Pappy's Flatshare - Series 7, Episode 5 (Lay The Table)

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

Rose Matafeo and John Robins join Pappy's for a bumper episode - so bumper in fact that it is arriving at your ears more than a month late! Sorry! It's many attractions include impromptu Bill Withers ...singing, Rose drawing a blanc, John eulogising about Marie Rose sauce, Matthew threatening to call the whole show off if people don't behave, Ben misbehaving and Beef Brothers getting a little bit too 'real' for Tom.Huge thanks to everyone who has donated money to Flatshare Slamdown - it is very very much appreciated. If you'd like to join them you can do so here:https://www.comedy.co.uk/pfs/donateAnd as ever, your word-of-mouth help thrusting the show into potential new listeners' peripheral vision is also brilliant - thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.
Starting point is 00:00:20 Hello, this is Matthew, one of those three lovable roads that you know as Pappies. Welcome to the brand new episode. Apologies, it's a little late, it should have been out last month, but it wasn't, we are all very busy. Specifically producer Ben is working on a job actually pays in money, so wasn't able to get it to you in time, but don't worry, we'll make up for it by putting two out this month, which seems like a good deal until you realise that it's actually just the same deal as we would have given you, had we put it out last month. Two in October, none in September, it's still one a month. So apologies for that, especially considering that so many of you have been so wonderfully
Starting point is 00:01:01 generous and kind and donated to the podcast. Yeah, so many people have already given us some money and we repay that by a month of complete inactivity. My huge apologies for that. If you haven't donated to the podcast and you would like to, if you think, yeah, I could do with a few more months, Papi's not delivering us a podcast. That's certainly worth a few pounds. In fact, the more money we make it, I'll play it for you now, the more money you donate,
Starting point is 00:01:30 the less podcasts we'll do. That's how's that for a deal. No, of course, that's a lovely bit of fun for my fantastic community mind. We'd love you to donate and we will keep popping out these podcasts monthly. And of course, you're also retrospectively donating for all of the podcasts we've given you since 2011 when we started the podcast. So yeah, that's sort of what you're donating for. If you do want to donate, there is a donate page on the British comedy guide. The address of that is comedy.co.uk forward slash podcast, forward slash flat chair, underscore slam down, forward slash donate, then another forward slash.
Starting point is 00:02:08 So look, this is a great episode. It's really fun episode, you're out to listen to. I'm gonna stop waffling now. It's John Robbins and Rose Matafayo at the fantastic laugh out London comedy festival. I hope you enjoy it. I think all the remains now is for me to hand over to myself, shouting the words Tom and Ben.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Let's see how that goes. This is me of the present, saying hello to me of the past. Tom, Ben, what is it, Matthew? What is it, what is it, it busted? Oh no, it's a little fun. I'll tell you what the cheer is up, if we Yeah, what is it? It busted. Oh no, it's a little fun. I'm thinking about moving. I tell you what would cheer us up, if we all have a lovely dinner together.
Starting point is 00:02:47 But none of you do. One of you do. Hang on a sec, John. One of you, the dinner we've already agreed on, the dinner is happening. One of you do has to lay the table. I'm a millennial Matthew. Are you to fmines?
Starting point is 00:02:58 I didn't hear any of those words, but I see you. I've seen you. I'm a granddad. Well, you weren't doing Graham there, were you talking? Yeah, I'm a millennial of storms, the other vote, for Corbine. LAUGHTER Well, I tell you what, there's only one way to settle this. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:03:19 We're going to have to have a... Flash! Flash! CHEERING by FlashestLongTow! Oh! And welcome to a very special FlashestLongTow and coming to you live from the Laugh Out London Festival 2017. This is the panel show that says,
Starting point is 00:03:40 While you do when you get lonely and no one's waiting by your side You've been running and hiding much too long. You know, it's just your foolish pride Table won't you please Table darling please Table cuz it's nearly half past nine. I'm the host of the room. Into the room, we come. Into the room. Please stop coming in this room. Tom, why are you scarce able to lay this tape?
Starting point is 00:04:33 Gosh, I'll tell you why I'm not going to lay the table. There's a terrible anecdote. Oh, no. Yeah, back in the day, I was a waiter. Wait, is it a terrible incident or is the anecdote itself terrible? Or, two-fair. It's a terrible incident of the Tom in the nighttay. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:04:48 I was a waiter and in a popular restaurant, two celebrities came in, yeah. Mr. David from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Oh, yeah. And also the fictional character from Lord of the Rings. No, Lord of the Rings gave a thought. Yeah! I mean, say, say, fuck your say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say ripped and fell and with a knife I pierced Mr David, landed into Miss Stark, sprained her ankle.
Starting point is 00:05:28 I'd cut Larry and Croc-A-R-E-A. I'd cut Larry and Croc-A-R-E-A. Croc-A-R-E-A. Croc-A- Croclery, croclery, croclery. Croclery and croclery. I cut Larry. Right. Just get your head out of your hands.
Starting point is 00:05:49 We're on the same team. I cut Larry. Croclery and croclery. Is it the two of you? I mean, that's the thing. Is an appointment to mean two different things? I've never done it before. As opposed to different things. I've never done that before.
Starting point is 00:06:05 As opposed to no things. LAUGHTER Ben, why would you lay just about anything except this table? Well... LAUGHTER Think of it as that. That's your joke as well. I don't know if you're going to say that.
Starting point is 00:06:22 No, I'll say that. But obviously, that's all right, Marky. Don't you worry, that's still better than what's buried it. You doing nothing was better than what Barry did, so. What an absolute shame. Yeah, last time I laid the table, it never called me back, as well. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:38 That's nice. Which is a true story. Unfortunately, yeah. Now, obviously, a fuck to table. You can't lay the table on your own. Who, if you brought along with you to help Tom, who have you got this week? Well, the Jamboree was in trouble.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Oh, yeah, the NME were refusing to cover it. What? Yeah. The NME wouldn't put it in their free paper. They said we weren't relevant enough with the millennials. So I had to go out and find the sassiest person I know to bring a bit of cool back to the Jamboree. It's only my wonderful friend.
