Pappy's Flatshare - Xmas Cold Turkey w/ Lolly Adefope S09E39

Episode Date: December 23, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your cold Turkey Christmas beef with special guest Lolly AdefopeLolly Adefope - https://twitter.com/lollyadefopePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us live3rd Feb at The Moth Club - https://dice.fm/event/k8vao-pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-podcast-3rd-feb-moth-club-london-tickets?_branch_match_id=701749138393691530Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh Oh, oh listen to it Christmas Yes, I'm Tom oh one Matthew and I Yes, and we are here to do you We're here to do you a puppies flat chair beef brothers cold cuts Absolutely do you a Pappies, flat share, beef brothers, cold cuts. Absolute, right. It's a Christmas special. It was recorded in front of a live audience.

It's the first time we've ever recorded one in front of a live audience, and full disclosure, as with the flat share slam down, we're recording this intro before. We've recorded the episode. Yeah, we don't know how it went. But we're optimistic before kickoff. Because we have a tattoo.

A turkey cuts, if you will. Yeah, what are we gonna call it? Well, we're from Turkey. Cold turkey, beef brothers. Beef brothers, beef brothers, cold turkey. Oh, I like that. That's about title than beef brothers. It's called cold cuts.

Beef brothers, cold turkey. Clarkie is strong today, man. Let's see. Can I only go downhill from here? I know, yeah. He's peed too soon. Let's see if it continues in the episode exactly. We've got a great guest. We've got a great guest in Lolliada Foepe, one of our

faves. We've been trying to get her on the podcast in various forms. Well, in various forms. In person. She's off a descender written note. We've said, please Lolli, can you show up? She offered to still be gags one time. We're like, we don't want that. Come on do us a solid. If you enjoy what we do then and you'd like to hear more of these there's bonus episodes every Thursday on our Patreon for everyone who subscribes the $5 or more Patreon.com with forward slash pappies flat share and we also have some shows in the new year. Trendy shows. Trendy shows. We're going to the Moth Club, they're there.

Moth Club in Hackney. The Moth Club in Hackney is part of Acasts, Acasts Presents Live series. Very cool people playing those gigs. Us. We're Goldstein, Jars Brandrith. Cool people. We're a cool company.

We're a cool gang and you can buy lots of cool fried vegan foods. You can get loads of fried vegan food nearby. The gig is on the third, that's more crucial, I think. I'm just really surprised. We're talking about how cool it is. Gotta tell what it is. The gig is on the third of February. Our first gig of 2020.

First gig of 2020. We've not put the guest yet. Let's see how much we've grown over the Christmas period. You're gonna go away and travel the world. You're going on your gap year. And we're gonna come back with knowledge. Come back with knowledge and probably a bead in necklace. I'm gonna get hair plugs in plates of like... Oh, really? I'm going to come back with knowledge. Come back with knowledge and probably a bead in necklace. I'm going to get hair plugs in plates of like a

really. I'm going to wait to search it. Imagine if you came back with plugs. I think I would suit you. It would be good, wouldn't it? It would be very fun. Because I think nowadays people are very after rune is done it. People are open about it. There's not the stigma's been taken out of hair plugs. Yeah and there's a lot that rune is done for the students. I don't think it's a fast draw, but if Rooney's done it, the Stigmas got it. You know what, if Rooney's done it, that's what I'm gonna say. It's fair game.

I'm not sure that's for all it's to live by. I've got to go, I won't tell you what I'm doing. Please God, no. Suffice to say I've got to give someone back their freedom pass. And so it's, hopefully it's been a fun episode. You be the judges always. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, one and all, and have a very happy new year Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage that are already on you If I close your it close your eyes close your eyes and then when I say open them please welcome to the stage your flatmates for this evening It's puppiesi's Open Your Eyes! Hello! Hello! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas to you all!

Merry Christmas to you all! Welcome everybody! Merry Christmas! Is this your first Christmas you think of the season? Yes! Woo! It is, it is an arse. Hi everybody, welcome along. So what we're going to do, this is a, it's our, it's our festive podcast double bill.

We're going to be doing the beef brothers cold cuts and we're going to be doing a flat-shear slam down in the same night. They said it couldn't be done. They said, no, they said it shouldn't be done. It shouldn't be done. They said there's a, don't want it to happen. And there's a bit. They said it's definitely going to overrun. Um, no. I don't want it to happen. They said it's definitely going to overrun. No.

But you know what? This is pretty good time in which 734, I've got it there. We're good for time. At this stage, we're good for time. Remember this part of the night. Exactly. We'll look back on this fondly. When you're thinking about, oh, are they even doing night

buses now? Well, you know, at that stage, think, you know what? They were 734. Oh, that's nice. That was different days. It was different days. We stayed for another half an hour. They'd just reopen the tube anyway.

It's actually, yeah. It's a lock-in, festive lock-in. So welcome, everybody. I wanted to tell you, by the way, we thank you very much to everybody who emailed the show Guys this is from this is from Andy I thought I'd read this out because this relates to a previous episode the Adam Hesse episode of Beef Brothers Colcast He says hi Perry Crosby and Clarky great order great order really good order

He's he hasn't gone for alphabetical there. for, in order of how he's remembered us. Thanks for salving my beef this week. You pretty much nailed it, I can see why you're the professional. It's from Andy who was going to Amsterdam. Do you remember the Amsterdam thing? So he says, he says, I've decided... You don't listen to our podcast, even if we're doing the deal. He said, I've decided to take Paris advice and be the change I want to see in the world

I've just booked the flights and we'll let you know how it went in February. Yes So he's done it love the podcast genuine highlight of my week listening to you guys cheers everyone by Andy Thanks Andy So Andy's off to Amsterdam on Paris advice Good luck. I really thought I was gonna win with a plus one where he's like, and I've got you a ticket! Well what are you doing in February? We've got one show in February, but other than that you die, I was clear. Brilliant. Get yourself the answer, Dan.

