Pardon My Take - Blake Bortles, 1 Question With Kirk Cousins, MNF Recap + MLB Playoffs

Episode Date: October 12, 2022

Monday Night Football was a wild one and a bunch of storylines came out of it (00:02:02-00:22:51). We talk some baseball playoffs and who we're rooting for (00:22:51-00:32:40) . College Football talk (00:32:40-00:39:00). Hot Seat/Cool Throne (00:39:00-01:02:43). Our good friend Blake Bortles joins the show to talk about his retirement from the NFL, what he plans on doing now that he has free time, his history with our podcast, and some fun reminiscing about Super Bowls (01:02:43-01:44:07). Kirk Cousins joins us for 1 question with a Quarterback (01:44:07-01:49:02). We finish the show with listener roasts with Uncle Chaps (01:49:02-02:08:17).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have a packed show for you. We have our good friend Blake Bortles talking about his retirement, catching up on everything. We have one question with a quarterback with Kirk Cousins. He just basically owned us in the one question segment. I hate, I hate Kirk Cousins.

He owned us. We have a listener roasts with chaps. We have some Monday night football cleanup, talk a little playoff baseball coming up, and we are brought to you by our friends at Game Time. Speaking of playoff baseball, the MLB playoffs are underway. They're finally here, fully, the DS series. So Game Time is a ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports concerts and shows, and they guarantee the lowest price.

If you haven't given Game Time a shot yet, don't know what you're waiting for. You guys are going to love this app. We've been using Game Time all year, and Billy and Jake went to Jets Dolphins on Sunday. Had a great time. Thanks to Game Time. Download the Game Time app. Go to the account tab to create a login and redeem code PMT for $20 off your first purchase terms apply.

Download Game Time last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed with the Game Time app. Go redeem that code PMT for $20 off your first purchase now and shout out Game Time, the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. Okay, let's go. We're going to part of my take presented by Game Time. The exclusive ticketing app of Barstool Sports today is Wednesday, October 12th. And what we can say Hank, you don't think it's October 12th? That's how we start.

October 12th, the time is escaping us, and the Raiders are kind of back. A little bit back. Frisky back. They're back, but this was the most obvious Chiefs are going to win this game of all time. Ever. When they went down, was it 17? 17, nothing. Not to brag, I did live bet the Chiefs money line, but it was pretty obvious that the Chiefs

were kind of like a sleeping giant at that point, and Travis Kelsey was just not, they just weren't guarding him. They're like, okay, we're going to put 25 on him. Hope that he can run with him. No, it's not going to happen. I feel like Travis Kelsey, if the Chiefs really, really wanted to, he could score four touchdowns every single game. Yeah, it was a very fun Monday night football game.

Very exciting after a couple tough watches on the Island games, the standalone games. I do think that Mahomes should just be all time quarterbacks. Someone actually, in my replies, had a great rule that it should just be Mahomes to start the season. And then if someone beats the Chiefs, they become the all time Monday night football team, and then you just go from there. So it's just like Mahomes is going to play on Monday night football every week until they lose.

And then the team that beats them deserves to get the Monday night football crown. And we just keep passing off there because every game that Patrick Mahomes is involved in is fun. It's fun to watch. It was exciting that the Raiders are the, like the Raiders, the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Raiders being a team that are fun on paper and can have deep bombs and like Josh Jacobs running everywhere.

And then when their defense just can't tackle anyone and you know it's inevitable, they're going to lose. It's just nice to know like the Raiders play fun games, but they're not a good football team. They're not really a threat, but they're always fun when they show up. We also had a good little analytics debate last night. Oh yeah, we had a lot of debates. If there was a way to measure whether or not an actual word being spoken out loud was

trending in the world last night, analytics as a word was trending in the United States last night. And roughing the pastor. And roughing the pastor. But the analytics after, we can get to roughing the pastor. I've got, I've got an idea for that one too. But analytics has become maybe the most overused word in the English language right now. Correct.

If, if Joe or Troy want to talk about a number that they're confused about, they just say that it's analytics. Yes. If there's a number that makes you angry and upset or confused, you just say, oh, it's this analytics stuff. It's bullshit analytics. I was saying that like, yeah, if, if you get a DUI or I blew a .09, fucking analytics. They got me a scale.

Fucking analytics on the scale. My IQ test analytics. But Troy was getting upset because he didn't understand what was happening at the end of games. I actually think both calls were right. I don't know anything about analytics. My brain doesn't understand. It's not a computer, but I do understand the fact that if you're the chiefs and you go

for two in that instance, what you're doing is, and we can set the stage a little bit. So the chiefs score a touchdown, right? They go up seven points. So they could either kick the extra point and go up eight or they could go for two. If they get it, they go up nine as a two possession game. The reverse Billy, people were saying Billy was right. Billy was not right. Billy, if you remember on our Sunday night debate, he was saying, if you're up eight,

you should go for two to be up 10. Which is kind of sweet, but makes no sense whatsoever. Yeah. Immediate firing. Yeah. The coach does that. No, I had a lot of people being like, Billy was right. Apologize Billy.

It's like, no, no, no. I understand what the chiefs were doing. They were going from, they already were up seven. They could go up two scores. There's not a lot of difference between being up seven and being up eight, but there is a difference between being up eight and being up nine. Just like there's not a lot of difference between being up nine or being up 10. Those are both two possessions.

Yeah. Billy. You weren't calculating any vibes. I wasn't. You're right. The vibes, like the vibes on analytics. It's a blind spot. But you should make analytics for vibes though.

Yeah. You should actually have a, you should like tweet how, you know, how the bot tweets, like this punt gave them a point, you know, 2% chance more of winning or this going forward on fourth down was a 2.5% chance to win column. You should just do a vibes analytics for these big Monday night football games. Yeah. And big decision. Let me know like how much this decision will make the boys buzz on the sidelines.

That's what I want. I mean, going forward on fourth and one, going for a touchdown, like that was based on vibes. Right. And he was, you know, it was a terrible vibes call by the Raiders was kicking a field goal in the first half to go up 17 instead of going for it again, where they were just like, that's the part of analytics that always makes me laugh is that you can tell some coaches will just do it off vibes where it's like, I, the coaches that are just, Hey, we're in or we're out.

You can't like choose when you want to be doing it by the numbers and when you don't because that's not how the numbers were. Brandon Staley started out his career being a guy that, that stuck to that. Now I think there is some vibe with it, with his decision, but analytics do not work. So the last two decisions that they made, I think they might work. I want to see Billy. I'm going to, I'm going to wait till I see your formula to make a full judgment of it. But I do want, this is an assignment.

Now when I'm, when I'm looking at you right now and I'm saying this is giving you work, this is actually something that you have to do, Billy. Okay. You have to create analytics for vibes. Vibes. Okay. That's an assignment. But I, I, I like both the calls at the end of the game.

I like with all of them. I liked when the chiefs went for two and then when the Raiders had the option to either tie the game by kicking an extra point or go for two. I love go for two because, and this is the new wrinkle in analytics that I've learned this year. You know how we, we learned about the 14 points analytics. If you, if you tie it up, if you just tie it up, um, you're like essentially it's something like you're giving them a fourth, you're giving, you're encouraging them to go for it on fourth

down. And it's, it's people were playing the results after where they don't get it. And then the chiefs ended up punting. I'll just say this right now, if the chiefs needed to score on that last drive, they would have scored on the last drive. It was so easy for them in the second half. They had, it felt like every single possession, they, whatever the third downplay was, a guy was just wide open and they would convert it.

So for that, for just from that alone, I actually agree with Josh McDaniels because you're not stopping the chiefs. You like, it's just probably not going to happen. You know, and if you do, you're going to want to try to be like, you're not going to stop them and then go to overtime and stop them again, try to, try to, try to get a lead and then try your fucking best to hold them to a field goal where a field goal kicker sucked because bucker was out. I just, I, I, I agree with that move, knowing how gas that Raiders defense was where it's

like, Hey guys, we got to just nut up and try to get one single stop or force a field goal attempt instead of let's tie, let the chiefs like, you know, basically get to run their offense and best case scenario, we'll go to overtime where the chiefs are probably going to score again. Yep. So I, I did agree with Josh McDaniels, but the other story was the roughing the passer. Um, I, I had a bet on the Raiders. So I was trolling saying that it was a great call.

