

We wanted to have a high energy. I know. Is there real somber mood? Let's talk about failed relationships again. So round one, this month is must say these bends. We just slow that down. That deserves a lot more. So round one, this month is must say these bends. Uh, I... Can we just slow that down? That deserves a lot more. Yes, it's must say these bends.

It's to play on the name of the popular car, the Citroen Saxon. Now, I mean, if you didn't enjoy that, you might as well leave now, because... Don't give them the option, please, don't give them the option. We might five each other, we had a little brink cuddle, must say these bends. Hell of a day in the weather space. They all blur into one tommy, tommy, tommy, tommy, tommy, tommy. The rules are very simple, I'm going to give each contestant a famous bend and their

teammate has one minute to ask as many yes or no questions as they can to determine who it is. At the end of the minute, the question asker must say the name of the Ben. They literally must say that Ben. Okay, so we're probably enough we're going to start with Ben Clark. Here's your Ben Ben. Barry, you have one minute to ask as many questions as you like to find out who the Ben is. Your time begins. Now, is it Ben Elton?

No, all right, so do we just stop the game very quickly? Sorry, I'm just... Just very quickly, I'm just... I just said a feeling. I mean, is that a role? You sort of bent the rules ever since, lately. I would love it if it would be Ben Elton. If it's been Ben Elton, I'd have to stop bombs would be Ben Elton. So, Bob's off for the rest of time.

So sorry, I'm starting. I'm barring till it's five minutes. I do think it's... Please don't worry, but it's questions about who they are, what they try to do. 60 guesses in a minute. Thank you, Bob. Because the judges are you're going to guess all of them in that, right?

Well listen, my, I don't mind not ever minutes. I've got to find a guess. I've got to find a guess. It's the way he there's no more time. And your minutes does now. Is this man famous for producing rice? No. Okay.

Did this man, you know, career round an arena be pulled by horses on the chalice. No. Is this man, well, he's quite an attractive man? Did he do bit of mountaineering? The lady's like a middle class lady at Krannam. And is her name rhymes with Bokehaw. LAUGHTER It's your line.

Yes, he's alive, yes. Ten seconds. So, so far, we know he's alive. I think he's not Ben Elton. Is it Ben Johnson, the drug's cheat? No, that is your time, I Fred. It's not Ben Johnson. I'll throw it over to the other team. Liam, any educated guesses based on him being alive?

No. Which I reveal to you at what, should I? You're like another guy if you lie. I mean, you've sort of done your minute, Barry. Yeah, probably. Don't overdo it. I don't want to. I think you can't have too much of a good thing. You can't. You you can have too much of a good thing Yeah, we're probably going with the answer

Yeah, we'll just hear the answer that shall we Then would you like to tell us it was better that it's come about of course You were very close You're really honing in on him. I can't find anything to run with combat. That's a problem. That's the shame because that's round two. It's a real shame. Okay, now it's Tom's turn. Tom, that's your bend there. I've just passed that to you. Now Liam, you need to work out which bend it is.

And you have one minute, your time begins. Now. Is it Benelton? No. Sadly not. Is it a man? He is a guy. It is a man.

Yes. Dead? Sadly dead. Sadly dead. Sadly passed away. It's been a... And it's horrible. Yes or no?

Oh yes. Did he pass in the last year? No. Five year? No. Five years? No. Ten years? No. It's not that sad, then.

No. LAUGHTER In my arm, in my arm, I'm a tiny arm. Twenty years. No. Hundred years. Mhmmm. Mhmmm.

Ben, is it Ben Johnson? No, I know. It is not Ben Johnson, no. Mhmmm. You've got twenty seconds. Ah. Is he a Victorian bear? Mhmmm. No? Is it Ben Johnson? I know. It is not Ben Johnson, no. You've got 20 seconds. Is he a Victorian Ben? No.

