Pardon My Take - Action Bronson + Bob Kraft Busted
Episode Date: February 25, 2019Bob Kraft was named in a prostitution sting down in Florida and the internet lost it. What happened to Schefter's "more famous name?" (2:27 - 15:09). Oscar recap and Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga are h...aving the best sex (15:09 - 18:37). Who's back of the week including AOC (18:37 - 27:24). Rapper/Writer/TV show host Action Bronson joins the show to talk about his life as an entertainer, how he is the best hash maker in the world, the last time he wasn't high, and how he's created a life where he gets to do the most fun shit in the world and get paid for it (27:24 - 69:41). Segments including Lebron Blames, Bryce Is Right, Talking Soccer, Drunk Idea, and Monday Reading. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
Transcript
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Hey, pardon my take listeners.
You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music.
On today's pardon my take, we have all around talent,
rapper, TV host, book writer,
Action Bronson on the show.
Very interesting guy, very interesting interview.
We also have some Bobcraft cleanup.
That wasn't a joke.
Bobcraft cleanup to do.
We have a LeBron Blames and Who's Back of the Week.
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Today is Monday, February 25th.
Do we miss any news?
The broke on Friday or anything?
It's a pretty quiet day.
I mean, you know how it goes on Fridays in the NFL.
There's typically nothing that they try to bury
at the end of the day.
Nothing squirted out.
Do we miss anything?
No, I don't think anybody got themselves
into like a sticky situation or anything.
Any arrests or anything?
I think Antonio Brown's like a free agent or something now.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Antonio Brown's free agent update.
So he's probably gonna wanna sign with a patriot
so he can get a bunch of hand jobs.
Yeah, so the biggest news that happened
on Friday afternoon was Robert Kraft,
owner of the New England Patriots,
was now, I don't think he officially was arrested.
He was indicted in a sting for a rub and tug.
It's a little bit darker than that
because it was obviously, it seems like the big story
is human trafficking and this is a larger sting.
But Robert Kraft is obviously the poster boy of this sting
because it's very rare that someone as famous as him
and as rich as him gets arrested in a situation like this.
Also, I mean, there's a lot of facts that we don't know.
Correct.
And we're in the business of waiting
until all the facts come out.
All the facts.
But one of the first things that came out
was that Robert Kraft was busted.
I think we all assumed just for hand jobs, right?
Do we know?
We do not know.
We don't know.
There is video, allegedly video.
Can't wait.
Two visits, so kind of takes out the whole, I didn't know.
He had a coupon.
Two different visits.
Also, if you, the or, was it the Orchids of,
what was the name of the place?
Orchids.
Orchids of, I can't remember the place.
It was about 20 minutes from where I was at the time.
Oh, wow.
By the way, how lucky do you think you have to be
if you were going to Orchids that day and it was shut down?
And so you missed getting busted by one day.
By a, by a, by a hair.
You gotta go by a lottery ticket.
What was the name of the place, Hank?
I can't remember it for real.
Orchids of Asia Day Spa.
Orchids of Asia Day Spa.
So, yeah, Robert Kraft went there twice.
Definitely a place that, let's just say,
what didn't look like the day spa of a billionaire.
Right?
Right?
Like it kind of, kind of, kind of makes it tough
for if your defense is going to be,
well, I was just going for a massage
when it was like very much out of the way of his house.
And it also didn't look like a place where a billionaire goes.
There was also a bunch of other rich guys
that got arrested there.
Like some guy who was like the,
former president of a big bank.
Basically all the rich guys go in there
and getting rubbing tugged.
Right.
If you take a private plane to a strip mall
in suburban Florida, you're not doing it for a good reason.
That's my big takeaway.
Yes.
I'm curious to know where the TB12 method comes down
and all of this stuff.
My theory is that if you just drink enough water,
you know how you, like Tom Brady says,
you drink enough water, you can't get sunburn.
If you drink enough water, you can't get a hand job
because you can't come,
because you're just peeing everywhere.
Right.
So I think the TB12 method actually would have saved him
from this.
Constantly peeing.
Right.
Yeah, just pissing all over the place.
That's why bodybuilders have like gallons,
like gallon jugs of water to keep all their common sides
of that more tea.
Right.
So we obviously, like we said,
there's a dark side of the story
that we're not going to make light of,
but the like making Robert Kraft jokes,
I think is okay because you like,
why wouldn't you use a famous guy who got indicted?
I think that happens to anyone, right?
Yes, absolutely.
So you're right.
If now there is like a lot more of the story
that's going to come out that's going to be centered
around human trafficking,
how much he knew, how much he should have known
about what was going on there,
but right.
If anything Robert Kraft has shined a light onto,
if you want to use a spin zone,
there you go, there it is Hank.
Yeah.
He's the poster child.
He is the poster child of a very big problem.
So there you go.
Another one, another very,
he's now like a triple poster child.
Now let's do a, did you guys see this?
So did you guys see the picture?
I think this is maybe at Columbia.
I don't know where it is.
It's something, some big building that Robert Kraft built
and there's a saying that he has a quote there.
It says, when you go to bed at night,
make sure the people you've touched that day
are richer for having known you.
True.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that's tough.
Yeah, 20 bucks Richard.
That's a tough one to just be out there.
We also had, we also had some interesting names on this list.
Did you read the list?
I did.
Okay, so we had a Rolf.
Anytime a Rolf is involved, you know something's up.
You're clear.
Can't trust a Rolf.
Although, something that I've always said.
Although, but if you're going to be around a Rolf,
you want him on your side.
Yes.
You want him involved in whatever it is you're doing.
He'll get you.
As opposed to being on the other end.
We had a Ming Fu Lu.
That's tough because it's like,
there can't be that many Ming Fu Lu's.
So it probably is tough to like go home
and be like, no, it's a different Ming Fu Lu, honey.
It wasn't me.
There might be millions of them though
in different countries. True, true.
We had a Dick Palmer, which jokes just write themselves.
Wait, was this in Palm Beach?
Was this in Palm County?
I don't know.
I think so.
And then we had a John.
It's in Palm County.
John Johnson, which also feel like that was a fake name given.
Feel like that's your Rubbin' Tug name.
Toilet Dick.
Yes.
So the whole story is wild.
I'm sure that Roger Gardell is going to probably what?
Find him for half a million dollars.
How many drafts?
That's a maximum.
Spart Scott said, take all the draft picks away.
Take the full draft.
With maybe the hottest take right out of the gate.
He said, it's the biggest embarrassment ever.
You need to take the entire draft from the New England page.
I wouldn't put it past Gardell.
I wouldn't either.
This is going to now become a U-verse Caddell again.
I mean, yeah, what else could it be?
Although Mr. Kraft has categorically denied all actions.
So I'm going to stick with that.
And it's also important that we call Mr. Kraft.
So Mr. Kraft is just how?
I feel like the punishment should fit the crime.
Bobby Kraft might be getting handjobs.
Mr. Kraft categorically denies all.
True, true, true.
Yeah, so as much as I would like to see the Patriots get
their entire draft this year and next taken away from them
for the actions of the owner, I feel like the punishment
should fit the crime.
And he should have to jerk off every other NFL owner.
And Roger.
Jerry Jones would be right in front.
First person in line.
Let's do it.
Let's go, Bobby, come on out.
Circumstance my mosquito, you know what I'm saying?
We had a Schefter report too, which stay woke.
So Adam Schefter quickly reported
that there's a bigger name involved.
And somehow we just don't have the bigger name.
So it was quick to throw out that Robert Kraft was arrested.
The Jupiter police weren't doing him any favors,
which they shouldn't.
They should just, you know, this guy has been indicted.
This is the situation.
Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots
has been indicted.
And then Adam Schefter says there's a bigger name involved
and somehow we don't have the bigger name,
which leads me to believe that Adam Schefter is doing
Robert Kraft a favor by basically sending everyone
on a wild goose chase to figure out
if Tiger Woods got jerked off.
Right, so if it's in Jupiter, by the way,
just saying the Jupiter police are on the case,
just sounds pretty fucking bad, right?
Starship troopers or something.
But yeah, I think that-
Space Force, finally.
Yeah, Space Force.
The Jupiter-
Finally.
The Space Force is being completely reassigned
to bust old billionaires getting handjobs.
I think, so if you look at the population of people
in Jupiter, obviously Tiger Woods' name jumps out, I think.
Kid Rock also lives in Jupiter.
That would be a bigger name in some circles.
Tebow is down in that area for spring training.
This is the segment of the show where we just
baselessly speculate based on an Adam Schefter blurb
that he put out there.
Well, I'm saying it's like the Des Bryant tapes
that Adam Schefter, we still haven't forgotten.
You never released the Des Bryant tapes
that you promised that you had and that you had seen
and you would release about four years ago.
I think it's similar to that,
where you're just sending everyone on this chase
where we're throwing out names unfairly.
I think anyone who gets alleged in this,
they should be able to sue Adam Schefter personally.
Yeah, not me for saying your name.
No, it's Adam Schefter's fault.
Adam Schefter is using me as a puppet
to think out loud with these things.
I want to believe what you're saying.
I think that you're onto something,
but the fact that Albert Breer hasn't come out
and corroborated that there's a bigger name
is telling me maybe hold off on that
because Breer is my canary in a coal mine.
Once he starts jumping on that,
because he's a big Pat's guy,
then I'd be like, okay, yeah,
they're covering for Mr. Kraft a little bit on this.
But I mean, how much cover can you put on that?
I guess we'll have to see the tape to see how much cover.
It worked, because Friday afternoon,
everyone's like, oh my God, it goes deeper.
It's like, no, it's pretty much cut and dry here.
We're not dry.
Well, yeah, well, no, you never know.
I haven't seen his dick, so it might be uncircumcised.
Personal preference.
But yeah, it's cut and dry in some circles.
I also, the last thing I had for the fallout of this
is what would you guys say the over-under
for amount of fantasy football names
that are gonna be Orchard's Evasion next year?
That's gonna be just horrific.
That's gonna be a lot of league names, I would think.
That's just, just know right now,
if you're thinking you're sitting on a hot one,
people have already thought of it.
We also need a name for the scandal.
I thought maybe Bakegate could be a good one.
Okay.
That's about Mastergate.
Mastergate?
That's actually kind of, I feel like that works.
Again, we have to see the tape, Jake Lazer.
Filategate could be another one.
Yeah.
So Hank, what are your thoughts overall?
Where are you landing here?
I mean, Mr. Kraft categorically denies all actions.
I also think if it does come out,
even if they lose draft picks,
this is gonna be like last year's Miami Miracle.
I think it'd be ridiculous if they-
This year it's Robert Kraft getting busted
for getting a hand job.
Because that starts the DVD.
Something's gotta start the championship DVD.
I don't know.
It could start with the news report.
