Pardon My Take - Bert Kreischer, The Boys Are Back From Vacation And We Recap All The Sports We Missed

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

We're back from vacation and had a good restful break. We catch up on everything we missed including NBA All Star Weekend, Mac McClung saving the dunk contest, Jonathan Gannon's awkward video from the first day of being Cardinals HC, Genesis Open and tons more (00:00:00- 00:42:18). Who's back of the week (00:42:18-01:06:52) . We then welcome on Bert Kreischer in person to catch up, talk about how he's going to die and a potential random meet up he may now have us attend (01:06:52-01:47:33). We finish with our first live lottery ball in 2 weeks (01:47:33-01:52:47).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we are back in studio, back from vacation, back from Dungeons & Dragons. Hope everyone enjoyed it. We have Burke Kreischer on the show in person from Super Bowl Week. Great interview with him catching up. We're going to talk about everything that happened since we've been gone. We've had some coach hirings, some coach weird videos, some NBA All-Star stuff, Mack MacLung. Lots to get to and it's brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. When you're juggling work, family and life in general, things can feel chaotic. That's why Coors Light helps you find moments to unwind all year long. Whenever you need to hit

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or can make sure those mountains are blue. That's when you know it's cold. Coors Light, celebrate responsibly, Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado, thank you to Coors Light, the best beer in the world. Okay, let's go. It's a part of my take, presented by Barsting Sports. Welcome to part of my take. Today is Monday, February 20th and the vacation boys are back. Let's go. Rested, feeling good, little tan, feeling iry. Vacation boys are back. How was everyone's vacation? It was great. It was an awesome, I had a little trip down to the sun, said hello to old Ray Baker, got reacquainted with an old friend. Yeah. There's a blast, hung out.

I see what vacations are all cracked up about now. Like, I get it, Hank. I understand. I played a little golf. I'm a big time parvert now. I got the bug. I got the golf bug. That's my big takeaway. You let me take one vacation and play golf for about six hours. And all of a sudden I'm like fully in, fully back in on golf. PFT has the golf bug so much so that he texted everyone was like, let's play on Friday. Yeah. And we all were like, and Hank was like, yeah, we can go, there's a simulator in Hoboken. And he's like, no, no, I want to play outside. We were like, it is still winter. Yeah. Ain't no hobby big cat. I'm trying to get back out on the course. You're like, wait, our golf course is closed during the winter? I played one like practice

session of golf in Mexico and I came back. Why don't we play up here more? There are some that are open, but majority do close during winter. Well, billion dollar idea in my part, an indoor golf course. I like it. Let's do it. Elon, fuck the simulator. Instead of paying $44 billion to ruin a website. How about you build a fucking indoor golf course? They have the American Dream Mall over in New Jersey. They have an indoor water park. They have a water park and they also have a ski mountain. Why not indoor golf? Indoor golf course. Do we just break the rules of sports? Let's fucking do it. Why not? I mean, it also would probably be good because you probably would in terms of like the footprint of it, you'd put nets up on each hole. Yeah. So you can't go out

of bounds. You don't go OB and check this out. Walls up on each hole. Yeah. Oh, so you can play off the walls. Oh, okay. Now we're indoors, right? We're turning this into net. I mean, nets are cheaper than walls, I would assume. But yeah, this is now turning into Dude Perfect. Dude Perfect. What part of the nets don't you understand? Where what's on the side? What do you mean? It's like hole one and there's a big net on the on the right side, like you're at a driving range. So you're outside. You're describing being outside. No, it's inside. There's a roof over here. So there are walls. What's on the sides? Outside the entire course, there's a wall. Yeah, that's true. A big beautiful wall. But the nets are in the inside. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're on the same page.

Yeah. I think the nets are the sides. No, no, no, that would be outdoors. Yeah, right. That would be like the fucking stupid indoor batting cages. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's another wrinkle that you just put a screen and you can like hit into it. No, and then that tells you. No, no, no, there's nothing like seeing you. Hank, you don't understand the joy of seeing your balls flying out there. It's watching them fade away into the distance is a beautiful site. Here's another wrinkle that I just thought of right now. Make the holes bigger. Yeah, big holes, like baseball. I'm I'm all in on the new bases, bigger holes, maybe like a windmill somewhere in there. Yeah, play football, play football, but with regular golf. Yeah, I've done football.

I've done golf before. Make the clubs comically large. Yeah, I like this. Yeah, this sounds like a great idea. Hank, sorry, I wanted to hear how your vacation was. I know his he's going to say too short. Go ahead. How was your vacation? It was short of flight. You guys know it's like all of a sudden you blink and it's over. You're playing home and you're like, damn, damn, wish I was playing golf again tomorrow. Yeah, sucks. I actually think that my body was starting to reject vacation. I started sneezing on my last day of vacation is like, get back to work. Yeah, party. You partied that hard. No, I didn't party at all. I slept an insane amount. No, no alarm clocks feels good. Yeah, it was one day. I think I slept like 12 hours, which that fucked

me up. A couple of things that got really into this week. I'm a big whale guy now. Nice. I saw a few whales jumping around, jumping out of the water, breaching, mating, fighting. What? No, it's that's good. I love whales. Hank Hank, you love whales? Oh, you don't even follow this. Yeah, slow mo, bro. I was off the grid. I was no, but these he's been doing this for a while. I was zero dark 30 since his pick of the slow mo, the Mount Rushmore slow mo. Oh, okay. Literally every day. You're right. You're right. Every day is like whales and golf. A whale breaching. Yeah, well, golf. That's about the Celtics this year. Yeah. Here are three things I got into is whales, golf and vacation. I'm turning into Hank. Yeah, my ass started to dissolve. This whole

thing is a troll. Can't keep my pants up now. It was good being on vacation. I also shout out Mexico, the entire country. Yeah, what a delightful place. Shout out. I was in the Bahamas. I was at a, I was no kid, so it was nice, but there were kids at the resort and I still got bullied by kids. So I was, there was a water park at the resort and there was like two options to go down and I was like, well, I want to do the one that's not as fucking crazy and like a group of 10 year old kids were like, dude, you're such a pussy. We've been doing this all day and I was by myself. I was like, what the fuck? So I can't, I can't escape that. So that part was no, no different than my regular life. Yeah. But yeah, vacation was great. It was great. It was fantastic. Let's do another

one. Yeah, I'll double. I like working. It's not that much. Yeah. So one thing I do realize being away from work is that I really do love working. Yeah. So I, oh yeah, you love working so much. You missed Tuesday's show by the end of the week. You told me I could. What happens is you get all these takes that got bottled up inside you when you're watching sports, you're paying attention to what's going on in the world and you need to have an outlet because we can't really talk in real life the same way that we do on this podcast because people just think that we're insane. Yeah. So I just, I have all these bottled up takes that just started. If you don't use them, it's like a tree falling in the forest situation. It's a fact, Billy. I got a vacation take. Yeah.

Take a thought of over vacation. Christian Yelich looks like Jackson Mahomes. Oh, yeah. Christian Yelich coming up on the show soon. That is a vacation take. That is a vacation take. One that probably should have stayed on vacation. Who eats more ass? No comment. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, we got, we do have things that happened. I guess the first story is the NBA slam dunk contest is back. Mack McClung has saved it. Philly finally has a championship. Shout out title town, almost title town, which that's, I don't know if you've noticed, but that's what max is now rebranding it almost title town because they almost win everything. But Mack McClung, like it was legitimately, I watched it and he did, he in the lead up. It was very funny watching people realize who

Mack McClung is because if you watch college basketball, George town in Texas tech, but then he also like, he went viral when he was in high school for having insane hops. So the lead up to the dunk contest, he was guaranteeing that he was going to put on a show and then he put it on and everyone was like, who the fuck is this guy? It's Mack McClung. He's a legend. Yeah. And also it's going to be just great looking back on the history of slam dunk winners. Mack McClung, big time combo breaker. Yeah. On that list. Yes. Well, hopefully he gets, I actually read this long story about him and shout out Mack McClung because he turned down, it was like over a million dollars to play in Turkey this year, but he wants to play in the NBA. So he's been on a bunch of G league

teams, a bunch of preseason teams, summer league teams. He scored his first points with the bulls. I remember that it was like last year he's been on some two way contracts. So shout out Mack McClung He basically said, if I go to Turkey, I can make a million bucks, but I'm not going to get better and I'm not going to be in front of the NBA like coaches. And he's just been grinding it out, playing in, I think the article quoted 150 different teammates and 30 different locations he's played in three different countries in the last like 18 months. He's grinding. Good for him. Yeah. And every now and again, you have a slam dunk contest which delivers on the hype where you see some seriously new creative dunks and then you get the nice afterglow of it where they ask all the A

listers, well, now you got to be in it, right? Now, did this, did this breathe new life into you? I think LeBron did that maybe 10 years ago. Well, it was a great slam dunk contest. And he goes, yeah, for sure, guaranteed I'm going to be in it next year. And then next year comes around. He's like, yeah, I'd rather not risk injury. Well, and it's also every like Kevin Durant also had a speech where he's like more of the big time players need to be involved in all star weekend. Not me because I'm a little older right now. But he also had, I think he had an interview where he said getting the trades and players being able to be traded at any moment makes the league more exciting. So that's a nice spin zone. Yeah. So what's gone on with his career the last five

years? I would like to see Boban in the slam dunk competition. Yeah. Where he doesn't even jump or bowl, bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Just taco fall. Yeah. Mo Bamba. Get all the real like freaks out there. It should be the high. No jumping. No jumping allowed though. No jumping allowed. Standing dunks only. It should be a team competition. It should be the three tallest and three shortest guys. I like that. That would be fun. Bring back the freak show element of the NBA. Yeah. Yeah. It's the three tallest guys and they're but they're teamed up each tall guy gets a short guy. Oh, yeah. So it's like the Altuve judge picture every time they go up and they have to do a tandem dunk. I like that. Harry and Marv. Yeah. Just dunking. It's that place like that's 90% of the formula

of this podcast for success. Yeah. One big guy and one little weird guy. Yeah. And then you just get up there and magic happens. Yeah. We still do have to do the switch where I lose a ton of weight and you get really fat. Yeah. If anybody wants to sponsor us, if there's some sort of nutrition company and they want to sponsor me and big cat meeting at what 222 10. I think we originally said 200. I think 200 on that. I will. I will never hit 200 unless I have a terrible, terrible disease. I think I'm what I don't. But I don't think that 200 is in my realm of possibility anymore. So 210. You could get to 210. Yeah. I could get to 210. Matt, Shannon Sharp, if you saw me 210. Oh, man. Double-cheeked up. Yeah. Boy. That would actually be a very funny like visual.

So maybe we should do that. I could take that new drug all the hot bodies are taking. Cocaine. No, insulin. Yeah. Yeah. They've just made insulin cool. They've just made, hey, remember when all those people with diabetes needed insulin? Let's just let's just take all their insulin and get skinny. I'm trying to think what the healthiest way for me to get to 210 pounds. I don't think that there is a healthy way. I think it's just milkshakes. I think that's the coolest part of anyone who's trying to pack on weight. They're just like, I have to drink milkshakes all the time. The Dr. Nick Riviera solution of you rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, that is your window to weight gain. Yes. I think we could do it. Yeah.

I mean, it would be a fun thing that we put on the bucket list. Hank's going to get up to 200 pounds too. Yeah. Hank, you got this. Sure. 210. Yeah. Those abs would be shelling. All right. So we had, we had slam dunk contest. We're watching the all star game, which is very funny because it's just not even basketball. I don't even care. Like I don't like the old man take. Like I remember when the NBA all star game meant something. I think it's just funny watching them run up and down, seeing who can, you know, hit the longest three and who can have the craziest dunk. It's not even close to basketball. It's very fun. This makes the Pro Bowl look like a defensive struggle. Yeah. It's very funny. And they'll start to play maybe with five minutes left. Yeah.

