Pappy's Flatshare - Slamdown w/ Tom Allen and Laura Lexx (Chopping the Wood) S09E27

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to heat the hot tub so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a Flatshare Slamdown!Tom Allen and Laura Lexx join the teamFeatures: gowns, red lights and page turnersTom Allen - https://twitter.com/tomallencomedyLaura Lexx - https://twitter.com/lauralexxPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatsharePappy’s Flatshare Slamdown features Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry with special guests Josie Long and Ed Gamble. It was devised by Pappy’s with Ben Walker. Big thanks to everyone who came down to see the recording, to Gwyn Rhys Davies for helping out and to the Underbelly Southbank for having us.Edited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom. A pop in the book. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters for December 15. Hello, Matthew from Pappies here. Welcome to another fantastic episode of Pappies Flat Share. Slammed down a little quick thing before we begin. It's an interesting episode this month. We recorded it at the Underbelly Festival on the South Bank in London and as you can hear it was a very fun show. We had two great guests, Laura Lex and Tom Allen. The games were very fun. The audience were incredibly fun. However, very very early on in the actual recording of the podcast, we did a little bit of preamble before that once we started recording

the podcast very very early on, they gave us the red light at the back to suggest that we had run out of time for our elotted slot and if you run out of time and you go over your time, you get fined. But we, well, you'll hear. As the episode goes on, you'll hear we really, yeah, it was touch and go for us. But enjoy it. And if you'd like to get in touch with us, there's always the Twitter, there's the Patreon as well, if you would like to support us in our ventures. Because, you know, time is money. And we're're running out of time as you can hear from this episode Find us on Facebook all the usual places and if you are in or around Wales this weekend Then we are also going to be in or around Wales

We're going to be the Aberyst with comedy festival doing flat chest slam down at 3.15 So find all the details on our Twitter. I'm sure it's all there at Pappy's Tweets. But most of all, sit back, relax, and take a little bit of time to enjoy this episode of Flat-shell slam down. Torn, baby!

What is it, Matthew? What is it, baby? Oh, thank it, baby? Oh, thank you, baby. Firstly, I love being called, baby. So keep that up. Secondly, what did you do? It's going to chop all of this loose firewood.

Listen, Matthew, it's not going to be me. No? I'm not going to chop the wood. Let me tell you, I've got a terrible experience about that. A few years ago, someone sent me three tools that you use to chop down trees. One from Iraq, one from Iran and one from North Korea. Thought lovely, I'll put them up in my house. Those axes fell off the wall and killed three people. Turns out, it was the axes of evil.

Oh my God. That's going back. It takes us right back, doesn't it? That's right back. It takes us right back, doesn't it? That's right back to 2002. It's really true. Have you got any sex documents? Reps, he wants to be a dross. That's my name for your script. It is actually.

It's incredibly so. Clarke, what about you? Well, normally Matthew, you know me. I do a crash joke now about getting wood or... Yes. ...get my chopper out or... out, or drilling a hole in a piece of wood and fucking it. But according to my brother, I'm a lib-tard cuck and so I can't fuck anything, I'll earn a piece of wood. Although it does beg the question, how much wood could a wood... Godfuck, if a woodcut could fuck wood.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well, there it is. What's funny about that is that it's exactly what your brother does to you, is that it. Oh, he is old. LAUGHTER Well, is anyone going to sell this? We're going to have to have, eh? Flash, yes or no! Well, is anyone going to sell this? We're going to have to have a Flash. Flash! Oh no!

Flash! Flash! Flash! Oh no! Hello and welcome to Flash. Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash!

Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! Flash! This good thing That I got cuz if I do I was surely Surely loser locks cuz your locks are better Then any loves I know they're like thunder Lightning The actual holding is frightening. You better chop some wood.

I'm most in love with Maggie Cosby, you're at life. I wonder if any festival here on London's Fashionable South Bank has been organised in the movie last chance Harvey. And while they're under my roof, they'll be following my rules. Let's say hello to the tenants. It's Tom Perry. And Benedict Clark. Hello! Hello! Hello. Hello. Hey, pals.

Thanks for coming on the show, you guys. Great to have you back. Lovely to be here in a big tent. Thank you. It is a big tent, isn't it? Yeah. It is a big tent. Now, obviously, you can't drop wood on your own. Who have you brought with you this week?

Tom. Well, listen, Matthew Terrible News. The Jamboree is in danger. No way. Yeah, we were Terrible News, the Jamboree is in danger. No way. Yeah, we were voted worst dressed experience of 2019. Errating experience of how well they're dressed. Yeah, I know. So we've got to sharpen up our act. We've got to look good. So I decided to bring in the most well-dressed man that I know. Mr. fashion himself. Tom Allen.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, you got two kinds. Two kinds. I love a jamboree. I love a jamboree, so I don't know why I wasn't as sooner. The Bear Girls always gets in there before me, doesn't he? A little bit. Bear Girls famed for his jamborees. Famed for his jamborees.

Famed for his jamborees. Now Mr. Fashion, it's great to have you on the show. Thank you. Please call me Tom Fashion. Tom Fashion. T-fashion. T-fashion. T-fashion. T-fashion.

Hey T-fashion. I don't mind T-fashion, actually. T-fashion. T-fashion is on a lot of time for T-fashion. Yeah. T-fashion. What kind of a flatmate are you? Are you a good flatmate? I'm Tidey.

I can believe that. I loved a Buffer Tag. T-Fash, Buffer's a tap. I will buff your stainless steel till you can see your face in it. I love to clean a bathroom. I love to get into the nooks and crevices. I thought that about you.

I don't, but I will not stand for a mess. I'm not stand for it, okay? But I think that's for everybody's good. Can I ask you, what, because it sounds like if you're getting those nukes and crevices, what constitutes a mess? So what is your absolute, what were you tolerant? Well nothing.

I don't have the least tolerant people I know in fact, I've always thought that I'm 18 fashion. Yeah. It's the fascist. That's what I call it. That's what they call me. I don't like T-Mex on the side of the sink. I don't mind a bit of a frying pan being left unwashed up. Just half of it. I don't like it being thereex on the side of the sink. I don't mind a bit of a frying pan being left unwashed up. Just half of it.