Starting point is 00:07:12 It's all out. So I asked Rose Matapé. Rose Matapé. It's Matapé. Oh, Matapé. Oh, Matapé. Oh, Matapé. Oh, Matapé.
Starting point is 00:07:23 So you're a flat mate, Are you a good flat mate? You're a bad flat mate. I think I'm a very, very good flat mate. I'm been known to fix a plate. I didn't wait. I've been to a plate. By fix a plate. Is this like a New Zealandie term for putting loads of stuff on a plate and giving them a plate? Yeah, well, he got in very, very late, like what he usually does. And I got out of bed, heard him come in,
Starting point is 00:07:41 and went and fixed him a plate from the food in the fridge. I think, what? What, Ian first thought that you were just working late shift to a Greek restaurant? Super going everything back together, fixing a plate. Fix a plate, for a flatmate, but all I do think we've got this weird past of a aggressive thing going on where, you know, the cutlery drawer. Yes. Is there an agreed order in what order that should go?
Starting point is 00:08:02 Because in my mind, I'll do it right now. This is good stuff. I'm sick about this the other day. Okay, so. I'm thinking, we're talking, I'm talking left, right? Middle, fork, spoon, right. Yes, go, fork, spoon. Absolutely wrong.
Starting point is 00:08:24 No! Hold it, absolutely wrong. No! How did you do that? I was just saying that I'll take that very very, I'll show you my working out as well. I've got, I've got an I'm fully fully, I've got an I'm fully fully, I've got an I'm fully fully, I've got an I'm fully fully, I've got an I'm fully fully, I've got an I'm fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully fully Oh yeah. So, Clarke, what's your workings? It is of course fork knife spoon. What? Because the people, the people, the people, the people, the people, the great.
Starting point is 00:08:51 You take out the fork and knife and then you can put them, you've brought my mind to Clarke. But the people already love it. So you are very much the Jeremy Corbyne. He's the people. A lot of people shout it, but just not that generally popular. So Ben, who have you brought along with you this week?
Starting point is 00:09:09 I brought along my waiter. It's John Robin! John, your Robin is here. What a team. John Mate, you're a good flat mate, aren't you? We've lived together in Sweden. Yes, we have. We've had a lot of fun living together in Edinburgh.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Lot of rosé, lot of crying. It's been, we've lived together in Sweden. We've had a lot of fun living together in Edinburgh, a lot of rosé, a lot of crying. It's been, we've had some nice times, because the thing is I would drink bottles of beer and he would drink bottles of rosé at the same pace. And then I'd wonder why one of us was crying. I might be like cheer up mate. I'm sure you're not a pint of beer, you lose that.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Oh, Peron is so weak. What kind of a of beer, you loser. Oh, Peronia's so weak. What kind of a flat-mine are you though? Well, it's for the at-home listener. The minute I am my own flatmate, and I am both the best and worst flatmate I know. Talk to your best side, then we'll go on to your worst side. My best side is I'm very good at time management within my house. So for example...
Starting point is 00:10:08 So you think I need to be in the living room in two minutes? LAUGHTER Start the timer. Yeah. Oh, bloody hell, with time to spare. I think when you live alone, you get a great deal of pleasure out of small, sort of, efficiency savings. That's not what I get pleasure out of small sort of efficiency savings.
Starting point is 00:10:25 That's not what I get pleasure out of what I'm living alone. If anything, it's a massive expense of energy. So I want to wake up and I need to be. Before I put on my bed, give me my chair. I'll see you a little bit. How are you? Salute. Now, erm...
Starting point is 00:10:45 LAUGHTER We are, at some point, actually going to play some games, because you believe... Why bother? I bother having a lovely time up here. So, when I wake up, I need to... A bit more happening. Oh, no!
Starting point is 00:11:00 A bit more... I see a little prayer for you And I'm feeling my heart and now we'll love you Forever, forever, and I'll make the body and how I love you forever Only me not grateful, only me So, from the moment I wake up Before I put it on, maybe I'll see a little prayer for you Okay, yes, please do tell it
Starting point is 00:11:35 Wow, I'm full of this When I wake up in the morning light I could sunlight who is my eyes? D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- Je kan het nog niet te lopen. En dan is het een beel! Ik ga het betekent. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Starting point is 00:12:31 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! End of round one! That's the round one! That's amazing! Are we one?
Starting point is 00:12:39 Two points please. No one would have expected you had that lump capacity. The amount you cosy vaping Turned down, it's good for you. It's really power. It's really what it is. The amictor I have. Yes, sorry, Macy. To follow up from what I do when I make up is so, so tedious. So with metal contestants, but let's find out who'll be on top table and who'll typically be laying it as we play round one.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Oh. Let's find out a little bit on top table who will typically be laying it as we play round one. Oh! Oh! The table is set baby Let's talk about club flow Let's talk about tablecloth Then musta bar sang club We need to take a least set The table is set
Starting point is 00:13:21 The table is set The table is set The table is set It's on is set, the table is set The table is set, it's on, time to buy the dinner gone And if you really love me, you'll put that condom in Is that that keyboard or phone? Let's be bold, we don't want the food getting cold Man, they're nice, we'll cause you strife and the fox Which one shouldn't you use for pork?
