Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ John Robins, Abi Clarke & Olga Koch (Get the Shoe Horn) S13E018

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

Neither “John!” nor “Ben!” want to get the shoe horn… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and John Robins recorded live at The Phoenix pub with Olga Koch and Abi ClarkeWithAbi Clarke - https://www.instagram.com/abiclarkecomedyOlga Koch - https://www.instagram.com/kolga300John Robins - https://twitter.com/nomadicreveryPappy’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom. That is not fun. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters for December 15. Greetings, Lister dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share Slamdown. Woo! The flagship episode. Now, it's a really exciting episode this one, because we had a guest team captain. Wow, never had that before.

Never had that before. First time ever. We never had that before. Never had that before. First time ever. We never had it before. Tom, you were unavailable. You were off on assignment, but the fantastic John Robbins stepped in. Oh. And a veteran of the fest. Yes. A pro of the part. Yes. He's a wonderful friend of ours and we had a great time with him. It's a very good time. It's a bit, what's that? I feel more concocted if we went with good rather than great. It was just for the old ego. Okay, okay, we'll take that, I'll tell you. I'll tell you fine, but we, great. We missed you.

It wasn't the same. No, it was great. We had another chance. There we go, no, no. We had a very good time. We also had two amazing guests in Abbey Clark and Olga Cock. So enjoy that, folks. Two shooting stars of the comedy firm. Brilliant.

Both. Brilliant. And it was, it was was it was it was it was a really fun a really fun app. Don't forget folks if you would like to come and see it was a fun app. If you'd like to come and see. It was a happy flash a slam down live. You can hear how much fun they are. Tom Perry will be returning on June 12th. Tom pop it in your diary. You're returning, mate. What? June the 12th. Tom, Perry and Ben Clark will be joining Josh Jones and Sophie

Duker. Again, another two shooting stars of the comedy film element. Monday, June the 12th, they will be joining us. Get your tickets now. There'll be a link in the show notes. Or you can go to papi.com forward slash live. Or on also on Tuesday the 27th Estimaneito and Tom Davis will be joining us. I mean all brilliant comedians all

Super I can't wait and you know like for really really distinct voices there shooting stars For shooting stars of the comedy for comedy And if you remember the Patreon, you can get discounted tickets. I've just realized something here now. You can go through and game the system if you want to. Because, I'll give you a little hack here, a little cheat. Because there is currently a seven day free trial

on the forward and the eight-quid tears. So if you wanted to join, you could get the promo codes for free. Get yourself on the Patreon. Get the promo codes for free. We'd love it if you stuck around afterwards. We really would. But you get seven full days of the Patreon. You can hear all the bonus episodes

You can oh my god you can listen to all the flat share pop rounds you can listen to the flat share pop rounds You can listen to the beef brothers cold cuts bonus beefs Could you could you get this free trial and then burn all of those episodes to CD wrong? You definitely could That's what I do yeah down, download them to floppy disk. And then you play them on your own. Play them on your own. It's just there, we're forced to ourselves. You get the promo codes, you download all the episodes, you've done it.

Then get them on Napster. Stick them online, why exactly? Get Lars Ulrichal riled up about it. Let's make a difference guys Let's do it. We're happy. We know what we don't care. We're happy. We're happy We want you to listen to your side listen your our listeners is there to be gained as long as you Haven't progressed with your technology since 2000 exactly if you're listening to this I get it on your shop then this is a message for you get it on this shop then this is a message for you. Enjoy the tour of the Louvre, enjoy the Buddy Holly video by Weezer and then enjoy this episode.

Happy Splashers, slam down. Tom Ben! What is it, you little bastard? What? I'm not a sec. Ben, where's Tom? Oh, yeah, Tom, Matthew! Tom! Come here, I'm stuck here, and I got you... I got you, Loverong!

No, I am called Matthew, and you're fine. Listen, you've done very well to Tom so far. You've done very well, Tom. far you've done very well Tom anyway Tom where's Ben? Okay Ben where's Tom? Matthew Tom is away filming a sequel to his movie. Just what? A sequel to his movie? Yeah that sounds suspiciously like success to me. Now that Tom has broken the solemn pact we made to squander our talents, and never truly capitalise on the many career opportunities that've been presented to us,

who can we find to replace him? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Hello! Hello! John Robbins! The perfect boy!

Right, one of you two waste draws has got to buy a new shoehorn! A holler! It's not going to be me, Matthew. Last time I got the shoehorn, you got all upset with me that they got kicked out of that footlocker. Oh, Clarkies. Didn't know whether I was coming or going. Or coming and then going.

And what about you, John? Well, it can't be me, Matthew. No. I've recently been... LAUGHTER I've recently been suffering with hay fever. Oh, no. Yeah, I've tried everything.

I've tried beckonays, tried piratin, tried local honey, but nothing works. And the sneezing has got so bad every 24 hour period, especially in the week when the beach trees and their spores fall. So I went to an old sooth sauer. Oh yes, yes. To get some advice. Best place for it, yeah.

He said I needed to take drastic action. Oh. Yeah. And the only course available to me would be to find a polemic columnist. Okay. Can I point your pen? I'll just point it out.

Right, a few notes for this, yeah, yeah, it's a polemist. Someone who really like arouses anger but also drives a lot of cars. Sure. And to cut them from stomach to neck and climb in their body and actually stay so still that people thought I had passed away. Oh, I, yeah. And because that's the only way to avoid the tree pollen and rid the 24 hour period of sneezing. So, but I think it's too risky. LAUGHTER

I tell you what's risky, this setter. I think it's too risky sort of in the eyes of the law. Sure. So I can't buy the new shoehorn because I'm not going to be seen dead in Clarkson or Tuesday. Go! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE in Clarkson on a Tuesday. Go! It was a long walk, but what have you and you got there? Well, there's only one way to settle this.

We're going to have to have a Flashest Lamb Down! Flashest Lamb Down! Flashest Lamb Down! Flashest Lamb Down! Flashest Lamb Down! Hello and welcome to Flashest Lamb Down, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, slams, sl On to brand new moon. This comes to pass when I buy a shoehorn. I'm host the landlord Matthew Crosby. Let's...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Let's meet the horny esteemed captain's in podcasting. It's John Robbins and Benedict Claw. Hey! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, hello. Hello, guys. Now, John, big shoes to fill.

How are you feeling about captaining tonight? Is this the bit about the jamboree? Somebody's done their research. It can be if you wanted to be. No, no, no, no, it's fine. Sorry, sorry. It was a genuine question about how you feel. OK, sorry.

Oh my god, is this thing scripted? Yeah, I was going to say this. For some people now in the room, who've been brought along by their friends, this must seem like fucking code. It must seem like it's just so... And by some people, I basically mean Abby. I do.