Just, I don't like it being there for too long. Fair enough. I won't stand for an ironing board left up beyond its use. And I don't like it when a dank sink is left undrained. Oh, that's good. And don't get me started on leaving a cloth in that or a sponge in that dank water, which some people do do.

I know what you mean. You sometimes you forget. you do the washing up, you come down the next morning and you're like, oh, there's this sort of weird film of Pesto on water. Like a sort of orange, like a B-Joo washing up situation. Yeah. Just wash up Pesto jars, that's all I do.

What are you doing? It's all I do. To put T-lights in. I think that's not a bad idea, actually. Not a bad idea if you're getting married. And not a bad idea if you're getting married. Take a sack of pesto. Yeah?

What a terrible wedding plan that you would be. Here's some pesto jars or some T-lights. Oh, God. Four fashion, T-fashion is T-light. The T-fashion wedding. Yeah. People are gonna go for it. Post-Brexit.

Post-Brexit. We're not gonna post-Brexit, mate. All Brexit. It's not going to be a pest-dope post Brexit, mate. Alright, it's just going to be Marmite. Thank God. Thank God. Everyone wants a brown clover there, wedding. That's what they're after. But you have a sort of weird brown clover for all the tables. It's very romantic, people don't mean.

It's incredibly romantic. The weddings that I organise to pay my rent as part of the flat chair. I've thought this whole character through. LAUGHTER Because he's nothing like his off stage. And Tom, thank you so much for coming on the show. Ben, right. Who have you brought along with you this week?

Well, I have bought my magic, the gathering, card-playing partner. Lorele! It's the... CHEERING No one thought he was going to finish that sentence. card playing partner. Laura! It's Laura! No one thought he was going to finish that sentence. Oh no. No. Least of all Clarkie there.

Laura, thank you so much for being a guest on our show this week. Now, you are a married person. Yeah. Marmite, are the wedding? No. Which, by the way, is one of most displeased famous songs. What kind of a flatmate are you? I'm alright as long as you don't mind listening to my opinions on how you live a lot. Oh, it's a straight.

I'll run the house quite nicely, but you'll hear about everything I've done. Do you have that kind of passive-aggressive? What are the kind of key, unpopular opinions you have? I don't know if I'm a twat or my husband is. Well, you know what? Let's find out. I said to him the other day, hey, like, this is the fruit's going rotten. Let's eat it.

Bless you. And, um, see I'm friendly. And, um, and then he said, I'll take a banana to work and then just move that banana from the fruit bowl to the hall. And then, it's been there for four days now. He didn't say what day he was going to take it to work. He didn't, he didn't specify. to the hall and it's been there for four days now. Didn't say what day it was going to take it to work. He didn't specify. I'll take it to work at some point

over the next six months. I think I'm actually a really annoying house mate because I quite aint know about some clean stuff but then I love gardening and I quite often just walk mud through the house and not really notice that. So I think I'm a dick really. I'm sorry to have brought yourself a steep down. I've already packed up on you here. I've realiseded a wiggly box you into a corner, magey. So we've met our contestants, but let's find out who's top of the chops as we play round one. Got a pearly 9 a.m.

Them twigs have got to be dry If I'm gonna use them Oh, that is good I need that wood so much But it causes strife. Living in London's own three, and got no tree. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Table or wardrobe I have no fear Cause I'm a chopping man And I'm banged from going to Ikear No, it's not allowed to go to Ikear

That's not a... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE APPLAUSE It's close, isn't it? It's close. No one. And all joking aside, he is actually phenomenally talented at Hilton John, isn't he? LAUGHTER

So round one is called Kindle Surprise. I'm going to give each play player the title and back cover blurb for a book that I found in my local charity shop, and I would like them to give me three first lines from that novel, one of which would be real, the other two will be made up on the spot. Now the opposite team has to detect for a point which one is the true work of literary genius,

if they get it wrong, the point goes to the player. Ben, I'd like you to go first on this one. If that is chosen, I'll pay with you. Your book is by your namesake, Ben, Ben Brown, Sand Steelers. War is one hell of a story. I'll read you a bit of the blurb from the back. Danny Lowenstein. Yes. Tom's making notes. You gave me a pen and paper, so I thought I should do something. You actually should. I just wrote Danny Loans. We've all written Danny Loans. Yeah.

Tom and Tom are our stenographers for the gig. So Danny Loans, can you say ever of a sudden, I'm gonna call him Danny Loans. You can't, he's gonna be something with at least one of your surnames. Danny Loans, Dean Perry. Danny Loans, Dean Perry. I like it. Not bad. If I got two surnames, what's the Lowenstein? The child will say to you, and you'll say,

no one's going to fuck with you at school, son. LAUGHTER Pretty strong words for a child. That's right. Because no one fucks with the Jews, right? LAUGHTER Danny Lowenstein is a big shot walker responder with the world in his feet.

But when an interview goes wrong and he's ambushed on a lonely road in Iraq, questions are asked, was it a set up? And was he really sent to his death by one of his own, the tight knit group of adrenaline-addicted journalists? Oh come off it. Who is supposed to be his best friends, Rachel, Becky, Caps and Edwin, other junkies, together they've been through thick and thin and see the horrors of war yet there's is also a title spent turning to a sitcom is the kooky gang of friends? Becky's here, Tony, they're all in the rack, what? It's like

Seinfeld me, it's Bravo 2-0, yes there's also a tangled rubber intense relationships and dark rivalries could one of them have become Danny's killer. So spoiler alert, he dies. So there you go. Yes, of course, yeah. Did you just have to show Ben where the first life is going? I was.

You're talking with Arthur Green at the beginning. He's not tackled them before. I didn't want to read the ISBN number or something. So Clarky, OK. Busy, scrib to read the ISPN number or something. So, Clarky. OK. Busy, scribbling down the words, Danny Loans. We've all got Loansy next into our minds. Clarky, three lines please.

To paraphrase Frank Skinner's. But you're not safe, can be hard. Love it. But it depends on what is stealing. Stealing sand is the hardest. And already, I can feel this job slipping through my fingers. It's very strong, isn't it? Stealing sand is the hardest, okay?

