Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Arron Crascall & Felicity Ward (Get the post) S11E05

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to collect the post… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With Felicity Ward and Arron CrascallFelicity Ward - https://twitter.com/felicitywardArron Crascall - https://twitter.com/arron_crascall?Tickets for the next live (over the internet) Flatshare Slamdown on Feb 16th featuring Cariad Lloyd and Angela Barnes are available here- https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/137786104949/Features: addresses, a little mixing and some speelings Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear! Here we go. February beckons with its promise of spring. I'm Tom! I'm Ben and I'm Matthew and welcome to Flatshear Slamdown. Flatshear Slamdown! Flatshear Slamdown! A show about the stresses of sharing houses with people that I think was prescient of this lockdown times. Yeah, yeah. I mean, when we started it in 2011,

we had an inkling that at some stage, it would be timely. Absolutely. And then, you know, we spent 10 years brewing up that virus in a lab. And you know, biting our tie. Hold on, you did it in a lab. I've been fucking bats for 11 years. Yes, I say, lub. I mean, obviously, you're bats. I've been getting off of penguins. But one way or another, we've become relevant again.

That's right. So, yes, welcome to another flat share slam down. Thank you for lending us your ear canal. We're about to show you, we're about to press play on a real treat of a live recording, but before we do that, it's time to tell you about the next one. Yes, absolutely right.

It's coming right around already. It's beckoning with the promise of spring because it's happening this month, it's happening in February. Do you think, I mean, when does spring start? When can we start calling it, like when does winter end? I mean, what's the march? It's when I bring my shorts out of the wardrobe. Official airfuck. That's what we'll learn about.

That's year round, isn't it, for you? That's what they say. When the shorts come out, when the jeans go away and the shorts come out, it is spring. I'm very much the punk-a-tourney feel of...devin. Right. So, if you... So, everyone g gathers round they watch you going into the wardrobe you scurry into the wardrobe and they see what you come out with and if you come out with your little Bermuda's then they go hooray! It's happening!

Spring is here, the white witch is dead but if you come back out still wearing your thick heavy cargo pants, they go, well, back into hibernation for all of us. So what's this space? It's close. Yeah, well, but I mean, who knows, maybe on the night of the 16th, which is when our next flat-sheast landland is,

you will start it by appearing out of a wardrobe. You're doing it. Oh, yes, please. Not a bad idea. So the 16th of February is when the next one is happening. If you haven't watched one of these live as it happens, they're really, really fun. They're really having a sex.

Tom's pulling a face like he doesn't think it's the 16th of February. No, no, I'm just checking my diary. It's fine, don't worry, I could be there. LAUGHTER Yeah. This is how we announce it to both you and to Tom. There was a real moment there. Well you pulled the face and I was like, oh god am I called the date wrong? No, no.

What are we ever going to do? We can't re-record at this stage. You know you say you have so much great chat about passion pangolins. I just say yes to stuff and assume I'll be able to do it. Then suddenly it's not that far away in the future and you're like oh well I got. Well we've got confirmation on parry. I've been in for since the start, clucky. Well I think it's best if we don't, if we don't meddle now. Yeah, I think you know me looking at my diary. Yeah, let's not It means me having one in the first place Who else is gonna be there. That's the big question It's gonna be Angela Barnes and Carrie Adloyd. Oh my god, two of our faves

It's really super stars Carrie Adloyd is my go to it's worth telling the list of deals that whenever we have meetings about flat share slum down or like we talk about dream guests or trying to raise our profile, Carrie Adloyde's always my go to person within those conversations. So I will literally be living the dream of having Carrie Adloyde back on the show. Yeah. You always think like who's the biggest mega star we could possibly get on flat-sheast land down?

And for you, it's Carrie Adloid. Well, well, Carrie Adloid, obviously a fantastic comedian, a wonderful actor, a superb panel show guest, but I would say above all of those things are mate. One of our characters quite a wee... Yeah, and I would say the same evangeler. Quite weird that you always go to carry out, don't you, for like... When you're talking about the... You know, we could really shoot for the moon this time.

Yeah, carry out. And I think he's gonna suggest Tom Cruise. But no, carry out. The Tom Cruise of podcasting, very much so. Until he never starts. That's all our own stunts. So yes, I've carry out going to be there as his Angela Barnes, two of our faves, you're going to have a wonderful time.

So get yourself to eventbrite.co.uk, eveentb, rit, e.co.uk, and search, BRIT, dot code at UK, and search for Pappies, flat share, slam down, or just go to our Twitter, or go to our Facebook. It's all there. The ticket link is there. And your tickets are a fiver. If you work for the NHS, they're completely free. If you remember the Patreon, they are forquid. So yeah, yeah, pretty good. So get yourself to the Patreon as well, if you'd like to. Also, there's like The chance to be an annual subscriber at the Patreon now as well

So if you fancy committing to a year of bonus contents Get yourself to patreon.com Forzlashpappysflatshare. I'm not sure I can commit to a year A whole 12 months that's crept up on us. Well anyway, get along to the Patreon, join the community of listeners, someone on Twitter called it a family the other day,

and it warmed my goggles. It was my mom, no, it wasn't. So anyway, but talking to superstar guests, let's crack straight into February's flat slam. We've got two absolute superstars joining us here The Antipodean Legend Felicity Ward and Internet own Aaron Crascal He belongs to the internet he lives on the internet

So of course now we're doing these shows over the internet who should we get but someone who Resides in the dark recesses of the web. He's constantly surfing the information super highway, isn't he? Absolutely right. So yes, enjoy the episode and we'll see you on the other side. Tom Fan! What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it?

Baby boy. Well, thank you very much for using my correct nickname One of you two has got to fetch the post today. Oh Well, it's not gonna be me And I can tell you why Yes, tell you now because I figured out I figured out I'm not gonna fetch the post because the last time I got the post I had really bad experiences of the post right right? So I used to work in a garden centre, right? Yeah.

And my boss used to send me letters telling me the two jobs that I had to do every single day. And I only had two jobs at that garden centre, right? One of them was put in the clothes on the little garden ornaments that sat around by the pot. And the second job, right? And the second job was having to get down from the top shelf, those metal pots that people put their ashes in. The really thin ones were at the top and I had to get those. So every day, the post would arrive with my two jobs on it.

Reachers to Slender and Dresser Nome. Oh my god! Reachers to Slender, address, no, no, no, no, such, no, such, don't, this podcast is going out in 1956, I should tell you that guy said it. The original and the best. It's the world is original and the world is best. Clarke, what about you, What's your excuse this week? Oh, I don't.

Well, me and my mates have all decided that we actually don't believe in the mail anymore. Yeah, we're just living in a post-truth society. Post-truth. Oh. Come on. So you actually... I think you should reappraise my effort now

and see it for what it was. It was actually a nice bit of business Well, I mean effort was the key turn there Tom both for you and for us There's only one with a settle this though. We're gonna have to have a flat. Yes Shared with a mate! Flashes, flash, flash, flash! So, then let's blow it down! Flashes, flash, flash! Hello!

Welcome to Flashes, slam down the panel show that says, Wait, oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman. Wait, Mr. Postman. Mr. Postman, look and see. If there's a letter in your bag for me, I've been wetting a long, long time. Since I heard from that girl of mine you gotta wait a minute wait a minute. Whoa yeah wait a minute wait a minute.

Ooh, wait a minute wait a minute. Oh baby, deliver the letter, the sooner the better. On the host of landlord Matthew Crosby let's meet postman Twatton, his cheshire cat is Tom pairing, but it's Clark! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh let me tell you, oh. What a nice, you know. Oh, man, his Tom? Yes, his Tom. I tell you, let me tell you, Tom, I'm going to ask Ben first. How's that? There we go, there we go. It's good to know.

No, I really want to hear Tom. I got real excited. I tell you, let me tell you, I used to work in a garden set. Okay, let's sit, let's want to hear Tom. I got well excited. I tell you what, I used to work in a garden set. Okay, let's back to Clarkie again. Back to Clarkie, Clarkie now. We're listening to Tom, we're listening to him. I've popped one mute. Clarkie, who have you brought along with you this week?

