Pappy's Flatshare - Series 8, Episode 5 (Fix The Leaky Tap)

Episode Date: September 1, 2018

Will Adamsdale and Annie McGrath join Pappy's for a fun show in which you'll learn... which panelist has the most unread emails, what Ben knows about Hans Christian Anderson, what Will knows about law...n mowers, why Annie thinks a cat should be put down, how Matthew is a true professional when all around him are misbehaving and whether one of the rambliest appearances by Fanshaw Standon ever is enough to win the case... If you'd like to DONATE to the podcast we'd be very grateful indeed. You can do so at comedy.co.uk/pfs/donate - If you can't afford to do that, then why not help us out by spreading the word about the show? Huge thanks to all who have done either of these things in the past. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.
Starting point is 00:00:19 Ahoy, hoi, welcome listeners to the new flat slam. This is just a reminder to say please donate. We give a good chunk of our time to make sure the flat slams are up to standard and it will be lovely if you would like to repay our time with a donation. We have an address, it is comedy.co.uk, forward slash PFS, forward slash donate.
Starting point is 00:00:46 Thank you so much for your donation so far. Right. On with the show, it's time to join Matthew and Ben and Tom for another flat-sheur slam down. Folks, we're going to start the show as we always do with a short improvised sketch a row. Now remember, this is completely improvised. We've not thought about it at all and we won't be thinking about it while we're doing it either. So pretty best if you don't either. Best way to reach improv. We keep meaning to have a meeting about it. We keep meaning to have a meeting about it. We always forget to. So off we go. Tom! Bam! What is it, Matthew?
Starting point is 00:01:26 What is it, you wee bastard? Ben is just come back from Scotland. He has, he's not picked up the axon, but he's picked up the lingo wall, right? What's wrong, Matthew? Well, I'm glad you asked me that. One of you two has got to fix the tap that keeps leaking. It's a leaky tap.
Starting point is 00:01:44 Well, it's not gonna be me. No. I've been drip fed since birth. Oh, it's birth. Since birth. You've been fed intravenously since the day you were born? Yes. You don't look like you.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Oh, it's a very big drip. They just plugged an IV into Greg's, didn't they? No, they just saw the slew Greggs go straight into me brains. It's the brain. Both people don't eat through their brains, Tom, but it's a good call. Clarke, if you've got a reason why you don't want to do it, No! Well, there's only one way to sell this.
Starting point is 00:02:18 We're going to have to have a... Flashes! Oh no! Flashest land now! Flashest land now! Yes! Hello and welcome to Flashest land now! Hello! Hello mate, how are you doing? Good!
Starting point is 00:02:36 Well today we're going to fix the leaky tap. Oh really? It's not going to be me! Tom, we've just done that bit! Sorry, I forgot where I was. It's all this fat, that slew-sick, very much right. You're about 85% puff pastry at this day, don't you? That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me. Hello, and welcome to your French-est land-down.
Starting point is 00:02:56 This is the panel show that says... Up and down till you say stop Let me play with your body baby make you real hot Let me do all the things you want me to do Cos in that baby I want to get happy with you I'm the host of Landlord. Oh no. Oh no, he went there. Matthew Crosby is my name, and while they're under my roof, they'll be following my rules. Please meet my lovely tenant,
Starting point is 00:03:33 it's Thomas Perry and Benedict Cork. Hello! That, that, that, that. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Now, Tom. Yes, Tom. There's a lot of people wondering what the hell they're watching, isn't there? It's a nice energy. tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, this is something that I'd forgotten to prepare. So I'm going to try something quite ambitious that's just fallen out of my head.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Okay. A few years ago, I bumped into one of my old teachers. Yes. And it was quite an upsetting sight because they were standing next to a leaky tap. Oh, God. And the noise was just, it was really getting to me and it was really setting me on edge.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Yeah. And then like, it was partly the sound of the tap, but also it's because I looked at the ex-teachers' knees and they were covered in warts and it was a repulsive sight and my teacher said, look will you lick them? And with the sound of the tap dripping away, oh! Tom, I find this story hard to believe. Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, for me, it was Trini's Wart or Torture. Whoa! I mean, Trini's Wart or Torture?
Starting point is 00:04:55 See, there's the next teacher, and he had warts. And he taught you? And he taught you? In Trini's Wart or Torture. The Wart or Torture? I mean, I said it's the same. That's those races. Yeah, don't get accents.
Starting point is 00:05:07 Do you know that Chinese water torture? That's not bad. No, it's not good. It's not strong. It's not good. Clarke, everything to play for at this stage. When I ask you, Ben, why are you running hot and then cold? Ah, well, I used to have trouble turning on taps
Starting point is 00:05:24 until my friend just told me to simply not force it. So... Oh! Oh! Sure. The audience shell-shocked there in a real joke. And not racist at all? Not racist at all.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Well, obviously, of course, you can't fix the tap on your own. You have to have someone who's got a ready supply of washers and not only do exactly a woman, for example. Yeah, do you have a ready supply of washers? I mean, that's making a real connection between washing and women. And you're a washable woman. One, I wasn't. I'm a misogynistic racist podcast, right?
Starting point is 00:05:57 Well, it is now. Yeah. Funny how the way these things go. So I'll tell you what, seeing as you've already almost introduced yourself, Benedict Clark, who has brought themselves along in their own right, because they don't need a bloody man to help him out? Who has brought themselves along in their own right? I've brought my plumber.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Oh, what? Yeah. You might have assumed it was a man, but it wasn't. A plumber, huh? A plumber. Oh, welcome, very... It's an even greater... It's Adelaide. It's Adelaide.
Starting point is 00:06:26 It's Adelaide. It's Adelaide. It's Adelaide. What? What? A plum, her. A plum, her. A plum.
Starting point is 00:06:34 Welcome, very... Yeah, it's Adelaide. It's Adelaide. It's Adelaide. What an intro. Exactly the one you asked for. Yeah, what is it? verbatim.
