Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Ania Magliano & Alasdair Beckett-King (Make the Toast) S12E36

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to make the toast… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!WithAlasdair Beckett-King https://twitter.com/MisterABK Ania Magliano - https://twitter.com/AniaMags NEXT LIVE SHOWS9th October at The Cheerful Earful festival in Balham - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-4Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear. Hello. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to an episode of Pappi's Flashier Slam Down. A very exciting episode this one. We had a great time recording it with two brilliant guests, Ania Magliano and Alistair Beckett King. They are so lovely time. They really are. They really are lovely,

lovely, very funny. We had a really good time doing it. Before we get into the episode proper, we had a really good time doing it. Before we get into the episode proper, we wanted to tell you that if you enjoy their comedy, they kind of promote themselves a bit at the end, but if you enjoy their comedy, Anya is, she's finishing off a kind of tour, I would say, of this. Maybe she's going elsewhere, but she's got a big show anyway. She's got a big show in Leicester Square Theatre on the 11th of November 2022. So if you're listening to this before then,

do get yourself a ticket. The show is called Absolutely No Warrows If Not. I saw it at Mac Fest this year, and it was brilliant. It was so fantastic. My wife saw it up in Edinburgh, loved it. Everyone I know who's seen it has really enjoyed it. So if you want to go and see Aniomagley Anna, we'll put a link to the show in the show notes. But yeah, let's do square theater.com as well. You can get your tickets. It's on the 11th of

November at 930. Honestly, one of the one of my absolute favorites of the of the new breed, of the new blood coming through you. The new breed. The new breed. Sounds like a commons. Remlins film, what's the name? It is a bit, yeah, I do see them as Gremlins. They're the commons. So they, you know, very funny.

No one's today and they're very funny, but a huge inconvenience to us. Yeah, yeah. Really getting the way of our day-to-day life. Yeah. And please remember, don't feed them after midnight guys. Yeah, I mean, how cute they are, no matter how I, they look at you, do not give them a ginseng at a service station, they will.

No matter how cute Ania might seem, up on stage, don't throw a glass of water over her, because, honestly, what you don't want. How much she asks you to do it? Don't do it. What you don't want is thousands of Ania Magliano's popping up in theaters all over the world. You don't want that. Just the one is plenty enough for us.

Just the one perfect. Also, Alice and Beckett King is off on tour next year. You've got plenty of time for this, but he's so brilliant. I reckon a lot of these shows. I mean, they're on sale now, so you may as well get him now. He's off on tour from April, April 2023. So, you know what? It's like anything really.

You think it's a long way away. It creeps up on you. Your life comes at your fast. And he's also doing a big show at the LESA Square Theatre on June 2023. Make it a double bill. Go and see. It's a great venue. Go and see Anya in November and then go and see Alice Rebecca King in June.

A really strong double bill. A cracking double bill. As for us, if you're listening to this on the day it comes out, all the week it comes out, then we are at the Bedford in Ballam. It's the big show, the big festival. It's the cheerful earful festival, our guests, our birthday girls. I'm actually today, I've been writing the script because it's a fun setup we're going to be doing here. This is a little, a real treat. Rose and I are going to be hosting it together. I'm the rose, Johnston and I can have her. I know, I'm meeting her tonight

because she lives just down there over me. I'm meeting her tonight to go through the script. But the first, the first time I've pretty much not written script on the morning of the show. I'm writing it five or six, I mean, still no better, but it's going to say it's going to be much change. Well, hopefully Rose is going to sprinkle her.

She'll be, yeah, she's a very, very successful comedy writer. And then of course, it will be the team captain of Tom and Ben with Camille and BT respectively on their teams. It's going to be really, really good fun. Get yourself down there, cheer for Liverpool Festival. At night of October, at the Bedford in Ballam and then

afterwards we are joining them on the same stage for their podcast, Birthday Girls House Party and we're going to be there guests. We're going to be a guest. It's going to be a beautiful mess. It's going to be, yeah. I mean the thing is though, I think I'll be just ticking over, because I can't really, especially if I've got a host to show with someone else, and I've got to say certain bits and not say other bits.

I can't really drink true in our show. That's true. I know that's never stopped you having three or four jobs. You're the... But I have a modicum of professionalism, but only a suson of professionalism. Right, so let me think, what else do we need to say? Oh yeah, Patreon, Patreon as well.

Oh, guys, come and join us. It's amazing on the Patreon. It's really, really fun. So yeah, join us for the Patreon. We are going to be doing a Christmas quiz on the Patreon. So join now, join now and be part of the Christmas quiz at the end of the year. Sometime in December, we've not picked a date for that yet.

So that'll be on that, that'll be over on the Patreon.com, full slash Pappy's Fatshare. But I mean, enough promoting ourselves and others. Let's just get on with the show, shall we? It's gonna be great. BAM! BAM! BAM! Tom! BAM! What is it, Matthew?

What is it, pal? Are you all right, Tom? Yes. Good, good. Listen, we are all hankering from some grilled bread. So, why don't you... LAUGHTER Why don't you do roused about us going to make the toast.

Oh, well Matthew, it is not going to be me, because I can tell you this. Oh yeah. There was this one time I was on holiday in France. I went into a shop, I had one rubber sandal on. I said, look, I'd like to have an egg, ham and cheese, grilled toasty, please. He said, crock once you're, I said, no, it's a flip flop. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER he said, crock, one sure? I said, no, it's a flip flop. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Is it sad that someone's walking out, I think? LAUGHTER I won French Lister loss! That is not the one I rejected. Can I tell you the one that I rejected? Well, I know it wasn't the one that I rejected. You did it in the show.

It was the one that you rejected. I'm not going to do it because, you know, I once read that was not on the objective top. You did it in the show. Because the one you rejected, it would be... I was gonna do it because, you know, I once read that William Shakespeare had a very funny toasty sandwich maker. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he said, Brevelty is the soul of wit. LAUGHTER

He kept trying to make me do that one. LAUGHTER Three people clapped. That's big for me. that's a big win. Alright, Clark, what did you go for instead of taking Tom's suggestion? Well William Shakespeare once said. I'm sure I have a very spiritual relationship with Tom. I do, because I once met the Virgin Mary.