Let's have another line. The gold is pen of bent block line Ben Clark the golden pen of Ben Park or is it the golden pen of Ben Brown? Danny Lowenstein did anyone make a note of what the main character was called? Danny Lowenstein had a premonition. He wouldn't die that day. Oh. Could be that a knick. Full stop. Okay. Okay.

I got his full stop. No, I put full stop in. Oh, right. Yeah. That was me. I did a really good impression of Clarkies. Oh, it's just listening. I'm now Clarky. Doing a call to the exit. I'm not Clarky. Yeah, mate. Yeah mate.

Right, let's have a third live from your lawyer little face. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Low and scene. She shouted from the other room, coming in here, you absolute toilet. What's the matter now? That's good.

Oh, god, it's hot. It's good. It's strong. Okay, Tom and Tom talk us through your thought process. I immediately, in my head, said rule that anyone that has low esteem in the first line. No, but now if you come up with a character with a name like that, I mean you've got a stick. You've got to stick the good to the front. Yeah, you've got to put it in the shop window give the people what they want Danny low and Steve Danny low and Steve Danny low and Steve the Cockney journalist of Iraq Are you tempted by stealing sand it was so rubbish wasn't it To be mean about someone else's work isn't it but that was so rubbish

The falling through your fingers thing. A Ben Brown is not great. Ben Brown, what are your thoughts on parry? He's Ben Brown Darren's brother. Or is it Dan Brown's brother? Who's the Dmitcikite? Oh yeah, that's what it's called. Should we go in number two?

Dan, Danny Lerl and Steve knew he would die that day. Should we go in number two? Don't Danny Lerlundstein knew he would die that day. Yeah, that seems like the sort of thing Somebody who wrote a book like that would start a book with It's your call. Oh Don't put me under that sort of pressure. I've just moved in Come on T-Fash. I've been cleaning the sink all day Yeah, sorry about the whole episode. Sorry about that Pesto Yeah, so much Pesto. I had to burn it all off with my mate.

We're gonna go with number two. Number two, Danny Lowenstein, you would die that day. Can you read the correct line? Danny Lowenstein, at a premonition, he would die that day. Yeah! Well done, that was well played. I'm gonna get, of course, a point next to Tom and Tom. Such strong word, though, from Clarky. Well done, mate, you was robbed.

OK, over to Tom Allen. Shit. Now, your book is called Love, Lies, and Lemoncake by Sue Watson. It's fun. It's heartbreaking, and it's absolutely bloody hilarious. The favorite kind of now. Can I tell you, this, you can add this after

as if you like to read it, because it does sound very gripping. Fay Dobson has lost her sparkle. Of course she has for a job, oh. Hey, a fan of me? What's her name? Fay Dobson. Fay Dobson.

Not any anyone. No fan of it lost her sparkle. Fay Dobson has lost her sparkle. Living on film star fantasies and vague memories of a marriage that once was, she can't help feeling that life is passing her by. She dreams of being whisked to Paris for dinner, making three wishes that the Trevor fountain and having sex under the stars.

That sex under the stars are really involved quite aggressively. But the wrinkles are multiplying, her husband's passion is for plumbing, and the nearest she'll get to Rome is a takeaway pizza. So when fame eats Dan, the gorgeous Australian surfer guy working in the local deli, she can't help but wonder what it would be like to see the world. He's blonde, tanned, ten years younger, and bakes the most amazing, olemncake. Unlike her husband, Dan actually listens to Fay, his smile makes her feel fizzy inside, and when he smiles, oh my god. But it's

fate being silly. What would dance in someone like her and even if you didn't have feelings for her, could she give everything up to be with him? It's a laugh out loud, bittersweet comedy about taking your life back before it's too late. Not my words, the words I've ever wrote this and didn't attribute it to anyone. So... LAUGHTER There we go. Fade, Fade Absent in... in... Sue Watson's Love, Lies and Lemoncake. Now... The first thing I think we should mention is the fact that

Watson and... What's her name? Er, Fade Absent. Does sound a bit similar. Do you think it sort of semi-automat graphical? I think it might be based on... Par Memoir. Par Memoir.

Par Dream. OK. OK. Chapter one, film star fingers and fake bake. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. The rain dripped down. Hmm. The barter and window. Hmm. Oh. Hmm. Another Tuesday.

That's not bad actually. That's not bad at all. I'd read that book. I want you. He breathed. Slighting his warm hand under my gown and slowly, sensuously, along my thigh. Do you do audio books? Because you should do audio books. I do them right now. It was once I've made a gown sexy before. A gown, right? Usually associated with hospitals.

LAUGHTER What I liked about it was it was both quite sexy and also quite football scores on grandstacks. Something like that. She had build Wednesday, no. LAUGHTER And you just see it in their way, a big, big, great just star. Oh, there's Dave and McCarrie, yeah, traveling back from Christine and Bob's. You don't know them.

Anyway, I don't know myself. No, I'm just saying Christine. Oh, not today. Not today. Today. I can't be bothered to listen to his whining all over again. Okay, all very strong, yes, all very strong, very plausible. Let's face it, you've got a pagejourner in you.

You really have Tom. That sounds rude. I wish I'd been a finger. Ben and Laura talk us through what you're thinking and feeling at the moment. I'm feeling very confused. All three of them seem very plausible. That's not the second one. Okay, will we have all out of second? The second no, that is Tom's idea of sexy heterosex, who the kid? No. You didn't pass, dog. You didn't pass up a phrase. No one's using the word thigh and gown in any...

No one's using the word thigh and gown in any way. No, no, no, no, no. The third one, that was some good acting if it's that one. That's either Tom's played a bloody blinder or it's not that... Yeah, you kind of pause, but I believe he's walked that one. He's a sly one and now he's looking, no, I can't. He's doing a real poker face. The first one was Rainy Tuesday.

Yeah. That could be it, couldn't it? Oh, definitely. I don't know. I'm tempted by the third one, but maybe he's real being with us. I'm pretty quick to make third as well. Okay, let's go third. Let's go third.