I bought my friend Felicity Warrr. Felicity Warrr is here. Oh my goodness. I'm in a late story. That's quite alright. I couldn't actually tell when the show started, so. It's, I mean... It feels like it's been going for ages really.

It doesn't feel like a show, does it really? It does, it doesn't, no, no. Um, but, uh, but you're here now, Felicity. Thank you so much for coming. What kind of a flatmate are you? What are you? What kind of a person are you to live with? At the moment, I'm living with my husband currently. But we are. Are you able to come on down? Yeah. It feels thin, doesn't it? The promise of the fows. I am, we look where we really differ is I'm a real we with the door open kind of girl, which I believe many Australian women are

That's been my experience who have British partners, right? And that comes up my one-year-old son loves it obviously. He's favorite time for a cuddle, which is as you know disgusting. Yeah. Cutting someone on the like- I love this. Yeah, he's like adorable, but you're like, oh, I don't have any underpants on. And you know what, I didn't have any underpants

on when I first met you. Come on up. I'm okay. Now apparently, because we are in lockdown, so I'd mention it twice. So my 90 year old neighbor who is downstairs, who is an angel, we made so much noise that she actually came to the door to knock and then she walked away and I went to have a chat with her and she was like, I'm so sorry, it's just there's no carpet and my ceiling is your floor and

and the landlords won't let me put carpet down and it's so I'm a bit conscious of that but also, woohoo! And the next door neighbor on this side is a deaf woman, so that does help. That's great! It just chitches all the lights out. Cheat yourself to her side. Yeah, I just like to scream into the wall. That sort of sort of. I did. I did too, actually, and I've got no neighbours. Yeah, or children. Why is it you think Australian women like to be with the door open? Is there a reason for that? My first thought was is it because the spiders are so big in Australia? No, I mean, that would be a very 1970s

stereotype, but well done for bringing it into 2021. I got, I got, I got, of all the spiders left Australia since the 70s. Yeah, it's been on the BBC. They took it. They took it from their app. Yeah, I got on a tiny little boat. And they faked the indisco their way across the Pacific. Yeah, no, I think it's just, I think we're just a rougher people. I'm so glad you said it

and that's okay. I know for me, I grew up very close to a beach and a national park, so I have always been very outdoors. So what I'm saying is I've weed outdoors well before a music festival. Was that the real reason the night a year old day became to knock on the door? Please stop peeing outside my front garden. Yeah, when I say peeing with the door open, I mean on our front porch. Yeah, I'm going to do it right here. Posty loves it. Well, that's good. That's the theme of the show. That is the

genuinely the first time in 10 years that we've been doing this podcast that someone's actually brought it back to the theme. So I want to call myself a professional. You know what? That's a bonus point straight away for that. A media bonus point for Felicity. Tom, you were just about to tell us so you've brought along with you this week. I'm wavy interrupted you by not actually talking to you? I've been waiting for ages. I know Shambha is a bit, haven't you? Well guys the Jambarese in danger so I hired someone who is gonna

Improve our online presence. I've brought him on board. He's gonna take the Jambarese viral Please welcome the one and only Aaron, classical everybody. Oh he's going to take the jamboree viral, please welcome the one and only Aaron, classical everybody. Aaron, thanks for seeing you. There was a really nice moment there where you're partner just walked in behind and then fell into the shot. Literally, just like walking through, just finished her dinner and she's a bit smashed up on gin.

Well, it's locked down. It's home-strawling free kids, by the way, so that is why she loves gin. Oh, right. Bloody hell, you've got, so that's your setup, you've got three kids, all of, so that is what she loves gin. Oh right bloody hell you've got you've got so that's your setup you've got you've got three kids all of a I'm schooling age all homeschooling and you've decided to bring a puppy into this equation What this house needs is more fucking chaos You don't have a garden tell me you don't have a garden and you're like top four flat We have a little balcony

We have a little balcony. We have a garden thing. Right. I was going to say the balcony would be used for a three yourself off of it. I'd like to go out there and contemplate ending it all these times are insane. What's your role in the homeschool? Have you got a job at that school? Right. I've got a job. So I feel quite guilty. I'm quite a busy guy in what I do for a living as well. So I said, OK, so what was it? What is it? You know, I'm on board. You're not on trial here, Aaron. You're not on trial.

We simply asked a question. The guilt just poured out of you. I was like, you never said a cracker that was. When one kid is having a home school, I look after the other one while I'm playing my Xbox. Right, I just give up my phone to watch. So you're like a cool substitute teacher? I'm like, a cool babysitter, man.

Yeah. That's cool when you're dad. I was just always sitting my kid tonight. Like a cool teacher, are you like, you know what, don't call me Dad. Call me Aaron. Call me Aaron. I'm just going to lay back, chill, and feel the next kind of feeling. While mum's literally shaking with a glass of wine on the table.

Okay, so I'm going to deduct a point from Aaron for that. So I feel like I feel like already Clark and Fliess here in the leader. Now we've met our guests, but who is going to be pushing the envelope? Let's find out as we play Round One. Jingle. Jingle I am a postman for your area And I drive a red band Where a short soul year round is my only plan

I see the new boys with their muscles You can tell they ain't been tall They've got their apps and drive their own cars Of they never were shows You never used to want to see me I only brought you bills to pay But since long times here I'm the highlight of your day And you don't need post but you still want more

It matters much more than you thought So as your postman I'm delivering And I'm still wearing shoes Happy time! Happy time! Happy time! That was brilliant. Wow, we love that. That was an actual brilliant song.

Yeah, I really like that. Listen to the surprise. Yeah. I'm going to blow your mind soon. We still haven't started the podcast. Yeah, this is still the preamble. Not started yet. So let's start properly. This round is called post-laced.

Now, fun fact, did you know that Glenn Close is both her name and the street she lives on? And this round is all about celebrity addresses, thank you mate. I'm going to give each player five celebrity names. You have to get your partner to guess those names by giving us what you think their address would be. So, for example, if I were to say the cupboard under the stairs, I'd of course expect you to say Matt Hancock. You have one minute to guess as many names as as you can, alternating between the two of you. So Aaron and Tom, you're gonna start us off. Okay, now your names should be coming through

on the chat, if you can see them there. I'm gonna give you one minute on the clock. So we'll do Tom does one, Aaron does one, Tom does one, Aaron does one. Let's see how many you get in the space of a minute, your time starts now. Okay, so the jungle, but also the Sahara Desert, but also the Pacific Ocean. God. Anywhere, nearly. Oh, and final line, the BBC, brackets, nature department.

David Ambrough. Yes. Okay, okay. A Factory what makes chocolate will he wonka? No Charlie bucket He would also stay in a place what adds an ingredient to a kind of coke The sugar man Yeah, the sugar man. Yeah, the sugar man. Who's the sugar man? He would also live in a suit shop. The suit shop. The sugar.

I mean, it's really cryptic, but it's quite good. That's your time, I'm afraid. It was, of course, Alan Sugar. Now. I thought he meant Rodríguez. Actually, time I'm afraid it was of course Alan Sugar. Now. Oh! I thought we were going to make Rodriguez. Is this the documentary Sugar Man? I'm sorry.

Why I'm rubber to that game. No, I thought it was. That was over-sick. You know what? That was hard. I think we did quite well there. I think we did well. The hardest bit of that was listening to it. Yeah.

Oh, actually I think one's going to prove to be a good score there. You know what? Yeah, cocky, cocky, cocky from Clarky. Well, let's see how you do. Ben and Felicity, here are your celebs. You have one minute starting now. The next door to the White House. Oh, the hardest part of this is listening to it. The West Wing. In fact, forward, forward, all of his mail from the White House to Florida. Oh, Donald Trump.

Yes. Okay. You know he hasn't moved next door to the White House. Yeah, that's not how this works. What? That's not how this works. That's not how this works. That only went right.