A real barometerit of, like, I've just total confusion the entire time. But John, how are you feeling? I feel good, I feel confident. I think me and Abby are going to make a pretty formidable team. I'm already worried about the quick fire round jingle. Yes, well, we'll get to that in a second. But of course, you've sent me a check. You've sent me, yeah, I mean, we'll get to that in a second. But of course, you've semi-

You've semi, yeah, I mean, it's, yeah. We'll get to that in four hours time. You've semi-introduced the more you. Who have you brought along with the necessary shoot horn location skills this week, John? Right. And please, don't tell me it's bad news about the Jamboree. Well, I can't handle it today of all days. It's terrible news about the Jamboree. Well, I can't handle it today of all days.

It's terrible news about the Jamboree. Oh, John. The Jamboree's been cancelled. No. Yes, I don't know if you've been on Twitter, but allegations have been made about the Jamboree. God. And it was a different time.

Well, I think what's happened is some people just took their eye off the ball a bit with the jamboree allowed it to get out of hand Didn't perhaps Like looking to early allegations made during the jamboree Except the darkest response But a lot of people involved with the jamboree this was, you know, it was just, it was just Lax. Sure.

It was just high jinks. Yes. If that's a crime these days. But then, um, because... Don't worry, Abby, any second I will say your name, and you'll be allowed to talk as well. So... It's like's like a prisoner. But there's increasing feeling that the jamboree can be rehabilitated and brought back. So we've enlisted the help of one of social media's most incisive toxic PR kind of, what's

the name? Like Max Clifford, but that's a bad example. That was the introduction you wanted, right? A bit like Max Clifford. No, so we've got in one of the best PR agencies representatives to deal with toxic brands that unfortunately the jamboree has now become, it's Abby Clark.

Abby Clark is on. Woo! So quick. I thought that's the vibe. Honestly, it is absolutely the vibe. It's almost too much the vibe. Having the mirror held up to us is a bit kind of painful. Abby, thank you for coming on the show, by the way. I have so many questions.

Yes. Fuck. Oh God, Abby doesn't know what that was about. No, no idea. LAUGHTER I barely know what it was about, and I've been doing this show for 12 years. Okay, first question, what's the jamboree? It's sort of, it's, it's, it's locks and hijinks basically.

It's too like, it's too late in the day to explain that. I'm just going to ask you, what kind of a flatmate are you, Abby? I'm good. Yes. You can't imagine you are. I'm just going to ask you what kind of a flatmate are you Abby? I'm good. Yes. LAUGHTER Can't imagine you are. What's... You've just...

You've recently moved. You've moved into London. I have. What's your flat share situation like? Are you living on your own? Are you living with flatmates? What's the deal you owe? I'm living with two pretty artsy North London gals.

OK. And... Then what I like to call interior design feminists. with two pretty artsy North London gals. Okay. And then what I like to call interior design feminists. Okay. Lot of tips on the wall. Koo talk. Like the Peretti calendar, that sort of thing. Yeah, a lot of titty mugs, titty vases, titty candles.

There's a flying vagina on one wall. Not real, just like a cast. I hope, I hope Norrick is not. You're not living with Ed Ghee, are you? It's close. There is a sign above the door when you come in that says, get naked. Which is fine when you know it's like gals,

because it's like, oh my god, we're fun. And when we're drunk, suddenly gets. But then like gals because it's like oh my god, we're fun and when we're drunk So I don't think it's um but then like When I went to go see the house. I didn't know who lived there So that just like you very quickly becomes a threat Bill appears and suddenly Yeah, it's a different vibe if a if a man has a cupboard full of titty mugs But not like a bad one, right? Or just one hidden in a flashlight?

Doesn't feel quite so feminist, it's a little different vibe. Is the flying vagina on the wall? Is that like they used to have in the 70s with the three ducks? Is that like they used to have in the 70s with the three ducks? LAUGHTER Erm, I don't know of the 70s. LAUGHTER Oh mate. LAUGHTER

I mean, we don't really either. Of course, lots of documentaries. LAUGHTER I imagine it's more like Elf on the shelf, isn't it? Where's it going to be this morning? LAUGHTER I imagine it's more like Elf on the shelf, isn't it? Where's it going to be this morning? What, you have to send in photos of your kid with it in different- No! That's where you came from mate!

Well Abby, thank you so much for coming on this show and Krushy, thank you for staying! Thank you! I don't know, John just gives up a vibe, like I'm not allowed to leave. LAUGHTER I saved that thought for the quick fire out. LAUGHTER Clarke, who have you brought along with you this week? Is this the bit about the number? It is the number.

LAUGHTER We need a little good news, man. We need a little good news. I've bought my friend, Cargurizzi! So quick! So quick! So quick! Olga, what's the Titi mug count in your household these days? I live with my best friend from high school, Philip, and Philip is a gay man, so no Titi.

Zero Titi's, zero Titi's. How's the situation with Philip? Is he a fun person to live with my best friend from high school Philip and Philip is a gay man, so no. Zero titties. Zero titties. How's the situation with Philip? Is he a fun person to live with? How would he describe you if we had Philip here right now? A nightmare. Talk us. This is what you want to hear. Talk us through it.

What's Nightmare's about you, Olga? Guys, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I said this to you off stage. It was very ambitious that I'm here right now. LAUGHTER Has your jet lag kicked in, like, so just really hard during... I said this to you off stage. It was very ambitious that I'm here, right? I shot jet lag kicked in like so just really hard during not to brag two days ago. I was in Mumbai India Where I sorry, this is not the answer to your question It is an answer which as John has proved is totally fine

Where I may or may not have bought into the idea that I wasn't like other white people. And just so happens that crucially at that exact moment is when you get horrendous diary. Ah, okay. When you get too close to the set. Sure. I'm literally shifting away from you as well. So yeah, but I couldn't miss this for the world. What I'm literally shifting away from yours. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so. But I couldn't miss this for the world. What I'm saying, if you said, actually, if you'd said,

I've got the shit, I would've gone fire. But no, it's okay. Oh, of course, you're very welcome. So I'm probably going to be plastic sheeting, we could just pop down. Yeah, how are you feeling now? Why am I wearing a unit-oat? I know. Gotta get in the kitchen.

I'm wearing a jumpsuit. How would I do that to myself? Yeah. So if you see me staring into the distance, it's because I'm trying my best. So we've met our guests. Who's going to buy the shoe? Who's going to need the shoe horn? So we've met our guests. Who's gonna buy the shoe? Who's gonna need the shoe horn? Yes, we've met our guests. Let's find out who'll be logging into Horn Hub as we play Round 1! Saw some brooks, their size nine, tried them on, they felt fine, got them home,

Hate to mow, but their two types, can't take them on, they refuse, Now a shower in my shoes, they're blood on my socks, wish I bought crocs My ankles look like old cornbeaf Shoes are fused with the fascia Now I walk like a gaysher I've got them on Used to saw, I don't want them anymore Any whale, shoes for sale with feeding side Wow! Wow, what a great jingle!