And miraculously she had the vision of a piece pizza toast on her face. Well, Clarky. Clarky and Tom, there's only one way we can set to this. We're going to have to have a... Fertish. Oh, no! Don't shift that. Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, I'm down, I'm down, I'm down, I'm down Hello, I welcome to Flat Share, slam down, the panel show that says, I don't take coffee, I take tea, my dear I like my toast done on one side I like my toast done, like my toast done on one side I like my toast done on one side Oh, I like my toes done on one side Oh, I like my toes done

I like my toes done on one side Oh, I like my toes done I like my toes done on one side I have those ladle Matthew Prossey Let's beat my pop-up pals It's Tom Perry and Benedict Glass Yes, hello. So, hey, in that song, Sting is an Englishman in New York,

and he likes his toast on one side. Under the grill, yeah, like we do, over here in England. Anyway, so he's just got a broken toast or a broken toast. There's plenty of options, yeah, yeah. Actually, if you replace your toast, you can actually save the past. LAUGHTER Now, listen, you can't make the toast on your own. Who have you brought to slice with your tonight's Tom?

Oh, I have bought my cool intern. Bought? LAUGHTER Oh, no. Luckily, you're a paid intern in my place. LAUGHTER It's Andy MacLeod! Oh no, luckily you're a paid intern in my late son It's time you're back Thank you so much for coming on the show apologies for Tom's voice. No, don't worry. Any other things

So what kind of a flatmate are you to live with? You're a good person to live with? Yeah, I think I'm quite gentle flatmate presence, but I live, I come with a very toxic cat who like brings my average down because of his bad vibes. You're sort of a good cop to their bad cop. Yeah, and he's evil cop and he's evil cat. That sounds like a great film. Yeah. I'd watch that. Yeah. What's the cat called?

Otis. I got him off gun tree. I knew you can tell. No. Something's missing. Something. HDMI cable hasn't been plugged in, probably. What kind of stuff is Otis getting up to that is

annoying the other flatmates? Well, he actually, I don't like, he loves the other flatmates he's a bad presence to me. Well my other flatmates called Harry who I have actually spoken about on your beef brothers podcast because he's like quite perfect. In a way there's fine and I'm not jealous of it. We actually tried to book Harry for two. It was Harry. Can you look forward to buying? It was Harry Ch. The hell. Am I right in thinking he works in the frame and industry? Is that right?

He doesn't know anymore now he's working on a film. Oh, cool. So cool. You guys would love him. That's great. But yeah, my cat loves him, my cat hates me. It's a toxic relationship. I talk about it all the time.

But my cat's name is Otis. So you don't want to talk about me more, so I'm just saying. I've said enough about Otis. You somehow find his way into every orifice of my life. What's the worst thing Otis does? Even I was worried about where that sentence was going to go for a second. You've drawn a triangle. Let's just hope that's start over with your line.

And the last of you. What's the worst thing Otis does? What's his worst habit? Well, he's shatting my flatmate's bird. That's brilliant. And I got really angry about it when I found out that it's a sign of separation anxiety when my flatmate went away and he's never shouting my name.

He's never shouting your bed. Yeah, and I'm, honestly, I'm there every day trying to squeeze it out of him onto my pillow, just saying one little drop, please. I'm so, I'm shitting your bed. Why did they go, oh, like it was an insult? Oh, shit. Yeah. But I think I'm fine, like outside of that, though I will say, on Friday night I did lock

myself out and I had to call a locksmith outside of that. Though I will say, on Friday night, I did lock myself out and I had to call a locksmith in it, cost £200. Oh, no. That's so much money. But thankfully, Tom is paying me tonight. For a new set of keys. OK. What happened when you locked yourself out?

I just forgot my keys. Oh, that's it. That's how it happened. Yeah, just... What happened? What have you done? I'm in a classic story. I just forgot my keys. That's how it happens. Yeah, just... What have you done, Bill? I'm a classic story. Have you ever heard of being thick? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I heard of it. I literally think. So, Ben, who have you brought with you this week? I bought my not creepy uncle. I was the best kid. Yay! Uncle Alistair Beckett, okay! APPLAUSE Am I old enough to be your uncle? Creepy or otherwise? No, I'd say probably quite bit younger than me.

LAUGHTER I suppose you could be in unusual family structures you can have a younger uncle, can't you? That's true, yeah. And that's what we have. I can hear your... I can hear the con on the hot knuckle. Creepy.

Yeah, not creepy. So nice uncle. Well, it's great to have you here, nice uncle. No, I wouldn't want man to catch on as a nickname. Not even a nickname. I've never had a nickname, so. Oh, nice uncle. Nice uncle's not a bad nickname for you.

I'm going to say. The nice uncle's a good one. Nice Uncle. So listen, what kind of a flatmate, what are the nexus and nephews of your flat? Think of you. I think kind of a bad flatmate because I shed. Oh yeah.

You live in a shed? Because I insist on the flatmates joining me in a shed. So I feel like, because this is an audio media, I should explain, that I have the look of sort of RNG Man of the Mores. I have long hair. Yeah. And oh, it gets everywhere.

And it's strong. Yeah. You know, like a spider's thread is strong, relative to the size of a spider's body. My hair is like that. It's like steel. You can't break it. It gets tangled.

I flatmate found it at his grounds house. What were you doing with that? Oh, the boat. I told them you weren't creepy mate. I'm more of a nice uncle, then I creepy with basic grandads. I heard, I can't believe I'm hung to defend this again. I have never been to that grandad. So you're on the flatmate of basically mules for your hair? Yeah, you're on the apple seed to get around there. Absolutely, yeah, you'll find it everywhere. And when I move out, it doesn't stop. You'll keep finding it for up to six months.

That'll be about as you're out. Seriously, in this room, you'll find it on your bags and about your bus, as you leave. Do you ever find it? This is an intimate question. Do you ever find it wrapped around parts of your body, specifically one part of your body? What was it? It's a nice, uncoil way of answering that.

No, it would move on. Does it do for hoovers? Oh, it's nightmarish. You have to do those pet hoovers that chop it up. I want this design for petter. Because what happens is the nozzle will come entirely dense, entirely solid with air. But then I'll pull it out.

And I have that scene. I don't have any kids. You know, that scene in films when the dad sees the kid and suddenly connects with it As I look it's like I recognize myself in the little dense Yeah, yeah I was like, oh, I look like a friend's grandma. LAUGHTER Yeah, it's all about housemates, it's all about flatmates. Do they make you, oh, they're considered making you, where, like, you know, if you work at the Deli Countrex

Saints' Breeze, you've got to wear the little sort of blue shower cap. Yeah. Have they ever... Around the house. Because you've also got to wear them for beards now, haven't you? Well, at the Deli Counte, you've got you? You've got to have a double shower cap, shower cap on the bottom, the top of the head. Have you ever suggested that?