A medieval Ben? No. Renee Sonsben? Ben Hull? No. Jorastic. I think he was... Five seconds left.

One of the time periods are there. Ben Aztecben? I'm afraid of the Martin period. I'm afraid of Aztec Ben. I'm afraid of Aztec Ben. I'm afraid of Aztec Ben. Aztec Ben. Ben is making me nostalgic for the Crystal Maze. It was an Aztec Ben. He might have been a Victorian Ben.

I feel like I might have jiggled you there. I know. I feel a bit jiggled. Well, I'll tell you what, if you've got any idea leave. I don't know any Victorian Bens. Is it... I'm a little bit jiggered, you know. I feel a bit jiggered, mate. Well, I'll tell you what, if you've got any idea, I don't know any Victorian bends, I don't know. Is it Benjamin, Desraile? No. Oh, nice.

No, I guess they're no. It was, of course, Benjamin Franklin. Oh, it's not Victorian, really. Not really. It's Benjamin Franklin Victorian? No. No, because he's American. I'm very Anglo-centric. That's our problem. That's our problem.

Well, what a good guy. Yeah. I think we're discovering the flaws of the game as we play it now. Oh, wait, a funny game, isn't it though? It's a funny one. It's a funny one, but it's a good's just a game. It's not funny and it's not good to know. It's what we're just gathering. Just out of interest, how long is this gonna go off? Oh, you're a train, haven't you?

You gotta get a train. Well, yeah, I'd say it's a train. I haven't really. I just, I don't see a guy in there. Really? Barry, it's gonna go off for a couple more rounds on the train. Yeah, I'd say here's your Ben Barry. and Ben is going to guess, and you get exactly one minute.

And yeah, absolutely. I've seen a lot of these videos. Okay, okay. Off you go. Is he in video games? No, it's not. Okay, okay. Is he in parts of him are?

Is he in English? No. Is he American? Yes. Is he a film star? No. Is he a music? No.

Is he a sportsman? No. Is he a politician? No. Is he famous? Yes. What the... TV? TV see TV.

TV host? No. TV star. He's a short short. Oh, for you then. No, no, no, yes. Okay. Does he... Is he in a drama?

Could be. Is it a comedy? Is it a specific genre of television? Yes. Okay. Drama. Oh, it a specific genre of television? Yes. Okay, drama. Oh, it's very difficult. Comedy? No. Period drama.

No. That is your time, I'm afraid. Oh, god. Any idea it might be? Is it Bend over? No, not. Not the porn star and father of Tiger Drew, honey from Outnumbered.

No, it's not. I worked with him, really, he was was absolutely joy. I thought I recognised you. No, it wasn't. Well, it was mentioned already. Yes, it was. You kind of alluded to him already. It was, no, it was of the savoury rice fame. It was Uncle Ben. It was Uncle Ben. So, Ben, so close, so close. Okay, so the final round of this, Liam and Tom, your minutes begins. Now, do you like this bend? Yeah. Would you hang out with him? Yeah, we don't often, but I would like to.

If you were having a dinner party, would he be in your top 10? No. What? Has this bend ever made you feel something? Yes. Um, emotion. Yeah. Um, recently?

Relatively recently. Have you watched this bed? Yep. Uh, before? Yep. Live? Uh, did you applaud him? Yeah.

Did you chant his name? I don't think I've chanted his name. Have you seen him more than once live? Yeah. Is it the kind of event where you'd buy a program? No. Do you perform like two hours? Yeah. Would you mark him 8 out of 10 or like good performance? Not always, but sometimes.

Sometimes. Okay, that's the time. That's the time. Have you got any idea who they spend might be at the end of this minute? Erm... Ben, don't... It's true, you never buy a program. Ben, don't do.

He doesn't so much do live performances. I used to be a musical, Ben. He's got a musical aspect to him, sure. Penny and the Jets. As in the song by Elton John. Yeah, the artist Elton John, Tom, but I thought I'd creep up on you. Ben Elton John.