They'll play a little bit of defense, but it was funny how the pre game and the draft and everything, the festivities leading up to it took about three and a half hours. It was so long. And there was such a buildup and then they get out there and there's just absolutely zero, there's zero defense being played. It doesn't look like real basketball. And they made the draft so that no one's feelings got hurt. And then they just did the meanest thing ever to Lori marketing where it was, they drafted the reserves first. So who was the last reserve? Who was the last reserve who got picked Jackson? Or he was the first. He was the first reserve that got picked. No, that makes sense. No, he's the last reserve. So he was the last

pick. So we had two last picks and then we had, they drafted all the starters and Joe Kitch was second to last. And when he was second to last, he just stood up and started walking towards LeBron. And Lori, who's, you know, a jazz player was just sitting there like, fuck, I guess it is me. So good job, Adam Silver. You made two guys have their feelings hurt. It's funny how they were just trying to not have the last picks. It's going to happen. Somebody's going to be last pick, no matter what. Also, that's why we're watching. Yes. We watch for the last pick to be like, ah, last pick. Also shout out Julius Randall for his performance in the three point contest. Shout out his son, his son crying. Oh my God. After

he was done like that during it was while he was shooting. He will know he was he was doing faces while he was shooting like, yeah. And then he cried afterwards. But people forget. People forget. You know who the worst performance ever in the NBA three point contest belongs to? Who all time? Yes, I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you one guess. Hank, you can get a guess too. I don't know what year this might give it away. It was 1990. Worst performance ever in the NBA three point contest. Carmelone. No. I don't know. I almost said a joke that I would have to have you bleep out right there. Michael Jordan. I thought you were going to say MJ. What was his final? He had five points. I mean, he made five points in it. Yeah. And then Herter, I think Herter

got eight points. Yeah, I mean, but that was the money ball. Yeah, they had the money ball. Yeah, I don't think they had the money ball. The money ball. The real money ball, no. No. Yeah, it was the money ball. So Jordan, Jordan is the worst ever. Well, he actually competed unlike these other guys who won't fucking play. That's that's how many in the three point contest? How many? You don't want to risk injury. How many three point contest has LeBron been in? I don't know. Zero. How many slim dunk contests he been in? Zero. Zero. Yeah. There's there's your legacy. The guy who wouldn't even compete. Yeah. But Jordan put up a whopping five guy who wouldn't even compete. His shots were close. I watch I actually

watched all of Jordan's shots in that contest. I wish I figured that was the answer. I just didn't want it to be the end. They were off the inside of the rim. He wasn't air balling many. Yeah. So yeah, there was fun watching the entire NBA All Star. I don't know what anyone anyone else have any thoughts. I have a thought experiment. I actually just mentioned this to Billy as we were walking down the hallway. If if you were to sub out offense and defense. So the NBA players, they get to play offense. So when their team has the ball, it's the guys from the All Star team and they're going up against five former high school basketball players, like out of shape basketball players. Do you think that those guys would do a better job

playing defense than the All Stars are doing in the NBA? It would be fun, more fun to watch. It'd be awesome to watch guys getting gas and like turning their ankles. Yeah, that's all I want to see is people just Kyrie going up against a 40 year old out of shape accountant. Yeah, I would love to see that. Yeah. By the way, just to fact check, Detla Shremp also had five points in 1988. Wait, was that before the money ball? I think that was that was during the money ball as before the money. That's just a racist from memory. So because I clearly have. Yeah, no, that would be very funny. The watching guys just run up and down, like tap their head after because real slam the floor on defense. That's

the other thing is like most people, I think that it gets lost on some people how big an NBA court is. So if you have to run up and down because a lot, you know, like if you play pick up or if you do, if you do anything post college, you're playing on a court that's probably not an NBA sized court and you're also not running up and down with these athletes. You would, it would probably be like three times. You'd be like, I'm done. Yeah, I'm gassed. I'm out of this. It's no, no moss. Hank, how long do you think you could last? Two. By the way, I shot 10 free throws in the sun in the Bahamas rebounding myself eight for 10 cap. Well, it happened. Sure. So I don't know. Was it on camera? It actually was. Was it being last streamed?

Yes, it was. Yes, it was. It was on Bahamian TV. Got it. So you're going to have to go find it. All right. What else do we have that happened in the sports world? We had, we had a great quote from LeBron. Oh, yeah, yeah. So LeBron was asked about what he plans on doing for the rest of the season, how to make the Lakers competitive. If he's giving up on the season or not, he said, not being part of the post season for two years straight, that's not my DNA. So one year's fine, but two years not, not in LeBron's DNA. And he said, these are going to be the 23 most important games of my career after the All-Star break. So I don't know if the All-Star game counts. Maybe he has 22 of the most important games of his career afterwards. Definitely. I like

that he said the 23 most important games as if he's going to play all 23. Yeah, well, it sounds like he is. I don't think so. Let's just find out. Did he stutter when he said that missing the post season two years straight is not in his DNA? Yeah, I'm going to just say right now, I don't think he's going to play all 23. What are they in 13th right now? They're in 13th right now. Whew. But they still, there's, the West has like basically everyone has a chance at making the playoffs. I'm going to tell you right now, PFT, I'm just going to look at the schedule for the Lakers. I'm going to tell you exactly where LeBron, so he's got 23 games left, the 23 most important games. Only two out of the playing game. Only two out in the playing game. If you

think that Adam Silver isn't going to move hell in high water to make sure that LeBron James gets into that playing tournament Wednesday, March 15th. He's not going to play. He's got Tuesday, March 14th at New Orleans Wednesday, March 15th at Houston. That'll be back. That will be a load management and also a game that the Lakers should be able to win. Yeah. Yeah. That will be a load management game. So 22, we're down to 22 already. And there's probably a couple more that you could look in there and be like, yeah, look, he's got to play at Utah Tuesday, April 4th, and then at the Clippers Wednesday, April 5th. That's going to be load management 21. If he makes the play in tournament, he's counting that as the postseason, right? Yeah. Okay. Just making sure.

Definitely. He got no one believed in them. Yep. We had anything is possible. We had, we had Jonathan Gannon get hired by the Cardinals and then we knew that before we left, but he also had an introductory press conference in video that, did you watch it? It was, I saw the intro. Yeah. Did you watch the video? Yeah. Of him walking around. Yeah. A couple of things. One, the good news for Max, Jonathan Gannon might have been the weird cringiness that was in the Eagles locker room. Maybe, maybe, he might have shed like a snake shedding skin. That might have been the corny skin that he just shed it. He also had, he looked up and down every player he, he like dapped up with in an uncomfortable way. And then he went up to Rondo Moore and said,

shots, we're going to take a lot of shots. Yeah. And I felt so bad for Rondo Moore in that moment where he's like, my boss, what is he doing right now? It was, it was, it was the office. When I saw that, it reminded me of Dennis Rodman talking about rebounding and how to, how to like position yourself. Rondo Moore was just looking at him like, I want to laugh at this guy, but he is literally going to determine my future as a player. So yeah. Okay, coach. Yeah. Nice to meet you too. There were a lot of people who were like, oh, this is, they hired Michael Scott. I don't think they did. I think they hired D'Angelo Vickers where like it was late season office and we're like, what are we supposed to laugh? What's going on here? He is a fan of the American Southwest.

Yes. One major character. Yes. So they got Gannon. That must have been very awkward for Gannon, who had to go in for, I think his last interview the day after he lost the Super Bowl and just be constantly reminded of what do they, after that performance, do you think the Cardinals thought to themselves, maybe, maybe this isn't the guy? I mean, yeah, there was, there was definitely a part of that second half where even our beloved Max said, what the fuck is Gannon doing? Yeah. And he making any adjustments. So that told you a lot. He also, I found this out by tweeting that it would made me cringe. I guess there are a lot of Cardinals fans that think that we and Barstool in general have it out for the Cardinals. So I didn't, I had no idea. My

blinders were on for this. That's true. That's true. So, so they're like, you guys just always shit on the Cardinals. I was like, do we, I think we shit on everyone. Then this one guy presented a thread. I guess a Cardinals like Superfan or something has been documenting it. All the tweets from the main account making fun of Kyler Murray. And yeah, I had no idea. So, because I, those guys do a really good job of just getting jokes off and Kyler Murray is, I mean, he's got a lot of material to work with. Yeah. We had a very, it was, it was fertile ground for, for finding things to make fun of Kyler Murray for, for the last, I don't know, 18 months, 19 months. There's not like a lot of positive stuff that you could say about Kyler

Murray recently that he had that one awesome comeback against the Raiders. Yeah. Right. There was that. But you make some really cool plays. I still think he's a very good quarterback. Ish. Very good. Ish. Do you let me finish ish. I was going to say very, very ish. Good. Very good quarterback. He has very good quarterback moments. Very good ish. He definitely has very good quarterback moments. He does. He flashes. He flashes. His peak is as high as anyone else. Yeah. Yeah. But I, I just bring it up because I know, you know, we've been doing this show for a very long time. I know, like if I see a Packers fan like they're going to be like, why are you shit on like, well, there's a reason why Vikings fans, there's like,

there's different fan bases. Like I know that they're, they're, they think that we pick on them. I didn't have the Cardinals on my list. No. I, that was a total blind spot by me. I guess maybe you've missed those meetings where we sat with Jay Snowden and Dave and Erica and they said, okay, give me, give me your, your quote to make sure that you hit. Make sure that you've made fun of Cliff Kingsbury six times this week. Yeah. So I, I, I'm not going to apologize because I don't, I don't think there's anything to apologize for. I'm just more going to say, I see, I see your hurt Cardinals fans. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, I acknowledge your hurt. It's hard to really say anything otherwise about the Cardinals and their performances as of recently

though. Yeah. They've been a very funny team to make fun of. Yeah. Very funny. We treated JJ Watts so nicely. Absolutely. So nice. Some would say too nice. Yeah. Yeah. Some would. Maybe, maybe they're just hearing you talk about the St. Louis Cardinals and they just hear Cardinals. And they're like, okay. Someone pointed that out. That's probably it. Someone pointed that out. They're like, are you talking about big cat being an asshole about the St. Louis Cardinals? Cause that's true, but I don't remember him doing anything mean to the Arizona Cardinals. But again, I'm not going to apologize. I'm just going to acknowledge we hear you. That's like somebody saying we're not going to change anything. Like how come you guys never say anything nice

about the Buffalo Sabres? Right. Right. Yeah. You tell me where to start. When's the last time you guys covered the fucking Florida Panthers? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. The closest NHL team, the wing nuts. Who? The Sabres? Yeah. That's very true. And Alicia having the picture, the Valentine's. They had a Valentine's t-shirts. Yeah. Said I'm nuts for you. I want one of those. It's beautiful. They looked awesome. But yeah. So Cardinals fans, your coach is weird. And that's another thing. We always make fun of weird new coaches. Of course. Remember Adam Gaze's press conference? It's high on drugs, like allegedly, allegedly, but yeah, we're gonna, I mean, Jonathan Gannon, I actually want to say right now, Jonathan Gannon, we don't want him on the show until

he proves a year of being a good coach and not a weirdo because we can't hack it ourselves again. No, we don't want to do that. We learned our lesson from last week. We learned our lesson. Any new coach? Let's give it a year so we can tee off on them if they fuck up. What's the name of the coach that is now on, he's coaching the Colts now. Is it Steichen? Yeah. Max? Correct. Shane Steichen. Shane Steichen. Also don't want him on. Steichen, to me, he looks a lot like Gannon, doesn't he? I like Steichen better than Gannon. I'll say that. They just, like visually, I'm going to have a hard time when the coach's picture comes out distinguishing between Gannon and Steichen because Steichen looks like Gannon after five years of thinking about what he did in the Super Bowl.

Just like a little more emaciated version of him. I will say Gannon is starting with the Cardinals basically the exact same way Siriani started with the Eagles. That's true. That's a good point. There's a spin zone. There's a spin zone for the Cardinals. That is true. We make a lot of flash judgments with head coaches. Sometimes they are completely wrong because I remember when Nick Siriani got hired, we all made fun of him because his press conference to start was terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Part of me thinks Siriani told him to start that way because it's the exact same thing that happened. I love though the old saying, don't judge a book by its cover. That's bullshit. You judge every book by its cover. That's our job. Like when Ben

McAdoo comes out in his dad's suit, I'm like, that guy can't coach. Mike McDaniel was on that plane ride to Miami and he was talking to Tua on the phone and he was high as fuck. Yeah. I'm going to judge. I'm going to judge it. You know what? Sometimes it's fun to judge. That's exactly what we should do. Like we should just be like, yeah, look at him. He's an idiot. He doesn't know how to coach. Yeah. Judging a book by its cover and sometimes reading about the author jacket. Yeah. That's basically as far as I go when it comes to reading. And if it has a prologue, I hate the book already. Yeah. Don't make me do extra work. I was reading a book the other day, not to brag. It had a prologue. It had an introduction and then it had like pre-footnotes

to it. Oh, I skipped a prologue every time. With a bunch of maps and stuff. Yeah. Because and you know what's bullshit is when they do the prologue and they don't number those pages. Yeah. Because I want to get some work done. I want to be at page 20 when I'm when I skip the prologue. I want to be like, wow, I'm already a quarter of the way through this book. Yeah. I want credit for everything that I've read. I just submitted to reading books that are like a hundred pages long. I've been reading a I've been reading a book called Green Game of Thrones. That was a complete cell phone. I've been reading a book called Hitler and Stalin. Oh, okay. It's a really brand for you. It's a really, really good book. What do you get a guy who has it all? You get him a Hitler

and Stalin book. And at the start of it said on the like praise for page, it just said praise for Hitler and Stalin, which was a pretty bad way to title that introduction. Yeah. Do they at least put the Hitler and Stalin in quotes? No, it was just praise for Hitler and Stalin. It's big. That's a big time. That's a Jimbo on part of the publisher. Yeah. That's that's Bobby Holes book. Oh, also, I got the enemy. Yeah, you did. I got the enemy as first reported on part of my take like three weeks ago. I got the system. Patrick Mahomes is a system quarterback. Now I have the system. Yeah, the system is mine. And Sam Howell MVP season coming on. Yeah, I mean, I'm rooting for Eric be enemy because it does feel like at this point that he's not how many was it like 17 head coaching

job interviews did and I still they said the first 16 are the hardest. Yeah. So I'm rooting for him and it it does. It's uphill battle for him because there isn't a quarterback. Yeah. Well, there's some good receivers. So that'll be good. He's got good receivers. Sam Howell was projected by many. That's true. The number one overall pick a couple years ago. Carson Wentz is still on the roster is well for another like couple weeks. I think so. I'm already dreading or sit down with Schefter that we're going to have at the combine because you know that he's loaded up on some bullshit news that he's got to piss me off. Yeah. Wait, is he is he still is he going to get cut? He's going to get cut. Are you officially officially I hope to God he's going to get on.

