Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ London Hughes and Alistair Green (Mend the Scratched Table) S09E32

Episode Date: November 5, 2019

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to mend the scratched table so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!London Hughes and Alistair GreenFeatures: Crisps, Confusion and EqualityLondon Hughes - https://twitter.com/TheLondonHughesAlistair Green - https://twitter.com/mralistairgreenPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatsharePappy’s Flatshare Slamdown features Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry with special guests London Hughes and Alistair Green. It was devised by Pappy’s with Ben Walker.Edited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in that moment. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear. It's Ben. Hello. It's Matthew. Hello. And it's... Hello, it's Matthew. Hello. And it's, hello. Hello. We are here to introduce another flat chest slum down.

A flat chest slum down. A flat chest slum down. Yes please. Welcome to another fantastic episode. This was recorded at the Phoenix pub, our spiritual home for Flanceland. Yes. Yes, except.

And actually, not where we first started though. We first started listening here in the old red lion, didn't we? Yeah. That's right. We used to alternate between the old red lion and the Phoenix. So I think our first ever one was in the old red lion. And it was hard work. Hard work.

Still pretty available. Yeah, lovely venue. Great. Oh, no, no, the venue itself is not, the venue is closed. Oh, our first ever episode is available. First ever episode is still available, yeah. Oh gosh.'ve never ever ever ever ever ever so it's still available. Yeah, oh gosh, don't go don't look back guys. Don't look back.

Let's look forward to this episode. Oh, yeah. And let's look forward as well to the the next live show. If you're a fan of flat-chested land down and you live in London or you're willing to travel, please tick tick tick tick tick tick. Tickety tick. Well, come on down to the Phoenix in Cavendish Square on the 20th of November. Get your tickets from tickatext.co.uk for the next flat chest-down.

Yes. We've got two amazing guests. Yes, for the first time a real-life married couple. Yes. Jeff Lloyd and Sarah Barron. They're very, they're two very funny people. They're very, they're very, they're so married, you guys. That's so married. So I very, they're so married, you guys. They're that so married.

So I like to say whenever I see them. So we'll see by the end of the yet though. Well, they still be. We'll pick them against each other. But yeah, come on down to that one. That should be a lot of fun. Find us on Twitter, as always. Keep supporting the Patreon.

We can't do this without your support. If you enjoy so much, you guys, for people who do sign up. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you very much. If you do enjoy this kind of waffle, then we're putting out bonus waffle all the time on the patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's Flat Share, they'll bring it. It's bonus waffle.

Don't put the back brackets in. Oh, okay. That will confuse the URL. The brackets are spiritual. Guys, the spiritual brackets hanging over our head, as indeed, is the sort of damnically, so we should move on. This is a great episode.

We had two brilliant guests on this episode as well. Yes, I have a listen and enjoy. Oh, we could tell them who they are. They are London Hughes and Alice Degree. I thought it was gonna be like a little surprise, although it's probably in the description. It's in the description, yeah. We would have clicked on their names.

So, Al Green is brilliant, he's, if you have, if not following him on Twitter on Instagram, his videos are so funny. They're the funniest thing you can do with 40 seconds of your day each day. Right. And London is, I mean, this is amazingly snagged her because as you can tell from her

Twitter, she's a big star out in the States now. She's having the best year of her life. She's having the best year of her life. Her show will become the sorrow theatre in December, I think, all the new year to catch a dick. Oh great. I will see you. Enjoy this episode and we'll see you on the other side.

Bye! Bye! Here's our work. We start every show with a little sketch which we kind of sort of vaguely come up with on the spot. We won't tell you what the what the chore is. You'll find that out during the sketch, but can I just tell you now this is a chore that our producer Ben here has been trying to push through for let's say about three years. We don't think it's a household chore. You be the judge as the sketch begins.

Tom Ben! What is it, Matthew? We don't think it's a household chore. You'd be the judge as the sketch begins. Tom Ben! What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it? It was here. That's fair. Now, Tom and Ben, one of you two has got to mend the scratch on the table. Oh, no!

The table scratched? Oh, my God. That classic household chore, there's a rotor. We do it three times a week. OK. Oh no. The scratch table. The scratch table. Which one of you is going to do it?

Is it going to be you Thomas? No, it's not going to be me. I had a terrible experience a few years ago when I scratched the table. Oh no. Yeah, I was at home trying to do a very experimental recipe. A high street sushi chain had asked me to come up with a buttery French pastry that was the flavor

of a spicy mayonnaise. And as I was trying to cook here, I scratched the table. My mom came home and said, is this your fault? And I said, no, it's the it's too shiracu show. your fault and I said no it's the it's to for a rat you show no I it's to for a rat you know what it's for a true show that was the worst thing I've ever heard of yes welcome well stick around. That was horrible. Thank you. What about you, Clarke? Ah, well, I can't go within 100 feet of that table.

Sadly, it's got a restraining order out on me. I can't tell you what it is. I'm accused of. Otherwise, it would be an admission of guilt. But it's actually looking like I'm going to win the case. Oh, good. Touch wood. Oh, no!

I like that one! I like that one! I like that one! London likes it. That's enough to start the show. There's only one bit of sell this. We're going to have to have a... ...Rachel's Rounddown! Hello and welcome to Flat Dance! I'm the panel show that says,

When you take me here, by the hand, Hello and welcome to Flatnet's Landown, the panel show that says, When you take me, by the hand, tell me I'm your loving man. When you give me all your love and do it the very best you can. Oh scratch the way, oh, oh, I like it, oh, oh, oh, Scratch the way, oh, oh, uh-uh, I like it, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, I like it, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, capital, one that under my roof, they're following my rules, I say hello to my tenants, Tom Perry and Benedict Cah. Ho! Oh!

Oh, my God! Hey guys. Now, obviously, guys, you cannot fix the scratch on the table. That famous chore on your own. Who have you brought along to hold up the yellow pages this month? Tom. Well, Matthew, the Jamboree was in danger. Oh, no. Yes. We've been rated the worst dressed this month. Tom. Well, Matthew, the Jamboree was in danger. Oh, no.

Yes, we've been rated the worst dressed event in the world. Who's thought was that? Mine. I invited my guest along to try and dress and go, see, the most fashionable person I know. It's Miss London Hughes. London Hughes is here. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ooh, like that. London, thank you for coming on the show. No worries, man. This is cool and weird. LAUGHTER It's more of one of those things, I'd say. No, I'm happy to be here. I'm really happy to have you here on the show. What kind of a flatmate are you? Are you a good flatmate? I don't know. I live by myself. You'd have to have my cleaner.

LAUGHTER I think Beatrice likes me. She makes me pire. flatmate are you? Are you a good flatmate? I live by myself, you have to have my cleaner. I think Beatrice likes me, she makes me pie. Beatrice is making you pie. How are you getting a cleaner to also make your pie? That's what they can do if you pay them. Ah, that's a good job. She likes to pie. She makes me a nice apple pie on Sundays. Oh my god. Yeah, and it's so weak, it's like, she's like a middle class white woman. And I just feel like slavery's reversed. I'm like, yeah! This is crazy.