I wear one of those full Socko suits, you know, for forensic scientists when they're like a murder, those whether or whites, and only their eyes are visible. That's how I make breakfast now. But it's only your DNA you're finding. So I guess about a good grinning, it feels like a nice warm-up for round one! I'm a cross-loving, I'm a shoot's move Where I needed you to fix the make it alright There was sleep in my eye and pissed down My pants was tripping down all over my feet

When I got to the kitchen Where the temperature's rising I could score and I'd left the milk Out of the fridge and it was starting to fall in the heat But only baby I know know is nothing in the world All we've been here is gonna be alright Cause I've just found the last two pieces of bread And they crushed the empty can white And I've got this in spread so I'll have toast in there

But there's a lesson that I'll never lose Unless you reach a sense On your toes, then your toes It could end up But It's just like that What the hell on my toes To spin over and down

With the toes to quiz over Just like that what the hell I've ever done Just that, what the hell, I've earned, I've earned, I've earned Just like that, what the hell, I've got toes to spin over and down It's when I was dead with someone, changed their city up to five in the state of two So I'm like some music, I'm scraping per bits into the bin And remembering I've went the bed to the moon What a voice what a voice what a voice he had what a voice used to have a that's how I lost my voice

Yeah, I lost it and voice. That's all I lost, eh? And tonight, it's just low. Yeah. It's just low. You're low. The bottom. This, Jesus' guise. This first round is called mum's spaghetti on butter toast. It's a rap battle with a difference.

It's a side of my mind, that. It's time to tear them off. How would you say it to make it sound good? Oh! It's a rap battle with a difference. No one here can rap. And another difference. Rather than slam one another, we'd like you to pay your opponent compliments in rhyme.

Okay? So I'm all holding up to five points for flow and five points for kindness. So here we go folks. We'll start with Tom and Alistair. Now, we explain the games to Alistair and Annie before, and I saw Alistair set me his phone looking a little bit nervous. I said, what's going on?

He said, I'm currently googling rap terminology. I've never heard a rap. It's very exciting for me. So look out for some new rap terminology. Let's just learn in the last half hour. All right, DJ Quinn Doctor, will you set those wheels of steel in motion? It's Tom and Alistair, a compliment rap battle.

Off we go. Hey, okay. Alistair, your eyes I love them. I love the fact you come from County Durham. I don't think that you look weird and I want to lick your beard. Yeah. Ha. lick your beard. Yeah. Ha! So there's no pause and I just start rapping. You just take a bit of a pause if you aren't beat, I mean there's a pause.

I think I'm a Northern white man so I've never wrapped or given or received a compliment at anything. So it's really, I'm three for three here. So my understanding is that I can't believe I'm in it. Tom, thank you for your message. That's more of a blind to an email, isn't it? It's rare in a rap belly at RSVP, it's very warm regards. Sorry, didn't see this till now. It's not like jokingly can't do it. Tom, I didn't think issues. Smell those bad liars was implied.

What a flow. So just probably need to wear the ones with implied. I'm sorry. Um... ...is... ...PS? I... ...have... died. Got the one. Gosh, I feel like that might have gone on longer than it should have. I'm really sorry.

I tell you what, there's a real twist in the tail there at the end. I feel like, because I'm dead, that thing that means I don't have to do any more rapping. Well, let's see, oh no, now I'm checking the script and you do. You do actually have to do something. I mean, it's not a focus. Tupac didn't do any more. Wait, does he know about rap on us? No.

I've just heard of one rapper. So, Tupacers are rapping, yes. But they did release quite a lot of stuff posthumously, which led to people thinking he may still be alive. Anyway, so... I thought that was out and they'd put me back in. So, anyway, I'm going to have to reward some points there, so Tom, I have to...

Good, gorgeous flow. Thank you. I don't think I'm going to give you four out of five for your flow. Oh, no. Oh, no. No kindness. Licking the beard is a five out of five. Five out of five. You got a five, yeah. And...

Oh, man. Okay, I feel... I feel bad to be here. I don't want to speak in the dead. That's my problem here now. Can I give you... I don't want to set the bar too high, but I'm going to give you a one for flow.

LAUGHTER Oh, that's... If I give you a three, it'll suggest that people can be worse than that. We need you to have to play the rest of this game. So... And for kindness... Well, you... I mean, the stuff you said you kept it quite short,

two for kindness. She's that sort of. Oh, wow. People normally do this badly in the game. I'm going to be honest with you now. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Luckily I'm not being awarded on kindness tonight. OK, next up is Ben and Ania. Remember, if you can't say anything nice,

write something lovely. DJ Gwynn Doctor, hit it! MUSIC Yeah. Geez, motherfucker. Someone's given us a terminology. LAUGHTER Yeah But a good one Thank you

Is that is that the start and I love it Then I like your tweets about the Suez Canal. I think you should do more and they're not for now. Oh, hello. Thanks, mate. I needed that. It's genuinely quite nice to get a couple of it. Is it nice wrapping as well? Yeah, Anja, you're really nice. You made from sugar and spice and all things good.

Yeah, I like your hair, it goes down to there. When I find it around the flats, it's not unbreakable. It's easy to hoover up. What the hell? What's going on in this round? Sorry, I have to throw you under the bus. This guy's a creepy uncle. I like that.

Any more for any more ever, Manny? Um, Ben, your t-shirt looks really clean. I think you are a scream. Ben, you think you're an absolute scream? Thank you so much. You're so welcome. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Oh, yeah.

Anja, I like your surname. I was really nervous saying it at the start. Did I pronounce it right? I really hope so. Love you. You couldn't write it with a surname. Her surname rhymes with so. LAUGHTER I love you.

Why are both of you rapping in formal letters? You're gonna go sit, Sydney. Bye. LAUGHTER OK. Can you come up with something that just took a picture? Oh, your anger. Close us off off here. I'll be like bread I'll come round that shit in your bed There we go There we go

I knew you had it in you right straight away I'm it's gonna be it's gonna be fired for kindness fire five for flow there for a man, lovely stuff on it. And Clarky. Guys, that's ten, right? Lay it on me. Flow is a little, I'm going to give you two for five. What the fuck is going on here? That's what we were all thinking while you were rapping, mate.

You guys have got a real flow issue. So I'm going to give you two a bit. There was kindness in there. You did say you loved Ania, which is very nice. So I'm going to give you three. The first time anyone's ever said it as well. I'm going to give you three out of five for kindness. Fact in. Ania, you're still up and you are now battling with Alistair. So take a moment to praise one another. Yep. Oh, he's taking the mic out. Yeah, oh.

Sorry, it's just one that's what Tom did. I thought it's how we, I don't know what happened. I'll put it back in. It's unnecessary. No, I'm going to take the medicine. Don't put it back. Don't mess with the formula that works. OK.

Don't let any get inside your head here. OK, so you take a moment to praise one another. DJ Quinn Doctor, take us down to Nortie Town with a fresh beat. Who's starting? I think it should be you. I'd say what? Let's make Alice a cause you rap most recently. Alice, then you can start. Come on. Jesus Christ, okay.