He's flat down the back. He's not down the vice president. He's working with the facts. He's working with the facts. He's the same at Downing Street, like Tony Blair's at number five, right? He would have a deliver, an album delivered called The Shape of You. Oh, I'm in. Come on.

We're not in court. That's why he's a dress. I don't know how to play the game. What is his address though? You can't say he's released now and called the shape of you. Yeah, nobody has a choice. I'm sorry, I'm in the top house. Yeah!

He's got a peacock. I'm in love with this answer. Is it Ed Sheeran? It is Ed Sheeran, yeah. Do you know what? Right, so I'm going to give you one and a half for that. But I feel like, I feel like we should play again. You've still got your answers there.

Most of you didn't get through most of them. So let's try it again. I'm going to give you another minute here. Aaron, you can start this time. I'll give you a minute to get through as many as you can. Now you've kind of got a measure of how many of it's played. Here we go. Aaron, and Tom, your time starts now.

He would live in a weak shop, and then he would live next door in a piano shop. Alain John, yes! Okay, they live in the addresses America, formerly of the London in podcast land. Please don't give this address to my grandma. She's still really pissed with me. Yeah, we used to live in London, Palace.

Now we live in California, podcast land. Please don't give my address to my grandma. She'll make a speech about us. Although she is on the stamps. The Queen. Yeah, no, no. Bucking up the royal family. Yeah, they've just left the royal family

to live in America. Oh, Prince Harry and Meghan. Yes, go. He would, he would live in a huge place because he'd have so many singers there, singing around him, and he would judge them. I don't know why he would judge. Tom Jones!

Tom Jones! Oh, so much time. He was a huge fan. Tom and Carl, so much time and count. Yeah! Just gonna give you, again, stretch in the rules, just to break and point there. Half a point there, I'll give him that.

He would judge them. He would judge them. He would judge them. That's what he does, he judges singers. He can't deny it. He needs the large trousers, Thor. There we go. There we go. That was the one. Okay. Right. Felicity and Ben, Felicity you ought to start.

Can I ask a question? I will have to describe what's in the house or just the house itself. I mean, I guess all bets are off at this stage, really. What I'm doing with my life. I'll call it as I see it. Felicity and Ben, your time starts now. Okay, instead of a post box, he has a spatula and a whisk and he's house has painted red for anger and fury. Oh, the angry chef guy. Yeah, yeah, Gordon Ramsay.

There we go. Fuck me. Fuck me. Come on, big boy. This guy used to live on Main Street, but he got exiled from it. And now he's rolling his roll He had to roll away from it I didn't know which I got. Yeah lovely. So lovely lovely bit of business

This house is very very skinny and the only thing in the fridge is cigarettes and cocaine and it's right next to Yes, it's really good This this next to... Kick boss. Yes. It's really good. This... Do you have to refrigerate cocaine? Yeah. In this weather, yeah. This lady has lived on the road with loads of really great neighbours, actually. This is Mangle.

That's your time. Oh, God. You can have one more guess. I mean, you've gone way back in their career. I've really did. I've really did. I've really did. It is Kylie Minogue.

Yeah, it's probably at the point. I already get the point there. How is that Mrs. Mangle? Which is... Same era. Same era. Same era. Same era.

You really messed up that. All you have to do is say, she would have a Kylie Minogue album delivered to her She would have a Jason Donovan album delivered to her Especially you find especially Let's go now to an address deep in the valleys and ask producer Gwen what are the scores at the end of round one producer Gwen The scores at the end of round one Tom and Aaron have three and a half and Felicity and Ben have five and a half Oh

So Felicity and Ben are stamping on Tom and Aaron, but they're not yet licked. There's everything to play for us We deliver round two it's flat games Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down! Who's your toll, games! You can lose you can't knock in games! If you win you can go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, This week we are playing our version of Scale X tricks, which we're calling little scale x mix. The rules are very simple. I'm gonna give each player a lyric from a song by the wonderful girl group Little Mix. They're gonna then give me three potential lyrics. One's gonna be the one I gave them. The other two will be ones they have just made up.

It's up to their opposite team to work out which lyrics were little mix and which were dirty tricks Five points for a correct answer and five points for falling the opposing team. Okay, so by the way little mix just As a sort of point of order little mix recently went from a four piece to a three person outfit girls If you have well We you know Jesse was wonderful, but girls if you ever do want to to chat about that transition There are three lads here, you know, all about it Stay strong don't listen to the haters maybe So social media, stay off social media, good call and Felicity, we're gonna start with you. Um, are you a little mix fan? No, but well, I wouldn't say I'm a fan or a stan

But when I listen to them, I'm like that's good pop music. It is good music. It is. They're a good band. They're a good band, little mix. You're lyrics are from hair that's their UK top 20 hit featuring Sean Paul. Well, I'll ask you guys as well because you're the ones guessing. Tom and Aaron, do you follow the mix? Do you like a little mix?

I love little mix. Yeah, and Aaron, I mean, like you you follow the mix but do they follow you? Well Jade does. The best one. Oh! Jade, everyone likes Jade. She's the best one. One great. Okay. What people have had bad Jade. What's that? What do people love about Jade? You want to keep the chat. I want to keep the chat going basically. It's like you guys hate your own podcast and just want to get it over with. I haven't seen anyone for a year, so I'm very happy to be here.

I thought you were asking that question to buy yourself more time to think of the lyrics, but you genuinely wanted a chat. I'm so sorry, I apologize. Sorry, it's called being friendly. I'm not sure if you've heard of it, you absolute asshole. Oh, that's the sound for a list. You know, take a leaf out of your book, Flisty, yeah. No, I wanted to.

You hadn't had a chat for a year prior to lockdown, had you? I'm like, I'm like, Flisty, I was about to ask who had a scale, X-Trix as well. I'm like, oh, let's go. Let's send him guys, where have you got to go? Oh, where? We're in T7. What are we like in T7? You're 90-, where have you got to go? Oh, where? Where in T7? What are we like in T7?

You're 90-year-old neighbours waiting to go to bed. That's right, Mrs. Noble's in the car, but in her ceiling. Oh, my God. With Ed Couton. LAUGHTER Um, what do people like about Jade? I don't know.

She just seems like she's a lot of fun. She seems very down to earth. She seems like a real person. Yeah. For someone who's in a pop band, throws himself around on stage, formation, dancing and belting out songs. She does seem like she's got a reserved figure. She seems like she'd be a nice person to go for a pint with.

She's got a nice... Is she the Clarkie of Little Mix? Is she the Clarkie of Little Mix? She could be actually, yeah. That's not a- Do you know, I think code for, she's a really nice person, is actually code for,

Dad's got a crush. Oh, absolutely. And then I got a crush. You're all over the place. If you've seen Little Mix, they're absolutely gorgeous. Yes, that is. We're watching C.B.B.'s and my dad,

my dad, oh, my dad. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what we're here for. We're watching CBBs and my dad at my dad. Oh my That's what we're here for Monday and 3.30 her name's tomorrow and Found out she's from Israel didn't know anyway, that's the thing you never ask how she is She happens to resent her Now we're watching CBBs and my husband said something about Maddie, I think her name was, and he goes, oh yeah, she just seems like a nice person. He goes, all the dads have got a crush on Maddie.

I'm like, you don't know any dads. We're in lockdown. What do you know? It's you. Which is okay. All the dads. But now I know she's a really nice person, is dad code for. My wife genuinely said,

do you think a lot of, a lot of mums have fallen in love with Mr. Tumble during lockdown? And I was like, that just means you fall in love with Mr. Tumble, doesn't it? I mean, come on, Mr. Tumble. Wow, I think your wife needs to go for a walk mate. I mean,

that was talented. And yes, at the beginning you go, oh God, Mr. Tumble's a bit much. And by the end you're like, he actually is just Really connected with the kids and he just knows how to speak to you looks knackered He's doing 18,000 shows a day. He's also he's every character Yeah, we all want a bit of rough and tumble. It's still your round flicity. Do you want to give us?

