Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Joe Wilkinson and Jessica Fostekew (Fold the sofa bed away) S10E44

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to fold the sofa bed away… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!With Jessica Fostekew and Joe Wilkinson Joe Wilkinson - https://twitter.com/gillinghamjoeJessica Fostekew - twitter.com/jessicafostekewFeatures: Lies lies and a truth, Sell Merkins, and the qck fr rndAs mentioned in the intro - Children’s Hospital PyjamasSpreading love through comfort by donating brand new pairs of pyjamas to poorly children in hospital, hospices and women’s refuges.childrenshospitalpyjamas.co.ukorhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/KOY5HUINSZMX/Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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See you at for details. Greetings, listener dear. We are back in your ear. Can. I'm Tom. I'm Ben and I am Matthew and welcome to a flat-share slam down. Flat-share slam down. We're in a flat. Um, we share it with our mates. Um, I like the way you're humming in the middle like you don't know the lyrics to your own. Um, we share it with our mates. Are we sure we don't need? Are we gonna step it down? Let's be honest, it's a good jingle, isn't it?

Oh, it's a good jingle. I think, you know, from what I can see, from the stats, a lot of people listen to the jingle and then immediately shut the episode down and delete it. They're here for the jingle, it's a good tune. That's why we stretch out these intros just to give them a little bit more papi's time a little bit. You know, we're basically we're edging you to the jingle now. Or, you know, alternatively putting them off the episode. It's the way you look at it.

No, no, no, we couldn't put you off this episode. It's a strong one. But before we get into it, before we get into it, I've got a couple of messages. Firstly, we got this and I think it seems like a really wonderful sort of charity campaign. So I'm happy to give it a bit of promo. This is from David Manchester. In fact, Paris, you wanna read this?

Cause it ends with a little shout out to you. Hi all, long time fan, back from the bankers and mash and flat slam days. Legend. What, hang on a sec? We're still in the flat slam days. Yeah, it's gonna say the flat slam days. We're in, that's what we're listening to.

This is a flat slam day. He's immediately nostalgic for today. Yeah. Back in the nostalgic. Yeah, today. Back in the flat slam day of now. Wondry, if I can ask you a favour, I work for the NHS in Manchester. First recorded listener to get COVID, we remember you well. Yeah, of course. Congratulations. We're helping a charity drive to supply comfy pajamas to disadvantaged kids

who are spending Christmas in hospital. Donations can be made with cash or buying pajamas from their Amazon wishlist. Some karma for anyone who have spent lockdown in their PJs. If you can signal boost by sharing the attached image on Twitter or wherever, I'd appreciate it. This is a little grassroots charity started by parents who've had kids in long term care in hospital. Hence, my amateurish made in MSPainte promo logo. Thanks and I'll leave you with this Tom Perryish thought I'd had. Is January and February the Monday of the year? Thanks everyone. If boy Tom Perryish you mean absolute sense. That's a great thought. Thanks everyone. Bye Dave from Manchester and then there is a link to a yes, a charity drive, children's

hospital pajamas, spreading love through comfort. Oh, what a lovely charity. Who doesn't want to give pajamas? It seems like a really wonderful charity. So we're going to stick that in the show notes, all the details for that, where the locations for donations can be found, and we're also going to, we'll stick it up on our Twitter as well. So if you want to find that, yeah, good work, Dave.

And if you are feeling like you've had quite a sort of a lazy lockdown, give a little back. Give a little back. Certainly. And then this message I want to read from Jarrah, who messaged us just last night to say hi, Papi's, my name is Jarrah, and I was just enjoying the show, when I heard the conversation about the youngest listener,

dear, and I think I am. Tom, you've asked this on several episodes, actually, so I'm not sure which one Jarrah listened to, but Paris always goes on about it. Paris is just desperate to hook up the youngsters and he says, It's going to be the saving grace of this podcast. Absolutely, you've got to get the young blood in. The blood will be the saving grace.

Well Jarrah writes, I'm 57, does that make me the younger? No, Jarrah writes, I'm 14 from Kair make me the youngest? No, he, he, he, he, he, Jared writes, I'm 14 from Ken's in far North Queensland. Oh, oh, oh, oh. God, just part of the world, very, very warm. I went to a scuba diving in Ken's, it was beautiful. In far North Queensland, I listened to the show a lot after my dad recommended it to me two years ago. So he was listening when he was 12.

War, oh. It would mean the world, that's a, that's a cool dad. It would mean the world, that's a cool dad. It would mean the world to me if I could get mentioned on the show, or even whoever is reading this could respond. Well, both mates, we're... The youth of New Zealand. We have the ear canals. That's not news.

It's not New Zealand, it's Australia. We have the ear canals of the youth of Australia, even bigger. It is bigger, yeah, you're right. He says, thank you guys so much for entertaining me and many others. So cheers everyone, bye! Well, Jarrah, you're an absolute legend

and thank you so much for getting in touch. And if anyone would like to donate some pajamas to Jarrah, feel free. Not in the heat of quake, you don't need pajamas. No, no, no, no, no. In fact, Jarrah, send all your pajamas to therah, feel free. Not in the heat of quay, you don't need pajamas. No, no, no, no, no. In fact Jarrah, send all your pajamas to the NHS please. Absolutely right, you must be boiling in those flannel PJs you are in Jarrah.

Right, let's have enough of us convincing a 14 year old to take off his pajamas and let's get on with the episode. Absolutely right. It's a real treat this one. We have two cracking guests. I'm tearing that up. Oh, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, mate. I am pretty good. Yeah, I assumed that was you.

Sorry, we should, I thought you were going to, no, no, I assumed you were going to tell us who they were. We have two cracking guests. That's what I call a classic. Let's get Clark into the combo. I just teared up. Oh, mate. Never hand me the names of guests.

You've got this one, Clark. You've got to have that. We've got two cracking guests. Yes, we do. Don't be Matthew. We certainly do in Jess, Fostakue, and Joe Wilkinson. We had a really, really fun time recording this one over Zoom.

We are also going to be doing another one, I think, over Zoom, because we haven't got one for next month, so we need to record one soon. So we'll work out when that's going to be, and we'll stick that. Maybe it'll be in the show notes, maybe it'll be in the next episode. You'll just have to keep listening to find out.

But those Zoom ones have been really fun, as you'll hear when you hear this episode, also don't forget to join the Patreon as well. If you like us chatting away, teeing stuff up for Clarky, there's plenty of that in the Patreon. Oh, we chat away on. .com forward slash pappy-slash-share.

In fact, can I just one final shout out before we crack into the episode? Okay. A very, very kind person called Ashley donated a huge chunk of money to us via ShitYeahMoney.com and didn't realize that for that same money, they could get a year's worth of Patreon subscription. So I redirected Ashley to the Patreon and basically there's loads of wonderful episodes there. The second you join, you get all the bonus episodes. We're releasing new ones every single week, two or three a week.

