Pappy's Flatshare - Xmas Slamdown w/ Jon Richardson & Stuart Goldsmith & Josie Long (Mince pies for Santa) S10E51

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Neither “Tom!” nor “Ben!” want to put out the Mince Pies for Santa… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a FESTIVE Flatshare Slamdown!With Jon Richardson & Stuart Goldsmith & Josie Long Jon Richardson - https://twitter.com/RonJichardsonStuart Goldsmith - https://twitter.com/ComComPodFeatures: lies about traditions, some vague assonance in the 12 days of Quickfiremas and a surprise visit from Santa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Ho ho ho! Listen to dear, it's Christmas! It's Christmas! Ho ho ho ho! Happy oh, listen to dear, it's Christmas! It's Christmas! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, What could be more festive? No, I never have, but I'm gonna put a little crow on the top of my Christmas tree now. No, the Christmas crow goes on the bottom of the tree. The bottom of the tree, right? Eats all the little bits of food that you drop over Christmas. The Christmas crow, it's not a bad tradition actually.

I tell you what, the Christmas crow's done to me and this genuinely true. For like the first five nights, I had the Christmas tree up without fail a Ball ball would fall off in the night and wake me up, but why Never see under the why you see beyond the Christmas tree But never fell off during the day That's weird what you think's going on in your house. Do you think do you think there's people sort of Give it away, Tom! But never fell off during the day.

That's weird. What do you think's going on in your house? Do you think there's people sort of rifeling around in your house under cover of darkness? Well, now I do. Yeah, okay, well anyway, Merry Christmas. And welcome to Flat Share Slam Down. It's our festive Flat Share Slam Down. It's a really fun one.

Just to explain, it was originally gonna be Josie Long versus John Richardson. Josie had to do a radio four show, so maybe she'll make an appearance later in the show, you'll just have to listen and find out. Ooh. Ooh. Oh, man. What is it, Matthew? Yeah, what is it, your festive fucker? You are a festive fucker and no mistake.

You know what, a guilty as charged. One of you two has got to put the mince pies out for old St. Nick, okay, if are the Christmas. Oh, well, it's not going to be me. Well, you know, actually, I was going to put out a mince pie in Brandy for him, but obviously, if he wants the brandy, the mince pie is not a substantial meal. So instead, I'm just going to put out some scotch and an egg.

It's torn from today's papers from Clarkie. I love it. What about you, Perry? I want a swore that swore at me, and then I kicked it in the nose and the nose passed away And then rainwater came out of its ears and it was rude wolf the dead nose rain deer and You're telling me that you didn't prep that that is unbelievable that you didn't prep that. That is unbelievable! Rue de Waik goodness! Comedy store players move over, room for a little one! Well, there's only one way that we're going to settle this.

We're going to have to have another one of our festive Flashes! Slantow! Flashes! Slantow! We're going to Flashes! Slantow! We're going to Flashes!

Flashes! Slantow! Flashes! Slantow! Hello and welcome to Flashes! Slantow, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash, flash He's shacking it twice. He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town He sees you when you're sleeping and he knows if you're awake He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake. Oh, you better watch out You're better not cry. You better not pow. I'm telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town

I'm the host of Landlord Matthew Crosby, let's meet Santa's little helpers It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho Guys you guys it's wonderful to have you on the show again. Thanks. We made it through another year together guys Thanks, trust me back actually to real pleasure. It's Clarky's second appearance on the show And so you can't obviously Clarky put out the mince pies on your own who have you brought along to bother with you this festive season Well, I have brought along the spirit of Christmas himself Richardson I have brought along the spirit of Christmas himself. John Richardson! Oh, I'm Richardson. Rico, how are you doing?

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Well done to all of you for everything you've ever done. He's a happy child. We really needed to hear that actually. That's the kind of, this is the opposite of going home for Christmas. It's really, honestly, you know what?

It's exactly what I needed to make my heart swell three sizes. That's really, honestly, you know what, it's exactly what I needed to make my heart swell three sizes. That's so, so wonderful. I just read the Grinch to my daughter at bedtime. Did you? Yeah, the book's short, isn't it? I was glad I got into it and I thought, oh, shit, I got something to do, eh? And then, actually, it's fairly brief, the book. Do you do different voices, or is it just the one voice? You strike me as a man with one voice but I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can animals, a monkey and a dumb beetle. The grumpy monkey, the grumpy monkey, grumpy dumb beetle, all from slightly different towns of the North West. The dumb beetle was from Preston, the good-know was from Lancaster. I thought the

beetle was from Liverpool, but fair enough. I love me start to start, start, start. What can I talk about what I said earlier about congratulations on everything you've ever done. Everything you've ever done. Everything you've ever done for your cadres. To the point when you gave the compliment. Yes, everything you have to that. Can you give the caveats as a footnote at the end of the show? As the credits are rolling, you could just list off all the things that you didn't approve of.

Well, tomorrow night, John's coming back to do a director's commentary on this, where everything we say, yeah, I can't get behind that. There's a really good impression of a dung bean. What's that? Very good. Charlie, I think. Charlie must be joking. Now, it was...

I know, I know, it's bad. I think it's the advocate kicking in. It's maybe all Christmas crackers. What's Christmas like in your house, John? Oh, it's not as good since I got married. I'm supposed to say that. I'm sorry, I'm not going to turn around. I'd love to know why.

Well, I think when you're with your family, you all do it the way your family does it. And then marriage and relationships is just a real government, isn't it? I said, they were like, Lucy, just does it. I'm going to say a different way. She does it wrong. She doesn't like playing games.

She doesn't drink copious amounts They just they have a big dinner and then they'll have a cup of tea and fall asleep in front of the tele which you can do on like October the ninth cup of tea as well come on Big glass of brandy is what you want you want to get get support in that brand day. Yeah, so locally get hammered Play a board game where everyone gets goes a bit too hard. Everyone gets aggressive. Somebody cries. No one wants to play with grandma because she's hard of hearing so she's terrible at articulate. But this is this is what you want from it. You know, you don't want to be falling asleep

in front of the tele. Yeah, absolutely. And they still they have an argument and we don't sort of they don't play any games and they'll still manage to have an argument and we manage to play games and get on So it'll be tense this Christmas but fortunately because of the awful year we've had this won't be as many people and there'll be a General air of sadness about the whole thing which I think she'll like Harry who have you brought with you this time around guys fantastic news the jamborees in full swing Fantastic news the jamborees in full swing We have Santa's grotto. It's going from strength to strength and chief elf

himself is here. It's mr. Stue Goldsmith everybody To be here a joy you have an elf in quality to you, too Oh, thank you very much. I've got a long pointy face like a fox or elf Were you ever in the hat for Lord of the Rings? Uh, auditions. No, everybody apart from me seemed to audition for Lord of the Rings, did you? Did Crosby? No, no, no, I actually, I turned it down. Rico, you did it, though. Didn't you do all the hobbit?

I did, yes. I read for the role that Martin Freeman later got in the Hobbit. Oh, did you think he'd have done a good job as Freeman? I think I probably did it a different way. I think you brought a lot of done beetle to it. Yeah, I went from gas tank, and I don't think that's what they were looking for. They want me to sort of continuation of the in-home role.

I once got the job as the links guy, the kind of the nerdy guy in a links advert. Like you're the nerdy guy in a links advert. You're the nerdy guy. Yes, that like how you were the nerdy guy. The advert didn't go ahead. I flipped to Cape Town. I shot it in a mall in Cape Town with me and a bunch of Brazilian models

and it was the only paying kind of gig, like proper paying gig. It was supposed to be 30 grand and then they decided not to use it and they didn't give me the money. Oh no! Thanks for bringing up auditions, pals. Oh my god. They put it in front of the client and the client said, well where's the nerdy guy? Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying. If given us a stone cold dream boat, oh thank you, thank you. That was an unslam and I'm very appreciative.

