Pardon My Take - Andrew Santino In Studio, Georgia Routs TCU, Playoff QB’s + Guys On Chicks

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Georgia is the National Champion again in an absolute blowout. Recapping the game and saying goodbye to the 2022 CFB Season (00:00:00-00:30:10). Ranking playoff QB’s ahead of wildcard weekend (00:30:10-00:42:48). Hot Seat/Cool Throne and a proposed wrinkle to the Bowling Bet (00:42:48-01:09:31). Comedian Andrew Santino joins us in studio to talk comedy, sports, his new Netflix special out now and more (01:09:31-02:12:24). We finish with guys on chicks (02:12:24-02:24:21).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have comedian Andrew Santino in studio. He's got a new Netflix special out. Awesome interview.

Very like, it just felt like we could talk forever. Great time with him. We're gonna talk the national championship, the absolute beat down by the Georgia Bulldogs. Get a little prepped for the NFL playoffs. I actually have a list that I want to debut a UPFT and we can debate it. Old school style, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks.

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for all the events you wanna go to and use code PMT for $20 off your first purchase terms apply. Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of work to be done.

No place to hang out or wash in and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher. Welcome to part of my take. Today is Wednesday, January 11th

and the Georgia Bulldogs are national champions again. An absolute shit kicking of TCU. 65 to seven, it was a blowout from the first moment. I should say it was 10-7 at one moment which is weird to think about. But Georgia, back-to-back national title, 25 and one in the last two years. Kirby Smart is the new standard.

It was actually a great moment where David Pollock told Nick Saban to his face that everyone's trying to catch up to Georgia and you could see the soul. I don't know if it was a soul coming out of Nick Saban or just like the bloodlust in his eyes. Like, I'll remember this. I'm gonna be back on top.

But yeah, the national championship game, kind of a dud, but holy fuck, Georgia's unbelievable. That moment when Nick Saban heard Pollock say that, that was his Joker-fied moment. That's when he became Joaquin Phoenix and he's gonna go out and kill everybody or at least try to. I thought also after the game

when they were interviewing Kirby Smart, I think it was Marty Smith that was talking to him and Kirby was saying, you know, there's a lot of stuff that can damage a program. We've got two solid back-to-back championships in a row. The thing that you really worry about at this point is entitlement and complacency. So we're trying to not let that sink in.

No less than 10 minutes after he had won the national championship, back-to-back national champions mind you, and also just won 65 to seven. Kirby Smart was already getting a little bit upset that his team might get complacent. Well. And so you know what the message

is gonna be next year for Kirby? It's gonna be like, you guys are entitled, no complacency. He's just gonna call him spoiled and entitled starting like next week. That's gonna have to be the message I drive someone because it's been like, it's very clear. Kirby wants a third.

And I think it's been almost a hundred years. Minnesota was the last college that won back-to-back-to-back national championships. It was probably like when everybody was off in World War II and they just didn't send any soldiers overseas. And so they just claimed three of them. But yeah, that's how long it's been. So you can tell that's what's on Kirby's mind.

I'm glad that TCU got seven points right off the bat because if they didn't, that would, it would be so much more embarrassing if it was 65 to seven. And Georgia had covered the over all on their own. Yeah, yeah, it was, and that was actually, it was one of those games that it was, I think a lot of people probably turned it off.

I watched till the bitter end because the over was in doubt until like late in the fourth quarter because of Kirby Smart basically taking the air out of the ball and more that TCU just was so, Georgia actually still was kind of playing up until the fourth quarter. TCU was just couldn't do anything.

It was men versus boys, Kirby Smart also afterwards. I actually think PFT, what you just said, all this NIL money and boosters and everything, Kirby Smart should just get a collective together to get the voters to vote Georgia number two next year in the pre-season poll. That's all you would need. I think they would win the title if they just voted them too.

It's like they don't, they don't respect us. But- It needs to start shipping some dominion voting machines to the voters. Yeah. And just be like, listen, ain't nobody out there believing you now? Yeah, exactly.

The most telling part of the night came in, in Kirby Smart's press conference at the end. He said, he gave a special shout out. So he basically like made a, it was very clear. He was like, I need to take a moment out of my time to shout these people out. He shouted out his scout team defense. He was like, they worked really hard

to learn everything that TCU does to give us good looks. I think the scout team defense was probably better than TCU's defense. So think about that, like Georgia went into this game and they basically had to play a defense that was not as good as the defense they were practicing against and it looked like that for a lot of the night where guys were wide open.

It was, it just anytime they wanted to get big yards, they got it. It was Stetson Bennett, 25 and one is a starter, legend for life. We were, we were watching the game. Jersey Jerry doesn't watch college football. He's like Stetson Bennett is the best player in the world. It's like, well, Jerry, did you see like how open,

you know, Brock Bowers was or Darnell Washington? Like the guys, it's not a knock on him, but guys were wide open. They were just that much better than everyone. And I do think Stetson Bennett has a career somewhere in the NFL, especially because he holds on kicks, which is like old school backup style. I love that from him.

He's really good at holding too. He's like, he's one of the, I'd say like top five holders in the NCAA right now. They took him out of the game at the end and they went and they missed an extra point right afterwards. That tells me all you need to know. I, if I were, if I were an NFL GM right now,

I would ask him to work out for me at like slot wide receiver and holder. He's fast. He's like, forget about like sneaky fasts or deceptively athletic. He's just fast fast. And it's also, it's hard to like say there was a big play in this game because it was just Georgia having big play

after big play. But first of all, Stetson Bennett, I know the jokes. He's 25. He's older than like three or four quarterbacks starting in the playoffs this year. Is it more than that? Yeah. Yeah. Is it more than that Hank?

Not playoffs. I thought you were just talking about NFL starters. Yeah. He's older than Herbert, uh, Tua. And I can't remember. Hurts. Yeah. Hurts. Lamar Jackson. He's not older than Lamar Jackson.

They were the same age for a while, but Lamar Jackson just turned 26. So, but either way, I know the jokes. It was funny to watching everyone retweet Daniel Jones. Daniel Jones. He was Sam Darnold. Sam Darnold, not in the playoffs for four playoff quarterbacks.

It was funny watching people retweet Stetson Bennett's offers from when he was like 17. That was like, I'm so blessed to get an offer from UMass. I'm like, oh, like I got my second offer. It's from Columbia. It was just great to see that happen online. But to Stetson Bennett's credit, he has zip on the ball and he is athletic.

Like there was a play where TCU just sold out and tried to blitz him and he did a spin and ran for the first down. He's, I know that people will try to discredit him. He's fucking, he played like a perfect game and he's 25 and one as a starter. And you can't take that away from him. Back to back national titles.

It's crazy. I think he's got a little like old school, Russ Wilson, the way that he plays. I like that. Yeah, he scrambles around a little bit, a little undersized, get him out of the pocket. He manages to fit the ball through tight windows. I think, I think he's going to be like a project

at the NFL level, but he's going to have some interest. Like he's definitely going to get an opportunity to play quarterback in the NFL, I think. After what you saw last night, it's, you'd be a fool to say that no team would ever take a chance on them because they will. He's a fun story. He's a fun story to root for.

Like there's, everyone wanted to root for the Disney story with TCU sets embedded is that story. You know, he's, he, he, he worked really, really hard to get to this point. And he's 25 and one as a starter and a legend for life. Yeah. We had, they were saying Kurt Herbstree hit the Hollywood button last night.

He was like, this is, this is the Hollywood story right here. Yeah. And I think we learned our lesson with that, with Kurt Warner, that not all underdogs, like that movie was basically Air Bud, except people, let's just talk about doing Hollywood stories and not actually turn them into movies. Yeah.

Sometimes it's more fun to just say that. I can't wait for the movie about Stetson Bennett, but please for the love of God, do not make a movie about Stetson Bennett. Yeah. And the Georgia Bulldogs, I know that people, I'm ready now, PFT, if you want to have the debate, is Georgia bad for college football

because they're that dominant? I will say it is. Yes. Yes. Resoundedly, yes. It is crazy. And I know that they're just a factory of five stars and four stars.

It is nuts to think. Last year, they had five guys get drafted in the first round, which was a record. They had 15 guys total get drafted in the NFL, which was also a record, and they went in one again. I know that they're so good, and it's hard to put into perspective, like because it was such a dominant last game,

but it is nuts to put that piece into perspective, like they lost an entire NFL team on one side of the ball, and then they came out and did it again. Well, I think last year's, the guys that left last year got replaced pretty easily because the backup defense last year was the scout team Alabama defense. Yes.

So they were ready to go. Next year, I might be looking at a little slump from Georgia's defense because the guys that are gonna be starting are used to playing TCU's defense. Yes. They're gonna make 12 defense. Yes. So just early, early next season,

look for that hangover. We also saw the emergence on a national scale if you've watched college football at all this year. You knew about Georgia's tight ends, and you knew about Brock Bowers, and what we're seeing is just more Brock's. Yeah. More Brock's.

We're at the dawn of the Brock age. We've got Brock Purdy, lighting it up in the NFL right now. Brock Bowers, he's coming back for another year, I believe, right? Yeah, he has to. He has to return. He has to return to Georgia for another year.

We had a lad. A lad and a Brock tore it up last night. But I think what we're seeing with Brock's, we're starting to see the emergence of them as a popular name, much like we saw Jalen's because back in the day with Jalen Rose, I think Brock Lesnar emerged to relevance right in like the 2003, 2004 timeframe.

So right now we're catching up with that, and the Brock bump is about to hit the national stage. So just, you're gonna see a lot of like chunky, big bone corn fed white dudes named Brock emerge over the next five years. I'm ready for it. The Brock revolution. I'm here for it.

The big losers of the night, I would say TCU, but TCU had an incredible season. I don't know if you can really take anything away from that. Like it's hard in the moment to realize how incredible their season was when they're getting pasted 65 to seven, but they weren't supposed to be there. They're five and seven last year.

I think I saw someone tweet out, it was something like Georgia had, it was like 15 or 16 five star recruits. And it is, I know that recruiting, sometimes it gets overhyped, but it is a pretty good like four and five stars generally. Like there's a lot larger of a chance for them to make it to the NFL than a three star.

That's just how it works. Like there is some basis in the recruiting at the high school level and how that translates to NFL talent. So Georgia had like 15 or 16, five star recruits. TCU had one. So that was, it was as lopsided as it could get every which way.

So I don't really know that a TCU can feel bad about their season. I would say the big loser of the night was Ohio State because Ohio State was a field goal away from doing the same pasting to TCU. Yeah, that's true. I would say that, and you're right about the five star thing. If you look at the percentages of five star recruits,

if you just go based on five star recruits, there's a much, much, much more likely percentage that if you're a five star recruit that you're going to make the NFL one day. Yeah, sure, it's not perfect. And you will get some like unrecruited guys, two stars, three stars that end up exceeding all expectations. And those guys are like to feel good stories

that end up making the most of their abilities. But yes, you'd much rather have 16 five star guys under defense. Yeah, we get distorted because we always love the two and three star guys that make it to the NFL. So those stories get talked about more and you don't realize, oh, the rest of the roster that doesn't get talked about, those guys were five stars

and they were pretty much always destined for the NFL. Yeah, it's like maybe that defensive lineman that was a two star recruit that outperformed what you thought his abilities were this year and put up some sacks and tackles for loss. Maybe he'd be better if he was five inches taller and 40 pounds heavier, which the five star guys were. So in the end, that kind of all plays out a little bit.

I would say the big loser of last night was the poor TCU fans that probably paid an arm and a leg to go out to Southern California. You're not allowed to tailgate, so you have to go to the game sober. You get into SoFi Stadium, then you're part of the stadium exclusively gets rained on because they didn't build walls in their stadium.

And so you get drenched and then you're walking around the concourse, you slip in your fall and get a compound tip fib fracture and have to get stretched out of the stadium as your team is down by 60 points in the national championship. That would probably be a bad experience. They said that there were multiple TCU fans

getting stretched out of the game because they slipped on the cement concourse. Yeah, because LA decided to build an indoor stadium that's just a carport. That's all it is. It's got like half of a roof on it. And then the sides are wide open and there can be lightning delays.

It looked like there could probably be a rain delay in that game if they played a baseball game there. Yeah, yeah, it was quite the event to watch Georgia just. And Georgia fans, it's so crazy to think about historically, it's similar to Clemson before Dabo had his run where everyone made the jokes about Clemson and they would always, they'd always have good teams. They'd always have one or two games

that they just completely pissed down their leg. Georgia for, I don't know, it was like 1980, right? And then these last two. So they spent 40 years not winning a national title when they should be just as good as everyone else. And now they've done it twice in two years and they look like the new standard. Like Kirby Smart looks like the new Nick Saban.

I know that might sound ridiculous, but I mean, he just won back to back national titles and they're gonna be competitive next year again. So it's, he's done it all. Mark Rick, unfortunately, like Mark Rick was there for a long time and was kind of always got to the cusp. I wonder if Matthew Stafford was watching that game being like, fuck, why couldn't I have just had

Kirby Smart as my coach? Mark Rick, good guy. Great guy. But just so frustrating. Like you'd almost rather be average or slightly below average team than just be on the cusp everywhere and do something stupid and just knock yourself out of contention

and like, you know, some random game in the fall. And have, and be in a state that should just always be good. Like there's certain places Georgia should always have a good football team. So they're back on the mound. What were you gonna say, Hank? I was gonna say, you said it too, but Ohio State was the biggest losers and the NCAA,

like the higher ups watching that game, knowing how close they were to Michigan, Ohio State. Yeah. Like Ohio State fans, obviously they're down bad, but I think the NCAA brass was down bad too. Being like, this could have been the biggest game in the history of college football. Yeah.

And Ohio State was won the game. They won the game. They won the game and then they didn't win the game. And it also, it was also a big winning night for the loud, we should have let Bama in crew. Cause you know, Bama was the only team that would have been competitive, even though Ohio State took them to the last second

and TCU had a miracle. They were eight point underdogs in Michigan. They beat Michigan, what we all expected to be Michigan, Georgia, and we didn't get it. Yeah. Well, they are PFF actually rated Alabama as the true national champions after the season. So after watching all the film, pro football focus said,

we're going to give our title to Alabama. And then I think number three was Air Force. So that was kind of cool. Air Force had a good year. By the way, PFT is a little under the weather. That's why he's on Zoom today. Billy is sitting next to me. I said before we started taping that this is like

my worst nightmare come true that PFT dies. And I'm just now have to do pardon my take with Billy. He sat in that seat right away. He was like, oh yeah, of course PFT's out. I get his seat. He looked very comfortable though. Very comfortable. Hank wanted the seat, but then I just said no.

Yeah. Outfit. Well, then what really happened was big cat walked into the room and looked at Billy and he goes, oh, you're sitting there today, not Jake. And Billy did this thing where he like took his headphones halfway off, started to stand up. But then he was like, I can't let big cat straight up out from the seat like that.

Not in front of Hank. Billy, before he came to work today, like talked himself in the mirror is like, big cat's going to try to bust your balls about sitting in PFT's seat. You can't let this happen. You have to stay strong. You have to, you're a man.

You're not a, you're not a Billy for your William man, not football, not Billy. Okay, Billy, what was your point? Everyone's angry at the college football committee because of this game. I wasn't. I'm going to be honest. I think they've done the best job

in the whole history of the college football playoff because the first two games on New Year's Eve, they were amazing. Yeah, you had people showing up last night being like, college football sucks. Oh, this is terrible. Last Saturday was the best college football day we've had. But they should have done it on New Year's Eve.

