Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Dara Ó Briain and Sophie Duker (Buy the masks) S10E31

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” are allowed into the shops to buy masks, because they don't have masks… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With Dara Ó Briain and Sophie DukerFeatures: Format hunting, Toner Pete vs Inkjet Joan and whoosh clunk bang roar boomAlso don't forget we have a Flatslam coming up with Sindhu Vee and Joe Wilkinson as our guests, 8pm (BST) on Wednesday August 12th. Tickets available here - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-w-joe-wilkinson-sindhu-vee-tickets-114895706150?discount=BEFAIR2020Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear and boo. Ha! It's the first of the month or near the start of the month. It's Fluxier slam down. I'm Tom! I'm PED! And I'm Matthew and I thought for some reason I thought you were going to do that song that goes boom, sound of my heart then beat goes on and on and on and on and on and on. I wouldn't have done that because I don't know what that song is. I mean apparently neither do I.

From the way I was hitting it what that song is. I mean, apparently neither do I. From the way I was, was hitting it. But there we go. Well, welcome to the show everybody. Yeah, to flat share slam down. Very exciting. It is always exciting isn't it? There's something in the air on a flat share slam down day. You can't quite put your finger on it, but it's one of those days where anything could happen. There's a sort of ineffable, it's not quite a mist,

it's not quite a gas, but there's the atmosphere changes, it's like just before it rains. There's a spring in your step, the man in the shop he's just served you, what you leave and go, maybe it's a flat-shear slam down day. Yes, I think absolutely, yeah, he's watched you leave and he's said, well that girl isn't wearing a mask, what's his problem? And you're like well, it doesn't make me feel human and you're like yeah fair enough, but yeah, so So yes, it was recorded over zoom as we've been doing the last few Flashest lambs have been recorded over zoom streaming live on YouTube for everyone who wanted to watch it there And we've got another one of them coming up

So if you enjoy this, but you want to see it live, you see our beautiful faces Then get yourself to event bright dot code at UK because on August the 12th, we've got two amazing guests We have got Joe Wilkinson and we have got Cindy V. Oh, yes, please. That's gonna be an absolute belter It's the return of Joe Wilkinson very exciting to have him back on the show first time first time for Cindy And I mean for Joe as well, not only, you know, not only is he coming back on the show, but he's also doing it from his own house. So I think all bets are off.

It'll be, basically, I imagine it's worth watching it go out live, because we'll probably edit loads of it out. Why wouldn't you order that cocktail? So if you're enjoying listening to the flat slam, flat down slam down, then please get a long time. Sorry, that's a flat, that's lab now. I confuse myself. If you're enjoying listening to the flat slam, slam down. Do you know what, Tom? Right. It's been nine years. I'm going to give you one final chance. Here we go

Can you tell us the name of the podcast that you have you've co-hosted now for nine years? If you enjoy listening to flat share slam down Then get along to the patreon where you can enjoy flat share lockdown Right I see why you yeah, I can see where the confusion comes, that's right. I did it. I see why you, yeah, I can see where the confusion comes from. That's right. There are now over 50 bonus episodes of flat share lockdown. And as soon as you join the Patreon, you get them immediately.

You get them all. Plus, you get about another 30 episodes of bonus house meetings, bonus bonus beefs. There's loads of extra bonus content. You get every single episode, the second you join, if it's $5. That's loads of extra bonus content, you get every single episode, the second you join if it's $5. That's a whole load of content for not a lot of change. Yeah, it's a great bargain.

I mean, we're basically withdrawing this away. We're giving it away. You'd be a fool not to get to Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's Flat Share and sign up today. Exactly right, but this flat share slam down is a real treat. Because we had two absolute legends of the field plowing their trade.

No, hang on, you plow your trade. I mean, it trades, I plow up. You went with the field analogy and I like that. I was stuck in the field exactly right. Two acres of laughs. Okay, there you go. Acres of laughs. Two legends of the field, plowing their troughs of the...

Of the troughs of ruffle. Right, anyway, listen, I'm off to have a lie down. Enjoy the episode with our two fantastic guests. It's Darro Brienne, it's Sophie Duker, as you know, the legends out in their own fields. And this is Hell of a Trot. This is Field Chess. La, la, oh God.

Enjoy the episode. F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F Tom, man! What is it, Matthew? Yeah! What is it? You're smoking piece of ass. You are a smoking piece of ass. So much. You know what? And not a lot of people have said that I'm a smoking piece of ass. I think it's probably the the the sailors hat that's doing it. It adds a little bit of sexy magic.

Also, can you stop smoking in the front room, please? Yeah, I got this. That's the's really responsible So listen listen good good house meeting but one of you bastards has got to get our face masks because of this bloody coronavirus It's happening outside Well listen, it's not gonna be me. Okay. I had a terrible time in masks recently I've got three French friends staying with me and I thought I'd buy them all a mask as a gift but the masks arrived and the straps on the masks they were really sharp

but I thought I'd give them anyway so I gave them to my first friend Athos. He put it on, sliced straight through his ear, gave it to my second friend Porthos, he did it exactly the same, gave it to my third friend Aramis. That happened as well. In the end, we had three mask cut ears. I actually think that's one of my firmer efforts. I think that's actually closer to a joke than anyone you've done so far. So I just wanted to ask, is everything all right at home? Three mask cut ears. Yeah, that almost makes sense there. Clark, what about you, how come you're not going to get the face mask, so don't you? Well, I'll tell you what, actually, I've found wearing a mask genuinely and an enlightening experience.

Because before I was walking around just kind of ignorant to the impact I was having on the people around me. And suddenly, it's only when I put the mask on that I was horribly aware of just how bad my breath smells. That is a genuine problem, isn't it? That is a problem with the mask, isn't it? That's a true story. Well anyway, there's only one way to settle this.

We're going to have to have a... Flashes! Flashes! Flashes! Flashes! Flashes! Flashes! Flashes! We're gonna have to have a... Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Fla- Beyond the black horizon, trying to take control. See my girl she shivers in her bones. The sun and zenith rising, trying to take a soul. There's a fire between us, so where is your God?

There's a fire between us, I can't get off the carousel. I can't get off the carousel. I can't get off the carousel. I can't get off the carousel. I can't get off this world. Face mask. I always wanted you to go into face mask, into galactic Christ. Face mask. I always wanted you to go into face mask Into galactic Christ I'm the host of landlord Matthew Crosby and they were a part. They're always in my heart Let's meet the tenets Tom Perry and Ben Clark Oh Obviously you can't get the masks yourself on your own

You need someone who already has a mask to go to the shop by you a mask that you can wear to then go to the shop yourself to buy a mask. So who have you brought along with you this week? Ben, who have you brought along? I brought along my newest friend Sophie Duka! Sophie Duka is here! Sophie, it's so lovely to have you on the show. Thank you, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Now, hi, hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi What kind of a flatmate are you? Are you a good flatmate? I think I'm a good flatmate.

Most of my flatmates when the pandemic plague hit and left the house and the country. Right, okay now. Maybe if you go back to your first statement, you think you're a good flatmate. A stand by that. I kept the floor. I sat the cat. You know what? You're very much like the captain of the Titanic, aren't you? Yeah, I'm going to go down with this crazy hat and a flat chair.

So who are you apart from the gorgeous plants you've got behind you? Who are you with at the moment? You said most of them were gone. Most of them gone. I'm mainly with the cat. Her name's Dejon mustard. Wow. What a name.

Is she the colour of Dejon mustard? She tastes like Deijon mustard. Well, you know, whatever gets you through lockdown, Sophie, that is absolutely fine. Yeah, she's, um, ginger, we don't have a lot of, I think I'm not a cat person or I wasn't a cat person, but I think you've got to have mutual respect with your flatmates or catmates. But she doesn't respect me. She like, I think when cats like you, they give you like a little sort of lick or a little sort of grays with her teeth.

And the first time she did that to me, I was like, oh, beautiful, kitty cat. And then I looked at the TV and then looked back at her and she was just rimming herself. Oh. Yeah, they will do that. That's the thing. They will do it. We will do it. That's it

That's it. I mean the thing is I I try not to think about that because I do like I'm one of those people who kisses their cat No, yeah, her tongue is always upper ass And she's otherwise very elegant that little sandpaper tongue is just it doesn't seem like it would be a the most effective cleaning system. If I could lick my own arsehole I would still I think I would still shower and you know, you know, use a voice teller once in a while. I think I don't think I would I don't think I'd rely entirely on my tongue. But that's just me anyway. So listen, Harry, who have you brought along with you this week? Well listen up Matthew, the Jamboree is in danger. Oh good lord.

Yeah we've been falling on financial hard times but the Chancellor of the Exchequer's Announce that he's going to be giving funding to cultural institutions. So I decided to hire the only cultural institution that I know. It's Darro Brian everyone. Darro Brian is here, Darro how are you man? I'm very very well. What kind of a flatmate are you? You know the notion that my wife and children

regarding me as a flatmate would be heartbreaking in some ways. Oh I see my children. I see my children tell tell me for my kids. You know, my wife is all the discipline and raising and cleaning of the children, but I'm just a guy that hang out with who's pretty cool and plays Nintendo with them. The, I was, I think, an okay flatmate,

although I've done the whole flatmate thing all the way to the big world, I went out of this. I can't do this anymore. The, yeah, because this is an... Yeah. But I've listened pretty terrible house, many, many terrible house. What have been lost in contact with them? Which is kind of like that poker game thing of if you're not in contact, if the only one who's not in contact still, you were the bad flatmate. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So what... Okay, well, let's... I was going to ask what's the worst thing you've seen. What do you think is the worst thing you've done?

