Pardon My Take - Billy Football, Mr Portnoy, And Mt Flushmore Season Begins

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

There are no sports besides talking about the Falcons having a ton of first round draft picks and Tom Brady officially signing in Tampa (2:37 - 14:14). We've been watching old games and bargaining with ourselves. Who's back of the week including caveman Ben Roethlisberger (14:14 - 26:17) . Billy Football joins the show in his triumphant return to talk about what Generation Z can do to stop Coronavirus plus he has historical facts and some science he's been working on to become the greatest generation (26:17 - 58:36). Mr Portnoy joins the show from Florida to check in with a complaint and a plea for him to stay indoors (58:36 - 85:13). Segments include Mt Flushmore season, the opposite of Mt rushmore where we pick the 4 worst things of a topic, embrace debate and PR 101 for Jamal Murray.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. Hey, Grandma, it's your grandson, William. Tune into 2604 for the interview. Thank you so much. Let's take it back to Big Cat. On today's part of my take, we have the return.

You just heard him, the return of the prodigal son. It is Billy football talking about coronavirus, giving us tips from a zoomer on how to survive the pandemic. We also have the other age range. We have Mr. Portnoy calling in from Florida. So we have the only podcast that has a 21 year old and a 79 year old on the show in the same show. So we have Mr. Portnoy calling in with a complaint.

There's no sports, but we have new Mount Flushmore. So we're going to get into Mount Rushmore season, the reverse, the upside down world of Mount Rushmore season with Mount Flushmores, little Jamal Murray, PR 101 and who's back of the week before we do all that. Part of my take is brought to you by the cash app. Not only is it the easiest place to send money to your friends, it's the safest because you don't want to be touching money right now. Money has germs, money has different viruses.

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It's Monday. It's Monday. It is. It's March. This is March. We sleep in April, May, June. Just knock a sound until July. There were some sports over the weekend though.

No. Yeah. A little bit. There was virtual NASCAR racing. Oh. And Todd Gurley. Yeah. Todd Gurley.

Todd Gurley. By the way, the Falcons, good starting point. I'm already getting feels for the 2020 Falcons. I don't know if you guys saw that stat, but they are gonna be the first team in history to have 10 starters on offense. 10 out of 11 starters are gonna be first round draft picks. And I actually think I saw that stat before they signed Laquan Treadwell. So they might be able to do all 11 for 11.

Or you bring in Trent Richardson as a fullback and then you have all 11. And he's actually a great natural fullback because he runs directly into linebackers and not at holes. So that might be a good position switch on his way to a Hall of Fame career. But yeah. Todd Gurley is. The Falcons look great on paper, but if you're bringing in all these like new people from the outside, that's taken away Dan Quinn's best weapon, which is just having a locker

room full of guys that know him and like him and will stand up for him to Arthur Blank. So you get these new voices in and they're not going to be going bad for you when you start four and seven. But yeah, there's, there's no sports and life is just every single day is the same. I showered today though. So I want props for that because I didn't do that on Saturday or Friday, I don't think. It's not really just a, it's not like cleanliness is just a kind of forgetfulness. Like you don't have anything to shower for.

So you just kind of passes by, you're like, Oh, it's six o'clock. What's the point in showering now? I realized the last time I showered because I was like, I'll shower before we record tonight. I realized the last time I showered was before we recorded the other night. Yes. We should, we should just start getting ready for work every morning. Like we have an actual job to go to like put on a suit, get a briefcase, walk to your door and then just drop everything, go sit at your computer and check Twitter for five

hours. Yeah. That would work. I mean, I watched, I watched old college basketball games that were on CVS shout out CVS for actually putting those on hilarious watching. I watched the 82 final with, with MJ and Georgetown and Patrick Ewing just basically had like, I think four out of five of the first possessions were goaltends and there was no three point lines.

So the zone defense had four out of five guys with their feet in the paint. It was, it was not the same sport. It was fascinating to watch. And then watching the Lattener game, Duke Kentucky, um, it's just, it was incredible to watch it and, and forget because I remember some of these games, obviously the, the 82 we weren't born yet, but like, I remember watching Duke Kentucky and you forget that we just lived in a world where they didn't put the score on the TV at all. Like they would, they would flash it every five minutes being like, here's an update

and here's how much time's left. Otherwise, you just had to guess it's like the remaining time. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know how much time was left in the game. And then in the morning, if there was a game that finished past like 10 or 10 30 p.m. You had to call a number and then a voice on the other end would tell you what the scores were from the previous night's games.

So wild stuff. So here's, here's the, here's why I brought that up because I'm down. I'll be honest with you guys. I'm down. I'm, I'm kind of losing my mind. I had the thought today, like what if sports just never come back? I think you can just tell by my tweets too. When I tweet something, it's coming really from feels.

I woke up this morning and I was like, I just, I really miss sports. Like I just really miss sports, but the silver lining is watching some of these old games. Sports used to be very different and we've come a long way. So if you told me right now, we can have sports back, but we never, ever get the score on the television for the rest of our lives. I don't know if I'd take that. So let's just, you know, little bargaining. Maybe I can wait two more months if we can come back and actually have scores and time

on there or three point line. So I'm just trying to bargain with my own brain and tell myself, Hey, you know what's better than, uh, you know, like we don't have sports right now, but when they do come back, we will have, you know, sports that look good and have scores and the game is like interesting and there's three point lines, whereas if we were 20, 30 years ago, we wouldn't have any of that. I'll even meet you halfway and say, I will take sports back on TV. I'll let you keep your bottom line score ticker, the crawler.

You can take that away. Yeah. I can live without that, but I do need a nice sleek graphics package on the bottom of the screen that, that tells me at least how much time is left in the car. So the bottom line, well, actually I've seen some games where the bottom line is just like not working. Sometimes whatever little gerbil on a wheel passes out and ESPN is able to have that bottom line scroll going.

And the games I think are actually better without that, you know, eighth of an inch at the bottom of my screen taken up. Yes. Yes. So, so watching old games, we're in this really weird world. This like post post apocalyptic world where you can't go outside. You can't talk to anyone. Um, we're here.

We're going to get through it. We're going to do great interviews. We're going to do flush more. We're going to, we're going to, they won't take our spirit. There were actually some sports on this weekend on FS one, they had Australian rules football and I was excited to have just some green grass on my television and then they canceled the entire league at halftime of one of the games. They're the big way for me in real time.

Yes. Yes. And I know everyone's got like marble racing and all these different things and I appreciate it. Um, but I just really miss sports. I just really miss sports. So that's where we are. So Hank, how are we feeling about the Tom Brady stuff?

Because last time we talked, he was not officially a buck in year, right? He was just like getting closer and he was, he did the world's longest physical. He had like a two day physical in New York city and then they finally cleared him and he joined the buck in year. So now that it's officially official, where's your brain at? I mean, if we're in the trustry here and I know we are guys, I always keep it, keep it a buck with you. Uh, last time we talked, I was in like denial.

I don't know what the stages of grief, like what the numerical order is, but I was in denial the other day. I'm just in full blown sadness ESPN played. I didn't leave my couch from 12 o'clock until seven 30 to take a shower because ESPN was playing the greatest Tom Brady games ever, like back to back to back to back to back to back starting in 2001, all the way until, uh, they beat the Rams and I was literally basically tearing up at the end of every one when it's like, they have the motivational like, you know, the Patriots came together and won a championship and just realizing that he's

the greatest quarterback of all time. He's not going to be a Patriot. It's just extremely sad, especially seeing the numbers and stuff. It's like, it seems like they could have made it work. I don't know why they didn't, I don't, I just, I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad. Can I give you something that maybe you can, you can hold on to for a little bit longer

because there are some rumors out there that the league might have to look into allegations of tampering because yeah, they were talking with him behind the scenes apparently tamper bay is what I'm calling them. That's why that's my headline Hank, you feel free to take that, but, uh, Tampa has been accused through anonymous sources of tampering with Tom Brady, so you never know. And that would actually, the more I think about it, that would be the quintessential Patriots Bella check move is to like let Tom Brady go, but with instructions like, Hey, let them tamper with you and then comply with the league office when they do their investigation.

So you get draft picks taken away from someone and then you come back home to Papa because I don't think Brian Hoyer is going to be the starting quarterback for the Patriots. No, here's another one Hank, because PFT gave you that and I liked that one, but here's another one I've been throwing around in my head. Is there a chance that the Patriots bill Belichick is going to tank this year with Brian Hoyer as the quarterback and hear me out though, hear me out. Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time. Would that not also make him the greatest tanker of all time?

And then they somehow get Trevor Lawrence and it's another 20 years. No, absolutely not. It's not about a quarterback. It's about the same. You can't say every single big cat. I would, I would, I would be running with you if I didn't watch all these every single at the end of every single episode. It's all the players from over the beginning.

Like it started with Vrabel and him being like, you know, Bill just wants you to buy in the system. Everyone's got to do their job. We had a collection of rag tag group of people. It was that every single year and it's like everyone buys in the system. They do their job. They do their part. They come together as a team and they win the Super Bowl.

There's no way in hell that Bill Belichick ever tells people to tank. Okay. Yeah. I'm with you the big cat though. It would be the smart thing to do in our, in our brains, but Bill Belichick isn't wired that way. I don't think, but you're right. Like this is the year that they should tank and I'm sure that if Belichick wanted to tank,

he would be fucking awesome at thinking. He would find a way to lose every game by like one point and have it be competitive and like cover every spread and lose every game and then just have Trevor Lawrence be the quarterback for the next 20 years. Hank, I have a little Monday reading I wanted to throw in there. It's from the Tampa Bay Times. So this was the story about how the bucks got Brady. And I thought this one was really like a lot of people don't know Tom Brady.

So I thought this really spoke to his character and if it's going to work out for him in Tampa Bay. Here it goes. Brady never asked for control of the offense. He knew that Arians offensive coordinator Byron Lefwich, quarterbacks coach Clyde Christensen and special assistant Tom Moore would collaborate with him on game plans. He didn't ask for any specific players to join him. He didn't even ask to wear number 12, which for the moment belongs to Godwin.

In fact, there was only one request Brady had after he signed. He wanted the phone numbers of all his new bucks teammates. Damn. That's what I'm saying. It's sad. It's sad. It brings a tear to my eyes. The greatest quarterback of all time.

Damn. And an even better person off the field. Yes. That's my sound of it. Yes. Exactly. All right. So we had that.

