Pardon My Take - Bills Tackle Marshall Newhouse + Paul Bissonnette reads roasts

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

The Browns got Hard Knocks and we're so damn ready (2:30 - 7:27). NBA Playoffs and is Steph hurt again (7:27 - 11:03). We're not worried about the Caps, not even a little bit, not one iota (11:03 - 15:22). Grit Week preview and is Bubba's broken foot annoying for the rest of us (15:22 - 21:47). Bills Offensive Lineman Marshall Newhouse joins the show to talk about signing with the Bills, his famous fumble, and how the locker room will receive Josh Allen (21:47 - 44:21). Segments include thoughts and prayers to the CHL player that is addicted to video games, Sabermetrics the Cowboys O-Line coach judges his players on how they get ketchup out of a ketchup bottle, Hmmmm Boogie Cousins and we break news about where Lebron James will not sign in Free Agency. And we finish the week with listener roasts read by our friend Paul BissonnetteYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have recurring guest, Marshall Newhouse, newest member of the Buffalo Bill's Offensive Line. We also talk NBA playoffs. We're not worried about the Caps. And we have our friend, BizNasty, Paul Bisonette, back to read us some roasts before we get

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every single episode thanks to our friends at the Cash App. Okay, let's go. Bye! Bye! Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will have to be done, no place to hang a low washing, and then again, leave all on the sun, oh no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue, and then we're taking higher, oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue, and then we're taking higher, oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue,

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Baker Mayfield. Josh Gordon has spent the entire offseason living inside of a gravity bomb. How is he going to bounce back? He's probably going to be high. Hugh Jackson went one in 31 the last two years. How the fuck does that guy still have a job? Oh yeah, it's the Browns. Come on.

You guys knew we were going to show the jersey. Check it out. That's a lot of names. Select the Vietnam wall for NFL quarterbacks. Hey, is that dumpster burning again? Fuck, someone go get a fire extinguisher. We're the Browns. No, that's just the river.

All right, we're back. Football's back. Football's back. The minute, the minute, the minute they announce who is going to be on Hard Knocks, you can just smell it. It's like, oh. I think they should do Hard Knocks in the league office. I would love to see the cameras fall around Roger Goodell.

On pizza day? Nobody eats. Everybody in the NFL league office is skinny because Roger Goodell never eats and therefore no one else does. I am so excited for the Cleveland Browns to be on Hard Knocks. I haven't watched Hard Knocks in a while. I feel like the last one I really liked or got dug into was the J.J. Watt one, the Fort Minor one.

For obvious reasons. Yes, for obvious reasons. But this one's going to bring me back because the Cleveland Browns, I mean, they have so many storylines. Henry, will he maybe catch a four yard pass, three yard short of the first down line? Maybe. Definitely.

Probably. Hugh Jackson, what is it like to have a coach that is terrible at his job, but you keep bringing him back? Greg Williams on defense with his little skunk hair patch. When he feels happy, he gets that silver stripe. Todd Haley in Cleveland. I fucking forgot about Todd Haley. Holy shit.

Todd Haley dealing with Baker Mayfield. That's going to be incredible. Josh Gordon's going to be awesome too. Ben Rosberg is going to hate watch the shit out of this when he sees Todd Haley. Yeah. Oh my God. So the best part about this is the hard knocks rules and we're going to get to all the other stuff, but we have to mention hard knocks with the Cleveland Browns.

The hard knocks rules are like, if you make the playoffs, you can't be on hard knocks. If you fire a coach, you can't be on hard knocks. The fact that the Browns went one in 31 and ended up on hard knocks is a miracle. Like how does that happen? Well, if you look at all the rules, it's like it's specifically engineered to be the Cincinnati Bengals every year. Yes. The Texans are the Bengals.

The Texans are the Bengals. Yeah. Whichever, yeah, they go back and forth when they miss the Saturday ESPN game that everyone hates. Yeah. Then they pick that team. There's definitely going to be a scene where Todd Haley is like walking Baker through the playbook and he's like, okay, so here's our basic formation.

Here's our basic packages. He clicks the slide. Oh, that's a picture of my wife's tit. Sorry. I don't know how that got in there. What do you think, fellas? Swingers. Hey, my garage door's open.

Just a crack. You know what that means. You're striped by the neighborhood. Well, I got the Camaro in there too. Come on in. Maybe pop the hood on that thing. Oh, my God. The fact that Todd Haley and Baker Mayfield, that didn't even register until right now.

That is not going to work out. They're the new power couple of the NFL. Oh, boy. That is some bad. So it's one of those teams that combines like, I'm a little bit excited about the Browns. I think that they might be okay this year, but it's not just that they have good players. They've got probably the most big personalities in the NFL. And don't get us wrong.

Like we just obviously made fun of the Browns, but I think the, I mean, obviously I want the Bears to be good again, but like after the Bears, it's like the Bills and the Browns. Those are the two teams that I would like to be good again, you know, or good period. I mean, if he sees all the cameras around the team facility, there's a chance LeBron James might try out for the Browns. He's like, wait, so I, the only channel I haven't had a documentary on is HBO. Maybe I'll try tight end. Wait, I can look into camera one and show that I might be injured and then look back

into camera two and then do that like squinty face and be like, oof, I really got hit hard there. And then back into camera three. Like, oh, is LeBron going to go in the locker room? Well, I mean, he could LeBron could use some like headband tips from Baker because Baker's got the thick headband now that goes back to like the top of his head that would cover up a lot of LeBron James Baldness. Yes, absolutely.

He should be the first player to play with a do rag in a game. Um, they, I think they outlawed those. That's too bad. Yeah. Damn. David Stern. So what about, what about Hoodie Mello? You can play with a hoodie, right?

Well, no, he does that in the off season. That's just when he's, when he's really getting serious about training, right? That's the NFL that lets you wear a hoodie that covers up your nameplate for some reason. So let's talk a little NBA before we get to other stuff. The Rockets have made it a series, although I don't think it's a series. So we have two things to talk about in this series. One are the Warriors just bored because I kind of think that might be the case. They looked so sloppy and like, we don't really care.

And two is Steph Curry hurt again. Oh, he's definitely hurt because there's no way that Steph Curry could have a bad game. It's no, they can't, no, it's, this is Steph Curry we're talking about. It's great. He doesn't play bad. If he plays bad, it's cause he's got a messed up MCL or an ankle injury. Yep. Is he still wearing those low tops?

Yes. Yeah. So that's, that's the culprit right there. It's, it's low tops. They keep them getting injured and he's the best player in the NBA by far and there's no chance that he's bad unless there's something wrong with him. Now to be fair to Steph, he never like alludes to being hurt, but it is crazy that no matter like whatever happens, Steph Curry, if he misses a three, if he has a poor game, the

up Steph must still be hurt crowd just comes running out of nowhere. And maybe we should look to the fact that he looked pretty back against the Pelicans. He did the flex. Remember the year when he, when he stomped around the court and said, I'm back, I'm back, I'm back. And then he got hurt again by just having a bad game. So maybe he's hurt because yeah, he missed a couple of threes. I'm a little bit upset that I haven't seen any of those cool, those cool montages of

Steph Curry taking like 50 foot shots in pregame. What happened to those? Yeah. I used to be like a writer passage before. Oh, you blocked Revelle. So you don't get to see him. No, I'm, me and Revelle, we're back on neutral terms now. Okay.

So do you think this series is still over? Yeah. The series is over. I predicted a sweep and I stand by that. Okay. I, I do still think the series is over. I know that makes Rockets fans very upset. They credit to them.

They moved the ball like they figured out that James Harden dribbling 550 times in a game is not good for basketball. That's my favorite stat. And it's, it's so puzzling to me that it took us this long to get to the point where we count dribbles, but he had what more dribbles than the entire big three combined. Yes. Then, then Clay, Kevin Durant and Steph, he also on Wednesday night, there was a couple times where he was just dribbling, jibbling out of habit.

It wasn't even to do a move. He was just like, okay, I have the ball. I'm just going to dribble for 20 seconds and then I'll start the possession. But they moved the ball and they had the, the role players like, I know the Rockets fans are like, well, that was the key to the success. Yes. If Eric Gordon, Trevor Arisa and, and Tucker all have the best games possible, you probably can win a game.