It was obviously a terrible call. I will say though, for chiefs fans complaining, I've never seen a game where the makeup calls were. It was so, they, I mean, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the ref, that clip of the ref, the ref was like, had like tears in his throat. It was, he was so scared of the, the arrowhead is one of the last true home advantage places in the NFL. So shout out to chiefs fans because they were so fucking loud, but it was, it swung so hard

in the second half. And yeah, we have a, we have an issue with the NFL, the roughing, the passer stuff is a problem. Uh, it sucks that it happened the day after the Brady thing, because I always do think there's like one or two of these a year that you just have to be like, okay, that sucks. But hopefully it doesn't keep happening in big games. The fact that it happened in back to back days definitely now feels like everyone's gonna be like, there's, there's a huge problem and the NFL will probably overreact and do

something stupid. So here's what the NFL is going to do. I know how Roger Goodell works. He's going to hear what people are complaining about and then he's going to make roughing the passer, reviewable. Yeah. And a lot of people are saying they should do that. Chris Jones was saying, that's the way to fix the problem last night.

That's not the way to fix the problem. Well, what it did, what it's going to, what's going to happen is it's going to make the problem 10 times worse because you're going to have 10 minute reviews of referees reviewing a subjective call and then no one's going to agree whether or not it's roughing the passer or not on the review. The ref is going to piss everybody off if the, if they overturn it, it's going to make things so much worse. The unintended consequences in this are going to absolutely make the problem even worse

but somehow then it already is. That solves the problem. That solves the problem. The exact same as passing interference where everyone, yeah, everyone freaked out about passing interference, made passing interference, reviewable. Everyone freaked out because it made the game annoying and longer and stupid reviews. Then we went back to just no review on passing interference. So that's just, that's the solution.

No, here's what we do. We're reviewable for passing, roughing the passer. Everyone's going to be like, this sucks. And then we go back to the old way. Here's what we do. It's very simple. Just get rid of the stupid fucking rule that's no landing on the quarterback with your body weight.

That rule makes no sense. Unless it helps me. Zero possible, like it got put into place because Aaron Rodgers hurt his shoulder. It's Anthony Parr. That's why the rule was invented because Aaron Rodgers couldn't stand having somebody land on him. I understand that as a quarterback you're 185 pounds sometimes if you're Kyler Murray or whatever and you're getting landed on by a 300 pound person.

It's not, it's not going to feel good, but guess what? Like I'm going to pull out the, that's football card. It's called, it's football. Part of football is getting tackled and it stinks, especially if you've got so much investment quarterback, if they separate a shoulder because a big offense or a big defense alignment lands on them. But guess what? By the laws of physics, it's impossible for a big guy to be tackling a little guy and

then to move off of him in midair. So either number one, take away the right to hit the quarterback at all and be like, you get two hands on him. He's down. Right. If you shove him hard enough and say a mean word to him, that counts as a sack. That's option number one or two. Just get rid of the landing on rule because it's the only possible way to not have your

full body weight land on somebody after you've hit them. And I think we talked about this two years ago, would literally be if you threw up in midair and got rid of some of your body weight right before you landed on him. Yeah. But by the laws of physics, it's impossible for them to stop. So just get rid of that stupid fucking rule and shout out Troy Ekman showing his frustration saying that you got to take off the dresses and just play football. Yeah.

I'm happy by the way that the reaction to that wasn't over the top. Troy Ekman should be canceled because I was like bracing for that. And then I think like there was, I kind of saw a couple of tweets, but it was like felt like for the most part, everyone's like, yeah, you know what? He's right. Let's fucking play football. Let's just play football. Like that's that's a football play through and through.

There's nothing you can do about it. It sucks that guys get injured, but guys get injured all the time. Imagine being like an offensive lineman or a defensive lineman or wide receiver, a slot wide receiver and like knowing that you're just putting your your your health at risk every play. And then that happens and you're like, what are we doing here? It was so that's football. It was so dumb because he took away the ball before he even landed on him.

Right. So Chris Jones actually became the ball carrier before he went to the ground. If anything, that roughing was on Derek Carr. Yeah, he shouldn't have been there. Yeah. He shouldn't have. He should have let Chris Jones fall naturally, not, you know, be underneath him. Yeah.

So just get rid of the stupid fucking rule, Roger Goodell. Yeah, I agree. They will do. They will do the review. They will do that process and then we'll get upset about their view and then everything will get fixed. And then in like five years, another big call will happen and we'll get mad again and that's just like the one thing I don't understand is when people are like the NFL officiating

is terrible. Every sport has officiating problems because every sport, like whenever there's a call that sucks, everyone gets upset about it. I don't really know what the like, think about how much we've complained about umps. basketball refs like every sport has officiating issues because it's a very fucking hard job to do. What do you think is the worst refereed sport? I think it's probably NBA.

Yeah, people will say NBA. That's what that was my point. I saw a lot of people being like NFL has an officiating problem. It's like, welcome to every sport that we watch on TV. You know what? These are like super human gladiators running faster than any humans ever run before and and and their feet are like just tiptoeing along the sidelines and then you've got guys like six, at least six, probably eight guys that are over 300 pounds punching each other

all over their bodies on any given play. You can't see everything. You can't the human eye can't and there's going to be judgment calls that get they get wrong. So I just laugh whenever it's the NFL has officiating problems because you're basically telling me you've never watched like a Bob Rosski big 10 game. I think that that's that. If you watch the if you watch college basketball, you know there's officiating problems everywhere.

I think the NFL has just a rulebook problem because they're their idea to solve any rules. Yes, their idea to solve every problem is like just make another rule. A minute rule. Yeah. After then everyone has to be like, wait, what is this rule? And then it takes the average fan like three years to figure out what the rule is and then they change it back because the new rule is not working. And then average fans are like, wait, why aren't we calling this?

Oh, that already got removed because the rules suck. Yeah, we had to do that. Oh, that already got removed because the rules suck. Yeah, we had defensive holding on a field goal. Yeah. That was wild. That was. That was one.

That was another one of those. Right. There were so many makeup calls. I likened it to like the the Kobe move where you you cheat on your wife and then you get her a giant ring to apologize the ring that these refs got for the Kansas City fans was ginormous. And it was. I mean, it was the Patrick Mahomes show.

It felt like he could do anything he wanted at any point. The Chiefs are still the scariest team in the NFL and when they like get it rolling, you know, it that second half, it was just like it wasn't a matter of if it was just when the Chiefs would just start blitzing them with points and there was nothing they could do. Like the Raiders were completely helpless. Could they hold on barely? They barely did.

And thanks to Derek Carr, just bombing it to Devonte Adams a couple of times, which that was a sick pass. Yeah, it was. And Devonte Adams, the other story, there was a lot of stories out of Monday football. Devonte Adams pushing a camera guy. One of the I obviously I had fun with it was like, oh, he learned this in Green Bay. But then Devonte Adams, his apology was quite something. He said, I want to apologize to the guy.

There was some guy running off the field and he ran like jumped in front of me coming off the field and I bumped into him, kind of pushed him and he ended up on the ground. That is that is a he must not realize that we all watched it because that was that's the lightest. Like saying someone ran in front of me and I kind of pushed him. We saw it. You shoved him. The guy jumped right out in front of a big cat.

He was he came out of nowhere. It was like a deer. The guy doing this. Yeah, it was it was the deer defense. In which case, if you're driving a car, they tell you to steer into the deer because it's safe for that way. Devonte Adams, maybe the funniest part about this was he was wearing a helmet that said stop hate on the back of it as he's shoving a guy over onto his head.

It was it was a nice little cherry on top where it what it did feel like there was five different storylines that came out of this game. I think maybe my biggest dad take that I have when I'm watching football these days is when somebody runs somebody over on the sideline, whether it's a cameraman or someone holding the giant satellite dish that picks up the sound, the audio. I love it when a player like stops everything that they're doing like bins over, helps them up like pats them. Maybe their hat fell off when in the collision.

They pick up the guy's hat and put the guy's hat back on his head and then runs back back out of the field. That should be a reverse penalty. That should be you get five yards, you get an additional five yards for that. Yeah. Just helping the people on the sideline. We also had a I had like a PTSD flashback because that last play that or the second last play Devonte Adams didn't get his both feet in bounds.

Matt Nagy was standing right there, waving it incomplete like in the ref's face. Oh, good call, Matt. God, where the fuck where the fuck did he come from and the Hunter Renfro Devonte Adams just running into each other. That was so Raiders. That's the that's that's where it's like, yeah, it's good to know the Raiders are still the Raiders. They lead the league and just stupid shit that happens to them.

And you walk away from a game being like, I think they're good, but they can't stop doing stupid shit. Yeah. I mean, the chiefs winning that game against the Raiders was a, it felt like a no brainer even when they were down by 17 points. I actually think the only way that you could have it so that it was remotely fair with the chiefs playing these types of games. If Patrick Mahomes was the chiefs field goal kicker, I think that would kind of even things

out. Yeah. You know, you know, you know, you're not entirely to make field goals, but you also still made them. That would just make them better. No, no, no, but I have to try. I have to try. Like it's just pretend that they have a bad field goal kicker.