It's great fun. Come on, I'm bored. Enjoy the patron community. But most of all, enjoy this month's flat share, slam down. We're in a flat. Um. TORBEN! What is it my friend? Yeah, what is it? Sex beard? Sex beard. Sex beard. I'm a sex beard. Listen, one of you two, I've had a whole night of sex in people. Oh,

yeah. And one of you two has got to fold up the sofa bed. Well, it's not going to be me. Why not? It's not. It's not going to be me. And it burned down when I put it on the oven. I had my food on the gas. I had another lot of time to prepare. Food Sandman.

That's a Sandman packet, yeah. Early doors. It's going to be on that, don't mind it. That's gonna be high, isn't it? Clarky. Yeah. We're not gonna let that be out, I'll stay in. That's one of the good bits.

Ben, what about you? Ben, what is your situation? V's a V, the sofa bed. I ate sofas. I had an awful experience. I had to re-apolster one. It was an absolute nightmare. I'll never recover.

Oh my God, there we go. You know what, it's good that you support each other. We've had really important thoughts. Listen, if neither of you is going to turn this sofa bed from bed into sofa, there is only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a flat chest lamp down. We're in a flat, flat chest lamp down. Oh, sure, it's like me. Flat chest lamp down.

Flat chest lamp down. Flat chest lamp down. Hello and welcome to Flat Chest lamp down. Hello, Tom. How are you matey? Good. This is Flat Chest lamp down. Well, and welcome to you as well Land Out. Hello, Tom, how are you matey? Oh good. This is Flat Shares Land Out. Well, and welcome to you as well. Of course, please do.

Hello and welcome to Flat Shares Land Out. The panel show that says, Thank you for coming home. Sorry that the chairs are all worn. I left them there I could have sworn. These are my salad days, slowly being eaten away. Just another play for today, But I'm proud of you, yes I'm proud of you.

Nothing left to make me feel small. Luck has left me standing so tall. Fold, fold, always believe in your soul for bed. You've got the power to go to bed. You're indestructible Always believe it You must fold, fold Fold up the bedding as well

What is that god-awful smell? Did you piss my soul for bed? I can't believe it I'm the host of Landlord Matthew Crosby Let's miss the cheekiest tenants since I had that can on the way home from work Tom Perry and Benedict Clark Oh, hello guys No, no, no, no, no, Matthew Crosby. Let's miss the cheekiest tenants since I had that can on the way home from work. Tom Perry and Benedict Clark.

Oh, hello guys. Now you're great to have you both on the show. Thanks for being on this week's show. Now listen, you can't fold up the sofa bed on your own. You need somebody to watch you try for 35 minutes, then swan over and do it with one flick of the wrist. So who have you brought with you this time Ben? Ah I bought my a a sponsor Joe Wilkinson

Good to know Joe. Thank you so much for coming on the show Great to have you here now I've got to ask you are you a good flatmate? Are you a bad flatmate? Am I a good or a bad flatmate? Those are my two options. Yeah? Am I a good or a bad flat mate? Those are my two options, yeah. Sound like I was going to give a third. I'm not going to lie to you, that's one hundred percent on me, Joe.

You're an indifferent flat mate. I'd say I'm an awful flat mate. I've sort of been one for fifteen years. And if you ask my other half behalf she'd say I was draining rights and not in and not in a washing up kind of way. I don't get involved I think that's the issue. Do you still live in the same flat? Yeah, yeah, you're still there. That's good.

So what do you do? What do you contribute? Do you think to you the households? We have maggots in the bin earlier Mate Joe I had that as well. You have maggots in the bin today. Yeah really? Why did you have yours in there? Because I've because I've flyered got in it I just spent two days. So how many've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, I've, because I've, because I've, because I've, because realtor. And I stood by the bin and I made sure the bin man took my bin this week because last week... Wait, that was your job, that was your contract contribution to the house. You stood there and you went, there you go, there's the bin. Because Petra said they didn't take it last week and now we have maggots, sort it.

And do you know what I did? I like it. I like it. I don't like it there. They were going to take it anyway but I was, I was out. You were there. Just, you were there at point. Did you make it, did you make a sign like a golf sale or anything like that?

No, I nodded and I came to the right and, and if I hadn't taken it I'd have done nothing. You just did that there next week. Yeah, exactly. Until I had more maggots. Well, if there are ever any maggots in the show, we'll know who to turn to. Please. You're bin, man.

Please, sir. So, Perry, how about you? Who have you brought along this week? Well, terrible news. The Jamborees in danger. Oh, no. Yeah, so I know we've been threatened. We're going to lose our Michelin star in the canteen.

Wow. So I've had to be in a Michelin star in the canteen. Ah, we keep it under our hats, you know. We want people to come for the experience, not the food, but when they're having the experience, try the food. Don't worry. We're going to get our Michelin star back because I have brought the funniest and greatest food

expert I know. It's Jess Foster Q, everyone. Jess Foster Q is here. How are you doing, Jess? So well, thank you. Thank you so much. It's normally so nice if someone called me a food expert, but we've just sort of gone straight from maggots into that, haven't we? Yes, you're a food expert compared to Joe, and that's not a great thing.

That's not a great thing. That's not a great thing. Have you ever had to contend with maggots in your house? Not yet. touch wood. They were outside heavens. We, I once lived in a house where I went to the supermarket and there was a crab on offer for three quid. Just like a whole crab.

And it was like bloody hell, three quid for a crab. So we just took it and left it on the side. It was like a dead crab and that's maggots did flow. So you didn't get that? Well you go out that the flies lay on don't they lay their eggs on the eggs? Let's ask the food expert just for us to kill you. I don't know where a maggot comes from. It just likes to live in a corpse doesn't it? So if you've got some corpses in your bin, just sort of minimise the corpses in your bin.

Or pop. It's not quite a nice motto for life. You say like my psychiatrist. LAUGHTER Let's go into the closet, let's corpses in the bin. So... Magnus crabs on the mantel piece. Oh yeah, zero crabs on the mantel piece. So yeah, no, zero crabs on the man for peace.

So Jess, what kind of a flatmate are you? What kind of a person you to live with? Um, I think on a sort of practical level, very nifty actually, Not to take your own horn, but like, I'm good at, um, like, um, Lifting and carrying, I don't mind cleaning, um, I'm pretty like, Organized about bills and stuff but the there's all the pleasure here comes the pain. I am incredibly moody. Oh right. Can I ask what kind of moody you're in today? I mean so right now I'm in a lovely mood.

Good. The smallest thing. Not the same. Oh, oh. The smallest, most pathetically tiny thing. Right. Can have a catastrophic effect on my... We will.

You physically lash out on to your guys. No, it's verbal. But I won't say that it isn't frightening. What's the... Well, it was verbal, but I won't say that it isn't frightening. What's the like? It was a punchy. Oh God. This is why we've done this over Zoom, Jay. Yeah, yeah.