No, it's gonna be the tape.
The actual tape.
Did the Colts lose draft picks for Jim Marseille?
I don't think so.
I don't think if they did.
I think it'd be ridiculous to lose draft picks.
A fine and a suspension where he has to miss the first,
I think Jim Marseille missed six games,
which is a hilarious thing to like suspend an owner.
So you can now no longer watch in your huge suite.
You have to watch it in your mansion of a house.
But still, I think that's probably the appropriate way.
Draft picks seems a little ridiculous.
Sorry, Bart Scott.
But this is Goodell we're talking about.
You know he's gonna enforce
however harsh you can enforce it.
Right, I also think that the Colts
should take full advantage of the situation
and hang a banner, hang from the rafters,
just saying Bob Kraft got caught
getting jerked off at Orchid's Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida.
And just hang that right next to the AFC finalists.
Or just simply Jim Marseille's too drunk to come.
That would work too.
That's an ironclad legal defense.
Like it's probably gotten him
out of a lot of sticky situations.
He's just like, I can't get up.
And then we have to look into the semantics
of the situation, pardon the phrase,
but at what point does it become illegal?
Because I saw the list,
if you saw the window of Orchid's Day Spa,
it had a list of services that they offer there,
including something called a table shower,
which I'm pretty sure is just getting jerked off.
But at what point does it become illegal?
Like if there's contact made,
if there's a rub but no tug,
if there's a tug but no rub,
how many, it's like the catch rule.
Like do you have to have possession?
Well, it's like, no, I think-
You have to make a football move.
I think it is like chess.
Once you just take your hand off the piece,
then it becomes the tug.
So if you just stay with your hand on,
you just wholly rest, you don't have to move your piece.
I just can't-
Sit there and think.
I don't need to see the video before I make any judgments.
I mean, this story is obviously gonna keep going
for a long time, Hank, it will.
You know that this one's gonna be like,
I mean, it has all the makings of people
just firing off ridiculous jokes, people,
like this is, you know, sorry.
Are we gonna get a U-Porn or just like a porn parody of this?
Right, I feel like this might reinvigorate
Ron Jeremy's career.
They need an elderly man to play the part of Mr. Craft,
the hedgehog.
Just get him a white wig and let it go.
Think it'll show up in a rap verse?
Oh yeah, it already has.
Interesting, interesting.
Okay, so ongoing, story ongoing.
Yeah, we'll see where it goes.
Again, it could take a dark turn.
I think it already has taken a dark turn in that respect.
Yes, it has, it has.
We are not making fun of the human trafficking omen
because if that is in any way true,
that's really, really fucked up.
Correct.
And I think you do need to ask a lot of questions,
like who should have known, who did know.
But right now, I'm gonna get these jokes off.
Right, I think there's definitely a difference.
That people, I know that Twitter,
like you can't make jokes about anything anymore.
There's a very clear difference of making fun
of the owner of the Patriots and while also being like,
this is a fucked up story, like it's a real problem.
And hopefully, like I said, in a weird way,
him being involved actually should help like
the solution of this problem.
People should be looking at it more
and police departments and all this stuff should be like,
hey, we need to start cracking down on these places.
Hand up.
If there was a tiny percentage of my brain
that was like, maybe I'll go to a Rubin Tug one day.
I think that's out the window now.
Also, prostitution should be legal.
Yeah, absolutely.
Because gambling should be prostitution
and we take all the bad things out of the shadows
so that people don't get harmed.
Yes, and you should be able to do both on sports.
Yeah.
You should be able to,
they should have prostitutes and stadiums.
Yes.
All right, the other news we have,
we have Oscars recap.
So the recap is Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga
having the hottest sex in the world, allegedly.
Yeah, Jesus.
Holy, that was steamy.
How when he did the slide enter on the piano bench?
Man.
Yeah, and the eye contact.
And then poor Bradley Cooper's girlfriend
was sitting in between them.
And that's, that sucks.
Bradley Cooper's girlfriend was doing a live action meme
of the, this is fine dog.
Yeah.
She's like, I'm so happy for you both.
Oh my God.
That's, I, yeah.
And it's, you know what?
It's really unfair that Bradley Cooper
is as talented as he is.
At some point it's like, come on, man.
Like you should, something, I don't know what it is,
but something's gotta happen there where it like,
evens it out.
I'm gonna write a movie.
Get him like, she, you know, maybe,
maybe his golf swing really sucks.
Yeah.
It's something like that, you know?
Maybe if you had a lip sunk, you would have won Best Actor.
I think he did lip sync right into hers.
Ooh, nice.
Well, no, he denied her.
Lady Gaga was going, was ready to risk it all.
They looked like they were gonna kiss.
Yeah.
And Bradley Cooper said,
ah, can't do it.
Can't do it.
My girlfriend's literally right there.
That's the only reason that they did it.
If she had been in the second row,
they probably would have made out.
But the fact that she was like front and center.
I gotta go back to my seat after this.
They still gotta do best picture.
If this was the end of the night,
we would just walk off and hop in a limo.
Yeah, it'll be on.
So we also got to see the extinction of the hosts tonight
because I don't think that they're gonna have a host ever again.
Way better.
No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas
or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens
when you run out of like bits, two hours into the Oscars.
No host is the future.
Yeah, this is actually, Billy Crystal might die tonight.
We might wake up tomorrow and he has nothing left to live for
because he knew he could get that call every like third year.
Yes.
And he had that gig penciled in.
Mm-hmm.
Guess what, Billy?
Tough break, man.
It's over.
It's over.
Midler outlasted you.
Yeah.
It's unbelievable.
It was also pretty cool seeing Mike Myers
and Dana Carvey get out there
and do the Wayne's World thing one more time.
Yes, play the hits.
Yeah, that was great.
And as Scott Zalax says, just play the hits, Jovey.
Mm-hmm.
All right, let's do who's back.
Hank, why don't you start with who's back?
My who's back.
Wait, are we gonna talk about AAF at all?
No, because you hear the live mic with who is it?
Someone got Charles Woodson.
Charles Woodson said, no one's watching this shit.
It's because it was play triple.
Yikes.
Whoops.
Yeah.
My who's back of the week is Ja Rule.
Oh.
Ja.
Do you tell?
So he had a half-time performance
at a Milwaukee Bucks game this weekend.
Yes.
There was some major technical difficulties.
He was like, is everyone ready to go?
And then apparently like the sound wasn't ready.
So he had to sit there awkwardly in silence
for like 20 seconds.
What's up, Milwaukee?
Giannis just started like warming up for the second half
while the performance was going on.
Okay.
Because that's how little he gave a fuck.
Yep.
And then afterwards, the Timberwolves
who the Bucks were playing said they,
they quoted the Firefest and said,
we too were hustled scam bamboos with hoodwink,
let us stray.
And then Ja Rule was not happy about that.
He said, you just jinxed yourself
talking to the God this way.
You're cursed now.
You won a championship for the next 30 years
and cat is leaving.
Oh my God.
Apologize and I'll lift the curse.
Wait, wait, so hold on.
So the curse is a superstar NBA player
is going to leave from a small market.
And also Minnesota is not gonna have sports success.
Do I have that right?
Wow.
Wait, so is it Timberwolves that counts?
That might actually happen guys.
Yeah.
It's Ja Rule might be on to something here.
Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title.
You want to say.
It has been declared so.
Yeah, why don't you throw in
that the Viking is gonna miss a huge kick
in a big important moment and we'll just have it all.
I also saw one of these like fun fact random Twitter accounts
that was like, it was a thread of like movie rules
that people passed up that was really dumb.
Ja Rule turned out $500,000 paycheck for too fast,
too furious because he thought the offer was beneath him.
And then that would lead to Chris
who was in like a hundred fast and furious games.
Yeah, yeah, long play.
Ja Rule, not a good business man.
Big mistake.
Is that a Hank?
Yeah.
AOC for her appearance on DC's and Marron Thursday?
I know AOC was great weekend, you know,
huge, really performed, came out of nowhere
and did it when people weren't expecting it per se.
From AOC.
Yeah, AOC.
Big weekend for AOC, just love to see that.
Love to see it going forward, especially in New York.
Yeah, weekend, yeah, New York, own New York, some may say.
Is that it Hank?
That's it.
I'm glad BFT.
My who's back the week is Nike.
Yeah.
So Nike recovered gracefully from that disastrous Thursday
that they had in the stock market when they lost.
One was a billion dollars worth of market cap.
Three billion dollars.
Because of Zion's shoe.
For like four seconds.
For people that don't understand how business works,
they were down 1% in pre-market trading.
Like for a minute.
Yeah.
And Darren Ravel and Jay Williams both were like, see?
Yep, this is what happens Nike.
This is this Nike one shoe bus and the whole market tumbles.
But then they recovered once the most famous
Air Force One wearer in the world, Bob Kraft,
got busted on Friday.
Oh yeah.
Shot back up to 90 dollars.
So yeah, they needed a little bit
of that bad boy street cred that Bob Kraft got him.
So they got exactly back to even.
My other who's.
Oh, by the way, just for a second,
I forgot to bring this up.
Hank, are you a little concerned at all about Zion
being injured and eating and not working out?
No.
Zion's gonna be back next week.
Okay.
All right.
I just asked, because I saw him in that polo
on Saturday night looking diesel.
Chonk.
Chonk, chonk, chonk.
Yeah, I mean he's fucking Zion.
He's a chonk.
He's a mountain chonk.
He's a chonk.
He's a chonkiest.
He's chonk, he's chonk fletic.
Chonk fletic.
I like that.
There you go.
I like that.
Okay, Charles Barkley would be chonk fletic.
Yes, he's a more chonk fletic, Charles Barkley.
Okay, Zebo would be chonk fletic.
My other who's back of the week is the 4th of July.
So save the date because America's gonna have
a giant party on the 4th of July this year.
It's called the salute to America, the country.
So we're going back to 77.
Is it actually a salute to America?
Like, the country?
No, I added that for a little bit of clarity.
Okay, nice.
That's a good addition.
It's called salute to America.
It's confusing until you said that.
Well, you might be talking about South America.
Right.
It's true.
You might be talking about the band America.
Yeah, the whole entire continent.
Yeah, so the 4th of July is back this year
as a celebration for America.
That's it?
That's it?
It's just like, what do you mean?
It's just back?
Yeah.
Who started this?
Trump.
So Trump tweeted out that there's gonna be a big
celebration in our nation's capital featuring live music,
Patriotism, and Donald Trump on the 4th of July.
Perfect.
Finally.
4th of July is back.
I have two who's backs.
First is bulls.
Not because we have action broncin' on,
but bulls are back.
There was a Washington Post article that said,
America's hung up on bull culture.
What if you like to eat from a plate?
So I guess bulls are like the hot new thing.