It's gonna write something down. You can't get a pen out. All I've done is I wrote down the word motherfucker when you said it But the pen didn't work so Rude squiggle Well Yo-yo-yo, etc. Yeah Yo, yo, yo, etc. Yeah. Ania, you are of mixed heritage, Italian, and something else.

That's so nice. I think it's Polish. Don't want to put my... Yes, it's Polish. Worst episode of Who Do You Think You Are, whatever. And if I had a hype man, he would say, Polish. Polish, Polish. She would say, Polish. Oh, yeah, she'd be there with this.

Polish. Polish. Yeah. That's the sound of the polies. Oh, it's the whole... Bonus points. It's Polish. I'll also, you are Delish.

Delicious. A rhyme. I'll also you are delish Delicious a rhyme rap was finished Okay, and yeah, what do you make it that? I just I'm just processing it really quickly Okay Oh, no, I'm panicking. Don't panic. Don't panic. Stay calm. Do please panic Even though you said I'm delicious. I don't think you're a creepy uncle. I think you're a nice one Nothing rhymes with uncle, but I like your t-shirt I feel like you used that before already the t T-shirt thing. It doesn't feel genuine. Oh yeah, you're as a team. You have really nice T-shirts and my compliments spread wide, like your hair.

If I found your hair in my sink, I would weave it into a nice tapestry, which I think you would like given your general vibe. My flow is really fallen apart. Okay, DJ Spin Docks, I'd win Doctor Killit there mate, Killit. Okay. I will say Tom warned me about Uncle but I went straight into it. I wrote down Uncle and he said don't go there and I went there. I mean we could have accepted Jungle I guess, yeah, whatever. But Jungle. I mean, we could have accepted jungle, I guess,

you know, whatever it would have been. I mean, it would have been more of a rhyme than anything either of you said. I mean, I'm definitely going to give it, I mean, the sound of the police was definitely, bonus points for Tom there, so two points for Tom there. I was a point.

Alex, you're a definite improvement in your flow there, so two points, it ever flowed. So that's a 100% improvement. Congratulations. In terms of compliments, you said that you was delicious. Yep, and Italian. And Italian? Yes. A factual compliment there. So again, I'm going to give you two points there for that. So that's four points to you. Ania, your flow did suffer, I'm afraid. One point for your flow. You certainly said nice stuff about the T-shirts.

There's two points there. Final rap battle. It's BFF Buddy Boys Ben and Tom. Now, say all the things you've left on set over the last three decades. Hahaha. DJ Quinn Doctor, jeez, you know how I like it. Well, you play.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Motherfucker. Hahaha. Oh, if you were food, I'd eat you up like I'm a greedy one. Yoooooh, my number one friend of my second favourite comedian. Oh, you got a lovely round head. Oh, you got a lovely round head. Oh, you got a round head. Oh, you got a round head. Oh, you got a lovely round head that I wish I'd licked. I think your face has a nice bone structure. If I was your girlfriend I'd be glad that I fucked you. I love that your hair color can't be defined. Is it strawberry blonde or autumn wind?

I don't know. I don't, is it? It's a really indefinable hair color. Is it blonde or something other? Is that compliment? I'd think you were song if I had the choice, I'm not gonna do it because I've lost my voice Any response to Thomas he's giving you a lot. Yeah Thank you

Mate I think you're great. I like how Tom's voice breaking made it sound really sincere. Yeah, yeah. Learn that from too back, you do that? Now Tom, a gorgeous flow there. Really strong flow. Really, really strong flow. Yeah, really, really good. And you're allowed to say it was strong for you don't say because that's you know That's the rap style to big yourself up. So it's very very strong flow very very good beautiful compliments

I'm gonna give you five out of five on both counts Very strong Clarkie starting with some nice flow. Thank you mate Like you started with some nice flow. Thank you. Mate. So you should catch phrase. And start with a nice flow. The second bit of...

Well the second bit's a curveball, isn't it? No one else did a fucking second bit, did they? I did. Oh. I'd say it. And it was really good. Yeah. And also your first bit was only half a bit really.

Ow, fuck yourself. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Gwyn Doctor himself, give us the scores and some compliments over a tasty piece. Okay. Hang on, here we go. Like all good rounds have against the hang on.

Here we go. I don't really know what to say. The scores are a runaway. Tom and Anne you have 34. and Ben and Alistair have 19 So Tom and Ania are in the lead but our bed and Alistair toast will find out in part 2 see you after that Welcome back to flash a slam down Welcome back to Flight Shest Labdown! Oh, wow! Now before the break,

Tom and Ania were in the lead, that hasn't changed, and neither has my hunger for warmed granary. So... Let's separate the wheat from the chalos you play round two, it's flat games! Wooo! Let's play together

Games! Let's play forever Roll the dice play forever roll the dice spin that thing put that down Do is the toe games if you lose you get nothing Games if you win you can go Yes Put that on tick-tock Let's go on TikTok. Ships of units.

Getting on the TikTok. All right. This week we're playing our version of DingBats, which we're calling HustingBats. The UK has a new Brian Minister. Yay! Which is sad news for everyone. Not because it's in this trash, he's obviously brilliant.

No, it's the sad news. Is that, hustling season is over, but worry not folks. This game imagines our four contestants are vying for your vote. I'm going to give them four areas of life that need improving, and they have to briefly outline their bold new plans for that area. Our audience will decide who the would deem

has the best policy. The winner of each category gets a point, but the person with the most points for that from the entire round and therefore is our new PM gets a whopping five points, five points. Five points. Five whole points falling in the round. Go on, what? Do you prefer to be less more?

Bit more for that, isn't it? Yeah, maybe ten points for 10 downing street. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice. Okay, that's all right. We're about 40 points behind. That's the main thing. I think anybody quite knows why, but we're doing quite poorly. Okay, you know what? I can't figure it out. I'm in a good mood now that my woman's PM. So yeah, why not? I'll give you 10 points. I'll give you ten points. Give you ten. Okay, so our opening category is lunch.

Tom, we'd like to hear from you first. If we elect you leader, what would be your policy on the humble lunch? Tom. Guys, if you elect me as your leader, everyone loves brunch. It takes lunch and it improves it by melding it with another meal. I'm not going to stop there.

You back me, I'm going to be giving you lunch. It's after lunch and before dinner. Glunch. Who wouldn't enjoy a lovely bit of lunch with their friends? What's the what's the glow sound? What email is it with? Clunch it's D L O E Oh, oh, oh, oh, lunch

Clunch, oh, lunch You're saying glunch! Say it with me Glunch Hard to say, lovey to eat Anya, what's your policy on lunch? Okay, my policy on lunch, if you elect me, is that meal deals apply to any three items in the world. LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE Not here, I say lunch anymore. LAUGHTER I've been to pick a side of it. I've been say blunt, anymore. LAUGHTER I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the...