What do you think is the thing that's excluded you from? Specifically in a flat-share environment. Yeah, I'll be sure to call it my- Killed a guy in a swamp, that's definitely a camp for this one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's a rock-head. Yeah, we had to, there was a note, I was in a house share, and this is like when I was into my 30s, I was in a house share at a point where I shouldn't still be in a house share, and this is like when I was into my 30s, I was in a house share at a point where I shouldn't still be in a house share, and I didn't really

myself, created another one, we got very off our faces one night, and there was a note saying, hey everybody's leaving 25 pounds, so we folded the two notes into swans and then built a lake by putting cling film over a bowl and then floated the money as then I left it as a kind of an object for them. We thought it was a tremendously passive-aggressive comment on how I don't know. It was a kind of a weird thing. But it sounds incredibly artistic. I was thought, you know, like, I mean, we'd have to laugh a lot while doing this. feels like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, you're under the bus, mate.

I didn't tell you what to say. It put a cling film down first. It's not a big, shape, shape, shape, was it? No, it's catalogical, there's nothing, but the cling film just created a lake type effect over the bowl so that the notes could then float. Like, you know, like the swans, right? What kind of bowl do you own that isn't waterproof, by the way?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Look, it was a cereal bowl, right? But you've stretched the crinkly one at the top of the top, it's like a lake. Now it's like a lake with clear water or ice, let's say. Oh, yes. You did the swan, you've built from a 20 pound note. And then you make it swim on the lake.

You just place it onto the lake. So it looks like it's floating beautifully on the lake. That was honestly the very, it was one of them few happy memories. It's one of those. There's just a point in your life when you go into a house and you open a door and there's five bottles on separate shelves of the fridge and you go,

oh fuck this lifestyle and I can't do this anymore. Yeah. On getting married. Yes. Any first. One butter. Two butter now. One British white butter.

Oh no, there's like a butter and there's like a margarine and then there's like a cholesterol low margarine. Now there's weirdly as many condiments and spreads as they're aware of not more but I'm allowed to get in and all of them. Right, well let's get cracking because I'm very excited about this because we're about to play round one and of course we're still playing the game Candora spot if there is a game at play at any point as well. So let's find on so far I guess covered but who is gonna help me cover my face as we play round one You're out to the shops better cover your chops because this virus is You're stood in a crowd. there's no need to be proud

Cover your government stuff, completely new Stand up as a legend, even though you look the same If you get more pretend that you're the Batman Philobene Where you're most, it's time No one's gonna make you pull it down Where you're bus, you're town No one's gonna make you pull it down Where you're bus, around No one's gonna make you pull it down Where you're bus, around

No one's gonna make you pull it down You're all on a date and you're coming to the lane Cause you gotta put on some lipstick But then you recall there's no need to worry You're a mask where you're not a dipstick You show them a happy face And they will love you as a whole It's not the nose, it's the eye that are

The gateway to the soul Where you're mask It's off No one's gonna make you pull it down Where you're mask, it's off! No one's gonna make you pull it down, when you're mask, around! No one's gonna make you pull it down, when you're mask, around! No one's gonna make you pull it down! Yes indeed, this round is called Mask Jeaves and I'm going to give our contestants a question that I asked the cyberbuttler, Jeaves, okay? Remember Ask Jeaves from back in the day?

Well there is a, I'll tell you now, I went on Ask Jeaves last night. I went on Ask Jeaves last night to check he was still okay. And I've got bad news for you guys. Oh no! Yeah, I'm afraid Ask Jeves as a website is no longer. But don't worry, someone has bought up the domain name, AskJeves.net and run it through Google, so it's basically the same thing. So we're okay.

We're okay for us to do the game. That's enough for us to still do the game, Mask Jeves. Here we go. So I would like, I'm gonna give you all a question. I'd like you to tell me what you think the answer is, okay? What do the HTML valet say? I'd like both teams to give me an answer, whoever gets the closest can win up to five points.

Now question one, we'll start with Tom and Dara. We asked Jeaves, what's the best way to impress your boss? Tom and Dara, what are your immediate thoughts? What's the best way to impress your boss? Dara, when was the last time you had a boss? Oh God, I am a boss. Jesus Christ. Look at some summer job or something.

And did you impress him? Did you make any origami take your pain jacket then go, you know what, I'm not going to spend this, but look at this gorgeous elephant I've made. With your money, with the flow. Oh God, how does someone impress a boss these days? Are you, look, do you perky? Are you supposed to be all attentive? Do you listen to, you know? And now, like on a Zoom chat?

Is punctuality still respected in this business? That must be, that must still be a thing. It's not going to be a thing. It's going to be a thing. People must still want to do that. So we've got, we've got perkiness, we've got punctuality. Okay, perkiness sounds weird. Perkiness sounds a bit. Yeah, I'd be really impressed if that was the number one answer.

If you're have kicked it. 10 seconds. I'm confused. I was going to ask that question. Is enthusiasm enough? If it isn't, then I've got to rethink my comedy career. Career. Is energy enough?

You know. Okay, all right, so we've got energy and we've got. Courier. Is energy enough? Enough. You know. Okay, alright, so we've got, we've got energy and we've got... You've got a, you're in parents as well, right? I've been chatting to my friends, you've got real jobs during lockdown. And, Emma's going to be... Oh, that's a big one. Well, Emma recently got a job where a big part of the interview was them talking about her social life

and being like, what do you do outside of work? Do you go to the pub? We're a company that like to socialise and it's like you know that might be is it like work hard play hard? Oh because you know in this day and age like with all you know it's extra curricular stuff that counts maybe. It's like the northwest advert it's not all work work work work it's like that. Exactly right. Yeah. But do you want someone with a bit of work, surely. Surely it's not a flatmate you're going for here. I know all these interviews, like flatmate interviews and they are all essentially chemistry, essentially like, oh, could I, okay, here, actually, sorry, here's what you need to do. Could I bear to be in an office with this person?

Is essentially, you know, independent ones, you've got, you know, you've broadly got the law degree that we require for this legal job. But could I bear to spend eight hours a day with you? This is exactly why I've never got a proper job. Yeah. I'm gonna come on now. Sure I start. Yes. Don't wear a kimono.

Maybe we should go with that. Oh, that is a strong choice for an interview. A kimono. There you go. Barry, man, it's not necessarily a job, it's not necessarily a job interview. This is just how to impress you. Let's say you've already got the job, perhaps, how are you going to impress him. Let's throw it over because we'll let you think of your definite answer, Tom. Okay.

Let's throw it over to Ben and Sophie. What are you guys thinking? Sophie, have you had a boss, have you had a real job at any stage? I have. I... That's your impress. Oh, here. Look. Okay, so I carried a lot of cake around.

That's a good answer. That's a very good answer, yeah. I carried a lot of cake. It wasn't cake that I had purchased and paid for, but I carried it around. Most of it went all over my top. I was a bad kid. So, a rough cake on yourself, is that the answer? I mean...

I think people who bake in offices get a lot of love. People who bring in food that they made at home, because everyone's so depressed. Wait, so you weren't like working at a bakery? You were just in a normal office. I was in a normal office. Just constantly carry a cake around. She was a wedding planner. I was... I was a normal office. I was in a normal office. Just constantly carry a cake around. She was a wedding planner.

I was a receptionist. They were like, carry around some cake. We like cake. Just take a bit of cake. There was a guy called Angry Graham on the second floor. Who I used to take in the cake first. And he used to give me one of his rare smiles. And...

And... And... And the best part of Angry Graeme's day. Yeah, but that is a goal with Cagle over a top, giving you like a smashed jam doughnut, being the highlight of your day. Yeah, it's not great, is it? Sophie and Ben, what are you thinking? Then we'll move back to Thomas Dara's if we're going to get this down. Being good?

What was the question again? How do you impress? What's the best way to impress your boss? Focus. Working well as part of a team and as an individual. Okay, alright, that's okay. How do you feel about that answer, sorry? I'm happy with that. I don't think that's how you impress. I've really never only got any credit for that. I think you need to do something flashy like work the photocopier or like the print is always breaking. I think you need to know. I love how you think that's flashy. Well it's your version of the fondness is just going to go over beating the photocopier.

I've got two or three or four. That's great. That's great actually. Thanks for having us. Thanks, everybody. It's really great. OK, so being the go-to person, being the go-to person, that there's a thing. Yeah, that one's ours. That one's ours, though. Oh, is this? Yeah, it's a dome.

There's a dome. I just don't think, OK. Yeah. So you think doing something flashy along the lines of fixing the photocopy or bringing handy around the office, basically? Yeah, being a problem solver, as well as being competent. I think this is a multi-faceted answer.

I think the number of people you've dealt to it. So generally being a problem solver, I think. Okay. Tom, what was your answer inspired by Sophie's cake stories? Be a team player. Bosh. I was going to go with Negierboss endlessly, constantly undermine him until he becomes, you know, just constantly negatively.

