Pappy's Flatshare - Series 8, Episode 1 (Drive The Campervan)

Episode Date: April 1, 2018

Kiri Pritchard-McLean, Nish Kumar and Josh Widdicombe are the triple threat of guests to join Pappy's in this first episode of Series 8 - recorded at the wonderful 2017 Machynlleth Comedy Festival. Why three guests you ask? Good question, but they blend like the grape varieties in a fine Bordeaux for a hugely fun show featuring wine, donkeys, orgasm chests, art, someone nearly being sick (TW!) and cameos from Josie Long and Mach Fest head honcho Henry Widdicombe. Mach Fest is a truly fantastic comedy festival and we're really excited to be doing another Flatshare Slamdown there this year on 5th May. https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2018/pappys-pappys-flatshare-slamdown-4/ Also: new series = new beg for you to help us reach a wider audience! So do spread the word about the show to your friends and enemies. Finally, vast thanks to everyone who has donated money to Flatshare Slamdown! You're brilliant! If you'd like to join them you can do so here: https://www.comedy.co.uk/podcasts/flatshare_slamdown/donate/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Hello and welcome to another fantastic series of FlatShest Landown. This is a brand new episode. Before we get started, very quick thing. Thank you so much to everyone who donated so far. We love you so much. If you would like to donate, if you haven't already or if you feel like you didn't give quite enough last time, you know who you are, please go to comedy.co.uk forward slash PFS forward slash donate. So let's get on with this brand new episode, the first of many, I hope we're going to be putting out a brand new episode every month. So this is from Mac Comedy Fest. We recorded it last year at the festival in Macunkless, a bit of backstory. Kiri was running late

or was missing before the start of the episode. We didn't know where she was. So we asked our friend Nishikuma to step in, which he did gallantly. However, just a super about to start recording, Kiri did show up. So we decided, well, it's not kick off, Nish. Let's have all of us on the stage together. We'll have a really good time. And a good time was had by all. And I hope a good time is going to be had by you as you listen to it. If you enjoy this episode, obviously donate. If you want to feel the real magic, then come down to one of the live recordings at Phoenix. Or if you're going to be at Macfest this year, we're back. We're back with another Macfest episode. So if you go to maccomedyfest.co.uk and search for flat share spam down, you can also see a play

that I've written. If you'd like to, I'm doing a reading of that. And Tom is doing another one of his fantastic solo shows. So get on down to Macfest, get on down to the Phoenix, and generally sit back, relax, and enjoy another episode of Pappies Flatches Landown. TOOB BEEPS What is it Matthew? Well, one of you two masters has to drive this camper van around Wales where we are today at the Macau, the festival. Well, it's not gonna be me, I'm hammered.

LAUGHTER Good Lord. where we are today at the Macauke Festival. Well, it's not going to be me, I'm hammered. LAUGHTER Good Lord. And yeah, I'm not going to do it either. LAUGHTER Gosh. God! Well, it's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a...

Flashes London! Flashes London! Flashes London! Flashes London! Flashes London! Now... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, When I say that's something I want a camper van I want a camper van I want a camper van Oh please, did you need? You'll let me be your man

And please say to me You are a camper van You are a camper van I a camper I'm not half of this You are a camper How are some people still not getting the lyrics? Top roof, they'll be following my rules Let's meet the co-campus Tom Perry and Ben Clark Ho!

Can I have my top back please? Thank you So Tom, why do you scamper when I ask you to drive this camper? I am not going to drive the camper van, Matthew, because the last time I went camping in a camper van had a terrible experience. I was staying with the actor who used to be Colombo.

And I remember that that'll be useful later. Wee. Wee. The glass-eyed wonder himself. Um, we were staying. Guys, remember that, that'll be useful later. We? The glass-eyed wonder himself. He was staying with me. Next door was the actress Miss Hathaway from the late Miss Arabla films. Yes, we remember it.

And? Yes. Was there a sequel? There's a trilogy, guys. There's a trilogy. They actually get more happy if it goes on. They really cheer up by the end. I think it's called Les Miserables.

Oh, you're welcome. Hi, Greg. Strong. So, remember what? So, guys, Barry, my tummy is still telling us why he's not going to drive the guy. Remember, guys. It's a reset every time. It's a reset every time.