Yeah. If the role players play better than your starters. Yes. And yes, they're probably going to, I want to see who do you think has the most points per dribble in the NBA? I gotta say maybe Deli or JJ Redick or Clay probably is close. Clay is probably close. Yeah.

Clay's a catch and shoot guy. Yeah. Right. I don't know. That's a good question. Someone get on there. Yeah. Exactly.

Get the Saber metrics out and do that. PPD. Yeah. So that's, I can't believe the NBA doesn't have two games like Thursday and Friday. Just took them off. So we're going to start up again on Saturday and Sunday. I'm going to. Saturday night too.

Saturday night. I'm going to play a Cavs win and a Warriors win. Both big wins. Game three. Yeah. I'm going to go. I'm going to agree with you. Yeah.

I know that's probably not a hot take. It's not going to be close in Cleveland. Or it's not going to be a blow in Cleveland. It's going to be close. Five points or less. Okay. It's going to be a blow in Cleveland. Yeah.

By the Cavs. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. You're feeling that high, huh? Is that confident? Yes. You're not worried?

No. Not at all? Hank, I know another guy that wasn't worried when their team went up 2-0. All right. So let's talk about it. It's getting kind of hot in here. So the Cavs lost tonight. That was your big reveal?

No. I mean, no. You guys were wearing t-shirts. Whoa. Don't get triggered. I'm not triggered. Listen. I'm not mad.

I'm not worried. It sounded a little triggered. Listen. We just wanted to say as a team. It's our year. We're not worried. So the Capitals lost. And some may say that we outplayed the Lightning.

Yeah. We were the better team. Better team. Better shot them. But we didn't win. We didn't win. No. But we were the better team.

But so that. Listen. It's so facto. Not worried. Not worried. And you know what we did? We injected money into the local economy. We're going back to D.C. for game six.

Well, Qatar injected money. What the fuck happened to Qatar? No. We're milking money from Qatar. Yeah. True. Okay. So we got another home playoff game.

Qatar's going to have to pony up another six figgy's fours. Yep. They didn't pony up anything. No. They did. They did. They took it back. And then they re-injected it.

Yeah. You can't. They pulled out. They took it out. And then put it back in. Yeah. Just a little bit. And it was like, is it in yet?

At first they put it in. And then they're like, I don't know if we want it in. And they're like, okay, I'll take it out. And they're like, I want it in. And they're like, okay, $100,000. All right. Stop making sex jokes. Because I think you're starting to get worried.

No. This is a hundred percent. You're like, that was a little filibuster with the sex jokes. I was going to keep that train of thought going. We were just going to go in and out for the rest of the show. For the next hour, we're just going to put it in and then take it out. But we're not worried. We're not worried.

We're shooting stuff out of my mouth. Are you worried? Because you've not said it yet. You're trying to get me to say I'm not worried. Are you worried? I'm not worried. Hank, are you worried? Not at all.

Okay. So are you worried? I was worried. You are. I was worried. Oh, Jesus. No, I was. Oh, God.

Past tense was. When? Right after the game was over. Oh, fuck. But we're a better road team. We're a road team. True. Caps are a road team.

Everyone knows that. True. Our record on the road in the playoffs this year has been nothing sort of impeccable. We go back down to Tampa. We're a warm weather team, too. Yeah. We all, this is no secret, the Washington Capitals. You know, Alexander Vechkin used to play golf this time of year.

Yeah. So he likes being around the warm weather. So everything's fine. We're fine. Everything is fine. So. We're fine. Not worried.

We're better than not worried. We're fine. Everything's fine. The caps are fine. It's going to be fine. I'm a little worried. It's going to be fine. I'm a little worried.

No, we're good. You're not? No. We're good, man. This is the most not worried this team has ever been here. We did finally run into a goalie that's sitting on his head. Yes. So as is tradition.

Not worried. We're fine. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Let's move on. I have a question for you guys before we get to Marshall Newhouse.

I feel bad asking this question, but I have to ask it. Am I selfish for thinking that Bubba's injury is now starting to impact my life because I feel bad watching him walk around. So I'd wish if he just, we need to take the cast off his foot. What do you think? Walking boot. Yeah. Put him in the walking boot.

Every time he walks around, I'm like, man, that looks so sad. Let's just get rid of him. I feel like a horse. We're going to just shoot him. I feel bad being like, hey, Bubba, can you go get us some Red Bulls at 7-Eleven? He's like, okay. And then he gets on his crutches and I'm like, I should tell him not to go, but I mean, I need my Red Bulls.

So the question is, what am I going to do? Get it myself? Yeah. It's a classic like, it's a classic internet question. Are you an asshole if one of your producers gets hit by a car and breaks his leg in like six different places, but really the real victim is me because I feel bad when he walks around on his crutches? No.

I mean, he's the guy that hit by a car. Right. But we didn't tell him to do that. Right. Right. So as his boss, as we give him instruction from time to time and we're like, hey, can you do this? Can you do that?

I never want, I don't know about you. I never once said, hey, Bubba, go get hit by a car. Go cross that street. Yeah. Yeah. Don't look. Go stick your foot in front of that truck. Yeah.

I didn't say that. So do you know there's, should we fire him? Do you know there's, because in a way he was disobeying us by, by getting hit by a truck when we'd never asked him to do that. In fact, I might have specifically asked you to not get hit by a truck in your interview. Bubba, any thoughts? Want to talk on the mic? Any thoughts?

Go ahead. Talk on the mic. Yeah. Do you feel, do you feel bad that you've made me feel bad? Do you feel like you're, you're, uh, impacting my life in a negative way? Uh, no, I don't. I still show up to work every day and do my job. But with a, like a limp and it's really pathetic.

Yeah. It is. Okay. I'm in the way a lot more. I'm definitely in the way. All right. This feels good that we're getting this out. Okay.

All right. So you admit that you're in the way. All right. So you're going to take the cast off? I'm going to deal with it. I'm going to get over it. Yeah. I just, once you go to the walking boot, I'll be fine.

It's just the whole, I just don't even want to look at it right now. It's just so sad. The crutches. Do you know there's a stay woke theory that goes around the office that he never, he, uh, got hit by a, uh, car because someone was trying to collect the debt for me in my gambling losses. I don't know how that works. So they were trying to take him out to send a message.

I gave up. I gave him up. I was like, someone was like, Hey, you haven't paid for a really long time. We're going to need a leg. Yeah. Your book. And I was like, well, I got a fresh 22 year old leg right for you, buddy. Your book.

You can pay or I can just break your friend's ankle. Yes. Exactly. I think it's all business Pete. That's leading that theory. Yes. When I came back in, he was convinced that I was dead and the whole time I tell him the story of like getting hit by a car and like being in the middle of the road, he had

a smirk on his face the whole entire time. He's like holding back a laugh. What a fun stuff. He's like pulling up Google maps asking you what intersection it was at, which way the traffic was going. He still doesn't believe me. Yeah. He doesn't believe him.

He like firmly doesn't believe me. So we have truthers. We have leg truthers. We're one of those like crime doc people who just spends his entire life trying to figure out. Why did this kid get hit by a car? Yeah, right. Exactly.

This can't be just a coincidence. All right. I'm happy that we aired that out. If we had wolves in the office, which I'm kind of in support of in general, but if they lived here, they would definitely take Liam out first. It seemed walking around on those crutches and be like, that is the weak one. I'm going to take that thing down. True.

So actually we should keep him around. So we should bring him on grit week. Yeah. Because when we're out in the wilderness, you never know. So speaking of grit week, we are about to go on a great week and we're very excited. We're going down south, the SCC country where football is still king, get in the vein, pal. Paul, bam, a hand played anybody. Paul.

Yeah. I'm really excited about it because I love the south. What is what is great week? Oh, good question. Hank. When is great week? No. What is great week?

So there's probably some listeners. If you've come along on the ride in the last nine months, 10 months, you don't know what great week is. So great week, long and short of it, is two years ago, we decided that, hey, the week before Memorial Day, let's just hop in a van or an RV and go interview football coaches and gritty people and live in like squalor for a week. And that's fine. And that's fine.

Yeah. We go to Goodwill every day to buy our clothes. We sleep in cars and we eat Cincinnati chili. This year, we're not going to be eating Cincinnati chili. We're going to be eating probably a lot of grits, actually, during the grits week. And so we're going through the south. I'm very, very excited. Can we say what states we're going to?