Do you think? Until he's desperate. Until you're the boss, you know, just do the thing, go and do the thing that you're supposed to do without leaving alone. And then that's just, right. Do the job well and don't get in the way. Just don't get in the way, you know. I mean, he doesn't want to leave leave alone. And then that's just... Do the job well and don't get in the way. Just don't get in the way, you know. I mean, who doesn't want to see you let alone?

Keep your head down, get out of there. Just do the thing. Just do the fucking thing. So sweet. You're almost saying the opposite. You're saying make yourself visible. Hi. And the fun copy guy, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I... Inject. That's yours. No, no, no, no, inject. Oh, it's called inject, yeah. That's better than angry,. Yeah, that's better than angry. I am it much of a thing. I'm in get ain't jet Joan Hey, you can't for this like yeah, hey, you get what you doing Thursday night It's cool in it. Yeah, pretty good. Oh, what about nick name?

Have a cool nickname give everyone nicknames. Yeah, be the nickname guy Have a cool nickname, give everyone nicknames. Be the nickname guy. That's Tonya Pete. We, I'm gonna. Tonya Pete. Tonya Pete, Tonya Pete. I think Tonya Pete and inkjack are gonna clash. They're gonna, they're gonna,

they're gonna, they're gonna lock antlers at some point. There's no way. Well, there's a new printer guy in town. Things I'd love to give you the answer. I can't actually give the answer myself to his dead. We've got our very own Jeaves. Jeaves, are you there, my man? Who would own a bucket of any?

Oh my God! Jeaves, my good man, how are you? An absolute pleasure to be here, typecast, as ever. Listening to, let's be honest, an excruciatingly long chat about office politics, as I sat here holding my book open for minutes on end. Listen, it's lovely to be here. I am Ivo angry Graham, lovely to see you here. So, so, would you like the correct answer to this thoroughly tedious question? Oh my god. Do not get ideas about your station, right?

I'm like out of the service quarters with no grules. Yes, yes. What's the best way to impress your boss? Now obviously in the kind of circles my master moves in, if you have a job, you have failed. If you're living off anything other than your inheritance, something's gone very badly wrong. Absolutely, correct.

You don't need to impress your boss because your boss is usually one of your father's friends. However, a little bit of layman advice, if you like, and we were quite close to it early on, and then it was lost in the in the melee is arrive early. Oh! This has always been the key to impress a boss who is concerned with your inputs. Since it is so hard to predict when traffic will be bad or your bus will be late,

sometimes the only way to ensure you are always on time is to arrive early. Arriving before your bosses will give them an impressive notion of your work ethic. So that was nearly as long as the opening chat. So you've got five points to give. Do you think anybody gets any of those five points? You can divide them up between the teams. You don't have to give them all out. Do you think anyone's going to get any of those points? You can divide them up between the teams, you don't have to give them all out. Do you think anyone's going to get any of those points? Well, I was tempted to give both teams a sort of encouraging three near the top of the chat, but that did start to drain away as words like sort of being a good team player

with thrown around excruci Tanged about printers. So I think I like so feasting about baking, even though that just amounted to a smashed jam doughnut, but then that wasn't the answer they gave anyway. So I think it is gonna be a pretty miserable one point for both teams. Oh, I'm sorry for both teams. No further along than when we started, unfortunately. I can't really handle that.

Let's try another question. Ben and Sophie will start with you. What do you think our internet pal Jeeves made of the question? What's the best question to ask at a dinner party? What is the best question to ask at a dinner party? Sophie and Ben will start with you guys. Go to a lot of dinner parties. What kind of stuff do you chat about?

It feels so long ago. It feels like a long time ago, doesn't it? Yeah, is it a part, if it's just you and the cat? What do you speak to the cat about it? What do you speak to Dijon Mustard about? Dijon? Or our soul recently. That's what I'm talking about.

We talk about all the things I think you're not meant to talk about dinner mart parties, me and the cat, like politics. You're not meant to talk about dinner mart parties me in the cat like politics You're not meant to talk about that at dinner parties and that's been pretty uneventful religion set Are you meant to talk about sex at dinner parties? I depends on the dinner party really Yeah, it was the end of a dinner party if you're all gonna throw some keys in a bowl It's probably worth Imagine if you imagine something that's being formed on the top of the ball. And then you just press it off. It's a bad ball, please. I beg your pardon, I beg your pardon.

It's very, very scratchy this dip. It's very, very scratchy. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, The best question to ask at a dinner party. Well, I suppose it's kind of... It's like being interested in someone, isn't it? So, not talking... Like, obviously, not talking about yourself. What's a good kind of jumping off point for a... for a combo? Like, where do you see yourself in five years' time? I think I'm still... I've been... I've been to you again.

I've been to you again. I've been to you. Is it not on the spirits? That's what they are. So when you go home, see how you... You're still doing that podcast thing. What is it? This all feels very familiar now.

It's all careers. I'm sure it's not the kimono that's making me sweat this time. Okay, I've got a really good Harry. No worries. What do you think you've got? Okay, well obviously it's a dinner party, so you're gonna wanna seem quite highfalutin, you wanna seem quite intellectual. You wanna fake interest in the people you're dining with.

Or just having interested in them. So you go with, so what are you reading at the moment? Oh! Hey! Hey! Hey! A lot of people, a lot of people, a lot of people are not enjoying that question. What are you reading at the moment. A lot of people are not doing that question. Can you read it?

Didch my teammate on this one? I think Darry, you're answering your question. No, it's very, it's very annoying. Are you reading at the moment? Who are you reading? Read it, thou. And you're doing this. Who are you reading at the moment?

Who are you reading? And moment? Who are you reading? Who are you reading? Err... And who are you reading you? I finally guess the format of this whole thing is, which is, comedian try and fail to work out how normal people live. LAUGHTER By speculating on work and dinner parties and other things that we never go to. Err...

What would they like to have a social life? Tom, your thoughts. Who are you reading at the moment? Okay, so Dara, if you're, if you do, sorry, sorry, and appallingly, we keep fighting against it. What do you do? What do you do? Is sadly for every audience chat is the same thing.

What do you do? Exactly. Hey, talk about yourself for what? It's a good icebreaker. Talk about yourself for a while. And I will politely nod and listen. And I'm saying this by the way, I'm getting to the point because G was a bit of a judgmental prick when I go, and now we know he's there as well. Just the voice is clearly not going on. He's judging every phrase that we say. So yeah, so I'm going to say, I'm, I've got straight, what do you do? What do you do?

What do you do? What's good? Sophie, what are you going to go for? Well, I mean, I feel like Dara's snitch the most obvious answer, but I think, I think you should ask something about them. I agree that. I think you should ask something that's non-controversial,

so not about political stuff. Sure, sure. Ask them if they have any allergies. Right. That's cool. It's good if you're hosting the party as well, because you know not to serve them shellfish, for example. So it's fair.

I mean, you probably already cooked it at that stage, but you still ask. Are you can't any any use? Show an interest. Have a can of h hiding of a shut up. So, Clarkie, are you happy with the allergies, sir? I was going to go with what's your favourite podcast, but I think... Oh, again.

I'd be like Hobbies. Hobbies is nice. Because what you do is like, this is a work for a photocopier. But it's not exactly yet. But I really aspire to bake and then you talk about what they actually like rather than what they. Sorry, Jake. It's what they do in there in their time when they're not working.

Okay, well let's let's. Reading. Let's take the. Well that's the second question there Tom, isn't it? So, um, geez, let's chat to jives and see. Oh God. Oh here it Oh, here it comes. Here it comes. Good evening. Hello. I enjoyed that round a little more than the last one and I think I do you know what? I deliberately kept it punchy to you, jeez, because I know you're on borrowed time.

So, um, what are the best questions to us? I had dinner party? And can I confirm that those were from Dara, what do you do? And from Sophie, do you have any allergies? Is that correct? I think in the end we went with hobbies, but... We're turbid to hobbies. I take you... If it's allergies, we're going to give it a four or five point. Right.

Well, I'm actually a big fan of both of those, obviously. I'll just give you my favorite tinaparty question from my own well-heeled social life of late Genuine Lead last year, someone that did in a party asked the host, is this the standard Osholengi recipe or have you gone off-peaced? It's a different world. It's a different world. Who knows how to lose people?

It's a different world. If by different worlds you mean vegetarianism, then, you know, so be it. Listen, I like Darabrian asking what you do, because I've seen a couple of Darabrian live shows, and I know that even if it doesn't lead anywhere particularly interesting immediately, Darab will encore at the end of the dinner party and reincorporate all of the professions he has discovered in the really fashion. So even just the memory of that alone makes me give him a proud for. Sophie's question about the allergies as you pointed out would be too little too

late at that stage. Still well-meaning. Hobbies, I think you can't. Have you not seen Sophie live, though? At the end, she brings back everyone's allergies and incorporate scenes of warping. She met with the audience. Have some weights. Where was gluten? You got the back foot? It's a hell of a finale. Hell of a finale. I think it's a lovely question and I think what are your hobbies is also you can make wonderful things out of what of your hobbies. So I'm going to give that for as well. I'm not being pulled in either direction really. Okay, okay, these last two questions are key. What's the correct answer? Oh, the correct answer is I'll be honest in the last one I was proud of the correct answer and I hated the panel's contributions.

In this case, you lovely contributions from the panel and this has made me quite angry actually. If you were by yourself and could do anything you wanted for one day, what would you do? I mean, that's so close to what are your hobbies, isn't it? We all know what Sophie's cat would say. LAUGHTER She doesn't have to be alone. I'm just always, she waits until I'm there to rim herself. No, you say that.