That signal's got better! Not loads, but yeah, bits! So, before I tell you anything about this round, as seeing as it's John's first time ever as team captain, we have a very special message of advice from someone who knows what they're talking about. Let's hear it. John, it's round one. My advice to you, listen to the rules, follow the rules, and wait for Clarky to self-implode. LAUGHTER Oh, so there we have it.

Warm! Warm reassuring and gently regional. LAUGHTER You can see how he gets all the voiceover work. That was, of course, Tom Perry. It's a very strong advice, not just for John, but for Abbie and unfortunately, Olga as well. Do you find that advice helpful, John?

Is that useful? Yes. Thank you find that advice helpful John, is that useful? Yes, thank you. This first round is Guess Shoe Horn. It's a simple guessing game. I'm going to give you all a category, you then have to intern, give me something from that category, going along the line without repeating an item that's already been said. However, if you say the item that I have written here, you will be eliminated. That will be the end of that round. You'll know you've said the item because producer Gwyn will honk in your ear with his horn. He's brought his trumpet along here. He's a grade eight, which in trumpeting terms is basically a black belt. So it's one point for every correct answer, three points deducted for saying the item I've

got written here. By the way, if anyone does have sensitive ears, I've got foam earplugs. If you'd like, do you want to go earplugs? That's not the whole that I want. LAUGHTER I'm also got one of those courts you stick in a wine bottle, you pull the thing up and you... it expands, stops in her oxidising. Er, does anybody want to join us? Do you know what I will? Because, er, I know that you bought them because I said that I have sometimes get tinnitus, but it's on by sudden loud noises

Which is a very young problem to have I always like to try a different style of earplug. Well, these are their foam. They are Re-usable. They're washable. So that is a little gift in lieu of a fee There you take those home guys Don't get to give 10% to your agent. Anyway, so it's one point for every correct answer. As I said, three points for saying the item I've already written. We're going to start with Ben and we'll go along the line. Remember, can I hit the whore? Yeah, can I have a... What do you want? Just a like a trial too, just to know where I am.

A trial too, yeah, okay, of course. Don't let Olga do it. Don't. Do not fall into that trap. Give us a warning shot straight into the air, go on. Oh, they fight loud! It is, isn't it? Okay, guys, there are a warning shot. It's right into the air, go on. Oh, this fight lounds. It is, isn't it? OK, guys, there are more eyes forwards. Gwyn will be training his horn directly at the back of your heads.

Like Lenny and George in Mysonmen. Look at the rabbits, guys. My ruling is final. Your first category, Glocky, we're starting with you. Yeah. It's vegetables. Okay. Ben. I already felt like I know which one it is. Okay, we'll do that one. Sweet potato. Sileric.

Oh, Bizzine. Colerabi. Oh, he's playing a smart game. Playing a very smart game, but that actually was the correct... Yeah, okay, Clark, he'll be back to you. Coliflar. Green beans. Coreshept.

Purple Sprouting broccoli. Glocky. I'm out. the ones I've had. Celery. Green tomato. Ooh. Peace. Pak Choi. It's gonna stay a fright. Carrot.

I don't know how to do it. So that is minus three to cocky steam. I don't know how to do it! So that is minus three to copy steam. Next category. We're going to be starting with Olga. Olga, please give us a mode of transport. A rickshaw. A boot. A boot. A bus we heard it. I said a boat. A boat. We heard it. I said a little bit.

I know, maybe it wasn't clear. No, no, no, you're fine. You're fine. It wasn't boat. Electric unicycle. Oh my god. God save. Why do you have an affair?

We've got an efficient idle here. He's eating vegetables and he's traveled. Not as far as Olga. A... A... A... A... A motive transport, Clarky. Don't say potato.

Could you ride a pasta? You can ride pasta something. Oh, no, just... I've never got you purells. A... A bus. Um... Oh, no, I just... I- I- I've never got you purells. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tom was like a prophecy. It haven't so soon. Yeah. It's happening. It's really happening. Minus three points to Garkey's team next category was starting with Abby.

Please give us a word or phrase that means farting. Um... ...par... ...no pop for pop. Um... PARP. No PARP for PARP. Choufter. Don't mind if I don't. Pastor? Toot.

Everybody thought it was going to be toot there. TOOT! Ohhhh! Everybody thought it was going to be TOOT there! This is the Russian word for it, PIRDIT! Ohhh! She's found a loophole, those sneaky Russians! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! I just want to spit! Yeah, I just want to know what a bit. LAUGHTER

Oh my name is going to have to push you. Oh, um...queefe? Oh! Switching it around, try not. It counts. Sure. LAUGHTER Can I use a word that just made my friends use,

but it is actually a word. Not to hear, yeah, of course. Pruts. Pruts? It's a a word. Love to hear it, yeah of course. Pruts. Pruts? It's a good word. It's a Russian one. It's a really good one. Guff.

Guff. Oh! I can't believe it. Clarke. That was just happening! Clarke mate! Okay, oh mate, I'm enjoying this. Let's keep this going because...

Let's sweat it. John, we're going to start with you. Numbers between one and ten. You can't play a sneaky little game now, and whole numbers, by the way, not as many. You're not reviewing for fucking pitchfork, right? We're just, we're talking whole integers. Two. Oh. Why?

Why is it letter? It's a... Seven? No, what? This is unbelievable clapping. Right, I'm just going to say now, we haven't, you know what, the experiment goes busters. We're not doing that way, whatever carkey says, that's it. Genuinely, I honestly don't think there's any coming back from the score you've got now.

You're now what you minus 12 points. Oh God. Anyway, we're going to start again with Clarky. We're going to do colours. I'm worried for his ears. Yeah. I think. Yeah, take Clarky at this stage.

I put one in the gob as well if I will. Um... Okay. Uh... What we're doing? Colors. Colors, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be doing robins like... Mmm...

Colors. So are we doing the actual colours? Try and do actual colours. Don't go far and ball on us. Sure. Do you remember far and ball rock on Tommy? LAUGHTER I reckon. Yeah, you're absolutely right, mate.

Everyone else is wrong. LAUGHTER Pink. Purple. Orange. Oh! Purple? Orange. Oh! No! I feel there was a little bit of bad light cast on the Robbins tactic there by Ben when

it is how you win the game. Yeah, well, you're trying to win the game. Final one then, final one, final category, and let us start with Olga now. Please give us the name of someone on this show. Abby? Abby? Abby? Abby? I don't want...

You have to, my friend. Um, Ben. It's not Ben. Matthew? Olga. Talk about dear Hunter vibesibes. Gwen. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Wait, that's a different noise. That was it. It was a different noise, but it was still a trumpet. Oh. Yeah. That is the end of round one. We turn to what, yes, absolutely right. Now we turn to our thank you. Thank you, Gwen, everybody. Thank you CHEERING Now we turn to our... Thank you.

Thank you, Quinn, everybody. Thank you. Now, we return to our non-Trumpet playing producer, producer Emma. What has that could coughly done to the scores? Producer Quinn, in fact, give us a little fanfare to announce the scores. MUSIC CHEERING I feel like I'm in Shrek. LAUGHTER I feel like I'm in Shrek.