I'm also open. I think I wouldn't be opposed to like what do you guys think about because I was the they were showing the Edelman to Amy Dolecatch and I was thinking like what about a three quarterback system and Edelman's like he plays like one or two downs. Right. Thrupple. I like that a lot. Yeah.

And you know, I actually think that Bell check with with Hoyer. He's trying to recapture that magic he had in what was it 2009 when Matt Castle took over for a season. I think Bell check thinks like if I have an averagely talented or slightly below average quarterback and he knows my system my system will will us to 11 wins. Oh he will. The Patriots will with Brian Hoyer or who's who's the backup? Stittum.

He might be the starter. We'll find a way to like rope and dope jets and bills and dolphins fans and they're thinking they can win the AFC East and somehow win the AFC East with Brian Hoyer. I think it's going to be Stittum. I think Hoyer helps because it's like he's a backup that's going to be he knows a system so he can make Stittum better by competing harder. There you go. There you go.

The other thing we have a long weekend. All right. Yeah. The other thing we had was a big Ben showed his face and he has he was built for a quarantine. He was built for quarantine. He looks like he's been in the woods for he looks like that guy that hermit who was in the woods for like 25 years without getting a bother watching him. No, no, not him.

He was like a guy. It was like a story. I think it was like two years ago. Ben does it right. Yeah. He's a guy in Maine who although he shaved but he was he basically lived outside of society for like Terry Nichols. I don't remember his name was his name.

Well Terry Nichols. I think he was a guy that that bombed the Olympics. Got it. Got it. No, that was Richard Jewel. No, that was Richard Jewel. The Grizzly Jewel. Yeah, the Grizzly Jewel.

Yeah. He looks like a great beard going and I do think that he's going to keep it going until he throws a pass and training camp. I think he's just going to show up just looking like the youngest member of ZZ Top and he's going to Ben Rothesberger is going to he's going to come back better than ever. I think next year it's going to be so like frustrating for defenses to bring him down when he's like 310 pounds. He's also going to be so many and those are going to be so many injuries when people come

back to sports. Like if you guys don't say that, don't say that. Don't say that. He also started the video with hi Ben Rothesberger here. Like who else would be doing that video from the Steelers main account? But he looks so ridiculous that yeah, maybe we actually didn't know who's Ben Rothesberger. Yeah. Ben Rothesberger, his face in that video is just an embodiment of the meme of when you

accidentally opened the camera facing your face and he like he's times you and you're like, no, no, I can't take this. Yeah. It's a great beard and I hope he continues to grow. But you're right. He is built for quarantine life. This is his off season this far, like through the, through January, February, March ever since the NFL season ended, like that's his typical workout routine is what everyone else

is going through right now, which is just like kind of stay in your house, eat chips, watch a lot of TV, and then I don't know, maybe like mid July, we'll get back outside for the first time and throw a football. By the way, have you guys, I'm like, I'm now a supporter of FaceTime. The quarantine will make people do weird things. I've always spoken out against FaceTime. I thought that it's ridiculous that people will just make you look at your own ugly face while you talk on the phone.

It's ridiculous to do phone calls anymore. But after seven or eight or nine, however many days we've done this, I've been FaceTiming like friends and like, Hey, it's actually nice to see your face. It's like nice to laugh and have human interaction. It's a weird world. We're living. Wow. You've changed big cat.

Yeah, I know. I, I agreed. I've been crashing zoom meetings and just getting into sports arguments and strangers that, that are foolish enough to like tweet out their zoom meeting ID. Yeah. Then they mute me pretty quickly. Everyone becomes tone to reality when you've got someone kind of talk, Giannis vs. LeBron on your live stream.

Should we do our who's back of the week and then get to Billy football, what everyone is listening for? Let's do it. All right. Hank, who's your who's back of the week? My who's back of the week is Instagram challenges. Oh, yeah. Every single person has taken it upon themselves.

It's kind of, it's like kind of the worst where it's like, I'm, I'm stuck in my house. I'm going to do something. And so there's been all these challenges, whether they're push-up challenges, jumping jack challenges, you got to do the, do the 10 push-ups and tag someone else and they got to do it, draw carrot, draw an apple. I've just been tagging so many challenges and I've had no desire to do any of them. And I know because you know that people are only doing them because they're bored. Big cat.

I just got yours. I'm probably going to do that one. Yes. Because I'm like work pressure. No, because it's easy. So I'm doing the, I'm doing the count to five challenge. I tagged you as well. PFT.

All you got to do is talk or where? No, it's on Instagram. All you got to do is count to five with your fingers and then Topanga's already in it. Roan got Topanga in it. Oh, so it's kind of going viral and it's going to change how we do fitness inside. Yeah. A grip strength. Everyone's grip strength is going to be really good by the end of this anyway.

People kept on commenting about my knuckles because they're like bleeding. I just washed my hands so many times that I'm not going to have hands in a week. Listen, people are going to shame you no matter what. If you put a video or a picture of yourself online, they're going to find something to nitpick on it. Wait, hold on. Hang on. Count to five.

This might take a minute. No, I was trying to... Yeah, it actually might. Do it by twos, man. Count to five by twos. I noticed whenever you put a picture of your thumb on the internet, there's no such thing as a good looking thumb online. Everyone's thumb looks fucked up.

Yeah. No, I agree. It's rare to have a good looking thumb. Now, remember that guy we talked to? We should actually... I think we're actually going to start throwing in some barstool gold, a couple old, old ones. But remember the guy we talked to who didn't have thumbs? He had extra fingers?

Mm-hmm. And he didn't tell us until the end of the interview? Uh-huh. That was fucking wild. That was crazy. These are the moments we got to think of when we get really depressed and we're like, hey, there's nothing left in life. Like, hey, remember that time we talked to a guy who had no thumbs and he didn't tell

us till after we had talked to him for an hour. I bet his hand size is huge, though. That probably adds another half inch onto your hand wingspan. It's true. It's true. Yeah, he didn't tell us till we shook his hand, right? Who was it? What was his profession?

I think it was the guy who created the Game of Thrones language. And when we shook his hand, we were like, wait, what's going on, dude? And he's like, oh, yeah, forgot to mention, was born without thumbs. Like, yeah, you did forget to mention. I love it. How should I tag in my in my Instagram? Tom Brady. The Count to Five Challenge.

Let's see. Edelman. We're doing this live, folks. This is riveting. You should tag tag Brooks Brooks. Yeah. I'm gonna look like a fucking loser, though. I just like I'm gonna look like a cloud chaser.

I'm just tagging people that like don't even know me. Tag J.P.P. Yeah. Who's that? Jason Pierpaugh. Tag, all right, fine. The tag like, uh, tag, tag, uh, I don't know, a couple of people from the office throwing a few randos.

Tech guy, Andrew. There it is. Love it. Tech guy, Andrew. All right, PFC, what's your who's back? My who's back of the week is true love because it occurred to me that people are not going to be able to cheat during this whole lock-in shutout thing. Got to, got to a big convo about that over the weekend.

And it's like, yeah, you, you, you were going to fall back and love a lot of people are going to fall back in love, have new babies. We discover the romance in their life because all their other options are boom out the window right now. Or what's going to happen to the people who have been telling their significant other or telling the people, they're like Gouma that they are single. That's the problem. There's definitely someone out there right now who's married, who's been cheating on

his wife and been telling the, the woman he's cheating on with that he's totally single and living too long. Bartol Calone, that's going to fall down like a house of cards. The double family situation is big time trouble. Yeah, this is, this virus is a home wrecker for home wreckers. It's going to be a big, big time, big time deal. Is that it? Yeah.

Just true love is back. I think that's a pretty big deal though. Like the world needs more of it. Yes, absolutely. All right. My who's back is my hatred for Twitter is definitely coming back big time because we have a very combustible situation. That's a love hate relationship with you big cat though.

Well, but here's the thing is without sports, Twitter has now become just terrible news and open mic night for, for aspiring comedians. And so it's, it's a, I'm going to slowly start to hate it more and more. I need some live sports to actually like mix it up because if I don't know how often you guys have been going on Twitter throughout the day, but it's like, you can't, you can't go on Twitter and within the first five tweets, not see something that just says the world is ending. Yeah.

No, there's, there's a lot of like doom and gloom fear porn out there. A lot of like worst case scenarios. I think people, news organizations are starting to figure out that if they put the worst case scenario in the headline of any of their stories, they get more clicks, but then it just, it becomes a game of one upsmanship. Like time magazine, if they're going to want to get any hits to their website, they're going to have to put out an article that says like, you know, 90% of America is going to be infected and 40% of us are going to die.

And if they don't, then they're not going to, they're not going to make their ad budget for the next month. So it's like a race to the bottom. It sucks. But yeah, you're right. But that's what Twitter's been like. Yeah. They're like, the headline's like best case scenario, we can leave our houses in six

months. Like I've read that and I was like, okay, this is, this is just the worst. I need to go on away. Real science professionals predict that you will die before you reach the end of this article. I would click, I would click the shit out of that link. Yes, absolutely. And then my other who's back is suicidal, big cat that everyone thought they were going

to get for the tournament. They're replaying old games on CBS and I was reading the schedule because I'm watching all of them. They're going to, I think next week start replaying final four and final games. So they're going to play the 2015 final game, Duke Wisconsin Hank. I have not seen it. Once we were at it, I have not seen it. So that'll be my first rewatch of it.

I will live tweet it and it will be horrendous. So I'm just waiting for that to pop up on the schedule. Hopefully it's at like 2am and I don't have to do prime time because I'm not looking forward to that. It'll definitely be prime time. It has to be. Yeah. They know that's games of all time.

One of the best games of all time. All right. Should we do it? Let's do our boy Billy football. Before we get to Billy football though, a quick word from our friends at rowback, rowback active where the guys over at rowback have been sending us their performance tees polos and Q zip pullovers for a while now. And I'll be honest.

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Rowback is popping up all over the barstool office. Rowback.com R H O B A C K.com that's 20% off all polos Q zips and teas with code take. Okay, here he is Billy football. Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite guests, former intern set free into the world. It is Billy football. He is joining us from an undisclosed location somewhere in America. He is quarantined, but we figured we had Dr. Fauci on last week. Why not have a Gen Z here notice I didn't say millennial a Gen Z or that everyone is

talking about in the news today to help us better understand coronavirus slash we just wanted to see Billy's face and talk to him. So Billy, welcome back. It's great to see you. It's great to hear from you. How are you feeling? Um, I got a minor cough. I'm currently quarantined due to being exposed to someone with Corona.