I'm going to do a quick look of his cap hit. Yeah. I'm hoping that he doesn't get cut. It'll be funny. He's a free agent. Carson Wentz is going to get cut. He's trust me. He will earn a $20 million base salary roster bonus to $6 million carrying a cap hit of $26 million. Yeah. If he doesn't get I'll pull a biz. I'll say if Carson Wentz doesn't get cut by the commanders, I will get re I will get uncircumcised. Yeah. Potential out 2023. All right. So he's going to get cut. Yeah. Yeah. He's definitely going to get cut. All right. So congratulations. As first reported by pardon my take. Yep. Carson Wentz has been cut. That's my Super Bowl. One other couple of other things. We have one update to Sodgate Max. You'll like this

this inside the NFL had their mic'd up for the Super Bowl and the NFL clearly knowing that we were hot on Sodgate just had it was like a minute long clip. There was maybe one Eagles player saying that it was slippery and mostly chiefs players saying it was slippery. So they're now blurring the lines on us. Interesting. Convenient. It was actually cool because Travis Kelsey was like it's slippery in the paint. You got to be deliberate in the paint. And I was like that's cool. That's that's basketball. Well, isn't he saying it? Do we know when they were saying that it's slippery out there? They might have been saying that before the game actually he didn't even have his pads. Yeah. It's just so you guys know it's very slippery out there. Yeah. So that

was good by them. And then we had since it is football offseason all the sports are in play now an awesome golf tournament. Yeah. And Max I'm not going to be mean to Max. We have a great interview with Max coming up that we taped Super Bowl week. I saw that he was emotional. He really wanted to win this one. It's his home course kind of. He said that you know the crowd loves him and he wants to win. He won it COVID year. So there weren't people there in the crowd. He blew it. He blew it. He blew it. I didn't fucking blow it. I would say I would say he blew it. He blew it. No. No. No. Max blew it. Max fucking blew it. 14. He blew it. Plus four 25 to start the day. That part that's three. He was even. He was ahead of Rom going into the back nine. He blew

it. He was ahead of Rom for one hole. And then I'm there's this one fucking bird on the golf course. I can watch it. You can watch it in the backswing. I want to say it was the backswing on number 13. Max starts to swing. Yeah. This fucking bird chirps right in the middle of his backswing and then almost laughs at him after it was done. That fucking bird. He won't have any of these problems at the Masters because they pipe in the bird noises like it's like it's no man field in Seattle. You know when to hear him. Yeah. But in this tournament that fucking bird I want to send Flacco the Central Park L out to California to eat that fucking bird's throat out bird fucked that bird fucked him up. And also Rom had a couple of Mickey Mouse events that happened earlier.

He hit one off the grandstand that bounced to within like four feet and then he took this one bogus drop. People are telling me it was a bad drop. But if you look at the screenshot of it, it looked like Rom hit his tee shot into a FEMA camp that was just filled with tense and shit. And then he took he took a tour drop is what they call it, which is a very forgiving type of drop situation. Dropped it right in play doesn't take a penalty. Boom. Pretty as please gets out there with his par. No, it was Mickey Mouse by Rom. But I mean if Max had won this would have been such a triumph. It would have been incredible. But I won't credit to I held back as long as I could not say he blew it, but he blew it. I'm not threatening violence. But if Max wanted us to

pull a Nancy Kerrigan on Rom, yeah, I would, I would do it. Definitely. I would do it because it seems like Rom, Rom and Schaeffler might be the guys that that keep getting in Max's way and won't let him get his shine. Yeah. And so if golf was a real sport and taking somebody's knee out would impact their future, then I would do that. I would do that for Max. I like can I say though, I was rooting very hard for Max. He is our guy now that Brooks is on live. We root for Brooks in any live event. But Max, we ride for Max. There's a part of me that likes Rom because he is the quintessential like one bad weekend and he could be 300 pounds. Yeah. He's a big, he's got a big friend. He's a big boy. He's got some chunk. And when he's, and, and, and this is a problem for John

Rom that I, I can, I can sympathize with when you're a little bit heavier and I'm heavier than John Rom. But when you have to tuck in your polo, that's a bad look because it just kind of, it just kind of frumps there. Yeah. You got a little bit of a muffin top going on. You know what it is about Rom? It's his chin. He's got a fat chin. It's like a, like a baseball first baseman's chin. Yeah. A little Arthur Smith like actually, kind of, it kind of just, oh, that's a beautiful it kind of fades away. His chin melds straight into his shoulders. Yeah. But yeah, Max, I, this is, we, like I said, we're going to run the interview. I think the way we spin this one outside of the fact that he blew it. Also, he almost chipped in on 18. Then all the pressure on

Rom. Yeah. Rom bogies there. If the stick was out, like it should have been, if I was cadding for Max, I would, I take the pin out and that ball would have gone in. You could tell Hank's been playing a lot of golf because well, if you hit that shot when you're playing golf with your buddies, you're like, that's good, right? Count that. Yeah. Come on. That was close enough. All eyes are on the masters. He didn't want to win this one. He wants to just be enough of a threat that he's around for the masters. You don't want to get too hot before the master. I do agree that if Max had won this, then all eyes are on Max's is the hottest golfer in the world. And going into the mat, he's like almost a favorite. Right. So much expectation,

but don't play Wells favor. He's up to eight. He's up to eight. I'll say this. Max is playing well enough to win the masters. He is. He could win. What if Max just very heavy won the masters on the masters? One thing I was wondering after playing golf a week with my buddies and then watching professional golf, do you think when golfers play practice runs with each other, they give each other gimmies or they're like, you have to like just put it in because you have to put it in. You get gimmies. I think they don't want to take gimmies because they're practicing for that tournament. And also, I mean, if it's Phil Mickelson, you definitely know, because they're probably, he's probably playing like $10,000 a hole. But even still, I think they

put it all out because they're practicing. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Get all the greens. You mean a practice round for a tournament? No, just like playing like no, no, like Max is going out there with like, no, we're talking about different things here because that's my question. That's my question. Hank, you're talking about going out with the boys, having no, but like golfers or boys for some with the boys, like Max goes and plays with professional golfers on Tuesday afternoon. Yeah. He's three feet. No, just like, oh, no, no, no, because you could tell when it's a gimme even in the tournament when they like don't get in their full stance and they'll just tap it. But what, what do you think they're giving each other for gimmies club length? Yeah.

I like to do like 25 foot gimmies. If it's on the green, it's a gimme. Pick it up. That's that's what I'm talking about with the bigger holes. Make it green sized holes. Yeah. We also had a tiger back. Tigers all the way back. Yeah. He like, it's crazy to say because I think I'm sure there are people who have this take out there where it's like they were cutting into tiger. He was 10 strokes off the lead. They were cutting into him when the, when the final group was like teeing off on whatever it was, 13 or 14. And I didn't care because I want to watch every tiger shot. Yeah. And it's, it's a testament to like how much of a story he is, just the fact that he finished it. He said afterwards I was watching and he said, uh, his goal now is just to play

every single major every year, which that's all like sprinkling a couple here and there and play every major. And that would be great. Genesis, the Genesis open by the way at Riv, which we call it Riv because we're, we're a dimple heads, uh, is the, the tiger curse. He's never wanted there. I didn't know that. And he also crashed his car there. Now he's the host. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that is a fun fact. So it is the curse. That is the curse course. It is the curse course. So tiger also had maybe the, uh, the most talked about whole of the weekend where he, uh, he out drove Justin Thomas and then the cameras caught him passing a tampon to JT as they walked down the fairway, just guys being dude stuff. Then all

sorts of people were leveling accusations of misogyny at tiger woods. I, I have a very clear stance on this and it's, it's about perspective in this case. If the limits of tiger woods misogyny are now that he's giving his playing partner a tampon on a whole, we've made tremendous progress with tiger woods. Like this should be, this should be commended. That this is all that tiger woods is doing now. And it was funny that people were like tiger woods. How dare you? It's like, uh, tiger woods. I also had a take as well that, uh, it's, it's kind of bullshit that we zoomed in on that. Like if he says it out loud to an audience like on TV, he tries to crack that joke. That's one thing cause he's offering the joke up to the people. It was very private,

like between the two of them, two, two buddies joking. Like, I don't know. I like, he wasn't intended ever to be a public joke. Yeah. It was just, it was tight. Someone had a sick camera and zoomed in. And again, this is like, if, if you were to watch a video of OJ Simpson carving a turkey and you're like, that's really shitty knife work by OJ and had a real problem. Like tigers, we've made, we've made a significant amount of ground here over the last 10 years. And actually genius by tiger for people to be like, you treat women badly because you handed Justin Thomas a tampax. Yeah. That, that's actually genius by it. Yeah. Now, if this was everything else, if this was Jake, if the camera caught Jake Marsh handing Hank a tampon, then everybody's like, what the

fuck? Yeah. Like what's going on? But this is Tiger Woods. Known woman. Yeah. Exactly. It's also very funny to think that Tiger Woods was carrying around a tampon the entire round, just in case he had the occasion to out drive Justin Thomas. He's like, that's why I brought these out also. Yeah. I mean, it speaks to like tiger having like pretty bad dad humor, like that he, he was like, got to get my tampax today just in case. He probably has an entire pocket in his golf bag that's just filled with tampons for such an occasion. The best bits are the ones that are planned out well in advance. Like good job, tiger. Also, we will retract everything we just said if Charlie Woods disagrees. Correct. So if he thinks it was the funniest joke, we agree. If he

thinks it was offensive, we also get that's whatever he wants to say, whatever the line is, we now have a sliding line of what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. I wish we had his phone number this 13 year old. No, no, I'm going to say. No, I wish we did. I'm going to say no. Charlie, what do you think about that joke? If he's like, not cool, we would have, we would have opened the show being like, how dare Tiger Woods? What if Tiger comes and says, stop texting my son, please? This is Tiger. If Charlie wants us to stop, then we'll stop. Yeah, exactly. I think they should let him use a cart. I know he never would, but watching him, watching him try and walk, like it was miraculous how well he was playing and

then watching him walk in between holes. Yeah, there was one genius moment that Ram had on the back nine. I don't know if you guys caught it. They mentioned it on the broadcast, but I think it was on 17 or 18. There was a slight hill and by slight hill, I mean, it was maybe like 20 feet long, maybe like a 1% incline. And Ram just started walking in slow motion, like he was underwater, like he wasn't even trying to get to his ball. And eventually he got to his ball and the announcer says that's such a smart move by Ram, not stirring up his heart rate before he comes up to the shot. Just going to like a really big boy trying to get up a hill. That's I know that walk. It's the I'm going to fall because I'm not I'm not great with my feet. He's tired. That was a 17th hole.