Starting point is 00:13:40 The green can hold, you better remember And don't forget, the salt and table set Let's talk about a club, Marie, let's talk about table plus and master plus and rock Marie, the table is set, the table is set, the table is set, the table is set Give a little set. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:14:06 Lovely, so. Is that Tuesday? That was our Tuesday. Round one, this time, is going to be called Place Mats. Oh! Oh, by the way, John asked to not be just told when in the games were, so he could enjoy the fun of it. In this game, I'm going to give each team a number of famous places and a number of famous
Starting point is 00:14:30 people named Matt or Liverpool. Very pure. Very pure. Very clean lines. Each player must impersonate those famous Matt's in famous locations while their team make guesses. Now once the team is correctly guessed, they swap roles. So the object is to get to as many correct answers as possible in one minute.
Starting point is 00:14:49 So Ben, those are yours and John, those are yours. So you have a minute on the clock. Ben, you're going to start, please. And your minute begins. Now, I'm the big one from Little Britain and I'm David Williams. And you can see. No, no,'m David Williams. And you can see. Oh, Maloo could. Yeah, and you can say this match.
Starting point is 00:15:09 You can see me from space. The great mat of China. The great wall of China. Yeah. I thought Mat had to be the best. The great mat of China. Oh, I used to present you, Bet, and I'm actually very talented actor, I was mistreated by the media, specifically Frank Skinner in an interview, and I had vengeance on him.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Right. A little bit more, please. I mean, I've got it, I'm very tall, and I've played the teacher in a production of comedians at the... Right, So specific. ...very much. ...and I played the part of the teacher and John Robbins were to see me. And I've just met Gandalf in the place I am.
Starting point is 00:15:56 You bet. Uh, start getting that short. Surely not stars in their eyes. Surely you don't go to stars in their eyes. Oh my god. Oh my god. When I was young, my mum didn't have a video recorder. So the only videos I watched were at her friends' house on a Sunday morning when they had coffee.
Starting point is 00:16:17 One of them was Lyamies. Oh. One of them was a copy of Return of the Pink Panther, which before it had ten minutes of an episode of U-Bet, I've seen the last ten minutes of an episode of U-Bet with Matthew Kelly about a hundred times, so that's why I should have gone stars in that. Stars in the eyes, definitely stars. Or the comedians playing my reference. Was Matthew Kelly in Middle-Earth.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Right, actually. I believe you got two points there. That's not that strong, but let's see how Tom and Rose do. It's one of their looks. Okay, so Tom Rose, here are your maps and your places. Your minute begins. Now, I think a Matthew board. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:04 All I've done is I've woken up here with skills to kill people in a By an Indian temple by the temple Jason bone oh Jason Yes, okay I'm fierce fueler and I I married a Sarah Jessica Pogger. Matthew Brogdon? Excellent. Oh, and I'm in a real hot place, lots of sand. There's a horror desert!
Starting point is 00:17:32 Oh, it! How you doing? Oh, it's me. London, baby. Thank you. Woo, woo, woo, woo, me. I mean, me. You've drawn a French one of these.
Starting point is 00:17:43 You're drawing a... You're clearly French one of these. You're drawing a... You're clearly drawing one of these. No, no, no, you can't think of it. You're drawing a... Black Mastro! Five seconds. In a Scottish place where they sell beer, I hope I don't get glassed. Glasgow? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:02 I'll give you a half-butt was a glass region pub, but well congratulations to Tom and Rose there. I think we have to dock him half a point, say Matthew Bourne because it was Jason Bourne there because he used his name. You gave away that it was Matthew. You gave away it was Matthew. I know it was a map. She would have known it was a Matthew. So, what, so, so he, so he would have known it was a Matthew. I know it was a map. She would have known it was a map from you saying it. I'm afraid sorry, mate. Yes, the audience have ruled.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Thank you, the audience. Yes. Thank you, this bloke over here. So, well, we've played that game, guys. Okay. Cool, great. We have. That game, that game, that game,
Starting point is 00:18:39 that game, we'll never get played again in the history of the world. No one will go. Do you want to game a place, Matt? On a car journey. I think it's good. No, I like it. Did you not enjoy it? Yeah, I just can't imagine it will ever get played again. Oh, you know, they give you a bit of... What about me in the flat-share slum then board game? My game played with the one that I played on the...
Starting point is 00:18:57 Are you playing out of flat-share? Would you buy it? Start the Kickstarter. Give me a cheer if you'd buy the flat-share slum don't board game. I mean, none of us cheered and that tells you everything you do. This is only half of the people who are here as well. Yeah, for listen, this is where we make our money. Who would download the app? Oh no.
Starting point is 00:19:19 Sorry mate. Took the mic out of the stand for that. It's only since gold in the hills. No, not apparently not. So that was that game. A fun fact. Producer Ben has actually visited all of those locations. My drop!
Starting point is 00:19:37 Boom! Big slap! Take that! You've been slurling location! So, is there any of pipe that spoke it? Worst version of 8 mile I've ever seen. Your mom is so fat, she'll be to all those locations. But you said Ben, tell us what last dance at the scores.
Starting point is 00:20:03 So, Ben and John have two, Tom and Rosa five. So, Tom and Rosa won that round, but all Ben and Robin soon be touching tablecloth. Let's find out. As we pay round two, it's flat game. Yeah! Let's play together. Games! Don't you recognize it?
Starting point is 00:20:25 Don't you recognize it? Don't you recognize it? Don't you recognize it? What part of it? It's just your toe Like the game If you lose you get nothing GAME!
Starting point is 00:20:34 If you win you get go Go go go Oh hello Oh Oh Oh Listen to that Jeremy Corbyne That's what a chance say is like!