He'd be awesome. You know, he'd be awesome. He's awesome at everything. If you get if you get Patrick Mahomes pissed off on the sidelines, you're fucked. And he was out there. He's doing the like, I'm him. Yeah. He was he was mad.

And he was here. It was it was a crazy game because I took the Raiders plus seven and a half and the they were covering for literally all 60 minutes and all 60 minutes felt like torture because of Patrick Mahomes is that scary of a player and that good of a quarter. Yeah. I've got I've got some stats here. So we're talking about the roughing, the passer, the one against Tom Brady yesterday. This, this was fascinating from recurring guest Warren Sharp.

This is something that we need to remember during the playoffs. So Jerome Boger was that referee since 2016 home favorites and divisional games with Jerome Boger are 18 and three on the money line in the same 21 divisional games. Home teams are 12, seven and two against the spread with Boger. Home favorites of seven points or more in that 21 game span are four, two and one and divisional games hit at 60% clip. And Boger has officiated four Buccaneers games with the in the Brady era. Tampa Bay is averaging 32.5 points per game at home that increases to 35.5.

So Jake, if we get Jerome Boger as an official for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the playoffs, it's hammer time, hammer time, hammer, hammer time, absolute hammer time. So yeah, that was, I mean, it was a fun game. You can't really ask for more out of money at football to have like six different story lines come out of this game. And I still, I still think the Raiders aren't that bad. No, they're good. No, no, I'll go one step further.

I think that they're good. They're just not good at winning football games. Right. They're good at playing football games, not winning football games. And they have, ah, they could, they could rattle off some wins coming up. Like they could get back in this Texan Saints Jaguars. That feels like Texas Saints, Saints Jaguars, Colts. That feels like a three in one stretch for them.

I'll put it this way. Even though they're what, one in four. Yeah. I still think they're a much better team than the Denver Broncos. Yes. Much better than a lot of teams that have two, three wins, including the Bears, including the Jets, I would say, even though no disrespect to the Jets, I think the Raiders probably are better team overall.

Yeah. But yeah, that's, you are what your record says you are. So I guess I can't make that argument. Billy, you should, you should be happy. Jets are three and two. They're going to have a great game against the Packers. Oh, also really? I think so.

Okay. This was a great moment and part of my take accidentally just fucking nailing something on Monday when we were wrapping up with the, the Giants game and how their offense reminds us of the Chiefs. Yeah. Speaking for myself, I don't know if you knew this, but Kafka is their offensive coordinator who was the offensive. He wasn't like the coordinator that was the enemy, but he was like helping with calling

the players. Yeah. He was in Kansas City. So that's, they are running. Yeah. Like the Chiefs offense just without all the fun players. With anyone, without anyone. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Let's do some MLB playoffs and college football talk. I got to you by our friends at Curve. It's football season, which means you're buying beer snacks, maybe even a new couch for the most premium watching experience. Whatever you're buying, if you're using a card for any purchase, big or small, you need Curve.

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So make sure to go to Curve.com slash Barstool to receive $20 in CurveCash. Once you're downloaded the app, open an account and make a first transaction, sign up at Curve.com slash Barstool to receive $20 in CurveCash terms and conditions apply. Let's start with baseball. Jake, Yankees, the Yankees. How we feeling? This is before game ones, we will, we will do, once the playoffs get deep, we will be recording after some of the playoff games.

But this is your part of my take preview of the ALDS and NLDS. Even though you'll be listening to this in the games, games ones will already be done. How are you feeling, Jake? Yankees bullpen is a little beat up right now at Frostway, I believe they got from the Cubs at the deadline. He's getting Tommy John surgery. We talked about Chapman being off the team. So these starters, these starters, you pay Gary Cole all this money.

He's got to go six innings tonight and one run ball or two run ball. He wanted to be a Yankee. This is it. Your pinstripes, bro. Yeah. Like that's it. In games two, they'll have Cortez who's been a pleasant surprise this year. The starters have a lot of weight on their shoulders.

So is this World Series or Bust? Say every year? For the Yankees, of course. It's been a lot of busting. Yeah, it has been. Well, no, they made it to the World Series in 2017. No. No.

Cashman said that they made it because he got a point. So they basically made it. So Jake, wait, if it's World Series or Bust and it's like that every year, then certainly they've made some changes at the manager position. Yeah, they have. If they don't. Oh, they have? Yeah.

They fired Georgia already. Oh, okay. Yeah, but I feel like Aaron Judge. Aaron Boone. Sorry, Aaron Boone. He gets to the World Series. If he makes it to the World Series, then he's like manager for life because right now his expectations are just like.

If I heard you're already after ALCS game seven, the buzzer game. Yeah, but his job is basically. That's all right. That was 2019. Make it to the World Series. But 2017, he lost the Astros too. And if you make it to the World Series, then we're happy with you. I think that the expectations are lower than they have been.

Yeah, here's the thing. Like they are not the favorites by any stretch. No, it's the Astros and Dodgers. Houston, Dodgers and even the Braves like are hot right now, but it's the World Series at Bucks. How are we feeling about the fight in Fills? I feel fantastic about the Fills right now. I think you got that energy in the clubhouse.

I like the spots. It's like the wild card team that's getting hot right at the right time. Everyone seems loose. They're having fun. Schwerber is a fucking beast. I know that you agree with me on Schwerber. He's like one of the most likable Philly Spiers we've seen in such a long time. He's one of those presences out there that you're just like, I want to hang out with

that. He's good to like everyone feels that way. He's good to balance out Bryce Harper's Bryce Harper-ness sometimes. Because Bryce Harper, he can rub people the wrong way. But if you have Kyle Schwerber on the team and say, OK, the team's somewhat likable. He's that likable that it's like, OK, I will root for this guy no matter who else is on his team. I mean, I still love Bryce Harper.

I don't want that slander out there. I think he's a great guy, great player. I do, too. World Series to Washington. But Schwerber is Schwerber. But Schwerber is Schwerber. There's no Schwerber. Yeah.

But it's one of those things where it's like, this is a team that I'm actually happy that they went into the wild card, won two games in the wild card, picked up some confidence because I think that if they came right out of the playoffs and started to play the Braves, they'd be fucked because baseball is such a game of confidence and it's such like, you need to get yourself rolling and the Braves are a better team. But if you can ride some momentum into a game with a better team, especially in baseball, you can still win. And this is going to be great if they just get smashed today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were listening to this and it's like Braves won like 9-0. Yeah. Well, did you see what Brian Kenny said yesterday on MLB Network? No, I did not. So, no, I mean, he was trending. It was like a pretty big story. He basically went, well, not basically, he went on MLB Network and said that, shit, what's

the dude's name for the pitcher from the Padres? Musgrove? He went on MLB Network and said Musgrove was cheating. And Buck Showalter was correct in calling him out and he used spin rate to justify it. He's like, look what the spin rate was on the Padres pitches compared to what it was in the regular season. And he was like, make no mistake about it. I'm not insinuating he's cheating.

I'm telling you he was cheating. Yeah. So that was Buck Showalter said that they obviously can track the spin rate in a game and they were like, yeah, spin rates crazy. But then I saw someone explain it as like he was throwing harder because it's the playoffs and his velocity was up. So the spin rate was also up. So I don't know.

Now all this stuff is like the Mets, we talked about it on Sunday, but that was a very pathetic way to go out to accuse the guy of cheating because you only get one hit and then still do the trumpet. His ears were shiny. His ears were shiny. He's got big ears. They were very shiny. Yes, big ears.

And yeah, I mean, I'm looking forward to the Padres Dodgers. Those teams fucking hate each other. That's going to be fun. I hope Machado does something stupid. Yep. And I'm, I think we said this on Sunday, but everyone in America should be rooting for the Mariners. So let's go Mariners.

What do they do with the shoe? What's the shoe thing? What do you mean? The Mariners. Can you look that up, Jake? They all, when they flashed to the Mariners stadium during the Blue Jays series because they had a bunch of people in the stadium watching from Seattle, like half of them had their shoes off and had them on their heads.

So it's some cool thing. You need a cool thing to win a World Series. Like remember the rally monkey? Yeah. Like you need something like that. So I don't know what it is, but it was more like, it was one guy, I saw one guy without a shoe and I was like, that's weird. And then I saw multiple people.

I was like, okay, this is something we just don't know about. Yeah. One guy put a shoe on his head and I guess it was just spread. That's just it. That's it. That's what I'm saying. I love baseball so much. It's so stupid that that just becomes a thing and it, you know what?

You need that thing. You need one of those things to rally the guys around. Sounds like the Abe Simpson story, just like put, I put a shoe on my head, which was the style at the time. Right. Right. And it's like, I put a shoe on my head and we got a hit. So now we put our shoes on our heads.

