Pardon My Take - 3X SB Champ Willie McGinest, Dungeons And Dragons And We Kill Billy
Episode Date: July 15, 2020These next 2 weeks all the sports are hanging in the balance. Madden ratings, bubble snitches, and hockey is doing a great job of telling us nothing. (2:22-10:18) Hot Seat/Cool Throne including plague... squirrels and Will Smith's entanglement. (10:40-30:10) 3X Super Bowl Champion Willie McGinest joins the show to talk about Cam in New England, Culture change in locker rooms, and Brady on the Bucs. (31:34-55:21) We finish picking up on our Dungeons and Dragons adventure and Billy Football is in DEEP shit. (56:49-1:41:12)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's part of my take, we have three-time Super Bowl champion, recurring guest, Willie
McGinnis, talking about NFL coming back, Tom Brady with the box, Cam Newton in New England.
We also have Dungeons & Dragons.
We continue our quest, our adventure, no spoilers.
But if you don't like Billy Football, you will love this episode.
Ultimate satisfaction.
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Today is Wednesday, July 15th.
Fuck man, it's July 15th.
Yeah.
Oh fuck, it's tax day.
Yeah, it is tax day.
Shit, extension.
I put that shit in the mail.
I'm verbally, I declare an extension.
That's all you have to do, right?
I'm getting nervous since July 15th.
Not gonna lie.
Why?
I don't know.
NFL should be here soon.
We should be right before training camp.
I'm gonna be positive, I'm gonna be positive, I'm trying to be more positive.
But this, I feel like this next like week and a half, two weeks is going to be make
or break for the next six months to a year.
We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday, basketball, bubbles going, scrimmages about
to start hockey and then training camp.
If these can go on off without a hitch, I think we're back.
I think we get sports back.
So at the very least, I think that the NFL is gonna happen.
I think that it is, I think they're gonna make out a way to find it.
The only thing where I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, maybe not, not gonna wafer
cabinet with a child inside.
Oh no, no, disavow.
Okay.
Let me out.
Well, we disavowed that.
Yes, of course.
But there's so much cool stuff happening in the NFL where it seems like we're not gonna
have it.
Like we're being kind of like all this awesome story lines are being dangled in front of
us.
I feel like it's too good to happen.
I hope that I'm wrong.
You know, Hank's been going through with Tom Brady in Tampa Bay, Cam Newton in New England.
The Redskins are changing the name, hopefully to the Red Wolves.
Dan Simon, if you're listening, the Red Wolves is the way to go for this.
There's so much cool shit happening.
Mr. Risky's a 75 in the new Madden.
Insane.
Just insane.
It's not that bad.
Uh-huh.
He was 79 last year.
God damn.
I just feel like we're being set up.
I feel like this is about to be the biggest okey-doke of all time.
We're good.
We have the, uh, the bubble is going.
We have the snitch phone is working.
Shoms and, uh, Shefty are now taking over all reports.
The snitch, snitch phone is working.
We had a Kings player break the, uh, line for seamless and then get busted, uh, which
I actually think it's worth it.
Yeah, that's fine.
Depending on what you're ordering.
No, anything.
Right.
Like if you order seamless and it doesn't come to you, you have to go meet them.
Right.
There's no, you feel like you're leaving the guy out to dry if he's just standing there
with your order.
Right.
It'd be actually a response for you to not go meet them.
So that's happening.
Everything feels like, come on, let's go guys.
The snitch, July 15th is, we are balls deep in summer.
It doesn't feel like that.
The snitching is actually getting pretty hilarious right now because they, there are players
that are reporting on other players for breaking quarantine and I can see their point.
If you're going to be playing a team of the playoffs and you see hypothetically James
Harden walking his way across campus to get a lap dance on the East side when you know
that he should be in his hotel room, getting a lap dance in his room, I would immediately
pick up that phone.
I would deputize myself on the spot as a Karen.
Yeah.
Just knock out some of your competition.
Russell Westbrook has, I have a Riley for that.
Okay, go.
Russell Westbrook has coronavirus.
Good thing he can't pass to his teammates.
Oh, that is pretty good.
Yeah, it's good.
I don't know.
Good thing he's not.
It doesn't pass to his teammates.
Good thing he's alienated all of his teammates so there's no one to pass to.
Right.
The nerds are going to be like, dude, he actually has like ten assists a game.
That's a fucking fraud triple double that he ever does that year.
James Harden.
He was.
James Harden can pass.
James Harden was late getting to the bubble.
That's weird because he likes to travel so much.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah.
It's not travel, dude.
It's fucking.
It's a crab dribble.
It's a gather stuff.
I had an idea though about how the NBA could kind of police this because you run into a
weird area when you're asking players to narc on their opponents, their potential opponents,
people that could knock their teams out of playoffs.
They should just round up an all star team of Karens.
Just like with barbecue, Becky, all the, what's the difference between a Becky and
a Karen?
I feel like a Becky fucks.
A Karen fucked 20 years ago.
A Karen is like an older Becky.
Yes.
But you get all the Karens together.
They wear a uniform of like a baby shirt.
They've got their like super tan husbands behind them kind of having their back, but not really.
Like just dispatch all the big Karens that you've seen online for the last two months.
Put them all down in Orlando monitoring the situation.
Have them just narc on everyone.
So like have a team actually hire that like the Lakers should hire their own.
It's almost like a SWAT team.
They bring in.
Okay.
Watch everyone else.
I like that.
So instead of, so the league could hire a SWAT team to bring in, but if a team is smart,
specifically, they get their own security.
Right.
Yes.
I like that a lot.
I bet you Daryl Mori has already figured this out.
Like the advanced analytics of knocking off one of your opponents every two weeks for
coronavirus allegations.
Oh, okay.
So you're not talking about policing your own team.
You're saying like private investigation.
Getting everyone else out.
Yes.
I like that a lot.
Oh, we got a big series coming up against the Bucks.
We got to have, we got to stick a Karen on Yanis's ass to make sure that he doesn't do
anything improper.
What happened to all the golf fans out there that are no longer allowed to call in rules
violations at the US Open?
They're just sitting around with a thumbs up their asses.
They're looking for jobs.
Speaking of golf, our guy Brooks going up against Tiger and Rory is their threesome on the sixth
major.
What's it called?
The sixth major?
What is it called, Jake?
Travelers?
Zamorial.
I think not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect a very good, very good Thursday and
Friday from him.
He rises up against those guys.
Come on.
Absolutely.
And it's going to be on the future group.
So even if it's not on TV, I'm sure we'll be able to find some sort of stream that we
can watch it on.
That'll be nice.
It won't be on TV.
In baseball news, a lot of Major League Baseball teams are selling cutouts to their fans.
And so if you want to put a cutout of yourself in the stands, I know the Mets are doing this,
the Mariners are doing this, probably a couple other teams are doing it.
So you can actually have a picture of yourself as a cardboard cutout sitting in the stands
at home games this year if you pay like 500 bucks.
I like it.
I think that we should put together some money and maybe get some cutouts.
Well, I was going to say cutouts of us or maybe just what if we had cutouts of just
Tim Tebow at Mets games or Marlins man?
Yeah.
Marlins man behind.
Just put a million Marlins.
Marlins man.
If Marlins man is who I think Marlins man is, he would be buying all the cutouts.
He's probably already done.
Yeah.
I'm just saying some people lost the fastball.
He's purchased.
Not saying he has.
What we should do is we should get pictures of wood.
You remember wood, the guy from the memes, the coronavirus memes.
Oh, God.
That was like 10 years ago.
We should buy a shitload of wood cutouts and put them in the stands at like Mariners
games.
God, that really does feel like a million years.
Put them in the stands at Mets games and then have Tebow cutouts sit next to them with woods
force, woods force game in his hand.
Oh, man, that's that's a but we got to do what once it all ends once sports do come
back in two weeks.
We should do our Mount Rushmore.
If holy shit, that happened and we'll just go through all of it.
Tiger King.
Whoa.
And the NHL has done a great job of not letting anything.
We don't know if the NHL is doing good or not.
I heard that that Austin Matthews has coronavirus, which sucks.
But besides that, I haven't really heard shit from them.
The NHL is doing what they do with their injury report.
They're doing lower body, upper body.
They're just the whole we have a league.
Yes.
The is handling this the way that the NHL handles their season normally, which is we're going
to not publicize anything.
Don't tell anyone when any of this is happening.
We'll just surprise them with the penguins versus Blackhawks on NBC.
That's all they're going to do.
Okay, let's get to our hot seat cool throne.
And then we have William and Guinness coming up and then Dungeons and Dragons.
Awesome episode with Tim Woods, who has become like an all star in the PMT world.
We love him.
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Hank, hot seat cool throne.
My hot seat is Michael Beasley.
Beasley.
Beasley.
My boy.
Super cool bees.
Got signed to the Nets.
I was hyped.
Hype seemed to show up in the bubble.
And then today, it didn't say reported positive for coronavirus, it just said Michael Beasley
has left the bubble.
No, it wasn't like it wasn't like a team transaction.
It wasn't.
It was just like.
He literally left his bong in his car.
Yeah, like Michael Beasley just bounced.
Yeah, he showed up, was like, eh, and left.
I got too much money.
I did read that he did have coronavirus and he was sent home.
Oh, yeah.
He said that though.
I saw people speculating.
I didn't see any big J reporters reporting that he had it.
He said Michael Beasley.
I saw him say, he said Michael.
Shoms, excuse me.
Shoms said he had coronavirus.
Reports.
Michael Beasley's positive test creates uncertain roster sets with the Nets that's from NBA.com.
I like the bong thing more.
Yeah, he left his bubbler is what we're going with.
He did not leave the bubble.
Michael Beasley's made $33 million.
I would also say that if you test positive for coronavirus, probably the first thing
that you should not do is get on a plane and fly back home.
