Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ James Acaster and Lou Sanders (Schedule the Zoom) S10E22

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” book the Zoom call… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With Lou Sanders and James AcasterFeatures: Scavenger hunts, dropping trowels and film snobberyLou Sanders - https://twitter.com/LouSandersJames Acaster - https://www.jamesacaster.com/Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hey Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com Listen to me, dear! A rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, rum, I got my pop shield on! And it's me, Tom. And it's me, Ben. And it's me, Matthew, yes. We've all got our pop shields on.

And we are here recording into microphones that are going into computers in separate parts of the country. It's very exciting, actually. It's a very exciting world. I've always said it. In separate parts of your e-cannot. Well, you know what, that's the one thing

that no matter where we are in the world, we're always in the same place, which is directly in the listener's ear canal. And hello. With those three little bones you have in your ear. We are the three bones that you wish to pick inside your ear. I was about to say that there are more bones in your ear than in any part of your body, but then I realised that's your foot. And also, so hold off on facts.

Also as well, the ear is part of the body. So there can't be more bones. There can't be more bones in the ear than in the body, because there's many bones in the ear, plus all the ones in the body. Well, this is the breaking news, listen, dear. We have colonized your ear canal and we're claiming it as an independent republic! A rump of pom pom, a rump of pom, a rump of pom, we've got a part of Shields on.

Well, welcome to an episode of Flat Share Slam Down. It's a big one, Flat Share Slam Down. Yeah, it's quite an exciting one. We are in a flat, and we're in New York now. Let's know more about what location we happen to be at the moment. That's confusing things. This is the first flat shift stand down we did over Zoom. So if you watched it on YouTube, thank you very much for tuning in. We had a really, really fun time doing it. We got two amazing guests, Lou Sanders and James A. Casta. So it won not, it won't sound like a normal flat-stante, there was not a live audience, although there was actually

much bigger live audience than we've ever played before. You just can't hear any of them. They're all in their own houses, but we promise. They really are there, guys. They are. They are definitely there. Hopefully that that, that, that buzzy energy will still be there for you. But it's a little bit different, but we had a great time. Absolutely right. Two stellar guests, a lovely great time of it. And also our largest ever flat slam audience. So thank you so much for the did log on. If you didn't, please do come back next time. We'll be doing it again. Come and join us for a live night on Zoom and have a good old time. Yeah, follow our Twitter to find out more details about when that's going to be at Pappy's tweet

or look on Facebook or if you're part of the Patreon, we'll stick it on the Patreon. And if not, just email us directly and we'll tell you. Pappy'sFlatcher at gmail.com. We'll tell you the dates. Awesome. So just very quickly, just to mention the Patreon, don't forget, we're still doing daily episodes

over on our Patreon. So if you enjoy these, then we're doing daily flat-share lockdowns, which are really, really good fun, and we're doing extra bonus beefs, and they're all there. So if you pledge a fiveer or above a month, then you get, I mean, there's 30 episodes of flat share lockdown now. They're amazing. Patreon.com, forward slash Pappy's flat share. Yeah, and that five is only dollars as well. So it's even less than five dollars. Yeah, it's my join. It's not even our currency. Yeah, it's been a joy. That's good. It's not even our currency. Yeah, it's like monopoly money.

Exactly. It's not real. Yes, well, look, this is a meaty beast, as they say, in the trade. So we should whip crack away into flat-share slam down. Enjoy. TUM! Tom!

Ben! What is it, Matthew? Yeah. What is it, Matthew? What is it, my adorable little chickadee? Well, one of you two has got to set up the Zoom chat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, it's not going to be me, because, uh, listen, setting up Zoom chats reminds me of the worst sporting tournament I ever went to. Oh, goodness.

It was a football tournament. I had to watch a football match organized between Sherlock Holmes' brother and his mates who were all made out of jelly. And the Russian dramatist who wrote the government inspector and all of his mates who had their dicks out. It was my Croftsoft teams versus Gogol Hangates. Is there any chance you get that written down? It was my Croftsoft teams versus Gogol Hangates. Now the thing is, if we had an audience right now, gosh, we'd really know about that joke. What about you, Clarky? Why don't you

want to set up the Zoom chat today? I've had enough a Zoom. It's always a nightmare. Someone always ends up with like a really shit connection and halfway through what they're saying. They're just ease He's a wonderful physical performer clothe He's. He's a wonderful physical performer, Claude. He's got to say that for him. He's a wonderful physical performer. Well, there's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a... Yes, La-Dome!

We're in a flat. Flat-Share, La-Dome. Flat-Share, La-Dome. Flat-Share, La-Dome. Hello and welcome to Flat-Share, La-Dome. I'm playing with our mates! Flashes land down! Flashes land down! Hello and welcome to Flashes land down! The panel show that says, Girl, your booty is so round I just wanna play you round Can I take you one more time? I won't stop until you're mine

If I cannot be with you, maybe I could have a taste Put your arms around me girl And your kisses on my face, I say zoom zoom zoom zoom and let me hear you say wayo. Wayo. Wayo. Wayo. Wayo. I say zoom zoom zoom zoom and let me see you say wayo. Wayo. Wayo. Wayo. I say zoom zoom zoom zoom

and let me hear you say wayo. Wayo. Wayo. I say zoom zoom zoom now everybody say wayo. Wayo. Wayo. Wayo. I'm the host of La hosted landlord Matthew Crosby. We're live. What was useful about that is it got a real gauge of what the time delay is on different people. Everyone's got a different delay.

Well, there was a double delay there, Harry, because there was both the internet delay and the mental delay. So I'm still, I'm still none the wiser. It's harmonizing. It's called harmonizing. Also, in a different time, it's called harmonising. LAUGHTER We are live on the dark web. That's right.

I've just bought three kilos of the ultra-dangerous drug, Spice. LAUGHTER Oh, yeah! One for me and the other two for my tenants, Tom Perry and Ben Clark. CHEERING Now, obviously, guys, you can't start the Zoom chat on your own. And the other two for my tenants, Tom Perry and Ben Clark. Hooray! Now, obviously, guys, you can't start the Zoom chat on your own. You need someone to message the WhatsApp group with the meeting ID and password.

So who have you enlisted to help you tonight? Tom, why don't you tell me who you brought along? Well, terrible news. The Jamboree is in danger. Oh, no. It's in trouble. No. Of course it is. We've fallen through the cracks. There's no. You didn't hear the Chancellor announce a package for the Jamborees, did you? No. Well, of course it is. We've fallen through the cracks, there's no, you didn't hear the Chancellor and answer package for the Jamborees, did you?

No, well, someone think of the Jamborees. Fine for the small businesses for the self-employed. I can't furlough a Jamboree, but what I can do is call on my, utter, my life doola. Oh, yeah, that's right. My life dola, who's going to spread some good vibes around the furloughed jamboree. It's loose sanders, everyone. Loose sanders is here.

Lou, how are you? Yeah, very well. Thank you. Nice time. A nice time. Have I all so far? So far, it's been absolutely wonderful. It's been really, really great.

I don't think there's been any problem with your first sentence. It's been absolutely cracking. Um, so Lou, what kind of a flatmate are you lovely lovely boy lovely boy very clean cleaning all the corners all the things that nobody thinks about I'm in there the other day my flatmate that came home I was down and all fours scrubbing the sides. You can't ask for more than that, can you? The sides. Can you talk us to what the side, like, give me a wall. The sides. The sides.

The sides. There's going to be a, you're going to be more descriptive than that. You took about the walls at the house. Well, I love the walls. Well, hang on. I love, I love people cleaning the middle, but they can get the sides. No, that's not true, Lou.

Yeah, true. I'm so sorry. You know what I'm saying. I like to be a yes and kind of guy, but everybody cleans every part of it. Are you talking about the floor? You clean the sides of the floor? Yeah, not my own size. Not my own size.

Not my own size. Like your flanks. Not my flanks, but you know where the... The outside. Okay, okay. The skirt in board. Thank you James. The skirt in boards. The inside. Thank you James, the skirt in boards.

You were cleaning the skirt in boards. Okay, so everybody thinks about cleaning the floor. I mean, so... They might be cleaning the wall. The upper sides. But do you think about the lower sides? Okay, the skirt in boards. No, they leave that for little mice to make a little hole into and skimmy in out of.

Oh, muckins here down on all fours. Old mother sanders was there scrubbing away on our hands and knees. Oh, so I've got a real keen eye on security. And in this day of age, you can't be too careful. What kind of security measures do you take? I'm taking up karate. Oh! It must be top level.

Top level. Top level. Not really. You'd have to kill me. That's how good she is at karate. She could kill you over zoom. Imagine this coming at you fast. What, and like that, like that, or like that. Do you know an octagon? An octagon.

An octagon. Have you joined the UFC? Do you know an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an octa- an That's me. It's really. So you're cleaning the sides and you're chopping the sides. I'm chopping the sides. No, it's like the sides. She said the sides are her and she's cleaning the sides. It's like the fucking matrix. I didn't say I'm the sides. Oh, you said that all the sides, that's me. Did I?