Starting point is 00:06:42 So, Adelaide is lovely to have you here on the show. I'm lovely to be here. Thank you so much for coming along. What kind of a flatmate are you? Are you a good flatmate? Are you a bad flatmate. I think I am good, but having slammed you for being a gender stereotyping, I actually do do a lot of washing, just constantly washing my clothes, which is quite annoying, I think, for my housemates. Why is that annoying? Surely you just mean you're walking round Linole fresh. Yeah, there's a lot of wet clothes hanging out. Get chillin. Yeah, You can do too much washing, I think. I'll go on.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Like, I feel like you can get six weeks out of a pair of jeans. Oh, my God. That's troubling. No, absolutely. I bet you're one of those people that washes your bed sheets. Yeah, one of them. It wants every two months. No, that's a week, once a week.
Starting point is 00:07:19 How long does it look? It should push. That's too much. Here we go. This is a good question. This is what good question. This is what the podcast should be. On a hot sunny day like today, I reckon a shirt probably gets one wear.
Starting point is 00:07:30 On a not-so-hot day, probably 15. Do you want to kind of shirt are you talking about? Ben's shirt, for example. Ben's shirt, for example, with the list of it at home, can't see, but it's a gorgeous shirt. It's a bit tight. It's really nice. Oh, which is weird because when you bought it, it wasn't tight. Was it? It's a summer time. It's a bit tight. It's a really nice. Oh, it's just weird because when you bought it, it wasn't tight. It's so expensive.
Starting point is 00:07:46 It's defective. Clearly a defective shirt. Is the genuine question. I mean, five days? Is that all right? What are you wearing it every single day? You're like, if it doesn't really hum. I mean, that's it.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Give it a sniff. Put it back in the wardrobe. No, no, no, no. It's all you have to do. You've got to bring in an outsider judicator. You've got to bring in somebody else who's going to sniff the shirt for you. Your mom. A partner. It could be my mom. It's a bit of a drive. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I can spell him from here. Terrible news guys, the jamborees in danger. Oh no! Yeah, I know. The garden is not being well kept.
Starting point is 00:08:30 The lawn's overgrown. No. So I've had to bring in the number one lawnmower in Scythes, England. Manu Kamon, like no one else. It's Will Adamsdale, everyone. Will Adamsdale is here. Thank you. He's talking about my son, fact is three and his grandfather has
Starting point is 00:08:51 A walk on my what is it sit on? Yeah, as you can see I know absolutely nothing about my like I never walk on mother Like a treadmill with a I've got a handstand on my like I'm in Teen Wolf Oh, yes, please, but this really caught my son's imagination the first time he saw it and ever since really, I mean, that's been all he's talked about and it's quite amazing to the point where he's seen it. How long has he been looking at it? So he saw the law Moa when he was about six months. Two and a half years. And this is two years. So to the point where yesterday I was reading my long, long in the Pram and he said, why aren't you
Starting point is 00:09:27 saying anything, Daddy? And I said, yeah, fair enough. I could have continued. I'm just quite a distant person. You'll find that as you grow older around me. Yes. But I get a lot in the neck from my wife about how I'm not really present. You know, where are you? You know I hear. Can I say, I've not even asked the question, what kind of a flatmate are you? And it's
Starting point is 00:09:55 already got deeper than it's ever got on a flat chair stand down. And I fucking love it. So you're not present around your kids. So I try, I try. Come on, let's go. Get in the room. And he said, why aren't you talking? He's very insensitive. I said, if you're here fair enough, I said, what should we talk about Stanley?
Starting point is 00:10:15 He talked a lot of it. Lormos? So we then started a conversation which we'd had hundreds of times. So Lormos, I mean mean there are many different types, so I'm not saying that. He's like, yeah, there are. Blue ones, red ones, there's a...
Starting point is 00:10:31 Anyway, I could talk about long moats, I really could. But I mean, you've told them what your son calls you when you're long-knowing with him. And he calls me Wendy, but that's because... That's it, yeah. It's... Oh, well, because Bob the Builder is kind of... Love Inter's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it I'm different things. Now I'm an engine driver. Are you an engine driver? Promotion. Yeah, I think it is.
Starting point is 00:11:06 I think it worked. Not in any way that the show doesn't support the role of Wendy in... You were a woman. Now you're an engine driver. Well, this is it. Promotion. But the engine driver could still be a woman. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:11:19 An engine drive. That's... So we've sort of met our contestants up to a point. An engine drive. That's... So we've sort of met our contestants up to a point. But who will be crying? Hip hip hooray and who will be weeping? Drip, drip, tray. Let's find out. What? As we play round one.
Starting point is 00:11:48 I said a drip, drop, a drippy, the driie to the drip, drip, drop, it won't stop, you're blocking us the same drinks, the dripie and it's drippy when it's droppy, it won't stop because it drips on your feet. Now what you hear is a leaky tap dripping regularly, and that reputitious sound is going to challenge you mentally. You see, I am Mr. Hardap and I'd like to say hello. Now Washer has gone rusted up so it's hard to stop my flow. It's trippy but I'm drippy I can stop it I'm more droppy I can stop it like I order and the effect it has on you well it's like Chinese water torture okay I'm
Starting point is 00:12:19 going by the name of emcee gold tap my control is all support my My tip tip, it goes drip, I need to work on my pelvic floor You see the hacks have a mean we used to be tight, but now we're dumb and dumb I'm so big, I'll phone to get to your home, a woman or a plumber I said a drip, drop, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip, a drip,, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I found that funny than anyone in the room. Round one is called Tap Trumps. So we all remember the popular tunes game, Top Trumps, I certainly do. We've given up Alice a survey to fill in before the show and now using these answers, we're going to see how well they know each other as they try to guess who holds the trump card in any given category.