And people who like plates are just being left in the dust.
Can't eat soup off a plate.
Everything's gettin' put in a bowl these days.
Did you read the headline that accompanied that article?
It was like plates are falling flat.
Yeah, yeah.
It was great.
This person was very upset that the plates
were getting smoked by bulls.
Bulls are way, way better than plates.
Would we all agree?
There's nothing that you can eat out of a bowl
that you can't, or no, wait.
There's nothing that you can eat out of a plate
that you can't also eat out of a bowl.
I mean, like a T-bone steak would be kind of weird.
If you have a big enough bowl, then just cut it,
and then you put the mashed potatoes on the bottom.
Well, now you're talking about one of those
bowl plate hybrids.
I just invented KFC's famous bowls.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I'm a big bowl guy myself.
Hank's looking at us with a side eye.
I don't want to get rid of plates.
No, plates are done, dude.
I don't know. Never eat a plate.
See how long you can go without eating from a plate.
The results will amaze you.
Rest of my life, I could do.
That's someone I just wrote BuzzFeed's new article.
Our BuzzFeed staff, our comic staff went a whole week
without eating from a plate, and the results will amaze you.
Yeah, that's what they do.
It's like they do these grand experiments,
but I deactivated Facebook for three days,
and here's what I learned about myself.
I wanted to kill myself,
because I couldn't look at anyone's pictures.
And I couldn't comment on racist articles.
Yeah, it sucked.
All right, my other who's back is that baby back bitch,
Slowie Slogano, who blocked me on Twitter
for calling him Slowie Slogano.
How soft is that?
He blocked you, or was he just getting in front of you
to make you go faster?
Yeah, that's true. That is a good point.
We know NASCAR now, but he basically tweeted
and said, I had a great car,
but sometimes it doesn't break your way,
which is a classic, like, hey dude,
you could have just said, my name's Slowie Slogano,
and I go slower than everyone.
So I filled it in for him, and then he blocked me.
Yeah, and the fact that he said he had a great car,
it's like trying a little bit too hard to get out there
and be like, hey, my car was really good, I promise.
Just to my team, fuck you Slowie Slogano.
Block me, bitch.
All right, before we get to our interview
with Action Bronson, a quick word
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Okay, here he is, Action Bronson.
All right, we now welcome on Action Bronson,
she's a rapper slash chef slash TV host
and he also just gave us all Losanges.
Best selling author, that must be added
into the best selling author.
I didn't fucking do it for no reason.
You did it because you wanted to be a bestseller.
Well, to be presented in that manner.
Right, it's not so much about the actual money
that you make from the novel,
it's just for the rest of your life,
it's New York Times bestselling author, Action Bronson.
Do you give everyone Losanges when they show up?
Well, no, I asked for one and she brought three,
so I figured all of us should share.
Have a nice day.
Do you still have yours in your mouth?
I do, I have through my throat.
No, it's all good because the throat,
it needs to be soothed after the rapping
and the talking and all this.
You gotta keep it here so you don't keep
on fucking washing it around the mouth.
All right, I got it.
Like a dip, like a little pouch.
Exactly, like dip.
Yeah, so your throat, because you're on tour now.
Exactly.
And when did the tour start?
Last night in Boston, the white Bronco tour,
alongside Rock Marciano and Mayhem Loren,
my two good friends, I don't know what else to say.
We're over here fucking demolishing shit.
What other tour, like where else are you going on the tour?
We gotta activate the people.
I got them.
Just tomorrow night at Irving Plaza,
then the next day at Warsaw and Green Point.
Okay.
Then we hit the, I don't know, Philly, Connecticut,
Midwest, West Coast.
Nice, you're everywhere.
Have you done Irving Plaza yet?
I have.
Yeah, I was gonna say the only tip I have about that place,
use the bathroom before you go there.
Because the bathroom situation in the green room
is less than optimal.
That was usually never a good situation
in the green room bathroom.
Yeah, that was a humble brag.
PFT played Irving Plaza.
When?
I played it back in July.
Yeah, no big deal.
Sold that motherfucker out.
So I like to hear.
No big deal.
Good shit.
Yeah.
So you have a bunch of stuff cooking right now.
What would you say, like when I introduce you,
bestselling author, rapper, chef,
what's like the number one thing that people,
like action broads, what's the first thing
you want people saying?
I don't know.
Man of the people.
I really, yeah, that's it.
I don't really care what anyone says about me,
but I am a man of the people.
There's no doubt about that.
I like that.
One thing that I noticed straight up about you
that I appreciate is you're a shorts guy.
Always.
And so you caught me on a day.
I start getting back into shorts mode
in typically mid-February,
just because I get sick of the winter.
You ever wear pants, ever?
I haven't worn pants in like 12 years.
Seriously?
I love that.
That's crazy.
You ever get cold?
No, I pull the vortex, whatever.
I've been through it all.
Do you own pants?
Yeah.
And you just look at them?
I own sweatpants.
I own a pair, a couple of pairs of jeans,
but I just look at them.
Those are long removed from me, fitting in no shit.
That's crazy.
My fucking legs are thick.
You ever wear a suit?
Yeah.
I wore a suit, actually.
I was in Paris.
I did a show called We Love Green, demolished it.
Then I had to jump in a cab
and go to a four-star Michelin restaurant.
Excuse me, three.
Oh, that's a big difference.
I had to wear a thing,
but I still had my car hard shirt on.
So let's talk about that.
You come from a culinary background.
I do.
You were a fire-flame chef, I'm told.
What does fire-flame mean?
I don't even know what the fuck that means.
It sounds cool, though, right?
Yeah, it's beautiful.
You were just an awesome chef.
I mean, yeah, I was working in kitchens.
I was trying to be that guy.
Yeah.
And you had an accident in the kitchen.
Yeah, I took a spill, broke my leg.
I was wearing some bullshit New Balance 574s.
Fuck that.
Yeah, fuck those shoes.
I was making burgers for the children.
And my man, my man, young Mexico,
who was mopping the floor at the time,
somehow water mixed with oil and I slipped,
and cracked my whole fucking leg.
Did you get insurance money?
No, it was my father's restaurant.
I couldn't sue him.
Fuck, you should have sued your dad.
He's a fucking prick.
I couldn't sue him, though.
So you did, you've done a bunch of cooking shows as well,
or shows where you basically,
from what I understand,
you essentially have figured out a life hack
of you can make a show out of anything
where you're just doing the things that you like to do.
Facts.
That's awesome.
Absolutely.
So you, when you do fuck that's delicious,
it literally is you just eating the food you like.
Yeah, and going to unbelievable places all around the world
with my friends smoking weed and getting taken care of.
That's living the dream.
Yeah, we also did that ancient alien show
where we just smoked weed and watched ancient aliens,
which I love to do.
So I've done that many times.
I've never gotten paid for it.
So I, handsomely.
Yeah.
I'm trying to be paid handsomely for these things.
I want to ask you questions about the food show,
but while we're on this show,
talking about the shows you've done,
I have a pitch for you for a show.
Tell it to me.
Knowing that you can basically make a show out of nothing
and make it interesting.
We call it, so Meek Mill is going to be,
we don't even have to have Meek Mill in it,
just maybe in the title sponsor.
It's called Dreams and Nightmares.
And the first 10 minutes is you just sleeping.
It's just video of you sleeping.
That's an interesting state.
And then the next 20 minutes is you waking up,
and then you tell us whether you had a dream
or a nightmare and what it was about.
To be honest with you,
I never remember whether I had a dream or a nightmare.
So here's, so there's a third thing
where if you don't remember, you just get high.
Perfect, let's do it.
Yeah.
And also if it's a nightmare,
we have a horse on deck and you get on the horse
and you just trot around talking about your nightmare.
I'm in.
Dreams and nightmares.
Done.
I think you could make that show
and everyone would be like,
this is fucking awesome.
Because it's awesome.
Done.
With Meek Mill or just you in the title.
Well, I was thinking if the budget doesn't allow it,
we could just put a picture of him in the title.
And pretend it's there.
I'm just trying to figure how he would, you know.
He could host it.
I think that would be serious.
I think that would be amazing.
He'd be the guy who wakes you up.
I don't want that.
So he just walks in, he's like, hey, action, wake up.
Probably have to work on that angle.
Okay.
All right, but so you make these shows
and like you said, fuck that's delicious.
You travel everywhere, you eat everything.
What's the best place you've been
and the best food that you've had?
Well, let me just say this.
I know it looks like it's ridiculous.
We're just fucking around and shit like that.
But honestly, we're bringing culture to people.
Oh yeah.
You know, in a different light.
And other than being talked down to and, you know,
feeling like you don't really know
what the fuck is going on.
Man of the people.
Well, yeah.
That's really what it is.
There it is.
You're able to relate to all of us.
Cause we're all from Queens and just some regular guys.
Right.
Well, and I think that you actually make a good point
because we have something similar going on here
where there's something to be said for making it look like
you're not putting a lot of work into something,
but you really are.
Man, not stop all day long.
But keeping it a level where people can watch it
and they don't see it as some like overproduced big show
makes it relatable.
That's the key.
Right.
So what is your favorite food?
Like if you had to do death row,
you get one dish, maybe a dessert as well.
What is it?
It's so hard to say.
I mean, I don't know if I would do my mother's cooking,
but I would probably, hmm, I always say bagel and eggs,
but I'm fucking over bagel and eggs.
Okay.
I'm thinking some sort of pasta dish, nice olive oil.
I appreciate the best olive oil in the world.
It's something to be appreciated.
You know how people appreciate wines.
Olive oil is like, this is a beautiful thing.
So I would like to have the gorgeous,
the most gorgeous olive oil next to me,
a nice plate of pasta with some truffle,
white truffle at the peak of season.
My favorite place to be, I don't know.
I really love Japan just because of the experiences,
but on sheer beauty, New Zealand is nothing like it.
Really?
Do you do the hikes down there?
We did, we did.
We went to, we were in Kari Kari
where it's like fucking Jurassic Park.
Crazy beach, you have to hike to the beach,
black sands, next level shit.
Do you think truffle, there's truffle scammers out there?
I feel like everywhere I go now,
it's like truffle fries, fuck that bullshit.
Truffle fries, if there's truffle oil,
it's not real truffle.
It's garbage.
People are hurting the truffle.
I'm done with truffle to tell you the truth.
I haven't eaten truffle in a long time
because when I do, I want it to really
make an impact on my life again,
the way it did the first time.
So truffles, they're real big in France, right?
There's a specific region that a lot of them are growing in?
Not just, it's usually they come from Northern Italy.
Okay, Northern Italy.
Yeah, Northern, like Alba, they have the best stuff.
They're like these beautiful white.
I mean, they're found all around those areas.
There's some in France, but the most pungent ones
come from there.