It's actually, yeah, do you want to join a guest? You have a guest. Is it me? Yeah. It is you. Yay! Yay! Yay! So you've made Liam feel something, but you're not in his top 10. Can I?

Can I ask a question? Because that was a little bit ambiguous, Liam. Was that your top 10 dinner party guest? Or did you answer that as your top 10 bans? I think we've got to, I've got to, before that one's the top. When you were asking is he in your top 10? Were you thinking is he in your top 10 bans or is he in your top 10 bans? Top 10 Benz. I've got to... For that one's the top. When you were asking is he in your top 10? When you think is he in your top 10 Benz or is he in your top 10...

Top 10 Pappies. Right, well, at the end of that round, let's turn to everybody's favourite Ben. No offense, Ben. Producer Ben. Producer Ben, one of the scores. One team has one point to that team is Ben and Barry. Ben and Barry of the scores. One team has one point and that team is Ben and Barry. Ben and Barry have one point. Now, so Ben and Barry are creeping out ahead like a Citroen saxo,

but there's still everything to play for. As we make a handbrake turn into round two, it's flat games. Yay! Let's play together. Gaze! Let's play forever. Roll the dice, spin that thing. Put that down.

Who is your toll? Gaze! Let's play forever, roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down Who is your toll? Games, if you lose you get nothing Games, if you win you get gold, gold, gold, gold Listen to that BBC 3, the youth run board That's the sound coming from the streets! That's the sound of an online sensation! That, my friends, is a hashtag. Oh God.

So this week in Black Games, it's pronounced gold. This week we'll play in a version of Pictionary, which we are calling Fictionary. I'm going to give each team a scenario from my heart. I wish it was Dictionary. Oh no, that's not true. That's a word. I mean, go on. I'm so happy. Oh my God.

I tell you what, I'm literally citing a book about words. I'm up for playing it, though, Tom. Basically, I'm going to give you a word beginning with B. You get 20 questions to find out. Here's how we actually play. I'm going to give each of you a scenario from a famous work of fiction, and you have to play that out. But there is a twist.

Every line of the scene must start with a consecutive letter of the alphabet. So I'm going to give points for literary integrity, drama, performance and knowledge of your ABCs. So we're going to start with Tom and Liam. One of you must kick off the scene with a line beginning with a letter A and the other must respond with a line beginning with B and C and so on. All clear? Absolutely. Oh! Happy you started already. Okay, now your scene is from the Lord of the Rings.

Popular book and film The Lord of the Rings, and it's the scene where Gandalf tells Frodo that he has to take the ring out of the shire. Now, do you want to give you up the part? Who do you think is going to be Gandalf and who's going to be Frodo there? If we're going on a height, then I'm Gandalf. If we're going on a height, then I'm Gandalf. If we're going on wisdom.

LAUGHTER And Tom is Gandalf, yes. You say you're saying you know what a dictionary is. I do think you've got a wise hold. Gandalf. I think I could do Gandalf voices. Yeah, and you've got the beard. You've got the beard. Oh, thank you.

It's not a compliment, but it's literally a fact. You probably have a beard. Right, so your Gandalf, your son. Your son is from Lord of the Rings and it's Gandalf telling Frodo to take the ring out of the shire off you go. Hello. Blind me! Your wise. Blimey! You're wise! Kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuk as a joys. F*** it out.

Go! Have a bloody day. I know I tell you again. Just give me a second, alright? Kids today. Oh man! No! Please!

Quickly! Please! Please! Please! Quickly! Quickly! Not a hell. A hard point to bury for this is to thank you. Really, really! Super, quickly! Tell me how quickly!