Starting point is 00:13:24 So I'm going to give a point for the correct answer But also for good reasoning and because today's theme is taps the first question we asked was how many taps do you have in your house? Okay, so Ben the way this works is I'm going to give you that question You have to tell me out of the other three who do you think has the most taps in the house? I'd love to know your reasoning as well. Okay Okay, walk us through it. Walk us through the boards. Well, I've bought the taps. Okay, stop the question. It's a good question, Tom. Perhaps one you should have asked before you filled in the form. Oh, which you have already done. Can I just ask, did you include when you filled in the form, which you have already done. Can I just ask, did you include when
Starting point is 00:14:06 you filled in the form your gas taps? No. Then what a taps it is. Because Tom lives in a science block of a school and so he's got a lot of gas taps. Always on the bunsen. Clarky, talk us through the ball, we'll start with Tom. No gas taps. I reckon, Perry, I've been to his flat, it's quite studi-o-e, so I reckon... I reckon, Pauline, he might say tiny. I'd say four. You reckon four? I'd say he's got four turners. Name those four. Four turners. Four turners. Two in the bathroom. Done. It's not bad.
Starting point is 00:14:38 You can't fall back, that's really... You cannot fall that logic. Is it entertaining? We'll find out. What do you think about Will? Will, I've never been to his abode. You cannot fault that logic. Is it entertaining? We'll find out. What do you think about Will? Will, I've never been to his abode. Okay. From the previous question, I know he's got a garden. And so that feels quite proper. So I reckon he's got a few up in there. I reckon he's got about eight, nine, ten taps. Eight, nine, ten taps. I reckon eight taps, one tap on the house outside. Yeah, it's a tap.
Starting point is 00:15:05 Yeah, it's a tap. No, I said in the house, I'm afraid. Oh, cruel. Not in the house. OK, OK, and now we move onto Annie, but you reckon Annie and I are in there. Up into these places, yeah. You've been out.
Starting point is 00:15:17 What's it like? It's nice. It is massive. It's not. I reckon six for Annie. I'm going mobile. OK, I can reveal that Tom has four taps in his house. I'm going to give you a point for getting that so spot on.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Thanks mate. Two hot, two coats. Will has six taps in his house. Oh. But Annie has eight or nine. Oh, I know. She asked there, that is part. That is part. You know, that's part. So I'm going to the audience her. She asked that. That is posh, that is posh. So I'm going to the audience and say, there's posh.
Starting point is 00:15:49 It's great to eat fancho standon's daughters in the house tonight. Oh yeah. There's posh. I have a posh friend who owns it. So does that make me better or worse? Does she have all the taps in her room? We haven't revealed Ben. We haven't. He's here everyone. Surprise! We keep him under
Starting point is 00:16:09 a little towel, like a puddle of home. We've been hiding for the whole of the record. Ben has an on-suite. Well, you know what Ben was just because I'm getting posh slam, so I want to drag him down. Ben was out of this round, but Ben, we can reveal it. Actually, he has eight taps as well. So what a posh guy. Yeah, that's a lot of hard to do. And we live together. You should have known that really. Yeah, you live in the same house. OK.
Starting point is 00:16:32 Well, you're up next. The question we asked all of our panelists was, how many items do you have in your fridge? Who do you think said the most items? Obviously, we have Tom, we have Annie, we have Ben. What do you think? Ben. OK, we've got someone in the audience who's ready to chip in, it's Ben's a car drive-off. It's Ben's. You don't need assistance from the audience but they're there if you need them. Will, what are you thinking so far? Who has the most
Starting point is 00:16:57 items in their fridge? Is it Tom? Is it Annie? Is it Ben? Oh, that's fascinating. I've been in Tom's flat, so I know what it's in his fridge. I'm going to say Ben, because I'm looking at him. Yeah, okay. That's a good reason it's any, I'd say. You're looking straight at him. It's probably Ben. Is that the final answer? That's my final answer.
Starting point is 00:17:19 I can reveal you are absolutely correct. Ben has the most important answer. It's a gift. So Annie has, she says 30 plus, 30 plus. Yeah, I guess. You guessed. Tom says. But mainly condiments.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Again, I'm the same here. Tom says 17 items, four of them cheese, you're saying? Yes. OK. Goats, cheddar, cheddar, goats. Variant degrees of age. Ben had 58 items in his fridge. Shedder, goats. Variant degrees of age. Ben had 58 items in his fridge. I should just point out all I've got in my fridge is a bag of peas.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Which famously go in the freezer. You have friends with him. Well, now I know. But my favourite answer came from Will, which said, Look, I have children. If I leave my study now to count the items in my fridge, they'll pull me into their universe, and that is it for my day. LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:18:12 That's true. Plus, I don't know if it'd be good for myself or steam. It's a great answer. I can't be seen counting the stuff on my fridge by anyone. So I thought I'm going to give you two points for that, because that was excellent reasoning. And of course, you got the answer correct. Annie, we're going to go throw it to you. Now, the question the question we asked was what times you normally go to bed on a weeknight
Starting point is 00:18:29 How do you think the rest of the team replied? So I have to guess everyone here's bedtime. I think you guessed the latest late. It's latest Not will because he's got children. He's got children. I've got children That's his thing You included Matthew. I'm not got children. That's his thing. That's very much. Are you included, Matthew? I'm not included. OK.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Well, then Tom, obviously. You can tell from the bags under the night crawler. You are, in fact, correct. That's one point to any. Yes. Yes. And actually, Annie, it would have been, if you've been in the running, it would have been you, because you said, I for pre-midnight, which means about 2am. Right? Because I am for pre-midnight, doesn't mean whereas Tom is in 1125, very sober bedtime.
Starting point is 00:19:13 And... Yeah, also that's a lie. You aim for 1125. That's what you do. You aim for 1125 and Ben and Will enjoy a 1030 bedtime. Yes! Yes, that is! I try that, I mean, it's not that every night, but I try. That's the goal. 25 and Ben and Will enjoy a 10 30 bed time. Whoa! Yes! I try that, I mean it's not that every night, but I try it.