So many people, so many people, I consider myself kind of like Jersey Jerry. I mean, I watch more college football, but. I mean, he literally was like, says in Venice the number one. Yeah, I'm not. You know a little more than that. Yeah, but I think there's a lot,

and being from the Northeast too, where it's like college football is not a big thing whatsoever. People from there don't really care that much. Doing it on New Year's Eve, there's certain days where if you do it on, you're going to get the national attention. Everyone's going to watch

because there's nothing going on. Doing it on New Year's Eve, there's so many people that just went out, did their New Year's Eve thing, and we're like, oh, there's a game on tonight. Who cares? And miss that. I think it's so dumb to do it on New Year's Eve.

So dumb. However, selfishly, a counterpoint is we didn't have to compete with the Arizona Bowl. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. That's big. No, I mean, it was just because of the schedule.

Sunday is NFL. That's how it happens every few years. I do agree with Hank. I think that having it on New Year's Eve is just bad in general. You're getting, what they're doing is they're just conditioning people to accept the fact that New Year's Eve

is now also a football day. Because we don't have enough football days. That's what Roger Gendell has done with Christmas Day. He's like, now Christmas is also a football day. So it just takes a while for us to learn the fact that, okay, we're gonna have to bite the bullet. And that's gonna be a day

that we're gonna have to stay up and watch football instead of Miley Cyrus and Dolly Parton on television. Some people are gonna make that sacrifice. New Year's Eve is probably one of the hardest nights to pitch your significant other and not doing something. No, I agree. I agree. I mean, yeah, I'm at a point in my life

where I'm like, hey, great free football. Right, 23 to 33. No, I remember being at a bar for the Michigan State Alabama game, being like, I gotta watch this game. And it was the worst game ever. I need to know how many relationships got severely damaged when that kick was made,

or when that kick was missed in the semifinal game. As the ball was dropping, how many guys put their finger up to their girlfriend's mouth and was like, just one second babe, I need to see if this kick goes in. And then by the time it's over, everyone else has already kissed. She doesn't get her kiss.

That probably broke a few people up. I can't, I don't have it in front of me, but there was a Twitter thread on it of every time someone was complaining about it. And there was multiple posts in Am I the Asshole Reddit group. Yeah. Yeah, New Year's Eve is a tough night for football.

I got completely outruled at a Christmas party, or a New Year's Eve party that I was at, that all the guys were watching football and we had to turn it to the draw ball draw. Well, but I don't want to review. It was also not my apartment, so you had to do it. I don't want to, listen, Max, we've established he doesn't know ball.

This is going to be a bad fact that I say out loud. Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football. I respect that. He just takes it off. So I asked him last night, I was like, did you watch the game last night? He's like, nope. Yeah, I didn't watch last night.

You don't watch football on Mondays? He doesn't watch Monday Night Football. He told me this halfway through the season. He's like, yeah, I just take the night off. The Eagles are playing on Watch, but otherwise, yeah, I don't watch Monday Night Football. I actually, Max. No, no, no.

Back me up here. The Sunday Night Grind for Max's day, I used to have to do it, it's not great. And then it's like, Monday, you're gassed. If the game wasn't good, I also would used to not really watch. But he doesn't even turn it on. Am I insane? Like, what do you mean gassed?

You're sitting on your couch. No, no, he's sitting on his Sunday night. He's up to like five in the morning. And then you can't go to sleep. And then it's like, the next day, I don't know. There's been many times that the game's not good. I just don't watch it. What do you do on Monday nights, Max?

On Monday nights, I watch a show. I don't want to think about what. I just watch a full day of football. I listen to all you guys talk about football. We talk about it. And then I have to listen to it again until like five o'clock in the morning. So it's like, I enjoy my Monday, because then we just

do it all again throughout the week. And we do Thursday. We talk blah, blah, blah. It's just Mondays are my day, where it's like, I need to just not think about it. OK, that makes sense. Did you watch Monday football before you started? Oh, every time.

OK, I didn't realize that context. I thought you just were blatantly like, I don't do Monday night football, which I was like, OK. That makes more sense. So that actually, I can back you up, because you guys do work very hard. I thought you just as a rule in life, we're like, Monday is not a football night for me.

I respect the fact that after hearing us for about 15 hours nonstop in your ears talking about football, saying some of the dumbest things possible about the sport that you probably just like want to break from it. I wasn't saying that you don't work hard, because you work extremely hard, especially on Sunday nights. I was just saying it doesn't require any work at all to sit on your couch and watch Monday night football.

That's something that can be on like just. And Max, I have to ask you this question. Do you love football? I do. I love. I do love football. We've killed football for you. That's not true.

That's not true. I didn't realize. I didn't realize this was just a Monday night rule this year that you created. We have we have killed the love of football for you. That is that is untrue. I love football. It's just some.

If you loved it so much, you'd watch it on Monday nights. Are you going to watch the playoff game, Bucks? Yes. Yes, I will. I will watch the playoff game. All right. There we go. As long as we don't annoy him too much.

I'm going to have like a book report on Monday on Tuesday morning. Oh, man. But yeah, last shout I had to give for the game. TCU, that one player. I think the score was what was the it was like 59 to seven going into the fourth quarter. Or maybe it was 52 to seven going into the fourth quarter.

And he's right in eyesight of Sonny Dykes coming off the field and he threw his fours up. And I respect the hell out of that. Everyone knows championships aren't one in the first three quarters. You got it. You got to play all four quarters. He was ready.

He had those fours up. That made me laugh so hard like 52 to seven. And you still throw those fours up. Guys, we got them right where we want them. Just a stop and a score. Stop and a score. It's a classic football guy move. I was really good at that in high school football.

I'd be like the first one on the sideline. Like the second that the clock would hit change off the third quarter into the fourth, hands up. And you always can tell that the guy that is like really on top of throwing the fours up, probably one of the worst players in the team. Yeah, this guy was very on top of it, right in Sonny Dyke's eye line.

Also shout out to TCU's defense for getting that one stop at the start of the third quarter. That felt, that was crazy when they got a three and out. It was like, what the hell's happening here? So and we have bad national, I was looking it up because people were complaining about how bad the game was. Do you remember LSU, Alabama? That game didn't have a touchdown scored

until four minutes left in the fourth quarter. Alabama was up 15-nothing. They kicked five field goals. LSU didn't get to like the 50 yard line. We had the Notre Dame, Alabama game, USC, Oklahoma. The last time, I think that was the record for points scored in a national title before last night. So it happens.

And PFT, I know I don't have to tell you, but we've had a great string of Super Bowls. In the 90s, the Super Bowls was always the worst game of the year. Yeah, it's terrible. The Cowboys would kill someone. The Niners killed the Chargers. Those games were always bad.

Yeah, it didn't start to get good until the Ram Super Bowl. Or the LA's first one against the Packers was pretty good. And that was also like LA finally gets the monkey off his back. The Rams being like one yard short, sorry, the Titans being one yard short against the Rams. That was a pretty good one too. But yeah, I mean, we had two great semifinal games. And it's so crazy to look back and be like, OK, well,

you've got Georgia beat Ohio State, who lost to Michigan, who lost to TCU. And yet somehow Georgia against TCU was the worst game of all time. Yes, yes, exactly. The parody clock doesn't always work right in college football. And also, big fuck you to Georgia for not bringing Uggah there. Uggah had to watch inside what looked like a jail cell.

He looks like he's being kept in prison. Did you see the room that they kept him in? He couldn't fly. He can't breathe. OK, I don't give a shit. Like I drove Billy to Los Angeles last year. They can't put their little dog that has breathing issues in the back of a truck

and drive him across the country. Like Uggah should have been there for the national championship. I'm depressed for Uggah. And then I was so depressed to see the conditions, the squalor, that they make him live in, where he's got his like backup Uggah behind him. They're in a jail cell. There's no carpet.

There's no pillow. All they have is a cold water dish. And that's it. It was sad. Yeah, we're going to say Billy. It was a kennel. He had a pretty nice rug. I did not see a rug inside the cell.

There looked like an oriental rug on the bottom. Look in the cell. No, I'm talking about the thing that they let him out of. Yeah, no, it was another dog. The next Uggah was barking in his kennel. Yeah, all I'm saying is I would treat Uggah so much better if he was my dog. Can't fly.

OK, so that's college football. Sad to see it go. Love college football. News, you know, it always is sad when college football ends because then you just look up and like, oh, fuck, we have how many games we have left, Jake? We have 13 games of football left. So before we do hot seat cool throw on PFT,

I alluded to this in the intro. I put together a list. I thought it would be fun to just maybe hear your thoughts, debate it real quick because we were talking about how the AFC playoffs are so stacked. So I decided I put together a list of all 14 starting quarterbacks in the playoffs this year and to see where they all line up.

My list has, in the top eight, it only has two NFC quarterbacks. I also, for this list, assumed that Lamar and Tua are fully healthy. So I just want that on this and hurts as well. So all fully healthy. We're pretending they're fully healthy. So I'm going to save my list and then you could tell me

where you disagree. Mahomes, Allen Burrow, that's the top three. I think that if you say Burrow over Allen, I'm not going to disagree with you. That's like one of those things that those guys are both just so good. Burrow is clearly going to kill Allen in that Monday night game.

They were driving, they were just at the ball. I know we've talked about the Bengals fans being very upset. I think it's settled down a little bit, but we were up seven to three. I'm pretty sure the Chiefs were up seven to three on the Bengals in the first quarter. And I think they were up 14 to three in the second quarter and then the Bengals came back and won.

The Bengals are driving big cat. They had the ball. Their offense looked unstoppable that night. It was basically a game over. So Mahomes, Allen Burrow is my top three. Hurts. It was 21 to three in the championship game. No, I was talking about this year.

But yeah, yeah, yeah. 21 to three in the championship game too. Hurts four, Herbert five, Brady six, Lamar seven, Trevor Lawrence eight. And then now here comes the NFC. Cousins to a Dak Daniel Jones, Purdy Gino. OK. You don't think you don't like Purdy over Gino?

Cousins over Dak? I like cousins over Dak. I trust Kirk Cousins more than Dak right now. Right now. Murray Cooper referred to Dak Prescott as being the black Kirk Cousins. Wait, hold on. It doesn't go against everything I said all year

because I think Dak is bad. I don't think Kirk Cousins I have is the ninth best quarterback in the playoffs. That's not great. Cousins or Dak is bad. Wait, can you go through six through 10 again? Yes, no problem. So do you guys disagree with my top five?

No. Mahomes, Allen Burrow. Can you text it to the list? Because I'm having a hard time remembering all of it. Yeah, I'll text it to the list. That's smart. I just also wanted to see it just because it's like, holy shit, the AFC is just so fucking loaded.

What time of day is this game being played at? Because if it's at one, then Kirk Cousins jumps to the top 50%. He's playing at 4.30. That was the only one that Jake got out of the six. He had six chances. He only got one right. Got to give him a credit. If it's the Monday night, I would put Kirk Cousins last.

Yeah. OK, so I'll go through it again. I just sent it to everyone. Mahomes, Allen Burrow. Hertz, Herbert. That's the top five. Six is Brady. Seven is Lamar.

Eight is Trevor Lawrence. Nine is Kirk Cousins. 10 is Tua. 11 is Dak. 12 is Daniel Jones. 13 is Purdy. 14 is Gino. OK, I would drop Trevor Lawrence a little bit,

just because we don't know. It's still too early. And he played fucking terrible in that game. He did. I just, this is simply a question. If you had a game that you had to win, I think I would trust Trevor Lawrence more than Kirk Cousins. He had, he missed four touchdowns.

Listen. They had a game they had to win. It's still too early. They did not deserve to win that game. Oh, they played five games in a row, they had to win. But the one that they had to really win. No, they had to win all of them. But they had to win all of them to get to this spot.

Whatever. They've been in the playoffs for a month and a half. So I was thinking on Monday night how awesome it would be if you took the best quarterbacks in the league. You know the ones that you tune in to Monday night football games to watch? Like we had an Allen Borough matchup. How cool would it be if like every team got to pick

from one of the top four quarterbacks to be their quarterback during a Monday night football game? Yeah. So like Josh Allen would play for a game, in my case like on the commanders. He would just suit up in a commander's uniform. And I was thinking about like who would the most exciting quarterbacks to be, be to watch in those like the all time guys

that you would want on Monday night football games. And the four that I came up with Mahomes, definitely. Allen, yes. Borough, yes. And then I had Herbert over Hertz because I think that Hertz is great. He's a great football player in the Eagles offense and he makes that offense run.

And yeah, he's like MVP consideration before he got hurt. But I still think that Herbert is like more dynamic and fun to watch with his arm talent than Hertz is. That might be true. I put Hertz for because he was out for the last whatever, three games. I think people forgot how just good he was this year.

He's very good. Like he was going to be, it was going to be him versus Mahomes for the MVP. And then he got hurt. So and again, this is his injuries off hypothetical. So yeah, I mean, I just wanted to look at it and see it and see it all listed out. What other ones do you guys disagree with?

I would put Brady above Herbert. I would drop Trevor Lawrence below Dak. And I would put Dak above Cousins. OK, so you trust Dak. Oh yeah, I forgot your troll and you, the Cowboys one seat. No, I just, I think I like, I think Dak is. He's been so bad this last like month and a half. So bad.

Seven games in a row with interception, right? He led the league in interceptions. He led the league. Was it totally interception? I know his interception rate. Mills did. Maybe they tied. Maybe Mills.

No, then Big Cat, what you're talking about is he led the league in interception rate. Yeah, that's right. That's right. So like per pass. Yeah, I just think he's dynamic. Either way, this was just my way of getting pumped up for the playoff.

But also. Wait, hang on, wait, hang on, wait, hang on. Hey, no, no, no, no. Hey, wait, hey, shut the fuck up. I might not be in the studio but shut the fuck up. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, I can mute you, actually. You, actually.