You got to go really quickly. Very, very quickly. Whizz. Extremely wizzy. Yep. Oh, he's fall asleep nearly at the scene, amazing. Amazing, well, that was absolutely superb. I'm going to give Liam 12 points for that, and Tom, I'm going to give Liam 12 points for that and Tom I'm going to give you 14 points Congratulations very high point scoring there for you to you to out of out of 100 each so

So now is the turn of Ben and Barry your work of fiction Ben and Barry is your work of fiction, Ben and Barry, is pride and prejudice. Outgum, and it is Mr. Darcy's failed proposal to Elizabeth Bennett. So, Barry, do you see yourself more as a Mr. Darcy or more as a Lizzie Bennett? Er, I think really I have more of a Darcy. You certainly are. I'd like you to play the scene out now for us. There's been a little twist this time. I would like each line to start with the letter which ended the previous line.

God, you have that big sense, okay? A little bit more. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now we're done. Oh, god. Okay. And I'll give you a carte blanche to start the first line. So off you go.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Gosh. Hello, young lady. Oh Gosh

Hello You're lazy Yes Shall I Do you think it's wise It's a wise Do you think it's wise? It is wise, you're so fake, you're so fake. Golly, aren't you forward? Don't you know who I am?

It's me, Darsie! Yes. Of course, Darsie! Yes. Of course, Darsie. You should, perhaps, spend an afternoon walking in the meadows with me, aren't you? You know what? I might give it a swerve. Everyone says it. I don't know why. Well, I mean, you're a... I have a nice ear.

Eh? How would you like to, you know, jump up on the back of the ocean? I'll take you for the gallant down the south-downs. Super. Right here! Oh my! Yes, sorry about that, that was just the saddle to come a bit late. Every time, I get a little horse with with a man this seems to happen

now I've had enough of this okay fair enough, lovely and Clarky you were slightly cheating there weren't you because Brian and Pregidis is your favorite book and you're always quoting that line no do you know what I'll give it a swerve you're always quoting yeah it's do you know what I'll give it a swirl? You're always quoting, yeah. It's a classic line. That was absolutely wonderful. I'm gonna give Ben a 10 points, but I'm gonna give Barry 15 points now. Thank you.

Wow. So, Pajuita, I could have listened to that all day. Oh, should we have a bit more? No. Okay. Pajuita, Ben, what are the scores? Oh, top of the name, we've got 26, but Barry and Ben have got 26 and a half! Yes! Very, very, very close. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain-alice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders know, but chicken tenders yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age.

Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Now we turn from the letters of the alphabet to the letter of the law as we play Beat Brothers. Whoa! You've got a problem, I'm calling a problem,

If you've got a problem call it a beat. If you've got a beat, maybe we can help you beat from the zoning I can beat. Yes, it's Beat Brothers, where each week we ask how to... We should release a single. We should release that as a single. People love that tune. Not a day goes by when people don't come up to me in the spoons and say, that is a great song. It's true actually, we are always getting bothered by people in the spoons. That is a great song, but could you please stop singing it or at least buy something? So it is beef brothers this and each month we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-shared based beef and this one comes from Matt who is in the audience.

Matt, are you there? Oh! Matt writes, my flatmate loves her job. It's all she talks about. She's obsessed with it. I don't care. I don't listen. I now try and avoid asking her how her day was just so I don't have to listen to her. We both do the same job.

Whoa! That is a great twist in the tail at the end of that there, Matt. Rugg Paul. That's an absolute Rugg Paul. Now Tom, is it Matt Knight Shiawala? Am I right? Absolutely right, yes, yeah, it's great to hear about him again. This podcast is set in 2006. So Tom and Liam, you're actually on Matt's side, you're on the side of Matt, and Ben and Barry, you're on the side of the flatmate who loves her job so much, but before we begin, like the good people at Citroen before they allow the