Also true.
Although with $33 million, maybe he's flying private.
That's also a good point.
Yes.
Can you name all the teams that Michael Beasley's played for?
The Lakers, the Kansas State Wildcats, the Timberwolves.
Can you play on Memphis?
Nope.
He's played on the Heat, the Timberwolves, the Suns, back to the Heat, the Rockets,
the Bucks, the Knicks, the Clippers, the Lakers, the Nets.
Is he a super spreader?
I think so.
That's a hell of a, he had it starting in 2014, he played on a different team, one,
two, three, four, five, six, seven years in a row.
Counting the Nets.
Super cool.
Measley.
Because he spreads viruses.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who's your cool throne?
My cool throne is SpongeBob today's his birthday.
Oh.
Shout out to our darling Jake for that information.
And Scott Van Peltz.
Wow.
He shares a birthday.
That's beautiful.
Everyone wish Scott Van Peltz a birthday.
It's actually tomorrow.
It's today.
It's today.
It's Wednesday.
It's July 15th.
Everyone wish him a happy birthday please.
That's the first thing you can do when you wake up.
Does this say 1986 or 1936?
Wait, when was SpongeBob?
1936.
Okay.
So he's 34.
Five.
34.
Can't do math.
He's one year younger than us.
Wow.
That's fun.
Fun fact.
Yeah.
I feel like SpongeBob memes have been dying out recently.
I'm selling SpongeBob memes if they're a stock.
And by the way, I am considering making a formula.
What about stock memes?
Those are also...
Yeah.
I'm considering making an algorithm to tell me when to buy which stocks just based on
what memes are...
Will Smith.
Going really...yeah.
Will Smith, Entanglement.
Will Smith.
He's selling that.
Bye bye bye.
What is an entanglement?
The 50 cent.
The 50.
Oh, we actually never talked about that.
Entanglement is just having sex.
Like the way that you would explain an affair to your lawyer.
Yes.
Okay.
Got it.
You got entangled.
Did you guys see the text exchange or the DM exchange between 50 cent and Will Smith?
Not real.
Yes, it was.
100% not real.
100% real.
100% real.
100% real.
Because it's 50 cent.
There's no way that was real.
I would bet money that it was real.
Why?
Because it's 50 cent and he's absolutely reckless.
He's reckless.
But he also makes stuff up?
No.
I bet you it was real.
What?
There was a couple.
There was another comedian too that also like DM'd him.
It was someone that Will Smith followed and he DM'd him.
It was kind of like shitting on him.
And then Will Smith was like, all right, I'm blocking you now.
Okay.
But to reset here, 50 cent reached out to Will Smith after he did that entanglement thing.
Yes.
And was like, hey, is entanglement just mean she got her back blown out?
Yes.
No way is that real.
Real?
That doesn't sound much like an entanglement.
If it's an entanglement, that's more like a weird Kamasutra position.
Not just like pounding a doggy style.
You know, that's pretty straightforward.
You never get entangled if you're just hitting from the back.
Hank, I don't think so.
He said then she said only she can give permission for somebody to blow her back out.
And then he said, fuck you 50 and 50 cents and wait what I do.
Okay.
So it's not Will Smith because Will Smith doesn't cuss.
Yep.
Yes, he does.
Boom.
What are you talking about?
No, he doesn't.
No, he doesn't.
Will Smith doesn't have to cuss to sell records, but I do.
So fuck him and fuck you too.
After 50 cent caught wind of what Jada said during her red table talk, he shared a screenshot
of a fake DM message he received from Will Smith.
That's almost worse, actually.
Who said that?
I'm reading a website, Capital Extra.
Got it.
What?
I mean, I'm reading a website, 50 cents Instagram page.
No, but are you kidding me?
But he made that up is what we're saying.
This is 50 cents being a comedian.
Allegedly.
No, that's fine.
It's more fucked up that 50 did that than it was if that was real.
Like for him to make that joke behind Will Smith's back and then put it out, that's worse.
I understand why 50's got targets on his back.
I don't think that was real.
I don't think it was real.
Wow.
We think that's a photo shop.
That's hip hop lately.com.
You never know these days.
You don't.
I'm just waiting for Tekashi 69 to weigh on this.
You said 100% real as Michael Beasley didn't have Corona 50 cents sent that DM in your
suspect.
What?
And Rose's first name is thug.
Yes.
Got it.
Okay.
You also, you realize that the other person who thought it was 100% real is Stephen
Che.
That's not good company when it comes to gullible things online.
Yeah.
Good point.
That's tough.
Yes.
But I'm sticking with it.
Okay.
PFT, what's your hot seat?
Cool.
Thron.
My hot seat is Trey Wingo and Nick Merks, both recurring guests of the show within the
last, I think, month or so, because a video came out online yesterday of a bear using
nunchucks.
I saw that.
So it turns out that bears actually can use weapons, Nick.
You laughed at us.
You made it sound like we were idiots to think that a bear or a gorilla would be able to
pick up a nunchuck.
If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher.
A gorilla would be able to fly like a Black Hawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these
martial art weapons.
That was the first thing I thought of as well.
I was like, Jesus Christ, this guy, this bear's got it all.
Bears do look hilarious.
For some reason, even though he was a bear who's deadly using nunchucks, which are also
deadly, it made the bear look cuter and made me want to go up and just boop it.
Well, it looked like he was like scratching his back.
That's probably what he was doing.
He was hitting it somewhere that he was trying to get to.
Like they scratch their backs on trees and stuff?
Yeah.
When a bear sees a nunchuck, they just think back scratch to them.
Right, exactly.
What percentage of, like, do you think that was real?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, the bear was real.
What?
No, that was a video.
How is that fake?
What could have been, like, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
What's going on with you today?
What's going on with you today?
Who could it be?
Are we living in the upside-down world?
There was a bit.
I mean, there's a bit.
Hank, it's a real bear.
Hey, you're not believing your eyes, but then you believe 50 Cent is posting a screenshot?
Bears can catch fish with their bare hands.
I'm pretty sure they can use nunchucks.
The 50 Cent thing looks fake because it's fake.
All right, whatever.
Why?
What app?
What app is that?
It was Instagram DMs.
But Instagram DMs don't look like that.
Uh-uh.
Chris Crussard would beg to differ.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's all one system.
Okay.
What's-
My cool throne is OJ.
OJ's on the cool throne back in the news big time.
OJ did not wear a mask at his big birthday extravaganza in Las Vegas.
And so that led to a lot of people making jokes about how OJ's on the loose trying to
kill again.
And in the same couple days, same 24 hours actually, the Ford Bronco is coming back.
So big come on.
It's 1995 again.
Bill Clinton's dicks getting him in trouble.
I want a Ford Bronco.
Baseball has a labor disagreement.
Not these.
I want the old ones.
I want an old Bronco.
I like the new ones.
No, I don't like the new ones.
Also, you've got to-
I feel like you have to let that-
You have to let a couple models go before you hop in.
Like if you just buy the first Bronco, there's definitely going to be a shi-
There's probably going to be like shit blowing up and like weird stuff happening.
That's kind of what is attractive about the Ford Bronco though.
It's like-
It's definitely a car that you would get into expecting to die.
No, yeah.
There's definitely-
Yeah.
But I would rather die looking stylish in an old one than a new one.
Yeah.
If it was an old one that was like-
A retro.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's kind of cool.
But I think the new ones look awesome.
Just a good rule of thumb in general.
If OJ is doing anything, just do the exact opposite of what OJ is doing.
So wait.
Are you trying to wear a mask?
No, I'm not saying that.
No, do it.
Say it.
Change of life.
According to numerous blue check marks that I've seen on Twitter, you should be wearing
a mask.
Wear a mask.
Wear a mask.
People, unfortunately, after that rant thought I was specifically talking about John Rostin.
I am not.
John Rostin is a saint.
He's doing everything genuinely.
I'm talking about the people who are just looking for clout.
I am wearing a mask.
Yeah.
But I also don't feel like-
No.
Yes.
We're pro-masks.
I'm also an idiot.
So you probably shouldn't.
Like if I am feeling the need to speak very publicly on something, chances are I'm not
that informed about it.
Correct.
So I'm quietly wearing a mask because people smarter than me have told me to do that.
Correct.
Correct.
And then I was going to have on my other cool throne entanglement, but we already got
to that.
All right.
My hot seat is my emotional well-being because I'm having a little bit of an earmuffs hank.
Tony Soprano, remember when he was watching the commercials and he started crying?
I have watched two sports highlights in the last week that have made me teary-eyed.
Okay.
I watched- one makes sense.
I watched the Wilson Contreras- or sorry, not Wilson Contreras.
The Miguel Montero, Grand Slam, NLCS, Game 1.
We were in the bleachers for that.
Yep.
Loudest I've ever heard of stadium against Dodgers.
Watched it, got teary-eyed.
The second one, for some reason, I was- it was on Twitter, the World Cup Women's Final
99, Brandy Chastain- no, that's our name.
Yep.
That is her name.
Yep.
Brandy Chastain hitting the winning PK, started to tear up.
That is bad.
It makes sense.
You know what?
I miss sports so much.
I miss the moment that I get chills and I'm starting to well up on highlights that like
why?
Why?
The nation needs something like that right now.
That reminds us that the U.S. can be better than everybody else in the world at stuff.
We have- there's been a severe lack of that in the news recently, so going back in time
to 1999 and seeing that- seeing that utter domination and then she took the time-
Dude, it's bad to fucking know I was just sitting there like laying in bed kind of welling
up and like, man, I really miss this stuff.
I actually cried at Warren Sharps' thread the other day that he put online, which was
just NFL coaches realizing how to hack the rule book to their advantage and remembering
those cool plays like the play where Jim Harbaugh or John Harbaugh cried and complained
to the officials for like a week after when they lined up a tackle that was eligible without
having to report as eligible because there was a guy on the line of scrimmage.