I tell you what. Can we rewind it? We wind it. Well, I'm afraid I wish I could have rewind it to about five past eight actually, but we can't do that now. Lou, you know what, you'll never be the size to me. You'll always be the main course. Thank you That's my absolute pleasure. We weren't talking about food. No, I know, but now we are that's the nature of a good host He's moving onto new topics when he thinks the kung fu has been exhausted off he goes into the realm of food

Then who have you brought along with you this week? Sorry, there was a little bit of guest confusion, so it doesn't matter, I'll crack on. But I brought along my favorite female comedian, James A. James A. Caster is here, James, how are you doing, man? Very well, thank you. It's Greg Ben, you just go on.

Dustin the tops. Oh, all day and after the tops. Yes, go on Dustin the tops all day after the tops. Well, here's just Dustin the tops people forget about the top. Lou do you do the tops as well? I don't do the tops Guys, what are your thoughts on wiping the bottoms? Uh-oh Are you no go on Lou go on we need up to hear it? Please you mustn't stand on ceremony. It's us. Wow, that's just going to pluck my podcast. You can do that at the end, mate.

You can do that at the end. It's five minutes in. It's too soon for that. It's too soon for that. It's too soon for that. We mentioned food earlier on. Did James go all by the way, can I plug my podcast? No, no, no, no.

Quick point, quick point, quick point. It's good. Why is your bottom so dirty? It's just good. Stop points. Oh, so you have plugged it. You just cracked on and plugged it. Why not? Do you see the link in my head?

I did mean to plug it and then I was like, oh, you can't plug. I wasn't going to be a plug. It's going to be a joke. But then I was like, oh, look like a plug. And then I told you, oh, anyway, I'd like to do it. And no, no, it is like a plug and then I told you. Anyway, I'd like to know. No, it is a plug. Oh, yeah, nothing, whatever, anyway. Do you know what I mean?

Well anyway, it's great to have you on the show. Now, what kind of a, what kind of a flatmate are you? What kind of a person you to live with? Very good, just keep yourself to myself. How have you been? So I mean, you live on your own. Yeah, all right, okay. I live in another family's chimney and they don't know I'm here. I've made it look very nice, as you can see.

It's got great Wi-Fi. Great Wi-Fi. You've got my own Wi-Fi, obviously. My own little Wi-Fi box at the top of the chimney. Every now and again they get a chimney sweep round and he's always peering up and then he just sees me and I'll go, shhh, and then he goes, don't worry. Because he really, he has what people don't know about chimneys, they're never need cleaning, they're just checking that the person who lives in the chimney is okay, that's all the

chimney sweep. That's their job. Yeah, they just go from a house to a house going, you all right mate, you need anything? No, I'm fine today. Well, I was wondering about this because when I had my chimney cleaned the guy who got the brushes out he stuck a sandwich on top of the brushes and I said Is that necessary? He said oh yeah, it's just all part of the chimney sweeping process. Shopted up the the sandwich disappeared and I said Thanks mate. He went oh it's probably a pigeon or something and and now I realize it's probably a little it's probably a little comedian that's what it would have been when I'm one of my sort pick it up and go and taste a lot of people think that's what sound

chimneys make is is tasty I think that's a natural sound that comes out the chimney but it's not I've not listened to your podcast but is that your catchphrase on my as well actually I'm not to talk about my podcast or someone else's podcast. I think it's very... It's such a class. Real such a class. It's a real such a class, though. I don't know what you're talking about, Tom.

It's a little bit unclear. Tasty. So, well, we've met our contestants, but... Whoa, whoa, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, slow down. Carry on. Do you know what? We don't need an audience because you've got Tom to confirm things I've just said. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, If they'll be streaming ahead or buffering as we play round one It's family quiz night you said of your room, but first you gotta teach your parents how to use zoom Mercy mercy mercy me. Oh, it's taken an age two hours. Maybe three camera on my contact levels of sound The golden grape bridge is your virtual background your blow is on the line Say where is the quiz at the The meeting ID is in the family WhatsApp 40 minutes, for 40 minutes, I'm not gonna pay So we have got time limits

Okay, here's my cards on the table My internet connection is unstable It really nearly means you know I keep breaking up Oh, it really nearly means you know I keep breaking up Oh, it really nearly means you know I keep breaking up Oh, we hear four quizz nights So all your fans go boom, shake, shake, shake the zoom I keep breaking up. It really nearly means you know I keep breaking up. Oh, we're here for a quiz night So all your fan go boom shake shake shake the zoom boom shake shake shake the zoom boom shake shake shake the zoom

Great. Oh, speak come you hey, you're what can hear my sister yet? Hey, you're what can hear my sister yet? Click on my sister. Hey, you're what can hear my sister. Yeah, we're gonna Mike. Well here we go. here we go, here we go. Oh, damn 40 minutes. Lovely stuff there from, I'll tell you what I enjoyed about that. Everyone started dancing at the start and everyone stopped sort of midway through. But I carried on, you know, I carried on.

This first round is called Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. I want you in my room. I'm going to give our contestants a category and then I I'm gonna ask them to grab an item from their own home Which best fits that category? So for example if the category was Dirtiest thing in your house James might grab a toilet brush and Clarky might grab himself of course you would the dirty little Gravity scrub then they'll have to explain why they think their item should beat the opponents, okay? So whoever I deemed to be the winner gets five points. Oh, and the first one back, after I say

go, gets a bonus point. Okay? So I'm basically punishing whoever has the bigger house. We're going to start the game with Tom and James. Now don't go off yet. I want to give you a little bit of thinking time, but your category is the cutest thing you can find, okay? So Tom, James, what's your thought pressures at the moment? What are you thinking? Mirror. Oh, lovely idea there from Lulee. I'm thinking that obviously, I live with my girlfriend, but I don't want everyone yes yeah I don't want everyone knowing who my girlfriend is exactly so just some of her clothes I'm probably gonna get dumped could you have a picture of someone else's girlfriend good point low got it just just on. A whole shoe box for them.

All your girlfriend. What is the cutest thing in my house? Okay, okay. All right. Now remember, there's a bonus point for how it gets back first. Off you go. Okay, so, Clarky, if you had to grab the cutest thing

in your house, you obviously can't grab yourself. What would you think you'd go for? No actually, I feel like my house is kind of like, it's very functional isn't it, your house? Ooh, here we go, sorry he's back. It was back first though, I wasn't watching Clarke he distracted me. By a matter of seconds I think it was me.

Okay, in which case, you don't have headphones at the same headphones. It depends what you're doing. Yeah, it depends. So you're putting your headphones on and that slowed you down. I'm afraid it's all part of the process. Whoever's back first, I'm going to give the point there to Tom, but let's find out.

I had such a weird, I ran into the front room, where my wife and mother-in-law are watching the show, and I was still talking live. Like a David Lynch experience.-law are watching the show and I was still talking live like a David Lynch experience. So I started watching the show it was really surreal. How's it going? Yeah, we should pick up the pace a little bit. Well don't worry you leave in a second. So okay so we'll start with you Tom. Tom, what if you brought you think is the cutest thing in your house? Now that I've got him him I realize he's cute to me, but you might not be cute to everyone. Okay, let's have a look Explain to the listener at home those people who can't see us explain

What you what you're showing us now, so I have chosen my essentially my What you what you're showing us now so I have chosen my Essentially my my like companion for the longest time on on this planet. I've got monkey So monkey monkey was given to me the year I was born so Yeah, and so like and monkeys always monkey's always been like by my bed and Now look he might not look cute, but like he's been always there. He looks like he's seen stuff. So he's going balls on top, the same as me.

He's kind of receded at the same pace as me. And then he lost his eye. Tom, I hate to hear you. You're receding way faster than monkey. Oh, sorry. That is a hat Tom, you're not convincing anyone. He lost his eye in a tragic game of Teddy Bear Cricket where in one awful night, it still makes me upset to think about it. We got carried away and Beth's care bear was the bat and we used monkey as a cricket ball

and we were playing this game called Teddy Bear Cricket and I was bowling him and Beth was hitting him and I caught monkey and his eye had fallen out and we never found his eye and I just held him for all the rest of the night and just kept saying I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I used you as a ball and I've kind of I always felt like I owe it to him to like I'll never be able to let him go because of that moment where I let him down and used him as a ball. Tom, I asked for the huge thing, not the most pathetic thing. This is like some sort of charity appeal you see in, I'm telling the middle of the day. I mean, if you want to buy monkey a coffin, then...

That's a patron. Okay, so we've got monkey from Tom. Look, look at Monkey. I can see him. I can see him better than he can see me. Now, James, sorry Monkey, I've got no beef with you mate. James, now he's going to be driving to a castle, is he soon to check you?