Saxo to roll out a four-course of auto-dinoships around the world, let's have a thorough examination. Any questions for Matt? What's the job? Junior Doctor. Very topical. Very topical. So you both keep your turn up. Bloody strike, mate. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Come on, finger on the pull for the nation. Yeah, you're a very popular anti-doctor angle. Everyone seems to be into these days. Yeah, it does, mate. Give out your jobs and stuff. And my next one is, can I ask? Can I ask? Yes. How are you? Yes, are you with the

farm? A house special, sort of thing. Yeah, I walk in the hospital, yeah, that's right. No, just try and listen. Who are they letting in through medical school? I'm not letting anybody, apparently anybody. Try and listen, put the black card down with two minutes. Move a teapot to the left, everyone goes on strike. No, the point is, are you in the same hospital as your flatmate? Oh, we are in the same hospital, yes. Would you like to reveal the name of that hospital? I probably shouldn't.

Go on then. But it's somewhere north, somewhere... Away. ...to the field hospital. Correct. How many hours a week do you work? Two, mate. Nor. It is somewhere... Away. She feels hospital. Shit. Correct. How many hours a week do you work? Two many.

I'm trying... I'm going to be your depends lawyer in the room. You're on your side, mate. Is this why the negotiations with... Still, I'm thinking about. I mean, I could go into it, but I don't think that's very funny. Well, just to see how many hours. So, 50 to 60. That's a lot. That's a lot.

That's a lot. So you come home after a long shift, and then she just bangs on about it all the time. Yes. And how much detail? Like gross detail? Like, she tells me. She tells me all about her patients,

everything that she's done, or the deep thing her supervisor's done, and I just don't care. Mac, can I ask you, though, like from from doctors to doctor does that break the hypocritical if you're talking about it? Because it could actually be a genuine legal situation we're in here brilliant I'm sorry. This is what I've trained for exactly Five years in the making this is basically doing doing a podcast a bit like going to law school. So now officially you are a trained lawyer.

So talk us through, you sat there, you want to watch like a box set or something? I just want to make dinner, but she's there just jabbering on about people dying. I'm just like, I just want to roast some potatoes. Did she try it? Did she try to make dinner with a scalpel? Like that. Did she try and bring the work home? Oh no, she's not a surgeon.

She's a house character, so she's standing there. Like, how's that? Wow. We're into the politics of doctors here. She's not a surgeon. What's a house character? Oh, a cute, lowie guy. He stands there and he's all clever.

Oh, so he's got like no-o. There's ticks and stuff. She's got like a limp. They come, they come, they come to her with problems and she has to sort it out. That's what doctors are. So that's what doctors are. What is addiction-ry?

We are learning tonight. Tonight's podcast is brought to you by the letter D. Three days. Marry any questions? My question to you is, does she have a fellow or maybe she's trying to get into it with you talk about important things? It's not a talk about a word. You're the one she wants to share things, it's a big thing for me. So there were two points to that. Number one, she has a boyfriend with whom she will be moving in with. Number two, I'm gay. Okay, and she knows that. She knows that, and yet still she jabbers on a bad day.

I'm already told you, I don't want to hear about your work, I'm gay. All right? How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not gay, you are gay. I believe I have to tell you? I'm not in gay, you're in gay. I believe that's enough information. So let's call upon Liam Williams. Now remember Liam, you're on mat side. You have one minute to begin the case for the prosecution and your minute begins now. We all know the intense and immense pressure that our junior doctors are under. And I assume most of us are... Is it...

Is it supposed to be a comedy thing, right? No, you could do it. It's a bit late in the day, it's done. Yeah, changing the nature of the podcast, I tell you. I'm trying to move in a new direction as an artist, and this is a good... This is great. It's a safe space for you to work your part in.