Starting point is 00:19:27 How's the goal? Yeah. I'm about 10 o'clock now. Cool! Love it. Absolutely love it. There's so much more to be done! In fact, it's been a bit of time now.
Starting point is 00:19:35 It's tough to do. Finally, over to Tom. Now Tom, can I ask you a question? Yes please. How do you think people answered this question? How many unread emails do you have in your inbox? Hello. Now we've all seen somebody else's iPhone with that big red button there.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Oh. Oh. Stresses me out. Sometimes it's into the thousands. Yes. What is going on? Just delete them and don't reply to them. Go through the line.
Starting point is 00:20:02 OK, I think we'll, well, I know we'll struggles with technology. You can't handle things. He said to me before the podcast, I don't really know what a podcast is. Yeah, there you go. There you go. He is, which is true of the three of us as well. That's true. That's what we're dealing with here.
Starting point is 00:20:18 So I can imagine he lets shit slide. Yeah. That's actually my next question. Who lets shit slide Parkie I Know isn't quick to reply to an email, but he does read him Maybe that just means I just straight up delete. I think he reads them and forgets So I don't think many Macraw though
Starting point is 00:20:40 Macraw could go one of two ways could absolutely be on the job or be chaos Yeah, a whirlwind of chaos. Who are you gonna go for? It's a straight-up toss between Anastel and McGraw. Okay. Where are you leaning at the moment? Anastel. I'm gonna go down the line Tom and are you not playing? You've got a big fat zero. Can't tolerate it, gotta read it, gotta know. Clarkey, also on zero.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Yes, I knew my boy, he reads them. You it, read them, don't enjoy them. Don't write, we've got the answers here. This is the big one, this is the clash. How do you know? No, wait, how many of you got? See, he doesn't even know. I can't, I think we know the answer.
Starting point is 00:21:26 I can tell you in a second. It'll tell you, right? It'll tell you. How do you know? It's the only number on your screen that isn't the time or the date. So I can tell you now that Annie McGraw, this is going to shock you. She has a whopping zero. Keep it clean.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Keep it clean. Keep it clean on the job. Now, I've got Will's phone here. He's just taking his phone out. Keep it clean. Keep it on the job. Now I've got Will's phone here, he's just taking his phone out. I'm going to read you Will's answer, which of course is an essay. I'm very tired. Will says, I don't know how to check, but when people see my email accounts, they always look really worried. And I can reveal now, if you unlock that with your thumbprint, oh my God, this is unbelievable. I'll tell you now, text messages alone, 209.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Oh! Oh! What's that? Oh, what's this? 209, unread texts. Fucking busy. Mowing. We got to stand.
Starting point is 00:22:22 I'm not these serious. You know, I spent all day being bullied by a three-year-old. He's mowing. We got to stand on a... I'm not being serious. You know, I spent all day even bullied by a three-year-old. This is going to make your head fucking spin. And give you an immediate nosebleed. Go on. Emails. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Emails. The first number, you love that, is a five. And there are three more numbers after that! Oh! It's 5,394! Oh, my God! Delete thy account. But how do you delete them all?
Starting point is 00:22:55 I don't, they're all things like... I just, I'm like, I'm gonna call up from your phone, I think I'll do it. Oh, no, no! Here's the weird thing, we emailed you this question, eh? And you responded to it. How did you do it? Yeah, no, no. Here's the weird thing. We emailed you this question there, and you responded to it. How did you do it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:07 That was by accident. It could be by accident. I didn't know this person who sent the email. I just thought, oh, I'll have a crack in that one. And turned out it was quite important. But I mean, there's so many. That's so many. I mean, I bought a coat for my wife for Christmas from a company called Lansend.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Fucking Lansend. I mean, they send me an email every week. Yeah. Just don't you know? On-subscribed. It's not just autumn, this or that. It's like, early autumn. Are you going to buy an autumn?
Starting point is 00:23:37 Early autumn. Early autumn. I don't know what, there was just that fucking coat. That was it. That was the only one. My only. That was the big relationship with Lanzand. That and now...
Starting point is 00:23:47 Are you gonna buy her a hat from John the Grotes? That's a nice bit of business, isn't it? That's a lovely bit of business, you get to do a lot of emails. So at the end of that round of top trumps, let's ask the man with the top rump, producer Ben, with your bum so peachy in its way. Tell us please, what are the scores? Well I gave Tom two points to that because that was pretty accurate.
Starting point is 00:24:08 I thought that was pretty good. So Tom and Will have got four, and Ben have got two. Oh! So Tom and Will are like a force to be reckoned with, whereas Ben and I are like going to have to record with Ben and keep force it. But that could all... It's alright, doesn't matter. It was worth saying that's a long time.
Starting point is 00:24:25 But anyway, all of this could change. As we face splashdown into round two, it's flat games! Let's play together games! Let's play forever, roll the dice spin that thing, Put that down Do as you've told Games If you lose you get nothing
Starting point is 00:24:49 Games If you win you get go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go Hands like! Listen to that! That wasn't bad at all. This week we're playing our version of Candy Crush, which we're calling Scandy Crush. The rules are self-explanatory, so Tom and Will, you're up first. Just kidding, of course. Here is... OK. Here is how you play. I'm going to ask our panelists to impersonate two famous scandinavians having a flirty conversation. I'm going to ask our panelists to impersonate two famous scandinavians having a flirty conversation
Starting point is 00:25:26 All they have to do is profess their love to one another while simultaneously working out who each other is so Tom that's yours Thank you That is us. Yes. Nice. Well, that's yours Okay, so those are your scandice to labs. If you're ready to start flirting, let's begin. How is your scandidae being accented, by the way, Thomas? It's perfect. Oh, thank you. It's not like I was watching Wallender.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Thank you. Oh, hello there, my pretty. You are one of my most prized friends. That's the first time I've been called. That's sort of, like, Guinness. What happened now? What happened now? There's the first time I've been called,
Starting point is 00:26:17 pretty, that's the... That's the short corner right now, yes. You're going through all the old actors. I'm just gonna old bits say this. Just say it somewhere, do buy a black suit next. That's the... You're going through all the old actors. I'm just going to old bits say some words. Do bring up next. That's tough. It's not a fucking part. Very, very strong.