It's like he was playing Colombo. We're staying opposite. Miss Hathaway. And he had a really crafty technique every midday Every midday every midday. Yeah, he'd get a big old metal tanker of ale and he would Raise it to his face. Okay, fair enough. Ben, why do you not watch it? Yeah, we get we get the pictures It's got a long story short

Fox flaggan can perv and that's where we were going guys Fox flaggan can perv and so he would look he would look He would look through the body of his tanker and it's spy-an getting ready for the shower. Clarke, is your answer one or two words? Because if so, I'll ask the question. I'm not going to move it on. Falks, Flaggers. What was that?

Can, Perth, Anne. Why will you not stand a deviation? Why will you not... Let the record show Notivation is occurring. The question was, why do you not want to drive the camper van? I'm with you Josh, I've got no fucking clue what he's on about. Ben, why don't you give a camper van damn? Well, I'm really freaked out by snails,

and I think camper vans are kind of the snails of the vehicle world. He's a good point. So I like to go anywhere near him. But obviously, you can't drive a camper van on your own, so who are you going to bring along to help you read them out? Now Ben, you've got a couple of jumps. Haven't you talked to talkers, bro? I've got my favorite double app, the Trucker Brothers.

LAUGHTER From different mothers. LAUGHTER Uh, it is. Josh Whitaker and Nishkova. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now... That's it. Thank you so much for coming on the show Nish and Josh. And what kind of flatmates are you? Are you good flatmates?

Yep. Have you ever lived with each other? We're over a couple of weeks in Edinburgh, yeah. How'd that go? Fine. Great anecdotes. I smell a sidd's corn! We've got loads of stuff to say. Oh, man. I'm a great flatmate. I sing a lot of songs and I do a lot of dumps.

At the same time? Yes. So, Josh, what kind of a flatmate are you? I'm very good. I'm very tired, yeah. Is it a serious question? I mean, you're making it. Yeah, you're making it a serious question.

I just find the more tired I am,fill on my life's more in control. That's how I'm success by Josh Whitaker. Absolutely, yeah. Are you quite OCD then? No, I wouldn't want to give it a name. What do I put a name to my mental? I'm having a last laugh. What do I put a name to my mental? I'm a little nervous though, but how have I not gone the last lap?

Two people with physical disabilities and Josh is a bit I've seen. Yes. Which is really annoying because I like legs to match. Tom, who have you brought along with you this week? Well, terrible news Matthew, the Jamborees in danger. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! I know, I wanted to host it in Wales this year

and they said that we don't have enough cultural relevance to the country, which is why I hired the Welshist person, I know. It's Kiri Pritchard McLean. Kiri Pritchard McLean is it? Woo! APPLAUSE You are the Welshist person, Tom Nose.

Allegedly, I feel like that can't be true my mom's Welsh Well, yeah Tom's mom is called Deleth come on I'd release Deleth Parry Adelis yeah, that's very well. No drop, isn't it? Yeah, it's lovely. I mean, it's a dying name. It's like Keith Right well, we have technically met our guests. Have we warmed the room up? No. But that doesn't really matter, because we're still

going to play round one. Here we go. Oh. Yay. Woo. Woo! Oh, gotta shoot it, camp of van, whoa, gotta shoot it, camp of van, body second hand, camp of van, got some seven grand, camp of van, got no emote, camp of van, bet stinks of weed, camp of van, roost the gate, camp of van, whoa, roost the gate, camp of van, got a hole in the floor, camp of van, and only got one door, camp of van, got a hole in the floor Camp of van and only got one door

Camp of van, it's covered in rust Camp of van and the fridge is butter Camp of van, walk is digging Camp of van, walk is digging Camp of van, only got three wheels Camp of van and he can't cook meals Camp of van, it's solo rent Camp of van, it should be a tent

Camp of van, whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! So round one this time is called Glampa Van. That is Van, spelt V-I-N as in wine. Yes, wine. Old Vino! Vino de Campo. Guzzle juice. The stuff that flows out of Paul G. Matti.