Unless you're Tom and Ben. We see a certain presentation of them in the media and government rhetoric suggest that they're grasping desperate characters who should respect that they've got a job to do and shut up and put up. But we see in Matt's case clear evidence of the way that work always leaks into one's home life. His housemate comes home, he comes home, and somehow there's not enough pastoral care, there's not enough kind of psychological comfort provided during the

working week for them to deal with the immensely difficult things they must see. There's no escape from it, so not only do they have to work 50, 60 hours a week, they have to come home, try and cook a bit of dinner and still somehow psychologically they're confronted with these hardships and these o'r gweithio'r gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn Let them out. Oh nice. Very moving. Very moving. Well, I mean, obviously the courtroom is no place for sentiment, but that was extremely moving. And it's not gone unnoticed. Barry, your minute begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you sat here tonight. Not laugh very much, but you've listened very simply.

To Matt. Now Matt spoke very eloquently, rather loudly if we're honest, but why are you looking at me? About the pressures of a doctor working in, let's call it a hospital north of here. He was unspecific about what he did, but what he did do was bemoan the lot of the junior doctor. He talked about his flatmate, someone who old phone, you know, presumably after someone uproar, something like that. But I got three words for you you kindly bedside Yeah, I can't remember

Manor kindly bedside manner five seconds and I'm telling you that this fella wants to remember the manner In which he speaks to people Very good max let's throw back over to you. How do you think it's going so far? Well I think I have a reasonable bedside banner. Okay so time are you quite straight to the point as a doctor? My kind of doctor just goes it's this babam babam, babam, you're dying. Hella, you're not. It's all you want. I would get airy-fairy stuff. Hemorrhoids. Yeah. Oh, you're these.

Wait, sorry. Can I just ask, who's the airy-fairy doctor in that? No, no, no, no, airy-fairy stuff. He just says hemorrhoid that makes the sound of an explosion. So Tom, you're going to conclude the case for the prosecution. So you'll be started by Liam. Yes. But are you going to be doing it as yourself? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a Southern defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel, okay? Mr. Fanchor Stanton. Mr. Fanchor Stanton, presiding. And indeed providing. Your minute begins. Ladies and gentlemen, after chewy.

Hell, I'm looking at some of you now. You heard some big words there today. New fellas over there, we've dared jog in medicine. Plasters! Inside. We round here, we be simple folk. We're not concerned with dad dad know their hospital talk Junior doctor

Apple doctor, that's what we want Hey walking their little child big shoes And a little blank I'm sorry And a little blank. I'm sorry. Round, then we're gonna get this spatula, but... What? Point is round here. We be hardworking for.

Okay, right now. Yeah. I've seen you there from the bakery day. Johnny Shushack. I ironically works in the butcher's. Let me tell you a little story there. Now, man, couldn't his hair. Could it so short?

Couldn't see his hair really well. Strange fella. When they talk to him about this, man through his head, said, what'd you do for a living? He said, I'm not gonna boy with that. Now I like this style. You know what I'm talking about. No further questions.

Oh my God. Well, that was something else there. I didn't say much. It's a factual right. Tonight. I mean, he's always saying very close to a breakdown, but I think he may have gone mad days to say. On man overboard.

Yeah. So to conclude the case for the fence, Ben, your minute begins now. Now, yes, that's what I said. I'd be the first to say, I don't have a huge amount of experience in this particular field. And by that, I I mean having a job. Or for that matter, doctors. But from what I understand, it is a lot of fun.

And you would want to tell all your friends about it. My main frame of reference there is mainly the TV show Scrubs. It looks like a laugh a minute. Of course, you're going to come home and tell your flatmate about your funny boss, who's cranky, and then the other one who's funny because he does... I'm sure you're thinking about it do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be timely takedown of the TV show Scrubs, I'd say. Buh-buh. Next up, Friend. I just fuckers have had it too good for too long.

Clarke, you're like a human E4. Very exciting. Yeah, that's what I do in my days. Yeah. So sadly, I'm too preoccupied with my own turbulent personal life to make a decision, so tonight that honour is going to go to our Phoenix audience So if you think that Liam and Fan Shaw and therefore Matt is in the right, applaud now Alright, okay, well if you think that Ben and Barry and therefore Matt's flatmate is in the right applaud now

in the Ben and Barry and therefore Matt's flatmate is in the right, applaud now. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Not even a bright one! Oh! This is like a... This is like the people versus objects. Oh my god. It really was, wasn't it?