How many of the maggots felt the wrath of Jay? I'll kick that bin a few times. That carries so many. I'm gonna. Okay. That carousal me. I'm gonna bin man, that's why they didn't pick it up, mate. It's X-Deen's or I always watch. Twitch your way on the curtains watching you kicking the bins. Just going, not kicking your bin, am I? He's kicking it.

I can't touch you for it. Just kicking it again, Sheila. Sheila and Mick, if you're listening, up yours. Okay, right, well that's a nice, nice mis-about there to our list of Sheena and Mick. So we've met our guests, but let's find out who is going to be returning to the fold as we play Round 1. I've been this Ikea showin' since I was unloaded last week I got a fancy Swedish nickname, but it's companionship I seek There's a living room to partners and a bedroom one I've seen I need to choose, but I stand to loose

Cause I'm in between, am I been old? Am I so fun? Is that a cushion? Or a pillow? I'm a cushion, or a pillow I am trolling us favorite bit of future Am I a bit old? Am I so fun? I was prepared to be a mattress

Then all I got was your bum crack I'm getting set to watch a movie When suddenly I'm on my back I'm having cops with tea with parents And then a filthy one night stand Have a kid or just a sit I just don't understand Am I dead or? Am I so full?

Is that a good shit? Oh, where the pillow? I'm so dead I was favorite, beautiful, judge Oh my god, gorgeous work. Really strong stuff there. It's one of those tricky lengths where just one verse wasn't enough. Oh it would have been two verses. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, with apologies to Brandon and the boys. This round round one is called lounging or lying now I'm going to ask each contestant I'm going to give each contestant a fact about a lounge related celebrity You then have to give us three facts two of which you've made up one of which is the real fact that I gave you the opposite team Have to spot the lounge amongst the lies And if you guess correctly you get a point if not the liar keeps the lies. If you guess correctly, you get a point if not the liar keeps the point.

Okay, so Tom, we're gonna start with you. Your fact is about lounge singer, old Bluetooth himself, it's Frank Sinatra, okay? So I'm sending you a fact now. That's your fact, now give us three of them and we'll see if Ben and Joe can work out which one is the truth. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All blue eyes. Okay. Fact one. Frank Sinatra actually had brown eyes.

That was the one. Hello, you don't mind that, it's instantly, but I don't mind that, I don't mind that, do you? He's good at this game. He's good at this game. Unless that was the right one and the next two were off. What do I have to do now? Do I have to make him make him two eyes?

Yeah. So what was again? The original version of my way. I could see your brain whirring. It's just, let's play the jingle again. Get Tom bit of thinking, time. Let's do it his way, guys. Let's do it again. That is sending message to the viewers that he's panicking.

Tom's eyes are turning brown while he's doing this. Okay. Frank Sinatra's fourth wife was his cousin. Yeah, where did the original version of my way? The original version of my way included Frank's Admission that his fourth wife was his cousin Frank Sinatra's fourth wife was his cousin that's what I'm gonna say Okay, okay, okay, so he's even the first one on the third one, but he actually had brain eyes. His fourth wife was his cousin. Or Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra was arrested and charged. I hope he was. What he did to his cousin. Frank Sinatra was arrested and charged for seduction. Okay, how did you make all of those look like? You had not clear what you were about to say. Okay, that's how we play. Joe and Ben.

I am legal sedusa. Joe and Ben, talk us through it. Yeah, in fact, we'll have a recap from Perry. Good idea, Perry. There's a quick recap. A real viable. Well, I think I've done enough now. If they're contemplated to get, I don't want to revisit the crime.

Okay, so I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll

just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll just say, I'll and he was arrested for seduction. Okay, so which of those sounds, which of those sounds you would say the most plausible? I think the eyes isn't really good. It's such a good fact that I feel like I would have heard it before. Oh, you know all the great facts, aren't you, Clarkie? I know, and I know all the great facts. You know me, and I'll tell you one, the original. It's called my way.

It would be on your tea towel, wouldn't it, if it was one of the great facts? Yeah, I felt like, I felt like I would have heard it before. Okay. What about you? What is, what, what, what, what, what, how are you leaning? Well, I'm definitely not, wherever they said in the middle's out, so it's only between two and that really

Okay, so you're thinking what you think it's either brown eyes brown eyes or productive thing and I don't think which one is Ben your nose which one is Tom least likely to have been able to make up and I think the seduction one I don't think you'd have been I don't think he would have been. I have this one thing I can credit on with. He's a cracking liar. Oh really? Especially in matters of seduction. Thank you, Parker.

I'm going to have to defer to you, Ben, you know. But I think I've been, you know, I like the seduction one the most. So I feel as though, if it is the lie, if it is the lie, he kind of deserves the point. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think the fourth, I think the cousin one, it could very well be that. Yeah, but he could have moved off.

He's that good that he could have stumbled over it. He could. Oh, no. Okay, I'm going to push you for an answer now, guys. What do you think, Jack? No, no. I'm confused at the now. You're going to have you for an answer now, guys. What do you think, Jack? No, you're going to have to go, but I don't know. I don't know. So he was charged with seduction.

Which one are you going for? seduction. seduction. I can reveal. That is true. That is correct. Congratulations. Congratulations to Clarky there and to Joe, of course.

You get yourself a point. Joe, your up next, your fact is about notorious lounge lizard himself, David Hasselhoff. Okay. Your fact should have come through now. Give us three facts about the Baywatch Hunk. Tom and Jess, can you spot the bona fide truth bomb? Okay.

David Hasselhoff was so bad at learning his lines. He had them on cue cards, and one time also had them written in sand. Okay. David Hasselhoff is in the Guinness Book of World Records for the furthest a human has ever been catapulted using a reverse bungee system. It was 230 feet and it was from Battersea Power Station. David Hasselhoff was so popular in Germany that he took citizenship there. OK, right.

Unfortunately, Jesus incredible imagination betrays him. It's so hard. What? I thought that was quite nondescript each time. But did I sort of come alive at one of them? I'm really, really proud of myself. But when you've done a good drawing. I, I, I, I, I just think that I can...

Go on, Jess, what are you thinking? Let's hear it. The third one is so obvious and plausible. The other two are really funny and obviously did an happen. I think the sound could have happened. Do you think the sound could have happened? If we don't go for number three, we're suicidal. How are we going to be have to live with that. I hate this guy

in the reddit. What did he go to bed? I was just happy to ask him. I said to myself before this, don't take it too seriously and I'm really not going No. Oh, what? Because he took it to the last time you did it. Yeah, yeah. It's a balance in act, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, I'm in the middle of Joe's. I'm in the middle of Joe's.

Are we being played? We're not being played here, are we? No. No. What are you thinking? What are you thinking, Tom Jess? I'm going to push you for an answer now. What do you think?

It's got to be number three, right? It's number three. If it's not number three, you do deserve some point. I can tell you now that David Hasselhoff is in the Guinness Book of World Records for the further human being has ever been catapults. No! Using a reverse plung bunch of jobs system. It was 230 feet at the Batty Power Station. And yeah, it's not the only record he holds.