Starting point is 00:26:31 It's going to be a revisionist version of this guy. Okay. I got it. There's a first time I've been called Perby in a long time. Another one of Fan Shores relatives. When I think about you, it makes me feel very peaceful, because you're one of my most prized friends. Peaceful. I'm famously a man of war. Oh, well, I would read a book, I could read a book in your eyes.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Tom's Welsh ancestry is really coming through, isn't it? You're making Deleth very proud here, but can we stick to the scant and even accent? Or I could read a book in your eyes. Your eyes are booked to me. I could not the book to me. I read your cover to cover, because I like literature. This is very good. I'm very erotic. You like to read. Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:41 But tell me a little more about you. When you talk, I find it so peaceful. There's one over by my surprise. Have you ever won an award or anything like that? Well, when I'm with you, I feel like just giving rewards. Tell me more about you. Well, you've got to get to one more. You're a mysterious man of war.
Starting point is 00:28:15 I'm a man of war. And I like to give and I like to get awards. But when I get a band- get, you see this hammer. You're going to nail me. Oh, I like this. You see this helmet. Yes, I can see. I would like to see your helmet. Let me put on some romantic music. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coast of freedom at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th. Hey, Cass, powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Hi, I'm David Boros, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. podcast. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com
Starting point is 00:29:55 I like music as well. Who some Kendrick Lamar. Yes. Yes. Oh, nice helmet big man. For. Oh, nice helmet, big man. Four. Oh! Okay, I'm going to stop you there.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Tom, I think you have an idea of who Will was basically describing directly to you. Who was your scandy crush? Oh, I adore that Nordic God of War four. It was a Nordic God of War four. Yes. Five points there to Tom. Really? Nordic God of War 4. It was a Nordic God of War 4. Yes. Five points there to Tom. Really?
Starting point is 00:30:29 And a further five performance. It was a gorgeous performance. Even if Will can't get the answer, but we'll find out if he can. I'll list. I only know two Scandinavian people. One is the former Celtic footballer, Henry Glassen. And in fact, it's only one. Now I think of it. is the former Celtic football Henry Glassen.
Starting point is 00:30:49 And in fact, it's only one, no I think of it. But I think maybe it's like... You're most... It's the Nobel. Yeah! It is! It is Alfred Nobel. And I'm gonna give you five points for getting it right. And then I think about three points for the performance
Starting point is 00:31:01 because, you know, I'm generous. So from Scandi Crush to Scandi Clash, as we disper, further and further away from the original pun, Ben and Annie, here are your names. Now, what I'd like you to do, Annie, that's yours, Ben, that is yours. I give you. I would like you to have a good, old, fashioned argument, a Barney. And, Joring said Barney, I'd like you to work out who your team makes planes of me, you're both two scant and avian people, but this time you're not loving you're fighting. Oh fuck.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Good luck, everyone. Oh, it's grand, and you're all very angry. This is well, isn't it? Oh no, man! Fuck you, no! I fucking prick. Yeah. This is where I was, isn't it? Oh no! Fuck you now! I fucking prick! Yeah!
Starting point is 00:31:47 Should we just have horrible argument? Not mention the people at all! It's been on the cards. I don't want to talk! Oh, that's a good answer! Yeah! Can I just say that's going to make this round very difficult if you don't want to talk? It's sort of the...
Starting point is 00:32:03 Sorry, now I'll get into character. Yeah, no, that was the first clue. Ah, I could write loads of stories about how fucking terrible you are. Oh, my mummy, are you being a cunt? LAUGHTER Nice see-bomb drop there. I think that's their most famous song. Sure. You can't.
Starting point is 00:32:26 You are in the box. Give us a bit more of the accent, Clarkie, because we do enjoy your voices, sir. Vel. I will cut along all of my anger into a series of shorts. Story. Story? Yes. And that is all the information I know about the person I am. These are short stories. Stories? Yes.
Starting point is 00:32:45 And that is all the information I know about the person I am. Do you know who I am by the way? No. But maybe if you meet me at Voteloo station, I will... I know who you are. You're that famous Welsh writer. It's Dylan Thomas. Don't be put off by the accent.
Starting point is 00:33:12 I am very distracted by the accent. No, the accent's getting worse the more you say. I think so. Did I mention stories? I'm going to stop that right there. I guess who is the priest? Did I mention stories? Okay, I'm gonna stop that right there, I think. I know who he is, the police, because his stories are the main must of place, the positions. No, I will guess.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Can I just ask why have you two suddenly decided to start playing the game? It takes a while to talk about what to see. Well, I'm gonna throw it over, of course, to Ben. Now Ben, I think you're pretty gonna get who Annie was. Annie, I think I'm gonna give you a full five, to Ben. Ben, I think you're pretty going to get who Annie was. Annie, I think I'm going to give you a full five points performance there. Ben, who was that? Abba?
Starting point is 00:33:49 It was all of Abba. Yes, congratulations. Well done. Thank you. Now Ben, I'm already out of culture. I'm already a side I'm going to give you a one for performance. Can you get the five points, Annie, any idea? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:03 No idea. We're going to throw it over. Anyone have any idea? I thought't know. No idea? We're going to throw it over. Anyone have any idea? I think it's a hands-critician. He's a hands-critician, and that's five points to Will and Tom! You should have told her about the story. The fairies would have been the right to answer. The stories kept us by the journey mentioned stories Famously stored so Produced a pen at the end of that round Produced a pen with your with your arse so round
Starting point is 00:34:34 What are the scores at the end of that round these scores are very close Oh, Ben and I only have 13 Tom and Willough 27 We have 13, Tom and Willough have 27. Oh! All right, yeah, I mean that's sloppy. That was it. That was it, it's hardly week round reports from the audience, because it's basically a done deal at this stage. Hopefully it's actually a fearsome north argument that's got you in the move for a mass debate.
