Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Fern Brady & Ivo Graham (Blow Up 100 Balloons) S13E013

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to Blow Up 100 Balloons to celebrate this being the 100th Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have our 100th Flatshare Slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Tom Parry Wicks, and Ben Clark recorded live at The Phoenix pub with Ivo Graham and Fern BradyWithFern Brady - https://twitter.com/FernBradyFern's Book, Strong Female Character - https://www.hachette.co.uk/titles/fern-brady-2/strong-female-character/9781914240447/Ivo Graham - https://twitter.com/IvoGrahamIvo's show at Bloomsbury Theatre - https://www.ucl.ac.uk/culture/whats-on/ivo-graham-my-future-my-clutterPappy’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome. Welcome, indeed. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the historic 100th ever episode of Flat Share Slamdown. That's right. And we have selected 100 listeners to listen to this and you're Yeah, we hand picked it only dropped into a certain number of people's podcasts readers exactly 100 for a hundred record it yeah I mean congratulations You made a wall of the chosen few and There were only we only had to leave 10 people out, choose the top.

But well, that's a bit of a major cut. I haven't listened for a few months, so I think they would make a decision for us. You guys still doing that? Yeah. Yeah. We've selected 47 lucky listeners to continue listening to that. Oh, I'm breaking news, 46.

That's what we'd like to do with every new episode. We'd like to get one more listener. So when we eventually do our 200th episode, we want 200 people regularly listening as well. And you got to listen to the beef brothers' cold cuts and you got to listen to the house meetings as well. Actually, let's not push people too much. And so welcome everybody.

This was an absolute joy to record. And congratulations guys, as well. 100 episodes. 100 episodes. It feels mad to have done a hundred. That really took me by surprise. I do. 60.

It's kind of both like a huge number of flat-chis lamb downs. And also considering we started this in 2011. Not even by the year. Suddenly like, we've not been breaking up except for this. We've been doing this podcast for a hundred years. Yeah.

That's been pretty cleverly. But yeah, so welcome to this episode. Two absolutely superb guests as well. Both repeat guests. Oh yeah, obviously. Two superb team captains as always. But yeah, I vote. I vote.

I vote Graham and Fern Brady. Two of our fav guests. And we had such a nice time over at the judge. I vote Graham and Fern Brady. Two of our fav guests. And we had such a nice time over at the Phoenix in Cavendish Square. And yeah, if you can, we've got some more shows coming up in June. They're not on sale yet, but they will be soon. If you can, get yourself along to a live recording

because we always have a tremendous time. Go along to papi'scomedy.com, forward slash live to find out when those dates are going to be. They'll be up very, very soon. If the average flat slam jingle is four minutes long, then Tom, Tom, I, I've got some, I've got that, I don't want to do it now before the episode, but I tell you what, as a little treat after the episode are our dear friend J Jego who is very much the boss world to our podcast in Johnson has got some That's why I said it over zoom now because keep whipping out your podcast in Johnson

But it has got some some hot stats some cold hot stats some cold hard hot stats They are they they'll I tell you we'll do them we'll do them after the episode, because we want people to... You don't want to blow people's minds before they get the episode, which is pretty much blowing up. A lot of people are only listening for the stats, and so we have to dangle that carrot. Well, if Timon. If Timon agrees to it, I'd love for Lisa to have a gluggy. I love police stuff, Clarky. Oh, you know, it doesn't like it when he gets the beat. When he says something that gets its juice, he feels uncomfortable.

Yeah, more of a fan of when people send us messages, go, you talked right over that. You would have been much happier with that rather than a little break in proceedings for us to in January flex and by peeing you're brother you're brother Luke Crossbeck. I mean Luke Crossbeck yeah hashtag Justice for Clarky. So yeah anyway we'll do those at the end of the episode so all you've got to do if you're just a stats fan if you're just here for the stats if memory serves it was quite a quite a lengthy recording so I'd say skip ahead four to five hours and you should find the stats somewhere at the end. And the start of the end is that episode lasted four to five hours. That was.

That was. That was. That was. But yes, yes, yes, enjoy the episode. And of course, if you've been with us over these past 100 episodes and you would want to sort of send something our way, then a great way to do that and get something back in return is to join our Patreon.

Oh yes. I could dot com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share. Oh yes indeed. Obviously, we put out these episodes for free or the Beef Brothers or the house meetings, all the flat share slam downs. And but if you'd like to say a little thanks for your hard work in buddies, then join the Patreon and we will in return give you a lovely gift of a brand new episode of Papi's Flat Share Pop round every week. Every Thursday.

Every Thursday, yeah. Plus bonus beef with our special guests. Plus bonus audio from episodes just like this one. So you think they can't have cut anything out but oh boy, oh boy, we often do. Up to 40 minutes sometimes and you go, oh right, well, I got to hear that. That's worth the four-quid alone. It's mostly pauses in between our work. It's pauses and stats. That's our off-screen podcast that we're working on. They sound like a crime fighting duo, don't they, pauses and stats? Pauses and stats. Yeah, one's very, very good, very, very logical.

The other one is not really present. You know, he's high. You've got to have one staring off into the middle distance, exactly. Who are we going to catch for that, though? Lucky. Lucky. Lucky? Lucky lucky lucky you got No, me listen, let's try let's try to at least get to episode 101 without tearing each other apart here What said stats on'm casting as I go. I'm not sure I'm looking at the stats of the essence

in it for a while, so. Well, congratulations to you, listen to the idea for making it to the 100th episode. Congratulations, Clarky, Crosby, and let's get into it, shall we? Let's do it. Tom, there's get, let's get into it shall we? Let's do it. What is it, Matthew? What is it, you little prick? You are a little prick actually and we've always thought so. I've always thought so as well.

So listen, it's our 100th episode. What? So one of you two large lunged, lungs has got to blow up 100 balloons. What? Oh shit. We've got to blow up 100 balloons. What? Oh shit. We got to blow up 100 balloons. Yeah.

Ah, I misread the email. What's that? I went to London Zoo. Oh no. And let's just say I've got a lifetime bound for the babooning class. You blew up the baboons. Well, a hundred of them. Disney's worst film. Tom, what about you? Oh, I'm not going to blow up the blue. The last time I had an interaction with the blue, so I went terribly. I did. Yeah, it did. I was at this football fundraising event and the Paris

Saint-Germain squad were there and it was quite odd actually the entertainment instead of someone who was like making balloon animals there was a guy and he'd make different parts of a house. He'd like blow up his balloons and model into parts of a house and then they raffled off each part and I really wanted one specific part. I was waiting all night to bid for that part but anyway I went home empty handed and Lionel Messi won the Balloon Door so Lionel Messi won the Balloon Door. Well, so...

Ben, there's anyone with a settle this, we're gonna have to have our hundredth ever... What flatches! What flashes Hello and well Balloon door Balloon door Hello, we're all gonna flash a flag on the panel show that says when I wake up Well, I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's flat slamming with you And when I go out yeah, I know'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's flat slamming with you. And when I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's flat slamming with you. And when I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's flat slamming with you. And when I'm hosting, hey I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man

who's hosting flat slam too. And we would flat slam 50 EPS and we would flat slam 50? Epsen we would flat slam 50 more just to be the men who slammed 100 Eps la la la podcast app Welcome to a hundred ever flat share slam down let's meet my fellow centurions. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Claw Let's meet my fellow centurions. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. What is it, Matthew? So, can you believe it, guys? What? 100 episodes. No.

In 12 years. How have we done it? Not worth mentioning that. We're here now, aren't we? We must celebrate. Little and often. Little and often, exactly. That's our motto. That's me. So we're here now, so are our guests. Who have you brought along with this efficient puff to block 100 balloons this week, Tom? Well, listen Matthew, the

Jamborees in danger. Oh, no. Yes! I know. It's, well, gosh, you must be a hundred ever Jamborees, well. Oh, wow! 100 dangers, 100 Jamborees. But we're getting closed down. No. Yeah. yeah no we've failed our health and safety inspection and so I've bribed the health and safety officer Furn Brady You've ever told me I know I didn't tell myself to be honest it was a shock to me too, that sentence. So third welcome, welcome back to the show. It's a great time to be here.

Returning guest, yes, lovely to have you back. What kind of a person are you to live with? Now obviously you told us before but have you got worse since you were last on? Well when I was last on did I tell you about there was one time I took my flatmate's speed and then replaced it with flour Because I thought um, he's not gonna notice He definitely won't notice and there will be a placebo effect Yeah, but he started to enter his drink can it all just clump And he said fair and did you replace my speed with flour? He's slower as Flower does. And he said, Ferrin, did you replace my speed with Flower? Because he had an ice cream top of speed.