Oh, I'm leaving. That's how we're talking. I don't mind saying it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm blade, him step up here, come on. Right. A-Caster, what have you got that you think might be cute to... How are you feeling now

you've seen monkey? Do you think it's cute? The thing you've brought is cuter than monkey? I think I could have picked up a brick. This is some trash talking. A-Caster, what have you got? Absolutely fine. If you weren't to weak to pick up a brick? All that you were monkey saying that I close the camera yeah, you pick up the brick yeah, I see Nina Conti makes it look really easy But it's actually quite different. It's what you need to realize Charlie She's got this is not used in her monkey as a cricket ball to be fair Oh, I don't please don't still haunts me to this day

I'm sorry Right carry on. Okay. Yes, we will carry on. Thank you Tom. So So James What have you brought? I've bought this was given to me when I was born and I've had it my entire life and His name is hair Captain hedgehog and I was swaddled in this as a baby I've we've grown up together and we

It's not my girlfriend's home it in slipper. Oh wow it. That's a baby. Oh wow it. Tom, you've had your turn, alright, okay, keep it strong. This is a beautiful one.

This is Tom. This is the country we live in now. Scrutin is dead. We can't even question this. Let me emily mate this here. Yes. This is Matthew has to be impartial. I do otherwise. I get fired now listen So talk so talk us to it now you were swaddled swaddled in that

So they so when you were born they wrapped you in some who who gave it you the doctor Who gave it you? The doctor. Oh, the doctor. The doctor gave it to you today. Yes, a kettle in general hospital. And he said, swaddle him in the hedgehog. And may they both grow old together. And I remember our first day of school

and our first job, we had a hard time. Oh, you had the same job at the same time, the same job. Yep, we both worked in a bullshitting factory. No, what was that? Hey, Tom, they don't exist. Tom, yeah, it's a very good point. There is no such thing as a bullshitting factory.

Anyone who says so, is a liar. Well, not back in those days. Ridiculous. So, can I just say, you can say whatever you like and you will. James could have presented that without the bullshit backstory and still have won this competition. But actually, now that he's lying, yeah, thank you, mate.

Hold on, who said he's lying? Yeah, thank you. No, I can smell a lot of it. This hedgehog walked me down the aisle. You've married to the hedgehog. That's not how it works, the hedgehog. No, no, no, no. You know, you don't marry the person who walks you down the aisle. You've married to the hedgehog. That's not how it works, the hedgehog. No, no, no, you know, you don't, you don't marry the person who walked you down the aisle.

What happened at your wedding? Oh, I've got to go and call my dad. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So I remember that, of course, on your wedding day, there was, there was old Mr. Hedgehog walking you down the aisle. It was a really, it was a really beautiful, beautiful moment as well. Does your girlfriend? Does your girlfriend know you're married? Yes, she loves it

It's her type. It's very modern. Very difficult to unlock down though. Very hard to do in the lockdown. Are you all living together you and your wife and your girlfriend? Well my wife and her family are in the main house. I'm in the chimney and my girlfriend lives as this way, I suppose, everyone on the side. Of course. There you go. Of course. She's literally, you're a bit on the sides. No one puts maybe in a corner,

but we always put our girlfriend on the sides. Yeah, them's the rules, I don't like them. I mean, this is a very cute hedgehog. Also, I'm doing a lot of work, you know, using this is a very cute head. Also, I'm doing a lot of work You know using this as a puppet now. Yeah, I'm doing a lot of work to make it look cute Because there's angles where it's not very cute. Yeah, when it first appeared kind of like it looked pretty terrifying It looked pretty sort of you know, werewolfy, but actually yeah, you've got it you've got a nice angle there Does it fit on your foot?

I doubt it. No, that's... I don't want to try. Does it just fit one person's foot specifically? Yeah, look at that. Found it. Oh, a Cinderella hedgehog kind of scenario. Because that would be cute, right, guys? That would be cute if this was like a fairy tale romance.

That's how you choose between your wife and your girlfriend. I guess. That would be cute if this was like a fairy tale romance. And I just find who's perfect for it. That's how you choose between your wife and your girlfriend. Yes. I see who can wear this and who it fits. Yeah. You put the hair jog under the mattress and if she has a good night's sleep, then she's not the one or something.

I think you might have slightly confused the stories there, but it's still, these are all options. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna have to come to a ruling on this. And I think I'll tell you what, Mr. Hedgehog, very, very, very cute, but the way Barry was welling up at the end of that story, it really broke my heart. I'm going to give the five points to you, Pary. Congratulations. You get those five points. Okay. Finally, we've made it. I've made it up to Monday. Matthew, if you had to choose, would you choose your daughter or your cat? Yes, good question.

It's a great question. You have to go and fetch one. You have to go and fetch one. Now, you've got five seconds. Go. Well, they're both asleep asleep But I think the cat would probably who knows maybe maybe Cosmo might wondering a little bit I'll see she can come in a bit later, but You're choosing Cosmo. I'm not choosing Cosmo Not that's what you said we all heard it No point did you even consider your daughter didn't even mention it? I'm not like her up to right actually cross, but I'll wake well Okay, okay, that's okay. It's great, it's actually a crossbite. How do I wake it? Wow. Okay.

Okay. That's okay. It's okay. It's the measure of the man. I saw it. At least it's honest. Cosmo is very cute. If we're going on Instagram likes.

Anyway. Now, it's time for Lou and Ben. Your category is now... Oh, category? Yes. Oh, wow. Cosmo. Absolutely. It's the most Cosmetic. Absolutely.

Is the most unique thing you can find. What are you thinking? Lou, what are your immediate thoughts? The most unique thing you can find. And Mera? Oh, not that unique, really. Yeah. No, because it's me and Mera, done by?

Oh, so you're just going to bring yourself. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. But actually, I've got a few other ideas, but I don't I'll keep it as a surprise Okay, keep it as a surprise Clarky you look a little confused. Do you know what you're gonna go for? I think I'm just gonna have to go and See just go and see absolutely just other people have forks right yeah I just do no I've not yet said go and Lou yes Why is your've not yet said go and Lou. Yes?

Why is your bottom not on that seat? She's just being cute. What kind of a soon chat is this? Every now and again, one of you says something real dodgy. Sorry, I thought you were going to say why is your bottom so dirty? Oh, look, but God's sake, you know, can you not think of something else other than your own bloody podcast? Okay, let's get this done, okay?

Let's get this done because you've got another podcast to go to, it's your own, isn't it? Let's get Slut Slum done. Here we go. So, off you go. Now. What? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No one else has got that. Where'd you keep that, James? Where'd you keep a puppet of yourself? Do you see it every day?

No, I've got, where all my vinyl is, my vinyl shelves. It's just on top of that. And also I've put a cap on it and some glasses on it. And all sorts of it. So it's like, it's a nice little, little bit of fun. It's no longer a vanity thing, is it? It's no longer like a, you know,

you've chatted. You've chatted it. I've stopped chisening. Pregnance. Progress. Lully. I'm going to tell you right now, You've got a point for being the first one back. So congratulations to you. You've got that bonus point. Oh, well, thank you. Well done. No, it was well-earned.

But what have you got for us? Okay, so I have got two things. You can pick one of those things, all right? Oh, we don't live in a world of choice. Oh, you don't want to decide what you have. You don't want an option of two things. Well, let's have a look. Come on, let's go.

I want to do two things between my daughter and my cat, but you won't allow me that. So I'm not going to allow you to say. You're a Matthew's choice. So for you. that so I'm not going to allow you, I'm not going to allow you to say your mathis choice. House some chockies from the House of Lords and they're in there, they're actually in there. Oh my god. So you're chockies from the House of Lords. How old are they?

Well they are a year old yeah I can't eat them because they've got milk in them. Okay and how did you come to get some chockies from the House of Lords? If you went to the House of Lords and you bought them from the gift shop, then it doesn't count. I was invited for dinner at the House of Lords. What bloody hell! Who do they want to get? What the hell? That's pretty unique to me.

It was a way, I did, like I was part of this fundraiser for this Irish thing, like into Nash, no, intersect schools and islands. Okay. I think that's what it's called, but you know where schools aren't Catholic or Protestant there, sort of, oh, have you heard of Unity? And I did it from there and so, and then somehow I got invited for dinner at the House of Lords and I took my mama. It was really nice. And can I, wait, dinner at the House of Lords and I took my mama

It's really nice and can I wait that's it's a lovely story can I ask did I'm very unique very unique? Sorry, it's dinner was everyone being given that's the other thing. It's not it's a it's a you go like it's a massager It's like to stimulate Yeah, okay, okay put that down Not about massages that stimulate It's for sale you like but I haven't used it because I don't have any so you don't of course you don't need it So about the chock so low so these the chockies that you got the chockies in the house of laws the house of little chockies Please call them chockies. I'll call them chockies if you answer this question now these They call them in the house of lords chockies, so please don't forget your chockies Mummy got some chockies as well. Ah question. Now these are not really cool them in the house of loads. Chockies! I said please don't forget your chockies. Mommy got some chockies

as well. Ah that's exactly what I was going to ask. Mommy got chockies. So they're not that unique. They're not you. No no'll hang on, yeah, you are on the opposite team, yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna ask you another question. Did everybody have a chance? Her mom's eating her chocolates. Hang on, yeah, this is a different question. Excuse me, my mom's chocolates were different. She had a trouble one and she ate them immediately.