The person I'm with is showing a lot of symptoms of Corona without a fever. So hopefully I can give you some tips on how to take care of someone with Corona. Yes. Just give you a little background and kind of, you know, Dr. Fauci is a legend in his own regard. Uh, I know where have any sort of, uh, what you call it, credentials. I wouldn't say that. Billy, I'd say you're, you're very well qualified to talk about that.

You're, you're like resident zoomer health correspondent right now. Yeah. You also have just like a strong, viral mind that is curious, intellectually curious, and vivacious. So I think you're more than qualified to give us some answers on, on the Rona, the big C. I, I just want to, you know, have a little, I have a little field research, I'd say, from being on the outside, uh, but, um, I first want to start this, uh, I promised

a couple of people that if I was going to go on, I sort of send a message. I know this is going to be about 10 minutes of your time. I just need, no, no free, is this like you're inviting some girl to prom on part of my take? Well, this is like, this is like, uh, honestly, my grandma told me to say a bunch of this because she's for, she's kind of disappointed in a lot of the millennials and zoomers. Yep. So, uh, so basically this might be a rant.

I hope it's more like a pep talk for the country, but take a knee, America, gather around. So, uh, basically everybody has a cause in my generation. Everyone's got some sort of thing that they, you know, they got going, they're a vegetarian, you know, they love the earth. They, you know, want to legalize pot or something. All of these things have in common. The one thing that all these people, no matter they want to solve global warming or whatever,

at the end of the day, these people just want to help people. That's the main thing at the basis of all of these. And, you know, I'm not a big cause guy. I'm more of just kind of like a, you know, get through the day, sort of deal with what I have to deal with and sort of just stay out of trouble guy. But this is a cause I think that everybody who at the end of the day just wants to help people that we really just got to help people. You know, if you don't, at the end of the day, like I'm really calling upon my generation,

we got a lot of, we got a lot of, um, flak, um, from the elders who, you know, yeah, normal swore, a lot of, a lot of guff, you get a lot of guff, who, uh, who, uh, you know, give us a hard time for being on our phones. But I think we have the potential to be one of the greatest generations looking at historical context. The last time a pandemic hit the United States was 1918. 1918 was when the greatest generation of our time was born. They grew up during the Spanish flu and the Great Depression.

They fought in World War II and they helped us achieve this post war, um, debate, debatable, sort of boom that brought, you know, a lot of better, a lot of people's lives. I think we have the potential if we really deal with this virus, we combat it, you know, the older people really have to, you know, sit on the sidelines for this one because at the end of the day, they're going to get sick and we got to step up and, you know, the younger ones are not going to do anything. So like we can't depend on preteens. The TikTok generation aren't really going to.

Oh yeah. They're generation shaming out of the bat. Oh yeah. I mean, I'm saying they're too young. So we got to step up. We got to start helping out our communities. You know, you got nothing to do. You're sitting inside.

You know, if you're healthy and you can, if you're an able body, go out with masks and gloves and disinfectants, you know, deliver for your favorite restaurant, help out your favorite restaurant, help out your community, deliver for old people. Make sure to disinfecting everything. We got to start taking care of the elders who have taken care of us for our whole lives, you know? So, we could- This is our D-Day. Yeah.

This is like legit. Like they're saying that like, you know, like honestly, like you could say that our lives are pretty boring before this, just in the general way. Like now we have a cause. So let's mobilize, motivate and just get it going because we could really accomplish something here. I'm not saying, this is no disrespect to the greatest generation on earth, but we could be the LeBron to their MJ, if you will, of something we can get going.

And we really got to look at our, you know, our privileges being a citizen of the United States of America because, you know, debatably, but pretty easily, we could say that we, you know, our government will not get authoritarian with us and lock us in our homes, force quarantine us. So we have to take that privilege of, you know, them trusting us to do the right thing, to go out and sort of make sure we do not spread this virus. Billy, but don't go outside, right? Don't go outside.

Just listen to directions and try to help out as much as you can your communities and societies because everyone's pretty stretched thin right now. If you're an able body, just do what you can to help out this situation. You know, basically the Spanish flu, I'm looking historically, the Spanish flu hit worse the second winter. Now think about this. We got hit with this as America about what, February, I'd say January, February. We only have the back end of winter.

Summer is going to get better. But if we don't act now, come the fall, we're going to get hit harder than we are now. So if we act now, we can do things like, you know, if you don't care about if it's slipping your mind that you got to save elders, you know, you know, your friend's little sister with asthma, we got to think about one thing. We're not going to have football come fall for the first time since I think the invention of American football, we're not going to have football. And you know, if that's your driving force, like I played 11 seasons of tackle football.

If I'm going to miss my senior season because people can't get their stuff together. I mean, and you know, act like good citizens of this country, then I don't know what we're going to do. So if we can, and then if we don't, if football gets canceled, God forbid, and hopefully it's not this. Just forget it after that. Yeah, because the second winter is going to just like, it's not going to, I'm not going to say it's going to destroy us because we'll persevere because I'll get to that in a minute.

We need to, you know, get our stuff together so we can solve this like listen, like stop partying. I know it's spring break. Just stop because there will be no other spring break if you keep party. And that might actually, that might sound like, like we want another one. Yeah. But not if the coronavirus is still around. Yes.

Right. Yeah. So no other reason, just let Billy have his senior night. Like I want Billy to be walked across the field by his proud parents, you know, wearing roses and big buttons with his big smiling face on their chest. If you don't let Billy have that senior night, then that's on you. Like I don't, it might not float your boat right now to be like, oh, I'm going to stay inside and not party, but just think what you're doing to William football.

Yeah. Like think about somebody else. I mean, if you're not going to, if you're not going to do it for the people you love and you're that sick in the head, I mean, maybe do it for me. I don't know if that would attract whatever it takes for you. We don't want Billy football to graduate in a fucking zoom meeting. Come on. Let's go people.

Exactly. Anyways, tell me more about the Spanish flu, Billy. The Spanish flu was insane. So actually it was the first swine flu. Oh, it actually, it was actually, it started in Kansas. Swine is pig, right? Yeah. So the, the, the hog farms in Kansas were right next to a U S military base and it spread

amongst the U S service members who then went to Europe and spread it all during World War one. And that was the first winter and it wasn't that bad, but then the second winter it went nuts. So if we're looking at pandemics, that's also a respiratory disease. They say it killed more people than actual casualties in World War one. I know I'm scaring people right now, but don't worry. There's a, there's a, there's a silver lining at the end of this.

Okay. I'll get to it, but I don't want to scare anymore people. We have enough people trying to scare people, but at the end of this, listen to this. The plague in the middle ages led to the Renaissance. The Spanish flu in America led to probably World War two, but it led to the post war boom that we're all still practically enjoying. Well, you could say it led to the, to the defeat of Nazism. Yeah.

The rise first. Yeah. But then also the defeat. Right. Right. Make sure you get that part in there. Think about what, when we get out of this, when we do, not if, when we get out of this, because we're going to get out of this, it's going to take a lot.

Think about what that's going to, what's going to happen. It's going to be a renaissance of the 21st century. And when we get there, we can celebrate, but right now we got to make the, we got to do the blocking and tackling to get it done. That's right. What do you, yeah, before you do the touchdown dance, you got to win in the trenches first. What do you think the 21st century renaissance is going to look like just a shitload more podcast?

No, honestly, it's going to be content creation. People are going, people are creating content in their homes. Everyone has nothing to do, but I think it's going to bring back a lot of stuff that we lost during the tech generation. Because if you're using tech, you can't film other tech unless you're playing video games. People are going to bring back traditions that they sort of lost because they're too busy on their phones and stuff. What are the people are going to film?

I've seen people like bringing back board games or game shakes, more stuff like crafts, traditions that were lost. Amateur pornography, there's going to be a boom in an amateur like just homemade porn. Just kicking it with the guys like grandma's. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Come on, dude. We're going to get to the fun stuff later.

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, we're hitting the point where McDonald's is closing 7pm Eastern time on Monday. You might not have football. America's never faced something like this in a long time. Still like think about it. I mean that you just, I'm going to say this right now, Billy, like we've talked to a lot of people.

I've read a lot of stuff. McDonald's closing at 7pm. That's a sobering thought. Yeah, like you can't get a Big Mac after 7pm on Monday unless they're doing some delivery thing. I'm not sure. I just saw that article. So.

What about breakfast? Are they still going to be open in the morning if you want to get a steak? By the way, by the way, if I'm wrong about anything I said, please fact check me. I've just been. It's a prank. Right. No, you're not. You're not a scientist.

Do you suggest people knowing this McDonald's is going to close 7pm? Do you think people should go and maybe hoard as many friends as possible? And beforehand? I mean, maybe you got till 7pm tomorrow. All right. Fox ticking phone. Yeah. Fact check, Billy.

Give him some Pinocchios on that. I think McDonald's counts is non-perishable. So. I think. Yeah. Fact check. So it's interesting because when you reached out to us and we tried to set you up coming on the show, I was interested to know more about from your nutritional background, you

were our nutritionist when you first joined part of my take, what are some things that people can do? What are some good non-perishables that they can stock up on that will deliver you like long-term nutritional value? Okay. So my diet strategy for the, I'm planning for the apocalypse. I'm low key like a closet. Wait.

What? You just gave us a pump up speech. I know, but you got to prepare for the worst. Okay. All right. So like I used to watch like doomsday preppers on like every channel when I was little and I was always like, oh man, when it hits, I'm going to know what to do. So kind of had a whole plan and strategy in place.

So first off, this isn't a plug by any means, but I was looking at the non-perishables and I found Popeye's spinach and this stuff is probably banned by the NCAA. Like this stuff is going to get you jacked. I don't know if it's placebo, but we've all watched the cartoons. It's going to do something. Yeah. Squeeze it directly out of the can into your mouth. You can feel your biceps getting bigger.

I haven't gotten strong enough to do that yet, but if I eat more, I think we'll get there. What about Billy? What about, um, I know I personally, like I can feel my muscles atrophying. I, I, I can't go to a gym. I can't do anything. I have a weight vest that I walk around in, but other than that, it's really been bad for my, uh, health.