You stick a corkscrew in his gut. Wine is delicious. Today's show is brought to you by wine. So what is Glampe Van? Well, it's the long-awaited fusion of glam rock and wine tasting. Basically, I'm going to ask each player to gargle using a glass of delicious wine. That's wine. A tune from the 1970s hit parade. Their teammate has to guess which song they're gargling and the performer themselves can win extra points by guessing the grape variety and the... LAUGHTER

And the country of origin of said wine. So... So we're going to start with Josh and Nish. It's Clark and Wolf. Kiri's gone to throw up. Kiri's allergic to alcohol. He's gone to take an ant used to me. LAUGHTER But Kiri, that is... Most people have said, I don's gone to take an aunties to me. LAUGHTER

Scary, that is... Most people would have said, I don't want to do the round, but no. No, I'm going to... Amazing, I'm going to drugs myself until I can drink. A lyrgic to alcohol. What a lie. I have, actually, yeah. Amazing. Is that not going to dread this thing? CHEERING Crosby, yeah, they call me the dealer.

LAUGHTER I'm the Howard Marx of Wales now sending you so past. I love the fact that you look like a person that has an anti-istamine in their pocket. Ah, I forgot my own highlight. No, I'm just kidding. Why would I leave the house without it? I mean, who would leave their house without their in-hailer? Who are these people?

Who are these people leaving the house without an in-hailer? Tom Yutten? Who's this house? I'm not the second one. OK, so Josh and Nish, do you want to... I don't really know, but I will. So I've got... You've got a gargle and glamorok stuff. Nish, do you want to? Do you want it? I really know, but I will. So I've got, oh. You've got a gargle and glamorock stuff.

Nish do you want to swing along as well? Yeah, alright. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, horrible. Josh, off you go. Can we do it together? I think do it together, yeah, that's the way to do it. Okay, ready Nish?

Oh. That's Godness. It was too nice. Josh, Josh is going to guffle. Josh, enjoy that so much. So lovely. Drop. Can we try that again? Unbelievable. Okay. I don't know if I can, I don't think I can gargle.

Of course you can. Can I just like last time Josh came here? Last time he came on the show he had to inhale helium and make his voice go higher. That didn't work on him either. No, I've got the worst superpowers in the world. I know, yeah. Right, come on, come on Josh, let's hear it. Right. Okay. He's dropped. Gosh. I can't do it.

I wish he could have done it on your own. Josh, Josh. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Oh my God! That was an astounding! That took me right back. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. I'm going to say that was a lovely Romanian sum of bucarest finest. Can we have the country of origin for T-Rex? I'm afraid not. I'd go. I'm going to go Australia and 1968. That was a 200 quid bottle of wine. We've really splashed out.

It was, of course, a gorgeous 2016 Spanish reocca. Oh! So, now, Kiri, it's your turn. We've got a new wine. There's your song and you're gardening for Thomas. Right. So, see if Tom, you can work out what it is. Just before your throat swells up and you die.

Yeah. I get it the night of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I want to kick tin, yeah. So I'll get like orgasm chests to do but with me. None of us want to ask what that is, because it means we've never seen it before. Oh, yeah, cool, cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For people that are listening on the podcast, they missed out there. In the five seconds after you said that, Tom Perry went through his full range of faces. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I all have some chest on the antics road. LAUGHTER Oh, that wine has gone straight to my head. Oh, you have not eaten that, right? Oh, that is...

LAUGHTER RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNR I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I mean that if they get a point for that I'm I don't want it is okay, I go through it. I think it's star man But I'm okay Okay Do you want to do it? Yes, do you want to go on with star man? Yeah, give us a bit of star man Wait in the sky I love these stuff Yeah, go give us a bit of say, what kind of wine it is?

Yup. Red. Good call. I'm going to have to give you a point for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a gorgeous 2016 Merlot from France. Clarky, this is for you. You are gargling, of course, for George.

We're still playing. I just talked into my water. LAUGHTER Oh, that was a good time. Carkey, off you go mate. Why can none of you, can white people not gargle? I think your phone's going off mate. Do you know what it sounds like?

Oh, I know what it is. I know this, but it sounds like, do you know the music, the judges come out to our next The Carmina Barna, yeah, yeah. It's beheming rap today. I really wanted to do the whole song. You would have died. A lovely English blue nun. So close, it's a gorgeous 2016 Pinot Grigio from Italy. It was a great year, wasn't it? It was a wonderful year. Great year for wine, terrible year for celebrity debts. God gives you one hand to take to our beer. Thomas Parry.