No. Let's not say what states we're going to. We'll say on Sunday. The dirty south. Yeah. We're going to the dirty south. The point though of great week is it is our one week of the year where we like connect back with the land.

So we did the Rust Belt the last two years and now we're going to the south. You get, you get, it's just guys getting in a van, interviewing people, getting out on the open road and seeing where it leads us. We chased a tornado last year. We interviewed Andy Dalton. We interviewed Tom Kreen, Jim Harbaugh. So we got some big ones coming up. I'm going to say this Sunday at 7 p.m.

Eastern time, we are going to release the grit week video. And in that video, we'll have our first guest possibly and you're going to be excited. You are going to, you're going to see it and you're going to say, oh my God, oh, I white girl can't even. That's what you're going to say. Yes. Um, and then all right. So, so the other thing about grit week, follow along the Instagram at part of my take the

Twitter at part of my take. We will be documenting all of it. Our travels like PFT said, we're going to go to Goodwill every day. So we like show everyone what we bought. We're going to make, we should do a budget this year. Yeah. Per day. Yeah.

I said it right now, $20 for the three of us per day. Okay. $20. Yeah. But what if we find like a really sick shirt? Well, then that we can dip into that. And we'll just pretend. We won't tell them.

We'll be like, yeah, it costs two dollars. Okay. It'd be like 40. All right. So Goodwill every day. Also, I'm not saying we should root for this, but we might be nearby the state of Florida for game seven. Hmm.

Oh, wait, wait. Hold on. What? I'm saying we're not going. We're not going. Game seven is not going to happen. Yeah. We're winning in six, dude.

Are you worried? I'm not. I'm just saying. If you look at the calendar, the calendar lines up. Jesus Christ. In Christ. I'm trying. I'm trying to reverse jinx right now.

I did. We'll see you at game seven. I never even thought that we would see a game seven because it's probably the lightning and winning six. So if there is a game seven, we'll go to that down and tap. Okay. So grit week is starting Sunday. We will be live on the road.

Like I said, seven o'clock at part of my take on Twitter, on Instagram, we'll be dropping it. 300,000 will release it early. Maybe. We'll release it early and we might release some shirts. Oh, if more people follow us online, then we'll release more things you can spend money on on us. Exactly.

So it's a real bonus for you guys for his PFT. All right. Let's, uh, let's get to our interview with Marshall new house before we do that. I want to talk to you guys quickly about blue. The blue is actually going to be, uh, one of our grip week sponsors and blue. What I'm talking about is the vapes. Sometimes hard to find a satisfying vape that's simple and convenient. Blue who introduced vaping to the world is now introduced my blue.

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Go to my blue.com today to learn more head over to my blue.com to check out my blue and their $1 trial offer on a my blue kit. Check out my blue.com for full details. Okay. Here he is. Marshall new house. All right. We now welcome on recurring guest, Marshall new house, who when we first had you on, I

think that was like the first week that this office was open. There was literally nothing else in here. Nothing. It didn't smell like ketone farts. Yes. There weren't deaths everywhere. Yes. Yeah.

It was the OG. And we gave you and Justin Pugh an ant farm. You did give us an ant farm. How'd that turn out? Yeah. Are they still alive? They're thriving. Okay.

I think probably in a garbage somewhere but they're thriving. Okay. Okay. Yeah. What happened to that? What's going on? Yeah. We haven't had a ton of guests that have come through that we feel like John Cena comes

through. Right. It's tough to be like, Hey John Cena, let's go throw some chew in our mouth and sit in a bathroom and show you. Yeah. There's a Peter Norris cock. That's harder. That's harder to pitch.

I would imagine. Although we ended up having like I offered John Cena if he wanted to fuck my belly button. So we kind of got there. He was a good sport. I watched that. He was a good sport. Yeah. We're in between seasons.

Yeah. I think the last time we had you on the show was after that, that carry in, what was it? Oh, Thursday night football game. Yeah. It was a Sunday. Oh yeah. In Miami. It was Sunday night.

Have you worked on your ball security in the off season? Yeah. Non-stop. I mean, I stopped trying to do linemen things and I'm just like, you know what? I need to kind of lean into this running back. You walk around carrying a football like in high school. Yeah. Hind tight.

Hind tight. Hind tight. Now, obviously that didn't go well for you. Right. But in a weird way, do you think that like that, you know, offense of linemen, they don't get their name out there a lot. Okay. Your name gets out there.

It gets out there. Like people remember that you exist. Well, that's the thing. It's the argument. It's like, all right, am I infamous? Yeah. Is it like an embarrassment infamy or is it like, it's just a funny thing that happened and oh, by the way, it was Marshall Neal's.

But think about it this way. So you signed with the Bills in the off season. I wouldn't be shocked if the Bills were sitting around being like, we need an offense of linemen. They're like, who is that guy? I remember that guy. Yeah. We're fucking flying on that Sunday night game. They have an entire board.

They spent months constructing and they're like, wait, oh, that's how I would construct a team just based on guys that I've heard. I'll take this because that's how I can get it. There you go. Did you ever meet with John Gruden before you left Oakland? I never even met him before he released me. I never even met the guy. My theory was just that John.

I'm a bittersweet. It's not a big deal. Yeah. My theory was John Gruden was just like, I want to get Robert Gallery back in here somewhere. He's starting to build a 2016. Don't take that personally. No, it's all good. It's all good.

When you got cut, did you get a bunch of offers or were the Bills something that you were like, all right, let's do it right away? No, it took like a week because it was in the middle. Was it a start of fray? There's a lot of stuff still happening. Just talking to my agent, it was just like, all right, we got to test the waters a little bit. We waited around in a week and then we scheduled the visit and I had that visit and then two

more right after that. And so I didn't leave the facility and they wanted to get it done. So yeah, it done. Well, we are Bills Mafia guys. I've heard around the bend that you guys are Bills Mafia and we're Josh Allen guys. No, you're not. So you did not create a website devoted to getting well actually now it's now it's we've moved on.

No, we've moved on to Josh Allen. He's a linebacker in Kentucky and then after him, it's Josh Allen who's recruited to Fresno State. That is a lie. Yes. No, no, no, it's 100% real. So we're we've moved on to the next Josh Allen. Have you have you thought about how you guys are going to welcome into that locker room?

Maybe given some of the tweets that he's got out there. Yeah, for sure. I mean, we have some ideas. I'll have to I'll have to run it by the rest of the guys for some ideas. Serious question though. Like, do you what happens when when you meet a guy who might have had some tweets that let's just say they aren't great. Well, I've read the tweets and less preferences by saying I'm from Texas.

So there's I've experienced some things. You've experienced the tweets in real life. Sometimes. Yes. So I'll give him the benefit of the doubt as far as like a new first impression, but he'll have to come correct. There's no doubt. Yeah.

And what about his association with Bitcoin to Jen problematic? I don't know. I don't work for the IRS. I don't know. All right. Which depends how rocket his arm is. Yeah, exactly. Have you seen him throw a football?

I haven't seen him throw a football. It's pretty impressive. Is it? Yeah, it's really impressive. You can throw the ball 92 yards. 92s. Exactly. What if he's offensive line blocks?

Well, yeah. What if we need like a 93-yard route? Or we're kind of screwed? Yeah. Well, that's that's kind of been in the bill. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

That's my play. Are you ready to play in the snow and cold and I mean, you're not really used to that. I mean, the Packers, whatever they're kind of it's like a warm weather climate. Yeah. Right. No, like the snow. It's funny. We've been watching film as we're installing plays and watching that game.

The bill is Colt's game from last year and I'm looking at it like that actually looks kind of fun. Oh, yeah. You do have the best cold weather running back in the world on your team. Insane. LaShaw McCoy, for some reason, when you put him in the snow, he gets better traction. Insane. The Philly game a few years ago and then this past year of that game, I was like watching

him make cuts of like, wait, there's snow on the ground. It's like he doesn't even see the snow. Yeah. You better hope that global warming doesn't exist because if it doesn't, then the bill should be Super Bowl favorites. If you guys get home field advantage with McCoy. Can we get an artificial snow machine and just like make every game? Yeah.