It does sound a bit like hobbies. But I prefer the directness of what of your hobbies, whereas this is the sort of hypothetical bullshit being peddled on hinge and other question based dating apps. But I suppose that should be another point to Sophie. Matthew, I think just to make it interesting, let's give Sophie the five and let's give Dara the four. Commiserations, Fabri and...

So just live. Jeaves, at ease, we'll call you again very, very soon. So, another one for Tom and Dara, we asked WebSlave Jeaves, what's the ideal height for a man? What do you think? Quick answers here, the ideal height for a man. Okay, six two. I'm six four, so six two. I'm six two. Are you six two? Well, yeah, make it six three different the six three You're six four is like is slightly tall tall. Yeah, you're a bit too slightly too tall at six four. I mean

I carry it obviously, but yeah, yeah, I think it's a boss. It's a but yeah six two. I think that has a good ring to it I'm very happy with six two so we go It feels like a nice hike. It's a good idea. It's a gorgeous hike. I hope to get there myself one day. So fee and I'm, you know, taking those supplements. So fee and Ben, what about you?

What do you think is the ideal height for a man? What do you think so fee? I think you've got to be taller than a postbox. Okay. Okay. Are you alright for a postbox? I'd say 5'7". 5'7?

Yeah. It's a postbox, I would say. Just a few more cutted hats. All numbers greater than 5'7. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, the white and white numbers. Any kind that's right. Yeah, that's what I've been through. Yeah, I've never heard about any, any time.

I've never heard about any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time.

Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time.

Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. Any time. we're date. Yeah. How long were you chatting to before you really listen? You are such a good listener. He's got to spend it with his job over the entire time. I haven't appetite that. I so like he was of an increasing height, but as I got closer, I realised that he was a post box. A post box, okay. So taller than a post box, you would say.

I would say six foot. Six foot. Okay. It's a nice round number, not too small. How tall are you, Ben? I'm six foot. OK. Interesting.

I've seen a pattern emerging here. I'm just interested. But I just plucked it out of the air, obviously. Well, let's see what Jeeves says about the ideal height for a man. Jeeves. Oh, my God. Sorry, just back and do that reading, isn't it? Brushing up on one of the greats.

I can tell you that Jacob Riesmog is 6'1", which would mean that two of him could lie down on a Parliament bench of 13 feet and still have a few inches to play with. However, the answer that I'm looking at here is 5'11! On average, women say a romantic partner, 5-3 or shorter, is generally too short for comfort while a partner, 6-3 or taller, is too tall and the ideal height for a man, is 5-11 by Yu-Gov. I should briefly break character to comment on the very heteronormative nature of that survey, but it is what it is. It's the 1800s. That's the Hugo for you.

That's the Hugo for you. We don't have the rules, we just have to stick to it. So listen, what's that going to do to the points? I don't know, I was reading Voltaire. I heard someone say... LAUGHTER It is good. It's got something.

You get in the first page. Yeah. You're in. You're in. You're in. Can I ask you Tom, what are you reading at the moment? It's a very good question, actually. It's a very good question. Fun fact about Voltaire, 5-11 as well.

What a guy. What a guy. Oh, thanks. You'd be a lucky man or woman. Round, round like a postbox. No. Perfectly poor Ed. Perfectly cylindrical man. The most cylindrical of all the French

read thinkers. Am I right in saying that someone said six foot and someone said six foot one? Six foot two. Six foot two. And who said six foot? That was Barca. Mr Ben Clark. Clarky, you were one inch off, so I'll take one point off Two you were three inches off so I will deduct three points to That's the fairest going so far Very very very very very very very very fair. You know, I'm I like you more and more every time I see you Thank you very much. I really do You've really mellowed. You've come out of guns blazing, but you know what? That's okay. I think it's because I said in the little briefing chat that I might shout you down at some point.

So you attacked me before I had a chance to attack you. It's a classic stand-up maneuver. You make the joke that they're going to make about you before they get a chance. You must exactly. You should first and do all. Absolutely right. And I'm shot right through. But thank you, Jeez, at ease for a moment. One final question to start with Sophie and Ben. How did my future, futuristic butler of the past answer the question? What is the worst thing to say to someone who's grieving?

Sophie and Ben, what do you think? Worst thing to say to somebody who is grieving. Cheer up mate. I'm pretty late. It's very, it's very, it would be a bad thing to say. You look like you've seen a ghost. Oh. Oh.

Oh yeah. I'm liking these punchy answers. Tom and Darryl, where do you go? Don't either be another one along in a minute. You're going to be playing more fish in the sea. Play more fish a minute. Plenty more fish in the sea. Plenty more fish in the sea. Plenty more fish in the sea. Where's the other post on the straight?

How did the person die? Was it a nautical incident? They know a fossil. How did they die? So how did that happen? Tell me how they died. How did that tell me how did I? Did they die roaring?

The last year Green minute shit. It was a lot of you there Final that's okay. Well, I'm gonna lock in all of those answers because they're all very very strong Diororing Jeaves Jeaves What do you say? Oh the final answer is what's the worst thing to say to someone grieving? Is of course my trip to Barnard Castle was within the guidelines Lovely crowbar stuff that but what I'm actually looking at on my card is I thought should be over it by now.

It's a pretty bad thing to say someone is grieving. Yeah, I mean it doesn't specify how long they've been grieving for. You know this could be someone could have literally died in their arms. But let's see what do you think that's gonna do to the scores then? How do you like to reward people? Because they all gave very strong answers. They did, they did.

They think plenty more efficiency is callous, but it does sort of look forward to the future in quite a practical way. So I'll give that three, and I'll have to give the other one three as well. Okay, there we go, right. Fantastic. We're any worth playing that fight around. Huge thanks to our Gives.

Ivo Graham, everybody. Ivo Graham was our Gives. Thank you so much. Ivo. And at the end of that round, producer Gwynne, what are the scores, please? The scores are, Tom and Dara have 10 and Ben and Sophie have 13. Wow!

Oh! So Ben and Sophie are in the lead, but... It's over. Tom and Dara. Tom and Dara are throwing in the town now, are they? Okay, fair enough enough I understand. Let's head into Round 2. It is of course, flat games! for December 15th. I'm in games if you win you can go Listen to that That's yeah some

Some some listeners headed by Matt Hoss there recorded themselves shouting gold They really run out of steam here Oh, there you go. They really run out of steam here. Go, go, go. Go. There we go. Thank you very much to Matt for those. This is Flat Games, and this time we are playing

our version of Hangman, which we are calling Bangman. And it's not based on Clarke's very popular series of amateur grumble movies. It's actually a high-minded quiz about literature. So Tom, you're in luck. Oh. By the way, F fans of the Bangman series, Don't worry, Clarky has promised that at the end of this stream,

he will be screening the latest instalment of Bangman, which he plays a Randy Vicka, going door to door with a collection plate for the church roof. So stick around at the end of this for Bangman 7, Jehovah's Witness. Anyway, on to the game. I know, I know, I know. Anyway, onto the game, I'm gonna give each player

the name of a book. You have to get your teammates to guess the title using only sounds, okay? Now, if you convey it in one sound, you get five points and it goes down as we go, don't worry, I was not scoring. They have to be sounds, they can't be words, Sophie, you are up first, which means Ben, can you blindfold yourself please?

Have you got something to blindfold yourself with there? Certainly. Okay, well wait for Ben to blindfold. The Camono belt. He's using a face mask to blindfold himself. Very, this is absolutely ingenious there. Okay. Now that's how he's been wearing his face mask.

Actually safer. He looks like a different Zora. Of safer. He looks very different. Of course it's socially different. He does, doesn't he? I think it's the hair hanging over the top. Clarky, you look gorgeous. You can still hear us though, Clarky, right? I can hear you, yeah.

Okay, fantastic. Great. For Sophie and our audience, but not for Ben, here is the book Sophie will be attempting. Pride and prejudice. Okay so Sophie for five points can you make one sound that you think will convey the entire book to Ben off you go. A very strong first sound there from Sophie, a very strong first sound. Clarky, what are you thinking?

Oh, I'm thinking. Would you like me to make it again? Yeah, I'd love it, actually. Yes, please. Is that a horse winning? Oh, well, you can't actually ask any questions. No, but you can think of, think of, if it were a horse winning, what would you? I thought it was your guess. I'm just gonna say that. Okay. Okay, so that isn't a horse winning.

Okay. Clarke, I'm gonna have to push you, otherwise we have to get a second sound. Any ideas? Ah. Can I have it one more time, Simon? You can have it one more time. That was a parry snorting by the way.

How are you, can you do it one more time? If you're gonna start into the microphone, can you at least meet yourself please? Is it a favour book? I mean, it's the Book of the Motion Picture. It was in the machine. Oh! Oh! Oh!

So it's kind of like a...it's like a posh laugh. Oh! We've had three different sounds there. So it's it's kind of like a it's like a posh laugh We've had three different sounds there I think you know it do go No, there were three different Listen no more no, so that's also not accurate. I'm sorry. I'm still here you so I think they were all of the same good. I think they were all of the same family that sound going to allow it because I think they were all of the same family that sound. They were all attempts at the same sound. Clarkey. The great Gatsby is incorrect. Let's have a second sound from Sophie please.