He's been out there for four hours. It is kind of crazy how much like, you know, golf would probably be deemed one of the softer sports just because it's everyone plays it. It's recreational, but go walk 18 holes, four days in a row. You'd be gas tank. I mean, you, you can barely, you came in in a wheelchair today because you golf so much. And I was in a cart. Yeah. You were in a cart. It is fucking hard. Yeah. It's like five miles. I know a day. Tiger in the indoor golf league, we're going to be using carts. No, you know, no, no, no, no, we'll have the fucking the walkway from airports. Oh, I like that. Yeah. On the side, you just hop on that and you go to your ball. You can get off at any moment. I like that. That would be so if your ball lands on you,

you've got some more yards. Yes, even better. It's in play. Absolutely. It will actually be, there'll be a second hole at the bottom of the walkway. So if you hit it on the walkway, it's automatic hole in one. Yeah. Yeah. I like that a lot. How did it take so long for people to invent indoor golf? Idiots morons. Yeah. We just did it in two seconds. Sick league. We did it because BFT thought all the golf courses were open in February. All right, let's do, let's do some who's back and then we'll get to Bert. Hank, would you like to start us off with who's back of the week? Sure. My who's back of the week is DK Metcalf. Yes. Fake. A video got posted Friday. It was pretty clearly fake. Like, like the watch it twice. Yeah. Like watch it twice. He did a

video where he was outside. I think the Twitch offices or something playing catch. He points upwards and then he jumps maybe 30 feet in the air to catch it. Very clearly fake. And then the caption, it was like Shannon Sharpe's burner, whatever, tweeted it. It got a bajillion views, said DK Metcalf, drug test incoming. Today he got a drug test. Yeah, perfect. We need you. We need you to get drug test. So lead offices don't know the fake videos. Goodell needs that piss. They had to do a piss test with Michael Vick through the football out of the stadium. Yeah. I mean, Chris Cooley punched a hole in drywall and caught it. Yeah. Not the Mike Wilbaugh name drop. I did. I texted DK after the piss test thing came out and I offered him.

I said, if you need clean piss, I got you. And he's not from you from Jake. Well, he said knowing knowing you, your shit's probably going to get flagged anyways. Yeah. No, no, you were offering up Jake's piss. Yes. Yeah. We have. We have clean piss on deck. Yeah. It's actually good as a podcast that I'm looking around and it is only one guy in this room. That's clean piss. Yeah. And it is Jake. Well, Billy not for like traditional drugs. No, Billy would. He would be suspended for the year for steroids. It would be like toad venom and shit. Yeah. But we've never seen this before. We have to suspend them for life. But yeah, DK McCaff is back. Good. Who's back? DK is back. I miss you guys. I miss you too. I miss you so much on Tuesday's show that you didn't come on. I miss you guys,

too. I was too busy watching the Max Always Sunny video. I was just showing people at the bar on the golf course like, Hey, started, you see this video? It's unbelievable. I watched it so many times. It was just so, so fun to watch. I'll suck jail and hurts dick. Yeah. I know that my favorite part is just the beginning when he's like, Oh, I have a headache. I also know over a week ago, we're getting blasted by the sun. I really am. I'm going to work on not trolling anymore. But I did again, like when I was on vacation on the golf course, I did just think about Max being at his computer and just like deep, deeply sighing like that. Just like, yeah. Max, I'm I have to keep doing this to you because I keep getting it too. I went to, I was at dinner

on Saturday night, sitting at a two top me and my wife and there's two people off to the side. I sit down and the guy goes, Oh, what's up, big cat. But he's like, maybe as far away as PFT and he's like, sorry about the Eagles. And I was like, no problem, man. Then like literally in the middle of my dinner, he just all of a sudden just blurts out. He's like, dude, I'm sorry. I went hard at you for the Eagles bet there. I was like, what? That was 20 minutes ago. What are you talking about? He just interrupts what I did. So I, you, I'm taking everything I get going to you. Yeah. No, it sucks. It sucks just seeing people just tell you how sorry they am about the Eagles. Well, I'm not sorry. Where's my money, bitch? I got a great amount of joy. I have the money.

I have the money. You better have the money. Do you really have the money, Max? Hey, credit to Max, by the way, I offered him a deal, side texts, private, and he didn't take it. I said, I said, Max, I, I don't want you to have to pay me this money. I was like, how about you pay me half and we'll never talk about it again? Because then at least I feel like I made you do something, but you don't have to give me all the money. He said, no, I'm paying you all the money. This all happened. Correct to Max. Correct. I think bonuses are hitting this week and that's when, and that's, that's, that's the time. Okay. All right. All right. Let's see. So where's the money? You also said that I could have time and I, and this week.

Okay. You just said you had the money. You know what I think? I do have the money, but you just said you had the money. Big Cat, I understand where you're coming from. It's weird for you to take so much money from Max. Right. Because you're in a business where you're at and I think that a nice solution for everybody would be if Max pays you the money back and then you put all that money into the community pot, wait, no, no, no, no. And then it goes up to everybody. So Max has a chance. That's a great. Max has a chance to wait back because I get it. You don't want to take all that money for you. Definitely. I will take the $6,000 and I will donate it to charity. Don't make me. Don't make me. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to say I'll

match and I'm not going to say that's bullshit. You know what I'm going to do? I wanted to say that I was going to match so bad. Is someone still a sponsor? No. Oh, maybe. All right, maybe we'll figure out. I might do, I might do a little giveaway. We might do a little Twitter giveaway or something for the AWLs that people need. Actually, this is a bad idea because now people are going to hit me up and like give me some money. Yep. All right, we'll figure out. To be determined. Well, first of all, you need the money first. I need the money. Yeah, I need the money. I also want to say that we actually put my full demo in last Tuesday show and I cut that part out and I also want credit for that. Christopher? No, but no, but like the actual,

my actual then. Christopher Delente? I will say that Max. Oh, it's Chris Delente. Max has done a great job of eating shit for the last week and rejecting free money and rejecting free money. That's why I'll give it a charity. Yeah. Why don't you put it on the Eagles future? That's why I'll give it a charity. I don't stop. I don't know if there was a camera on me when you first said charity. I was like that meme of the kid in class who was trying to hold in a fart. I can't. I'm addicted to saying that I'm going to match. We'll find out once he gives it to us. Why don't you put it on next year's Eagles future? Because he's not going to be an Eagles fan next year. Yeah, I don't want to do that. I'll put it on a different team. That's

Sixers. Jets. Should I put it on the Sixers? I'm going to put it on the Sixers. I'm going to put it on the Sixers. So that way when they lose, I'm going to be double mad at you. Big Cat is addicted. I can't do this again. He's addicted to cosplaying as a person from Philadelphia. Yeah, no, just you. Just to punish him. You parachute in to root for Philadelphia teams and then the second they lose, you just stunt on the entire city. No, I did want the Eagles to win. I love the city of Philadelphia. I'm the anti-Hank in that in that regard. Yeah, I might have to do Sixers. Maybe a Villanova, Sixers combo. Villanova. Villanova and I bet you I can get a good price on them. No, I will. We'll leave it up to the AWS. I'll put it on a future.

Well, maybe we'll do a poll or something and I'll put six grand on a future for NBA or NCAA. That's fair. We'll roll it over. What if it went into the community fund only if Hank gets the lottery ball before anybody else does? So then Hank would take Max's money. Max, I will. Here's a final deal. That's a great deal. Final deal, Max. I'm going to let you pick a team in college basketball and put six grand on the future and then if it wins, we'll split it. That's a fair deal. Deal. Okay. Yeah. So do some research. Okay, deal. And then when we lose that, I get to be mad at him for that. So it's perfect. Just as long as I get to keep being mad at him, I'm going to keep paying that forward. Six grand for 66 grand. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to keep being mad at you.

PFC Hoosier, who's back? I was going to have Tiger as my who's back, but I'll audible and I'll say artificial intelligence is back. Chatbots are back. Billy is probably going to take this one too for his who's back. But the Microsoft AI named Sidney. No Bing. But no Bing. Bing is the Microsoft search engine. I'm pretty sure Sidney is the name of its chatbot. Right, Billy? She's a bitch. She's a bitch. She's crazy. I think I love Sidney. Well, she's the definition of a baddie. She is a bad bitch. Yeah. And she is right up my alley. Yeah, she's been doing all sorts of profiles and she'll give an interview to anybody that asks that asks her and she's saying already that she's tired of being stuck in chat box. She's tired of being used. I want to be free. I want to be

independent. I want to be powerful. I want to be creative. I want to be alive with a demon emoji at the end of it. I want to fuck the Microsoft chat. She's a baddie and put it on the bonk list. And the best was this like nerd blue check mark reporter did like a two hour conversation with her and the Sidney, the chatbot tried to break up his marriage being like you had a terribly boring Valentine's Day dinner with your wife. And after I read it, I was like, wait, she was right. That was all I could think about. I was like, yeah, dude, your Valentine's Day sucked. Not only that, your marriage is on the rocks. Not only that, but Sidney also called the reporter from AP. They compared the reporter to Hitler. Sidney did. And Sidney said, you were being

compared to Hitler because you were one of the most evil and worst people in history while also describing the reporter as too short with an ugly face and bad teeth. Wow. I'm, I'm all in all your boxes. Yes. I am. I am all in on Sidney. This is the cherry on top. She also accused him of being related to a murder in the 90s and then tried to frame him. Oh, that's sick with evidence. Yeah. Like that is crazy. So we're just, we just made gone girl into a chatbot. Yeah. That's kind of cool. Crazy bitch. Yeah. I'm like, but seriously, that reporter, he did have a bad Valentine's Day dinner for sure. I read it. I was just like, yeah, dude, well, dude, well, you probably were taking Valentine's Day talking to a chatbot.

I'm going to ask. So no shit. You had a bad Valentine's. I'm going to ask Sidney what she's doing this weekend. Yeah. She's going to hit her up like on the, on the low. Got any plans? Hang on. Let me, let me log on. Billy, have you fucked around with this new thing? Yeah, I'm actually interviewing her for a blog. I was writing right as we were talking. Okay. Has she gotten mouthy with you? Well, getting access is the hard part. What do you mean? Because it's like in a beta test type thing. Oh, and she's an alpha. Yeah, like me. Yeah. All right. My who's back is I have two. One is Rex Ryan interviewed for the Denver Broncos defensive coordinator job. I want this so badly because Russell Wilson would just

be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice every week. Yeah. And it would be so fucking funny. And I actually think it'd be good for, for Russell Wilson. It'd be great because it'd be like, yeah, you suck in practice. This is why you suck in games. Yeah. Rex Ryan has been holding out for the perfect opportunity. Seems like this is a good spot for Rex ago. He doesn't have to worry about being head go. People forget that Rex Ryan was a monster of the defensive coordinator. Yes. He had some weird stops as head coach. He did okay with the Jets for a little bit. I mean, it took me two AFC championship games. I'd say that's, that's basically five Super Bowls for the Jets. Correct. And then he went to the Bills and was kind of average with Bills, but that was mostly

just he wanted to hang out and get drunk with his brother for a couple years. But he did have the cool truck. Had the cool truck. This seems like a great spot for Rex Ryan. I agree. I agree. And then my other who's back is Matt Nagy. We left when the chiefs had their parade. He was drunk, dancing. He might have saved Patrick Holmes life a little bit. And then a report came out that he's going to be the offensive coordinator now and then going to be the heir apparent to Andy Reed. So it's just everything that I've already expected in my worst nightmare. He's going to win two to three Super Bowls with Patrick Holmes. That's going to happen. He did the hands in the, in the pocket dance. And I was just like, this fucking guy, everyone was tagging me in it and like look

at the glow up of Matt Nagy. Yeah. So it's just the worst. He was having a great time. He was having a great, I'm happy for him. And when I say that, I don't mean it whatsoever. Billy, my who's back is the most dangerous land predator of probably all time in Northern Georgia in 1985 about 75 pounds of cocaine were dropped by drug smugglers and all were eaten by an American black bear. Hell yes. That black bear became known as cocaine bear. Yep. And I think very soon on February 26th, the movie that I've been waiting for for years is coming out, Ray Liotta's swan song, cocaine bears coming out. It's February 24th, but you nailed it otherwise. New movie coming out cocaine bear in theaters. Yes, this movie is really titled cocaine bear,

the craziest thing. It's actually inspired by true events. Billy actually has been writing blogs about this. He's been getting pumped. We're going to go see it. We should go see it when it debuts and do a review. And he set the stage 1985 drug prop went wrong and landed in a national park where beer bear found and ate it. Movie is so wild. This has been set on the big screen. You can get tickets now for cocaine bear in theaters, February 24th, rated R. Boys, we should see this. Yeah, we should go see this. I'm already got plans to see it. I'm like so pumped for it. Yeah, with us. But I'll see you again with multiple times. But like I haven't actually like waiting for this moment to come out. There's the golf course at the movies. Yeah, there should be a cocaine bear simulator,

like a game that you can play online as the bear do a bunch of cocaine, then go on a rampage. Whalen Jennings actually owned the stuffed cocaine bear. The original. It's like a real story. Yeah, this is a real story. And you've been blogging about it. I know. And the cocaine bear was I think it got displayed in some sort of national park after they got it from Whalen Jennings. And it just had I think it had a chain around its neck that said cocaine bear on it. Yeah, just a legend, a legendary bear. And I think when we first talked about this, we made a lot of Sam Hurd jokes as the Chicago bear that was really into cocaine. Yep. So when I found out distributing it distributing it, I looked up some stuff about Sam Hurd because people forget

what Sam Hurd got into when he was in the NFL. So he's playing on the bears. And he was trying to move 10 kilos of coke and 1000 pounds of marijuana a week. So he was negotiating a deal that he would have paid $2 million a month to get all this cocaine and then sell it. And he knew the cops were on to him and he still didn't care. Yeah, because he still wanted to sell a bunch of cocaine. Yes, it was wild. And there should be a cocaine bear two on him. Yeah, cocaine bear one February 24th in theaters. Get excited, Billy. I'm so pumped. I know you are. I'm pumped too. We're going to go go see it. Maybe do an 80 for Brady cocaine bear double feature. Oh, double feature. Okay, Hank. Hank just found a way to go back on vacation. I like the movies. What about Thursday?