Starting point is 00:20:47 Oh! Beautiful! Would you download an app that just chants the word gold? So yes, it's time for flat games. And this week we are playing our version of rock paper scissors, which we're calling mock, paper, time for flat games. And this week we are playing our version of rock paper scissors, which we're calling mock-paper Jesus, we thought. I haven't thought enough about this title. I'm going to give one player on each team a category. I'm going to count to three, then they must each call out
Starting point is 00:21:16 the best thing in that category. Oh, great. Yeah, do you like it? That's a great idea. Thanks for having me. So this is like rock paper scissors, but the gloves are off. The gloves are definitely off. The first category, gloves. Yeah, the having me. So this is like rock pepsis but the gloves are off. The gloves are definitely off.
Starting point is 00:21:25 The first gas group. Gloves. Yeah, the next one. So their teammate will have to explain while the teammate's answer was the best. So we're going to start with Tom V. John. Right. Okay so there's one, two, three then you both call out your answer. Great.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Oh, we don't know the subject. You don't know it yet. But I'm just about to tell you. I'm so nervous. Okay. Are you excited? Yeah. Okay, good. Here we go. And I will stick about to tell you. I'm so nervous. How are you, Robert? Are you excited? Yeah. Okay, good. Here we go. I will, and I will stick by you, Tom.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Whatever you say. And the nurse, Ben has to explain mine. Yeah, but I mean, you can back it up as well, but basically Ben's going to do the lion show with the explaining it. Okay, here we go. Lion. So.
Starting point is 00:21:56 He can't agree shares. It's not. It's not. Stocks and lions. The singer. So. It's a. It's not. Stocks and Lions. The singer. LAUGHTER So... It's a good category.
Starting point is 00:22:09 Not a bad category. Too late for it now. Hollywood stars. One, two, three. Clearly. Oh! CHEERING My job!
Starting point is 00:22:20 Unbelievable. Guys, you all saw that. LAUGHTER That is how we play. I've got a bonus one. I have to do it again, because you both come up with stone and you go again. You're going to go again on a new catapult? You go with Sharon Stone. I was going, I was going, Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Okay, so for a bonus, public transport, one, two, three. Train. Okay. So you've got for train. Train. Bit of new one. I've got for soup. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Okay. The underground version. The underground version is the same. Okay. So, train or tube? Rose. It's like a pit pony against the race horse. Okay, top.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Sorry. Once. Okay, Todd. Sorry Was was the Hogwarts Express a tube It's a good question does anybody know there's a lot of words of me? I don't know any I'm not from here You can reserve a seat on a train and then pass it aggressively, sit next to them when someone's sitting in that seat. You can't do that on the tube. There are old men who drink on the tube, especially on the overground, and it's very sad. But it's less sad when you're not facing each other.
Starting point is 00:23:37 You can drink on the train. You can drink on the train. So it is less surprising because it's not against the rules. Okay. Final point to be made about the train. So it is less surprising because it is not against the rules. Okay. Okay. Final point to be made about the train. The train, the train, yeah it's basically like a race horse versus a plane. It's a race horse versus a pit pony. That's why I'm talking about. On top of why should I write that I think you'd only said out loud. Ben, tell us what the tube is better. Well I'm always said it's like a race horse versus a pit-pun.
Starting point is 00:24:06 The thing is he loves the ponies. The tubes under the ground. It's fucking magic. What are you talking about? Do you know what else is underground? Orcs. Oh, I do see this. It's a PowerPoint.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Have you got one frame of reference? The tube's cheaper. Doesn't have fucking southern rail. Trains are shit, mate. Trains are all like tubes are every four minutes. Trains are every 15 if you're bloody lucky. Am I right? If you're bloody, if you're bloody, actually,
Starting point is 00:24:41 actually, bloody, lucky, actually, guys. So people don't like it when other people drink on trains because they feel intimidated that they might kick off. Yeah, and then the people start opposite you. LAUGHTER Hey, hey Tom. Oh, yeah? You fancy getting a train sometime soon.
Starting point is 00:25:00 I hope you've got a billion pounds. Oh! Oh! LAUGHTER Hey Hey John! Yeah mate, do you want to get home to Cardiff tonight? No. Are you going to be able to get a tube? I don't ever want to go to Cardiff ever.
Starting point is 00:25:17 That's the great thing about the tube. Yeah, it just can't have access to Cardiff. The tube is not going to Cardiff. It's a very glamorous location. Okay, can you take a tube to your heart? Yes, my aortic tube. I think the tube is just taking an A.K.A. the red line. A point goes to the heart.
Starting point is 00:25:39 I should have said deck, I should have said deck and so on. Well, then I would have said the urethra tube. Okay. The problem is I don't have any trains going through my body. It's such a problem. So Ben and Rose, I'm going to give you your one, two, three. Is that stress? One, two.
Starting point is 00:26:02 You want me to give it to the camera? Yeah, I'm not. Shit, sorry. Sorry, I was going to give it to you. I was going to give it to myself, I'm not going to give it to you. One two Sorry Okay, here we go folks one, two, three. Come on! Prawn cocktail, calamari. Oh, I'm lucky, I'm lucky. This is a tricky one. Do you even believe in a camera?
Starting point is 00:26:32 Don't back out, mate. Post it, please. Post it to your guns. Okay, so you've gone Prawn cocktail. Robin, tell us why. I'm going to shock you. The best thing about Prawn cocktail is not the prawns. It's the cocktail.
Starting point is 00:26:49 It's the Mary Rose sauce. Which is in decline. You find me a prawn sandwich which contains Mary Rose sauce and I will give you the price of that sandwich. Mary Rose sauce is the most incredible condiment known to man. It's a mysterious mix of ketchup, yes, salad cream, yes, but you can't make it in your own home unless you have access to lemon juice, fresh, pepper, and little dash of Tabasco. And the information of the word fresh was all over the place that I loved it. Lemon juice, fresh peppers.