A fan named Ben put a head on his shoe at T-Mobile Park watch party before the eighth inning. They got a few hits and soon everyone had the shoes on their heads. You know what happened next. The rally shoe is officially being kept for the Mariners Hall of Fame. Okay. So we're in for the rally shoe. I'll do a rally shoe for sure. Yeah.

You just take your shoe off and put it on your head. Can we get rally shoe Ben on the podcast? I want to talk to Ben. The guy that invented it. The rally shoe. It was a Birkenstock. It was. Yeah.

Of course. Yeah. I do like when they show the Seattle crowd and they're still like five or six people wearing masks. Like stay strong. Yeah. We got the Seattle. We're still going for this.

Okay. I'm excited. Hey, are you, are you nervous at all about the Yankees? You don't care. You don't even think about the Yankees anymore. Right? No. It doesn't even cross your mind.

No. And honestly, like I am a sucker for good content. I wouldn't hate them going to the ALCS or World Series and then losing. Yeah. Like, and that's a tight rope situation, but. Yeah. We got to figure out just what the casual fan should be rooting for here. It's Mariners.

I think Mariners, but if the Mariners lose, then I think it becomes the Astros beating the Yankees again. Yeah. And getting to the World Series. I think it's Mariners. Like if you're rooting for the Astros or the good guys again. No. I just, I'm rooting against Yankees and Yankees fans.

I think it's Mariners and Kyle Schwabbert. I have a Mariners future. Who I'm rooting for. I'm a big Seattle guy. My World Series fan. I have, yeah. I have, I put a Mariners future in September. So I'm rooting for them.

I hope they beat the Yankees in the ALCS and then beat the Phillies in the World Series. Oh yeah. I guess I'm. That's, that's my best case playoff scenario. I'm like, I'm rooting for Phillies and Yankees because that was my World Series pick before the season started, but I'm also very much rooting against the Yankees against the Astros because it would be very funny to see them lose. But it is true.

We need the Yankees to win a series just to, and no offense to the Guardians, but they just feel like twins adjacent. Maybe that's just because they play in the same division, but like, it feels like the Yankees always handle those type of teams and then they lose to the Astros or, you know, they could lose to a man. Like literally only the Astros. Yeah. Pretty much just the Red Sox last year in the wild card game, but besides that 2015 Astros

wild card game, 2017 Astros, ALCS 2019 Astros, ALCS 2018 was Red Sox. Yeah. Did you hear a man? They lost to the Rays in 2020. You know how bad Jake gets when people disrespect his Yankees? Yeah. I would just rattle off like 20 losses. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Besides that, the Yankees have been winning every World Series. I actually, there's one other wrinkle that I wouldn't hate happening. That would be Braves Guardians because then Guardians fans just being like, why do they get to do it? Yeah. And just have that be a whole storyline where it's like, you have the Guardians getting

chopped in Atlanta for the World Series and they're just like, this is fucking Guardians fans. Just looking at that being like, oh man, I wish I could, I wish we could bang that draw. Yeah. Okay. So that's my other option. This is going to get people upset, but no one would care about that World Series.

Yeah. I'd agree. There's a, there's a few. There's a few. Like Cleveland fans and Atlanta fans, but the national media and attention of sports or Padres Guardians World Series would be, and we, on this podcast, we only care about the ratings of the, of the sports we're watching, we don't care about the sports. So if we find out, like if the Padres and Guardians play seven incredible games and

it's like an unbelievable World Series, but then we find out it was the lowest rated World Series in 20 years. Who cares? I hate it. Who cares? I hate it because that means just no one was watching. Never have Mickey Mouse. I mean, I can't have it.

If, if it was a competent commissioner, then he would have it be the Yankees and the Dodgers of the World Series. Yankees Dodgers, Yankees Phillies would be great too. Yeah. But I'm talking, I'm talking ratings wise, that way you get both coasts. Yeah. Yeah. You get them, you get them both involved.

Yeah. We were supposed to have that a few years ago. Didn't, didn't pan out. Billy last thing. The Red Sox Dodgers. Yankees Braves is still in play, my prediction. Oh, nice. Yeah.

We got a lot of, we actually were pretty good. Same. We kind of nailed it. Um, okay. College football, uh, not a lot, not a lot changed except the fact that Alabama, it feels like everyone, well we talked about JMU on Sunday. It feels like Alabama, it feels like Ohio State is now, uh, the team that is ascended where they haven't had the little hiccup, like Georgia had a couple of hiccups against

Missouri, uh, survived Alabama had a hiccup against Texas A&M survived. Is that just a conference thing though? I don't know. I don't know. I, that's a good question, but it feels like Ohio, Ohio State did become the favorite. So that did happen in the last week and, uh, we have a huge game, Alabama versus Tennessee. Like this is the final boss for Tennessee to be all the way back. I don't know, it would be incredible if they could pull off the upset.

I'm making, shaking his head, no. I'm going, I'm going money line on Tennessee. Yeah. I like, I think this Tennessee, well it depends on if what's his name, Cedric Tillman's back. Yeah. Well, and also I would say Bryce Young is probably the more important. Yeah. But I think for Tennessee's offense, obviously they're, they've been playing pretty well

without him at wide receivers. Right. But I'd be very nerve. I mean, the Tennessee defense is the secondary is bad, bad, I think it's going to be a fun game to watch. Very fun. And we have, you know, Utah USC, that's going to, I, I'm not allowed to do a game of the year till November, but Utah is going to demolish USC.

I'll say that. That's just candy ass football versus man football. What happened with Brian Harson? Uh, a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Lots happened with Brian. Where do you want to start?

Like five, six years, but he was, he was like the, the can't miss guy from Boise State. But he was also the weirdest hire ever for Auburn. Auburn, Auburn hiring a Boise State guide made no sense to begin with. Then there was some off field, uh, message board shit in the off season. He is just a dead man walking. That team is so bad. I also, Auburn feels like a job that would just be miserable to have. I know that a lot of college jobs would suck, but Auburn's probably the top of the list

of jobs that are good, like a good school that has national title, uh, hopes and can win national titles. But God damn that job would suck because you basically have to, like they've hired, they've fired their national title coaches and you have a job where you're never going to be Alabama, but everyone expects you to be. Well, you, they do give sweet buyouts. Huge buyouts. So that's really the attraction of it.

I think the move right now is just get somebody as young as possible with the understanding that Nick Saban is probably hopefully not going to be there for another 10, 15 years. He's probably not going to die ever. He's probably like, he's going to be like Ted Williams head, just frozen inside somebody else's body playing, calling plays there for the next 25 years. But doesn't Auburn, that's really, it's, it's, it's the ultimate careful what you wish for job because it is like a premier, you're an SEC head coach at a program that has three traditions and one a lot.

Even when they don't win national titles, sometimes they win national titles. Like back in, was that 2007 when they got that, they were the third team that got left out. They're a good program with a lot of good players that go there, but also at the same time, like, look who you have to play every year. It kind of sucks. And the fan base feels like they're always upset. Yeah.

It feels like they're just perpetually like not happy with what they have. So yeah, that will be an interesting, they should just fire him now because it feels miserable for him. And like, he's going to get killed in the iron, although the iron bulls always who the fuck knows? Like it would, it also would be perfect for Auburn somehow beat Alabama in the iron bull and saved his job. I think that that's not going to happen.

No, I agree. But last year, you wouldn't think that they were going to be competitive. They almost won that game. Yeah. That's one of those rivalry games got throughout the record books. True. Yeah. Also, Texas is back.

Yes. Big time in the Red River shootout. Excuse me, the Red River. S out. Showdown. Showdown. Showdown. Red River.

S down. Not the shootout. I saw some stat. I forget what exactly it was, but basically whenever the Longhorns and the Sooners, whenever neither team is ranked going into this game, Texas just beats the shit out of them. Yeah. And this was an old fashioned ass kicking. 49 to nothing.

Texas is back and they're in the perfect spot where they don't, they're not going to make the playoff, but they can have a good enough season and people like next year, next year we're going to make the playoff. They can have a, they can have a good enough season to then get angry at the end and be like, man, all we need was a couple of breaks, a couple of other teams to lose and then we would have been fine. They're in the, they're in the camp now where you can, before we get to the 12 team playoff, the teams that are, uh, end up on the outside looking in for the four team playoff can just

say if we had a 12 team playoff, like watch out. Yeah. They have that. Yeah. Yeah. We got a couple of good bounces and then a couple of years you can fantasize about what it would have looked like if you had made the playoff. Yeah.

