Pappy's Flatshare - Series 7, Episode 6 (Clean The Fridge)

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

Aisling Bea and Steve Hall are Pappy's housemates for a special episode recorded at the 2017 Latitude Festival. As well as battling it out to see who has to clean the fridge, the teams look forward to Fleet Foxes and discuss the relative merits of Mumford & Sons and their takeover of the festival main stage under the guise of 'Gentlemen Of The Road'. Also... making hot things cold, a Roonerism Spound and a sexy, noisy Beef Brothers. Oooh yes, I like that! Technically this is the October episode, so sorry it is nearly a month and half late! Huge thanks to everyone who - despite our tardy timekeeping - has donated money to Flatshare Slamdown - it is hugely appreciated. If you'd like to join them you can do so here: www.comedy.co.uk/pfs/donate And if you can't bung us any cash, then you can still help us a whole heap by spreading the word about the show to likely listeners-who-don't-know-it-yet - thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom. Pat in love for you. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters for December 15th. Hello, you lovely bunch. It's me, Clarkie. Thank you so much for listening to another website of Pappies, Flatchair, Slamdown. Don't worry. It's not, Clarke! Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Pappi's Flatchair Slam Down. Don't worry, it's not just me. Imagine that, that'd be awful. The other guys would be along in a second. I'm just here to tell you a couple of things before you listened to our episode. So first of all, thank you so much if you've donated. I really mean that, despite the slightly patronizing way I said it.

And if you haven't donated, maybe you'd like to. And if you would like to, you can do it at comady.co.uk forward slash, pfs forward slash donate. Just think of all the wonderful years of joy we've brought you and put a price on that. Two pounds. Also I just need to bring you up to date with the episode itself because it was recorded live at Latitude Festival. The night before the headliners were Mumford & Sons and the entire day we were about to enjoy was created by Mumford & Sons culminating with the headliners, the fleet foxes, and they

had called the day Gen Someone of the Road. So I just needed to tell you that because I think we might bring that up during the podcast Anyway, I hope you enjoy it sweet you soon love you bye Tom Ben what is it Matthew? Oh one of you two has to clean the brain. It's not gonna be me. I need to go and watch the fleet foxes The world's most exciting band. I was following the... I was following the...

Oh, we're getting it, we're getting it, we're getting it. You were following something you'd cunt. Now we get it. Right. Follow this. There's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a flat-shear slam down. Oh, yeah!

We're in a flat. We're in a flat. down. Oh, yes! We're in a flat-shell slam down. We're in a flat-shell slam down. Show me the meat! Flat-shell slam down. Show me the slurry down. Flat-shell slam down. Hello, and welcome to a very special flat-shell slam down coming to you live from the Lathejou Festival. Yay!

This is the... Oh, nice, nice, nice, that's on. Tom should not have double dropped before the show. Ha, ha, ha, ha. This is the panel show that says, Oh nice noise that's on top should not have double dropped before the show This is the panel show that says sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner Sometimes I feel like my only friend is the city I live in The city of angels Lonely as I am Together we cry

Under the fridge downtown Is where I drew some blood Under the fridge downtown I could not get enough Forget about my love Under the fridge downtown Under the fridge downtown I give my laugh away

I'm the host of that romantic cross-b and while they're under my roof. They'll be falling my rules Let's meet them. It's Tom Perry and Ben Clark I've got a newfound respect for Antikater. It's a hard song to sing. So Tom Why are you a procrastinator when I ask you to merely clean the refrigerator? Well, let me tell you a story. I am not going to clean the fridge because my bad experience had a few years ago when I was YouTube's tour manager. Oh God and part of my job as YouTube's tour manager was to look after Bono's pet snake and the base players pet hamster. Okay, which was female, crucial to the story. Well, gender is a construct. The support band on that tour were, you know that band that used to sing,

Oh, place your heart. I remember the very well, you remember them? Well, anyway, one day I was looking after the snake, I took my eye off the game, the snake at the hamster, I had to burst into the dressing room and say, REEF ECHEATER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE You tell me? Ben, why do you have a screen? No geniuses are very appreciated in their lifetime. Thank you, actually. So Ben, why do my fridge-greeding requests leave you cold? I actually bought a fridge once, but it wouldn't let me put anything in it.