Whoa. He didn't listen to too much. And I was like, no, no, I don't know why anyone would do that. I don't know why he tried to just keep the lie up. And so I've done that. You forget, you usually live with Paul Hollywood as well. So he stole that immediately, you realise what was going on. He stole his trade.

Were you stealing the speed, or were you doing it for your housemates? The health? I know, no, I stole it. I stole it, I'm now- It's a bit of positive spin on it, then. And then the more I took off at, the more I was like, you couldn't replace it with flour, I know it and then the more I took off it the more I was like you couldn't replace it with flour So you did that I am also just stealing food steel people's foods

All the time what's the biggest piece of food you stole? How do I tell this story in a non-weird way? Ah! I think the horse is bolted, actually. No! One, there was this, I left with a guy that used to make this delicious... I don't know what it's called, it was some sort of Nigerian stew that's bright red oil and fish. It was the most delicious thing I've ever had,

and I couldn't stop stealing it. And then he caught me stealing it one night Guys it's a hundred episodes Goodness me and then I had to give her my little kiss to get him to stop Wait did he suggest the kiss Oh no! He was so bad! Wait. Did he suggest the kiss? Yeah! Oh!

Because I just didn't want to confess that I'd been the one stealing his stew for a mums and mums. So I thought if I just get up with him, I'll have to. And then did he take everyone here tonight is going home and making a massive batch of sin? Rocky, who have you brought along with you this week? I brought along my Butler, Ivo Graham! Ivo Graham is here.

Ivo. Ivo. Ivo, what kind of person would you be to live with? Uh, I'm bad, I think. You said that I've never lived with anyone. Yeah, no. But it's still all this. We never lived together. If I was living with you, would I enjoy it? Yes, I think you would. I think we'd have a terrific time. Ys gydol ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdw yn ym Yeah, that's very really sort of reduced by then choosing to live with me I would say really ramped it up in quite unexpected ways a couple of years ago

I was having quite a fun summer where for a period I didn't know whether I had bed bugs or stress-related hives Great game great game to play Yeah, you don't even and you don't even really't even really know what you want of the two of those. Yeah, it's the best case. So please choice. And certainly if it was stress, if it was the stress related hives, then that problem was only increasing as a result of the uncertainty.

But I couldn't rule out the bed bugs either, because of the squalor that I was living in in my friend's spare room and Basically, I dealt with the situation by reading online if you have a bath of oats Really good if you've got hives So I had a lovely oak bath. It was very nice. Pure, just all out.

No, no, no, lots of water as well. Lots of water, yeah. Good old water, the constant. Yeah. I'm like that. Fern, Fern, didn't you replace your friend's MDMA with a bath full of oats? The pilot.

This isn't MDMA, I'm on it! This isn't empty, I'm a, I'm bathing in. It should have ended one of my aura pisses, why not? But anyway, it was only after I told my housemate about this that she said, oh, but like, they were not like a bag or something. I was like, no, I'm just tipping in the bath. And then, so we then had quite a stressful week. I was literally waiting for the Weager Bix in the pipes. Luckily, that didn't materialize.

So that was good news. And then I moved out, and then he discovered it was by bug So it was really exciting stuff. Yeah And what do you have to do? Do you have to burn all of your clothes? Is it what you put them in a notebook? All roads lead back to votes. Oh, it's so complicated Well, what's quite annoying about bed bugs is, I don't know if anyone's ever had to treat this, but the exterminator person comes around and then there are two options. They can either go sort of go nuclear or there's a sort of cheaper option, but you have to go to bed to sort of tempt them out.

Wait, hang on, hang on. I was fern, you're exterminating. LAUGHTER There's only one way to solve this. We're going to have to get off with each other. Ah, and I make the rules up. The bed bugs just like it and leave. I don't know. Do you want some ice cream? LAUGHTER But because I moved out, I get and leave, I don't know. John's a ice cream. Yeah.

But because I moved out, I sort of came around for a nostalgic night in the old room to do my bit on the bug summoning. But it was mostly my old housemate for a week and to just sleep in their spare room to deal with the problem, getting bitten as part of the sacrifice. So in every sort of eventual answer to your question, I would say, fun house make good

for morale, occasionally you will have to sleep in a bed of bugs, while your pipes are blocked with wheat at bicks. So I'm me up. So we have met our guest. It's time to find out who will be the inflated balloons and who will be the berated buffoons. Let's play round one! Very good.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I stand as old as Richard Herring and Kevney Katie Wicks may pick him, Andrew Collins and Izzy But that all of these balloons, and they said, can't you see There's a hundred ways to blow the looies on As Drumph is Fardirab in Helen and Ali John Richardson, Humph Bridget, Josie Josh Holly Asprachine gets in Tim Vine, recent DOD They said there's a hundred ways to blow balloons up

There's a hundred ways to blow balloons up Just get dick and don't suck As pass going on a show Tell me what the heck is that Cold dark dirty Go fight with niche cuma Romance, what's the number one girl Tell me why make a plan man

With Ashley and me At fast with a castle Get mubbies or robbies Tell me I can forget it Fight a herel gory Get steamy bread gold steamy Gap on the loud pouts How trust me when sin do

Kerepriciomically Can't do, care for John McLean Told him or an evil marquee with an Adam Hiss Fost a cue and Robinson, both of them a jazz Bonds braided, bumpy power turned to me and yes Said there's a hundred ways to blow the loser Celier Amy, Alfie, Tusson, Darren, and I vote We're pale and head for heart to meet true and likely unknown The birthday girls will kiss an ogre and that's a fail

No, there's a hundred ways to blow the news up A hundred ways to blow the news up Just head your bets with PASS Count on the Neon Accounting Don't belay the Susan and Dara O'Brien Just chill with Harry Hill But hot's keeps her in the air Hill Duggen cattle use the London Hughes Add a stir-bakey

Camsey likes it with Lycee Make it black with Tom Allen Get glimpses to get more But Jason Bumper Give your lower thumbs up Try not to put your loot Ain't no blame and reach James and then there's what's his name? Uh, uh, John Curtz.

Oh, man. We've had a lot of guests. A lot of guests. That's the nature of 100 episodes, man. The first round is the balloon debate. Let's imagine we're all of us in a hot air balloon that can only hold three things. I'm going to ask each of our players to pick a random item

from my sack of terrible things. Is that your walkthrough? My sack of terrible things. OK, OK. You've read that Philip Pullman book, haven't you? It's your job to embody that item, explain it just a few sentences, why we, the audience and the adjudicators should keep them on the balloon, okay? Once everyone's made their case, you can have a bit more of a chat about it.

Um, if you stay on the balloon, it's two points. If you're thrown off, you lose five points. So someone's going to minus figures before the show's even really started. First up we'll start with Ben. Ben. Pick an item. Out of the sack of terrible things there. Sack of terrible things. Pick a pick an item out, okay? You've been in a hot air balloon. No, I never have. It seems scary. Have you been in one?

No. Okay. LAUGHTER I'm working on a new chat show. LAUGHTER I would watch Neither of I. LAUGHTER So Ben, you've picked an item from the sack of terrible things. Okay, who are you? I am wet socks.

You're wet socks? Do we have to guess? And why should... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, say try and say focus, but almost be a bit less focused, I'd say. My advice you for this round, be a bit less focused, just let Glaki talk for a second. So Glaki, just explain very briefly why you think wet socks should remain in a hot air balloon. The good thing about me is, right, wet socks is,

like wearing a coat indoors, wearing wet socks, they eventually dry and then you feel the benefit. Good, no that's a strong argument, absolutely. Fern, you are up next, okay, you've got wet socks to beat. uh... grab a knight from grab a knight from my setting pouch fern who are you all running into someone you know but not very well on a train all all god okay never done that

that still my catchphrase, man. But why should we keep you on the balloon? What? I'm this experience in the balloon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have to defend it. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, because you can...it's a really good way of practicing acting and social skills and stuff. Yeah, Is it? I don't know. It is. That's good. It's a good start. Ivo.

Yes. If you'd like to grab my dismal bindle, fish something out of there, please. And tell us who you are. I am unskippable, ads. Okay. Okay, now I'd like you to explain why we shouldn't haul your ass in the direction of the nearest ground. Let me point you towards my cat phrase, watch, learn and invest. You know, right? Commerce is good. Give yourself over to it.

I love it. Earn your YouTube video, but possibly be bewitched on route. Have you seen that one? There's an ad I saw on YouTube for... It's a guy dancing while he waits for his Uber Eats to arrive. Oh yes! It's a piece of cinema. Give us some credit and keep us in the balloon.

Tom. Gutted when that finished with Uber Eats. First time you saw it. When you know, you know. Now Tom, I'm a cracked phone screen. Is there no better signal of a life well-lived than a cracked phone screen? You get to the pub, everyone puts their phones on the table. Who's going to be there at the end of the night? Cracked phone screen guy. That's the person you want to party with, you go on a stag, do you go on a hendook, it comes to crack phone, yes, we're going to have a good time. Bring it on. I mean, it's like a book with a nice cover, you don't want it. Go out, crack your screens, leave your life, yes bloody please.