Now, is there a way that we can set up
like bioengineer climate somewhere in the United States
buy a piece of land and get it so it's a good environment
to grow truffles so we can start our own truffle business
here, stateside, make a lot of money?
That's something I'm sure they're looking into.
I have no fucking clue.
But I'll tell you this,
they don't have them anywhere else in the world, but there.
Yeah, yeah.
The other ones, they're not as tasty.
They've done black ones that are not, you know,
they would ever, but you just have to get them naturally.
When you start biomechanicking all kinds of shit,
it becomes, it ain't it, it ain't natural.
It doesn't taste the same.
Doesn't.
Now, have you ever collabed with Guy Fieri?
I actually cooked with Guy Fieri.
I didn't, I was in the same room.
He let me taste his cheesesteak.
Oh, yeah.
What was that like?
Whatever.
Oh, really?
Wasn't impressed by Guy Fieri.
He's cool though.
He seems like a really nice guy.
Like he gets a lot of shit sometimes
because obviously he has like,
he wasn't very nice and he wasn't very nice to people.
Really?
He was fucking, you know.
Well, he is Guy Fieri, well.
He's Guy fucking Fieri.
Yeah, like he's a big deal.
He's beyond a big deal.
Right.
He's bigger than a big deal.
Exactly.
He's one of these icons in America.
Yes, I agree.
Like millions of years from now,
his bowling shirts
are gonna be reproduced in China for money.
Yes, yes.
What about New York cuisine?
What's the best like pizza spot?
What's the best?
What are your go-to places?
I mean, Luc Cali's is probably
one of my favorite pizza spots on the planet.
I also love New Park because, you know,
that's just one of those classic slices.
I feel like you could get a decent slice
anywhere in the city on a quarter.
I agree with that.
A decent slice that's edible and well,
it's pretty good pizza.
Right, right.
Nothing mind-blowing,
but there's some mind-blowing places.
I like Golden Fountain Chinese food,
Cantonese Chinese on Metropolitan and 116th.
Okay.
In Queens.
It's higher level hood Chinese food.
I like that.
Yeah, exactly.
My go-to Chinese order.
Because I've fallen into that rut
where I get the same...
Hot and sour soup.
Oh, yeah.
Hot and sour soup.
I like to get a...
Sometimes I like to do the spare rib tips
because they're lacquered
in some fucking apple cherry situation.
Yep.
With the hot mustard always.
A nice wing fried hard cut up.
You have to cut the wing into pieces.
It can't be a full wing.
It has to be three pieces.
They give you the little thing.
And the wing tip.
Exactly.
I like gnawing on the wing tip.
And the foot.
Almost like a toothpick.
Yeah.
You like the foot of the chicken?
I like the foot of the chicken and chicken soup.
Now you get a lot of flavor out of it.
Yeah, that works.
That is nice.
That's really nice.
So I had one idea.
I've been trying to figure this out
in my own head for the last couple of years.
I'm a big soup guy.
I could eat soup every single day,
every meal, and I would never get tired of it.
I'm trying to think of a way to make dessert soup
because I've never seen it offered after the meal.
Sometimes I eat soup for dessert
because it fills in the cracks of everything
that you've just previously, which feels nice.
But I've never seen a sweet dessert soup.
And so I'm just trying to work that out in my head.
I didn't know if you had any thoughts on that.
I mean, I always let ice cream out and just drink it.
Yes.
That's a good point.
I think people pointed that out to you
the time you mentioned that.
You could also break cookies and shit into it
and get real fat, get disgusting,
put all kinds of shit into the melted ice cream.
I like that.
That's pretty good too.
So we'll talk another one up from here.
Enough melted ice cream.
Enough melted ice cream that it's an actual soup,
where it's not just like a bunch of fucking mess,
where it's actually like a quality bowl of soup.
Yeah, and instead of like oyster crackers,
you put in just broken up graham crackers.
There it is.
Okay, dessert soup done.
What, so we are technically a sports podcast,
but we go everywhere.
You're a New York sports fan.
100%.
That sucks.
It has for a long time.
I mean, except for the Yankees, it has for a long time.
But like the Knicks,
do you think Kevin Durant and Kyrie are coming?
Every time that they say these people are coming,
they just never come to New York for some reason.
I don't know what about New York
isn't a destination for motherfuckers.
There it is.
I like going to the garden.
I don't want to say anything.
Okay, we'll say it for you.
No, let's shout out to my friends.
Yeah, okay.
Shout out to the garden.
Yeah, you already know.
You're doing great stuff there, guys.
It's a terrible situation, honestly.
There's been for years and as a fan, it fucking sucks.
But you know, it's hard to change alliances.
Yeah.
Who's your favorite like old school player?
I mean, Ewing.
Yeah.
Ewing was my guy.
I mean, those teams.
The 90s Knicks, yeah.
I love Spree.
Yup.
You know?
Spree's, I saw Spree.
Where do you see Spree?
Because I'm at an airport not too long ago.
I think he just lives on his yacht in Milwaukee.
And just hangs out.
It's not a bad life.
No, not a bad life.
The Yacht in Milwaukee though.
That's the Asian Yacht city.
That part.
Yeah.
Like Michigan's nice in the summer.
Croatia.
Yeah.
Miami.
Milwaukee.
Milwaukee.
Yeah.
And then like Monaco.
Those are the yacht cities.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
I'd like that.
Are you a Mets fan or Yankees fan?
Yankees.
Okay, so you got that going.
That's nice.
Yankees, you know, Knicks glory when I was a child,
but still heartbreaking.
Yes.
The Jets, let's not even talk about that.
Please, for fuck's sake.
Yeah.
Although Sam Darnold.
I mean, yeah.
Okay.
The problem is that I listen to Joe Peninga every day.
Yep.
You know, and I've kind of, flip it upside down.
Flip it upside down.
Yeah, you have it upside down.
It's a stone book.
That's why it's supposed to be here.
This is his book.
It's called Stone Beyond Belief.
There it is.
Do you take your time's best selling author of fuck that?
It has to be put on the cover.
There's no doubt about it.
Come on.
Do you take monster hits?
Monster hits?
Yeah.
I fucking smoke a lot of hash.
Okay.
Well, I'm in the monster hits only club.
Yeah.
I smoke a lot of hash.
I smoke a lot of hash.
You smoke hash or you smoking?
Just weed.
What's the difference between hash and weed?
Well, what I'm smoking, I'm smoking this pure hash.
They take weed at its peak right when it's cut down
and they freeze it instantly.
So you get all the oils and essences frozen in time.
Then they take that.
And then they gently wash it.
They gently wash it with cold, very, very pure water
and pure ice and just gently knock those heads off.
So then that collects.
You dry that out and it becomes this beautiful white powder.
Then you take that.
You put that through a coffee filter.
Okay.
The Revlon hair straightener and it gushes all out
this pure like 95% THC hash clean as could be.
That's gotta fuck you up.
Oh, it fucks me up all day long.
Whenever you get too fucked up, like sometimes.
Edibles fuck me up real bad.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, do you make this hash yourself?
I don't, I press the hash.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I have, I have.
You do the Revlon.
You do the Revlon.
But that's also, it's a talent in an art in itself.
There's people that can't squash,
can't squish hash for shit.
Right.
They don't let them get the right yield.
Right.
You know, it blows out, you know.
This is all very scientific.
I like this.
It's very scientific.
When, I love people who are very passionate about weed
because they don't take this the wrong way,
but like at the end of the day, you're just high.
Yeah, I'm high.
Yeah.
Like when you go to like a weed dispensary
and they're like, well, this could do this
and this can do that.
It's like, but.
They're bullshitting you.
You just gotta get high.
Bullshitting you.
It's mind-altering.
You choose your, you choose your path once you're high.
Are you a.
Holy shit, that was deep.
That is fucking deep.
I can't even believe I said that.
Say that again for the people.
What did I say?
You choose your own path when you're high.
You choose your own path when you're high.
You choose the destination when you're high.
Make sure you fucking write that down.
Doesn't matter if it's.
Shouts to emails.
You choose your own path when you're high.
Yeah, you don't fucking let any Dijkstra hit me up
on Twitter one time.
He's a friend of ours.
I love him.
Well.
I don't know him.
That's why I love him.
Yeah.
The more he's a guy, the more you know
the less you want to know.
He showed up to this office with a gun once.
So that was, we found out later
that he carries a gun everywhere he goes.
He's licensed.
Yeah.
Well, but I don't think so in New York City.
Yeah.
He got a little trouble at Wyoming.
Uber had an issue with him producing the firearm.
Is there a difference between Indica and Sativa?
I don't even know what that is.
See, yeah.
You know, apparently one makes you head high
and one makes your body high.
I'm smoking the hybrids.
I'm smoking all kinds of things.
I like, I go for flavor.
I go for flavor and taste and the effect
it gives me instantly.
Yes.
When was the last time you had a day where you weren't high?
Yesterday I was on and off.
I wasn't fully trashed.
That's high.
Yeah, I was high.
But no, there hasn't been a day
where I've just taken off for a long time.
I don't feel that I need to take off.
Right.
Like what am I taking off from?
You would have crazy dreams, I think.
I've always heard that.
Like when you stop smoking,
you'll get like insane vivid dreams.
But the thing is when I'm awake,
all those things just fly out of me.
Life is a dream.
There it is.
Write that down too.
I don't need to fucking be sleeping and not forget it
when I wake up.
I need to be conscious saying these things,
writing these things,
turning these lines into some sort of rap.
Yes.
So what is the, like talking about the creative process
because you're an insane creative guy.
This is it.
Do you sit in a room and write stuff?
Do you have a like whiteboard?
Do you sit and bounce shit off people?
I have a whiteboard that just says I love you
that my girl wrote.
That's it.
That's it?
It's a huge whiteboard that says I love you
in the bottom left corner.
That's a piece of art to me.
Can you erase it?
You can.
Oh.
But I haven't taken the eraser to a yen.
Don't do that.
There's no reason.
It's like, it's just a plateau for you to just throw shit at.
It's like possibilities, endless possibilities.
And once you put something up there,
it usually doesn't even go,
it doesn't come to fruition.
If something else comes from that.
It's like when I was a kid, my dad coached basketball
and he wrote out a play, but it was with a Sharpie.
And then we just ran that same play the whole season
because he couldn't wipe it off.
Well, that's a good play.
Yeah, he fucked up.
It fucking worked.
Yeah, well.
It's like in Madden, like 2000,
you know, I used to do this one play with the Jets.
It was with the fullback, this one and then that one.
Yeah.
It worked all the time.
The wheel route kind of thing.
It's not a wheel.
The wheel kind of goes that way.
It was more of an in-cut with the fullback.
Got you like an option route.
Yeah, like an option route,
hitting them right over the middle.