But how much is a pie? How much is a pie? Yeah, yeah. I don't pay for the pie. Oh, you just pay for the whole service. Yeah. But is the thing, surely the cleaning service is fairly descriptive, is cleaning, right, isn isn't it? Yeah but you can get extras.

I think if I ask for that I get in real serious trouble. I don't think you would especially with your hair like that. Anyway that would be a really disappointing massage show. I don't know actually, someone's a nice massage and a pie at the end of the day. The end of the happy ending would be amazing. So if you donate $25 on the Patreon, yeah, that's all I want to do for you. Well London, thank you for coming on the show.

Clarke, who have you brought along with you this year? I have brought along my happiness and well-being coach. It's Alistair Green! Oh, it's the Green is here. Oh, what a real pleasure to have you on the show. Yep. I'll say more than this later, I just don't feel like it. Sure, okay.

No, it's all right. Why give away the pie now? To use a clean of terms. So... So, Ow, are you a good flat mate? What's your relationship like with your cleaner? So, Owl, are you a good flat mate? What's your relationship like with your cleaner? No, I don't think I'm a good flat mate.

No, I don't have anything to do with flat mates. No, I just keep myself to myself. And you would do? It's so weird seeing you in real life. What do you mean? Anywhere! Oh, sorry, that's my cleaner. I mean...

I was about to give you a compliment of a fuck here. That's where a little bit of fighting spirit. So we've met our contestants, but let's find out who will be sitting at the top table as we play Round 1. My mum was not fun holiday, that's working out of town. They said I could have party, but a few friends came around. I told them to be careful, because this was my parents' calf. But Steve has got some smurn on, Fice is gone, I've been laughed. Bucking lashes on the decks is blaring, fat but slim.

And Ruth gets out of not here, let's get some people in. Before I can say anything, the party's come alive Drain is hotboxing, it's forced to yes, they're wrong to drive Someone's used a microwave to explode an egg There's a panpot in the toilet and it's far bit on my leg Joe and Neil and Saz are kissing in my parents room And Susan loose a name, because she's mixed up a shrewd I wake up the next morning and I'm in a flower bed

The house is the only thing in a worst state than my head Everyone is legit and my parents on their way I start cleaning like a preacher who knows that it's just a day I scrub the fucking carpet and I chuck at all the tins I'm on my parents' bed she caused a stench for more than sins My mom and dad pull in as I am finished, ship the task. Did you have a quiet life the first thing that I asked?

Yes, I've got a way with it, it's game set and match, then tell me this you lie in, cut wires, the table scraps, the tables, ha! Ah! Oh, gosh! Oh, thank you. Thank you. Sorry.

CHEERING CHEERING London just said the most patronising thing in the world, which you'll ever win. I love how much effort you've put in. Well done, it's very sweet. Well, can I trump that? I'll just lean, then, instead. It's nice you play such a long song and no laughs either. LAUGHTER Stick the fuck around, mates.

LAUGHTER Round one is called itch and scratch and sniff. Now, I'm going to ask each player to rap about either something that makes you itch or something smelly without obviously saying what that thing is. The other player has to tell us what their teammate is rapping about. Now, I'll award a point for a correct guess but up to ten points for flow all right so Tom you can go first here is your itchy or smelly thing and I've got a guess where it's smelly thing is London you've got a guess what his smelly thing is

it's narrowing down your options Okay, DJ Bucket Louse, hit it. Bow. Okay. Oh shit, I got an itch because I'm on the cheeks and I go down the beat Oh, no, it's good. What am I gonna do? I'm in a cafe in Scott and something scratching inside my trunk No, nothing I go down with my finger nails and then it starts to flare it around Because something's down there little grounds of things where did it come from, seeing about it, no, we're going to shout it. Yeah!

Oh! Okay, I find that hard, it's sure that is a sleep at Motsong. You smashed it, but London, have you got any idea what Tom was rapping about? He was rapping about sand. He was rapping about sand in his swimsuit. Absolutely right, yes! Oh my! I loved it. Well, I'm going to obviously give you the point London for the correct answer.

Tom, I'm going to give you 7 out of 10 for flow. Not bad! Not bad at all. Not bad. I've got to say the mark quite high there. Okay, so Al, you're up next. Here is your itchy or smelly thing. Are you a fan of rapping? Oh yeah.

You just stop me, boy. It's not a rapper, no? Yeah, you really do. Okay, so Al, you've got your thing there? Yeah? Okay, he's got his thing. DJ Bucket Louse. You have to guess it. I mean, give me he's got his thing DJ bucket louse you have to guess it I mean give me all you got

Wow, I watched the thing on Twitter the other day about this thing and someone put a nice thing it and pulled out little Clothes of it and vampires hate it. I'm not fucked about rhyming. Because that doesn't matter. You know what it is. How long do you have to make me do this fucking thing? What it means quite obvious what the fucking thing is. It's karaoke on, I can keep it like two more minutes. Just two more minutes. No worries.

We can carry on this thing stinks. It's not pink. It's a different color. Don't worry. It's white. Quite bright. pink, it's a different color. Don't worry, it's white, quite bright, if you've got a light on, you're in the dark, you know, over a park. Why would you have it over a park?

I don't know. You're a busy man, you don't wanna eat at home. You wanna take this thing over the park with your frying pan. Cause you're homeless! You've got a little gas stove and you're cooking up your dinner over the park with this thing, because weirdly, your homeless is still like to eat well. So if you cook it up with a bit of lemon and chili, those

things go together, I'm a tramp, yeah I'm not my cuisine. Wow! Social Coventry! Is that social Coventry?? No! No it wasn't. So Ben, firstly I really enjoyed that, that was great because I thought there was a point there where you were ready to give up. But he carried on, unfortunately. He really did. You know what, but he carried on with the encouragement of his team mate and I love to see a team working together. It's a clocky, are you the wind breath house wings there? Have you got any idea what he was wrapping about? I believe it's garlic.

It was in fact garlic, I see right. And I am going to give you one point, of course, for the correct answer. And I'm going to give you six points for flow. Nice. Six points. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. All right, London. Listen. He didn't even run. What about that thing about thinking pink? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so before you start going, you can't give it six. Let's see how well you do London, all right? Okay, so there is your smelly or itchy thing. Let's see if Tom can guess what it is. Dig your bucket louse. Hold on, I've been open.

All right, okay, okay, I'm sorry, all right. Hold tight bucket louse, hold fire bucket louse. Well, we'll book it louse. Bucket louse. Right, get down off your decks, bucket louse. Bucket louse. Hold on, I'm not gonna say the thing at not. You can't say the thing at all. You can't say the thing at all, but you can do a fantastic 10 out of 10 rap.

Right. DJ Bucket Larson, are you ready? Make a grown man cry. Yo. London's here. Here we go. Let's go. Yo, I don't mean to be bitchy, but these things get me pretty itchy.

They buzz around when I'm on holiday and I'm like fuck off you shiters go away! Fuck the browns and they sting me. I'm like oh I did it, oh I did it dickass. I don't like them. They make too much noise. They keep me up and you see them in hot countries like Jamaica or another hot country. Yeah! I think we sure you know what it is Yeah, if you went to university So I don't need to wrap anymore could you got this one for free? It's okay. I'm right in your white. Let's do this the answer is what? I thought it's fine, but no cooking tips.