Love it. Fantastic, fantastic. Anybody right now that we've heard on our arguments, four strong arguments, it says here. Um. Ha ha ha ha. But does anyone have any further points they'd like to make in relation to your competition? Obviously, Clark, he used to start with Wetsok.

He didn't know what your competition was like. Does anybody have any further points they would like to make about, for example, their Wetsock's or their unskippable YouTube ads or making someone on a train going? I didn't understand the game and I was supposed to see something funny, I was still... I never said you had to do something funny, just you have to make the most compelling case so that the audience vote for you. Fern?

Well, if you're stuck on a hot air balloon, it's good to have the skill of pretending you like people on trains that you don't know. Are they still doing this wrong? It's not. Nothing isn't to help us on the balloon. No, it's not to help us on the balloon. It's just to remain in existence.

I'm not going to like you. It's a really complicated game. The fault is not yours. Anybody else got any other arguments they'd like to make? The fault's the best bad thing, isn't it? But you've had to put it in a balloon. What's the best bad thing? Yeah, yeah. What's the best of the bad things? What's the best bad thing? There's another one. To be fair, I can't tell you what it's an advert for, which doesn't undermine it in a way, but I was just bewitched by it. He's in a restaurant with like his partner and maybe the in-laws and it's a very fancy restaurant and he doesn't

know what Gravel acts as. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's whisked into like a fjord and like some like fisherman tells him that it's you know, Cure salmon with dill. He's back in the restaurant. God. I imagine having skipped that and never seen it. I, if I were madmen would be so good, wouldn't it? I love I, though, in madmen.

It's just doing ads that are already out. Our competitors are not studying work. Right, so crack screens really good, crack shows a life well lived. Someone you know on a train talking to you, isn't as bad as someone you don't know on a train talking to, that's even worse, that's a total stranger. Post-'t know on a train talking to. That's even worse. That's a total stranger.

That's a total stranger, as opposed to near-stretch. So someone, so I don't think that's as bad as it could be, worst case scenario is, someone you don't know, sits opposite you, wants to talk to you. No, no, no, no. I like that much, Ben. No, that's a phrase. I'm on your side here, for.

LAUGHTER OK, OK. You settle down for a long journey and then somebody you kind of know sits down next to you. Fucking nightmare. You have to talk to them the whole fucking way. What if you find out they're really good? Yeah. Someone you don't think is great. Let's be honest, we're talking about the McClunford Comedy Festival here. There is a hell of a train journey.

The Maconthal's Comedy Festival and you get on the train and you're fucking scared. Because you know there's a lot of random comedians going to that festival and you might be landed with one for two and a half hours. You get to change up Birmingham, shuffle the deck at Birmingham. But then once you're on that Ariever from Birmingham, who you get, you get. You get. Also, by Birmingham, who you get, you get. You get. Yeah. Also, by Birmingham, your socks are dried.

LAUGHTER Perfect. This might not ingratiate me necessarily to this crowd, but it's not even the comedians. It's the people who are into comedy. LAUGHTER Wow. Wow. CHEERING

Wow. Chuck them over, Bord! Tell me, you wanted the options. Imagine being that arrogant in that suit. Two days in a row! So I think, whereas worst-case scenario in this balloon is wet socks, because here's a pair of socks, what's the worst-case scenario? They're wet.

There's nothing worse. I'd rather my socks be on fire than be wet. I'd rather it in a hot air balloon. Oh yeah. You do the handstand in the hot air balloon again. Woo-hoo! I'm finally in one. I've got an anecdote.

Erm... I'll say this, you'll never get... Imagine dying in a hot air balloon. You'd be so pissed off with yourself... Imagine dying in a high air balloon. You'd be so pissed off with yourself that you went into a high air balloon. You fucking mental. So, even worse, imagine being in a high air balloon with someone who likes comedy.

Oh! Oh! That's why we balloon to my handlet. It's the only way. We, you're kind. So I think wet socks is the one that's got to go. Well, it's the only worst case scenario. It's the power is now in your hands. Cheer now for the one you would like to chuck out.

So when you want to get rid of, OK? Should it be Ben, OK, Wet socks, should it be Fern, OK, running, someone you sort of know on a train, should it be rid of, okay? Should it be Ben, aka Wet Sox? Should it be Fern, aka, running, there's someone you sort of know on a train? Should it be Ivo, aka Unskippable YouTube ads? Or Tom, aka Cracked Phone Screen? Let's start with Ben. Ah!

Wow. No one wants to chuck him out, fair enough, okay? Wow, wow, you dodged an absolute bullet there. Er, Fern. Yeah! Okay, meet people on the trade, don't you know? I have a phone, I'll ask people who you've asked. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing.

I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing.

I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'll tell you what I'm doing. No way baby! Okay, here's the thing, about eight people voted there, so... Seven of them, for me! Yeah, should we do it again? I feel like that didn't... Did you know what was going on? And just thought, Ash, I'm just not asked about this game.

After he insulted me. They're all compassion, I'm gonna play it. We'll do it one more time, okay. Can I just check? Cheer if you want Matthew to be thrown out. Yeah, that was it. We'll do it one more time, okay. Can I just check? Cheer if you want Matthew to be thrown out. Yeah. There we go. There we go. There we go.

Very cool thing to happen in a hundred episodes. Yeah. Someone who got kicked out of. Well, there we go. That's minus five points to me, two points to every member of the team. There we go. Every member of every team. Off to a flyer. Right.

Literally. Right. No one team. Off the flyer. Right. Literally. Right, no one made a wet leg joke. We should be ashamed of ourselves. Let's do this. Let's do this one more time. One more time. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's do one more time with this second bag here.

Here we go. OK, one final round of the same. But when you've got four more sort of euphemisms for a bag of bad things. Well, let's find out. Let's find out, as I ask, Fern, Fern, please pick an item from my up bag. No.

Why is it, it feels, it's wet. It's wet because I chucked some water over it. Luckily, socks drive a boat. Ben Clark. Okay. We've got Ben Clark. There's good things. Why do you think Ben Clark should be saved?

Oh, he's lovely and fun. Er, has kind eyes. Does. Like a puppy. A reassuring presence. Yeah. Non-judgment old person. Have you started in this tube?

LAUGHTER He had a plate of foods when I came in. He's going to be some... He had one of his chicken tenders. So he's meant to be the bad thing? Well, he's just a thing, isn't he, in this instance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I make no judgments. He does quite like comedy,

so I'm not really the biggest Read-a-beer's, right? Okay, let's move over to the kind eyes himself. Something from my haul of Clarkie, who are you? Of course I'm Ivograiam. Your Ivograiam. Why should we keep Ivograiam on the balloon? Of course, the great thing about me is... Oh! Oh! Oh!

That's a real shame. It's like he's in the room! It's unbelievable! I can't believe I said that. I hugged ten minutes ago. Moons vote for Luke Kemner, right? There's a new talent in town! The thing about me is I can't do impressions!

There I was! Even in the tux, it wasn't carrying you through! I add a bit of culture to the proceedings. Still doing it. I have, I have many anecdotes. Some of them have endings. And let's face it, I'm a thoroughly lovely chap. At least the eyes are kind. Next up, it's Tom, fish around in my six-hack and see what you get.

Who are you? Let's have a look here. Okay, on this balloon you want someone who's going to tell it like it is, who's not going to sugarcoat things, who if they steal your food, it's going to compensate you happily. Um, and he's going to be entertaining because they're thoroughly confused by the idea of being in a hot air balloon. I am of course firm Brady and I must remain in this balloon. Must remain, of course. Why are you not doing an impression of me?

I dend. Dend. I dend. Dend. Dend. Dend. Where's your speed? Did we bust that out of our debt? I'm not doing the task. Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Duh, Ivo, who are you? Please let it be Krosby.

LAUGHTER Well, obviously holding a piece of Edward's Tom Perry's name on it. Why would you throw him out of a balloon? As he's already told us, he's never been on number four. He's having such a great time. He'd hate to die on one as well, wouldn't he? He'd hate it. He's doing handstands. He's so happy.

He's on a balloon, you want someone who is a relentless source of joy and encouragement to the people around him. You want someone with the huts bar to wear a paper pocket square. Yeah. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't have been allowed into a lot of my graduation balls, but you are an absolutely fantastic friend and comedian and you're staying in this goddamn balloon. Oh, great. Beautiful. Can I count to, though, it's clearly a weight issue in this balloon, right? Whenever something's got to go out of the balloon, it's a weight issue, so surely Tom Paris

got to go overboard. Purely by dint of being the heaviest person. Yeah, it's a very good It's a very very good points. Yeah, but we only we only need to lose one thing It doesn't doesn't have to be you and wait a second Now I'm confused I'm from Brady. I'm not very heavy. I'm staying in the balloon. Ivo Graham, thin as a whip. It's between Clark and Perry, let's be honest. And I think Clarky is...