Then there was Bill Belichick taking a safety and Al Michaels getting like super excited
about watching that for the first time.
That made me tear up a little bit too.
And Mike Vrabel staring down Belichick as he wasted like 60 seconds worth of the clock
time in the playoffs.
It's beautiful.
It's getting a little chill.
It's getting a little goose bumps.
I thought you were going to say that you cried when you saw the Boise State highlight against
Oklahoma because you had Oklahoma minus seven.
Mortal lock of my life.
And that- the end of that game was probably the best end of any college football game
I've seen.
Yeah, that one hurt.
That would last like 15 years.
I was so convinced.
It's like, dude, how could Boise State beat Oklahoma?
It's big bad.
Laterals, baby.
It's Oklahoma.
Adrian Peterson's a beast.
We need laterals.
All right.
My cool throne.
Here's the news.
The first vaccine for coronavirus looks like it is like a month away from being able to
start being mass-produced.
A month away from final studies.
Month away from final studies.
So what's that?
A month away from-
Progress.
It better start taking its Adderall right now is what you're saying.
Shit.
We need it now.
Yeah.
So if it's a month away from final studies, then it has to get certified afterwards.
And then we're fine.
It's like they're injecting people and like people are getting it.
And they're cool about it.
It's actually boosting their immune system.
I don't want to tell the people who are the guinea pigs right now, but like if you feel
like you have a side effect, just be cool about it and don't make a big deal.
Like diarrhea, not a big deal.
You know, little sleeplessness, not a big deal.
Yep.
Don't hold this up.
Dark thoughts, not a big deal.
Just let us get there.
Do you remember-
You guys might not remember this because there's a massive, massive store in Washington, DC
back in like 2001, 2002, I think.
There was a Redskins cheerleader or excuse me, a TBD Washington football name cheerleader
that was in the news because she got a flu shot.
And after her flu shot, she couldn't talk anymore.
She couldn't walk anymore.
She was like trying to walk down this path and being interviewed by the news channel.
And she was just like physically falling over and talking in this weird, weird voice.
And everybody was like, oh my God, the flu shot's bad this year.
And then it turned out like a week later, she was faking the entire thing.
And she was saying that-
I remember that.
She was saying that when she was able to run backwards, she could speak normally and talk
normally.
Or whatever reason which she was walking forward.
Her name was Desiree something.
Go look it up online.
It's an all-time hilarious YouTube clip.
It was later than that.
It wasn't 2004.
I think it was like 2001, sometime around then.
And it's so fucking funny to watch.
I don't know what her in-game was in this situation, but for some reason she thought
to herself, you know, it'd be awesome as if I got in the news faking that the flu virus.
No, it was 2010.
Yeah.
2010.
Was it really?
I remember.
It was very much on the internet.
Yes.
She, yeah.
And she was an inside addition.
It was 2010.
Okay.
It was 2010.
But it's a very funny YouTube clip regardless and you should watch it.
Yes.
It is very funny YouTube clip.
All right.
Billy.
Well, thankfully you guys only took one of my selections.
Oh, thank God.
I made a whole list because when you go to the last guy, I made a whole list.
Hot seat 49ers.
Ooh.
Uh, George Kittle has said he will go to train camp no matter what if they get his contract
signed or not.
I'm on team page, George Kittle.
It's trending.
Yes.
So hot seat 49ers.
You know what he should do?
He should just change his, his, uh, position in his Twitter profile, like Jimmy Graham
tried to do after the fact.
He should just call himself a quarterback and try to cash in on this Patrick Mahomes
money.
Mm hmm.
Uh, I got a couple more hot seats, but I'll go ahead.
Okay.
Uh, hot seats.
This is the last you're going to talk.
Perfect.
Uh, well, squirrels have the plague.
So they're on the hot seat.
Why did we, why are we testing squirrels?
Yeah.
How did that happen?
Did you get the bat Billy?
Oh no.
The, so I decided that if the bats are living in my ceiling, most people run into bats because
they have rabies, but if the bats are like living in my roof, I'm running into them at
a higher rate than other people.
So they probably don't have rabies.
Why are we testing squirrels for a black play?
They have the bubonic plague.
Yeah.
Why though?
How do you, how do you determine if a squirrel is feeling sick or not just by looking by observing
a squirrel?
I'm not trying to be woke, but I'm just asking questions that are they testing every squirrel
or are they testing dead squirrels for all types of diseases?
It seems a little convenient to me.
If a squirrel dies and just happens to have the bubonic plague, are we counting that towards
bubonic plague statistics?
Did someone walk by and was like, ooh, look at this squirrel.
Looks like he died from the plague.
Let's test it.
Mm-hmm.
No way.
It's fair questions, right?
Fair question.
Maybe they have testing centers for squirrels.
Why?
I would be okay with thinning out the side all the time.
Squirrel population a little bit.
There are too many squirrels.
I agree with that.
Brittany Spears' dad is on the hot seat, because everyone thinks he's, the free Brittany is
trending on Instagram because they think Brittany is being held against her will by her dad
or something.
That's a fact.
Tom Cruise has her.
Tom Hanks, excuse me.
The last hot seat is Jelaine Maxwell.
She's been sent to prison for one year.
She's not going to be safe there.
Wait, what?
Cool Throne meets-
Ooh, you skipped over the pet file.
...the trial's not up for a year.
Yeah, so she's got a lot of prison time.
Fuck.
Anyway, cool throne.
What if Jelaine Maxwell gets fucking jacked in the next year. She just does nothing but prison yard workouts
Prison as well. Yeah, she shows up to the court and she's wearing like
Sleeveless shirts. How do you pronounce her name? We've said it a billion different ways. Gileon. Gileon. Gilly?
Gilly the Kid. Dead.
Gilly? Gizzy Maxwell?
Gizlaine?
She's gonna turn into super max. Well prison Jelaine. Okay. All right
Anyway, cool throne beef
Burger Kings figure out how to reduce environmental
impacts of
cow farts by feeding them different diet. Mason Ramsey. Yeah
Was the spokesperson for it. Sweet. Yeah friend of the programmer. How are they? How are they eliminating cow farts?
They're feeding them different types of grass. I'm pretty sure it was like wheat grass
Or something. They should just make the cows go on dates and then they won't they'll try real hard not to fart
in front of the cow. Good point. Anyway last cool throne that I had down
I thought you guys were gonna easily take one of those. Has there ever been a better fart than like the second you get out of a date?
No, and you like get to your house you get dropped off maybe or you drop the girl off and then immediately just like let it rip. A long car
ride is up there, but yes. Joel McKay, that's seen in Ted. Yeah, he goes on a day with Mila Kunis and she walks away
And he's just like finally farts. Yeah. Yeah
We're now riding the plot to Ted. No, we're closer to
Boner dogs. Yeah, we just got to like let Ted happen in our brain
Naturally, and then we're like, okay now you we are dumb enough to finish boner dogs
They're feeding them lemongrass by the way, so hopefully it doesn't get too tangy. Last one is billionaires around the cool throne
They made a bunch of money during COVID. Anyway, that's all be words in bad people of wealth
That seemed like that didn't really make sense. Mm-hmm. Just everyone got richer
It's a lot of rice. I just was thinking about the rice dude the rice like a lot of rice
A lot of rice. Yeah, someone's gonna have I gotta know how they're gonna do it. Yeah
What do you mean the the old like they showed it with a million and a billion
With rice and it was insane. It's like every every dollar. What was it a hundred million and a billion or what was it?
Can't remember how they did it. There's nine hundred ninety nine
Whatever nine thousand nine hundred million and a billion, but it was like they showed it in rice
So it's like this is you know one rice is one dollar rice billion verse million and they showed how big like you know
It's a pile of rice is a million. Yeah, and then the pile for a billion was massive. They were showing Jeff Bezos worth
Yeah, so here's another cool throne. There's a lot of speculation
Maybe by the time this podcast comes out something else will will happen in the news
But there's a lot of speculation in DC that the Redskins are the focus of a big investigation
I don't know if that what's gonna happen with it
But there's there's some issues in the front office apparently allegedly no duh. Let me put it that way and I'm told
Jeans Friday season. Yeah, it's a lot like the Jeans Friday thing
I'm told that the Washington Post is the ones that are investigating it. I'm putting on my tinfoil hat
Jeff Bezos has wanted to buy the Redskins for the last like three years. Is this like a billion style coup? Oh
That's actually smart. There should be so it's not billionaires versus billionaires
It's like this is like mega billionaires mega mega right, right?
Billion which is fucking crazy dude. Just give us a billion Jeff. We'll be nice to you
We can be bought. What do you got Billy? Well, the Washington Post was throwing shade at the Redskins for how racist their name is
But their name that's a slave owner. So
That's true Billy the Washington Post. Yeah, also a lot of the reporting
Oh, you got him the reporting has led to how you feel about President Xi from China
You got so they also expose him so it's impossible to say if they're good or not
Who knows? All right, let's get to our interviews. We got Willie McGinnis
Then we got Dungeons & Dragons before we get to Willie McGinnis
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Okay, here is Willie McGinnis
Okay, we now welcome on
NFL Network analysts three times Super Bowl champion and also recurring guest. So welcome back. It is Willie McGinnis
We appreciate you joining us Willie. We're gonna get to a bunch of stuff
First I want to talk to you about be the change which you're working actually with our good friend Julian Edelman
Which is to help red get people to register to vote before the election in November and you have two events coming up
Right two events coming up in the next couple weeks out in California. Is that right?
We have a bunch of events coming up in one
Unfortunately had to be pushed back the one that was at the farm Inglewood area
Because of COVID and you know, we had to make sure that we were you know, we were doing things, right?