Once you find that one-played Madden,
it's like not even fair.
It's not fair anymore.
I beat PFC because I found this one play
where I just had the guy go over the middle.
That's what I'm saying.
It's like you can't stop him.
Back in Madden 95, there was a play called Maverick on defense
where if you just blitzed with the middle linebacker,
you'd get a 10 yard sack every time.
Defond Kirkland.
Yeah, there you go.
That's the bullet loop.
Do you like Spotify as an artist?
I like Spotify, but I don't have it.
Do you like the idea?
So the fact that...
You know what?
I'm not really up on a lot of technology,
which is like, I mean, I don't know.
Spotify, everyone got that shit.
I guess it works.
I don't know what the fuck.
But I don't have an opinion on it.
You get paid off it?
I don't know.
Okay.
I don't have enough stuff up on there.
Yeah.
I don't have all my, like my first couple of mixtapes,
like Blue Chips One, Blue Chips Two,
the shit that really popped me off.
It's not up there because there's just,
it's not able to be up there, you know?
Right.
Those were given away because there was so many things
I wrapped over that, you just can't...
What was it?
Was that named after the movie?
Absolutely.
Hell yeah.
The movie was awesome.
Absolutely.
So that, I also did a mixtape called The Program
with Latimer on the cover.
Fuck yes.
Starting defense plays at the table.
You already know that.
Yep.
Absolutely.
Do you have that name there?
Alvin Mac?
Yeah.
And fucking Latimer.
Hell yeah.
You make a lot of sports references in your songs.
There's one line in particular I really enjoy.
It's, what if Alan Iverson was Chinese riding on a Harley?
In damn square cop in Charlie.
If you've ever been to Amsterdam,
there's always a Moroccan guy, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
He's asking if you want Coke.
So there's like, there's layers of things there.
I pondered that question and I had to write it.
Yeah, what if?
The fuck if Alan Iverson was Chinese riding on a Harley?
Yeah.
Almost like Delante West.
Yeah.
Kind of like that.
But yeah, what if?
That was actually the only question I had written down
for there was just like, what if?
Because it did make me think.
Here's a good question.
What do you do when you get too high?
Sleep.
Yeah.
Eat.
Take a shower.
Nah.
We drove a bus down to Vienna and I got way too high one day
and I was stuck on an RV.
That's sucked.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't never get to a point where I'm like panicking.
I just ride a wave.
Yeah, fuck.
You gotta just ride the wave.
Yeah, you can't panic because it is what it is.
Who pass?
Yeah.
What if you get too high to sleep?
That happens to me sometimes.
No, you watch Sopranos.
That's good.
What's your favorite season?
All of them.
I just finished watching it for the fucking 36 times.
The best.
Unbelievable.
Yeah, they were running a marathon at HBO.
I got caught and watched like the first two seasons again.
It's tremendous.
It's the best.
Yeah, Hank actually hasn't even finished it,
so don't spoil it.
I heard a wild, a wild theory about the ending of it.
So, you know, it cuts to black at Hank, close your ears,
but it cuts to black at the very end.
The theory was that the person that got killed at the end
was actually you, the viewer.
Mmm.
Because you were sitting right the back of the head.
Right the back of the head.
You got got, you were in the life for a while.
You'd learned to love some of these characters,
even though they had flaws.
You were as invested in the life as they were,
to a certain extent, and pow.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
That's a good feeling.
People at the end, which I actually remember vividly,
like one of my roommates at the time actually,
was saying this, that we got so bloodlust,
we were so bloodlust for everyone to die,
that he was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna kill you,
the viewer.
That's some, see that's why he made the big bucks.
Yeah.
David Chase.
When was the last time you cried because of something
that you saw when you're high?
I cry a lot at these fucking,
these E60 sports things, or the, you know,
when they do like these pieces of the fucking kid in hospital.
Yes.
Fuck it freaks me out for some reason.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Pisses me off also, like why am I crying?
They're doing this on purpose.
That gets me too.
Yeah, you hear Jeremy Shapp's voice.
Yeah.
Or the little like piano comes in,
and the dude from Tom Bernaldi starts talking,
and just waterworks me.
Yeah, it's unbelievable, I don't know why.
I got so high the other, like about three weeks ago,
that I cried because I was flipping back and forth
in a hotel between college basketball and NBA,
and college basketball, they didn't score for like 10 minutes,
and then I went to the NBA and Clay Thompson
hit like three threes in 90 seconds,
and I was, I got a little teary-eyed,
I was like, this is beautiful.
That's heavy.
Yeah.
The last time I cried, like a baby,
I'd have to say I was in a van with Alchemist,
and I had some edibles that someone had given me,
they were just extremely strong,
and he started playing Billie Holiday,
and I just started fucking crying like a baby,
uncontrollably.
Right.
Like, yeah, I can't do this anymore.
I didn't even know what I couldn't do anymore,
I was just crying.
It just hit you, like that right nerve that it found.
You know, crying sometimes feels good,
it's a beautiful release.
It's a good point, I don't cry enough, I don't think.
I need to open up more and cry.
You should, let yourself, let yourself cry,
cause you may just hold a fucking strong stern,
you gotta let it just go.
There's also nothing better than like,
laughing so hard when you're high and getting, and crying.
Well, that's the bad.
That's the thing, you cry, and you laugh,
and there's all these emotions.
All the waves, yeah.
Ride the wave.
There it is, yeah.
Just ride that wave.
Yeah, ride the wave.
So, our producer Bubba sent us like a few facts about you
before this interview that we might not have known.
He says that you claim to have fixed some games
at some point back in the day.
In some rap lyrics, I've fixed Miami of Ohio in a,
Ooh, little Mac?
It was like, Gremlin State.
Yeah.
Those teams don't play each other.
No, no, no, it wasn't.
It could, come on.
Mm.
Did you actually fix the game?
Grambling in Southern.
Okay, those teams play each other.
You know why?
I'm not gonna fucking make a wrong.
If I'm gonna make the, the accusation of myself
that I fixed the game, I'm not gonna.
Get the teams right.
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna get the wrong conferences
that don't play each other.
Yeah.
You know?
Cause I gamble too much, so I knew right away that.
I fixed the game, oh, between Kentucky
and Miami of Ohio.
They play in the Mac, right?
No, Kentucky doesn't play in the Mac.
They did.
But they could play each other.
Well, what did they play?
They played in the, what's the Midwest Conference?
Yeah.
No, no, maybe it was Western Kentucky in Miami of Ohio.
Miami of Ohio plays in the Mac.
Kentucky plays in the SEC.
It was a long time ago.
We could look it up.
Look up the lyric.
Fix the game.
I'm on it.
I'm on it.
Okay.
It wasn't true, but you know.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Damn.
I definitely fixed some Golden Glove fights.
Oh.
Some handball matches in Queens.
A little highlight?
Yeah.
Highlight down in Florida was big for me.
That's.
The Greyhounds also, the dogs.
Yup.
I only bet on gray animals.
That's it?
That's it.
Horses, dogs, whatever.
Bet on gray.
Well, that's it.
It's not horses, dogs, whatever.
It's horses and dogs.
I don't know any of the gray animals.
I guess rhinos.
Well, there's plenty of gray animals.
Here it goes.
Motherfucker, I'm a great artist.
I fixed the game between Georgia Tech and Wake Forest.
That's ACC.
There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I got that one right.
That makes sense.
So did you fix that?
Back when Maubarry was there.
No, so there was the Wake Forest Georgia Tech ACC
championship football game was Wake Forest
against Georgia Tech and Wake Forest won nine to six.
Was that you?
Hmm.
Hmm.
Was that you?
Hmm.
Was that you?
That was me.
What's your relationship with Vice these days?
Rocky.
Yeah, what happened with that?
No, you know, just when you don't feel like people
are appreciating you and doing the right thing by you,
you know, you start saying go fuck yourself.
Right.
Is that the worst part about the job?
Because, you know, like I've said,
you're an insanely creative guy and having to deal
with maybe politics above you, that's gonna suck.
It's annoying because nothing is above me.
I mean, I could deal with all that type of thing,
but I know what you mean with that type of thing.
But when people say things to your face
and then do other things, it just rubs me the wrong way.
Right.
If you're gonna say something to me
and we're gonna go on this journey together,
don't fucking bullshit me.
Right.
You know?
That's fair.
That's really it.
Yeah.
Do you have any interest in doing like a narrative
television show as opposed to more of a talk show
or a reality based thing?
Like something you sit down and write?
Well, I never really wanted to do something
reality based.
You know, I always wanted it to be just free form.
You know, like those other reality shows are scripted.
We literally do one take.
Nobody does anything over.
If you miss it, you fucking miss it.
There's been so many things missed.
There's never a setup.
There's never, yo, listen, we're gonna talk about this.
Nothing like that.
Would I like to sit down and write something?
Yeah, but you know, my mind is, I can't,
I'm more of a, like when I dictate,
I'm able to get my thoughts out more clearly.
When I write, I feel like I'm rambling sometimes, you know?
Yeah.
I get that, and it might not be as authentic.
Like you seem like a guy that lives his life
just out there in the moment.
Right away.
Yeah, so when you write something down
and you try to distill that,
it's not necessarily capturing the true action.
Exactly.
Do I call you action or Mr. Bronson?
You could call me Baklava, you could call me Bam Bam,
you could call me Bronson.
I like Bam Bam.
Yeah, Bam Bam's cool.
Bam Bam's real cool.
That's, yeah, where'd you that come from?
Bigelow.
Okay.
My whole life I've looked like Bam Bam Bigelow.
Yeah.
Were you a wrestling fan back in the day?
Big time.
What was your favorite wrestling?
I'd say Bret Hart, Stone Cold.
I loved that attitude ever.
I liked it years before.
I've been watching a lot of WWE Network.
Yes.
The prior years.
Yes.
Like all the shit I forgot,
like these fucking weird tag teams,
like the fucking Bumblebees and all kinds of crazy shit.
I used to have the little rubber figurines for them.
We watched, a couple of weeks ago,
we watched Kane versus, or sorry,
Undertaker versus Mankind the Hell in the South.
Come on.
I watched that all the time.
Yeah, I know.
But you watching, you're like, holy shit,
he took the dive off the thing.
Then he went through the fucking cage.
I don't know how he didn't die that night.
Then the tacks.
Then, oh my, then he came,
he got off the stretcher.
Yup.
Mick Foley is one of my favorite wrestlers.
Cactus Jack, I liked ECW a lot.
Yeah.
ECW used to come on two o'clock in the morning
on MSG Network.
That's it, right there.
So we used to watch that shit a lot.
A lot of Sabu, a lot of Sandman,
a lot of Taz, shouts to my guy Taz.
Shouts Taz.
Were you ever an athlete yourself?
What?
Were you an athlete yourself?