Starting point is 00:34:56 It's time to play, Be Brothers! Well, if you've got a problem, I'll call it a problem, because you've got a problem calling a B. If you've got a B, I'm calling a problem, because you've got a problem, calling a beef. If you've got a beef, please, maybe we can help you be from the sorting out your beef. Yes, it's beef brothers, we're each week. We ask our panelists to sort out a flat-share-based beef. And this one comes from Katie, who is in our audience,
Starting point is 00:35:17 this evening. Katie says here, I share a flat with my triplet sisters. Of which, I am one, by the way. One of the three, yes. Can I just check, do all their names don't begin with Katie, though? No, it's not Kruk's plan. She says.
Starting point is 00:35:31 To really? Tom, when the audience are two steps ahead of you jokes, it's time to write better jokes. LAUGHTER I share a flat with my triplet sisters due to the Tories presiding over the economic downturn. And I couldn't find any other northerners to live with. We argue daily over whose turn it is to change our cat litter tray.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Brackets Janet is the cat. So Janet, of course, not on trial. Um, not guilty. The sisters are though. Would you be prepared Katie to give their names? Meal names, or can I make some up? Make a couple of names up, let's see how you do. Also, it would be really good for me if they could begin with the letter K. I've got a
Starting point is 00:36:10 little something brewing. Go on Katie, what have you got for us? Mord and Jemima. Mord and Jemima. So Million Jessica. Exactly. Is it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Five points. Five points. At this stage, it It hasn't really matter definitely get five points for that so Ben Ben and Annie you are on Katie's side whereas Tom and Will you are on the side of more than it and Jamila oh, I wait I'm a bit confused is it about not enough northern people or about cats? It's about it's the issue over the husbandry of the cat. Who should look after this cat? Oh, my, for real. Which one of the triplets is going out with the cat? It's about which person takes up the turd before they clean the teeth in the morning because the cat's litter trade.
Starting point is 00:36:56 Before they clean the cat's teeth, I've only listened to this. I mean, I've wanted to be on the side of the cat. Can we stop? Right, you are... You are Hctoring. You are hectoring, or poor, what's her name? Katie. Katie, of course, Katie. Hold tight.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Please, can I explain what's going on here? Please. I'm marrying Janet. Who's hector? What? You guys, someone's marrying the carrot? Hector, isn't. The carrot brush brushing its teeth with the dog turt. And someone wants to marry it. I've actually registered as an efficient,
Starting point is 00:37:30 and I'm going to marry a cat here live on stage. Finally, the series finale we've been looking for. What we've been looking for. Um, what? So, wait, hang on a sec, we've not... You can't ask the question yet. Oh, you're okay! You're extraig me, Matthew!
Starting point is 00:37:42 So, just to make it clear, Katie, would you like to look after the cat or not like to look after the cat? It's more of an issue of time pressures in the morning. Once it hits 8 a.m. and the cat's train needs to be changed There is a lack of consensus amongst the triplet contingent So it's like ER? I feel like this is too big for me brothers I'm still confused about all the people from the North. No, that's a red herring. That's a red herring.
Starting point is 00:38:09 You've been watching too much, go and throw the North. You've been watching too much, go and throw the North. It's the cat from the North. No, the cat's from Limitium. The opposite. The southern softy. Right. That's the right.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Do you live in Lurish? I think this is a palace. Oh Do you live in Luthor? I think Chris O'Pallis. Oh! I live in Cotsolus. Right there! Where all is taps? I've got a solution. Why don't you clean the cat's teeth? Yeah, he clocked me to jaw.
Starting point is 00:38:39 I know, I said you can I do it. Yeah, we should clean the cat's teeth and throw our own turds out the window. Okay. Weirdly, we've actually solved the problem before we should clean the cats teeth and throw our own turds out the window. OK. Weirdly, we've actually solved the problem before we've actually... Thanks for everyone's questions. Is that a solution? You're throwing turds out the window? No, Ben is. Oh, so...
Starting point is 00:38:57 Janet's the cat. More than Jemimerie or Sisters. Correct. Who is this mind-same like a silly question? Are you the oldest triplet? I am the oldest, yeah. By how? Two minutes. Two minutes. And you use the older over the my bed. You must use that, right? This is true, yeah, it just get wheeled out. Does that mean that you have two minutes extra in the morning to do the turds? Are you identical
Starting point is 00:39:19 at all? I'm the non-identical. Oh, there I am! Yeah, my sisters are identical. So they're identical twins and you're an identical twins. Are you in the cat-ident? I only could only hope, but the cat is a superior being, so unfortunately. I think put the cat down. Hang on, wait, we're sorry, did my- You're on my side, so that was actually not correct. LAUGHTER It sounds like it's causing a lot of aggro.
Starting point is 00:39:49 It is causing a lot of aggro. So KT, can I just clarify, what exactly would be the ideal outcome of this beef brothers? OK, with that in mind. LAUGHTER I don't think this panel's very representative. I think there needs to be a cat on the panel, a bit disappointed.
Starting point is 00:40:04 I mean, let's wait until we can get two women and then we'll start talking about it. It's great. Excellent point, well made. Thank you so much for having me. It's an absolute pleasure and the last time. Do your siblings ever trick you on a kind of they are identical?
Starting point is 00:40:23 They don't trick me, but there is an allegiance which might. Oh no we tried to. So you popped out two minutes early. They're these to arrive identical together. Holding hands. Think as thieves. You're not really triplets are you Katie? They're twins and you're the older sister.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Yeah. Oh my god. I don't know who they are. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I don't know who it is. Bitter twisted. All the sister. Who cares? This is not about the cat.