He also holds the record for most watch man on TV, which is eventually taken away from him by Hugh Laurie when House started. So amazing play. Amazing play from the boy Wilkinson there. Really, really enjoyed that. That is awesome. We were in the hands of a real master there. That is a real master That is how you play oh we are you totally know that that whole kind of like oh what's the point? I said I wouldn't cry

You know it's put paid to the rumors. He actually can he can act If not what you see seen in afterlife. He's got shots. So, so Jess, you're up next. Oh God. Now you have got so lounges, sister, Beyonce, Ben and Joe, what is the kernel of truth on this cob of deceit? I've got to. I need, I'm really, I've never, I've never even bothered trying to learn how to play poker because I know how mad I am. I did it! I do go into it. I'm going to put money on it.

I'm going to put money on it. I'm going to put money on it. Confidence is through the room. Four. Okay. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. it was told to her that Bday is an item that you wash your bottom in. Oh my god turns out she's fucking brilliant at this game everyone. Is there an album called Bday?

Ben? You haven't got time to Google that. I don't know. Oh right, okay sorry. I believe there was an album called Bday. You will not know that. I mean, listen. I've been crazy in love.

It's not on the XFN's latest, is it? We're giving Jess more time here. What we're doing. A research scientist recently named a species of Australian horse fly after her. Great. Right, I'm flaring it now. You're fucked. You're already in the woods, guys.

Oh, really? Is it horse fly? Oh, shit, it is. Or is it? You're fucked you're already in the woods guys Is it a horse? Oh shit in hell Or is it? All of Beyonce's children are ambidextrous Oh my god I thought you'd be shit at this That is how we play

Ben and Joe What do you think? That's all really good That's all really good. That's all very... What are you doing? I'm so sorry, because that was... Come out.

Can you just check where Emma didn't send three facts? And no, I believe producer Emma was just sent one fact over to Jess. It's up to you to determine what was the fact that was sent over. The problem is my journey. My journey was listening to the first one and going, that's the one. Really? And listening to the second one and going, that's the one.

And then listening to the third one and going, that's the one. OK, well you can't pick all three. All right, I think ambidextrous could, you could come up with the other two. I'd done a house, came up with it, one of the other two. So I think it's one of the other two I'd done ours came up with it one of the other two so I think it's one of the first two because unless she's that big and then she's I mean what you so you think it's one of one of the two's either it's either it's either B day or horse flight I think I think B day in hindsight is perhaps a little mundane so horse fly you think So I think yeah, let's go for horse. I

Don't I don't know those yeah gone. Oh, I mean I don't know. No, no, I don't know you could say anything I just go yeah, absolutely. Let's do horse fly please. I can reveal That that is true Yes, I'm afraid. There is a horseplay named after Beyonce. Finally. Tom said, right, and I don't understand. I don't know, we can't go that way.

Yeah. Tom, I ruined it. He's gone. He's locked out. Oh, I thought everyone's gone. We got it or not. You're feeling it? Yeah, we've got it.

We got it. No, look, if I knew that's how this game works, then I'd have approached it completely. I thought we'd got it. We've got it. No, look if I knew that's how this game works then I'll have approached it completely I thought we'd got it wrong because you celebrate it if you do that all game Luckily someone is sitting at the point there that's how you play program So we're getting absolutely Tronald to this The bday one in because that was so long and ridiculously complicated. What was it? She has got an album called B-Day.

But she never changed the title of it. It was just called B-Day and she just I don't think even knows that that means that's where you wash shitty ass. It's not short for birthday. If you just call it B day, with no other grammar in there, that just means shitty, your Nana's shitwash bowl. That was the first choice for the album title. Right, listen, Ben, you're up next. Finally, your fact is about notorious scrounger, The Queen. Now, Jess, how dare you. I know, I know. She's been so kind to us. notorious scrounger the queen now I know I know she's been so kind to us

Jess and Tom can you sit about the diamond of reality in the quagmire of pure imagination? Clarky three facts about the queen if you please Hi Hi, it's a name for the queen Yeah, I also I kind of missed it at the time, but there should have been a joke about Beyonce likes a B day so much puts a ring on it lovely stuff. We'll pop that it will edit that Look after me right guys, Clarke three facts about the Queen, please Okay, we all know We all know the Queen owns all of the swans in British waters, but she also owns all

of the dolphins. Okay, facts, facts now. Facts number one there, there we go. Yum yum yum. We're looking, we're looking our lips. Tom can smell tuna. That's one down. It's 50, 50 just. It's a straight shoe I just. Oh straight. Oh my god.

That's tough. Tough things. Come on now. Let's see the confidence draining out your chin. So far, in her lifetime, the Queen has outlived 14 pet corgis. That's more like it. Good lad. He's steadyed the ship. It's a 50-50 Chelsea. He's steadyed the ship with the truth. Do you want to touch the snake stick? Stick on number two. Finally. If you get double points, if you don't hear the third one, you just go... Oh! I want that.

I'm so confident. Don't do another golfing one, then, please. The queen is getting the original voice of flipper. So, three times more, two times three. In Buckingham Palace, all of the toilets are identical, so the queen doesn't lose her bearings. Oh, okay. That was my theory that I've posited on a podcast. You're trying to play me at my own game. I am.

Maybe I am. Doesn't that not make sense? No, because it'd be more disorientating if all the toilets were identical than it would, if you were like, oh, well, this is the toilet where the sinks on the left and the floor's blue, so I know I'm on the ground floor.

Even though I'm really old. She falls asleep on the loose, doesn't know she's about moral bowel moral or wins a car, so nowhere she is or a butt palisinal. Yeah, well anyway, that does make sense. Which one are you going, I mean, we're dancing around it here. Which one are you going for?

Which one? We all know. I was so sure last time, and I got stung, but I've been pissed. Surely we can't be, I mean, surely we can't be wrong this Well, how arrogant will we last time last time? I was described as a suicide mission wasn't it?

What ever cross me says let's just celebrate like we've got to work Celebrate as you're saying it so we don't actually hear you She's out live 14 corgis come on Okay final answer lock it in She's saying it so we don't actually hear her. She's out live 14 corgis, come on. Yeah. Okay, final answer, lock it in. I can reveal Tom and Jess, and you're gonna like this. She owns all the dolphins. She does.

She owns all the dolphins. You are kidding me, Ben. I'm gonna say that. She has dominium over the dolphin. Harry's gone again. Harry's gone. Harry has left the conversation. Why did this happen?

No, genuinely, you can Google that. Oh, I'm sorry. Faster, he's going to stop. We lost every single point there, Tom. It's not even that we lost it, it's how we lost it. Yes. We lost it with absolute confidence. Pure, pure hubris, pure arrogance.