I'd love to be in Shrek anyway. I'd like to be accepted being in love. Producer, remember what was yours? So, John and Abby have 14. 14, yeah. Ben and Olga, one. Oh! Wowie! Wowie! So John and Abby are in the lead, but it's not yet a shoe in this. It'll ever be a play for them in return. In part two, see you in a bit!

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th. Welcome back to Flashest Lab Now!

Before the break now, who was in the lead, Glocky? I mean, you know, it's too hard to tell. It's too close to call. Let's just say Neil Noel. Yeah, it's still near at the moment, no, no. Of course, John and Abbey were in the lead and the scores haven't budged and neither has my ardent further for a new shoehorn. But let's not forget while we're here folks. But who's going to be browsing the horn section?

Let's find out as we play Round 2, it's Black Games! Let's play together, games! Let's play forever, roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down. Who's your top, games? If you lose you get nothing. Games! If you win you get gold. Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. Listen to that, everybody! Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold before we find out which game we're flattening, let's

hear some more advice. John, it's flat games. Don't get intimidated. My advice to you, listen to the rules, follow the rules, and wait for Clarky to self-implodate. Thank you, Tom Perry. Still good advice. Still great advice. I tell you what, and no wonder, your voiceover agent describes you as distinctive and familiar with comedy. He works with two of the best. Doesn't he, Kamaki?

He works with two of the best. On with a round. This week we're playing our version of Gin Rummy, which we're calling JinSaultRummy. I'm gonna give HangOnFox... LAUGHTER I said some mutiny. I'm gonna give each player an insult in a foreign language. They will have to give me three translations, the correct one, and two they have made up on the spot.

It's up to the opposite team to work out which is the real insult and which one's a total cods wall upscuse my French. Two points for correctly guessing the genuine insult if you get it wrong, the two points go to the player. Okay, let's start. Let's start with our old friend Ben. Ben, there you go. Now, Ben, your insult is from Spain, John and Abby, which is fake Spanish and which is Real Madrid.

Okay, let's hear the insult first of all. Pengell. Pengell. Pengell. Pengell. Pengell. The hand really made it. The hand, yeah, obviously. It's an audio podcast. You can't hear a hand. The hand's Italian. It was very... He's travelled a lot. It's mixed heritage. This is, it's a bit strong. Three definitions, I like them all to be strong if that's okay. I go well. Okay. Pigeot is, he look like a horse that's just been fucked. The recently fucked horse.

And that's, it's just the one word for you look like a horse that's recently been fucked is they've got one word for that. Yeah, yeah. They just use it so often. Sure, no. You look like a horse. That's recently been fucked. Clarke, you are a single strand of pubic hair. Oh, you are a single strand of pubic hair

You're a single strand of so care so all of the parts of speech you Single strand of pubic hair so those eight words they got you got verbs you got nouns Yeah, the Spanish language is very productive. Yeah, brevity is the soul of wit, a name of witier nation than the Spanish. We've all seen Spanish. What a movie. What a reference. Stick around, there's plenty more that came from. If you want a reference that you enjoyed by one person and that's the person who says the reference, I'm your man. I don't understand, the dramatic actor.

The dramatic, yes punch-drunk love. Yes please. Uncle James? Oh, Uncle James. Uncle James. Uncle James. But we're not hit to define Uncle James. We're hit to define.

I'll go as far as to say he was a dramatic actor in the film, click. Do you guys remember that? Oh my god. Yeah, the final scene with Wink Clur. It's all Jeepers creepers. Yeah, honestly, I did I wish I could click the tears off And the Spanish have one word for This is what's called buying Clarkies in time before he gives us his single word definition It means our soul.

CLARKEY, so we've had recently fought Taurus, we've had a single strand of the leaf of pubes and also Smelly Virgin. Smelly Virgin. Smelly Virgin. Smelly Smelly Virgin. LAUGHTER So... I have a name. Smelly virgin, smelly smelly virgin So I have a name John and Abby

Well, what is that yeah talk talk us through it. What what's your thought process? My thought process is I'm trying to I'm trying to get a measure of my foe here, because the sort of elite level gameplayer would probably expand that one word answer into a phrase and then contract the lie into one word to throw you off the cent. And also, the Spanish are a horse riding nation. So, in the same way that Abby's worried about being cancelled by proxies. I feel like I'm going to be on a Netflix documentary in a few months about a cult. Hey, I'll take it. If it's Netflix, I'll take it. That guy looks like he's being held against as well.

That's so sick. What's the guy there? They are horse riders, they're horse breakers, they're horse folk. Are they horse fuckers though? Well, I would, I wonder, if like the Eskimo have sort of 50 names for snow, the Spanish have so many names for horses that have just had sex. Because it's just the horse that's been fucked. I don't know.

Reaching the fuck. Not fucked very often. Sure. I use it ages. Topaching the fuck. Reaching the fuck. Not much very often. Sure. I use it ages. It's a bit for that, yeah. LAUGHTER

So, we all deserve rights. But my guess is that it's the last one, because it's short and the word is short. And Clark, you got carried away. Okay Abby, what are you thinking? We've got the horse, we've got the pubes, and we've got the other third one. LAUGHTER I think what's the word again?

Oh, the actual one. Yeah. Pengehul. Pengehul. I mean, smelly virgin. Yeah. I mean, is the true definition word for word, the definition? Yeah, I've been with. Yeah.

Genuinely read out what's on the paper. Okay. I'm going to take a swing. I would have been with you. Why? I logically have to be smelly virgin, don't you think? I just want to wake up. LAUGHTER I don't like getting wet.

Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, John Robinson. Just please don't hurt me. I don't, I don't feel like it, Bob. No, John, don't, get away! Stop it! Remember this is an audio podcast. People might infer from your tone that any, so there's some sort of wrongdoing. I'm all right. What are we going

with Spelly Virgin you're going with? I think so. Ben Clark, would you please tell us, Pendejo. You are a signal-strander, Peabick. Oh, two points to clocky! Oh! Cloring it back, clawing it back, Abbey, it's your turn. Now your insult is in Mandarin. Now he's getting cancelled. This is... But it's down to... Olga and Ben, to decide which is the real mandarin salt? Abby.

I genuinely rather say we all have the same 24 hours in a day. Okay, what's the insult please? Just the insult first. Good, Dan. What's that to you as well? What's the insults, no, it's fine, fine, yeah. Okay, good, Dan. Good, Dan. Good, Dan.

Okay. Alright, it's still me. Yeah, good, Dan. The insults, yeah. Yeah, three insults please insults. Yeah, yeah, okay, re insults, please Gross face Is it is it gross face?

So you see Abby so you see really really locked eyes done. She looks straight at Clark, he was like, well, he does look like a recently fucked horse but they've had that one already. LAUGHTER OK, gross face. We've got gross face. Gross face. Is it gross face?