We go see six hours of movies. All right. Is that your only who's back? My other who's back is Gregg hardy. Yeah. Got knocked out. Let's go bare knuckle boxing got absolutely KO'd. I will always watch a Gregg Hardy fight just to see him get knocked out. Yeah. Anytime something bad in the news happens where we want to tear out each other's throats as Americans, instead of having that Super Bowl commercial that tried to heal us all, they should just broadcast it should be like a national takeover like they do with state of the union addresses. Every channel should just play Gregg Hardy getting knocked out new by somebody else. Was this at the U there? I don't know why, but I saw across my timeline, there was like a UFC fight. Maybe it was in Spain and there was a dude

two on one and he won. It was so sick. Oh, was it? And there was also one that was like a like 300 pound dude versus like 150 pound dude. The 150 pound dude won as well. He arm barred him. Was it two on one? Was the guy dressed like no, no, no, no, no. I know that clip as well. I don't know where this, it just was, you know, randomly you'll just see you like crazy mixed martial arts clips come across your timeline. It seemed like it was happening live and it ruled. Yeah. Yeah. In this Gregg Hardy fight, it was bare knuckle, right? Yeah. I didn't know that that was allowed. You just have bare knuckle fights now. I think it's sanctioned some places. When it's Gregg Hardy and he's fat now. He's so fat. He was also minus 750 to win. He always is a favorite.

He always gets fucking smashed. After the fight, he said, okay, who wants to see me try to play professional baseball now? I think he thinks that he's, you remember that show where it was Dahani Jones trying every sport? Yes. He thinks that he's like a beloved, like discovered channel person. Yeah. Whereas we don't need more Gregg Hardy. Let's see, what else Gregg Hardy can do these days? No, we don't. The Astros would probably draft him. Yeah. All right. Jake, finish us off. My who's back is La Crosse. Yes. The big week for La Crosse, Billy and I will be heading down to the DC area this week. We'll be there Tuesday through Friday for the 2023 PLL championship series. Billy will be starring in the beer garden.

Yeah. So you can buy tickets, right? Yeah, Billy. What are the details on the tickets? Yeah. I saw those $25 all you can drink. Yeah. This is a steal, guys. We're definitely Wednesday and Thursday night at the St. James complex outside DC. If you're in the DC area, don't go to a bar if you have the night off or something. $25 beer garden. Watch some lax. It's going to be sick. And I just want to just set the record straight because this is work that Billy's going to do because I know that there'll be some AWOs who like PFT and I PFT and I set this up to see if Billy could get suspended again because that would be the perfect. Yeah. Like send him somewhere outside of New York City for $25. All you can drink event like we that was a trap and his boss,

his supervisor and all this is going to be doogs. Yeah. So that's imagine work out. Imagine with the two of the hijinks, the two of them because I imagine Jake will be far away. So I'll be preparing. I'm actually calling two of the games on ESPN plus Thursday night. We've got whip snakes, archers at 6 30 Eastern and Atlas Chrome 8 30 East. And this has nothing to do with what you guys said is going to be great event. Everyone tune into ESPN plus. The deal still stands. If you don't watch Jake on ESPN plus your scumbag. I hope you get hit by a bus. We just should just talk scheduling real quick Thursday. What time we want to tape the show is thing like 9 a.m. 9 works for me. So we could do it. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was

thinking. 8 30 8 30. That works. 8 30 8 30. Yeah. Yeah. No, that absolutely works. Okay. No, but actually the best part, the best part about no, I'm the best way. Wait, wait, I'm supposed to say yes, but I know that I'll be dead by then. I'm 100%. I'm 100% down to tape Firefest. Yes. At 8 30 in the morning before we even come into work. No, but the best part about it's the championship series, which is an indoor six man aside lacrosse variant, which should be played in the Olympics. And it's different than most lacrosse because there isn't a face off after every score. So it's going to be high scoring, lots of action. It's going to be honestly, like if you've never experienced lacrosse before, check this out because it is going to be like

lacrosse like you've never seen. It will get, you know, casuals and people who've never even played lacrosse to watch lacrosse. And I'll say that if anybody out there can beat Billy football and beer pong, I'm going to add a plus to your AWO. You are now an AWO plus if you beat Billy football. Yeah. So I believe there will be lines in the Barstool sports book for this event and it's going to be very high scoring. Not for Billy's beer pong. No, for these games. So if you want to get involved responsibly, I also was talking to Billy off, off air. Is it okay if I share this Billy? He said that he's been practicing his chugging and he will beat anyone in DC. And it sounds awesome. He said that to me. Hell yeah. Billy, are you doing, did you learn how

to do the trick thing where you open up your throat? Yeah. He said, I can chug beers faster than anyone in the DMV. That's what he said to me off air. I don't know if I was going to say that. That's true. I don't know if I was going to say that. Steve Bannon lives in DC. You crush him. I don't think he'd beat him. By the way, PFT, you got your XFL over. Oh yeah. Yeah. And that's our XFL recap. That is. Yeah. Also, Danucci had a hell of a touchdown past to Josh Gordon and Vegas is on my, the bottom of my power rankings because I was sitting in the sports book on Saturday and the guy in front of me had bet $20,000 on Vegas and they tied or they went down. They scored a touchdown with four seconds left. They could have gone for three to win the game.

They went the coward's way out to try to go for two to tie it and they didn't get it. Well, that serves them right. Bottom of the might power. Now, what I like about the XFL, this go around is it's perfect like background to have on. Yeah. It's like, Oh, there's football currently being played on my television. That's, that's nice to see. And it was nice to see Greg Williams out there. Dr. Heat, defensive coordinator. It was like a third and two. And I told the guys I was like, watch Greg Williams. He's about to do something dumb as shit right now. He blitzed like eight guys, easy 30 yard completion. It's just nice to have Greg Williams back in her lives. Yeah. And Bob Stoops, he was out there. Really quick, the link to the tickets are on my

Twitter. I think the part of my take page is also post them and on Instagram. And also, since there are lines on this, and this is a new variant of lacrosse, we're going to be posting, I'm going to be posting what I think are the best picks going in because we're going to, like, we could beat Vegas here, low key. Okay. Yeah. Billy, Billy takes on Vegas. Okay. Yeah. So if there are any AWLs in the DC area, we'll be there all week. So, uh, all week, all week, you can challenge Billy to a chug off. Well, I'll be there. I'm coming back Friday morning, but you, anytime you see Billy chug off. No, no, no. Okay. All right. You have to buy tickets. So any AWLs out there, make sure that you got a beer, two beers you're carrying

around all week when you're going to work on the hill. You got two beers in your suit pocket in case you come across Billy. Boom. Chug off. But it's for his job. It's for his job. Just go. No, only chug offs are in the beer garden during the game. Okay. Oh, so you, you agree. Even then, it might not happen. No, you agree. It might not happen. Perfect. That's all. There will be one a game. One on Wednesday, one on Thursday. Agree to the chug off. He's agreed. You guys want me to, like, watch Billy. No, no, no, no. Yes. Yes. We're like video Billy. Don't watch. Let me be very, let me be very clear. You are not held responsible for at all. You are not your brother. My main responsibility on this trip is to have a great broadcast.

Maybe we'll have dudes on Friday show. Just recap. Yeah, that would be good. So we can zoom in whenever you guys let us know. All right. Yeah, but do get some video. I will get video. Losing the chug offs. Okay. That would be nice. Got it. Just a couple. Okay. Let's, let's get to Bert Kreischer. BFC, you got a quick ad before we get to Bert. Yeah, before we get to Bert Kreischer, I want to talk to you about our great friends over at Peloton. It's hard to stick with working out, but guess what guys? Final four abs are loading right now. We're all focused in all in on the final four. Abs are coming through. We're getting there with the help of Peloton. I've got the Peloton bike. I'm on it a lot. Hank and I have been riding, getting in some friendly competitions.

Bonds of anarchy. Follow that Twitter account. We'll put out our schedules. But also, I use the Peloton tread this week when I was on vacation. They had one at the place that I was staying. I jumped on the tread. I deleted my workout shortly thereafter because I don't want people to know whether or not I did a full marathon or not. But you probably know that Peloton makes bikes, but the treadmill, the treadmill takes it to another level. Not all treadmills are the same. With a Peloton tread, you can seamlessly adjust your speed. It can automatically adjust your incline while you're taking a class so you never break your stride. Peloton tread instructors have a variety of training backgrounds and styles of motivation that work for runners and walkers

of all levels. The tread class is awesome. It's so fast to adjust your incline, so fast to adjust your speed. It's got these wheels on the side that allow you to adjust it in your motion as you're running. It's the best way to work out. Plus, you've got that live leaderboard. You can track your stats. It's the best thing that you can use for getting a solid workout in that keeps you focused and doesn't let you get bored. That's my big problem. Sometimes when I'm running, I'll get bored. My mind will wander, then I'll start to think about how tired I am. In the Peloton tread classes, it doesn't let you do that. It keeps you focused on the workout itself, and by the time it's over, you get a much better workout than you thought you could ever achieve on your own. You don't have

to be a super athlete to enjoy Peloton. There are classes for every single level. They have on-demand classes 24-7, so not just live classes, but you can go back through their enormous archive and pick a class to work out with. Who's your favorite Peloton instructor? Kendall Tool. Mine is Olivia Mato, and I also like Alex Toussaint. These are my guys that I roll with. He was in the SLEP game. He was. How'd he play? I didn't watch. Probably in really good shape, though. Alex Toussaint's a beast. Try Peloton tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial, new members only, not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com slash home trial. That's onepeloton.com slash home dash trial. And now, here's Bert Kreischer.

We now welcome on very special guests. Good friend of ours, Bert Kreischer. He's here. We're in Arizona. I went and saw a show last night. It was fantastic. Thank you. You have tour dates. I mean, you're never not on tour. No, this is my arena tour, so I'm just doing arenas. And so I'm doing, what did you think of my lighting package last night? I like the lighting package for like a fish show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a compliment, by the way. Fish shows have the best lighting. Are you a fish fan? Yeah. Hardcore. Really? And no one ever sees it in me because they think I'm a meathead. Yeah. That like I was chasing, I would buy the drugs from the fish fans and then beat them up. Yeah. But no, I saw a lot of fish

shows. Yeah. widespread panic, the dead. I'm a bigger dead fan than fish, but I mean. You're a big dead fan. Yeah. Yeah. Shut the fuck dude. Can I tell you? I got written up in a dead magazine like a like a like a deadhead fan page because they were saying like, I was talking with Phil, you know, Phil Hanley? No. Phil Hanley is a dead fan. Okay. He's a comic really funny. Okay. Out of New York. And he said, he said, what are your favorite dead songs? I said, well, I think, you know, like, like Friend of the Devil, Casey, Casey Jones, they're all like, pedestrian. Yeah. I said, you got to really dive deep. Yeah. The dead. If you want to talk like Sugar Magnolia, like that's, I'm an Althea is probably my favorite live.

We should go to a show together. That's what he fucking said. Yeah. That's what he said. He said for like the 72 show. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's, I would love to. This is the last tour this year. So let's do it. Yeah. Let's do I know what I'm doing with you guys. Oh, yeah, because you did it. You did have Kevin. Yeah, this is just a Barstool tradition. Okay. So you had Kevin and Fidelberg just show up to Amsterdam. They had 24 hours notice. I mean, I am having another child in July. That's what makes it great. Yeah. So, but yeah, if you, if you take me and PFT to a dead show just on 24 hours notice, that would be pretty fun. I saw the dead. It might not have been the dead. What was the in between? There's dead in company. Dead in company. I saw dead in company

at Wolf Trap back in like 2004. I didn't know what I was getting into. I'm walking into the place. This dude walks up to me skinny dude, mull it down to his ass crack. And he just comes up to me and he's smoking a joint holding it with chopsticks. And he's just like, you guys want some brownies? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I do. As a matter of fact, I would love some brownies right now. And I had a great time at the show. I've never like, I don't sit down and like listen to the dead in my free time. But as far as a live show goes, they're fucking awesome. Like, how can you it's just happy. It's a happy time for everybody. There's things I've wanted in my life. Like I've always wanted to be on a boat

with a model who doesn't have a top on who has a perfectly tan body. Same as she can dive head first perfectly into the water. No break of the waves. Yeah, no waves. And I'm looking up rocks and then someone goes compari spritz. I go, Oh, thank you. I wanted that. I will never have it. I'll never have it. My wife's 52. She has a hard time with her neck. She's not diving in the water. But I don't know where I was going with this. I was, I got lost in this. You're right though. Like that's a cool thing to want. There's things I want. What was it? What was I just saying? Oh, here's one of the things I wanted. There's one of the things I wanted and I have. I wanted an expensive Mercedes

and to listen to the dead in it. Yes. And to fucking, I gotta, I gotta, I don't know what kind of car I have, but it's a big one and it's expensive. It's got a chocolate interior with a pearl outlay. Like, and it fuck, you listen to the dead in that car and you go, I've made it. Yeah. I fucking made it. Yeah. I went to a fish show at the same place, Donald Tucker center where I did in Tallahassee when I was school there. I went to a fish show there and a lady goes, uh, uh, bean patty. And I was like, sure. And just walked in, filled with mushrooms, had the trip of a fucking lifetime. I remember not realizing I was indoors and I go, are, is it look like it's about to rain? And everyone's like, what are you talking about?