It was really frigid. A. I was a proper joke, and you didn't like that one either, so fair enough. Which is weird to me because normally fridges love me, I'm a real fridge magnet. A. Bosh, two for two. Two I can't do in the quick fire round. Which is weird to me because normally Fridge is love me. I'm a real Fridge magnet Flash two for two to I can't do in the quick fire round so Obviously you can't clean a fridge on your own. So who have you brought along to help you? Ben will start with you. Oh I've brought along My dad

Dad Steve oh We really don't gorgeous yes, and then from Steve all that Oh, hello dad Steve. Hello, son. We look like each other. We really don't. Gorgeous yes, Andy from Steve Hall there. I mean, funny funny idea of yours, you're in fact Clarkie's father. I mean, you look about the same age. Yeah. Which is having a diamond on Clarkie.

Steve, are you a good flatmate? Are you a bad flatmate? I am an atrocious flatmate. I lived with a man for six and a half years. Did he know about it? That man was me. I'm an atrocious for that mate, an excellent stalker. He was my landlord. He was an old mate, but he owned the property, right? And I didn't pay him any rent for three years. He was confident that the staggering success of We Are Clang would mean that I was able to pay him back and he's still waiting for that money.

Oh mate. How much do you owe it? No, we're all square. I paid him seven grand in one fell swoop. But as a result he felt able to do DIY without telling me. So during the Edinburgh Festival one year while I was away he put a partition in my room. He split my bedroom in two without telling me. In the middle of the bed. Yeah, literally, he broke loads of my stuff in the process. And he spent a week doing up the bathroom without warning me. And told me, I couldn't use the toilet, but if I needed to, the pub was just around the corner.

And I tried to point out to him that my bales don't necessarily observe British license signals So I went I once got a train two hours back to my mum and dad's house just to do a poo Yeah, it was all I got the first train back to Borumwood like gods just doing the garden So Tom who have you brought speaking of doing it in the garden Tom Tom. Well, what? Who have you brought along with you? Well, Bab news, the Jamborees in danger. Oh, God. Yeah.

We had no one to sing the opening national anthem. So I got the best thing that I know. It's only soprano to the stars. Ashley B. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. What's that?

I'm sure it's a national anthem though, remember? I enjoy it very much. Ashley, are you a good. Oh, you and Tom have got a fridge story, you were saying. We do. We haven't thought or talked about it in about four years, and now this is the first time I can only imagine. It's going to be a hashtag, great anecdote. Tom and I are both vegetarians. It was the last night of the Edinburgh festival we'd run out of food and nowhere was open and we were drunk And there was a bunch of people having a house party. We did not know them. We went into the house party Confident there would be cheese there straight to their fridge Find a block of cheddar and some pickles Tom. I think you're forgetting we're not animals and left

And weird and Tom but the cheese the pickles we also stole a baguette And Tom put the cheese and pickles, we also stole a baguette. He stole the cheese. When we didn't take a package of cheese, we took some of the fresh cheese out of the package. Tom put that in his pocket, then a couple of pickles, then a baguette in his shorts, and then we went back to my house and put together a lovely sandwich. That is the lady's.

That's the lady's. That's the lady's. That's the lady's. That's the mildest back in 63, yeah. That is the mildest burgery of all time. If he was. What did they nick? Applouments.

So we've met our contestants, but let's find out who a bridge, and so I threw it a bridge, and so I threw it a bridge, and so I threw it a bridge, and so I realized it was full of drink, and so I threw it a drink, and so I threw it a drink, and so I threw it a, and so I threw it a drink, and so I threw it a, and so I threw it a drink, and so I threw it a drink, and so I threw it a, and so I threw it off a bridge The fridge it did sink, and then I realized it was full of drink And so I had a boat and over to the fridge I floated a web for the drink That I couldn't drink, ooh, ooh, no drink It's hard when it looks. That's right. We're headlining this festival. Gorgeous tribute to the worst band. So...

Round one, this time, is called We Be Chillin. Now, of course, we all know the best way to chill is by smoking a big bag of the street drug spice. LAUGHTER But obviously that's for after the show. Instead, this round I'm going to give each player a song to sing. It's going to be a song about something hot, but I'm going to ask them to change the words to sing about something cold instead.

So the teammate has to guess what cold thing they're singing about. Obviously the singer can't just name them outright. Otherwise, there'd be no game. Let's face it, there's barely a game as it stands. So I'll be giving bonus points for sizzling hot performances and of course chilled out vibes. Ben you're gonna start. No! And the song you're gonna be singing is the Jerry Lee Lewis 1957 hit Great Balls of Fire and just for your eyes only is the cold thing I would like you to sing about. Okay you got that?