Um... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Er... She won't break eye contact. Okay. Okay. Good. Dan. Sweaty man.

Again, we're replaying the Roy Walker version of Catchphrase here. LAUGHTER Gross face sweaty man. If you want to start playing the game at any stage. LAUGHTER I'm not going to stand in your way. LAUGHTER Or... LAUGHTER

OK. Gross face sweaty man, or... Rolling egg. That's just a Clarky and Olga, but which one is the correct definition? So we've got Gross Face, we've got Sweaty Man, and we've got Rolling Egg. Olga, let's have a...what do you think you got the moment? One's an insult to our observations, so I'm just going to say gross face. You think it's gross face?

Well, rolling egg is so... I'm crazy. Yeah, right, gross, thanks. I am so far away from the mainstream. What do you think it is though? Let's see, Olga, you're going to go for... Is that your instinct? You don't want to do gross face, do you?

Well, I mean, I'm in some trees by rolling egg, but I think maybe gross face. Should we go gross face? I'm sorry if it's not the case. That's all right. That's teamwork. Let's say rolling egg, please. Rolling egg, fine fight lots. Okay.

Happy Clarke, can you tell us please the correct definition of Gundan? Gundan means rolling egg. It's rolling egg. It's a way of telling someone to fuck off, roll away like an egg. You're a rolling egg. Fuck off, please. And could you give us an insight into how you came up with the other two of us? I could have chosen to play it more tactically. But I didn't.

Next up, we've got Olga Koch. Now, Olga, you actually speak Russian, don't you? I do. Yours is in Polish like close enough. LAUGHTER I love the record show. I would never say something like that. OK.

It's a Slavic language. So John and Abby, which one of... Which... Poland is a sovereign nation? What is that? Who just went? It is, what? It did sound like a threat, didn't it?

No, for now. Okay. Yours is, of course, in Polish, John and Abby, which one is the... Oh, you've got to do is separate the Polish from the knowledge, which one is the... Which one is the real insult? Olga, let's hear the insult first. Okay, so what I didn't realize is that one of them is true, but the other two options they're making up on the floor.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just thought that you had the pre-read. No way. Mine was that good. Yeah. How does she do it? I'm a professional baby. OK, so you make it two of these up, okay? Can we get like a date 45?

To workshop this real quick? Okay. Well, does the insult first of all give us all a little bit of thinking time? Let it sink in. What's the insult, please? It's... Jibis Jisei. Jibis Jisei.

Jibis Jisei. Jibis Jisei. Classic Polish phrase, Jibis Jise. Jibis Jise. Jibis Jise. Jibis Jise. Classic Polish phrase, Jibis Jise. What does it mean though? You can't look. I wouldn't dream of it, but I'll play against it. Um, okay, so, Jibis Jise means I'll set your house on fire. Oh.

Jibis Jise. Jibis Jise, I'll set your house on fire. Or me, Kassa. Oh, fire Kassa. Fire Kassa? I'm just a fattish guy. I'm just a fattish guy. I'm just not set your horse on fire.

You like the end of a pentathlon fire, you know? Okay. Jibis Jisay means you fuck hedgehogs. It doesn't do it. You fuck hedgehogs. Jibis Jisay, set your house on fire. Ole, ow. just say, say your house on fire, or lay out.

If I catch odds. Or Jabeez Jaze means your penis don't work. Oh, slams all round, but Abbey Clark, John Robbins. Your penis don't work. Your penis don't work. Routin, okay. Your penis don't work. Alright. Your penis don't work. Your fuck hedgehogs. Or I'm gonna set fire to your god damn house.

Mate. Well I think it's the first one, because she needed time to make me a little bit. You're going for the old... Older was going to be panicking. She read one to give her thinking time. That technique. OK. That's very good.

What's in agrees? The trauma bonding's begun. Yeah, we go with that. Well, I just, I love your deduction. I so really, it's more about the process than the result. Especially when you're this far in the lead, I think it is, yeah. Thank you. Okay, are you going for, you're going for in the lead, I think it is yeah Thank you Okay, are you going for you going for the first one which was I'll say your house on fire. I'll set your house on fire Olga cock sorry patty Hurst

What a reference Yeah, I've done it again It's you fuck headshot. It's you, fuckhead chah! It's you, fuckhead chah, guys! Finally, John Robbins' turn. Your insult is in Turkish, Algarine Ben. Please tell us which is the real insult, and which two are just Turkish. So, the insult is Sana Gursin Kemaniye. Plenty of words.

Sanagursin Kemaniye. Alright. Wow. It feels long. And it feels like that could be full sentence. And you guess isn't this Dutch clocky? There's something to do with a sweaty sad man from all the hampsons.

John Robbins, give us the first definition, please. Okay, Santa Gerson Kemaniye, does it mean you're so boring I want to get in your mouth and shit. I hope it's there. That's the aftertree plans, isn't it? Does it mean may the bow of a violin enter your anus? Hi, Brawl. Yeah, it is. It's a lot classy that one. So it must be an insult.

That's what tar was about. Oh, my God! Or does it mean you're so ugly, the mare has moved abroad. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. We all know the real reason the mayor moved abroad. The jamborees in trouble, guys. He's got to explain to get some horses. Right. Ben, Olga, what do you think we had three incredibly strong definitions there in every sense of the term What do you think you talk us talk us through it? I mean, they're all good. They're all bad Yeah, they're good bad. So we got we got we got the mouth shits

We got the the butt the butt violin and we got the old mayor He's gone cuz he cuz a mush, you gross man. It's gross man. No, it's gross face. It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean?

It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? It's gross face, what do you mean? I mean I love the last one so much that I just I want to vote for it What do you think I think it's the first one, but I'm happy to vote for the third one I think the least entertaining what is the second one I kind of feel like I almost think it's that one because John John's given it the judge so what they've said is they think it's one two or three that one because John's given it the judge. So what they've said is they think it's one, two or three.

LAUGHTER Yes. They've narrowed it down. It's iron arms. It's cut. Read the bell up to the utacta. The spread bet. It's not about system.

OK, so you've kind of touched it up into all of them. Do you want to talk yourself out too now? Because that's how he played the game. I think I chose the first one, I think. I think it should be Olga's choice. No, I don't like that at all. Oh, OK. Then the Violet Bow won, please.

OK, John, would you please tell us, what is the correct definition? Make the bow of a violin. Oh! Oh! Oh, baby. Oh, baby. The Rex Definition. Make the bow of a violin. Woo! Oh, baby. Yeah! Amazing!

Woo! At the end of round two, producer Emma Tellers, which team is in the lead, and which are a pair of pubes looking violin-arzt, hedgehogs, shagging bastards who should roll away like a gone damned egg? Hedgehog's shagging bastards, he should roll away like a god damn egg. Well the mayor's out town. So John and Abby you didn't score that round. So Ben and Olga, they've got nine points, then catching up. Oh, the scores are so close, it's criminal.