No further questions on the chocolate issue. Thank you, we're gonna go over to Ben Clark. No, no, we're not. Sorry. You've been through this. And also, by the way, he's on the opposite team to you, so he'd probably back me up on the chocolate issue. Thank you. We're going to go over to Ben Clark. No, no, we're not. So, and also, by the way, he's on the opposite team to you. So, he'd probably back me up on asking this question. So, listen, that was quite, listen, I was pretty good. It wasn't bad actually. It wasn't bad. I was on the back foot for a moment. Luley, so did everybody at the dinner get these chockies? No, just me and my mum. Are you 100% sure that's the truth? Yeah, because they said we gave it to you good skills.

I do believe that, that's how the house allords. It's the gorgeous chocolate. Yes, it's a lovely hair chocolate. They said just for the gorgeous, they said, oh, we're going to pick the two most gorgeous skills in the room. Yeah. Wendy was in the water as well. Sorry, Wendy.

It was me and mommy. So they say we're going to pick the two most gorgeous girls in the room and we're going to give them chocolates and a cellulite stimulator and they kick them out the room. Sorry, it was in the 80s, it was a different. It was a different time. Of course it was a different time. Then there was a wet teacher and conversation.

It was a different time. It was the house of theords. There are no rules. So, Clarky, what if you brought along? Oh, oh, what could you ask actually? I wasn't going to show you this, but it's just the bath the long way. Okay, Luke gets the point in that round. So, yeah, finally, it's Tom and Ben's chance to go head to head. This time, I'm not gonna even give you the thinking time.

Just go with it, just be instinctual, just go with it. I'm looking for the ugliest thing in your house, go. Clarke, no, Clarke, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what are we getting? Yeah, ugliest thing in your house, okay, yes. That's the problem with Pary. He just goes for it. He doesn't stop, here we go.

Okay, here we go. We've got Clarky back. You've not yet got Pary. What would you, Luke? I've got to ask you. I've got to tee you up for this one. If you had to get the ugliest thing in your house, what would you get?

A picture of James' stupid pit. Oh, no. I was tin-yotting the old Lira joke from, James's stupid pit. Oh no I was tin-yotting the old Lira joke from you know I thought I thought I was doing the runner for a bit longer. It didn't it didn't even cross my mind sorry my self-esteem is too high. Why would it? Why would it? Why would it? You're absolutely gorgeous Lulee you're absolutely gorgeous. You don't get chockies with me you don't get chockies for nothing. Absolutely. The house of laws aren't just

chock and chockies at any old bitch are? No, of course they're not. No. And here we go. Okay. Right. Okay. I think I can wrap this up very quickly because I think I've got a bit of an effect. Oh, you think so, but you won't. Here we go.

After you, Clarky. Okay. I have this. Alright, bring it a little bit closer to the camera so we can all see that there. Okay. Which is a bowl. Oh. Which is also a pig. And my partner made this. Oh no. Has a child and so is insisted on keeping it every time we move. and it's so it's so hideous that we have a running joke that we go and we we constantly like hide it in each others hide it in each other's drawers because she always wants to put it on

she wants to put it on display look at you know what that's wants to put it on display it looks like It looks like something from science fiction. You know they talk about how they're going to start to grow animals in the future and it's going to be horrific. Yeah, sort of bread. Bread entirely. It's a bit like if they started making meat bowls. You know, like in the future where. Yes, please. No, you finish your food. You just keep on eating. Don't mind if I do. Eat straight through it. Eat straight through it.

Meat bowls. Yeah, I've convinced me of that. I've seen that. So there we go. Stick that on off menu. Yes, please. And, uh, Tom. So that's okay. Strong from class. Sure. What have you got? Great. So I've got a, I've got this right. It's a little bowl for the listener at home.

It's got a cute little Yorkshire terrier dog. Oh, that's clearly a box. He's trying to he's trying to move it on my bowl Absolutely adorable Yeah, yeah, okay, it's been on the man or peace. We've been around for the last few months I thought you know what what's in that lovely little bowl. I opened it up to my Shock there was my shock. There was. It's a bowl full of teeth. Oh, good one. And I was like, oh my God, okay, my wife said, yeah, they're all my baby teeth. And then I found fangs and she was like, yeah, they're also the dogs teeth, whatever the dogs teeth are like. And then, and then I found, And then I found, and then I found claws, and they said, oh yeah, they're the dog's claws.

When we trimmed the dog's claws, we would put them in the box. So this is a box full of human teeth, dog's teeth, and dog's claws. Harry. And it's on the Texas chainsaw massacre up in there. Harry, it is on the mantle. You had reason to be confident there. You sat down there with the coxure, coxure arrogance of a mantle. You had reason to be confident there. You sat down there with the coxure arrogance of a winner. You had reason to be confident. I'm giving you

the full five points there for that. Thank you. Sorry, Clark. I feel like I want to donate this to Tom as a more fitting receptive. I think we combine the two and we have the ugliest object in the history of mankind. It's a hawkrux. Really gross. Right. I mean fair play, I can't argue with that. Well, at the end of that round, producer Quinn, from your weed farm, somewhere in deepest California, tell us what are the scores at the end of that round?

Like the L. Schoolers are. Tom and Lou have 17. Ben and James have seven. Oh, so Tom and Lou are zooming ahead. But, Will Ben and James, we locked out of the meeting. Let's find out as we play round two. It's flat games.

Game. Let's play together. Games. Let's play forever. Roll the dice. Spin that thing. Put that down. Who is your toll? Game. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, gold, up and down the country. People, you can imagine it now. Yes, it is flat games where today we're playing our version of the board game, Mastermind, which we're calling Mastermind Your Language.

Now, here's how it is going to work. I am going to ask each contestant in turn to write down their three favourite terms or phrases for a particular activity. Say, for example, it was having sex. You might write shagging, boffing, and getting low down dirty, baby, like you should. The three other contestants must then guess those three terms in the correct order. So, James, please write down your three favorite words or phrases into WhatsApp or text, if you will. Your three favorite words or phrases into WhatsApp or text if you will Your three favorite words or phrases you'd use to mean defecation

Okay, right? Defication a cast to have you sent those through Yes, let me have a little look here. We go. Yes. Yes. Yes. Tom Okay, James is written. I'm keeping it Tom okay James is written. I'm keeping it pure. I'm keeping it simple I think in third place. We've got having a shit in second place. We've got taking a dump and in first place We've got having a poo Shit dump poo have one right but not in the right okay Clarky. What does that do to your play? Well, I had two of the same there Okay, so I'm gonna go with I I'm gonna go the other way around, sorry. Yeah, like you do. One two and three.

Yeah, I go for number one. Shitting. Number two, laying pipe. Oh! Laying pipe. Oh. Can I try? No, no, no. Laying pipe, as they say. I thought that was like groundwork. You know, you come out and go, well, we laid the pipe there.

What? You come out of the toilet. In the middle. I've done the groundwork for you. You can go finish that off. So you've been missing for six. That's how I'd heard it. But I heard it.

Laying pipe is... But you know, you've not seen a cocky S6. A cocky. I've been doing it all wrong. A cocky's into some stuff, man. Been dragging the paper. Tell you what, my tour of America went very boring. Yeah.

Back in a minute, I was gonna go and play the live by. Wow, it's lucky. It's pretty good though. And number three, so, so, remind us again. So I've got number one, shitting. Number two, laying pipe. And, well, okay, I'm sorry. And number three, pebble dashing the fans. Well, you have got none right. Oh, no. Okay.

Okay. Well, process of elimination. So here we go. Lou, so with that in mind, I've changed now. Okay, yeah, absolutely. You've got new information, change that answer. Luke, what have you come up with? Poo-ping, plopping, shitting. Okay. Great. Poo-ping. Zero, right.

But I wish I had included plopping. I do like plopping a lot. I should have included plopping. No, change your answer. No, no, no, no. No, pooping, no, nothing. One light, but in the wrong way. No, no, no, no.

You're not changing your answer. It's what I've got here on the WhatsApp. We're not changing the answer. Zero, right. Right. nothing in the right place. But, parry, we're back to you. Okay. One, two, three, doing a dump, I think dumps the one that you've got, dropping a log at number two and doing a number two at number three.

Ooh, one right and in the right place. Clarky. Wow. Ah, sorry. Is the one I got right the one I got right first time. Oh, yes, yes, sorry. Is the one I got right, the one I got right first time. Oh, yes. Yes, that's exactly the one that's right. Great, that's good to know, thank you.

Okay. Number one, I'm going to dump. Right. Number two, I'm going with, uh, Laying Trial. Laying Trial. Laying, trawl? Laying, trawl? Laying, trawl? Oh, the Clarkies always lay in something. Like a head when he goes to the toilet. A trawl?

Are you thinking of dropping trawl? Which means take your trousers down. Trawl? You don't like your logical trawl. You don't like your logical trawl. You don't like your logical trawl. You don't like your logical trawl. You don't like your logical trawlowel. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause.