Starting point is 00:27:26 It's like everything you're saying has been recorded by four different people. Can I, this is an automated recovery. Sorry, I'm sorry, was the category sources? Because we're doing the sources. And Mary Rose would be coming in second to Hollanday's anyway. You can talk about, oh, I enjoy your heart, you suck. You can talk about the Hollandays with the the Eplelli Calamari rings, mate. No, I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:27:48 I'll do it. No, this isn't very true. I'll do it. OK, guys, guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I'll let you finish in just one moment. If you interrupt again, not only is this over, from all shows over there.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Promise. We can all go home. Promise? We can all go home. Great. OK, show's over. We keep all going. Promise! We keep all going. Great! Okay, please. Please allow Mr Rob is to finish that you'll get your turn to different Calamari. Okay. I would argue that the decline in Mary Rose's source outside of the prawn cocktail has made the prawn cocktail one of the most divine items of food available. I would also like to argue based on recent studies, which have found that the majority of Calamari fun fact is actually pigs intestines.
Starting point is 00:28:39 Bunk! Pigs are a whole. Pigs are whole. Don't body shame pig. LAUGHTER How dare you? Hey, I'm not saying I've got a problem with eating a pig's intestines, but it should be marketed thus.
Starting point is 00:28:54 All right, come from, man. Calamari's sweet stinder from Middle East. LAUGHTER One ring, you know. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Yes! Harry. I know, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Harry, go on. Defend Calamari before I tell them they've won. I mean... They look like onion rings? I mean, that's always a bonus isn't it? Can we change our answer to the onion rings? Who doesn't like an onion ring? I'm not going to say much as defend Kalamari, is it?
Starting point is 00:29:27 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.
Starting point is 00:29:47 A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Borris, Canadian historian and host of curious Canadian history. A bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome and wonderful world of Canadian history, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcast. Hey Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It's a TAPLON cocktail! A TAPLON cocktail! How day in? Because, prong cocktail, it's always a risky order.
Starting point is 00:30:46 You never know. Are you going to get it in one of those fancy glasses? Are you going to go on a plate? Yeah. I've seen it in a test tube? What? No, you haven't. The prawns got their heads on.
Starting point is 00:30:55 If they got their tails on, you get a prawn. It can be a real fucking tricky bastard, can't it? You get those little prawns that they frosted from Iceland or a king prawn that's going to spend 30 minutes spoiling your fingers. Cold. And also when you're a kid, when you're a kid you get to a restaurant and you think I'm a grown up, I can have a cocktail, there's no alcohol in it, there's lettuce. I'm going to go so far so prawn cocktail is 70% shredded lettuce.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yeah. And probably 10% merry-ro Rose sauce that you like so much. I don't hear anyone talking about how great the lettuce is. And this is what you're getting, mate. That's what you're getting, mate. Who doesn't like taking a bunk? That's my friend's wrote down once on a piece of paper. If you like it, then you should have put a calamari ring on it.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Please have it. APPLAUSE I'm playing again. I am afraid I'm still going to give it to Paul Cotter. If you like it then you should have put a calamari ring on it I am afraid I'm still gonna give it to We're now John versus Rose. Okay John versus Rose a big grudge match. Here we go. So Farm animals three two one cow Cowell pig. Oh, it's the classic clutch man. To heavy weights! Oh, how it?
Starting point is 00:32:11 The chicken has crossed the road and it's fucked up. There are two animals left. It's cow versus pig. Okay, whatever way talk is the pig, the most intelligent of the farm your animals, famously more intelligent than dogs. They are very friendly creatures. That's so cute. Have you seen a tiny pig? Way cuter than a tiny cow.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Oh, pig too great. They've got personality, they've got brains, they can think for themselves. And outside of that, they're very clean animals as well. So they're wrong, they've got a bad reputation. They're actually really good misunderstood creatures. Are they eating pork cows? And if you want to take it from another point of view
Starting point is 00:32:45 of actually eating them, then pork gives you so much more variety than beef. I mean, I'm a vegetarian, but I still know you can have bacon, you can have pork belly, you can have chops. Beef is beef. You can have calamari. Yeah. Absolutely right.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Where else are you going to get your sweet bunclobs? Absolutely. You're not getting that bun from a cow, are you? Lazy boring cow. The only thing a cow is good for is sitting down to tell you it's going to rain. As Batsam said, don't have a cow man because pigs are a f*****. A f*****. Okay, very strong, very persuasive.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Clarke, talk us through it. Oh my god, I'm worried. First of all, size matters. Cows are four times the size as a shitty little pig at least. At least. You're putting a big, a big, a problem. Also, if they're so bloody intelligent, why can't I look up? I could look up.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Can a cow look up? Yes, it can, mate. Look up, right there. Show me a cow look up. I can look up. Can a cow look up? Yes, it can, mate. Look up, right? Show me a cow looking up. Moooooo. It's not like that, right? Like, moooooooon. Yes.
Starting point is 00:33:54 Also, if they're so bloody intelligent, why don't they wear some cream? Oh, hello. They get some burn, don't they? They only have the animal that gets some cream? Oh, hello! They get some burn, don't they? They only have the animal that gets some burn. Also, two intelligent, they took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they?
Starting point is 00:34:14 They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they were all nasty weren't they? They took over an animal farm and they? Excuse me, man. Keep the fuck as it may. Nice work, Tom. Nice work. All the other one, guys. You haven't got the stomachs. You're a...
Starting point is 00:34:34 You're a free gym cunt. You heard. Yes, you heard. Come on, guys. Oh, I'm afraid I'm going to have to make a ruling here. Okay. Also, uh, pick. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh versus Ben, the Grudge match. It's been bubbling under. Jeepers, creepers, okay? The category is gardening tools. Three, two, one.