Can we, I've got to ask now, I've produced a Gwynn. Let's dispense with all of those lies and cut straight to the truth. I'm dying to know what the scores are at the end of that. I mean, we sort of know, but go and tell us anyway. It is sort of no. The scores at the end of that. Fuck off, Gwynn.

Ben and Joe have four. It's a sort of no. Uh, the score is at the end of that man. Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See you after details. Hey, Cass Powers, the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend.

Hi, I'm David Boros, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. acast.com

the podcast everywhere e-cess.com Van and Joe are in the lead, but don't worry Tom and Jesse you don't have to fold just yet there's everything to play for as you spring into round two it's flat games Let's play forever roll the dice spin that ball put that down Who is your toll games if you lose you get nothing Games if you win you can go go go Right this week we are playing our version of monopoly now Tom I can see your rattled mates, but I think you've got you've got a good chance with this game This feels like a Hollywood film where it's like we're in this Now Tom, I can see your rattled mates, but I think you've got a good chance with this game. This feels like a Hollywood film where it's like we're in this nadea and it's like we can only come back from this juice.

We can only come back from this. It's an underdog story, if the underdogs were like really come to you about it. I'd watch that. Yeah, really cocky underdogs. Very finding me, mate. So, I'm going to give each player one minute on the clock and a list of people to impersonate their teammate as to guess who they're pretending to be and then give their answer as a spoonerism. That's right, it's our version of monopoly, which we're calling Spoonopoli. their teammates as to guess who they're pretending to be and then give their answer as a

Spoonerism that's right our version of monopoly which we're calling Spoonopoly You're swapping the first sound from the first name and surname so it'd be Kratty Mosby Pomsary Clenodic bark and of course Festjustic you and Woh Jillkinson rights Easy enough for me to say when I put it written down in front of me So we're gonna start now with Ben. Ben, you're going to do the impersonations first of all. We're sending them over to you now.

You have a minute on the clock and Joe, you're going to give the answers as a spoonerism arm. As a spoonerism. OK, Ben, your minute begins now. Uh-huh. I have left the building. This is Lee. Correct. Yes.

Um... Oh! I am an... an actor and... I'm... I'm beloved. I'm beloved by the country. I'm the most beloved of all the... And I love going to the best exotic marigold hotel. I imagine. And...

Duty Genji. Yeah, it's correct. Mate. He's a crisis. No. No. Things are looking up, don't you? No.

Oh, um, um, um, so... Bimpson. What? Set salt. So the not him, not him. No, oh, oh, sorry. Uh, so, uh,

hip son is correct. And that is your time. I'm afraid that is your minutes. So you're good. You're good. is correct and that is your time I'm afraid that is your minutes so you score you scored a whopping three points there but I'm gonna give Ben I'm gonna give Ben a bonus point for his wonderful impression of Julie Dench there Jess is your turn to impersonate now your six names are coming through

right now here we, your minute begins now. I'm a lesbian that was part of a double act and does lots of presenting and I used to present bake off. Sandsell Perkins. Sandsell. No, Sandsell. No, I tell you now it's not Sandsell. LAUGHTER

Pearl Merkins. No, she's not, no, you've completed the tour. Oh my God, Paul, Paul Cirkins. Yes, okay. He's having a shark. Now I'm being a singer and I'm like really cool and I've got loads of piss in, so you're like, lady who's really empowering and my name sounds name sounds like an item that you'd wear,

let's jump with it's got buttons that you do up in the middle. Oh, Lizzo. And then let her, no. No. She's, it's like, what is it when you put something on? It's like a jumper, but go just over your shoulders. Cardigan. Cardi B.

Yeah. Cardi K. It's correct. Okay, no, Emma, I'm a lady presenting television in the D. Corrine Lillie. Corrine Lillie. That's a great idea.

That's your time. That's your time. Really, really strong impressions. I'm going to give straight away three points to a Jess for her impressions there. And you're good. I believe you scored three as well. So that's six points to you.

Well done. Jo. That was great. Strong, strong work for Jess. Really good to start. I'm afraid it does have to come over, Joe. You've got a minute, your name? Can I draw a link? Elvis Presley versus Cardi B. I mean, come on. Yeah, how'd you do Cardi B? Well, you've got to wear Asperci, obviously. Surely you've got it. It should have been on the B day.

Sure. Right. Joe, your been on the B day. Sure. Right. Joe, your six names have appeared for you now. You have a minute. I hate you, mate. I know. I love you, Joe. Okay, Ben, you're guessing your minute begin.

Now. Holden back the year. Do-do-do-do. You know, this bloody song. Yeah. it's wet wet wet isn't it but What's his name? Bloody hell. Oh give me a pew big head. I forgot his name. Well, I'm stuck in the next one. Brad red pew big head.

Do the next one, do the next one. I'll come back to you, Joe. Come to the next one. And for that reason, I'm out. I'm not raising I'm out. Oh, someone says this. I know I've got the X factor and he says, for that reason I'm out. I think I've got the X factor and he says for that reason I'm out. That is Jen, it's for the people.

There's so many different people. Let's sing a song again. Sing a song again. That's your time I'm afraid. Oh no! So I'm gonna allow, I think, just because they're the underdogs. I'm gonna allow, do you want to steal on either of those, Jess and Tom, do you want to guess what they were?

If you can get them first time, spinarized, Jess and Tom, would you like to guess what those were? Yeah, have you got an idea, that's it? Yeah, I think it was Hick Mucknell. Is correct. It's... And... I... S... Kym and Sal. Hick Mucknell is correct and I

Khyman Sal Khyman Sal is correct so two points to you. I'm gonna just because I think it was a beautiful addition of holding about the years. I'm gonna give Joe two points but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't give Klykki a single point for not the sticking point with with Klykki is, he knows a lot of great facts. If anything, he knows all of the great facts. Unless the fact happens to be the name of the same of someone who sold millions of records. What else are we going to tell, right? I'm interested. And for that reason, I'm out. That's a joking, fanatine.

And for that reason, I'm out. I'm out. He goes, you can't cook and you won't cook. That's what it means, that's what it was like. So Tom, Tom, you've got a minute and you've got six names. Let's see if we can beat the current highest score of three. Your minute begins now, Jess, you're guessing. Oh, the character in EastEnders and I've always been there.

M-F-O-O-O. Oh, at the long-drat- Cots-Dutton. Yes. Oh, Black-Ban-Eed Bam-Lam. Oh, Black-Ban-Eed Bam-Lam. I'm on the voice. I'm on the voice.

I'm well. Oh, the green-green grass. John Homes. Correct. Hey, hey guys, I've got a big booty and I'm from the block. And I was in the film out of sight, y'all. See you in my city for the Super Bowl. I'm a singer.

I don't know. Don't be impressed by the rucks that I've got, because I am still a Lena Fajopet am still, um, Leno for Joe Pett. Yes, correct, yes. Hey, I'm cool guy, I'm best supporting actor, who's been in loads of films and everyone likes to fancy this guy. Uh, 12 monkeys was good, eh? He's a bad bit.