Yeah. Just turn it into a ski resort. Like the pack. Yeah, there you go. Build a bigger lake. Is this your first table yet? No, I'm, I'm, I'm planning it right now because here's, here's my thing. I don't want to go through a table and then have to show up and see and tell coach McDermott,

Hey, I separated my shoulder because I was jumping through the table. So I'm going to have to doctor one up a little bit, but I'll do it eventually. Yeah. Pre-cut it. Yeah. Pre-cut it. No, no, no, nobody will know. No, no, no, no, no.

Definitely no one will know. No. I can't remember if the first time you were in here, if I asked you this, but do you think, uh, there should be an asterisk on your Super Bowl ring because the Bears were actually a better team than Jay Cutler heard his name. I don't remember you asking that, but I absolutely not, um, because you pause there for a second. Nope. Nope.

It seemed like you paused. Hey, we'll put in a pause. Okay. So you pause there. Yeah. Well, you saw the run of Aaron was going on. You really, you're in your heart of hearts. You would have picked Jay Cutler.

The waves playing over the way Aaron's playing. Oh, defense after the first drive, played pretty damn good against Rogers. B.J. Rodgers return. Yeah. That's not Aaron Rodgers. B.J. Rodgers is not Aaron Rodgers.

But the rest of the playoffs, Aaron was like ridiculous. Yeah. The rest of the playoffs. Exactly. The reason that Jay Cutler has played for three different teams and Aaron's only played for one is because everybody wants Jay Cutler. Everyone wants a piece. Only one person wants Aaron Rodgers.

Only one of them has a, has an Instagram picture of his backside. Yeah. Do you think the Aaron Rodgers, like Packers rift is, uh, is real? Well, there's always been some kind of like healthy tension between Aaron and either coaches or the, the front office, like the entire time. What is healthy tension? I mean, like sometimes they don't see eye to eye. I don't know, you know, but he still goes out and plays and they still, you know, support

him, but he doesn't always have to agree with what they do and vice versa. So I don't think there's like any ill will, but there's definitely times when it's just like, but that's a good thing in a, in a, in a full locker room to have guys who maybe just don't fully agree. Cause think about guys who are on Aaron Rodgers level, like they're headstrong. Like there's, they, they're, they're confident guys, like to a T. So I mean, you want guys who know that they're the best and they want to go do what they do. So there's got to be a little bit of that.

I think that that might actually help in the locker room too. If your quarterback isn't like the teacher's pet for the owner, you know, like if they have that little edge, I'm sure Eli was the same way, probably badass rebel, right? He's tough. A little rebel. Yeah. Him and the Marys don't get along. Well, no, they actually changed the nickname.

They got rid of the rebel. Right. Ole Miss. Oh yeah. The general act bars. Yeah. They don't do the rebel anymore. No, it's interesting because it's, it's actually kind of similar to the, in the

draft with Josh Rosen, everyone was kind of knocking him. It's too smart. Right. To me, the too smart thing is probably that he's a little headstrong and probably thinks that he, you know. Got a little air against him. Right. You'll take that.

Hey, he's got to earn it. For sure. I think you probably want that in a guy. Definitely in a quarterback. There's no doubt. Yeah. There's no doubt. Yeah.

When you were watching the draft, are you, are you like watching, hoping that you draft anybody in particular to the bills? Are you just thinking the whole time, I really hope they don't take a right tackle? No, I've watched the first round and then you're just kind of sitting there like, more curious because these kids are 10 years younger than me. So he just like, just waiting to see what happens. I want to see what happened the first 10 picks. We obviously moved up to get Josh Allen, but it was just more interesting entertainment

than anything else. So you came over from good morning football. You just stopped by their office. Yeah, I was there this morning. What was the worst question they asked you? The worst question. Yeah. Um, they didn't ask the best question at all.

They didn't. They didn't. All right. So what was the best question they asked you? They just asked me about just like what I was thinking with the fumble and all that stuff. And I just said, but that copied us. We asked you that the night of, you guys were first on that was already broken news. Yeah.

You guys were always first, but they don't, you know, they can't keep up with you. Did they reverse it and say that it actually was a good thing? Like we did. No, they didn't. So there you go. We actually liked them. Cowgirls. Um, what did you, did you like the fact that, uh, you know, with the Quinton Nelson stuff

that offensive linemen were getting a lot of shot? That was good for the big boys. He was literally teabagging people and like the scouts were like, Oh, you see this? Look at it. Look at it. Put her nuts on his forehead. Like, I was like, that's awesome. Yeah.

It's great watching scouts just like absolutely love dirty play by offensive linemen. They hate it by everybody else. All right. But if it's a big dude doing it, yeah, you can punch and do that after the play. As long as you've got a Nebraska helmet on or like a Wisconsin helmet, you can get it. I'm giving that CT. I love that. Yeah.

Um, is training camp the lack of lack of hitting? Is that hurting line play? Is that what's fucking up all the NFL? Can we blame you guys? Everyone really wants to blame us. I think we, I, I'm just, I mean, I'm trying to find something to blame because when, when all the, you know, liberal cucks come at us and they're like, Oh, the NFL, like the declining ratings, we got to find someone to blame.

Yeah. And I'm, I'm not fully on the CTE thing. So I just want to be like, well, why are you not fully on that? I think there's a lot of studies that need to be done. Okay. Fair. That's a reasonable take. Why would you do that?

I didn't make a knee jerk reaction off of one study, uh, where they only tested NFL players that thought that they had CT. Well, I think it's pretty obvious. It's called science. Yeah. It's called science. I think it's actually having a control base here. It's pretty obvious that there is some sort of a correlation, but we don't know how bad

it is. Correct. Yes. Correct. And so I'm not going to freak out. I think that the NFL is doing a good job of getting better with it, but I'm also not going to say we need to stop playing football tomorrow. No, definitely.

Right. Because that, uh, plays players during the guy asked me, he asked all the players, like, would you let your sons, if you had a son play football, I said, I still would. I would just probably delay when he actually was in pads, like 12, 13, 14. That's the kind of stuff we're learning. That's all good. Yeah. That's all good in my mind.

Yeah. It's just, there's some kind of balance. People want to go straight to the, the end resolution of like just not playing football. Right. Like, oh, we got to play five football. It's like, no, let's find the balance. Football is really fun and enjoyable. Like, I don't want to like rob my kid from that.

What position would you make him play? Cause you have to tell him what position, you don't let him make up his own mind. You don't let a kid make up his own mind. No, you don't. It's either quarterback or left tackle. Those are the only two options. Yeah. Well, you find out really quick if the kid can play quarterback.

So if he throws like a, like a, like a girl, like, okay, all right, you're moving to the next position down the line and then the less athletic he moves further and further in. So what's the least athletic position? Guard? Yeah. Guard or center? Yeah.

Guard or center. Okay. They're still skilled, but just least I think. Yeah. Yeah. They're still skilled. Mark Davis. Mark Davis.

You were gonna PF Changs with him? No, I never went to PF Changs with him. I ran, you know, I, I crossed his pass and, and elevator a lot, like we, we stayed on the East coast down in Florida. And we're staying a nice hotel. And I crossed his path and Elevator and it was arguably the most awkward elevator. Right. That makes sense.

Yeah. And I was trying to not stare his hair. But he was nice, he was really nice. Yeah. He really is, but it was just like, all right, that's Mark Davis. All right. Did he know your name? He knew my name.

He knew my name. Really? I think Mark Davis has like an encyclopedia reference to all the players on his team right now He's like a five-year-old that has a shitload of trading cards like baseball cards in front of him just memorizes Oh, everybody's batting at me. He's like a savant in that one. Yes. I think I see I always Struck me as a guy who just doesn't like maybe he knows your number, but not your name. Okay. Yeah, it's a bill parcells move Yes, so yeah, I don't give a shit about you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right, so What up with so what are you are you just doing a mediator you trying to get in the media?

You trying to get in money at football job? No, no, no, no. No, I'll leave it. I'll leave that for Jason Whitton now Are you mad that you never played for the Cowboys so you can't get a job like that I mean everyone that goes they go straight into a booth. Don't they it's crazy. Good Lord It's crazy. That's what you should do Just sign like a farewell contract a one-day contract and so retire as a Dallas cowboy Jerry's off like Jerry Even though you've never played for him just retire as a cowboy Can I use the clout from my cousin played for them for like a decade?