You're right, you're right, you've got a real sweat on. Don't do that. Are we going to see Goggle's sins? Is it Jimmy Hendrix? So, say 2016 you must have. Okay, off you go. I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, You are horrible. Yeah, this is turned into jackass. Yeah That was that was very good. That was a very good reading of it. Oh shit I don't know that I'm gonna have to throw it over It is painted painted black. It is not it's not It's not a 60's song. That's a sick, yeah. I want your applause. Anyone got an idea? Think seasonal, think 70s. It's an absolute positive.

Oh, is it Merry Christmas by slight? It's the other one. It's a wish. I wish it was every day by wizard. Yeah, you can't nash out by wizard, Clark. You expect to get a point? In fact, you get two points for that. So any idea?

A Pino Noir from Chile. 2016. It is, in fact, is this what it actually is? It's Sanatogen tonic wine. Oh! Fucking hell. Oh! You bastard!

You did, you try to kill my mate. Oh, God. Down the hatch, right? Sanatogen tonic wine. Butled in sorry without it iron. The name tonic wine does not imply health giving or medicinal properties. So you can't look vaguely keep scores during that. At the end of that round, producer Ben, what are they?

Well the scores are that Tom and Kiri have won. Whoa! Ben, Josh and Nish have three Ben Josh and Nish are in the lead but there's plenty more time for camper bans as we play round two it's black games Let's play forever roll the dice spin that thing put that down Play forever, roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down Do you know games, if you lose you get nothing Games, if you win you get gold Listen, oh!

No, no, no, no, no, no It's Sunday, we're in a church This feels like a movement Absolutely, all we need is Frank Adtson-Mur This week, we're playing our version of Donkey Kong, which we're calling Donkey Wrong. I'm going to give each player a true fact about Donkey's. They don't have to make up two bogus Donkey facts on the spot.

Read all three facts out. The opposing team has to work out which fact is Donkey Right and which two are donkey wrong? I think I see be too shame on you Tom we're gonna start with you right here is your true fact and I'll give you a few seconds to think up to donkey wrongs Okay, okay, have you got it? Yes, okay lovely. Let's hear your three facts. Okay, donkeys can't see colors That last I've just realized that I'm today I'm wearing a t-shirt that says the good immigrant on it And I'm wearing my Gandhi t-shirt underneath it. So I am aggressively brown to this.

We're going to. Aggressively browns are a text you've sent me when you're having a shit. LAUGHTER OK, we have... Donkeys, fancy colours. We have two more facts. Donkeys, can't see colours. Yep.

Donkey can live in the desert for up to four months without water. Okay. That means camel, baby camel. That'll be why the donkey is native to the desert. That's a trick. Actually, is it? Yeah. A donkey can hear...

Okay, end of the fight. Can't see colour, but it can really hear it. A donkey can hear another donkey from 60 miles away. And the final answer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Do you want to have a little discussion about it? Could I say that when he did the colour one, I thought he oversold the fact he was coming up with a nice spot. Are you looking at Thomas Faw. Not being a good actor, because we've got two series of battles that prove you wrong, mate.

So I thought that one sounds true to me. Yeah, I think that sounds true. Clarke? I think it's the desert, but I'll go with the majority. Can you put them out of their misery? Which one of those is actually the truth? The truth is, a donkey can hear another donkey from 16 miles away.

Oh, fuck off. Oh, fuck off. Really well done. Really well done, man. Yeah, really well done. You're all back. Self. OK, Josh, there's your fact.

He's having a bit of difficulty with the envelope. Doesn't open his own mail anymore. LAUGHTER Just on to do that for me. OK. So three donkey facts for Kiri Afton. Fact one? Oh, yeah.

Donkey Kong was originally a donkey until Nintendo did some market research. And 70% of Americans didn't know what a donkey was. Fingers crossed, that's the true ones. Okay, the phrase donkeys ears to mean donkeys ears. Possibly. Possibly. I haven't thought it totally through. And the third one.

Third one. In the original draft of Don Quixote. Before the publisher gave notes, the lead character was a donkey. Okay, look, Curie and Tom, what do you think at the moment? Don't tell us what you're thinking, actually. Just tell us what you think about Josh's three facts. I don't think it can be the first one, because isn't the symbol of...

Is it the ripple of all the ones or the Democrats? One is an elephant, one is a donkey, doesn't it? They would know what a donkey is. That's right. Very strong. She is applied for the logic. She is so much. I mean logic and thank you for that. And donkeys years.

Yeah, I think that one sounds right. That sounds like one of those like, you know... Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. TheWinmills, he was told to have a crazy golf. He was a genius. We go for Donkeys' is.