Starting point is 00:40:47 This is got nothing to do with the cat. I can't play it here, I just want to live in peace. That is conjecture. But it feels like the case has just been cracked wide open, doesn't it not? It truly does. And that is why you're one of my most prized friends. So, I think that is enough. Who brought the cane to the house? The twins Tom or old bitter
Starting point is 00:41:11 haggersouth? 18, 82 minutes. Older, 120 seconds in the future. That's pure conjecture. You're just asking a question. You are not. Anyone who knows cats knows the cat boy itself into the house Would you rather live with the time time? Heart's sake would you rather read the fucking roommates? Okay So that's hopefully enough information
Starting point is 00:41:42 What's my solution hey shut the fuck up as well. Oh, hang on in. Man, he's getting so sassy, it's great. Well, hopefully that's enough. I'm trying to put a smiley to my voice, even though you get, like, for the list of at home, they think I'm having a nice time, well, it's done. Well, that's hopefully enough information for us. Tease of eight-year cases, so well further ado I'm gonna call it my good friend,
Starting point is 00:42:10 Annie McGraw, to begin the case, all the prosecution, Annie, your minute begins now. Well I think those two little witches who look exactly the same as each other need to grow a pair of cat balls and start dealing with the shit, the literal shit that they should be throwing out the window instead of you. You had your two minutes at the beginning of life and they need to earn theirs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:38 I'm not quite... I'm not quite... I mean, I think put the cat down, but I'm trying to get past that. Sure, I understand. I understand. You've got 30 seconds left. Great. I think move out. Move out, kill the sisters or kill the cat or move out with the sisters. And just fucking go to work earlier, and then you don't have to clean the teeth or do the shit. I also don't really understand what the exact issue is. What we should have done is asked a few more questions, I think.
Starting point is 00:43:13 That's your time, that is your time. So well done to Annie Magarde, open the case for the prosecution. And Katie, I think you were well represented there. Sorry Katie. Well, will you wrap me in the case for the defence? Your minute begins now. Imagine if you will. Coming into the world.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Oh, the world. How exciting. Anything is possible. Hold on, we're supporting Kate. Anything is possible, Will. You come into the world and you're wonderfully excited about the possibilities and suddenly this dark malevolent shape in the form of your twin sister. Nothing will be possible from here on in.
Starting point is 00:44:02 This girl, later to be woman, later to be almost captor, will dominate every aspect of your life, your choices, what you have in the fridge into this picture comes a cat. The poor thing is like the lightning rod through which this tension runs. That's the time I've done it. It's good. It's good. This Dave Katie, how do you think it's going? I've got a lot of clarity, I feel in a much better place. Well, be prepared for that clarity to disappear. As we ask Ben to conclude the case for the prosecution. Ben, your minute begins now. Well, Katie, these so-called twin sisters you have, first question I have.
Starting point is 00:44:58 We're on her side, right? Yes, I know. Suddenly, I'm going to be like, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. Suddenly, I know. the work. So there's two of them and one of you. They should be doing two. No you just lost your own argument. You actually just confused your own argument there. Yeah. There's one of them. Yeah. Not to it. I'm no mathamitist. Five seconds left. Oh, on a different note, Tom, you're now going to conclude the case for the defence. Yes.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Are you going to do it yourself? No, I'm going to do the style of a deep south John Grisham defence lawyer. Oh, yes. Who goes by the name of Mr. Fanshore Standard. Mr. Fanshore Standard. Woo! Residing and providing, and Tom, your minute should you need it, begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, he he he he city. Hell, hell around here, we simple folk.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Hell, I recognize you there, John. You work in the rope shop. For some of that good rope there, never breaks. Never breaks. That's the kind of community we are. Hell, a lot of that big, that talk there from the city about this here two minutes, huh? 120 seconds here, couple of minutes there. Around here, we know the value of them there 120 seconds, hell.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Let me tell you about 120 seconds. Tell you a little story there, if goat go about a name of John. There you go, you remember John. Is this the same John from the rope shop or is it a different John? Oh John from the rope shop, he owned the goat John. Son of John, you remember John. John's ropes, John and John. John's ropes, John's goats.
Starting point is 00:47:24 That's the company. John ropes there, he says. Is his surname John ropes? John ropes. Homes the gold shop. John gold there, Homes the ropes shop. That's the kind of community we live in here. John Robes there, he says to John Goldstab there, Goldstab, Goldstab, Goldstab.
Starting point is 00:47:51 He'll give them two minutes, he could bake a fucking cake. I'm sorry if I should have started. Please, give him a manger language in the course. Oh, he'll all I'm trying to say is, saw that gold bake cake in a twenty-second answer. No further questions, Jon. No further questions. Well. He's getting old that man.
Starting point is 00:48:21 I feel like Frank Shaw's standing. We might need to make him look at the rabbits and then put a bullet in the back of his head because Because poor fan sure he's he's getting more and more That's not an argument I feel like things are going bad for What's in his fridge? Many items are in his fridge and how much of it is heart medication? Now sadly I cannot make the decision myself because I'm a ghost. Yes, that's right. I was dead all along. It's pronounced host
Starting point is 00:48:52 Oh, I'm the host of landlord not the ghost of landlords But anyway, it doesn't matter because I'm gonna ask my more than capable Phoenix live audience to make the call So if you think Annie and Ben and therefore Katie is in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. Okay, a small but very vocal group there for Katie, but if you think that Fanchort and Will are in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. No further questions, right? Katie, it's very close-we can going to have to go to the clapometer. No, I'm afraid, Katie, I'm afraid you've lost the case. And I'm afraid now it means you're going to have to brush your cat's teeth with a turd
Starting point is 00:49:33 or whatever you're on about. Now, next up is the quick fire round. But before we get all excited about the quickness of the fire, let me first paraphrase Axel Rose, say welcome to the jingle. This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly Which is why it's strange That it seems to always have A long introduction
Starting point is 00:50:16 Yes it does Well we've been warned That we have to speed things up. Apparently, this intro, well, it just goes on too long. So our solution is we're going to use only 50% of the words. Oh, that's a good. So we get with round. It's quick far and goes quickly.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Is idea very I think is? Right. Oh, right. It's not things. It's taking as we were. And it's not making any... Oh, we tried, it worked. An incasional wondering, The word I missed out there, It hasn't, it hasn't was.