Yes, just in there, that's your time on the break. Oh, thank God. I think anyone who starts impression of Brad Pitt by going, hey, I'm cool guy. I mean, that's, gets my vote. Straight away, I'm going to give you four points for your impressions there. And you've also got four points there.

Correct answers. Congratulations. Gorgeous, gorgeous work there. Producer, Quinn, do your best impression of somebody who actually knows what's going on and tell us what was that done to the scores? Well, the tables have turned. Nice to see you, Quinn.

It's nice to see you too, mate. It's a C-tune, mate. The scores are Ben and Jo have 10 and Tom and Jess have 16. Oh! Oh! I was way too generous with him on that round, right. Now, I'm gonna do my best impression of someone

announcing the next round. It's time to play Beef Brothers! Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a beat. If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you from the starting at your beef.

Yes, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panelists to solve a flat-share-based beef. And today's one comes from Marie, who's written to us and said, My flatmate, slash boyfriend, Colin, has a brain, the size of a planet, which results in us winning the family Zoom quiz every other week, which results in us having to host it the subsequent week. Oh, right. My position is that he could occasionally intentionally give wrong answers

to ensure we don't always win, but he claims that he cannot do that as it would be wrong. Can I force him to dumb down, or at least that he puts together the quiz on his own if he's gonna insist on winning? Please help us sort this beef. Jess, have you been doing any Zoom quizzing over lockdown? Yes.

What kind of a quiz are are you? So I've flipping love a quiz, but I think if I'm honest, the main reason I'm only really allowed on anyone's actual pub quiz team is because one, I organise it, I have a love of quizzes and two, I've got really nice handwriting. So I do the screen. The eligibility is crucial, yeah. I do the, but I've never, even if there is an answer that I can get, I wouldn't be the first one to get it. Right. And I did someone's podcast once that was like a film quiz and it was like a film quiz. And it was like a really in-depth film quiz. And I got, I sort of broke the quiz

by getting minus points. I, how did you end up with minus points? And I got really annoyed. I felt like the other person was really winding me up. And we spoke about it earlier, how dangerous it is to be in any situation with me. And my moodiness, you know. Of course, we threw us all off points last round.

We threw us a lot of points last round. No, no, oh, that's what happened. I can't, whoever else was playing the quiz with me, like another comedian, it's not enough one of the nice ones, got angry with me because I thought I was doing it on purpose and that made me raging. Right, no, no, no.

Yeah, I'm not very good at quizzes, but I really will have fun, even if I'm losing a lot. Well, I'm glad you do that. If the good thing about not being great with film questions is that Tom is a film expert as you can tell from his 12 monkeys. He's up to date on all the latest movies. Joe, what do you think here? What would be your immediate advice to Marie and Colin? Not true from the living room, expand the kitchen. That's the good point. That's the good point.

I love the energy people had when they started Zoomquizzing and then you had about 15 people didn't you? Oh, you've got to help. Paris, you're still doing it aren't you? You're keeping yours up, aren't you, Paris? No, RIP family quiz. And you're still? Not last week. But the last week is still. You're still here. Hold on, hold on. How many months are you doing? Parrys, parry o styr, ei ddiwch, ei ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i ddiwch i d'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw' Not yet seen in years getting her. Oh my god. Oh yeah, you don't want a family reunion,

if it's soon, that also involves a quiz. No, it's for three weeks, so just phase it out like a normal person. Just sack it off. Just phase it out, just say that, you know, where this is ridiculous now with a lot of parries. I've got the answer to this one because the parries got it right.

And so I'm gonna put it forward. Okay, let's hear it. You've got to just ditch the system. Keep, look, because look, why is non-trial here is whether to have a family quiz or not, right? These guys are having a family quiz. Some families enjoy the family quiz, right? So their system is, if you win, you host the next week, just ditch that system. Everyone has a round. Take turns hosting. Or take it, it turns, everyone brings around that week. It's true, because there are different rounds.

It's different rounds. Like you... So what? So what? Well, there's 15 of us. LAUGHTER Collin, clever, Collin, clever, clever, Collin. Like he calls himself.

If there'll be a cousin weren't there somewhere who's got a round up their sleeve That will that will scuffle Colin there you go In the chaser, isn't it like beating the chaser? Yeah, yeah Yeah, do thickly rounds as well. That's always good. Yeah, you know Really is where like it's not actual it's like basically cutouts from like heat magazine where the head flung it off and goes, who's the big? We had those rounds.

Yeah, all the bomb is this. Yeah, all like, all like, all like during impressions and then answering spoonerisms. You know, like, you're pulling that. But like, look, that's it. It's like, change the system, winner doesn't get to host,

and then everyone can bring their own rounds, and then people can start throwing Colin the old curbels. How well does he know his car, you've been? Not as much as Little Angela. Exactly. No, no, what hang on, pop the telly! Just go back to watching Telly like him. So, what is everybody, I mean, it feels like we're almost in...

We're almost in agreement here, so, so, Jess, what's your, what's your bit of advice? Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith But it's someone that clever shouldn't have got involved in the quiz with such a shit system. I agree with them. I agree with Tom Tank engine. We should change the system from within. Okay, and that's, in fact, what we're doing at this team's here. That's what you're saying. You're saying change the system. Change the system from within and do it. And Joe and Ben, you're saying that presumably ditch the quiz. No, just say your internet's down.

So you're internet's down. I run it, he asked you were saying that, your internet's not going to be a problem. I paused at the moment, it's like a dramatic effect. I was making sound like my internet. Oh, it's an accident again. It's more accident.

He really can't act, you're right. Yeah. I'll say your internet's down. Oh, it's his accent again. It's my accent. He really can't act, you're right. LAUGHTER I'll say your internet's down. That's what I reckon. Clarke, any advice for say your internet's down? Well, I was going to go with... Um... Yeah, change the rules initially. That's what my first thought.

But then when I heard it out loud, I actually thought that's a rubbish idea and I should never vote for that. Right, so you're saying, ditch the quiz, say your internet's down there. So I think you're 100%. You've just keep it is madness at this stage. It's got to be knocked on the head. Right.

The joy has gone out of it. And I sympathise with all the problems. First, we got rid of the clapping for carers. Now we're getting rid of the online quizzes. There's going to be nothing left of this lockdown. The clapping for what? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Did you not go into the... No, we were not. We were just going to make a part of that. What do you think that was about? LAUGHTER Oh, the tears noise out there, I don't know, I don't think that was. Now obviously I can't make this call myself because I'm one of those, I want to know

Apple mentioned Thicos. So instead I'm going to call upon the live internet audience. So I go to our profile on Twitter, it's at Papi's tweets, our pinned tweet will let you vote for who you think it should win. So is it Ben and Joe with their sack off the quiz and put the teleon and telling you internet is down or is it Jess and Tom with their change the rules from within, you've got to be in it to win it, change the rules from within.