Trowel. You don't let your nature cause. Trowel. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause.

You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause.

You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. You don't let your nature cause. I'm doing here, I'm, you know, I'm laying a plow, or whatever it is you're saying, just go with, don't try, don't try, don't try to think too weird, all right, the first one's dumb, we know that, okay? Here we go. Number three, a number two. Nice. I wish I had four of that. I wish I had four of this, but,

I wish I had four of this, but, okay, I've got a strong feeling that Lou is gonna smash this. Okay, here we go. Okay. Dumping, shitting, and either log flume or releasing a toxin. Which one are you going to go for? No. Which one are you going to go for, Lou?

No, log flume. No, log, Luke. No, Luke. No, Luke. Whoa. See, so one right and one in the right place, but also, I will say, that one of them, number three, with the log through one, is kind of like, along the right lines in that it's playing a log. Playing a log. Playing a log. It's pretty much been made up on the spot.

Laying. So not that any of the words are right, but it's not actually. I'll be mind number three or something that no one's ever said before. Lucky lucky lucky lucky bummer. I think it's something that only I've said once before was a niche, says it. I'd also say that the log flume, not a million miles away from the territory of another one, okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I didn't something this just said, okay, okay, okay. Shitting, dumping logger. Shitting, no, what if it's a game?

It's, it's a top-howie, it's a top-howie, it's a top-howie, it's a top-howie, it's a top-howie. Okay, before we lose control of this game, it's top-howie, it's a top-howie, it's a top. Number one is taking a dump that we know. Number two, something to do with turds and number three filming them I'm afraid

No, what one one right place. We are okay. We're gonna go we're gonna go one we're gonna go once more round Okay, we're gonna have Ben and Lou and if Lou doesn't get it then I'm afraid Nobody gets the points James just text me if you want to text me. I gotta go with one dump, two diarrhea, three bowel trowel. You obsess with trowels. If the word trowel was in it, we would have given you the point mates. Well, I mean, Nish, I mean, they made it up on the spot. Yeah, but what if you if you say the trail wants and we say no don't assume trail is back in the second time around Clarky. Learned that you just weren't framing trail in the right way. If it had been BOWL trail and you'd said laying a trail we would have given you

the point because you just get a trail movement. No that's great. We're not having it. Neither of those. Okay L Lou, if you don't... Do you know what a trial is? That's the last time I actually had a camera on me and do some gardening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You dig up the roses with it and you should help. Okay, dump whoopsie log cake.

I'm afraid none of those are right. No dump, no. It was dump. What? I call it that kind of crap. No, whoopsie seeing no log cake. James, do you tell us please? What you wrote? Taking a dump.

Dropping the kids off at the pool. Oh, I have it. Good luck. Well done, you got that at home. And then this cue, my original, taking a trip to Brown Town. Now are you sure? I was going to say it. I was like, hey, town, Trowl, I was close.

You were. You took a trip to Trowl Town, didn't you? Oh, okay, yeah, hey town, trowel, I was close. You were. You took a trip to trowel town, didn't you? I did. It took a trip to the garden center, which is now like a clarky. I apologize, it's not clarky, it's Lou this time. Lou, it's your turn, please write down

and what's up to me please, your favorite three words or phrases you would use to mean attractive. Okay. Attractive. Attractive. So be thinking amongst yourselves what you might go for there. That's not in fact.

Yeah, let's try and play with it. If we could play with a straight back here, guys. Say that raw for Lou. We're in luck, yeah. I've done it and they're quite normal. They're really quite normal. The top one's less normal, but the other two are really good. I'm going to go ahead and say the top one is a lulli classic.

If you know you're over it. If you know me. You know this. If you know me, you know another one. If you follow me on Twitter, you know another one. Exactly. So Acaster, your top three, you think Luz written down for being attractive. I like that look. Number one, I'm going to guess is she's just put you down.

I don't do those jokes anymore. Clean up my act. I've cleaned up my act. So I guess I just really go for this normal ones. Fit sexy gorgeous. Lou, would you like to tell him? Oh, yes. Sorry. You've got one of them in the right place. Okay, pretty good. Tom Perry, how do you like to play? Number one, sandazette. Number two, fine. Number three, gorgeous.

Lully, you've got one of those in the right place. Both of you have said it wrong, like the pronunciation, but you have got one of those. Okay, so it reminds again, you had Sanders-esque, fine, or gorgeous, and gorgeous, or gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Or gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Gorgeous.

Gorgeous. Okay. So, Clarke. Gorgeous. What do you got for us, mate? I'm gonna go with hot fit gorge. You've got one of those right in the workplace

and the others are James. Okay. I only go for a Bit of all right Smoking hot gorgeous No, you still got one right but the other two we're stuck in this one one right but one in the right place Perry Any ideas I'm gonna go for

What I wouldn't do Said he enjoyed it. Yeah Number two I'm gonna go for fly and then three I'm gonna go for gorgeous I'm not your auntie morning You're auntieourry and people fly. I'm going to go for Wackers of Clue with you. The first one, number one spot, is two words. Yes.

And it is something that you aren't too much. It's very honest. It's quite, it's very honest. It's quite, uh, arty from Kent might say it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I use it ironically because I'm actually very, very sort of young. Of course, yeah. Of course, yeah.

Very famously fly. Clarke, what do you think? Yeah. Ooh. I was going to go with blue tick, but now I'm thinking, right sort. right sort. Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on. But we'll give another clue, I'll give another clue.

The blue tick starts with one of the right letters on the first word. So it begins with B. I guess. And that's the reason we need you. So you know one of them begins with B. A buff hunk. No. Okay. A beef? A beef? This is not how the game is played by the thing. So you know, one of them begins with B. A buff hunk. No. Okay.

A beef? A beef? This is not how the game is played by the way. This is with... This is a beef. This is a beef. This is a beautiful trail. Okay.

A carcaya. I need three from you, please. I'm going to go for a beautiful boy. Fuckable. Gorge. Again. No. No. No. Still one for one, James. I'm running out of ideas.

I'll give you a clue for the first one. Yes. It's two words, but it's also the first word is a name What we got We're basically spoon feeding the answers here now this stage just keep the game going along. I mean Maybe that's right. So we don't know we don't know no No, no, no, no, that's right. We don't know Okay, so we've got we've got Bobby does but we need it. We need a second one here. Yeah, Bobby does the But bonerific gorgeous I know To a dozen the right order Harry

I think we'll do one more round. And let's see if we can get this last one. What do you think it might be? I'll tell you a clue. The middle one begins with S. And think of me. Just think of me and whatever comes from us. We know we got Bobby Dazzler.

We know we got gorgeous. Oh, stunning. Oh, I can't save the short. Tom, Harry, you. Oh, stunning. I can't say for sure. Tom Perry, you get the five points. It was Bobby Dazzler, Stunner and Gal Wurgers. Got it. Bobby Dazzler. That's a classic. Lulee Faye's everyone knows Bobby Dazzler.

If you know Lino, Bobby Dazzler. Sorry, you lose points for not listening to enough of my comedy. Sorry. Yeah, it's not really my sort of thing. No, I get that a lot. I do get that a lot. There we go. Now, producer, Gwyn, what were the scores? Oh, don't just doing some very quick maths here.

You have to, you have to. All right. That is. Okay. In fact, we'll predict the scores. Yeah. And if we get lovely, lovely idea, Clarky. In the right order.

Okay. Math...well, everyone. The scores are Tom and Lou have 22, Ben and James have 17. Oh, there's not much in here. Oh. Oh! ACAS powers the world's best podcastome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the

assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcast. Hey Cast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcast everywhere. Now we move on to a round that with our current setup might not work, but that said it's never stopped us before. It's beef brothers. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a beef, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you, beef brothers, starting at your beef.

Yes, it's beef brothers where each week our panelists sort out a flat-share-based beef, and today's one comes from, in fact, they're in the audience. Here he is. We've got his full name there, but front name's only. This is Lewis. How you doing, man? I'm good. I'm good. Can you hear me? We can hear you, great. Thank you, Lewis, for coming on the show. Thank you for staying in with us.

You know what, this is like... This is a bit like a telephone. It's a bit like a telephone. It's a bit like a bit in Null's house party when he clicks his fingers and remember the audience would appear on screen. Lewis probably, don't remember that from it being a big, but Lewis looks like that's very much Lewis.

Why so long time ago? What's that, a whiskey set? You're doing this? Yeah. Look at that Lewis. It's finally, well, why wouldn't you, a whiskey sauer? You're doing a little bit of it. Look at that, Lewis. So, my... Oh, I wouldn't you. Why wouldn't you? Why would you? Oh, the Lewis.