By the way, super- You literally joked about the golf business. You missed possibly the finest caveantes joke you'll get at this festival. And there's a ton of them out there. Yes. I think that's the best. I think that's the best.

I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. I think that's the best. By the way, super glittery joke from Matthew Clyde. You missed possibly the finest avante's joke. You'll get it this festival. And there's a ton of them out there. Yeah.

I'm sorry. There's this festival that is true. Donkeys ears. Donkeys ears. Josh, can you reveal? Yeah, you're right. Yeah, we got this. There we go.

Lovey stuff. Lovey stuff. Lovey stuff. Cool round. So, Kiri, you're up next. There is your fact. Let's hear three of them. So, Donkeys can't be sick. Have they tried Gargoyle?

Donkeys ear measures the same as it's... ...from its knee to its fat log. It's what? Can I ask what a fat log is? What is its fat log? You don't know what a fat lock is. No. No, will you explain to him? Yeah.

They have thin locks. LAUGHTER Since 2005, donkeys have been required to have a passport in the UK. OK. OK, king Brexit. Any... LAUGHTER What colour was the colour?

Any idea, guys? Any idea? I think it's probably the second one. Yeah, because I think the word Fetlock, it's such a good word. It's really good, yeah. So just for that, if we're wrong, I want to give it the point for that anyway. Yeah, exactly. You deserve a point for coming up with the word Fetlock. Don't patronize her.

That's Tom's job. LAUGHTER Kiri, can you please put us out of our misery and tell us which one of those was the true fact? It was the passport, because I went to Pernie Club Camp, so I know all about Fetlock's babes. It was the passport after all. So, thank you. I well deserve a voice day to Kiri. That's a memorableable. Absolutely insane.

So, donkeys require a passport. Donkeys require a passport, yes. Yeah, we've got to stop these foreign donkeys coming over here and working in our shops, hashtag vote leave. Clarke, there is your fact, initially I'm going to give you your facts, we're going to give you a rostrum too. Thank you.

Ooh, my fakes in pen. Clarke, off you go mate. So, a donkey's penis is the same length as from its knee to its fat. Hence the phrase. Donkeys make good guard animals for sheep and goats, sheep and goats, and they can fight off mountain lions and coyotes and foxes. And finally, the donkey has the hardest kick in the animal kingdom. Okay, so it's not donkeys. It's the second one definitely. Robert Tooth.

Who knows it's the second one, he says. Yeah, because you get Donkeys to go. And also Ben Reddit off the page of the newspaper. We found out his tell, yes, that is a point to Kerry and to Tom niche. You want to do one? Yes Donkeys are cannibals fact number one fact number two America's never lost a war which donkeys were involved fact number three in the film the godfather the character Don Corleone was originally supposed to be called Donkey Tom and Kerry any idea we reckon is the We reckon it's the second one. Is it the second one, Nish?

Yes. So at the end of that round, what are the points? Producer Ben. We've run time in that round. He did. Ben, Josh and Nish still have three. Tom and Kerry have six. Oh! You've found your sport guys. Oh, shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thanks up. It's time to play around I like to call with a little bit of luck We can make a tornado but no one else likes to call beef brothers. It's me brothers This is beef brothers where each week we sort out a flat-share-based beef from someone in the audience. And this week it is Pete Jones. Pete Jones, are you there, my friend? He's over there.

Pete Jones writes to us saying, my girlfriend is very talented. And likes to draw pictures of comedians she has seen. This is great, but it does mean her flat is covering pictures of men she finds more attractive than me. Okay, am I right? Not necessarily, she might have drawn Tom at some point. Wow!

Flash it, slam down! Flash it, slam down! Oh! I'm going to read a little bit more because this next bit is absolutely amazing. The worst ones, this is for perfect for the Mac Fest audience, see if you can picture this because I genuinely can't. A sexually aggressive picture of Ellis James. Now that's... Whoa!

Yeah. Above the bed. No. Oh, like on the ceiling, your head. You're up there staring down. Above your own, Tating bed that shaped like John Robin. Oh, that is a weirdly shaped bed.

Very things. Fancy a keep it session? The last bit is my favourite bit. A picture of Pappies where Matthew has been drawn in far too sexy a pose. Whoa. Is he standing on some yellow pages? LAUGHTER

Grim team. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh. Pete, can I just ask, is your very talented girlfriend here? There. Hey, how are you doing? What's your name as well? Lease. Lease. At least.