Sophie really hoping you were going to get it on that first sound. Sorry. Sorry. No, hey, it's alright, this is how we play. Sorry, no, hey, sorry, this is how we play Okay, can we hear those two together please Okay, that's the whole thing and then this second sound is the first bit Now you did previously say that you're really good with animal noises. Yeah. Is that like a tiger? Again, you can't ask questions. You can't ask questions, Clarkie. You can only think aloud and give us a guess. Any idea what you think it is. Ah, well I'm thinking that sounds like a tiger. I mean I'm looking at what the book is and that second time was a real curve ball. Okay, that's a real girl.

So I tell you what, whatever you think it is, Clarky, get something else. Luminous assistance from Tom there, but it's actually not bad advice. That's not bad advice. Well, I was gonna go live a pie because there's the growling. It's a good guess. It's not life of a third sound here for three points. What's she gonna do? Oh, does this make it easier? If you're in it, it just confuses.

It's increasing. It does actually get harder, Dora. Now you point that out. Yeah, it does. Yeah, quick, don't, quick at the format. Can I do my sound via words? No, it cannot be a word. OK.

A third sound. That would be different sounds to the previous sounds. Different sounds. We're looking for a third sound there. Was that the sound? No. Oh, okay, sorry, right, okay, right. Whoa.

Whoa, okay. Is this Joghavus' wetness? It's hard. It's hard. This is hard. This is hard. Oh. It was more high-pitched, but then I relaxed into it. Oh.

Did I just say that one a few more times? Oh. I'm like, I feel like a herbal essence is advert. I don't. Okay. Okay. Have you got a kind of idea from those three sounds? Because I'll tell you now, none of us have.

Sophie's choice? It is not Sophie's choice. No. I can see what you said that because it's Sophie making the noises. But it's not Sophie's choice. A fourth sound. Do we dare a fourth sound? No, I don't. We might have to, I'll tell you what, Sophie, put him out of his misery and tell him what book you were trying to do and then we'll hear the sounds again Okay, the book that I think I quite accurately portrayed three the medium of sound was the book

Pride and prejudice it was of course pride and prejudice that's now it's hear the sounds again And you'll see how this was of course pride and indeed prejudice. Okay because of course, pride and indeed prejudice. Okay. Oh! Oh! Okay, so there was kind of, you know, kind of, pot, pot, maybe flirtatious laugh. Yeah, a cacus laugh, a cacus laugh.

Then the second, I tried to go a little bit off-piece and went, Brrrr! What was that all about? Yeah, he took the food out, yeah. I can't remember that one. Is that a gold? Is that anndyodoo?

Was the river he was coming out of very cold? It was meant to be a lion, and they live in prides. Oh, wow. And then for about a few days I was going to do some sort of offensive slur. Well, I'm really pleased. Youur. Well, I'm really pleased. You could do his words there. I'm really, really pleased. Wow. Can we have the cancel, Sophie Ducca?

At least, slightly, people would be canceling all of this. I was just roaring. I died roaring, but I mean... A valiant effort, Duke of the F. Valiant effort indeed. Dara, you're up next. Tom, apply your blindfold please and when the blindfold is on, which I think it is, okay, that's... I love it, you had it ready to go. Well done, Ben.

Well done, you. Nice work, Ben. Let's see if Dara and Tom can score some points here. This is the book you are trying to do the Bible I can't do a word no, but can't do it in sounds like word If it sounds like a word, I'm not sure that's nothing that might be okay Okay, we're going yeah If it sounds like a word, I'm not sure that's, I think that might be okay. Okay, we're going. Yeah. I don't know how you can do that. I mean, that's not.

Very, very good start, very, very good start. I don't know how you can do that. Can I have it one more time please? Of course. Of course, you can have it as I'm just like. Sounds like a better tiger. Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah's like a better tiger. Yeah, I'm not sure.

Yeah, okay. What are you thinking? What are you hearing this sound? What's it conjuring up? I mean, I'm thinking of the wind in the willows because that sounded like a wind. So I'm going to say wind in the willows. No, it's not wind in the willows.

It's not wind in the willows. And just to help you out, is it, or bit Tom? Was it wind? There was more of like an impact at the start but it kind of cut off on the mic oh did it at least it did it did in my ears okay let's try it again I'm just doing this now over and over now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay are we under, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, think in the first sounds, sounds a bit like a bomb. And then they're singing afterwards. So I'm thinking bird song because it's a war book.

Oh, okay, yeah, that makes a song. I'm loving the way your mind works. It's totally wrong, but that makes it. It makes perfect sense. It makes, but it makes perfect sense. So you think you're thinking bombs. It's like a drop in a bar song. So it's, song, song feels like it's going to play a part or BOMB the drop music.

BOMB the drop music is not the answer. That's the history of hip-hop, what if I'm working on at the moment, and someone who has no understanding of hip-hop. Okay, give me a third and then we'll see. Let's hear a third sound from Dara. Okay. Oh, it's good. Yes, it is good. It is good. So there's like a drop or like a pfft and then there's a song and then there's a snake. Oh okay yes. Anything that immediately springs to mind, do you think of?

So now I'm thinking of the jungle book but I don't think it's the jungle book. I should wouldn't do a pfft. No it's not the jungle book, but I don't think it's the jungle book. I should wouldn't do a No, it's not the jungle book. No, no, no, okay Um I I'm going to say Drop the singing snake and that's my final answer I'm gonna say think a little bigger. It's a big book

Lord of the Ring. Oh, she's bigger. The Bible. It is indeed the Bible. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Holy moly. I mean, exactly.

The Bible in three seconds. It's a three-cent. I mean, the sound of creation and jealous voices singing and then a snake. I mean, the big band is kind of, it's, it's a very modern, big bang. But there's still a moment of creation. There you go. But also we don't think the big bang literally went, oh. Oh.

We're not that spot rich or doorken's, don't we? Right. So I think, I think we'll give you, I mean, I sort of edge you towards that. I'm going to give you two points there for that. So I'll give you the I mean, I sort of edged you towards that. I'm gonna give you two points there for that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the full three, but that was fantastic work from Dara there. Really, really good.

Okay. Ben. That is an audio book I would listen to. Oh, I'd love to. Dara O'Brien sounds the Bible. Sounds the Bible. Kill that one more bit. Kill that one more bit.

Yeah, that one more bit. I would definitely, yeah. It sounds like the Bible with Dara O'Brien, I love it. Okay, that one. I would definitely, yeah, it sounds like the Bible with Darabria, and I love it. Okay, let's go to Ben now. Sophie, if you were, please blind yourself. What if you're blindfold yourself? Sorry, if you're blindfold yourself, don't blind yourself. It's a last round, but that's pretty intense.

It's equus actually. No, if you're, if you're blindfold yourself, please, my, my huge apologies. Blindfold yourself, and and Clarky here is your book, Crime and Punishment. Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. Paris looking at that thinking that's achievable.

Clarky is sweating through that kimono. I really am. What do you think, Clarky? Let's have the first sound and Sophie, listen carefully. Very strong work from Clarky there straight away. Okay. Okay. Sophie, what are you thinking? Right, it sounds like either a siren or a very annoying child.

Okay, it's both, but it's me doing it. So I feel like it's like there's some sort of emergency. Like maybe, or like maybe like an incident. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no, there's a book with an incident. Maybe a curious incident. No, no. No, possibly not an incident, possibly just an alarm.

Siren's good, stick to the siren. The siren is a very, very strong clue from Clarkier on the right track, they're Sophie, drilled down into that. Because I reckon, if you think about this a little bit, you might be able to get this. I think maybe it's like an old book. It is an old book. Maybe like a classical book.

Mm-hmm. It's not classical. No, it's not. It's couldn't be classical, it's just old. Should we have the second noise? Let's have the second noise, yeah, go on. Oh. Here we go.

He's getting up for it. Oh, it... That wasn't the second noise. That's not the noise. No, you're not here. That's just him moving. Does that work? Okay.

What were you... We knocking on a surface there. It's not a type thing. I did it here. Do it one more time. One more time, Clark. You see, if you can, is there a surface you can bring to the microphone rocker? Can I change the sound then? Of course you can change the sound alright, the tapping beat for the record. It's probably a good thing because I've got no fucking clue what it was all about with that tapping but... This one, oh dear. Yeah, that's good.

Put them together, do one, and then do the other. Lovely. Sophie, do a car. So it's like a siren, like an alarm, it's like ringing, like, but then there's like a crackling, like a firework. Oh, it's... Oh, like a fire, like a bon- I don't want to talk to anyone. He's getting very Darth Vader in now.

Ben. You know, you know, ringing alarm, a bell, a siren, a police siren. Yes, a police siren, yeah, police siren. Oh, yes, police siren, yes, yes, yes. Police, nope, there are no books about police. No, you're right, you're right, they're on, they're on. Somebody should write one.

Somebody should tell me, it's a gap in the market. A gap in the market. You could turn it into a TV show, we get a TV show about the police as well. It'll be brilliant. I've got to put the bell toles in my head, but I know it's not that because it's not that. It's not for the sign, right?

Bell, ring the alarm. What about watch out, bells. Let's hear one final noise from Clarky and then we may have to close this for good. Okay. Come on, Clarky. Okay, okay. Wh- whew! Tsu- Any- what do you think that sounded like?