Turn Hanks the microphone off. I can actually mute you. I can turn your microphone off. I can just cancel you out of this call. You just say that Dak is dynamic? Yeah, it can run, it can pass. No, no, this is like when Steven A said that Teddy Bridgewater was a runner That doesn't run that much. That's racist Hank. No, yeah

He does not run that much He'll run every now and then for a first down, but he's not looking to run Hanks like I got to get one of those dual threat quarterbacks like James Winston or Byron Leftwich. Yeah All I'm saying also if this is one game scenario Yes, Brady should be at the top. Okay. Well, no my homes Right now right now. I'm not talking about right now. You would take Brady over my homes. Okay, not on the road It's true. Wait Brady hasn't beat my homes in the road. No, my homes never won on the road Yeah, Dak had and he's never been Brady in the playoffs. I

In the Bucks are going to the Super Bowl. Dak runs for like Brady. They played one Super Bowl game. Dak runs like well They play the AC Championship game too. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I forget about that. I stand corrected Maybe Hank you got to change your your take to like Dak would be better if he ran more I'm gonna look up some stats. I thought he was not me. He runs. He runs four to five times a game He I think his his yardage is yardage long this like Trevor Lawrence is dynamic Trevor Lawrence is dynamic. He doesn't look to run cousins is not dynamic to is dynamic Daniel Jones is dynamic Daniel Jones is a can run right very good runner. Yeah, Brady's not

Dynamic Daniel Jones is Toro Allen runner as Dak Prescott is Yeah, but I'm just saying in terms of like like Brady cousins Purdy like they don't have the option of running you never think they're gonna run Herbert's you never think they're gonna run Dak Trevor Lawrence Joe burrow Mahomes like they're they're dynamic enough that they can run if they have to I don't okay. I wouldn't put No, I I don't know if I like Mahomes like pressure comes they can scramble out of the pocket and get 15 yards Yeah, I think Dak does that like maybe once a game Mahomes does that once a quarter and it always works

Dynamic dynamic I would also just take Brock Purdy off this list entirely because he's He's great for Kyle Shanahan's offense. Yeah, I don't I don't really know how we can compare that to anything He's perfect. He's doing great and people are already talking about like What are they going to do next year? They got to stick with Brock Purdy at this point, right? Like well, and I'll hand up I put Brock Purdy 13 and Gino 14 because I think the 49ers are gonna kill the Seahawks So if I did that reverse and then everyone would be like

Nice call. Okay. That's new new question. Which one of these quarterbacks would you most like to see in Kyle Shanahan's offense? Josh Allen, I Actually think Daniel Jones would be awesome in Kyle Shanahan's office. Yeah, he would Josh Allen would be sick though, too. Oh, dude nine yards per game Dynamic it's like Lamar Justin Fields stack Concerts think about a little bit I wish they weren't pointing the box because I would be all in on the Cowboys, but you already are a one-seat Cowboys Yeah, nearly half of these guys have been on the show. I think six out of 14

Oh, wow Wow burrow by the way, maybe the most boss answer ever in his press conference when a reporter asked Do you feel like the window is closing on this team and he said the window is my career? Such an awesome answer. It's like as long as I'm here the windows open. The ceiling is the roof Yeah, it's just you wouldn't you don't want another answer from your franchise quarter It'd be like dude if I'm on the team word We're playing for a Super Bowl. Well, it's because it's it's the classic media debate of just like debating windows Yeah, and that's what matters. Like can they be a dynasty? Can George can Georgia be a dynasty? Immediately start people people start asking that question right after the game

Yes, like I actually think in college football two championships in a row is a dynasty. Yeah, I'd agree every other sport It's three and five years. Yeah. Yeah, but two in a row. That's a dynasty. That's a dynasty Okay, should I got one other thing big cat? Yeah, so I mean we we want more football. You were just talking about We have what 13 games left? Yeah, but is that right before XFL and spring football start? If we had more NFL games if we had bowl games for NFL Oh, yeah after the season was over for for teams that didn't make the playoffs, but they get one more game I was just thinking about the best matchups that we could have like which teams would be the most fun to watch play each other. I

Had um, I had the Patriots and the Raiders playing each other again No forward passes just laterals. I like that. I had um Texans Colts They played in an instant classic on Sunday. I would love to watch that back, right max. Love it. Love it Love Monday football. I like that Lions commanders is another one that I had they played earlier this season a ton of points Run that back to like the Lions legitimately good fun team Commanders have the ability of being fun when that red-headed guy that freak isn't playing. Yeah, I like that one

Who would the Bears match up against? maybe Texans for first pick nice nice. Isn't that your idea? Yeah first pick a bowl. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it should absolutely be there should be a game in Pro Bowl weekend It should be the the the teams with the two worst records playing for the first pick Yeah, wouldn't watch that game. I wouldn't want you could just play all the games for playoff seeding That would be incredible where it's just like the the team you can just flop You can get one one higher if you beat the team. That's that's bowl season for the NFL. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be perfect

Okay, I'm just oh what if it was a bracket? What if we did a bracket and then the team that won got the number one overall pick We're just so every team that doesn't make the playoffs is involved It is funny to take a step back and be like one week ago today. We did a podcast. We're like Serious tone to Mar Hamlin's health NFL doesn't care about player safety and now we just signed up the entire NFL for an extra like seven games No, I get it but also in this in this tournament turn injuries off. Yeah turn injuries off. No injuries allowed Yeah, I like it. All right. Let's do hot seat cool throne Our wonderful sponsor game time we talked about him at the top get $20 off your first purchase download the game time app and

Use code PMT for $20 off your first purchase. I'm looking right now again. Oh Billy Joel He's the Friday night 200 bucks MSG. How can you not first time ever? How can you not? How can you not I would how about Billy Eilish? No, no scheduled events, but when it happens, you can put it on alert game time app Thank you the game time app exclusive ticketing partner barcel sports Henry Hot seat cool throw my hot seat. No, no, no facts law would fact would My hot seat is any Any veteran keep me that the jet sign

Okay, why cuz in New York something happens and they can't play well No, Zach Wilson was asked about if they brought in a veteran QB and he said he's going to make their life hell And I I mean it's just what it means. It's gonna fuck your wife. Yeah, or their mother That's I what else could he do to make him help not play football better. Who's the guy who fucked LeBron mom? West yeah that energy That worked out well for him. It's a great quote from Zach Wilson. I he's spicy I will say you can't really answer it differently because if you answer it differently No, you can be the less of a dickhead. You can be like I'm open to competition

I'm just gonna go out there and do my thing, but it's kind of like Billy sitting in PFT You see you got to like talk a big game to get your you know You don't really have a lot of confidence so you have to you have to masquerade it with the words you say Yeah There we go Billy you sound confident Could their life being already than being a veteran quarterback that's now playing for the New York Jets Yeah, that's true. That's a fact what what circle of hell are we talking about the first couple of circles of hell actually aren't that bad Yeah, just called Joe Flacco. He'll tell you how how this year went. It was hell. What were you gonna say max?

I mean Hank did tell Billy when he sat down But I walked into the studio before Hank and the first thing that Billy said to me is should I just should I just sit in PFTC today? It was a bit when Hank said it, but it was not a bit when Billy actually sat. No, I I was blogging here Like if I did die, let's just say that I passed away over Yeah, no, I know you would big cap I'm saying because big cat did walk in and sit down just looked over He's like if this is the show then I don't I don't think I can do this I would squeeze some add dollars out of a couple more episodes

Of course you would you be skimming it off the top Billy How quickly would it take for you to text the group thread and be like so or we what time are we taping? No, I just I just don't dinner tonight and then I know Cation is we're doing a show. I just check Penn's grad school policy for employees and just pivot Oh, okay. Is there one there might be actually Wait, so Billy if I died your response that would be to enrolling college No, I'm trying to say that I wouldn't try to take your spot. He'd be more responsible. Exactly You'll never get it with that attitude, but I'd like to see more that killer instinct

I know or you know, we set this whole thing up to see if you would answer correctly you answered wrong It's not pft. He's actually retiring damn. He's actually on pedophile island right now Jail Yeah, the good one though Because I'm making I'm arresting all the other pedophiles. He's like Tom Hanks start the theories All right, your cool throne speaking Tom Hanks, so no offense, but the movie that they're advertising everywhere looks like the worst movie What is it called? I don't even know a guy named power something. It's uh, it's Grand Torino to accept Tom Hanks Well, it's Tom Hanks. I'll watch it. Uh, not me. My cool throne is Hilaria Baldwin. Oh

Yeah, Alec Baldwin's wife, which always confuses me because Alec Baldwin's brother has a daughter Haley Baldwin who's married to Justin Bieber so whenever Hilaria Baldwin's in the news I get confused because I always think that's her first This is Alec Baldwin's wife Who is close to a million followers on instagram and has been forcing Alec and all of her kids to post Incessantly about getting her a million followers and super like cringe. Why doesn't she just get uh A boat and have someone dive into the east river. It's a good question or Why why doesn't she just get Tom Brady to follow her? Yeah? Facts she did get she did hit a million though. So okay. Good. Good. I

Were are you following her? No, I just seen Alec Baldwin. Oh, you're following Alec Baldwin. You know, he killed a person Yeah, also, didn't he yet? I just remember this is Haley Baldwin the one he let the voicemail to No Oh when he called her a pig. Yeah, that's his actual daughter. Yeah Haley Baldwin is his niece Who's is that Steven's daughter? Yeah, they're crazy for one. Yeah, they're all crazy. Yeah, I like there's something about alec, but you know the fact that uh He might have killed someone on a set or he did

Yeah, he did whether it was an accident or whatever I do respect it. It was an accident. Well, yeah, right. It was an accident I do respect that alec Baldwin Like it feels like every maybe he's kind of more under the radar because of that But there was a stretch where it was like every like three months It was just alec Baldwin gets in fight with person on new york streets And I I like that. He just has that grizzled to him. Mm-hmm. I'm a billy guy. I like billy Baldwin Yeah, who the fuck with that guy you say

Alec would have been a good user of that fighter app where you just try to find people to fight. Yeah Wasn't that your idea pft? Yeah. Yeah Fighter fighter no e. Yeah fighter up. Uh, all right pft. You're hot seat cool throne. Um, my hot seat is I'm gonna go I'm gonna go with me on on the hot seat because There's an album coming out on friday and I am in a no win situation for whether I ignore it or if I Follow it very closely. I've been tagged in like a million things online

Miley's got her album coming out and what's happening is she's She's promoting it by putting up videos of herself singing naked in the shower And people are just tagging me at left and right and pre bonking me for it while simultaneously alerting me to its presence So it's like they're being horny, but they're saying don't let pft see this. He'll get bonked So like I don't know you haven't liked any of them yet though, right? I know I liked I liked the First one when it came out because her voice sounded lovely But people are like using this as an excuse to point a finger at me even though I haven't even done anything except like

The video supporting the arts. Yes except supporting the arts, right? But yeah, you're an art supporter. I I appreciate that I'm an art supporter I had an idea if I'm not if I'm still home on friday and I think the album comes out on friday I think I might do a twitch stream listening to To the album for the first time and then re-recording one of her songs like doing a punk cover of it On twitch live. What do you guys think about that? I like you can't show nudity on twitch I'm not going to be naked. What?

And you're not doing a full cover of it She's not showing nipples either. She's just okay to cover up your nipples I was like that might be more of a like instagram live thing because that would just get season assisted Yeah, you're right Twitch would take you down for music for music. What if I like I'd be recording it myself though I wouldn't be playing her songs. I don't know. Oh, yeah, if you're not playing her songs out loud Okay, um, we'll work on that my cool throne is uh korea's ankle carlos korea's ankle

So I guess it's fine now and I guess the doctors in 10 francisco in new york Just don't know what they're talking about because minnesota signed to a contract After you already agreed to sign to the giants Like what was that a month and a half ago and then they said psych He's not going to sign there was something that was red flagged in his physical He got checked out by the mets They said that he was going to sign with the mets But then they had to redo his contract because something's wrong with his left ankle

And so now he's just going to sign with the twins who I guess it's minnesota. So they're like We don't really care. Uh, we're just happy to be in consideration. So We'll pay the money and if you get hurt that sucks, but um, at least we got you I think they just basically said we know your ankles fuck because you're on the team last year. So, uh, yeah come back Yeah, so what what could be this bad with his ankle because he had surgery on it back when he was a minor leager I think eight years ago. He had a plate. He got a plate in his leg. That's what it is Okay, but but he's been fine since then right he hasn't missed any time from it. Yeah, so they're just like waiting for it to break It's like the it's like the super volcano underneath yellowstone

It's like well, it's overdue to rupture, but we can just say like what if it doesn't rupture and knowing minnesota sports tragedy like This spring training this probably won't go well. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Um, all right. My hot seat is our darling jake Uh, he's very anxious about the bolorama, which I think we have a date for can we say that hank? January 31st pft's birthday So we will be all in the bowling alley Streaming it pft and I will be calling it max and jake will be participating Jake is very nervous about this He is anxious. He's worried started my prep process. Okay. He says prep proper process. I love a good twist

I was raised on reality television. I love the twist. I have a twist that I'd like to propose to jake And he can take it or he cannot whatever you want to do the bowling alley is filled with mills. Yeah. Yeah. No, here's the twist It's very simple jake You will go head to head with me and pft picking the playoff games

So pft and I will will make picks together as a team And we'll go against you you have to pick one side or total on every single playoff game If we beat you Ray Allen tweet If you beat us We will both eat Six hot dogs on your behalf when you're bowling

That's pretty good 60 pins we will take down for you Well 60 pins we will eat for you on the live stream. There's something we haven't addressed yet what If this is being changed to a one-day thing I'm Vowing to go all in all out. Yeah. No, you are going to go all in all out, but I'm saying right We will make it Significantly like that will make it significantly easier for you. I can't I can't do the round

Oh, come on. I can't do it and now you're gonna make me look even worse. Okay. No, I didn't Why didn't you want to do that? You can do the round. Okay. You can do it. No, I can't you can do it You can't or you could just beat us In picking games. That's true. Jake. You can also have the help from hank max and billy So it could be the four of you picking against me and pft Every single playoff game. You guys got huddle up. We'll go mono e mono teams We'll eat six hot dogs each Which counts for 60 pins. Wait six hot dogs each is oh, yeah for five

Yeah, you and I both will take down six hot dogs on the live stream We'll eat them regular pace so you'll get the you'll get the pins as they come Or in real and treat if you lose I'll throw in six too No, you're drinking beer billy And beer. Yeah I'd be willing to counter with less hot dogs for you guys for in different consequences. No, no The offer is there. What about the kevin smith tweet? What's the kevin smith tweet? Oh 10 years in and we bone like we're cheating on each other with each other a decade plus and her clit brown taint area

Still bones my dick You're going on the list for just having that memorize I don't have a memorize this right here. What about what about I'm in such a picture. What about the james brown tweet? He is he is a bridge big day sexy little brunette bitch sucking and fucking your personal trainers big cock I mean you I it's a link to you guys are hip stock It's one tweet It's I know and and the people are like all this one tweet like who cares like there's people on twitter outside of awl

That's my concern like obviously you guys know it's a joke. It's a parody account. It's a real account Dude, I've done in two years. I tweeted the you should curry tweet during the lion's packers. Everyone knew what I was tweeting There were very few people. There's famous. I tweeted. I was fucking a man. Yeah, that wasn't real You can do asterisks too How many asterisks? I'll say five total. No, that's too many asterisks four total Let me pull up the tweet What if you tweet some like serious like diehard anti-vax stuff? No

This is but this is how we see if p.m. Literally doesn't let you call games if you're not faxed. I'm pretty sure Isn't that a thing I don't know. I have no idea but listen. This is a way to keep the awl's invested through the playoffs It would be take you know what? I'll go to seven hot dogs each for me and pft. That's a lot of pins. That's a shit load of pins Look at max. You're gonna beat max if you do it max. Well, we're not gonna eat them super fast max We're gonna eat them at regular pace max's promise. He's gonna do it on his first his first first hour

No chance. Uh, I think there's a chance. I actually was saying last night I think I think if we all had to do this max would do it the fastest faster than you. Okay Are you trying to challenge me? No, I just jake It's the offers on the table. I'm just I'm just doing my math in my head how many asterisks I could do without it I think you gotta do it. I think you gotta do it And you don't have to worry about it until you lose to us obviously for the awl's It's my best interest to do it and obviously I'm in it for them. I don't want to force you into anything You kind of are oh, yeah, of course, but I don't want to force you. I said I don't want to force you in it