That's a really good point. What we're doing this for, guys. So that was actually very good. Thank you so much. I'm going to give you... Wow, the thing is, because I know Clark, he's good. I don't want to... I don't know.

But you know I'm not. I'm going to give you... On your own merits, I'm going to give you 9 out of 10 for the correct answer to Tom Tari there. So finally it's Clarke's turn. I think Seed and the Emelec's are on a stake. I'm going to agree that now. I like the effort we put in. We put in a lot of effort. Thank you for producing a win there for Se the ambulance. No, there's a producer. Okay, Glocky, you've got your itchy or smelly thing?

Yeah. Al? He's not. Let's see if you can work out what he's rapping about. DJ Bucket Labs, make those ones and twos sing for us. Ooh! Yeah! The strong motherfucker!

I've turned on! I'm turned on! Whoa! This stuff's good for soil! You've put it in and then you're done. Yeah! Whoa! This stuff's good for soil! Yeah Mother fucker Whoa this stuff's good for soil you put it in and it makes it nice It's been strong in the summer when it boils you put it in that it makes it the highest. Just two more minutes please, Garkey, just two more minutes.

It does make it high, Garkey, but come on, give us a little more flavour, please. Oh, I don't want to say what, but it comes out of an animal's box. Yes. And it makes it nice. Oh yeah! And it makes it nice. No, no, no, no. Well, you know, you might need, when they eat down, so lovely, hey, yes. And they bleed, so no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they, no, there's no bleeds. And it makes it nice. It makes it nice.

Not, not, not, not. It makes it nice. That's all nice. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh my God. You're a vision. You're a vision. Can I just say straight away? For back in vocals, I've got to give London an extra five points there. Yes, yes, yes. If only those expressions do explain how they made it. But they certainly made it something.

I think it was that, yes. So, so, Clarky. Clarky. Lovely. Lovely work there. Sorry very much. So tell us, Owl, you've goty. Clarky. Lovely. Lovely work there. Sorry very much. So tell us, Owl, you've got all the clues there. They bleach.

They bleach. They don't bleach, it makes it nice. What was Clarky rapping about? It was a confused horse menu. It was confused horse menu, is that see, right? CHEERING How about that? One point there.

And I think, I mean, it was really impressive. I think we should give an extra point to Al for getting that because two points to Al for getting it and I think a cool four points to Clarky for flow. It really did make it nice. Not gonna lie to you guys. Bad, it made it nice. Okay, DJ Bucket Louse, at the end of that round, can you give us the scores, but lay down a beat and make it nice. Make it nice.

I don't make it rhyme though. I don't worry about making it rhyme, just make it nice. Yo, Tom and Love and have 23, Ben and Al have 13. Oh, I live mix it now. Oh, no! It makes it nice. And it makes it nice. So Tom and Lundin are in the lead.

What I say makes it, you say makes it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. When I say makes it, you say makes it, that's makes it. When I say special pride, you say rise. When I say as do you say price, as do you. As do you. We've got rodents, what are they? What are they? What are they? That's got nice!

Oh my goodness! So Tom and London are in the lead, but we'll bet an hour ever be up to scratch. Let's find out as we play round two. It's flat games! Alright! Let's play together games. Let's play forever. Roll the dice spin that thing, put that down. Two is the toll. Games. If you lose you can't nothing. Games. If you win you can go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go version of Call of Duty, which you all remember was called Call of Booty. Now we all know that celebs love nothing more than getting down and dirty with other famous faces. I know that's true of every member of the panel. In this game, we're going to eavesdrop on their filthy conversations. Each team members... I've only learned and reacted to that like that

was real then. I think she's the only one who's technically a celebrity as well. I think that's the reason why. That's the reason the reason why. What's going to say that? Do check out our Instagram days, very good. Each team members give in the name of a celebrity, they then have to pretend to be that celebrity, making a sexy bootie call to their teammate who's going to be playing another celebrity. Now, obviously, neither player knows who their teammate is

pretending to be, so the object of the game is to give clues to your opponent using sexy chat. Once the call is over I would like each player to guess who their teammate was pretending to be so Tom and London you're gonna go first Tom that is for you London that is for you. Are these envelope sealed? These are sealed envelope so Better be So if you if you want to peel that open there and look inside Yeah, you got it. Yeah, okay. All right. This is okay. So and look inside. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The first rule of improv is shout hold on.

I'm to close your eyes. You've got to get in character. You've got to get in character. You've got to become the celebrity of yourselves. Hello. Excuse me? Hello. Pardon?

Hi. Are you sexy, Kant? Wow. Whoa. Because I want to make love to you and eat your sandwich because your sandwich is a shit. Has anybody else got a boner? You know, what's there you about that?

Well, you've certainly struck a chord with me. Really? Yes. You... You should fucking the kitchen, back of luck! You could really play my G-string. Really? Yes. Okay? Yes. Try harder. What? I thought I'd make it pretty obvious who the fuck I am, you stupid sausage. Yes. Sorry. I really like... What are you? A sexy Indian sandwich.

I could... I know you like to cook. I could be your sexy character. Seriously? Oh yes. Amazing. I love gingers. Yes. Okay. You could bend me over a pyramid and stage an orgasm

And stage an orgasm Pyramid I feel so sorry a white an orgasm What why would we be over a pyramid you and then we could stay a pyramid and we could stage an orgasm pyramid stage guys and pyramid stage and the shape of that field I really like I love with it be more sexy because a lot of people in that field oh yes you could unplug myhole because it'd be... Let's go, I think. It's a very big field of a very strong solid sexual line-up. Yeah. And I'm your sexy caratop, but I'm unplugged so you can unplug my butt.

Very amazing. I do want to do that. I like the shape of the field, I'm in love with it. Amazing. And I move more airing glasses in your arsehole! Okay, so... I feel like you both have a strong connection? You've got a really strong connection. That is actually the best date I've ever been on and I wasn't even on it.

So yeah, do you think you know who each other is? I do now. Okay, Tom, who do you think London was? Oh, sexy Gordon Ramsay. Sexy Gordon Ramsay, yes. Gordon Ramsay Molo. Gordon Ramsay Molo. Absolutely wrong. Gordon Ramsay, Molo. God, lovely stuff. He is quite a sexy guy.

He is quite a sexy guy, yes. And London, who was Tom Bing? He was Ed Sheeran. He was Ed Sheeran, yes. Yes. No, in the end. Wow. Wow.

Two points there to London. A little guy who thinks the phrase, you can unplug my art soul is sexy And also specifically linked to Ed Sheeran like I Mean I did actually He's a nice guy Okay He's a nice guy. Okay. Matthew.

Matthew, yes. All that effort for just two points. For Frato. Do you want them to give them more points? Do you have some bonus points for it being okay? Bonus points. Do you want bonus points? I would like some.

Yeah, John's point. Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not sure that's how games work. How many do you have some bonus points? I have some bonus points. I would like some yeah Games work Seven okay, fair enough you get some both points. All right Is that how the game work? Yeah, how did you want? I don't know 20? Okay, 20 yeah great That's the end why didn't you ask for 20 that's the guys that's the end of bonus points

We really can make a while so London I'm sorry That's the end of the way it works. You'll have to wait. I'll be doing bonus points later in the round. OK? But consider how many you ask for next time, all right? I'll be right for you after judging. Yeah. OK, yes. So they got two points plus seven points.