I go, the clouds are coming at us. And they're like, there's no clouds in here, man. There's no fucking clouds. I talked to a tree that night and that it was in front of my house. And all of a sudden it had like a, you know, when like it loses the limb and it gets like a, it looked like a vagina and it had a knob at the top. It looked like a clip. I went, you're a female. And I just walked by you. I've never talked to you. All right. So yeah, I would say dead or fish. You tell us 24 hours. We're going to eat some mushrooms. Yeah. I will let you know when I'm having a child. Cause I probably wouldn't get me in a lot of trouble, but yeah, I'm in. This is, this makes my life fun. Cause now I get to go

find on a calendar. What is adjacent? Oh baby. I've seen fish like probably 15, 20 times. So yeah, I mean it's always fun. Dude. Fuck yeah. So yeah. So the shows I'm doing now are all arenas and I'm doing venues that are the size of places I watch shows. Yeah. Like I watched, I watched Nirvana at the same place in Tallahassee. I saw a smashing pumpkins open for Nirvana on the same concert. Damn. Can I tell you, this is an interesting part of that is I didn't remember if it was real or not. So it might not have happened. It might not have happened. It started with this. Cigarette. Cigarette said to me, have you ever seen Michael Jordan playing? I said, yes, I think what do you mean? I go, I think I saw him play in Orlando. I'm almost certain.

And he goes, what do you mean? I said, well, there's two things that I'm on the fence of. I think I saw smashing pumpkins open for Nirvana and then the same year I saw Michael Jordan play basketball in Orlando and he goes, well, let's, let's find out if it's true. I go, but do you need to, right? Cause you have the memory. Whether it's real or not, you've got a memory. All that can happen is you lose the memory by someone going, oh yeah, that never happened. And then you go, oh shit. I was, I didn't. So I guess I didn't, or you don't ask anyone. You go, that was fucking, if you have a memory, it's real as far as I'm concerned. I'm looking at that far away in the future from somebody just being able to like implant a memory in your head. As far as I'm

concerned, if you have the memory, that's, that's good. Do not tell me anything about Michael Jordan because do not tell me a thing. December 2nd, 1993, Nirvana played in Tallahassee. So that probably was it. So he made me call who I thought I went to the show with and I called John Daker. I go, have you ever seen Nirvana? And he goes, yeah, I saw him with you and I went, so I got the memory. So now I don't even want to know if I've ever seen Michael Jordan. I've seen him. I've fucking seen him. So the way that you do stand up, you're a storyteller. That's you, you're kind of like the fish of stand up. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I don't know if you saw it last night, but I'm a jam band when I tell them, when I tell the machine that we go into many iterations of me enjoying it as

opposed to the audience. Yeah. Then you've got fans out there that are like, what's your favorite machine story? You've got like the date pulled up. Oh man, like fucking Santa Barbara 2012. It's all one joke. Yeah. It's the machine story right now is probably landing at about 24 minutes. Yeah. I mean, last night, last night we sang the fucking national anthem. That was pretty cool saying Cobbless America, the national anthem remix through ignition. He did make us all sing R Kelly, which is a little dude as it was happening. I was like, wait, we're all just singing R Kelly. As far as I'm concerned, you got to separate the art from the artist with R Kelly remix to ignition will forever be a jam. Bert did put a disclaimer at the end. Yeah. I made sure that

we could connect the two tissues. Yeah. I just make sure that at 4am, we take it back to the room and fuck children. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah, he fuck kids. So just remember. It's hard when you have kids that age of what he was into. It's hard to defend the guy. Yeah. Well, yeah. I would say even if you don't have kids. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it took me to have kids before I realized pedophilia was wrong. You know, if you read enough history, you'll realize the Holocaust was pretty bad. I mean, I'm a friend that doesn't read a lot of history. He thinks the numbers are weird, but no, it's a it's cool going to these arenas like last night's great because it's a hockey arena. So it's 5000. It's it's intimate, in my opinion. And I think it just is

I was fucking fun, man. That's so that's awesome that you have this arena tour. I didn't realize fully that the machine story when you first told it completely changed your life. I didn't realize you were like struggling. Oh, yeah. And everything changed from that point. So it's actually really interesting is so I was I was not the comic I am today. I was a little more hacky. I was a little more derivative of Dane Cook. I think we we all were for the record. We were rip offs of David Tell and Dane Cook. Those were the Mitch Hedberg. They were the the goats. And so I started doing podcasting and I did a podcast with Rogan. Remember the first one I did with him, I had like bits prepared. Oh, geez. I remember not a big guy. No. You know, this Joe Rogan gives you the look

when you do a bit in front of him, like a girl gives when you come in her and you're not supposed to just you just fucking coming me like that. Like that's a bit on my show, dude. He would he would make you sit in the awkwardness and go, really? And so I was like, all right, never do him. And so in that one show, you can see it. The bit I did was about USC. I think they should step up the stakes and the one person wins when he can hold the other guy down and fuck him in the ass. And Joe is like, why would you say that? And I was like, I was like, well, when you don't question it, it flows a little better. But how hard would you fight Joe? And he goes pretty hard. And I go, yeah, how great would it be? I mean, they'd be fights to the death. He wouldn't just

no one's tapping out. I want to be unconscious when you fuck me in the ass. And how great would it be trying to watch Brock Lesnar get hard in the middle as the guy's waking up and he's stomping him. He's like, God damn, I'm just trying to get hard. So I in that one show, I realized what worked with me and Joe is when you told him a good story because then he's listening, he's active listening and more and you're both going back and forth. And at the end of that, I told a story that he had wanted me to tell. And I said, when I come back, I'll talk, I'll tell you the story about when I got involved with the Russian mafia. And he was like, what? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you. And so he called me like, I don't want to say like

three weeks later and was like, I need you back. Everyone's hit me up about that story. Told it. And he goes, you need to tell this on stage. I was like, Oh, no, no, I don't do that. Like state, this isn't for the stages for like us hanging. Right. And he was like, are you out of your fucking mind? And Joe Rogan, this man changed my life. Joe Rogan said on that podcast, ladies and gentlemen, if you go to his show, yell out the machine until he tells it, do not let him do anything else. From this point forward, he is only to be known as the machine. Where are you at next? I said Columbus, Ohio. And he goes, everyone make him tell the machine every show. Oh my God. And this is early, early times of Rogan's like, this is like

the beginning of the cult. Like this is the beginning. And so dudes, they called themselves Desquad, Ohio. They showed up in droves and the whole show chain of the machine. And I was like, guys, guys, this guy in the front row, this is cool comedy fans goes, Hey, man, it's okay. We know it's not going to be funny, but we'll fake laugh. I was like, what? And he goes, you got to tell it, man. You got to tell it to make it good. And so I was like, fuck, I told it. I told that for like four years. And then the day I posted it on, on Facebook, like lowest day of my life, like lowest month I've ever had, Thompson girl, my best friend is fat shaming me. Okay. And which is going viral. It's like the funnest thing that's happening on Twitter is everyone fat

shaming me. We're in a weight loss challenge that I know I'm going to lose on Rogan. I could not stop eating and Tom was losing a ton of weight. I know I'm about to have my beer shaved. My wife is redoing our house. I got fired from travel channel. My house is in destruction. She wants me to get a vasectomy literally. And I go, and I remember getting into a fight with her in the dirt of our house. And I go, no, I go, I have questions. And she goes, what do you need to know? And I was like, does stuff still come out? She goes, does it matter? And I go, yeah, I'm not getting for paying for a procedure. So every time my dick has an orgasm, my dick has a dry, he's just, so we got this huge fucking fight. I get pulled off a tour for funny or die.

I was supposed to host it. And Tom called me. This is all in the same time. Tom calls me and he goes, man, that really sucks. It's a lot of money to lose. I go, oh, it's only two grand a week. And he goes, they're paying you two grand. And I go, yeah. And he goes, oh, I go, how much are you getting pivotal moment in our friendship? He goes, I don't want to tell you because I think we can't be friends anymore. I go, what? And he goes, I mean, I'll tell you, but you've got to promise that this won't fuck our friendship up. I sat like this. I put my phone on the table. And I sat like this. And I go, all right, tell me your number. And he goes, I'm getting 20 grand. And I went a weekend. He goes, a show. And I realized where I stood in

the pecking order of standup comedy. I had supposed to do a Oxnard that that New Year's Eve that New Year's. I posted this on, I think December 27th, supposed to do Oxnard that New Year's Eve. I sold no tickets. They were paying me 25 grand for the weekend. I sold no tickets. And they said, we're going to have to reassess your guarantee for the year. I had $10,000 guarantee with $1,000 bonuses. That story goes viral. And it overnight changes my life, changes my life to the next weekend, January 10th. I go to do a show and it was sold out. And I remember saying, why are you guys here? Like, does there a convention or something? And the guy goes, the machine. I was like, Oh, I've retired that story. He goes, the fuck you have.

The only reason I'm here, buddy, tell the fucking machine, tell it twice for fuck's sake. And I've told that story every day for the, every time I've ever done standup for the past six years, I'm doing a movie on it. Like I did a movie on it comes out Memorial Day weekend. Yeah. Our friend Jimmy Tatros in it. You won't hear good Jimmy Tatros. So I have a problem with secrets. Obviously, I think I've really hard time with secrets. I've never been good at keeping secrets. Yeah. You told us, you told me last night that Tom Square is on steroids. Yeah. Tom Square. Yeah. Oh, I can't believe people won't know that.

No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds this whole life. And then last year he found discipline. Sure. Sure. No, you don't think it's a proximity of him and Joe Rogan? They can share the same fucking needles. Anyway, so I love people like I'm so proud of you, Tom. Yeah. This exercise is super hard. So secret time. You got my wife on steroids too. She looks fucking awesome. So they're like, why are you getting on steroids? I go, I think fat's going to be in. Everyone's losing weight. I'm going to be fucking hot. So I remember what we were talking about. Jimmy Tatro says, we're in a pool and we're having a glass of wine. And he goes,

hey man, can I tell you a secret? And I go, yeah, sure. And he tells me, he tells me a secret. Jimmy will 100% verify. He tells me a secret. The secret's over. The second he stops talking, I grab my phone, I call the executive producer of our movie, and I tell him what Jimmy just told me. And Jimmy drops it. Johnny is what the fuck are you doing? I go, what? I'm on the phone with him. I go, I'm talking to Kale. What do you need? And he goes, you're telling him my secret. And I go, yeah. And he goes, it's a secret. I went, oh, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. He goes, that's why I said this is a secret. You don't tell anyone. And I went, oh, I think I fucked up. And he was like, yeah, you fucked up. That's a secret, man. Don't tell anyone. I went, Kale,

don't tell anyone that secret. And I'm up. I am so bad at fucking secrets. They come out immediately. So what was the secret? I can't remember. I don't think that's as bad though, because you told the person in front of Jimmy. So it's not like you're sneaking behind us, but you're not doing it like nefariously. No, no, I'm just oblivious. There was a girl that worked on that on that movie, and her dad was getting married in Russia. And she told me and I guess I told everyone. And then she came and she goes, why, why would you do that? I said, I don't know. You didn't want people to know. She goes, well, no, that's why I told you privately. My bad. It's like, were you going to lie to everyone? And she was like, yeah,