Yes, absolutely, and you're from Dallas, right? I'm from Dallas. There you go. So you're gonna retire. It's so facto Yeah, I mean the booth there it is. Um, is the weather better in Dallas or Buffalo? Buffalo. Oh, okay But you haven't been there for winter yet. It's also opposite. I don't know. It's no It's it's right when we reported it was still snowing. I'm like this is middle of April. I mean y'all got some of that here Yeah, I was just literally just like look at my window like Jesus. What's going on right now? Have you made a go-to wing? Yeah, okay, we talked we talked about this a little bit. Yeah, I've gone a couple places. So right now sick braggly you text PFT Yeah, sick bragg. We've got you drop my name like that Exchange digits digits. It's it's I know your real name, but it's it. That's PFT still. Yeah changed your real name

Bar Bill good wings. Thank you bars most famous not the best correct. So a sleeper sleeper shot Sleeper wings mulberry They mulberry it's like a little tie-in restaurant, but they've got like the best to me the best wings I've had Mulberry, okay bar bill is that's the one that's next to the facility, right? It's close. Yes. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's where Richie took us. Okay, Richie Eric wood. I think Richie's got a mug on the wall with his name on it Yeah, several mugs Steins yeah, yeah, what is that weird is it? I mean you've been with the guys for mini camp, right? We just had a kind of like

Strength conditioning stuff Okay, I've got an official OTA. Is it weird though because they lost, you know The bill's offensive line lost two guys that were veteran guys, right? They kind of anchored the offensive line and kind of had a nowhere to like one guy had to retire just from injury and then well They got retired. I don't know what richie chunk the deuces and nobody knows I still Yeah, it's a dangerous thing I actually should thank me for my I haven't I've even I haven't met him I've spoken to him before what can you give me a little bit of

You know what Richie is exactly what you think Richie is Every time he walks in the door to see us. I think he considers as friends. Yeah, but he walks in the door. He's like what's up nerds? Yeah, no, I like Richie. I've spent time with Richie. I think Richie's a good dude Obviously other people might have different opinions. I believe in that. Yeah I think if Richie if Richie likes you, he's a great friend to you Okay, and if he doesn't like you then you probably he's a ball buster too. Okay, I've heard that. I'm okay with that Yeah, I mean we don't have to get into the whole thing with you know what that went down in Miami But I do think there is an element of there's locker room, you know, you've been in a locker a lot

The way you talk in a locker room versus the way you talk in a workplace are very different opposite very different Yes, and I think a lot of times we forget, you know The media forgets it or the media maybe doesn't even know it right as the media doesn't hasn't like you know Been in a locker room before and it's just it's just a different thing It's just it's our own little atmosphere right kind of like they want to remove that from that bubble Right is different take context out. It's really tough. It's hard. Did uh did coach reinstall the ping pong tables and like the video games And in the locker room in Buffalo. Yeah, yeah, we have a ping pong table. I don't see So what was the thing with the ping pong?

Know that Rex had or sorry. Yeah, Rex had a bunch of like fun games Chairs no had had Peewee's playhouse Rex was his one a long-term vacation as a head coach I'm here for a good time and a long time. It's Hawaiian shirt. Yes I actually wouldn't be shocked if Rob doesn't still have a key card I Rob's been pulling a Mrs. Doubtfire the last year just working as a lunch lady How many more years you're gonna play let's get a headline question. Um, I'm aiming for like three, okay Yeah, that'll put me at 12 and I think that's you know, that's a good

What does 12 years get for the don't you get it some kind of payment after well like the pension It's there's there's different levels, but I've already hit the main one until every year I play just adds on to that. What's the main pension level? It's after your vest after your vetted or not bested Sorry, yeah, that's like after three three years and three games and then another There's like another tier at like five years or something like that and then it goes up for okay So what do you get? So next I mean, it's just it depends I mean, there's like a pension when you hit a certain age that kicks in that you get monthly

And I haven't looked to mine yet, but I mean, it'll be nice Your money so I'm gonna start gambling use and hedging that that my future pension gets that you know, it's not a bad idea If you want to get in on this horses is Derby weekend, right? Yeah, okay We guys go up. I thought you were going down. No, no, we just we just bet from home Okay, then we lose all our money without having to pay for a flight. Yeah, it's pretty easy It's actually very efficient. You can lose more money if you don't travel Is then you can write it off in your head. Yeah, it's like I'm saving money on the $500 plane ticket I didn't drink today. I just ate my feelings. I like being my own accountant, too

I'm really good at being my own accountant. It's great. Hank doesn't do his taxes Thanks off the grid Big time he's just a producer number one sports podcast. No one knows who he is What was it like? What was it like playing with March on lunch? It was great, man See the coolest guy. He's the coolest man the same dude every every day and I mean You never know what's come out of his mouth But then some days he used to be asleep in the me in the back of the meeting Yeah, and they wouldn't say anything to him nowadays. He'd wake up and just interrupt the coach in the middle of the meeting like

He'd say some off-the-ball shit, you know, where did that come from? But yeah, he was the same dude every day I love him. Oh, did you ever see the the rumor that went around on the internet the rumor you guys? Let up a sack so Derek Carr would break his I heard about that. That was some really Plugged the info scores And like people were like tweeting me angrily like y'all should be fired and arrested like arrested for a while So it's true. Yeah, it's definitely true. Okay. Yeah, cuz he was a franchise quarterback get hit on national television multiple times on purpose because he tweeted something because he tweeted something very abstract and yeah, I think those Miko Grimes that helped to spread that too. Oh, she's woke. She's very well

Yeah, she's woke. Why did you not debate her when she invited you on to a radio show to discuss? Wait, did she I miss that? What happened? I think she invited all the entire Raiders offense aligned to the baiter. Yeah, cuz Man enough. I'm not mad enough. No, I don't talk circles around me. Yeah, you can't make me perjure myself Basically, I was yeah, you can't win an argument against Robert Mueller or Miko Grimes. That's what they always say Do you still talk to your writers at all? Not so much. No, what about Eli? No, not him either. What about Andy? I talked to Andy. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's my college buddy. So that's yeah Do we ever bring up the the luggage? Were you on the with the team? No, no, I was both team Were you know I left the year before that. Okay. So that's my rookie years were made when they were another one that I

Mean Because For the umpteen time in Wisconsin Don't get mad at these John Clay could have had a thousand yards in that game of Brett Bielma took his head out of his ass Y'all are running the ball really well. Yeah, exactly So what's the one thing you remember from that game, Wisconsin was running the ball really well? That's not the one You think you guys had like an unfair advantage because your entire defensive staff was just selling weed We're going back to this

These petty drug crimes. All right That was my favorite Sports talk radio in Texas is something else like if if a team besides the University of Texas gets in trouble for something Oh, yeah, they made it into like you guys were a cartel absolutely up at TCU You guys got arrested for like a dime back We had cash on the walls and everything yeah, yeah Did Gary Patterson ever change his clothes at halftime when you were there? I never even noticed I just remember him always sweating Yeah, he started doing that. It's a little juju switch. I like it. Yeah, I like it. He's a big sweater

He's a big sweater. He's got he's got a Permanent like water bottle girl who falls around you notice that on sideline. Yeah, you got a town water bottle He wipes the town just throws it to her He doesn't even look at it reaches behind him for the water ball she puts in his hand He squirts it doesn't even pay any attention. That's amazing. He's a big sweater Jack Del Rio strikes me as a guy that never sweats He just tell he screams at his own sweat to go back in his body. He's got that Yeah, he's got he's got some nice hair really. He's always relaxed. He's not a lot of stress. Yeah, did you ever tell him what his name meant?