And also, why is the guy running away from all the girls got a boner? We can't show that. That's the other guy. He's got a pointy face and a pointy dick. It is Alfred, my dick is immortal, that's true. Well, we've met our guests and their immortal junk. Let's see who's going to make minced meat out of who as we play round one. Oh. play round one. Yeah I'm marching on some Chuseas turkey Don't go skipping on my Chuseas turkey Give me all of the trimmings on my Chuseas turkey

Carving up thick Mrs. Claus then rub my face in your white sauce I want your breast meat it does the job Then put two stuffing balls in my dog Get a large blanket cause this pig is fat I thought it's a sweat through my cracker hat Creme up my leaks, don't mess about Gag me with two brustles of hands Pull your brandy, get this putlit

Drop the new log and then give me a bit I wanna speak purple and squig with all the leftovers for the next week Oh yes, I'm marching on some juicy ass turkey So, don't go skimping on my juicy ass turkey Give me all of the primings on my juicy ass turkey Waaaw my juicy ass turkey. Whoa, juicy ass turkey. This round one, round one is called Merry Chris Past. I'm going to give each contestant the backstory to a festive tradition. They have to give me three backstories, one of which will be true, the other two will be lies.

Now, the opposing team has to fish the gold coin of truth from the figure-putting of deceit. A point if the team guesses correctly, if not, the liar gets the point. We're going to start with you, Clarky. Okay, now your tradition is being sent to you over the Zoom. So let's, let's see if Tom and Stu can tell festive fact from festive fiction. Ben, reveal to us please the origin of the mince pie. Talk us through the mince pie. Wow, this is tough stuff, isn't it? Oh, yes. This is like a proper question.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That's lucky. Oh, yes, it's like a proper question. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, Glocky. Oh, yes. The mince pie was originally. I don't believe this one. I think this one is already back in out of it, isn't it? He's crumbling like so much flaky pastry.

Come on, Glocky, back yourself. We believe in you. Well, we're Constructed within a stocking They would spoon in the gradient ingredients So when you read the Boxing in the gradients, the Gradients, they're not they're not ingredients until they're in the stocking out Gradients first and then they become the ingredients.

You want the spoon in between, they're ingredients. They'd spoon them in to the stocking and reach the bottom of the stocking. Where the orange is? Yeah, exactly, but it was pre-orange, I presume. There it is. The orange was there before the stocking mate. What? It was out of town.

This is a big existential question. What came first the orange or the stocking Tom? I think we've got time to get into this right now. So you're saying they would spoon the gradients into a stocking and that was the early mint's pie that we know and love today. Exactly right, man. Okay. Alright, I believe it.

Where does the piece of paper work? Where does the mince come into? What is stocking? You made a pastry guy so you know what I'm talking about. Listen, this is all read between the lines, guys. Like, it's fine. Guys, it's fine. I don't worry, it's fine. I don't need to defend the real one. Next up we have to celebrate Jesus. Uh, they were...

He's acting in there though, they're swacting going on. Is he acting? Absolute lack of belief in what he's saying. I think he's doing an incredible job. Get this man a hobbit. I think he's overplaying his hand here. I think he's... Listen, if he's acting like he doesn't know what he's doing, this has been a very long con.

I'd say he's been doing this since about 2011. So he's really been prepping for this game for a long con. I'd say he's been doing this since about 2011. So he's really been prepping for this game for a long time. Okay, so they were originally made celebrate Jesus. They were oblong in shape to represent the manger and can I buzz in? Would clarky no or use the word oblong? It's called an aqua course or is he clearly read that from the zoom? Oh my god. I mean, rectangle oblong. I feel like oblong. You use oblong before you learn rectangle. You're oblong. I've never been 100% clear on what an Oblong is. Yeah, rectangle's the first square then rectangle

isn't it? You learn square first then rectangle. Yeah, Oblong comes like Ron and you're like, eh? Yes. It's such a funny prefix. Is there, you get Oblongs like the filled out shape, though, isn't it? It's like three-dimensional Oblong. Oh, right. It's all true.

So kind of like, so a box is an oblong. Where I don't want to divert this Christmas quiz into a Shakespeare's chat, but I am learning. Are we learning, though, because we haven't got any of the actual factors. Oh, we didn't tell you. This is for preschool. Did we tell you?

This podcast is for preschool age. Oh, the bit when I said fuck me dead, when I drank the booze early on. Is that going to be an issue? Because I've got a lot of comedy for kids fans, I don't want to disappoint. Your immortal penis is not going to make the idea I'm afraid to do. What you don't realise is that wet ass pussy parody, the back invocals are done by Mr. Tumble.

He's doing everything. He's doing everything. He's very good. He's very good. He's very good. He's very good. Okay, Clarky, are you done on that second fact? Sorry, I interrupted you.

Yeah, I've long, I had a baby Jesus carved on top of it. Okay, I'm blown with a Jesus on top. And that was it. Okay, that's okay. Okay, Clarky. I'm really enjoying watching Rico. LAUGHTER I feel like I'm pulling such obvious facial expressions of disgust that they're audible.

I feel like people listening can hear. You're shouting, you're shouting, John. You can hear the nostril crinkling. Gradients. You can't blame him for not thinking, you knew the word oblong when you didn't know the word ingredients. I know, on your side. I said ingredients, what is this?

What did you think I said? Luckily this is being recorded. We can check back. Oh dear. That didn't think of that. Imagine if the third one is even shitter than the first one. You want to really leave us up a cricket? This is what you just said. Okay finally, the mince pie originated in Germany when they would make one and at the start of the festive season, they'd roll it down a hill, down the cobbled hill, and the first person who caught it would get a big present.

Would Ben know the word catched? What? The first person to call it would get a present from the mayor. From the mayor? Yeah. The mayor of Germany. Right. Can I?

Do you want to, where are you at, Coltmith? Can we just go through the board? Yeah, just, well, okay. We do a quick recap of the, recap of the three if we can. We recap of the three. We recap of the three. To me, that's a whole new recap.

To me, that's a whole new recap. That's a whole new strand. That's what Rico is going to be doing tomorrow night when he goes through all the gags in the show. So we've got, we've got Gries's is of long and we've got the German mayor and the rolling competition Which one of those rings true? Okay, brief overview Format wise. I don't know what's going on because none of those seem to explain why they would be mince pies

Interesting Is that interesting like I? Got on what do you think what's your initial I think I don't think it can be number one And this is what always comes back to sting me on games like this, but I don't think it's number one, right? Number one was Stick it in the stocking pop it in a stocking move move aside our range pop it in the stocking Right, I don't think it's number three because I think Clarkie has recently watched the Netflix documentary about cheese rolling and he told me He told me how much he enjoyed the documentary on cheese rolling and I think that's quite at the forefront of his brain here

So I'm I'm plumbing straight for number two I think the two was oblong two was oblong. I don't think oblong's coming out of anyway. I think got I think I don't think you're reaching for oblong Okay, okay, so yeah, I think you're fed up. My concern about the first one, I think it could be the first one because there is something like mince pies that have got suet in them and I feel, I don't know what that is, but I feel like it might be like, off all pushed through a stocking. Do you know what I mean? It might be some sort of, you push fat through some sort of thing and you end up with

suet. Right, so it's sort of like a big sort of, you think stockings were like a big sort of fleshy kind of, like a big sausage basically. Yeah, like it was kind of a net as you push your ingredients out. And then the fat goes out and you end up with the stuff and that goes in the mince pie.

But to be honest, judging by the expression now. And then they took the stocking and then they took the stocking and hung it up Put an orange in it. Yeah, that's quite you know. Oh, yeah, I don't know But to be honest look at our buy absolutely be wilderness on Ben's face makes me think that That's what he does that's what he does you see good at this is he doing is he lay a ease of is a good little actor is Clarkie He really is Let's okay. We're sold, number one.

Number one is the truth, done deal, go. Take it away. I can reveal that Mint Pies were originally made to celebrate Jesus. They were oblong in shape to represent the manger that Jesus slept in as a baby and had a pastry baby Jesus carved into the pastry on top. So, there we go, that is a point damn oblong.

I oblong with. To our oblong chum, Ben Clark. Congratulations, next up is you. You is going to tell us the origin of his own, his favorite. He's own. His own favorite, the stocking. Where does the stocking come from on Christmas Eve?

Was it a big bag of flesh like something you'd get in a bean house? Okay, so, according to tradition, according to traditions, so Nick Fussett was originally, he was originally poor, as we know, and as a result, the part of the origin story of the original St. Nicholas is that he was a birdler, and he would, before creeping into the houses of the children, he would, to steal their presence in the original tales, he would pull a stocking over his head

to safeguard his identity. Now, he used to wear a lot of meat on top of his head and by pulling down on the stocking, he would end up with a sort of by-product that would attract reindeer. So that's the first. So he'd squash a stocky onto his head till he made a little burger. Yep.