Do you want to give us your lyrics? Oh, that was my lyric Okay, all of that Somewhere in there you'd hidden the lyrics to a little mix song Okay, so this is from this is from the song hair Yeah, I can have the first lyric please The first lyric is okay Gonna bleach him out peroxide on him hair on the floor, like my memory of him. That's the first. Okay, alright.

It was a very interesting reading. Yeah, the second one is shampoo, conditioner, they're all just to get rid of ya. Oh, okay, okay. That's lyric number two. Sure. Lyrics number three is, I don't need you. I don't need you. I brush and brush and I feel you.

I don't need you. I don't need you. This hair is for me and not you. Not drop a beat all that in your way. There was some good stuff there. I want to see that on to Todd. Okay, let's get to remixing plays and tag me. I need more followers.

Okay, so we had the peroxide, we had the shampoo, we had the brushing. All sticking to the theme of hair. Which one was right? Tom and and Aaron what are you thinking? What are your reactions to that cross-gall? I like the lyrics where they say hair on the floor I mean I've had too much experience of hair It's too too close to home, but it's too close to home Yeah, here's what happened? Yeah. Here's where I'm at.

I think, I think there's two of them where the rhymes were very gentle, conditioner and year and brush, brush, brush. But that first one, peroxide was thrown into the mix. And I don't think Felicity would do that to herself. I think if you're making lyrics up on the go, you're not gonna bung Paroxide in there. Thinking I might have to rhyme with Paroxide in a minute. Right, let's go with that, let's go with that.

Okay, okay. Sound, sound reasoning, and I can reveal now that the correct lyric from here by little mix is, okay, gonna bleach him out, Paroxide on him, hair on the floor like my memory of him, that is five points to Aaron. It's cool. And to Tom, gonna bleach him out, peroxide on him, hair on the floor like my memory of him, that is five points to Aaron and to Tom, well done. Yes, yes. I was absolutely bricking it when I was, I'm like, where is this going?

Prussian hair, what? Come on. It wasn't bad, it was pretty, I believe it was. I think it was for better. Well, I'm gonna give Jay to call and just send her a text. Actually, Aaron, if you can do that, that'd be... Oh, of course. Thank you, babe.

So, sliding to her DMs. Aaron, it's your turn, and now for this event, For the dead. You're guessing. You are guessing. Aaron, your lyric is from Beep, Beep. Okay, the song, Beep, Beep. Okay.

It should be appearing in the chat right now. That's the correct lyric. We like three lyrics. I feel like really, for, you know, I'm very sick. We should have about a 45 minute chat before we can do yours. But I'm a Scarlet Strick.

Okay, the first lyric is, boy, come and jump in my car. You're a freak, freak. Now beat, beat. Whoa. That's lyric. Okay. Second lyric.

But why you're so sexy, just like a Cadillac, people on the street watch us in the back seat, beat beat. Woohoo! What's going on? Well, the third lyric is, I'm driving past your house, beat, beat, knock on the window if you dare, you gangster boy. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, so it's, I'm in the same place.

Oh my god. The words of James. That is classic farewell. Well, now, so Clark Im infallibility which of the two Out of those three because there was definitely one that it wasn't which of the two do you think it was? I like the one with beep beep in it the one with the It does narrow it down to more than what Matt said So it was one of the first two now offense Aaron The gangster boy knuck it on the window if you dare.

No, no. Just use the doorbell. I didn't mind that one. So caught the window. No one. It's a gangsta boy, right? I'm on the press yard. You did really well.

Those first two are... Oh, thank you. I would possibly only say the first one, because I think the second one, you tried to pretend that you were looking also in the chat box I think you look to the middle Which is very cruel and manipulative me. Yeah, I grew up in a dysfunctional household. So I'm always on red alert I'm a little bit alert. I'm a little bit alert.

I'm like, I'm going to tell you the truth. No, I think I'll get it. So you're saying the first one's the first one's the first one? Did you ever think about the police, Flister? You'd been an awesome police woman. Oh, I thought you meant calling them. I'm like, yeah, no, I'm a kid. Who's going to believe me?

There's actually a gangster boy tapping in my window. Could you come and get them away? They did tap on your window? They did! I should never dare him. I love gangster boy. What do you think Ben? I'm sorry. I know what I'm with. I'm with you 100%. Let's go for the first one. Okay. I can reveal it was in fact the second one. Boy you're so sexy like you can. Yeah! I can't hold it back. People on the street, watch us in the back seat. Meet me.

So there we go. Yeah. I was reading it. I was reading it. I was reading it. You're doing something. You're through your eyes. You're through your eyes.

Oh, you're through your eyes, mate. You're through your eyes. If we went on light to me, I wouldn't be able to tell if you were lying. That's the drama series, not the would I lie to you. Right. That's the one where I lie to you. Has Tim Roth in it? Look, that's a great reference, but certainly a reference. We'll take that. We'll take that. Right, Clarky, you're up next.

Now, your song is from... Your lyric is from Weird People. Your lyric is from... Your lyric is from weird people. Your lyric is from weird people. Now it's gonna be Tom and it's gonna be Aaron. You're guessing. Okay. Tom, who's your favourite little mixer? The...

Tall one. Oh! Yep. Harry. Don't really know. Harry's tall. I don't really know a little mixer. Perry. To be Harry. Harry. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's

tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's

tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's Harry's tall. Harry's Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's tall. Harry's Harry's Yeah, no, I don't think it short like Perry when I could be parent I am sure I could never call my daughter Perry should be Perry Perry Perry source Oh, no, is she Portuguese or a Perry Perry, oh, It's quite cool though, that is. That is.

Come on, they can't get me. Okay, okay, okay, okay. We're going all the way back to 2015. We're going to have three lyrics from Weird People, Clarke, let's hear the first one, please. Okay. Oh boy. It doesn't bother me much.

If you walk around with a hunch, I'm still going to eat you up like my lunch. Okay, first of all, walk around with a hunch. He definitely put a lot into that, didn't he? He's so mean. He put some word in there. Clarke, I'll tell you now, they're not looking for a fourth member. Just because Jess, he's gone.

This is not an audition, mate. It's what happened there. Halfway through, I thought he's doing this so, come on. This is not an audition, mate. It has happened there. Halfway through, I thought he's doing this so badly that he wants us to think it's not real. And then I thought, no, actually, and then by the time it finished, I was like, I don't know what he just did. It was really skillful. It was straight out of a modality.

Wasn't it? It was straight out of that. So Clarky, second lyric, please. Second lyric is, when I was just a little kid, I was sitting on a garden wall, oh get off the wall, well I must have bumped my head, because I don't dance the same no more. Oh, I fell off the wall. Okay. Okay.

And the third lyric, please What are you doing in my garden for the love of God get out That's it okay, right okay, okay, so third ones from gangster boy, so we know that He's now tough on the patio window. Gags to go and listen if you're not coming out of this. Boy, by the time you come out of this, I'll have my good. If I find you, I'll have my good. You got to brush him out, man. Right. Okay, there was too much punching and punching in the first one.

It's fucking...it's the second one. It's the second one. The second one's Humpty Dumpty. You fell off a wall. It's a really different, it's not straightforward this. It's not a straightforward game song. It's not that one, it's not that one. It's not a punch, lunch, lunch.

It's number two. What's the name of the song? It's called, well, it's called Weird People. Oh, there you go. There we go. It's number two. What's the name of the song? It's called well. It's called weird people There you go. There we go. It could be weird. It could be weird. This is like that crush test done me song, isn't it? You are the only other person I know the references that I have done it since I've moved to the UK Seven times minimum and every time that people like what how does it go and go you know it goes Yeah, but what are the words?

Is this is the sounding very good? This is their equivalent. Yeah, so it's their equivalent of that Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo little kid I was sitting on a garden wall. Oh get off the wall. Well I must have got my head because I don't dance the same no more. Oh, fell off the wall. Well there we go. Five points to. Wow. I've watched Tom and Aaron strong strong. It's good song that one. Finally, we're pulled this back. Finally Tom Perry. Shout out to my eggs or at least to blow a little bit like an egg. Flisty and Ben, you're guessing Tom, your lyrics are from down and dirty. They should be ping into you right now. Can I just say? Yeah. As a lyrical group, You're getting Tom, your lyrics are from Down and Dirty. They should be pinging to you right now. Can I just say, as a lyrical group, Little Mix are fantastic dancers. Oh wow.