Produced a Ben on the ones and twos has the backing track of you go When it's outside and it's been cold You roll it up and you're so weird at your friend. Oh baby It's cold Nist gracious great force. I can't say the word. Oh baby. You throw them around Yeah, on the ground and you make them into a man Oh baby I'm around here on the ground and you make them into a man Oh, baby Oh, baby, goodness gracious, it's cool

Oh my God, Ben Clark everybody Wow, hey, really good I enjoyed the rhyme scheme there of A-A-A-A-A-A Superb rendition Thank you You had the real, the same sort of intensity. I'm certainly sweating as much as I need. The panic look of a man who's just married his cousin. That's the excuse, really. Steve, can you guess? It's very difficult.

It is difficult, isn't it, actually. I think Ben deserves the snowball peace prize. Oh my God, you're absolutely right absolutely right he was indeed singing about snow. Congratulations so I'm going to give I'll tell you what I'm going to give eight points to Ben for a wonderful song and an extra point to Steve. Why for every person clapping? I was not that way to Steve, getting the correct answer. Ashlyn, is that what you're riddled with nerves? I would like you to regain us with your version of Nellie's 2002 single Hot in Here. Oh what's Nellie's 2002 single hot in here.

Oh, what's Nellie up to nowadays? Oh, he dies. He's packed up. Oh, he lost his truck. We lost him on the floor. In the slow-storm. He's set goodbye to the circus. Okay. So, you are going to be seeing hot in here, but if they're taking off all your clothes, I want you to sing about this, the next one to the Bucklehouse on the ones and twos. Let's hear it Why can't he hear so cold in here So chill

I was like feel gracious as the bodacious. She's put on a bit of weight of later She's been eating too many of these foodie things Oh, God, I see her in the spring Eating them, sticking them on my mouth They cooler down, they're really cold They are on a stick Just like she rides that dick Oh, gotta be sincere Or leave myself

Oh, what was in my head Still feel a bit cool for it I just mentioned it on stage That's cool ride Oh, what was in my head? Still feel a bit cool for it I just mentioned it on stage That's cool, right? But yeah, the thing that I'm talking about Is something she's still gonna face The meetup curvy

She lets them in the summer They're really cold They're not made a cream Famously they got e-numbers in them They're not good for your due Ashley, Ashley, mate, the wheels have come off I've locked my mind I wanna hear the whole song Famously the god in numbers in them the knock up for you do My mind Okay, it's a bit of grime. It's Do you know what it is tell me save my soul? I'm getting a little bit

I got a bit of form. That was good stuff. That was a little bit hard under the car. It was very sexy rendition. I think I can find my genre for singing. It's a family show that these two kids... Oh, I was too... No, you should leave. You're Uncle Dick.

So... Is it your family? I think we got away with that one guys. Is there no exit over there? I hope there's... They're just sitting in the corner. Oh, that's awful. You were staring. Oh, you were staring at me.

Maybe nobody will see us if we turn around. They just play a witch in it over there. So... So, uh, like a gorgeous reference, absolutely right. So, Tom, have you got any idea what is it been that was vibing about? Is it ice-flogging? It was ice-flogging, congratulations!

Yeah. APPLAUSE I love that the whole time I sang the song, I never used the thing in my hand that looks like an ice-lulley. Like, it could have been like, it looks a bit like this. But you never did. No, never did. No, it just showed me didn't, because the crowd would have loved it so I'm gonna give you a cool nine points for the song

there I really enjoyed it and I'm gonna give Tom of course the point for getting it right now open yes solid ten sweet you the judges I hope it's a Steve Steve's Delted tones now is gonna be singing the doors classic like my fire but with new lyrics of your own composition all about the cold thing that I have just shown you okay so DJ You're going to be singing the doors classic, like my fire, but with new lyrics of your own composition, all about the cold thing that I have just shown you. OK? So DJ Bucket Louson, the ones in two, Steve Hall, take it away.

What's the word? What's the word? What's the word? I have to let the people, like, people in big play. I will enjoy it. I have a full seven minute redness of please. You know that I'm a flightless bird. I live that's true, that's the absolute word. I wobble like I'm just on a poo, I look after my young and the guys do too.

I am black and white, I like eyes, you probably know what I am now, but I'm gonna speak and I've got to be. Yes! Oh, that fucking hell. Wow, my God. Well, I'm gonna give you ten points straight away just for the song. That was fantastic. But Clarky, have you got any idea? I think it's a panda. Oh, Clarky, oh, I have to throw it over to the opposite team Tom and Ashlyn. What is the two-can? It wasn't the two-can I'm going to throw it open to the audience. What's it, Pegwin? An emu. He sets peg with a sleeve, you couldn't make it a little easier on us guys I'm so sorry. I'm sorry

You're gonna be a clue in the lyrics mate. So ten points to Steve but zero points to Karky finally We have Tom singing last finally celebrity a German of the road Just waiting for the call up wait Travel with your Mumford. I can shout. Oh, oh, oh, every fucking song. I absolutely agree. Right, so lyrical.