So what should I do? Okay. So what I've been doing is I've been having to deal with a lot of stuff. Actually, wait, let me just get one more serious thing and then one more serious thing. Okay. So if you're taking care of someone who might have Corona, this is my strategy. So I'm currently taking care of someone who might have Corona. So I'm giving them electrolyte water.

I'm giving them a gallon of it and then I'm giving them another gallon of water. After they finish that in one day, so two, two gallons of water is a little short. Gallons electrolytes, first gallons were electrolytes, second gallons regular. Do you recommend sex to help fix the Corona? No, no, I'm recommending also hot green tea, lemon juice and honey three times a day because the hot water washes down the virus. Okay. Okay.

Sounds legit. Hot water and salt three times a day and test your temperature, test the temperature of your patient every day. And if they have a fever, give them Tylenol. Anyway, that's all I have to say. That's all the serious stuff. Grandma, you can now close the podcast. Thank you so much for listening.

Sorry, I haven't seen you in a long time. I'll call you today. Love you, grandma. Okay. Love you, grandma. Love you, grandma. Billy's not going to get you sick. He's doing this.

He's staying away because he loves you. Yeah. All right. Now we can get the things. Anyway. Okay. So what I've been doing is I've just been ripping Red Bull just 23% It has B12. It is B12 in it, which is supposed to keep Corona away.

Yeah. If it's my own, it's my buddy Lang, thanks, Lang. Come on. Thanks. Come on, Lang. How's Dale doing, by the way? Dale's doing amazing. Dale is playing D three lacrosse.

Oh, shit. He went, he went that route. He could have played football. Is he upset that his seasoning are canceled? He's upset. I mean, it's whatever. Freshman season. He wasn't going to play anyway.

I mean, no. Are you going to take your extra year of eligibility if you get it? I don't know how it's all going to work. I'm just sort of thinking about Corona right now and staying in shape. If I've been, I've definitely been exposed to Corona. I definitely might have Corona, but I'm probably one of those people who like are spreading and have no idea they have it. So I'm just like safely like I have a small cough.

So whenever I get like congested, I've been ripping smelling salts. It's been totally clearing me up. So my workout plan is so football coaches and strength coaches across the nation are freaking out because all their guys have put on so much mass over the winter, so much numbers. And now most of them don't have gyms in their house because, you know, football players are social lifters. They like to lift as a team.

They don't really like to lift by themselves and they don't have to. So no one really has at home gyms kind of because they all go to their high school to lift. So what I've been doing is I've been ripping 300 push-ups a day sporadically throughout the day. I kind of like basically when I first got into quarantine, I was really worried about this. So I looked up prison workouts because solitary confinement type stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. What did you find? Well, you see all the tweets like I wish I could go to prison and focus on gym. Well, now's your time to focus on true. I got nothing else to do. So planks 300 push-ups planks in between every 25 or 50 depends on how in shape you are wall sits, but you got to put something heavy on your quads while

you're doing it because that really gets your legs burning. Pull ups as many as you can. And then if you got a buddy who's not sick, not achy, pull up on what? Pull up on some random things. Make sure you sanitize them first though. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you can go outside, I mean fire escapes, whatever you can do.

Yeah. On the ground floor. Billy, do you recommend just going around like you were talking about helping out people? Do you recommend just going around and just like maybe sanitizing random surfaces around like New York City? Also, I mean, it's their public places. Also, I have a couple of recipes for disinfectants.

Okay. I'd love to hear those. Yeah. Okay. Whoa. Oh, you're right. Dude. Yeah.

It's a wet cough. That's not good. I don't think that's. No, the dry cough is bad when the wet cough is a good one. He's not good. You're the scientist. My bad. So, um, if you, uh, so if you're running out of bleach, uh, rubbing alcohol, you know,

hand sanitize, whatever, go to your liquor store and buy ever clear. It has a super high alcohol content. Water it down and that can be a great disinfectant. Like seriously, I know this great content, but like seriously. No, you're right. Um, what else? And you can get fucked up on it. I mean, hypothetical.

Jungle juice. Yeah. Jungle juice is the best medicine for this virus. It sounds like. Yeah. Um, yeah. So that's what I've been doing. I mean, I call it crisis fuel.

Red bull. Well, I'm in crisis mode right now. What's in crisis fuel? Give us the crisis fuels. Red bull. Chocolate milk. Just like, I've been making some killer meals though. Just like, I'm going for like quarantine bulk.

Cause who knows? Hypothetically, food runs out. You want, you want the extra blubber. I've been looking around my. That would mean they would come after you first. They go after the fattest. You want some weight on you. Yeah.

You need some mass. You need some strengths. Wait. So just so people at home know crisis fuel is red bull. Chocolate milk. Everclear. No. Dayquel.

Minus the Everclear. Well, the Everclear is that's like a chaser. A little bit. Just a little crisis fuel. So Billy, I've been, I've been looking around my apartment and I've been doing some squats. I've been doing some planks. I've been hitting the peloton hard, but I don't know how to get my biceps going because I don't have any just, you know, I don't have dumbbells later on.

Should I take a pillowcase and like fill it up with books and then use that or what? So what I've been doing is I get a broom stick, right? I put two buckets of actually like this, the water. Right. Painter buckets. And then just curl that. Oh. That gets a good pump.

This is like Rocky four right now. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of. Do you spill at all? Have you ever spilled? Yeah. But I do in the garage. Yeah.

That's actually, that just helps with the crisis fuel. That's how you mix the crisis. You don't have a garage in New York City. I know. Do it in your bathroom or something. Get creative. Yeah. I might just say a couple of chairs on the side.

Yeah. That's pretty much what I've been doing. All right. So, oh, you know what else? No, you got to learn how to shop smart. Everyone's panic buying. You got to get out of the box. So what I've been doing is when I went, I'm buying smart.

So the thing is people will buy spaghetti, right? Penne like regular shaped pasta. No one's buying the lasagna noodles. Completely the same like pasta and like bread too. Everyone's buying bread. No one's buying hot dog rolls. You know what I'm saying? So I've been making PB and J's and hot dog rolls.

And honestly, I'm never going back. Yeah. Because PB and J doesn't fall out of the sample. Like PB and J falls out of sandwiches. In the hot dog roll, it's like a taco. Right. That's cheap. That's really it.

You never know. Is it a PB and J hot dog or a PB and J sandwich? Oh. Yeah. Well, it's all a societal construct. True. Good point. That's true.

You learned that in what philosophy 101? Yeah. Everything's a construct. Society. You've been, you've been exposed to some very dangerous ideas in college, Billy. Yeah.

Yeah. What's, what's the most practical thing that you've learned in college that you've been able to adapt to, to dealing with this coronavirus? That's a good question. I survived motto. I'll survive this.

I mean, I'm not going to go down with Corona. Right. Well, isn't, can you say that viruses are just a construct as well? Well, no, viruses aren't, might not actually be life. They might be aliens. What? That one.

Yeah. They don't have regular DNA. Okay. So like that's another thing. We don't really know how these things work entirely. Right. How did it, how did it start?

What is your, do you have any like, Well, my opinion is so they, so they did the DNA. Let me look at my notes. This is just opinion people. So everyone thinks it's bats,

but the picture, so it matches bat Corona DNA, 96 or 98%. There's different articles, but they can't directly link the bats to humans. What I think is they're, they need a separate character in the middle. And what a lot of people think is it went from bats to a certain,

um, Asian yellow. I want to say. I've been talking about these fuckers. Yeah. So the thing is, um, according to Eastern medicine, pangolins,

pangolin scales, they look like, they look like that, um, Pokemon, uh, the armadillo, sand,

Charmander. No, no, the one, it was like, Rafael, it was a Ray Quasar. We'll get it.

No, but anyway, the scales are, Palo sand. Yeah. Wait, wasn't it? Palo sand.

Yeah. Maybe. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. So those things, if they think that they grind up the scales, they like have secret properties.

So some of them are treating anxiety. And the other one was devils and ogres and women. That was the other cure. Probably makes your dick hard. Blood flow and circulation. That's, I feel like that most modern medicine is like, this could cure disease or it could make your dick hard.

Yeah. It's $600 a scale. It's like on its team. It's like the biggest traded exotic animal in China. Anyway, I think it went from bats to pangolins to humans. That's the scientific answer. Do you think that,

that maybe there's any chances had something to do with Joe exotics, like tiger and wild animal farm because we're getting like that documentary. He's getting so many ratings right now because everyone's sitting in their house. I just want to have a direct line to purchasing those things. Yeah.

I just watched episode three and it was nuts. Actually, did you see that Netflix conspiracy that, they had a documentary about pandemics. Yeah. Was the, the trailer was released like two hours after the first case of coronavirus was reported in China. Jeez.

That's. Hey, I mean, this is a Netflix, a Netflix built pandemic. Have you, have you looked into Bill Gates at all Billy? No,

I don't think he's, he's losing a lot of money right now. Okay. Check, check that out. About Epstein, is he associated with this in any way? Hey, who knows?

I mean, I'm not, is it appropriate for us to be happy that Harvey Weinstein has contracted this disease? Yeah. I mean, if I was Harvey, I'd pretend that I had it too,

because I just want to get on a gem pop real quick. You think though that coronavirus kind of a bullshit move to go into Harvey Weinstein, cause then it's kind of getting a little bit of like a plus on the, on the, everyone's like, Hey, go Corona virus go like I'm team Corona virus when it pertains to

Harvey Weinstein. Well, you know, it's really messed up. There's a whole group of people on the internet, sick individuals who are rooting for Corona because they think it's going to depopulate the earth and stop global warming. Damn.

That's just a bad opinion to have. Yeah. I'm anti dose. I'm, I'm anti viral genocide. I'm pro human race. Yeah. What about Harvey Weinstein?

Are you rooting for the Corona? Anti, anti. So that, see what I'm saying though, like in that specific case, we actually are team Corona virus. Yes.

Well, it's kind of fucked up. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, if anything, the Corona virus has shown that we're all hypocrites. Exactly.

You know, every rule there's an exception. Yeah. Yeah. That's for now. I'm interested in when you say that this might be an alien virus, like not just a zoonotic transmission, like you were talking about with the bats and the pangolins and all that

stuff, like if you look at the percentage of life on earth, it's like 97% of it or whatever is, you can't see it with naked eye. It's like a micro level or it's like a viral level or something like that. So if you're thinking about alien life forms, we're not, why are we automatically assuming that they're all like little green or human

oids, right? They could be tiny little viruses. No. Well, I heard this guy screaming on the side of the street about this. He was like, he was like, this is the first part of an alien invasion.