We just shut down to get out here in California. So we're gonna do some stuff digitally and
online until we are able to come together to have the big
event and
Be the change is just something that
Myself and legends brand aphelios or where it came up with there's a lot of guys
You know going out using their platforms whether they were out there marching protest and using their their Instagrams
They're their Facebook or whatever and we're you know, we're talking and we want change
But being a change is actually going out there and voting and
Making that change in your local governments or whatever and it's tough to get younger people
Especially in the inner city out of the house to go down and register to vote. So we came up with something cool
We're going to make these cool hoodies
Julian is helping a south man. He's spreading the word and I appreciate him and love him for that
There are a lot of different sports stars entertainer snoops a big part of this the black music coalition
There are a lot of sports organizations in the NFL NHL
MLS NBA everybody's coming aboard ad agencies
To purchase these hoodies and what we're going to do when people actually come out and register
We're going to give them a hoodie be the change hoodie. We're going to make them really nice and fashionable and
That's my part man of teaming up with people and just actually trying to do something to be the change
I like it. My only problem with that is when it comes to Julian Edelman
He's going to want a sweatshirt that just barely covers up like his nipples and just like shows off the delts
Yeah, he's going to want to show off his body a little bit
So you should probably make like an Ezekiel Elliott size hoodie just for him to wear if you really want him on board of this
You know, you know him well, man
We customized a lot of a lot of we gave him a lot of gear a nice goodie bag
So he's already posted on his story. We probably a thought back up so people can see it again
But uh, that's my brother man. I I got a lot of love for him. I respect for him and uh, he gets it man
If you don't you want change you got to be the change you got to go out and do something
Okay, so um, obviously things have been weird because the corona virus and everything that's going on
Are you 100% confidence sitting here right now that we're gonna play NFL? I want to say I am I mean, I'm not on the board
I'm my pay grade is not that high that I can tell you
Hey, the season's definitely gonna gonna happen
But all indications point that there is definitely going to be an NFL season and we are preparing for that as the NFL
As the network that I work for
The lead under the NFL and brother that I work for they're putting all the different protocols in place and
Everything that I'm told is that we are definitely having an NFL season
So you so just a little tip here
Don't say the first part that you're not on the pay grade for it
You need to speak confidently about it because what's happening right now in society is a big game of telephone
Where you tell me that we're having NFL season then random people ask me because I'm an expert in their eyes
Which I'm not and I can confidently say yeah, I was talking to William McGinnis. We're having NFL
So then eventually all the society is confident and then we don't even know who told us we're having it
But we're all having it together. I got you man. Hey, like I said
those those those main decisions gonna come from the NFL office, but
What we're preparing for and what we're telling everybody that we are having the season. That's what's happening. So
I'm the messenger. Yes. Have you seen those helmets that they're they're putting out that have the integrated masks in them
That's supposed to I guess deflect a lot of the spittle and like, you know moisture that that comes out of your mouth
Turn again, like I can you imagine a player actually wearing those if it feels like it would be
Insanely hard to catch your breath in those things
Well, I mean if you think about the shield that players wear covers the nose and the eyes and part of that too
But if there's a shield, it's not like it's wrapped around your face and there's no air or circulation
So have not seen it heard about it
But you know, like I said, they're taking all the precautions that you know that that are possible
So if that's what it has to be man to make this season go and protect all the players and protect their families
Then that's that's what we got to do. I'm on board with that
How do you think Cam Newton's gonna fit into the Patriot way the Patriot way see how you put that?
It's not as a player. It's the Patriot way and that was one of the things that I wondered about Cam is very smart
Cam now has a huge chip on his shoulder and he's in a position to go to a great organization and
Prove that he still can be Cam Newton the MVP that we saw a couple years ago. And I
Think like any other player whether it's Corey Dillon and Randy Moss any other player high-profile player with the big
Ego and personality that's come into our organization
They quickly find out it's about team team
Reigns over individualism no matter who you are how big your personality is how good you are with draft pick
None of that matters and players respect that
They respect the fact that all the players in that locker room get treated the same have the same treatment
everybody's getting held accountable everybody prepares the same and
The rules are in place for everybody. There's no exemption
So I think he will respect that and I think he also respect that he's going to an organization
That's had a lot of success without him and he can be a part of something really good if he buys into it
So who would you who would you think is gonna go further in the playoffs this year?
If you had to put money on it right now the Patriots or the Buccaneers they're in different
There are different conferences man, so they can both go far. How about let's just have a
Patriot tap a base Super Bowl and then that way we just break even we just split down the middle
So if that happens, would you be rooting for the Patriots or your friend Tom Brady?
That's tough, man. You know, that's tough. You know the Patriots, you know, New England's my home
Tom is my brother. I
Don't know man, I got it, you know, whenever I watch these games and I got brothers on each team
I got to be unbiased because of my job
But that's the tough one man because you want to see them both have success
Okay, so a tie in the Super Bowl and then they everyone gets a win
What were you surprised?
Were you surprised at all that did Tom Brady left New England? Did you see that coming that there was maybe a little?
I don't I don't know if it was friction between Bella check and Brady
but just hey, we've been doing this for 20 years time to move on kind of thing I
Can't say that I was surprised
But what I can say is I know that you know both sides wanted to work it out
It just didn't happen that way and I think the fact that Tom wanted some long-term insurance
he felt like he had a lot left in the tank that he was still playing at a high level and
the fact that the Patriots probably offered something that he wasn't comfortable with and
You know, he had to make a decision and I left no England to him with the Cleveland
That's one of the toughest thing for a player to do after a number of years calling someplace home
This is where he's had all his success all his friends family
He's built that organization help build that organization all his ties
That's the toughest thing to do in the world
But at the end of the day you got to do what's best for you and your family and I think both parties understood that
It's a tough conversation that he had to go in and talk to mr. Crabb
he had to have that conversation with Bill Belichick and I guess they agreed to disagree and go their separate ways I
Think Tom has been feeling some kind of way for the last couple of years that
he's been wanting, you know to get that reassurance from the organization and
Maybe he didn't feel that way
When the deal when his deal came up when he was a free agent and you know, sometimes with the Patriots
They move a certain way
You can't be disrespected by it and you can't feel a certain way and I certainly went through that myself
But you got to understand with them as business and I know you got the goat right here
and you got the best player at that position ever but
It was emotional and it came down
So to two sides just not agreeing going forward
So when you went out to Cleveland when you decided it was time for you to move on from New England
What was was there a moment when you joined the team and you realized? Wow?
This is this is really a different way of doing things out here than they do in New England
And what was that moment for you? Oh, absolutely. I have some you know familiarity there with Romeo Cornell
He was the head coach. He was my deco-ordinator
So, you know that the only thing that I knew is it was a great organization the fans love football out there
Cleveland is the hub for football and I knew I would know the defense inside out because my head coach was my coordinator at the time
So that wasn't a problem
But when I got in the locker room the culture wasn't there the mentality wasn't there
It wasn't team over individualism
It was opposite and we didn't have enough guys to buy into where Romeo Cornell was trying to put in place
And that was for me the discouraging part for my three years of being there a lot of selfish guys a lot of guys
That didn't work hard a lot of guys that put themselves before the team and didn't really understand it
Want to learn what it took to be a playoff caliber championship team and I think that hurt
More than anything because you got a guy like me that that's all I know
And I'm coming in and I'm trying to do all the things that I've been doing
for the last 12 years and
You get a handful of guys that get it and buy in but the majority of the guys that could really affect the team and make
Us better didn't and that was a problem. It was some of our best players
So you made headlines actually yesterday
I think it was something similar that you can speak on
Saying give Matt Patricia time in Detroit to build
Now the storyline that always the media runs with and I think there's some truth in it is when Belichick's guys go somewhere else
They want to have that culture that they had in New England
But there's not the Super Bowl success to back it up. So it's a little bit harder of a sell
Do you think that's a fair thing to say when talking about a Matt Patricia or a Romeo Cornell in Cleveland where it's hard to sell to guys
That this is the hard work you have to put in to get to the finish line if you've never been to the finish line
I think it is and I think even when Bill Belichick came in New England
It was a rebuild, you know, he kept he kept a few guys in the locker room that he knew fit the criteria and fit the mold mentality
Physically or whatever the case may be, you know, the tie-law myself Troy Brown Bruce key
Lawing my lawyer like he had a handful of guys that he said, okay
I'm gonna build around these guys and then I'm gonna go out and I'm a shop
I'm a draft. I'm going free agency and I'm a bit and I'm put the other guys around them
And I think when whenever you have somebody come from a successful program the fans and people expect
Instant success and it's not an overnight process. It just doesn't happen like that. Matt Patricia has one more than anybody
In that organization, he knows how to win. He's very smart
He's been in a lot of different systems. So he's coached a lot of different guys a lot of different ways and
When you have the knowledge of how to do something now you need the pieces to execute
His staff when he first got there wasn't even on board with how he coaches the preparation and mentality
All the different things that all the other coaches in New England were all on the same all on the same line with
So your coach has got to be on the same page and then the players if the players are not buying in and you see those
Players leaving out of there if they're distraction and they're they're not buying in then how you expect for them to go out on
The football feeling execute at a high level and play at a certain level
So people got to understand the game of football and how it works
You got to have the right pieces. You got to have the right mentality
You've got to be able to have time to build a culture and I know
The NFL right now everybody wants to come in and win right now. It just doesn't happen like that
And the teams that do it's rare the teams that do that's rare, but how long does it last?
It's about consistency, you know, and it's about building and sometimes you're not afforded that
You know see coaches get fired in one year. You're not afforded that time
Yeah, I think a lot of people are forgetting about judge going over to New York and adding on what you said
The Giants feel like an organization that would be more willing to give time
Given how they've dealt with coaches in the past
They might give them three or four years to rebuild this thing as opposed to just saying, okay
One or two seasons and you're out
But in your opinion if you're looking at like this new crop of Patriots assistants that have gone out across the league
Who's stock would you be buying more would it be Flores would be paid Patricia or would it be judge?