You know what? They ruined them when they became the master chef montage music. She's ruined her potato fondant. They careful little lion man. You never know the things that you're my partying. Like oh, and her biscuit is awful. Do they do that when someone's really fucked it up? Yeah.

You really fucked it up this time. Look at this state of that flan. So top, you're getting me singing Bucco cherries. Not you somebody hit in the summertime. And you're going to be singing about that thing that I've just handed you there. DJ Bucket House for the final time. Hit it. And you can be singing about that thing that I've just handed you that DJ bucket house for the final time hit it You

In it tall It's normally hot but now it is cold I'll eat it before my main gets old I use a spoon and I hold my dish on my head It's in a restaurant I made a bold choice from the starter option I was showing off because I wanted to impress I'm going to try and eat it and not spill it on your dress There and afterwards I will make you a sandwich from my pockets They will run away to Spain and I will buy you a locket

What a promise So that was what the fuck Already face you are not gentlemen the road ready, are you? I'm sorry. Last night to have that to be. Hardly in love with time on the road. Too much banjo. It's just a nuts and a string.

Never enough string, never enough banjo. So, that was actually... I know what it was about, because I've got to ring down here, and I wouldn't be able to guess. I have guess, and I know I'm correct. Yeah, it sounded like it was about a holiday romance. You're going to take action to Spain and then buy a locket. What I'm really annoyed about is I was holding this the whole time. I didn't want to use it like this.

Ah, I'm just feeling like that. So, Shane, did you? Don't worry, it's supposed to be on the same team here and your sassiness is not going. I was going to back you 100% because I can read you like a NEO magazine. Easy, very few words, pictures. Was it like a spacho?

Yes, it was! It was like a Gazpacho? Yes, it was! It was a Gazpacho! The only time anyone has ever applauded a Gazpacho! Any time anyone has ever fucked a table at the makes of the Gazpacho! So I'm going to give, in fact, I'm going to give you eight points for the song and, of course, an extra point there

to actually infigesting it. So, I think that round was really cool but producer, then, what has it done to the scores? Well, these scores are very exciting. Both teams have 19 points. Whoa! Oh my gosh. Fuck off.

So neither team is in the lead, but we are still a long way away from our post show ritual of blazing up some of that cheeky nasty spice. LAUGHTER Oh, baby. In fact, today's show is sponsored by the illegal drug spice. LAUGHTER Oh baby, in fact today show is sponsored by the illegal drug, Spice. LAUGHTER You've written the tabloids that it's turning Cubans into zombies and pushing the national health service to the brink.

Be part of the problem. LAUGHTER Spice. Ah, that's the shit. Anyway, we're still going to play round two, it's flat games! Yay! GAME! Let's play together! GAME! Let's play forever!

Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down! It was your goal! GAME! If you lose, you get nothing! GAME! If you win, you can go! Go! Go!

Go! Listen to that! Go! Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, It's a metaphor for our career mate. This week we're playing our version of Monopoly, which we're calling Spoonopply. Spoonopply doesn't. I'm going to... That felt better when we came up with it, didn't it? Yeah. I'm going to give each player a minute on the clock and a list of people to describe or impersonate out their discretion. The team mate must guess who they're pretending to be, but crucially, a'r ddysgresion. Ymddiadau'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r dysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r dysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r ddysgresion ac mae'r dysgresion ac mae' as well if I feel like it. So Tom, you are impersonating first and strong. These are yours.

Right, no. And Ashlyn, you are guessing. Yes. So your minute. Yes, Patio, sorry. Your minute begins now. Oh, I have great expectations for this novel I've just finished. Gonna have to go again, Tommy. Um, JK, I'm gonna wait no, my later. I'm gonna hear your answer. Am I like lighter say Dickens or is everyone gonna go nuts? It's gotta be a spin or is him? Oh, it's Charles Dickens. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I'm the boringest person to headline, Glastonbury. I've got a loop pedal and a smile. What?

Fleet Foxes is the same, isn't it? No. A loop pedal and a smile. Who's got a loop pedal and a smile? I look like a guy sat in a cafe. Some for the month? Oh, a guy sat in a cafe. Everyone who's headline.