Because it led you along, you thought, oh, this is gonna go one way. And it really was unbelievable. Who knew people still love scrubs so much? Yeah. All for me. Well, yeah, he certainly had the last breath. LAUGHTER

Well, if you like puns, don't worry, the next round is for you. So unfortunately, that is all we've got time for this week. Especially unfortunate, as we've got most of the shows still to go. Not least the quick, far round jingle. Let's have a little dot-time and then have been up to this week. This is the quick fire route It's the round that goes really quickly Literally, today it's going It's about 20 miles an hour. We're in the car because we're here to tell you

that we are going to do the quick fire and we thought we'd record it Whilst we're driving Oh, I thought you were a giant In many ways with a podcast equivalent Of Jerry Seinfeld or James Corden. You decide which one we are. It's Manipede Seinfeld. Oh, anyway, we might have to go pretty soon. Pretty soon Cos Ben's guitar neck is hanging out the window He nearly just

Clip to transit fan bringing you the quick far out Oh, that's the education. This is the sleepover. It's so fast. I accelerate into speed bumps. It's a nasty habit. I picked up, well, you guys enjoy the quick fire. No, no. Quick fire Raaaaaaah No! No! See, it's my right of way

Wow! Very good! Very very good! Very scary! Of course in this quick fire round all the questions we can't base Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo car bike. Just for the record his number plate was R754 JKR. Useful in old Ilisner. So if it comes to an insurance claim, remember it was their fault as we bring you this, the quick fire. Oh! Lovely work and two points on the license. And of course, in this quick fire round, all the questions will be car-based.

But instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. Tom and Liam, let's hear that now. Liam... Tom. Very nice, Ben and Barry. Ben, but...well, Barry. Okay, off we go. What wonderful car can be used to stuff a turkey?

What is this? What is this? What are we doing? Oh, hey. OK, right, sorry. I can't explain. So basically, basically in this we do a series of puns, style, so we sort of set up the pun and then use, give us the pun.

And don't overthink it. I think it's the key thing. So Pac-Paxel for the first one. Well, yeah. Sitra, sitra, sitra, sitra, Pacso. I had to buy myself 30 seconds. Yeah, you did. You're so, I'll take a back seat. It's very, very good. Wow, bloody hell.

Very good two points that you see. You're very suited to funny little puns, but you spend all your time being miserable and talking about politics. If only... Liam, if you slapped on a smile and did a few little silly dances, I honestly think you can have our career. What wonderful car can be used to do the solo from Baker Street? Citroen Saxophone.

Ben Clark? Very nice. Citroen Saxophone. What wonderful car can you use to fight the Vikings? Citroen Saxophone. Ben Clark, very nice. Sittren Saxophone. What wonderful car can you use to fight the Vikings? Sittren Saxon. Sittren Saxon, yeah. That's all the Sittren Saxopons I've got now. Which car helps you concentrate? Top, a Ford Focus. A Ford Focus, very nice.

What car can you stub out your cigarettes in? Barry. Barry? Is it a Ford S-train? Is it a Ford S-Tray? It's a Ford S-Tray. It's a Ford S-Tray. A Ford S-Tray, yes, I'm going to give you a party. I do the same, like...

What car goes perfectly with vodka and lime? Scoda. Yes, it's a Ford S-Tray. Yes. What car is like a very, very small person making a barrel? Mini! Yes! Very, mini! A mini drive!

Cooper! Liam Cooper! This is fantastic! Half a boy teach absolutely right! This is fantastic, guys! What is the most tired part of a car? The Exhaust! All the tires?