I'd really freak him out, wouldn't it? Yeah! He gets off the plane and I'm just like, yeah. Wait, where are you in this bit? I don't know. You're sort of... What are you seeing on the baggage carousel? Oh my God! He popped out the baggage carousel. I'd love that.

We all love it. I hope it happens. So, we've got a fantastic guest to help solve your festive beast. Do we ever? We've got a fantastic guest to help solve your festivities. Do we ever? We've got a fantastic guest. Please welcome to the stage. Lolly out of foe pay everybody. Lolly out of foe pay! Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, It's lovely everyone, ladies! T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t guys I'm so sorry thank you Lyle for coming on the show thank you for having me it's a total pleasure are you a Christmasy kind of person do you like Christmas yes good okay that's a relief lucky because that's what they set the total about what you do for Christmas goes to my parents house and we have goose. No goose! Someone's doing well for themselves.

Because everyone in my family hates turkey and one year we just stopped and we said enough is enough. It's a good point. I think a lot of people suffer in silence on that. We're a goose family now. Oh, you're a goose family, huh? Yeah, we're a duck family for a while, and now we're a goose family. Have you ever gone for the multi-bird within bird roast?

No, tofurkey? No, that's tofur. That's a more of a vegan thing. That's tofurkey with tofurkey. I think you can do a toduckin, which is like a turkey. A turkey inside a duck inside a chicken? Yes. Is that... Wait, yeah.

Turn. I tell you what, man chickens get a really raw deal out of it. Well, chickens, I mean, the time of it's life. What a deal. What a party that was. They had to do a puppy's one at the end of the show, but the three of us...

Really? Right? Our sex tape's called Tadukken. Tadukken, my leg. Thank you for having me. Well, do we have a theme sheet for this episode? Nah. You know the goose, do you get the variety of a turkey? Like do you get dark and white meat and all the good stuff going on? Yes

Good tonight. Wait wait a second. You've got dark meat and white meat. What's the good stuff? Going on giblets You're not you don't eat you don't eat flesh with vegetarian That's the better way I want to talk about the meat, and then vicariously through others. What do you have for Christmas? It varies. My mom does that thing when she overcompensates for me being a vegetarian.

So she cooks me like an entire vegetable wellington. Well, I want you to make me a whole vegetable of Sanja and was like, have like the six people. You get more food, don't you? Yeah, as a veggie. Yeah. I actually think that the non meat is the best bit of Christmas dinner actually, so you should just fill up on tri-plants.

Tri-plants. Cheesy leaks. Cheesy leaks. The thing you can't get over is pigs and blankets. Oh yeah. There's no replacement for pigs and blankets. Is there not, have they not done like a sort of plant-based pig's invite? Or as I'm saying it out loud, it sounds like...

Propostrists, doesn't it? Cucumbers in English. You don't really get a clue. LAUGHTER Sleeping cucumbers, no thank you. LAUGHTER It's also the name of my six tea, but... Right?

Oh, some... Yes. Horrible. No, it's not ideal. Should we crack on with the first beef? Yes. Okay. All turkey. All turkey. Yeah, in fact, a clarky came up with a good title for this episode.

Yeah, I did. So fuck all of you. Oh wait. You've got it. Okay, here we go. There's a thing. Yeah, remember the theme for the actual episodes? Don't worry, you recorded it.

You'll recognise it when you hear it in seconds. Well, if you had a problem, I'll call it a problem, if you had a problem, call it a B, if you had a B, maybe we could help you be from the starting of your B. Cold turkey. Or turkey. Cold turkey, we've got a cold turkey. Cold turkey, yeah, beef brothers. Cold turkey. That was my good title. Good tell me, I don't want to tell you.

I like it. Clarke, do you want to do the first beef? Sure. OK, this is from Front Names Only Fram. Thank you. OK. Good evening, and Merry Christmas. Oh, lovely star.

I'm the youngest of three boys. And one day, my mum decided that we Paris already Paris already like Fran yeah like Fran Haley from Travis Wow Okay, Francisco France My boyfriend's name is Francisco. Oh Is it all you know it half Spanish? And and half Italian

His name is Francisco Francisco Melissa Frankie Frankie So this right side challenge this could be your boyfriend Wait, let's find it is in the man is is friends is Francisco Francisco the youngest of three brothers lolly Can I know okay? Can I take us everyone was thinking from as a girl right? 20 19 guys come on 2019 the podcast is all about hello my name's Francis a beddie is that's not bad, is it? That's a good bit of...

Listen, I went into that highly confident. I was like, this is fucking good, actually. Is it good? No, no, it isn't. It's always fun to see you do comedy about stuff you literally don't understand. Yeah, it's like a real con on this. Yeah! No! No, not at all. Okay. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. Anyway. You started that sentence, been able to read. One day my mum decided that now we had all left home. We were two old... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? Yeah. Now that we're all left home, we were too old

to receive a stocking from Santa. All right. So you see? Listen, we promise we won't give each other line reading, so, all right? Just give me one more time. Yeah, just spend this time. Just have fun with it, all right?

Come on. Try the Spanish accent. Yeah, you know. That's all. The only issue, I don't know. The only issue is that being the youngest meant that the eldest had six more years of wait, sorry, the eldest has... Oh my god. It's all right.