It's also not guaranteed to be a one-day stream like you and it's also And it's also guaranteed that you don't have to tweet it. All you got to do is pick better than us All you got to do is pick better than us. Wait, so January 31st. Is that including championship? I think it's right before the championship. Oh, no, it's after the championship So it will be the entire playoffs. There's 12 games. It's all fixed. What if we tie? I don't know. We'll flip a coin. We'll flip a coin on the stream. That'll be great. Yeah, I'll tweet I swear I was 10 times more scared about that than this bowling thing But you already agreed to do it at one point. So like now you just agreeing to do it again if you lose

I mean five asterisks Five asterisks. Yeah see Tell us where you put the asterisks. I mean, there's only three words that are actually bad Okay, the m word the c word and the d word so you can put a couple of eyes No, four asterisks four eyes. So when you doing that four asterisks When you blink think about it and give us an answer on guys on chicks Four asterisks. All right. So now, yeah, jake is on the hot seat. That was my hot seat

You think that's a fair deal, right pft I that seems like too much of a fair deal. Yeah, that's a lot of asterisks. I would take if I were taking six six hot dogs We're back down to six hot dogs I would take it if I was if I was jake. Yeah seven was on the table six is six is now the deal My cool throne is I have two cool thrones the bears smoke screen season I alluded to it on monday ryan pols did his press conference. He was like we you know We're uh committed to justin but we have to evaluate if someone blows us away in the draft process I love that. I also think justin fields camp might get in on the ruse and be like i'm upset

So get the smoke screens out there. Let's get it going Get everyone confused Maybe the bears take price young and then get a haul and then my other cool throne is college basketball. It's back I always flip the page. Um I put a future on Tennessee and uconn. Those are my two teams So I did that after the national championship last night when we were in new jersey. Those are my two teams Got hurley and um, I love zeegler on Tennessee. Rick Barnes makes me nervous

But a future is a future. It's really your your The a future bet is just to have some you know a team you're rooting for there And obviously wisconsin is pretty good this this year I if they beat both of them on the way to a national title that would be the best-paced possible scenario, but it's it's funny because Uh Because of somebody who we will not name you can't Admit that alabama is going to be good this year. Correct. So so now you're going for Tennessee over them I do I do like Tennessee well and for the last like four years

It's been like this this is the reason this is the season that rick barns finally will not choke In the NCAA tournament and then he finds a way to one up himself every year. Yes Yes, it will probably blow up in my face But you know if either of them get to the elite eight, it will be a good ride. It will be a fun ride Um, I was looking at I think alabama's odds are I think they're uh, yeah, they're 13 to 1 or no, they're 15 to 1. So yeah, I could have been alabama, but I can't Um, and maybe I'll throw a thousand dollars on wisconsin at 100 to 1. Oh, that would be sick. I don't mind Auburn Yeah

I'm yeah We'll see Rocky top and uconn uconn in march Maybe we'll happen. All right, billy Uh hot seat jack wilson hot seat, uh I arrest closer to your face. Yeah talking to it. Just talking. Oh, there we go. Billy just got slapped with my mic It was too low. You can't hang the big ones, Billy. No, it was set so low. It was not ready for primetime. Yeah Uh, so a hot seat the irs turns out they're trying to abolish the irs. That'd be pretty cool

That feels like it won't work. I know. Yeah, so it won't pass anything, but would be nice So the house representatives introduced a bill, right? Yeah So it's probably gonna pass the house and then Go nowhere Yeah Sounds cool though. It does It gave me if you get the me the option of whether or not to pay taxes or not pay taxes Now that i'm rich, I would rather not pay taxes

Oh, yeah, I forgot PFT is a republican now. I'm a republican now. Okay, billy reminded me the other day. Yeah, uh, my cool throne is clowning Amazing clowning by the georgia players last night on the sideline eating wings. Oh, yeah Eating wings during the game during the game. I mean even just the drive for the over was a clowning. Yeah, like Going hurry up at the goal line when you're up 55 But clowning in college football doesn't happen that much because the coaches usually have a better handle on the players and their actions A lot more like they can threaten them more, but Now that like these guys are basically graduating a lot of the more seniors. They're literally accepting

Big plates of chicken wings from the sideline. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Recruiting violation frogs legs would have been funnier I heard jim harbaugh bought those wings It would be you know what like If this were five six years ago, there would be a message board out there That would actually be accusing georgia of having what are they called like first level violations level one violations For giving players impermissible meals on the sidelines. I just like to say I think that college message board culture has fallen off Recently it used to be a whole lot more like Latidious and they used to be on their shit now. It's gotten soft. What?

LSU recently. Yeah, everyone gets violated. Yeah, that didn't come out, right? Yeah. Uh, okay, jake My hot seats myself because you put my brain in a pretzel Like I said, you don't have to do the tweet jake. You don't have to do the tweet. I have a suggestion I agree. I have a suggestion. Okay. I think you should have a tweet something you can do troll awkward Hank as hank is all of our bosses. So if hank wants to do the tweet, I actually have to say yes You have to do tweet and I want to just put my hand up. I I thought it would be fun to just throw this out there Spur the moment. I do think that jake is right that like, you know, he wants to be calling games in the future

That tweet might be weird looking. So I'm not going to put pressure on him. I pft texted me his suggestion I think this is what we should go with. You know what? I think that I might just do the rail and tweet just like for fun I was thinking about doing it right now. I yeah, I was I was also thinking about it. I had twitter open right now But jake's a different position than we are. No, I'm doing it. Wait, don't do it before me. It was I was going to do it I love it. It's a race. It's a race. It's a race. I I was like, yes, I'm the one who originally was I was about to tweet it out about about the tweet um refreshing. So come on. All right, fine ceasefire. I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it. I will not do it. I'm not gonna do it either

All right, we'll you guys are both scared. No, we'll come up with a bet. We were both about to do it PST will come up with a bet between us. I'll just do it All right, bill you do it. No, it's gonna ruin billy's career. It will be awesome. He's never gonna get job Good luck getting a finest job. PST and I will be doing a future bet where the winner gets to tweet it But so this is actually suggested to us by part of my trolls On twitter and it was it's a variation of this suggestion, but I think it works well Um, we can do a weekend picks thing for week one against jake And if he beats us then we have to do the hot dog thing

We have to contribute towards his hot dog totals if we beat him Then Him and billy have to go to a chief's playoff game Dressed up as chief's a holic and x factor The bank robber and the guy I think that's a great out of the stadium last year. I think that's a great deal Yeah, I think that's your billy gets to just go to a chief's playoff game. Yeah, and jake No, jake has to in the chief's a holic costume has to go at least to an atm Yes, how you yeah, you also can't take the costume off your games. I go. I did the costume for pictures and you got it

You got a whole game in the costume Do you want to be the wolf? I'll be the wolf. No, no, jake's got to be the chief's holi. He's got to be the felon Jake will you do it Better than that tweet. Okay. All right. So we got a deal So this is gonna be great. It might not happen What and it might not happen and it might not happen. So we're gonna go seven picks We'll do seven so there's six games will make seven picks So you have to double up on one game pft and i versus jake and the boys first round only

Uh, if we if you win if you beat us, we will each eat six hot dogs Uh on your behalf for the bolorama and then if we beat you You and billy have to go to the chief's playoff game next weekend And you have to wear the chief's holi costume from pretty much the minute you wait I think you should have to go in the airport in it too Yeah, yeah, you have to go in the air. Yeah, sorry. So you have to fly with it on that even legal Yeah, you just take the head off when you go through tsa. So you're gonna fly with it on it Was such a great video fair you gotta fly with it on and you gotta wear it for the entire day go to the game

Maybe a little tag that says hi. I'm chief's holi And billy will be with you as x-factor Hell, wait, billy. Jake. You also need to have a bag Like a burlap bag with a green dollar sign on it that you're walking around with Probably get on tv. Yes. Yes. Oh, okay. Perfect. All right, jake. What's your cool throne? Um, my cool throne is growing up Uh, this is pretty wild The pop eyes kid is now a college football player. Wait, who's the pop eyes kid? Uh, dearness collin He's the kid that everyone thought was a little terrio

Oh, yeah The kid holding his stomach. Yeah, yeah, lake airy college storm. Hell. Yes. He also was a new new jersey state Championship wow good for him Yeah, he won. Uh What was it? It was new jersey. Yeah, he won the new jersey state championship in the middlelands I think yeah, he paused after the game and he did the yeah The meme pose Do you think he gets sick of being asked to do that? Oh, he actually disappeared since the the next time he resurfaced after that

First photo was that photo of the state championship game Like, you know, kind of was probably fun holding the championship trophy Instead of the cup and being like, hey, look, I made something on my life Yeah, not just this meme. Is there a show called behind the meme? Uh Tosh Tosh point. Oh where they follow up on people from these famous memes like 15 20 years later It did sound like a tosh segment. Yeah, you just invented tosh point. Oh for memes. He did web redemption. So that's different Yeah, it's a little bit different because I feel like memes have

Have really taken off, uh, even since tosh point. Oh was on the air I would like to follow up with some of those people and see what's going on in these days. Yeah, um, all right, so Let's do our interview. We got Andrew Santino in studio awesome interview It's brought to you by our friends a hello fresh You've got new year's goals and hello fresh is here to help you achieve them Skip the grocery store and take control of your time and budget with delicious recipes delivered right to your door Fast and fresh recipes. Hello fresh latest line of meals featuring robust flavors and filling portions are ready in less than 15 minutes Enjoy taste and quality done quick with recipes like falafel power bowls

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His new netflix special if you're listening to this right now has just dropped. It's called cheeseburger. It's on netflix Go watch it. You can also hear his podcast. How many episodes we do in a week I'm well, I do whiskey ginger is me with guests and then I do what whichever would by the way if you come out to la We'll have to sit down drink some good whiskey. Yes, and then me and bobby lee my favorite little noodle my little dumpling We do uh bad friends. We do ours every week. We're going on two or two. We'll be back out in new york I think at the end of I want to say april we're touring. We're doing like 29 or 30 cities on a bus Me and the noodle on a bus. Have you done that before never dude? I've never been on a bus No

Have you ever toured on a bus? No, I've never toured a bus and I'm so scared of it. It sucks. Yeah, I've heard Okay, so we've done trips on a bus. We've gone across the country on a bus on rv It's really the first day It's like remember when you watch real world back in the day and the first day everyone runs in They're like this house is awesome. Yeah, you get in and you're like this bus is sick We're gonna do all this shit and then by I don't know about like the middle of pennsylvania You're like this fucking sucks get the gun. Yeah, this is the gun It just bumps and you can't take a shit on the bus

That's the rules that we were talking about We have to get hotels in different cities because I said no shitting on the bus. Yep, and also bobby and I got into a fight Live on our show about who gets the back room and this is this is the most This is the most mind fuck shit. He did he was like, I'm giving it to you because I don't want it And I was like, nah, nah, you bitch. I know what he's doing. Yeah, I know exactly what he's doing Here's what he'll do is he'll give you the back room and then he'll be like, oh, I can't sleep in this bunk Let me just grab a hotel room real quick and then you're on the bus sleeping in there

Right, it's cold. You're freezing. It's uncomfortable short bed. Meanwhile. He's staying at best western living like a king Yeah, that's the plan To me like he'll sleep in that one bunk for the first night right and then I can't do this I like it too that it's uh all podcasts are the same because we we were on a flight uh Few months ago and there's only one first class ticket and I gave it to him. I was like you take it You take it. I tried to give mine To a troop. Yeah, I was looking for somebody to board wearing military Yeah, I went up to anybody stolen valour anybody at this point

I went up to the lady at the at the ticket gate and I was like, hey, just so you know If there's a troop here, I'd like to give them my ticket and they're like, sir I don't know what to tell you and I was like, okay, you know what? I'll just take yeah Isn't that funny when you try to do something nice and someone shuts down your like your gesture. Yeah, like I said we went to uh Um, we went to the you know the Morton Arboretum. You know what that is. Yeah Yeah, it's like a forest preserve and they do like a light show for Christmas and so My mom got sick so she couldn't go and then we had extra tickets And then I said, you know what we'll just don't we'll donate them for a family for someone

You know, we already did they're bought this is right and I go to the woman and I was like, hey We have some extra tickets and she goes, okay. I was like, oh, we'd like to leave them for another family You know if kids and you know their expense. It's not cheap and I said, you know, here you go and the woman goes Yeah, all right. Just leave them there. I was like All right, bitch. I'm just trying to be nice But she just sees it's like you're just making me do more. It's an inconvenience, right? I've given her another job But I was like, dude, I just sorry for being that it sucks. That's what the world teaches you You can't do too much nice shit. No, it'll hit you in the face

The right level is always like you don't want to because then also if you do too much nice shit People are just going to be like, you're the nice guy and then they're going to start taking advantage of you Like I get I I think I've done some nice stuff But then I'll randomly have people hitting me up being like, can I get 500 bucks? Can I get a thousand? I'm like, I can't just you can't just give it all away Yeah, I just can't do that. I have to have some kind of vetting process But guys in the the editors of this show, can you please put up his Venmo right down below and will anybody ask for anything? Just right now

Ask for whatever you want right now hit him up. Uh, all right. So your netflix special. Yeah, we shot it in Denver, Colorado at the paramount theater did two shows there It was a long time coming because I was going to do a special before and then You know COVID and all this stuff and then we were back and forth of where I wanted to do it And when I wanted to do it and the netflix ill netflix and I finally worked out this thing that I was like, okay You know, let's do it this way this time and part of the deal was because we talked before the show They had no influence on what none No, because I feel like we've heard

Who's in Andrew Schultz said that they had to cut a few things out. Yeah Now that might also be Andrew Schultz. He cries he cries about everything. Yeah, because it's a good promotion He's he's one of the best dude. He's don king of comedy He is the greatest promoter of he knows exactly how to market But no, truthfully, he did have some problems with content That was the thing that they dealt with and I don't know the depths of it But with my contract it was we I was an executive producer on it. It's mine I own the rights to it. We're we're we do a deal with them

And then I get to decide what's left in so I sat in the edit bay with multiple editors Uh took me about a month to figure out exactly how we wanted to look and feel and so I we did all of it Did you think about pushing it to the limit? Like just having like a list of netflix employees and be like this guy's hitler This guy's a pedophile this guy. Well, Hitler does work at netflix. Yeah, that's true He is kind of running the game over there right now. Yeah, especially so good. I really love he loved mine for some reason I did a whole kind of whole bit about kanya. He loved it. I just don't believe it ever whenever that whenever someone says they don't Uh, they didn't get any edits. So what they do is like they run through, you know, this is all internal jargon But s and p, you know standards and practice and legal what they have to do is make sure they're not going to get sued

If you're saying something, you know, right absurd like a company that they'd be scared of, you know It's a massive corporation Like claire all or one of these makeup like and they gave me skin cancer, right? And they just that's all they're really afraid of They're not afraid of like what you can and can't say like you don't talk about that group of people That's kind of all that's a little bit Overblown. Yeah There's a lot of like social influence like that online be like, oh, I can't believe it's more people getting upset about stuff than Netflix. Yeah, I mean

Netflix's proof was that they left chappelle stuff up there even after all that stuff. So did numbers. Yeah, it was It was amazing. They wrote him. Thank you letters and you know with feather pens I'm sure like thanks for making us another billion dollars of rent So the truth is they're more worried like many companies They don't want to get sued by some corporation because you Lied about a product you used or something that happened But for us they did s&p and legal and They sent us back a couple of notes and all their notes were was um, you know, it was more creative stuff