Yeah, I played high school football
in baseball at Bayside High School.
Were you any good?
I was really good, actually.
I was a good center.
I was a good offensive lineman
because I'm loaded to ground and I have quickness
and I have a lot of fucking explosive power.
So I was a good pulling center.
Mm-hmm, absolutely.
Did you out in space run somebody over?
Absolutely, and I could fucking stuff anybody
because they couldn't get lower than me.
Yeah.
That's right, low man wins.
No matter what.
All right, I have one last question.
Seeky question, put in promo code,
take, you get $10 off.
You can go see action, bam, bam, sorry,
on his tour, the White Bronco tour.
That's right.
Go check it out, buy your Seeky ticket,
you get $10 off, right?
Like that actually comes out of your pocket.
That's all right.
No, I'm just kidding.
It's all good.
Put in promo code, take.
That's falafel money.
Yes, I actually said this to you when we met,
you were here a few months ago,
and you did not care about this fact,
so I'm gonna lay it on you again.
No, I remember what you said to me.
What did I say?
You said to me that we were on the same plane.
Fuck, you do remember.
I don't know, come on.
We were on the same plane,
and you thought to yourself that if it goes down.
Yes.
You're gonna be overlooked.
Yes.
Because I was on.
Yes, because bam, but it's same plane twice.
Because I've gone down in the plane.
Yes, same plane twice.
We've been on the same plane twice in a matter of months.
It's a good amount of time, bro.
The first time I remember,
We're not going down.
I was flying first class not to brag,
so were you, obviously, you're bigger than me.
You walked by me, and it was just
the most pungent weed smell,
and I was like, who the fuck?
And then I was like, oh shit, it's Action Bronson.
Yeah, man.
And then I said, well fuck, if this plane goes down,
I'm gonna be like way down on the list.
Nah, you're up there, come on.
No, no, no.
Don't tell yourself shit.
Have you ever think about that?
Like, you're on a plane?
No, I don't.
Okay, I guess that's.
I don't, I take too many.
I gotta chill out, yeah.
I take too many planes to be worrying about
whether it's gonna go down or not.
I was on the fucking plane from Australia,
16 hours over the pond.
Woo, come on, man, like.
How many edibles was that?
I actually was sober.
So there you go, that's the whole day.
It was, no, it wasn't the whole day,
because I got off and instantly got smashed.
It was despicable.
It was a despicable ride.
I watched Every Crocodile Dundee.
I watched Woodstock that took six and a half hours
to watch, which was great.
And now you're only halfway there.
Yeah, exactly.
And then I fucking, you know,
I walked around the cabin a little bit.
Had some ice cream, had some passion fruit.
Okay.
They had passion fruit, so I had like 12 of those.
Yup, hell yeah.
And no, no edibles.
None, damn.
It's a long flight.
None.
There was no edibles in Australia.
Really?
I got really high for like two minutes
because the weed is so bad out there.
Really?
Ugh.
What, yuck.
Are you gonna own us, I mean,
New York's gotta be legal soon, right?
It's been legal for 20 years in my book.
Yeah, that's true.
I've been going uptown and buying weed
from Dominicans my whole life.
With no cares.
Yeah, guess what?
It's legal in my book.
There it is.
I mean, it's gotta happen soon though.
You should be part of the political movement.
Yeah, I'm not really into politics,
but I'll definitely reap the benefits.
Yes.
Yeah, so if it becomes legal,
you're gonna have, you know,
something that's front and center,
like something branded?
Nah, I don't think so.
I'm not trying to take advantage
of this beautiful plant,
but what I will say is this,
I like to, I'm more of like a taste maker.
If I like it, more than likely you're gonna like it.
I think that's the pinnacle of life to become a taste maker.
I don't like to call myself that, but in hash,
Some people can call you that.
With hash?
You're the pressers, you're the head press guy,
you're the best press guy in the world.
I'm one of them.
Do you know the others?
I do.
What are their names?
Storm and Norman.
Okay.
Those are Glassblower out in Seattle,
He squishes tremendously.
My boy GZ out in Philly.
Tremendous.
These guys know what they're doing with their Revlon's.
This is, it's like the Kobe beef of making hash.
100%.
It's just like massage it just right.
Also my guy Richie from Deadass Rising,
straight out of Queens.
There you are, shout out Richie.
Corona.
I think Richie's a listener actually.
I'm sure he is.
So wait, well how many,
would you say you're like the top?
If everyone, if that's how it was like?
Top five, Dead or Alive.
Hash Rising, squishers.
For sure.
There's no doubt about it.
My guy Dr. Vert out in Portland,
I mean in Oregon.
Come on.
Who doesn't know him?
It's a country wide thing.
We're gonna have our own baseball card soon.
Do you think Revlon has caught onto this?
That would be the best.
That would be the pinnacle of Revlon
start sponsoring you to squish hash.
But I'll tell you this,
it's a really fucking ridiculous thing.
When you start realizing
I was the first person at Walgreens at 7 a.m.
to buy a fucking hand press
because I landed in LA and I needed it right away.
Off to Australia flight.
Got in early.
630, 645, I was right in front of Walgreens
just in the cab waiting with him.
Like yeah, they open at seven.
Need my Revlon.
And why the fuck I walk in there?
What the hell do you need this for?
Yeah, you don't have fucking questions
what I'm buying.
You can question anybody else with their purchasing.
No question what I purchase.
How many hair straighteners do you go through?
Well, I've had this one
that's the golden standard now for about eight months.
Did you name it?
No, I haven't.
Oh, you should give it a name.
Yeah.
Make it like added to,
it's like a character of its own.
I don't look at it,
I look at it as a,
it's like,
it's like BB King named his guitar.
Oh yeah.
Lucille.
Lucille's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, you should name your hair straightener.
Bertha.
Ooh!
Yeah.
I like that.
Like Bertha.
Yeah.
I mean, if it's been with you for that long.
Gertrude.
Gertrude.
I like, I don't hate Gertrude either.
Gertrude the hair presser.
Gertrude the, the, the hash squusher.
That's the noise it makes.
What's it do?
As soon as you squish it just goes.
I need to smoke some of this hash with you.
You do.
I mean, you could come to my studio anytime at any point.
I absolutely will.
I want to smoke some of this hash.
I want to also watch you squish.
You want to watch me squish?
Yeah.
All right, for sure.
I would love to watch you squish.
I would love to watch you squish.
Easy.
Yeah.
I mean, would you want to see MJ in his prime?
No.
Well, yeah.
But most people would like to see, you know,
the best of the best, the goats do it.
I'd like to see the goats squish.
I'd really like to see Richard Jefferson in his prime.
Yo, Richard Jefferson.
It's my guy.
Friend of our, friend of our program.
Yeah, we've had him on.
He's a good guy.
Yeah, he is a good guy.
He's a good analyst.
He is a good analyst.
I think he's really good on TV.
Yes, he is.
He is.
Who's, who do you guys like watching?
Who do you guys enjoy?
You like Steven A?
On TV?
I like Steven.
He's the fucking most funny.
I like Steven A as an entertainer.
Yes.
I think people should stop taking him seriously
for his analysis.
Just appreciate him for what he is,
which is an entertaining guy who screams about sports
and is wrong frequently.
Who do you like?
I don't know.
I like, like I said, I like Joe Benigno.
Yeah.
I like Joe and everything in the morning.
You're a big Francesca guy?
I'm a big Francesca guy.
Do you think he's, so we're not, you know, New Yorkers,
but like I've gotten a kick out of him.
I've interviewed him before.
He's one of the, he's a classic.
Ridiculous.
He's a classic.
They don't make guys like that anyway.
That's why you just got to appreciate that shit and just.
What about the fact that he's always wrong?
It's just funny because the way he talks is so pompous
and it's so like, he just knows everything.
But he doesn't.
And I met Doug also, Doug.
They're just, they're just fucking characters.
Right.
They're just New York characters.
Like I got a guy in my neighborhood called Skip.
Okay.
He wears a fisherman hat, a fucking vest.
He got the paper with the horses in his pocket.
Yep.
Every time he sees me, he starts off with a Jets story
from 69.
Like they don't make people like that anymore.
You got to just appreciate that type of thing.
No, it's true.
They, the, what makes like a guy like Francesca or even
Stephen A. Smith unique is that they're just like
outlandish in their own right.
And you're like, I want to listen to that guy.
He's not just, you know.
Michael Irvin.
Michael Irvin.
I love Michael Irvin's spots on the radio.
He's fucking nuts.
Yeah.
You know what the difference is?
It's one of my favorites.
I think a big difference between Skip and Francesca is
or I mean Stephen A. and Francesca.
Stephen A. has kind of started to feed into what the media
has created out of him.
Yeah, for sure.
So it's become like a little less authentic.
Whereas Francesca, I don't think he gives a shit
what anybody says.
He's almost gotten more authentic
because he resists like the new age.
So, so hard.
He hates everything.
He said Twitter.
He's like, yeah, I just use Twitter
to put my thoughts out there.
I don't read anything.
I was the first one he tweeted.
Really?
No way.
I'm going to check it out.
I'm going to check this out right now.
Fact check.
Fact check.
Boys with him.
I've seen him.
Do you think Francesca's from Smoke's Hash?
I'll get him to Smoke's Hash.
I smoked hash with people you'd never even known.
Name name.
I can't name names right now.
One name that wouldn't care.
I don't know if they care.
No, I can't name names.
I can't.
Or someone who's public about smoking weed.
I mean, there was a good,
this was a good one with me and my boy body
at the fucking Jordan 23 party to 23rd anniversary.
Okay.
While Prince was playing,
Prince was on stage and me,
body and
which is blowing it down in Jordan's dressing room.
Okay.
I met Moses Malone that night.
Hell yeah.
I took a piss in between Dominique and Clyde Drexler.
Imagine how that picture looked from the back.
Yes.
Jesus Christ.
That's funny.
Come on.
It's tremendous.
All right, yeah.
In 2012, you tweeted NP,
Mike Francesca WFAN 660 New York City bitch.
That's right.
Is your first tweet?
No, no.
Francesca's first tweet was to me.
Oh.
But the, yeah, that's back when it wasn't on 1019.
It was still on 660.
You just letting everyone know.
Yeah, 660.
You just letting the people know.
I still listen to it on 660.
Yeah.
He's, I mean, he's a character.
He's unbelievable.
What's his Twitter handle?
Mike Fran.
There we go.
So everyone, he's gonna find it,
but everyone go to the White Bronco tour
by Bam Bam's bestselling book called
Stone Beyond.
Oh, the bestselling book is called
Fuck That's Delicious.
Fuck That's Delicious.
Oh, so I switched it.
This is the second book in the
Fuck That's Delicious trilogy
called Stone Beyond Belief.