You go into the third one. Could you please read the true first line from Love, Lies and Lemoncake by Sue Watson? Chapter one, film star fingers and fake bag. I want you. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

And slowly sent you. Oh my god. Oh my god. You're a better novelist. I'll tell you what they're leaving right there. I'll tell you now, it actually starts with her fantasising about Shaggin Ryan Gosling, what was lying in the bath. So that's how the book starts, so that's where that comes from. Oh, we've all done it.

We've all done it. Tom's been back in slag. LAUGHTER Ryan, I shouldn't be here. I said admiring the way he held his glass and moved his hand around my body at the same time. It can't have been easy, and I'm rubbing ahead and patting your stomach in sync. Oh! Oh, very sexy.

I have washing to do. I panted. Oh my God, a woman. Then I have to clean the windows, then I'm oh making the tea mmm he didn't care he was too wrapped up in lust as twinkly eyes this can't be the podcast this can't be the podcast it should be the podcast I tell you what I think the losers have to read my book and the winners get to read that

I was hoping for a juicy detail than that but it looked like Sue actually dragged that out for a bit longer than she needed to. Classic Watson. No page turn is involved. Okay, so Laura, your turn is Sting's autobiography. Broken Music. Classic. It is a classic. Is that also Clarkie's birthday present? That sounds like it. Classic it is a classic is that also Clark is birthday present so There's no blurb on the back, but I'll tell you what Rolling Stone magazine said about sting What a fucking Noah's not

Get out of the SD, okay this remarkably candid memoir is meticulously composed and exquisitely detailed This remarkably candid memoir is meticulously composed and exquisitely detailed. Stings, gift for prose and reverence for language, nearly equal of his musical gifts, shine on every page, even when broken music addresses the quicksotic lifestyle of an aspiring rock and roller. It reads, like literature, from more rarefied time, when adults didn't condescend to the vulgarities of pop culture. So it's high-brow. See what's in did. LAUGHTER

I'm going to give you the book here. Thank you. OK. Uh-huh. Are you a fan of Stinglor? No, but I believe he is in the tail. LAUGHTER Keep up. Thanks, guys.

Why didn't he call it that? Yeah, that's true. We might find Was that the first line? Right. Eight hours later, the chief was really setting in. I was like, what's the point? I'm just going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm so excited. Was that the first line? Right. Eight hours later, the chaff was really setting in. LAUGHTER I ran my hand along her thigh on the other hand. LAUGHTER That's number one. That's that tantric, the chaff.

The chaff was setting in. By the way, are you a fan of the chave with Braddie Walsh? Paul Sinhal's my favourite chave, absolutely. It is a winter's night in Rio de Janeiro, 1987. It is raining and the boulevard in front of the Coca-Cola Bernal Hotel. It's not pronounced like that. and the boulevard in front of the coca-pecabana hotel. It's not pronounced like that. It's deserted. That's number two.

OK. Number three. It is a truth universally acknowledged. But a single man in possession of nimble fingers must be in want of an instrument. Oh, you would do that. Oh, that was a really nice one. Next ball up to the last two out of the bag. Okay, he's such an asshole, isn't he?

He'd write in the notes. Hey, hey, hey, hey. He's a builder, gold, not a dude. Did he put my likes in? I like him. Clark, he likes him. He's all round of his music. Well, let's just say that. Why the hell do you have an asshole?. He's a round of his music. Well, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's you thinking about staying and what do you think about Laura's three lines? Oh, I thought the third one was especially great.

Yeah, the Rio de Janeiro one. A 1987. What year was it? 1987. 1987. 1987. The year he was born. No.

But the third one I thought was so great because it was a sort of thing that he would write it was Yeah, it was suitably pompous. Yeah emulating Jane Austen. Yeah, you know in the way that he kind of likes like Quentin Chris But let's do you go for it? Let's go for number three. Let's go for number three. I think it's not Would you read the first line please lower legs Let's go for number three. Let's go for number three. I think it's number three. Would you read the first line, please, Laura Lex? It is the Winters night in Rio de Janeiro. It's a fantastic day. So the point goes to Laura.

I'm afraid no point is it Tom and Tom. It is good. Now Tom, Harry, it's your turn. And I couldn't believe it when I saw this in the charity shop Sometimes you have to fight dirty to get clean I've got a feeling they're going to be some really long for this kind of stuff. Sebastian Rudd takes the cases no one else wants. The drug adult punk accused of murdering two little girls.

A crime lord on death row. A homeowner accused of shooting a swat team. Like, come on Rudd you dirty bastard, let's do it. Stop all this. I swear, I'm fired at swat team. Get off my fucking law, blah, you're passing, let's do it. Stop all the way, Swat. I'm being a fighter, Swat team. Get off my fucking law, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, my God. LAUGHTER

That's my rules, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're so... I was going to the toilet, I didn't know they were all being there. I love that your status as to whether you run or own is important if you shoot her for swathing. I have a homeowner. It's okay. I've come up with the bag. Rudd believes that every person accused of a crime is entitled to a fair trial, even if he has to cheat to get one.

He antagonises people from both sides of the law and his last office was fire bomb Okay, I know I found that funny Take my friend you're my friend at the moment the news His last office was fire bomb either by drug dealers or cops he doesn't know or care which Fire bombs are fire bomb We want ourselves to me but are about to get even more complicated for Sebastian. Oh my god.

This isn't name you're going to enjoy. Arch Swanger. Arch Swanger. Arch Swanger. Arch Swanger. Oh, you're a Swanger. He doesn't love it. That's five swangers.

Arch Swanger. Arch Swanger. Oh, you're a Swanger. He doesn't love it. That's five swangers. Arch Swanger. Arch Swanger! Arch Swanger! We're honest. Arch Swanger! He doesn't love it! That's five swangers out of five for that one.

Arch Swanger! Arch Swanger is the prime suspect in the abduction of presumably a 21-year-old Julianne Kemp, the daughter of assistant chief of police, when Swanger asked Sebastian to represent him, he let Sebastian in on a terrible secret one that will threaten everything Sebastian holds dear. Wowie Arch swagger Arch swagger so rogloier there's your book Tom could we have three lions please Ladies. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My name is Mr. Sebastian Rurt.