Yeah, they're like, hey, this is our input about this and the timing of this and this And honestly, we were you know, we didn't take any of them You'd probably feel like a tremendous pussy if they sent no notes, right? If they were like you'd be a little scared if they were like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's actually yeah It's totally fine. Why'd you even send it to us? Yeah, no, I got like look I had I do I wanted to shoot it in Denver because We have family there. I love Denver. It's a place in my heart for years I've loved doing comedy there and the best part about Denver to me was

Dude, Denver's a very liberal city, right? That's most people know it as a liberal, but colorado isn't all liberal Yeah, there's a lot of conservative out there. It's kind of a purple place So I was like I want both parties to come and enjoy this because I shit on trump I shit on biden really really hard And I want to feel both of those reactions. Yeah, I'm not really a one-sided guy I like to just test the water because that's how I literally think and the whole time I was talking to one of the netflix people and I was like Man, I hope biden doesn't die before this comes out

Like that was my only I was like, please don't die Because I have a whole bit about him and I was like if he dies, it'll ruin the joke That would ruin a lot of stand-up comedy. I would imagine that's not Not yet out. Don't die. Yeah, please don't die. I mean, I know he's dead already, but it's like, please Just keep up the weekend at bernie's with the guy for another couple of months. It's hard to kill like a vampire Yeah, like for whatever reason like um, well, okay So it's on denver real quick because I was interested why he didn't denver Yeah, because we talk on this show a lot about like good sports towns like what's a good sports town

Are there good comedy towns and bad comedy 100% dude 100% and and uh, uh That's funny. My first thought when you said it, I thought you were gonna say do you think denver is a good sports town? Uh, is it a good comedy town? Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's one of the best comedy towns in the country in my opinion There's a club there called comedy works downtown. They have another one out in the burbs a little bit, but um This woman wendy who owns it has created a place for comics over the years We've it's just we know it in our little circle as like one of the greatest places to perform We love it so much rogan moved there years ago because he loved the scene that was happening shot a special at comedy works and um

Almost every comic you know, that's a pro. We'll say that's one of the best clubs in the country Hands down without wow What were one of the other underrated ones? By the way, we love denver too. We went we went for a grit week Which we do every year. Yeah, and uh, we did a meet and greet never been handed more free drugs in my life Well, that's the best that is one of my favorite things too. Yeah, it's in every drug literally every drug So the last time I performed at that comedy works It's in the club is the reason we like it as comics. It's it's underground You know similar to what new york kind of created this with the seller was a very underground

You know speak easy jazz club feel that's what comics like And they kind of duplicated that in denver and that club is great and last time I played there before I ran the hour This dude in the very front row was just lit on mushrooms, man And at some point because I saw him like getting jittery and he would laugh at stuff that's not I'm not we're not there yet You know what I mean? Yeah, like I'd be like, how's it going? He's like And I was like, are you okay, buddy? And he was in the very front and he looks up at me and his buddy goes. He's on mushrooms, bud

And I was like, it's okay. Just let's let's let's let's ride this out together so we can keep you in the room You know because the difference is when someone's drunk Like, you know, I had a bozo in Boston this dude that wouldn't stop yelling And you're like at some point we're gonna kick you out, right? But the dude on mushrooms, he's not yelling But it's like don't be too jittery because people think you have a knife or something You know, I mean like when you keep moving and shifting because you're ripped. It's like just stay still Enjoy the show. I'm a treat now to you or whatever

But like let's move together through this But denver is one of the best comedy cities. I think I mean I could rattle him off. Yeah, rattle him off. Chicago obviously is an unbelievable comedy town I mean, Chicago has the fans are great. It's it's uh, Chicago is like, um Chicago is like New york, but it's your It's your favorite fat guy from new york. That's what chicago. It's like your favorite fat guy, right? Where you're like, oh man, you're the best parts of like the the fun

unhealthy eating Loving everything likes a shitty joke Um, you know, madison wisconsin is fucking phenomenal. Yep. That's where I went to school Oh, oh, you're a mad town guy. Man, I love that. I love that city, man. Um, I'd say other good comedy towns are like, uh Seattle's a sleeper Seattle's a big time sleeper people kind of avoid the pacific northwest sometimes for some reason because it's it's so far away Right. Do I mean like east coast guys? That if you're going up there, those that's what you're doing and that's it

There's it's not like you can do like a quick run, right? It's not like you go to seattle and then you just jaunt down to san francisco real quick. No, yeah You'll do seattle portland back to back sometimes you'll throw in vancouver. Yeah, uh, but san francisco actually a great town Which is funny because you know For years, you know, san francisco has this like Extremely liberal, you know, you think it's like so so far left and then you go up there and that's definitely not the case I mean it as far as the comedy shows go They they can take the joke just as much as anybody else, but there is this weird fear for comics of like, uh, dude

You say anything up there and they're gonna get mad, huh? But I feel like that's I mean Everyone's opting in to go to the show. What's it? What's a city that just sucks. You'll never want to go back to I hate to do this. Yeah, kind of burns it. I hate to do this, but I'm gonna do it man Do it you could if I never go back to pittsburgh. Oh I won't feel bad. I love pittsburgh. We love pittsburgh did not have fun We're not having fun. Well, I'll tell you know what? It was my experience. So I'll say this to the city of pittsburgh I love you. I had a great time driving in under that tunnel and oh, yeah And seeing that it was awesome when you come out of the tunnel and you see the bridges

And the stadiums. It's pretty cool. But there was a game day the next day So, uh, uh, a fucking holiday inn was like 700 bucks a night And we were looking for good hotels and I was like, how is this real and the woman? I was it's a marriott courtyard She's like, well, that's the game day rate. It was like 685 a night. I was like, that's what the fucking four seasons is 6700 bucks a night. She was like, that's just the way it goes. It's pittsburgh. Blah blah So I got over that was a one hump and I was like, whatever. That's fine. It's annoying. But why then We go to the venue And the sound guy, do you even know chris o'connor the guy that comes with me? Do you know chris?

He's great comic o'connor comes with me sometimes and uh And me and chris are like in a good mood. We just had a good meal had a couple of sodas and uh, the sound guy's outside ripping heaters And he I can tell he's livid. He's not in a good fucking mood And I'm like, hey man, what's going on? I'm Andrew. This is chris. Uh, we're doing the show tonight and he goes Yeah, yeah, I know and I was like, oh, okay. Well, can we go down to the green room and he goes, dude, it's been it's been a tough day All right, it's been a tough day He puts the grid out on the on the brick and then walks and doesn't even look us in the this walks right by us Then in the middle of the show the mic cuts out and this fucking guy looks at me like I did it

You're the sound guy And he's looking at me. He's like he does this. I'm like, don't fucking you don't get to shoulder. That's your gig You did the thing And he he kind of fucked me off and on top of it at the beginning he goes Do you have walkout music? And I said, yeah, yeah, we can can I send you a spotify playlist? He goes? Oh, no, no, dude. We don't no no. Do you not have a jump drive or something? Is this 2006 you want to plug it in you want me to get a time machine and get a jump No, I don't have a fucking jump drive. So I that so you know what it was Pittsburgh. I'm sorry. It wasn't you

It's mike the sound guy Fuck you mike. Yeah, he fucked our shit up me and christa whole time We're like man, this guy he was such a dick. He fucked my experience up and then so afterwards I was bummed because the show was fine and shout out to the fans that came But it just put this taste in my mouth. Yeah, that was the vibe of the city that night And so Pittsburgh bum me out man bum me. All right. We need a redemption of that because we do I want to go back. Let's go back and change me around and mike. I hope you're fucking dead Hope you're not around by the time I get back. He's having a bad day

I want how many times you can use the bad day excuse at work. Can I be you know me honestly? There's someone in here that had a bad day. Yeah, get over it. Yeah Fucking be an adult and swallow it and and do it late figure it out later But it's like everyone's having a bad day at some point. I don't know what happened to him this morning I feel like Billy's having a solid day. He was like he was 30 minutes early to work. Yeah, which is crazy What's going on? What did you do last night? Yeah, something you shouldn't have done. Probably didn't go to bed I feel like having a bad day is like that's the that's the reason why you have a spouse. That's the person you tell it to Yeah, no one else take it out on your wife. Right like

Not your co-workers. You don't say it's a random people you wait till you get home And you're like I had a really shitty day. Leave me the fuck alone or you or I'll put my I put a towel over my mouth While she sleeps and just yell into the towel Stuff about her but she can't really hear it, but I'll yell it as loud as I can Well, she sleeps in the that is this morning by the way She was bummed because I woke up and I had stuff to do this morning for the special before I came here And she was up too earlier than she wanted to be and I raised the blackout curtain She was like, oh, babe, and I was like, let me tell you something

We're in this hotel because I'm doing all this stuff And I start to like turn into my dad. It's like, you know why we're here because I'm working 60 hours a week, you know, it's like I'm doing the same thing my dad, but I was like, babe I have to do this. I can't be in the dark on my fucking computer trying to figure out this stuff So she was bummed and kept rolling over then finally when I left she goes, okay. Goodbye The whole time I wanted to go down to the front desk and be like we're checked out of uh 1026 so you can clean the room. Yeah, and who's ever in there kick them out But no, you yeah, everyone's having a bad fucking day. Just sometimes get over it. I don't know

Uh, I watch your your last day. I don't know if it was the last special idea, but it was on uh, I saw on amazon the other day Oh, really? Um, yeah, it's on amazon. You had the uh, the one with the teddy bear in the back or the bear in the background Chicago bear in the background. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, that was very funny. You should go check it out What's the name of that one again? That was called home field advantage. That was in Chicago at the vik, right? Shot at the vik. That was many moons ago. Uh, I would say watch this one first. Okay. What cheeseburger That was years ago. I it was fun. You know, it was on showtime I did a deal with showtime because I had a tv show with them and then You know, it was they were quick to pull the trigger. I didn't they were like we have to shoot special like very fast

And I had a good time. It wasn't it wasn't my favorite. This thing that I put out now Uh, is one of my favorite things and people like why why you call it cheeseburger? You got to watch it I talk about it in the middle of it. I had I'll give you a piece of it is that I had an emotional I had like a breakdown. I had like a mental breakdown And I was meant to be yeah, I didn't I did I did it was tough, man And it was because of a lot of shit that was going on with my family you know Stuff stuff that was very personal my family was kind of happening and scaring me a little bit and then

You know things of my life and lost somebody and you know stuff like that and I kind of just was having a crack And as I had this breakdown Um, I had this kind of coming to terms with things, you know a moment of realization moment of clarity And cheeseburger is at the crux of all of it. And so you'll have to see to find out where that comes from And also everybody loves a fucking cheeseburger. That was like, you know, yeah, that's a good tease. Wow Everybody was a great. Thank you. Have you done that tease yet? No, this is the first time. Yeah, baby So when you're shooting it sounds like you were like very hands-on with the editing process I'm always fascinated to know like from a comedians perspective when you're filming something and you're presenting it on television

Is there like a certain camera angle that makes the punchlines funnier? Like is that something that you think about like you do want do you want like a medium shot when you're hitting the punchline of a Joke or wide establishing when you're starting it. How does that work? You're you're an astute man, my friend I mean, many people wouldn't think that but that's actually very smart. Truly. Yes. That is a big part of the process When you're in the edit bay when you're choosing from your shots Some of the big things some of the things that and this is no disrespect But one of the editors we worked with him and I kind of didn't have the same A vibe right and every editor has a different rhythm. So truly what goes into a good

Special is the good jokes But on top of that the rhythm of the angles that the shots that you use kind of dictate the the rhythm of the special itself So, you know, yeah certain setups you want to be on wides Or you want to be on a medium or a side angle depending on where you're looking where you're walking and facial expression Then you want to get tighter on certain punchlines But like especially if you're a physical comedian, right? Like, you know, I'm not super physical But I walk a lot I talk with my hands and I'm a little, you know, I have a lot of gestures But we would choose specifically

Shots that we thought accented the joke better And it's something that kind of helps the viewer at home feel like they're there a little a little bit more And that's just a you know, not a trick, but it's just a It's a tool of the business of how you shoot a good special because when truth be told when you think about your favorite specials You know, whether it's rock or chappelle or whatever The joke is the thing that made you, you know, really Remember it. Yeah, but the part of the reason in my opinion that's subliminal thing is You love the way it looks and feels it like helps you feel like you're there like you're there. Yeah 100% like, you know, I mean

Every one of my favorite specials It look it looked like a spectacle. I was a part of yeah, you know what I mean How long did it take to come up with like the material to get to a point? We're like, all right, I'm spec because it I'm just picking up on context clues the first especially did in 2018 Great, yeah great at the time But maybe you look back and you're like, ah, that wasn't my best stuff Well, because it's like at the time you're like, I liked everything I put in there But that's where I was in my life and you know, I had shot it fast in 2016 or something and I liked it

It was fine. There was some really great stuff in there that I really enjoyed but like I've gotten a little bit older I've changed my views on the world Things I'm a little bit more specific and personal about also I get a little bit personal in this So this is more like true to me so to speak but like cultivating an hour It's different for everybody, you know, Louie used to do it fucking Louie could throw it together and like I don't I mean, you know less than a year. I mean, he was a magician right when he was pumping out hours Um, some people take a really long time, dude. Some people take huge gaps But it's your own rhythm at your own pace, you know, like um, Anthony Justin like as a buddy and you know, we were talking about

Just recently I said, are you gonna go back out and he's like, I'm not gonna go back out till I'm ready With my hour that I'm working on in town. Some people work on their hours out of town Yeah, or out of la or new york, wherever you're based. I mean, it's it's all your own personal process But for me, uh, I don't ever put a timeline on it. I don't I just want to keep working on it until I feel like I have a good Uh, overarching, you know story or path to something And this is this was kind of that, you know, this was unfortunately in the middle of covet We were ready to shoot this thing before yeah So half of it was thrown away from stuff that I did before and then I put new stuff in so

It's ever changing man. It's almost like you talk to a musician And they're like, oh that album is perfect. I guarantee you that musician would go There's a couple things I would have tweaked now looking back. But there's you got to just let it go That's why you got to do a podcast three times a week And it just always kind of it's like sometimes good but kind of sucky and you just keep just thrown thrown It's not sucky flooding the zone. You're just doing we're just we're just we just go out there and have 120 pitches Just leave us on the mount. They only remember the bangers. Yeah, and the rest of you remember the rest of it's just like background noise Yeah, right, right. We don't have to cultivate shit

It's pretty awesome like but if you set a low bar for yourself You probably can't do that in comedy You probably can't like do Out of the first half hour of a set just really sucks ass and then it gets then it gets good after a while That would be tough. No, it's tough. You just got it You have to it with with specials and tapings you have to hit them You have to just keep you keep hitting them and it's hard too because with tapings The weird thing is the audience is cognizant of being filmed. They know they're being filmed

It looks different than a regular show the lights are fucking brighter Their seating is different. You know what I mean? Like we have to seat them around cameras and It's all a part of that world that changes how an audience feels. So I don't think it really shifts the You know the like the laughter of the applause I don't think they're hamming it up or anything, but you I do always Remember they're like they know they're being filmed, right? There's a sign out front That's like, yo, your likeness may be used

On this special on netflix. You're saying yes by sitting in this seat that you might be on camera Yeah, I try as hard as I can to not show anybody You know, most of my fans are very very unattractive. So I just know I'm preaching to the choir, bro No, we have we're just we're like cult leaders of a mutant army Well, I am the og mutant to the fucking ginger gene. Yeah, most of no no I just I don't try to show a lot of people in the audience just because you know, I I don't think A lot of times they were asking if I wanted a camera roaming to pick people off