I look like a guy sat in a cafe not a headliner of glass debris That is your time guys that is your time one person Shed Aaron Well, we're gonna do that I was thinking of this is glass to breathe we're not a glass to breathe Make I told you you don't smoke the spice before the show. No, that's spying. We like spices.

We love spice. So Steve, you are up next. Ben is going to be kissing. Your minute begins. Now, I entered a dragon. What, do you have to sing? Or was that just Tom? You don't have to sing. Tom just chose to sing.

I entered a dragon watch. I'm a gentleman. Now I'm dead. You entered a dragon. You fucked a dragon. That's a joy. I was a actor. I'm a general world. And now I'm dead. You entered a dragon. You fucked a dragon. That's a joke. I was a actor. I was very good at Kung Fu. Oh!

And I was in the film into the dragon. Blew. Correct. Where? Popping in your pocket. I'm 90 years old. I wear a wig and I use to present strictly. Oh, a good game. For game.

Ball fight. I'll give it to you, yeah, sure. I won an Oscar for Gladiator and I'm a total cunt. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's a... Crustle... Row. Crustle Row, yes.

I used to live on Crustle Row. LAUGHTER You truly were the gentleman of that road. LAUGHTER Eight seconds left. I'm the president of the United States and I'm a total cut. Tom all drum. Correct, is that right? Yes, I'm a fact-tongue chef. That's your time I'm afraid but I'll let you answer it. Oh, Ashlyn, oh me, Jaliver. Yes, that's sort

of it. Do you like that embarrassing because I was his body double for an advert? You were, weren't you? I was Jamie Oliver's back for an advert. Yeah, back in the- to freedom. It's nonstop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th. Days when he was really fat. Right. I still hear yours, your time starts now, right?

Okay. Oh, hi. I'm from the Tea Party. My daughter got pregnant out of wedlock which goes against everything I ever say it, etc. Parasylid. Yes. Oh my god, I think that I might be the only person in Europe who is good to people and sticks by my guns. I don't like Donald Trump a little, the refugees in which we are. Oh, mangola, Erko. Yeah, it is.

Oh, I really regret having sex with an elderly prostitute because my wife Gulleen, my wife Gulleen, and I was in one of my first big roles. No, played, not bought. I played a prostitute in that romantic story about a woman who becomes a prostitute. Sorry. But then for free. Roblin, Roblin, Roblin, it's Julia. Yes, Roblin.

It was Roblin. It was Roblin. Of course, Roblin. And best actress goes to Roblin, it was Robliets, of course Robliets. And best actress goes to Robliets, Julia. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE OK, then you are going to impersonate Steve. You're going to guess the final round your minute begins.

Now, I'm not going to do any impression. I was the president of South Africa. I was put in jail before it. Melson Nandela. Yes, mate. I was in every film in the 90s and nothing since. Receiving Hairline, good luck was good looking. Kevin Costner.

I was in AI. Why is that the only film I can relate to? Loot jaw. Yes. I was the drummer for the Beatles before Ringo turned up. I was so bad they needed Ringo to replace me. Beat Pest. Yes, mate.

I am a awful human being. Palm Tari. Ha! Was a columnist and then got fired for being Haiti Cupkins. JINI is Haiti Cupkins, that is the round. But what has that done to the scores at the end of that round, Ben? Very close. Tom and Ashling have 26 and a half.

Ben and Steve have 27. Half a point in it. We'll get it back. Next up, it is time to play around that has helped to damage friendships, break up couples and ruin careers. Not unlike today's sponsor. Horrifying an addictive street drug, spice. Spice.

Spice. Who needs legs anyway? Sponsorship aside, it's time to play. Beef Brothers. Oh, well. You've got a problem. I'm calling a problem. Because you've got a problem. Call it a beef. If you got a problem, I'm caught with a problem because you've got a problem, call me a beef if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you

beef from the sorting at your beef yes it's beef rolls where each week we ask our analysis would you boy that if it was a record is it my own no! I saw a big load there yeah would you download it if it was a free MP3?

Yeah. There you go. No, that's what I need. Yeah, that's how we make our millions. So each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef. And I'll read out today's beef. Housemate texted me twice to tell me to be quiet when I was having sex. Now that we normally get our beef from an audience member, instead today, that's Tom's beef.

You've moved into a new flat. And your house mate texted you, well, you were having sex, that's to say, keep it down mate. And of course, you was 200 miles away from having sex. As in, did you read it? Because that's worse. LAUGHTER Ben and Steve, you're on Tom's side.