It's all right, Clark. You're doing very well. Thanks, mate. Impost will get in McCallan to read. Does a great Spanish accent. The, uh, the being the youngest, uh, meant the oldest had six years, more stocking action than the other three years. Okay. And the other three years. And the other three years. Okay.

And the other three years. And the other three years. Yeah. Okay. Right. I think Basie was... I can't decipher the code. She was.

I can't decipher this code of English words. I think what's happened to her is... The only thing that's six years more stockings. So basically, in the middle one, had three years. Three years. Yes. Yes. That's what the word's like. Yes. When I bought this up with the family, they laughed and said that I was a silly sausage. And that should be happy that I even got a stocking. Oh, this time I have a little boy. Oh, I don't know if

that's kind of, oh, or like, what's that mean? What a sport little boy are you making that sexy, Barry? No. Why, do you pretend to be a sport little boy with your wife? Look, I've been naughty, I've been bad, I deserve something. No. Carry on. Carry on. Uh-huh. Or do I have a case? And due six more years of stockings stuffed with a Link's Box set,

gold chocolate coins and one single orange. Please help. I don't know. Please help, beef brothers. Fran. Thank you, you Fran. Thank you Fran. Thank you Fran. Famously a boy Famously so famous dear boy right so Franz problem is he's the youngest it's a good beef Everybody's moved out. They stopped the stockings, but he's thinking well. I should at least get six more Well, there's an easy way to solve this move back in ah You want to keep the stockings move back in with your parents. Do you still get stockings? I've never had a stocking

Poor quai to quote the Spanish How do you French this go for a sister? We we want to meet It's a Christmas miracles. Why have you never just not auditioned? Just not auditioned in my house. It's quite an alternative. You're a goose family. We're a goose family.

We have a real tree. We have a real tree. Well, goose was the original one, didn't it? It was geese before. Geese before bros. You're all saying. Geese before Turkey except after sea, is that right? I can't remember. I always forget, I always forget the duck and rolls. Into ducking, there are no rules. It's the tagline for our sex film.

Never had a stocking. Never had a stocking. So I think Fran needs to suck it up, but to me, that's not what he did with the stocking. Fran doesn't know how lucky he was, yeah. Can I ask, this is not going to turn into like a sort of, this is not like a child-going it situation. You had presents and stuff, didn't you? What is this, presents? There, we had presents, yeah.

And is a child called it the one with a Sam Yad? No, that's... What was that? That's five children in it. Oh. Oh, right. Sorry. Very different.

Very different. Sorry. Very different. Sorry, I'm a little bit on there. While we need different books, that. Yeah. Okay, sorry. I was genuinely didn't know what you were talking about.

Yeah. But I tell you what, I'm really regretting bringing it up in the first place. It's the one with the clown, right? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Tim Curry. It follows, is which one? And what the one about the STDs? Ah, yeah.

Which is also, to Duckett, available on Netflix. So, you never had a stocking. Never had one. Where were your presents kept? Under the tree. And were there separate tree presents as well as presents? Because we had this thing, we had stockings, we had presents, and then on a boxing day we got tree presents.

Possibly. Bloody hell! Oh, Christ alive! And it's actually turned into a real prick. Christ, the lion. And it's actually turned into a real prick. LAUGHTER So the generic presence, where were they? So generic presence were under the tree,

stocking presence in the stocking. Tree presence were under the tree, but labeled as tree presence. They said tree presence. What? This is going my tiny mind. You have two sets of presents. Don't open it now, open it tomorrow. Open it either, if you're very, very good,

you open it at the end of the day of Christmas or you open it first thing. And are they worse presents? They were, they were normally books. So yes. Yes. Yeah. No, they were, like extra presents from my grandma,

normally like maybe you've been a manual or something like that will be your tree present. And why just to spread it out? Just to eat Christmas out as long as you could do it. That's what you want to do with Christmas, don't you? You want to have a little treat on Christmas Eve, like a hot chocolate. You're all going to have a...all the family are going to have a hot chocolate You know you're all gonna have all the family are gonna have a hot chocolate You know, but that's like I just the hot chocolate under the tree

My dad would make it on the first in December he pop it under the tree. Don't you touch that It's a stocking full of dripping with hot It's just just stocking dripping with hot chocolate. Yeah, just melted chocolate hanging out the bottom. Lovely. We all got to suck on the end of the stocking. Whoa. What's the duckling you got? I think this guy's got a really good case.

I think he's got a good case. I think it's hard being the youngest. Yeah. I think it's important to realise that some people have had it better off the new and you're entitled to, you know, certain amount. Yeah, that's very true, because you're not the eldest, are you? No, I'm the middle. You're the middle.

But I, you know, I'm older middle. Does that make sense? Yeah, big gap. I'm younger. I'm younger older. What? You're going to be younger older. Yeah, I'm a Tom's logic.

LAUGHTER I've got, like, there's my sister and I. Yeah. Then there's a four-year gap. Yes. Then there's my sister and I, then there's a four-year gap, then there's my brother and my brother. So I'm like the younger older, because there's like my older sister and me, and I'm like the younger one. Sure, you're the sort of side here. My older younger brother and my younger younger brother. My older younger brother feels older than me.

Does that make sense? You know, like some people are older, he's older. Yes, older. No, it's giving you an indication, like he owns a caravan. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I live in a flat the size of a caravan. You live in his caravan, that's it. This is to illustrate the point.