Well, you didn't mention Billy. Oh Billy O'Brien was there too, right?
He was you know, he's a quarterback coach and and calling plays and working with you know
With Tom and he went to the Texans. He's had a lot of success
He's been in the playoffs. I think three out of the five years or four out of the five years
He's you know in the last five years, so he's had a lot of success
As far as the competition like it you gotta look at your staff
You gotta look at how much creative control you're gonna have with building your team
Do you have the ability to go out and pick your own players or do you have a GM in place that you have to run things through?
So I think every situation is a little bit different
Being in Miami, you know, Flores brought he he has somebody as a GM who understands that vision
You know his dad Greer was in New England, you know
Chris understands what it's gonna take and he has to have that patience
But you got to get the right guys in there
You see some of the best players that were in Miami not in Miami anymore because maybe they wasn't buying into
What they were trying to push and I think that's the difficult part to get the best players
To the free agents to whatever
Everybody on the same accord to understand we're all equal
We're all equal and it's just tough in the NFL these days
So whether it's the Patriot way whether it's with Seattle built when they had Sherman and all those guys buying into it
Whether it's Atlanta the brotherhood
Whatever you come up with you got to create that and you got to have
Everybody on that roster buying into that and if they don't buy into that they shouldn't be on your roster
So I'm always curious the you know from a fans perspective
how
Attached you are to your personal
Accolades your personal records because I always assume everyone's a little bit selfish. It's a team sport
It's the ultimate team sport
But there's a part of you that's like I want my records to stand and you may not have even thought of this
But you have the record for most sacks in playoffs in playoff history
No one's even really close right now. Terrell Suggs is
Three and a half behind but you know, he's at the twilight of his career
When they change the playoff structure to seven teams and only one buy is there a small part of you
that's like shit guys are gonna have more chance to get games under their belt and
Possibly break this record and take this record away from me
the first part of your question is everybody wants individual success and if you're
If you don't you shouldn't be playing the game
You should have you should have that certain respect about yourself
You should always want to compete and be the best at what you do and if records and accolades come along with that
Then that's great. That means you've accomplished something, but it should all fall under the realm of team
And if you have team success, that means a lot of individuals are having success because they're playing at a high level now as far as records
It's a single game sack record in the playoffs and it's the overall sack record in the playoffs
There's two so my thing with this records are meant to be broken
But for me to have that record right now to me is special
Because I earned it the other hard part about that record guys is you got to get to the playoffs
Mm-hmm if you don't get to the playoffs then that individual record
Doesn't apply to you and you can't ever reach that so you have to do what you got to be on a good team
So my record comes up way of being on a good team being able to get to the playoffs to have the opportunity to make big plays in the playoffs
So however, you know, however you you cook you cook it up when you look at it with mine
The team still comes first if the team don't go to the playoffs those records don't exist
I think you answer my question to by correcting me about having the individual game record as well
What how many sacks was that?
Four and a half I think or five against
Jacksonville, okay, and who was the quarterback then
It was left which and then I think they switched out to
Yeah, let's go count though because I mean he was so slow like every sack on him
That's the only count is half and Gerard had that cool hat, but not really anything else
Yeah, we're gonna get we're gonna count that as half a record
Left which would take three seconds to throw the ball once he starts wind up. So I thought that was like
You always have that all-time clip of his offensive line carrying him down the team winning a game on a broken
Like that's sick as hell. It's four and a half. I'm looking up right now four and a half sacks in 2005 against the Jaguars
No, there you go. And yeah, it looks at you. There's a picture of you just basically it looks like you're giving left-witch a noogie
Bullying him
He was pretty fast that day, man. He was getting away. That's the fastest guy you've ever seen that day
Who is your favorite quarterback to sack? I?
Probably paid Maddie man, just because he was so tough and so good and he always got the ball off
He always knew what you were doing. So when you got a chance to get paid Maddie
That that felt that felt really good. Did you ever sack Philip Rivers? I don't know
I'm not sure, you know, I'm pretty sure I did if I didn't I don't I don't recall you
Don't recall him like on the field because he's famous for never cussing on the field and he like compliments you a little bit
He'll yell at you too, but he just won't swear. I've never heard it. I've never heard him say a curse word
He talks a lot of trash, but I've never heard him curse
That almost seems more annoying to me like I'd rather have a guy be like fuck you then he gotta be like gall dang it, you know
That yeah, and you know, it doesn't stop like the guy never runs out of air
So that's it's kind of constant all game ball. Yes. All right. I had one last question
We're talking to NFL Network analyst Willie McGinnis three-time Super Bowl champion
Again, he has got a great thing that he's doing with our friend Julian Edelman and a bunch of other people
Trying to get people to register to vote before the election. It is called be the change
So go look that up. Will he's also posting on all the social media at Willie McGinnis on Instagram and Twitter
Do you know urban Meyer?
Not well, I know he is we've said hello. Okay, so you're an ambassador USC
Have you worked that angle yet to get him to be the head coach of the Trojans and restore some glory there those conversations?
I would say probably happen
I'm not officially on the staff. I am an ambassador
With the football program. I am around. I am active. I am really close with the athletic director the director of
athletics
Mike bone
And I'm also friends with the coaches that are there now
Urban Meyer name has come up. I don't know if he was offered an interview
I don't know if he wanted to interview or nor did I do. I know if the university
Wanted to interview him. I know he's the great coach. He's won a lot of football games. He has a lot of respect
He's not coaching so, you know, we'll we'll see what happens in the future right now
USC has a head coach. Yeah, they have a lot of new coaches that they just hired and
You know, they're trying to put it together and figure things out right now
We need USC to be good again though because USC like pack 12 has just been out of the picture and USC not being good
It's always kind of a bummer because it's one of those historic programs that when they're in a game
It always feels a little bigger. It is man. And you know, it's it's not about the pack 12
It's about national championships, you know, we need to set our sights higher and understand what USC tradition is
or what USC football is and I get there's a lot of new
nuances to the game but
What wins football games is being tough and physical and the trenches dominating and
Taking the opponent's will and I think when you talk about USC football and all the players that come through their system
it went on to the NFL they carry that with them and
You know, it's special. You don't ever leave USC. It's a family
I just think that we need to remember that incorporate that back in these young kids the young men that are coming in develop them
Teach them how to be young men and and exist and do the right thing in the community
but also
Incorporating and still what being a trojan really means from the time they get there to the time they leave so
Our goals is national championships and we we can go ahead and take the pack 12 along the way but
The extra lives would be national championships all day every day. Yes. All right. Well, Willie. Thank you as always
Been fun to catch up. You're always welcome back on your recurring guests twice now
So we appreciate your time and we appreciate you telling us that the NFL season is gonna happen
Which you said a hundred percent will you McGinnis guarantee? It's gonna happen and now we're gonna tell everyone else that okay?
Hey, man, do your thing. I appreciate you guys. Thanks so much. Really appreciate it
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Dungeons and Dragons and now for something completely different
Okay, it is that time of
The week every other week is our good friend Tim Woods. We are continuing our Dungeons and Dragons adventure
It's great to see you as always can we do it to be here? Can we do a quick recap? I think
The long or the short part of it is that Billy's in trouble, but you tell us exactly where we're sitting and who's
Upnext
Absolutely for sure. So the situation is yeah, Billy isn't a little bit of trouble because Berserker Billy had
While we were in the village of greenest trying to stop the cult of the dragon from attacking the castle
Greenest keep as it were that was being besieged by these cultists with their giant dragon
Lennathon of Berserker Billy hit successfully jumped on the dragon's back gotten on her good side for the most part and
convinced her with a couple of really good roles to kind of
Attack you know in between the armies threaten everyone a little bit
but then eliminate the leader of the cultists before getting ready to turn upon his teammate upon
Reconsidering options of Berserker Billy decided to try to fly away with the dragon Lennathon and kind of join the cult
But unfortunately not before norm the barbarian was able to leap up and pull Berserker Billy off of the back of
Lennathon Lennathon flew up in the air gave a sad and sorry look back to her goliath friend
But made no efforts to rescue him as he flew off while the rest of the cult of the dragon has now fled
from the village of greenest and everyone is now a funny thing is their priority is
Celebrating how much we are all the heroes
But as they crowd into vancust it becomes very clear that they don't want to get in between us and Berserker Billy right now because
Just reading body language. They'll be aware that there is some tension
Yeah, it's not beyond. Yeah
In theory, I do want to highlight that the turn order for today
Starts with earlick of all the characters
So earlick would have a chance to kind of like intervene here or do whatever he wishes
I don't really trust him. He would go and then norm would get to go before Berserker Billy has a chance to do anything
So that would be the turn order at this point
I would also highlight sir
Oh is rushing in and kind of putting a hand on norm the barbarian shoulder using listen
We don't have time for what's going on here
There's gonna be prisoners that that cult got away with real important right now. We got to rescue them go liars
Okay, all right, so so so I was gonna ask that what is our mission outside of torturing Billy and making him squeal
What should we be focusing on but we're definitely gonna do the first part?
Absolutely, absolutely in theory
It's becoming clear that right now that the town of greenest is worried still because while the cult has fled
They apparently fled with prisoners everyone else is celebrating but sir. Oh, sir
Oh is paying attention and he is aware that right now
This might be a small window of opportunity for us to follow the cultists to wherever they went and try to rescue
Whatever prisoners they might have brought back to their camp with them. He says they must be camp nearby
Whatever you need to do here. We can throw Berserker Billy in shackles. We could uh, yeah
I don't personally condone torture or whatever you need to do between your teammates. You got to work it out for yourselves
But uh, there is also a dwarven cleric
We've seen rushing around healing people and that dwarf is also stepping forward and he seems to have some ideas also on
How you could get Berserker Billy helping you again that dwarf is saying I've got some magic that if you need this
Wild card over here rained in there's a spell I could put on him
It would give you control over the Berserker just saying that's an option too
So I would ask Ehrlich at this point Ehrlich in theory you've got to jump on everybody else here
You just saw a norm get pulled off the drag or pull Berserker Billy off the dragon's back
They both kind of landed on the ground and it looks like they mean business sir
Oh is suggesting peace, but we can do whatever we like. What would you be thinking of doing?