Starting point is 00:35:11 No! Oh, oh my gosh. I think he went with gnome. You're a fucking tool, mate. You went with gnome? I went with gnome. Okay. Knowns are very much the calamari of the garden. Clarky, what is your going? Trial. Trial.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Okay, yeah, well, that was Trial Founds in tonight. Okay. Clarky wins that one. Producer Ben, what does that do to our scores at this stage? Well, it makes them exciting. Does it? It does, because now Ben and John are five, Tom and Rose have six. Wow. Wow. Very low scoring show, so far. Very low scoring.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Next up, it's time to play a game that the animal cruelty lobby are petitioning to rename leaf clovers. But we insist on calling beef provost. LAUGHTER Well, yes, you've got a problem. Not calling a problem, because you've got a problem. Call a beef. If you've got a problem, I'll call it a problem, because you've got a problem calling a B. If you've got a B, maybe we can help you B from the sorting out your B's.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Yes, it's B's, brons, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef. And today's one comes from someone in the audience who was called Jack J. Are you there, Jack J? Hello, good morning. Hello, great name, Jack J. Okay, Jack J writes this. In fact, it's too prompt. One, I kissed my flatmate sister at the weekend. Who? He does, he doesn't know potential beef.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Fff. Number two. Is he here? I don't, hang on a sec, I'll tell you. I don't like his ironing technique. Real beef. So you've got potential beef and real beef. Double beef. I'll tell you who sides you are on, of course. Now Ben and John, you are on Jack J's side, Tom and
Starting point is 00:36:52 Rose, you are on the side of the flatmate. Can we get a name for them if you don't want to give it that's fair enough? Josh. Josh. So you're on Josh's side, okay, but before all of that, let's have a quick cross cross examination are there any questions anyone has for Jack J So many questions you get you get Josh to iron your clothes for you your purple I mean that's conjecture that was asking a question Do you get Josh to iron your clothes for you? No, it's just the way he irons his own clothes talk us through the technique of exactly how he irons So with t-shirts is basically it doesn't put it on the board the way he irons his own clothes. Talk us through the technique of exactly how he irons. So with T-shirts is basically...
Starting point is 00:37:27 He doesn't put it on the board, they just sort of lies it. He doesn't put the T-shirt on the ironing board. He erects the ironing board and then irons the T-shirt somewhere else. Hang on. He lies a T-shirt on the board. On the box, Bosch off he goes. Yeah. Ledge.
Starting point is 00:37:42 Absolutely. You got with Sissiapur. LAUGHTER Tom, as I said, that is conjecture. Shoffee goes. Yeah, Letch. Absolutely Letch. Absolutely. You got with Sissy a pervert. Tom, as I said, that is conjecture. Where was Josh when you got with his poor innocent sister? How old is this sister? Was she asleep? Was she in the front? Wait, no, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You too can stop pointing your pen to him. He hasn't answered any of the questions yet. Because some of these questions are downright really. No further questions, you're wrong.
Starting point is 00:38:08 She's older or younger? Younger. How old do you mate? 28. And how old is she? 24. We describe her to us. What?
Starting point is 00:38:16 What? Where was Josh when this incident took place? I sleep on the couch. No. Oh! Oh! Classic JJ! How do you pass that while he was ironing? Who initiated the kiss?
Starting point is 00:38:34 JJ. That's what I'm saying, bro. Very young man. Did you at any point when you were intimate with your sister? Think about his ironing technique? I don't come across my main though. You saw these two things are completely unrelated. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:52 You don't think there's a world where, because you're so angry at this moment, for his... This is conjecture. His lazy ironing to me. It's Thomas Pagdy. You think you'll be in contempt of course. I'm going to strike a blow here for the other side of the house. I'll have that far. And snogging at one of these family members.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Possibly. Possibly, interesting, thank you. Did you talk to her afterwards, by the way? Yeah. You can talk to her afterwards. Especially if you haven't spoken to her after I've still kissed you. I live once so open and now she's healed. Has she said, don't tell my brother.
Starting point is 00:39:27 She said yes. She said, oh, she said, don't tell him. She said, don't tell him. Yeah, but she said save it for a podcast recording. Yes. Helping obviously. Can I ask, was it just kissing? Basically what Robin's is saying, the bank's not yet full.
Starting point is 00:39:46 No, he can't send me to warcomon. I think it's a fair question to ask how. Robin's you are a grabby little fucker and you know it. Can I ask? Yes. What are your intentions with this young lady? Are they honorable, sir? Nothing, she lives in Ed and Ron Eyelive in London, so.
Starting point is 00:40:06 When? You never heard of the tube, mate. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER OK, well, hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So I'm going to start without further ado to open the prosecution. I'm going to call up on John Robbins.
Starting point is 00:40:21 You have one minute to begin your case. For the prosecution, your time begins now I want to start by saying the popular phrase going right now a lot of bad things happening in the world You might have heard that phrase you want to see in it on a Twitter profile that phrase is choose love What message are we sending out to the terrorists? Wow! Tom, if we stop two people from choosing love, who's one and who's lost in that situation?
Starting point is 00:41:02 I don't want to live in a world. I don't want to live in this world. I don't want to live in a world where Jimmy J. Johns for the listener at home, Thomas the Spat-Out and entire Heidegger, Sub-A-Witch, you're saying, right, it's not a fair fair. I don't want to live in a world where Jarrah Jamouche doesn't get a chance, a chance to choose love, love that they try to take from us with their war and their bombs. Okay, I'm going to stop you there John. I didn't get on to choose ironing. Oh yes.
Starting point is 00:41:57 Okay, so Rose, you're going to open the case. Oh, I'm not. Yeah, sorry mate. I just got spin on. I know. I'm so sorry. I'll take that into account. Would you like to write in more time? I'll got spin on. I know. I'm so sorry. So I'll take that into account. Would you like slightly more time?