Matthew and I, we did a gig in Wales, and you were off-stain with your girlfriend, and Matthew and I stayed in the caravan of Ted's caravan. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Anyway, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa with the door man. Alright, Lads no talking now, lights off, turn the lights off and close the door. And we both went really quiet. Yeah. Oh, we're not allowed to talk. There's a third thing.

It's like that's my younger brother but he's not my younger brother, he's like my older younger brother. Sure. Do you have any siblings, Lolly? I've got older brother. Older older brother or just older brother? Right. I've got one older brother. You've got one older brother.

Yeah. So that makes you an older younger. Right, not just younger. Sorry. I think the new code is really confusing. Good used to it, guys. Oh my gosh. No.

Let's solve this, put this beef to bed. Let's put this beef to bed, because you've got it. I'll tell you what, I'll read it again. No, no, no, no. I don't know about it, guys. I think I'm all right. I think just get it done in one package. Ask your mom and dad to give you six cans of links,

six oranges, six toothbrushes, and a ball? A ball? A ball, yeah. Do you get a ball brush. A ball brush. Yeah, yeah. Do you get a ball every six years? Yeah. Or like... Yeah.

This could be done quite cheaply though, couldn't it? Six cancel links, six oranges, six toothbrushes, six socks, two pairs, three pairs. LAUGHTER Six toothbrushes, six socks, two pairs, three pairs. LAUGHTER And a calculator as well, a calculator, you know. And then it's just like, there you go, do it as like a gift box or an aid drop where it's like you just go, bang! Let's do it with gift box. LAUGHTER

Yeah, sorry, that was bleak. Imagine being a war-torn country country and you see the crate come down and you open it up and it's six cans of links. Does smell a bit like Mace, I suppose. He's into defend ourselves. Jesus Christ. Let's go back to the shop. Let's go here. Let's bring it back up.

Case closed? What? It's... Wait here, yes. Let's bring it back up. Case closed? What? Wait, what the fuck? Firstly, it's beef closed, as well you know. And no, none of us have had a chance to speak yet. No, no. Lolli, do you have any advice for Fran? Well, it's confusing because what about the middle brother as well?

So he technically is owed three... Mae'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd are getting gift after gifts. It doesn't feel like six years if they're the first six years of your life as well because you don't rule alone. You're all alone. Exactly, you're all alone. Yeah. Two young for links. Two. Exactly. Yeah. I still get a stocking when I stay over at my parents' house. I don't stay over over every year. Do you still get tree presents on Boxing Day? Little Lord Fontroy. He still gets... Actually, one year I did the tree presents. I bought the tree presents for everyone. That doesn't make it better. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting for that. It wasn't the frosty silence I received. So brave. So brave. So brave, so brave, so brave. This feels like I interviewed that Star Wars actress.

I don't know this one. Yeah, I've got to get to that now. For that guy, I don't know how to do that. You just don't know me in these days. I get a can of Guinness in my stocking now. Oh, that's a bit of business. By the way, it's a great bit of business, class.

Star the day, stop the day. Chilling a Guinness. Oh, lovely. Really set you up for going straight back to bed. LAUGHTER And you've had this from when you were seven. They started the Guinness more recently than that, but only, you know, I probably, 16?

60 years getting some, some bit of booze. Oh. Yeah. Comparative. Yeah. Comparative on your house. You're more than welcome, yeah. Mary and Stuart would love to have you.

I know. They're good people. So what are we saying to Fran? What's the advice to Fran? Tom's air box. What? Beef solved. Tom's Airbox. Beef Solve. Tom's Air. It's sold. It's absolutely sold. Lolli, do you want to do this one? Dear Pappies, lovely guest and producer Emma. When we were kids, my sister and I shared a bunk bed.

When we were growing up, this was fine, but I am now 30 and my sister is 33. The bunk bed is still there. We have to sleep in it every Christmas. Oh, sorry. You're kind of reading this in a really unusual way. Sorry, I do voice overs. Oh, my God. Clarkid has voice unders. Our dad works from home and has long lamented that he doesn't have his own office in the house. My sister and I have suggested that they get rid of the bunk beds and turn our old bedroom

into an office, including a sofa that folds out into a double bed. We'd be happy to share the bed once a year during the festive season, and the rest of the year dad would get his beloved office space. Bizarrely, he and mum refused to follow our advice and insist on keeping the bunk beds. I love my parents, but in this case, I think they're being unreasonable. It can't be right to sleep in a bunk bed when you're old enough to have a nectar card. I think anyone can have a nectar card. I mean, anyone can have a nectar card, sure. Yeah, I think you usually get an ectocard.

I mean, anyone can have an ectocard, sure. Yeah, I think you just get one under the tree. Ectocards are for Easter, Tom. You absolutely are for listing. Please help us to solve this festive family beef. Lots of love. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Vicky. Lovely bit of business. Lovely bit of business there. So the one.

That could be a man or a woman. Lovely bit of business. Lovely bit of business there. So the one could be a man or a woman. Yes, of course. The bunk bed to tricky one. I had a bunk bed, well, I've had a few mistakes with bunk beds. Oh yeah. Firstly, I, more recently, I bought a cabin bed. This was in my 20s.

What's a cabin bed? So it's basically, it's a bed on sticks with a ladder up to it. So it's a bunk bed without the bottom bunk. With a desk underneath. Well, there was no desk underneath. What I did is I would hang my clothes under the under. So it was like, that was my wardrobe. And it was so creaky that when I would roll over, I would wake myself up. So what I ended up often doing was sleeping on a towel under the whole construction, with a forest of clothes hanging down on top of me.