Pshhh! Pshhh! It sounded like someone shooting a poison dart. That a cowboy. Okay, in which case I wouldn't trace that thought down anymore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Was it poison? No, it just wasn't any of those. Near on it. Siren. Yes, please siren. Yes, please siren.

Yes. A police. A police. A police. A inspector. No, it's the... Sherlock Holmes. It's not Sherlock Holmes, is it?

No, it's Sophie. Take the blindfold off. Oh, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the and incidents of course they also solve those. But it was quite a... What was that final bit of punishment, Clarkie? It was the guillotine. Oh it was the guillotine. Oh yeah, the guillotine. What was that? What was that? Unbitious to do.

It had to be terrible, terrible really. In hindsight. What was sound too please? It was supposed to be the shutting of a jail cell. I thought that was a very good actually. Yeah. You know what you realize when you're watching it is that there's a lot of physical,

you know, he's bringing a lot of physicality to the parts. That makes all the difference. Yeah. I think, you know, it's a bit like Windara was doing the big band, bang, it's the hands together and it's the sort of, you know, all of that. All of that. It was amazing.

You never saw it do you imagine it. Yeah, you could see Sophie. Yeah. If you'd seen them, it would like them. It was a big, heavy, wrought iron door right in front of him and he was slamming it shut. And it was something else. Final one is of course. Oh no.

Final one is of course. Okay. For Tom, now Darra is going to blindfold himself there. That is an amazing blindfold there It's the face mask again these face masks are really useful so they're how much for your testicles Hoping you're not using the same one for all three and you'll go blind that way. Oh Okay, so Tom get cool within my eyes now Here is the lady here is the book you are going for.

Three men in a boat. Let's hear your first sound please. Okay. Hey, hey, hey! Okay, I see what you're going with that and it's a strong first outing for the first sound We hear it again, please. Okay Hey, hey, hey, oh, well, well, well, well, that's getting David's to the word hey there. No, okay, it's not the word No, no, no, hey, no, let's it's

I accept except The only reason I'm saying not it's not the word hey, it's just because you're not allowed to do actual words, it's not about horses again. It's somebody calling, getting the tension for somebody, calling somebody how many times. Oh, hey, hey, three times. Yeah, okay, okay. How do you hurry? Three times. Okay, okay.

All right. All right. How many? Calling attention three times. All right, okay. Well, well, well, maybe, maybe, yes. Maybe it's more about you. What did you say about you?

Look, would you just say something? I don't think I don't say something, but I'm just saying... Oh! Okay. Maybe it isn't. Okay. So second sound please. Pshhhhhh! Pshhhhhh! Pshhhhhh! Okay.

Is it a tap? Spraying three times, it's speed skating. That's still thing that sounds like, which is unlikely. I don't know any novel about speed skating in this panon. It storms lightning, weather, three storms from airy, three, the Mary, three of us. It's not a million miles away. You're really, really quick. I mean, it's sort of close, yeah.

It's not a million miles away. Let's say it's half a million miles away. Oh, yeah, yeah. Shhh. Okay, there's definitely an aqua dream. I'd say, so you're, oh, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah, we know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking you're... Hey, hey, hey! Alright, we know. Hey, hey, hey!

You can go, you, you, you, you, toilet, you say. And then... Yeah, it's not a Jake Arnett book or something like that. It's not... And... It's like the wrong cling film. Okay, final noise. Final, people with final noise. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- It's not the blue pizza annual.

It's not, but it's on a boat. It's, um, oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you said almost all of the words in the title now, so. Three storms boat, Mary. That wasn't one of the most I've ever done in my own industry. It was, it was three, three, oh, Boudic, on a boat. Oh, yeah, yeah! Shhh!

Bouda-bouda-bouda-bouda-bouda! Oh, okay, we can, that's a boat, that's blue piezer. Yeah, the boat is in the title. I tell you what, that's really sounds like. I can't afford that. I can slightly change it now. Can you ready? Oi, oi.

Oi! Oh! I mean, you should have done it. I mean, that's like eight sounds. That's three sounds, Tom. You're really, you're bending the stretch and the rules to breaking point here. But Daryl, so close, I'd love for him to get it.

Irritating. It's like, other boats, ana boasts. Yes, Bob! Oi, oi, oi, oh, I'm sorry. I'm totally sorry. It's three men on a boat. It's exactly of course it is. Yeah, three men. Yeah, of course. What else could it have been? In many things. Three stones for Mary is very lively what it was. We have been three stones for Mary. Three stones for Mary, great book. What are you reading?

Three stones for Mary, that's about it. I was in the title of Iron Man 5. Yeah, no, I think it's off because we've done it. You can take it off, yeah, yeah. You've got the points so I can give you there the full three points there. Congratulations. Gwynne, what does that do to the scores please? And I'm I'm not gonna allow you to use words No, actually do use words

We've got to wrap the show up Scores please the scores are Tom and Dara have 15 and Ben and Sophie unchanged on 30 Okay, so Tom and Dara's taking the lead there. Now it's time for a round that I can describe in just two sounds, Moo and Yo, it's Beef Brothers. Well if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem call it a beef, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you beef brothers, zoning out your beef. Yes it's Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef and today's one comes from audience member John.

Now John are you there? Hello John, hello John, man. Thanks for coming on the show. Now John writes, My flatmate, slash wife Kate, keeps buying more and more house plants. There are between 10 to 15 plants dotted around our relatively small house and she's always on the lookout for more. Four new ones arrived in the post just last week. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that we have a third flatmate, Cariad, our one-year-old daughter, who will

grab them and dig into the soil with her hand so she can get to them. What this means is that every morning when I get up to give Cariad her breakfast I have to move all of the plants to safe positions so that she can't access them. It's only when she goes to bed at around 7pm that Kate moves them back to where she wants the plants. It is therefore a merry-go-round of moving plants every day. Should I destroy all the plants or should I stop moaning and live in a pot plant forest or somewhere in between I suppose. Now, John, that's you. Thank you but congratulations by the way on having a lovely daughter carry add one year old

Right, we're gonna do a slight change of the format for beef brothers this time our four panelists are all gonna come up with a different solution For John but first across Examination does anyone have any questions for John and in fact is Kate there as well Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kate is here as well. Great, well let's start. Hey Kate, thank you so much for coming on the show. We'll start with questions for John. We'll move to questions for Kate in a second. We're all gonna try and solve John and Kate's problem here.

Anyone got a question off the bat for John, first of all? John, have you tried, do you tell Kerryad not to touch the plants? Is that, have you explored that route? We've tried that, but she's not keen on following instructions at the moment. This is, yeah, this is a parent of a one year old coming from a soon to be parent.

You will find out very, very soon, Perry, that telling a one year old not to do things is just, it's just, it's just, Oh, that doesn't work. Oh, no, no, no, no. You've just, you've to really sit down, telling a one-year-old not to do things is just it's oh that doesn't work To Conversation when you reason with the one you'll they usually just go oh yeah, that's an excellent point They'll say that's an excellent point. Thank you for putting it like that. I never considered that I will to my behavior accordingly

So if you've got a question for John. I've got a question for Jon. Is a carrier to human baby and not a cat? She is a human baby, yes. Yes. Because... ...pricious classes. That's... That's your answer, things. That's your answer, things.

No. Dejon used to dig up the plants, but I think it was because she was bored. Oh! That's interesting. Okay. That's interesting. Clark, your Dara, any questions for our friend John here? I mean, I presume is your house full of any other stimulus for your child? I mean,

have you considered toys? But she tends to go for things that we don't want to go for as, you know, child's eating. That's the classic classic classic, classic, classic, baby, yeah, classic that we don't want to go for as you know, child's eating. That's the classic. Classic. Classic, baby. Classic, baby. Yeah. Classic adult. Yes.

Um, clock, any questions? Uh, what's it like having a baby? Is it nice? Not a bad question. Tricky and mocked, bang. Yeah, yeah. I can see that. All right.

Well, I'll think of it. Is Carried your own charles? She is, yeah. OK, so you're just dealing with this one year old in lockdown who wants to tear at the plants. But there's lots of plants. A lot. So, so Kate, Carried isn't your baby.

Have I got this right? LAUGHTER I have confused. Are you two, is it you two and Carrie-Add? Yes, yeah. And Kate, you keep bringing in the plants? Yes, and the baby you're a go. Oh, yeah, we bring in the baby as well.

So, you have a desire for baby and plant to cohabit, to live together, to grow up aware of plants around plants Look I live in an idealistic world of baby and plants and compete harmony Eden Are the plants in every room or is there a specifically a planty type room that you have all over the place Okay, I mean this is this two right here right here. Yeah, yeah or is there a specific, specific, plenty type room that you have? All over the place. Okay. I mean, this is two right here. Right here.

Yeah. Oh, that's different. Right. Exactly. Wow. Essentially. You could go on there, but down to the health plant, very good. I'm not familiar with human babies.

Can your career, can she walk? She has started walking during a lockdown. So yes. Oh, wow. Congratulations. Great but also wow. What a time to have her. Oh, is that walking? Where's she going to go? Yeah.