I know we did talk about Jamie a little bit on Monday, but I got to experience something earlier today for the first time that it blew my mind. I was looking ahead to this weekend to see what the matchups were. And I was trying to find the JMU game, uh, to see what the spread was going to be. I got to click on the top 25 list on the app to see where JMU was going to be. That's a fucking cool experience. It's fun. Yeah.

That's good. I could get used to that. Yeah. Yeah. That is a fun, a fun thing to be able to do. Um, yeah. They, and you're going to buy them ranks. You were, you, I'm, I'm hoping that JMU goes undefeated because it would be fun for you

to be able to claim a national championship game with, at the same time, I don't think I've ever been around someone who's gotten so far ahead of themselves. Uh, he was literally mumbling on Sunday being like, I'm going to buy them rings. Yeah. Like we're going to win every game. I'm going to buy them. Listen, if we, if we get, if we get to claim a national championship by going undefeated, I'm buying them rings.

I have to pizza party for the boys down in Harrisonburg. Yup. Fire up the Chenelos. We're delivering it. Oreos. I will personally deliver Chenelos to the JMU team if they go undefeated. Love it. Love it.

So that's something too. That's, that's how you motivate the boys. Let's go. I'll get behind the boys. I will absolutely throw in. I will throw in for the pizza party. This is a Cinderella story. You know what?

I'll throw in some wings. Okay. I'll match. Okay. Billy. I'll attend. Okay. Hank.

I'll throw in some part of my cheese sticks. Okay. There we go. Okay. We're going to do it. Now they're going to be eating for weeks. Giant pizza party for the boys. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Um, okay. Let's do some hot seat cool throne. Then we get to Blake Bortles and we have Kirk Cousins and Uncle Chaps on the other side as well. So we're going to do some hot seat cool throne brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. This season make time to chill out and catch the game at your favorite bar and while you're

at it, order an ice cold Coors Light, the beer that's made to chill. Coors Light is the beer of college football, whether your team is a powerhouse with a record to keep or an underdog with a point to prove. Excuse me. One thing's for sure. It's going to be a hell of a season. Stay refreshed through all the action with Coors Light, protect your chill this season with Coors Light.

Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Drizzy or Instacart by going to CoorsLight.com slash take, celebrate response with Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado. Hank. Um, my hot seat is Twitch. Uh-oh. They had TwitchCon this past weekend. Oh yeah. It's like a big, they have a bunch of streamers come out.

People can do meet and greet. It's a whole big event in San Diego. One of the streamers, Adriana Chechnick, who's a Twitch streamer, Twitch streamer. There was a foam pit and she jumped into the foam pit or what you would think is a foam pit. It was basically like M-X-C. It's a M-X-C. It's the, remember the old, I think it's Chinese like game show that they dubbed over and they

would have like three walls and you'd have to just, people would try and run through them, but one of them would just be a wall. Yeah. Yeah. That's basically what this was. It looked like a foam pit where you jump into it. She jumped and just, it wasn't really foam and she just broke her back. It was foam that was put on a concrete slab and they're supposed to have a trampoline

underneath and multiple of people got injured, but she broke her back. In two places. And it was an all time like watching the video, seeing her, someone was like, are you okay? And she's like, yeah. And then immediately she's like, no, I can't move. You know what M-X-C is, PFT. You know what it is. I do not.

When they're like going, they're like slipping and sliding. It's a dubbed over. I can imagine what I've seen, I've seen those types of game shows before. So I get it. And I did see this video clip. And so it seems like it was just entrapment, right? If you put, it was a bunch of foam blocks out there. If I saw that, I would jump onto that.

It seemed like, I don't know, that was a, it was just a foam pit that didn't have the pit part. Yeah. And shout out to nerds, by the way, just the fact that like Comic-Con and what was, what was this? Was this Comic-Con? TwitchCon. TwitchCon.

All the nerds like have just become like porn stars and nerds are just one big Venn diagram. It's like, they've had the best come come up ever where it's like, this is what Comic-Con or TwitchCon, it's just, they're all there together. So shout out to nerds. Nerds have had a nice year. Fucking analytics. Yeah. What are you going to say, Billy?

Comic-Con was in New York. TwitchCon was in San Diego at the same time. Got it. Got it. Oh, competing cons. It's probably a real diabolical choice. Yeah. Some people have to make it.

Yeah. It's like old school, like Biggie vs. Tupac. That's tough. That's really tough. Okay. Your cool throne? My cool throne, I have a couple, just NBA, NBA talk, Pat Bed Pod launched today with the throne.

It's out on all platforms, YouTube, go listen to it. He talked about Dream on Green punching Jordan Poole within the first 10 minutes. So. Yeah. We got to get Pat Bed to get into a fight. We got Pat Bed on the pod. Yeah. We do have to get him on the pod.

I'm sure he'll get into a fight on his own. Yeah. And then my other cool throne is Poland. Okay. I mean, this is one of those, like I feel old, obviously, when we started doing the show, we used to do Hancock in the streets. I was like, the young guy, no longer am, I'm old and washed, Billy's kind of taking over that wall.

I'm turning 30 this year. That's what we talked about that for a second. What? Hank, I've actually long said that when you turn 30, it's going to be a Saturday for me because I've known you for your entirety of your 20s. Yeah. I knew you when you were a teenager. You did.

I've been grooming you for a very long time. Yeah. 30. You're going to be 30, Hank. It's, it's, you're not supposed to be 30. No. You're the young guy. That's what I'm saying.

So this song, Lil Yachty came all the song. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you're going to be basically the same age we were when we started part of my take. Correct. Next year. Yeah. I was asking you that the other day because I was like, I'm not that old. How old were they when they started?

I asked P.F.T. He was like 31. I was like, holy. And, and when we're like, you have a couple of years because we're going to be 40 in a couple of years, but like we're, we'll all be in our 30s. Yeah. That's tough for you. That's tough for you.

That's really tough for you. Yeah. Just be like, Hey, yeah. Well, yeah. Like, pardon my take. Yeah. We got a couple of few young guys, but then, you know, the core of it that's been around forever.

We're all in our 30s. Right. So it's like one of those things where I got to do the thing where I like hang out with it. Us wash guys got to stick together. Yeah. And like, I used to make fun of you for like your whole 27 thing, but it's like, that's going to be me.

Yeah. Yeah. Mentally, I'm 22 still. But this song, Lil Yachty, Poland, it's about him just singing, I took the walk to Poland. If I was still the young guy hot in the streets, I'd be, I'd be saying this because the song's been stuck in my head for, for like three days. Maybe we'll play a little bit of the song. It's just very catchy.

It's good. Billy. Billy made me do a TikTok with it. I did a TikTok. It made PFT look like he thought it was, he was taking a walk to Poland, like walking. And. Wait, what's the song called? Well, it's about like taking Promethazine to Poland.

Ah. Oh. Yeah. We knew that. No, we knew that. Yeah, I know. That's what I was saying. So everyone's roasting you on TikTok with you walking.

I was like, I'm doing the young trendy thing and taking a walk to Poland. No, no, I knew it. No. Promethazine. You were walking. It makes sense. We knew that. Chopped and screwed.

Yeah. Totally. So yeah, Poland's on the cool throne. And the hot seat kinda. Why? Belarus. Whole thing. Yeah.

That's what I figured it had something to do with. Poo-dee-poot. Poo-dee-poot. That's what I wanted to do. He's being a bad boy. Bad, real bad boy. He's being a real bad boy. He's being naughty.

We should just let him play in the NHL. Dude. That would just be fun. Like, we're like, hey dude, you get to play an Ovi's line. Yeah. And we all, like, you know what? If we just solved, like, if we just solved this nuclear crisis by being, like, everyone would just be cool.

Let Putin score some goals. Let's just chill with it. If I was Putin GM, it would be much easier. Put him, you're right, in the starting lineup and just praise him. Give him the MVP. Yeah. Like, the whole world should just count out of Putin. Be like, okay, Putin, you can do whatever you want on the ice.

Like, nuclear war or we let Putin win a Stanley Cup? I think you just let him win a Stanley Cup? Yeah. Like, why not? You know what? You're not a Canadian team, so they can finally win a cup again. Put them on the leafs. That will solve, like, everything.

What's the biggest difference between 20s and 30s? Let's see. Probably, like, when you're in your 30s, you wish that you were in your 20s? Yeah. You don't do that when you're in your 20s. I'd say energy more than anything. Oh. You're just tired a lot more.

Your body falls apart. Yeah. That's been tough. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, yeah. Your body, you have a real tight bod right now, Hank? You're actually, I've always said that I've always thought that 30 was actually fine because

then you're just young again in a weird way. You're, like, in your early 30s. It's really not until your mid-30s that it's, like, 33, 34 is when it's like, oh, this kind of sucks. I think 34 is tough. Yeah. Because that's officially, you're basically 40 once you hit 34. Yeah.