And genuinely, only very recently, my wife said to me, you know that was a huge red flag when we first started going out. When I first came back to yours, I felt you had a cabin beds and you were saying, well, if you'd like to have sex, we could have sex on this towel on the floor. She was like, she was basically saying, well, that was, you know, it's a good thing that I thought you were going to be a big success. LAUGHTER And, right, she was?

How right she was. Well, here's my question for this beef. It's interesting to me that they would prefer to share a fold out double bed than a bunk bed, because if you gave me a choice of sharing with any of my siblings, be it older, older. Younger, older. Or younger, younger. I would absolutely go for bunk beds every time really I think I go for double beds was yeah yeah single bed like a bunk there's far more room for intrusion in what what kind of intrusion are you expecting you just thought you don't wake up with your you know

your brother's slobber on your shoulder oh Oh, okay, sure. But, I mean, like, how deep are you both sleeping? Like, are you roofing each other or something? What's going on? I guess the only time my brother and I now show double beds is stagdows. When you're hammered. Yes. And so, normally that's the kind of risky take.

I think it's different for men and women, because I always fascinated when men stay at friends' houses. I think they don't stay in the same bed, really, if people stay at the night. Whereas a girl staying at a friends' house, Mae'r ffysyn o'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw'r ymw' And that's why I'm here today. Ah! My sister always used to share bunk beds, and for like about six years from the age of about seven to twelve, and we wouldn't be able to go to sleep at night unless we were holding hands. Oh, that's sweet. So I was on the top bunk, so I'd have to sleep on the edge of the top bunk. But no, I think about it, that means my sister used to have to go to sleep every night.

I'm in the air. It's one of my favourite film clip hang. I had a bunk bed growing up with my brother. He was on the top bunk. I was on the bottom bunk. And one morning, this is so bad. One morning my dad came to wake me up and he said, oh Matthew's trying to wake up the time to go to school and there was a bit of pause and he just left the room and I realised that I had, like in the slat above my bed, I just like shoved a copy of like loaded magazine on like a rude picture so I could look at it,

yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, with a hands-free. And then it's what, but then who's hand you a holding? That's not my hand. I think in my defence this was a night when I, when Luke was elsewhere. My brother was elsewhere. That's not even names. But also there's a thrill to the top one, isn't there? There's like a, it's exotic. Sleeping altitude.

That tree house. Yeah, there's the adventure of it. I think at Christmas you kind of have the joy of regressing. That's it Christmas, but you get to go back to being on the top bunk. It's like an infantilizing time, isn't it Christmas? So why not do infantilizing things like sleeping in a bunk bed? That's why I think Maybe it's just because they can't decide who gets to be on the top bunk Very good point. Yeah, it's a lot of politics. Yeah, it's very political

So what what I suggest is both on the top bunk holding hands And you under the bottom I'm a towel. I'm under a pungal my clothes. I've got a copy of loaded. I'm very comfortable And if anything the motion will gently rock you to sleep They call it a cabin bed for a reason When you go back to your mum that's in Croydon, do you have your childhood bedroom still preserved or has it moved on? No, they've moved to your bedroom.

Have you not been to the other five-page museum? They do a lovely tour your mum and dad. Yeah. No, they moved home about three years ago. So... Do you go and stay at a stranger's house? Yes, yes. We have to get on very well.

So you haven't got the feeling of regression? No, no. It was nice for a while. Back into a small single bed. When I go back to my... When we go and stay at my mother-in-law's house, my wife's bedroom was exactly as it was when she was like 12.

So there's still... Move out! Like, oh, like, genuinely, like, there's like, pictures of Will Smith. Oh, great! It's from smash hits, like smash hits Will Smith. Will Smith in his prime, everywhere. And like, the Lion King.

Yeah, it's like So it is like time capsule Todd What my bedroom's like now I believe a lot of you just said that Sorry, can we have a word But it didn't get enough from lolly and it got a little too much for you. I didn't get enough from Lolli and it got a little too much for you. I didn't have enough confidence. Who did you have in your wall, genuinely, Glocky, when you were growing up? I think I had, I didn't have any posters, I don't think.

You went in loud posters, were you? Because of Christian parents. We definitely could have anything like sexy. Glocky had a fold down. It was like, was it a set? It used to fold down, it would fold up into the wall and at sleep hours we used to play a game, we'd lie under it, it was wooden and we thought we'd wipe clean and we'd chew. Wait, how did I say, do you stick a loading magazine underneath it? Don't, you're preaching the converted him,

man, yeah sure. We'd chew quality streets and gobb them at the wall and get them to stick and you ever could get highest one. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around.

That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around.

That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game. Yeah, my parents didn't like it when Tom came around. That was our game be like no my parents are strict You just do it anyway It's because I'm not strict. I'm wearing a waist fit. Have you ever walked by Clarkies? I'm ever like what? So what are we saying to to Vicki? I think stick with the bunks. Embrace the bunks. Embrace the bunks, yeah. Beef solved.

Beef from the starting, I can be solved. If you have a beef with your neighbor, if you've got a problem, don, and make a beast! Be a son! If you have a beef with your neighbor, If you've got a problem, don't call it a problem. Oh, if you've got a problem, call it a beef. And if you've got a beef, Beef! Maybe we can help you, but you have to email us. There's only one way we can help.

There's only what, listen. We're not going to come knocking on your door on a Thursday afternoon. If you can't help yourself, we're not going to help you. Alright, unless you come to us, think about the A-Team, if you've got a problem, if someone can help, maybe you should find. Yeah, but you have to find the sh**. Like, I'm paraphrasing, okay.