Yes, yes, yes. Now, Lewis writes, as you can see from his cocktail, he's quite a classy guy, and this beef will explain that even further. In lockdown, my girlfriend and I are experiencing what one could describe as a serious entertainment disparity. My tasting films veers towards Art House and World Cinema, whereas hers are more mainstream in Hollywood. Whereas I would be happy to watch a Japanese silent film from the 20s of an

evening, she insists gleefully, gleefully on B movie trash, like Taken, or the god-aw awful twister which had to sit through the other night We have tried to find films that are middle ground between the two but we're running out of options Curiously though our favorite film is the same with Nell and I Which it was an important bonding put in the early days of our relationship. What is the solution? Do I need to swallow my pride and start embracing Jason Statham or does she need to educate herself? Oh, does she need to educate herself and get on the art house by a train? Okay. This relationship is not long for this one.

Oh, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, we need to figure out who's on the move. Before you start, oh my God, you do not talk to your pilot. Before you start, listen, before you start laying into Lewis. Lewis is your pilot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, before you try to lay it into Lewis. Lewis is your partner in the... Yeah, I know the rules. Oh my God. Here she is.

I'll slap her herself, yeah. Jack Park. There she is, with a very specific... LAUGHTER It's all blockbuster herself, here we go. OK, what's your name by the way? Right, Lees. So we've got Anna and Lewis go. Okay, what's your name by the way, right, Liz? So we've got Anna and Lewis here.

Now, Tom and Lou, you are on Lewis's side, Ben and James, you are on Anna's side. But before all of that, let's have a cross examination. Fucking Haruki, we're a calming, I believe. That's good. Well, we'll, we'll, we will have a cross examination examination and any questions for Lewis first of all We'll ask Anna some questions in a moment, but it's Lewis's be first of all that start with Lewis. Okay, yeah, Louis Do you like podcasts?

I know it's not the time for that and be he is not your target No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not getting black and white currently. I mean, I can't get over the fact you don't like Twister. Oh my god! You're on this side! I'm so sorry, I think we're giving him a hard time just for his choice since he's on your arm. Okay, look, this is all of this is conjecture because I'm going to ask him a question that he can answer that will help us. What is your favorite Japanese? First of all, guys is Louis. Oh!

Oh, sorry! Oh, I'm so sorry, mate. Oh, Jesus. Here you go. You're in love with the right. Japanese, your favorite Japanese director is Louis. Yeah, okay. Oh, no.

Okay, so we've got... Yeah, oh, he's been me too. You don't know if he's ever been me. So we've got Louis. Any any other questions for Louis here and I can only apologize for mispronouncing it. What are your what your kind of favorite Japanese are? I like Ozu's films. Yeah, she's What's the way you ask that we don't know the answers. It's nothing to us.

It's just the word and names. You don't know. Hang on, we're on Louis side here. Louis, watch your favourite film. Oh boy. Of course, we've got it. With Nayla and I, I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's okay. That's great. So is your intention here? Like, do you think Anna is going to like get on board with the films that you love?

Or does when she watch them them does she not enjoy them? I mean, it's just a no-go area. So she's not even prepared to give them a go No, no, like even the discussion is like a zone of high-stress Sounds pretty unreasonable to me. Can we hear from can we hear from Anna here? By the way, we hear from Anna Anna is what Louis says correct? I mean, it's just during lockdown, I need to be entertained in the evening, you know? Like the day of the show. The show. We have a lot. We need something there. I need something immediate. Anna, can I just ask, are you from Hollywood? No, I wish.

from Hollywood? No, I'm worst. And would you consider watching one of Louise films, but the deal is that he's not allowed to even have the subtitles on it, so he has to struggle as much as you. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. Annie, you can't read, can't you? Yeah.

I don't think that's the issue. Really? And I couldn't read, I was the whole thing. So basically Anna, what you're saying is the sort of thing that Louis wants to watch of an evening is sort of long and meandering and nothing really happens. Whose choice was it to watch tonight? I've got a question and this is to both of you, Louis Ann Anna. How do you feel about the Paddington franchise?

Oh great question. Number two, love it. So number one, it was just a build up, you know. Agreed with Louis, actually, I'm not meant to go on Anna's side. The man knows his own name, his own name, his own name, his own name, his own name. He knows his sentence and two is a masterpiece. It is. But it's one. It's a one. It's one is good.

But having to do is wonderful. Can I just say this isn't pertinent to the case, but Louis Anana, when you say that quite quickly, it sounds like the start of Saturday night by Wigfield. Yes. It does. Congratulations. Louis Anana.

I'm sorry. Thank you, congratulations on this. Louis Anana Anna now. Sorry. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't that at the top and now I think it could go the distance. You could get congratulations. Okay, so any other questions and then we're going to throw it open to you. Just so we know what the set up here is, are we talking, have you got like the full gamut of Netflix, Amazon, all that kind of stuff? Or are you at the mercy of Louis and Anna's DVD collection? Is that a thing anymore? I imagine Louis got a film projector and stuff, have collection, is that a thing anymore? I imagine Louis's got a film project to and stuff, I think, Louis, like a real film film. A real film?

Eight millimeter. Yeah, yeah. Now we've got like the full gamut, but no DVDs. Right, okay, okay, okay. Anna, can I ask you a quick question? Louis, Anna, no. Do you love him? Yeah. It's

always important to us. It's the ultimate question, really. The question is more than has there ever been any other films besides with now than I that you've both liked. Oh yeah. There's some middle ground but it's like it's getting harder if I'm fine. Is it all that kind of film? Is it all with now type films? In a way, in a way, yeah. Okay. Where do you stand though, unlike, you know, old, like what would have been Hollywood blockbusters

but from like 40 years ago? I'm all about that, but I know it's like, anything pre-1980 is no go. In which case, I think we've got enough information. Thank you to Louis, thank you to Anna. Stay with us though, because we're gonna ask you how it's going in just a little bit. But we're gonna start with Lou.

Okay, so I call up on Lou Sanders. You have a minute to begin your case for the prosecution, and that minute begins now. Okay, Anna, whose house is it that you're learning? How's Flak? You can't ask any more questions now. You're not putting forward results. Okay, you had a, Luke, I'll stop the time for a second.

You had a whole other time to ask questions. Also, I'm getting very negative energy of James and he shook his head at me and he's freaking me out. And so I look a bit positive, please. Listen, you're on opposing teams. That's just that's all part of the process. All right, so I'm gonna start your timer again. Okay, no questions now. You're putting the case forward for the prosecution.

What's me going on? You're on Louise side. I can't wait for it. You've got a minute starting now. Okay, Anna. You're in Louise flat. Okay, so a bit of respect. I can tell because Louise got that money, you can just tell. Anna's more, sort of, Anna's more down to earth. And that's why she's, you know, actually I really want to, but that's not the point. The point is there's a lot of books behind you. Have you ever heard of reading a book? You dumb pigs.

Oh, that's what you don't want to mean that, actually. Sorry, don't mean that. So you lovely. You've got 30 seconds left. OK, and also we, but we all are padding to and educate yourself. He's dragging you up. Oh, God, that doesn't feel nice to say. But what can I do? I'm on the, I'm sorry, Anna. I'm on his team. It's just the business. That's OK. All right. there we go. That was Lou with

I mean, I you can't call that the case for prosecution, but certainly it was I feel like a second to words. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and just the young girl doing my best. I don't think I'd say this, but can we can we yield our time to Lou again? Objection, Your Honor. OK, James, you now have a minute. In fact, you've got an extra 15 seconds that Luzin uses when you're in the room. I've got an amount of what?

What are you so now? OK, you've got 16 seconds. Yeah, OK, you can go out with any basic bit, Anna, who watched this stupid film. But what about having a bit of a nice class of a man who's going to try and educate you and see some other cultures and I don't want to mention the word xenophobic because it was heavily asked not to. That must be time. That must be time. That must be time now. That must be time. That's your time there. There it is. Okay. Okay. So thank

you very much. You use that time wisely. Now James, you've got you've got a minute. I'm afraid just a minute to begin the case for the defense and your minute begins now. First of all, I'd like to say that unlike my opponent, I don't assume that men own the flats and that they should educate women. That's me. That's me personally.

I just, that's not how I was brought up. You've read Intergender, you've read Intergender because I was going on the fact that he likes education I know you've had your tight loon you've had your time. Yes I would say that Anna's tasting films sounds but I mean the amount of people who go and watch the films that Anna likes She can't be wrong. That's why there's so many tickets at the cinemas every time They would queue up to see these sub-total films absolutely not and it is locked down We need to a bit of a scape is it but just to turn our brains off. We don't want to have to all the day be

worrying. And then in the evening you put on a film that worries you even more and stresses you out. You want some escapeism. So on a backup and a 100% I think she should be able to choose the films because the daytime there's enough stressing drama out there to keep the Louise of the world entertained. If Louise wants to be entertained, look out the window mate it's a nightmare. That is your time, right? Very, very strong, very compelling argument. Louie and Anna, how do you think it's going so far? Let's start with Lily. Oh, sorry.