Sounds like a case for the contemptible court of beef brothers Yes indeed it's beef brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat-share based beef But before that a bit of useful advice. John, it's beef brothers. Just wait for Clarky to self-implode. Like it's on parry. For all inquiries, email Laura at the Jones Voice Over Agency. Meet the Jonesist.com at UK, 4-slashperson, 4-slash-tom, hyphen parry, 4-slash. Now, today's beat comes from John, who is in the audience.

John, are you there? Hello. Johnny boy. There he is. John writes, I am recently separated from my wife. Well, I'll regret the upbeat intro. I gave you their John. LAUGHTER

Johnny boy. Yeah. No way. Out of the town. She hollied boy! No! Out of the town! Permanently! Sorry, John. I recently separated from my wife, which is fine, actually. But apart from the bickering about custody of our daughter, making arrangements to sell our family home.

Oh, no! custody of our daughter, making arrangements to sell our family home. I did wonder why this one was picked. Well, you'll find out in a second when it gets darker. A arrangements to sell our family home and splitting bills etc. What is really boiling my piss? Is that I'm left looking after the poxy pet rabbit? Named Mochi, is that right John? Yeah, it's Korean. Isn't it, Moke? No, I'm not going to do it.

I am. Happy actually speaks a little Mandarin, but... Can't they come into play here, actually. I have a nice time. I'm not confident I've got a copy. They Mochi, who I never wanted in the first place, am I indebted to this creature, to this creature's life, or can I put it...and me... What? No! Out of its misery. Or can I put it? And me? But no!

Out of its misery. Waterboarding couldn't get this out of me. So, Ben and Olga, you are on John's side. That God. John and Abby, you're on the side of the rabbit. Good. Get out. But before all of that, let's have a cross examination. Does anyone have any questions? I'll just check. The rabbit's not here tonight.

The rabbit's not here tonight. The rabbit's not here tonight. You didn't already kill it, did you? It's not a foregone conclusion. Okay. Any questions for John? How old is the rabbit? Well, we actually adopted it, so I'm not sure.

I think it's about three. It's had a good innings, right? Are you seeing anyone? I'll give us a very good answer. You're a giblet. That's a very personal question. I'm not sure it's pertinent to the case of it. You have given us a lot of personal information.

I don't see how you're doing post-divorce. I mean, I've got good days and bad days, Olga. Hang in there, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. I don't feel qualified to deal with this. I'm just a girl from the internet. Just walk it in a little Q&A box, I'll get back to you.

Robbins, any questions for our friend John? Hmm. Well, after the first sentence of the beef, I was going to ask, why did you partner leave you? But no further question. John, tell us a bit about this rabbit. Why is it boil your piss to quote you? Well, I didn't want it in the first place. When I agreed to get it, I specifically said that I don't really want any involvement in it. But now, anytime I go out, I have to make sure it's fed beforehand.

Anytime I go in a way, I have to get someone to come and sort it out or put it in a rabbit hotel, I didn't even know those things existed. It's like ten quid a night. What? So, I don't think rabbits cost that much. So ten quid a night is quite steep if you're nipping away for a weekend. So, it's just a bit... Just put it in a hostel.

She's also not really that affectionate either, like she's a... Oh, now he's... The rabbit or your wife? I don't think that's pertinent to the fish. Absolutely right, stop hectoring him. Yeah, so you thought, oh, maybe I can get a little cuddle, a little bit of cozy time with this rabbit, but the rabbit's not showing you any affection.

So you want to kill it? That's not pertinent. You got a soundboard there, you see? Clark, any questions for our pal John there? Remember, you're on his side, you've got to tease some sort of goodwill out of this crowd towards your fellow. Apart from rabbits, you're obviously a very caring person, aren't you, John? Yeah, very good.

I'm so convinced he were going to say that. No, but... Get a little bit of carrot drop in. What do you do, John? Yeah, that's it, carcass. That's what we need in this day. That's what we need. Blind panic is what we need. Um. I work in insurance.

Oh, I think this is why I was asking. So, okay. How much do you stand to gain if the rabbit dies? Let's get down to brass taxing! Um, um, fucking no further questions. Alright, okay, any further questions from anywhere I want to tell? Are the lawyers deciding the child custody going gonna be listening to this. Could I think they should? We always need new listeners, guys.

Do tweet and tell your friends in there. And a review on iTunes really does count. Well, hopefully that's enough information for our teams to make their cases. So, without further ado, I call upon Olga Cock, now you have one minute to begin the case for the prosecution. Olga, who's been on the show before is more confused than Abby, who hasn't. You've got a minute to make your case. You might need slightly longer. We'll be easier.

I think you defend the murder of a rabbit. If you would please. But maybe don't frame it in those terms. I'll get you minute begins now. From the dawn of time. Beautiful. Now, from the dawn of time. Beautiful. Men used to hunt.

Killing animals is part of human nature. Living in a city, so I don't know. Takes those primal instincts away. I say we go back to our roots. Yeah, I thought you said I could quit. Men used to be men. Oh, guys! That's all good, Tate. I'd like to publicly distance myself from the podcast. If you want to do it publicly, you can't do it on this podcast. That's your time, Olga. Back to the Clarkees for the assist. So, Abbey, you're up next.

Okay. You have one minute, of course, but let's not forget you're on the rabbit side. Your one minute begins now. Well, he's a piece of shit. Err... ... This is my thing. Don't know, like, we don't all know it. I mean, first the rabbit, then I don't know. Probably the kid.

Oh, boy! It's a brave game. For everybody who thought we already crossed the line. This is how we create. This is how we create. We've all watched the true crime documentaries, those who kill animals, kill people. And I think actually in the future we're all going to be on a Netflix documentary about what's you name? That's not pertinent.

Okay, John. I feel like I'm John. John, that's his name. I know the answer to this question already, but how do you think it's going so far? Honestly, I thought this would go slightly differently. LAUGHTER You thought it was more of a sort of rabbit-cuddling crowds. LAUGHTER

OK, Clarky. Yes, mate. Now, remember, you're on John's side. Yes. You're going to conclude the case. You're going to obviously answer all of the many questions that Olga posed in her two and a half sentences. You've got a minute to conclude the case for the prosecution, your minute begins now. Listen, John, it's a good man. He's a wonderful man if you're listening at home.

Ladies. You might be interested. Let's just say he's a good looking man. Let's just say the mayor is staying put. And fuck, come on, they're rabbits. We've all seen Watership down, they're fucking terrifying. I want with the fucking, you know, pranks, all of that. Take it out back, but a gun to the back of its head. Say, look at all the Lenys. Paul, not that trigger man. Different threats. Ben Clark, everybody. Now, John Robbins, oh, hang on, I was like, the Clark at the court has just handed me a piece of paper.

Thank you, Abbey. You're welcome. Fanshaw Standin has had to recuse himself. There's been an incident at a jamboree. So standin' in for him. His fan sure is Irish cousin. Well... Bigara, if it isn't Shema So Standin'. Presiding and providing.