Attack Billy. Yeah, okay. Come on. He's if he's weak. I would like to you know, finish the job
Yes, there's only meeting right now. Thank you for your suggestion coach. Oh, yes, we're gonna go after bill
We're gonna go ahead and just noted hit option. Fuck him up
Mm-hmm. He puts his hands up and he steps back sir. I was not getting involved in this
But Ehrlich you have several options at your disposal. I know that you have
Eldritch blast would be a very powerful attack spell that you could launch at Berserker Billy right now with no penalties
That would be until he attacks you your main avenue for attacking him
Would you like to throw a eldritch blast to him? Absolutely? Yeah, and three absolute blasts. Can you blast him up the ass?
You can aim for that certainly and if you roll a d20 you would have a plus four on your attack roll with this eldritch blast
to go after Berserker Billy
Check that Jake check a six he had a six six plus four is gonna be a ten and checking Berserker Billy's armor class Berserker Billy
You wear heavy chain mail and you wield a shield
Your armor class is pretty high at ten is not hitting you and so you see this
Charged up all the fire being thrown at you by the normal no more luck you turn and you easily side step
So far so good
Resisting the assault so far, but Wayne that would bring us to you next. What's what's billy like to do?
What's Billy's mental acuity like how easily tricked is he?
In theory spells that would mess with him
He's somewhat resistant to because he has good wisdom, but his intelligence is just average just checking his stats right if we like
Re-exploited his love of dragons and we built a fake female dragon
That was like that was presenting herself to Billy and lured Billy over to the dragon. I get in it
Yeah, I'm saying like Trojan horse like we're inside of it
Yeah, so when Billy tries to make love to it
We just shoot out of various orifices an attack. Can I build a fake dragon to entice Billy?
I would let you use your minor illusion spell to create a fake dragon
It wouldn't be a super large dragon, but it would be it would be a big a big enough
An appealing attractive dragon it can appear thanks to your illusion magic
Are you making it appear around you in the barbarian? Yeah, I think I think it's around all of us
Yeah, but and I'll go next and I'll pop out. Yeah
Yeah, so we're all inside this dragon
But big cat is closest to the it to like the whole like I'm like my right behind the dragon's mouth
So he goes in for the kiss. I'm gonna fucking just smash him in the face
Absolutely, so from inside this like hologram
You can all see out of this dragon just fine and you see berserker Billy turn and at first berserker Billy
Yeah, your eyes would widen because you see a dragon appear out of thin air
But make an intelligence check this would be a d20 plus zero for you and see if you can tell it
This is an illusion. So I'm rolling plus zero
I am double-checking what the number is that you need to get away and I'm sorry to say
Barely able to tell that this is a
Illusion you can kind of see ripples on the surface. However with that role
I would say you can't see inside the dragon or just to where it's a fake
But I noticed that you said that he can tell kind of that it might not be a real dragon
But does he even care because he's just so like butt sprung over dragons that he just might be like, you know what?
I'll take what I can get right
If the area you're looking at this and it looks very realistic to you
I have you can make whatever decision you want regarding this dragon
But you do suspect something maybe a little uncanny about it
We just need a little bit like a dragon. So he starts thinking with little Billy instead of big Billy. Yeah
Absolutely, absolutely or you're maybe developing some thoughts about this dragon
But normally you'd be up now before berserker Billy goes. What would you like to do? Okay?
I mean, I I think I just gotta smash him right like we got to start weakening weakening him because he's about to go and
Try to fight back right so we have to just go full-on melee
Yeah, like can I just smash can I smash them?
Absolutely, if you jump from out of the illusion, I would actually give you advantage on this
You'd be the one person to get advantage right now, but you could roll 2d20s and take the higher number
I just asked before you roll. Are you also going reckless?
You do the answer to that. Yes, absolutely, then I'm gonna let you get something called double advantage
You can roll 3d20s you're taking the highest one of all of those. Okay. Here we go. I got three rolls
Let me give me that black guy
Okay
Roll one
13
Teen roll two
Eleven why did you want that one? Is that weighted? No, I didn't know you're waiting die
Three 13 not bad
13 okay, so the 13 was the best of them and with a plus five that is an
18 total on your attack as you swing your axe and
18 is just
Barely a hit against Berserker Billy
So you are dealing damage and you are wielding a great sword is I believe that is right
So as you bring your great sword down upon Berserker Billy, you are you got very good damage
Yes, the total of
14 points of damage. I'm sorry to say to Berserker Billy
Berserker Billy your total hit points if I can check those
I'm sorry. I just said 14. Yeah, you have a 17 total hit points
You're already down to three hit points left. Wow
You're basically I'm a cleric right you're basically dead
So Berserker Billy that would then bring us to your turn you've seen norm jump out of the giant
Piñata illusion dragon and attack you we got a pretty good strike on that and you know you are brought down to your knee at least by the
Strength of that attack. What would you like to do right now? So I'm a healer, right? You are a healer
Can I heal myself you can heal yourself?
I'll just will warn you about this healing yourself would be what you would do instead of attacking
Which makes you very useful to your teammates in combat, but unfortunately means you have to make a choice
Are you gonna fight right now, or you're gonna heal yourself to keep yourself alive?
I'd also like to point out that if Billy tries to heal himself
He'll just buy some supplements from China that don't work at all. Yes
Well, I think I'm so I think I'm gonna be pretty useless if I don't heal myself
See even if I kill one of them by the way
We all in agreement that we just want to kill Billy and then we'll have Jake
Be part of that's fine. Yeah torture at least but yeah, no, I'd like to I'd like him dead
I want him DE AD dead. Okay. Um, is there an escape option?
So Bizzaker Billy, I have to agree with your healing option being one of the best ones
But escaping is something that you could do after you either attack or heal yourself
So I can move to run for it
Branted they would be able to chase you and still attack you because your action and move
By death. So is there a house? How's my relate?
How's my dragon friend doing?
She's gone
Appearing into the distance
You could run after her. Okay, um
So I could heal and run away
Mm-hmm, I will warn you if you heal and run away, then they're just gonna be able also catch up to you and get
Attack
What's the point of escaping if they run nothing you're dead just
They could choose not to run after me. Just fight back. They might
Choices yours put up your fists and fight back
If you focus on just running and not healing then you would get to run with your move and your action
And then they wouldn't be able to chase you and attack you
They just be able to chase you and essentially keep speed with you and you'd be running with them right behind you basically
Okay, well, you know what I
It's fight or flight and I have no flight. So I think I'm gonna fight back great
But can I do like semi healing to get
Just either do it or don't you could you could either heal yourself or you could attack
And if you attack I would warn you you can activate your war cleric ability to attack two times on your okay
I just want to do an attacking twice or healing
I just want to try to kill norm and if I kill norm then I'm the strongest
So that's the only thing I want to accomplish. So I would like to kill do this concentrate all my attacks on norm great
Go for it. Absolutely. Okay, you get 2d20 rolls and you have a plus four when attacking with your more hammer
So what's what's norm's hit points?
Norm's hit points that the fair is fair. I'll check that for you as well. Norm's got a hefty 23
Six all right, so I have to warn you also that you know that norm is raging and takes half
damage
This is
Okay, so I'm really in a no win situation really
Yeah, is there any sort of like almost like a situation that you made yourself when you tried to kill us well
I thought you well, you know what? I'm gonna is there any way
We thought you thought we were gonna take your side yet. Let's just fighting ourselves
Remind people
Try to kill us. This is not unprovoked. I just try to kill norm. Okay, because I want to show I'm the strongest
It's the start of the battle against you. I have no beef with you
I was just gonna let my man sit out there get it. Come on. Well, he hasn't been the best all of us
Yeah, I think I'm pretty good. You know what? I'm just gonna attack him and then Billy
I also want to let you know one other thing if you substitute your war hammer attacks for one attack spell that you
Have you have the ability to reach out and inflict wounds on someone
Basically rotting their body away with death magic. So that would only be one attack
It's all riding on a single roll. Okay, let's do it norm with that. It's much more Billy
I want to put out maybe an alternative situation here
What if you just went after an enemy a common enemy of ours right now and you tried to get back in our good graces
By taking out somebody that we're going up against that we'll have to kill. Okay
What is there an option like that you do see many cultists still trying to flee from out of town
Who the town spoke are like throwing rocks at and stuff
You could rush after one of them and hope that your team is merciful if you do that
I mean it'd be great. Honestly, like one way to get back on our good side is to help us fight this bigger battle
Because we don't want to be wasting our time with you. We want to win the game
We want to get a kill screen. Okay, hope
Hope that your teammates are merciful. I don't think they're gonna be merciful. I
Want to win the game really?