Okay, anyway, paraphrasing aside, guys, and we love to paraphrase, let's get this email as accurate as we possibly can. Sorry, you're absolutely right. So it's beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. Absolutely. Beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. Email us today and tell us your beef with your neighbour,

with your flatmate, your parents, with your loved ones, siblings, and Tom, what we know after. Beef some outpets. Oh, really? Yes, please. I mean, it's become a bit of a bug bear. If you do live with a bug or a bear, we don't want to hear about it.

But yeah, please do get in touch with all your beef, and we will be able to solve it. And that is a copper bottom guarantee. That is a copper bottomed guarantee. We've not solved one yet. That's true. They've all been solved, apart from the ones that we haven't read out. So email us, befoyspodcastatgmail.com today.

Right now! Help! My brother posed the question to me last Christmas to rank the Order of the Big Christmas Chocolate Assortments. I gave him the following answer. Number one, Cadbury Heroes, best. Two, celebrations. Three, quality street. Four,, four roses worst. Give me a

cheer if you agree. Controversial. 75%. My brother confirmed that this is the correct answer and that generally people get it wrong by getting the quality street and roses the wrong way round. My flatmate, brackets wife, says that there isn't... I think you're all picturing a 14-year-old kid writing it. So he said there isn't a correct answer and it's actually just a matter of opinion. However, I am pretty confident that my brother is right about this and that ranking order A is stone cold balls to the wall fact Can you please let me know if my brother and I are right or if my wife is your pal Oliver? Okay, we'd very quickly because Lolly said 75% what which one is you think you've got? I meant 50%

Okay, I can't have 75% can we? It's very true. That's very true. That's very true. Yeah, so which one do you agree with? Unless you're gonna take one out and put in like matchsticks. Oh, no way, that's no, it's gonna be a selection box. It's gonna be a selection box. I would switch, you did.

Number one and number two. So you switch number one and number two. Yeah. Celebrations above heroes, I agree. Yeah. Very smart play. Mm-hmm. Celebrations heroes, quality street heroes I agree. Yeah, it's very smart play Celebrations heroes quality street roses. Yeah Wonderful which

Family which one had the Thank you very much. Thank you very very much. Thank you very very very much quality street Was that quality street? I thought quality sheet was is it you they love for your quality street? Did you want your quality street? Is it you or your quality street? I've never heard that in my life. Did you know all the things that were in your tree presents? You're bullied used to singing. My baddies used to go.

I will ask James about this later on. And then he follows. Scratch that B-flats. Yeah, he's falling straight away. It's fucking lame. I love it. Oh! This guy's got a wife.

And listening to today's beef brothers, you made it clear the stakes need to be high. So here we go. Oh. That would talk. He's very fond of his exclamation marks. It makes it very easy for me to read. It plays my style.

Dear's beef brothers, I need help with a festive beef of gigantic proportions. This might be a little late, but I still want some closure on this dispute. My wife gave birth. I think she's the one who needs closure. My... Oh, it's almost Harry, please. My wife gave birth to our first stone-cold Paul's to the wall, little legend.

Wait, I like the fact he's got a catchphrase. Last year. He's got a catchphrase. Did you write this letter to yourself? I love this guy. Dad? Paul's a wall, little legend. Last year on the 7th of December, good news.

I'm sure you'll agree. However, with this comes the problem of when we can put up our Christmas decorations. This, I feel very strongly about it. I believe they should go upon the 1st of December that's when Christmas starts. I'm not some mid-November decorator

like some crack pots round our way. We all know them. But when that advent calendar door opens, the jolly must begin. However, my wife, brackets flatmates, thinks they should go up until the day after our little boy's birthday, the 8th of December. We always take our decorations down on New Year's Eve, morning prior to the big party and be ready for the new year. But with holding back till the 8th, I feel the time losing almost a third of that festive feeling.

If our boys born a week later, then we both agree that decorations would go upon the first. But because of the relatively early December date, she thinks we should hold back. Please settle this beefy bro-brose. You're my only hope. Kind regards, Oliver. Right, strong beef.

It's, well firstly, Lolly, when do you put your Christmas decorations up? Do you put your Christmas decorations up? Sort of when I get round to it. Yeah, that's me as well. Yeah, but I would say first is a good, like, barometer, not before that. Yeah, it's a good, it's basically like... And you put a barometer up as part of your... Yeah, tiny little twinkling barometers all around that.

Yeah, barometer. Yeah, it's nice. Air pressure. Air pressure? Sure. Lovely. You said that like you're offering. It would be a bit of air pressure.

That's some kind of impression. Sorry. What air pressure is? I've got to go. Yeah, lollies. Lollies out of time now, unfortunately. Not what I thought this was. Out of patience.

So, for me, it's like the first free weekend. This weekend we'll probably do it. We haven't got our Christmas decorations up yet. We would have a bit busy. But, um. So, is he asking for an extra week in January? He's saying, well, I think it's a decision of, do you wait till your boy's birthday and go on the after the eighth, after eight?

Would have been in my top four. Come on guys, this is fucking bloody hell. You're throwing absolute pearls here mate. Thanks Crossbow. So it's my title pleasure. Which is what I used to do on the day after boxing day, wasn't it? Staying to the present. Hey, it's a little Christmas tradition, I opened the window.

What day is it in my good man? You're a lucky day, have a pearl. As long as they are pearls, you haven't got your loaded magazine. I plucked this one off the ceiling. Grugs. Clarkie, you're first of December, man. I'm going to be controversial here. I actually really like roses.