And they've got nothing else. They got 20 bonus points. Can you get two points for your sexy cool? I've got to do all this for two points. Bye. It happens. What? What are you imprimid into the white man? for your sexy cool. I mean I've got to do all this for two points. Did that happen? When you get pivoted into the white man, he don't want to walk for it no more.

That's right, that's why women has to come to the table and we won't try the hard for half the shit. That needs what happened. Hey, that shit, but... Oh, I've got plenty of work to do and I want to work on. Oh, what happened? When it turns out that you had to do it with just a ask. Box A. No, take it away.

E-quality. Yes, equality. Equality. Okay, whatever they're both on, let's round it up to the same amount. Okay? Right, so let's say they're both now on 50 point teacher, all right, that's a quality, all right?

Can I end the show? Was that end of the show, both teams, 100 points? Lovely. No, let's give them something to work for. Okay, you can do that. So they're both on 50 points now, okay? 50 points, 50 points of science. No, no, you fucked it because I was already in the lead.

Yeah, you really, you had to get plus. What, you wanted to be a quality get plus what you want to call it. London let's not. I'm going to be happy with what you had. I want that for those extra boys. Can't take them away. Alright, 57 to London and Tom. Thank you. And some other points we're going to find out later on about Wow, two out and Ben. Wow. Juicy Ben, I hope you keep in track all of this. So Ben, Ben and Al, your phone call is about to begin. Bring bring bring oh What are you wearing oh

sort of big pink Plastic costume around to my house to party. Yeah You're only touch my blobby Bobby. Yeah. He said, oh, okay. I won't be so judgy this time, don't worry. No, no, no, I'm going to lay down the law here. I mean, it's deal or no deal. What do you want? Okay.

Well, if you play your card tonight, you might be able to see my golden ex. Oh, ho, ho. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be able to see my golden ex. Oh, ho, ho, ho. Yeah, yeah, I'd love that. Imagine what that is. Is it in your box? No, no, no, no. I really don't know. You made me so sexy, I forget,

all my stuff about myself. Yeah, I know you've got... It's like at most, I know my name. Okay. And maybe one thing you've got it's like at most I know my name and okay and maybe one thing I've done in the past and even that I think I might be wrong. Okay, I love that that's what gets me going. That's what you do to me. Why have you got a golden axe? Oh but a golden axe. A golden axe. Yeah, I'll give it to you because then you're through to the final round. Oh, yeah. That sounds lovely.

Oh, yeah. I'm very polite when I'm wanking. Do you know what? That sounds absolutely smashing. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen you. Let me tell you, you've got talent. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

You're one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care which one. Just hold me. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you know who I am.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pretty much from the offset to being entirely honest. Yeah. But yeah, to be honest, I don't even know who I am. Right. Right. Right. Right, right, right.

So you know about yourself as... I have female. Your female! Yeah, I mean, yeah. That is... Yeah, it is next time. I mean, I'm next to you. I'm that.

Not fussy, that was my only... Yeah, yeah. If you're a a man I was fine with that as well Well, it's your it your a female. I still feel like it's quite a wide pool to narrow it out That's a huge shape for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Yeah I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm is there a time limit on this properly? I'm enjoying this so much Don't stop because I've nearly finished Well, you're vagueness. Oh, I'm a posh your posh

End of the round end of the round okay, Al have you got any idea who a bend was trying to be? Amanda hold it. It was a man to hold it Oh I love Fee man What else has she done Let's do it. She fat. Let's do it. That's it. Oh Marry She's got a lot of money. She's got money. Let's do it. Oh, what do you mean? She was married. True, wasn't she?

No, she just fucked him. You want to marry? I think you're married to him. You're married. She fucked someone else. That was the problem. Clarke. Clarke, any idea who Al was supposed to be?

Oh, not Leibman. He was not Leibman. Strong. So two points there. Two points there. Back. Two points there. Back.

Can we have 20? No, two. One. Two points in the bag. Can we have 20? You know what? I'm tempted to give you 20, but it got me in so much trouble last time. It's just not worth the hassle. It's a different time now, isn't it? It's a different time. Amen.

Okay, so producer Ben, if you can make any kind of vague... I mean, I'm glad it's not me saying this. If you've got any idea what the scores are at the end of that round in your sexiest voice please. I'm terrified. The rules, sexy fear. But I'm going to give both teams a hot 57 points. 57 points of both teams. Everyone's on there. We will be back with more Flash Air Slam Down after these messages. See you in a bit. Bye!

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.

After that, I feel red hot. The perfect temperature and color for our next round is B Brothers. Whoa! Whoa! You've got a problem! I'm calling a problem! Because you've got a problem! Call it a B! If you've got a B, B! round it's be brothers Yes, it's be brothers. We're Fair enough they weren't funny enough and they weren't. Yeah. They're all thinking it. Well, once again. Oh, thinking it.

The round. Finally, we meet our iTunes reviewers. But still, five stars. Five stars. Yeah, you're going to love the next one, mate. Oh, mate. I'd grab you to have another bag of crisps, by the way, you. It is beef brothers, where each week we ask our powerist to sort out a flat-shared based beef. And today's one comes from Miriam, who is in the audience.

Miriam, are you there? Hello. It's a short beef, and it shouldn't really be a beef either, because it starts my vegan housemates. Oh. Keep hiding my honey. Oh, wow. Okay.

It starts and ends like that. It ends. Gosh. It starts with my vegan, keep hiding my honey. Oh, okay, it starts and ends like that it ends gosh It starts with my vegan ends with honey And the words in the middle of housemates keep hiding. Oh, yeah, so it's a pure beef. It's a pure beef It's a strong beef It's a tofu. It's a tofu. It's tofu brothers. Thank you, mate. a tofu. Wait hold on no but ain't vegan. I think it's not to have honey. No no no no. Well that's fine now. Because it comes with the seeds mate. No it comes with a cow's tits. And you're not. Bees. You can't exploit animals if you're a vegan. This is thank you very much. The perfect voice. Are you a vegan? No, I used to be

You just you just retained the tone Yeah, yeah, we can hear it. We can hear it the volume of privilege I've lost so many friends to veganism last year. I can't fuck with them anymore because they're dickheads now. And I want to see. It's really sad that it's been happening. That is a real loss for you. It's a loss.

It's lucky that you're not on the vegan housemates side London. So, Tom and London, you are on Miriam's side. Ben and Al, you are on the side of the housemates. But before we make our cases, let's have a little cross examination. Anyone got any questions for Miriam? Now I'm assuming the housemates aren't here, but we do have a form of eager here

who can field some questions. I'm sure he will. And that's all right. So any questions for Miriam? Miriam, yes. Are you nice? Yeah, I think you sound lovely. You sound really nice, do you? I do sound nice. And it's a nice name. Have you ever met a bad Miriam? Miriam? Yes. Are you nice? Um, yeah, I think you sound lovely. You sound really nice. I do sound nice. And it's a nice name. Have you ever met a bad Miriam? Never. No.

All Miriams have been old or lovely. Old or lovely. So, okay Miriam, how long has it been hiding your honey, babe? I guess a couple of months. What, you know? They don't... That's a disrespect. They don't so much hide it from me. They just hide it from public view. So I like to keep it on the shelf next to the month.