Your minute, should you need it begins now. Well, well, well. Well, I woke up this morning and I was all fit to stay in bed. The first reason I was going to stay in bed to smell it. Sorry, this one. The smell. I actually get it, I'm sure. It's obviously because the fangs come into town, and Nancy, Nancy, they all got her a bunting to do. But, Lairn isn't gentlemen of the gel way. LAUGHTER

This... the second reason. Well, I've got the one to say a bit this one. Is that he never... In my whole life... In his island. I have now lost in my entire life, heard of a kiss in a court of law. As an open and shot. As this case, I thought she must go stay in bed this morning, get you safe light before the paracum comes at all.

So you may wear as players in general, rather than you, why? Why here, she must such an open shirt, case, why didn't you stay in bed with the one thing or the buntinger, Nancy of the Fair. Yes. Well, I remembered some words I heard the eels ago. Back in law school in various parts of Ireland. Yes, I studied in the salt, I studied in the east and the west and also in the north. And my professor, the great man, big eyes, you guys like a cow. It's steroth, you're like he was looking like throw you. And one morning he said to me, Shamus, why did you think I do that job? I don't.

I said, Professor Rayleigh, is it for the money? He said, Shamus, sure the money is good, but it's not the reason. I said, it is for the power and the acclaim. He said, eh, well, apparently claim is good for some man. It's not so fine for me. I said, why then, Professor Eilido, you do the job, you do? Is a chamus, you have a jeweler's responsibility as a man of the law.

The first responsibility as a man of the law is to be the spirit of the law. But your second responsibility, Shemus, and don't you ever forget it, is to be the voice of the dead. Because the dead have no voice but yours. And I don't know about you any of you folks here in the car today but I've met Muchi. I've seen the measure of the man. And what I hear in this court of law today did not represent the moochie I met. I saw an affectionate rabbit. Let me tell you this, I saw a rabbit who had never seen the inside of a rabbit hotel. I saw a rabbit denied affection.

denied food, yes. denied basic lottings. And I looked at that rabbit in the eyes, I look in your eyes now. And I said, Mooji, you have no voice, but you're not dead. I will be your voice, and you, Mucci, will never die. The same as I was standing. The bunchies have been same. That was a long 60 seconds. It's still got 15 left.

It's breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh, but I'd love to hear a phone conversation between those two. Family reunions must be a hell of a thing. Now, obviously, John wouldn't want to pendele, like me, deciding his fate or his rabbit's fate. So instead of calling upon our live Phoenix audience to make the final decision tonight, if you think Ben and Olga and therefore John

is in the right applaud now. A few single dads in the room. All dressed like various heroes. Did you pop it up on the forums that you're in, Sam? But, if you think Abby and Shamus made the longest, but if you think they made the best case, please applaud now. Woo! It's kind of go to Aguian Shameister. It says here big thanks to John. Don't know about that.

John, how do you feel about the result, mate? Er, yeah, that sums it up, really, doesn't it, yeah? Also, you know pets at home just take like rescues. No, I didn't know that. There we go. Beef sold. So obviously this... Obviously tonight is featured. It's featured several breaks with tradition

and this one won't be popular. It's genuinely, it's too late and we didn't record one. We're not gonna do a quick fire round, jingle. So no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, we haven't record one. So we're just gonna crack straight on with the... Well, well, well. John Roberts. recordy one so we're just gonna crack straight on well well well well John Robin well well well Matthew Crosby

let the record show that wasn't me Clarke I don't know about you, but something about being on stage, the lights, the thrill of the crowd, the electricity in the air. I think we could maybe just riff on life. A LIVE! Quick far round jingle! Let's hear it! Let's hear it! Oh Jesus Christ! He's got the Dead Sea Scrolls! It's the round that goes in the blink of an eye. It goes so quick you might easily miss it. If you're not careful, watch out.

Don't confuse it with the slower early rounds. The ones where we chat and talk sharing ideas. Know this is the quickest of the rounds. So let's be clear what we mean by quick fire. We mean speedy, fast, or unusually rapid. Why the opposite of the other types of round, it's completely different I'm concerned that there is still some confusion about the contrast in the speeds of the round round, put your hand up if you're under the impression that this is a slow one. You better not actually do that. Okay, so that's about 90% of the piece.

So let's begin in the simplest possible terms. I know. I could it to the Oxford English Dictionary, and also known as the OED. Speed is the rate at which someone or something moves or operates or is able to move or operate. I'm getting cramped in my heart. Like a go-cut.

Like a go-cut or a maiden sewing embroidered. By the meandering waters of a gently running stream. Oh sweet maiden hear my cry from the rushes on the lake side. What the fuck is happening? My love for you springs forth like a sunrise slow and gentle Not hot and violent like the storms of autumn Will the light air piss through your raven locks of air And into the beating heart within

into the beating heart with it or a jet or a train or a toy car pushed by a child maybe a charcoal Graham, they don't get many Graham's anymore, maiden him I cry whoo, make it stop? So, for instance, Graham Nigel Keith or Tony. He's gone off an octave. He's certainly got gif, he's got it. So I missed out a line, we're gonna have to go by.

Or a jet or a train or a toy car pushed by a child, maybe called Graham Though you don't get many grey arms anymore, isn't it a crying shame? Nor Nigel's Keith's or Toley, push the toy train from A to B as fast as he could, that would be queer. Yes, it was. Unless relative to your expectations, Gray and push the car slower than you'd call quick. In which case it might be slow, or maybe a medium speed, Maiden hear my cry. So let's part the toy car pushing analogy actually.

I clearly just confused you further. Like the confusing look from a maiden, coily smile across the tstles of the harvest. LAUGHTER Come on, John, you're only on page three of 17. LAUGHTER Oh maiden, with that look I was entirely forsaken. Me? Make it before God. In the eyes of my fellow man, won't you close me with your love for you and lay me down on the cool, glade gleaming.

Oh, gross land. So who now feels they got their head round the difference between the slower early rounds and this quick fire round by way of a show of hats Ooh yes everyone's definitely got it now Oh no that's less people than before Only one man now understands the difference People are crying for a clear explanation. Made in here, my cry.

Let's imagine the world record for running a hundred meters is 10 seconds. And if you saw someone run it in 9.4 seconds, that would be a slow time. Play us out with the drum hit. Oh really, unless of course the person running in an hour was tied to a boulder or a ballad or any kind of heavy obstruction or if it was a maiden with flowing gounds pulling all around her, billowing and blowing in the fresh scent of the evening breeze. But who is that on the other side of the orchard? That handsome horseman astride the mahogany brown Mustang. Oh my love, don't run into his arms Before I've even shown you my soft longing Oh, my love, it can't be true, can't be true Your lips kiss his as I would kiss you. Oh sweet death released me from this pain

with this golden dagger. I inscribe your name upon the hearted enters. Made and watched me die. LAUGHTER CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING

CHEERING CHEERING CHEERING LAUGHTER The most second verse. Yes, this is the quick fire round. Why the way? An unusual use of the term play us out.