Yeah No, I did not Maybe he would have kept this job. I was upset that they let him go. I thought I thought he got a raw deal I don't know maybe don't just an outsider I won't come on that but I will say the way it happened was kind of what happened Well, we so we you know it bad year or whatever that happens But we the last game was in LA playing Chargers. We lose that game. We go in a locker room and Everyone's just pissed off whatever

But we kind of start her hearing rumblings that maybe it was gonna happen So he comes back in he talks to us, you know, kind of the quick like, you know bad season We'll get you know refresh it whatever we break it down and before he goes guys I don't know what's gonna happen next and then minutes later the reporters come in Did you hear they just fired? I'm like, what? I told him to go away. I'm like I'm like you're gonna make me answer questions about this that we just found out in the locker room It was pretty crazy. Yes, and then you could obviously tell that they'd been talking to John Gruden for the last, you know Yeah, he'd been sending him, you know, love love letters for years

Yeah, not a football guy move right there, you know, that brought him down a couple pegs. That's true All right, well Marshall new house. Thank you so much. Well, I appreciate it. Yeah, this is always fun That interview was brought to you by bird dog shorts Bird dogs actually wants to take this time for us to make fun of their friends on the air so Here are secrets that none of their friends want you guys to know about at their expense. They're all true Guy named Todd Bacon took a full dump in a trash can at his fiance's parents house Because the toilet wouldn't flush her family found it and figured it was from their dog And it was so big they became concerned and took it to the vet turns out it had stomach cancer and they had to put it down

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To this day we call him poopy pants Posco So those are some things that about bird dogs friends that they didn't want you to know But now you know them go to bird dogs comm use the promo code PMT to get a well-rolled joint and a bag of Doritos with your order, but that's not right You can't actually send drugs to the mail. I emailed them They said they throw in a bird dogs hat a dad hat with your order if you use promo code PMT I actually really do like the bird dog shorts. They sent us a bunch of them They have like built-in underwear in the shorts, which is cool because I actually went to the gym

Forgot to pack underwear and I had the bird dog shorts. I was like guess I don't need my draws Go to bird dogs comm use the promo code PMT bird dogs comm use the promo code PMT Sorry for talking to you guys about that dogs that interview was also brought to you by Hubble Contacts Are you tired of overpaying for your uncomfortable contact lenses? Do you over wear your contact lenses to save money? What if I told you that you can get a fresh pair of lenses for every single day for less 60 contacts for 30 bucks? Do the math. That's $1 per day. This is half the price of other brands Go to Hubble contacts comm get your first two weeks for free. They have quality daily lenses for half the price of the other guys Contacts are expensive because four companies control 97% of the market until now Hubble sells directly to you

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CHL player what are we even calling this thoughts and prayers thoughts and prayers to the CHL player that is addicted to Fortnite and is possibly ruined his career This is a story that was released the no-name, but it says a first-round pick by a prominent organization Has a player so it's the first round pick. He is addicted to fortnight basically plays it all night long wakes up is Absolutely wiped they've had him see a counselor a therapist to try to get his addiction down and Basically, he's not gonna make the NHL because of fortnight Did you just break news because the article I read didn't say the video game we just yeah No sport nice for tonight. I think it was for it is for tonight. I think it is for tonight

Okay, um, I'm a little bit woke on this I mean thoughts and prayers to the unnamed CHL player if it is true, but I'm a little bit woke that That's some like grumpy Canadian GM was like all these kids are playing their video games all the time So we're gonna make up a scare and make up a player and say that he's not gonna make it Hey, you're not gonna make it to the NHL if you keep playing the video games. What was that accent? That was Canadian. Okay. So yeah, so I think I think this is a made-up player and they just talked about yeah In order to scare kids that might be playing like two hours of fortnight a night. I could absolutely see that That's absolutely something that would like an old old-time hockey guy

Hey, so I got a still thinks you need to hit hard and be heavy and play with a heavy heavy hand Hey, New York Times. I got a whale of a scoop for you. I got this kid. Okay. He's a first-rounder, but he's always playing the rotendo Okay. Yeah, he's on that rotendo all day all day all day. I tell him put it down put on your skates And he says oh, I'd rather just stare at a TV. Yeah, so the only the only thing that I don't agree with fortnight Accent so it was wild accent. It's wild accent Fortnight, I feel like has become so popular that saying at this point Would you rather be good at fortnight or be a professional athlete is actually a toss-up? Yes

Like kids would actually be like You see ninja the ninjas fucking sweet, dude Did you see the news today though? What call of duty came out there? Their new game is gonna have like a battle mode like fortnight. We wish one. They're the new one that's coming out They released the trailer today. That's basically is a world war two again. It's just call of duty fortnight I don't play call of duty. That's stolen valor. I love officer. So I might shit. I might be into fortnight now Fuck so everyone's just gonna rip off fortnight. Okay. Well You know how like some games take characters from other games like was it bash brothers or super smash brothers or whatever?

We could play with all the Nintendo Nintendo guys. Yep. Are you talking about like when Lisa Ann with Sarah Palin? Yeah, exactly like parody. What if what if call of duty just made a big map and you could play as fortnight characters So they just make fortnight. They just do fortnight in call in the gameplay of call of duty Yeah, but all the buttons are the same as fortnight. Yeah, I yeah, I mean we should just do that Yeah, let's just make a podcast, but it's just the fortnight characters and instead of listening to it. You play with it. Yeah, I Think we just we just solve the riddle boom That's I mean, that's the best way to get this are the is there a fortnight podcast podcast. I'm sure there has to be right We should listen to one. We should also should review a fortnight. No, we should do we're never gonna do that

We should call up a Canadian newspaper and be like, hey, I'm a general manager. Mm-hmm Just letting you know I've got several players that are addicted to listening to this podcast part of my take And it's making them so bad at hockey because all they want to do they say oh PFT is so handsome and he's not as short as people say that he is and he's got great hair And I listen to him all the time. He's so funny and just get that in the newspaper does great Canadian accents Great Canadian accent get them in the papers for some good press force. I like it I mean we're owners of a team so we could just say one of our players. Yeah in two websites. Yes We own a lot of shit oh two scooters that's like point zero zero zero zero zero zero zero one percent of the internet

Yeah, that we own. Yeah a lot of real estate isn't Hey, just check see if anyone has fortnight comm which probably by that just squat on that just for future reference All right, we have a saber metrics. This one is wild The Cowboys offensive line coach has a book out and in it. He has a little Exert so it's Paul Alexander's name. The book is called perform great book name Basically, he decides that a player can be judged by how they get the ketchup out of their Heinz 57 ketchup bottle Okay, so you follow me so He he's saying it's the the 57 number

It's placed at the precise spot where if one taps gently on the tipped bottle the ketchup flows freely from the bottle Even the new plastic squeeze bottles have a perfectly placed 57 at its optimal squeezing position The person who figures that out was a genius. I didn't know this by the way I don't I don't think that they were a genius. I think they were just hungry right They're probably just fat. Yeah, this seems this doesn't seem any of this doesn't seem right Actually, I actually did know this yeah, because the world's lamest person that I knew when I was a kid taught it to me Okay, yeah, that's this is a reveal fact When I see a large football player turn a bottle of ketchup upside down and pound at its heel with tremendous force yet with limited success

I immediately make the mental note. He must either play defensive line or if he plays offensive line He can't play for me agreed agreed There's no room for somebody that's that that is violent towards food. Yes to play offensive line I am an offensive line coach. I coach the big fat guys and I love them Offensive linemen need to be the smartest most cohesive group on the football field because they're responsible for the combinations of problems that 11 coordinated defenders can cause in football There are 11 defenders in eight gaps that they can charge assuming each man can choose one gap There are four hundred and thirty seven thousand five hundred and fourteen possible defensive alignments. That's a lot of fucking holes

You know what? Yeah, there's a lot of holes. Hey fellas That's a lot of holes you have to defend. That's a lot of beer Yeah, football strategy can be complicated much like an advanced level math problem Offensive linemen and their coaches seek to solve complex problem with simple solutions. So why wouldn't you just use a knife? Yeah, why don't you just put a knife in the fucking ketchup bottle? That's the easiest way to get ketchup out every time or just squeeze it. Yes lay off the glass. Yes Yeah, just rip the packet open. Yeah, if I'm an offensive line coach I actually don't like my players using ketchup to begin with right

It's like you don't have time to worry about making something taste good He's fuel your second guessing the cook is what you're doing. Mm-hmm So you're a big thing for yourself or if you put ketchup on there I want I want good little I words that that fall in line and march to my drum Yes, so you eat what's put in front of you and you like it. This is a wild This is as football guys it gets been like I judge all my men on how they deal with a ketchup bottle Actually, I heard an anecdote a while ago It was like some business speakers like a surgeon the head of like the Mayo Clinic or something like that