This is the weakness and they're coming right after. And who knows what, here, what is it? Yeah. What April has in store. Yeah. What were his,

was he sourced well or? No, I didn't check his credentials. Okay. Whereas his cardboard signs peer reviewed. We'll have to take a look at that. Okay. So Billy,

I do appreciate though you, you speaking as a zoomer, trying to tell kids like, Hey, you guys got to stay inside because this is, this is going to get bad. This is going to get worse. What other things can your generation do to try to pass the time to

make staying inside cool? That's really the, like the code we haven't cracked. How can we make staying inside a cool thing for people that just want to fucking party? I mean, honestly. So here, let me check my notes.

Okay. I mean, it's definitely getting kids to stop vaping. That's a nice bonus. Yeah. I think people are quitting cigarettes too. Yeah. I mean, like there's,

because think about it, the countries that are getting hit hardest have the highest smoking rates. Right. Hey, Hey, Billy, from a practical standpoint,

I was thinking about going into the office over the course of the week at some point, because we have the bench press in the studio and there's not going to be anybody around. How, how long would I have to wait? Let's just say like I went in, knocked out a few reps on the bench.

I was like, I'm going to get down with Clorox at what point does it become safer Hank to get in there and throw some iron around? Well, I heard it the virus last three days without a host. That's why I heard. Okay. But what about the Clorox?

Well, it might, it might kill it, but to be totally safe, totally safe, you know, okay. Yeah. We'll have to schedule our workouts in that way.

Yeah. Three days apart. Yeah. All right. Anything else for us, Billy? This has been very informative. Thank you. Um,

basically like our new like month, our new Sunday ritual just have like really, I mean, if you need me to do research on something, I will come on the show. Yeah. We do. You facts I can get.

Yeah. We're going to have a lot of questions. Yeah. Are you scared? Am I scared? Um, honestly, like,

I kind of like really like, kind of really like comfortable in this crisis situation. You know, it's like my mind moves real fast and at a time like this, this is kind of the time for your mind to move fast. So I feel like everyone's at my speed now. You know? Yeah.

No, I mean, some people they tend to get calmer in times of great crisis. I think you have that quality. That's a sign of a good leader. Hopefully. Yeah. But, uh, let me think.

Yeah. I'm just, I'm honestly just the product of someone who wasn't allowed to watch cartoons and only could watch sports, the discovery channel, history channel, HGTV, animal planet.

So that's a lot of channels. Yeah. Yeah. But just not cartoon network. Right. No cartoons. Oh, I got to watch TV as a kid.

Watch a lot TV, like mythbusters. That's sick. It's educational. Yeah. And you're our director of pandemic response. I thought that guy wearing the beret, like that was a little after a while.

I was like, dude, come on, just take it off. Hey, I mean, if I was like, what would you do if you're balding? Yeah. Yeah.

Or you could do the Brett Michaels rock to bandana, the do rack with a cowboy hat. Yeah. I was driving through Chicago and there's so many billboards of Brian Urlakis. Yes. It's like ridiculous.

Like it's like a joke. Yes. The minute you get on. Yes. Yes. The minute you get off a plane at O'Hare, it's like right in your face. Everyone around your locker,

change your life. New hair, baby. But it was like so many, so not spaced out. It was like ridiculous. Yeah. But you know that you two can look awesome with new hair. Hey,

Hey, I think I got good genes. You got great. Also, um, my great, great aunts, uh,

was supposed to die of Spanish flu. Oh, but she survived. She was said she wasn't supposed to live through the night. And she ended up living till 90. So, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hell yeah.

That's a great, yeah, that's a great message. And after this is over, you're going to be immune to having it, right? Basically, if you're going to, you're going to be able to like run all the errands for everyone.

Yeah. It's like a superpower, but you might also spread it to everybody. So you got to be careful. Sure. But that's a, I love that Billy. So,

you know, we're all going to, you got to beat this thing and then we all live to 90. And we have a renaissance. And a renaissance. All right, Billy. Well, thanks guys.

It's great to see you. Thanks buddy. Thanks Billy. I love your projects. If this lasts more than a few months, Hey, as long as it helps people pass the time, it gives people a smile and gets them through this time.

It does. I'll tell you what, it absolutely does. People will be very happy that you were on the on today and happy to hear from you. Crisis fuel. All right. Thanks Billy.

Thanks Billy. Good luck taking care of your patient as well. Tell that person that we're rooting for him. Definitely. Thanks boys. That interview Billy football is brought to you by our great friends at shady rays. Everyone knows we're in crazy times right now.

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We're doing a little throwback because we're going to be in Skype mode very soon with the coronavirus. When we were talking about doing that show with Skype, I remember that's how I got started with you. You got canceled though, right? Your show got canceled. Oh, no, we're going to be all over the place. You're getting canceled.

We're not. Oh, seems like you're OK. At least you got some fight left in you. Are you nervous about the coronavirus? Because I heard through the grapevine you weren't respecting the Rona. You weren't taking it seriously. I figured this is why you wouldn't talk to me.

We haven't spoken in such a long while. You probably figured this is the last time maybe that we'll ever speak. Yep. Let's interview, actually, and hope that you survive. And if you don't, I would honestly just like, if you do pass away, can you put in your will that we get access to all your mail that comes in, your burnt mail?

I'm not ready to commit to that yet. OK. I'm talking about the mail. You can come to the funeral. OK. I'll be there. All right. But no, seriously, are you staying safe?

We want to make sure that you're staying safe in all seriousness. All jokes aside, it is serious issue. I'm in beautiful Florida. It looks like for the longest period of time, I'm looking at a beautiful sunset out on my balcony. And this is the longest time we've ever been here, because the only reason I really wanted to go back, I haven't seen

my grandchildren, who are nine and five. Shut up, Max B. Shut up, Max B. We went back. Yep. Yeah. And Matt B. And if we went back, we couldn't see him for 14 days anyway.

So I will say the interesting part about this, which you folks really probably can't relate to this. But I'm in pretty decent health for my age. But now that everybody's saying elderly, elderly, elderly, you start to think they're talking about me. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

I don't think of myself that way. But apparently, I better stop. Well, you're young at heart. I think that's, you do have some fights to you. If I was the coronavirus, I would not mess with Mr. Portnoy. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm young at heart. I have a heart. No. And you asked me in my nervous. I think my son thought I would be apoplectic. I mean, I just really, I guess it's a lot of times, you know, you never think anything is going to physically, you don't expect to have a heart attack unless there's some history.

You know what I mean? Right. It's just, you don't think it's always going to happen to the next guy. That's what I'm trying to say. Yes. Not to you, you know? But whatever happens, I think my son was actually stunned that

I wasn't crazy. Of course, he made up for it because he called me so incredibly stupid because I went to the airport. Yes. That was stupid. Did you care about that? Yeah, that was very stupid. Why don't you tell us the entire back and forth that you did

because it was incredibly stupid. He is right by saying that you need to take care of yourself and stay inside, but tell us what happened. All right, he misrepresented actually some of the things that happened. What happened was we had a flight to go back on, it was on a Tuesday and the boss said, why don't we see if we can get an earlier flight to get out of here before things really get out,

totally out of control. So, of course, I try to call the airline, it was Delta. And the phone, I couldn't get the line, it tried like five times. And finally, I said, look, this is ridiculous. I know I'm not going to get through. So, the airport is not that far from where we are. I mean, it's a 10, 15 minute ride.

So, I said, I'm going to go to the airport. And I want to say this is where he started to say things that weren't true. This airport is not Logan Airport or Chicago. It's, you know, it's a relatively small airport. And it's not nearly as busy most of the time as these major airports. So, I get there.

No problem. I parked the car. No problem. And I go in there and it's not really good. Great pronunciation there, by the way. Great pronunciation. Yeah, I tried that. I was trying to do that.

I did that intentionally. You know it gets results. Yeah. So, I forget what they called it, but there was an area where you go if you wanted to make a change, I guess, on the ticket. I forget what they called it. So, I get in that line. There's only about four or five people in that line.

And we're keeping our distance so nobody's going to get sick. And they were mostly people my age, I would say, in the line. But I get it. So, finally, it didn't take that long to get to the line. At this point, I'm only there for about 15 minutes. It really worked very quickly. So, I get to the head of the line, the woman who was older than me working for the airline, that's for sure.

She was no kid. But she's very nice. And so, I kind of want to change. We wanted to get a direct flight. It didn't make any sense if it was going to be a stopover, you know. And there was nothing available. I thought it was, when I went to the airport, I think it was

on a Friday. It was a Tuesday. I thought we could get out on Saturday. Okay. But wait, it was... Instead of... Oh, the ticket was Tuesday. Got it.

No, the flight was scheduled for Tuesday. But you went on a Friday to get out of there on a Saturday. Right. Got it. But there was nothing available. So, the next thing we ended up, the only thing that was available was the day before, the Monday. And at that point, I just took it because it was ridiculous.

But then we got back here, and the thing that really convinced me is my son seemed to be actually interested in my well-being. Whoa. And that would surprise me. And he sent us a text or an email, I feel what you want to say. You shouldn't go.

You should not go. You make a mistake. And my daughter did the same thing, you know, independently, saying the same thing. And a couple other people that are close to me did the same thing. And the more we thought about it, I mean, you know, I had some reasons I wanted to get back.

But they were outweighed, but I thought I might be dead if I go back. Right. So, that's why I'm here now. And it looks like I'm going to be here for a while. Sir, in Florida, you're staying in place. Are you comfortable down there? Do you have access to enough food?

And what's your toilet paper situation like? That's a problem. I was going to, that is one problem we have. Do you have guys have any extra? I don't have a square to spare. I have a few. Yeah. I have a few.

No big deal. I might be in touch with you. Yeah. Okay. But the problem is you still like went outside. Like you need to stop going outside. Period. What do you mean by outside other people?

I can go outside. Yeah. But you went out, you went to the airport and you stood online and you interacted with people. But I'm telling you that even with the saying now, as long as you can be in a fairly large area, there's only four or five people, which is what it was. But if one of them has it, it's curtains.

It's curtains for the Mr. Portnoy show. Did you now, did you see your son and I discussing that coronavirus potentially would show up to your doorstep, hear you complaining about God knows what, turn around and be like, no thanks. Like if it's going to take, if I'm going to have to live here for 14 days, it's not worth it. I don't want this.