Starting point is 00:42:07 I was like, you less time. Please. Okay, okay. Your eight seconds begins. No. I'll give you a minute and your time starts now. You bad boy. How dare you take advantage of the relationship that you have with your good mate, Josh, and put
Starting point is 00:42:33 those supple Scottish lips upon this young impressionable girl's also Scottish lips. You took advantage while the brother wasn't even there to defend his sister's honour. And I believe in agency for woman. But, and she made her decisions, obviously by herself, and she's her own woman. I think I'm getting derailed here. But the fact still stands is that it's shady. It'm getting derailed here. But the fact still stands, is that it's shady,
Starting point is 00:43:06 it smells of shade in here. So in conclusion, if it was me, you'd be fucking taken down to Pound Town right now. My brother has a black bound Taekwondo. Oh well, that you're fine. He mainly teaches. Yeah, so basically you're, you're a terrible person man and you know, you should own up, got to own up to them because if it comes out, oh boy, he's going to be ironing a bit more than just teachers. Okay, and that's, that is, that is, that is, that is, again, a minute 45, and she was long, yeah, yeah. By the way, just a small point of order in the UK we call it pound land. That is a minute 45. It was long ago. Yeah, it was long ago. There we go.
Starting point is 00:43:45 By the way, just a small point of order in the UK we call it Poundland. So it's all right. It's just one of those things. It's just, you know, loss of translation. So Jack, how do you feel like it's going so far? How are you feeling about it? Thank you.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Good call, mate. Man of course. You were so cool. Okay, so for the second prosecution How you feeling about it? Fine, yeah. Good call mate, Manifile was like that. Okay, so for the second prosecution we call up on Ben Clark and your minute begins now. Listen Jack, I realise you're in turmoil right now, but it's good for a start you've acknowledged a problem. How personally, I have never got off with my best friend, Sister. We're on his side. But... It has...
Starting point is 00:44:39 It has happened to me. A Hagenessex, so it happened to me as well. So how about we just call it in bargos For the sake of the show. For the sake of JJ here. We just say, all is for given. Yeah. JJ gets away with it. And anyone else? Any other dirty dogs around there?
Starting point is 00:45:19 I also got off of the same table. Can I just say that was the best reveal in all of comedy? LAUGHTER Ben Clarke, everybody. Ben Clarke. CHEERING So Tom, I can imagine you've never wanted to perform this less as yourself. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:45:45 But Tom, I ask you the age-old question. Are you going to perform it as yourself? No, no, no. I'm going to do it in the style of a deep-safe defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Did this deep-safe defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel get off with Ben and Matthews' girl sisters? Whoa, hang on, we said girlfriends is another one because.
Starting point is 00:46:07 I said you're welcome to get up with my sister. That's not true. No, I'm taking it. Do you think your sister's more attractive than my sister? What are you saying? Do you find his sister more attractive than your sister? Yes. And it's point stands.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Okay. So the name of your deep self, John Grisham, lawyer. I'll be doing it in the style of my deep self defence lawyer, Mr. Fanshorstandin. Fanshorstandin. Preciting and indeed providing your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen after jury I see you looking there with that confused there look on your faces you've been hearing a lot of fancy words from lawyers from the big city over there
Starting point is 00:47:01 Maybe in saying them words conjecture sisters history sisters history. Hell, we simple folk, we small town folk, we ain't got time for them day history. Hell, yesterday the same as Wednesday. The old saying. Hell, we don't look back here in this here town. Let me tell you a story about them there in that history. Paraprovers, go by the name of John. Parents have no imagination.
Starting point is 00:47:36 Remember the Johns standing around, washing the tub. Tub washes. You want that tub cleaned by Sunday, man? Take the jar. Tub's getting clean. Who cleaned your tub? Wanna them their jars? That's this town.
Starting point is 00:48:00 Clean Tub's. John DeScrubbing Away. Hell. Who put that cuckoo clock on the fence? No one knows. Wake up one day. Cuckoo clocks that on the fence. John.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Did you all there that cuckoo clock? He don't know. John put that tub down. Get over here. Cuckoo clock on that there fence. Who put that tub down. Get over here, cook-o-clock on that damn fence. Who put that there? You bought a cook-o-clock John John been washing tub since Thursday. Wednesday's tomorrow. I've seen a lot more Dev Day at Cookoo Clock.
Starting point is 00:48:46 Let's take it down, buried in the ground, carrying on catin' dimtubs. I think you know what I'm saying here. I ain't ever met a John in this town, with a Cookoo Clock and a dirty tub. No further questions, your honor. Well, thank you, thank you, Fan Shor Steader. Now it's up to you guys now, because I would adjudicate, but I can't, I'm too busy, fielding tearful phone calls from my sister.