Clarky, on all accounts, is denser than he looks. He's good for him. You gotta send him over the edge, man. I just can't remember how it all works. I'd love another impression in Clark, you'd be honest. We would just get into crypts with all of these random items, and now they're us, but not us. Who would you like to see out of the balloon basically? Err... Err... Someone was preparing. Someone was just... Someone went, Paris!

I mean, that is... I do agree with you. You are right. You're absolutely right, audience member. Well, steady on cross people, yeah. Blane to them, lane to me, fuck it out. If you should cross me out again, yeah. Lay into them, lay into me, fuck it out. You should cross me out again. Yeah! Well, let's find out, shall we? Should it be fun? AKA Ben, cheer now.

Should it be Ben? AKA Ivo, cheer now. Like, like... Should it be Ben? A.K.I.I.V.O? Cheer now! Should it be Tom? A.K.A. Fern? Cheer now! Should it be... I.V.O. A.K.A. Tom?

Cheer now! You're OK. Oh, we've... Oh, dead meat on the bloody Tomah, Kiranai! Should it be Matthew, AKA Matthew? Yeah! Yay! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun You were thrown out of a balloon, you landed on the way down in another balloon, and you were thrown out of that as well. Well, it's almost pointless to ask, isn't it, because everybody got two points and I got my list ten, but let's do this the proper way I believe.

We chose the always-file, producer Quinn what was all that negativity towards me Done towards the scores. Well, I'm also checking you out of the balloon So it's eight points of Tom and Fern eight points of Ben and I vote and minus 15 to Matthew So it is neck and neck At the end of that very long round. Sorry mate, we can't hear from up here. You have to show a lighter from down there, you can. It's a good knurk. As I say into the gravel.

But who will be handed the callbook? I'm not paying, I I'm paying audience mate. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, don't boot on. Let's not, listen, take it out on me, I can deal with it, but that's not fair in any music performer. So, oh, thank you.

It'll be half the nicest thing you've ever said about me. It will be half of the puffing into the wee small hours we'll find out in part two, see you in a bit! Woo! Oh! Welcome back to Flight Shirt Slum Down! Oh, wow! Now, before the break, well, no one was in the lead. Er, I was definitely losing, but I've got the whole of the second section to win you back around.

The scores haven't moved, the neither has the limp pile of uninflated balloons It reminds me of all those used Johnny's used to litter the floor of my student digs Except of course they weren't Johnny's there were tissues and tears, but enough jolly Enough jolly reminiscing. It's time for round two flat games games Let's play together games Let's play forever Roll the dice spin that thing

Use your toes games if you lose you get nothing games if you win you get gold Whoa! Listen to that! Wow! I've got to do a hundred of them guys 100, 100, 100 strong. Yeah.

You're probably too young to remember, but the first 15, it was 10, wasn't it? That's right. Start with 10, then we went through nickel. Oh, we've been all the way through the metal. Ring that nickel. Bring that nickel back. This week, we're playing.

Yeah, boom. Oh week we're playing This week we're playing our version of air hockey which we're calling bear Rocky. Yes, please. Yes, please Yeah, why not? I'm not straight into the veins. I'm to ask each player to sing about a famous bear to the tune of a classic rock banger. What? It's pure, it's pure flat jazz lambda. I'll say one thing, it's less confusing than the last game we played, isn't it?

So it's one point to the teammate for correctly guessing the famous bear, but up to 10 points for performance. Fuck yeah. OK, so everything to play for you, Ben, you're going to kick us off with a huge tune. It's Jump by Van Halen. Something you're encouraged to do in the last round. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER And I, you know what? And I did it, I did it gladly, because I love comedy fans so much. LAUGHTER I think their pink hair's cool, actually. LAUGHTER And I did it, I did it gladly, because I love comedy fans so much. I think their pink hair's cool, actually. I don't care what other people say on the WhatsApp threads. And anyway, Clarky, you're giving us a bit of Van Halen's jump. If I, what famous bear is Ben singing about? DJ Gwynn Lizzie, play that tune.

Oh, here we go. Yes. Oh, it's all good. Ha ha ha. Come on. You're going to do it, man. You're good. You're good.

You're good. You're good. You're good. Ha ha ha. Leading to a long intro car key, leading to it. Can we all get this much time to think? I'm a bear! Yes!

Good stuff. And I'm brown. That's the clue. There's a moustache come round really long intro clothes and no much thinking why the big balls oh there we go.

Can I catch a sea? Can't you see I'm on a TV show with some other people? Ha ha ha. This isn't me. You haven't had many clues so far. But there's going to be some more. I think come on, Rainbow. I think come'm on Rainbow!

God. Gus. I thought that was the chorus! Haha! It's a combo to fail in it. Forget to Rainbow. I'm on Rainbow! Okay, okay, okay.

Ben Clark, everybody. Ben Clark. Now... I'm hungry! Okay, okay, okay. Ben Clark, can we really? Ben Clark, Ben Clark. Oh! Now... That's not perfect. One minute of intro to get to I'm a bear. Ben Clark. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha They're all bears guys You don't start your song with I'm a bear what the fuck you doing at this time? Okay, so I vote obviously your guessing will get to points for Clarky in a second But I vote your guessing have you got any idea what famous bear Ben Clark and bear mind he wasn't better

What famous bear was Ben Clark and Bear Mines, he was a bear. What famous bear was Ben Clark singing about? Well, a brown bear? Certainly a brown bear. I was back in the minute of waiting and then kind of claws, but then paws. And then you cheered like it was a really good clue, but was it just a rhyme? I think I just enjoyed the old joke of why the big pause.

I think that's what I was enjoying there. But I feel like I may have been the only person who enjoyed it. Who even detected it was a joke. But another big pause, and then on TV with other people. And then we got to Rainbow. And I'm just embarrassed that I'm not, I think it's Bungal. Bungal is correct. Yes, nothing to be embarrassed about at all

That was very very good to obviously get you get the point there now clarky clarky clarky. How many points am I gonna give you? Based on duration I Mean that really was pissing on Eddie's grave there wasn't it really was I'm gonna give you I think I can I could only in good conscience give you six point six out of ten six out of ten It's fair Furn you're up next and for you. It's new Jersey zone bon Jovi with living on a prayer You know what it's a good point because it is a bear. Oh, that's a relief. So Tom, what bear is Furns singing about? DJ Grenatius...

DJ Grenatius, D, hit it! I'm the most popular bear film. You would think I am, cause I look like I'm in a really bad film. Just for children. Lots of highly respected British film actors, a peanut by film, even though I'm a little He's doing so well for me. I can't be a shot. Oh! I love to eat honey.

Oh! I'm living north with London. Take my paw. I love Ben. We're sure he plays me in the south. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Let's get it to Eurovision guys. Gotta happen. Sometimes when you're making a podcast, you don't know which bit to clip up for the trailer. LAUGHTER It's also great to meet the only person the room who doesn't know what he eats.

LAUGHTER Famously. I tell you. Famously. Wasn't it terrible when the Queen passed away? And then it was even those honey sandwiches, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, I tell you, There's that brilliant scene in the second film with Jamie Dimitra and Tom Davis. They've got to find a hive. They've got to find a hive. How are we going to find a hive in a prison? But so such respected British actors, though.

So go on, go on, Tom. You got any clue, any inkling, who it might be? I genuinely was throwing by thought. I was the thing I had it, and then it was the honey's witty, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was the honey's witty, it? I'm the guy is winning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but padding to bear padding to There I've done padding to Padding to bear but how many points? I mean, do you know what there was a bit where you were Laughing

But genuinely sounded like I Proper like rock I tried to turn it into yeah, it was great It was because I don't want to lose points No, I don't know. Push it. No, it's the honey you're losing points for But a vocally fantastic you've really you've got the you've got the chops So I'm gonna I think I'm gonna give you an even seven and a half points seven and a half points out of ten I Half points out of ten. Least. Least. I vote you. Least, did you say?

Yeah. No, seven and a half. I vote you're up next. I let you to give us your best born to be wilds by Stepan Wolf about this earth-signed creature. Ben, all you have to do is name the UC. Right. But what kind of creature is it?

It's a bear. Right. Well, wait for the first line. You're one. You tip wait for the first line. You're one of the people. You tip me off on this song. I listened to it repeatedly. All I can hear now is living on a prairie. That's how it wrote.

It's got a bit of an intro. You're going to be all right. I think you'll get it. So DJ Gwins and Roses. This is first name bond. Let's, but what's that? What's that? This is first name bond.