And he said that he'll go out and he'll interview a surgeon a heart surgeon And if the heart surgeon puts salt on his food before he tastes it He won't hire that guy. It's like what the fuck dude like salts great I don't so number one salt's great number two like you should probably just hire the best heart surgeon Right the guy who fixes the most hearts who gives a shit if oh yeah Yeah, who gives a shit if he likes his steak with like little extra seasoning on it Right the the heart surgeon probably is Watches people who have heart surgery and is like that takes a lot of rehab after you get a new heart

I'm fucking going out the right way. Exactly a heart attack. Exactly. And also, it's a great headline heart surgeon dies a heart attack Yeah, it's funny. It's like why you see doctors and nurses outside hospitals smoking all the time, right? It's like I don't want anything long. I just want to just want to get done with it. Get suck this nicotine down and yeah Yeah, all right last up. We have demarcus cousins who has we have a hmm So demarcus cousins unfollowed the pelicans Instagram and someone asked hey Why did you unfollow the pelicans and he replied cuz I'm grown Spot the lie, huh? Hmm. I don't know what that means when you say spot the lie, but I like saying yeah

I don't know what cuz I'm grown as either. I'm a grown man. I guess nobody can tell me what to do I love this because you know what this means and and LeBron is gonna be a free agent this year So it's gonna be even great. I think when horses already gotten to it like he's not going to La and he's not I can't remember the two neat two teams he's named but the playoffs haven't even ended and we're doing LeBron free agency But this means we're getting close to the Instagram season and when players follow people on Instagram and Twitter and they like something and everyone freaks out. Mm-hmm. There's nothing more peak like 2018 sports world Then follow then figuring out what a player does on Instagram and then deducing that to where he's gonna go play basketball You know what we could probably break some news here because I haven't heard a lot of LeBron James is not signing with this team yet

There's been like a sprinkling of it. Yeah, but we I can we should break a team every week until LeBron signs with somebody Yes for this week. I'm you heard it here first and part of my take we are officially reporting LeBron James will not be signing with the Utah Jazz. Okay, not enough. Let's do two. No one was that was double dip Okay, um, we're gonna also officially report. So you heard the jazz first from us. Mm-hmm. Please credit LeBron James Also, not gonna sign with the Orlando magic. Okay. Yeah, there we go Don has anyone else reported that must credit part of my must credit part of my take actually I mean LeBron James. He's ruled them out as a father of four Disneyland's right there. Yeah, but he's not gonna do it. He's ruled it out PFT

He has ruled it out he has ruled it out character Brown is good for the family telling you he's ruled it out So please credit us please spread the news LeBron James not going to Utah Jazz now He's gonna just do this week by week. Mm-hmm. He's gonna tell you two teams that he's not gonna go play for yeah We instead of doing the hat thing. He should just he should just light the hat on fire and throw it away Yeah, like the hat game would college recruits Yeah, I would love to see one college recruit just do the hat game But just have it be the ball that you try to guess and then that's how they decide the college Like if you can track the ball and then it's like totally right. Yeah, it's just totally random

Like they actually like all three schools and we're just gonna let the world decide I'm also hearing that LeBron will not be signing with the Cleveland Browns. Mm-hmm. So we no no no no no no because the cameras So he might I might yeah, all right. Let's finish up with biz nasty Paul Bissonette and some roasts All right, we're gonna wrap up the week With our very good friend. He has been here all week. It is Paul Bissonette. It is biz nasty He has a documentary out go watch it. He was our guest on Wednesday. He's not our guest today He's our roast reader. It's a big difference and just just a heads up He he said that he's got allergies today. So his nose a little stuffy

He's also looking at his Instagram DMs while we're like underneath the table While we're getting ready to go takes like a leader of snot to plug up that schnoz. Yeah, all right So this can you can you focus for the five minutes it takes to read our roasts? Well, you guys are gonna ask me to read the first one and if you wouldn't have peeked over and looked at my phone I was gonna read my but what my bumble profile. Oh, yeah, I read it. No, read it. So let's start with that retired hockey player I'm from Canada. I live in Scottsdale in the winter and Vancouver in the summer now working in the world of media 63 I Have a major

It's nice into him earlier. He's got very mad and skates. Yeah, you can you count your skates in that one? No I mean, you said you were how tall is big cow? I'm 63. Okay. Let's go back to back right now live in all right Yeah, live bad radio. So PFT. Okay, so they're gonna get on a chair and he'll measure. They're gonna stand up Okay, so they're okay, so they're gonna face-to-face Actually, yeah, they're about the same height. I could business. He might be a little bit taller. I Think he's got you by about a half socket. Okay. He's wearing three inch heels. No, I'm not you are you're actually wearing He's wearing his date shoes. Yeah, this is date Paul. Damn. Look at those heels. No, those are both Six two and a half six three. I think we're the same exact height and I say six two and a half

So we're six two and a half, but go ahead kind of it sucked me that's all wait. I wasn't done Yeah, I have a maple leaf a Mike a bear picture and a world emoji. Those are sorry emojis Oh, do you have a plane in your profile where it says like a winner in Scottsdale and summer in Vancouver? So it's like Arizona playing Canada No, that could Your mug I'm a I'm open to anything. Yeah, beer mug We think about that and then put live laugh love. What about an eggplant? No, oh

All right, go ahead. Oh, I gotta start reading. Yeah All right. Okay. Number one. Let's go to the top listen at Reed's okay rose. Oh I think he said PMT. I think he meant no PMT is the name of the podcast. Oh, I'm a part of my day. Yep PMT a guy who can read Spanish ads better than English an oversized dwarf with Troy Paul Amalo's hair So he didn't mean PFT Troy Paul Amalo's hair and a day guy who can't remember what he ate yesterday because his life is just one big endless meal Also a nerd who doesn't know anything about baseball. What the fuck? Oh? Basketball

Close enough. I got the last four letters. Yeah. Yeah. All right next. We are what do you think about that guy? Did he mean PFT? No, he meant PMT like he was talking about all of us because we all got The endless meal I think was for me. Okay, where was my where was my insult? No one was making fun of you Yeah, oh, but they said all of us understood that you're gonna make fun of yourself by trying to read It's a very meta joke too because you can't read so do you read trying to read is the joke in itself You're roasting yourself right by not being able to read Well as I warm up and get more confident. I'm gonna be nailing these so then the joke's kind of over true next Business he has the first documented cause of cauliflower nose

It's pretty good You've cauliflower Who wrote that in I don't know we don't get names no some a listener an award-winning listener Yeah, nothing makes my fucking dick harder than a good insult That's a true hockey guy If you get me in the room and I look at you on my bride that was fucking good. Yeah, let's go. Let's go have a beer. Yeah Next one more like fart on my More like fart on my take with stank big scat and

Word play there Big scan what was the end of it and oh, okay fart noise for my initials. Oh No, my battery is getting low. I've been on bumble too much. Oh, this one's a long one. Thanks. You forever to read one profile Battery goes from like a hundred to sixty three by the time you've swiped once It's great the the whole week every time you look over at biz He's just got his phone up at his face and he's like it looks like he is reading legal documents And it's really just some chick on bumble. He's just like I Don't know. Okay. All right. It's like you got some serious business going on

But it's really just a bumble. Well, I'm staring hard to see if there's any maybe like photoshop Yeah, like yeah, I mean they do this thing where they they make a circular motion with their finger and these apps like masturbating Well, they're doing it to their phone and they're using this app where it clears up their skin And then sometimes you meet him and they have horrible complexion. You're like what the fuck man That's bullshit. Right like my nose was not photoshopped exactly. You can't do that with your face. Exactly Right, maybe I should. Pause uploading pictures on his camera. He's just like making a circle motion. Yeah, he doesn't have the app though. He's like, come on, just scrubbing his nose. It's not working

Okay, next. Okay Join Magnum PIG and short carrot top as they get triggered rehashing tired sports Tropes tropes tropes tropes and answer questions from guys pretending to be girls about guys five stars We probably do get catfish like we're doing guys on we have a whole segment on Wednesdays where we take We give advice to women, but it's probably just a bunch of dudes pretend to be women It's like an AOL chat room from 1997. Yeah, so there's no no voice. No, no no voice. Oh, yeah They go on there and stir the pot right which now that we're saying it's gonna make it even worse But yeah, I gotta say Magnum PIG is a pretty good one. Yeah, that is. I'm very fascinated by all these types of