Really, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go
You know, I'm just gonna attack norm with one big dice roll. Let's see
Yeah, I take roll I take one roll spell. Yeah, so all all of a sudden dark energy coats
Norms, yeah, or a berserker Billy's hand. Okay, and we all hear the
Bellowing of kivaki somewhere in the sky kivaki the Ram Lord now think about this
I'm more confident that you guys would not give me any mercy. No, you're right
And I ain't no bitch, okay one two three roll and it's a 12 not great
12 plus four is what you
So it's 16 and against norm norm. I'm sorry to say your armor class is a 14
So that's a hit against you. Okay, and I will roll the damage
How much damage you are taking now? It is gonna be a lot though as it seems like all this
Running along your arm rotting away your flesh. It seems like it's already
316
Because I'm reckless right now. So here's the thing normally
From a spell like inflict
You would take in 16. So you're at six out of 16. Let me make a little note of that and
You are at
He's at three. No, I'm at seven. I had 23. I'm it's yeah, I'm seven
You're at seven. That's absolutely right exactly by 16. That's good. Good cause if you want to write those down, all right
Perfect. Awesome. Good job Billy fucking idiot. So berserker Billy. That's your turn and that is the area is the end of your turn
I just kill myself
Y'all gotta stop fighting guys
We gotta worry about those prisoners
Like that'll bring us back to you. What would you like to do?
Is there like is there anything like a little different than attack like some you know like a pull his eye
Eyelids off or like something where it's like he's gonna be alive
But he's gonna be in a lot more pain forever
Yeah, I like to get his eyelids off and then make him go hang out with
Take off both of his legs and then keep going with him. So he's just permanently in pain, but not dead
I'll say this you could leap at him at this point with your dagger and your dagger could probably deal enough damage to finish off
berserker Billy so you could attack him with a dagger and if you knock him out
Then at that point you have a lot of liberty to do whatever kinds of torture you're hoping to do to his body knock him unconscious
Is there something I could do because I feel like it's only right to let big cat or pft deliver the final
No, no, no, please. I just want him dead. I just want him dead and out of the game
Absolutely if you roll the d20 plus four that is your dagger attack bonus ten
Ten a total ten total no ten total ten plus four
So 14 is not quite a hit against
You're trying to let you're a gnome so it's like you try to jump up grab his belt
I'm gonna pull yourself up onto his shoulder to get him like right in the eye and he knocks you free and throw
Wait, aren't I a warlock small body you aren't you are a gnome warlock?
Yes, and you're gonna use a ritual knife a ceremonial war
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Slash take what if we just cut Billy's tongue out?
And then he's just not allowed to talk or say his turns and we have to we control him that way
We have to interpret for him theory Wayne
It is now your turn if you have a sword that could do that quite effectively small body
Yeah, I just like to fuck him up. Honestly. I just like to kill Billy like whatever whatever attack gets me closer to murdering Billy
That's the one I want to do
Absolutely looking at your weapons. You do have a sword called a rapier a fencing sword is a very sharp blade
You can pull that out and you could attack him with a plus four on the yes
I would like to do that
I would like to take my sharpest weapon and put it in the most sensitive part of Billy's body and kill
He's obviously trying to block your attack right now
So if you get a critical hit you will hit him right where you were hoping to hit him as you get a 20
Otherwise the higher you get the closer you got to his vulnerable. Okay, so what am I at? I'm at a plus four
Is that what you said plus four? Okay, let's go. Come on. Here we go. Here we go
Seven come on seven plus four and eleven. He's got good armor
Oh, wait hide is all rock and this attack is not getting to stab him in the mouth and he just steps back
I have more of a chance than I thought here
Let's see strong guy. All right, I guess I gotta do it you guys have not helped me goddamn it
We got in the weight room losers. I want shaking this game data. All right. I
Kill him. I want to kill him
Plus five with your great sword. All right. What do I need here? What do I need if you get under like a fortune?
No, we just barely got him with an 18. So 18 was the magic number last time
I will ask again an important question. Are you going reckless at this point? That means I get another role, right?
I get two rolls. Yeah, I'll go reckless. I'll go right. So yeah, what is the elem ending here?
I could what point total do we have to get on the dice if I get a ball to eliminate him? Yeah
And you need to get an 18 to hit him so a 13 or higher
Here we go
Wait
You're dead didn't even need my second role Billy. I'm sorry to say you just took 16
Points of damage, which I'm just double checking whether that is it's not an insta kill
But it is enough to take you down to the ground and you are knocked out at which point people can just decide whether
Right
Draw on his face
Humiliate him now berserker Billy. There's actually one chance. You still have norms turn finishes and your term comes
You need to roll a d20 and if you get a nine or higher or less a nine or less
You slip closer to death if you get a ten or higher
You're doing okay, and if you get a 20 you actually wake up and you get your whole turn
I can do a chance now if this is weighted you're gonna be in trouble. Yeah, we just rolled the way to 20 sided dice
Remember I'm rolling the black dice that big had asked for earlier. Well, you were wrong. Oh, no, that's not count
That's a six
No
The dot is at the bottom and unfortunately that means he's slipping closer to death
If someone it hits you with a weapon at this point
Berserker Billy the character is officially dead and at this point
We see from the walls and elf wizard waving at us
And this will be Billy's character if Berserker Billy dies is in theory this very frail looking elf wizard with a book on his back
So if I die I become frail elf with no you're dead
You're dead never play yeah
Jake is sitting in your seat and Jake is gonna be the new reporter guy that we have and then someone's gonna build a statue to
Memorialize you and we're gonna tear that down. Yeah, we're gonna fucking kill that as well that in theory is the elf wizard is the reporter character
He's got a lot of papers on him. He's got some glasses on it looks like he's been recording this whole thing for history's sake
Whoever's controlling that that elf character
They'll be the next person to show up
But if Berserker Billy rolls that two more times or if somebody so much as swings one weapon
It is prone body and that is the end of Berserker Billy's story and he hasn't woken up unfortunately
So that brings us to Ehrlich Ehrlich you're standing over him with a knife right now in your hand
And this would not be the first time that you as a warlock of probably like ritual
So you're like a pro at this kind of my video. All right, so I'm rolling
Absolutely if you want to attack him on the ground, it's very easy you roll with advantage
And if you hit him then that is the final blow against Berserker Billy in that case. What's the advantage?
So you sorry you were the advantage is you roll two times and take the higher number. Thank God already got a three the first time
Okay
And in that case the gnome has definitely done this before I think and he's just reached down and slowly
How do you want to kill?
Hold on describe it slowly and and really take your time on how you're gonna kill
I would like to go ear take the ears off first
Then the eyeballs then the nose and then just slit his throat. Oh, yes
Is that does that play? What if you gave him the was it the columbian necktie?
Yeah, and wrapped his wrapped his tongue around his neck and strung him with it. Yeah
It's your call, Hank
All right
Then you see grayish reddish blood flowing forth from the Goliath's form
As it seems like his life leaves his body and berserker billy goes cold before you
I believe also earlick you have an ability where you actually you don't reap the souls of people you kill
But you get extra hit points from them
So you feel a little charged up as you deal with killing blow to the cleric of kawaki
But he lies dead before all of you now and the whole town was watching and they go
All the villagers are like pretty horrified by what they just witnessed
Yeah
Can my soul flip off the crowd? No
Yes, yeah
No, you can sit on the couch. Okay
You're dead. You should never have tried to cross us now
We should we should make jake write a history of what just happened
But have billy be like a pedophile in history. He's the best friend of jeff jeff rey
Yeah, so we had to kill billy because of his crimes against humanity
Jake opens up a binder and it's just all full of pictures of of gilly maxwell and billy berserker hanging out at parties
From now on for all of record history people refer to the devil as just billy. Yes. Yes. Well, welcome. Jake. Thank you
I will first of all say jake excited to have you. This is very great
And i'll also just throw it there for saying goodbye to billy at the very least
I'd put out the offer that if a particular monster catches our attention
And we'd like billy to get to roll for that monster or even to take on some decision making for that monster
I'd be happy to give billy a monster now that unfortunately
He's lost his character had been retired from the game
But jake welcome. I had to have you and i'm very excited
You know to hear what kind of a character you'd like to play but so far
I do have this elf wizard prepared who is a great spellcaster historian and master of knowledge of all things
Magical they are a little bit intelligent
Focused compared to some of the other characters that we have in play
But that means that you can do the best job like rolling knowledge checks to find out secret information about things and places that we go to
Yeah, to be honest the physical description you said with the glasses was really spot on so I think we're on the right track
I love it fantastic. So your character and at some point I will ask what is your elf wizard's name?
But you can take some time on that. You don't have to have an answer right now
But they've been you know hanging out in the village of greenest probably for a lot of reasons didn't leave this
Castle when it was under attack and you've just seen this party of adventurers come riding into town
Save the day and then apparently hold one of their own
Accountable for treason and executed him before the whole town's eyes and you're going to be able to record everything about this town's reaction
Of horror to this although it seems like reluctantly at first and then increasingly the town is gathering in closer
They want to like remove the body of berserker billy
But then otherwise thank the rest of us for driving off the dragon driving off the cultists
Saving the town and there is one young man who I'm going to say to the bard definitely
But you record this all happening
Wizard but to our bard wane
He just approaches you and it's a young man
Maybe a teenager and he says hey, I just just want to say it was really entertaining what you did
I had a really good time watching you guys
I just want to and he pulled reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a healing potion
And he just hands it to you and then he just walks off says nothing else
He just walks away and hands you this healing potion and it's warm. It's like warm. Yep
Healing potions aren't supposed to be warm. So you've now got at least one free healing potion as a reward from this task
So that seems to be like what they wanted to give you just free of charge
And we can do whatever we want at this point, but the finishing blow is delivered by earlick
So wane the celebration is beginning. It's a little dampened by the death of berserker billy
But otherwise the town is pretty excited to celebrate their survival at least
Okay, so yeah with the healing potion my good friend norm the barbarian. He's he's injured, right?
Can I give it to him to shotgun? Yes, you know, you absolutely could give it to him to shotgun
He can totally drink it right now and he would regain a total of
Gonna be about seven hit points in all not that much unfortunately, but
Still helps a little bit better than you were doing and once you rest tonight
You will be back up to full hit points and full spell slots for everyone with the exception of course of our deceased characters
Great. Okay. Thank you. That was a delicious bushlight. You're welcome. So so what's the game playing here guys?