And the burger would attract the reindeer. No, the fat, the fat on the outside of the stockings The greediest stockings Was this the origins of stockings or the origins of the hamburger? The hamburger is like St. Nicholas steeped in tradition And meat juice So that's the true one and what have I got to do I've got to make up two fake ones? Yes that's right, that's great, okay. Okay, here we go. Okay, so fake one number one.

The origin of the origin of hanging up your stocking would be that that is where you would want coal. You'd want coal for the fire. So it actually doesn't date back all that far. Victoria, Victoria in tradition, you would hang up your stocking outside your house for the coal. So it actually doesn't date back all that far. Victoria Victorian tradition, you would hang up your stocking outside your house for the coalman to put coal in it. And that kind of morphed in that Victorian way in which we know the kilts in Braveheart, they didn't have kilts killed to be made up by the Victorians, it's one of those kind of things whereby stocking is actually, it's a very late addition to the council's cabinet. Just you blew my mind twice with that one.

Don't over explain it to you, Karen. You've nailed that. Okay, that's fate one number one. Fate one number two, it was the, according to tradition. I was really just trying to write that. You can't say the. You can't say that all through time. You literally can't say the phrase according to tradition. So according to tradition, the original St. Nicholas would give money instead of presence and he would throw, he would be unable to throw the money to children without revealing his identity.

So he would scramble around on the rooftops, drop the money down through the chimney, and it would spill out from the fireplace unless you would remember to put your stocking up in which case you've got a big stock. Catch the gold. To catch the gold. Okay. That is true. So you play three absolute belters there.

They all sound like bullshit. Thank you, Paul. Thank you, Tom, and thank you, Ben. John, what are you thinking about the three answers to you's given just then? It was a wonderful performance. I enjoyed it greatly. My answer is dictated by the fact that I've forgotten what two of them were. So I'm going to assume that the one I remember is the one where some level of my brain went store that one. That's right.

So that's the middle one about the coal. And then I can see that because there was coal in it anyway if you were bad, isn't that the thing that if you were bad you would get coal. That's right. Yeah, yeah, if you're not, you get a lump of coal. So the idea, I think the three ideas were just to recap. The first one was he would squeeze a meat-filled stocky onto his head,

and pull it out, and it would attract reindeer. I just wanna check, before you go to the coal, you don't wanna go for that option. Right, first one is about the origin of father Christmas as someone who would steal presents from children and leave a trail of fat behind. Yeah, absolutely. I forgot the ball. I will, tell me the third one again, and I'll just double check with all of them before

I make my mind up. And the third one was that if he didn't want to reveal his identity, so he would throw coins down the chimney, they would hopefully land in your stocking if you had your stocking hung up. I see. I like them. I like them. I like them.

Tipping point. And otherwise of course they would fall to the floor where they're irretrievable. No one can pick a coin from the floor. Well I guess if it falls into the fireplace then you can't fish it out. But if the stockings are on the outside, are they inside the fireplace? You make a good point. This is inside or as you would call it, side. What do you think, Ben? Sure, I stand by my original thought that they'd just none of them seem at all feasible. Well, yes, one, one, first one, first one, clearly seemed like a joke. Then the second one with the coal, why wouldn't they just put a bag or something else is a stocking really the most effective thing. And then the third one, as I say, the chances of

the coins bouncing down into a fire out and up into a stocking. Can I just check? Should I just check then? That's the bit you find implausible, a man who flies to every single house in the world in a single night in a sled driven by reindeer. That's the bit you're finding implausible that coins could land in a stocking from a chimney. Yeah, that's a good point, I should say. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha guys Think of the three schoolers for the lover. I'm gonna go I'm gonna go John I think I think Cole sounds the most the most plausible out of three very Implausible I can I can tell you now that according to tradition

The original sent Nicholas put gold coins in the stockings of three porcises He would throw the coins through the chimney, knowing the family was very poor. And the sisters had their stockings hanging up and the money landed in those stockings. John, you are a congratulations to you. You get a point there. John, you're up next.

You're gonna tell us, John, why we associate Robbins with Christmas and not just because of that, lovely show you does with Eddish James. So you've got your answer there. John, give us three reasons why first ever role Nussas was as a Robin in a... Tarky, it's way too early for you to get pissed on nostalgic. You're right. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? Listen man, I'm still a girl called Robin Lanson. You're right. You don't want to add. You don't want to add. You don't want to add. Listen, man. I'm still going to go cause Robin wants to do it. Beautiful, she wants to. I first rock. I'm not. Let me do it.

But it memory. Oh, man. A tricky start. No, no, Aga, we're just, what he's doing is he's stalling to give John Richardson thinking time he's exactly doing a very good teammate in the first role right but it was others robin red breast in the school play okay that's a great story clocky John let's have he we all we all enjoyed it but I'll wait for the audiobook if you don't mind and John give us the three

reasons why we think of Robbins at Christmas time. Well accordion to petition. When De Baby Jesus was born, obviously he was born in an animal house. A farm. John Belushi. He was born with John Belushi. John Belushi, the Baptist. And obviously it was very cold in the barn and they didn't want the baby Jesus to die. Well they did but not until later. That comes later. Give me a 33 years. Absolutely. Give me a bit of time for the narrative to really sort of Jesus warm and the little birds would keep the fire going

the little bird and that's why it's not I'm throwing themselves into it as cool. Like that's done. Like that's done. The Olympic opening ceremony. Do you remember that? Was it whilst very much? Very much. Very symbolic. Very symbolic. Very symbolic. Straight into the Olympic flame. And that's where the ducking comes from. That's why they have red tummies because of the fire burnt their tummies. Actually, nothing's left.

There's a hint to Chris Packham about Richardson, isn't it? When he's doing this. Thank you. I also have dead animals hung on my gate. But you, you have been processed by my neighbours. I'm just hated just for different reasons. Obviously, in olden times, I think that's a specific period. The people didn't get hot food very often. So Christmas was the one time obviously they would get a nice hot dinner, a big old Christmas dinner, and that sense of being warm bellied, red bellied was...

That's the most serious I've ever seen Tom be about anything. Yeah, he hates that, doesn't he? We can move on. We can move on without... He's gonna be livid. Okay. He finds out. And finally, a robbing is... I haven't finished that one, but if you don't want to hear the rest of you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Let your team make give us a full and proper answer. Sorry, sorry, John. No, that's fine, if he doesn't want the truth. If he can't handle the truth. I can only apologise for my colleague there. If he's not happy with Robbins having red bellies, there's a lot of hiding, are there nice, warmed in there? It was gout, wasn't it? Erm, that would, it's at the thought,

that's why they've got the webtoffy. Yes, the little three toes, they originally had five feet and two had to be severed because of a father-tack of gout. And then I've got your gate. Thanks, Joe. Erm, it was a joke about Rob. Mae'n gwybod yn gweithio yn ffodd yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio. Mae'n gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio. Mae'n gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gwe they're quite an aggressive bird and what they'll do is they'll put things in other people's and other birds nests because they don't want them anymore and that's seen as part of the gifting tradition that Robyn actually, although it's a very generous bird, we'll leave things in it. It's sort of the opposite of a magpie. Robyn will actually leave gifts in other birds nests. It's kind of like avian fly tipping.

It's sort of, it's an avian father Christmas, is what it is. It's a red-breasted, red-bellied, generous bird. Love it. So we've got, we've got, Bloody hell, the bells. The baby Jesus and lighting a fire to warm up, baby Jesus, we've got hot dinner, nice warmed dinner,

nothing better on it, on Christmas morning, nice warmed dinner, and then putting presents in other birds' nests. Which one of those rings true for Tom's Jew? My first thought is that if you don't know that John Robbins had Gount, my interjection and an explanation of it, just see it as meaningless. Yes, he does have. But more for me for trying to explain it by saying that was a joke about Robbins having Gount,

which didn't explain it any further beyond that initial level of birth. That's right, our dear friend, John Robbins unfortunately suffers from a very best development of Gounts. So there we friend, John Robbins, unfortunately suffers from a very festive ailment of gals. So there we go. We'll put this all in the re-crap, don't you worry about that. This is your lad's all have a good laugh about that while you swig advocate from the bottom.

So I don't know man, I've got a good feeling about flying too close to the fire. Me too. I mean it's, you know, should we just explore the others for a sec, what was the middle one? I don't buy the hot dinners one. Oh really, Tom, you don't let me know that. You made that very clear, you made that very clear. You were so confident in that that I immediately lost all faith in it.

Yeah, and immediately. And inverse magpie, no fucking way. I think we've, I think we've rumbled it here. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've rumbled the guy. Yeah, all right. I think we've gotumbled it. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've rumbled the guy. Yeah, all right. I think we've got someone happy to have that. Robin, he beat the fire to keep the baby Jesus warm.

Here we go. Now, Law has it that some Robbins used to eat at a harvester. At the end of the harvester, they'd have a nice, nice rosy glow in their bellies. And that is how they got there. No, Lord has it that some robins arrived in the stable. Soon after Jesus was born, and while Joseph was gathering with Van the dying fire with their wings to keep it light, and the Virgin Mary gave them their fiery breast as a reward for keeping the baby Jesus warm.

Right, congratulations there to the Tom and Stu. You get a point now, Tom. Please give us reasons three as to why we kiss under the mistletoe. Where does that tradition come? It's a first ever time She was she was called robbing Okay, I mean it's at this stage you realise what a talented bunch of- Get on with it, Harry, get on with it. Don't interrupt.

Don't interrupt. You want to be here today. Humble to be here to witness your incredible acts of bravery. I like the way you're stalling for time by talking. You can think and talk at the- I'll think of something while I for time by talking. Like you can think and talk at the I'll think of something while I just carry on talking. Okay, so Missilto is a tradition that stems from what are they called in America where Harris and Phil's went to visit that community. The

the pilgrims, the the founding fathers, Armish, it's still... Wait, they're two different things. You know, the Armish, Mount Rushmore, the Dollyville. It's another one to Harrison Ford went to, you know, the Jedi's. Okay, okay, okay, what I've done there is I thought the founding fathers were Armish, but they're not. No, they're not. No, they're just like the looks. Pilgrims, that's what I'm after. I've never seen that have as a forwarder. The Pilgrims had a rule about kissing indoors. You weren't allowed to kiss indoors, very Christian people,

but at Christmas, obviously, everyone wanted to have a festive kiss. So the rule went, if you bring the outside inside with a sprig of, it became traditionally mistletoe, then you're allowed a little kiss, because it's under a leaf at a branch and therefore not floating the devout rules absolutely plausible great Santa Claus Santa Claus a ball Santa Claus a ball number two this thing off's lovely to watch. I'm really enjoying this.

It is a good game actually. This is like watching someone else cook Christmas dinner. I'm just so glad it's not me. Number two, the mistletoe bush famously grows. Not, well, not famously because I didn't know this, but the mistletoe bush grows in pairs and so from years ago has long been considered the Romantic bush because whenever you see a mistletoe bush in the wild it will be growing in pairs. So mistletoe became a symbol of romanticism and so they just brought that towards Christmas. It was never really linked to Christmas, a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more of a little bit more romantic bush is I believe the sequel to the immortal boner. Is that right? I haven't yet seen it,

but it's on my Netflix queue. Exactly right. So, there's the American tradition, the English tradition, and there's the Viking tradition, where the Viking god of, you know, fucking freaking... God of, you know, fucking frigging. Oh, God. Say, frigging. The Vikings aren't there Vikings, you know. Frig, frig, frayer. Frayer, frig. Which we get to work with, frig.

Frig, the God of, the Viking God of Sex or Love, has mistletoe on his, you know, mistletoe is the sign for that God, for that God S. And so it comes from the Vikings, mistletoe, frig, kiss under the mistletoe. So it could be American, it could be English, it could be Viking. Okay, so was it number one, Harrison Ford? Was it number two, the romantic bush, or was number three, Frigging? I'll leave that up to you.

I'll leave that up to you. I'll have to play, to play, to Rico. I love that. What are you thinking guys? Behind the beard. I'm big fan of the first one. Yeah, I love the attempt to dress the soap as the sort of battle of three different regions.

I mean, is it, you know, American? Is it English or is it Viking rather than the battle of, is it two fairly plausible ones? Or is it just the symbol of the God of Fuck? I like the first two. I liked, I can see the sort of, they're both seem plausible. Three I didn't, I didn't care for, but I didn't want to interrupt and shout that out, because I feel that really would have, you know,

on the mind, it's just nice to watch someone flail, you know. Why would you cut that short when you can watch a colleague and friend desperately paddling away trying to sell a lie? Not way of it. But drowning in Africa. I would, I'd go for the first one, but with a, with a commendation for the second one, if that's, you know, that's, that's a good grift if that turns out to be true. Yeah. And I think it's based, isn't it? It's actually pear trees, isn't it, that you have to

plant together or there's some sort of tree you have to plant in pairs otherwise they don't fruit. I really don't. I think so, yeah. And missile toe is a delicious fruit. I want the tastiest fruit. Clarke, what are you thinking? Do you stand by Rico? I think the same, yeah, I think the first one rings true. Second one's nice. It's definitely something that links to a

generally less sort of less serious time because I can imagine that the armistice and people like that who didn't kiss a lot, you'd want an excuse to guess but now we're living such filth-ridden despicable times to be honest. You might as well switch this tradition now to stand under the mistletoe as the one place where women are safe from sexual harassment to be honest. John, can you do some sort of show where you go and live with the armish? In definitely. I just feel you'd get on.

Yeah, I feel like they would object. That would be the format. Who bales first? You or the other? Yes. This guy's fucking dry. I mean, Jesus. Come on, get through in and have a bit of a party.

Okay, so you're gonna go with the puretanical armishi founding fathers, Harrison Ford version. I can reveal now that mistletoe was a symbol of frig, the Norse goddess of love. The original tradition dictated that Christmas revelers had to pick a single Missulto Berry with every kiss until the sprig was empty. So can you believe it? The one you are absolutely raking over the festive coals, that was the correct one. Well, a point to Tom Pary then. Tom deserves an extra point. Not just, I'm not just saying this because he's on my team, but the commitment to which he looked like he was crumbling as they chose the one that he knew was wrong was

Sumptuous. Yeah, I mean Clark is a good actor, but Pary lives it Pary can be the hobbit. We'll have Clark. He is background or I'll take it. So, Producers. Producers. I'm just going to move on at this stage. We're an hour in. So, Producers are going to win my elf on the shelf. What are the scores?

Oh my goodness. Look at that. Oh my goodness. What a festive scene. Oh my goodness. Are you in a stumble or something? Tier 2 mate. That was a good one. That's Wales for you. Where are you? Are you in Istanbul or somewhere? Tia Tumi. That was the thing.

That's Wales for you. Is all of that just for this or have you got another gig? I'm in my friend's bar, which is a closed, obviously. I'm in Wales at the moment. Sure. So, I'm in the bar here with an audience. Oh, wonderful. Stretching the old work thing, eh?

Yeah, yeah. Got a coming app on the way. It's a business job. It just happens to me, yeah. Why aren't we all there? Why aren't we all doing this thing? That's amazing, man. We really could have been.

There's time next year. We're all in Quinn's mates bar all here. That's what we're doing. Motel nights in Cardiff, check it out. Is it called Motel Nights? It is. Absolutely a class. You can't put a Motel Knights. It is. Absolutely. A class.

You can't put a price on that, can you? Right. I'm producing Gwen. What are the scores at the end of that round? The scores are Ben and John have won and Tom and Steve have three. Oh! Oh! So, thanks for that.

So, thanks for that. So, thanks for that. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. Tom and Stu are in the lead, but Ben and John have not yet been pied off. Let's play round two. It's flat games Gold Frankincense and... Merrr, this week we are playing our... Put the brakes on slightly, Rico's going to get a drill.

Of course. There you go, he's back. I mean, he... Just enough time for Clarkies to tell us about his first ever role. His first ever role of a mince pie in Germany. So, this week we're playing our version of Guess Who, which we're calling Guess Who. I'm going to give each player five famous names. They have to do an impression of Santa Claus doing an impression of that person.

Their teammate has to guess who Santa is impersonating. A point for each correct guess teams have 90 seconds to impersonate and correctly guess all 10 names. Tom and Stu, you are up first. Beautiful. Okay. Tom and Stu, you are up first. So just to say...

Can I just ask a philosophical question here? Yeah. He's the game. I'm impersonating Santa in personating that famous person. Or am I impersonating a famous person impersonating Santa in impersonating that famous person. Or am I impersonating a famous person in impersonating Santa? You know what? I think there's a fundamental difference here. You know what?

In this instance, it's absolutely dealers' choice. Okay, so if you want to go for that person, if you want to go for a celebrity being Santa or if you want to go for a Santa being that celebrity, you can choose. What would you prefer, Tom? I'd like to imagine the celebrity has been given the role of Santa in a grotto or a family gathering

and they're throwing themselves into it. Rather than Santa's house. He's done the rounds, he's got home, and Mrs. Claude has asked him to play a game with him where he has to do the show. I think your way is going to be much harder. That's the truth. As long as I visualise it, I think I can give it.

So Tom, have you got your names there? Sure, have you got your names that have become through? I've got my names, I've got my names and I've googled the one I didn't know. Okay, nice. Your 90 seconds begins now. Oh, I've got a plastic bum hole. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's absolutely fabulous.

I've got a plastic bum hole. Who's going to have to do that? You do that, Liam. Oh, here you see the rain tears. Oh, polyght the sleigh. Rain tears. Are you David Attenborough? Oh, oh, oh, polyght the sleigh Rain you Well Rodney you've been have you been naughty on my sister's here? I certainly am

My parents got shot for a pill necklace Oh, my parents got shot for a pill necklace. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh No spoilers no no 30 seconds left. I don't believe it. I'd I really don't It's 2020 Oh, no, I've spilled that brandy onto my cat and I've got a wet ass pussy. Oh shit. Are you the one that sang that song, right? Yes, I am. Sure. I mean, it'll be Cardi B, will it? It's all right.

It is, it is. Yes, and that is your time well done. Oh, thank God. Really, really good. I believe you got six there, six out of 10, a pretty respectable score there. It's impossible to commit to being santa and rush through things. I didn't know that, did you're absolutely right.

Is there a chance to go back and steal these, or can I give away what my next one was going to be? Do you want to go and give us, give us, we have all I had was, oh, I'm Alex Jones from the one shirt. Yeah, no, you would have been a point for that, Stuart, you would have been a point for that. No, thanks. Sorry, I'm tempted to take a point away. Next up, it's John and Ben. To mix things up, you'll be impersonating these famous names

as Ebenezer Scrooge. So, do you have your names there? Is it possible to rush as Ebenezer Scrooge, which we shall find out? Yes. Oh, yeah. So, what are we being the person on the thing being Scrooge? Yeah, let's call it that.

Yeah, let's do that. Okay. Oh. So, more Scrooge being that person. Or Scrooge being that person if you want to. I mean, you know, whatever you do, we'll be happy with it. Your 90 seconds begins now. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Can I be neither of them? No, no, you can't. I remember in a Christmas, December 25th, where that slag flew across the sky to people's houses. Danny Dyer. Yes. Oh, and the poor house is mispigured.

They're not open. Oh, come here. Ohigured. They're not open. Oh, come here! Oh no, I'm not. I'm not. Baa baa humboo go. I can't play. What's up?

Booblay, Frank's an archer. Yes, Frank's an archer. I'm a medic Christmas. I should be so lucky, lucky lucky. Oh, very nice. Caliminogue. Yes. Oh, aha. Oh, Patrick.

Is it more than a heart-to-heart? Well, what a visit by the free ghost it has been. He, um, is alive with the sound of, uh, fucking humbugs. Is it a Robin Redbrust? Ray Winston? You see, I've got so confused now. Don't do it as Danny Dyer, as Ebenezer screwed, as this person probably. Just do it. Don't know why Ebenezer screwed sounds like. Well, he's not don't know why, if he's a screwed sounds like.

Well, he's not a copney, now listen. Yes, it's... And let's... What's that one? That was... Yes, it was it. Was it? Oh, I'm... The queen?

No! I'm afraid that is your time. Oh! Put it out of your Elizabethan Scrooge. It was... No, it wasn't the Queen. Can you give him, like, with zero time limit? Can we really see Clarky go for it?

Yeah, let's go. We'll end on this one, Clarky. Give us your absolute best. Ebenezer Scrooge doing just relax and just feel. Just have fun with it. Just have fun with it. We've got that first one, that's in there, that we will. That's the one.

This one just have fun with it, just throw it away. I'm sweating now, I'm sweating. That's not part of it, by the way. It's definitely not Prince Andrew. The hills are alive with bar humbug. Oh, what's her chops? It is. It is. It is.

Yes, I'm not going to give a point to anybody there because no one won. So, that is the end of that round. Let's ask our little elf on the shelf producer, Gwynn, to impersonate someone who has been keeping the score. Gwynn, the scores are, Tom and Sue have nine. And then John have five. Oh, yeah. The scores are Tom and Sue have nine and pen and John have five Now it's time to head into the next round

Let's tuck it to some Christmas dinner. It's time for some beef. It's beef brothers If you've got a problem call it a b if you've got a b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b Right. I live in a flat that is one of four basement ground floor, first floor, second floor, in a converted Victorian house. Oh, it's too much. This week I've been added to a 23 person WhatsApp group or NYE party 2020 by the couple in the basement flat. Apart from the absolute madness of inviting that many people to a party in these unprecedented times, I don't know them that well. I've chatted with them a few times and once went down for a barbecue in the garden and I don't know any of the other people on the list at all. A party where I don't know anybody else is my worst nightmare. I'm quite shy and would rather just spend new years eve alone in my flat chatting with

my friends online. How can I politely decline while remaining on good terms and also not give the impression that I might call their police on their stupid illegal party, which I definitely won't do because all cops are bastards. No one expected that from a little tiny tin. Any help would be appreciated. Okay, folks. So poor old tiny tin there, he's there in his flat.

He's been invited to this party. He doesn't want to go. What is your advice? Throw away your phone, get rid of getting your phone, get a new number, completely ignore the whole thing, blank it completely. Start again, just start a new life. Burn off your fingerprints. It's going to be a deal, that.

It's going to fall apart. I was going to say, you did all this stuff before moving out. Stop on the roof. They consider if they come after you did all that. That would have been a brilliant twist at the end of the Bourne films, when it after the trilogy. If it just turns out it was trying to get out of a New Year's Eve party, they didn't want to go to it. They'd done it all to himself. The Bourne Resolution. Very nice.

So, okay, so as soon you're thinking it's gonna be just scorch the earth, scorch the earth, absolutely. Get the fuck killed them all, kill them all, get out. Okay, John, what are you thinking? Well, these people are scum, I don't understand what the issue is here. I mean, what do they, what do I, like a WhatsApp, when you thought, well, at least, when they infect each other, I'm not going to have to share a banister or a letterbox with them.

But it's basically a death threat. They're basically set up a WhatsApp group to say, we're all going to lick each other and good luck getting down the fucking stairs on January the 1st or 2nd. So absolutely. Where's the last one? If you want to go into a party, John.

They don't all lick each other. They do, I've seen them. They don't all lick each other. They do, I've seen them. They wait till I've gone. There's all the freckle. They wait till I've got my remaining beers out of the fridge and gone, these are mine. The knocks, let's get licking.

All I would say in Tiny Tim's favourites is, these are the basement flat people, are they? So, it's not like if he was floor two and they were floor one and you thought I'm gonna have to pass them every day when I go out basement, you don't have to worry about them. You're never gonna see them again. So send a polite response, all the best with it. Sorry, I can't make it, but whatever, shielding,

or I'm not gonna be here, and then phone the police. Get the molester. Get the bastards involved. Especially if you're ground floor and they're downstairs Get them arrested and then get some fucking tap dancing lessons Just really stump about put some laminate down by some crap. Yeah, go for it Clarke parry. What are you thinking? I just think Yeah, if you're top flat and they're basement, just turn your taps on.

Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style.

Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. Go wet-boundy style. I like the fact that all this advice is for tap-based, yeah. Let's get your tap-son, baby. Tap-life phones. These are all good plans. I mean, I think two things.

First of all, it's much easier than if you're invited to something online for New Year's Eve. That you don't want to do. And I think that's a bigger problem for people right now. Because it's very hard to give a legitimate excuse for why you don't attend someone's Zoom party on New Year's Eve because no one's going out. We all know that. You haven't got other places to be. So therefore you are a little bit sad. This is a very hard let down. You're giving us by the moment. I'll be in the way.

Chelsea Long found her way. Sorry guys, radio for you know how it is. I do that I'm just going to set myself up in a zoom breakout room very early on in the party and just have just me in that breakout room. I like private breakout. I've never done lovely. I've never break out. If I was Tim I'd have a bit of fun here. I would print a fake notice from the council and I would laminate it and I would stick it staplick to the front door saying it has been brought to our attention by one of the people in this flat that you are planning a party on New Year's Eve. Bracket's not Tim. I'd say, you know, we've received the following information. Dada, dada, dada, dada, dada. You stick that on, it's fake. You put it on there, and then you come down, you're in the foyer, and you're like, oh my God, guys,

if you say, and what you get, you angrily tear it off and take a picture of it. Look at these cuts, they're trying to stop us having a pie, someone's dog does in, and then the New Year's Eve party takes on a whole new level of intrigue, it gets proper knives out, they all think someone's a mole, and like suddenly that's a party you wanna go to, you wanna go to a party where they can all sit down and go like one of you fucking nobbers do does in, no licking, you know, and then it's gonna get intense,

it's gonna get exciting, that is gonna be a New Year's eve to remember. You just need to hold your nerve. It's like a big end like wink murder almost. It's like a big game of which one's the real Christmas tradition and which to a fake. It's the same buzz that you get from playing that. And if you, if that, if anything goes wrong, you can just fall back on my one as a backup option. Yeah, kill him. You've always got killer moral finger prints are clashed out the window. So we've got, we've got, killer moral and loser fingerprints from Stu.

We've got these people are scum from John, so call the police on them. Predictably. Whatever it would have been. I didn't even hear the question. I'm not going to lie to you. He's got that saved attempt plate, basically. Clarke is flood the bastards out,

and Tom is either breakout room, or fake notes from the council. Fake notes from the council. Well, misinformation campaign. You know what? And then in Treg, I... What's some kill each other? I simply cannot make the decision myself,

because I'm going to that party, and there's, you know what, there is nothing you mask wearing sheep or can do about it, all right? There is another way. Check out my new documentary on David Ike's website. It is behind the painting wall, but it's worth it, okay? They're doing it right and Sweden,

or at least they were two or three weeks ago. When I made the documentary, that's when I very much made the documentary. That's when I made the documentary. Yeah, but there is, guys, there is another way. Hey, who is this? Oh, my goodness. Oh, who's arrived here to make the decision instead? Oh, my goodness, who's this? Hello, it's me, Father Christmas.

Oh, my God. Well, the Christmas is here. Yes, and here's me lovely wife Cruella Divlinne. Oh my god. Oh no. Father Cruella, right? Well I don't know have you been watching watching the show if you heard the beef? Every fuck with busy, aren't you? Is it true you've both been on radio for this evening? Yes. We're on a new show and it's called Don't Say Count! And I'll tell you something for free.

We lost the show, didn't we? Oh yes, Santa, we lost, but it were a lovely show! Yes. It's good, it's right. Well, listen, listen, Santa and Corella, have you got a verdict on what the correct answer is? You can either pick one of the options that are panelists have given, or give a completely new answer all of your own and we'll see which everyone is the closest. What do you think is what's your advice for Tiny Tim?

Well Tiny Tim, I wouldn't advise you to destroy fingerprints because these days DNA is so precise they're still fucking heavier. LAUGHTER They're fucking heavier! You can't get away with murder! Anymore of these days, can you? No. But... Can you say, can't get away with murder or can't get away with murder?

Because if it's can't, you're out the game for free. Oh, no, not again. Second time in a row for you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You know it's the worst time of the year for me. You've made me do this radio for. I'm busy. I've got work to do tonight.

Well, I just, I just, I just asked you to do one thing for me and that would be a guest on a radio for fucking panel show and you wouldn't do it. I did it! Yes! Oh! Oh my god! Oh my god! What?

It's the master of two voices, Josie Longis here! Who was doing the voices? I'm... I'm... Oh, Josie! Hi, Josie. Have got a done with the video? It's pretty dark, it's pretty moody, I'll say that much. How's that? That's better, yeah.

Yeah, that's better. So, so, so, Josie, if you were going to give the points to one of our panelists today, who do you think we've got Killam, we've got these people to scum, we've got Fludham, or we've got Printer fate note, fake notice from the council. Which one of those rings your Christmas bells? I love print a fake notice from the council but I would also say just go the fucking party and have a good time you idiot. Two right, two fucking right, lick those banisters, lick everything, lick yourself, lick a catwood, absolutely clean yourself with your sandpaper

retung. That's the spirit of Christmas right there. In which case that is a one point to Josie Long. So as we head into the final round, producer Gwynne are very own Santa scores. What are the points at this stage of the game? As Limb, can I just interrupt for a second? Of course you can, Santa. Erm, we drink some art chocolate and mince pies. Oh, delicious, that's us. Thank you, Santa.

Well worth your time, I say. Thank you so much, Santa. It's great to have you on the show now. Please, could you. I'm so excited to interrupt. No, no, no, no. It's great to have you on the show now. Please, could you... Sorry, Taito!

No, no, no, please, please. The floor is yours, Santa. Please, you simply must. Please, he said orange, but he's brown. It gots to brown! Okay, now we haven't seen the brown orange, but, yes, here we go. Producer, Gwyn, please tell us the scores at this point. Tom and Stu have nine, Ben and John have five and Josie has one. Oh, hey! Well, our losers still have a chance to slay, but first, let's enjoy the musical equivalent of the space between Boxing Day and New Year's.

It is of course the quick, far far round jingle. Here we go. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me Two turtle dives On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me Three me, French and then four calling birds and then five gold rings then six of something else and seven have another you know what's coming it was too many prayers and I didn't have anywhere to put them. On the last day of Christmas my true love gave to me the quick fire round. Merry Christmas, miss Nadir, stay safe and we love you.

Merry Christmas, here's the Christmas quick, fire round. Oh Merry Christmas, Tom and Ben and Merry Christmas to you all. Okay, folks, here we go. It is time for our much loved 12 days of quick firemas. Now, in its eighth glorious year, or should that be, I hate glorious ear? Because that's basically what it is. It's basically that. So here's how it works.

All of the answers have a, say it with me folks, a vague asses. A vague asses. It's a vague asses. With the classic Christmas song, The 12 Days of Christmas. If you think you have the right answer, shout out your first name. Tom and John, let's hear that now.

Tom. Joe Celetz here that now. Josephine Long. Joe Celetz, Ben and Stuart Celetz here that now. Josephine Long. Josephine Long, Ben and Stuart, let's hear that now. Stuart, lovely stuff. Okay, here I'm gonna attempt to busk through some of the chords on the guitar. Let's see how this goes.

Ah! Ah! I'm not holding out much hope, folks, and also we're on fucking Zoom, so it's gonna be a bit of a disaster with all the way through, but... It should go that saying, let's the deer play along at home. saying listen to the dear play along at home

Absolutely absolutely play along at home here we go. Okay So the the first one is of course a Partridge in a pear tree. That's what we're aiming for here a vague assonance with a partridge in a pear tree Okay, the squid, the squidgy tissue that surrounds dancing Fred's leg joint. That's two. Two cartilage on a stairs knee. Absolutely, it's the cartilage I can tell this is going to work quite well. This is two turtle doves. Here we go. Mel Gedrick's double act partner is wearing surgical attire. Don't see that too. Joseph, I think, was just first there, Stu. Superkin scrubs. It's absolutely correct. I'm still in the game. Can you know that Josie's going to overtake us?

I'm going to be sars there. Can you give us both of them now, please, Josie? Superkin' scrubs and the car leaves me. Oh, beautiful. Three French hens. Here we go. The guitarist from the Rolling Stones is drawing out his retirement money. The guitarist from the Rolling Stones is drawing out his retirement money.

Ben? Clarke. Keith Pensions. Keith Pensions is absolutely right. So let's hear it Clarky all the way through please. Keith Pensions, Superkin Scrubs and Public Heart Ninja Stats. Here we go. Four calling birds.

Pressure's building on me, coach. There doesn't go one. LAUGHTER The alien robbing... Oh, sorry. The alien robbing Williams is drunkenly fighting groups of cows. The alien robbing Williams is you. Mark Brawling hurts. Mark Brawling Hurts

Can you do the lot then Lovely stuff this is the big one here. It's five gold rings Here we go. He played Robbie on EastEnders and he owned where Lard the dog Tom Tom We're going to be a bit more of a party! He walks brawling her to Keith's page and she's just super kickin' scrubs And he walks in his chest Six Geese are laying and we're back to the Rolling Stones the singer from the Rolling Stones Nash

is a rotting out of his gob. Josie Long. Josie Long. Mixed teeth are fraying. It's not true. I'm afraid. I'm going to give you a half a point for mixed teeth. I'm sorry about that. It's teeth decaying. It is mixed teeth decaying. Here we go. I think mine had more poetry to it. I've got a beat, Joseph. It's the correct answer. Is it the one I wrote down on this bit of paper, Joseph? Okay, there it is.

Mixed teeth decaying. Stu, let's take a poem. Mixed teeth decaying. Dig out. Mixed teeth decaying, D-G-O-D Moves, rolling herds, kids, ancient sins, Perkins crabs, and the colleges they're me OK. Seven swans are swimming. Here we go. Seven swans are swimming.

Still nothing from Rico. LAUGHTER I'll be honest, I was with you until the vague assonance of Dean and five. When you've done it eight fucking times, mate. We were up at midnight last night just going, oh come on, come on who have we done? The genuine chat came down too. It's more about personality that one. It's more about personality. LAUGHTER

OK, what are we doing here? We're on seven swans of swimming. Here we go. OK, the grass in the county of Cornwall requires cutting just around the edges. Sorry, I've sung that wrong. The grass in the county near Cornwall requires cutting just around the edges John John here we go Devons lawns are fraying

Two seven's longs need mowing seven swans are swimming. We're looking for vague accidents, please Okay, seven swans are squ. Stu would like to steal here. What do you think of it? It's Devon's lawns need streaming. Do you know what it was actually? It's actually Devon wants a streaming, but I think Devon's lawns need streaming is eve. You've punched it up, mate. Bonus point. Stu wants again, please.

I'm just looking at my strimmer, because I remember cellar, so it was right there for me. It was so. Are you the guy in the basement who's having the party on here, is he? Oh. Devon once a streaming mix, Teeth to King, D-G-R-E-? Her kids scrubs, and the car can't get you any. Ah!

Eight maids are milking. Here we go. Ffff. Shred a blue cheese that belongs to Smith Smith from Strictly Come Dancing. That's Shred a blue cheese that belongs to Miss Smith from Strictly Come Dancing. Tom. Tom? Great Macy Stilton. Great Macy Stilton this absolutely great. Here we go, Parry, it's all yours, man, it's all yours. Great, may as he still to demon once a streaming mix. Teeth decaying, diggering.

Mox brawling her to kiss In suspension Super-Kiss-Cross And a lady in G.S. S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. That's Miss Lawson's underwear. Can we hold a tune? Stue Goldsmith. Night jealous pants. Night jealous pants are singing. It's actually Night jealous pants sing. You're absolutely correct. Yes. So, stue.

There it is for you. I could watch the tune for this one. Night jealous pants sing great. Night jealous pants sing great. I could watch the tune for this one. No, I'd genn as pan-sac. Sing great, Maisie Stilton. Devon wants a streaming mix, teeth decay. Dink of me. Mort Brolling Hood, Keith K. Turned to him for any scratch.

And the cut, me, to the stage. OK, 10 more to leaping. Okay, ten more to leaping. London's rivers H2O is leaking through the see. Tom's water-seeping, Najal's pants. No, I jealous pants look great. Macy's still to endeavor once a streaming Mickey's team did K-T. Worg's crawling heads keeps paying shirts and suits. Thanks, Rod. to the sea Thanks, Lord And the courage is there's me

Okay, 11 Piper's piping So close Mr. Generus has just spotted a Norse warrior It's two, all, Stu Goldsmith Erlin's Viking sighting It's very good, but it's too Goldsmith. Ellen's Viking sighting. It's very good, but it's slightly out of order. Ellen Spies are Viking. He's absolutely Viking!

Oh, second bite of the cherry. Here we go. And Stuart's all yours. Ellen Spies are Viking Tim's water seeping. Nigelas Pantsing. Great, Maisie Stilton. Devon wants a streaming. Eyes are Viking, Tim's water seeping, Night jet, night jealous, pancing, Great Maisie Stilton, Devon wants a streaming, Mixed teeth decaying, D-A-N-E!

Mox brawling birds, Keats, pensions, superkins, studs, And now they come to the stage. Here we go folks, this is the final one and let's put all Zoom aside, when we get to it, we're all singing it, okay? I want it to be an absolute fucking mess because it's Christmas and what could be more Christmassy absolute fucking mess Christmas Christmas Christmas without it Yeah exactly exactly time whatever the end of that sentence was I would have backed you to the hilt 12 drummers drumming here we go If mr. Bragg from in our times jizzes on you you lose all

Sensation oh just a thing long Josephine long was just first Melvin's calm is and hang on I had it I was just numbing thank you it's absolutely correct Melvin's calm is numbing okay everybody everyone at home open your windows raise the rafters like your armish and let's fucking have it, it's Christmas! Man's car is no me, and the fires are barking To heaven's waters singing Night is endless, can I sing? Great, man, he still doesn't Dead and what was the three-ringing? The straight ring, the next thing that's getting Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick- It's as new

Oh my goodness, I mean, I don't know how that sounded at home, but it sounded pretty good where we are guys Pretty fucking good where we are That's how they must have felt at the end of bandage Sadly, can we do a take-to. Don't bother. We smashed it. Christmas number one for the next 25 years. That is the end of the round. And it's the end of the game as well. So before we find out the final scores, John, Stu, Josie, is there anything you'd like to,

is there anything you'd like to plug? Sorry, a parry, parry final statement from you mate. Can I plug the fact that I think Josie's going to have beaten Ben and John? Because it's about to be the highlight of my year I think. Oh my god. Here we go. Here we go. She came in in the last round. Can she go for the title? Okay, let's start with you, John. Anything you would like to plug? Anything that places people can find you at the moment? Oh God no, I've been fucking everywhere, bragging on about all the shit I've done this year, so just leave me alone and just ignore my horrific voice and face, just have a good Christmas

and hopefully I won't be a part of it, as I wasn't the last round. So, may that last round be a symbol of the Christmas you have to go? I am absolutely not part of it. Okay, so meet the Richardson's is on telly over Christmas. Wednesday night in a world where Dean does not have any vague assamence for or as we call it the real world. Stu, what about you? I, if you're listeners not aware of my comedians' comedians' podcasts, then it's basically the opposite of this in every respect.

Yes, it's so interesting. Slow, not funny, manageable and meaningful. We actually talked a lot about a con-compod on our last B-Froathers' cold cuts with Kiran Dowd, our bestie B-Froathers' cold cuts. So, we kind of explain what the show is there, but don't listen to it, Shoe. We do a good job. Anyway. And also we can find you on Twitch,

the infinite sofa is on Twitch now. Yes, it is. It's twitch.tv slash to Goldsmith. And you just hit a milestone. You know content, didn't you? You were, oh, yeah, we had like 70,000 people watch last night. Wow, that's amazing. That's a lot of fun. We've seen. Viewing hours, yeah, we had like 70,000 people watch last night, so we didn't have to do that. That's amazing.

We had a lot of fun viewing hours. Yeah, it doesn't turn into anything. It's not. It's incredible. That's a little bit, well thank you. No, it's fantastic, congratulations. Yeah, yeah. A Josie, Amazon Prime, isn't it?

Yeah, if people want to get me a gift, they should do it for our Prime. Because, how? Daisy running out. Can you not watch Cara Josephine on? I'm like, oh my God. You can. I've got fuck all going on. And I just want everyone to know

I'm available for employment. And I'm a well-seasoned pro. I've got two shows that people can see online. I've got Cara Josephine on Amazon and something better on Netflix as part of but as part of the live at the BBC. But I just, you've got a foot in each camp. You're Netflix-alphry Well, very hidden within specialist threads,

not in any of the reals. Josie, is the show called something better? Yeah. As a joke, so then you're describing the different platforms you're across. You can say, there's something better on a different platform. Oh, I didn't think about it in those times,

it was just saying, what are you going to see? We're seeing that. We got to see something better. One in the art for Amazon Prime. And I, but I've just recorded my other show, and I'm gonna see? We're seeing that. We got to see something about that. One of the art programmers in prime. And I've just recorded my other show, and I'm gonna try and put it out. I recorded it in my garden in lockdown

with about five people in the audience. And I'm basically so there's that. Brilliant, well look out for that. And follow all of our guests on Twitter. And thanks to all of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon, Papi's Flat Share. We're doing regular episodes of Flat Share lockdown as loads of you guys for watching. As always, check out our Patreon, Papi's Flat Share. We're doing regular episodes of Flat Share Lockdown

as loads of bonus stuff over there. If you are a fan of the podcast and you wanna give us a donation, that is the great way to do it because you get bonus episodes for your donation. A Patreon subscription also makes for a very fetching Christmas present for all members of the family. Also, please leave us a review on iTunes, recommend the podcast to a friend, all of that kind of stuff. So this is very exciting. Producer Gwynne, Santa

scores himself, if you are not pissed out of your mind, can you tell us where the points are at the end? Can I suggest because it would be more in the Christmas spirit if we just finished the show now with no points because, hey guys, we're all just here for the love. That's a really wonderful but I think I have a sentiment. I really back that actually. Let's hear it, go on Gwyn, off you go. The scores are, so Tom and Steve had 17 and the next person had 6 and a half and that was Ben and John. Oh yeah, 4 and a half. And that was Ben and John.

Oh, four and a half. So it was very close. Oh, well, you know what, I think we can... Do you know what, Stu's suggestion was a better one, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. I just celebrated my second place and a competition of two there. LAUGHTER

That was a really important thing. You play passionately to win. The expense of being funny. And then at the end, you claim the points don't matter to you. Yes, emotional, rip cool. Do you know what? I'm just going to say, as far as I'm concerned, because it's the Christmas flat-chest slam down, I'm the winner.

OK, I'm the winner, guys. I'll tell you what, congratulations on the songs. The real winners, the real winners, the real winners, who's having a lock in in his face? Oh, I'm a free. I mean, I'm sitting next to a thread bear Christmas tree drinking Advocar while my wife is at work. Solo, this is me, this is me solo parenting.

That's bleak. I'm not actually the winner. But no, this has been so much fun. Not the breadwinner. LAUGHTER not actually the winner. But no, this has been so much fun. Not the breadwinner. LAUGHTER Oh, Clark, it's true. Thank you so much all of you for watching at home. Thank you so much. Let's have a big round of applause wherever you are folks for John Richardson,

for Stu Golds with, for Joe Ceylon, of course for producer Quinn, for Tom Perry, for Melendick Clark. That has been the end of our show. Merry Christmas everybody, oh, this really was Christmas. This was his nearest dammit having you all in the same room. Thank you so much, we're Pappies, we'll see you next time on Flat Share Slantdown!

Cheers! Pappies, Flat Share Slantdown featured Matthew Crossy Ben Clark and Tom Perry was special guest, two goals with John Richardson and Josie Long. It It was devised by Patience and Ben Walker. Tent two expertise was by Emma Corsham with help from Winry Stavis. It was produced by Emma Corsham. Big thanks to everyone who watched the show live to Zoom and YouTube for hosting us. It wouldn't be Christmas without Zoom and YouTube. Patience, Matt Shares slammed out into a secret dude's breakfast at 8Cast and the Internet.

Merry Christmas to all and to all. Cheers everyone! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye! Well, there we go. Merry Christmas, everyone. We hope you enjoyed that. Yet another 12 days of Christmas done. So now you can get on with the rest of your Christmas traditions. Absolutely right.

And if you are still, if you still haven't bought your Christmas presents for your friends and family, why not get them a Patreon subscription? Oh, what a funny, festive gift that would be. I know the answer to that, but... Oh, but you never know if people are going to enjoy a Patreon subscription to a podcast they don't already get to. Absolutely, that's it.

Maybe a safer bet is to treat yourself to it for a different... Ah, it's a better one, absolutely. You're all of a bit of Christmas money squirreled away somewhere. Someone might have given you a few Christmas pounds. We don't spend pounds anymore. Put it into the Patreon. And you'll get tons of bonus content. You'll get Fluxha Lockdown, our kind of bonus podcast

that we've been running all year. There's a great community over on Patreon. Come over and join us. That's right. You get three bonus episodes every single week and all the archive stuff from the past year. It's lots of fun and we'd love to see you over there. But most of all, the main thing is thank you

for being such wonderful listeners throughout the course of this year. It's been really wonderful. Everyone who's got in touch, everyone who's sent in a beef for beef brothers, everyone who's come along to the live, a flat share of zooms. They've been, it's been a wonderful year here at Pappy Towers, even it's been a terrible year outside of it. Absolutely, thank you so much for keeping

this company and lending us your ear canal. We don't take it for granted, we feel very lucky to be able to spend this time with you. We know Christmas is going to be a bit different this year for a lot of people, please look after yourselves and hold, in there if you you know have to get through it on your own we love you very much and we look forward to hearing from you next year. Absolutely. Well, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, this episode is produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team! Cheers everyone!

Bye! Cheers everyone! BYE! BYE! BYE! Please be upstanding for the Patreon need! But heard what you're all called! Duh dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun We are terrified tonight to learn that someone's got his bum out and that person is Tom Furn. Okay, yes, thank you very much. We're all terrified at that. Somebody has recently got their bum out in the precinct and I believe everybody saw her. We're terrified of this news and the name of course this person is Laura. I'm sorry, sorry everybody's all right. Breaking news, ever so sorry about the bum incident.

It goes on. Unfortunately, somebody saw that. I got very excited. They've decided to stalk the start to become a stalker. Of course, it's dirty, a Ryan Walker. Dirty old dirty old Ryan Walker, of course. This bum news is affecting us all in different ways. This is like really sorry to say we are terrified to report that the bum incident it goes on. Someone got their bum out,

they did it a far, that far was terribly loud. Reports breaking now that it was actually Lauren McLeod. Oh, okay, well, this, canuh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh Okay, breaking news. Unfortunately, songs got very angry at this and as got a gun out and they shot her. Oh no, no, no, it's absolutely terrible. Unfortunately, news coming through that it is a chikai potter. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Err...there's terrible news right now and it's, it involves the, the bum incident. I'm afraid somebody has actually just drawn a picture of a bum and it's, it's absolutely disgusting and next to it, next to it they have drawn a picture of a third and that person was of course, Men Steinberg. Oh no well's a little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, little bit more, I was also listening to the killer song Mr. Pirate's eye. Oh, great. I was giving a lift to my good friend Josh Wright.

Oh, yeah, of course you were listening to Mr. Bright's eye with your asshole and someone else's car. Who can blame you? What is that on the day? Well, I've got some bad news for everybody. Somebody has shoved their spare phone up their ass. Yes, that's right. Right up the ass goes their burner and it was of course, Gareth Turner. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little got upset with the phone being up his ass decided to try and take it back out. He gave it

and on mighty tug. It was absolutely scenes and of course he did it. Sam Rugg. Oh, Ruggie Mike. Rumping, rumping, rumping, rumping. And now in sport, in football today, someone put a whole ball up there our soul has no need Anyway, over to the tennis who's one Congratulations I'm for tonight at the use at 10 stay classic I'm gonna do the last one though I got to stay classic guys listen guys before before you stay classic, don't walk off in a huffy, because that of course is the preserve of Gillian, a da fae, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Match of the day, match of the day, match of the day, match of the day, doo doo doo doo ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Marlant-butter! That concludes our neighborhood Patreon Watch Roll Call. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes! Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's like theaters December 15th. I love that. Poor things. In select theaters, December 15th.