What? I was pretty in it. In a little jar, yes. Why'd you guess to see your honey? What did they do to your privilege? That you couldn't afford honey? Exactly. You've heard of that, honey. You heard it. Yeah. privilege that you couldn't afford honey? Exactly. You've heard of that honey. You earned it.

Yeah. Do you know how this honey, my cleaner? Hey, hey, whoa. You're too dumb, devil, and honey. Beatrice keeps. Beatrice keeps. Beatrice is a keeper. And not just because of the way she makes her pie. Love that beer, too. Any questions from this side of it? Yeah.

What do you use your honey for? I put it in tea. In tea? Oh, Maryam puts honey in tea, of course she does. Have you ever met a Maryam who just put honey in tea? Oh, Maryam put honey in tea. Are you playing a hardigan? Yes, she is.

And a large straw hat. She's playing a hardigan. And a large straw hat. And you play long tennis, Miriam of course you do Any other quest any other question you enjoy those Is this your tactic for psyching out the other two? Yeah, because we've had complaints about us making noises on the podcast. A lot of it is just talking.

That is an absolute... Absolutely, very mild. What are you... Are you a meatie? I'm vegetarian, but I'm eating. The vegetarian. The vegetarian. Yes, the thinking man's vegan. Yeah.

A vegetarian. Someone who knows balance, bit of balance. Bees like making honey, right? It's a job. Because we're the people. They don't like making honey for other people. Can we? We've talked about it.

We've talked about it. We've talked about it. We've talked about it for the queen. Yeah, for the queen. Does that have a person queen. Yeah, I'm making for the queen. Does that have a person in B world? Are we about to have a fight? Yes! Here we go!

Is there anything else she has that they object to? Me, in it. She's a veggie. Oh yeah, I'm just a veggie. What's a veggie? Do they object to anything else, Bob? Not anything I do, but when they interviewed for new flatmates, they did specify that we weren't allowed carcasses in the fridge.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'm paying your rent! I'm not telling me what's in it. Sorry, did you say carcasses? That was their choice of words, but... They did carcasses. They did. Why are you...

I mean, vegans do you live with, Virion? Uh, two. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean Sorry, did you say carcass? That was their choice of words. Carcass is it? Why are you vegans? Do you live with Varian? Uh, two. Oh, a horde. I bet you're a couple.

A horde of vegans, they hunt in pairs. They do. Maybe I'm a day of couple. They're a couple. Oh, God. I believe vegans in fact. OK, in the Bible, right? God damn it.

Imagine the smell coming off that bed. Two cop believe vegans who fuck. We're getting in the Bible, man. God dammit. Imagine the smell coming off that baby's head. Too copulating vegans. I didn't smell like peanuts in it. It's like a peanut. I believe burly vegans are actually called a smug of vegans. That's not a yes, not a vegan. A pride of vegans. Yes.

If there are any vegans listening, we do love you. No, we don't. No, we don't! No we don't! You're annoying! I don't necessarily the views of Papi's Black Share Slam down. Certainly not. The views are the hosts of Papi's Black Share Slam down. No, no, no, no, stop it. Is it just you and the couple? And the extra who passed the No Carcasses rule. How do I want my wa wa wa?

Do you think they're caught? Stop it, pass it up! So there's the smug, then there's Miriam. past the no carcasses rule. How do what way will all that? Do you get caught? So there's the smug, then there's Miriam, then there's the extra. What's the extra? Yeah, what's the extra? I guess they just have agreed not to keep meat in the fruit. Are they a vegan? I haven't asked them. Do they not? I don't want to know. They must be too. It's such hijinks. It has to be a vegan. It has to be.

Surely only a vegan. Surely. To such hijinks. Surely we can only conclude. Only conclude. Like the extra. That the extra. Surely.

It's indeed vegan. Clearly. Clearly. Okay. Evidence points. Two. The being. Three vegans. to the being. Free vegans. Free vegans. Free vegans. Free vegans.

Free vegans. Tragons. Tragons. Tragons. Tragons. Tragons. There's an intriguing. Intriguing. With an intriguing. Intriguing. Okay, Miriam, we've got this.

Yeah, you've got this. Okay, now I feel like a sofa. That is enough information for you to make your case. So I'm going to call upon London Hughes, you have a minute to begin the case. You're the minute started apparently. Okay, let's do this. Here we go. You're the minute starts now.

My gentleman of the jury and the court, right? I ain't never been to court. And they're always bloody gentlemen, am I right? Where's the women? Where's the women on this jury? Yeah. I ain't never been to court because I'm not problematic. But... Well, you are, but not for those pieces.

I've watched a lot of Alimabill, I'm gonna do this. Yes, let's do it. Alright, so basically... A bar, there's a fish tank. Do you remember Alimabill? Yes. The best. There's no time for that now, Tom.

I'm sorry. Pop the shepherd, remember her. Oh, the shepard water purge. She could really sing. I imagine we finished years, we go to the bar, the shepards on the piano, and it's fishy everywhere. That was a good time. Anyway, that's a good time. It was a different time.

Madly, she's still got 25 seconds, so you're fine. So my client, Miriam, she's living in a house that she pays rent for. Rent. Yeah, you pay rent in it? Rent. Pays rent for. She can't afford a mortgage, that's living in a house that she pays rent for. Rent? Yeah, you pay rent in it? Rent.

Pays rent for. She can't afford a mortgage, that's not my business. Sure. No. What she wants, she comes home, she brings honey, she wants to enjoy the honey, and she wants everyone to know she can afford honey, she got honey money. Right? Yeah.

Thank you. But the problem is, the other proprietors of the yard that they live in, sorry, the house, I've got a bit urban, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, of the house that they live in. Don't apologize for that. Have told us, you can't display her wealth of honey because they find it against veganism, right? Anti-veg. And I'm here to say, fuck that noise.

Fuck that noise. Fuck that noise! Live on that list and let's all display our honies. Because sometimes it beats like that. Yes, great. London gives that, thank you very much. Let the record show, she popped a crisp in her mouth at the end of the... Oh, the record and the microphones will show that, don't you worry about that. Now, Al, you are going to begin the case now for the defence. So, you have...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know you're not going to do it once again. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So listen, I tell you what, keep that to yourself. Okay. What do I have to do? First rule of the courtroom. Never say, I've got no idea what's going on.

Okay, so basically they are on Miriam's side, they think the honey should be displayed, you are on the vegan side and I don't know, let me just say I think the audience are on your side as well. You're on the vegan side and basically you have to put forward your case for the vegans, okay, you've got a minute to do that, to show I want to say why Miriam is wrong but the vegans are right. Does that make sense? Nope, but I think that's it. Okay? You've got a minute to do that. To show you what to say, why Miriam is wrong, but the vegans are right. Does that make sense? Nope, but I can't. Okay, you've got a minute.

And you said started. Well, I mean, I, I, let's say it has. Okay. Okay. What, has it? Your minutes does now. Okay. Well, I'm defending the vegan.