I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the...

I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to the side of the... I've been to avoid pointing, but it makes them look weird. Yeah. So that suggests authority and confidence. My plan for lunch at Right-Bam. Out. Oh, top.

I like it. Bum bum bum bum. Oh, it's a top. Right-Bam. Tough on lunch, tough on the causes of lunch. LAUGHTER Don't worry, Tom. Lunch is fine.

It's lunch. No, lunch. lunch is fine. It's a lunch. Lunch is fine. Clarke. I'm also... Yeah. I'm going to hammer the table. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go. I think that lunch had last for longer.

I'm proposing lunch goes on until dinner. Oh! Oh! Straight through, do that! Straight through! Oh! He's been a bulldozer straight through your lunch. Do your lunch there, I should say.

Right. Okay, so we're talking about, we've got lunch, we've got meal deal, we've got outright ban with a plea for clemency, and we've got all the way from lunch straight into dinner. Fuck yeah. Can I just stress by the way? Glunch means lunch. You're saying lunch man. You're saying lunch?

It's really confusing. I'm going to say it's probably between, for my mind, it's between Anja and Ben. So we can have cheers for Anja. And for Ben, fuck you. Fuck you. Sorry to do that, you mate. Sorry to do that to you mate, sorry to do that to you. I just like, I actually think this round should be worth one point. I can't believe we got soon x, this is our round.

Our next category is beaches, and I'd like you to hear from you first. What is your proposal for beaches? I think beaches, I think sounds can be annoying when it gets in the cracks, and everyone has a crack, no matter how, who they are. Crack, crack, it, look, yeah. Crack is the great leveler of our bodies. And now let me say this. I find that as we end up the music industry, I'll be telling you, man.

All the sand, because I think... We're sorry. He's sorry. Absolutely no idea what crack does to a human's body. Doing the pea-sign and putting it like... I don't know how you spoke it like this. Oh, I've just smoked some crack, man. I'm so mellow. It's like...

The outtakes of trains, boss. Yeah. Is that what they do in trains? I've seen trains, boss. But my proposal is, because I think pebble beach is a bad because they're too hard on the feet. So what if all the sand was glued together and it's glued together by the losing team? I think what you're doing is describing concrete. What? Concrete beaches. And they can go in your meal deal. It's hard to go first.

I put a bluncher in thin air, mate. Alicir. Beaches, please. Two thumbs this time. Simultaneously, like a Marianette. So, Beaches, first of all, as an aficionado of rap music. Drop a beat, please. We couldn't mistake you're not drop a beat.

No! I would say, follow-see, is that beaches near the sea should be pretty, yeah, I was an actual line. Sorry, you shouldn't get distracted from your rap when people, when you run. I think we should pronounce it, viacees. Because you're like hip it V-arches. Cos you're like, hip hop. V-arches. LAUGHTER Wow.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Doing the hands is more of the thump thing. LAUGHTER Well, I thought it was going to be that one, is it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I like pebble beaches because they're like low res normal beach So it's got a sort of Amstraddy 90's feeling for me. It's down loading. Give it 20 years, it'll be Sam. Clarke. Yes, mate. Um, ha ha.

I think the best bit of a beat. Yes, go on. I know I sound the most on Go for it,, but Clark is the one with the real hangover. Beaches are amazing, but we only have one by the sea. Oh. I think everyone should have back garden beaches instead of grass, sand, yes. Like a golf course.

Like a bunker, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every house gets a bunker. hardest golf course ever. Garden beaches. Garden beaches. You're talking about beaches. You've been really as manifesto-colluckey. Harry, what is your policy for beaches? On every beach, a three-meter strip of towel

between the sea and the sand, so when you come out of the sea, you go on the towel! You have a little wiggle and then you dry onto the sand. You two are right. Yeah. Mmm, yeah. These ones supported there. Very, very idea of a giant communal towel. Very into the idea of that. A towel strip. A towel strip. Okay, so we've got the... Let's talk us through it again.

The concrete beach. Yes, well. Welcome to the world of the concrete beach. We've got the ujjas. The ujjas, yes. I wonder why I forgot all of these. Oh my god. Concrete. We've got Al urges, the urges, yes. I wonder why I forgot all of these. Concrete, we've got Alistair's, the glitches.

We've got the bunkers and we've got Toulstrip. Toulstrip, okay. I think it's... For me, it's got to be between... Just took someone to put it to a vote. It's got to be between Toul looks like I want to put it to a vote. It's got to be between Tom and Alistair. So... And I think glitches has got...

Popping down the glitch for lunch sounds great. LAUGHTER All right. All right, do you know what? Lunch on the cage. LAUGHTER It's a cage. I'll accept that.

So, who's just got one of those to lose anymore? Clarke's... Clarke's backyard bunker. I'll accept that. So, who's just going to have to lose anymore? Clarke's backyard bunker. Which way? Right. It's now, man. Don't googly. Don't googly.

It's now, it's back available on Blu-ray, by the way, that's. I've been banned for a brief period with a new cafe. Not his backyard bunker. This is available for our website. So, so, so, Clark is back to our bunker. Of course we have the fun. Tom says. So, Clarkie. Or Tom's Towsdrip. The point is going to Karky there. Next it's exercise, Alistair.

We'd like to hear from you first. What would you, if we elected you later, what would mean, what would that mean for the future of exercise? I'm doing the thumb things with both hands, both feet. LAUGHTER And again, I'm going to fall back on outright that. LAUGHTER CHEERING Oh, OK. Very popular. Very popular. Very popular.

APPLAUSE Clarke, uh, Fuck Jim's. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. It's the best form of exercise. It's the most fun. Nature's Jim. Exactly. So, uh, fuck Jim. OK, he's the most fun. Nature's gym, exactly. So, fuck Jim. He's a...

He's half-down, car, he's fucking... A fuck Jim in your bunker. LAUGHTER But... Fuck Jim in the bunker, yeah. It's so like it. Like Jim in the bunker. Thank you, Jim. LAUGHTER

Harry. Let me talk to you about Drexasize. It's exercise with drones. No further questions. Okay, exercise with drones and Adia, what are you suggesting? Okay, I think exercise should be measured in a new way. Okay. Where, it's like, it's called the Neal Armstrong method. Okay. Where one small step equals one giant leap for mankind. Yes. So you only need to do one small step a day

and you could have invented like the light bulb. LAUGHTER As nearly as drunk famously did. He found him in a crater, didn't he? He was playing LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER OK, so we've got... Oh, god. Now, right ban. We've got f**ked gyms. We've got exercise with drones

and we've got the Neil Armstrong Moonlight Ball programme, which, by the way, is also now currently available to TVT. I think all of these needs to go to the vote. OK, we'll start with Alice Dirt. Out right, Bann? APPLAUSE

Parky, Popgims. Yeah. I've got one taker. I'm gonna popgims. And I'm upsetting you, BABY! Obsessing me, me to my auntie. LAUGHTER It was only a matter of time.