Full stop. Well, stop. Okay, believable, plausible first line from Tom, from John. What's the second one? You ain't gonna meet many lawyers Whose office is a fold booth And whose waiting room is a roadside cafe But I guess I'm not an ordinary lawyer.

My name is Sebastian Rudd. Okay, full stop. Full stop. My apologies. Let's hear the third and final line from Rogue Lawyer. My name is Sebastian Rurt. Though I'm a well-known lawyer, you'll not see my name on billboards, on bus benches or in the yellow pages. or in the yellow beages.

Full stop. Full stop. Very strong. Very, very strong, uh, pre-lionster. All intensely believable, all too believable, but the man has studied the character. He's lived it. What are we thinking? Laura and Ben? Jesus griefers, I mean it's hard. It is hard, isn't it? I want to roll out the first one. Is this an America? LAUGHTER What, most in the tale, if it were? Well, just do they have yellow pages there?

I was my question. I wondered if they have yellow pages. I would like them if they do. They do. Thanks, audience. No, please. I quite like the middle one, but we've wronged us, don't I? So, now I would like the movie to do. Thanks, audience. I really do. I quite like the middle one, but we've wronged us, don't I? So now I don't trust us. I like the middle one.

Yeah, me too. So you just have that one, haven't I? Yeah, right. I think if he did it, he deserves a point. He did a little eye flicking up. He was really looking a different way on the last one. I'll be happy to hurry you because I think it's that red line we've run out of time. I was really looking a different way on the last one. I'm going to have to hurry you because I think it's that red line we were on round one.

Oh my god, I literally don't want to say. It's caught a past. We've got 75 minutes. We can cram the last half of the show in 15. There's four rounds. I'm so sorry, we were having so much fun, and you just run such a nice, very big round. I love that you're talking to the red light. I'm going to the red light, is it? Salon, please, love the line, let us remain. Well, we're going middle one, then, for expedient things.

Which one do you go for? The phone booth in a cafe. Yeah. The office in the phone booth. Let's hear the first line, please My name is Sebastian Rudd and though I'm a well-known lawyer You'll not see my name on billboards and bus bitches or in the yellow pages Amon C-Fax So it's on par Perry gets the point there.

APPLAUSE At the end of that show by which I mean round. It's a locking, guys. It's by yourself, the receipts. They're going to have to throw us out. And then that round. Tom and Tom are three and Beth, they've been a lower on one. OK, so Tom and Tom are in the lead.

But, Ben and Laura aren't quite for the job just yet. There's still everything to play for as we hurtle, quicks we can! LAUGHTER Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to add in love for.

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's the like theaters, December 15th. It's around two! It's fun games! Yay! We can give up! Games! Let's make forever

Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that down Who is your toll? Games! If you lose you get nothing. Games if you win you get no. No, no, we ain't leaving. We have a lot of time. We're leaving. Go, we're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere.

Launching the goals. Yes, it is. It is flat games where this time we'll be playing our version of Red Dead Redemption, which we're calling red dead Remention here's how it works each team has two minutes, and it really has to be two minutes Till as many things that are red or dead as they can player once or something red player two Then says something dead then player one has to remention both those things and make a connection between the two of them, okay? So if player one said blood and player two said Dracula

There's got time that's a bad example. There's gonna be a If player one said the light that they've just flashed ours. Yes, I'm playing two said our chances of finishing the show tonight There is absolutely no connection to those two things The opposite team can challenge if they don't agree with the connection. One point for each red or dead thing, two points for each successful connection. Is somebody keeping scores. I feel like we've got opportunities just panicking over there. I've been told to, okay, somebody's keeping scores good. Oh my God. Feels good to be alive.

How do we play around that lasted 45 minutes? It's just I love a literature really, isn't it? How do we play around that lasted 45 minutes? Just everything I love of literature really isn't it? It's alright, the final round's quick fire, so that goes quite well. Okay, so Ben and Laura, you guys are up first. You have two minutes and if you'd like to challenge guys, you can of course challenge and I will either allow or disallow the challenge. Your time starts now. Lips. Bacon.

I eat bacon with my lips. Well, I do. Who I mean you eat bacon with your lips? You stuck on my lips. Oh my God. Listen, you know he's got no teeth. Don't take the piss out of him. Overruled. What?

The Labour Party. Is that the red thing or the dead thing? Oh. Sorry? Hitler. Oh, he was the founding member of the Labour Party. Oh. I'm going it allowed.

A poppy. Princess Diana. Keep in the light, I know. They're both commemorated in a nice way. Nice, nice. Please flash the light. Books. Books. Books. Oh, oh. Nice.

Thoraheard. I wrote Thoraheard's autobiography. What was the first line? We haven't got time for this. That was the first line. Nail Varnish. All of my pets. You famously put Nail Varnish on your pets' claws.

What killed them? My heart. Elvis. I donated my original heart to Elvis to try and bring him back to life it didn't work. The sun during the sunset. How have you run out of red things already, Carthus? There's a red table coffee probably for God's sake. The planet Earth in about 40 years. Oh! Both dying stars. No. That's all the time you've got in for, yes!

I mean, I mean, the earth is in the star. It is gone. The earth is gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone 28 Tom and Tom to the other plane field. I'm gonna ask you to play green alive. Re-mentioned so it's green things people are alive Your two-minute starts now Leaves the Queen the Queen loves Lee's baby Hang on what Queen? The current Queen she's not dead. She's Green alive that's an incorrect challenge. That's one point yes You get up that 28 green peppers John major a former prime minister

What's prime minister during the time that green peppers were used in the show? Environmental policy The first thing that we used in the show was... Lovely. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Environmental policy. Oh! Oh! While we hate ourselves... Ever what's... Ever what's... HATES Environmental policy.

She uses single-use plastics all through her desk. I don't know what. How many times did she use? Oh, what? Oh, grass. Lenny Henry. Lenny Henry. I, uh, looks out at the grass in Stratford when he's performing at the RSC. There's a lovely... During the show. No, from his dressing room. Ah. It's lovely. The traffic lights say it go, baby go.