No, it's John Bond-Jovie. Right. You're asking. It's that this is first name bond. No, he's John Bon Jovi right you're asking is One second So your question is John Bon Jovi's first name bond He could have been friends not a French sweet I forgot he's John. So, he's his son, he's John. No, he's his son, he's John. No, he's his son, he's John. He's the bonkum from.

His real name is John Bongeovi. It's like a... But he's changed it to Bongeovi because it sounds a bit cooler. So, Bongeovi is his actual brother. He says, he meets people, he says, the name's Jovi. Bongeovi. John Bongeovi. Because he's teased it up in the verse all.

LAUGHTER Bond joke John Bond joke And I'm not a bear So DJ Quins and roses let's burn rubber Thomas Oh, we're happy. Thomas! It's us this... I'm a bear. Would you like another run up at the start? No, I don't think that's gonna help. In the Christmas Carol, I certainly feature and of this particular collective I am the bear because as mentioned I am a bear.

Oh, a good that, what the astonishing, do you remember when you say I've actually managed to find a one verse version and I was like give me two Let it play a same ten of it I'm embarrassed and I very little about Jim Henson's creations given their integral to Christmas and our industry, but um this one is Mame certainly grinds with someone from the Southern Hemisphere. I'm from the TV show, which is written on the paper so that I can't really say that bit. I can't really say that bit. Um. Oh, I'm a damn idiot. Well, there we go, everybody.

I vote. I vote, Brian. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well, well. I put it on repeat on my phone. I listened to it eight times in a row, and I put my phone in my bag, so I wouldn't get distracted by my phone.

And I just sat there trying to ingest it, but I got distracted by an evening standard. LAUGHTER Are you still singing? LAUGHTER Seriously, I though, Why the big pause? I'm not remembering the song and being embarrassed by not knowing anything about the bear because it's such a beloved, like, that's a hell of a double whammy, sort of self-esteem-wise.

I don't worry. I do know that it is one of the... Yes, go on. I know that F is one of the... Yes, go on. LAUGHTER I know that F is one of the M's, and if it hadn't said M's on the thing, I would have at least been able to say, I'm in the M's, but I couldn't even say that either, but... No, I respect that I don't say the words that are on the paper. You didn't say any words, really. It was... LAUGHTER

But then I got... It's a bit like jazz, it's the words you're not saying. I mean, I got confused from Sesame Street, I was about to say that you had a mate in a bin. Yeah, but it doesn't. Well, it's all a similar world, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, in a second I'll give you some points for that. Really? I'm not sure I pluralized that But first we've got to seek a Clarkie have you got any idea? What I was having a full-blown panic attack

It's Wacker Wacker, Fuzzy Bear. It is a gorgeous, yes. Fuzzy Bear. From the Muppet Show. Like, for example, what does Wacker Wacker mean? It's what he says. What if it's catchphrases, yeah? What would it be very helpful? Yeah.

What he rhymes with someone from the Northern Hemisphere, did you say? Southern Hemisphere. Southern Hemisphere, yeah. Aussie. Yeah. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I don't think it's an overstatement to say I was in freefall. They know I feel being picked out of that. Yeah, I'm an air balloon mate. It really is an air theme show.

Well, I've got the trailer sorted, I can tell you that for nothing. Oh. Finally, I've got, well, I've got to give you points for it. Oh! Finally, I've got, well, I've got to give you points for having a crikey. What do we do in this instance crank it up? Oh, I can't get away up to ten! I'm not giving you ten in terms of enjoyment! For who? Took a lot of pressure off of you, fair enough.

I've been, you at least have done an impression of me singing it. I'm gonna give you two out of ten, I think. It's gonna be two out of ten. It was good for that. It was much easier than I thought it was fair. It was gonna be lower. Sorry, I have a, unless you want, you know. Unless you want a lot of bustsman's holiday. Do you want to be getting very low point scores

every week on Taskmaster and then do this on one of the nights? No, he's spoiled. He's very seen the first one. So the tone's been set. Do you want a second bite of the... Do you want to sing a second bite of the two? Do you want to sing a singer about you? Do you want it? Do you want a second bite in the song? That verse? Do you want to sing about Taskmaster to the Cheetah Boat to be wild? No, I don't want to be a fan of it.

Okay, fair enough. All right, Tom, you're up next. Okay. Okay. Now, Tom, your song is, I believe, and a thing called love by the darkness. You have suggested putting this into this round. I said that one's too hard to think and you said I'll take that on board. I don't love that song. No, no, no, no, I looked at the messages before I put it in. You said is it too hard to sing and I said we'll find out when you sing it. You may have read I'll take that on board but I was completely honest as I have been

throughout the entire episode. So when Shakira sung Waka Waka this time for Africa? Was there some sort of like copyright issue? Yeah, yeah. That's why you don't see her as much anymore. She got sued by Kermit. So who's that? Oh, okay. Top.

She's here, it got mugged by wild balls in Madrid. Mugged. What for? They stole, they stole her food in a park. Have you got, is this a pre-cursor? Have you got, yeah, give that. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, he's nice adjusting the darkness, how is it? Nothing wrong with the bit of the darkness, go on, Gwyn. Oh, I'm doing a new bear. What's that? I'll give him a new bear if you want. I'll give him a new bear if you want. Give him a new bear. Oh, spare bear. Yeah, a spare bear is coming your way. Beautiful.

But of course, I've got to give one point to Glocky, but guess it's so quick. Genuinely impressive there. Okay, so there's a new bear is being delivered to Tom. As we speak. Thank you. Why have a spare bear? What's that?

Why did you have a spare bear? I'm not going to lie to you. We made it up on the spots. That wasn't, we didn't have a spare bear just in case. That, I don't even know what that bear is. So I'm playing along with you. I don't even know what that bear is. So I'm playing along with you. I don't even know what that bear is. I have to put a big throw.

I really... If I guess it, I'm hoping I get 15 points. Just to bring me... Just to bring me up to the net. I know. I'd be really happy with that. Okay. So... DJ, I, Gwen Maiden... Oh, please lay it down. Haha DJ Iquin Maiden

Please lay it down I found a puzzle when I was going through the woods I ripped it open, tell you it was full of lovely drugs I went mental torah people and they all screamed out I am a big mate of my friend Allegedly oh I am a crazy bear Oh go it really bad I'm having a hang of time It's okay, don't be sad I am a naughty bear.

Woo! When's the day's going to be tough? Oh my goodness. Beautiful. A beautiful rendition. I'll give you the full ten in just a second, Tom. Yeah. But,

Thern, what bear was Tom singing about? Is it the bear from Gresley Man that kills the guy? No, it's not. Oh, spoiler alert. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. He had a good bear, actually. I would have been a good bear.

He was a naughty bear. He was a naughty bear. He was a naughty bear. What a cheeky bear to tear that man limb from limb. It's one of the most harrowing audio that man limb from limb. LAUGHTER It's one of the most harrowing audio that's ever been committed. The video must not leave it. Well, no, it's not that.

The second worst audio that's ever been committed. LAUGHTER I'm waiting for the Werner Herzog documentary about that. LAUGHTER Can someone cut that together for YouTube, please? Werner Herzog is listening to that. Can someone cut that together for YouTube please? For an hour, Douglas, think tonight. I know, I know. LAUGHTER

Oh! Yes, please. Oh, my gosh. So, do you get a chance to steal? Well, give me a chance, first, mate. Slow down, yogi bear. You've already got an extra point. Is it cocaine bear? It is cocaine bear!

Minus 14 points, somebody on minus 14. He's from the way back. I can do this. The comeback kids. Tom, I'm going to give you the full 10 points though, it's fantastic. Oh, really good. So, DJ, let's up, Gwyn. Let's hear the scores and if you could fumble them over a bit of bontomy wild. Do your best mate. Let's hear it. So Tom and Finn have a 20 and a half. Tom and they look.

Yeah, 90. And Matthew has minus 14. Oh! Everything to play for. Now, the only heavy metal in this next round will be the bars behind which you wait for justice in the corrupt court of Beef Brothers! Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem, if you've got a problem call it a beef, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you, Beef Brothers, signing at your beef!

Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-share-based beef, and today's one comes from Emma, who is in the audience, and Emma writes, here we go, my flatmate uses all the hot water every morning, having sex with his girlfriend in the shower. Oh, it's spicy. Spicy, spicy, spicy. Spicy yet clean. They're both lovely, but the rest of us don't want to be whim-hoff. Fair enough. I thought that was a euphemism and a first aid act.

Oh, I win the off-me. Whimmed myself off in the cold shower. I've been whimmed off. I've been whimmed myself off listening to the... Ben, whimmed off for a while. I've been whimmed off for a while. I've been whimmed off for a while. Ben, Ben and I, though, you are on Emma's side. Dammit straight. Tom and Fern, you are on the side of the...