So you're defending Tom. Yeah. And Tom and Ashley, you're against Tom. Oh, great. So you're on Tom's side so you're defending Tom and Tom and Ashley and you're against Tom. Oh great. So you're on the side of Tom's flatmate. Do we get a name? Oh, ****. Okay, but before all of that.

It is **** as we get a ****. So I slow my brain as I was like, make up a name, no it's s**t. Okay, so before or about, let's have a cross examination. Are there any questions you would like to ask of Tom Perry? Yes. Tom you've got one. How? I hope you surprise yourself with the answer. How low are you being? How loud were you being?

Not too loud. Could you give us a demo of the... No, absolutely not. Of the noise. of the noise. Yeah, the noise and the volume of it. I'll be Mrs Oh, yes. Yes, please Yes, please Something like that. Well you fucking the church you'll dog Guys by the way would you buy that? Were you fucking the Churchill dog? It's a weird fetish dog.

Guys, by the way, would you buy that if it was a bad weekday? What noise was she making? I'm assuming it was a she, it's the 21st century, I've been very rude there. Was he or she making? No, like noise as well, but like noise as well. Not in there. No, thank you. Somebody text me. Who was complaining about you, her, the whole fracas?

The fracas. She wasn't like, can you specifically be quiet while someone persons a bit like me? Can she get a word in please? And my phone pinged twice during, and then went, when I'd finished. How many times did you ping? I finished to check my phone and she'd text me twice.

Finished. Finished. I done. Finished. And then check my phone and she'd sent two messages like, can you keep the noise down and can you please keep the noise down. Do you think from the noises you were making she thought you were up to something else? Possibly.

So what else might she have thought you were doing like a bit of a vocal warm-ups or... Grunting a sheep. Maybe. Having a poo. Grunting a sheep is a really good use for me, isn't it? It sounds like what Aussie's called fucking, doesn't it? I was like, I've got it in the sheep. Where was the texture?

Her room's next to mine. Is your bed up against the new communal wall? Yeah, my bed's here. That's the wall, there's her room. What's the serving hatch open as well? Not even a minute. We were halfway through. Where do you end your 30s?

You stopped making noises during sex. This is an amazing thing that Clark has just said. I mean, that's... that's in your 20s. No wait, you're vocalised, in your 30s. You run out of things to talk about, isn't it? Are you in the homemade tale? What is this? And now from now on you will stay silent as my wife.

Bless it be the fruit. Okay, so as I said Ben and Steve, you're on Tom's side, Tom and Ash in your on the side. It's unacceptable. That's not fair. I wait, Tom Tom's side Tom and Ash in you're on the side. It's unacceptable That's not fair. I wait for a second. Parry you're on We're on the side. Parry side. Yeah, so it is a game mate. Well that further ado I call upon Steve Hall to begin the case for the prosecution your minute begins now Well, it's an absolutely reasonable thing that Tom Parry you'll see him would induce a lady to make a lot of noise

Tom is infamously a spectacularly wonderful lover. He's generous, he's thoughtful. He's known in the business as magic Wang Perry. So when he's loving, bitch, he's going to be screaming. And that's just an accepted thing. It's also no... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, again and again and again and again. Plus, you're allowed a little bit of jiggle time, you're allowed to make some noise, it's not gonna last that long, I presume,

it's gonna, my age, I, getting started at my age is the thing that takes a while, but there's no noise other than, it's kinda grumbles. So, I think it's entirely reasonable, you're an excellent shag. F***ing, a Borderline prostitute. That is your time, Steve. Oh, you feel uncomfortable now.

I feel like we could just end that there. I feel like we might have to bleep some names out. So they don't know it's Tom. I think justice is just as just been served. So, Aston, a lot to chew on there, but you're going to open the case. A lot to chew on. Which is something that Tom Barry was shouting at the time to the lady he was banging. Wow.

Ashden, your minute begins now. What can I say about Tom Barry, that's nice. Well, his sweat doesn't smell as bad as it normally does. And that's one. Tom Barry is a well-known loudmouth in the industry. The fact that he paid all these women to come round to the house is by the buy. And he paid them unfairly. 50 pay a pop, I do believe, was the going rate.

And they needed 50 pay. Their pensions have been slashed. So these elderly ladies all hobbled into the room, worn after the other, just wanted to make enough to buy themselves a cup of soup for that night, and Tom Perry sat there, naked as he like, sweat rolling off his bald head, laughing maniacally, ha ha ha ha ha! He said, in they come Granny's fannies, ready for my beef joint. Ready for my beef joint. If my beef joint, which was not free range or organic,

was covered in chemicals. And that is why I do believe that it was a nun and has done a lot of work in the community for the poor. And just needed a night's sleep, Tex and Tom Barry, to ask him to keep it down, and to ask him to stop. That's your time, Ashlyn. Absolutely. Ask him everybody.