Emelda Staunton. LAUGHTER That's great, Harry, on the show. Emelda Staunton is colourblind, so refuses to stop a traffic light. LAUGHTER It's a good fact. It's a good fact. It's a strong fact, spread it around.

An under-right tomato. Um... It's a good fact. It's a good fact. It's a strong fact spread it around. An under-right tomato. The former England cricket batsman, Kevin Peterson. Oh, loved. She's into marghti sandwiches during tea time when he's playing cricket. Well, in fact, about him. He did.

My shirt. Oh, and... And the ex-leader of the Labour Party, Neil Kinneck. Oh! Neil Kinneck's dead, is he? No. Kinneck's not dead. Kinneck's not dead, he's a...

What a way to find out. He's a European Commissioner for a lot of these vizs. He's a man. Is... Is Kinneck not dead, is he? No. No, no. Guys, breaking news.

LAUGHTER I bought this shirt when I saw former Labour leader Neil Felix Sun wearing it in one of his press conferences. That's your time. Oh! Let me finish. OK. It's not really how time works in these games.

It's gone yet. Yeah, let you finish. Where he was advocating just how alive his father was. Very impon-speech, then. Very powerful speaking. Producere Emma, how did they do at the end of that? If we're allowing that last one, 29. 29. Oh, okay. All right. Well, speaking of red and dead,

grab your tenderizing hammers, and side-to-side-to-give-the-just the justice system a right good wallop. It's B brothers! Woo! Woo! I have a problem, I've got a problem, I've got a problem, I've got a problem, I've got a B, if you've got a B, then maybe we can help you

B brothers, sorry, I got your Bs. Yes, it's B brothers, we're each week, we ask our panther to sort out our flat-share base, B, why are you talking fast? And tonight's one comes from Matt, who is in the audience, Matt, are you there? Hello. Hi, Matt, Matt writes,

what? The place, Matt. No, I'm just... LAUGHTER My flatmate left a dead pigeon on his window sill for three weeks. OK. Now Ben and Laura, you are on Matt's side. Tom and Tom... You're fucking right, we are.

Tom and Tom, you are on the side of the flatmate. Now, does the flatmate have a name? He does, it's Will. It's Will, and it's Will here. He's here, fantastic Will is here. Oh, okay. So, Tom and Tom, you are on Will's side, Matt, you are being supported by Laura and Ben.

Time for a cross-examination, I mean, there isn't. But there's time for a cross examination. Any questions for either Matt? We'll start with Matt and then we'll move on to Will. It's on the windowsill. Inside or out. Outside. Outside.

Outside. It's not a murder investigation. But you know, if it was, Sebastian Rudd. Was it a pigeon that you knew? Not personally. Not a friend of the fam. Good big murder, dead now, so. Okay.

Any questions from Tom and Tom? Well, it's very fitting that someone who respects the dead is called Will. And he was just... That is conjection, Adam. You've got any questions for Tom, or for Matt or for Will. Matt, do you hate animals? No. You don't think they're equal to human beings? No.

Do you have content for our winged brothers and sisters? No. Do you think animals and humans are equal? Yes. And yet you think it's ridiculous that this man would honor the memory of a pigeon by a husband. That's just some questions. No, I'm not asking questions.

That's just some questions. Tom, you've got to take your nan off the window, so, mate, it's not under a government window. It's what you want it! I know that Will gets ripped. Right, you will. She's still alive. Right, you will.

She's not coming in. I tell you, Fash, you've got any questions for Matt or Will? Will, you left the pigeon out. Is that correct? Yeah. Oh, I love how bright it is. Yeah, we're about to move in. Yeah.

I would think you love animals. Yeah. Will, when you say yes, don't shake your head. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit.

Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Have you ever killed an animal? No. Have you ever eaten an animal? Definitely. Have you eaten a pigeon? Yes. Not that one.

No one said that one makes very quick to me. Not that one. Okay. Okay, I think that is enough. I hope that's enough information for our teams to make their cast. Oh, can I ask, I've got a question. You've got one more question, of course, Tom. Yes, but... You've got one just to give me back.

Yes, yes. That's not the question, that's not the question. That's not... How are you going to get people's attention? I got excited about my question. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Um, what happened after three weeks?

I pride it off the window sill with a pencil. With a pencil. With a pencil. Was it downstairs or an upstairs window? Third floor flat. Did you pride it in the street below? A garden. The garden.

Is it true that you have always been worried about the rat problem in your area and you thought like throwing a pigeon off the window sill like that would just be like, you know, a buffet for them. Exactly. For the rest. For the environment. Yes, for the environment. It decomposes, it puts nutrients back into the sill. The nutrients go into the sill, the sill will then grow plants.

Circle of life. This is conjecture. I think that's enough. We can see the red light, guys. Oh, the red light! I think she's got no one else to do. So that is enough information for our team to make their cases. Without further ado, I call upon Laura Lex to begin her case for the prosecution. You have two seconds. Right.

So last year, a pigeon flew into my water, but on my allotment and died, and I couldn't sort it out quick enough, and it was the heat wave. And so I basically slow-borrowed it for a few weeks. And then three weeks later some pigeon parents moved on to my balcony and I felt so guilty about their dead family member that I let them breed on the balcony and but long then, where a year later I'm up to my knees and pigeon shit because they live there now. That's their territory. So

you have brought down a pigeon curse on your housemate, because all the pigeons flying by will be like, oh, what's this, a warning? Do all the other pigeons in the area? We need to club together and get this house. And before you know it, you'll go home tonight and you won't live there anymore. It'll just be pigeons.

And they're not house friendly. They don't buff taps. And you will have to move out, and it'll be your fault, Will. Thank you very much. Laura Lex. You will have to move out and it'll be your football T-Fash your minute begins now we've all done it you've killed something You don't know what to do with it. You don't want to keep it in the house You put it on your windows Same reason people do it with geraniums And they're dead you'd have to put them on your windows, sir. Team reason people do it with geraniums.

And they're dead, you have to put them on the windows, so... It's a totally legitimate thing that Will has done here. The vision is dead. He doesn't have the implements to deal with it. He knows if he tosses it into the garden below. It will be nom-dom by Rance. Who will tell their ranting friends friends who will bring the play. He has no alternative. What is he supposed to do? Bring the dead rat into his room, swallow it.