Of love. Of the shacking couple, of course, yeah. But before all of that, let's have a cross examination. Is there any questions for Emma? Emma, you're there, aren't you? Hello. Hi, Emma, how are you doing? I'm good, thank you.

OK, there'll be harder questions now starting. I softballed you that one, but anyone got any questions for Emma? Remember what the sides you're on? What the fuck could hell, Emma? Sorry, that was me doing a cross-examination. 100 episodes. 100 episodes has been thinking about that. 100 episodes has been thinking of that. Any questions, he's been thinking of that. LAUGHTER

Any questions for Emma? How attractive are they Emma? Annoyingly they are both quite attractive, yes. Okay, talk us through them. Let's go ahead to tell everyone what I'm told to head on here. They're both American. Already, yeah, yeah, yeah. Americans, like quite tall, blonde, sort of classic.

Basically, you're keeping them classic, like, chocolate. Basically, you're keeping in a hot air balloon, is what you're trying to say. You wouldn't chuck them out. You wouldn't chuck them out exactly. Yeah. So we had to have live eugenics. LAUGHTER

But really, the hot water could run out from other things, from they could be outdoorsy, they could be muddy and having to wash that off. So, we all know what they're doing in there, people. It sounds like that's the thing that bothers you. Not the thing. In the bloodness. So I actually use a separate shower, so that doesn't bother me. The non-section. I'm the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one I'll just have a shower in my own tears. Yeah.

Sorry, buddy, I'll sign it. Already not going away. Better have a shower in tears than bathing oats. That's what I think. The old saying. Sorry, we interrupt you. You've got a separate shower. Yeah, there are two showers.

We have a quote-unquote, like, boy shower and a girl shower. Which one do they have? He's having sex in the boy shower with his back. While she's in the boys shower. Well, she's in the girls shower. Oh, no. He's very impressive. D.L. Not only are the hues he got the hot water, is it tripping hazard?

Yeah. You have to tie him crossing the landing. It's not like Indiana Jones. He said, isn't true. I don't know if that should be said by the other side, but is it true that if the jazz turns to sort of candle wax texture when it touches water? I don't know why you made direct eye contact with me. The entirety of that question, but yes it is true. They do have to unblock, they do have to unblock their shower more often than ours.

Whoa. And there's three girls using ours and we've all got long hair etc. Unblock, they do have to unblock their shower more often than ours. Whoa! And there's three girls using ours and we've all got long hair, etc. But you don't gizz in yours, Emma. Quite. How did you make that a positive? I'm going to be on the side of the gizz as I suppose, yeah, fair enough. So, have long to say that your shower gets cold quickly. Yeah, we lose hot water in the whole house.

Could you give an average time of the length of this shower? Yeah, I feel. They're in the shower for 30 minutes plus. Fuck it! Oh, daddy! That's a yell. I mean, surely just set up a camera and only fans. LAUGHTER

Case closed! Oh, wow. Can you hear me? camera and only fans. Okay, it's closed. Can you hear me? Yeah, alright, I got the wrong speed, we're in mopping. I'll top myself another point for that, it's only fair. Sometimes. Can you hear them? Sometimes, I'm quite a heavy sleeper and they're doing it like first thing, like seven,

half seven in the morning. Amazing, best part of the day. LAUGHTER Just the youth, the youth of them. Wow. You're drawing it, just no. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

It's okay, man, I'm going to buy that right now. Yeah, yeah, that's all possible. Seven I am up, they get half an hour and the shower off they go. Amazing. Yeah. Do they have sex at night as well? I'm unaware of the sexual activity.

So if they stayed in their bedroom, you wouldn't be able to hear them. No. But in the shower you can hear them. Sometimes, yeah. If you're. If you get a glass, the if you're And how much hot water do you think you've got in the house time wise they have 30 minutes of it?

That's all of it They use all the hot water is all the hot water every day So you've got two people using all the hot water and there's two more There's five of us there's three more girls five us in total, three girls and two guys plus. She got three stinky girls. Lonely, sad, stinky girls. And she's a jealous, sad, lonely, spinsters. OK. Tom, I believe that's conjecture.

Not entirely sure. Any further questions for Emma? You said you had no desire to become Wemmalf, knowing in the flat what's to become Wemmalf, and you're taking it to extremes there, because they had a feature on this morning recently about how good it is to have cold showers. It wakes up the vagus nerve.

Is it the vagal nerve? You're being so frigid. All right, Tom, Tom. No, what do I mean? Tom, no, no, no. Seriously, mate. Sorry. You know what I'm saying? But also. Tom, seriously, you've got to be a little bit, just a bit nicer generally.

I'll take that on board. I'll take that on board I'll play the onboard. He's so sad when the article about the cancellation says, he just performed a blistering rendition of the darkness. But it's sad it was proved to be his final act. So if we don't want to have a hot shower, if we don't have a cold shower, we have to put the boost on to get some more hot water. And that takes ages and it's expensive.

But there's a solution, you're seeing there's a solution. The boosts. Because the boosts didn't come up before and that's quite a significant factor in the boosts. It's like the last moment of the jinx this isn't it? Yeah, it's quite a big development. The boosts. The boost wasn't in. Okay, any further questions for Emma, either about the boost or anything else?

No? No, I don't have a clue. Sorry. Okay, fair enough. Well, hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So, without further ado, I'm going to call on what Ivo Graham to begin the case for the prosecution. Your minutes begins now. No one should have to boost in anything other than an absolute emergency.

Less of all, get up early to hit the boost so that you and your flatmates can have hot showers at the same time as Randy Ante and also having sex, Mandy. Ah! LAUGHTER Oh, going it. For half an hour's worth of hammer and tongs. Show boating. The implication almost being that they've timed it perfectly. As soon as that water goes cold, Andy hits up Mandy and then there's a...

What an astonishing turn of phrase for. I ejaculate. But it's disgusting, you shouldn't have to boost, you shouldn't have to live with them. We didn't have to ask any questions because this was one upon entry. Tom has had to raise up. It's always entry. It's called hitting up.

Sorry, sorry. There's a minute. There we go, there's a minute. Yes, there we go. I'm okay, everybody. Begin in the case. For Emma, now you, Fern, you're up next. You're going to open the case for the defence. Now, remember, you are not on Emma's side.

You're on the side of Andy and indeed Mandy. Don't worry. I'll oblique their names out. To protect them. Andy and indeed Mandy don't worry I will bleed their names out To protect them Okay, Fern you've got a minute. You ready it begins now It takes 12 to 18 months for a couple to bond during the fucking fees the honeymoon fees fucking face, the honeymoon face. The end together. Nice, the moment I'd moon face, actually.

It's very, very important. It's one of the main factors that could influence them leaving the flat and moving in together. We established that this couple could be using up all the hot water in other ways. They could love the outdoors. They could have muddy legs. They could have Difficult here on their head one of them might need help Grimming the other one in the shower. Sure. What?

You told me that I was to do this one. Oh, I can do anyone. Yeah You projected a lot. A lot of things that you didn't like about these people. You didn't mention the boost. When you're an initial complaint, that was an important factor. I think you are just angry that they're having so much sex, that they're so horny, that they're blonde and American and living their best lives. I put it to you. Yeah.

That's what Andy says to Mandy. I put it to you, there was always enough hot water. There was enough, there was plenty for you. Yeah, that's it. I mean, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. That's absolutely more than enough. Argument for us. Emma, how do you think it's going so far?

Not exactly how I thought it was going to go. No, well, don't worry. Ben's up next. LAUGHTER And he's on your side. So Ben, you're going to conclude the case. That was great. All the prosecution, your minute begins right now.

Hi. Look, you really shouldn't have to put up with this. It's absolute bullshit. And we all know that it is physically impossible to have sex for 30 minutes. I don't know what the hell they're doing in there. But I do, I want to offer you a solution. What I think is going on is that they're having to get into the shower and that's when

like the whole process begins, full play begins. So I think what you need to do is set the scene for them on the way to the shower to get the process going. They leave their room. Do, do, do, do! I'm being a trap, baby! You're singing. There are roses on the floor. Just the petals, they're spiky otherwise. Try to hold back this feeling for so long.

A bowl of prophylactics. And if you feel some essential oils, I don't know what those are. I imagine some flower and motor. Like a few, baby. Come on, woo! They'll be honestly, after that, one minute tops. Like a few, baby! Come on, woo! They'll be honestly, after that, one minute tops.

Got all the hot water you need, the defence rest. You, Deville, thank you. Clarke. Very strong conclusion there from Ben Clark. Tom, it's your turn now to conclude the case for the defence. I've got to ask you, are you doing it as yourself? No, I'll be doing it in the style of a John Grisham deep saith defense lawyer by the name of Fanshawe Standin. Fanshawe Standin! Presiding and providing, your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, I recognize someone you to self.