Right, Tom, let's hear your lyrics from Down and Dirty, please. Let's hear what you've got. Okay, so the first one is I Really want to please you You know I still believe you I Eat myself some cheese yet and then I pay my fees yet Okay, my second one is I'm your first head honcho

one is arm your first head honcho out dancing in a poncho you know I got my Rancho and let's sorry yeah no no no sorry carry on you've got to you know I got my Rancho yeah you know I got my Rancho and let's go do a twancho. I think the third one just for fun. Do we even need to hear any more? Because it's definitely the middle one. OK, now let's hear it. Yeah, now I'm a believer. Got to check out the stamps on my visa. We are international divas, but I started out

making pizzas Okay, what song called again? The song is called Down in Derkish The song is called The Song's Called Twantcher The Song's Called Twantcher Remix El Riechero It's called Twcho featuring gangster boy. That's the tap tap on the window remix. Shout out to Humpty Dumpty.

There was one about eating a bit of cheese. There was one about wearing a poncho. You got me on my roncho doing the Tuancho. And then there was one about pizza. So which one of those do you think is the the correct answer? Basically from Down and Dirty. Yeah. I could murder a Tuancho right now. I couldn't do it.

I've never seen one. Have you ever done downsides? They do feel smaller Tuanchos, don't they? Maybe we're just big. I've never done one. You can never just have one show, don't they? Maybe they're just big. I've never just one show, can you? I have not dropped through it because I'm doing to one show. Come here another week. It's going to be that one now.

Is anyone's worst hour of their life? I can't read the YouTube comments. I see why you guys want to get out now. Any ideas of those three lyrics, all incredibly believable, which ones you think were correct? I like number three. I do too. I do. Yeah.

I had the international diva used to be making pizza. I mean, the thing is with that one it Compared to all the other lyrics so far. It's a little bit too good. Yeah That's one worry with it. Is it too good? We're thinking it's so good. It could be Tom rather than little mix. Yeah, it sold million cringles. Well, he's the musician We heard his vocals. Okay, I'm going to have to push you for an answer what you're going to go with. Number three.

Number three. I can reveal you are absolutely correct. Now I'm a believer, check out the stats on my visa. We international divas, but I start out making your twanchos. Was the correct lyric. So producer Gwynne, I've got a few questions. Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

And what are the scores? The answer is the first two is obviously COVID. But the third one only Gwynn can reveal. So Gwynn, what's the secret? The secret is that the scores are. Tom and Aaron have 18 and a half. And Felicity and Ben have 10 and a half. No, sorry, yeah, 10 and a half.

Yes, okay, I think I threw you in my sweet talking there. He certainly did. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's a-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th. So, take a sip on a secret potion. I'll make you fall in love. For a spell that can't be broken, One doctor'd be in nerve. Boy, you belong to me. I got the recipe, it's called beef.

Well, if you had a problem, I'm calling a problem, If you had a problem, call it a beef. If you had a beef, It's called beef Yes, it's beef brothers where each week it's good. It's good The best boy's man like I was like I was in there Yes mate The best form of this podcast is a musical where we don't actually talk. We just play songs, everyone would love that. Love it. Guys, you charismatic...

Charismatic? You guys are actually really curious, Middick. We all sound the same. Thanks. Thanks so much. Yes, it's Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef. And today's one comes from Jonathan. Now, Jonathan has written to us via Beef Brothers podcast

at gmail.com, get in touch. He has written the stairs assault course. My flatmate, slash wife, likes to compartmentalize jobs, such as taking items upstairs into a multi-phase project over several visits, especially the stairs to the loft, which is an office slash dumping ground. As I'm currently required to work from home in the office, I have to take on a mini-cryptum

factor just to go to the toilet or get a drink without falling to my doom. It may seem that would be easy enough for me to just pick up the items on my way up, as is often suggested to me, however I'm usually carrying other items such as a glass of water, my lunch, or thongs that have been left on the first set of stairs. The items are sometimes small, such as a picture frame, and can be safely avoided or collected. However, they could equally be a large item such as a pile of clothes that one of our small flatmates slash children has grown out of, or a doofay. It's only a matter of time before I fall down the stairs, avoiding attempting to avoid the detritus.

Possibly this is a tactic by my flatmate, slash wife to get rid of me and claim the insurance, please, puppies, can you decree an official stair logistics process, cheers everyone by Jonathan, right? So the problem is his wife is leaving stuff on the stairs to be carried up rather than carrying the stuff up their cells He can't carry it because he's got a sandwich in his hand. So what are you thinking? Well, like obviously the same dilemma right. Let's talk about it

I I'm gonna say that I could make my life a lot easier because my studio is upstairs on the third floor I Walk past so much stuff on the stairs and just kick out the way and think, I could fall over that. I've got a room. So I'm going to put it down to the fact that I'm just lazy and don't pick it up and help. She's right here. Hold the knife. We're actually in the workshop. It's not just in my side. I can actually, even though the camera's on you, I can feel her gaze.

Yeah, you feel that you should be holding up today's newspaper, it's like a hostage situation. Aaron, can you just blink three times if you need help? Yeah. Hashtag free Aaron. So, right, so what are you suggesting? You're suggesting that Jonathan just suck it up and start picking up the stuff and move it. 100%. There is no other question. There is no other answer for that. Okay, for that. Felicity, what do you think? What's your advice?

And it does sound like Jonathan's got a little touch of little bitch-iders. Oh! Oh! When you are a little bitch. Oh, God. Excellent. May. I'm just imagining what it's like to be married to an Australian woman. It's like jumping when you are a little bitch. Oh, God. Excellent. May.

Just imagine what it's like to be married to an Australian woman. It's like jumping a cold shower every morning, isn't it? Can I just say we lost Clarke when you said little bit tighter. She just disappeared, by the way. Well, you touched her. Like you touched her nerve, yeah. Clarke does suffer from little bit tighter, actually. It's very inappropriate that you should say that.

Yeah, look, don't get me wrong. My husband does think I'm a little bit direct sometimes. And it sort of says, oh, are you joking? And I'm like, no, he's like, and I can see him dying a little bit. So I've taken a long time for me to soften, but I don't know, Jonathan. I think if his wife has a plan to move it, it'll come down to the responsibility of the individual. We can't change other people. You either have to accept that that's where it's going to stay or you can do something

about it. Otherwise, you just have to be, we all have to live together. We all have things that drive us absolutely insane about the other person. I mean, I said, literally said to my husband yesterday, I must be so annoying to live with and he said, you are so annoying to live with. But he always says it in really nice ways like, I will sing non-stop all the time about whatever is happening in front of me and make noises and during lockdown my husband said, I love your animal noises but maybe you could say 10% of them for your friends. Which is such a loving way to say,

shut the fuck up, you mad bitch. Because I am doing animal impressions around the clock. Whether my baby is asleep or awake, I just love being an animal. You were doing them straight to becoming a mum. Someone actually contacted me, I think, on Twitter, about doing this on this podcast, and I'm not doing it because they said it, but my husband and I did this thing called Chicken Karaoke. Oh, yes, I've seen your shows and you've done Chicken Karaoke on stage, yeah, yeah, I love it. Yeah, I think I came into the kitchen and I sung work by Rihanna.

I went, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. And then my husband said something like, it sounds like a chicken show and said the word work and then told that story and then I'm like, oh, wouldn't it be funny if I like took requests from the audience and like sung it as a chicken? And so I ended up doing it at the end of that show and then that ended up becoming a bit. Yeah.