Cosby, you just won second, sorry, cross me. I think your mic has become, I think it might come bad. It's going insane. Oh, has it. I get it. Yeah, yes. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yes. May I say as well that it was quite tricky that because at the top I was 100% on an aside

and then more we discussed it, the more I thought, naturally, oh, good see, I can see Louis's point of view. And I was, it was pretty difficult having to argue against him there for some reason. It is a very delicate matter, isn't it, really? And what does a tough subject matter? And actual suggestion I would make is, because everyone's doing like, you know,

people are doing stuff like watching all the Marvel films or whatever which I'm not suggesting. You would do, Louis, I know you'd hate it. But I would say, one Ed in Professorville, every night of the Ed in Professorville, me and my flatmates watch a different, best picture-winning Oscar film. And those are a very good middle ground

between really big popular films and pretty RT critically acclaimed films. So I'd say the two of you could do that and then you don't even need to even pick what the film is because you just go it's already been picked for you by the Academy. Lewis absolutely lapping this up. This is like a puppet that could be the answer couldn't it? Also it's a good fun thing to, because sometimes if you don't like the film, you get to see what the other nominees were and you're like, are you shitting me? Like, how did this work?

Driving Miss Daisy one... Is that your default setting in Edinburgh, James? Yeah. LAUGHTER Is that working better, guys? Oh, that's perfect. How do you think it's going so far, Louis and Anna? Er, I'm very confused. It feels like my team has really given me some jobs.

And then James is sort of like the friending me. What's going on? Somewhere in the middle. This is all part of the legal process. You don't need to worry yourself with this. There's a long game being played here by both halves. Anna, how are you feeling about it? Feeling pretty confident. Well, stick around. Here we go. Next up, we have to conclude the case for the prosecution. Tom, now, Tom, are you going to be doing this as yourself? No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a deep safe defense lawyer from a John Grisham

novel, Mr. Fanchor Standard. Fanchor Standard, presiding and providing your minute should you need it, begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the Jewry, well listening to our front Lewis there and his travails. Well, Scott got me thinking we had a lot of big words there from them, their lawyers from the big city. motion pictures, talkies. We don't go for that sort of thing round here.

Round here, we images, we stick in the sand, we point into clouds, it was simple folk, none of this here what, people trapped in a box hell, I've been looking at it for days, got the nephew to try and explain it to me, I still can't get it to happen. Anyway, I guess all of that talk there probably reminds me of, well the day the circus came to town and let me tell you something you'll probably remember there. Oh damn years ago the day the circus came to town and let me tell you there man stands on the back of a truck. He says time for the circus here now I'm gonna bring out a dog well a dog I say with my refund see a dog and a dead a week and a dead a month I don't get me wrong I'm a fan of dogs man brings out the dog dog stands right there and

then what what hold on dogs only balancing a ham on his head whoa holy molyb walka moly I couldn't sit down never seen a dog balance a ham on his head walka talka go into the pictures I guess the point I'm trying to make is this I used to think the looking at a dog was all that. But that was before, the day I saw a dog balance a ham on his head. No further questions, Your Honor. Well, Fan sure stand in there presiding and providing fantastic, fantastic work, but of course we have to call finally upon Ben Clark to conclude the case for the defense.

Here we go. Your minute begins now. Listen. Louis or Buddy Old Power? We've all been there. We were all young bucks. We think we're super into cinema. But actually, it turns out we're viewing it for the wrong reasons. It's about enjoyment.

Of course, you can get enjoyment for all manner of different types of cinema. I mean, I don't want to have to tell you but I have... You know, I mean, you know, I know, I think I'll tell myself my boy but mainly we have to think about them is cinema can be a wonderful aphrodisiac oh and and you've got to think about the right kind of film to watch oh god oh god god in the right circumstances a bit of seven samurai it's an exciting, but is it a precursor to the old Bangalang? No sir, it's Twister, yeah baby! What I'm saying is, mate, if you want to Netflix and nail and eye, Yeah, that's good. How's the pic, the right films,

and sometimes a blockbuster can give you the old... Blockbuster. Buster. Absolutely. Thank you very much, Terrest. Thank you to Ben Clark, and they're fantastic, strong work. It looks good.

They're from Ben Clark. Now, obviously, I can't make the call myself as I'm just too busy looking at my cat. So instead I call upon our live internet audience. So what I'd like you to do now, people watching at home, is go to our profile on Twitter. It's at Pappy's tweet, our pinned tweet lets you vote for who you think should win.

What? Yes. Okay. This is made up. This is gonna take, you know, it's pretty legit. I mean just get the couple to say. No, This is made up. This is going to take... Ah, you know, it's pretty... Let me just get the couple to say. No, not what we do. This is...

Listen. This is insane. You wouldn't have loved this show ever. Now we go and wait for a chance. Yeah, you know, it's only going to get long if you keep complaining about it, all right? Okay, so you go to AppPapisTweet and you vote for who you think should win, all right? So go there now and in about 30 seconds time, I'm gonna tell you the results.

Oh my god, I love it. 30 seconds time, that's right. 30 seconds time. Okay. So yeah, we're told you to watch so far in lockdown. Twister. Twister. Can I ask about what are your problems with Twister?

I mean, it has a certain charm. But now we're talking. Paxton. You beast. Philip's in a hospital tonight. He's brilliant in that. Yeah. He's really hot.

Paxton's in a hospital tonight. Is your kind of guy, isn't he? Yeah, you have to see his range there. He's placed like a bit of a bird out, isn't he? Isn't that one? Then he definitely took a photo, isn't it? The birth of visual effects, you're witnessing there. Some of the best visual effects ever upon screen at the time. Saw that in the cinema, Louis.

It was an app for the main manifest. Me and Clarkie saw it together with those, I think, by the way, let's not talk about that one, Barry. I mean, the main guy is just a bit creepy though, right? Yeah, it was like, let's not talk about that one Barry. I mean, the main guy just a bit creepy though, right? It's probably honest. The main guy. The main guy. I remember.

Only watched it once. OK, I can officially reveal the results, guys. So please, if you're on 10 to hooks everyone, if you're at home now, stop voting. Oh, I've seen it. It's an absolute, it's an absolute, it's an absolute drugging. Lew and Fanshore and therefore Louis got 20% of the votes. James and Ben and therefore Anna got 80% of the votes. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry about that. Louis, thank you so much for coming on the show. Did you have a nice time? I think we're just going to start playing Squall.

It's a good idea. It's a good idea. Thank you so much to Louis and Anna. Thank you so much. We'll give you a round of applause. We've got my favourite part of the show. If the quick fire round and the quickfire round jingle, let's hear it. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's such a long running joke that it's got a long intro. Ooh, it's a bit much. Now back in the day, this used to be a novelty. Back then, people were in a rush to go somewhere. They'd think, get on with this.

I need to get to the butchers. I've booked a lane at a 10 pin bowling alley it's my birthday. I hope I am invited. But nowadays things are a little bit different. We're all on lockdown, so we're not in a rush. We're not going anywhere made. So we can take a time Every day is a quick far-rounding trope I hope you're doing okay with that

And I hope you take it easy If you ever feel stressed or feel like you've missed That pace of life. Just remember this jingle. Ooh, I hope it brings you comfort. Just think of this jingle, and you will take your time. Okay, well now that we have set all of that it's time for us to get on straight with it the quick fire round.

Yes, this is the quick fire round in Clarkier's back just in time. And as our show is zoom themed, the questions are going to all be internet related. So just like the not to the top of my delicious kilo bag of spice, there is a twist. I like to give all your answers like your parents trying to use Zoom. Okay, so fingers on buzzers and foreheads on webcams. You get a point for a correct answer and two points for the sort of wrong answer that your parents might give, okay? So instead of buzzers, I'm going to ask you to shout out your

first names. So Tom and Lou, let's hear yours. Thank you Ben and James. Louise! James. Oh, you can, if you want to do your mum's name, absolutely why not. Off we go. Which search engine is the most visited website of 2020? Oh, um, um, uh, Tom, Tom. Okay, I think that was just Tom there. Ask Jeves. Uh, I'm afraid, no, the answer was Google, but that is two points to you. WWW stands WWE stands for World Wide What? James. James. What? Well, I'm afraid it's not the correct answer, it's actually where, but you get the two points there. The sending of messages from one computer to another, electronically, as known as E-WATS.

Luke. Luke. E-Lo. And a load to you as well. Two points, which company founded by Steve Jobs? Manufactures the iPhone. Lou. Lou. Nokia. Ah, I'm afraid.

Is this not the game? I'm afraid it's Apple, but you get two points, they're for incorrect answer. Oh, yeah. Don't panic. Don't panic. What is the name of Jay-Z's music streaming service? Hello. Tom. Ah, yes, Ben. That's me!

Go on, Ben. What? Ben? Oh, he's gone because he knew it was me. Uh, Lou. Beyonce. Hello? It's actually titled, that's two points to you. What are the letters IP stands for in IP address?

James. Oh, James! Instant purge. Instant purge is correct. Yes. What's the name of the voice activated virtual assistant created by? I think that was Lou there. My wife. Two points there. Lovely stuff there. Chrome, Safari and Internet Explorer are all types of what? James, Louise, holidays. Tom, I'll give you two points for that. James, you were first. Grandchildren.