Yeah. I'm defending the vegans here. Well, and what happened against? I'm genuinely forgot. I didn't know what exactly he said at the vegan. Yeah, defending the vegans, yeah. Well, and what happened against? I didn't want it that time, he said the point. I didn't want it that time. Okay, your vegan housemates are hiding the honey. Okay, welcome to the shallal. I'd love to know what you've been thinking about for the last 10 minutes,

because you've just checked out, haven't you? I was thinking about Noel for the last ten minutes because you've just checked out, haven't you? I was thinking about Noel Emmans. Okay. Okay. You're, I'm defending you. No, no, you're defending the vegan housemates. Oh, sorry, I don't understand. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. How long's left? You got 15 seconds. Oh, fuck off. Oh, the vegan housemates hid the honey. Sorry, how long's left? You got 15 seconds. Oh fuck off. Oh. Oh. The vegan housemates hit the honey. Well, that's good. Oh, I get it.

I get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let's start again. Your minutes starts now. I've got it. I've got it.

Well, no, the point veganism is that you shouldn't exploit. Vegan see it as you're exploiting the produce of the bee, so they're right. You just man's been in veganism. Why is she interrupting me? Okay, you're gonna be in contempt, of course. In a second, I'm gonna write. I got it, you're on it. I got it, you're on it.

I got it, you're on it. I got it, you're on it. I got it, you're on it. Carry on, you've got to 35 seconds. No, actually I'm glad she interrupts it, because I was confident and they lost it after that. I lost it. I lost it. I lost it. We normally go and ask how it's going so far and increasingly as this round goes on, that doesn't need to be asked.

Miriam, how are you feeling? I'm pretty positive. Yeah, you should do, yeah. But all of that can change because you've got the second prosecution in the form of Tom. Now, Tom, are you going to be doing this as yourself? No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of a deep-south defence lawyer Oh, from a John Grishenlund. Mr. Fanshawer Standard. Fanshawer Standard, deciding and providing your minutes should you need it against now

Ladies and gentlemen after jury hey hey hey hey hey we've been listening to a lot of big words there from them their lawyers from the big city they come down here and talk about them veganism around here we Christian folk I don't know about that there them veganism. Hell, round here we Christian folk. I don't know about that there. No veganism sounds like some kind of a cult to me. Hell, they in the barn at midnight, dancing with the goats. Round here we simple folk, we church going folk.

I recognize you there from the vestry. Cleanest vestry I ever heard. Don't stop cleaning there now, Vetras. Thanks for the pie. Firm is crust I ever did taste. You know what I'm seeing? Oh, this talk here now of hiding your honey. Got me thinking of a star that I'm sure you won't know. It takes me back now 10, 12, 15 months. Y'all remember the old tradition of this town, the biggest beard competition. Who can grow the biggest beard, little bit of fun?

Get us through September, beard month. Let's grow. Yeah, that's the phrase. You remember the tragic tale though of little Jonathan? Small lad, puberty, firm growth rate. Strong, mustache, favorite for the tone of them. Mom of dad made him a proof. Can't go out there with a beat that size boy? Why don't the town say poor little Timmy John?

Yeah, it was Johnny Timber. I think his nickname was Timmy John. Timmy, Timmy John. Oh Johnny Tim, they never call him Johnny Timmy John. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy sorry, Mary, me fucked it. We were going well. I didn't know what I thought I'd gone to where I went. My English friend here, she doesn't understand our ways. You know what I'm saying here.

You know, Tim and John's dealing with 752 and growing his. No man can survive that sort of thing. He died that night. Ingrown himself to death. Things would have been different when he put him on a pedestal, hell, where to build a statue. All I'm saying is when the Lord gives you a bid, you enter that competition. You put your honey on a shelf.

No further questions, y'all. Well. Well, I think what Fan Shores proposing Miriam is a beard of bees. It's worth a try, but obviously all of not last, we still have the final case for the Ben Clark, your minute should you need it? Begin now. Well, well, Miriam. You bastard. Now it's with your honey. As we, as we vegans call you. Oh, we're a vegan, I am. Well, tonight I am.

Right now I am. We need the shit. That's you with your bloody honey. But look, I understand, Miriam. It's hard living in London. The rent, the house price is also hard. You have to live with people. You can't always choose who you live with.

And then the whole time, you're trying to work to desperately get enough, you know, get enough so you can live in your place and the landlords they're just leaching off you. Well, Miriam, how do you think the fucking beast? There you are, coming along. Taking their shit, all I'm saying is, you know, it's put honey in your tea You can still put sugar in your Nights You gotta make it nice Nights

Nights Nights It didn't do it once or did it twice I don't like sugar, I like spice That's honey Yeah, honey Very good point How it's really good.

The son of God is Christ. I'm blessed though I don't get head. Lies. The German word for white is Vies. It's all facts, that's all. That's my catchphrase. All facts. That people don't get headlives because I hear it's greasy and they don't like that environment.

So you like that? I did not know that. I love it. Tom does get headlines, either. I killed their environment. A scorched earth policy. You know, it's homeless lines. That's what I do.

So, now, two very strong arguments which are the shames that were four people speaking. So. Ah! Now, two very strong arguments, which are the shames that were four people speaking. So I have to throw it open to our Phoenix audience tonight. So if you think London and Fanshuur and therefore Miriam is in the right, I would like you to applaud now. Oh, it's strong, it's strong. The clap to the address is very strong. If you think Ben and Al, well, if you think Ben made the best case applaud now. You did it, you need it.

You would need it. Be back. It was really good. And he had a call back in it as well. Yeah. I think London's the deciding vote. I think the vegan to plan vote. I think the vegan to one.

The vegan to one. The vegan to one. Vegan! The vegan! I can't take it. Taking our honey, take him up. Don't know. Don't talk to them anymore. So, next up, if Al and London thought our jingles were long...

Oh, shit! We're getting another packet of Christmas. Yeah, you're going to need a packet of Christmas. This is the quick, far-round jingle, and it's always fun to hear to watch someone listen to this for the first time. Let's hear it. This is the quick, far round. It's the round that goes really quickly

Which is why it would be much more suitable if it had a quick introduction It should have an introduction that lasts merely seconds A pithy jingle that goes, What a quick fire round, let's go! And then it's fini That would be the dream What a quick fire round? Let's go! That's all it would be, and then we'd be quick firing.

It's a catchy jingle. It's an earworn, the kind you would sing in the shower. You'd get in there and be scrubbing away. Don't watch me in the shower. You'd be scrubbing in the shower, and then suddenly it would teach you. Wow! Quick fire out! Let's go! You'd sing over and over, but instead we've got this really long jingle it just keeps going It's not I think you would have seen this in the shower Because you'd run out of hot water

This jingle's more of a traffic jam kind of jingle. It's being stuck on the M25 and not knowing when you're going to move. It's like when you're sat in a chair on your patio thinking of days gone by. Thinking back. For example, thinking I used to produce a podcast and it had a long jingle. Ben Walker reminisces. I remember those days I used to say let's have a shorter jingle, but know the jingle would stay really really long

And so I got out when I could and I stopped producing the podcast Just to give my brain a rest enjoy your retirement bed Get out while you can Get well soon mate I'm not sure the reason why you're leaving But anyway, I guess that's it now It's time for us to get back into the jingle Let's get on with the quick fire around here. It comes

Quick fire round. Yeah Al I like you like that one I actually like it because it was actually funny Al. I liked it. You liked that one? I actually liked it because it was actually funny. Finally. Finally funny. I laughed.