Yeah, first of December, man, all the way, or as early as you can get it, has to be December. Yeah, that's not controversial. What's the benefit of waiting until after the birthday? Well, I feel very personally attached to this. My birthday is on the 16th of December. I mean, that is too late. Thank you. I know. No, so my family would wait until the morning of the 16th to put up the Christmas decorations. So when I come down in the morning to open my birthday presents, all everyone else is really excited because they're coming down to the Christmas decorations.

And so there's this really lovely moment where we all go in and it's like, whoa, it's like having birthday. Wow, it's birthday. I can open it. Yeah. It's a distraction from your birthday because everyone's like whoa it's Christmas and you're like hello but it used to make my birthday morning to me as a child feel very special and I think what this guy's getting on the 8th the boy will have a very nice feeling from it so I'd say I'm an advocate of it an advocate so you're saying start're saying, start it on the,

start it on his birthday. Is it seventh for the eighth? Start it on the eighth and make it a big feature of the opening of the presence and everyone comes down. So does that mean your parents would decorate like overnight? They would decorate overnight. They'd do the entire house, they'd put the tree up while you were in bed.

Yes. And then you'd come down and it would, the house would all be done. Yes. Does that not, did you not, in later years, sort of, does it not rob you slightly of the pleasure of being part of the putting up of the decorations? That's, you put on, you know, like, what's that, what's the thing?

You know, the Narnia, Christmas Narnia, fucking what the fucking house is called. The Narnia, what are you calling it? What are you calling it? Samyad, Samyad. Yeah, I put my, I did my reading from a boy called it. The Lion the Wardrobe and it. Yeah, in fact, we watched the BBC adaptation of the...

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, you know, that one. Or we watched Box of Delights, the old BBC adaptation of that. Which is you get on boxing, though? Yeah, that's my tree presence. And then it's part of all the family do something together. Did you not miss that bit? No, it was always like a magic trick to us. It'd be like you'd come down and suddenly Christmas is here

and it's same on Christmas day morning you'd come down and like Pfft, all your presents. Yeah, a gun. It feels like he's worried about missing out on some of the days. So maybe he should just take the Christmas decorations down on the 8th of January. And then he still gets a month. Yeah, just one day, just chuck it all out, and then bring it all back in again. Why don't you do this, right, Robert?

Because the one thing I think we've lost at Christmas is Christianity. Jesus. That's what I'll always hear today. So it's not, it does not be all or nothing. Christmas isn't just one gear, fifth gear. The way it used to be, it would be, on the first you'd start opening your advent calendar,

the advent candle would come into play. you'd do indoors and candles, hello, then on the 16th decorations go up and it's like, oh, hello, more Christmas, then Christmas, day, the presents are right. So what this guy could do is, on the first, you could start putting up something small, alpha shell, heart, tree, and a pear tree. Sure, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, something, something a bit like that. And then bang on the eighth tree. Hello. Trees in the play. This feels like it's even less about the birthday now.

Feels like that's the way we're taking it away from the birthday. Because it's a birthday tree, is it? Wait, but is it, is it, is it Oliver who's pissed off about missing out on some Christmas? Do you see? He's losing a third of that festive feeling. I mean, the big thing is really, get over yourself here and down.

I prefer the first being. Yeah, first being. I think it has to be about the kids, doesn't it? And at the moment, right? It's all just tuts up. That's the way I saw it. it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's them, you know, give them a kind of Guinness. Lovely, lovely kind of the black stuff, why not? Yeah, I think, I mean, that's not really,

you can't solve it on beef solved with the phrase get over yourself, you're a dad. But, yeah, but I think we're doing it. Beef solved for the sonny making beef solved. Lollie, do you have a festive beef you would like us to solve? No. No,. Lollie, do you have a festive beef you would like us to solve? No. No.

Imagine a audience once he had to. It's not that festive, but I think I can culturally appropriate to make it festive. Sure, absolutely, yeah. So whenever I cook dinner for the aforementioned Francis Skow, without tasting the dinner, he takes the chili sauce from the fridge and puts quite a lot of it on the food. And you know, to make that Christmasy, maybe he's going to do that.

With my goose, yeah, yeah, yeah. He could chili up the goose, yeah. And chili up the goose. Chili up the goose. Chili up the goose, mate. That's himself respect. So, first of all, what chili sauce is it? It's called like, I want to say counter-tocular. It's not counter-tocular.

That's not chocolate. Chalula. Is Chalula one? Chalula, yeah. Why first question is, what's in the fridge? Yeah, I'm a chilli sauce in the fridge, do you? Yeah, after you've opened it. Everyone's putting it in the fridge.

You've got two different hot sauce. No. Got hot sauce in the fridge. Wait. Are you putting the serracher in the fridge then? Yeah. Are you really? I thought I was just getting the shits for it being really hot. LAUGHTER The vintage serracher.

It wasn't really old shit, sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh- should act as so well this is unfortunately not a beef we can solve ourselves but we do have we do have somebody Tom you got you've got a friend haven't you go and get him now Well, here I am! It's, it's my show standin' everybody. My show standin'. Cheers. Ladies and gentlemen of the podcast, help pleasure to be here,

talkin' in of these, these candles sticks with string. We'll wonders never cease. Well, Lolly, I'm gonna be brief with string. We'll wonders never cease. Well, Lolly, I'm going to be brief with you. Hear when you there talk about damn dare, that dare Frenchman of yours. I full towel. Real nice. Brings me mind of a story.