Different content you guys do like for instance this one like our girls Writing in like hey this my son my boyfriend shrubbed like a huge dildo up my ass. I'm like you're giving advice on like sex stuff Yeah, but but really not really what's the most aggressive thing you've ever had to help with there was a guy that used to Scream out audibles. Yes, so he'd be like oh my oh my and then he flipped over. Oh, yeah And there's also a girl who wrote in and said that her boyfriend cried during sex He was uh, what was it a crygasm? Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, one of the craziest stories. I heard it was a What do you call it online dating meetup? Mm-hmm. I was asking girls, you know, what's the weirdest one and there was a guy who right away

Established that after he has sex with a condom and he comes in it He likes to take it off and chew on it after oh my god And and that was he would tell he told her on the first date He goes listen if this is gonna continue like this is what I do. That's a football guy move That's like what Les Miles used to do in Death Valley. Just chew the grass. Yeah, it's like Native American waste nothing Right, that's a lot of protein in there. Yeah, maybe. Oh shit. He didn't want to she wanted you to do that Oh, she was testing you You're so dumb you didn't pick up on it

She was like this guy. Yeah, you think that's gross or it's not it's not weird. It's not weird Yeah, would you ever do something? You want to do that? Would you like that's crazy? Yeah, put out the feeler. Yeah Yeah, you miss you never really know so much true angle. Yeah, it's true. It's hard. Yeah gotta be woke out there Yeah, all right. We got any more edit. No, I think we have more. Oh my phone died My favorite thing to listen to a hockey has been reading to an overweight dick impersonator a Short man who never grew up after overdosing on cornflakes as a kid and a former boxing champ Who's CTE makes him get angry at chocolate milk ads. What the fuck is this chocolate milk? Yeah, I've heard about it people have been tweeting on me now and stop. Oh the chocolate milk ad breaking moose

Did you know that to come in the tumble's full name is to came in the tumble from the plando Mocom dot gin jockey what tumble I did jokes on you because I've watched that clip a million times So fuck you chocolate milk or that Swedish band ABBA was founded by Angela John will loval is Bene Anderson s Whose first initials spell out ABBA or that chocolate looks three-to-one card to protein ratio makes an ideal detractor recover with Now you do to learn more fun recovery facts go to built with chocolate milk calm Thanks Hank and who's the boxing champ with CTE that's Hank Hank won a fight. Yeah, who did you fight tax? Oh, you're the one who beat up tax. Yeah smoked. Okay. We got knocked out. Are you guys like cool?

Are you guys like friends or is there a little animosity? Not really friends We've never really friends before towards like I just wanted to shut up because he just parade around the office all the time And I I did but he still doesn't shut up. Okay, so it's he you didn't really didn't prove to him anything to shut up No, he's just so dumb that he just doesn't he just keeps going was it was it hard for you to be it's a wind up No, really. Oh you wanted to you couldn't wait. Oh, yeah I feel like he's got a big heart and he's really not as tough as he tries to come off Physically he might mm-hmm. Yeah, I don't know if like spiritually or emotionally it sounds like that's what you're getting at I feel like text is a guy like if you call them and you're like, hey, but I need your help

That's really true. He would probably go do it just because he seems like a good guy like that. Yeah Yeah, I would we got two more. Oh, is this going on too long? No, no Okay, oh That's a lot of words Okay, here it is New listener Wow, but can already tell big fat and PMS Live up to their names as a form as the former literally has a chubby Can you fucking read this man? I got this one. I got this one for you this start. I think it's just bad

I think it's just I think it might be yet. No, it's not lighting in the room. It's the room All right, here we go new listener, but can already tell big fat and PMS commentator Live up to their names as the former literally has a chubby tone of voice and the latter invokes a level of poorly suppressed emotion around the fate of his hapless hockey team usually reserved for our Mensis enduring friends. I mean it's PMS. Yeah, okay So that they must have been talking about somebody else interesting I need to read more like just to become smarter. No, I didn't know half the fucking words I think you're good. Do you read Twitter? Yeah. Yeah, but it's all fucking

All the banter about you guys lately. Yeah, they're just all saying sorry for cucking your entire Twitter feed How many followers do you have like 20,000? What does cucking mean? Actually, no, you probably have done it to a lot of women and a lot of guys with their women Let's finish with this Tell us your favorite moment on ice moment in the NHL Okay, so this one get might get a little emotional. I don't know. Yeah, let's do it So my mom got really sick for a few years and I was by a time I'd broken into the NHL and she was never able to see me play live

Oh, Jesus and sure enough in I live about 40 minutes from Buffalo So we play the Sabres on the road and I get put in the lineup and I don't play I don't play every game I'm like a healthy scratch sometimes and I think I was like a healthy scratch like six games in a row at that point So I got injected in the lineup and then sure enough my grandparents came and that was the first game that they'd ever see me play live Wow, and I ended up fucking getting the game winner All right in Buffalo and I have seven career goals Right, so the chances of me scoring and even crazier the first time my dad my dad ever came to watch me live for the first time I was in Toronto and I scored the game winner that game too

That's cool So if your parents had just loved you more and gone to more games you might have scored more goals No, they were there a lot. They came to Arizona for a couple months. Yeah, that's actually not Don't fucking go there Take a turn for the oh man you want to go. Hey, you want to go fucking you want to go I dropped the gloves with him yesterday. He went drop the gloves on me. Yeah, you want to go bud. So what would you say? No, I'd go I'd go on the face up. I say hey you want one And then he's like sorry, bud

We're up to coach coach won't let me don't want to lose a momentum kind of thing, right? Yeah, sometimes you just knew you just looked over and it's just like you gave him a little shimmy shake with the hands And then it's just like game on you know, what else would you say? Yes, if you want one or anything else you'd go with sometimes you'd have to dig deep and say some personal shit if they if they were Saying no when you wanted one. Yeah, I wasn't too gutless But I've I mean Shawn Avery's probably one of the worst like telling guys like Not this is not the finniff situation This is one before and had to do with a girl that he'd hooked up with who another guy was dating and he was like

Telling the guy that he was like used to shit on her chest and all the ice the guys on the benches are hearing this like But I would I would be I probably would baseball swing him in the face Who is the most satisfying person that you ever knocked out? I? Oh This year this one's gonna sting It wasn't I wouldn't say it was satisfying because you never want to really do that to someone You just want a good fight and entertain the crowd, but one of my first fights in Pittsburgh I think it was my first ever regular season fight with the penguins and we were playing the Washington capitals

Mm-hmm, and it was Matt Bradley Mm-hmm, and we went toe-to-toe and I fucking got him square in the lip Slid his lip open dropped them. It was pretty bad. You can I'll show you on you No, no, that's okay. You're lucky Chris Simon wasn't in the lineup because he would try to knock your head off with a fucking stick You see what Willie did tonight what Wilson did try to kill Wilson tried to kill guy on the ice He kicked his skate up into a dude's neck. Oh really try to cut his head off He's gonna get sussied probably probably gonna get sussied one or two sussies. Yeah Yeah, you get sussied up. You ever get sussed. I got sussed for 10 games once. Yeah, you like getting sussed for what?

No, well, I got they said it came off the bench, but I didn't so they ended up reducing it to three games And we didn't didn't end up going arbitration. Oh, that's not much. I could I could have tried to keep fighting it But I they'd already reduced it seven games. Mm-hmm. It was it was gonna cost me It was gonna cost me 70 grand and only end up costing me 11. That's not bad. No, we said we saw sir listeners Sometimes watch I go down here quick watch Oh, you got dropped. Oh Dummy dumb, you know why you played possum you hit the ice. He thought the fight was over You don't over when a guy goes down. No, it's yeah, you got knocked out then you threw a cheap shot

Oh, you actually had hair back then Fuckin hard. Well, I have hair now. I just do fades. Is that cool? Yeah, very cool. All right, uh, biz nasty Thank you so much. I'm excited for next time. You come on because now that we got the face and you and we're pals The rapport is gonna be even better. Love you guys. Love you. Good luck. Thanks. I say love you guys Oh It's part of my tape presented by bar stool sports