And you basically beat coronavirus off by just who you are. That's possible. You know what I'm saying? When this stuff, I don't know about you folks, but I never realized how much I touched my face. Yes. Yeah, me too. I mean, it's just, and of course, cousin Linda here, she's

giving me, every time I go out, I'm not talking, you know, even if I'm just going downstairs at the condo here and I get back in the elevator, she's giving me paper towels. Yeah. You know, put over the buttons, which is what you're supposed to do. She's right. But I forget every, I forget every single time.

Now, how's that working out between the two of you? Do you have, do you have rules in place that you guys don't get sick of each other? I'll answer that question by saying we're getting along as well, as well as we ever did. Really? Take that. You could take that any way you want.

You just needed a pandemic to find true love. Yeah. Well, you, you, you jump to the conclusion of what that meant. What, um, do you have any other? Yeah. Tell you one other thing too. Yes. You talk about, so I'm getting, I am here and I'm probably one of

the youngest people here. You're doing it again, where you're like, like, hey, don't worry, I'm good. I'm a spry 78. Yeah. So I get it. Listen, I get on the elevator. It's not a big elevator, it's a small elevator.

And they're getting on the elevator. There's a guy that gets on the elevator. It could be my father. And so I'm trying to avoid him. And it's a, you talk about a small area. This is a small area. So he gets off, I get off and I go for my walk. I'm gone for about 45 minutes.

I go back on the elevator. He goes back on again. If I survive that, I can survive anything. Okay. All right. Yeah. Now, what about from a legal standpoint, you are our lawyer, you've gotten us out of some, some hot issues in the past.

Uh, how are the court cases that are already in the, in the system going to be proceeding? Is there just going to be like a freeze on trials across America? Well, I, in the courts of Massachusetts are closed. I mean, that's, obviously this is a, this is, you know, what do you call it? This is a unicorn. This is this whole situation. I mean, this is crazy.

I mean, you know what? You know what? The thing about it is when you, you know, when we had the, and you had your car going wherever and you had these big snow storms and you know, you're going to be cooped up for, even in the worst storms, you might be cooped up five days a week or whatever, but you know that it's going to come to an end. Right.

All right. The problem here is who knows when this is going to end. You know what I mean? I mean, they're talking about, I, I have, I don't know. I, I, I, PFT, you're like me. You have no confidence in anything you hear from the government. I don't know if y'all like that. It's true.

Yeah. You gotta be pegged. Big time. I mean, yeah, you gotta be figured out. Especially with the people that are in charge now. I mean, there's no truth coming out way that I can see. I like Fauci though. Fauci, Fauci is telling us how to flatten the curve.

Are you getting mad at- You're going to write a book. Are you mad at people that- You're going to write a book. That you see out in public? Have you yelled at any, any kids or teens that you might see in, in your neighborhood for socializing? There are no teens around here.

Okay. Okay. That's good. I've been seeing a teen in, I've been seeing a teen in three months here. Okay. Okay. All right. That's good.

That's good. So what about your complaints overall? With this pandemic going on, I would imagine your complaints maybe like perspective-wise, you're like, hey, it's not a big deal. Is that true or do you still have something you'd like to complain about? That's it. Obviously, that's one, that affects how you think a little bit. You know, all this stuff looks small, but I'm not somebody that I give up on these things.

You know, I sent you a while ago. Yeah. I sent you. I had a, I'm going to tell it to you now. This is, this is, this one, I was, I was triggered as the kids say with this thing. Yep. I'm not going to name the bank, but it's Bank of America. Okay.

Here's what happened. I get an email from them and now this all seems like small potatoes, but I'm going to tell you anyway, the light of what's happened since this took place, I want to say about two months ago now. So I get a notice from Bank of America that my, my credit card has been compromised and they're giving me a new credit card with a new number. And of course, when I first saw it, I thought it was a fake, you know, they were, they were going to try to get some information from me and whatnot.

It was not a fake. A few days later, I get a card with a new number. Okay. What happens is I have about, I learned a lesson, which I knew, but I didn't act on it. I knew this. I have about six or seven things that are charged to this account every month, the credit card account automatically, right? So I, and I'll give an example, one of the companies is like Swin, the cell phone.

It's up to me to call these companies and tell them about the new number. Because if they try to use the old number, it's not going to go through. I've had that experience before and I started thinking, I had to make, it's about six companies and I'm saying to myself, how come I have to do this? They're the ones that gave me the new number. Why don't they do it? Why don't they call these? You're upset that you have to, you have to tell people that your credit card's changed.

He's kind of right though. The credit card company should have to go tell everyone because they're the ones who gave them the new number. Right. Exactly. And I'm talking about some of these companies, you know what it's like to call Sprint and try to tell him, tell them this whole story, you're, you're going to kill a half hour or an hour.

Right. I got all the time in the world, but that's besides the point. So I'm getting progressively more upset about this. So I called Bank of America and I explained to one, I just explained to you and I said, why do I have to do this? So I got a very nice lady and she says to me, you know, I've listened to this, you're 100% right, but there's nothing we can do about it. She's, I understand your complaint.

You're right. You're right. You're right. So then, and by the way, now I'm not sure whether some of these might have been automatically changed or not, but she indicated they may be some of them were. So now I don't know which number is the right one. So after I made sure that I'm telling you, it might have been a seven or eight accounts that they have been properly changed by me checking with each one of these damn creditors.

The next day I get an email from Bank of America saying, we change them for you. What? So they did do what you said. Yeah, but they did, but when I spoke to this woman, she said, we're not going to do that. Well, it's good to know that you still got complaints. Yeah. Yeah. It's good to still have complaints.

Right. Yeah. Well, that might be my last one. No, we're going to know that there's an issue. If you stop complaining about stuff, that's going to be the canary in the gold mine where like there's something very wrong. This report. Yeah.

I want to say you didn't look too happy the other day with Penn, the Penn stock. No, it's not going so hot. It's not going so hot. I'm going to say right now it's, yeah, no, it's, I would like, I'd like the stock market to go up, not down. I think my econ one on one class that I didn't take would tell you that. I want to tell you something. And this is what my son is doing.

He knows, he knows absolutely nothing about this, but it never stopped me before. Go and be a day trader. He's day trading and he's, he's losing so much money. I sent, I sent Lodge, I sent Lodge, I said, don't leave inside on any circumstances. Who, who have you been talking to Lodge, Lodge, Lodge, Lodge, got it, Lodge, like he's, he's, he's losing so much money. I think Mr. Portnoy with the combination of Tom Brady signing with the box and the way the stock market's going, I wouldn't be shocked if we're passing out newspapers in like two

weeks and we're back to square one. Could happen. It could happen. We're doing, we're doing Skype rundowns again where we're all fighting with each other, which are very funny, but this is, it's a weird, weird time. I'll tell you something too about the day trading. You can lose money a lot faster than betting on games. Agreed.

A lot faster. Agreed. Big time. Big time. All right. Well, Mr. Portnoy, please, for real, stay safe. We love you and we don't want anything bad to happen. So we do need you to follow all the rules and all that.

Can you give us any tips that you might have like things that you're doing to pass the time? I'm taking more naps. Oh, nice. That's smart. That's actually an underrated way to get through this crisis. Yeah. Fast forward on life. What time, what time is it got like you wake up in the morning?

Yeah, you want the truth? Yeah. That's why I asked. My first wake is anywhere between four and four third. And are you up? Well, I got to go to the bathroom. Right. But then you stay up.

You stay up. I go to the bathroom. I used to check the stock market, but I don't do that anymore at four thirty in the morning. What time do you change? Yeah. What's that? Before. Because you went to sleep before four thirty.

Right. So I generally, I don't go right back. If I, if I can, let's say I got up at four thirty, I'll get back in bed and say, but I won't sleep. Yeah. If I can between four thirty and say eight, if I can catch another hour somewhere along the line. Right.

I'm in good shape. That's pretty good. Yeah. It's not bad. And then what time do you go to bed at night? No. We're actually, we're actually talking to you while you sleepwalk right now. No.

I, I, you know, this is one of the things that I've been, forever I read is a terrible thing. If I'm, if I'm going to check out early in my lifetime, one of the reasons would be because I only sleep five, five hours a night. You're like John Kennedy. Yeah. So I mean, you know, that's, that's not good. Oh yeah.

It's not good. I'm going to sleep better for the immune system. Yeah. Trick lots of orange juice, emergency. So we're, we're right now. Where's it? Apple cider vinegar. We're in New York City.

Yeah. Well, this is our last time. So we're, we're basically doing like five interviews in two hours tonight so that that way we don't have to be together for the next. Oh, I see. That's why you weren't too happy when I needed another 15 minutes. Yeah. We're trying to knock these out, but we are social distancing right now.

It's only four of us at the office. We're all six feet away from each other. So yeah. And then we're going to be sheltering in place after this. You're in the office. You're in the office. Yes. Right now.

We came in after everybody else left today, so we're not around a bunch of people at the same time. It's the four of us. We're spread out. And then after that, back to our respective apartments and just basically not communicating with anybody in real life for the next two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. I'm sure most of this is not going to go on the air, but so, so, and so when do you tomorrow that you're not going to be able to get back in there?

No, we can get in there, but I don't think we're, I don't think anyone wants to. I think everyone's going to really, really try to hunker down and not go anywhere and get your social footprint as small as possible. I also think that there's going to be like a request from the New York City government for everybody to shelter in place for a while. But you don't usually listen to things like that. No, I listen. Well, I listen.

I'll listen to that. I'll absolutely listen to that. I'll still go to like, you know, there's a store next to my house that I'll go to. You don't like to be, you don't like to have people tell you what to do. I know that. I don't, but I also like, I don't like to have people die. I don't want people like you to die. My preference for not murdering people takes precedence over my distrust of government.

That's good to hear. You know, I hate to tell you fellas this, but I just saw something in the news that they're starting to say that this may not be a situation where it's just the elderly and the infirm. I'm going to have a problem. I just saw that about an hour ago. Oh, I think everyone, no, it's serious for everyone. I mean, there's a lot of people that it's, it's not a big deal, but that you can't take

that risk. There are young people dying as well. What are you trying to like? It's a one. Are you trying to like basically be like, haha, you guys can die too? Wouldn't it be something if I lived the both of you? That would be something. Yeah, it would.