Go in, play us out, and then back it again. For another 40 minutes. Yes, this is the Quick Fire Round. Just about time for one final piece of advice. John, this is the Quick Fire Round. It's the round that goes... LAUGHTER ..which is why it's always quite amusing that it has a long introduction.

Yeah. A long introduction. Yeah, a long introduction. The introduction, it goes really long. It's an introduction that should go really good to you. But instead, the introduction, it goes on for a long time. Yes, it goes on for a long time. Yes, it goes on for a long time. This introduction should go really quickly. It's the introduction that should go really quick, but it doesn't.

It goes on for a long time. Sometimes longer than the rain bit sail. Because it should be a quick fire rain. Anyway, wait for clock itself, we're playing. I said just about enough time for some of the beat, yeah, I was wrong. Anyway, this is the quick far round and as our show is all about shoe horns remember that? I'm going to ask the players to shoe horn the word shoe into the middle of their answers. So if the question was, what is the name of the cocktail made from vodka, peach snaps and cranberry juice? You might answer, woo, shoe woo. If anyone still has the will to live, you might answer that. Instead of buzzers, I like to hear you call out your first names,

Ben and Olga, let's hear yours. Ben. Olga. Let's hear yours, John and Abby. Abby. Oh, maiden, here they come. Off we go in the animated Jack Black movies, what martial art does the panda practice?

All done! Old was just first there. Kung-shu-fu panda. It's correct, my generation, Babbo, Rally and Pinball Wizard, or other songs. John. The Shuhu.

It's correct. Name the Chinese American actor who starred alongside Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz in the movie Charlie's Angels. Tong green. No, I gotta drop. Yes, you have. Ben. And I'm like, forget shoe, you. Thanks for doing the thing.

Actually, I fucked you. That's the radio in it. It's for doing the radio in it, yes. Yeah. KEEP IN A GLEAD. Name this classical piece by Johan Strauss. Oh, Jen. John. The blue damn shoe, you. Yes, it's just a gift. I'm the blue damn shoe you.

Yes, it's just a gift. I'm going to give it to you. What's the name of Dave Grohl's band? John! John. The shoe-foot, Fushu Fighter. Fushu Fighter's is right. What's the name of Bono's band?

John! John. You shoe too. It's correct. Laying the online fashion retail. Happy! No, I mean... John, you shoot two. It's correct. It's correct. Lay the online fashion retail. Happy! No, I mean...

John! A John. Boushuhu. It's correct, yeah. What do you think university honours degree now? Is the Desmond or the Jazz... John, Ben, John. Two shoot two.

It's correct. And finally, it's one you've got to enjoy. One noise is a train mate. John! John! You absolute demon! 2-2-2! It's 2-2-2!

That's... ...good hell. You know what, thank you. Thank you very much. It's nice for John to get a turn really, isn't it? I'm so sorry, I went into my like, comprehensive mode and I'm sorry that's I feel like I feel like I'm getting a much of a chance to get a bite of the cherry this second half of the show. We definitely went for a like for like replace of the end.

He gets towards the end and goes, well I can fucking win this. So that is the end of the rounds and the end of the game, not the end of our patience, that was hours ago. Before we find out the final scores, Abbey, Olga and indeed John, if you got anything to plug, Olga, what have you got to plug? What have you got to plug? We'll be together at Ripley, Olga, where can people see you, where are you going to be? So in May, the second season of my Radio 4 Show, OK, computer is coming out, so please listen to it on BBC Sound. Woo!

Fantastic. Abby, where can people find you? You can find me at Abby Club comedy. Thanks. No, I also am starting a podcast. I'm recording the first episode of Thursday. And it's going to be called Worst Case scenario. And, okay.

Abby, I think you've just lived it. I'm in how. It's the worst case scenario and we're going to be, me and my friend Julia, we're telling survival stories and we will cover the traumatic tale of watching the rabbit. Robin. I'm on tour from September to December this year, 2023. Yes. He says it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's 20 shoe, 23. Dock him a point. And also in Edinburgh, do two shows in Edinburgh, and you can all the tickets are at John Robbins.com Fantastic Thank you to all of you guys for watching as always check out our patreon patreon.com forward slash puppies black share Like subscribe rate and review our podcast or just tweet recommending it to all your lawyer friends

producer ever that quick let's have one final fanfare and then we'll hear the final scores Yeah, the case again. Yes! Could you tell us where are they? I decree. John Robbins and Happy Clarke have 22. Woo! And overclock, and overclock 12 Oh Over and better by the Luthorne

John and Abby are getting the horn down and grobby sides being out of your baby Thanks to our guest Abby God Overclock guest in Captain John Robbins We've been Summer Cappies See you next time on Flashbacks Happy Flashbacks Happy Flashbacks, Happy Jamaica, Matthew Crockin Splashers, stand up, picture Matthew Crockett, you've been cocking John Robbins with special guests, Abbey Cork and Overcox, special thanks, a special advice from a course from Tom Perry, Trump in class from Winnieys Davies,

who is devised by Framys and Mel Walker, take the lecture to his invite Emma Corkett, Winnieys Davies, and it produced by Emma Corkett, we've been thanks to everyone of the Phoenix, all the wonderful folk who came to tonight's show, all of you are wonderful listening, happy Splashers, stand up as a secretive rock, your back, cast and the internet. Cheers everyone, bye!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, I enjoyed that a lot. I enjoyed that tremendously as well. What, I thought it was okay. It was just fine. Thank you, Ben. Thank you. That sounds a lot.

You're welcome. I, yeah, I missed... I did miss myself, actually. Yeah, I bet you did. I mean, you're thinking prints were on it, you know. You were definitely a presence felt in the episode. I was there. You were recording it.

We don't know, I was told it was at the moment. The room with the microphone, yeah. Weird. We just got a bit of stage fright, you know. John was there to step in. Yeah, John fantastic, Abbey fantastic, Olga fantastic, Glocky and I, well, needs a little work, but still, you know, you've got your money's worth on the other three, I'm sure. Don't forget the 12th of June,

if you want to see the full complement of Pappy's, back together with Josh Jones and Sophie Duker, get yourself to a Pappy's Comedy.comcom forward slash live and don't forget the Patreon code again is patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat shape you can get the discount codes for cheap tickets for that. You can also get a discounted ticket for both shows as well whether or not you're a Patreon member. So get that, come to see both of them, we'd love to have you in the audience, we'd love to have you there. Live a little for God's sake.

I got to say, live, live, guys. Live, live! So yeah. All right, guys. That's enough living, that's quite, I think you've lived. All right. That's enough of Shaking Live. Yeah.

That's the day's episode. I was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham. Corsham. Dreamorshin! Corshin! Team! Team! Cheers everyone! Bye!

to freedom at a lot for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.