Starting point is 00:49:21 No, instead, I'm going to call upon the LL Fest audience to decide. So if you think Ben and John and therefore Jack J is in the right, applaud now. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! He's not even clapping! he's not even clapping. But if you think Fans Short and Rose made the best case, I'd like you to applaud now.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Oh! Oh, man, I'm not enough. I am so sorry, it goes. Congratulations, Jack J. How do you feel, by the way? Relieved? Good. Yeah, you're off the hook, mate. He feels proud to have done it since not giving me.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Feels pretty good. So folks, we It's a snog your mates. So it feels pretty good. So folks, we are nearly at the end of the show. There's only one thing in its place. It's around with a jingle that critics are already calling much, much too long. That's right. It's the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly Which is why it really should have a quick introduction
Starting point is 00:50:54 Not a lot of people make more sense But instead it has this really long one That we have to record every time sometimes I dream that it didn't Oh, it's inconvenient I dream the jingle was different and that's not all I dream. Last night I dreamt I went for lunch with Ben's family. And her winged, then stood up and got out his knob And it was a double-barreled shotgun Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh hold up the restaurant like the start of pump fiction but this time with his
Starting point is 00:52:08 knob we made off with two million pounds. Wow that's a rich restaurant it was a very posh restaurant and then his knob-un dropped off. But with the two million pounds, we bought each other hats. And we sat on Shedland ponies and rode off down the road. His family were no longer there That's a relief Yes
Starting point is 00:52:51 So that's what I dream I dream we didn't have to do such a long jingle And I also dream that Ben's genitalia is a weapon Think of that what you will therapist And think of that what you will bend Clark My wolf, think about that Well, let's get away from this all-quitness and let's get away from this jingle
Starting point is 00:53:32 It's time instead to get on with the quick fire Raaah! Wow! Wow, very appropane. In this clip, all the questions will be laying the table based instead of buzzers if you think you have the right answer. So here's the interesting thing here Ben, I didn't really have that dream, I just made it up, made. But here's the question for therapists, is it just as weird that I decided to make that up? Would it have been less weird if I had actually dreamt it?
Starting point is 00:54:35 My subconscious still produced that image. I'm upset. I don't know why I brought your family into it Well, we're off to have quite an intense therapy session. And Ben's off to have a really expensive lunch with his family. And you're gonna have the Queen Fire Rise! So, as we said in this quick fire rounds, all the questions will be laying the table based. Instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Ben and John, let's hear that now. Ben. John, lovely stuff. Tom and Rose, Tom. Rose. Lovely stuff, off we go. Can we use your name? Do you want to use your name? Robin.
Starting point is 00:55:49 They are longer. Can we use your name? Yeah, OK, let's get called next. David Clark. Benedict David Clark. John Michael David Robbins, don't use that to access any... I don't... LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:56:01 Information Online. John Michael David Robbins. Yes, please. WHISTLE BLOWS Is that yours or not? LAUGHTER Information online. John Michael David Robbins. Yes please. Is that yours or what? What are co-incidents? Thomas Edward Perry. Rose Catherine Latisha Matapher. Oh, lovely.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Can we do four names to date a person? And Pinka. Yeah, yeah. Mother's maiden name and the three little things on the back of the cards. You're a first-scold. You're a first-scold. You're a first-scold. Okay. Question number one.
Starting point is 00:56:31 What piece of cutlery tried to blow up Parliament? Tom's in Paris. Tom's in Paris. Go forks. I forks is correct. Oh, I see. Now you get the format. What song?
Starting point is 00:56:40 What song by Celo Green was all about cutlery? Tom's in Paris. Fork you. Fork you. Yes, please. What piece of cutlery. Tom Soparri! Fork you! Fork you, yes please. What piece of cutlery co-hosted strictly? Oh, oh. It's like a fork site. Garky?
Starting point is 00:56:52 Bruce Fork site. The answer I think of course, Bruce Forkknife. So I've points to you. Half point. For an extra point, what was his trademark cutlery based catchphrase? Tom Soparri. Tom Pary. Life to see you.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Life. Absolutely right. What piece of dining were in furniture? furniture is also the leader of the Lib Dems. Tomasad Repari. Tomasad Repari. Vince Kitchen Cable. John Michael David Robbins. Vince Table. Vince Table.
Starting point is 00:57:17 What piece of table work and also be used as an e-reader? Oh. Oh. Oh. John Michael David Robbins. Oh, what? A, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Forkert. Oh, I'll take me the Forkert. I was looking for knife at the museum, but that's even better. And that's... That was a rare question. That is our round for it. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Starting point is 00:57:55 That was our Forkert round. There's just time for... A belt-a. A belt-a. It was a great round, wasn't it? Just time for plugs. Do you guys have anything to plug? Will this come out before Edinburgh? Might do? This weekend out probably not to October October anything happening in October, Roma Halloween You work in Halloween again? Do you guys have any parties that want to invite me to this?
Starting point is 00:58:24 Well, I'm in a party. Yeah, I probably do my show again, but you know whatever. Just follow me. I Twitter You work in Halloween again? You guys have any parties that want to invite me to this? Fine. Well, I'm in Halloween party. Yeah, I probably do my show again, but you know, whatever. Just follow me on Twitter. Cool, follow on Twitter. Absolutely. Robbins. I'm doing a tour.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Are you on tour? I'm touring January 18th. Only six months to grab tickets, folks. So, act fast. So that is of your hugely successful... Show that you haven't done yet. Yeah. Neither is it not before yet. That might be absolute horse shit. So that is sort of your hugely successful show that I haven't done yet Neither rich at North before yet, it might be absolute horse shit. No, I've seen you recently on good form So with that in mind produce a bend
Starting point is 00:58:56 You don't have to I remind actually to be fair Do you subend what are the final scores well, Ben and John are making a half-time raise on ten! So Ben and John have to lay the table well. Rose and Tom get to lay lay lay in the arms of the youngest heartbreak and broadcasting producer Ben. Thanks for our guest Rose Marefeo. Oh! We have been Pappies.
Starting point is 00:59:19 See you next time on Flash! Yes, Flash! Pappies, Flash, yes, Dad. careful, be careful, be careful, the clock is top-powering Yes, special guest is back, rowing by the player and John Robin Inzi Valle is quite happy to have been walking, I think that's going to be good actually in the morning The Ash Cafe is helping out, the Ollys Park, the British coming guide And to the laugh out loud enough, I'm impressed with having us Thank you very much, thank you, thank you, the first project for the British coming guide
Starting point is 00:59:42 And the internet, this fascinating, it's the first project for the British comedy guide, and to you today, cheers everyone! Bye! You're a great one! Thank you very much! and plotting her course to free to add in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.

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