I'll just go, I'll just like take seven minutes out of a 20 minutes set and just get a song request and do it as a chicken. Can you do gangster boy for us? Yeah, it's the boy. It's the boy against you boy. Yeah, yeah. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,

you know this word, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Yeah, I was going to say the last time I saw you was at the Sci-O Theatre and I think you'd done your hour And you probably did like another 25 minutes of chicken impressions No one wanted to leave, people were just doing do-ab-a-do-ab-a-it was just Well, you're gonna say no one wanted to pay them That's right Oh no, we all want to leave, I know

Um, a couple of things very, very quickly, we've lost Clarky Now, our producer has contacted him and he's not responded. This is quite weird. This is good. Which artist? Never happened before, but we've absolutely, we've just completely gone from the whole chat. It's amazing.

It's just a head-up for the audience. Hasn't changed too much, Hazy. Let's be honest. No, the city is still dominating the conversation. LAUGHTER Crascal, what's your animal impression you're going to do? I can do a good elephant. Yeah, go on, listen.

Oh no, I can do it better. It was good though. Oh no. He's joking. Oh no. Oh he's choking. You can, you feel it? You've got like an ice cream. I'm scared.

You just jumped on the sofa. I'm wondering, my son does that with a vacuum cleaner. I thought it was going to be a vacuum cleaner. I'm going to pick one out of the bed. How is your asshole? He's gonna be like, he caught us. I'll be doing a second one out the bed. Oh, he's gonna be like, he caught us. How is your asshole? Cause that is my eyeballs, and he burps. You're like a pug.

Do you know the eyeballs can pop out? Oh, nice. They can fall out if they sneeze, cause they're so inbred, their eyeballs are hardly security into their, so they can just go bull. Oh my god. I thought you were really in love with that. No, I feel awful. No, no. What's wrong with the

infillicity? It's been a dark year mate. I'm coming out of my postnatal depression. This is me in a good way. Fucking hell. Oh wow. Crosion it. So, uh, Perry, what's your advice to Jonathan? Who's Wife Leafs stuff on the stairs? Fucking hell. I don't, I mean look, everyone's up for here, isn't it?

You shouldn't leave stuff on the stairs. You shouldn't walk past the from the stairs. Yeah. It's chaos. So you're saying, don't leave stuff on the stairs in the first place, but if you see it, move it. Ah, but then you're, you know, you're creating an atmosphere where your wife knows you're saying don't leave stuff on the stairs in the first place but if you see it move it But then you're you know you're creating an atmosphere where your wife knows you're gonna move it So I think you're doing the right thing by not moving it

But a do-ve on the stairs. I mean come on that's madness that by the way that is a real killer Because if you stepped on a do-ve you just like there's no idea of the geography of the steps underneath it You're sliding straight down admittedly you're sliding down on a doofay, that's fine. But say you had a hot coffee with you, that's going in the mush, I think it's dangerous. I think- Doofay on the stairs. Yeah, move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it.

Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it. Move it Look, can you tell I live in a very small flat and I feel angry at this person I've never met.

I've got a life that they live. I just thought. Should we just say be grateful for the fact you've got stairs and shut up. Yeah. That pram that you saw in the background is too wide for our stairs in our Masonette. So I have to pack the entire pram up every time separately, take it the baby up, stick it behind the cage in the lounge room separately take it the baby up, sticking behind the cage in the lounge room, then take the sit up, then take the goods of the pram, you'd think I'd be fit up.

I'm absolutely not. And you're doing this all as a chimpe as well, aren't you? So it takes a lot of breath out of you. Yeah. I just do make a PG tips. I know. What? I've got a good suggestion for him. Construct yourself a Manhattan style fire exit up the side of your house. Wow, that's just for you. Yeah. Because you're going down the pole down stuff, the spider man effort, because you're a place to go and have a coffee and morning smoke. Okay, a bit of time to yourself

look at the trees like I've always what you know when you know when you're like growing up as a kid you want like the elevators that they have like with the middle door yeah yeah yeah and you want a proper little fire exit to go and stick around on like you know that I think you can you're at the age now fellow where you can have that. You might even save your life. I mean, there'll be a bit of an investment. No, do they on the stairs? I think that's the way to go. I love it.

We're not even going to ask Clarky what he thinks. He's nodding. But no, you know what, Perry, I think once again, forget the Twitter poll. We've smashed this, that's absolutely, that's the answer. Jonathan, there is your answer right there, I think that's it. Construct yourself and it can't be hard to do. You've got time in lockdown, we've all got time, they've said lockdown's going to last.

Who can't weld? It's that in 2021. I mean, you've got all the lockdowns down the YouTube. Get yourself one. You've got some tutorials. One of those fun, flip down masks that World does have because they're also COVID masks now. So, you know, jump on Amazon,

get yourself a soldering iron, monitor your diamonds. A soldering iron, you do it again. Absolutely, do it. Right. Have you seen any worlders in the supermarket? If I was a worlder, I would 100% do the big shopping of a mask. Made that be class.

Yeah. It'd be good, wouldn't it? my mask. Might have to be class. Yeah. That'd be good, right? Well, there's no one would be keeping it as no one. No one. Do it in the big gloves. It's sight, they're sight welders. You know what, welders, it's the safest profession. People, obviously, it's locked down proof,

because it's recession-proof, because everybody wants the stairs on the outside of their house now That's what they want and B you're constantly wearing PPE. You're never gonna get the cove Brilliant it's brilliant the runner the old runner the old runner as they call it down under I was like this is the this is Clarke is saying that his internet is died. Okay, right. Oh send him him, do we send flowers or he got the runner apparently. Oh, man, there's only so much porn one internet could take.

It's finally giving up. Please come on. He's been watching Maddie from C. Babies. He doesn't even have a kid. That little mix. Matthew, you got me Felicity's new partner, mate. What? Oh, I mean, I don't think either of our partners are going to agree to that, but we can again, man. Aaron said it on the podcast, so. You're going to get a soldier guy and a soldier ourselves together. Well, I could do, I mean, let's see how that works because I mean, I have got the answers here. So it doesn't mean Felicity's going to win. But, um win, but Win! Where are you? Quint! You've got to be for the city's new partner! He also has the answers as producers.

Oh, he did anything I can apply by myself. It's absolutely a game you could play by yourself. It's the Quick Fire round. So all it needs is you. But before that, let's hear the Quick Fire round jingle. This might give Clark a bit of time to find his internet. Here we go, the quick fire round jingle. This might give Clark a bit of time to find his internet. Here we go, the quick fire round jingle. This is the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's amusing for everyone involved

that it goes on for ages Despite the round being quick So here we go, it's time to get on with the quick fire round Let's not hang about, let's not pawn, to vacate, let's not waste time That would be a shame, let's not kill time, let's not feel the buster Let's not procrastinate, let's not make any more excuses. Let's not stall for the love of God, let's not stall. Let's do the quick far round.

Let's not stall. Let's do the quick far round. And for God's sake, let's not wait. I've just been trying to stall as I googled. Other words for stall and ironically I failed. That's what made me lose my chain of thoughts. Oh, you should have asked Jesus. In the process of Googling the word stall, I stalled.

And if that's not ironic, then I don't know what is. Anyway, after that debacle, let's get on with the quick fire round. Oh, you know, it was nice to have Clarky there for a second, wasn't it? It's nice to remember what Clarky sounded like. Oh man. Right, yes, this is the quick fire round and as our show is about fetching the post I'm going to ask our players to deliver some letters in the form of a spelling B. I'm going to give you a word and I want to know how you spell it. Not how you spell it, what's the correct spelling?

I don't want to know how you spell it, I don't want to know how you spell it correctly. XV instead of buzzers. I would like you to spell out your first names. So, Tom and Aaron, let's hear that now. T-O-M. A double R-R-N. Really nice, really speedy. Felicity, you could be flicked if you want.

F-E-L-I-C-I-T-W-W. Lovely stuff. And as this is an oral exam, not a written one, it's an oral exam, guys. Mmm. Hey, I want to see both your hands as you're spelling the words. No cheeky pen and paper shenanigans, alright? And for a bonus point, anyone want to spell shenanigans? Top, top. S H E G I A N S. I mean, no, that's terrible. No, we're close, Aaron, no, I'm close. Er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er one, B. FEL, I see RTIY.