I mean dead pigeon, I mean, burn it on his own stove. Ten seconds later, throw it in the food composting waste. No, you leave it there to dry like a raisin a pigeon raisin In the sun and then the time is right when the good Lord determines you get your HP And you jam it you then then you jam it into the below Then you jam it into the below Jam it into the below I normally ask how how you think it's going so far. We simply don't have time Ben you have a minute to begin you are to conclude the case for the prosecution Your time begins now. It's very simple guys. What separates us from the animals? It's burial.

Animals don't bury themselves or each other. Pigeons can't. Moles. Because of their wings. What? Moles do. Moles do. That's a bad...

...capitalist moles. A bit ants do. Ants. Oh my badgers. My case is falling apart. I'm afraid bit ants too. Ants? Oh my badgers. My case is falling apart. That's very the witness. That's very good. Very, very, very good.

That's 38 points to the audience. Don't think that you see that, Harry. Clarky, can you carry on, may you still reach 20 seconds? Basically, we'll exhibit all the traits of a serial killer. Yeah. Clearly, he loves death. Basically will exhibits all the traits of a serial killer Clearly he loves death he wants to keep it close. I think he should be locked out at the house on a windowsill I think he's committed a sin and he should from now on be called Siddo will I didn't mind that at all, it says more about me than it does about the joke. So finally, Tom, are you going to be doing this as yourself?

No, I'm going to be doing it in the style of John Grishov, Deep Sack Defense, Rogue Lawyer, who goes by the name of Fan Shore Standard. Fan Shore Standard, but I think it's providing a standings here. Your minute should you need it again now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jewelry, I'm sorry, I'm late getting in. Had a hot lunch there. Had to meet up with my nephew Sebastian.

We do work experience with him next week. Quick story now, red light, sunsetting, right time for a story. We said, hell, I'm just getting warmed up. It's not going off this time. It's pretty long. Well, it's probably eight times, Fred, but I was gonna tell you the story of a man who went by the name of Tony. You probably remember him now, had a little pony.

The little pony died, and he, he put it on his shoulders for four years. You remember that? You remember that? And then looking back now. He had his issues, things are going on. No, man, he should carry a pony on his shoulders for four years. That was Tony. Hell.

People need stories in this day and age, ladies and gentlemen. Mythology, history, people with polies on their shoulders. Look in the mirror tonight when you get home and say somebody to yourself, you the kind of person that puts a pony in the ground, or you the kind of person who wears it around. No further questions, your honour. Fanshawe's standing there. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Now, I... I can't adjudicate being brothers to myself,

because we don't have the time. So, I said, I'm handing that responsibility to our underbelly audience. So, if you think Laura and Ben, and therefore Matt, is in the right, I'll let you draw applause now. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE But if you think Tom and our very own rogloir, Fanshaustanden, made the best case, and you think Will is in the right, but the dead is on the winner's hill, I'd like you to applaud now.

I'm sorry, Matt. The mob is spoken. Now, what we're going to do now is we're not going to do the big part of round jingle. Obviously. Because I mean... we're not going to do the big part of round jingle obviously because I mean I tell you what you want to just give us the money that we're going to be clearly going to be buying. Oh okay, no we'll put it in the podcast but we'll show this for our

listeners at home but the joke this week quite unusual that it has a long introduction. It takes a while. It has a long introduction that just keeps going on. This introduction, it's taken up quite a long time. Of our life when you look back down the years, it eats into our days, it eats into our afternoons. Me and Clarky sat here just recording quite a long introduction. This is a life. It's a long introduction.

In fact, before we pressed play, I genuinely got a wave of emotion about the last time that we played golf. It was about two years ago. The in-clock he used to play golf all the time. We were really bad at golf, and Clark, he was really, really bad, but we don't play anymore. Instead we sing this intro, and you guys listen, and think back to other things you used to do. You used to do.

You used to play table tennis. Oh, it's like tennis but smaller. You used to knit hats for your friends down the park. But this day and age, we don't do things anymore. We just sit and listen to this really long, long introduction. It's a sad state of affairs. Which is why we're going to change that now. We're going to be like, why don't you't you remember that switch off your TV set and do something less boring instead stop listening to this intro pick up your golf clubs and use those golf clubs to knit a hat, smash your podcast player, grip off your headphones and run to the park!

And then realise the park is scary, get back home and listen to our quick fire. Wow! Imagine if you'd heard the Big Fire Anger Yeah Thank God It never ever gets that reaction People will definitely know that's been faint That's part of our way In this quick far round we let you give each answer as if you're a lumper Jack fell in a tree

So if I said Frank Sinatra is a famous what I'd like you to shout Singer And then make the noise of a tree falling down Instead of buzzers I'd like you to shout Sing They make the noise of a tree falling down instead of buzzers. I'd like you to shout your first name So Ben and Laura let's hear that now Thank you Tom and Tom Tom which one switch Would you like me to go come with some D fish? Yes please It's called me T-Pas

See that's okay. I'll click far around Pass. See, Vash. Okay, I'll quick far round begins. Now, what is the name of the young cub who just can't wait to be Lion King? Ben, Ben, is correct. Which dating app apparently gets 1.6 billion swipes to see that Laura? Tinnitus! Tinnitus, right. I've gone into Game of Thrones. What is coming? Ben, Winter! That is actually me when I watch the New Year's Eve. Yes, it's the Prince. The correct answer is of course Winter. Complete the names of the Spice Girls, Baby, Sporty, Scare, Laura. King Jo!

Which big brother contestant was famous for pleasureing yourself with a bottle? Laura! Laura? Kinga! Big fan in. Last day! She's doing it right now! Last day in Gates, give me the first name of the former general manager of Microsoft, D-Fash, D-Fash. Microsoft. Yes. Former general manager of Microsoft certain gates. Yeah, Bill It is wife of Melinda obviously

No, yes Absolutely What a job like that I can't have a job like that. Oh, you. You know that. You know that. You know that. It's gussing.