But 30 itself, eh. I mean, it's weird to say, but it's, you know, nothing will change. You're going to start doing the math of, like, well, if I have a kid right now when I'm 50, then my kid's going to be this age. Yeah. You have a lot to look forward to, Hank. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It's just, I mean, it's like, I was saying this earlier, but I, when I started here, I was 19. The next oldest person was 26, I think, so I was, like, the young person for a long time. And then I've had, obviously, now I had this corporate role. I was having, like, a meeting with kids that were, like, 22, and I was, like, holy fuck. Like, they think I'm old. Yeah. You know what you've got to do, though.

This is your last year of being eligible for the 30 under 30 list. We've got to get you on it. We've got to get Hank on a 30 under 30 list this year. You've got to beat out Ravel this year. Yep. You got this. He's still got three more years left. Yeah.

He's got three more years. 30 under 30. Ravel is literally the thing that I joke about. Like, I think he does still think that he's 27. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Okay.

P.F.T., your hot seat, cool throne. My hot seat is all you guys in this room because I thought we were a family and families are supposed to give each other tough news. You guys have been holding out on me for quite some, I don't know how long, but I had a bad visual come across my timeline the other day. I actually didn't see it. I saw the visual. I had not seen this before.

I'm going to get out in front of this. Oh, yes, I did. And I went across the street. Are you talking about being bald? I went across the street to get a haircut and I was like, give it to me straight. How bad is it back there? The hair is starting to go away. And that's some news that I would have hoped that my friends in this room would have given

me. To describe the visual. No, he's getting bald on the top. It's actually been going on for a couple of years, but I was just hoping that it was like one of those things we just don't talk about. And now we're going to have to talk about it. Well, I've always had very thin hair and I've got a calic up there. So a couple of years ago, last time I really checked it out, I was like, okay, that just

looks like my normal thin hair that I have. All right, let's see it. Take off your headphones. Well, let's see how bad it is. The visual was basically, it was the back of PFT's head and you could see, obviously his long hair, but in the picture you could just see the back of his head. This is what we're talking about. I'm now running my hands through his hair, but he's, it's basically like, see this right

here. It's bad. You don't have to do that. Well, I mean, I'm just telling them, again, I've noticed it for a couple of years, but I didn't want to like, I thought maybe you just, you know, you wear hats enough. Friends talk. I have not noticed it. If I had noticed it in the way that it appeared in that picture, I would say something.

It's really hard to tell your friend like, hey, dude, you might be going bald. That's not something you can just say. Well, because I, we, I don't want to be the guy with long hair that's also bald. That's a weird look. So now I'm kind of, kind of cool though. Now we've got to figure out. The series. I think we have to figure out what to do as a podcast with this because I need some,

I need some help. It's not easy for me to be going through this right now because I've, I've had long hair for a long time and I'm just trying to think what my options are. So as far as I can tell, my options are one plugs, go, go, go, wear a hat and go bald and just be the guy like, what's his name, Brett Michael from poison or Hulk Hogan or Hulk Hogan just held on with that bandana forever. So I could, I could get some coverage and hold on. That's one.

Option two is, uh, I cut my hair really short and I don't think that's a good option. But wait, but wait, but then I just become wig guy and I've got like multiple wigs that I can wear in different looks that I can get into. Okay. I'm not above that. Like I think that we need to have this conversation openly so that people are all part of it. Option number three would be, uh, I guess just cutting my hair into a mullet. I think you just do nothing and just relax.

Like it's, it's, it sucks, but I think you had a few more years. You're rich. Get some hair parts. I could get some hair. I am rich. Get some hair. I forgot. Wait.

I swear to God, I forgot that I was rich until Hank reminded me. I can get hair plugs. Yeah. Hair plug it up. I had a college. It worked for Dave. Yeah. I had a college roommate who was like seriously going bald and he just put cream on it every

day and he didn't lose anymore. Well, I don't, I, I would rather, I appreciate that. I would rather, I'm going to go one way or the other. I don't want to stay where I'm at right now. I'm in no man's land. You're good though. Yeah. You have enough hair that it doesn't, it only, it was like a bad visual, but it's not, it's

not something that you can notice. You'd have to really see it or it has to be a really bad picture. So you're good right now, but it is something you're going to have to figure out later. You got to spray paint it. You got to get a tattoo. Carlos loser. Yeah. Get a tattoo where it's like.

Honestly, I came to you guys for some advice, Billy's just making it worse. All right. We are, we are. I mean, this is like kind of a continuation of my conversation, but I think you got to keep the long hair. Big Cat's got to dye his hair and I just have to figure out a way to, to, to work. We can't, we can't be. We can't be all old.

Yeah. Yeah. We are. Yeah. Like we can't have bald PFT gray cat. Well, I am gray. There's nothing I can do about it. Dye it.

I stopped dyeing it because Hank, that's your solution, everything for Big Cat. Just dye it. Dye it. He just wants me to dye. No, dye it. Yeah. Fuck. All right.

I'm worried about, I'm worried about you. Yeah. I'm sure that's really what it is. All right. But like, honestly, I do need, I need some guidance and I don't want to just like, I don't want to just let it, I just don't want to go bald. I want to do something. I want to be proactive about it.

Yeah. Then you got to do hair plucks. Hank's low keys, beards, but gray. All right. Let's, what are we doing here? Right. Billy, you know what? You look like shit too.

Yeah. I feel amazing. It's because you don't have to look at yourself. Sweet. I feel sick, bro. All right. I'm going to get hair plugs. If anybody knows a good hair plug person for long hair, I think that's a move.

Yes. I'd agree. All right. Your cool throne. Oh shit. Yeah. That took a lot out of me emotionally. My cool throne.

It's your hair because you're getting hair plugs. Yeah. It's my head. No. Blink-22 on the cool throne. They're back. They just released a video today saying that Mark, Tom, and Travis, all three of them are getting back together, going on a tour, putting out new music this Friday.

I'm excited. They're like one of my favorite bands since I was 11 years old. I'm pumped that Tom's back in the band after discovering Aliens, which by the way, we all owe Tom an apology for calling him crazy when he left the band to find Aliens because he fucking found Aliens. So Blink-22, please come on the podcast to discuss. And also, they're playing at MSG, which is going to be tough for me to get into because as we found out a couple of months ago, part of my take as a podcast is banned from MSG.

Yes. Kind of the bad boys. Yes. Yes. But I did see a video. That's some sick nostalgia that they're all back. My hot seat is Ben Simmons. This could just be a permanent hot seat, but the Nets did an outdoor community practice,

and there's just a video of him airballing like a five-footer. And it's just... It's windy. He can't... I now am starting to understand why Ben Simmons just doesn't shoot because he can't shoot, and every time he does shoot, it becomes a viral moment. It was windy. Think about that.

But think about that. It was 12 miles per hour wind. If there was something that you knew that every time you did, people would just roast, you would never do it. It just so happens that's like a big part of his job. But still, I can kind of get where he's coming from where he's like, why would I shoot when I know that it's not going to go in and people are going to roast. It's like a politician.

They tell a politician when they're on the road on a campaign, like two things that you shouldn't do. One is shoot a basketball, and then the second is eat a corn dog or a corn on the cob because people will photoshop it or lick an ice cream cone. So it was a bad visual. I'll give you that. On the other hand, Ben Simmons might become the best alley-ooper of all time. That was a perfect alley-oop.

If they just run like bring back the old Jason Kidd, that's offense when they had Kiddles, Martin and Richard Jefferson, just lob city again. Just know that every time Ben Simmons shoots the ball, it's going to be a perfect alley-oop for somebody. And it's just, it was just shocking because when you see an NBA player, you expect them to at least hit rim. It looked like any of us just walking into a gym, like fully clothed in like jeans and being like, here, take a shot.

Yeah. Your first shot always misses by like, it's just a terrible shot. That's what it was. The best part of it was Kyrie Irving being too high to figure out what was going on. He didn't notice. No, he didn't notice at all. And then my cool throne is, I'm going to say it, the Bears, I thought that the Orange Jersey sucked and then I saw they released a hype video.

So Thursday night, they're doing all orange. I'm kind of into it. And it gives the game, it gives the game a little, I wish the commanders would go all black. Yeah. Black and orange would be sick. You know what? It makes this game that we're all been kind of low key dreading, I would say.

I'm dreading the next two weeks at the Bears Room Prime Time. Makes it a little fun. Yeah. Dude, the Orange uniforms actually do look cool. Yeah. I'm excited about it. Do you know the Bears are favorite? That makes no sense.