No. At least. You dropped your two-hours-time name. As in... Lease isn't...lease a lot. As in least a lot? at least at least at least at least you drop it you're talking about it is yeah I think it's in lea's in lea's a lot as in lea's a lot yeah oh why are you united the roundtaste so lea's a lot we cut a lot of properties so peeps and lea's we've got some questions here Josh you had one yeah I can I ask two questions? One, does she only draw male comics? Are you asking, has she drawn you?

No. I was asking if the Ellis one was accompanied by a picture of his esoteric. Yes, yes. Oh, is that what they're doing? Are they doing weird slash fan art? Is that what you're doing? So I've got some, I actually got some commission. The past. So you've drawn, is he?

So what's your fucking problem, mate? That is conjecture. That is conjecture. Inside, who's side are we on? That's very good point. That is very important. Tom and Kiri, you are on Pete's side, Aben and Josh. You are on Lisa's side.

Oh, my point stands. What's your problem? Second date. Mr. Widdock and that is conjecture. Do you have ambitions to be professional in the art world? Yes, I do, actually. There we go. Have you got a little tip? Stop drawing Alice James. There's no money in it. Pete, has she ever drawn you? I don't know that you have.

Oh! Right, she's a reaction... She's a shock, which suggests that she has drawn you in your sleep. Yeah, that's... She has drawn you, but you're standing behind Alice James. LAUGHTER Yes, very true. Don't rhyme.

Has she drawn drawn Robbins? Yeah, you have a good one. Well, can I just ask, what is the sexually aggressive picture of Ellis James? Yeah, what is Ellis doing? Because I can only imagine him being sexually aggressive to a Swansea FC mug. Like, I can't. Okay, so let's start, because it's almost the end of the show. I'm going to call upon Kiri.

Now, you are open the case for the prosecution. You have exactly one minute to state your case and the time begins. Now, I think we look at the current culture that we have quite a fragile existence of masculinity and what it is to be a man in the modern world and to be a feminist which I assume you are. You need to support men and nurture their mental health and I think adorning your a yw'r ymwyr, a yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n yw'r ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymw'r ymwyr i'n ymw'r ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n ymwyr i'n y Ah! Oh, lose women as it's normally known. LAUGHTER Oh, that is the best joke ever. That is the best joke, and I am actually... Absolutely superb. And it must be super mental, too.

Exactly, yeah. Ten seconds. So, I think if you want to support your man, I think he's supporting you, I think just draw him a picture. I think that's the only thing I would ask to change, but I do think that you need to get behind him. Not physically, but for that to be a bad class fine. That's also fine. Thank you very much, Carrie. But, Claire, everybody. Josh and Nish, I think you have to share your message. I've just finished watching that OJ Simpson documentary, so I'm fully versed on how to be a good lawyer.

LAUGHTER Come in, if Ellis looks fit, you must quit. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Oh, so you've got the best showkin' back for like 30 seconds. Yeah. We've waited until we're overrunning to really get things going.

Should we do one big one and we'll do a word each? Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ, yeah, yeah. I'll just say one big one, do you mean text Josh? Okay, as it's three of you, I'll give you 30 seconds each. One minute 30 or until we run out of steam. Here we go. So, let's... Nish. What?

This. What? Drawings. Nish. Can I just say, don't the words have to sort of form a sentence. I don't know. Oh, sorry, I didn't get the game. I understand this now. Let's start again. So, round one, we're drinking incentives. I don't know. Oh, sorry, I didn't get the game. I understand this now. Let's start again. So, round one, we're drinking wine.

Yes. We're playing niche lips. Now, right, let's get down to the point. She is a... utter... Oh! Bullet dodged. A... ...utter... ...oh! Bullet dodged. Indubitable. Don't use words that Clarkie doesn't know.

That's super-table. I think it's a made-up word. I don't think it's a word, yes. It's an indivitable... ...artist. So... ...let's... ...support... ...art. So, let's support art and tell whity. Oh, here we go again.

15 seconds, guys. That's... Fine. Yeah, let's tell Whiting that's fine. Nish, we've written a show for you, mate. Okay, that is your time. There we go. That was Ben and Josh and Nish there. Pete, how do you think this is going so far? I'm bearing my even eye for God and who's on whose side? Yeah, I didn't think this going so far? And Bear in mind, even I've forgotten who's on whose side.