There's Jennifer there, recognize you from Jim class on Fridays. Keep trying, Jennifer, you'll get up dem bars. Why am I there, the big question? He forward rolled since the 40s. Don't stop me from trying. We're tryers round this place. We tryers in this kind of town, not like them big dead lawyers from the city there

with defensive words for play. What? They never heard no such thing as for play round here. You'd be looking to get to play from here, but Mr. Sennel, I ain't forward-rolled since the 40s. Reminds me of when I arrived in this town in my 20s, me and Mrs. Standin' there early days, young loves smell of the grease-pain crack of the whip.

We were in some of every stuff back then, I could tell you that for nothing. Forward-roll hell, I could could backflip in high heels. But I get distracted there. She came home with one of those Vietnamese potbelly pigs. Now of course, that was during the war, and no one was happy about that. People started to think, could even be a spy.

We took to hide in that Vietnamese pop-bellied pig under the sofa day and night, if the floorboards, if the parsing came round, started to think we might have a spy and I'm it. I've surprised myself. Anyway. You've had tried to get a Vietnamese pop belly pig to breed during March, the only month that can conceive. Nature's blight on the poor guys.

Well, there we were, Paul Evening, every night in March rolling those Vietnamese pop belly pigs next to each other. Could we get one in the others whole? God damn it, we tried. Good along, Mr. Bishop. Took you, pastes, rubber gloves, and a bunch of our feena butter. Before you know it, the literate arrived, and we had to move to Hounds, the defense rest, Johanna. APPLAUSE

Dear. There was a point during that when I thought, I'm following this. LAUGHTER I... How wrong I was. Right, now, seeing as the audience is such sterling work in round one. I'm calling about upon our live Phoenix audience to make the final decision tonight. So if you think that Fern and Fran sure made the best case, applaud now. Oh my goodness, I think it's got to go to Ben and I, but Emma, Emma!

How do you feel? They'll be the ones taking cold showers from now on. Yes, it's alright, but also fucking it is. I didn't want to say it during my summation, but just get up before them mate. If you know what I mean. A big round of applause for everybody. Thank you so much, Emma. Now.

So, very soon, one of these teams will be inflating 100 balloons. I say one of these teams, it could be me, but someone is going to be inflating 100 balloons. So let's give them all a chance to catch their breath as we listen to the 100th ever Quick Far round you goal! This is the quick fire round It's the round that goes really quickly Which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction It has a long introduction When the round is really quick but you should know that we've been doing this for a while now in fact we've done it exactly a hundred times We did it way back in episode one when we had to pay the gas bill.

Then we had to pick up a parcel and then make dinner in episode three Then we caught a mass bought more milk then paid the rubbish We decorated the flat changed a light bulb and cleaned the bath. I could go on I've got a feeling you're going to. So I'm going to go on. We changed the batteries in the remote. Just did the thermostat fix the lock and clean the windows. Mended the internet, sorted out the shared and a frost did the freezer, then we hosted a party. And that was only episode 17, so there were plenty more to go

Then we hoovered the flat Did the washing up and wrapped the presents We did the laundry, met the neighbours And paid the tax Then we planned a music festival Then we cleared out the cellar and decorated a Christmas tree. We sorted the recycling, answered the door and then we made the bed. And that was still only episode 35. Oh my God! We put up wallpaper, put the kettle on and did the ironing. We fed the pets, paid the hotel and decked the halls, then we bled the radiator.

And we cleared out the attic, swept the chimney and cleaned the carpet. We laid the table clean, the fidget, fidgy pudding. We drove the camper van and returned the VHS To blockbuster Good show, the one What's the memory? And now we're halfway there I guess we must proceed We've hanged a picture, booked the hostel, fixed a leaky town.

Creasoted the fence, changed a fuse and paid the carolers. We've planned our latitude-water, the plants and cleared out the gutter. We flushed the toilet, put the air B and B and found the yet then we heated the heart. Oh my fingers again, time. We chopped the wood and fixed the scratch table. George that phone and put up the cards We've downloaded the podcast book The train turned back the clock Hots

We've tested the fire and alarm And we've baked the bread Then we scheduled a zoo Please make it stop Which I guess brings us to lockdown Gosh it feels like a different time We organised the picnic, bought the masks and went upstairs We've made the coffee fold, did the sofa bed and put up the shelf

I can't believe this is happening Then we put out the mince pies Fetched the post and made the bed again We've changed the locks and blocked the sink, cooked Christmas dinner Dust did the cobwebs rearrange the cutlery draw We've drawn the curtains, washed the patio, filled the hole in I guess we were starting to run out of ideas You could stop, but we had ten more themes to go So we cooked the breakfast and flated the air bed

We set up the gym, made the toast and found our pen. We hung the stockings organized the party, then we signed for the packing. please stop then whatever the last episode was it's mad but I forgot and that brings us all the way up to this episode where we're about to blow up a hundred quick-fire rounds and a hundred quick-fire jingles that's a long instead of short so here it is let's get on with a hundred quick fire. Just cheering because it's ended, aren't you? Well, I really regret giving you access to the spreadsheet.

That's on me, guys. It's very rare that you get to see your entire life flash before your eyes. And be bored. I wouldn't call that a flash. Also as well, at the end of that I thought, I'll get a standing ovation for it. I realized if I step off the stool I'm shorter. Sort of does it really work? I was even at points I was resenting Ben's bits because he wasn't using the time to say more episodes.

This is dead air. We don't need editorial at this stage, Ben. Anyway, welcome to the 200th episode of Flat Shares Landown. Yes, this is the quick fire round. It's a series of air-based trivia questions. However, as our show is all about balloons, I'm going to ask our players to inhale a small amount of helium, preferably a non-lethal amount of helium,

from these balloons before they answer each question. We've got some helium-inflated balloons here. If you want to grab those. In our final briefing before the show, Matthew said, it's obviously a bit of fun, but you do have to have quite a lot for it to have a real effect. Obviously not too much. It can be fatal.

Thanks so much for doing the show. LAUGHTER Have we got spare balloons? I'm so sorry. LAUGHTER Oh, by the way, there a multiple balloons, so you can... Yeah, great. Are they... They're shriek. Have this, Michael Gove.

Are they not? Yeah. Yeah. Right, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Instead of buzzers, I'd like you to squeak your first names. Ben and I, both of us here yours. Ben. Ivo. Er, to turn it on. Ben. Ben. I vote.

Er, turn it on. Turn it on. Wait, that just started with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom. How's that? That's pretty good. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh, we got to do it straight from the canister. That feels dangerous. Are you? I thought you were filling a bin liner. Oh, no! Okay, Sirus, Stratus, Cubeless and Nimbus are all types of watts. Top clouds. Clouds is correct, yeah. I had the answer.

It's on the team points. What was the name of the brothers who were generally credited with building and flying the first airplane? Ben. The right brothers. It's a way to see the points. What was the name of the brothers who are generally credited with building and flying the first airplane? Ben. The right brothers. It's correct. The character Big Bird in Sesame Street sits one out, I've owned. The character... The character Big Bird in Sesame Street is a large type of witch animal.

God. Ben. God. Ben. Ben. A bad. He's a bird. Oh, he's thinking what type of bird. No, no, no. Simple as that. Who sent the theme tune to the Bond film, Skyfall?

Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Dell, yes, it's an exact it's not full but yeah sure name the plasticine man and his dog who visited the moon and then

Stop motion film a grand day out. So I think it was just Tom Furns. Wallace and Grommit. Sorry. I'll give you half a point for that. Nike Air were named after which famous basketball player. Ben Michael Jordan. You know what, it's not as much fun. Emma, how are we doing on those balloons? It's nothing more, I think it's just tough of our friendship. We've got no more balloons. I'm in Paris and I've still got helium,

but just haven't been quick enough on the quiz. Come on. Oh, hey. Yeah, this is what we're talking about. Come on. Listen to that, yeah. I tell you what, let's fill up the balloons, play the jingle again.

Yes. Oh. Listen to that, yeah. I tell you what, it's Philip the Blue, it's by the jingle licker. LAUGHTER Oh! I love when you're walking through the street and there's loads of little metal can... LAUGHTER BUN to be... OK, what colour is the sky? I'd vote blue. And it's nighttime it's black.

I'm so delighted when I write that. Can I go on better? Name this tune by JS Bach. Tom, Tom, air on a G-S. It's correct, yes. A very tall towel block is often known as a skywalk. Air. Yes, a very tall towel block is often known as a skywalk I Will have to dock your whip you getting a name wrong

I don't make the rules except in in this case we have just made a rule. Yes. Er, Er Gray, what's the answer? Sky, sky, sky, sky. He's correct, yes. It feels like I've lost more than I've won in the last minute. Mr. T from the A team had a phobia of what? Tom, Tom. Flying.