What are you fucking doing?
A game of thrones?
I'm doing a fucking trilogy.
Things always ditch the divine numbers.
So is this, has this gone bestseller?
It will soon.
It hasn't gotten out yet.
It's not out yet.
It's March 19th.
Oh, okay.
So March 19th.
March 19th.
Make sure it goes back to bestseller.
Not that we have the power.
You have more power than us.
No, we need, we need that.
Everyone's gotta buy it.
I'm looking at it right now.
Well, I'll give you some ideas.
There's a pro tip in there.
How to, you know, stash weed underneath your nuts
in between your asshole and nuts,
right in that area where your thighs,
you know what I'm saying?
The taint?
The gooch.
Yeah.
Is there a trick to holding it in?
Well, you like, you have to have a thick thigh.
Okay, yeah.
And I can hold at least four ounces under my nuts.
Woo.
Quarter pound under my nuts.
Damn.
Comfortably.
Comfortably.
Or here we go.
Don't even feel it.
From Mike Francesa, met at Action Bronson.
He promised me he was gonna hit a home run
in CC's softball game.
I didn't, but I hit it double.
I hit it double.
Did he call you out?
No.
He should have called you out.
I hit a fucking double.
He's like, Babe Ruth, the kid.
I hit a double and I knocked in Mariano.
Okay, that's fair.
That sounds pretty cool.
And I was pitching.
Mariano came off, he had me come off the mound
to give me a talk.
He was like, come on, baby, come on, baby, come on, baby.
And that's it.
But I better work.
I pitched a perfect game.
The only flaw in my game, Nate Robinson went
to fucking catch a ball, a pop-up that had English
with his fucking bare hand.
Oh, he was hotdogging it.
He ruined my fucking perfect game.
That's fucked up.
Come on.
T-Mac out of here.
Fucking to Jorge Posada, struck him out.
In a softball game.
In a fucking softball game at Yankee Stadium.
Hell yeah.
Shit, that's awesome.
Was Willie Cologne playing?
He hit a double and knocked fucking.
He's our guy.
He works here.
I love Willie.
And he also bulldozed somebody at second base.
Yes, I remember that video.
It was tremendous.
He goes all out all the time, all the time.
All right, thank you so much.
Thank you, guys.
This has been a lot of fun.
Appreciate it.
I actually really do want to come and see you squish hash.
Anytime, like I said.
We'll do it.
We'll do it.
Easy.
Go to the White Bronco Tour.
Check it out.
And buy the book, March 19th, coming out,
called Stone Beyond Belief, Action Bronson.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
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Okay, let's get some segments.
Breaking Moves, what do you got Hank?
Bohemian Rhapsody won Best Picture.
Oh, wow.
Really?
The other Breaking Moves we had.
That Breaking Moves was brought to you by Chocolate Milk
for real recovery that tastes real good.
The other Breaking Moves we had is the hot Twitter tip,
the gambling tip that was going around Twitter late
in the afternoon on Sunday that brought your ghost,
Lanthimos, is that his name?
Yeah.
Best Director Odds from 45 to one,
all the way down to like two to one and off the board.
Turns out he didn't win, which just goes to show you,
as always, if a hot gambling tip,
if anyone gets a hot gambling tip
and it's set out loud on Twitter,
it's not a hot gambling tip.
Yeah, you'd have to be a real dummy to bet on that.
You'd have to be a real moron to put a lot of money on that.
It really felt like I was bursting you and Marty's bubble
when I came in and you guys said it and I was like,
dude, there's no way that guy wins
because it just, if it's a hot gambling tip, it's never set.
I got a tip.
It was a tip though, it was a tip.
But everyone had the tip.
You know how?
When everyone has a tip, it's not a tip.
You know how I knew that it,
or how I should have known that it was fake?
Because everyone was talking about it?
Was that Darren Revelle tweeted out,
and we all know that Darren refuses
to tweet out actual tips that he has,
like what the first song was going to be
at the halftime performance.
Correct.
Breaking Moves again.
It was actually the green book that won Best Oscar Picture.
Oh, shit.
I tried to look in the control room
and I thought it said Bohemian Rhapsody,
but it's a green book.
Hey, another Bohemian move.
It's a green book.
I'll be honest.
Yeah, wow.
Sorry about that.
That's good.
I'm glad that Bohemian Rhapsody didn't win
because I didn't see it and I've just heard it's bad,
so I'm just repeating what I've heard from other people.
Yeah, and I haven't seen the green book either, but.
I've heard it's good.
Sure.
Yeah.
Great.
I saw one of the movies this year.
Yeah, I mean, I'm a big like.
No, no, I saw Black Panther, I saw.
Oh, wow, you're so woke.
No, I'm just saying, the ones that I saw,
Black Panther, Black Klansman,
and Bill Seacotoff, Vice, and.
So you saw all of them.
And Starsborne.
You literally saw all of them except the one that won.
Yep.
Okay.
But seriously, though, that hot game,
like I said it exactly.
It's like that time a couple of years ago
when all of a sudden a 10 to one favorite
of the Kentucky Derby went down to like even odds
and everyone flipped out.
It's like, it just doesn't work that way.
Otherwise, we'd all be rich.
I was kind of hoping that Spike Lee
and his accepted speech would have just roasted James Dolan.
Yeah.
That would have been awesome.
That would have been great.
Although he wants to sit courtside, so he can't.
That's right.
You got to respect the garden.
Yes.
All right.
First up, we have LeBron Blames.
So this is a big time LeBron Blames.
Oh, no.
LeBron Blames after losing to the Pelicans.
Playoff mode activated.
I think it was Friday night?
No, it was Saturday night.
He said this about his team,
it's how you play the game, prepare for the game.
It's not even like when you get to the arena,
it's like way before that,
it's the most important thing in your life at this time.
LeBron James questions his teammate's dedication
to the game after he lost to Pelicans.
When is Space Jam 2 coming out?
They moved it up, I think.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, so it's actually going to happen.
I think they had to move it up to this off season
so that LeBron could use this impending free agency
to lure more people in.
To pay everyone.
Yeah.
That's, LeBron has a point.
I mean, he obviously is very committed to his craft,
but the fact that he's in a million shows now
probably rings a little hollow to some of his teammates.
Now he's got AB coming out there.
AB is going to be on the next episode.
Is AB and Anthony Davis?
Yes.
There you go, no tampering going on there.
Yes, shout out our friend Tommy
for somehow getting them together,
which is unbelievable.
That's pretty crazy.
So yeah, the Lakers, are we done chaining them?
From the playoffs?
Well, Buddy Heald bet his house
that the Kings would make the playoffs.
What kind of house does he live in?
He said he's got a really nice one.
Fuck.
So yeah, he's kind of one-upping our cat
and pinky and poop bet.
Like, hey, he just bet his house.
I'm not going to done train him yet,
but they're definitely on the fence.
Tell you what, I will bet Buddy Heald's house
that they don't make the playoffs.
Do you know what's going to happen, though?
LeBron's just going to fucking go off
for like three weeks straight and just dominate people.
His teammates hate him, though.
I know, but you know like he's going to just do that.
It's going to happen.
This is every year when LeBron's not going to win the East.
And then it's like, well, LeBron wins the East.
Now, just think, just put it in a perspective.
Now at least we're saying, well,
LeBron's not going to make the playoffs.
And he's still going to make the playoffs.
But we get to say, LeBron's not going to make the playoffs.
If he doesn't make the playoffs, that would be pretty bad.
Oh, he won't go down with an injury.
As soon as it becomes, let's pull it up.
When it becomes a parent, they're under 500 now.
As soon as it becomes like this is a realistic thing,
he will definitely be like, oh, my hamstring hurts
because too much sheesh.
My groin, his groin issue, all the sheesh
has added weight to my groin.
Yeah, I need more load management.
So right now, they are three games,
three games out of the playoffs.
And the Kings are in front of them.
So I got to leapfrog the Kings and they're three games out.
I don't know.
That's tough to keep.
Oh shit, the Kings are not bad either.
The Timberwolves are four games out.
So it looks like the curse is working.
Yeah, already.
Good job, Ja Rule.
Ja Rule needs it.
You got J-Bot traded.
All right, next up, we have Bryce is right.
Bryce Harper, still a free agent.
So I heard that.
What the fuck?
I don't know.
The Nats GM said that they haven't heard from him
or Scott Boris in like a month.
Yeah.
So that's not a good sign for Washington DC.
But I think it's pretty clear he's going to go to the Phillies.
Well, they're like the last team that's
willing to deal with his bullshit.
It's basically, he's doing a pretty good job of weeding out
all the teams that would get pissed off at him
if he did sign that big contract.
Yes, he's being very extra.
Right, which is good sometimes if you're like a,
if you know that you're a tough person
to be in a relationship with,
then just be like straight up with everybody.
If you're dating around a little bit,
be like, listen, if you can't handle me,
then it's not going to work out.
Just know that I'm going to be a dickhead sometimes.
And Bryce Harper is an amazing talent
and he's a very, very good baseball player.
But he goes through probably two or three
dickhead streaks a year where he doesn't play well
and he'll do things like doesn't run out of fly ball
or doesn't run out of his round ball,
cares more about his hair, gets choked out
by a pitcher that you brought in in free agency.
That one is Jonathan Balfour being a dick.
Yeah, I know, I know, that's a tough one.
But he'll do things that occasionally piss you off,
but then he's an immense talent
who's really, really good and electric
when he's playing well.
So it's a good thing that he's alienating all the teams
that we end up not wanting to deal with his shit.
Scott Boris is sitting there waiting,
waiting to break Manny Machado's record,
which I assume they will at this point.
There's no way that they'll sign for 300 million, 10 years.
They got to be 301 at the very minimum,
I think it's to be 350 from what everyone has said.
Also shout out to Bryce, I hear he's back in Vegas.
Yeah, he's just chilling.
So like, good for him.
If you're going to make MLB GMs go on trips to visit you,
to try to woo you, might as well go to Vegas, right?
Yeah, that's absolutely true.
And Bryce Harper gets to skip spring training,
which doesn't really make sense
because you know how like Brett Favre
used to wait and hem and haw
so that he could miss training camp
because training camp sucks?
Yeah.
Spring training for baseball players is pretty fucking sweet.
They like take one at bat and then go play golf.
Yeah, that's it.
That's pretty much it.
That's everything.
They get to hang out in the sun.
You do a lot of simulated games.
Yeah, right, and you just hang out.
All right, we have Talking Soccer.
So there was a big story in,
I can't remember what cup it was.
One of the cups, the Chelsea keeper,
right before they had extra time,
right before goal kicks, penalty kicks, penalty kicks,
the manager for Chelsea tried to take the keeper out
and he just refused.
And that was Talking Soccer.
That was Talking Soccer.
So what happened was...