And I was like, I don't think so because it happens a lot in comedy You pick people off out of the crowd and I was like, we don't need it You know, and I mean you can see slivers of them sometimes, but I didn't want heavy like shots in on, you know, a couple like I just didn't want it. It's always funny at a sporting event if you're watching on tv There's one cameraman that's always in charge of just finding an attractive woman Yeah, and then his job is just like Focus on the woman and then during a break in the play. It's just like boom hot chick for everybody at home I don't know if that's his job or if one guy did that and every other guy was like, we're getting away with this

This is fine. Yeah, he was just shifting the camera to her hot chick and in the in the truck. They were like, this is good She's pretty hot. I didn't know what camera was on Yeah, I actually just was scrolling instagram this morning It was just an old clip of Brent Musburger and like he used to get so fucking horny It was so funny. He made comments. It was it was literally it was uh, alabama It was agent mccaron's uh girlfriend at the time. He's like he's like tell you what like If you live in alabama go back in the backyard and throw that football around because you can end up with this It was like jeez

What did I just see they found there was like a florida And not a floor there was a florida girl or something that they picked back out again that like went back on the internet She had like really light blue eyes or something It's like they find these girls Oh, yeah, and they like vet them as like the one to look for every game Then it's like a game for the cameraman. Yeah, the horniest guys of the world in the camera Some people that have actually developed careers out of being hot and crowds And then they get famous because they have that moment of reality on the internet

And then they parlay that into either like, I don't know if they've got like a modeling career or something Or are they going on television now? They're talking about sports. It's it's crazy How these horny cameramen can actually change the trajectory of somebody's 100% dude Also, I always thought about whenever we went to like, um You know basketball games do it the most but like when they when they do the kiss cam It always sounds so funny It's the same bit that it's like kiss couple kiss couple kiss old people kiss everybody loves when the old fucking people kiss And then they'll go to two dudes. Yeah that are immediately like no

Oh, we're not gay Not one time if I seen two dudes just be like, no, no All right, and then start kissing. So I'm I'm pushing for two dudes It's you're not gay, but you got to kiss on the kiss cam once for fun Do it for us because I think it would be hilarious to see people like, oh come on. I'm I'm I'm gonna All right, fuck it. Kiss cam. They like held up a sign. They're like, no, he's my brother I can't do it. The best is my brother and then he's like, then we should The best is uh, I don't know if you're what what sport do you like the most?

Um, you know, what's funny man as a chicago kid I we grew up watching bulls like basketball because I played basketball was like my go-to right, but over the years You know, I'm not as huge of a fan of the nba. Okay. It's lesson. So football was always kind of a standoff Okay, so the nba though the um, if you have league pass, uh, I have league pass so I can watch the bulls from new york Yeah, they do the jumbo tron feed. So there's no commercials. So I watch like kiss cam in my living room Oh, right, right, right. You watch the feed. I watch the feed like people missing half court shots all that Is just in fields the real deal I need you to help me. We we need to support each other. What Nathan peterman peter

Yeah, yeah, yeah, peterman. So you this guy right here by the time you listen to it Is that the p? He's already the only person in the world that that owns a Nathan peterman shirt. Yeah, so we got here's the thing What is that by the way? Is that what what is it? What it's a no, it's just nathan peterman branded. It's not like Oh, it's not So in this room right now pft's a commander's fan We got an eagles fan

Billy right here is a jets fan. He tried the jets got like when they were five and two this year Got all fucking uppity. He actually had the balls to tell me and pft after the thursday night commander's bears game He's like, I feel bad for you guys. We're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Hot shot. How he he's of the belief He's doing the um dog whistle of like jesson fields. If he when he gets out of the pocket, it's he can get injured so Well, I gotta tell you that His little dog whistle. Yeah, so you did it. So it's your fault. Yeah. Yeah, everyone everyone felt that way in my opinion You know my my stupid personal opinion. I love the kid. I think he's fucking phenomenal. I think he's a great talent

I do I do definitely get scared when he does run. Yeah, because in the same way that like Derek rose Comparison cross sport comparison dude. He was un fucking real, but also It's like that guy at pickup games in the park where you're like that guy's wild man He might get fucking hurt right because he's just so good an athletic But he's so fast and he's so hard-nosed and he's not a bitch or a pussy right So he will get at some point. He's gonna get hit. Yeah, and he's gonna get hit in the wrong way So I got I get nervous when he goes, but I love to see him run because he's fucking phenomenal

He's the most electric bears quarterback ever. Yeah. Well ever Rex Grossman sexy Rex dude. Who else? I mean, I was always I was always a Kyle Orton guy. I love Really? Yeah, I don't know. I just his release is so fast. Yeah, he was quick. He was quick That's all I got is like it doesn't get there, but it's like his release I think fields is the man. I I hope this kid doesn't this kid. He was like a Was he at Tennessee for like no, he was at Georgia. He's from Georgia. He was at Georgia

Then Georgia didn't uh, he lost the job. Did he lose it? No, I think he lost out on it Yeah, he I can't remember who he lost it to Who is the Georgia quarterback for Stetson memes got Jake from Jake from and uh, then he transferred to Ohio State Yeah, it wasn't a dog whistle. By the way, billy. I'm just busting. We also bombed the season I mean, what's the difference? You know, I had I I was like, how funny Last week that I was like, man, it'd be nuts. Uh, be nuts if we got a w now It'd be nice to like lift us up a little bit. No, I want that dude Of course you don't but I was like in the moment. Yeah for a second. I go be nice to catch one at the end

I get I had I had that thought in like October, but then when we got down to the stretch It was like this is actually like the greatest bear season of all time because yeah, who's better at losing than us Nobody aren't well. We're tied right. We're tied for the worst record right now. Uh, we Yeah, once this runs, yeah, it's actually might fuck around and beat the Colts though That's the thing is like lovey smith He's lovey smith is under direct orders to lose every football game that he plays I'm convinced of that lovey smith also seems like the kind of guy that'll be like, fuck you I'm gonna win this game because you're probably gonna fire me anyways. Well, yeah, I mean, well, that's probably a fact regardless

So or he does the other way where he's like, I've been in this game for a long time I don't give a fuck anymore. Yeah, let's just tank and I'll walk and I'm getting my check. Anyway, what do I care? That's what I would do. I'd be like, I'll tank and walk. What do I fucking care? Yeah, the the american dream is to become a coach and then be so bad at coaching that you get paid to not coach anymore Right and then you get like 40 million dollars to sit on your ass. Good night. Yeah. Goodbye. I'm good now Let me ask you guys because you guys are this is more of you than me, but like You know, what what what what what happened with Russell Wilson, man? Uh, he's a robot. He's he's the biggest weirdo. It's crazy. What really happened that that it feels like you're watching

Yeah, it feels like you're watching someone break down live I actually think he hit rock bottom last week when he was like crying Because his teammates defended him and I was like, all right now. I actually feel bad for this guy The problem is it's just let's ride. I think I think fans. I think Players don't realize fans can smell bullshit through and through like we know when someone's doing it to be like a brand He just like the whole ciara and everything. He's he wants to be a brand What's his what was his alter ego? Mr. Mr. Unlimited and his concussion water where he had the nano bubbles So that's the bullshit that you can get away with if your team's good

And if you're winning if you're going to super bowls people will be like, oh, yeah, that's just russ being russ But then once you start going like three and fourteen It's like wait This is the guy that's trying to like convince america that if they buy his water their brains will heal Then it becomes like more serious, right? That's how dumb we are You can get away with whatever you want as long as you're going to the playoffs Well, right And but also most of the guys that are going to the playoffs that are so good where they can get away with get get away with

Whatever they want. They don't really do that stuff. Right. It's it's a unless that's Unless you got a really wild fun personality and everybody loves when you do that, which it's a rare that comes along Sometimes but most of the times the superstars that are killing it and getting the playoffs every year You know, they just do their thing Yeah, like I mean you think like joe burrow josh allen or patch motors even brady like they're not I mean brady has a brand stuff. He's a little a little bit a little bit towards the end He has but for the longest time he was as boring as possible. Yeah, that team I mean everything about that squad I mean phenomenal, but just always such as so so boring. There was no there was no like no showing off

You know that old adage of like act like you've been there before I'm so anti. I'm so against that I'm so pro celebrations. Oh, yeah, it's a fucking game. It's for entertainment You know like my dad's generation was always like act like you're fucking been there hand the ball to the ref No, dude, I got paid to be a goofball and be amazing at my job. I'm gonna do I'm gonna have a fucking fun time When I when I do the thing that I'm set out to do I'm gonna celebrate a little bit and it goes the same for fans. I'm a big believer like Listen, you don't win championships There's only one team that can win so like if you're a fan of a team like if your goal is to win the title every year

As a fan You're gonna have a bad time 99.9. Yeah, dude have fun It's this it's not gonna work out the way you want every single time. Yeah, pretty much never I got I got buddies. I became pretty good buddies with Uh, my homes, uh, I'm bragging a little bit. Nice. Yeah, well Jackson. I met him. Yes I'm talking about Pat's wife. Oh, yeah her and I are best friends. Yeah, no, but I met Kelsey. I met trav through Um, I met travis through another well, he is I met him through another friend And uh, the reason I'm bringing this up not to name fucking drop it's that but is because like the chiefs aren't my team, right?

and um As I've gotten older I found that it's like when I was a kid It was like you can't fucking root for another team, right? Chicago, especially was like I'm a north side guy It's like it was always a can't fuck the white socks And then I grew up and you're like, dude, you can celebrate other people too This is not a I learned it kind of from my dad. My dad would Respectfully if a guest took him in his in their city to a game He would wear the respective gear of whoever his friend's team was. Yeah, like if you went to Philly with a friend

That's a classy move Well, he would do that out of respect for his buddy His buddy was a Philly guy and he went to a Philly game. Well, he'd wear Philly shit. Also because he didn't want to get stabbed Yeah, well, that's Philly, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I should have used it more Tempered if you went to Indianapolis went to a Colts game No, but I feel like um as I've gotten older and those guys have made me a fan So sometimes fans will talk shit to me online. Like you're a Chicago guy. Why the fuck are you at a KC game wearing? It's like because dude, I'm 40 right and I grew up a little bit

And I was like, I'm going to support these people that I've learned to know and I'm stoked for them Especially because my team is eating spoonfuls of shit every week. Yeah, it's nice to see w's on the board To watch the sport how it should be. Yeah, how it should be like when you watch a chief's game You're like, that's not the same as the bears. They're not playing the same and I get lucky They've been I've been blessed that they take me to a couple. I've been to Arrowhead a few times and oh, that's sick Dude, it's been incredible and I met Travis. We were going to do a project together because you know, he likes to dabble in Our world when hot balls over I bet he'll be in the in the world of Hollywood and television and because he's affable and good-looking and

Smart and funny as shit and doesn't take himself that serious And he introduced me to Pat Pat came to my show when I was in Dallas because he's from Texas and me and Pat and family and friends and he goes he's he came for the first show And he was like man, it's so fucking fun And uh, he goes, all right. Well, then, uh, where do you want us now? And I was like, oh, well, I'll see you. I'm gonna do the second show You guys go have fun and I'll see you whenever and he's like, no, we're gonna. I think we're gonna stay for the second show

I was like, oh I thought for sure he would dip But he was like, no, we want to stay And the server comes up to me and she's like, that's your party, right? And I was like, yeah, whatever I'll take care of the bill like whatever it is that she's like, no, no, no We're it's we're comping everything. Anyway, I just want to let you know like we have someone that's going to go Have to get more Coors light because nice. Mr. Holmes has finished all the Coors light his Coors light athlete, bro I'm not kidding when I say this

Maybe 13 the first show. I love it. Maybe 10 the second show and then we went out. Yes. And of course, I remember you forget I'm almost 40 He's much younger. So when the shows are done, I'm also tired. I worked and Pat's like, yo, let's go out and I'm like It's we're out. It's over. Yeah. I can't and he's like, no, no, no Zeke is at this club. And of course, I was like, I kind of want to see Zeke. Yeah, right And he was like, you should go and I was like, my wife's like, you really want to go to this? It's like 230 I was like, I do once in a lifetime. Yeah, I really do. Yes. Do I want to be pushed around by Zeke Elliott's security guard? Yeah, I do. Yeah, and did that happen? Yeah, it did

Because they're like, who are these little fucking white dorks trying to get into this all athlete vip And of course pad had to be like, no, no, no, they're okay And at one point I wanted to be like, well, just stay outside the ropes. I don't deserve to be in that Yeah, no, I'm gonna self select out of this one. Yeah, you got a role I wanted to opt out but no, he that's how I got to know those guys and then from then If I'm in a city And they're playing there and I've kind of started to learn to schedule that sometimes if I'm like, dude I'm gonna be near there. I'll just jump a flight and go

And so my wife and I will go to games and we'll go see them and I love them, dude It's just it's fun and no one from the fucking bears has reached out. So what I know come at dude say, what's up call come at That's I completely understand that like if the older you get we meet people through this show We meet athletes and we start to root for them because you have to it turns out that a lot of them are very nice people Yes, and so we we root for our friends and then occasionally we do get shit because we've got like, you know Our different alleges, but we're open about it So like we think that jerry goff should get an MVP vote because it's been on the show before because you love the dude Yeah, because we love the dude. But yeah, I think if you root for a shitty team

You should get a pass like if you haven't won a Super Bowl in 30 years or I guess in the bears case what 30 35 85 Yeah, 37 years like you should get a yeah, you're you're an adult man You make friends go watch go watch football in the way that like I just I always think about Kansas City fans and how lucky they are And how much better their life is and how much better their life will be for the next like eight years Because they just know that patrick mahomes is going to make their falls enjoyable right so fun man It's it's honestly doing those games in that stadium that stadium is so much fucking fun

It's why it's it is a party every time i've gone and meanwhile I go home to soldier field It's like you're waiting for your drunk dad to come home and hit you Yeah, like it's all good right now until halftime and then you're like man Is he gonna show up and beat the shit out of us because I feel like we're gonna it's gonna fall apart You ever been to a fedex field in land over maryland? That is it you might as well just march me on a death march to butan So it's so it's like 40 minutes outside the city

There's one road that gets there the stadium sucks ass half the seats are behind giant cement pillars The beers are the most expensive in the league and they're usually expired because dan steiner bought them from a world cup that ended like 10 years ago And then you get to see the worst product in the nfl and then sitting traffic for five hours before you leave No, thanks at some point people wise up and they're like I know it's the only game in town, but I'd rather become a ravens fan Yeah, and this is why arlington heights like i'm like, yeah move the bears to arlington Yeah, this is an old debate that this is a debate that will never stop this was happening before they even decided people were like

Don't take it out of the city, right? But I think chicago fans know or anybody that reads the fucking tribune knows You know their bears are losing a lot of money by playing at a park district rented fucking stadium Right, so get these guys smallest nfl. Yes, that's hard to like it's hard to get in and out of because there's just not like It's just hard like beautiful location. Yeah impossible most of the people that like soldier field or they just like the blimp shot Right when they show it like before the game Just keep doing the blimp shot Just do do move darling heights and then just do old blimp shots from soldier field when you come back on monday football