LAUGHTER It's your nice auntie or a weird auntie. It depends on how many parts she's had, I think. I can't believe Ben's going to be my uncle. Bunko! LAUGHTER Bunkle! Bunkle! Uh, delicious. Dread... Dread exercise. Dread exercise.

Dread exercise. Boy. And then finally, the Neil Armstrong Moonlight Ball Method. Woo! What a bad! I think that probably goes to Annihut, though. I think that they have just beaten Fukjums in Amrite Bad, I think, so congratulations at another point to Annihut, right?

Here we go. Final. Finally, Ben, you ought to begin podcasting. What is your bold vision for podcasting? Alribe Bad! LAUGHTER What is your bold vision for pod casting? Out right back. LAUGHTER Well, you had too much of them. And put your bottle rings. Work the talking.

LAUGHTER Thank you, Carkey. Parry. Podcasts. Oh, yeah. Podcasts about fucking. LAUGHTER Podcasts about my heartyie fucking my best friend.

My uncle made a porno. I don't know what mine is. I wonder where to find out my best friend. LAUGHTER And yeah, what's yours for podcasting? Um... I don't know. I'm crumbling. What about every meal deal applies?

Podcasting, podcasting, every podcast new topic that's submitted where no offense is just white men hosting it. And I know that's your culture and I love it. Thank you actually. It has to be submitted to a board of people made up of this lovely audience who I think are so nice. She is good. She is good. So, Alistair. When you listen to American podcasters and they misuse a common phrase and no one calls

them upon it, examples include, could care less. And I stepped foot in there, instead of I set foot in there. I stepped foot on the moon and found a light bulb. There's a branch that wicks up there. In that situation, those pod podcasters die. LAUGHTER Wowie. That's good. If the policy was misuse of phrase and die, we would be in the last five minutes.

To be clear for the wording of the policy, it's only Americans. So... Yeah. Alright. Okay, it's trick-and-a-call this one. Trick-and-a-call, so we're going to do this again. So we started, of course, with Clarky and yours was... Outright ban.

Outright ban. They love podcasts! They love the wrong crowd! I'm playing to the wrong crowd! We're not proud of this. Podcast about fucking hosted by your auntie. LAUGHTER That was quite an anti-centric cheer, I never said...

We had another one. ..the episode it was clear. Localised around the nieces there. Which is your blue, right, isn't it? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! And you're, what was yours? I remember you saying I'm crumbling and I blacked out.

I think I did. It's about minus any new podcast which isn't, is just straight white men? Yes, to work in, have to be a judge. It has to be adjudicated by a panel of judges. What do we think? Whoo! They love their straight white men. They love their straight white men. Mrs. Abel, I think Perry's auntie's going to win.

No, I don't know. Or could it be the death to American to misuse phrases? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank God. I don't make the rules. I just stick to a point two, Alice, to that. So that means that Anja, with two points, is our Prime Minister! Yeah! Ten bonus points to her, but Gwyn, what has that done to the scores?

So it's important to remember that this is just a snapshot of the scores at this point in time. Oh, yes. And the real important scores come at the end of the... Then the point goes to the end of the day. LAUGHTER But as it stands, Tom and Ania have 44. A 44-point lead against Ben and Alistair's 19. Ah!

How could they do that? I think I've scored this wrong, you know. It's fake news. Should we take another short break? Maybe of a day. Yeah. Okay, well, we'll pick all that up in post. Sorry, I'm not working out.

We'll go for a working lunch and sort it out. Now, as politicians, it's vital that we listen to our constituents and try to solve their problems, so let's air our grubby grievances in the gravy-flavored court of Beef Brothers! Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-shared based beef, and today's one comes from Jack, who is in the audience and writes. On mine and my partner's balcony is a ledge past our metal railing, occasionally pigeons sit there. I leave them peacefully, but my partner, India, shoots them with a water pistol. LAUGHTER

She says it is part of the balcony that is ours. I say it's communal and free for pigeon use. It's a strong beef from Jack and India. Now Tom and Ania, you're on the side of Jack, Ben and Alistair, you're on the side of India. Fucking right. Are we on the side of the pigeons? You're on the side of the pigeons as well, yeah. Jack and the pigeons. Jack and the pigeons.

India and her shooter. So. And Jack amongst the pigeons. Jack amongst the pigeons. Okay, okay. Ten points. Yeah, deducted. Of course you're going to have a lovely ten point. It was not going to make any difference.

No, any questions now. Any questions you have across examination? Let's start with Jack. India you're also here as well. Let's start with Jack. Any questions for Jack, first of all, from either well. Let's start with Jack any questions for Jack first of all from either team What's your oh wait? No, you don't shoot them do you I don't shoot them? Can I just check are you both shooting them?

Wait, I'm not sure what the problem is So Jack Jack doesn't shoot the, India does shoot the pigeons. You are on India's side. Of course I am. Jack, what's your fucking problem? That's conjecture, Annie. I have one. What's your diet?

Both meat eaters. Both meat eaters, okay. What's the pigeons diet? We don't see, they just come in well in fairness and do myself with this service here But they just come and shit on the ledge and then fly away. So Looks like shit on the ledge white white runny super guesses what they're eating Worst lunch ever Any other questions for Jack what we have in Jack are you familiar with the phrase

Virtue signalling I'm not Too Shay Then no further questions He's sharp LAUGHTER His is sharp, we've got the edge sharp. You have to work hard. There's railings, then a ledge.

Yes, the metal... There's the outside world, then a ledge, then metal railings, then your balcony. Yes. And your property extends past the metal railings that are the boundaries of your property. Well, this is the... How do you do it all this and then you're going to be like,

I'm peaking a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's a fair point actually. It's literally rumble. I mean, it wouldn't be weird if Tom was at this round out because your questions are, so which one are you again? Which one are you going to do this Jack Lee? Do I like your dislike? I can't remember. So we're talking about a balcony that goes beyond the railing, obviously. You can't have the railing on the other side of that if you fall through the gap.

So yeah, but you dispute whether it's a communal area. Yeah, about balcony railing. A little bit more about ledge. But you wouldn't... You can't do anything on that bit of ledge. It's just... Maybe I'm a bit... On the other side.

What's Indian promoting you to on that ledge? Some people like to fucking pigeon-share. That's what I'm saying. It's been a grave year, old episode. We've got a discord if you want to join it. Any other questions for Jack? India's here as well. Any questions for India? Is your problem, Jack, then?