I didn't think I could possibly win. What, you guys? In a way, it was kind of me sacrificing myself to promote Lisa's art, follow Lisa Riches and that. But... Oh! Why the good bloat you are? You're lovely.

Tom, do you want to conclude the case for the prosecution? Absolutely. What do you do it as yourself today at all? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a deep-sized defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Mr Fan Shaw Standard. Fan Shaw Standard. Translating and providing your minute should you need it to begin. Right about now. Ladies and gentlemen after jury. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he Hell, we simple foreground here. I reckon I some of you dare from the bakery.

Hell, smell what's cooking? Smells good. Hell. Well, you and the OJ documents are in the home of the... ...saying over there with their packed lunches. We home cooking. Hell. Never had a casserole in his life.

He'll come down here. Tell us what to do. Hey, we got a question here today, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of art. He'll, now I ain't no surgeon. Don't know what words mean. Are you thinking art surgeon is a job? Because, yeah, Mr. Couple of letters are.

But I'll tell you something for nothing. When school with a guy called Pete, hell, play the saxophone till he be blew into face. When I was a girl by the name of Bessie, hell, she loved to listen to and play the saxophone. Hell, wouldn't stop talking about that their saxophone. Oh, Pete can play the saxophone. Dark night, alleyway. Pete can't play the saxophone with no broken arm. Married to the next day! No further questions, Your Honor.

Oh my God! Now, a sax offender. Oh! Guys, we had both the best and worst joke of the festival yesterday. Now, I can't adjudicate in this case, because we're in Wales at the, a couple of comedy festivals, and I'm not even a tiny bit Welsh. I have no jurisdiction in these barrows. Thanks a lot, Brexit.

So I call upon the Mac Fest audience to decide, if you think Tom and Kiri, and therefore Pete is in the right, applaud now. Well done, ladies, you've won. Now, erm, but if you think Josh Nish and Ben are in the right applaud now. What? I'm not believe that.

What? And Leesie, give us that Instagram and all that again because I follow you on Instagram and I jerk off to it all the time. Sorry, it's a really good follow. What's your Instagram again? Instagram is at Leesie's, which is not at Leesie's. At Leesie's just an art and at Leesie's, and it's really, really worth the follow if you're a nerd. It's a really good follow. What's your interim again? At least Richard's an art and at least Richard's and it's really really worth the follow if you're a Get on bebo

You on email Crossbeat that is that is pandering of the worst guys. Welcome to Macfest. So, we're nearly at the end of the audience's patience, which is a real shame as next up we have the quickfire round. And of course, the quickfire round jingle. Steady the buffs boys. Here we go

this is the quick fire round it's the round that goes really quickly Which is why it's quite confusing That it does not have a quick introduction I've never got it But here's the thing The quick fire jingle has come to mean an awful lot to a lot of people. To prove my point, I went out onto the streets of my campland. And ask the public what the quickfire jingle means to.

And here's what they say. Josie, what does the quickfire jingle mean to you? It's one of those things that when I think of it and I think of it, often, perhaps under daily basis, perhaps under twice in a day. I think of it and I recall it to mind. a'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd being abruptly put into a place with force. Can I ask another question? Have you forgotten what we're talking about? No, I haven't. I've been talking about the flash-ass slam down podcast

that's a slam down, that's the thing, tune of it. Do you know how else it reminds me of? Yes. People taking their talks off. Get them off. Else it reminds me of... Christmas. Sorry, Nishkrim, what does the flat slam jingle mean to you?

The flat slam jingle means everything to me. To me, I feel more attached to it as a piece of music than the national anthem of this country. Wow, in fact, I would like the national anthem of this country to be replaced with a flat slam theme music. I would love that. I don't care about the Queen. Of course, she ever done for me, but Pappies, but me to open for them in trick in 2013 and paid me 200 pounds. You did a half decent job. And that, if you paid me 400, I would have done

a full day in general. So then that's why this jingle is important. And that is why it goes on for such a long time. But now let's do it. Let's have the quick fire round. The quick fire round. Well, well, well. I stand by every word. I mean, it really is a very diverse festival. Nish and a woman. LAUGHTER I smell a sitcom! LAUGHTER

So in this quickfire round, all the questions will be cancelled. Oh, I asked one more person, the founder of McCom flest. I asked Henry Widdick and what the jingle means to him. And I also asked him how to pronounce my comforts. So Henry Whittaker, how do you feel about the quick fire jingle? Well I started the festival about eight years ago, well eight years ago, 2010 was a small event back then and we've just tried to stay clear to the principles that we built it around and just creating a creative and happy place where people couldn't perform.