You've got about 30 seconds to vote over on Pappy's tweet on Twitter, you've got to vote now. I'm gonna give you a little bit of time to think about it. Have you ever dumbed down for your partner or asked your partner to dumb down for you? It's a big ask, isn't it? Mm.

Like, have you ever gone into a place and God like, just, you know, put your light under a bushel tonight. I don't know, do I mean like? It's really strange that there's never, no one's ever actually asked me to do that. LAUGHTER Like, pipe down about the Queen's Dolphins tonight, It's really strange that there's never, no one's ever actually asked me to do that. That's what I'm saying. Like pipe down about the Queen's dolphins tonight, like, not tonight, not in front of my family.

You know they think you're true facts, is shit. That's what I tell you what, this is, I've got the results here. Joe and Ben are on 51.5. Jess and Tom are 4 to 8.5. I'm afraid Joe and Ben win that congrats with the Joe and Ben are on 51.5. Jess and Tom are 4.8.5. I'm afraid Joe and Ben win that. Congratulations, Joe and Ben. Joe and Ben win the points there.

Congratulations. Tom, attacks his classic technique. Right. Now, I'm going to... And then leaving the video. To give you all a second to recover after that nail biting finale and by second I mean of course seven and a half minutes. Here is the quick fire round.

It's around that goes really quickly, which is why it's amusing that it always has a long introduction. This jingle's long, but the round itself is short. It's a joke that we've been making for a long time now, and Clarkie, what do you think about it? Oh, I like it because it's fresh And it's a good joke I couldn't agree more, Clarkie

And I think you've got more to add. Oh yes that is a good point and what else? You've made a good point there. Well that's enough from Clarky. Oh no he's got one more thing to add. I was just going to say I like that we can sing together but you keep not leaving me in the corner. That's another great point. Well that's enough from Ben and it's time to get on oh just one more thing okay off you go clarky oh well if I sing you'll just interrupt me okay well here it is it's the quick fire round lovely strong stuff there this is indeed the quick fire round and as I'm sorry I'm Roooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Fantastic. Absolutely, we love that. Yes, this is the quickfire round and as our show is about folding away the sofa bed I'm gonna ask our players to fold up their answers by removing all of the vowels

Instead of buzzers, I would like it to- Yes, here we go. Instead of buzzers I would like you to shout out your first names Tom and Jess that's here yours Jess and Ben and Joe Thank you very much off we go what animal is sometimes known as a canine? Tom. Tom. Digg. It's correct. Large oak and silver birch are all types of what?

To the tree. True. I think Joe got to the answer first. I'm going to give him the point there. This... He didn't buzz in. He didn't buzz in. I can hear that bit. You do have to the point there. This, he didn't buzz in. He didn't buzz in. I couldn't hear that bit. You do have to buzz in there.

Sorry, can I just say, don't ask your tone from Tom and Jess who are still currently in the lead, all right? How do I buzz in? You say your first name. You say your first name, Joe. Sorry, I'm sorry. Without any fouls. You don't have to say it without any fouls.

If you can, if you want to, just the answer is not. It's a nice little flourish. It's a lovely, it's a lovely, lovely, lovely flourish. This hamburger chain is second only to McDonald's. Ben. Burger. It's correct. That's Bud Weiser and Amstiller, all types of ones.

Tom. Thank you. What? Sorry, I'm name-framed that I've got the same name. I can't do it. Yeah, it is that. My brain's, my, my, it's tricky. What is grilled bread known as?

Tom's. Joe was first there. Tom's, thank you very much, it's correct. What yellow, kind of a fruit, the serve with ice cream to make a split. Tom's. I think Joe was just ahead of you there, Tom. Thank you very much is correct What yellow killable fruit to serve with ice cream to make a split? Toast I think Joe was just ahead of you there Tom Oh, I'm saying my name every time and no one ever hears me

I'm really, I'm not been hearing you I'm sorry, I'm sorry Jess I'll listen to Moss The Moss have got in, the Moss have got in, I'll listen to you specifically And Joe I feel guilty now, it's been Yeah, it's been. Yeah, it's been. Who plays James Bond in Liv and Let Die of You to a Kill and Moonbreaker?

Tom. St Connery. Ah, I'm afraid you're incorrect there. I can throw it open to the rest of you. Anyone got an idea? Joe. Rooch-ra. Yeah, absolutely correct. Who, and who recorded? I had a vowel there

Where say where yeah, go on? Where did you hear about In between I should in Kunaru Who recorded the song? F***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f*** f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f Press your eggs. It's on the end. You can't touch it. Tom. Tom, stop getting aggressive here. Who painted the water lilies? Tom. Clint.

Clint, he's meant. Clint, I'm not just correct. What is the name of the French-facing chalk coastline of the UK? Tom. I can't do this guy. What? It's very good. You're good at this, mate. I'll say that much. Taking its name from the book, Night Eight You Four, which reality TV show around from 2018? Ben. Pssss. For the head of it.

Rum. Pssss. 101. What, if you'd say it again please? Rum. 101. Tum. No, I'm afraid.

No, it's not correct. Oh, just, just, just. Okay, yes, go on. Bunk. LAUGHTER Rum. Yes, that was what you correct? And finally, what is the name of this podcast? John, John, John, John.

Oh, that's the end of this round. And indeed the end of the game. So before we fight at the final spurs, go and judge. That's the show. That's the new show. Let's pitch that today. Hey, do...novos. Novos. Novos. Do...welcome to Novos.

We've reached your dismen. Novels. Novels. Welcome to Novels with Richard Dismann. So Joe and Jess, that is the end of the show. Is there anything you would like to plug to our lovely listeners, anything that you are up to at the moment? Just, I've got boots out next week. Alright, anything nice? Maggots. Bagga maggots, life bait. And ship the box for a while so maybe. Hasics.

Hasics, well there's a field in Hasics, do the boots out there. The big field in Hasics, the boots out. Okay, get yourself down there, get grabs and bargains. Jess, how about you? I have got a podcast as well called Hooper in about eating. There's an episode of Joe on it where we lay crisps out in a beautiful archipelago.

And then he took some tits a lot. And I talked a lot about some adolescent drink driving that I did that I cut out of the main edit. I think I really shopped Joe and that I could listen back. I was like I've really I've really shopped Joe. It's very slow. It's a point where... Yeah, it gets to the point where Joe says in a minute you're going to tell me about the time you killed someone with a gun and I was like okay I do I need to cut this out. So I cut that out, but the rest of all the good stuff's in. The crisps are still in, that's good.

So get the hooping pod where you get your pods from. And the confessions available to a patron? Or is that so? Yes, that's exactly what you want, that's exactly what you want. That's what you want. So all the libel is shit. All the, I mean, it's really good. Is it libel as if you're confessing to crimes?