They shouldn't be favorite. Neither team should be favorite in this game. The Bears should not be favorites. What's the spread? I think it's, I think there are like minus one. It just shouldn't, that should not be the case. That should not be the case. Bill, your hot seat cool throne.

My hot seat is Carson Wentz. Yeah. You heard the Ron Rivera comments. He was asked about what's the biggest factor in this whole NFC East competition. He said quarterbacks. Yeah. Just sort of pointing, you know, the elephant in the room about Carson Wentz. I just, I honestly thought PFT was going to bring this up, so I really want to hear

his comments. Okay. My, my comment is like, he's not wrong. No, of course not. Now, but on the other hand, it's not like the division is filled with world beating quarterbacks right now. We got, well, Daniel Jones and Cooper Rush, I don't think you'd say like those are elite quarterbacks.

They're playing very well right now. But my theory at this point, if you look at how Rivera said that, I think Rivera's trying to get fired. Yeah. I think Ron Rivera is trying to get fired because this is very unlike Ron Rivera to throw anybody under the bus. Like his players all love him. He's usually very measured.

Super measured. And either Carson Wentz is a total piece of shit that makes everybody hate him. Which I think we all know is probably the case. Which could be a possibility. Yeah. Or two, he's trying to get fired and maybe go back to Carolina where he could do like president of football operations or general manager or something like that. That's Ron Rivera's home is like in Carolina.

He is a Carolina Panthers guy. When they left, they like let him give a press conference on his way out saying goodbye. I'm pretty sure his key still works there. My theory is he's trying to get back to Carolina in some sort of capacity. But you have to try pretty hard to make Dan Snyder do something competent in DC. So I don't think this is, he's going to really need to fuck it up a little bit more to make Dan Snyder fire him. It also just tells me like Carson Wentz, very fascinating the fact that he really does feel

like everyone just doesn't like him. And I'm wondering if we'll get to a point where the NFL Combine, like any prospect they have a question about, it's like let's go on a bachelor party together. Cause like if you went on a bachelor party with Carson Wentz, you probably figure out right away like, I don't really like this dude. Bad hang. Yeah. Bad hang.

That's what they need to start doing. We, we are open to do this for any team that wants to hire us to just hang with someone and just see what they're like because we would have snuffed this out right away. But yeah, I thought Alex Smith was, his comments were correct. He's like, dude, run very, you're a defensive coach. Like how about you work on your defense? You know, like this is, it's kind of crazy to throw your quarterback onto the bus like Carson Wentz is fourth in passing, as he said, and I think their defense is 26.

Yeah. No, their defense is bad. I mean, also at the same time, like if we're watching Carson Wentz, he's not the fourth best quarterback. No. He hasn't played anywhere near like the top, the top 10 quarterback when he's at his best, I would say he's like, in those plays, Carson Wentz could be careful inside the self-contained plays where he's like stepping up in the pocket, throwing a deep ball.

He could be a top seven quarterback in those plays. The problem is the rest of the plays, including the last three of the last game where he threw three consecutive interceptions. Only one was picked off, but three consecutive interceptions at the goal line. It's not good to have your, your coach just, you knew that Ron Rivera went into that press conference like with a, with a grenade in his hand and then just knowing he was about to pull the pin. Yes.

Yeah. He's been around the NFL long enough to know exactly what was going to happen. That was, that was not an out of context mistake. No. Full-thrown Billy? A couple of quick ones, Travis Kelsey, fantasy owners, Christian McCaffrey, the Bills are coming after him. That, that.

That would be electric. Would be electric. It's just one ball. I like, and it would just, I love whenever a team goes all the way in and they're like, what do we not have? A running back. That would be electric. That would be electric.

And then last one, Tom Brady, he was asked about, you know, the roughing the passer, passer stuff. And then he just said, I don't throw the flags. I throw tablets. Nice. That's funny. Nice little joke. Way to go.

That's really funny. That's great. That's funny. Jake, your hot seat cool throne. My hot seat celebration. So the Phillies reliever, David Robertson is out of the NLDS after celebrating a Bryce Harper home run in the previous round. Ooh.

How, what would happen? I restrained his right calf jumping in the air. Damn. That's an old, such a baseball injury. I bet he's in his 30s. That is such a baseball injury. Well, he's been around. Yeah.

He's on the Yankees. Yeah. He gave up the home run that people thought Jeter's last game was fixed because he gave up the home runs. It was. Yeah. Definitely fixed. Forced the bottom of the ninth.

Yeah. He is 37. There you go. Yeah. That's what happens. I knew he was better because he was right down the Yankees. My cool throne is Bronny. Bronny signed an NIL deal with Nike.

Got this. Wait. He did? How did he get that connection? He's 18 years old. How old was LeBron when he signed with Nike? I thought LeBron. 18.

Wild. Wild. 18. His dad? Yep. That's crazy that he was able to get Nike on the phone. Yeah. He got an NIL deal because he's a really good basketball player.

Correct. That's the only reason why. Nike saw him and was like, this guy looks good. That was their eyeball. They're like, I've got my eyeball and I think this kid is going to be good one day. Yes. Yes. So good for Bronny.

Good for Bronny. Okay. Let's get to Blake Portals. I don't want to correct Jake on this because I might be wrong, but I might take a shot on it. Wasn't LeBron James an Adidas guy? I saw that he was 18 when he signed with Nike. I'm pretty sure his school might have been.

I think his school might have been. Yeah, they dropped the bag. Okay. All right. They had a chance at him. Okay. Yeah. The only thing I saw is that he was 18 when he signed with Nike.

Okay. I think. He could have been. You could be right. All right. You're probably right. I probably just remember him wearing the high school jersey that had the Adidas on it. I'm pulling it up right now.

Yes. Yes. His high school jersey was Adidas. Okay. Okay. So, Jake's apologized. I apologize. You were right too.

No. Oh, no. I mean, no, no. You know what? Jake's right too. God, both right. All right. Let's get to Blake Bortles, brought to you by our friends at Mugsy Jeans, the greatest

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Okay, here he is. Blake Bortles. Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, recently retired, Blake Bortles. He broke his retirement last week. He got a bunch of requests for interviews. He said he's doing an exclusive with us. So let's just start there. What did it, like walk me through what happened after you retired on this show and quite quit

the NFL? Was it just chaos? It was, yeah. So, I mean, I technically retired twice. I retired like four months ago, told like friends, family and close friends and nobody really bothered me. It was great. And then after we spoke last week, then there was just kind of a flood of text and a lot

of people just like saying congratulations and whatnot, but if I get more than like two texts within two hours, like my brain just melts down and I can't handle it. So the overflow of text messages and phone calls was a lot. I'm still getting back to people and working on it. Wait, so the one thing I thought of like, you did tell your agent that you were retiring, right? Cause I thought like that would also be very Blake if you just didn't tell your agent and he had been out there like trying to get you on a team and you're like, no, I actually

retired dude. And that was how he found out somebody told him that I told you guys, no, I told him, um, I think they changed it. Like I think in the old CBA used to have to like put retirement papers in and it was out there and official. And now if you're just not on a roster for 12 months, I think they just deem you retired. So that was the route I was going. They put you in that bucket.

That's, that's, that's weird. So wait, what about, what about people who are saying Blake, you should sign a one day contract to retire a Jacksonville Jaguar. Have you considered doing that? I haven't, um, I don't know. I feel like you got to play more than five years in a place to do something like that. But I think that like, I don't know if I made it long enough. The city of Jacksonville does love you though.

Like there, there are a ton of Jaguars fans that just love Blake Bortles. I feel like, I don't know, we could reach out to Tony. What if we got you a one day contract for just like a shitload of money though? That'd be kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For just, yeah, press conferences and photos. Yeah. It would be fun.

Um, so what, what, how does the body feel like you, you alluded to it that your arm felt like shit after playing like a backyard football with some kids in the neighborhood. Do you think you could keep playing or is it you're just, you're just like, I'm, I'm ready to, to be done physically with the rigors of being in the NFL. Uh, a little bit of both. There are a lot of things, I guess. My body's fine, you know, ripping the vortex around a couple of weeks ago, did a number on my shoulder, but you know, it's just from not throwing like I could still throw.

Um, I'm not the same as I was, you know, when I started in the NFL, I've had some, some, some right arm, um, nagging stuff that I think's affected me a bit. And um, on top of that, it was just, I was kind of, I was ready to go. I was ready to be done and do something else and, um, you know, try and go elsewhere in life. Wait. So what is this something that's something else? What's the next chapter for Blake Bortles?

I don't know. I keep, you know, I haven't, I made a LinkedIn page, so we'll see if that gets any hits. But I think my lack of, uh, my lack of a work history might be slowing that down. Um, I don't know. What are your passions? What are you, what are you into if you, if getting paid didn't matter, what would you do with your life? Um, I mean, I enjoy playing golf, like outside of football with played golf and hang out.