It's also another two points. The world wide web was invented by Tim Who. No. No. Hello. Tim Hello is not correct. He was Tim Berners-Levin. I'll give you the two points for that.

Fabby's flat share slammed down off menu and cuddle club are all types of what? Ben! Ben. Not jobs. Oh, that cut to the quick. The answer I was looking for was vanity projects.

That is the end of the round and indeed the end of the game. So before we find out the final scores, James and Lou, have you got anything to plug? Now Lou, I believe you've got a podcast, is that right? I don't want to talk about it. Okay, and that's absolutely right. No, no, no, no, I've been live show, I'm doing a live show tomorrow. I've been live show tomorrow with,

why is your bottom-side dirty? May Martin is a podcast. Yes, it's really a thing. It's 8 p.m. on YouTube. May Martin, 8 p.m. on YouTube. On YouTube first, maybe. I guess that's a podcast. If this isn't still going, I'll definitely watch that.

And James, have you got anything you would like to, like to plug? I have a music podcast called James A. Caster's Perfect Sounds on BBC Sounds and Spotify and stuff like that. And I argue that 2016 is the greatest year for music of all time. Can I just plug, click quickly. Our friend Gavin Osborne has a charity

single out at the moment called Born in the NHS. My wife and I sang back in vocals on it but don't worry you can't hear us. So don't let that get stop me from buying it. I've retweeted it but if you search Gavin Osborne or follow him on Twitter you'll be able to find it please by the song It's terrific and it's all for a good cause. Fantastic. Also as well I'm doing a show with a gamble and Jonathan Ellis on Sunday, so if you go to Show and Tell UK for tickets, it's two of us doing games from our radio shows. So thanks very much everybody, this has been fun. Producer Gwynne, let's hear those final scores. Final scores. Ah, here we go. This is exciting.

Ben and James have 26, but the winners are Tom and Lou with 36. Oh! Ben and James have to set up the Zoom chat. Whilst Tom and Lou have to host next week's Flatslam, that's how Zoom quizzes work. The winner has to host the next week. Thanks to our guest, Lou Simers and James Acaster, what have you been happy about? And thank you, this has been a real experiment for as you can see.

Thank you so much for watching, if you are still watching, huge, huge thanks to our guests. And we'll probably try and do another one of these next month. So, you know, if you think there were certain bits that didn't quite work for you, then you feel free in getting an attention. We'll have that conversation off air, probably.

Tell us what you thought didn't really work. We'd love to hear that. We always do. Please don't just say my name. Yeah, don't just please. Just that's not... Leave that to Ben's partner. That's what I'll do for him.

I'll happily do that. Okay, we've been Pappies. See you next time. Cheers everyone, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash, Flash We're doing this quite emberscoreshroom. Big thanks to everyone who watched the show live to zoom and YouTube for hosting us. You guys have been so great. Thank you so much. Hopefully, FlatShare Stabendus has a secret news for us about ACAST and the internet. Cheers everyone.

Bye! Bye! Bye! Wow, well, there you are. FlatShare's slam doo, doom, zoom. Oh, there's no, this is a... FlatShare slamsoom. FlatShare slamsoom. Yeah. Not a bad idea, a bit late flash. Yeah, slam zoom. Flash.

Flash. Yeah, not a bad idea. A bit late for that now, but we could have gone with it. We've not only recorded the episode, we've also recorded the intro as well, which we could have put it in the start really, and so we're going to call it flash. Yeah, slam zoom. But next time, we've got it for next time. Yeah.

Oh, there we go. Don't mind that. Don't mind a bit of that. Listen Listen dear. Thank you for enjoying the podcast. Thank you for sticking with us and for listening to it all the way through If you enjoyed yourselves then please feel free to leave a review on iTunes or just spread the word pass it on to a mate If they're looking for content to get them through this strange old time then chuck their ear canal our way Feel free to visit us on Patreon or Twitter, crossbow, one of those various addresses. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share on Twitter at Pappy's Tweets and on Instagram at Pappy's Comedy.

There we go. Any other orders of business? Is it Clarkie's birthday this week? Oh. Oh. It's Clarkie's birthday this week. Yeah, it's Saturday, the 6th, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, Clarkie Day. Well, send Clarkie a message, find him on Twitter

and send him a message, or go and stand outside his house and shout up to his window. Add a safe distance. Why not do that? Yeah, he'd love that. That's a little. outside his house and shout up to his window. At a safe distance. Why not do that? Yeah, he'd love that. That's a little congregate. Shout up to the balcony. Shout up to the balcony.

You know what? A lot happens on that balcony. Oh, yeah. You might even catch a glimpse of Clarkie. Clarkie, do you ever go out onto your balcony to see the fans? You know, like the balcony royals. I did the balcony royals from there, yeah.

Your proclamations. Yeah, totally. I did the balcony royals from there, yeah. Do you? Your proclamations. Yeah, totally. I was once, have I told you this before? I was once on the balcony of my friend's house. I visited his house for the first time, and I went out on his balcony, and I threw my arms out, because I wasn't excited to be on a balcony.

I threw my arms out. I was in the first, one of the first times you'd been on a balcony. Yeah, yeah, not been on a balcony before. On my house there's not balconies, you see, unfortunately, I've got, it's got, it's got, it had windows, so I'd looked out of a window before, but I'd never been on to a balcony. So I went onto this balcony,

and I threw my arms open wide and shouted, citizens, and like I was like a Roman Emperor. And the, there was a woman who looked up at me, sort of shook her head. And it turned out to be my friend's mum, never met her before. So she came in through the front door, and I was immediately incredibly embarrassed

that I'd been on her, in her house, screaming, she's citizens out of her window. So yeah. That kind of looked up on a shake of the head almost implies not again. We've been invaded again. Now the Roman Emperor's in my flat. Crack it. All right, well, this episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers, everyone. team cheers everyone Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh turns out I've got seven different kinds of chickens The dreaded chickens I didn't know which way to turn

But I turned to Katie again Oh She offered me so I don't know Yes No, very cool fitting I'm chicked all over the place I'm not in this day and age I'm chicked all over the place Stay alert Oh god

That's my entire body in a brace. Oh, for shame. For shame. Thankfully I'm a good pal there to help. Oh, great. Oh, amazing grace. sick, I'll sweep the sand. Oh, whoo! I tell you what, I've had a terrible week. Oh! I've had an awful week. Chicken, you're sick! Oh, sorry, sorry about that.

I've been jigging on. Oh, you're rich! I went to the doctor. I told you I can't stop drinking. That's I've been chicken Your age He put me in the bin He grabbed me he grabbed me by my neck and he threw me head first into the bin and I was there Legs legs hanging over the top been and I was there. Legs hanging over the top. Oh, he did it off. You come and get me out of these bins. Matt.

Oh, yeah. Some solace. Well, let me tell me to let me tell you something. Blades. I've got terrible news. I'm quite jealous. Tomorrow never dies, but I might. No.

Listen, the news is so bad I've had to make no- Oh, can I insurance claims? I've jigged me face backwards and tell him I said oh no James He gave me solace Did he give you solace guys? Terrible we terrible we it's a terrible we think daylight Seven days skyfall of a we Sorry, what you only live rise did you say you only live rise?

Sorry, well you only live rise did you say you only live rise? My favorite time you'll back it bond film you only live in a bit of rice is what I meant to say. Because I live in a bit of a bit of a bit of rice. I'm sorry, I already live in a bit of rice. It is you tell us about it's horrible. It's horrible. It would be the leap. Oh my god. Oh lord of dry rice. Oh no. And like a pigeon I explored it. Oh my god. Was the pigeon carrying a backpack? Explore Was the pigeon carrying a backpack A cropper the pigeon had a backpack for the right I ate the old lot

So this there's so much going right now Thankfully God, oh yeah, help me Oh, that sounds like he gave you a solid It's he gave me solace and some lovely nurture to give you a solid. It was the lovely jack perch Terrible news in this terrible wake! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's been an awful week for me as well, though. Oh, God.

I thought that was the loop. Oh, check. I've checked your thunderbolts as well, and that's why I've spent all this time in a bin. I've checked my thunder balls and let me tell you something I only wish I could. But my mouth's too full of rice! So instead I have to wave to Alice birdwood Golden rice I found this week. What's that? What's that golden rice? It'll do what that noise coming from that man golden rice no

But a bit of kiss will bring him to you. Open in this. How I'm out of the room. License to do. He's put his put deal on the right. It's all no. Anyway, carry on. Live and let fried rice. Oh, you might have told me. It's a terrible double o seven days.

It's a bad terrible time of it. I've had rice in my foot. Oh no! The old patty foot. I've had rice up my nose. I've had rice in my gold bladder. I've even had rice in my ears. I have to get my mate Richard Pierce to get all the rise out of me body.

God, that concludes a terrible week and also this week's neighborhood watch Patreon roll call. Nobody does rise better. Roll call Nobody does rise better