Because they're off. If they were on the balcony, you wouldn't have a problem with shooting. Yeah, so if they pass the metal railing, then fair game. They're fucking dope. They're fucking dope. LAUGHTER Oh, boy.

OK. OK. any more questions? Any more questions at all? Do you have a pet? No pets. Okay. That you know of. Thank you. Well, hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So without further ado, I'm going to call upon Anumagviano, you have one minute to begin the case for the prosecution. The time starts now. OK, I think these pigeons, like, forget about them.

I think the problem is that this gun made out of water when they're invented by Buzz Aldrin. I said at the beginning, have you ever heard of being sick? I think there is a drought on. I don't know if you've heard. And I think, India, there's better uses for water. You could be doing better things with water, like spraying it at the ground. And my second point is, ever heard of a little thing called love?

LAUGHTER Try showing it to the pigeons, or use a real gun. LAUGHTER No half measures. No half measures. No half measures. Thank you. And you, Magniardo, very strong home. The case... Or the prosecution. And you're up in the case of a defence.

I call upon Aleister Beckett King, your minute begins now. Where does it end? LAUGHTER A pigeon on the balcony, a fox on the doorstep, a wolf in the letterbox. Nine owls jammed in the guttering. Need I go on? An elk in the bedroom. Three bears in...

behind the under-accounted pane. I don't know. Where does it end? Here is a good point. Here is a good point, thank you. And further to that, I say... Boundaries, when I look at the world... When I look into the eyes of a newborn child... I'm not proud to bring that child into a world where we say, oh, that is the extent of our property, cross that line and you are on

something that belongs to me. Could I be that heartless? No. No. That boundary is a legal fiction. It gives you no more or less right to shoot pigeons. Shoot pigeons everywhere or shoot pigeons nowhere. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Very strong case. Very strong case. How do you think it's going so far, Jack and India? Mixed. LAUGHTER Okay, so how do you think it's going so far, Jack and India, Jack? Mixed.

Yeah, yeah. Sort of some people have been in favour of you, other people have been in favour of India, and it's something that you can't really pick a side. India, how you feel in? I feel like I have additional context, but you don't have to have the context. Well, take a bit of context. Yeah, we're not. If that's okay with everyone. We're procedurally in a court, this wouldn't be acceptable.

No, no, no. Have you seen Legally Blondt? Oh, the Legally Blondt defense. With my hair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've watched it recently for the first time. It's quite good. I housed these pigeons.

Oh. Oh. They laid eggs in the flower box, killed my wildflower seedlings. And yet, I nurtured them from eggs to pigeons, and then they flew the nest. And then it got to a point where it was like a battery farm because they just kept laying more eggs.

And that's when I said, that's enough. Enough's enough. Enough's enough. Sure. Well, let's see if I made it easier to defend you. I had known that before I had to do that stuff about elks. It would be great to have that. You raised them.

You encouraged them. And you started shooting them. Yes. And you think that argument helps you? Well, let's see what it does to the pig and the hat defense. Now Tom, are you going to be... ...are you going to be represented the prosecution as yourself tonight? No, I'm going to do it in the style of a John Grisham defence lawyer. Oh yes. Who goes by the name of Fanshawe Standing. Fanshawe Standing.

Prezyding and providing your minute should you need to begin now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Fanshawe, fan-team. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Pardon me, I've been up late working on the defense today. Well, you're my maybe a bit more croaky than usual. This is a story here of Jack and India there. It's kind of got me thinking, hell, I recognize some of you in the jury. We local people. We from around here, we don't know no big words like them. They're lawyers from the big city elk

Sounds like something the Canadians use Here and Jack and India story that kind of got reminded me of a story I'm sure you've all heard. Back when I was a young lad working the farm, college put a dream in my eyes, I'd be standing mad. Every morning out there on the farm, hugging the fence, peeing in the ground. I was a bad farm boy. One day there's a rustling in the trees.

Hey, hey, hey, ain't seen anything like it before in my life. Stone the crows if what walked out of that bush, was a pig wearing a hat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It was bold as brass. Ten gallons, Stetson. Cocky walk, wink of the eye. And then he was gone. Hell for three months, every day that pig arrived, cocking his hat, shaking his tail. Sometimes it bring me a little acorn, pushing it along with his snaps.

Three months passed and we ate gammon for some day in the tastiest gammon you ever tasted in your life. Let me tell you that hat for dessert, won't baddie? But come Monday morning, I found myself looking towards that bush, hoping for another equal. And it never did arrive. I also want to fuck the goose. And it stopped laying golden eggs.

The defense rest, so on. Thanks, your standon. Thank you for the context by the wind, it really helped. So all that remains is to conclude the case for the defense. Ben, you have a minute and it begins. Now, everyone hates pigeons. They're the worst They're racist. So I actually think you should lean into it, find new ways to kill them. Do you know that

if you eat, I know if you eat, I don't know if you feed a pigeon rice. It looks bloated, you heard this. If you feed an uncooked rice, but if you feed a pigeon cooked rice, it shrinks. I know they'll say it's Uncle Ben's rice. The defence rest. Lovely staff, Ben Cartman. I just like to add that I also fucked a geese. I'm afraid that time's over.

The jury cannot use that information. Ah, great, not. So now I can't make the decision myself as I'm already worn out from casting my vote for busy Lizzie Trustras. So instead, I'm calling up on our live Phoenix audience to make the call. So have you think Fan Short and Anja and therefore Jack is in the right, applaud now? But if you think Ben and Alistair made the best case, please applaud now. I think you know what, you get the one point.

There you go. Guys, you've got the one point. I believe by Queen Scoring, that's 20 points you've got. Could be 19, I'm not sure, could be 19. So huge thanks to Jack and to India. Had you been about the results? You've all just voted for genocide. Thanks very much.

No, it's a water pistol. It's starting off with a water. Yeah, it is a water pistol. It's not murdering me. You're not sticking actually in the water pistol, are you? I just want to tell them it's not a safe space for them to have more eggs. Yeah, that's, that we should have said that.

Yeah, that was good, that's actually better. Anyway, you're still one, so I'm sorry. So now the show has truly reached fever pitch and quite frankly that's not my tempo, so let's slow it down boys, with a quick fire round jingle. This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction. It has a long introduction when it should be really short I guess you could say that it is a tradition This quick fudge angle

Going really long and everyone enjoys it Look at their excited faces. Or at least I thought they did. Until I got the following WhatsApp message. On the Pappy's WhatsApp group, which is called Pappy to meet you. Matthew Crosby wrote at 10 past 9, hey Ben and Tom. I hope you had nice summers. Looking forward to the next couple of recordings. Just a thought, I'd been chatting with producer Corsian. We were thinking in the future maybe let's try and keep the quick fudge angle. Go on, a little bit shorter.