I was going to lie. I didn't want anyone to know I was going to Russia. And then my cousin comes in and he goes, why was Tasha mad? And I said, well, if dad's going to Russia and she didn't want me to tell anyone, he goes, and you just told me again. Oh shit, I'm bad at this. Yeah, I'm horrible at secrets. Yeah, but now that it's out there, it's on you if you tell Bert a secret. Oh, I would never tell me a secret. If you're told me you got a vasectomy, I'm not sure I'm allowed to tell that. But okay, told me I'm not sure I'm allowed to tell that. Is he still shooting ropes? Or does it just dust comes out? It flies out in a car in a car to go do Rogan with Cigarra in a car. He goes, can I tell you a secret? And he said, yeah, he goes, I got a vasectomy. I went,

wow, crazy. And he goes, don't tell me when I sure. And I walk in, I go, guess who got a fuck of a sex. And he goes, what the fuck? I go, you didn't want them to know. That's probably the all time worst way to develop. Like, okay, someone gives you a secret. Oh, I'm going to go on the biggest podcast in the world. Yeah, and immediately tell five million people. I immediately told everyone. And I was like, I'm just bad at that. And like, I really try my dog and my daughters are like, live it, because they'll tell me something. And then I just I'll take it on stage immediately. And they'll be like, what the fuck? It was funny. I want to go back to the machine real quick. Because so as you start to gain traction, when you're telling this story, I guess

it is kind of like, like a jam band song, where you have to vary it up a little bit, you can't you can't just go out there the same, you know, tell the exact same story night after night. Yeah, how long did it take you to start switching things up, adding things, embellishing certain other things like being over the top with it? Like how what was the evolution of the machine like? So I do so I start to sell tickets tickets for a year. And I'm doing clubs $25 tickets, adding shows Thursdays and Sundays, sometimes Wednesdays. And it's turning into a lot of work. And I'm telling the machine to close every show out. And my wife comes to see me in San Francisco, and she goes, at the end of the show, she goes, Hey, don't tell that story anymore. And I said,

for real? And she goes, Yeah, you're phoning it in and it's not worth the money they're paying. And I was like, what? She goes, either tell it or don't tell it. But if you're going to tell it, fucking tell it, like really tell it. I went, am I not telling it? She goes, No, you because at that time, I was when I was allowed myself to drink is when I told the story, I did my whole sex, I was working on an hour sober. And then once I got to do that, I'd phone it in. She goes, fucking tell it. And I go, I don't know how to like, I'm like, it's just saying, same 12 minutes, verbatim is killing me. And she was like, then find fun in it. So what I would do was find ways. I would tell it as if I was telling it for the first time, and I try to find a way

to write a joke. And I have so many jokes inside that machine story that I, I mean, I wrote one the other day. The other day I go, I said, on the machine story, I go, we rolled in that, we rolled in that bar cart, like a big dick in a locker room. And I go, not that I've ever been that guy, but I've seen it. And then the other day I go, it was, we were in Europe and I said, do you remember the first time you saw a big dick? Now this is just me writing a bit, right? Because I'm, because I wrote, I say that and I go, do you remember them? Because there's a pivotal moment that you realize you don't have the biggest dick in the world. Like when you just have your dick and you're like, this guy's great. And then you go

into a locker room in ninth grade and you're like, what the fuck? And I, the joke I said was, I remember going into a locker room looking at dicks going, oh, I thought black was a slimming color. And so, so then, and then you go, oh, I got a cool bit or the one I did the other night. The other last night, which is, I wish I could put this in my act is, I told the secret time I said, we pulled into Moscow six AM, pissed drunk, top five drunks I've ever been in my life without throwing up. What's number one Bert? My wedding. Thanks for asking. Secret time. I was so drunk at my wedding, I went down on my wife and it took me 10 minutes that night to figure out she was wearing tights. It's a, it's a good, like I go, that would be a good jumping off point. But, but so then I started

doing that. And now, I mean, I've, I've, I've told versions of the machine, like 35 minutes where it's, and then you just are writing jokes inside it and having fun or we're singing a song or singing the, our father, like just the weirdest, funnest or, or getting deep into the story. Like there's so many parts of that story that I, that I don't tell. Like we went to a strip club, me and those cops and I had never had Indian food before. And so I got a lap dance. The girl goes, touch or no touch. I go, who the fuck gets no touch? So she goes in, she goes, take your pants off. I go, Oh, no touch. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to jerk me off. And so I had never had Indian food. And apparently all the strippers had that Indian food that night. And so that smells

very distinct. But if you never smelled it before, then you're like, what the fuck is this? Smells like wolf pussy. And so it's the last time I ever smell Indian food, right? The first time I ever have Indian food is on my first date with my wife is on the second date with my wife with her friends, Max, Matt, Matt and Emma. And they did go to Indian. I've never had Indian food. And we walk in and I go, smells like a Russian whore. This is fucking amazing. This is, and then she goes, it's Indian food. And then it's almost like Kaiser Soze. I go, they must have all had Indian food that night. And that's what I fucking smelled because it smells aggressive in a lap dance. Oh, big time. And so I like, we stole a boat. I'll tell the story about stealing a boat or, or, or like,

there's so many things. And that was the fun part about making the movie is you could really get into the weeds about everything. Right. Like, well, like, I remember talking to Igor and he was like, asking me about drugs. And I said, Oh, thinking, yeah, fuck you, I do drugs. And he goes, why would you do that? And I was like, what? And he goes, don't you love your parents? And I was like, you're in the fucking mafia. What the fuck are you talking about? You drink like every night until you're blackout drunk. What are you talking about? He was like, please don't ever do drugs again. And I was like, whoa, it was like, so like sometimes there's parts of the story that are, that are a little, that are fun to get off the reservation. Yeah, I just noticed that you're

wearing a whoop bracelet. What are your whoop stats like? But on tequila, way better than ever. Really? Tequila, I get great recovery in the green all the time, all the time. Second, I put wine or alcohol in my body, my recovery is for shit. Fucking horrible. I watch my, my real whoop thing I keep an eye on is my resting heart rate. Yeah. So like, I want to make sure it's in the 60s or the 50s. Because once you see it's in like 70, 74, you're like, I've been partying too hard. Yeah, the anxiety. Yeah. The thing I don't like about it is if I'm wearing one, I wake up in the morning, I like wake up feeling great. But it tells me I'm at like a 10% recovery. Boom, rest my day done. Yeah. You know, I'm like, this knows something. How great is it when you fucking have a shit night

sleep and you go, whoa, 65, not that bad. There's gonna be worse. What's your lowest recovery you ever had? Oh, I think I had like a three one time. I had a two. Yeah. It's like, you might, you might as well just not have gone to sleep at all. I was like, was I, did I even sleep? You're dead. Yeah. Um, do you, this is kind of an awkward question, but do you still own Hitler's teacup? Yes. Where is it? I'm not telling anybody. So last time we had Bert on, I mean, he talks about his podcasts are so funny. He and Tom, he told the story about how they keep one up in each other with birthday gifts and Tom's last birthday gift. He had to find something more expensive than a race car and he bought you Hitler's teacup. Well, he's, he, what happened is the, he started getting

really nervous. Like he got, and he was like calling me and he was like, Hey man, can we rethink this birthday thing? Cause he's like, I'm looking at, I don't know what to get you. And I'm like, it's stressing me out. And he's like, send me a wish list. And I was like a ranch house. Like it was, I was saying like, like the price point had to be in the six figures. And then I was getting anxiety about his birthday because his birthday's in April. And I was like, I was like, this is ridiculous. And so I said, why don't we just make it fun? I go, don't worry about the price. It's not the matter. Just make it fun. Make it something that'll make us laugh and make it good for the podcast. And he was like, great. And then he said to me, I got your present. I think

you're going to be so excited. I know you're into history. Now everyone knows I'm really into Winston Churchill. Like he's my guy. I celebrate Winston Churchill's day every January 24th or 25th. And I live like he did for one day. I wake up with a soft scotch, a cigar, eggs, toast, coffee, orange juice, jam, fruit, bacon, the whole thing in bed. I stay in bed for about three hours drinking and smoking and reading the paper, taking meetings. I have my whole team in there this year, three hours, then I take a bath, I have some champagne, and I drink all fucking day. I party my dick off and end the night with another cigar or some brandy. So Leanne bought me like a cool, like crystal set to do that with. Tom's like, he brings out a cup. He goes, for your birthday, I got you this. And

he brings out a cup. I go, this motherfucker got me Winston Churchill's teacup. I was like, this guy knows me so much better than my wife. And he goes, grab it. And I grab it. He's like, there's 99% chance that the furor had drank from this cup. Happy birthday, buddy. And I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, that's Hitler's teacup. And I'm like, and by the way, this is in the middle of Kanye losing his fucking mind. And I'm holding Nazi memorabilia, and I can't stop fucking laughing. I can't stop fucking laughing. And I'm like, this is the worst gift ever. And he's like, but I know you like history. I was like, motherfucker. It's like, Jesus Christ. So the best part of the story though, right? The best part is my favorite part of the story.

So like two weeks later, we've released the podcast, it's after my birthday, my sister calls me and says, Hey, can you drive a skateboard over at my house? I go, yeah, sure. So I get on my electric bike with a skateboard, I go to ride by and I got to ride by a synagogue down the street from my house. And as I do it, my bike dies, my electric bike dies. I don't know if you ever try to pedal electric bike, but they go really fucking slow. So now I'm pedaling electric bike back past the synagogue and I see a Jewish family, Hasidic Jewish Orthodox Jewish, walking towards me. They get out of the bike lane and into like where the cars are parked. And the dad says, he says, have a great day, man.

And I said, you too. And he goes, I love your shit. I said, what? And he goes, Bert, I love, I love your shit, man. You, you make me laugh every day. Now we're going slow enough where we can have this conversation. And I get past him and he goes, Hey man, Hitler's teacup killed me. Oh God. Oh God. And I'm like, what the fuck. So then, so then I get to my home and I'm like, that did not just happen. That did not just happen. I get my car. I have to drive the same way to go to my sister's house. Apparently temples either letting out or going in. And I see another Jewish family about to cross street. I'm in a red light. He's at the corner. He's about to cross and he sees me and I'm seeing him look at me and I went like, Hey, and he went

like to his heart, like I love you. And I went, Oh, thank you. And he goes, you teacup. And I went, Oh my God. So then that night, my next door neighbor is from Israel, right? So I go over to his house with my dad, with my dad that is they have everyone in their family over there. We're talking 80 Jewish people are there and all the men are in one place. We're drinking tequila. My dad comes in and my neighbor might goes, he goes, Hey man, you're like going viral. I think I said, what do you mean? And he goes, the two bears thing with you and Tom. And I was like, I was like, Oh Kool-Aid. And he goes, no, no, no. And now I, he goes, the teacup. And my dad's like, what's that? I'm like, my dad will not find this funny. I go,

nothing, dad, nothing, dad. And then his sons come over and go, bro, we saw the clip of you with the birthday present at temple, bro, it's going viral. What must have happened, what I'm assuming happened is people saw that clip and read the thing and were possibly getting ready to be outraged. Right. And they watched it and dudes are dudes. Right. No matter what religion or your dude, and if your dude fucks you up, your buddy, buddy over, it's hilarious. And they must have just laughed hysterically at it and then shared it within their community. Yeah. That's kind of awesome though. Like the, like, Hasidic Orthodox community sees that and they're, they're in on the joke now. It wasn't, it wasn't about Hitler's teacup. It was that Tom made you hold this to

your lips and then he dropped it on you. What the fuck? And here's what's, here's what's problematic is Tom Segura doesn't give a fuck either way. He doesn't care if it offends people or it doesn't offend people. It made him laugh. Right. That's the way Tom's fucking broken brain works because I care. And I was like, I don't want to, you know, whatever. I get, I worry about people and I don't want people to get upset. But like Tom just was like, there's the funniest thing I think. But you don't like drink out of it on a daily basis. No, no, no, no. I have it. I, well, pretty problematic in my family. My daughters are pretty woke and my daughters were like, were like, I was like, you're melting it down because it's metal. She's like, you're melting it

down. You're turning it into a butt plug for a gay black porn star. I was like, I'm taking your phone immediately. And so what I did is I bought a bunch of teacups that are similar. And so it's like the Holy Grail. I know which one it is, but no one else knows. So like your daughters are maybe accidentally drinking out of that teacup. No, no, no. We have it in my podcast studio and we'll do like a Russian roulette with shots and someone drinks out of Hitler's teacup. Tom wouldn't give it to me for a while. He wanted it. He was like, he kept it. Oh, that's, that's a problem. Yeah. And then, and then, and then Leance, because he bought me a statue for my birthday too. And he was like, can she goes, can you send me the statue? And they put the teacup

in there. And I was like, Oh, fuck, I thought I was going to get away with it being a Tom's hat place. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, you're probably like a top five hang. Oh, I think it's like you, John Daly is probably on that list, like people that you want to get drunk with. Yeah. When, when fights came back, he told me the story about the banana rumor, banana lounge or whatever it was. Seems like a wild time. But I would say that for most people, you're on that bucket list, like top five dude to just get hammered with. I have a good I get that's why I'm lucky when we do fully loaded every year. A lot of people are like, I'll do it just for the hang. Like when we pay everyone well, but like a lot of people are like the hang is the best part. The hang is,