His name is Kepa.
Kepa, yeah, it's a great name for goal.
What happened was he faked a couple injuries
to try to get to PKs, just to waste a little time.
Sometimes they do that in soccer,
if you're not familiar.
So he wasted a shitload of time
and then he did such a good job of faking his injuries
that his coach was like, I'm gonna pull you out.
Also, I think the other goal is more of a PK specialist
than keeper is.
So they tried to pull him out
and it was just a standoff.
They were just staring at each other, screaming.
He just refused.
He was like, I'm not leaving
and his coach was like, yes, you are.
Coach got his man card taken.
That would have been great if the ref just came
and just flashed him the man card.
Yeah.
It was just the third card in his little pocket
that he runs around with.
Yeah, well, handed it to him
and then took it right back.
But yeah, the manager tried to leave the stadium
because he was so pissed off.
He was about to go out of door
and then he was like, this wouldn't look good
if I just left my team.
Soccer, sport of the future.
I wrote a joke down.
Okay.
I wrote a Rick Riley joke.
Go for it.
You ready for this?
Oh, Rick Riley had a joke tonight too, but yeah, go for it.
No, you tell me Rick's first.
Okay, so Rick Riley decided to get in on the Oscar jokes,
which was, it's always great to hear from Rick.
I feel like he hasn't been around for a while
because it's not golf season
and Tiger hasn't done anything
that makes Rick really, really disgusted
and wants to like tell everyone that he's a bad person
because he one time didn't talk to Rick Riley
after a match or something.
So anyway, Rick Riley, I digress.
Rick Riley said, if Roma wins best picture,
I'm gonna just set up a camera on a tripod
at the bus station and let it run for 110 minutes.
That sounds illegal, Rick.
That also just like, what the fuck?
Sounds like Rick is just kind of testing the waters
to see how his idea of just videotaping people
in public without their knowledge is gonna fly over.
So Rick, don't do that.
Yeah, don't do that.
Okay, Rick Riley.
Tell you what, if Roma wins,
I'm gonna go to the library
and just start videotaping women's feet everywhere.
Oh, that's cool.
Dude, it's for the Oscar, for the cinematography.
For the Oscars.
All right, so what's your joke?
So my joke, it's about Chelsea, okay?
So, hey, I haven't seen a Chelsea dumpster fire like that
since that terrorist tried to blow up
that crackpot on 24th Street.
You remember that?
You put the crackpot inside a dumpster?
Yep, I do remember that.
It's a dumpster fire in Chelsea.
Yeah, that was maybe one.
One boob?
One boob?
One boob out of three.
Okay.
What do you think, Hank?
Not super relatable.
I mean, we were, it's relatable to Oscars.
Yeah, it's not relatable.
Because we were like directly.
Well, because Dave lives in Chelsea and we're all like,
please, please don't let that thing go off
is what I was gonna say.
You guys didn't let me finish.
All right, do we have any other segments
before Monday reading?
I had a drunk idea.
Okay.
So when you sit out in the sun all day,
drinking margaritas.
Spur margaritas.
That's what I'm saying.
There's gotta be someone who's drinking sperm.
I guarantee there is.
That's a good drunk idea, Hank.
I like the way your brain works.
I just thought that Andy from Fire Festival,
he should be the new face of the what would you do
for Klondike Bar commercials.
Oh, that's pretty good.
That's a pretty good idea, right?
Yeah.
Do they still have those commercials?
They should bring them back.
They should bring them back and have him.
But we've already debunked that guy is a meme
that was placed into that movie by Fuck Jerry.
It's not even real.
But if he came out on Klondike Bar,
that would go viral.
Yeah, it would.
Do you think this is a long con by Cuck Jerry?
Because they do like viral advertising
just to try to capture the Klondike accounts?
Someone look into their financials
and see if Klondike has signed them.
Yeah, I'm sure their financials
are all in the up and up.
Yes, absolutely.
What's the shelf life for that guy?
The guy who would suck a dick for a bunch of water.
I mean, he basically got passed.
Yeah, it's true by three weeks, yeah.
Yeah, by the handjob guy.
Yeah, it's tough.
It's rough out in these three weeks.
It's real tough.
You know, one day you're on top of the world.
This is the guy who will suck dick for anything.
It's hard out here for a meme
when you're famous for trying to make a guy cream.
Oh, there you go.
That's it.
That's it right there.
That's the tagline.
All right, let's finish up.
We have our Monday reading.
So this one we'll do quick.
I'm just gonna do an excerpt from it
because I'm still kind of trying to wrap my head around it.
So it's Armie Hammer.
Who is Armie Hammer?
He played the Winklevast twins in Facebook.
He's an actor.
Okay, so Armie Hammer.
Weird name.
Which is very weird because you just think Arm and Hammer.
Armie Hammer interview,
straight white maleness is threatening to everyone
who's not a straight white male.
Cool, got it.
So here's the important part of this article.
He's sitting in a suite in a London hotel room
talking about straight white maleness
and how much it's kind of like affecting his life.
So here was the big one.
He said, if you see a straight white man not acting like that,
not assuming his privilege in a way,
it's very threatening to your straight white maleness.
But at the end of the day, what is straight white maleness
if not threatening to everyone else
who is not a straight white man?
If you stop assuming your privilege,
the only people you harm are the people
who are actively taking advantage of it.
All right.
You follow?
You asked me at the first sitting show.
I don't follow.
If you see a guy that's not acting on his straight,
not assuming his privilege in a way,
it's very threatening to your,
so if someone's acting like they aren't,
if someone's not flexing their privilege on everyone else,
then it's threatening to your privilege
because you're like,
why is that guy not using his privilege to his advantage?
He could be, and I'm using mine,
so it makes me think that I shouldn't be using mine
because he's doing something.
Stop assuming your privilege
and the only people you harm
are the people who are actively taking,
so if you stop assuming your privilege,
the only people you harm are the people
who are actively taking advantage of it.
This guy is like the,
That's your thought way too hard about this.
This guy reminds me of the Terminator
when he just looks at people and he identifies
their name, are they friend or are they foe?
He's just looking at people with the laser sights
and be like, he's acting on a straight white privilege.
I think he's basically saying,
like he's using a lot of words
to essentially get to the point of don't be a dick.
Yeah.
He's just thinking way too hard about just simply
don't be a dick in general.
So when he's saying,
Okay, I got more for you.
Hold on, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
This whole article is actually like a very good demonstration
of his straight white privilege.
Yes, well.
That someone can get a glowing profile written of you
for talking about how woke you are as a straight white male.
Correct, so here's another part of it.
Yeah, I mean, there's things all the time
that I catch myself doing, case in point,
sitting here with my feet on the table.
He says suddenly offended by himself.
I mean, like I'm just being comfortable and relaxed,
but like there are things all the time
that I catch myself doing.
And I think, wait a second, is this white privilege?
Yeah, I think it is.
Look at what I'm doing.
Yeesh, his size 15 feet stay on the table.
So he takes no action to correct his white privilege
that he identifies.
Damn it, my feet are straight white male privilege,
but I'm not going to fix it
because then someone else could take advantage of it.
He's raising awareness to the fact
that his feet are straight white.
All right, so I have one last line for you
that you're going to like, especially PFT.
So at the end of the article,
so they go back and forth about straight white male privilege
and what roles people should take.
I'm trying really hard to like take a lesson out of this,
because I feel like maybe he has a point
that he's going to get to.
Okay, so here's kind of the end of it.
He says that being said, the conversation is different now.
People are asking, should straight actors
take LGBTQA roles?
I don't know.
I'm certainly not the authority on that,
but we are much more sensitive and evolved world now
than I mean, look, people used to don blackface in movies
and that was acceptable.
And now we say, no, you can't fucking do that.
I feel like that wasn't acceptable
for a very long time, by the way.
He's talking about like blackface in movies.
50 years ago, yeah.
Is he talking about birth of a nation?
Yes.
I wish like Woodrow Wilson, yeah.
And I think that's right.
I completely agree with that, but I don't know.
I guess the answer is I don't know.
Fucking article.
He concludes looking a little dismayed.
This is now his straight white male privilege.
He's like a dog watching a garage door open.
He's just side-eyed like,
what is my straight white male privilege?
Sounds like he's having a stroke in real time.
Yeah, pretty much.
At least we're now having these conversations, I say.
This is the writer talking.
It's important to think about these things,
just like it's important to think
that he interrogates his own privileges.
Ready for this one?
This is from his wife.
It's like Schrodinger's white privilege.
Just identifying it makes it something.
Okay, but it also makes it exist and not exist
at the same time?
At the same time, correct.
That makes zero sense whatsoever.
That makes zero sense.
Like if you identify that you're acting like a dick,
news flash, you're still acting like a dick.
Like at least you're, yeah, I guess it's basically
the ultimate sorry not sorry.
Yeah, if you stop acting like a dick,
then you're no longer acting like a dick.
I don't think that it can be Schrodinger's dick or not.
This is, wow, this is quite an article.
I'm still, my head is spinning from how,
this guy must be a burden walking around.
Dude, just change your name.
I feel like this whole article would be a lot clearer to me.
No matter what bullshit he's spinning out,
if he just had a different name besides Armie Hammer.
I'd at least be able to look at it like an inkblot test
and get out of it what I want to get out,
but I'm too distracted by the fact
that his name is Armie Hammer.
Damn, his shoes are big.
He's got big old fucking shoes sitting right up on that.
All right, well fellas, I'm making an executive decision.
We're no longer putting our feet up on the table
during this podcast.
Officially disavowing, putting your feet up on a table.
There it is, it's been said.
No, we can, but we have to acknowledge
while we're doing it that it's the wrong thing to do,
but then still do it, in fact, do it harder.
Yes.
Just to raise more awareness of how bad it is.
Get some mud on your feet and really do it.
Yeah, fuck your couch.
Yeah, all right, that's our show.
We'll see everyone Wednesday.
Love you guys.
Make this here with all the ice on in the booth.
At the gate outside, when they pull up, they give me news.
Yeah, jump out boys.
There's like you boys out in our coast.
Is she way too big when we pull up, you need to lose.
Was off the rimmy, had a fat post.
Had to hit my old town, there's nothing new.
Two-po, hour lock down, we made no moves.
Now it's 4 a.m. and I'm back on popping with the crew.
I just landed in.
Chase V makes his spot like John McJose.
Different color chains, see my jeweler really selling fruits.
And they took your man, no, the cracker's what she wants to do.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
Is she way too formal, y'all know I don't follow suit.
Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain't got a clue.
All it means is I made all the records I produced.
I might take all my exes and put them all in a group.
Hit my asses, I need the boot.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
Don't fail me.
So I said.
When they reach me, y'all let's see deep, baby, please.
It's part my tip, presented by Barstool Sports.