Very bold. Basically, using the argument, I've got to be loud. She's taken a hearing aid out. So Tom, how do you think it's gone so far? I feel very... It's the first time I've seen you demonstrate shame. Yeah. It's a new experience for you.

It's just Tom, my teammate who's against Tom, or is this Tom the victim, the Tom who are the lesser? Tom? Yeah, good question. Which Tom am I? It's the Com Com poddle. Absolutely. Are you happy Tom? I like a lot of what's been said about me.

I feel like I'm having... Oh, the sweat thing was an absolute touch. I just like being talked about. So I'm having a very nice time. Ben, you're going to conclude the case for the prosecution now. Here we go. You've got a minute starting now. Well, first of all, can I say very impressive from Tom. Two text messages.

I am one at most. The hair, I'm out of time. The amount of time during sex, you'd be able to write half a text message before the sound is over. The sound is over. Secondly, whenever I've heard a housemate having sex, I just kind of, I just go with it. Well, you know, I don't

join in, but I join in, you know. I just vibe it, you know. They're having fun. Let's go guys. Five seconds. Oh that's it. Wait, oh wait. This is going to creep you up. A Ben lives with his parents. I don't know. Give one a shot. Shoulda mentioned that. A lot of I've been going on in that house. So Tom, to get glue the case for the defence, right.

Are you going to be doing it as yourself? No, I'm not going to do it as myself. What? Because I'm not a part of the court it as yourself? No, I'm not going to do it as myself. What? Because I'm not a part of the court case. Of course. So, I'm not allowed. So, instead, I'm going to be using the Deep Southern defence lawyer, Mr. Fanshaw Standen.

Fanshaw Standen. Prasiding and providing. And your minute should you need it, begins. Right about now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Yeah, we've been hearing a lot of damn damn big words today. Hell, sexual intercourse. I don't know about that.

We're a small town. We simple folk, damn dare with that damn sexual intercourse. I do know one word that we have in this town, though, and that beloved. Hell, I see you there, Sally, from the bakery. Broke my heart. Never got over it. Let me tell you a little story about this town there

and that four letter word that we call love. Hell, you probably remember that man there? Go by the name of Henry's Charles. Henry's Charles. Henry's Charles. Henry's Charles. Live out of town by the sign, five kilometers, long walk to the shop. New girl working in the shop, Henry Charles go to get his butter. Twinkle in his eye, 25 cents, big knobba butter. Henry Charles gets home, suddenly he gets an itch and he's going to be wanting some more butter. Didn't even own a fridge. Not back in the day.

Could a long story short? He's in 25 knobs of butter. My first date. Fall at a word. But big meanings. No further questions, you're on it. What's that like a last-hand-low-imparasite thing? Thought it was going to go down that route. Wow, that was amazing work there from Fan Shores Standard.

Now, normally, I would adjudicate, but of course, in this case, I can't, because I'm still high, and all that naughty spice I was doing last night. That's right! I too was a walking zombie just at the Daily Mail, had warned, but what a night! I danced, I sang, I stumbled, I felt untethered, and yet, united to everyone I saw around, my friends, strangers, even the paramedics who were pumping my stomach. The calm down is going to be a fucking nightmare, but what a Saturday night. Spice, because Miyami-ao is for pussies. So instead, I call upon our latsuit audience to decide, so if you think Ben and Steve and therefore Tom is in the right, I would like you to applaud now.

Tom is in the right, I would like you to applaud now. But if you think that fanshore and Ashton made the best case, I'd like you to applaud now. No further questions you want. I'm as a bellon. I think you should have gone with the butter thing. I knew it. Yeah. Fucking.

So it's what a shame to run out of time before you've run out of show, but since my spites binge last night, I've realised that time is a mere construct and that every moment that has ever and will ever happen is happening right now. However, no drugs can protect you from the unwieldy behem off. That is, the quick far round jingle. Take it away, Benedict and Thomas. This is the quick far round. It's a round that goes really quickly. So the joke here is that its jingle is really long and repetitive. It's a great joke. But can you imagine a professional musical band? Who makes its career out of writing songs like this that are long and repetitive? I mean who would watch that band or book them for a festival? This is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this, this is the, this is the, this is the, this, this is the, this is the, this, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the, this, this is the, this is, the, this is, the, this is, the, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this is the, this is the, this is the, this is the

quick far round, it's the quick far, this is the quick far round, it's the quick far, this is the quick far round, it's the quick far round, it's the quick far round, it's the quick far round, this is the quick far round, this is the quick far round, it's the quick far round This is the quick far round, this is the quick far round, round, round, round Put your ear to the ground in the summertime latitude Summertime quick far round, and your ear on the ground This is the quick far round Quick fire Wow Not bad