He's correct. Rebonus Point. What famous phrase did he utter to Hammer's Point? I pity the fool. Tom, I ain't getting on no plane. I ain't getting on no plane. He's correct. What's that?

LAUGHTER It's going to jump. Just... I... I pity the fool's you got on that plane. LAUGHTER I... What was the nickname of John Malcolm, which is character in Conhaire? Oh, I inhaled, but I don't know.

Anyone got any idea? Marko the psycho? He was at Marko's. So I was the pirate. Guys, guess that rhymes. Fight, oh. Does anyone want to top up for the final question please? Have a top up for the final question everybody.

Here we go. I'll give you all a chance to say the answer to the final question. I'll give you all a chance to say the answer to the final question. I'll give you all a chance to say it. Okay. Famous, famous flying nanny, Mary Poppins, had a word for all occasions. What was it? I vote. So a show of fraudulistic experience. Expeal adotations. I was going to say nanny McPhase.

Don't come to me. Well, just delighted to have got my name right, really. Well, that is the end of the round! And... The end of the game. The end of the whole show. But, before we find out the final scores, I'm going to turn anything to plug.

I vote. Now, obviously, your won't fern anything to plug. I vote. Now obviously you're getting to available on airgrave.com, which is also your airline you start to get with as well. I have blue in airway. Yeah. I can't fly with them. You're off on tour, you're currently on tour and then you're off on tour again.

Yes, exactly. Come, Heckle and I'll, as I say, second half, waw, you'll be feeling some burn. I'd love to plug a particular show at the Bluesbury Theatre in May, because we're going to film the show, and ideally, you'd like to film it in front of people. Rather than as a sort of art piece. Yeah, that is May the 12, is that right?

It's May the 12 art piece. Yeah. That is May the 12th, is that right? It's May the... I tw- uh, yes. Yes. LAUGHTER Stick on Bordby-R. We can plug it over a bit of Bordby-R. I know. Er, no one's Bordty. It's yet.

LAUGHTER Third, have you got anything you'd like to plug? I've finished to it. I've got a book out if you want to buy that. Oh yeah, he falls down. What's the long-term effects on our health of the... He the arm. Is that the title of the book?

Yeah, signed copies are about to become so much more valuable. My tummy feels funny. Oh no, I don't tear and we've killed first. Well I will, I just do weird helium first. No, an octave higher. Really high a fast that goes straight up, yeah, great. So thanks to all of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share. Like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or just tweet, recommend the podcast to all of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon.com forward slash

Pappy's Flatshare, like, subscribe, rate, and review our podcast or just tweet, recommend the podcast to all your friends. So, finally, producer Gwynn, let's hear the final scores. Matthew has minus 15. Oh, no. Ben and I have 24, but the winners of the 100th episode are Tom and Firm with 32.

Oh, baby. So I am in place in a hundred balloons. Whilst everybody else is huffing night just in the dark and dally. Thanks to our guest, Fern Brady. And Ivo Graham. Women and Pappies, here's the next one. 100 and see you next time on Flash Air Slam now. CHEERING

Flash Air Slam now, Peter Matthew Crockett, Ben Darkett, Tom Perry, and guest Ivo Graeme, Fern Raiding. It was demise by Patrick Ben Walker. Thanks for expertise, it was by Emma Corsham, Billy Stegas and Andrew Morby. It was the best way Emma Corsham. Thank you to everyone at the field, the all-the-mortem of what is going through the show. If you are home for this thing, that is a secretive approach to A-Castle, and it's there. Cheers everyone, bye!

Statsense, time entertainment guys. Well, what an episode. What a strong episode. Great to have those two back. I would try to make this dumb. Thank you, Matthew. Thank you for keeping on asking us. That's very nice of you. Anytime. Is he been asking you? LAUGHTER I've just got so much dirt and clarky, can't go out to bed.

LAUGHTER See the only thing I can shout, I got the part. LAUGHTER And he's got the part of Ben. He thought just let him know. I mean, it's only about a time before I turn up and I don't. I thought that was the part of the year. I'm like, if we finish each episode with a you've been watching

kind of straight to camera wave. There's one logical floor I can see in that, so it'd be stuck together. We don't use a camera. It's an audio podcast. And if you've paid the slightest bit of interest in it, then maybe you'd know that. What, this is me, we didn't have a television career.

Oh, that lovely physical stuff I've been doing over these years. Hundred episodes where I've been doing that wonderful mime. Oh, my word. Oh, I wondered why that mime was getting nothing. Yeah, and all the jokes I say out loud. I wondered why I wasn't good at comedy. It's a bit brief. So who's up for some stats?

Oh my god, it's wild here. So Jego, of course, got in touch via PapisFlakShare at gmail.com. A great way to get in touch. It's the perfect way to get in touch. And Jay go right. Don't turn up that house, Skon. Yeah, please. Please.

That's the wrong way to get in touch. In reference to the intro of the latest house meter, I can confirm that John Robbins is indeed your most frequent guest. Stat. Five of a pit stat. With five of them, in the lots of stats, you can't shout that every time. With five appearances across the years,

Lou Sanders and Josh Whitmer come at his heels with four appearances each. I have even more fun stats about your first 99 episodes which you're welcome to use as you see fit. Over the 12 years of flat slam you have over 150 guests with 35 of them making repeat appearances. Fern Brady making that 36 on the 100th episode. There have been a variety of special guests

employing their specialist skills. SearsC speaking Welsh, Ivo Graham being posh, Izzy Sutty speaking from within a chimney and Simon Watts. Anyone who's Simon Watts is? That's a good, that's a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, gone? Did we have him on as like a get, like he came on to give some information about something? Did someone, he takes someone's place at what point? He did, Clarky, absolutely right. Who had to tap out because then he had had too much Rose wine?

Joe Wilkinser. Joe Wilkinser. He had been trying on his wedding seats. That's right, he's been trying on his wedding seats. That's right, he's been trying on his wedding seats. He was spending slightly out of boots apparently. LAUGHTER Here's some great stats. Fan Short is currently edging away from Ben in the court of beef brothers,

with 62.5 points to 54.5. Okay, that's actually... I went in with B it was balanced, I expect that it's a very good one. Seven and a half episodes, and you'll be there. The average length of a quick far round jingle is 181 seconds. I mean, they haven't heard today's episodes. Yeah, the average has been slightly. It may have been edge down slightly.

Amazing considering Matthew and Poe's 20 second jingles for all of series two. That's right, we did that, didn't we? With the longest jingle at 318 seconds in the make the toast episode with Ania Maglia, Anno and Alistair Beckett King. Oh wow. I reckon that's... I reckon that's been shattered by today's episode. If you played all the quick fire jingles back to back... He's the stat.

You should have reached to the moment. No, it's... If you played all the quick fire around jingles back to back, it would now be over five hours long. Oh, God. Wow. A bit of editorializing from J. Go there in brackets Jesus shocked emoji scull emoji Over the 99 episodes

Tom has outscored Ben by over how many how many points do you reckon you've outscored Clarky? parry? Wow How many points do you reckon you're outscored? By over how many? 30 oh It's a little higher than that I reckon he's over the night. I've only stumbled the point I've got over the 99 episodes Thomas outscored Ben by over 500 point

My triple checked this it's normally only about 12 points in an episode With with the longest winning streak of 14 episodes Clarky what do you think your longest winning streak is I would say 14? I would say two is exactly right there. We can congratulations 499 points Wow, I love these stats Ben one is first festive flat slam in 2021 with Tom taking the nine others If Tom wins this episode well, I can't remember about him assuming, did you win the 100th? Yeah, we did, we did just a bit. So if Tom wins on the 3rd of April, or this 100th episode, he will have won 75% of all flat slams.

Ben currently has 25 flat slam wins under his belt, but four of them were draws. A tribute to Clarkie because my spreadsheet isn't clever enough to account for that. So actually that's not 25, it's all that's 21 straight away. One of them was technically won by the audience, chopped the word Tom Allen and Laura Lex. So it's 20. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. 20. Yeah, yeah, um, uh, hashtag justice for Clarky. I think Clark is how his justice.

Looking forward to the magic 100 cheers everyone by your unofficial archivist, Jago, Jago, thank you so much. Can we make our official? Can we make our official? Tom, you know what the word official means in this context? Paying the money. official arc. Tom, you know what the word official means in this context? Pay in the money. So, I really care. I run official arc, Mr. J. From your unofficial podcast. Absolutely the way we do business, by the way. Tom is incredibly generous and I know what's going on. He sees the bank account. We're barely paying caution so let's not try and expand the brand any further. Speaking of the Glorysium paid, today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham.

Corsham! Cheers everyone! Bye! Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See out for details.