Be like here. We are well. It's kind of like what they do on all sports You know like when they show You know they show like crypto staple center, you know when they show it like a lakers game They'll always be down in like Manhattan beach on the beach. You're like fucking 22 miles away There's nowhere but just give them the shot that they want of like hollywood Boulevard give them the shot of like the skyline and then don't tell them that it's not right there It's an early to nobody knows. Yeah. Have you gotten soft since you've been out to hollywood very people from chicago? Like you've very I looked at kissing everybody in this room when I walked in i'm real soft

This should be a tough guy wanting to fight now. I want to hug and kiss especially this cute big goon Oh, yeah, this guy right on his fucking forehead That's our fear because because hank our producer keeps telling us to move out to to california That's been his goal for like nothing will change seven years and we're like well Well, I think it'll change a little bit if you talk about sports We're living because all of a sudden it's so nice out there that you don't you can't get mad about sports Yeah, no you can if your team is well, here's the thing everybody from la is from somewhere else Right new york has this this as well that a lot most a lot of new yorkers aren't from new york

Or they're you know philly and they're different different squads, but like it's hard to have a collective Uh, it's hard to go to a bar on a sunday and get your squad together because everyone's from fucking everywhere Right, so you still hold some of that resentment and anger Because you don't have a community to support you so you do kind of have to yell at the wind a little bit like I there There's a there's five bears bar And we've gone to a few of them and they're fine You know what I mean, but you're still gonna have that same passion and hatred for when you're fucking up and losing because You're alone out there. I think when you're with the city

That is I'll go back and say Kansas City because they are that's their shit. There ain't nobody else at that stadium That's from somewhere. I mean, that's their shit. They are they get to collectively cheer and Lament about bad times in la you're alone on your little shitty sat island So you kind of bitch to nobody So it it is annoying. It's it's shitty to not have like people you guys get people to like at least huddle up with Yeah, we don't have that at all. What's uh, so speaking of la you've been in a couple shows. Is it suck that I love dave I've watched it third season comes out in march

Yeah, is it suck a little though that your your character is kind of a bummer? Yeah. Well, that's part of the gig, right? It's like they make you they make you uh, they they have to shape you in a way where I always say like the best the best actor is somebody who Whatever the character is you actually kind of like believe that to be true a little bit right like I like I Was like you're a dick and you're like that guy's a dick. I'm doing the thing. Yeah, so I did well It's like Kristoff waltz isn't a Nazi. Yeah, but he's good. Well But he's good at the gig. It's like you believe that he's this this guy so You know the show is the show is a fun funny show

I have to be the voice of reason to the chaos and it's got to suck though because it you do really like you watch the show And you're like this red-headed guy. He's just like Why is he always fucking bringing it down? I have to be a downer Because that's what a manager is dude and his manager who is a guy I play in real life You've got to be the guy that has to be the voice of fucking reason Otherwise the kids, you know, we'll never come down to earth. It's like someone has to Wrangle them down. Yeah, it is tough. Yeah, it's tough when sometimes everyone gets to play, you know, and I have to be the wet blanket Go in there and be like come on fellas. We can't do that. We have to leave

The milking table scene is one of the all-time greatest It's one of my favorites. I would say it's one of the funniest scenes in the history television So how the way we did that for people that don't know you should go back and watch uh, that's season one Uh season one. Yeah season one. Uh When they asked us about the milking table and if we wanted to see it and I said no And then they said do you want to see what it looks like? At all like if Dave is naked on there with his asshole out Do you want to see it?

And I said no, I want to see it for the first time when I'm in the car And so then they give you you know in hollywood, they don't trust anybody do anything It's like you get in a car and a guy will be like I can I'm going to pull the car back out and you're like I can back out of car. Yeah, I have a fucking car when I leave tonight. I'll be driving a car So the guy was like well, let me do it I said no because I want to back out and back in as if I'm coming home from work So I can really see it for the first time So that thing that you saw is literally the first take one

It was the take it was a perfect reaction for more But that was the one we used was the first take when I walk when I Was in the car and and the garage slowly went up the way that he said hey and I said What's up back or whatever I said that was exactly how I felt. Did you know what a milking table was before that scene? Yeah, that's how I learned what it was. Yeah, they had pitched us other stuff And I think like in the writer's room. It was like They were thinking about like a btsm thing and blah, you know, there was a bunch of different pitches But when it got down to milking table

Um, you know, I'm a sexually open guy. I kind of figured it out real fast. Yeah, you know, I mean It's kind of in the name of it. Yeah, I figured it out pretty fucking quickly Although we did discuss whether or not you can face which way you're which way you would be fun to face because You know, you could face the other way on the milking table You could a guy can face up and get yanked down like an old toilet chain You know, yeah, you know, I mean and that's and that's a whole thing because your your balls will throw you back up Or you can face down. I go we can get creative about which way But the way that we shot it the way that they did it

That was so much fun because it was the first the first take is what you saw Of us our reactions and then we lost it man. We were fucking dying laugh Because it was so fun to see and dave's down to get naked. Yeah, that was what's fun Yeah, this season is fun as shit too. We're on tour this season. Oh nice I don't even know if I'm supposed to say that but whatever. It's not I'm not giving anything away But we're on tour. We're we're living the living the road life on the show This might be a very basic question, but do you prefer doing uh doing television or doing stand-up? Yeah, I you know, I said this yesterday to a buddy. I said gun to my head

You know, you have to quit one I would quit I would quit acting because stand-up was my first love. That's what I started when I was 24 You know, and it's a grind it takes forever to get noticed it takes forever to get on So the the work I put into that I'll always really carry that with me Um, I love them both, man But like if I had to kill one I would kill acting because I have only so much control Right, you you have to play the role that you're given you have to do it to your best ability and shape it the way you want

but Stand-up is all me man. The failure on the success is on your shoulders, which I like Yeah, so speaking of that how long like so you started 24 What was the first okay? This is like a living I can actually you know like I didn't I can tell my my family like hey, I'm doing this and it's working Yeah, I I did I did MTV's punked and that could give me enough money where like I didn't have to have a day job anymore Who'd you punk? Oh my god, we did everybody we did like the new iteration. We did uh, um Justin Bieber punked uh

Taylor Swift that was a big one that we did um We had macmillar on rest in peace who was like such a fucking great dude Who did whiz califa that show was so funny. It was so fun, man. It was a really it was a fun part of my life, man it was like a You know it was like the beginning of my intro to like getting to do comedy on television and being an improv actor and You know and then doing stand-up at night It was living the fucking dream

But that was like the first job that paid me enough money where I didn't have to worry about nine to fiving anymore because I nine to five before that I was a production assistant I mean you guys know PA's you probably have them around here and You know making four hundred dollars a week before taxes so fucking eating it And then I was uh, then I worked pushing paper at a desk job in a music industry music company Getting visas for bands to tour around the world. So you're really like, uh, I'm moving out to la success story Because there's a lot of ones that aren't no a little bit. I started in LA. I tried it. I left Arizona. I went to Arizona state

and uh, because I really wanted an education and I really wanted to like how awesome is Arizona state It's a great place in the fucking world. I've heard that it's it's pretty much hedonism Sometimes when I get guys that like make fun of me, you know, like You know, like when people make fun of me about colleges like if I friends I went to good schools and they mock it I'm always like, dude, you're the idiot. Yeah. Yeah went to an expensive school You have a mediocre job and life is whatever. Yeah, I went to a bullshit school had the most fun

I've ever had and I'm killing it It's actually like I've gone out to Arizona state before uh for our college football shows And I remember just being like, what is this place like this? It's what you need it to be Yeah, we went to a fucking uh Apartment that these kids were living in with this huge pool in the back. It's like, what do you where what is going on? There's paradise my my friend, uh, my family friend one of my dad's good friends that he went to college with His son and I became friends and we used to my dad went to Tennessee And we used to go to Tennessee games a lot and so I met him when I was a kid and we'd see each other as a reunion all

The you know, a couple times a year at games And he one time said, you know, where are you going to go to school? And I said, I'm not really sure man. I'm not I'm not the brightest bulb, you know, like I'm a bc guy You know, I mean, I'm b minus c plus at best So he was like my cousin goes to Arizona state y'all should come out And I was like seriously and I told my parents I said I looked into it It's one of the cheapest out of state school in the country You know, we can work out a deal where I can do some you can pay some and we can because I think it was like

Seven grand a year or something like that. It was pay what you get. Yeah, yeah, exactly And I said it's the cheapest out of state school And it was the closest I could get to California because I couldn't afford California And they knew I kind of wanted to go to california or new york, right? I definitely couldn't fucking afford new york But I thought if I can get to california I can live real dirty and cheap in LA And so I went to I went and visited his cousin And she hated us

She was a cool freshman and we were fucking annoying juniors or seniors at the time and This dude she was hooking up with you know was like what do you guys need to go away? And I was like well, we just don't know anything We need to be showing around or somebody needs to tell us where to go and he's like I'll give you 20 bucks and I'll give you mushrooms and will you walk away from the dorm? And I was like, yeah So we dipped mushrooms and peanut butter and ate them and then had a fucking one of the best nights of my life And we sat smoking a cigarette

On the back of what would be my future dorm pv main, which is not well, it's there But it's different now. It's now it's dude now that college has like dope ass brand new shit Dude, I it was a fucking dump It was a dump and now they have all these kids have like they live in nice apartments now Yeah, we lived in a fucking dorm that was a a quarter of the size of this room with four people it was nuts and Shared a bathroom four dudes one fucking bathroom They ain't like that anymore

But we sat on the back of old pv main smoking a cigarette looking at the stadium And we both were like we gotta go to school here and sure enough we fucking we did I went home I was like, I gotta go to school. He's like dad. We're going to asu. My dad was my parents were a little like Whatever about it. You might end up in porn. Yeah, porn or prison or porn prison. They never know golden handcuffs But yeah, we but and we by the way that was so much fun back then the Cardinals used to play at that stadium Yeah, so our backyard was It was heaven dude, it was college and pro football and it was dirt fucking cheap I think students back then it was a $15 ticket for an NFL game. It was nuts. I mean our guy jake plumber

Dude, the man jake the snake. We went out and interviewed him in in colorado. He's got a mushroom farm now Seriously? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, exactly what you'd expect plumber to be doing I met ryan leaf in the parking lot. I tell you a quick story real fast I was blacked out of jenna jamison used to have a a bar in scott's dale called like This is okay. It doesn't seem like a real place. Yeah, it's not it's not the story of jenna jamison had a bar jenna jamison had a bar nightclub in scott's dale. I don't remember the name of it. It's like spike tv had city That's exactly what it was. Do you like kits in beer in a state bunch of friends get it. Do you why? Uh, uh, we went out to this bar and I got shitfaced and the girl that I was seeing at the time was livid

Because I ditched her and her friends to go out with these other idiots. I knew College we're idiots, you know, and I was like being a dick to her for no reason And she's like you're fucked up and you promise you go to this thing with me and i'm coming to get you You asshole i'm coming to get you and I was like fuck. I was like bummed my boys were like I'm not dealing with that shit. Yeah, she's gonna kill you And she she was not she threw a knife at me one time But i'm sitting in the parking lot and I was smoking a cigarette and I was fucking hammered And these two dudes he's met. I mean these two like big boys come out

It's it's it's a big big white dude two big black dudes with him Kind of lagging and a bunch of super fucking hot chicks and i'm sitting alone smoking a cigarette I'm sitting on i'm literally sitting on a uh on a on a parking ledge and um This this dude goes hey, you got a lighter and I go. Yeah, man. I look up. I'm like, holy fucking shit Who do you play for? I mean, I mean he was huge So I give him the I give him the lighter and he goes take take a photo of us And I grab his phone and I start taking pictures of just the girls And he's like this motherfucker is smart ass and then i'm doing me with the girls

I'm ready to get punched for no reason I'm just having fun And the one guy's like this motherfucker's funny and i'm joking around and then I look at the white dude I didn't even looked at him and i'm like, you know who you look like And he goes who and I go you look like ryan fucking leaf And he goes yeah, that's because i'm ryan fucking leaf And and then I go oh no shit and he goes yeah, you got something to say and I was like No, no, no, no, no, I don't at all

But it's so funny all these things ran through my mind about ryan leaf that I was like whoa This is actually ryan leaf and no disrespect to ryan But like if you know sports and you know his story, it's that's a wild fucking story Yeah, but I imagine the reason he said you got something to say was because I think people run their fucking mouth Oh, yeah, and this was also 2000 uh What this was this was bad ryan leaf. Yeah, this yeah, this this was when I'm sure he heard he heard it you know, I mean and so

I just could feel his vibe. I was like no no no dude. I have nothing to say I'm just I didn't know it was you and he goes all right cool And the one dude this one one of the black dudes was cool as shit And he goes you want to come you want to come get fucked up with us and I was like I do but I this girl is gonna absolutely fucking murder me And I just and he's like well you're you're missing an opportunity and I did I fucked up I could have gotten fucked up with leaf, but I I had to bail dude I couldn't do it

Also, those guys are probably gonna use me for a punching bag or something by the end of the night You would have said something about ryan leaf eventually. Yeah, exactly like actually I do have something to say I got nothing bad to say. He was he was cool. He was he was cool dude He was a nice fucking dude to me, but his initial reaction was like well that means yeah I mean that that has to suck to be we've had him on the show before like Just in that time frame when it was going really bad Just walking around being like everyone wants to talk shit to me. That sucks. That sucks so bad When Zach Wilson's going through right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah

He can't show up and even people who aren't talking shit. They're thinking about it And he knows that yeah, right thinking about it Right, so funny and that stuff does wash away with time if you're a good dude and the time passes and people don't People get over it people grow up is what I'm saying before is like you grow up Right you get over the whole like But it's a bummer to have your first reaction be like yeah, you got I am fucking you got something To say yeah, and you're like dude you're four times my son. What am I going to say to you? But I imagine the biggest loud mouths are the smallest assholes

Oh, of course they think you're not going to fight me dude, right? You know I just get to talk shit because I'm a you know, I'm a couch coach and I think I'm the fucking man Yeah, there was one tweet that went viral a while ago about this girl that used to go out with her Boyfriend who was like five four and he would just get into fights everywhere And then he'd be like oh, it's my birthday. What are you gonna do punch me? I'm the little birthday boy, and then nobody would punch her and then he just goes to the next fight I'm the little birthday boy. I'm just a little birthday boy. Yeah, don't mind me That's I'm using that from now on

Some dudes like I'm gonna fuck you up. I'm like, I'm just a birthday boy, baby My little boy birthday. I'm a little boy All right, so I had one last question everyone do check out cheeseburger. Please go watch it on Netflix. Thank you Yes, watch on Netflix. So I wish you know how the NBA has like Ever like the the off season is almost like better sometimes than the season because of like the drama and everything I wish we had someone who was reporting on the comedy scene Would there be just that's interesting because like I know that there's clicks that I don't understand and people who don't like other people and people

Other people but so is it like is it uh as clicky as it comes across from us watching from afar It is it is to a degree right and then you get again This is me keep going back to the same cliche fray But it's like then you get older and those things dissipate a little bit in the sense of the drama kind of starts when you're young right and You kind of are jockeying for position and there's politics involved and who do you kick it with and who's your crew and blah blah blah And then when you achieve some success You know you you you don't have a choice

But to like open up a little bit because you want to meet other people and you want to like Stretch the you know you want to stretch your reach of who you know in the business and you know there's guys that We wouldn't probably be friends with In the real world, but like I love their shit right and so you kind of want to be a part of that too But when you're young man, yeah, yeah, you're it's cutthroat I mean because a part of the assumption when you're young comics if you take out someone that's bigger than you you'll have a spot Right, you know, there's this weird like seat at the table like a lion. Yeah, yeah If I take out if yeah, it's like if I take out your legs, you know qb3 might fucking sneak in there

Right, that's the vibe is like how could I get up? That's obviously not the fucking way But when you're young you do kind of have that vibe of like it's doggy dog And look we're all selfish comics are inherently narcissistic selfish people your level of narcissism and selfish selfishness is it varies But we're all for us. Our whole gig is listen to me. Right. I'm the funniest. Look at me, please So nobody in comedy isn't a selfish narcissistic person. You're a liar if you say you're not but You learn how to balance that and And embrace other people even though they're not, you know, it may not be like there's people. I know that Their comedy or my comedy to them may not be the favorite, but we love each other as people, right?