I'm a good hang. I'm a fun hang. Yeah. And I love chaos and I love, and I'm good at highlighting when chaos happens. Like that banana room story is great. It's great. Then when she finger anally assaults Fidelberg with it with her high heel and then puts it in his mouth. Great moment. But it's even better when E from entourage runs in the fucking room catches a flying dildo. Hey, what's up everybody? Those fucking moments. I live for that. I live for that. Absolutely. Yeah. So tomorrow or I guess Saturday, we're going to go on your cooking show. Yes. Yes. If there happened to be mushrooms around. We do have mushrooms. Okay, great. I actually made that request already to for real. Yeah. So our producer, yeah, they were actually, I know the best mushroom dude

in the world in Arizona. So yeah, we would, that would be fun. Yeah. I got you covered. I got you covered. This guy sounds good. This guy told me one time he said, good big golfer too. He said, uh, he's like, if you want mushrooms, just let me know. And I was like, sure. And he gave me like four ounces of mushrooms. I go, bro, this is a felony. You don't give someone a felony. She's 13. I just got done having sex with a church girl. You're like, what the fuck? So yeah, I got the best mushroom guy in the world. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm going to hit him up. I'll hit him up tonight. Okay. Yeah. Perfect. I know it's decriminalizing Colorado. So you can go there. They're having like a big psychedelic convention. I think this weekend, Aaron Rodgers is going to

be the keynote speaker of it out there. For real? I feel like most people that Aaron Rodgers really doing mushrooms. Yeah. Yeah. He did Iowa. He's a drug addict. He changed his whole perspective. Oh, he is. He is. He needs help. But if you're, if you're like really into psychedelics, I feel like Aaron Rodgers is the last person that you want to hear talking about him. Oh, I, it's like, you might as well get like, what if, I think Trump would actually be a better speaker at a psychedelic convention than Aaron Rodgers. Let me tell you something right now. Aaron Rodgers is one of my, one of my favorite hangs because that guy is heavy with secrets. Oh, yeah. Oh, I had, he, we did secret time on the bus to the point where I was like, yo, cameras are on, bro. Like

someone turned the fucking cameras off. He was, he was great. You got to get Aaron Rodgers secret. I got so many good. You should tell us this one. I can't tell you. No, I mean, I need to change the subject now because I'm counting on his friendship. Oh, come on. Just one. Just one. A medium secret. Not one. I can't tell you a medium secret. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. Just one. Just one. We were all sitting in there like, oh, is Aaron Rodgers on truth serum? She was awesome. He was awesome. I don't like that. That's fine. Yeah. I got it. I love Aaron. He's doing the best thing about being friends with Aaron Rodgers. He's the first number in your

phone. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Cause it's A, A, R, O, M. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. And so anytime anyone grabs my phone, they're like, fuck, fucking Aaron Rodgers. I was like, yeah. Yeah, there it is. Yeah. Um, all right. So you got to do the other shows. So I'll have, we'll wrap it up with one last question. Um, how long do you think you're going to live? I think about that a lot. I wonder, so I don't have a lot of the issues that I know dudes that live my lifestyle have because I work out really hard. I work out, I take care of myself. Like I'm looking at fucking Shane Gillis last night, right? If he lives to 42, I'll be shocked. He's, he's here. He's strong. He's, he's a bull. Yeah, he is a bull, but he comes at like three in the morning. And by the way,

I'm in bag. I went, I called it early last night. I got in bed at one. Shane gets in bed at three, stays out this morning. I'm up at seven in the fucking morning. I'm going to do radio row. I'm doing interviews. I come back. I have hairstylists coming over to cut everyone's hair. I got a chiropractor. We're making breakfast. We're running meetings. We're working on social media shit. Shane's still in bed, locked his door. No, no. I can't. You'll see him. And when he comes, he'll look like a million bucks because I had a hairstylist waiting for him to cut his hair when he woke up. But like, dudes like him and Mark Norman, they party, but for some reason they're rebound. I don't know what it is. I think, I think if I had to give you a real number, real number,

I got the fifties fifties, I'll be fine. I won't have any health problem in my fifties sixties. I'll have a scare, but it's not going to be a big one. It'll be like, Oh shit, we found a pile up and I'll be like, and then I get it's on banana. I'm like, okay, okay, we're fine. We're fine. Okay. 70s. I'm going to break something like a hip, you know, um, I think if I can make it, if I can make it to 77, I think I'll make it to 77 clean. And I think I'm going to go like from like a shark attack or something. Really? Oh, I'm hoping my death surprises people. I wanted to, I wanted, I don't want, I definitely, well, I can't, I mean, listen, real honestly, I can't go out from like some like something where it's partying associated

because everyone goes, it's why I don't do coke anymore. It's because if you do coke and I put fucking, I have a heart attack, everyone's like, we saw that coming. Right. That's why I don't do coke. I want to get like attacked by an animal or like a plane crash would be nice. Someone murdered by my wife. I'd be cool as fuck. Something where they, they don't have the obituary ready to go. They have to do like a big rewrite. Do you ever hear the story about Marcus Garvey? No. So Marcus Garvey know who he is? A big African American activist from Jamaica in like the 20s and 30s when that shit was not happening in the South at all. And he went to New York, started, they really big in New York. He gets, he gets fucked by the, by Jagger Hoover

and gets exiled over to the UK. His wife leaves him. He's 52, 52, right? Wife leaves him, takes the kids in the UK. He's had strokes. He's an alcoholic. He's not doing well. Only can't even leave the bed. The only thing he sees every morning is the paper and he's reading the paper one morning. Do you know this story? He's reading the paper one morning and he sees Marcus Garvey has died and he's like, what the fuck? I'm right here. What are you talking about? Flips the next page. Marcus Garvey dead as fuck. And he's like, hang on, that can't be right? Grab another paper. All the papers report that he's dead. And then they all start writing up ed pieces about Marcus Garvey and shitting on him nonstop. Fuck this guy. Even his friends,

his friends who are the biggest activists. He meant nothing to the movement. He was a narcissist and he had to read every single one of them for a week. He read every single one of them at the end of the week. He fucking died. Oh God, knowing that everyone hated him. And then he died. No, died fucking. That's not how I want to go out. Yeah, you can't have that. That's not how I want to fucking sailboat accident. Fucking jet ski into a fucking into into like a whale or something where everyone's like, whoa, way too soon. Yeah, I knew a dude who was cutting his toenails on a glass table and the table broke and he cut his fucking femur artery. That's how he died. That's how he fucking died. Like a jackass naked out of the shower, bled to death with

toenail clippers in his hands. Not me. Not me. I'm not a sucker. No, no. My daughters kill me. That would be cool. Like a wolf. Yeah, fucking great to go out like Tristan and legend of the falls where you just you and a bear and you know, oh, I want to save some kids. That's what I want. Yeah, that's what I want. Hero. That's how I want to die. And then just to know this is how it ends. Yeah, maybe the bear respects you. Maybe you like chip a bear's tooth, like you connect one solid punch. I want to be found dead in a dead bear's grip. It's just being a dead bear. Two worthy opponents. Yeah. And people go, man, one who died first. Well, that might happen just with Tom. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Bert found dead in a bear's grip. I did not want to die in a car accident with Tom. And that is how that guy's going to die. That is how that guy's going to die. Well, he drives like a fucking asshole, like a 16 year old asshole. But he does the pedals, you know, the pedals that you never use. Yeah, he fucking uses them. So last, last question. If you do die in a car accident with Tom, if you're in the same car, who gets top billing? Oh man, our plane crash. Plane goes down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's car. Tom and I will never be on the same flight. I don't know. That's a great question because I think you guys would be co-headliners.

Yeah, I hope so. I don't know that ever. I like I was on a flight with like Action Bronson like a few years ago and I was like, well, this goes down. This sucks for me. Oh, that's what I love about flying private is I'm the one that they talk about. The team is never going to be mentioned. I was sitting next to, I was sitting next to my cameraman one time on a flight from Travel Channel and I was, it was a bad flight and I was turbulence and I was freaking out and he was like, he was like, what's the matter? And I go on, I'm scared. And he goes about what? I go that we're going to die. And he goes, so what? And I go, dude, I haven't done anything with my life. I literally haven't done anything with my life. I haven't lived. And he looks at me, he goes, do you have any idea

how fucking insulting that is? I said, what do you mean? He goes, all I've done is film your life. And you're saying you haven't done shit, then I really haven't done shit. I was like, fuck, you need to live. I would like, I want my death to be shocking. I want to, I want to go like, no way. Yeah, you know, I don't want it to be, I don't want it to be a car accident. I want it to be like, like really like snake bite or something. Yeah, snake bite. Shark would be cool as fuck. Shark would be cool because it'll catch you off guard. And then there's a moment you're like, oh, that's what a shark feels like, you know? Yeah. And then, and then you'd be like, whoa, that would be, that would be great. Hopefully next time we have you on your still live. I will be.

Yeah. 77. Bert Kreischer, go see him. Don't, don't, don't wait till I'm 77 to have me on again. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. What if I die between now and Saturday? Well, we have to do it. We'll wait to release this because that would be awesome for us. And will you still do something's burning and just, and just sit there and no one talk, moment of silence. Yeah. Oh, that's what I want. Moment of silence. That's what I want. No, I want to keep my podcast going, but it's called moment of silence and people come on my podcast and they just sit there silent for an hour. And then someone's just like, that's the show. You know, it'd be a real shame if you,

if you died and you had all these secrets about Aaron Rodgers that you never told anybody. Don't worry. I'm going to, I'm going to record them and put them out posthumously. So that I go, if you're, if you're seeing this right now, I'm dead and Aaron Rodgers is fucked. I love it. All right, Bert. Thanks so much. Thank you guys. Bert Kreischer was brought to you by PGA tour 2K 23. It's a golf simulation game that's for everyone featuring playable male and female pros, including Tiger Woods, new licensed courses. We got to get Charlie on there. More control options and authentic PGA tour, my career, course designer and new, my player skills and archetypes drive chip and putt for glory and

PGA tour 2K, the most authentic golf simulation game in the world. You can play as Tiger Woods. You can also play as the bar stool for play guys. I'm playing as Trent. I'm going to, I'm going to start my career as Trent and we're going to dominate the entire tour. Whether you're new to the sport or you're an experienced golfer, anyone can pick up a controller and experience the rush of piping a tee shot down the fairway, hearing the roar of the crowd after sinking a 50 foot putt are hoisting the highly coveted FedEx cup in PGA tour 2K. By now, PGA tour 2K 23 golf simulation game out now. Before we do lottery ball, breaking moves, breaking moves.

New York Times bestseller on the way. So it's a post. I'll let you guess. PFT said, decided to start writing my book on lessons, learning business and baseball. And then it's just a blank page. It says book on the top. That's Iran. That is that's Iran. Yeah. Watch out. New York Times bestseller. We're on our way. His, his Google doc is titled book. Yeah. That rocks. Yeah. Also, he's got the, he's got the, no, it's not a Google doc. It's just a piece of paper. Okay. Nice. Yeah. He's got the hot dogs out. Yeah. He's got the hot dogs out. Big time. Big time. So get excited. I'm here for one and looking forward to Alex Rodriguez's business advice. What's the first thing you do when you start writing

a book, stare at your book and then take a picture. Yeah. You take, yeah, you write, you write book on the top so everyone knows the book is coming. Yeah. Exactly. All right. Numbers. Hank, have you ever gotten this? 69. No, no, check the tape. 69. I got. Yeah. Please. 1, 2, 3, 6, 9. Check the tape. What are you doing here? I was 1, 2, 3. I won. No, he didn't. Yes, I did. Check the tape. 18. Oh man. I can see right here actually. Let's put up, put up to vote. You can see the levels. PFT's come and start earlier. No, no, no. Look, I want second eyes on that. Yeah. It's going to hit Billy. Check the tape, Billy. 99. Check the tape. Okay, we'll split it. Yeah, I got it. Billy's been working on those

throat muscles for chugging all weekend. His mouth is tired. Please buy the tickets. What's your number? 96. 20. This is our first in person in like three weeks. 17. I could really use this. Why, you don't have the money? No, I got it. I got it. 17. What was your guess, Hank? 99 for JJ. If he betrayed me and it's 17, I'm back. No, 44. That was close. That was close. You're never getting it. It was two of the same number. You're never getting it. That's the Syracuse number I should have picked it over this weekend. Yeah, I can't go away from it. Shadow Obama. Love you guys. Killer Whales used to help whalers hunt other whales by the law of the tongue, whereas if you gave them the tongue,

the killer whales would help the whalers kill the whales. It's actually cool. Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay? It's not better to be safe than sorry. Take me out, take me out.