Starting point is 00:52:04 Oh, it really hasn't, it hasn't was. Oh, it really hasn't. But we gave it a go. There we go. We gave it a go. Well, you gave it a go. So, in this quick fire round, because Delay's theme is new. No, I'm trying to... Maybe I should...
Starting point is 00:52:50 Another... Where I fill in all the blanks... But that wouldn't work either. Well, there we have it. Now, did you write that bit? I mean, right is a strong word, isn't it? I saw a man in the audience close his eyes and go, no! So, I'll refine.
Starting point is 00:53:18 That's our producer Ben there. So in this quick far round, you must answer each question without using the word tap. Okay, so the theme is tap but you cannot use the word tap in your answers. So if I were to ask you, what? Pure eight. It is the audience there. It's a free side of excitement. It glimps the end.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Yes. Please stop showing them your end. So if I were to ask what pure-aid olives were more commonly known as, I won't accept tap and art, but I will accept disgusting. So bear in mind I'll pretty much accept any alternative answer, so as long as it doesn't contain the word tap. Instead of buzzers, if you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name, Tom and Will, let's hear that now.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Tom, Will, fantastic, Ben and Annie. Annie. Annie. Lovely stuff. Off we go. What Spanish food made up of several small plates? Annie. To a year. Little meals. Little meals I'm going to accept.
Starting point is 00:54:15 They're a hell of a band as well. What was Fred Astaire famous for? Tom. Tom. Dancing around on hard floors. Absolutely correct. What famous piece of embroidery depicts the Norman Contan? Tom. Tom. Dancing around on hard floors. Absolutely correct. What famous piece of embroidery depicts the normal content of the... Tom, yes. The Bayou Quilt.
Starting point is 00:54:30 I'm going to accept it. What was the name of the secret police force used by the arts? Well, I've still got confused by the rules of this. I have to say, but I don't. We're looking for the secret police force used by the arts. You can't say the word tap. You see, my answer wouldn't have had that either, which makes me sense that it would be even wrong.
Starting point is 00:54:47 I'm going to say the KGB, weren't you? It was like the SS. I'm going to accept the SS. It's not. The monitoring of phone conversation by third parties often known as... Annie. I think, a band was just pipping to the post there.
Starting point is 00:55:00 The bioquilt. LAUGHTER I'm afraid I'm going to deduct you one point to that. Like, one point there. Annie, what was the answer? Hacking. Hacking afraid I'm going to duck to one point to there. At one point there. Annie, what was the answer? Hacking. Hacking, I'm going to accept. If you submit in a combat sport such as wrestling,
Starting point is 00:55:11 it's often known as Tom. Giving up, you loser! I'm going to accept that. And finally, what is the British term for a sling shot? Oh, yes. Will. Will. It's a...
Starting point is 00:55:23 Fuck off. Yeah. I'm going to accept a fuck off. That's our time, those were our questions. That was the Quick Fire rounds. We did it! And at the end. Oh, man. At the end of the Quick Fire rounds.
Starting point is 00:55:37 I think we won this one, guys. We might have a winner. So, producer Ben, with your buttocks, so, Pete G. Rounds, Moonos the answers please. He really isn't enjoying that. No, he doesn't like that at all. He's written the answers on his buttocks in Sharpie. He's going to drop Trowel and light up the room. Whoa. But for the podcast, listen to it at home, I'll read it out. You may as well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:04 But look at those orbs. So look at those glorious or look at those What a look at that the wonders I mean I've seen the Grand Canyon Sunset now you've seen it again, but it's nothing like that moon ever ever parable. Well what I would give. And he hiked through that cleft. Absolutely. Oh my god. I don't know how you felt about this the last 19 minutes. Absolutely hated it. Yeah. Yeah. Why do they keep talking about his his arcs? I don't know what what what what when he's actually just had his dick out. And he's actually just had his dick out the whole time. Man, eh? But you should have employed the elephant in the room. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:56:56 You should have made me a little bit drunk so long. Did you email me? Did you? He emailed you over 5,000 times, Will. I'm not going to open any of those emails, I'll take you there right now, yeah? My pseudonym is Landsend. So what he calls his butt? That's literally the joke he was making. LAUGHTER So one team have 19 and a half. The other team have 33.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Let's see if we can guess who those teams were. The winners are, Bet no, it's Tom and Will! Tom and Will! So... Bet and Annie have to fix the leaky tap while Tom and Will get to drink till we leak through our flaps. Thanks to our guests, Annie McGraw and Will Adamsdaleale. We've been Pappy, see you next time on Flashers Flapdown!
Starting point is 00:57:51 Pappy's Flash Air Slam now. Featured Matthew Cosby, Ben Clark and Tom Perry with special guest, Will Adamistale, Annie McGraw. He was devised by Pappy's producer, Jason Ben Walker. Thanks to everybody who came down to see the recordings of the good people of the Phoenix and London. See the right thing to podcast. Why is the British company going to quit the recordings for the good people of the Phoenix and London. See the right things podcast, why is the British Company going to quit?
Starting point is 00:58:06 We save us in Josh Gron. We helping out. Papi Fashers, down there is a plus pressure for the British Company Guide and the Internet. Cheers everyone, bye! Thank you, everyone! Thanks to everybody. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's a like theaters December 15th.
Starting point is 00:58:36 you

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