General another row of that and this quick fire round all the questions will be refrigerator based So instead of buzzers if you think you have the right answer It's the day still, it's the day still, it's the day still, it's the day still, it's the quick fire. It's the day still, it's the quick fire. I can't finish a cent, can't finish a cent, can't finish a cent, just without singing in, singing in a round, and harmonizing all the time with my ears on the ground, ground, ground. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE That was our Wednesday?

Yeah. The uncle that no one wanted. So, that was last night, wasn't it? We were mumfled. I thought they did. I thought they were actually amazing, which makes me realise I'm a basic bitch. So real shame, when you enjoy muffins I'm going, I'm that guy now.

Guess I'm not going to make noise during sex anymore. But I haven't got to buy a waistcoat. So if you think you know the answer in this refrigerator based quickfire round, shout out your name. Ben and Steve, let's hear that now. Ben, Steve! Is this you two having something to say? LAUGHTER

Tom and Ashlyn, let's hear yours now. Ashlyn! Tom, lovely stuff. Off we go. Why was the wealthy and influential businessman stuck to the refrigerator? Ashling! Ashling! Because he was a fridge of Adlers? He was a fridge magnet, exactly right!

Yes, right. What cooling device played the dude in the Big Lebowski? Jeff Fridges, Thomas correct there. What cooling devices are fun rotating gadgets that become a recent youth fast? Ashling, a... Fridget spinner. Fridget spinner, exactly. What cooling device was the leading of ultravox and famously sung OVNN? Steve! Steve! Fridid spinner. Frigid spinner, exactly. What cooling device was the leading of ultra-vox

and famously sung over the ender? Steve. Steve. Frigior. Frigior. What cooling device? That's really good. What cooling device allows travel over a river in Scotland

and takes forever to paint? Four fridge. The fourth fridge, yes. Which cooling device is a comedian found over her lunatic feminist views? lunatic feminist views. lunatic feminist views. Bitches were crazy. A.C.B.B.

Phoebe Waller Fridge. No, that's, except it was actually Fridge at Christie. What? What calling device was Mel Gibson's 2016 film that was probably about war or some, fuck, I didn't watch it? Oh, Steve. Haxel Fridge. Haxel Fridge, I'm gonna give it to Mark.

It was fucking terrible. A worse, Oscar-nominated film ever. Tell him I can use this. It's called it, folks. That's right. The bloke of the bandana absolutely loves that kind of chat for Mark. You've made a fan and a friend.

Final one, what calling device did my true love gift to me on the first day of Christmas? Tom. Tom, partridge in a pair fridge. Yes, of course not. I left the throne over. Jenny couldn't imagine he'd not get that right. Ben and Steve, a partridge.

In a pair tree, those were our questions. That was our pick by our house. Did it guys. So, we must have a winner. But before that, just time for plugs Is there anything you guys want to plug? Yes, if we win actually and I are gonna crowd That's all And also if we win you want them to

win. Okay and also if we win you want them to crowd-serve. Okay, it seems fair. So people at the front aren't clapping because they're concerned. Okay so producer Ben we're on 10 to hooks now, our Tom and Ashlyn gonna crowd-serve or our Tom and Ashlyn gonna crowd-serve. Everything to play for the boots are off Produced a bend put us out of our misery and into some more misery Well me final scores are Tom and Ashley have 30 and a half Ben and Steve have 32 So Tom and Ashley get to clean the fridge while Ben and Steve get to take a chill pill I won have any. I've still got half a bag of lovely yet deadly spice Let's see this Those shorts are gonna come down far too easily. Okay folks sweet Jesus

Let's try and divvy the crowd evenly people seems that let's be respectful Actually, no, let's get more people on Tom actually for health and safety Let's get like 85% off To the main stage guys always the message. Yeah, it's happening Was following the top was following the top Was following the top was following the top Was following the top actually down actually down Actually down actually down

Actually back upling is back up, Ashling is back up, Ashling is back up, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back, Ashling is back Thanks to our guest Steve Hall and ACIPB. We have been Pappies. See you next time on Flash airs lab down! Yay! Pappies Flash airs lab down, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, BGMFG, We have to get more information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight. We have to get some information coming up tonight.

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A woman planting her course to free to add in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th. Beat.