It would be incredible. Would you give the eulogy at both of our funerals? I promise I'll be there. Okay. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, my word. Perfect.

Perfect. All right. Well, seriously, do stay safe and we're thinking about you. I'm going to try. Hopefully we see you soon and after everything's passed and sports are back and life is back to normal. I didn't like the way he said everything passed that hit me another way. Not everything.

Not everything. Most things. Like me. Yeah. No, we want you around for many, many, many, many, many more years. All right. Well, I think to you guys, I hope everybody does well and your family, family, your family do well.

And you want me to say, yeah, what was it? It's a weird thing to say. I hope your families do well when it's pretty much you're saying, I hope your family doesn't die. Mm-hmm. Look, you get, you know, when these things happen, you get very philosophical. Yeah. Sentimental.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. Be safe. We're going to count on you. We're going to get back when we get back into the studio. Yeah. Nothing seems all that important. Oh, no, sports are very, very important to me still.

Very, very important. What is your, speaking of that, I want to hear what your thing about Brady, what your attitude about that. I was pretty shocked to be honest, even though it's, it's a weird thing to have happen where everyone tells you something's going to happen, then it happens and you're like, what? No way. But that's kind of how it went. Right?

I thought he was staying. Yeah. We did too. We just thought that there's no chance that he leaves and also that it's going to look really weird seeing him in those weird bucks uniforms. I say this to everybody when we talk about this, not just Brady, but these famous people. They're on such a different level that for us, the average peasants to try to take what we would do in these various situations and transport, transported onto Tom Brady or whatever,

they're totally different. We don't know, we can't know how they even assess things, how they look at things. Obviously, in his case, it's not the money. It couldn't be. Money, the only thing the money could be is that's how we keep score. You know what I mean? But we don't know how he thinks. Well, I mean, he's kind of like you.

You get towards the end of your career, you moved out of Florida. Yeah. I've been compared to him a lot. All right. Do you kiss Dave on the lips? A constant problem I have. Yes. That's a no comment.

Got it. No comment. All right. Mr. Portnay, please be safe. Send our best to cousin Linda, will you? Okay. All right, guys. I'll send you a picture.

I'll send you a picture of my baby, an updated one. I would love to have that. Okay. All right. Just don't do anything with it. Don't be a creep. Okay. I'm going to show it to cousin Linda.

Okay. All right. I'm going to show it to my wife. That's fair. That's fair. All right. We'll talk to you later. That interview with Mike Portnay was brought to you by SimplySafe.

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Go now. Be sure you go to simplysafe.com. That's S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E dot com slash P-M-T. Okay, let's get some segments. We have a new one. By the way, we are going to watch Tiger King. We're going to watch Tiger King. We're going to review it on Friday's show.

We've been watching. We have been watching. Maybe Friday just becomes we review something. Maybe that's what we have to do. We have to review something every single Friday that we can give out. Every Friday we'll give you something new. Maybe it's a documentary show. I don't know.

Let's just do that. Let's start doing that. I'm deciding that. Let's just do it. The character is in Tiger King. Incredible. Incredible. All right.

So everyone watch that. We will review it in full on Friday's show. On Netflix. On Netflix. We also have a new segment. It is Mount Flushmores. It is the Flushmores season, but Pizarro World. We're in the Upside Down World from Stranger Things.

So who wants to start? So we're basically picking the worst four of something, right? It's just the obvious. Mount Flushmores. The most toilet versions of whatever the category is. So Hank, you want to tell us who's starting? Sure. I'll start.

Okay. Okay. So it's going to go Hank and then. Let's go youngest to oldest. Okay. Okay. Perfect. Raisin Bran.

Bad. The cereal is tough because there's like, I think a lot of cereals are pretty good. Raisin Bran, never enough raisins. And I feel like you end up throwing away half of it or more because it gets so soggy. Yeah. True. It is an all time soggy cereal. And when you have a, when you have a bite that's got a good amount of raisins, it's

okay. It's decent. But that whole two scoops thing is such bullshit. Like two scoops of what? It could be like two scoops from a shot glass of raisins that go into each box. Raisin Bran is that one cereal that you, I feel like once a year, you're like, I want to give this a try. I want to be healthy.

Yeah. Yeah. You realize like, yeah, that sucks. Yeah. All right. That's a good first choice. My first choice is going to be, I'm going to go with corn flakes, plain corn flakes. Hate them.

Hate them. Well, you have like PTSD. I do, but I think most people would agree with me that corn flakes, I think they were invented to prevent people in the army from getting erections. Someone has to fact check me on that one, but I'm pretty sure that's where it came from. And yeah, my dad did buy 70 to a hundred boxes of corn flakes because he found a deal at the grocery store where they paid him four cents a box to buy them. So that's all that I ate throughout my entire high school life.

And so I hate them worse than Satan. Like if you surround me in a room full of corn flakes, that is my own personal hell. But yeah, I've got, I've got some history there, but I think you'll agree, corn flakes or trash. Yeah. They're just like, they're the, they're like, why wouldn't you just get frosted flakes? Yeah. Corn flakes, that's a classic cereal where it's like corn flakes are part of this company.

Complete breakfast. And it shows like somebody like on the back of the box and they're just like sitting in a juice cafe surrounded by vegetables. And then the middle, there's like one tiny bowl of corn flakes. All right. I got two. I'm going to go with Kashi, whatever that fucking thing is that everyone has the, do you see it next to all the cereal?

It is a cereal, right? Kashi. I think it is a cereal. Yeah. K-A-S-H-I, I think I've had it once or twice and I hated it so much that I just tried to blink it out of my memory. It's um. Yeah.

It's so gross. So, so gross. All right. So that one, that one, it's, they almost like need to separate it because I almost get offended when I'm buying cereal and I see it there and I'm like, what the fuck out of here? This is a cereal. Yeah. When you see that box, you're like, this is the wrong aisle.

Right. Right. This box should be in the aisle that I intentionally don't go down every time I'm in the grocery. The weird aisle. Yes. Exactly. Off-brand, like locally produced shit, you know, where you can just get a bunch of granola and Kashi.

All right. So Kashi and then Hank, I actually have a worse version of raisin bran, I think, and that's grape nuts. Grape nuts are so gross and it's like, it's like, hey, hey, you think raisin bran's bad? Try some grape nuts. Really bad. Agreed. Yeah.

Grape nuts are trash, but what you'll find is there are some weird grape nuts stands out there. It's like, there's a fandom of people that love grape nuts. By the way, should I'm just realizing this, should we, should we, when we put this out, should we be like best cereals just to get the internet mad? Yes, we should. Yeah. Now Rushmore season's back.

Yes. Yes. We should definitely not, for at least this one, we should just, we should actually do that for every single month. We should, we should, people who listen know what we're talking about, but for Twitter and Instagram, we should always phrase it like the best and then watch people get really upset about it. Agreed.

That's perfect. Mount Rushmore. Okay. All right. Go ahead, PFT. Okay. My next one, I'm going to go with just plain rice krispies. Plain rice krispies are bad.

So soggy on contact. They're more than good. Was that? Yeah. Oh no, that's Frosted Flakes shit. No dude, rice krispies are literally soggy on contact. It's a great pick. Yeah.

They used to have the fire commercial songs though. When I'm eating rice krispies, I just, it feels like something that you'd feed a horse. The problem, the problem with rice krispies, PFT, is that they're such a bad cereal, but then they make the greatest treat. Like that's, it's, it's such a, it's such a bizarre, like they should just discontinue rice krispies as a cereal and just make rice krispie treats. Yeah. And I want to be clear on this.

Rice krispie treats and rice krispie treats cereal is awesome. Yes. But rice krispie, I mean, it just goes to show you that you can literally add sugar, butter, and marshmallow flavoring to anything and it becomes just like a stoner's delight. Yes. Yes. Good pick. Hank.

I will go with Honey Smacks. Oh, good one. Damn it. Gross. Honey Smacks, like whoever made a Honey Smacks, they were like the nerd at, at like the lunch table like, Hey, can I sit here? You know, Froot Loops and Corn Pops and Lucky Charms and all the like, everything else is just sitting and having a good time and Honey Smacks shows up like, Hey guys, what's up?

I'm a sugar cereal. Well, another, I mean, this might be so hard to controversial one, but, but my next one is Corn Pops. Oh, I agree. That is controversial. I like Corn Pops, but I don't like them. It just tastes like nothing. It's just you're eating air basically.

Well, it's sugar. But yeah, sugary air. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with Hank. And I had, I had the Honey Smacks on my list too, because I hate that fucking frog with the backwards hat. It's like poochie from the Simpsons and it tastes like pecan flavored asshole, but that's

another story. And my next pick is going to be, I'm going to go with Wheaties. Great boxes and they're great marketers because they just, they made everyone who wins an Olympic gold medal want to be on, on the cover of their cereal box, even though their cereal tastes like shit. It tastes like an old person's like butthole. So yeah, not a fan of the Wheaties. Okay.

Good pick. All right. I'll go with kind of going off Wheaties, wheat checks. Wheat checks are gross. I like, I don't mind regular checks. You know, what is it? Rice and corn. I always get them confused.

I don't really know the difference, but I've, you see wheat checks and you're like, what the fuck is this? And they're so dry and, uh, um, checks mixed though, pretty good. Checks mixed pretty good. Checks mixed very good actually. How about this one? And this one's going to be, I feel like controversial, but it's the, because I actually, I like this, but I like it in a certain way because I add sugar to it.

So shredded wheat on its own, the big ones, you ever seen the big ones? That's trash. But I do like mini shredded wheats with adding honey nut Cheerios. Well, they have, oh, but they also have frosted mini wheats. Right. That frosted mini wheats I love. I love, or I don't love, but I eat shredded wheat, those mini ones with an added sugar cereal, but the big shredded wheat, the like original shredded wheat are insane.

They're like, they're, they're huge fucking blocks of shredded wheat as like nine per box. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's like a loaf of bread that'll cut the roof of your mouth. Yeah. Do you like Hank? You like that little shredded wheat, uh, uh, honey nut Cheerio combo?

Yeah. That's a good combo. That's a bowel movement cereal. That's where you just like, Hey, I'm going to, I know this thing is healthy, but I can't eat it unless I add the unhealthy thing and they combine them and then you got the health. It also might be uncoastered, but I've always been a big, uh, cereal mixer. No, I like that. I like that Cheerios, apple jacks, honey nut Cheerios, Lucky John.