Around you of those plants, I mean they're not poisonous plants, right? I mean, that sounds like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all poisonous. Poison Ivy up the walls walls that's what they've got Yeah, maybe crawling around Lively left right and center just a massive cactus. You know one of those really brutal Cactus is right in the center of the living room

Bate It's cacti jump This we're all on everybody's side this time round so. And also it's Bay-Bai. It is in all the hands anyway. So, my boy, that's my Bay-Bai. No, that's not my Bay-Bai. So, John, where does your chief concerns lie for the safety of the plants

or for the comfort of the house or the baby world three. Tom, you're going to be a parent in like three months time, all right? You need to change your entire brain. I'm just wondering where the concern is, is it that the baby is going to eat a plant or soil or... John hates the fucking plant, Tom. He hates the plant. I think the baby thing is cover for me

want to get it totally. And and and can you put up a shelf? She doesn't want them on shelves. We've got some on shelves already. How many would you say you have? Well, like if you had to give it a rough estimate, you're saying it's like 10 to 15 you reckon, with four arrived last week. I can't give them this early on in preparation. There is 19.

19, that's a lot. That's a healthy amount. How many, who's the following around the plants? How many rooms are they over? How many rooms do I keep planting? Over five rooms, 90, okay, so right, so. Oh, I think, because they're not in here room. Okay, over four.

That seems like an obvious thing to do, yeah, well done. Yeah. The cactus in the car, obviously. And that's the silver mood. So no plants in the baby's room. Not the mood. So if any questions for John or Kate, I know you basically tapped out as soon as this had a human baby. I'm sweating for the cat related content. How many plants would you say are bigger than the baby?

Or are they all smaller than the baby? I'd say two. Two or three bigger than the baby? And do you mind disclosing what sort of breed of plant species. Yeah, and then brother plants. Okay, and a rubber plant. Any succulents? Yeah, I've got a Jade plant upstairs. It's not doing very well. I was at the death of them. No, it's not dead. I'm not doing very well. Is that enough? No, it's not that.

That's almost the definition of not doing well. In the time of the work. Did it die roaring? Can I ask you a question if you, John, do you and this is a safe space here and Kate, you might want to cover your ears for this, but do you in your own way sabotage any of these plants? Do you overwater any of them while Kate's not looking?

Do you move away from sunlight? Is there anything you've done? Just a of lager into the into the soil? There are a lot of plans to jump. Have you got a plant pasta plot to piss it? There are two that are on the windows in our bedroom that you cannot shut the blind without removing them. So, I've got a place to close the blind on them. Right, yeah. You give it to them if you will. Yeah, glasses. Did give it to them if you will. Yeah, glasses.

Did this an effect? Quick. Okay, right. I think that is enough to go unless anyone has any final questions. No, I'm not a situation down there. Hopefully, that is enough to solve our panelist's problem. So, I guess problem. So, let's have a solution to John and Kate plus one's problem. Darryl will start with you. What are you thinking? You're lovely people and congratulations on your child. The case is time to give up your dreams.

In our, in our, in our burrito. The, that has to end now, okay? The only way to get to the message across John is to go totally native and start weaving trousers out of leaves, gather the plants around yourself, and then play the music from the mission from the side of the party, a new morgue going, it's soundtrack, and yeah, that oboe music. And sit in the native star surrounded by the plants. If we live in a plant world, then I shall also live as a plant world. And so I want you to weave plants out of the yoke and in order to make this point.

So that's it. Really, John, get over it, Fox Foxx only some plants Right I really turn to the end there really With the one-year-old child and John's winding up at a couple of fucking rubber plants in the house Right do we think that do we think the plants are actually not the problem anyway? Let's let's let's let's just start Do we think the plants are actually not the problem? Anyway, let's wait. Let's wait. It's just not.

I'm afraid you're just a podcast, are you? You have whatever problem you want. Do you fight this bad guy? In whatever fakery that you want here, right? So you let him grow to pants out of leaves and have his moment in the bathroom. But I think Dara's just found that format. Are we done?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've gone both ways on this, haven't I? Yes, but I hope. I think we're going to keep going native, because I like going native. Good native. So we have to keep that answer. Sophie, what is your advice for John? John, I think it's clear that you and the plants are at war,

if not literally, although sometimes literally, we'd be closing the blinds on them, at least psychologically, but the trouble is that your partner doesn't respect your your inherent fear of the plants. So I would ask you to invest in some films, specifically the Lord of the Rings trilogy, trilogy, a little shop of horrors, day of the triffits, and just watch, just watch these are, I would say, anti-plant propaganda films on loop for like a fortnight, and I feel that the plants will find their own way out of the home you share. I love it, so educate the plants themselves to do an uprising and take to the streets. Okay.

I mean, yes, that is one way of interpreting. No, I love it. I actually love that. I think that's a very strong answer there. So go anti-plant propaganda, lovely answer from Sophie. Clarke, what are you thinking? Well, it's a complicated one. So I want you to go with me on this, because I've looked at this from every angle with an analytical eye, and I think that it's not

as simple as, you know, baby or plants, which I feel like, you know, is what they're discussing, you know, one has to go and that's the debate they've put for us. Where did they see the baby had to go? Well, I'm reading between the lines here, you know, there's an issue here, something's in the house that they don't like, which one is it? But people don't speak about that chapter of George Best or a biography do they? Maybe your plans. Maybe your plans. It's the new Daddy or Chips. But I think, let's get to the root of the problem here guys. I think what you need to do and it is technical, is that if you take the plants and put them outside

because technically, and not a lot of people know this, that is actually a natural habitat, four plants, they draw energy from the sun, they get water from the rain, they'll actually thrive. You can still look at them through the windows and when you're outside and then when you're inside, it's baby palace. And that way, you get to keep both and you don't have to do the mental thing you were considering of choosing between baby or plants. Okay, right, so you've really thrown it back at them there, Clarkie, okay. Well, I'm just right. Plants outside, baby inside, never the twential meat.

Right, before we go to Tom, John and Kate, how do you think it's going so far? Are you happy with any of the answers? Are you leaning towards any of them at the moment? I'm happy with most of them, to be honest. Yeah, great. LAUGHTER But you're all involved in getting rid of the plants, so. Hey, man. I would say that there's not a lot more room outside

for any more plants, because there are more outside than are inside. It is a problem. Oh, wow. Well, what about out the front of your house and just put a nice little sign saying, they help yourself. That's a lot of that going on at the moment, you know.

Or for the babies, that baby you're planning to buy. I told you guys. I told you guys. Okay, Tom, now are you gonna solve this problem as yourself? No, I'm gonna do it in the style of a deep-south American lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Okay. Mr. Fanshore Standard. Fanshore Standard, presiding and providing.

Let's hear what you have to say. Ladies and gentlemen with a problem. I've been listening to you here today. And it's sort of got me thinking. Hell, yes, the age old battle Isn't it nature versus nurture hell they used to be a saying with my mama you could stick a boy in a yard with a stick and they He'll stay And sure sure did stay in that yard

But listening to you there reminds me of a story a man man, when I was growing up on the farm there, little baby piglet, hog had gone a market to live on the farm. But we had a little baby piglet and it used to play there with the dog. And my mama used to say, you can't leave a dog with a piglet and I'd say, Mama, nature, nurture, put them together. Cut a long story short, the pig ate the dog! LAUGHTER Now you take from that what you will. Maybe don't leave the baby with the plants after all. That's my advice and thank you very much. Well, thank you so much, Fanchore.

So don't leave the baby with the plants. It was staring you right in the face, thank you so much, FanShore. So, don't need them any with the plants. I mean, it was staring you right in the face that the entire time. Now, obviously, I can't make the call myself unbiased as I'm actually, I didn't tell anyone this, but I'm actually half plant. My mother was a Yucatri and my father was a pervert. So instead, I call upon our live internet audience.

So, if you go to our profile on Twitter, it's at Pappies' tweet, our pinned tweet will let you vote for who you think should win. Was it Dara, was it Sophie, was it Clarkie, or was it Fanshawe with whatever his suggestion was? I'm going to at Pappy's tweet on Twitter now and vote. You've got 30 seconds to do so and your time is very nearly up. But I'd like to talk to you guys. So now you've heard her fanshawe's suggestion, John, have you ever thought of just not keeping the the baby and the plant in the same room? We have a lot of rooms. And I've tried to manufacture that by

moving the plants to a safe place. Could you have a plant, Um, do a safe place. Could you have a plant, could you have a jungle room like Elvis used to have where you have a room that is just entirely full of plants and that's your little sort of hot house room, all the plants going that room the baby never goes in there. That's mummy and daddy's jungle room, you're not allowed in there. I mean, I know when you say it's mummy and daddy's jungle room, it sounds creepy. Yeah. It wasn't intended that way.

But could that be a pot? There's lots of plants, there's lots of swings, but they're not for you. Could that be a possibility? I would consider outside to be the jungle room. That's where plants should live. I think I've put a move like two, three plants in the morning, and it's not

laborious. Every morning? Every morning? Every... The thing is when you've got a morning routine, every... I mean, I also have a... she's one on Sunday. Every little aspect of it can become laborious. When it becomes the routine. So, I mean, this is... That's parenting, isn't it? So, little bits can be laborious when it becomes the routine. So, I mean, this is, that's parenting, isn't it? So, little bits can be laborious. You can take one laborious thing out. That would be great.