I laughed, it was worth it. Great. All that matters. Al. A bit of a song I've ever heard. Great question. So in this quick far round, we're playing Scratch That. Now I'm going to give you a question.

I'd like you to give me an answer. And if I don't fancy that answer, I'll say Scratch That. And you have to give me another answer to the same question. For example, if I said name a thing that's cold and you said ice I'd say scratch that and you'd have to say another thing That's called like my heart. So for your buzzers. I'd like you to shout out your first names Ben and Alex here those, Ben. Oh, love you sit very quick No, but that's not fair Do you want to do a single syllable? Do you love? I love you, I love? Yeah, do you?

I love Lung, done. Yeah, great. You're done. You're Lung. Let's hear it now. Lung. Done. Lovely stuff.

First question. Give me, yeah. Why not? Yeah? Well, you can, you want to, you want to, I think London uses my spirit animal. Yeah. It genuinely do. I mean, you are both equally annoying.

You can't say that to me. That's sexist and racist. Anyway, why is I got a bell? Shush. Shush. I mean you are both equally annoying. LAUGHTER You can't say that to me that sexist Anne Reese. LAUGHTER Why is she like a bell? SHIRST! Shut up!

She's earned the fucking bell mate, alright? Do you know what? She took the bell I thought, I can argue about it, I can just give it the bell. I can't do it! Just roll over and give it the bell. Where is he? Okay, that's not what I meant. LAUGHTER Okay, that's got what I meant. I'm a married man, I'm gonna challenge on the way. I just want to blow me in a...

Why'd they give it to me? Really, every time you give her the bell, my mouth water. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE APPLAUSE Oh, horrible. I feel like I'm low at the tone of the show. Yeah, you really have. Great, you really have to bow time. I'm using a musical act beginning with B. London.

I'm going to have to hurry, eh? A musical act with blues. A musical act, the blues. A musical act, not a genre. Blue, Ben, the band blue. Yeah, well I'll take blue, but scratch that. Bob Dylan. I'll give it to you.

A naughty word. But Ben. The bell's quite fast, isn't it? It is. It's against his name. Can we stop calling it the bell, please? I guess. She's the bell of the ball.

She's the absolute bell of the ball. Give us an all too word. I'm not going to scratch that, I loved it. Something you put in your mouth. Ben. Fuck seven. Scratch that, a bell. I'm going to take it. What?

A day of the week. Done. Scratch that. Scratch that. I'm going to take it. What? What? A day of the week. Tom. Two days. Scratch that. Scratch that. Perfect. Scratch that.

I'm going to set Friday. A night of the only a granny would wear. Tom. Ben was first there. A henette. Yes. I'm going to accept that. You're trying to use dead.

Whoa! Guys, it's funny because it's true. Why don't you love Ben? A night of cutlery. Tom. London. Whoa Guys it's funny cuz it's true Why don't you love it? A nice McCutlery Tom London a fork. Oh, I love that's right away a celebrity beginning with ah Ben Ben Rachel Riley. Oh double-lar scratch that and give me double-lar Robert Reed. Robert Reed was actually on Robert Redford. Robert Redford, I'm going to accept that. The greatest film of all time. The greatest film of all time. Don't be London. Fountain Neema.

It's not bad, but scratch that. The Godfather. Scratch that. Momentos. Yes, now we're talking, of course it's... I've got it tattooed in the West of the Netherlands. Scratch that Yes, now we're talking of course it's Of course it's memento I've got it It's a sick film

It's a sick film guys another word for Bob it's nice Ben it's nice Ask but scratch that Booty Booty I'm gonna accept a dessert Tom Tom Sunday's That's the day of the week you've got Booty, I'm gonna accept a dessert. Tom, Tom, Sundays. That's the day of the week you've got a party. But scratch that.

Mondays. Happy days. A cartoon character. Tom, Tom, Donald Duck. I loved him scratch that. Defi. Duck. Clarke.

Oh, Mickey Mouse. Yep, they're all cartoon characters. Something you stroke. Ben. I think London was just off. The cat, the animal. He's in the way. He's going the both. Okay. Scratch that. My beard. Yeah, gone. I love how much it's flirting's flirting has got us tonight. I've never seen you be flirted at points so much It's really was that next to London view. It's really work. It's all my beer something blue

Yes Blue is blue. Yeah Blue is blue is blue is blue is blue. I'm a new job. Yeah, it's blue is blue. Hey points now Someone you hate Blue is blue, yeah, blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is blue is Boris Johnson. Scratch that. I'm quite a lovable person, who do you hate? Vegan! Vegan! I see that you've never told anyone. London. Oh baby.

I fancy Matthew Crosby. Oh! Okay. Something. I'm not a scratcher. I'm gonna do something else to it, but not scratch it. Something young people do. Tom. Tom. Work. Something you scratch that? Don't work. I love it. And finally, a great sing along. Tom. Tom. How many special people change? How many lives in living strange?

Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly water. But not yet, that's what you got to. So, before we find out the final scores, London Al, if you've got anything to plug, you'd like to the people who enjoyed this podcast. No, no, no. I want to plug Al. Yeah.

Big big of foul. I want to plug Owl. Yeah, big, big up Owl. I was so funny, you can't tell today, but he's so... Ah! Yeah. He's so likeable and so funny on Twitter, but it just doesn't resonate through podcasts and real life.

So please follow him on Twitter. He's really funny, he's me, he's a mon-twitter. Yeah, he's really funny, he does little videos and he's so really funny in the videos. So please, please respect Alan. Please be fans of Alan. Do follow Alan on Instagram. What's his handle? It's sort of a compliment.

Mr. Alistair Green, if you want to look at him. He's really got guides on the thing. Really funny. Really, really funny. The London Hewson, they have a preval there. And it's the time for you to return the compliment. Yeah, you've got to plug me back. Never leave that there.

LAUGHTER Can I also plug myself? Yeah, of course you can. I've got it. I've got a show it's called To Catch A Dick, and... LAUGHTER ..at the Pleasant Attic at 815.

And... What's To Catch A Dick about by the way? What you at a wonder? It's about my love life and it's no holds barred and literally tickets are selling at hot dicks. So please get them now, because the previews all sold out in a day, I'm going to have to write the show now. So please, fucking come to Edinburgh and see me, thanks. The tickets are selling like dickets.

Really? No, I'm really happy that white people like me. That's great. Appreciate it. Well, if you like this podcast, please leave us a review on iTunes. Also, if you'd like to give a donation, you can do that at shittianmoney.com. You can also search the Patreon. And of course, we can't end the show without saying a big, lovable thank you to Ben Walker,

everybody. Yeah, you're welcome you to Ben Walker, everybody. Ben, the producer Ben. The producer Ben. Yeah. The producer Ben. He has been with us since 2011 when we started this podcast. Not one of the only people that's been with us. It was producer Ben's idea, producer Ben came to us

and said, you guys should do a panel show. We said we don't think we'd be very good at panel shows. We proved him right. And still we kept on doing it. So yeah, this is all down to the end. Then why are you leaving? Producer Ben. Where you going?