Now I'm sure you're aware. I'm from a small town. Simple folk. We the kind of person that would put a can on a hat. Place. And call it a Friday night. Well, y'all remember the year. Surely, man comes into town on horseback, gets off the saddle, opens his bag. Watch in the bag says John. Wait, which John is this?

John bag. Of course John bag was that. He's shooting his famous catchphrase. Watch in the bag. And was he referring to himself or the bag? Well, who knows? With John, everything was about bags. Sure.

He got lucky this time. This doesn't lie in for a day for John bag. Fella reaches down into the bag, takes out what I could only describe as a small pig. What's he doing with that pig, John? What's he doing with the bag? Focus on the pig, John. LAUGHTER Anywho, gets out of fiddle, starts playing some music. The pig starts to dance.

Hell, you ain't said the like! Fuck's trots. LAUGHTER Oh, coins start flying through the air, dancing big, famous now. Immediately famous. Immediately famous. That's how good the dancing was. Saturday night comes around.

Crowds gathered, dancing big. It's not enough anymore. Sure, we've seen a big dance, so it just last night. John will tell you. Man says, sure, but if you see a pig dance on stilts, goes back into the bag, takes out some stilts, seven foot tall. Huge bag, said John. To be fair to him, he had a point this time, round. It's a big bag. Stig gets on the st-pig gets on the stilts.

Fiddle comes out, starts playing the banjos. Wait. Fiddles is the guy who plays the banjos. Yeah, yeah. Fiddles is the guy who plays the banjo's. Pigs starts going forward. The rumble I seem to recall. For a couple of minutes he manages to get away with it. But to cut a long story short, he was dancing to near to the creek. Oh no! That pig never danced again.

Whoa. What I'm saying is this. Sometimes when you got a dancing pig, you don't need to put it on stilts. You tell Francesco from me, a river dutchie. He's gone. I've got to say we're in dangerous territory when when fans will start making sense. LAUGHTER This is like the upside down.

All right, well, that's, I hope it has solved your beef. Absolutely. Well, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas now as a result of this new information. Can we give a huge round of applause to our guest, Lali and a phone bearer. Yes, thank you so much. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm a huge drama applause to our guest, Lonnie had a phone bear with me. Yes. Thank you so much. What's again, can Lonnie have a phone bear with me?

Lonnie had a phone bear with me. Thank you so much. What's again, can Lonnie have a phone bear with me? Lonnie had a phone bear with me. Now we... Wow, we... Wow, we... What, we... What, we... What, baby? That has sent me right off of Christmas day, that has. That has made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel like I want to now keep in front of the Queen's speech.

You watch it, Dee? Oh, no, I keep in front of it. No, interesting. Just the right level of reverence, I think. Yes. Well, I hope you enjoyed that. Do you know what would make me watch the Queen's speech if she was getting grilled by Emily Maithness?

LAUGHTER That's what they should really try for that this year. I mean they can try. That would be exciting. That would be appointment broadcasting. Well if you enjoyed that episode please leave a review on iTunes or natures review on iTunes recommend us to a friend because we would love to grow the listenership. Yeah I always love it. We got a message the other day from somebody saying that they just, they said, late to the party, they've just what, listen to every episode and watched every episode of Bad Alts.

And God bless you, mate. Yeah. Because that is a trooper. That is a lot. I've done that. But, so, Clark has not even done that. No, please spread the word,

because if you think you've got a friend who would enjoy these silly podcasts we do, we then turn them on to the podcast podcast because that is how we grow. That's absolutely, let's make 2020 a big year. Let's make it up, share slam down. Yeah, let's make it up, share slam down. In fact, all of the flat share family. Oh, of course.

All of the flat share family. This episode was produced by the one and only Emma Corsham. Corsham team. And we should say, since Emma Corsham has come out of the juice, so what an amazing job she's done. Yeah, she's the best. The absolute unsung hero of... She is the absolute best.

That's the one. And also the sun hero. Oh! The... Corsham! And so, look after yourselves. And each other. And good night.

Cheers everyone! Bye! So, thank you for listening to that episode and very Merry Christmas from all of us here at Pappies. Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! And as a special extra treat, we got an email and remember if you would like to send us an email,

our address is www.pappiesflatshareatgmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Getting touched, getting touched. Getting touched today. But we had an email from, can we do full names in this case? In this case, we should. We're going to do front and back names. Special occasion.

Mike Sheldon got in touch to say, hey guys, I was digging through a box of old records and I came across this folk song from the late 30s which seems to feature a mutual friend of ours. Have a listen, let me know what you think. Your friend and mine. mutual friend of ours. Have a listen, let me know what you think, your friend and mine. Ha ha ha, your friend and mine. Lovely sign up there, Mike Shelton.

And he's unearthed. Shelton, you legend. He's unearthed a song all about, well, will let you listen to it, but if you... So, if I was to say this is dedicated to the memory of someone we may or may not know. Well, he may or may not have existed. Is he alive? Is he dead? Did he never exist? This is compelling evidence that one of those things is true.

I think I think maybe all of them are. That nuts his way. Let's listen to the song and enjoy. McClusky was a man of weather, but no one knew him whatsoever, Stone came up, his tised it, said a poor Ho-Jah-Maklaski. As the rain was coming down, he got the word out to the town, They were safe, but he'd had drowned, I hear Ho-Jah-Maklaski. Where he lived, they could not place

No one could recall his face his body vanished without a trace Now his grave is empty So if a storm is drawing near Ghosts let big arm may appear Have a comfort not for fear The Ghost of John McCluskey The Ghost of John McCluskey