But anyway, it's not my decision, it's the decision of our listeners. And I can tell you now, we have a final decision. A lot of people voted only one winner. With 18% was Clarky, with 20% was Sophie, with 30% was Fansure, but Dara is the clear winner, go native, wear the plants yourself with 32% Dara is the winner. So how do you feel about that? I mean, John, how do you feel about that? Are you ready to start weaving yourself some Yucca pants?

Absolutely, I'll start immediately. Kate, how do you feel about it? It's not to be a corner, it can be a corner of the room, you can move more that you can sit amidst them in your Yucca pants, which is obviously, I think you'll agree it will be a beautiful sight to see your husband in just wrapped in leafy pants.

I'm not saying you'll be part of the romantic Could be, I'm not saying, I'm not saying it's gonna be part of the romantic routine, but I'm just saying it's a nice thing. Okay, it could be, it could be, it's there. You know it there, you know? It's always there. Oh, hello. It's always there.

You're a French, you're a French- Are your French- Are your French- Is it good mug, come trick's floor to join you? I mean, you know as you can. And, well, Sean and Kate, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thanks for accepting the decision of the online audience and we'll see you again very soon.

I hope good luck with the plants. See you soon. John and Kate, everybody, John and Kate, there we go. Good job, Kate! We're looking to see them there. Lovely to see you. So, well it's nearly time for the Quick Fire round and here is something we do not have to vote on. This jingle is a bit too long.

If the quick far round jingle, let's hear it. This is the quick far round. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's amusing that it's got a really long introduction. It's a great day. It's got a long introduction. Or at least that is the joke. The trouble is it's no longer funny things lasting a long time.

Because we've all lost our own sense of time. Yesterday lasted three hours It's a state of affairs And the day before last did a week Is it April or is it July? This year's flown by and this year's felt like a decade. I had a bath the other day that took a month. So is this intro long? Well, it could be.

Or it could be short. I just don't know anymore. I've smashed up all my clocks. Fuck this lockdown. It's like conception. But also fuck easing this lockdown. Oh god, I've lost my mind. Oh God, I've lost my mind. I'm starting to understand why Shrodinger's cat went mental. Or did he? Did she? I don't know if the cat was there. Oh, I've lost the thread. But let's not get into that now.

Instead, let's get on with the quick fire route. And a very real, a very real quick fire round jingle there from Tom and Ben there. Yes, this is the quickfire round and as I show you about, about masks, all of our answers follow the pattern of Jim Carey's famous catchphrase from the cable guy. Now of course I'm having light hearted fun with you. It is catchphrase from the mask. Shombani, stop me. So for a, it's great to hear that, but it's great to hear that in 2020, isn't it?

It's not going to be enough. It's not going to be enough. We watched it on you the day. We put it to the kids' watches. Does it still hold up? No, it doesn't. It's just really weird. We watched it.

We're going to look, look, look, you know, there's a bit later, taking the dog up with the mask on, they're like, okay, it's a bit strange. Yeah, I'll see. But then, hey, you know what, we watched Groundhog Day once and they really didn't go for that because we're in the middle of fucking lockdown So why would it like to do documentary? Yeah, so yes, so the way this round works is if I were to ask you

What is the mask say when he wants to cut me on the phone usually poor call lamb? You would say somebody chop me and we'd all have a great time instead of buzzers I would like you to shout out your first name so Tom and Dara. Let's hear yours Tom Dara Ben and Sophie Ben Sophie off we go. What does the mask say when he's a balloon? Sophie somebody put me is correct. What does the mask say when he's been picked up? Tom Tom somebody drop me is correct. What does the mask say? We want to be traded for something else? Oh

I Think it was just so if you had it ahead of been there somebody swap me absolutely correct What does the mask say when he's cleaning the floor? Dara I think Dara was just there first Somebody map me somebody map me when he's cleaning the floor. It's so bad. Dara, I think Dara was just there first. Somebody who mapped me. Somebody mapped me. What does the mask say when he's wearing a sleeveless jumper? Sophie.

Sophie. Somebody cracked me? Oh, I'm afraid it's not. No, anybody else? Dara, Tom. Tom. Somebody tank top me. Is that a curing?

Of course he's somebody tank top me. Of course it is. Look at you talking to what are the masks? I only the manager of Liverpool FC Somebody club me you correct what are the masks? I always working on his MacBook Oh, I'm running out of hard disk space because this is taking so long. No, this is gone. Don, somebody air drop me. Oh, I know.

No, do you know what, that's better than I had, but you gone, Darryl. Was there somebody photoshopped me? It was just, it's as simple as somebody laptoped me. Somebody laptoped me. Yeah. But you know what, I'm going to give a point for a drop, but I'm gonna give a pop point for Photoshop What does the mask say when he's a luggage carrier in a hotel so fee so fee somebody bell up me

I'm glad I've got loads of these and what does the mask say when he's in water stones? Dara Dara somebody bookshop me somebody bookshop me Dara, Dara. Somebody bookshop me. Somebody bookshop me. Dara, come on, hit it with enthusiasm next time. I'm sorry, I'm not in a bookshop me. That's what I'm talking about. Is this a former? Can we just check? Is this a former? No, still not a former.

What does the mask say when he's hanging out with Stormzy? Snowfeed. Snowfeed. Was I always Oh, it was I was gonna get that one. Uh, somebody better fucking get it. Somebody must have bought me. Somebody must have bought me, is absolutely correct. What does the mask say when he's a super human cyborg, law enforcer?

Tom, Ben, Tom. Somebody a robot cut me. Absolutely correct. And finally, what does the mask say when he's doing the high jump So feet so feet somebody fuzbury flop me oh So feet do cuz smashing the fuck out of the quick fire around there That is the end of the round and indeed the end of the game so before we find out the final scores

Dara and Sophie is there anything you need to you want to plug? Sophie no, I don't I You want a plug? Sophie? No. I don't. I don't have darand nothing. I've got I actually need an adaptor for my electric toothbrush But I'm otherwise fine. Oh, I do a podcast. Oh, there you go. Fantastic. I tell it to me. It's about a great new show called I Made a Stryu and it's called Obsessed with I Made a Stryu Because it's very literal. It's a great show everyone should watch. I'm gonna chat about it. I love that show So you're doing like the kind of the discussion show after the watch. Amazing. I love that show. So you're doing the kind of discussion show after the show. It's called Obsessed with Iron Man Destroyer. Obsessed with Iron Man Destroyer. It's honestly one of the most mind-blowing things I've

seen on TV in a while. I love it. I absolutely love it. Yeah, I love that show. I'd love to hear that podcast. Well, I'll definitely listen to that brilliant. I have nothing. I haven't worked a month and there's nothing in the dairy. So, let's do this. How you got that? How else do we get Dara? You know? I don't know. Somebody, so we need to eat a bash.

That's how we'll get the guests. Like shut down the world. There was a lot of stuff for us this lot. And I can tell you that. Thanks to all of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon. We do three bonus apps there every week. So go to patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share

for five dollars and above you get the bonus apps. Leave us a review on iTunes or tweet recommending the podcast to all of your friends. But most of all, we're gonna do another one of these, I think. I think we're gonna keep doing these on Zoom during lockdown. So please keep coming back, you know, come for the Lack of Format, stay for the Lack of Format. So producer Gwynne, let's hear the final scores. I'm very excited about this.

So, the final scores are Ben and Sophie, have 18, and Tom and Tom and I have 24. That is amazing. Really, really, really good. So, Ben and Sophie, we have the face masks, while Tom and Dara get to get off their faces. Thanks so much to our guest Dara O'Brien and Sophie Duker. We've been Pappy's, see you next time on Flash Yes, slam down! Oh! Ah! Pappy's Flash Yes, that's our featured Matthew Cross, with Ben Clark and Tom Pairo, special guest Dara O'Brien and Sophie Duker.

It's devised by Pappy's and Ben Walker, take a look at the list of my Emma Corsham, with help from Winnie's table since it's produced by Emma Corsham. Big thanks to everyone who watched the show live to Zoom, and to YouTube for hosting us. I still can't believe we're on zoom. It's amazing, isn't it? And if Pat me to that share,

it's David Housen, it's the sequel to this production for A cast and the internet cheers everyone. Bye! Well, there you go. That is how we do it. That is how we do it at the start of the month. Tom, tell us again what the audience have just listened to.

I'd love to know. I've been practicing while I was listening. It was flat-shared slam. Oh God, I knew it. Oh no! It was flat-share slam. Oh God, I'm in the hole. Oh no! It was like shabble, lop, lop, lop, lop, lop, lop. See, this is marketing 101. How are we supposed to sell a product

that we can't even say? Absolutely. So, it was, I'm right in saying it was F slam shammerland. Is that right? I've taken that right. It was certainly a twist in the tale. That was a real twist in the tale, everyone.

I was brain dead all along. LAUGHTER Thank you for listening. If you did, please share it around your friends, stick it on social media, leave a review on iTunes, come and visit the Patreon community. Yes, we have so much fun over there. Send us an email, papysflatshareitgmail.com, send us a beef to solve,

beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com, go on our Twitter at PappiesTweet, go on our Instagram at PappiesComedy. Just get in touch with us guys. That's it, we're lonely. It's still basically lockdown and we're still really lonely. We only, all we see is the other two and caution, and you know, they're lovely in everything, but come on guys, a little bit of human contact, even via email.

Well, look, we don't want to beg, but we just did. So, if you have half a heart getting touched, this episode was produced by producer Corsham. Cheers everyone! Bye! It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15.