Do you think that's an idea? Don't get me wrong, I understand the joking. That it should be short, but it goes on really long. But recently it's gone really long. But cross-be-people, not some up and go on for three minutes. And it's causing a loss of momentum. I don't want to be treading on any shoes here. Just think about it. I think you can do. Then after that message, there's a reply that I wrote.

I wrote a reply and it went like this Dear Matthew, thank you for your mercy You always lovely to hear I'm sure that we can think about that It's an interesting suggestion To be honest, it would be a relief to me person. If we did start making the jingle quite sure because sometimes I run out of ideas. That's a surprise. What to talk about in the jingle Especially for three minutes

For instance, with the next jingle I'm recording I'm thinking about pretending that you wrote a message To make the jingle show water Where do you get it? I'm just going to make up a WhatsApp message. I pretended it came from you. Then I'll reply to that message in the jingle. And it will all go on for a very long time, do you think that's a good idea?

And then there was no reply, because the conversation was made up. Oh well, well now it's time to get on with the quick fire round. Tom, that may have been a fiction, but you really captured my voice. Tom, that may have been a fiction, but you really captured my voice. I know. I'm always using the expression, I don't want to be trading on any shoes here. Especially not my shoes. Don't the particles coming up. Anyway, this is the quick fire round. And as I show it about toast, I'm going to ask that every response is presented as a loyal toast

by prefacing your answer with the words, please raise your glass and join me in celebrating and then give the answer. So if I ask you to complete the name of A.A. Mills, popular bear character, Winnie thee, you'd say, please raise your glasses and join me in celebrating, poo! Ornithes, we'd love you to join them

by toasting that answer right back. Bring out the Prosecco. Bring it out. LAUGHTER Imagine. LAUGHTER Imagine a Prosecco. Bring it up. Imagine. Imagine the Prosecco. Instead of buzzes. It's like champagne but worth. Instead of buzzes, I'd like you to shout out your first name.

Tom and Annielits here, that. Tom. Anniel. Ben and Alistair. Ben.nalyster. Off we go. What is the name of the condition where the body's immune system attacks and destroys the cells that produce insulin? A toast. Please, everyone, join me in a toast to diabetes.

Diabetes! What do you call the feeling of having drunk too much the previous day? Tom, Tom. Please, join me in a toast for Hankover! Hankover! Hankovers. Litter, oil slicks, and the pumping of toxic gas into the air are all forms of what? Please enjoy me and rate.

Alistair. Oh! Gin, say, Simon, say, Gin, say, no, it doesn't count. Alistair. Alistair. We need points. Please join me, what do you have to say? Please join me in a toast to a pollution. Pollution!

You know, two points for that. It's really not going to make any difference. Name the small yellow and black stripy insects. It resembles bees and ruins. Pants. I think it was John first there to us What is the economic system in which private individuals own and control most of the factors of production Alistair, please join me in toast to capitalism What is the nickname of Simon Lieveth whose is excavated to fraud him women out of money for her dating app, was made into a Netflix documentary?

And yeah, and yeah, please join me in to toasting to the Tinder Swindler. The Tinder Swindler, I missed the stud guy. What term is commonly used for striking the end of your foot against a hard surface? Ben, please join me in celebrating Stamina Tos! Stamina Tos! Don't wanna step on an issue. Who is the current Prime Minister of the UK? Tos.

Go on, Tom. To lose trust, everyone! To lose trust! There's the clip for TikTok! LAUGHTER Mad that a positive one's stuck in at the end, isn't it? But that's the end of the round and the end of the game. So before we find out the final scores, Ania and Alistair, anything to plug, Ania?

I'm doing a show at Soho Theatre in October, October 3rd to 8th. There is one to get left. So if anyone wants that, it's yours, but you have to pay. And but maybe I'll do more if people want to come. And I want to do a tour, but I don't know if I'm allowed, but I might just go on it. So I basically have a life.

I'll be in the toilet doing my show if any of you want to listen. I have a show that I'm trying to do so just look out for it. It's called absolutely no worries if not so. Absolutely no worries if not. Fantastic show. Alistair anything to plug. Wow I mean that was more boasting than plugging. Would you like to hear about any of my successful endeavors that you can't really influence one way or another? I like your shirt! No, I'm doing a little tour. I'm sorry. Drop a beat. LAUGHTER I'm so embarrassed.

If you want to know more about me, you can follow me on social media. LAUGHTER And also, I have a podcast. It isn't like this. ABK out. Bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a-bip-a- It becomes up into me. Hex, thank you very much. Who's boasting now, Maddie? I've got the only name in the world, like this. Oh, and my name is Alistair Beckett King, I should have said that as well.

Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. So thanks to all of you guys for watching everyone at home for listening. As always, check out our Patreon, Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's Flat Share, like, subscribe, rate, and review our podcast or just tweet, recommend the podcast to all of your friends. So producer, quit. Very exciting. Let's hear the final scores. So I messed up the scores earlier, which is known with two or a different time. What happened to you? It was just exactly the same, but in terms of difference. So the final scores are, Ani and Tom have 53,

and Alistair and Ben have 28. 20! So, Alistair and Ben get to make the toast. Well, winners get to roast, please, thanks to our guests, Ani and Maddiano and Alistair McIntyngue. We've been puppies, see you next time on, Flatshe Slamdown! APPLAUSE

Flatshe Slamdown, we've been Slamdown! Happy Splash Slamdown! He's a Matthew Croc, he's going top, he's got the top, he's got the top, he's got the best out of the way he's gaining and the amount of gold he won. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining and the amount of gold he won. Take that to the team, it's quite an accortion.

You've got an accortion. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining and the amount of gold he won. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining and the amount of gold he won. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining.

He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. He's got the best out of the way he's gaining. Cheers to one! Bye! Cheers to one! Bye! Cheers to one! You know what, Clarky? You were bang on, man. It was great, wasn't it? It was great.

I called it. You called it like you saw it. It was, yeah, what a cocker. That was really, really good fun. And again, even if you can't go and see them on their tours or doing their full shows, if you ever get a chance, if you ever see Anya or Alistair doing a show nearby where you live, go and see them.

Absolutely, super, both. And also, they're fantastic to me. They're both fantastic online too. That's a very good point. They've got lots of online content. Follow them. Follow them online. Yeah, we'll give them, you know,

we'll give the details of their Instagrams and their Twitter and all that kind of stuff in the show notes to the show But do go do go and see them if you get a chance Right anything else that needs to be said at this juncture I love you love you to man. Oh, that's the doorbell going so that's Good a time as ever to leave That's Tom now. He's just coming to do this very straightforward. I See you next week for a house meeting.

And until then, this episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham TV. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye.