Pardon My Take - 3X Major Champion Brooks Koepka + NBA Draft Lottery

Episode Date: May 15, 2019

NBA Draft Lottery happened and chaos occurred. Tanking is dead and the Pelicans are getting Zion (2:27 - 11:02). Seeing Red as the Bulls get the 7th pick for the third straight year (11:02 - 16:01). N...BA and NHL Playoffs (16:01 - 18:12). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (18:12 - 35:26). 2 US Open Champ and defending PGA Championship Champion Brooks Koepka joins the show to talk about why hes so perfect, getting a little bored on the golf course, making golf more fun for the viewers, and the time he went on a double date with our boss (35:26 - 74:49). Segments include Bachelorette Talk for guys that don't watch the Bachelorette, Locker Room Talk for sky penises, connect the dots for Frank Reich's assistant getting his house shot up and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube, Prime members can listen add free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Defending US Open and PGA. No, PGA Championship Open, PGA Championship Open.
Starting point is 00:00:20 No, no, no. Brux Kipka, I'm putting my take. We have him on the show. We found out that Brooks Kepka, who's an unbelievable golfer is also the Blake Bortles a golf because just a dude he's just a dude who loves to hit the ball really far and win a shitload of money he's Gucci bra he's Gucci bra so we have him on the show really fun interview we have NBA draft lottery nonsense game one of the western conference final hot seat cool throne guys on chicks oh and bachelor talk is back a pack
Starting point is 00:00:54 show correction bachelorette talk bachelorette talk for guys who don't watch the bachelor except for Hank live tweets every fucking episode yes before we do all that though we were brought to you by the cash app what's going on guys just chilling man and JC what are you doing JC JC what's JC it's when your seeds JC's oh just chilling there's nothing just doing it Jesus Christ just being out here we're just out here we out here and we're out here because of the cash app well no we're just out here right now we're just gonna it says it says on the thing say anything you want for 30 seconds ask pft how he's doing it doesn't matter i'm doing great i'm about to dunk i got these new sweet shoes on anyways download the cash app from the app store google play store
Starting point is 00:01:39 today then get the cash card and save every time use it at coffee shops whole foods chick filet chipotle door dash target dominoes five guys panera trader joes and beyond we just named everything that you want to use for uh food and coffee so go download it now and of course as an awl when you download the cash app and enter the referral code barstool you'll receive five dollars and they will donate and send five dollars to the aspca do it for the animals and be a lover download the cash app today enter code barstool get some money and save some animals okay let's go oh welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app use code barstool and you get five dollars
Starting point is 00:03:00 and five dollars the aspca saving animal lives today is wednesday may 14th 15th payday payday tax day uh and nba draft lottery day tanking is over turns out nate silver is full of shit yeah because 14 percent hillary oh 14 well no update yeah this is worse the nicks they had what a 40 was a 14 chance 14 winning the number one pick and it turns out that 14 does not equal 100 percent okay so we had the draft lottery you're right pft by the way going into it well let's start this way pelicans number one grizzlies number two nicks three lakers four if you went through who had the the uh lottery odds from that the pelicans had the ninth best odds they get the number one pick the grizzlies had the eighth best odds they get the two pick the nicks had the first best odds
Starting point is 00:04:01 they get the three pick and the lakers had the 11th best odds they get the four pick tanking is over it is successful adam silver good job for you buddy you made it so that no one can lose and get number one picks listen you can't i tank draft lottery i've long said in the nba and trintil will back me up on this you cannot lose games in the nba and still win right and silver is all over that right now both silvers so and adam silver so the so what we learned from this so we'll break down the zion to the pelican stuff and all that but what we learned from this is the nba is rigged yes in a way well i was gonna say that no matter what yeah so the the flow chart was going to be if he went to the nicks rig and the nba is rigged if he doesn't go to the nicks
Starting point is 00:04:45 rig rigged because he goes to lakers rigged also rigged i was really hoping the calves rigged i was always get number one i was really hoping for the lakers to get the number one pick just for the ensuing chaos of lebron james trying to reconcile his mind what's gonna happen i wanted it just so that zion was better than lebron and it was like lebron's on zion's team not the other way around but zion outscored lebron by i think a thousand points in college true true easily yeah went went deeper in the tournament too way further actually they cut they did cut their tournament team did cover the same amount of game so true uh that brings up a good point though hank if the pelicans don't make the playoffs you're gonna get a cat interesting no so the pelicans
Starting point is 00:05:28 now get zion this the reason why people are saying it's rigged this way is it is uh payback for the fact that they're gonna probably have to trade anthony davis he still wants to trade as of right now payback for the chris paul you know fiasco back in the day zion going to the pelicans it will keep basketball live in norlands because it was on its deathbed and then we have the grizzlies i don't know how to spin that is rigged i just know that john moran's gonna be on the grizzlies and then like eight years we're gonna be like oh yeah john moran's on the grizzlies yeah that's cool it's gonna be one of those things i i don't know how that how the grizzlies would have factored into it but they didn't get it's rigged because they didn't get the number one pick so when they
Starting point is 00:06:07 were in the final four silver was like no make sure that the grizzlies don't get the yes so mission accomplished by him and then the nicks get the three yeah which is rigged because uh rj barrett or cam reddish they went to duke yeah that's true so there you go that's how the whole thing is and rj what rj was supposed to be the number one pick going into this correct so it just got it got rigged too far in advance yeah so if you're a nicks fan and you're feeling really down right now just go on to google and search top pick in the draft and then have the settings be from august 2018 to like october 2018 and boom you got the best player it's very simple just eternal sunshine of the spotless mind yourself and take out the last year and a half yes what's happened in college
Starting point is 00:06:53 basketball and you'll be very very happy yeah go look at the high school rankings you got the number one guy but don't watch xions high school highlights yeah because those are really impressive so are we happy or sad this well i'm sad i'm gonna do a seeing red in a minute but are we happy or sad that he's going to the pelicans and not the nicks and i'm happy okay i'm i'm happy i don't think that new york i don't know what new yorkers are like when the nicks are really really good and i don't think that anybody wants to find out the mecca the mecca would be rocking well pft they are going to find out because kevin dirant according to sources is a hundred percent going to the new york is your source calling coward my source is someone who dm calling coward okay even better yes
Starting point is 00:07:34 maybe it was a dog i'm yeah i'm happy so i'm mad about the bulls but xion and anthony davis have to play together i agree do not trade anthony davis you know what as a minister i am now proclaiming them married yes they're tied to one another anthony you can't leave the state you have to stay there because i i want to see those two play together i'm going to make them reenact the cover of the mike dicka ricky williams was a esp in the magazine wedding dress who's wearing the wet um anthony davis is wearing the tuxedo because he's got the unibrow which is just basically a mustache with some balls yeah that decided not to go south tuxedo that got a little bit north exactly i do want to see them play together i don't know how they would work together i don't know if it would be a good team
Starting point is 00:08:20 because like obviously the nba is building their teams from the outside in as opposed to the other way around so i don't know if zigging while everybody else zags would work but i want to see if it does well it would be awesome if anthony davis is like you know what this is actually kind of cool now i'm going to stay in norlands because those two guys in norlands together would be awesome if anthony davis does get traded hopefully they get enough to make zion like i just want to see zion play basketball and play it with like a good team i i'm happy that the grid listen no offense to memphis i'm sure we have millions of memphis listeners but that is like basketball hell like where is that there's grit they need to move it to seattle and then i'd be excited for john marant in seattle that would
Starting point is 00:08:58 be great back our sonics there is grit in in memphis though yes grit and grind grizzlies were some of my favorite teams of the early what do you call there are we in the teams right now no it's not the odds it's the teens we're in the early teens yeah that's actually something i just thought of the grit and grind grizzlies people forget zack randolph his jersey has been retired by memphis even though he didn't retire he his jersey got retired before he retired what if john marant wants that number oh that's going to be a problem that's that's an issue yes you have to fight zebo yes i'm taking zebo nine times out of ten okay so we have uh the calves and the sons and the bulls rounding out the seven picks there the calves and the sons had the number
Starting point is 00:09:39 one chances along with the nicks so like we said the anti the the tanking the anti-tanking setup has worked at least the first year at least the first year that the worst three teams ended up with the third the fifth and the sixth pick i don't know if that's a good thing or not i don't really i i kind of like tanking i think tanking is kind of funny when you get a really bad team trust the process that whole bullshit but it's clear that uh going forward it really doesn't matter because the odds have flattened so much i will say though we had this debate before it started when you were offered when i say to you hey pft i'm gonna give you you can pick one of these four numbers there's three of them or 14 chance one of them is 12 and a half percent chance oh shit
Starting point is 00:10:22 you're taking 12 and a half percent chance because you're like what's up with that because the other why are they offering the other 14's cancel each other yeah like what's going on here what's that i like that that 12 and a half percent it must know something it must know something well turns out it didn't because the bulls get the seventh pick and starting seeing red right now they're stuck again in just absolute bullshit they got the seventh pick for the third year in a row garn pax don't know what the fuck they're doing uh uh john pax has gotten in front of the media and said here's what he said we've gone on our board already and there are more than seven players that uh there that we like bullshit they probably fucking drafted whoever was in the they looked
Starting point is 00:11:02 at they watched the tournament and they're like oh that guy has he been there for four years now cancel him out did he go to iowa state no cancel him out they don't fucking know what they're going to do i just know that jerry rines dwarf is going to get a team that sucks again and everyone's going to be like well just have patience just have patience and it fucking sucks and i'm just sick of it i had a sick zion shirt ready to go and it's all for not and it happened so fast that was the worst part they did a lot of re so fucking fast that it was like boom boom boom boom the bulls have a seventh pick so what are you going to do with that zion shirt you should burn it you should do i'm gonna burn it did you actually get one made like a true fan no okay so you just had the
Starting point is 00:11:36 graphic did you had the the pdf ready to go to the photoshop you should just send that photoshop overseas to a country you know how like we send all the super bowl loser shirts yes overseas to people and you should send uh like just that picture that graphic over to a country that doesn't have as many photoshop's perfect yeah just said hey you guys don't have computers yeah send it to china they don't even allow photoshop here's a photoshop but i'm very it just sucks because the the bulls are just stuck forever and it's just gonna be the same shit over and over and over again i don't know how you get the seventh pick three years in a row that's almost impossible to do well i know how you avoid it yeah if you send Horace Grant up there you make fucking
Starting point is 00:12:13 sure he's wearing his goggles absolutely when you're the nixon you send patrick you up there you make sure he's got his knee pads on and his sweat towel absolutely over his shoulder okay so i'm on the other side of it i've i've kind of like calm down i'm thinking kobe white darius garland the one of those two guys give him to me don't look like me like that he only played five games for vandy but he got hurt what about he's really good is there a european player that we're not even sure exists i'm sure they'll find to find that guy they'll find him he'll be soft as fuck now that lori's soft he's actually strong but here's what i'm gonna do to make myself feel better i went back through history and the seventh pick ready for it okay so we had lori
Starting point is 00:12:49 marketing who's very very good stef curry ever heard of him eric gordon luol dang kirk hindrich a lot of championships rip hamilton adrian peterson champ bailey frank thomas clayton kershaw kevin white lucky number seven lucky number seven i'm on the other side i'm feeling good okay i like i like that spin zone i was watching the uh the draft lottery and all i kept thinking about was roger gedel is going to make sure that the nfl has some sort of lottery in place by the time trevor lorenz becomes eligible because he saw this was like this was an event this was bigger than the playoff game tonight because it involves so many other franchises uh gedel has got hope he's gonna make damn sure that the nfl adopts some sort of lottery yes although it's much harder to
Starting point is 00:13:34 tank in the nfl i think than it is in the nba and the lakers obviously getting the fourth pick is a story because i don't know who they're gonna get but lebron's gonna hate him he no he's gonna be like hey this is my little bro and i'm gonna put him under my wing and then hopefully with enough luck in like four years he's gonna force a trade he's just gonna make a hate plan for lebron he's gonna make the number four pick just dd for him all the time yes yes exactly uh hey come on pledge any lottery thoughts no i mean the bull it was it did go by fast it was too fast watching people's hearts get broke like one after another it was like yeah it was basically just a chain reaction in the office it they could stretch that out for another half hour at least i i know this
Starting point is 00:14:13 sounds stupid this sounds very very stupid when you stretch it out and you give a little drama it just feels it just went so fast i didn't know what happened i thought that's like uh that's if it was stretched out too long you would be on here complaining that no i wanted i feel like it's tough with those shows like the bracket selection show like it's one of those things where you go too long people hate it you go too short people hate it i think what if i walked in here right now and i was like hank you're gonna die soon i would be i'd rather i'd rather than know i'm gonna die i'd rather be like hank listen sit down i want to talk to you you're gonna die soon it's been real just get oh that was good damn by the way both of those ways of telling hank
Starting point is 00:14:50 he was gonna die each one lasted about five seconds yeah but the first one was really oh those were separate those are separate yeah separate examples hey you guys you're like what i have the seven pick well he won't even understand what you were saying yeah yeah um i think you could stretch it out for at least an hour i just needed a little more time i was just let down too fast i felt too abrupt i needed to hear den gobert's child get up and speak and every person that's up there should have to give an acceptance speech this was the draft that they got this was the time the bulls finally were like hey we're gonna suck a little bit we're gonna really suck a little bit like not just mid mid-range suck and they this was gonna be the zion draft it was gonna change
Starting point is 00:15:29 everything and now he's a fucking pelican give me a break man it sucks he's not coming to new york even i would have rather had him go to new york even the lakers just for the drama because of the mecca yeah no for the draw i mean we can add our office it would be nice to just go over there just like see him walking down the street yeah we would definitely run and design a few times at five guys but the nicks are gonna get kevin durant that's the thing like the nicks can at least sell themselves on that you know what i mean they're gonna get kevin durant they probably get kairi Irving bulls got nothing well just stay out and hold strong for riley curry in like 2033 oh that would be sick she's gonna be wet that that jay's gonna be wet careful real careful well
Starting point is 00:16:05 that was a bad brain moment your part no your no that's your part five wheels are gonna be wet yeah let's talk about shooting julius rand was also the seventh pick uh i'm just gonna be funny watching people like when zion's not playing as well it's as a rookie and people are like oh he's not even better than julius randal it's like julius rand was a good player he's okay yeah okay he's okay zion's better than we were really excited about julius rand for some reason i wrote him down too ready for jermal carcroft proffered with chris mim what a legend very very strong player uh all right let's talk some games that are actually happening the warriors are currently there's two minutes left in the game and they're gonna beat the trailblazers by like bloody buckles yeah so
Starting point is 00:16:42 this series is gonna go five like i said i'm thinking will kevin well no that's that's a thing kevin durant comes back and then the trailblazers win a couple games because there's just one ball correct only one ball so i'm still i'm holding strong to my six okay um and we have the eastern conference finals coming up tomorrow the raptors versus the bucks uh hank in hockey the broons are five games away so they're just what happened to carolina that they got to kill that pig yeah well they gotta kill that i'm gonna go i'm gonna take care of it you're gonna take care of i said that i would okay if they lose if they lose this round i'm taking care of it you're gonna take care of it yeah wink we all eaten yeah and then the blues and the sharks are tied at one
Starting point is 00:17:24 do you see yonis's comments about game one no he said that the raptors game one is a must win whereas the Celtics wasn't whoa oh interesting so that was just shitting on the Celtics after that's also just revisionist being like it it wasn't a must win because it turns out that it was more of a can't lose yeah also true also true um should we do some hot seat cool throne let's let's get it let's get it let's get it uh hank why don't you start uh my hot seat is people that wanted to see the robber craft video yep hand up me uh judging paul also me palm beach county grand and robber crafts motion to suppress video evidence in his solicitation of prostitution case on monday so it's probably never gonna see the later day we should make a fake one we should
Starting point is 00:18:06 like stage you gotta be the stunt cop we should we should stage it well we can blur that part out so we can fake that still not but we can stage it yeah we can stage it in our green room that we have not the green screen room what's that this is the barstool gold reminder you need to download barstool gold right now because you get extra pmt episodes every single month and you can watch every podcast on video every podcast on video hank yeah every one so every interview every podcast maybe maybe we make the robber craft no we'll we need to release that you can you can watch us with brooks kepka in some random uh long island family's home there's a finished basement yeah which is very nice you don't see that that much yeah you don't see it much so back to robber craft
Starting point is 00:18:47 yeah uh so robber craft i say that we fake we we uh do like a moon landing video okay standard Stanley Kubrick attached to it and uh we just film it blur it out a little bit make it nice and grainy and black and white and then we just collect all those internet hits off of it because i wanted to see it i'm disappointed that i'm not going to see robber crafts a little dick get jacked off download our uh or subscribe to our youtube account i have a sneaking feeling that there'll be a video while robber crafts leaked footage okay coming soon i like that hank would you have watched deep fakes oh yeah yeah definitely you have to you have to watch everyone would have come on my other hot seat is turkish basketball fans uh oh so they're just turkeys is not going to broadcast
Starting point is 00:19:28 the the warriors blazer series they're just ignoring it yeah they're pretending that it's not happening because of cancer and then the uh whatever the representative said furthermore if porlyn makes to the finals that will not be broadcast either so if you're a basketball fan in turkey you're just kind of screwed that's well they're probably not going to make the finals true so you're just screwed for like the next week and a half but that sucks but yeah that's uh listen say what you want about urtigan but when you start taking away postseason basketball from your citizens i think we can all agree that's a bridge too far yes i'd agree uh by the way i got the i got the second half over i need two baskets it's not gonna happen right okay that's tough here's oh okay nope not gonna happen
Starting point is 00:20:05 not gonna happen all right is that it hank uh well those are my hot seats okay so the next i have cool throne yep that's how it works which i have a few of um my first one is ncda football oh that was my cool throne oh dick all right then you can take it my there was one basket my other cool throne was bill nye the science guy he's back back in a big way did a video about global warming did some uh jacarys let a globe on fire people loved it mm-hmm bill nye our favorite science guys back bill nye not a scientist but a science guy yeah he got he got exposed yeah he did get he got exposed because he doesn't have like a degree in science um but he is he just called himself a science guy like a football guy but for science wait don't yeah what well you're basically
Starting point is 00:20:47 like yeah bill nye never got a degree in in science he just called himself a science guy like we call ourselves football guys no i was saying the science guy is the science version of a football guy got it okay he's not a football coach yes he's not a science coach or science teacher he's just a science guy so lover of science so yeah he's dropping f bombs now so yeah so he knows how to connect with the kids they love hearing that fuck word damn bill nye never meet your heroes so Hank what did you take away from that video um we should probably worry about the earth more oh that's deep global warming yeah yeah i mean that shit's bad mm we're fucked it's not good no it's not Hank it is not good what is the actual term for you can't say global warming anymore fucked is what bill nye said we
Starting point is 00:21:32 are fucked uh nobody isn't it like well there's climate change climate change yeah but global warming was like too nice of a word too soft award well global warming sounds nice it's like hey the earth's getting warmer oh yeah no shit i live in new york and it's 40 degrees for nine months out of the year we're never gonna have a summer sign me up for give me all the styrofoam cups to burn but when you say climate change it kind of incorporates other stuff by the way when i was a kid i i saw the uh commercial for an inconvenient truth and i thought it was like a sci-fi movie and that's changed you for the rest of your life no no i remember i went to it and i was pissed like i watched it i was like this is a geo store my mom was like oh i'll take you i'd love to take you to
Starting point is 00:22:10 that and i watched it i was like what the fuck is this yeah there was a moment in time where where mama lockwood was like my boy is so intellectually curious like no he actually thought it was an avengers movie he thought he thought that there was going to be an alien at some point and that came out with a torch yeah so hanks walking out of an inconvenient truth and he's super pissed off his mom's like i think hank really wants to do something about the climate he's mad that he's not gonna have a future for his children where the fuck was spider-man no god damn it mama was hoping for the predator to come out of the Antarctic that's bullshit they don't see even in that one okay that was a great story all right pft what do you got my hot seat is boston accents
Starting point is 00:22:51 because they just did a study and the boston accent was named the number two sexiest accent in america what's number one a southern accent texas so bless your heart hank yeah bless your damn bless your little heart um i would have thought baltimore philly the part of florida where it sounds like you're in like amsterdam northern minnesota north very northern minnesota yeah well yeah hey come over here and bring that hot rod of yours and just put it in my pool park southern canada yeah same thing southern canada northern minnesota all the same all the same yeah but it turns out that boston was number two i don't know who commissioned this study matt daemon yeah walberg this is actually ben aflac he's trying to get a little bounce back yeah people still
Starting point is 00:23:35 think i'm wicked sexy over here um my cool throne is that's it that's it just one wow my cool throne hank is war crimes oh so yeah in addition to your queen danie all of our queen yas queen for one more week you idiot proving that even uh female leaders can execute women and children in a fire it's war what war doesn't people don't instant people die i'm just saying that war that's all that's not even my the biggest you're supposed to be a history buff that's not even oh so you're siding with the people that burned uh entire villages to the ground i'm just saying it it's war war is war war is war okay hank thank you for your service hank lockheed martin hank hank hank lockheed would uh war is war anyway some fucking bombers anyways the real reason that war
Starting point is 00:24:25 crimes are on the cool throne is because it came out today that uber and lyft have been allowing a war criminal to operate as a driver in northern virginia that seems bad he got past their background checks wait kind of a funny thing janey's doing uber i'm sure he is yes what's going on yeah he's drunk and ubering all over montain or wyoming again just like old times yeah um but it's kind of funny that people are losing their shit over the fact that he got past the lyft and uber background checks but they're fine with him just like being here anyway they're like hey that son of a bitch yeah a war criminal is driving my uber as opposed to like hey that son of a bitch war criminal is in the united states it's actually people who are they're probably like fuck if i had known i
Starting point is 00:25:07 wouldn't have given five stars think about all the people who gave that war criminal five stars you got to feel like a real piece of shit real piece of shit yeah also the people that took a ride with him and he was trying to make small talk yeah and they're like hey dude can you just shut up and and face the road yeah and then they get out of the car and they see who it was and they're like fuck oh man he could have just lit me on fire yeah i wonder why he was talking about the grizzlies that's weird yeah so hopefully he picks up dan snider at some point yeah um is he still out there yeah he's doing it he did an interview today i mean i'm not going to defend uber and lyft here he said i'm making a ton of money but that's like it's probably a tough it's easy to do a
Starting point is 00:25:42 background check for like criminal history in the us duis all that stuff they probably don't have a box like are you a war criminal yes or no and if it is a war criminal they're probably going no you check no yeah so fast on that box you try to figure out yourself yeah and then yes if so please explain yes exactly exactly all right is that it that's it yeah well no i got one more cool throne do it uh the tv shows supernatural and charmed are on the cool throne because it's big time charmed season after you watch a game on tnt you leave your tv on maybe go to the gym the next morning yeah and you're on the treadmills and every single tv is playing supernatural and charmed those fucking shows those ratings will not get out of out of my brain for the rest of my life as
Starting point is 00:26:24 long as tnt has the rights to these late night postseason basketball games and i liked it yeah sit backwards where you're saying you went to the gym congrats well i don't need to go to the gym anymore because i've got these sweet i got the jumping shoes on so i'm wearing the jimmy shoes from signfeld and for everyone who thinks pft's just doing it so that he can be a few inches taller that's not what's happening it doesn't make you any taller at all oh really no it doesn't so what it does is strengthens your calves um according to the two peer reviewed studies that i read about them after i purchased them uh you're actually more likely to suffer suffer devastating akili's injury yes then you are to improve your vertically but the people that tough it out and stick through
Starting point is 00:27:01 the training regimen have added up to eight inches to their verse eight inches in which case i will be slam jamming some ping balls ping pong balls in your face i i'm gonna be i'm gonna be doing tricks with ping pong balls that david stern could only dream about we need to do a test you need you need jump right now to see it see what my vert is right now yeah they call me big easy vert okay all right let's see three two one okay that was about us we do it one more time i i i looked up i should be looking down that wasn't that wasn't a full jump no go ahead yeah jump as high as you can i'm gonna say that was like a five that was like a five inch vert hit the ceiling five inches yeah so if you can get that's the eye test so we're gonna have to do a controlled test here in like a month
Starting point is 00:27:44 do the same thing for me and i'll tell you if you got that i'm gonna tell me okay uh my hot seat is me because uh i had the weirdest follow ever right before the draft lottery that pretty much has me shook beyond belief like i don't know if i can tweet anymore in a kendrick out of nowhere which we still can't figure out what's happening she's looked she's watching us this is a sick brag but i also don't it is an accident it has to be an accident right but you know when this happened twitter pft you know what this happens i wouldn't tell you i deserve this i deserve your game of thrones i deserve this we're so relatable well i she i mean she like all the tweets were just bitching about the bulls you've had this opft where someone follows you and it pauses you and
Starting point is 00:28:33 you're like uh fuck yeah like the next tweet's got to be fired i got a few of those right i don't i don't air them out what is anna kendrick doing you know what's gonna happen is people are gonna tag her now and good i want to i'd rather have the answer i'm also gonna slide in the dm and try to get her on great week okay do you think that's a good idea yeah that's when do you think i should do it if you think that's appropriate when do you think i should do it how much time i'd say like at least give it at least 30 minutes okay i already did it so i did it like within five minutes yeah that's she probably thought you were the dude from fantasy factory that's exactly what it is i think i think that's why i wanted to figure it out that's exactly right she thinks that i'm
Starting point is 00:29:08 rob dirgex cousin why does she think that because his name is big cat on twitter oh he sometimes gets sports tweets and he's like yo stop fucking complaining about the bears to me gotcha so uh all right my cool throne is all of our fun because ncda followed you no ncda video game is back ncda well maybe back ncda formed a committee to bring back the ncda football game and this is the greatest news i think that has ever happened in my life because that game is the best game ever uh it's for me it's less about the game itself more about the two things that are ancillary to the game number one the soundtrack yes always awesome listening to the fight songs bubba sparks back in the mud soundtrack yeah bubba sparks back in the mud that entire soundtrack was amazing
Starting point is 00:29:58 and then number two being able to simulate draft classes okay numbers so i love the game for different reasons the fight songs and winning the heisman by scheduling a couple cupcakes in september and getting like 15 touchdowns against them do they let you schedule out of conference games for 15 years in the future probably i'll be sick in the new one this seriously though is the best news ever i'm so excited for this if you didn't love that game think about this there's like kids out there that just don't don't know that game existed it's been five six years how long has it been it's the least we could do if we're going to be giving them a world that's so affected by hank being upset about climate change we should at least
Starting point is 00:30:37 give them ncda football hank what were your takes on because this is going to be your cool throne i mean same thing i i think it really is it better than mad i enjoyed playing ncda football more than that way better than mad because you can run the kids actually care in this game right and it's just you get you get to play like it's basically like you get to play the cupcakes you get to run up the score you get to play rivalries being the getting to be the star running back or the star quarterback and you get all the all the stadiums and i just need it i need it back and shout out to kirk 2014 was the last one really yeah who all right cover of 2014 janard robinson yep yeah that was a class that's the other one that's the covers by the way listen
Starting point is 00:31:19 out there that's that's what was on the answer to a trivia question that you will hear at some point in your life who was the last player on the cover of the ncda football game before it got kicked off the market i want to actually find the the ncda football games like in going back there's tibo is on one i think uh what's his name the other the other the other gator who turned out to be problematic chris leak rg3 i'm going back now percy harvin barry sanders was on one mark liner was on one i think michael crab tree mark sanchez wasn't there a nebraska quarterback on there at some point brian iraq po was on it darin mcfadden 09 i remember that game very well brian johnson jesus chris winky shon alexander ricky williams charles woodson danie wereful
Starting point is 00:32:07 holy shit time capsule i love it we need it back i love it was a very very fun game very and the thing about it was it was different from madden in a lot of ways too which like it you would sit down and be like do you want to play ncda football or madden and it wouldn't just be like well you can play with the university of florida and this one or a pro team and the other there were actually like major differences in the game that made it sweet yes you could actually run like madden got too hard madden got too hard in the last few years and just didn't get fun like every everything was too realistic you go out there passing cone really right you'd go out there and you'd throw up like a josh rosin stat line and you'd win like seven to six but well i guess i had fun yeah not really
Starting point is 00:32:46 all right let's get to our interview uh it's brooks kepka if you like the brooks kepka interview our guys our colleagues at foreplay interviewed him on tuesday probably more technical golf stuff with that interview we did a little more uh just kind of just guys being dudes yeah we're not big golf fans would tell us looks kepka isn't that big of a golf fan either yeah he hates golf well he doesn't hate golf he doesn't like it doesn't really like it he's just the best in the world at it right exactly so uh before we get to brooks we have a quick word from me undies there are two types of dudes in the world those that go through that the gate and those that go over the fence well after years of research and countless experiments with seasoned underwear scientists me undies now has
Starting point is 00:33:28 an option for both with their new boxer briefs with a fly it took a while but now men from both sides of the aisle can enjoy the world softest undies these undies are so soft they make bob ross voice sound like gilbert godfrey wow that's really soft me undies use the coveted micro modal fabric which is a full three time softer than cotton we all wear me undies i'm wearing it right now i own exclusively me undies and i love them men can now try the new boxer brief with fly it's the same great cut as boxer briefs just with a hole now for number one me undies is also the go-to for the softest lounge wear on the planet hang out in their super comfy lounge pants and onesies yes me undies make onesies and they're incredible me undies has a great offer for my listeners
Starting point is 00:34:10 for any first time purchasers when you uh when you buy me undies you get 15 off and free shipping get 15 off a pair of the most comfortable undies you will ever put on and you get it right now go to me undies dot com slash take me undies dot com slash take i'm telling you we are wearing me undies right now you are listening to a podcast that is brought to you by me undies and worn by me undies go to me undies dot com slash take we're also brought to you by ray con headphones you got to get them it's the new wireless earbuds from ray con ray con earbuds started about half the price of any other premium wireless earbuds on the market and they sound just as amazing the company was actually co-founded by ray j you remember him and celebrities like snoop dog are already obsessed
Starting point is 00:34:56 with it ray con's e 50 wireless earbuds have totally changed the game for me and they're comfortable and easy to take anywhere unlike some of the other wireless options ray con earbuds are both stylish and discreet with no dangling wires or stems and of course they don't just look great they sound great too so ray con offers their wireless earbuds for everyone in a range of fun colors and an unbeatable price go to buy ray con dot com slash take to get 20 off your order that's buy ray con dot com slash take for 20 off ray con wireless earbuds if you've been eyeing a pair now is the time to get an amazing deal one more time buy ray con dot com slash take ray con dot com slash take here he is brooks kepka okay we now welcome on very special guest we're in his home his rented
Starting point is 00:35:46 home in long island it's brooks kepka he is the us open 2017 2018 champion and also the pga champ return champion right so you're trying to defend your crown here this weekend at beth page black and i want to start with the most important question you have three majors you're very good looking you got muscles you got the whole fucking tan and everything what's your problem i got no problem okay well well we got a problem maybe got one problem brandl okay yes yes to him brandl chanbley i figure that might come around yes but seriously like you need we're gonna start a whole rebrand of brooks kepka on this show you are too perfect so we need to figure out like give us your biggest weakness to start this off biggest weakness reality tv that's not a weakness you watch
Starting point is 00:36:35 reality that's a big strength real housewives you're real housewives yeah yeah yeah i definitely watch it uh you got skinny recently i did that pissed off america that's that was really interesting going into the masters because people were mad at you that you lost weight i know they're gonna get that they were not i know what everyone else is trying to do everybody was just like i wish brooks would put on 30 pounds and get back to like his how many how much weight did you lose i was like 30 pounds what was the plan behind that i just wanted to look good that was it yeah you just want to look good yeah gram yeah well yeah yeah if you got a photo shoot you might as well look good so you actually lost power though in your drive right yeah and we're not golf guys but we'll ask a couple
Starting point is 00:37:11 golf we'll sprinkle a couple golf is that bad to lose power on your drive i mean it's not good so i want to be long when you noticed it like where you like what's going on here i need to start eating again yeah well yeah once we got everything done squared away all the photo shoots done we uh i definitely ate like a champ i know that okay so you actually cheeseburgers yeah pizza and did you actually have photo shoots oh yeah so you lost weight yeah i want to look good yeah yeah i mean who doesn't want to look good did you stop working out after yes huh okay definitely working out before how much did you bench these days i don't know i haven't benched a long time it's been like six weeks really a really long time yeah that's a really long time it's great though i heard that
Starting point is 00:37:53 you used to be able to put up 315 yeah i could how many times just once oh okay and i also heard that you used to work out sometimes after rounds is that true yeah before or after you want isn't that weird though like if you're lifting weights before you go out on the course doesn't that affect i feel like if i do three tricep extensions i can't shoot a basketball for like a week afterwards i look better in the shirts though no your mediums your mediums very tight that's on my list as well so wait i want to go back because like golf is one of those sports that everyone always thinks like oh you know like the fat guys can play it's you know phil mickelson back in the day now it's completely different you guys train like you're in the nfl or like mba we're not that big but
Starting point is 00:38:39 you guys have had plenty of nfo guys there's no reason that but what's your training regiment like in the off season like are you training every single day yeah in the off season yeah i mean you might as well what else are you gonna do i'm not playing golf i got better things to do how long do you go without playing golf in the off season i'll go six weeks that's really yeah when you get back out on the course after six weeks do you notice like a major major difference in how you're playing yeah i'm really do you give yourself that break like more mentally just so you can get away from it i'd rather be on the boat drinking that's all i'm doing what everybody else is doing you know that like everybody else they do the exact opposite where they go out to
Starting point is 00:39:16 play golf to get away from stuff yeah and that's their mental break yeah exactly you're not helping the whole like you're too perfect narrative that you got going all right so let's talk about this this weekend beth page black i have no fucking idea if it's a hard course i assume it is what is their extra pressure being the returning champ a little bit but i mean that's fun yeah i want to be the guy that everybody's gunning for i mean i think that's fun when you walk in the locker room is everyone giving you a look like oh here comes brooks kepka i hope so maybe if i took my shirt off yeah yeah i don't know what is a golf locker room like i've always wondered that it's not like any locker room that any other sport it's pretty yeah it's pretty weird you guys talk at all
Starting point is 00:39:54 or yeah there's talking going on there's a lot of like oh we're friends we're this we're that but then everybody's just trying to kill everybody when they get out right so it's like a little awkward yeah um so yeah you've won a bunch i guess a bunch of high-profile tournaments on really weird courses you're like the master of the same course is that in erin hills with a fescue and that shinacock laster why do you like defeating the courses that we like to cheer for so much yeah i don't know the course guys yeah i don't know i don't really have an answer but is there anything about your game that translates directly into that i like it when it's tough i don't know it's it's easier when it's tough you already know you got half the guys beat mentally they can't play the course and then
Starting point is 00:40:32 the other ones just mentally can't hang and she only got to beat a few huh do you do meditation or anything no so you just mentally get in the zone i'm just chill all the time it's never okay get pissed off never gonna like get upset about anything that's probably why you lost a tiger in the masters probably yeah so probably exactly why yeah we can talk about was that was that a crazy moment to have a guy who i assume like in you know how old are you now 29 okay so yeah so you were about all the same age you watch tiger growing up he was probably your hero and then the original big cat yeah the original big cat and then your boom you're up against him in in the masters were you like intimidated at all was it a little bit of a oh shit here comes tiger and red on a
Starting point is 00:41:14 sundae not really i already beat him once yeah beat him at the pga that's right i had that going for me yeah but i guess it was fun i just hit a bad shot at a bad time yeah then you put in the water on 12 oh you put in the water damn yeah there's a rumor that you missed that last put on purpose so that he could win yeah i got asked that the other day it sounds like yeah i know yeah definitely pretty fair i didn't want to win the masters i'd love to throw out a couple million dollars and just yeah right down the drain so we actually we're going to get to some rules some golf rules about how to make it golf more fun because i think you're on the record saying that it needs to be more fun yeah right so but one of the a pre golf rule is when you hit it in the water you can't use
Starting point is 00:41:51 that club for the rest of the tournament oh that's good i like that yeah that'd be good that would be good right yeah like a little bit of risk yeah a lot of guys would be down a lot of clubs yes and then it's like especially me i didn't know water all the time here he comes he's got no five iron he's got no seven iron like what is he gonna do i like that yeah i'll be fine that we got more coming up i heard a rumor that when you hit a really sick drive just like split it hit at 315 or whatever you say to yourself that's Gucci brah yeah i did that once yeah and then there's somebody somebody caught on to that and i was like all right i forget who it was somebody heard that i guess he got caught up on a boom mic yeah that's gucci brah yeah gucci brah yeah and that's pretty sick
Starting point is 00:42:28 yeah you should start doing that again yeah you definitely i'll do it this week okay okay yeah make sure everybody see it oh yeah i'll make it loud enough the entire crowd that's gucci brah first tea do you know when you come out do you know if you have it that day or not or like or let me rephrase it how many times do you come out in a tournament you're like i got this this feels great or you have to fight it and like really struggle through it uh i'd say most days are a fight or a struggle i'm really you know literally in the first five holes whether it's gonna be your day or not and then if it is your day just press and just aim at every flag and hope everything goes your way because usually luck's in if not then good luck yeah has there ever been a tournament
Starting point is 00:43:07 that you've won where you came out and you're like this is not my day i'm just not feeling it but you had to like scratch and claw just to kind of keep your head above water yeah i think um in korea this what was it this fall 101 got to number one i felt like i didn't play that great yeah we all watched that yeah the korean tournament korean golf tournament at 2 a.m yes exactly that was great yeah i don't even think that tournament happened i think yeah no you were looking for to answer that question and you were just made made one up are you intimidated by the fact that the two guys like us that are huge sports fans alpha guys don't really care for golf no i mean i'll be honest i i don't watch it i don't watch it when i'm when i'm away from i'm away i like the majors the majors
Starting point is 00:43:48 are yeah if i was gonna watch anything i'd watch a gustin on the majors right other than that i'd much rather be watching basketball late night lakers fan yes so lebron fan you love lebron i'll go kobi okay we'll go kobi i like that i like that you're like one of those kobi guys it's like a lebron's not my hero yeah i'm i'm a kobi guy yeah i know definitely what do you think the lakers should do well kobi's getting his um kobi lebron is getting his coach i guess yeah kid now yeah assistant so this will be interesting definitely interesting yeah that you can use for it i don't know he's getting his way um real question what happened in the rider cup this year which part the loss after getting just washed and then after uh we just got beat we sucked yeah
Starting point is 00:44:37 we just weren't any good someone's gonna lose but what about the clubhouse after bad chemistry no see that got so blown out of proportion okay i don't even know what happened there we were all laughing we went in the european team room it was me dustin polina and we were just all hanging out and we were going out we were going out to paris after and we were arguing over the cab because dustin said he ordered a car car didn't show up so we kept drinking doing stuff and i was like finally trying to get him to go out and he wanted to stay and i was like let's go out in paris come on man only here once let's go right and that's what the fight was about yeah but i mean there was a couple of bombs fuck use let's go now yes we're not gonna hang like i'm ready to go
Starting point is 00:45:19 i'm ready to party man the fight was about how quickly to get to paris yes got it okay interesting so it sounds like you guys were having a really good time after you lost the rider cup i really don't mean after you lose what are you supposed to do drink your sorrows it's too chill of a guy yeah i mean what to lose it's like whatever man in 2016 you were basically the hero what was that like that was sweet that i mean that party's a lot better yeah that party's a lot better yeah when you win it's great right do you like that you like that atmosphere that you see at you know sometimes you get the u.s open like in chinacoc last year and at the rider cup when people are just like going nuts on the course just cheering being a little bit like reckless
Starting point is 00:45:56 a little louder than maybe some of the other events i love it that's why i love like the waste management yeah tournament if you're gonna go to one that's what you gotta go to yeah that's the best so we need more cheering and golf yes yeah i love it um what kind of do you have any uh phil michelson have you hung out with him at all he played with him yeah yeah a little bit yeah the money games are quite fun yeah interesting i haven't played him in a long time so he does money games on the side like in the yeah like on tuesday no not all season like during tournament weeks like a major week like this week you could go play tuesday with phil if you wanted to play what does he play like for like how much per whole whatever you want whatever you want yeah
Starting point is 00:46:35 there's no problem just make sure you pay up yeah he's got the bankroll so nobody's gonna yeah you can wager him whatever you want and he's gonna say yes to it yeah yeah so you're getting ready for for opening round on thursday wednesday night what is your do you have a pattern that you do do you have i just try to be in bed by like 10 30 but other than that i got nothing yeah it's just whatever whatever i feel like trying to find something what would you say uh that we could make fun of you most easily for besides the reality tv thing the thongs yes the oh yeah that was a good one yeah i was trying so hard to be an instagram model it's backfired so bad what about your your logo sucks sorry i'm getting a new one yeah okay there you go so good yeah see there we go we found
Starting point is 00:47:19 i saw it i was like what's this it's just a b yeah and like what you gotta yeah i got a new one coming so what's the new one look like i'll show you later yeah show them show me one right now you have i don't have it on me now i don't have my phone nobody all right so you fixed the one thing that i could i could say we're getting we're getting a little better you have you have a very south african sounding i know i want to hear i want to hear you say it one time it's so satisfying to say brooks keep yeah it's way cool i know i've heard a thousand times i just want to hear there will be you should be south african there will be people who listen to this interview and be like wait what yeah he's not yeah a lot of people no it's south african a lot of people
Starting point is 00:47:54 they were telling me that uh during the masters when when they were doing you know like a behind the scenes thing with you or they were discussing you uh they were shocked and they lost bets with their friends because they were hanging out they're like no he's from south africa no he's not he's he's literally yeah it's actually funny yeah brooks kipka say it one time brooks kipka yeah it's it rolls on it's all right what's more difficult to do hit a shot from 150 yards with a little bit of english roll it to within a couple feet of the pin at a normal us course or hit one at a lynx course that lands 30 yards short of the green and runs up to within five feet great question so this is actually difficult great question i'm gonna go lynx it's way harder yeah
Starting point is 00:48:35 let's get the ball on the ground i can go anywhere have you ever won a bridge open oh yeah you scared not very scared very scared of lynx call can you tell yeah at what point in your career do you think you'll have all four majors guarantee it guarantee it yeah i'm trying to figure out when the next time we play st andrew's because i will win one of st andrew's i know that okay put that on the record so put it there actually let's let's bring this up the brand chambley guy i don't even know his name brandlin chambley that sounds good uh he he just goes after you he's relentless oh yeah he went after you for your for your diet he's a golf rider i i guess uh and he also said that tiger's back and the only two guys that can beat him are dustin and rory
Starting point is 00:49:19 just completely forgetting about the fact that you've won like three of the last whatever eight majors or whatever it may be so what do you say to him haters like him guys are mush man i don't know what else to say what do you think he's got something out for you it feels that way i don't know i i guess oh he must must have has he ever tried to interview you and you've just like stood him up no i've actually tried to go on set with him but he keeps turning me down really yeah he must think you're south african yeah he's still gotta go for the whole apartheid thing he's like i can't have that content on my it's also listen hey look brandlin chambley i don't like your name because it's hard to say there's you can't do the it's it might be
Starting point is 00:50:02 harder to say than mine yeah you can't do the e ending e ending yeah it's like did i screw this up brandlin chambley i think i think you might be coming on a little too strong though like the fact that you're reaching out to him multiple times but no no i only reached out come on your show reach out once i said i'll only do it if brandl does it don't invite yourself onto another man's podcast okay brandl sorry yeah right now yeah maybe maybe just say i don't want to go on your show anymore and see if he'll come crawling to you like if you love something set it free if it returns it was meant to be true i learned that we'll have them on a way message and we'll grow love it we will i love you yeah that's how we do it i read that you beat your dad in a club
Starting point is 00:50:37 championship when you were 13 years old we really bring a bobbin to this oh did he already hate you before that yeah yeah i'm not his favorite child that's kind of my brother yeah yeah no you had to i think i won like a parking space and he was all pissed off he couldn't grab his car in there anymore yeah you didn't have a license so we're gonna put a bike rack that's crazy to me like how many other people did you beat that to i don't know maybe there's 10 12 i don't know wouldn't that many they must have all hated you yeah i'm sure they did so you got into golf because you got into golf because you broke your nose when you're 10 right yeah so how's the story go so i was in a car accident and for whatever reason the lady that was driving the nanny
Starting point is 00:51:23 whatever ran the red light just going 45 50 t-bone this lady i my brother was in the back seat um i was in the front and drilled my face against the dashboard it's pretty good pretty much broke everything in my face so that wasn't good um and then just couldn't play contact sports for a little bit for like a whole year and i was like all right i'm getting i'm done with hockey i'm gonna take golf seriously keep playing baseball and then when i figured out i wasn't gonna get a baseball just keep playing golf so have you given uh that nanny like any like a commission off any of these big checks i probably should you absolutely should like you don't even know i haven't talked to her in maybe what 20 years yeah we need to do it e-60 like you give it back
Starting point is 00:52:05 yeah hey paying it forward yeah yeah thanks for being such a shitty driver yeah you made me a champion exactly she's probably got a little bit of residual guilt from that accident she got it she was driving a car and got the two kids that she was supposed to be looking after injured and she might not even know to this day what she did like the the spin that she like the tiny little effect the butterfly effect she had yeah in that intersection ended up changing people's lives for the better never looked at it that way she would like to hear from you yeah did your parents fire i think so yeah i want to say so yeah the little did they know what was gonna happen this is a good lesson for all of us never fire anybody for doing something incompetent because it might never know
Starting point is 00:52:44 really good 20 years yeah exactly yes um were you mad that uh tiger looking at your girlfriend became a meme yeah you guys put on a shirt didn't you i think so yeah i didn't know for the residuals of that one that sounds like something what it was what was going through your head after that i mean it was it's it sucks because social media the way it works like if you just look like the perfect example you can pause tv right pj tucker throwing his warm-ups on the ballboy and everyone flipped out it's like dude they have a running joke we just took something out of context but that was a hell of out of context it was funny yeah it was quite funny okay she i think she was a little pissed off about it yeah she's big fans but uh yeah it's all good it's sorry i thought i thought it was funny
Starting point is 00:53:27 yeah that's on us um are you a big rick riley fan not really okay well i i've taken the liberty of pulling some quotes from an article that he wrote about you last year so he's rick riley has a way with words he is so good at description he makes jane austin look like a 10-year-old with a head injury so this is what he said about you he said um no matter how many trophies he stuffs in his car trunk people look at brooks kepka and think hey is that the guy who moved my piano have you removed a piano yeah no is it something that you think you you've ever been mistaken for maybe yeah a piano mover yeah maybe there's some guy on the street okay here's another one uh thick as a vault door kepka looks like the guy who comes to repo your boat that's pretty good right that is
Starting point is 00:54:13 pretty good do you ever think about that being a repo man yeah watch that repo show there was a repo show when you found out did you don't don't don't do it what are we about to say he's going to ruin yeah he's all staged yeah i know okay yeah because when i found out he's fucking ruined no i know it really for a little bit yeah oh my god it was brutal but it was still awesome to watch yeah but at the time i was thinking it was real and then you get back me too they someone broke it to me i was like okay well there goes like the last three years of my life yeah exactly that and and the lizard lick towing show yeah basically the same thing it's just people taking other people's shit you can't deal when that happens yeah people break those two things to me one last one here
Starting point is 00:54:51 from from old rick his chest is like a beer keg and his arms like church organ pipes does that describe you do you think sure okay i don't even know what church organ pipes are i really don't even know what to i think the whole premise of this is that rick riley thinks you're hot yeah you are hot so that's actually that's a big fault of yours is that rick riley loves you do you think there's some residual hate on the tour because you are good looking absolutely like i said it's no it is because like uh when uh jordan speed takes off his hat you're like ha that ball guy who cares like when tiger does it you're like oh that's fine fills just the average man's got some tits like you come out there looking awesome got your muscles
Starting point is 00:55:37 pumping and all this shit it's too much yeah you need to tone it back shave some male pattern baldness i know i know it's not a bad idea do something with it you don't have the the sick golfer's forehand forehead tan either the one that's just like a white shirt all the time you see the one that like stewardship yeah that's my favorite yeah is that why you grow those weird bangs to cover that up oh yeah got him yeah you're yeah you know what exactly what your bangs are pissing me off any uh brooks uh 2004 alabama high school football called they want their fucking hairstyle back dude you do have the bambo swoop for now i do i know i'm getting it cut tomorrow guys coming now you're gonna have oh yeah he's coming he's coming here oh yeah so i'll be fresh uh
Starting point is 00:56:18 what did you mean when you said i don't eat steaks in the states so i knew this we're gonna be brought up so this is place in japan we go to every year we've been there and it's this Miyazaki beef okay it is the best steak ever i've got a bunch of it at my house they shipped it over after i won literally i could eat 20 some ounces of it i mean we racked up a nice bill every night it's like 500 bucks for like a couple of people like two ounces damn it is unbelievable and it's just ruined it so you can't eat a normal steak yeah i just don't eat steak that much over there i mean i literally pig out for a week i probably gain how much you get shit back what's up how much do you get shipped back oh they ship i don't know they shipped a whole cow damn like literally a whole
Starting point is 00:57:04 cow showed up in my house i've got someone come like butchered the thing wait it was alive when it got to your house no no it was all it was dead it was just all packaged up and like literally like the carcass of it and the guy had to cut we had to bring it to like Publix or something to like chop it up that's that's so funny that you get the most expensive cow in the world shipped to your front door yeah there's like somebody you have to take it down the street to Publix yeah in between them making like a mac and cheese sub for someone yeah yeah those are good yeah we are Florida trash we know that yeah um everyone loves their chickens but literally like somebody massages this cow like for years and like drinks beer i think i've heard of these cows it's a little
Starting point is 00:57:43 excessive but i guess that ruins like your usual you know like little new york strip at applebees yeah yeah kids ruin my taste for applebees show that all these out back kids do that anymore um i also heard that you love to watch us lose gambling yes nothing better than getting your heart ripped out you're such a jerk so when we live stream and we're just dying you're watching yes yes literally i mean it's always a sweat isn't it oh there's nothing worse that's why you gotta watch you end up watching all the west coast games i know more about all the west coast games yeah all those games because you're up till really late watching them yes making a sweat literally getting your heart ripped out it's great yeah uh where do you live in florida in jupiter
Starting point is 00:58:26 yeah interesting interesting huh yeah just like everybody else no it's not not everyone i know i'm thinking about one guy i know a few people yeah i'm just gonna write that down okay gonna start it write it down we're talking a lot about a cow that got massaged i actually already wrote it down i okay yeah i had the same question do you want to see okay i think i like yeah it says right here jupiter interesting yes that's it right there yeah very you can double check that jupiter um how nervous do you get for real though like at the end of a tournament when you're when you know it's crunch time are you just the same guy yeah what's the point you're nervous i can't i don't know what to do because what are you supposed to do though like that's where you want to be right yeah i
Starting point is 00:59:09 get nervous yeah i get well like yeah if you're if i'm gambling i'd be sweating everything right literally but you are gambling though you're gambling every single putt is worth hundreds of thousand dollars at some point right yeah i mean i never thought about it that way every place wow what if we just ruin every shot yeah every yeah you just ruined my career every shot i dropped now i'm just thinking about millions of dollars going down the tubes that never goes through your mind no like you think about it fourth to seventh that's like you know three hundred thousand dollars i've lost a shit ton of money then yeah on late late putts yeah you're like fucking i just want to go yeah i've never thought about that there's a there's a lot of money out there yeah you just
Starting point is 00:59:49 found my weakness right oh shit i forgot that i didn't pay money to win these tournaments i'm also rooting for pft to have broken you are you serious when you say that you think tiger wood's coming back is really good for for you personally yeah absolutely it's good for everybody aren't you're not scared no i mean we're not fighting yeah he's not about to knock my brains out yeah i'd be scared if we would just you know square if he's squared up and i wasn't ready i so i not joking for a second i i agree that if i was a golfer on the pga tour i'd be excited because you know one he's a guy that i looked up to growing up it's cool to play against a guy compete against a guy like that but i also think that after a couple years if tiger is able to remain back for this long
Starting point is 01:00:30 you're gonna be like god damn it you know all anybody talks about is tiger woods and he keeps winning and then it's a bunch of us as also rand's finishing behind him at that point you have to make you be pissed off weren't you yeah a little bit yeah i mean you wanted to be good just not that good you know i mean yeah not winning everything but okay we gotta just be back yeah it is i mean it's crazy how good in tiger's absence how many young good players there are i feel like that's maybe why you don't get as much love is because you came about just after that like ricky jordan speed dustin johnson phase yeah and then you emerge in 2017 although you won the rider cup the year before correct yeah but i think maybe that's that's why
Starting point is 01:01:11 boomer yeah you're saying that's why the brandil chamblis brandley chamblis whatever his name is the world they're hating you yeah that's exactly what it is uh crack the code um let's do fixing golf so why do you think golf like what do you think golf needs to improve on to get better like in terms of your outfit for five and a half hours i mean how about is that nobody wants to spend five and a half hours out there yeah i mean unless you're like getting away from your wife or like trying to get away right you know that'd be great but other than that so how do you speed up the game literally i would just make it like 15 holes 14 holes because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker yes and i always get to like 11 and i'm like this is it gets boring from
Starting point is 01:01:54 like hole five to 12 you're just like where am i right now you are bored during a tournament yeah five through twelve yeah i literally can't tell you what like what happened during those holes you kind of like black out you're like oh yes everything's repetitive it's it's true though because when you golf there is like the first three holes where you're like okay i feel good today super pumped and then like right around 14 you're like all right i got a few left yeah exactly and then anything in between it's just whatever can i get a hot dog after nine exactly you're just looking couple everybody getting drunk what about using a cart who i'd love to use a car how great would that be that'd be sick having people driving cars daily using a cart this way
Starting point is 01:02:29 you see that yeah awesome is that yeah that is pretty he's just he's just commandeered the beard cart yeah yeah just kick the girl out so what can they do to make it better for the audience like what because you did what was your exact quote that golf is not fun enough or yeah fun golf sucks yeah it's just like how on athletic do we look when we're dropping from our knees have you seen that what oh yeah when you when you're when you hit one out of bounds yeah when you're dropping from your knees you look on athletic it's just yeah it's just a bad look okay why do you guys wear cleats i don't wear the spikes like i have like the soft spikes you talk about like the metal ones yeah yeah guys with the metal ones i have no idea why yeah i think it's
Starting point is 01:03:10 just to hear like the click clack when they're walking over concrete i think it's to make them feel like athletes it's like i gotta put on my special athletic shoes to go play golf yeah exactly i mean i don't think you're far off there at all yeah um all right well here's one of my ideas uh you know what a cannonball is it's where you smoke a jay and then you inhale and then you chug a beer and then you exhale after you chug the beer do that before every hole that'd be great television great television i have one that's pretty similar maybe more doable yeah i don't want to i don't want to poo poo your idea okay i think it's great uh but every time you make a birdie you have to shotgun a beer that works so another great great idea for tv i love that yeah but it's like naturally
Starting point is 01:03:52 who lasts the longest there it's like when you race somebody in mario kart if they're like super far ahead of you the computer slows them down to make it more competitive yes this way the people that are tearing up the scoreboard they get drunker by the end of the round so you have an opportunity to catch them so what you're saying is i get i'd have to practice a lot at home yeah yes yes what about every single guy has uh so you have a caddy but you also have a shot blocker and he can stand around the the green and he can't he can't grab the ball so he can't catch the ball but he can open hand slap it in just like the tigers group every time what he's got like thousands of people oh he's got the backboard yeah so you kind of hit into stands you're not really gonna say anything
Starting point is 01:04:30 because the people are there yeah it goes right on tigers already got that all right how about everyone wears shorts great idea i mean you can see like the unathleticism in some of these guys when you're out there i mean it's quite it's entertaining to look at yes sometimes maybe i mean and everybody's legs are so white too right it's like out of bounds posts so we can now finally start making funny for something yes chicken old chicken legs yeah exactly no point in doing legs you don't we started wearing shorts i might have to start doing legs you actually don't do leg day no i do leg day it's just of course you do yeah i know you're just you're trying to be self-deprecating you're not good at self-deprecating that's that's a flaw how important are your hips
Starting point is 01:05:10 i guess yeah i guess they're important yep that's a good answer um i've always just in life yeah i've always wondered about golf announcers trying to discuss people's swings and what the problem with them is and and where sometimes the swing goes wrong i'm convinced that they just make up terms like and if you watch his hips release over the top a little bit slowly it's like that doesn't make any sense what you just said doesn't make sense have you ever heard an announcer critique your swing and i've never heard anybody actually critique it it'd be interesting no i think i don't know they got a lot of hours of tv time they got a fill so you might as well talk about something now watch how your foot backs down and comes out from underneath they'll just
Starting point is 01:05:50 like make up shit off the top of their head yeah i mean i don't know it's it's one of those things where i think you can kind of make up and be like oh this guy's swing isn't perfect we'll just say this and right yeah right real question about your swing i read that book on tiger and it seemed like every like few years you just completely remake his swing yeah go from scratch have you done that no so you just do i i literally have two swing thoughts and that's it i just hit it and go that's the thoughts yeah hit it and go yeah literally just keep it short and swing it hard i think that's it i think what we found is we found the Blake Bortles of golf yeah like it's i don't know how to test it no that's it's in your you are a guy a normal guy who plays golf
Starting point is 01:06:30 really really well yeah Blake is a normal guy who's an exceptional quarterback yeah exactly you're right i like that i like that comparison so when you're when you hit a shot obviously you have different shots in your bag you hit a draw you had a fade right i'm guessing yeah so yeah i mean i just try to stick to one because i know what i'm doing on one of them but yeah but when you get up there and you're like okay which one's better for you i fade it yeah i hit it left to right okay so you when you get up there and you're trying to fade it you just think hit and go or do you have to like tell yourself do you have to walk yourself through the process and think okay i have to aim there there's no thought process it's just like aim left and just swing hard and it'll come back to
Starting point is 01:07:07 wherever you want it your cat is just like aim at that thing and then you do that thing yeah i'll just be like finish it there okay i'll try i mean you're gonna one of two things is gonna happen he's either getting out there is not so right it's either gonna be really good or bad so i mean yeah i'm just starting because i feel like maybe we haven't interviewed enough golfers but they have like all these technical like oh this is what i'm trying to do on this shot but you're just like i'm just up there just yeah asking what's the point of thinking of something else i think i figured you out i think you just you don't like golf very much and so you're always just like i want to get the fuck off this course so i'm just gonna take i'm gonna take a very few
Starting point is 01:07:44 amount of strokes yeah yeah yeah exactly let's get ready to put it yeah and sometimes win the tournament yeah yeah occasionally yeah yeah then you have to stick around and collect a check it's a whole big thing yeah yeah that's probably pain that's what you just want to get to the bar you want to get to paris once you're go to get the get the ball out of the cup do you go one leg or do you go like i don't know i never actually thought about it and then i think i go same arm same leg i think it looks really it looks awkward when guys like they're standing on the left leg and pick it out of like the right arm or something to make golf fun you get on all fours and you just crawl up to it like a dog and then you pick it out and you go hey look at that boom could do that
Starting point is 01:08:22 every single time this week yeah people like Brooks Capco he really leaving it all out on the field you got grass stains all over your legs and uh they can be a new look yes don't come home with a clean uniform on yes that will get people talking i'm just trying to get people talking about golf some more i hear you yeah go just go up like a dog and lift your leg on the pin just pretend to take a leak on that'd be cool too i have one suggestion here for making golf cool walk up music for all your shots yeah they're doing that at one of them yeah i really yeah i just have the one in new orleans they do it that's that's good yes i like that i think they should have a song right now uh be something me goes pure water maybe yeah okay that's not a great like title for a golf shot yeah
Starting point is 01:09:10 yeah that's true i didn't think about that yeah you live in the water probably some more thought yeah all right yeah i mean you do live in the water from that masters 12th hole people remember uh my last make golf fun is whoever you're playing with if they can fart they're allowed to fart in your backswing i think that happens probably more than you think really yes you never heard any like the hot mics or anything like that you guys do it on purpose i don't know if in the middle of the swing but you'd be over it and you can hear something go and you're like oh boy i'm talking like you can like now we have guys deliberately eating chili the night before just so they can mess with the guy they're playing with you can be a lot less white pants on the golf course right
Starting point is 01:09:49 adds a whole element like basically makes golf like you know the regular schmucks that are going out there yeah you know tell a few relatable very relatable exactly relatable and then start drinking everyone should be able to drink during it and then that way if you start sucking you can just blame the fact that you got drank too much that's what i didn't get bloated yeah right i'm just like i can't swim anymore i'm too drunk i'm done i'm sitting the cart yeah because we get carts now right yeah everyone else i'm not drinking enough yeah what did you mean when you said if you can fart well sometimes you don't have a fart oh you if you don't have a fart yeah right right you can't do like yeah yeah you push it out or it stinks out exactly okay yeah i like that too because then
Starting point is 01:10:23 you add in the smell element the smell you'll know exactly which way the wind's blowing then oh it's an advantage right could be an advantage you know which way the wind's going and the element of like when do you use it because if you use it every single hole the guy's gonna get used to it do you save it up for the 18th hole do you save it up for you know a shot when he's there's actually more pressure on when you would fart right yeah the timing of it now the mental game gets a little cumbersome yeah on everyone's gamesmanship i love it what's your favorite hole hole oh great question be careful yeah i'll tell you mine i was thinking about that uh oh i think number two yeah seriously what's your favorite hole uh i don't know uh it's definitely not 12 at agusta
Starting point is 01:11:12 yeah but you gotta you gotta get back on that horse yeah i know i'm waiting for next year how much is there like to learn kind of a technical question here like is that you just leave that to your caddy or is there a lot that you have to learn about the course i'll just let my caddy do his thing he'll figure out where the lines are where the best place to leave it so when i get there all i gotta figure out is where the pin locations are so once i know where to he knows where the ball should be where it should end up off the t and then from there i take care of the rest you just gotta hit it and you go home yeah you make it seem so simple yeah i don't get it we make it gonna be good or bad is what i do all right my last question i got the c-key question promo code take uh put in
Starting point is 01:11:49 promo code take you get ten dollars off c-key purchase i think you go to beth page black this weekend so you're a lakers fan a packers fan yeah florida state football mm-hmm what is your like number one team you want to see them win a championship that you root for like watch every game oh that's actually really good um c-key question so yeah i mean florida state looks like they're not going to win one for a very long time so that's out of the question you can drop them lakers if koby was on the team yes if koby was on the team absolutely but then he still could yeah yeah he could come back he could i'll let talk what's your do you play any other sports no i mean not really you just go it's hard it's hard it's hard it's hard we play softball everyone so
Starting point is 01:12:36 i've gone out and played softball yeah okay do you hit dingers try to do you you might as well my question was do you hit to stick the long ball yet do you hit yes not as many now they lost all that weight though i know yes he couldn't hit home runs so i gained that power base back i know what do you eat when you try to regain all that weight now that you're all skin and bones i was on like a good five guys diet pizza i could i was dying for that for like four months that's all i wanted why did you do it i still don't understand you actually did it just for the pictures yeah i just yeah why not why would you want to look hot in the picture yeah it looks good with just rick riley thinking you were super hot you wanted like normal women to think that you were hot
Starting point is 01:13:18 might as well give a shot no everyone in the world thinks you're hot we don't hug at all yeah yeah i'd rather just have rick riley and nobody else yes for me it's just be the people of at that point you've made it yeah um all right well this has been awesome yeah i'm looking forward to hearing a uh that's gucci brah yes and you have to say brah not yeah no yeah no it's always been a brah yeah oh well we did have one last thing uh you went on a double date with our boss oh yes i heard that you were kind of a wet blanket okay hold on so my question is to you what would you consider a double date uh one of you is no i think it double days two couples yeah i think one of you has to yeah wait it's just two couples was it two couples or was it two
Starting point is 01:14:06 that's my point it was never a double date okay because there was like six seven eight people there oh so i wouldn't consider that a double date no that's a group date yeah i mean i could have been a wet blanket i don't know right that's just a bunch of people hanging out yeah i think we we just went to the bar to meet him it was also before you want anything yeah it sounds like nobody you were nobody yeah exactly yeah he that's how he operate also david would be the worst person of all time to go on a double date with you just talk about himself but in in his defense were you a wet blanket that night i probably was i don't remember i don't really remember that that's that part of it so i there's a good chance i was so you're blacked out yeah but i didn't think we were
Starting point is 01:14:43 on a double date okay for the record that's fair well this has been our interview with brooks kepka the coolest guy on the tour so the Blake Bortles good job yeah i love that all right i hope like when we stop recording he goes and kicks a puppy or something yeah what the fuck this guy what did they think i love it all right thanks bro yeah thanks boys that interview with brooks kepka was brought to you by movement 2019 is the year of big tick energy and our friends at movement watches are providing just that movement has you covered with tons of quality clean and all around good looking watches and accessories that we can actually afford an order right from our couch do your wrist and your wallet a favor go check out
Starting point is 01:15:25 their minimalist designs that you can have with no risk because they offer free shipping and returns with over two million watches sold worldwide movement has solidified themselves as one of the fastest growing watch brands out there i love movement watches i love their sunglasses too i've been wearing their new odyssey collection i love how it's still super clean and super minimal but it's also got that unique hexagon hexagonal shape they also have tons of those sunglasses they offer interchangeable watch straps so you never run out of options for a new look and best of all movement watches start at just 95 bucks so you're guaranteed to find something that you love that won't break your bank these guys are truly a ground up entrepreneur success
Starting point is 01:16:05 story they understand living on a tight budget because they lived it too and that's why they wanted to make quality products that are accessible to everyone they've sold over two million watches across more than 160 countries and their collections are always expanding for you so get 15% off today with free shipping free returns by going to mvmt.com slash pardon see why movement keeps growing check out their expanding collection go to mvmt.com slash pardon the interview was also brought to you by zip recruiter as any coach or general manager will tell you the foundation of any great team is great talent so it's no surprise teams dedicate so much time and effort towards finding the right players and tanking the same rule applies when it comes to hiring you need top talent but you
Starting point is 01:16:50 don't have endless excuse me resources to find it luckily you do have zip recruiter they scout the talent for you with zip recruiter one click send your job to over a hundred of the web's leading job boards but they don't stop there they're powerful matching technology scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invites them to apply to your job zip recruiter so effective that four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate through the site within just the first day and right now our listeners can try zip recruiter for free at this exclusive web address zip recruiter dot com slash pmt that's zip recruiter dot com slash pmt zip recruiter the smartest way to hire okay let's get to some segments before we do that
Starting point is 01:17:34 just a reminder and kendrick follows me on twitter nope grit week uh so cal look i mean you can be jealous it's fine it was a funny joke yeah no it can be it's fine it's fine that's fine yeah she follows me on twitter she probably loves my fire no she'd probably love that kevin white joke i just threw out there uh we have grit week southern california coming up next week we're gonna be out there we're gonna be interviewing people uh if you have someone that you want you think would be great on the show hit us up uh we should also mention that we will not be interviewing bill walton this time uh he has gotten back to us and he said uh thank you guys for your kindness and my life you guys are amazing you have an incredible audience i still get more positive
Starting point is 01:18:18 interesting comments feedback from your show than from almost any other thing i've ever done in my life please i am sadly ricocheting through the universe on the business road through memorial day hopefully next time you're back through the promised land shine on dream on build on carry on bill walton shine on i think we have to put that on the van carry on we just put that quote on the side of the van the best part is the please i'm sadly ricocheting through the universe on the business road that means that means he's just biking into arizona smoking pay only for three weeks so mad that he has to do like a Verizon commercial oh man but yeah we're gonna miss you bill we are we are and there's still probably like a five percent chance we somehow get you well if we drive
Starting point is 01:19:00 down to teawana there's probably a 50 percent chance that we run right we just we if we're in when we get in our bus which is an old rickety bus he will definitely see it and be like you old souls you oh he's gonna like if he knew the type of van that we're getting out there yes yes all right we'll hit him up all right yeah you're right we'll get it well that's a good point that's a good picture of the van yeah be like hey you like this yeah and he's gonna not he's like what you didn't tell me that i actually have no business um bachelor bachelorette talk for guys who don't watch the bachelorette except for hank who watches it every single week it's it was on last night i walked in my girlfriend was watching it was oh really it's tough to watch it's such a it's tough
Starting point is 01:19:43 it's tough anyway like it when you're firing off yeah it's left and right about it uh hand and be who i'm sure you guys remember from last season of course super annoying she sent a guy home because he had another girlfriend at home that he ended things with is this the first episode yeah so it's just the introduction to the guys and boom the guy's gone so she sent him home because he broke up with the girl to meet her it came out that he had a girlfriend that he was talking to on monday and then she was like to have a girlfriend he's like yeah but i broke up with her on monday i'm here for you and she was like well you know we're looking for like an engagement i don't think you're that committed if you just broke up with your girlfriend monday actually spinzone he's probably
Starting point is 01:20:17 the most committed now do they ask the guys if they're war criminals no i don't think so that would be something it's just whether you fucked your girlfriend in the last show all a sad turns up on on the bachelorette yeah he's like what have you ever mustered gas yeah but then he gets kicked off because he conflicting reports yeah he gets kicked off because he actually is still in love with his ex but then she spent like a good hour and a half crying over that guy being so like you know she lost trust in them and so the other guys are mad because they lost all the one on one time with her oh no uh there's a guy whose name is john paul jones who only wants to be referred to as john paul jones his bass player profession is listed under john paul jones yeah yeah he's either the
Starting point is 01:20:54 bass player for led zeppelin or he is a colonial ship captain i have not yet begun to fight uh and then matel has 114 kids because that's how many times he's donated sperm that's a hilarious joke by matel that's a hell of a ratio too like he's firing bullets wait he he hasn't missed at all oh i thought he was talking about uh like jerking off or like putting it you know like pulling out he's talking about he actually donated sperm matel what what does matel he must be he must have great genes he's just giving it out there that's gonna be so weird they'll take anybody's sperm these days you think so yeah i don't know guys are just more protective of her sperm yeah than we have been in the past someone should make a movie about a guy that has to go meet all his sperm donor kids
Starting point is 01:21:38 are you saying or why are you looking at us i'm just getting this event's fun movie out oh it's i was like is there something pft hasn't told me he's got 1700 kids running around i don't know i mean it's a possible i looked into donating sperm when i was in college i was a blood plasma guy myself i needed to get the gambling debts paid off i did that it was about like 20 bucks a pop sperm was more expensive sperm was a hefty $50 price but it's kind of a fucked up thing it'll be like delivery kid somewhere yeah i just felt i felt dirty because it was like i was prostituting myself to myself right i was paying myself $50 to jerk myself off right it takes a love out of masturbation exactly i don't want to like number one love for every yes um is that it so what would
Starting point is 01:22:19 you say hank what would you grade the first episode i'm not i'm not a hannah b fan whatsoever so i would grade it like a c okay season's gonna be tough all right are there any like quasi celebrities you're the bachelorette and you cry over the first guy it's like you're you're the bachelor you have 30 guys one guy fucks you over you're supposed to like kick him to the curb and move on and she was like crying as if she was on the bachelor still okay so so are there any not that i watched it are there any like former collegiate athletes or random internet celebrities or anything like that that are in this cast any virgins no i these are just the notes i got i literally watch it for like 10 minutes okay okay got it thanks hank thanks um all right we have locker room
Starting point is 01:23:00 talk pft what's this one i mean you get mad at me for watching the show and then i say i don't watch the show and then i read the notes you get mad at me that's fine leave your truth you walked us through it that's fine live your best life hank i thought that was great be be your inner hannah hannah b hannah b hannah b hannah b she went to albania she says roll tide like every that there was probably 10 000 roll tides oh so she actually does want to get married yeah yeah okay locker room talk uh some navy pilots this was a while ago but the transcripts have just come out uh some navy pilots gotten hot water because they drew a big sky dick in the in the air they use you know the is that bad no well apparently it is to some people but the transcript
Starting point is 01:23:39 came out and it is pretty fucking funny so here it is i'm gonna try to pilot voice for it what's powerful it's like uh bigger we got a bogey coming in on those six pft come in pft here we go uh you should totally try you should totally try to draw penis over i could definitely draw one that'd be easy i could uh basically draw a figure eight and turn around come back i'm gonna go down grab some speed and hopefully get out of the contrail there so they're not connected how you're doing your asmr voice uh get a little gruffer dude that dude pft you sound like you're you're trying to get someone to jerk off to your voice dude that'd be so funny airliner is coming back on the way into seattle just this big fucking giant penis we could almost draw a vein down the middle of it pft you're doing
Starting point is 01:24:24 your velveta voice uh balls are gonna be a little lopsided balls are complete over i just got to navigate a little bit over here for the shaft which way is the shaft going the shaft will go to the left over it's going to be wide shaft over and out i mean you should be allowed to do that yeah you should absolutely who's to say what is a penis and what is it they could be talking about anything that should be the end of the uh air and water show in chicago every year which is a big fucking dick just sitting up in the sky yeah why not do it for the people this is just an anatomy class yeah let yeah it's nature banks if banks he did it we'd be calling the entire sky just a giant pallet is banks he's still alive no he's dead really no i don't know who cares about banks he's
Starting point is 01:25:09 my take i think banks he's like nine people oh you're one of those guys yeah got it i i don't have a strong thought i you know what i'm gonna write that down actually develop a strong thought get a bank yeah get a bank get a get a better banksy take going forward i watched exit to the gift shop banksy take going forward i liked when he when he did the paper shredder on that thing that's my banksy take every banksy take is just like it's mickey mouse and a gas mask and he's kicking like a bunch of poodles down a mountain and poodles all say mcdonald's on him yeah or it's like a little girl holding a balloon but the balloon says exon valdez yeah and yeah exactly she's buying she's buying a lollipop and the lollipop just says carbon emissions and the money that she's paying
Starting point is 01:25:52 for it says hanks mom's money that she spent to take hate to see inconvenient truth yeah it's like this big entire you know it's a oil it's a bunch of different oil wells and then one little rose that pops up in the middle of all of it and it actually just says capitalism is evil that's a banksy banksy has figured out the key to to subversive art and that's no matter what you're doing make sure you put a gas mask on it yeah gas mask and little girls in dresses and it's like whoa i never thought of it that way really fucking stuff damn i had a balloon once i'm good i'm punk rock now could have been me drawn on the side of a of a you know manchester warehouse that everyone took pictures of i say let the navy pilots draw their dicks yeah i don't know how we got the banksy but
Starting point is 01:26:36 yeah i agree i agree yeah uh hank guys on checks yes we have to connect the dots oh yeah we have to connect the dots connect dots frank rike's assistant's house was shot up dozens of times actually was shot up i think 70 70 bullets hit the house nobody got hurt nobody got injured i said right away when he told me this story where's marvin harrison yeah people forget probably killed the guy could connect the guy probably killed the guy like that's one of those ones you're just like hey remember when marvin harrison probably killed the guy that's weird that we don't talk about it my connect the dots is that bill bellichick just got named defensive coordinator of the patriots today by bill bellichick so he has reason to go after frank rike why and why yeah
Starting point is 01:27:20 just just because because the rivalry is back on the rivalry is back on i forgot about that i forgot or here's a rick rally joke for you okay 70 shots and not a single one of them connected does anybody have an apb on kairi erving nice uh like two and a half oops yeah two and a half if you'd done it last week i would have given you a full three yeah when we're in the middle of it you know yeah but nobody else is breaking shots these days right exactly Steph Curry's back boy i'm happy i never said that he sucked nope nope we've long been Steph Curry fans always forever skinny legs though yeah she was on his mouth guard too much uh hey guys on checks should i be mad at my boyfriend for not videoing videoing me walk across the stage of my nursing
Starting point is 01:28:02 school graduation he didn't even see me walk because he was too engulfed in the hockey game he was watching on his phone no nursing school that that means it's probably your second graduation right yeah so you probably already had a degree maybe if you were a doctor that's me no that's me nurses actually do most of the work they do they do all the work the doctor just comes in writes on a fucking chart and says all right take these pills yeah i'll see you in a month you think a doctor ever gives a guy a sponge bath no nurses are the unsung girls dirty dirty work uh yeah you could be mad at him but don't be mad at him for too long because it's the cup hey thick cap my boyfriend never picks a seat up when he pees and misses the commo neither do i
Starting point is 01:28:44 every time how can i prevent wait misses the what the commode the commode the commode got it it's toilet word for toilet learn something every day okay commode commode two m's yeah commode yeah yeah it's like when you're it's like it's a mode it's like when you're freaking out and someone's like dude just why was why would calm mode well Hank it's like damn it isn't damn minute but there's an end well some people well if you're if you're blink 182 you just spelled d a m m i t nice nice tank you got us on that one how can i prevent this disaster or help him learn from his mistakes what were we even talking about oh he pisses on the on the seat yeah i think just telling to pee sitting down yeah i just tell him to wipe it i mean i i don't lift the seat i usually i'm
Starting point is 01:29:33 like 50 50 but i'll wipe it if i don't i've got exceptional aim so i don't really have an issue with that yeah um yeah just here's the thing if you try to change him on the small this is one of those small habits that you're never going to be able to break them it's like having an old dog that's already been taught a certain way to do things where to use the bathroom it he's too late in life right now so if you push him hard in one direction he's actually going to get more inaccurate and just start peeing on other stuff that you don't want to be right and think about it this way if he leaves if he puts a seat up he's going to forget to put it back down and then you're going to sit in the toilet someday like you're going to go to the bathroom in the
Starting point is 01:30:09 middle of the night you're going to sit right in that fucking toilet water so think about it that way do you guys ever do the thing where you um try to time the flush i do that all the time oh towards the end i always mess it up like i i always had the bowl refill and i'm still going yeah and i'm like well how hydrated am i but are people going to be able to tell that there's pee in here it's thrilling though when you get a perfectly timed flush and you're like that was the most efficient i will ever be in my entire life when i time that flush it is great small things in life another small thing that's great is when the urinals have ice ice cubes and oh yeah small the best time the best we told john taffer about that the best uh hey guys especially henry i've
Starting point is 01:30:46 heard that guys love their prostate massage during sex however i don't know where that muscle is or the best way to do it can you give me some pointers i don't know if it's a muscle is the prostate a muscle uh i think it's uh the g spot yeah g spot for guys so it doesn't exist that's true prostate i think it's in your butt so yeah i don't oh i think just gave me a real look there uh yeah serving looks so i think it's just fingers up your butt really far up your butt i don't think guys like that i'm gonna say right now i think some guys do okay the best way to find out if you like sir and i was to do by surprise one time mm yeah when he's not think right after he's had a big meal yeah because if you ask him if he likes it he's probably just like no no i'm
Starting point is 01:31:30 not into that i'm gonna do that don't put up my butt it's an out hole it's sort of right right uh but if you just do it then he has no choice but to either scream in pain or ejaculate and you're gonna know instantaneously if he likes it or not all right last one uh my girlfriend has some manly guys on guys but my girlfriend has some manly qualities and the sex change snap filter makes her look even more girly should she be offended or should i be offended i think you need to be pissed off at silicon valley you need to sue snapchat uh that's get that's got you thinking things that you don't need to be thinking sue snapchat for thinking too much you made me question things i didn't want to question what does she mean by what does he mean by guyish qualities
Starting point is 01:32:14 she has a mustache she can chug a beer she's it you're just tell your girlfriend to shave her mustache it's not a big deal oh actually last last one oh okay yeah bonus go hang some boys especially we've never lasted this long especially bubby i'm two weeks really so i'm two weeks in my first internship in chicago and just turned 21 last month whoo what's the rule on hooking up with co-workers i go back to college in august and just want to have a good summer fuck them all yeah every every last one of it fuck them all no don't do that if you well depends on what type of internship if it's an internship in a job that you actually want to like continue i would say don't what are you gonna say nothing the biggest what are you saying no no say what you're gonna say no
Starting point is 01:33:00 oh here's the deal here's the deal sometimes when you're an intern oh boy we stuck you wish you didn't do this last one hey sometimes when you have an internship you find a guy that you really connect with and turns out he's a sweetheart of a guy you might not be able to read very well podcast but you know what he can read is your heart yeah so yeah actually you might find love so go for it hey how do you pronounce communications this is Hank this is the classic one that like calm unication calm mode calm communication this is the classic communication this is a classic situation like when you're playing pick up basketball and you like you're like i'm done and it was like let's play one more and you get really injured oh no that's what just happened to
Starting point is 01:33:48 you no you're just like let's play one more you you guys are misinterpreting what i want oh okay that's all right oh got it yeah one more that was our you just blew out your achilles playing one more uh-huh love you guys listen love you too bro i don't know why i have to say i've said it anyway today is an update to finding you so Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Starting point is 01:35:58 I'll come with you anyway, I'll come with you anyway, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, solve my truth for myself, stay, I believe in you Take on me, I'll take on you Take on me, I'll take on you Take on me, I'll take on you Take on me, I'll take on you Thanks for watching!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.