It knows about Melinda Gates. Exactly. History's written her out. Ooh. The general manager as well. Former general manager, she got, you know. Oh. And this song was in 1993 hit for the cranberries.

It's on VHIT, T-Fash. T-Fash. You have to let it. There you go. There you go. What position did David Julele play? Laura. David Julele, yes.

Footballer! I'll give you half a point. What position did he play? T-Fash, T-Fash. Defender! Laura. Winger. Winger is correct. Who would have lost your last rat to tutor the THB Ninja Turtles? Laura. Oh Oh yeah.

Laura I think was just faster. Splinter! Splinter! One of the birds of the feather, last day, Robson, first day in the T-Fash. Linda! And finally complete this T-S Elliott quote, not with a band, but with a... Tom Wimper! That's exactly how it is round! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE So before we find out the final scores, Laura and Tom are both fantastic comedians Do go and see them if you ever see them coming to your town

Do go and see them in both fantastic producer ever, let's find out what the final scores are OK Well one team has 36 Yes We have a 36 and a half. Oh! Wow! But it doesn't matter because the audience got 38. Oh, that's true! Put us out of them, Liz, you know, tell us who got the highest score though. The half went to Laura and Ben. So Tom and Tom get the drop of the words

with Laura and Ben. Well, the audience get to see mine in the soda That's all guests. Laura Lex and Tom out of wiffy pappies We'll see you next time on Welcome to the next round Welcome to the next round Welcome to the next round I'm Richard Hattie, welcome to the top of my resolution So Laura Lex and Tom out of it

It was a five by Patrick's and Ben Walden It was about the caution of the stadiums And then you might have a caution Big thanks to everybody who came down So we're going to have a big loss And everybody got nobody mad about it The only double who's winning the book is about to get to the police to Rebecca Rossi everybody to the party. The only devil who's winning the audience is the Joe Biden

to the Joe Biden to the party today. And his match has to have a signature he's brought you back to the end. So sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, and he's got to keep birth there, everybody. Please be upstanding for sitting if that's your fashion.

Indeed, or lying down. If you prefer, take a knee. What if you if you wish, if you wish, but no rules here, no rule, no judgment, the rules are rules. There are no rules, no judgment. And also the first rule is an rule because there are enough of them. The first rule is it's a rule that's meant to be broken. She has some rules.

There are some rules. Anyway, you get the cheers. You get the cheers. It is the neighborhood watch. neighborhood watch! Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o He's the opposites of thick. It's full, tredonic. He's sculking around in the dark. It's I used to go to school with a guy called Peter Sharrington, and I'll tell that anecdote the next time I meet David Carrington. Guys, please don't give her any flack. it's caroling black. He truly is. WHISTLE BLOWS

LAUGHTER I've got this... I was getting... I was getting... I was getting... But let's see, I mean, he truly is. Just start a sentence, the rhyme will come. He truly is my wonderful friend. Fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-fri-f there. I truly am. Okay, why don't I have to begin? That's not better. It's still true. You are though. You can't.

Listen to this as you can't the right. He truly is. Can I just say? I truly am. Truly is, guys. Let's be truthful for us. And listen, all those reviews that become in the same year isn't. Let's stop those, okay, because he truly is. Truly is. He truly is. Waiting through my fishing pot. Oh, dear. I've got a pond that you fish in. The wheels have come off, guys.

It's James Diamond. James Diamond. James Diamond. He truly is in that fishing pond. He truly is. And I truly am as well. And I'll tell that anecdote. The next time I see David Carrington. I used to go to school, as you well know,

with Peter Sharrington. I cannot stress that enough. The evidence is there. Go back to the school... If you look at the school records, Sharrington is definitely there. He's in full effect. Oh, yes. Can I just say he truly is?

It truly is. He's truly. Peter Sharrington. And if you don't believe me, then ask Sam Allen. LAUGHTER You know, I tried to tell that story. Oh, yeah. To my friend.

I mean, he just simply wouldn't be told. Oh, no. Who was that friend? Who was that? That's his classic, John Mold. Oh, vintage. He truly is. I is please be honest guys he truly please be truly something of a sticky wicked oh he's back cross Crossbees back on form. He's John Cricut. LAUGHTER

We keep. Now, I don't mind telling you guys, back in the good old school days. Oh, yeah. I'd often do physical education with my good friend, Peter Scharrington. Scha-a! Oh, Peter Schar's a mean badminton player.

And after we'd been playing, to the showers we would go. And the showers were the shower. Shas are in the shower. And I might tell you, would happily share a soap. LAUGHTER Oh, yeah. But I'll tell you who wouldn't. Oh, yeah.

God for love, Norman. Who's this? Hanging on to their bloody shower, Like it, like there's no tomorrow. You've gone quite far away from that, right? It's Adam Hope. Sherasope. Sherasope. Sherasope, Adam, come on, forget to say. Now. Oh, no. What is it?

Truly. He truly is. She truly is. She truly is. She truly doesn't give it away for free. It's Catherine McGee. That's what Sharon didn't tell me. That's what Sharon said. She said that the problem. That the problem.

The problem. The McGee was there. The McGee was there. Not giving it away for free. I tell you it was at the, at the problem. Oh yeah. Oh. And he was messing around. I was there, not giving it away for free. I tell you, it was at the, at the prom. Oh, yeah. And he was messing around. What?

Yeah. He was playing the full. Oh. If I had to sum it up in a word. Oh, yeah. I'd say he was larking. Oh. Oh.

It was... Peter. Sharangtons. He's a classic Peter Sharangtons. Peter Sharangtons. He was Peter Sharang Peter Sharon. But stood next to him. Oh yeah. Was Jim Parking. Oh.

Straight to his shadow. Straight to your 180. Straight to his diet. Loved him. Always in his shadow. Always in the shadow of Sharon. That concludes this week we've been told that that concludes this week's Patreon. I mean, we were enjoying ourselves, but apparently you weren't.

So here we go. That's the end of this week's Patreon What? Aieberhood Watch. Show me the moon. Show me the sharrot. Ralkor! Just off the record. Yeah, a sharrot did not eat it. He's not into it. R R R R R R Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to add in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.