You know, and so you that changes but the clicks the drama all that stuff That's all there, but it happens more when you're young on it. Yeah, yeah There's like a twitch streamer that breaks it down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It should be fascinating No, I mean, you know, like there there is always there is always inside drama and bullshit But but also the more successful you get The further away from the drama you want because the thing is hard enough, right? Comedy isn't it's an this is a nightmare. Yeah, you know, and that's why it's like you do want to have more love in it So as you go on you're like like coming out here

I was just with bobby kelly yesterday. I was like one of my favorite people. I mean, he's so fucking funny it's like he's so He's so warm and funny and fuck around that we barely knew each other But the moment we met we started talking shit. And so we knew I was like, we're good. Right. So That's more the thing that I think is great is when you see people that do what you do and it's almost like athletes they meet each other And they both know what they both have to do to get to where they get to so there's a weird level of respect

Even though we don't know each other at all, right? Yeah, I think Seinfeld said that one time He's like, I could be an airport Or halfway around the world in the language. I don't speak but if I know that a guy's a comic You know, I can be like, hey, yeah fucking. Yeah, like they have the same thing. Yeah, look at us. Yeah I think we asked uh, stave this when he was on the couch. My boy, dude. I love that guy. So funny. I love him Um, he because he was talking about some of the same stuff about like, you know comics and what what's in your mindset And you go, you know, you have to go show to show and just wait for people to laugh at your jokes and tell you How fun you are sometimes there's an ego element. That's of course in it

Would you do a uh, a nationwide tour at the same venues that you're doing right now if you sold everyone out But nobody laughed at all at any of your jokes. So they loved you. Yeah, but nobody laughed Uh, tough. That's tough. If you if you're doing shows and nobody's laughing Like what you're saying is you're gonna get the same money and it's all gonna sell out But not a smile a lot of people will be like you're he's a very successful comedian But nobody at the actual shows laughs. Holy fuck I don't know man. That's that's so tough. I mean What you're talking about is like

It's almost a nightmare. Yeah, you know You know, I mean like you'd rather have a half-sold room that's like loving your shit than a full room that's like Nope, just not enjoying it. That's that's the most painful. It'd be torture. I think after the first night You'd have to you travel to the next city just knowing that nobody was gonna laugh at your shit Yeah, yeah, and that sucks. Well, I mean when you're young and you're on your come-up Yeah, man, you're struggling a lot and you're and you're doing rooms where you can't sell a lot of tickets And they do a thing what we call papering the room Which is means they've given away discounted tickets or two for ones and stuff like that when you're in city to city

Because they want they want to fill seats. So you do papered rooms. You may be sold 10 tickets And those are tough nights. Those are tough nights Not from an ego standpoint because you're not you don't have any you're not famous yet But it's tough from like a you just got to get through it because a half empty room is tough But if you can if you can kill in those rooms, you know, you're in good like bill burr said to me one time It was very nice I was at Kind of a medium point in my career where I'm trying to get up and I'm trying to sell tickets and I'm doing okay

But it's not, you know, I'm they're still papering and you know quarter sold out a quarter sold rooms on a Thursday and I had to do two, you know six shows and it's thursday friday saturday sunday and uh Burr said to me one time he's like, I mean I because I bet you you're killing to the abyss And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, I bet you you're fucking working hard and you're crushing in these rooms Of half sold papered, but they love you. They he's like afterwards. They're you know, they're like, dude How fucking fun? I wish more people knew who you were and he's like that's you're at a point where you're killing to the abyss

You're crushing kind of to the emptiness and it feels like there's nothing coming back Where you're like, fuck when does this pay off man? I'm ripping these rooms. I'm doing six shows I'm working like a dog and I'm giving them my all for an hour And he's like just keep killing to the abyss and eventually It comes back like eventually It'll it'll start to hone in and then it'll all start to build and make sense But he's like right now you feel like you're shouting to the void And you're doing well, but it's just not reciprocating and I appreciated it because it was feeling like I was like

Yeah, what the fuck am I going to Omaha, Nebraska right now? Yeah, like I was you feel that way for a little money You're probably losing money sometimes on the hotel or the flight And you can't bring somebody because you can't afford to bring a friend So you're picking up whatever local guy is there and they might not like you or your vibe may not mesh So you sit in the green room bummed, you know sipping on a fucking beer waiting to go on to 17 people He's like just keep killing to the abyss and you know, thank god I did and it works It probably gave you like a little boost almost like you did you were getting a break

Like something big was happening just having somebody like bill burlitt, you know, like, hey, this is the right path Those moments feel good. Keep going. Yeah, they feel good talent always wins At the end dude talent always wins if you're working hard and not getting in your own way Your talent will win talent. There's a lot of people that Their talent is great and they get in their own way just work if you work hard and you you know And I hope if you work hard you that it continues to build. So hopefully, you know, that's that's how it goes All right, so everyone check it out netflix netflix cheeseburger go watch it Please tell a friend pass it around tell everyone. Yeah, even if you

Uh, don't like comedy just put it on and if you know leave your dog let your dog watch it Hey comedy turn the volume off. Yeah, put that thing on. I don't give a shit. Let it stream. Yeah over and over loop it Yeah, and uh, we appreciate you man. Appreciate you. Thank you. This is great, man. Thanks for coming in. Thank you Andrew Santino is brought to you by our great friends over at rocket money If your new year's goals are to manage your budget better and save money You need rocket money rocket money formally known as true bill is a personal finance app that finds and cancels Your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending it helps you lower your bills all in one place Over 80% of people have subscriptions that they forgot about

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Rocket money dot com slash take Okay, let's wrap up. Uh, we have thank you to Andrew Santino. Go check out his new netflix special out now Really good time. He's gonna be recurring guests for sure. Could talk forever. Uh, let's do guys on chicks Hi boys. Hey, Hank My husband is supposed to go to one of his best friends bachelor parties in may But we're pregnant with our first child and expecting around the same time Hmm. Hmm. Am I am asshole? That was them. Not me Am I am asshole for telling me isn't allowed to go on the trip if the baby hasn't arrived yet slash newly born

Thanks. I'll hang up and listen. Is this do you say first child or second child first? Uh, yeah, that's right. I was gonna say if it's the second fuck it If it's a second it's it's old hat, right? Like the baby delivers itself at that point. Yeah, it's so the I think it's a I think it's a month on either end Unfortunately, I think it's a month on either end for this guy. It's a month. No, it's a month before the due date It's a month after the baby comes Uh, that you probably can't go and also you're framing the Best friends, but best friend. I mean, this is the bed. This is a real excuse. It's a real thing

Also, maybe if the if the bachelor party's close by maybe you can go but yeah, if you're like If you're a four hour flight from Home a week before your wife is due you also would never forgive yourself if you missed the birth of your first child Yeah, and that depends where it is. Yes. I'm telling you. You're also you're liable to find yourself in a position Where you um You're under the influence of any number of substances at the time you get that call And then you have to figure out a way to get to the airport get home if you're far away and potentially

Miss the birth of your child because like you're wasted on like nine different drugs. Yeah, you can maybe that would be an issue You could maybe get three weeks before Uh, usually I think there's a doctor's appointment that happens pretty regularly to say like hey, this is you know the progression so Maybe three weeks, but man. This is yeah, it's a tough one Second child you go whenever. Yeah, fuck it. Uh, rg3 went to the the bowl game Even though he knew his wife was about to give birth and she did gave she gave births, correct? Like I'm sure she did. I'm sure that it wasn't staged. Mm-hmm. And then she's the baby's here, right? I'm sure it's here

Big guy Did you see how fast robert griffin had to run out of that stadium when the camera happened to be on him? And it was a totally real call because the way he said hey guys guys Yeah, be quiet. My wife is in labor and then everyone was like what what are you doing on the phone, dude? We're on television His wife's been in labor for three weeks poor her you got to go to the hospital Yeah, so that was crazy. I mean I felt I felt lucky That's just that's the type of stuff that makes new year's football worth watching facts wait The baby was okay. I know you guys were being facetious, but the baby actually wasn't born when he did that

I we don't know if the baby's been born yet. We hope the baby is healthy seriously. That's an honest, you know like Childbirth is a traumatic thing babies like you don't fuck with that We just haven't seen the baby yet We're gonna wait and see what's up PMT squad quick question for you guys This sounds this smells like cap my cap detectors Rampant right now I moved in with my boyfriend literally three days ago while I knew he had a snowing problem due to a deviated septum I never realized how bad it was. How is that possible? He keeps rolling over and snowing that was my commentary

He keeps rolling over and snowing right in my ear on night two. I'm already sleeping in the other room Not sure how sustainable it is. He's seen a doctor about it who said his deviated system was horrible He opted not to get surgery. What are your guys thoughts? Can I make him get the surgery and what if I offer to pay for it? Felt like it might save our relationship. Thanks guys. Have you never slept with this guy before he moved in with him Makes no fucking sense. It makes no sense. And also billy is our deviated septum. Also, I've gotten surgery for this Oh, you fixed my snoring according to sources. I've never heard myself snoring get him some nose So actually there's some really good nose pieces

Uh, you can get that really open it up and honestly have changed like I've been sleeping so much better because it's literally sleep Avenue and you don't get to deep enough sleep also help with the snoring Yeah, I I love that jake dropped an unironic according to sources according to sources. Yeah, I mean I was told it would help my nasality in broadcasting in college and I got it in the middle and I definitely noticed a difference Okay, so there you go. Does that kind of plastic surgery? I think technically a nose job, but like a different type. Yeah, so I don't know It's only on the inside though. Like those jobs are for the outside really bad snores Um

They they end up costing themselves like a lot of mental health later on in life Because you're literally not sleeping and then the person that you're sleeping next to Is also going to go insane because they're not going to be able to sleep So if you're a really bad snore, you're basically committing you and your spouse to a lifetime of Literally going insane. Yeah, I actually bet there's a correlation between deviated septums and divorces Probably or murder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Silent murder with the pillow. Okay. Next up. Hey over cat almost dry jane pft Sladdy hank 1 to 6 jake and badass billy

I was dating a co-worker for over a year. Everyone knew it was all cordial We got a cute dog together and named herby However, we just broke up and neither of us wants to give the pup up What should we do to decide who gets the dog? coin flip Who bought the dog You gotta split in half. Yeah, who's who's who's willing to see it die? Well, no, that's that's what is it

The riddle of Solomon I think Solomon. Yeah, like set like you go if you want to get this dog You'd be like, listen, you get you get the front half. I'll get the back half and he's like deal Then it's your dog because you don't want to see the dog hurt I think I think you just go to a football field to have a neutral third party You go in one end zone. He goes in the other end zone. Someone drops at the 50 yard line Video it and send it to us. Yeah, see who it goes to that would be that's what happened in air bud. Abraham Lincoln that would be intense Um, but if you did the thing with the dog where like if you said you get the front I get the back then one person's responsible for feeding it the other's responsible for cleaning up a shit

Yeah, and the dog stays alive true. That's true Okay, uh last one last one. Hey fellas, my husband and I have been together for over 11 years now Well, that would be how marriage works. So the way you say 11 there. They're they're married sounds like sounds like 12 Sounds like 12. I'm just reading. How could he be with someone for 11 years? No, you're reading too much Actually, they're saying 11 years isn't that long I'm just reading the word Someone who walks around naked after a shower for quite a bit in the morning He will sit down and have breakfast watch a couple highlights check emails and then finally put on socks

He has done this our entire relationship. I asked him why he does and he responds Gotta let the beanbags breathe to start the day Now we've always had an apartment until about five years ago. He does his normal routine shower walk around naked breakfast, etc We have big beautiful windows in the front now and since we've moved in He has been standing in front of it with curtains drawn after breakfast I asked again why he's doing that this time. It's the neighbors got to know who I am. Yeah, this can't be normal dude behavior No, but I like this guy This is uh, it sounds to me like he's incorporated like the law of the jungle or at least the law of the dog park

And incorporated it into like human life where he's trying to demonstrate that he's the most masculine in the neighborhood And um, it's a little bit misguided But his heart's in the right place. I think yeah, I like this guy. He's the alpha He owns that neighborhood everything the sun touches is his That was that uh, mufasa. No, what was the other one? Yeah, except for the elephant bone yard Scar is the bad one. Mufasa was the good one. Yeah. Yeah. It's mufasa. All right. I have one. I had one last one Hey guys, I hope you can settle this debate for me and my boyfriend He thinks that perf the perfect number is 10 and I think it's seven because it's good luck

Obviously, I'm hoping you can help tell us what the perfect number is so that hank can finally get the number right Yeah, some stupid fucking math geek nerd ran some stats and uh They said that that's like a diehard fan of our show some stupid math neat geek nerd They said that it was more likely to get the number four more times than to not have gotten the number once Wow, you're that bad. Oh, yeah, you're that bad You're that bad just four wait possibly five or more Wait, have you gotten it though? No. No. Oh, did we do it 10 times? Damn, what are you talking about? I did this math like like months ago and it was like 10 times

Neek geek nerd you have not gotten this. Oh, wow Um, why don't just get it Some I have some breaking moves. Okay No Um, that was that was pathetic, okay I don't trust I don't trust I don't trust that this is breaking Well, it is breaking news Okay, I don't trust it. Okay. Well, until hank does the cow noise. I can't break the moves

Do it better Yeah, that's better. I'll take that. That's a little bit better. Um, the the kicker from Ohio. Yeah Just committed to wisconsin. Yeah, oh, yes. I said nice things about the game the overtime Yeah, I thought you were talking about the kicker from Ohio State. No, I want no committing something else This is I know don't cut that This is due to that I warmed up with him and he gave me his cleats for the for the field goal that I did

Yeah, Nathan vacos great kicker. He's awesome. I think I know how to pronounce it. He's on my team now. You're right Nathan vacos When he was on Ohio, he was vacos. Yes, exactly name change name change All right, so I'm ranking him as the number one kicker in the nation going into the next year facts facts. All right So Hank 17 you've never gotten this actually six. You've never gotten it. Okay, 17 Oh, I gotta get cash by the way. I still okay, Sam. Oh, yeah, I haven't paid All right, that's fine. We'll figure it out 84 Do you actually have a safe means? Yeah, he bought a seat 18 pft because i'm bringing two grand then

uh 75 Hank, I hope you picked it right this time. What do you have? Six But he passed on 17 he said 17 and then he didn't do it. Oh 49 Hank you Think at this Fifth time second time in the last month

T-cup pigs don't exist in this malnourished potbelly pigs Love you guys Hey Oh Hey Oh Oh Oh