Okay. That never mind. I don't like that. Whatever you got. Mix it up. Like the soda dispenser. Would you just do every soda? Like sometimes I would just throw my cereals and that's insane.

This is the man who brought you Buffalo sauce combined with barbecue sauce. So it makes sense. Barbecue. All right. PFT year. Last pick. Uh, total. Easy.

Total. Total's trash. It's total garbage. It just makes you shit. That's all it does, which is, that's okay, but, uh, it just, it tastes just terrible. There's nothing. There are no redeeming qualities about that cereal. Agreed.

Uh, this is way more controversial than my last one, but easily my least favorite cereal frosted flakes. Oh, that's the worst option. I never liked them growing up and I'd go to my friend's house for sleepovers or whatever and they're like, Oh, one frosted flakes. No. Disgusting. Never.

Oh man. That's true. I like Tony the Tiger. He's a cool guy. Good mascot. What is it like being a, if your parent and Hank comes over to your house for like a sleepover, your son invites Hank Lockwood over and in the morning you bring out the frosted flakes and Hank's like, you gross, do you have honey smacks and honey nut Cheerios and Lucky Charms

and kicks that I can mix together? I would just like drink the milk and then be like, Oh, I'm done. The only one, other one I had on my list that I honestly, and this is probably a little bit of quarantine brain, I can't remember if I don't like it or not. I can't remember if I don't like life or not. I was, I was ready to defend life until I died. Life is delicious. Is it?

Life is good. Life is good. I honestly can't remember the last time I had it and I was thinking about it. I was like going through my brain. I was like, do I like life? That's where we're at with the quarantine. Yeah. Life is good.

Life is good. Life is good. But it's, it's the most boring packaging that you could ever imagine. Like whoever dreamed that up, they haven't changed the front of that box since like 1965. It's kind of weird now that we're talking about this, that there's no like, there hasn't been like any new, awesome new cereal. They just make, they just take candy bars and turn them into cereals now. Right.

They have like Sour Patch Kids cereal. It's like Hollywood. They just take the fucking comics and make them into movies. Give us a new cereal. Yeah. There hasn't been any, like any breakthroughs in the cereal game. Cheerios has come out with like 40 sequels and most of them are pretty good. But yeah, there hasn't been like a new staple in the pantry in a long time.

Maybe we should change that. I'm also happy that no one said honey bunches of votes because that's the greatest like hack of I'm eating healthy, but it's really just sugar cereal. Agreed. I love honey bunches of votes. It's my favorite. Like, oh yeah, I'm eating healthy here. You know what I left out?

Tricks. Tricks is trash. Tricks is trash. Tricks is delicious. Tricks is good. Tricks is big time trash. I mean, I agree with Hank. I think that tricks, tricks would be good as like to sprinkle in as one of your mixture

elements, Hank. But like a full bowl of tricks. Oh, tricks and fruity pebbles. Forget it. All right. So that's our first mouthwash. We'll do, we'll do them every show. So if you have something that you think we should rank the worst four options of we will

do anything. We, the world is our oyster because we've never done it. So we can basically go forever for this and we are going to tweet out that there are favorites. Imagine when we do this one, we're like worst power forwards of all time. And then we just tweet out like the best four power forwards all time people are going to get so bad. I love it. This is going to actually give me life.

I'm back on Twitter. I like, I like Twitter again, just by watching people get upset about this. I told you. All right. Uh, last up, we have two, two segments left. We have embraced debate. Uh, can you drink beer during eye racing because they had the eye racing 500 this, uh, Sunday, which actually, did you guys tune in?

It was kind of cool. I still don't understand NASCAR. So that's one of the main problems, but that's sounds, that's more of a personal thing. Yeah. PFT, do you like it? I flipped past it. It looked okay. It didn't hold my attention.

When I say I watched it, I watched it for about three minutes, but it was, I think I was more mesmerized with how good the graphics were. Yeah. And I was like, Holy shit, this is, this is fake. And so the embrace debate is, can you drink a beer while I racing? Cause I guess possibly a couple of the eye racers were drinking beers. We also should mention that Denny Hamlin, AWL, uh, won because he can't stop winning at everything.

But PFT, do you think that you should be able to drink a beer while I racing? Yeah. Well, that's a clean, clean lawyer studies. I need a beer right now. It is, it is just eye racing, right? Yeah. There should, there should be an exclusive event where all the drivers are hammered and call it DWI racing and then just see what they're like going 150 miles an hour hammered

a shit. Like you have to blow above a 0.16 to even qualify. I like who wouldn't tune into that. I would absolutely watch that. We should do drunk Mario Kart. Yeah. Marine rainbow road, three sheets of the wind. Okay.

Write that down. We're going to do that. All right. Last up, we have PR 101 for Jamal Murray. So, um, Jamal Murray accidentally, and I'm going to put this on quarantine brain, uh, put on his Instagram story, a video of his girlfriend sucking his dick full video, very graphic video. So shout out thoughts and prayers to Jamal Murray's nuts.

If you watch the video and so I didn't see the video, did it go all the way till completion or was it like, it was a solid 15, make it, Hank, you didn't make it all the way through the video. I didn't, I, I was asleep and I didn't, uh, I didn't catch up on, no, it was, it was not all the way to completion, but it was very graphic video. Um, and then he said he got hacked and then his girlfriend, who I feel very bad for because she obviously didn't want this to happen in one of the funniest, uh, unintentionally funniest tweets out there of, I clearly don't understand the internet tweeted.

If you have the video, please delete it. It's federal crime. That's like when we, when we like do like the, like, please don't retweet this. Like she did it, but seriously, right? It's like when we have a picture where Belly is coming over the top of her waistband, we're like, please remove from the internet. She actually asked for the internet's help in doing something good that work. I didn't, I haven't seen it anywhere else.

So I think I'll send it to you guys, you guys, well, it's federal crime, federal crime. Please don't. But yeah, also the internet roasted Jamal Murray's pubes. So, uh, they said it looked like, uh, someone with syphilis's hair, like Kevin Durant's hairline or something like that. So, uh, I mean, that's a pretty good spin zone for that girl is at least nobody's talking about the video of you giving head. The video is like just showing off how awful Jamal Murray's pubes are.

It also is the worst possible time to do something like that because there's nothing to talk about. So like if this was March Madness, imagine that if that had happened at two AM on March Madness weekend, it might have gotten a little buzz, but for the most part, people just wouldn't have paid attention because you would have upsets going on and just like March Madness. He did, he put out, he put out his own sex tape by accident at the worst, worst possible time. Yeah.

What's remarkable is that he was able to upload this to Instagram and actually accomplish it at two o'clock in the morning. Cause when you try to upload something to Instagram stories, at least for me, 50% of the time it doesn't work. And I forget, I close out of Instagram and then I get back on later and I'm like, oh yeah, that video is still uploading because I exited the application eight hours ago. He had, he had to see it through. And so it was longer than just the 15 seconds.

How many dots were there in this video of him getting his dick sucked? I think he just, it was just one video that he put up there, but it had been on like, I think he honestly, it was like multiple stories and, and he just accidentally put up a video that was on his phone. I actually, you know what? I can relate to this a little bit, not that I have sex videos that I have so many pictures of the big black cock meme that when I text someone, I'm so nervous now that I'm going to text them the wrong thing because my phone is filled with it.

So I guess maybe that's what was going on, that he, he just has, you know, a couple of videos in there and he accidentally put publish on one. Maybe he thought that he was posting a BBC meme and he saw the picture, like the screenshot of that video and he was like, oh yeah, that's, that's what he should have said. So he said that he got hacked. No, PFT. No. He's anywhere.

Okay. Nice. Well, he said he got hacked. What he should have said was that like, he's, this is just another meme that's not his dick. Like another BBC thing. It's hilarious. So yeah, PR 101 for him.

I don't know what you do. You just actually say you have coronavirus. There you go. Like that really is the only way out. If you say you have coronavirus, people will just feel bad for you and then kind of forget that that happened. His explanation of he got hacked, like some, yeah, some hackers stolen, like logged into my phone and posted a picture of me getting my dick sucked that, that bastard.

I can't believe what is the world coming to? Not again. All right. That's our show. We have Craig Burrubi coming up on Wednesday. Great interview with St. Louis Blues head coach, guaranteed that's coming. We also have some good ones in the docket that we have saved up, but we're going to keep going strong.

And we also might just have Billy football on every Monday to, to research something for us. That might be. Yeah. What do you give me that look for Hank? Someone just rang my doorbell. Oh, should we stay live while you figure out who could that be? I'm waiting to see if Rhea is going to come out and take care of this, but I guess I'll

check it out. Oh, dude, what if Hank got murdered right now live on the show? Well, we started a true crime documentary. This would actually be great for ratings. I'm kind of rooting for something bad to happen here. No offense to Hank. He won't hear this until after he edits it. So I'll be asleep.

I won't care. Who could it be? Is it did reorder delivery without telling Hank? And if so, did she get him any as we also might, we might get a fight going. Pft. Check your phone. I texted you a video. It's totally unrelated to anything we were just talking to about.

Oh, you got a package. Open it. Open it live. Unboxing. Nice. Yeah. Let us know what you got. You got a video game.

Fuck. Drops. Drops. Dude, there's probably. How do you not fucking use gloves when you open that, Hank? Oh, let's go. What is it? What did you get?

It's a Nintendo. It's a Nintendo controller. This is what we're at these days. All right. Let's. I have no idea. I feel like. Yeah.

That could be a screaming thing we could do. Yes. We will do DWI racing at some point this week. We'll do Mario Kart or we'll have to figure it out. We might be together. You guys got Nintendo switch. We're going to do Mario Kart. It's fun.

You can just buy that. Yeah. And get online. All right. I'm going to buy it. Do it right now. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

All right. We'd say love you guys. Love you guys. Love you guys. Don't edit this out, Hank, because I do love them. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you.

I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you.

I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you.

I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm going to call you. I'm gonna call it oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah oopah. Whoop whoop, whoop whoop. Whoop whoop Malhak. Whoop whoop Malhak. Being so cagey with no hay machter yet.

Beep, di-dude, di-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude, de-dude. THERE'S SOхE단 I'm gonna pull it over. I'm gonna pull it over. I'm gonna pull it over. I'm gonna pull it over. I'm gonna pull it over. I'm gonna pull it over.

I'm gonna pull it over.