If you're in libel, I guess. Yeah. But okay. I say you've just been criminating in that face, yeah. You've criminally been libel as if you're confessing to crimes? If you're libeling, you're... LAUGHTER I say just incriminating in the FESC. Incriminating. Yes, it's really libeled itself. Can't be soon myself for libel. So thank you to all of you at home for watching.

As always, check out our Patreon.com for a slash Pappy's Fatshare. We've got over 100 bonus episodes that you can access the very second you join up. It really is good fun. And also, if you'd like to leave us a review on iTunes or tweet, recommend it to the podcast to all of your friends. We'd love that.

So this is exciting. Produce a win. Can we please hear the final scores? Fucking out, Gwen. Oh, hang on. No, no, no, no, we don't know yet. We don't know yet. Let's try and see.

Oh, we thought we'd do no. What a piece of it. The final scoresum was... Ah! Ben and Jo have 18. Tom and Jess have 22. Oh, I'm going to go to the gym! So Ben and Jo have to for it the same for Ben. Well, of course.

Tom and Jess get the fold-on the covers and get into bed with me. Pillow fight! Thanks to all of our guests, Jess got to queue. Jo will be concerned and of course producer Gwen. We've been Pappy, see you next time on Flash Esk. First lap! Papi's Flash Esk, Lamna, Vigia, Matthew Cross, with Ben Clark and Tom Pair, with special guest GES FOSTIQ and Joe Wilkinson.

He was advised by Papi's and Ben Walker. Technical expertise was provided by the wonderful Emma Corsham, producer Corsham team, with help from Winnie's Davis, it's produced by Emma Corsham. Big thanks everyone for watching the show live to Zoom and YouTube for hosting us. Love you, cat videos, guys. Pat me, it's Fractures, stand down. It's a secret news for us,

so hey, cast on the internet, cheers everyone. Bye! Well, well, well. It's good as ever. I'm gonna say it's a good evening. It's good as ever. Do you know what, Harry? It's good as ever.

You are bang on the money then. That is as good as the old flat slam days. I tell you what, yeah, it took me right back to the flat slam days that, for episode of the flat slam. It took me right back to today, really did. So thanks for listening everybody and don't forget to donate to donate pajamas where you may. Well no, we've just got to correct this actually because since we put out that, no Everything everybody and don't forget to donate to donate pajamas where you may well No, no, we we just got to correct this actually because since we put out that with no one's asking for your old pajamas Okay

No, no one's asking you to yes, we need to clarify that no one wants your scummy old fuzzy pajamas Keep those just for you, okay,? They clogged up our PO box. Yes, problems. Throughout that episode, we were constantly batting away. We were overwhelmed. Grabby little pajamas that hadn't even been washed since they were last slept in disgusting. We want cash or we want you to buy pajamas

from the Amazon which list. Let's be very clear on that. Absolutely. Yes. You save your scummy pajamas for ripping up and cleaning the car. from the Amazon which list. Let's be very clear on that. Absolutely. Okay. You're saving your scummy pajamas for ripping up and cleaning the car. Brands new pajamas or no pajamas at all. That's always been our motto, isn't it?

It's absolutely good. It's actually that's the reason why we're so dirt poor. It's because we have a brand new pair of pajamas every single day. Absolutely right. Disgusting. Disgusting waste of money in these troubled times. So thanks for listening everybody.

Join the Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share. And if you want to send us an email as well, we love reading your emails. Oh, we do, actually. We always have a fresh beef. Yeah, at gmail.com. Papua fresh beef. Clarke, let's be honest.

Crosby reads the emails and then he tells you to read them out, right? Oh yeah, that's the system. I mean, we know even me reading them out is very problematic. It's classic team, you know, for Clarkey. Um, well. Clarkey, where can people go to check out our Twitter?

Our Twitter, at Papi's tweet. Yeah, what about our Instagram? Papi's tweet. Yeah, what about our Instagram? At Papi's Instagram? At Papi's comedy close enough, you know, one day. One day we'll get it. I never look, I'm not an Insta person, you know this matter. No, no, no, you're a very delayed person. Very delayed, you're still, he's still in the flat slam days.

Well, that's it. He's still living, I've tried to live the glory days of our Flatslam career. Look at young girls, our Flatslam days. If they don't want to do that feel free. Brian Shelfe if you're out there. Anyway let's let's end the episode there. Thanks for listening everybody. It was produced by Emma Corsham of course. Corsham team. C'mon! Cheers everyone! BYE! Yeah! Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duuh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, hadn't happened I really do because I've got to go to the birthday party of Stephen Woodham's BRO!

BRO! BRO! BRO! Only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only, only,

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Neil Hudson. LAUGHTER I've got a quick... Allow us for today. He's got a quick... Allow us for today. He's got a quick... Allow us for today. Everybody, you should drink poison, full stop,

especially you Richard Olsop. Ooh! Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Mani Naomi. LAUGHTER you Richard Halls. Oh. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, Naomi. Oh, Naomi, money, money, money, money, money, money, Naomi, Naomi, Naomi, money, money, money, Naomi, Naomi. You owe me, money, Naomi, you owe me, money, you owe me, Naomi, Naomi, for the poison that I bought and put in crossbeast drink.

Don't tell him. Oh, the poison that I bought and putting crossbeast drink. Ah, don't tell him. Oh, the poison. The poison is working through my bloodstream. Why did you do that periotamine? It's really, you really are some sort of a molester. But you're not as bad as John Sylvester. Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. I've got a brief for Nathmetou make.

I've got a brief for Nathmetou make. I've all paid. I've got a brief, that's what to make. I've got a brief, that's to make. I've afraid I've got a... I'm afraid I'm going to have to ring the poison bell. Somebody said it again. It was Louise Dardenell. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, here right now and drink this poison used to bit cow. I will poison you and you and even pollute a poison. Luke, mulling you. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, with John'sselvester, don't get in the lift with John'sselvester. I have got to that

hospital to make. I hope it's a quick one. He has gotten an answer to make. Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. He hasn't told us yet how long the announcement will be, what's he hiding from us. I think it will be roughly a medium-nenthan announcement to make. I was very upset the other day, because I thought I had... What got me made, because I thought I had got being made because I thought I had drank some poison so I poisoned someone else just to get even then it turned out I really hadn't drunk poison it was just a normal cup of coffee then I felt very bad for making

It was just a normal cup of coffee that I felt very bad for making get-a-givens with Jennifer Stevens. Yes, Jennifer Stevens. We love to have you. That was a medium announcement. I think if one thing we've learned today, it is that poison isn't very fian. I've been told not to do poison with someone called

John Yian. Ba-ba- Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob. Don't get on the lift with John Sultzer. Bob, Bob, Bob absent. He's actually he's a he's a absent-paragon of virtue I feel I feel guilty, but I guess it's out there now So if you are gonna throw a breakthroughs into fair enough no smoke without fire. Absolutely right Sylvester. You bloody crabby little bit Absolutely right, Silvesti, bloody Crabby little better. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice?

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