The tires are all the exhaust, the exhaust, the exhaust. I'm going to give you a point each there. Oh, the dashboard. Yes, what is that? This is dash. This is dash. I'm going to give you one third of a point, I think, for that. I mean, you sold it, but it wasn't a joke, and that's something we do.

So, a bit more generic now to take us home. What vehicle can you buy for five-peer Tesco? Uh, uh, uh. A carrier. Oh. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience.

I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience.

I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I mean, the audience. I need people to carry on with me. What vehicle can you use to cover your flaws? A car pet. Congratulations, time up, citywright. You cracked the enigma coat. Of the next, I believe, 17 of these. What vehicle is a motto about living in the moment? Carpidee.

I'm not a poignant each, do you? Every year, play it there. Every year, would it's my business? I'm still here. What vehicle was Jesus' dad? A carpenter. Yes, well done, Clarky. Can you explain the round again?

What vehicle? What vehicle is a city in Wales? Car diff. I'm saying Barry and people are just shouting out the story. I'm going to Barry's not the city in Wales with a car. It's car diff, if you are. say that, he has very half a point. What vehicle is also an intensely eyebrowed model and actress? Cara Delebrine, my boy is the audience.

Don't worry, only 12 more to go, you're fine, you're fine. What vehicle is a lovely woolen button-up sweater? A Carrie cardigan. A Carrie cardigan, very nice. What vehicle gives you a heart attack? Talk, cary cardigan. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You'd start with these, wouldn't you go to the more complicated ones?

You did it all back to front man. Sinking as home gently on you. Yes. I mean, basically what I wanted to do is just ease you into the final one, which is this one. What vehicle? Carbagodin junior? Oh! It's not the answer I was looking for, it's actually Carle Vorderman.

But still, I'm going to give you five points for Carbagodin junior nevertheless. So, that is the end of a quick fire round. Before we hear the final scores, there is just time for plugs. Is there anything you would like to plug? The only yes. I do actually, I don't know if you guys have liked me, but... LAUGHTER I wouldn't usually plug stuff, but I'm suddenly quite skinned,

and I'm going to make money in the near term, so I'm trying to be more forthright in my stuff. I've sent up a theatre and comedy company called Fights in the Dog.co.uk. It's our website. I've got a play on an Edinburgh called Travesty. I've got a web series on the internet called 2016 Year Friends on Vimeo. That's probably enough.

That's great. That's probably too much. That's plenty. Thanks, guys. Focus on one thing and do it well. LAUGHTER Oh my God. Oh my God Tom, no you've got support Liam's business panel, I've got no money, I'll do a web series.

So Barry, anything you would like to do? I have a radio for sitcom, it's called Baddish Lunch Club and it's something that you could wrote a few jokes, and it's just been some time on the script. I mean, he's got a point, he's got a point he really has. 1138, nearly finished, 1130, I am 29, the rape, bro! Oh my god! For four weeks. Thank you very much. Thank you Barry.

So, producer Ben, who is our winner this week? Well, the audience have two. Congratulations, the audience! Oh, congratulations. One team has 44. Yes. The other team has 33 and a third. Which is very confusing. Ben and Barry have 33 and a third.

So, today at Tom and Liam! Alright! So, Ben and Barry have to shabby down the car. We did it! While Tom and Liam get to shoot me to the bar, thanks to our guest Barry from Watford and Liam Williams. We have been Pappies, see you next time on... Flat Shares! Flat Shares! No!

Well done! Pappies Flat Shares and Liam down beat him up to the perfect target top. Barry from Special Gu guest, Liam Williams and Barry from Watford, AK, Alex Low. He was advised by Harry's producer, Ben Walker. Big thanks to every game down the sea, the recording, to the good people of the Phoenix and London, to easy city spot-cars, big people up,

to Orange Park and the British comedy guide, and to the Tash and Cafe in Katie, sorry for helping out. Harry's flash airs family is a fun blockchain for the British comedy guide, and the internet. Cheers and runomba! It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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