Yes, Felicity. Can I have that in the sentence, please? I just saw a B and it stunned me. BW. Correct. Curtains. T-O-M. T-O-M.

C-U-R-T-A-I-N-S is correct. Pine cone. F-E-L-I-C-I-T-Y. Yes. P-I-N has, I see it, I do. Yes. P-I-N-E space C-O-N-E. Okay, I would have accepted it without a space, but I'll give you the point there for that. This looks like we're being robbed. LAUGHTER

Or, applausing in sign language. I'd have laughed. Er, Aaron. R-Y-T-H. M. Ah, you missed out the second eight, so the first H, I'm afraid it's R-H-Y-T-H-O-Y. Okay.

Yes, at T-H-M. Uh, bowl. T-O-M. T-O-M. V-O-L-E. Correct. Misspelled. Oh, good one.

L-I-C-R-T-Y. Flisty. Correct misspelled oh I see I too I listed M I S S P E L L E D correct Okay, let's let's let's up the ante here tyrannosaurus I see I see I too Tom I think Tom was just first T Y R a N N A U R S A U R U S T-Y-R-A-N-N-A-U-R-S-A-U-R-U-S. I mean, I think you know for a fact that isn't right. That would be for a while.

I think that would be Tyrannosaurus or... But, uh, Finisti, Charles Estille. Oh, was it Tyrannosaurus? T-Y-R-A-N... I don't know if it's it. source. T-Y-R-A-N-O-S-A-U-R-U-S. Is correct! Wow! Wow!

Okay. Super seed. I'm the lower one. Aaron. Super seed. Super seed, yeah. S-U-P-E-R-S-E-E-D. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. So if it's two words, I mean, yeah, sure.

If it's two words, supersede, but it's the word supersede. Not as in your incredibly potent. It is in something as supersede, it's something. It's taken over something. So S-U-P-E-R-C-I-D? It's C-E-D-E-R. Oh, come on! So close.

Or does. The classical super seed is the reason he's got three kids. Yeah. T-O-M. T-O-M. T-O-M. I was there a word. Sorry, or is it?

H-O-R, D, apostrophe, or derves, E-O-U-R-S. That's not right, Tom. Anyone want to steal or derves? Oh derves. It's not easy. F-E-L-I-C-O-T-W-I. Yeah, go on. H-O-R-S-D. Oh, nice. A apostrophe O.

Er, hang on. Is that a breath? Don't be distracted by clocky returning. You're doing very well for this, Steve. O, I'm sorry. You are the RES of... Oh, you missed out a letter.

It was so close. It's H-O-R-S-D-A-Poster-V-O-E-U-V-R-E-S. Oh, that's what I was gonna say. Right, Clarky, seeing as you're here, do you want to just do, just these just for Clarky here, just a few for Clarky. Uh-huh. Chris Anthemum.

Wow. See, good start. Killed it. H, yes. Ah, yes, aye. No! Oh, it's a Y, I'm afraid, Clarky. killed it. H. Yes. Ah. Yes. I. No. Oh.

It's a Y. I'm afraid, Clarky. He's not a presenter on the one show, Chris. Yeah. Right. Well, with Clarky arriving, that is unfortunate. The end of the round and the end of the game. So I'm really sorry, Clarky. But before we hear the final scores, Aaron and Felicity, is there anything you want to plug?

Felicity, anything going on your end? I'm... Oh, yeah. So I have a series on Radio 4 called Apsodes. And it'll be on the website for Radio 4, or you can get the BBC Sounds app and anywhere in the world you can listen to that. Oh, amazing. I'm also... I don't know when, but it's gonna be soon.

Ben, I've got it, well, all of you boys I have to tell you, I'm gonna do a DJ either morning or night or possibly both just to my mind when I'm crying. Fantastic. Like I miss stand up, but I get to do this, but I don't get to DJ at comedy festivals anymore. And I miss it. And you're a great DJ.

I'm a great DJ. Well, yeah. Make sure you do tell us because we'd love to be there for that. And you're a great DJ. I'm a great DJ too, mate. Well, yeah. Make sure you do tell us because we'd love to be there for that. That sounds amazing. Thanks guys. Aaron, what's going on with you? Where can people find you? I'm going to be live streaming empty in my shed tomorrow, probably

around the living hot swell, if I can be bothered. What's a shed like in the UK? What does that feel like? It's a nice little shed. Yeah. Got like debt chairs in there and like a broken that feel like? It's a nice little shed. Yeah. Got like debt chairs in there and like a broken lawn mower. I've got, I've got Astro turf now because I've got, I've got a few quid. I love it.

First, what are you doing is fuck off the lawn, isn't it? You make a bit of bank, you fuck off the lawn. The lawn's gone mate. You know, the other one of course, and I know who's got Astro turf. He's got a bit of money. He's got a bit of money as our mates. And now the power is on it. I'm not a pastor, too. Yeah, that's it.

You know what, you think I am, you know what? I can go one or two ways and he can either employ someone to cut the grass or go one better than that and never have to think about cutting grass ever again. Just have to just get someone to hoover the grass. The power. The power you can't't I'm gonna be a live streaming And that tomorrow What I like just empty in a shed and then I'm probably gonna do some Probably gonna make some dinner

Yeah, that's a man. I'm straight that too. Yeah, no, that's just for me for me. You keep some things for yourself. You got to do something. Come on. I don't think so. And in true Aaron style, it's not for the kids. It's for him. He's making himself dinner. He's going to eat it in his empty shed. It's got too much chili for you kids. You can sort yourself. You can watch Daddy eat it though. You can watch Daddy eat it. You can watch, hey Aaron. Stand back. Aaron's here. You can eat the eat it. You can watch, hey Aaron. Stand back. Aaron, see you.

You can eat the parsley on top. I actually had that today where I sat down for lunch and my little daughter was eating a hummus with, sorry, a hummus coated rice cake and I was eating last night's curry. And she kept putting it in the curry going, I want that and I was like, oh you won't like this, you won't like this. She's eating it. She going to race, cake. Oh, go ahead, just carry on watching Peter Rabbit. Right. Thanks.

Thanks to all of you folks at home for watching this. As always, check out our Patreon, Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's flat share. There's loads of bonus episodes over there. If you're a fan of the podcast and you want to give us a donation, it's a great way to do it. We get a little bit of cash. You get three bonus episodes every single week. Or why not buy a ticket to a live show. Our next live show

is February the 16th. It's in association with the Leicester Comedy Festival and it's got Carrie Adloyd and Angela Barnes as our fantastic guests. So get your tickets. They're available now on eventbrite.com at your case. It's for a Pappy's Flat Share. But if you can't do any of that, don't worry. Just leave us a review on iTunes and recommend the podcast to your friends. So this is exciting. Produce a Gwyn. Let's hear those final scores. The final scores. Oh, it's a go anyway. How this is going to go actually. It's exciting. You have no idea how much my life hangs in the balance of this. Don't be swayed. Don't be changed. Don't punch the numbers just for felicity, right?

She will literally go out and shit on you though, that's the only problem. Just think, with the prize money, Crasks got his astro to, you know, I'm wearing a blazer, a Clarkie Cardiff forward internet. This is easy to get in hard. I can get you by the nose's getting you by, for now. I've voted out for a reason, guys. Right. Let's hear the scores.

OK, the final scores are Felicity Featuring Ben, have 14 and a half, and Tom and Aaron are the winners of 21 and a half, sorry, Felicity. Oh! So if Felicity and Aaron have to fetch the post, while Tom and Aaron get a box delivered by DHL Open it, why would you find me inside? Thanks to our guest Flisty Ward and Aaron Crascal we've been Pappy's See you next time on, Flat Shares Lambda!

Yes, Tom! What are you doing? Pappy's Flat Shares Lambda featured Macclofty, Fank Clark and Tom Pairo's special guest Flisty Ward in Aaron Crascal It was devised by Pappies and Ben Walker. Tech Glets, Matisse, and my Emma Corsham with help from Gwynway Stavis. Let's produce my Emma Corsham. Big thanks everyone who watched the show live. To Zoom in YouTube for hosting us, you guys, the glue, holding us together.