Where you going, Ben? Why are you leaving? Got a better job. Just a bit too busy now. Yeah, it's very nice. He's got a fancy new podcasting job. Like the page actual money. Job the page.

He's got a job that pays for the first time in eight years. What's it like? What's it like? What's it like making money, Ben? Ben lent us some money. The job is to quit at the P.O. Box mate, come on. So, be honest, be serious, be honest, mate. Now let's produce, produce a bend for the final time. Let's hear those scores. Well, I've worked out both ways.

OK. Well, equality, please. Well, equality, you both got 100. So what, that's three ways. OK. OK. So equality, 100, 100. OK, 100.

OK. Let's just make it clear to everyone here, we don't think that's what equality is. OK. Just as you know, I've already been arguing with people on Twitter today about that sort of thing. Okay, 100, okay. Let's just make it clear to everyone here. We don't think that's what a quality is Just as you know, I've already been arguing with people on Twitter today and that It's been a hot topic. It's been a hot topic. It's been a hot topic. Oh, sorry. No, that's just equal. Isn't it fine? Yeah Just equal. Yeah, that's it. When we gave everyone 57 points. Yeah working from there Ben and now have 67 Tom and London have 83

Ben and Al have 67. Tom and London have 83. Oh! I love it! So Ben and Al get to mend the scratch table while London and Tom get to create even more by dancing on top of a table with little old me. Thanks to our guest London Hughes Dallas degree, we've been Pappies. We will see you next time on Plum! Happy flash, yes, lab now! Happy flash, yes, lab now, Fiji and Matthew, close with Ben Park and Tom Murray, Special guest, lovely Houston, Alex DeGrene, New device, white package, and new to Ben Walker, New to Ben, oh!

Assisted some reduction by Emma Corson, and finished with the end of the tip by Emma Corson, Big thanks everyone, came down, see the recording, and to everyone at the feet of Emma Corson, Happy flash, yes, lab now, there's a single new's production for A-Cast and the internet, we'll miss you DJ market louse! Cheers everyone!

Bye! We're flared, Chef Sam Moude. Before we finish, as well, Tom, do you want to do this? Keep it nice, everyone. Keep it nice. Yeah, we've got a small gift for Ben Walker to say thank you for his... Yes! Yes!

..of dedication and hard work. He generally is the foundation for the whole podcast We decided to get you a bit of scratched wood Yeah, so we got we because you've been trying to get this scratch table. Oh, well, we've we've had a small bit of table frames Then scratched so there you go. There you go And could we give it another? The reason for the hair cut is the bear more. Sorry, in a moment, you're going to hear the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call,

and it was recorded in the public house in Sydney. Mmm. Our favourite booze, because we are also about to record the drunk house meeting that we record once quarterly. And you can hear on our Patreon if you go to patreon.com, forward slash Pabbie's flat share. Enjoy! Please be upstanding for the pub-based neighbourhood watch Patreon, not roll call! Cheers! Thought that would sound a lot more satisfying.

Just sound like loading things clacking together. There we go. What's the way it goes? You can stick him in a van. Yes. You can blindfold him. Yes. Drop him 20 miles away from his nearest convenience store.

And he will still try his best. That's right, he's everyone, he's a survivor, he's George, he's Paul Best. Right, firstly can we say you've had one sip of beer. No, no, no, no, that's good because George Best is very aproposive for the fact we're in the pub Some cutlery over there. I was trying to go with test. Yeah, he'll pass the test. Yeah You can stick a sack over his head. I can call shikya You can bundle him into the back of a van, drive him thousands of miles away. You can spin him around three times, you can tickle him, you can take the sack off his head, and he'll still be able to find his gawton.

It's Alex Gawton. You can stick a sac over his head. Too right. Or their head. I don't actually... That's spelling. Stick a sac over their head. Their head.

Stick a sac over their head. Regardless of the spelling. What's going on in the back of a van? Take them to... The docks. You lost a lot of your Fretty There you go when you started to question what was going on So hang on, are we so careful? Are we supposed to be they're down the docks?

It got it take them to the docks Can I just check the right person? Ask questions later Come in the river. I'll still find their way back. It's their Jamie H.O.X. You can toss a fucking scarf over this guy's eyes. Whoa, fucking, fucking, I'm gonna sack over his head.

Stick a pair of gloves onto his fucking hands. Make sure he's nice and warm. Put him in a van turn the fucking heating on lovely Miles don't tell him where you're going let him out the van and and tap him on the jazz And he'll still find a way to be watching his favorite movie by the end of the evening It's just Let me tell you about this. Let me tell you about this guy. Oh god, let me tell you.

You're about to tell you. You know what you can do with this guy? I'll tell you. Remember, but it goes in, air goes out. Not at the same time. I'll tell you what you can do with this guy. You can take him out on a Caribbean cruise. Oh, look at that. You can take him out on a Caribbean cruise. Oh, you can take him out. You can take him out of the Caribbean cruise.

It is an absolute element. You can put a lovely beach towel down on the deck. You can rub Santa and Logan. A bit of fucking room, sir. Into his other regions. You can pop a pair of shades on him. You can pop a hanky on his head. And you can say dinner is served at 7pm.

6pm, it's 30% off, early bird special. He loves a bargain, the cunt. He loves a f**king bargain. And he can still say my name is Oliver Hackett. Because his name is Oliver Hackett because his name His name was Oliver Hackett. He's known was Oliver Hackett. Oh This guy this guy You could you could chuck a sack over his head

I'm going to fuck you a lot more. You fucking hell. You're driving me out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside.

I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside.

I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm driving you out into the countryside. I'm lovely, you're the lovely, lovely news. Yeah, be a big, big district co-year. It take him out, take him out for us. Take him out of the couch. Oh, yeah, that was probably not true.

Nice, nice glasses, stout. Nice glasses. Have a lovely ramble out in a field. Don't worry, don't worry. You don't worry. Are you talking to the class, mate? I'm not returning that to the pub, don't you worry about it. Don't you worry about it.

For a lovely, don't worry, the fields, the fields fall on. Oh, yes. Not ruining any crops. Yeah. Yates crops, the cubs. And still, and then he crops. Yeah, he hates crops, the cunt. And still, he'll find his way home. Okay. Why?

Because he's Benjamin Malo. You could take this absolute piece. Oh, yeah. He's back. You could tie it in the world, toss it. But I'm from his feet into a sack and say, I'm telling you, it just like, he's talking to his feet in the rest of it.

He's a sports day. It's a sports day, all right? You toss his feet and say, you say that we've been training months for this, you absolute toilet. Yeah. Don't mess this up for me. But it's the twist.

We're going to Barbados for three weeks. All inclusive. Yeah, forget about the sports day, you fucking piece of ram. And then you stick him in the hotel, six stars. Oh, honestly, you come from the bar straight on at the beach. No expenses spared. You say, where are your trunks mate? Did you remember the ingam? Oh he's fucking forgotten man he's left him in his other sack. Now his vintage Matthew ing, barf, you fucking piece of work. I fucking love you so much.

I can't get enough of you. And your idea what I feel about you is it's banish. I believe that anybody feels the way I do it. Boy, a fit for you is banish, and I can't even put it in a sack. You can. Yeah. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.

Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's a like theaters December 15th.