What should we do? We got to figure out we got to go
There's that goblin that's fucking around with people, right? Well, no, they said they took they took prisoners
So we have to find prisoners back to the cult camp and in fact
Wayne you see one person in particular on a crutch
Seems like a guy with a shaved head is kind of limping around camp saying like we need please the prisoners
And he's really riled up about the prisoners. He seems to be like I lost somebody my master
He you keep hearing him say my master leo's and was captured by the cultists
They they're camped somewhere nearby here and coach sir. Oh is tapping him on the shoulder like it's okay
I'm putting a group together and you know, he has his eyes on you
He's hoping that when you're done partying maybe after resting tonight
You'd be ready to set out to try to rescue these prisoners. Yeah, let's go. Let's go for leo's and that guy sounds like bad news
Absolutely, so you're looking to go save uh, it sounds like this one guy is saying his master leo's and was gone
You can ask him more about that if you want, but otherwise you can just uh set out right now
Or you could set out the next morning when we've all had a chance to heal
I'd like to ask what uh, what relation leo's and has to this guy as a master. What is his significance in this story?
Absolutely go right ahead and roll a persuasion check on him. That's going to be a d20 plus five for you
I got 13 so 18 total
I'm sorry. It's actually a plus four. So you got a 17 on that but still very good
And he says well, my name's pilo and I am I'm a young monk in training
And he tries like put the the crutch to the side and do like a kung fu stance kind of it's obvious that he is trained in martial arts
But he does not really have the ability with his broken leg in a splint to
Effectively fight right now. It seems and he says I got hurt during the attack by the cultists
But my master leo's and he is a member of a group called the harpers
The harpers are a secret society throughout the world of faroon and we keep our eyes on
Evil people like the cult of the dragon my master has been spying on this cult for quite some time
And he has valuable information on how this cult could be defeated. Unfortunately, they've taken him as a prisoner
I think he thinks he's still spying on them
But he he's only got a matter of time before they execute him if you could rescue my master that would mean so much to me
I feel like we we go rescue him. Do we rest up for the night?
Get some shut eye. I'm down for whatever. I mean, I feel like everyone's on a high right now
After killing billy. There's like an extra jolt of energy. That's right. Hank just got beefed up from him
Hank gained his mass. Yeah, all his protein. I'm feeling okay. Okay. I got like three extra hit points and
Unfortunately, the only injured person we have right now is norm who's maybe not too worried about that. Yeah. No, I'm strong as one
Okay, so yeah, let's roll out. Yeah, let's go. Let's go see what's going on. Try to rescue
Leonson. Let's do it. Absolutely
Pilo is so excited that you are going to go
Investigate this right now without even resting. He thinks that's very heroic of you
If you have any other questions for him, you are more than welcome to ask you got a good role
But if you are setting out then we can start traveling following the trail of this cult
And as we follow their
Mast footprints of this army of like 200 cultists and drakes and kobolds who have been fleeing into the wilderness
It becomes very clear that up ahead
There is a watchtower of some kind and it looks like there is at least one human in a dragon shaped helmet
Who's up there keeping an eye out with a spy glass?
We also I'm going to say can see from kind of the tree line
That he has at least one kobold next to him
But we don't know how many people are up in that watchtower exactly
But we do know the cult camp seems to be up ahead right now
This is a mirror you can't do and so it's a norm's turn now actually norm
What would you like to do? Can I throw a rock at the dude standing in the window?
Uh, absolutely. You could try to throw a rock at him for sure. Yeah in this tower
It's kind of looking out over the trees. It has a plenty of open window space
You could chuck a rock in and knock him out possibly
I'd warn you then the kobold would probably see that happen
Are you are you trying to do it in a way that the kobold wouldn't see those are a little lizard?
Yeah, we have one right? Yeah, what if you threw him up there? Oh
We have bob costa and would he have come with us?
Yes, yeah throw him. Can I throw him knock the dude out and then he can be like yo kobold
If other kobold if you want to survive fucking listen up. We're about to roll on these idiots
Absolutely in that case. Yes, you could use him as a projectile
And that would hopefully knock out the human and then he can uncurl from his kind of all position talk to them
Go ahead and roll if you're raging when you do this. You can roll with advantage. You have two rolls
Okay, here we go. What am I looking for here? You're looking for at least a 15 to hit this guy
You think you have a plus five on this? Okay, it's roll two times. You're trying to get a 15 or higher probably
14 14 and it was 14 after the plus five before the 14 before the plus five
So 19 total. Yes, you throw bob costa up there and he just collides with that human's head
And they both get really hurt the human gets knocked out and falls to the ground
Bob costa because he rolled just well enough is lying on the ground with his eyes flickering slightly
A 20 would have kept him fully awake. But as he passes out since you got a 19
He just says it's cool. It's cool
And you hear the chittering of like four kobolds up there just trying to figure out like what was this guy's deal
Why did he just jump in here and knock the human out? He's he's a weirdo
But they don't think that this is a threat necessarily and they seem to be the focusing on bob costa now
He's just mostly unconscious now at this point unfortunately
But it does seem like now we could just try to maybe sneak right by this watch tower potentially
And so that would be a nice segue to get us to the elf wizards turn so elf wizard
I would let you know at this point. Would you have let this in theory
You could of course do whatever you want in town or you could follow this group back to the cult's camp
Would you have made it if you're following them? Would you have made it clear that you were following them?
Or are you following them like secretly?
um
You know as journalists you're really supposed to be
Transparent with the subject. So I don't want to go behind their back. You got to do everything ethically. Good smart
Absolutely, that's a great call because you're not the sneakiest necessarily. So that's pretty good to be up up
Up front honest about it. So I would say that you can approach them in the woods
You hear who this is an elven historian from town who is joining your party
And uh, you have seen them sneak up to this watch tower and apparently distract the people in the watch tower
Would you want to start approaching the camp and getting a better view of it?
Yeah, that would be great. You always want to have the best view possible. Absolutely. In fact, I'll since you said that
I just highlight you're sneaking past the watch tower. You hear these four kobolds poking bob cost of the kobold up there
But they're not paying attention to you
But that watch tower would be the best viewing point you think but up ahead
You can still clearly see a whole lot of tents some of the tents are big some of the tents are small
There are humans and kobolds all around these tents and some of the tents seem to have cook fires nearby
Looks like a lot of these cultists are cooking dinner after their big battle
With all of us in the in the town and you can see in the distance one really big tent that has extra nice
Red and golden signeas of dragon heads on it and just beyond that tent
There's a cave entrance that leads into the wall of like a kind of canyon cliff side
So what you're looking into is a kind of valley where all of the cultist camp is splayed out in front of you
There are way too many cultists for us to fight alone. That much is clear to you. What would you like to do here?
So to be clear, it's either
Go on the watch tower or right through their camp, correct? In theory. Yes, unless you've got a better idea
And in theory, you're not the best at like disguising yourself or
Any of the things that might be like tricky for getting your way through the camp
It's a little noisy up in that watch. Should you go up there and shush them and say, hey, there's no there's no
Pickering in the press box. Yeah, I could do that or I can get a floor view of
Right everything happening in front of me. See what's happening in the town from a close-up angle. Yeah
You call Jake
I'll say this you could if all you want to do is focus on finding out more information around here
You could roll a perception check and that would tell you more hidden things that might be around here
Or you could try to clear out the watch tower to get a better view that way
And I just say as the wizard you have the most options for hitting lots of people all at once
You could climb that watch tower and do a sonic boom spell where you clap and instantly everybody around you
Is just thrown out of the watch tower basically that sounds fun. Let's do that. That's a very good one
Absolutely. If you climb up the watch tower, all of the cobalt are distracted by bob costa
So as he's lying there, I'm gonna say he's immune. Are you trying to hit him with this spell that our unconscious cobalt friend?
Or are you um, uh trying to save his life? I think we save it. Yeah
Yeah, you see four other cobalts who are all not looking at you as you let off your thunder wave spell
It's like a whoosh throwing everybody back a blast of wind
And they roll two times and take the lower number and because of the disadvantage that they had for being surprised
By the barbarians throw
Uh, you and you see the unconscious human up here as well
You clap your hands and all of the cobalts all four of them go flying out of the tower
Crashing down below
unconscious or dead the tower is now cleared out
And you can clearly see all of the camp before you all of the dozens of tents the cook fires
The big what you think is like a command tent where the leaders might be
And you can see the cave entrance, but now you can see two other things as well
You can see behind one of the smaller tents
All of these five people who look like they are tied with their hands behind their back
To poles big like uh tent poles that have been driven into the ground
When they're tied by their hands so that they can't escape it looks like five prisoners more or less unconscious
With cobalts poking them and the other thing that you notice is that up on one of the mountain ridges nearby
There is a dragon who is lazily sleeping and scratching her chin occasionally
And then like turning her head over and sleep, but she's sound asleep right now
But this is the blue dragon the lenith on that you can see
Whoa
Should we leave it here?
Should we should we stop here that we just stumbled upon a dragon?
It seems like you could a good stop because otherwise we're just going to attack the dragon and then yeah in the middle
Start a whole thing and I mean it's a perfect place to end
We literally just found another dragon that our uh dearly departed friend billy the berserker would love to try to fuck
Unfortunately, he's no longer with us. I might try to fuck this right. Yeah, you know, we should all try to
Try just for fun. Yeah. Yeah next week. We're going to fuck this dragon in the name of billy
Absolutely does seem like this is this is the dragon who billy had become friends with so yeah, we're we're now going to get out
Yes, perfect
All right, it seems like we're gonna slip right in there. All right, tim. Thank you as always. It's been fun. We'll see you in a couple weeks
Appreciate it, man. Such a pleasure as always. Take care everybody. Thanks. Tim. See you tim. Love you guys
Today's another
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