This lockdown, Pappies, Brad Shestandad is a secretive production for A-Gast, and the Internet. Cheers everyone. Bye! Here we are on the other side. This is us on the other side of the podcast. I hope you enjoyed that. We certainly did. Yes, and apologies.

Apologies. Sorry. Go on. No, no, you apologize first and then I'll tell people not to forget something. Apologies for clarkies, internet troubles, clarkies. Yeah, apologies for me. Did you locate the source of the problem? I planned to be internet went down in the area, so it wasn't specific to me. But I also had a phone signal in my at house and also, well, house, who am I kidding, flat? And just like that.

So I had to go outside, I was out on the road trying to download zoom onto my phone to join back in. But then, the rumors are that you fucked a bat so hard that you broke the router. Well, that's the rumor that's been going round. I mean, yes, we started it here the second, but it's spreading like wildfire. A lot of people tweeting us out, Papi's tweets saying, is it true? Clarke, he fucked a bat so hard he broke the router.

And we're faving it. We're not confirming or denying, but we're faving it. Certainly faving it. We're not confirming or denying, but we're faving it. Certainly faving it. We're whacking it alike. Do you fave out and out lies? I don't think so. I was going to say, and it actually just fits with Clarkies thing, don't forget not to live in Sydney. That's what I was going to say. Don't forget. It's always this black out there. You know the 10 day black out that Cuyna and on were talking about, it's just happened in Sydney. Sydney is now under martial law.

It's way off there there, but it's a lot of fun. It's all right, isn't it? It's all right. It's colourful. Yeah, so get yourself to, oh, I was going to say, we've got another message about peanutting. What? Oh, yes. Harry, would you you like to read out for us please?

So here goes Peanutting from Jim via beef brothers podcast at gmail.com getting touch guys Hi, Papi, you know most recent episode you encourage stories about peanutting and I've got a confession to make I've got a confession to make. Oh, I've got a never-compress! You know me! I'm a teacher, and you've got to work at a senior school, which introduced students wearing lanyards with an ID card. When I was at sixth form, we had the same,

and it was a common prank to Yankee classmates lanyard off, much like Peniting, but you know, have their ID, so they can't get through Mag Lock doors. Oh, my God, it's like the Adam Curtis version of Penutting. It's Penutting Next Generation. This is where the confession comes in. A few months after this system was introduced, I commented to a student that since they were very well versed in Penutting,

I was surprised that they hadn't landed upon this new form of classmate torture. Very quickly afterwards, Lanyard Snatching became the new trend. Oh, man. Started by the teacher. It literally is, and that was just the teachers. And that was just the teachers. It's the teachers. Thankfully, I work in a different school now

that doesn't have Lanyards, but I am reliably informed by former colleagues that Lanyard Snatching is a persistent issue. None of them know that it was me who put the idea into the student's heads. He lit the fire and then left. Your podcasts have brought me lots of laughs when taking a break from marking books.

And if you could apologize to my fellow teachers in case they listen, I'll be eternally grateful. All the best. Jim, great stuff. Well, apologies to all the teachers who have to deal with Jim. Do you reckon that's how P-nutting started? Do you think that the, like, someone,

as they were leaving, like a teacher, as they were leaving school, they were so sort of pissed off with their class, that they just grabbed a kid's tie and yanked it and then walked out of the school, and that was it. They were gone, but all the other kids went, well, shame serves gone, but look at this cool new thing

we can do to people's ties. Really, probably. Probably started in the staff room. You know what teachers are like? That was just the teachers, exactly. That was just the teachers. It was just the teachers. Well, thank you for getting touched.

Getting touched if you've got any more penising tales in what is rapidly becoming the second part of our podcast, penising tales. Any way you want to use. Have a lovely month. We will see, oh, P noting Tales. P noting Tales. Have a lovely month. We will see, oh, we'll probably see you next week, actually. But have a good week, at least. Yes.

At the very least. Hang on, let me just check if I can make next week. Yeah, I'm going to say Paris. Oh. Paris, really swinging it around, committing to a whole month of, Have a lovely month, everybody. You'd definitely be around. Thanks for listening. Stay tuned for the Patreon Neighborhood Watch roll call.

Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone! Bye! Will you please be upstanding for today's neighborhood Patreon watch role call? Oh! He's here. He's clear. The results are in.

And he's all so near. Please welcome a man with some ball! Den Randall! That is some ball! That guy's got one hell of a ball! The other one nothing to write home about. He's here. He's clear. He's clear. He's without fear. And he is one hell of a talker. This guy is Andrew Fockner.

He's here. He's in the room. It's Daniel Fortund. He's here. He's here. He's sincere, so raise your beer. And talk about Ron Weasley's sister, Ginny. When you glance at Andy John McCree. He's here He's in the room He's on the zoom

So let's raise a potato for John Plato Oh he's here He's in the place He's here You're asking if he can Oh, oh if he can. Oh, oh, sure he can. It's Richard Harringan. We're all asking if he can. And yes, we're all asking, can Klocky rhyme with here? And the answer is no. He's here. So let's all raise a smile. Hold on, we'll wrap him with that. He's here. Raising cheer, but he's a little bit weird.

And you're never knew that the weirdo was called Kotzen42. He's here. He has no fear. He drank a beer and never felt the same. It's Rob James. He's here. What a shame. He's bought a selection of grants. It's Ian.

Past hands. She's bought some grants. He's bought some grants. He's got a grant store. He can never have just one. She's here. She's there. That girl beat everywhere and let me tell you something. She's too expensive for you to afford What? It's Alice Clifford Oh

He's here and when I say here. I mean he's in my dreams. It's Leon Eames She's here No need to worry. And listen guys, while she's here, people like, don't ask her what she heard. It's Liz, her. No need to worry. He's not here. So some need to worry. But don't worry. I've informed the local stewards. I'm confused. Some need to worry. Some need to worry, having formed the local steward to go and find James Ewett. She was here and then she wasn't here and we all worried but then she came back. So we didn't worry anymore but there was some need for worry because she was eating some cashews. That's right it's's Becca Matthews. Heeees.

God. Without? God. Without a sniff. It's Callum. Smith. She's gonna be here soon. That's the word on the street.

She's got in her car and she's heading through traffic. Well, let's wait and see if she arrives! Kate B! Tch! Let's wait and see if she arrives. They were here, and then they went. An all that was left was a thimble. And so we put in the corner and made a candle

as a shrine to our dear friend Bimble Bimble. She's here and it's a birthday. Hooray! So guys send us some cards. It's Julia Richards. He was here, but the moment was fleeting. We barely knew him just in mckeeting. He was here, and then he left with a big pause, like Harold Pinter. It's Jonathan Winter. She's gone, and she's taken all of her weddings. It's Sarah Jennings She was here and unfortunately she took a shit on the stage

Can we get it cleaned up and put out the word that we want to talk to Andrea page Put out that word got that word. Oh He was here and then he's gone put out that word, God. Put out that word. He was here and then he's gone. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. And nothing illustrates that point better than the life. Oh, Richard Hughes. Never forget.

Never forget Richard Hughes. He was here. Now he's gone. Oh, we're back here. Watch where you step. Andrew was here. Now he's gone. Oh Watch watch where you step Andrew was here a minute ago Stay away from the stage I'd put some put some of that sodass down if I were you he's gone He's got someone we will miss well of course. Yes, it's Chris We were here, but now we're gone No, don't you think about maybe worrying sometimes.

That concludes today's... Don't you think about me worrying sometimes? But if you got to think, then you shouldn't think at all. Well, don't you think about maybe not thinking about, not worrying about me, baby? Don't you worry about me, just gotta call some times. That concludes today's neighborhood Patreon Watch! Roll call!

Call! Ow! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's a like theaters, December 15th. Thanks. In so-like theaters, December 15th.