Yeah, sorry, I was asking you about the quick fire jingle from the podcast, Flatshez Landon. Oh, I was not asking you about the conference comedy festival. I don't listen. Not a fan. I don't listen. I don't have a podcast. Right.

Okay. No listen, not a fan. I've never listened to my podcast. Right, okay. Well, good luck. Is there somewhere that stays open tonight or? Not really, Sunday, isn't it mate? After eight years, maybe it worked on a lay-like list. So there it is, now let's get on with the quick, far round. Paunting, haunting stuff. So in this quick, far round, all the questions will be campavan based. Instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. Ben Josh and Nish, that's here like now.

Ben Josh. Oh. Oh. Kirin Tomlitz, here yours. Kirin. Lovely stuff. What's the difference between a traffic warden and a mobile home? One man's land, one's a camping.

Absolutely right, mate. Thank you. Ah. Nice. What was that? Nish, you're fired. What mobile home is a bit wet? A damper van.

Oh Josh! Josh! A damper van is right. What mobile home is also a magazine about fashion? Josh! A glamour van. I'm a glamour van. No, it's not that Josh.

Oh. Vogue. Vogue's wagons. Vogue's wagons is better than I had camparvaniated fair. That's Vogue. Vogue's Wagens. Vogue's Wagens is better than I had camp of vanity fair. That's even better than Vogue's Wagens. I take that. So it was my Pollock to Van.

I take my Pollock to Van. Take away our points. What mobile home is your mum's mother? Your grandmother. Oh Van. Can you put her in? Oh, sorry. Can you put her in?

I'm sorry. Can you say if we give her an up on shouting your name, man? Jordan. I'm sorry. If we give them up on shouting your names out, yes. Gramm, I can't. Gramm, I've been. It is a camper, gran. But I'll give you the point for Gramm, I've been. It's almost close. What mobile home is your mum's father? Josh.

Josh. Grant the van. Is your granta as in like Santa Claus, but... Tom, is it Grandpa Van? It's Grandpa Van. What mobile home is what a horse does? Can't a van? Can't a van, yes, right?

Oh, so, I'll be right. Well done. What mobile home comes once a year at Christmas? Santa Van. I'm afraid that's also Grandpa Van. He doesn't stay in touch. Doesn't stay in touch as much as he should, really. What mobile home is both the sign of the Zodiac

or a mobile hospital? I'm being asked. Cancer van, you'll end on that one. No, what mobile home recently appeared as O.J. Simpson in the Alpha G series, American Crime Story, the People vs. O.J. Simpson, to mixed with you. David Schwimmer. It wasn't the David Schwimmer.

That is the end of the round. LAUGHTER There's actually not time for plugs, but you all know how brilliant all of these comics who appear at the Festival R.P. is going to see loads of them. Producer Ben, let us hear the final scores. We are on 10 to hooks. There is one point in it. Oh, no, why? Oh, shit.

Did you give a car? Did you give a point for David Schrimmer? That's my business. Oh, I'm Paris. Just asking. Just asking. So, do you want to tell us this? Yeah, Ben Josh and Nish got eight. Tom and Kiri got nine. Oh!

This is total bullshit. So Ben, Josh and Nish have to drive the campus. Whoa! One, Kiri and Tom get the crack open the shampoos. Thanks to our guest, Josh Whitaker, Nish Kumar, Kiri, Prachand McLean. We have your puppies. See you next time on Flash Air Slamdown!

Happy Flash Air Slamdown region, now, because you've been blocked at Top Barry, with so much special guest Josh Whitaker, Giroo Prakash and Mish Kumar, it was divine, it's my Pappis, you've used a better walk, but if that's the only thing that's ever been recorded, so he will be helping out, the Orange Muggers, who's coming to the brilliant man's place at Henry Whitaker, who is a legend, happy Flash Air yes, and then it's a buzz, but actually, the British comedy guide. And the adventure is over, bye! Thank you, we're so sorry.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.