Um, I was never big into like fishing or hunting or anything like that. Um, I mean, really as a hot, like got two little kids. So I mean, that takes up 90% of the time and then the other 10% I probably play golf. That's, I mean, that sounds like a pretty good, like what do you like doing hanging out and playing golf? Yeah. I actually just hanging out and gambling. What you just said actually tells me that your career path should be being retired.

It sounds like being retired is the perfect job for you right now. That's right. So, and then I mean, you can start the senior tour at 50. So I've essentially got 20 years to get ready for that and has anybody ever done that? Like just played the senior tour without playing on the PGA tour, uh, spent half their life training for it and then turn 50 and then was like, let's see if we can do it. That's your goal. What are you shooting?

Uh, I'm all over the place. Uh, usually like around 80 is where I'm at sometimes play well and break 80 sometimes play bad and shoot 90. So it's all over the place. That's a pretty, that's pretty good golfing. So, uh, what, like, what are you going to miss the most from your NFL career? I mean, I guess you've been retired without us knowing for a while now. So it's, it's already set in, but is there one thing that was like maybe keeping you

like, I kind of wish I could go back. Um, I mean, outside of the fact that like it's all I ever did and new, you know, it just becomes, that was the routine and the daily, you know, kind of schedule. You're used to having that and being in that for so long, you know, having that lack of structure and, and, you know, time commitment and all that. Um, I mean, every, like all the cliche stuff, you miss hanging out and BS some of guys in the locker room, but I had, I've had like a couple of days where I woke up and like we have football, we have a little boy.

So there's balls all over the house and like I see a ball and it's just like, man, I'd love to just have a catch today with somebody, you know, like, I just want to go throw a ball of play catch. Don't really care to, you know, get hit or maybe do some of the other stuff, but I'd love to just play catch. Yeah. There should be a, like a dating app for just guys that want to have a catch with another guy.

Yeah. That'd be kind of cool. I think you're kind of, and you're also like kind of explaining a dog's life, which that's awesome. Right. So, and we also got a puppy. So we're bonding over playing catch together now. I like that full life.

You, I, the thing I've always loved, yeah, loved about you Blake is like, it's not that you didn't care. It's that you just, you didn't let other things bother you or like people outside your bubble bother you and you just describing your day to day is awesome. Like it just, there's no other way to describe it. It's like, I got two kids, a puppy, I golf and I hang out. There's, that's, you are living the dream. That's it man.

It's awesome. I was lucky enough to be in a position to be able to do that and not worry about much. Um, but yeah, if, if being retired was an occupation, I think that's, that's kind of my calling thus far. First ballot hall of famers. Yeah. You're off to a hot start right now.

Uh, looking back at your career, um, we've been talking a lot about how badly you guys got screwed over in that game in New England. You should have been in the Super Bowl to my dying breath. I will say the Jacksonville Jaguars should have been in that Super Bowl against the Eagles. Um, but from your perspective, looking back on it, what is, what is your favorite moment, like an actual moment playing football out there? What do you look back on and think to yourself?

Damn, that was, that was pretty cool. One moment. Um, I mean, probably that game could have been it. If the fourth quarter didn't go the way it went. So probably the week before that, like going up to Pittsburgh and beating them. Um, but really that whole year was, was, was pretty sweet. I mean, city of Jacksonville, you know, the Jags have had some bad years over the past, you know, decade or so.

Um, but they're, they are good fans and they care a lot. And, you know, so when we were rolling that year in 17, like it was an awesome place, like the city was fired up, you know, it was, people were happy to just be around town and doing stuff. Um, it was cool to see how they responded to, you know, the success we had. That whole year was awesome, but there was one, uh, yeah, one thing could probably be beating Pittsburgh and Pittsburgh. It's just, you know, the, the coolest moment.

And I guess the last great moment of that season before, uh, before New England. Yeah. I mean, that was an all time game. Do you, um, do you, do you keep in touch with, uh, playoff Lenny at all? Have you guys, have you guys men fences after he said you had bad breath? Because we love Leonard Fournette, but we still do think like that's bullshit that he outed you as having bad breath. It is.

And one, no, I haven't talked to him since he made that statement. And, um, I just, I don't know how you come up with that. You know, I got good hygiene. I don't dip anymore, right? I cut that out. So you can't blame it on that. I feel like I, you know, I have slightly maybe above average. I'd say decent breath.

Okay. Yeah. But no, I haven't talked to Leonard in a couple of years. Um, not, definitely not for that or any reason, just have it. But yeah, I'd love to talk to him or see him at some point. He's the best. Who reached out to you? Who was the, uh, who was like the biggest name or the most surprising person?

Um, the most surprising person. I don't know if there was one that I was like, wow, I can't believe, you know, he or she said something. There were, there were a couple of people that reached out that, you know, I, if they wouldn't have said like their name and what they did and where exactly we encountered each other at, I'd have had absolutely no idea who they were. Um, but there wasn't really anything that was like, holy shit, I can't believe they said something. Yeah.

What about, um, I, I, it's just, you really do have like the perfect life and you have really, you've, you've, you've done it perfectly. Have you, are you going to get your number retired at UCF? Is it retired? No, it's not. Cause Bowser wears it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Bowser's rocking it. Um, I don't know. They do retire numbers because there's stuff. I got inducted into the hall of fame last year at UCF. I don't know if they're still doing numbers cause I'm pretty sure like Cole peppers, Kevin Smith, like there's a couple of numbers hanging up, but I think guys still wear them. I think it's so hard in college cause there's like 130 kids or whatever.

So they need all the numbers. Yeah. We need to get you at least your number up there. So maybe it's not retired. I mean, I bet UCF last Wednesday when the news broke and yeah, they, they, they won and covered because it was the Blake Bortles night. That's right. Yeah.

Maybe they could, I don't know. It'd be sweet if they put a five up there right next to the national championship sign. Yeah. Or just retire, retire the name Blake. We'll never recruit another Blake. Ooh. Yeah. I'd be nice.

You have to change your name if you want to come here and play. Yeah. That would be really nice. Are you watching football? Do you watch it? I watch some. Like I watch, um, I've caught up most of UCF games. Um, like I was a little wary of like, you know, how it would be like last year.

Like I was out of the league, but I was still training. Like, so I was doing self. I was waiting for somebody to call me see if we get in the right situation. You know, so this year it's a little different because, you know, you're not doing anything towards getting a job in the NFL. So I was like, I didn't really want to sit around. So I've actually played golf on, uh, I think every Sunday so far of the NFL season, but I'll catch like, I'll get home and see what's going on.

Watch the red zone channel for a couple of minutes to see what's happening. Do you know if, if any teams like reached out to your agent this off season to get you in camp? Um, we heard from, uh, we heard from a couple right before the season started. And then I don't know, I don't know if anybody's reached out. I haven't talked to my agent a couple of weeks. So I don't know if anybody's reached out. He's just immediately told them no, you know, and didn't relay that somebody reached out.

Or if just nobody's absolutely called. So who, who reached out? We got to, I mean, give us at least one name. One name, um, I guess it doesn't matter. Cleveland called, um, obviously after the, the Deshaun Watson suspension, when they were trying to figure some stuff out, which, you know, who knows, maybe they were just feeling it out. So it's not, use a different phrase maybe for that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's on me. Sorry about that. Who else? I mean, we got to, they're due diligence. Yeah, we, we, I mean, we need to know who like, cause we went to Denver

and we sat with Nathaniel Hackett and we're like, if you really love Blake, you'd have him on the team. So did they reach out? Nope. I talked to Nathaniel. Oh, I talked, I was still under contract in New Orleans the last time we spoke about football. So we didn't talk about anything cause that's, I think tampering and illegal. Um, and then I talked to him when I decided to retire the first time.

I talked to him. Okay. So he knew you were kind of retired. Yeah. When you talked to him. Yeah. I told him, I told him months ago, which I'm surprised that I didn't tell him to keep it a secret or anything.

I just, I told him I was done. When did you just talk to him? It was, it was August. And it was the, I mean, it was an all time moment when I asked you for anything you had about Nathaniel Hackett and you just said that his son told you you had a big dong. Oh, Harris, or when Harrison, it was London, London. What a, but he is. Yeah.

Was that like the greatest day of your life? Yeah. Top five. You have two kids. So be careful. Yeah. Well, yeah. Top five is probably like number three or number four.

Just what a great compliment to get. It is. I mean, there's not much of, you know, a more mood boosting thing you can say to somebody than fresh off a training camp practice, just feeling like crap and you hear a six year old just give you the compliment of all compliments. What about the floor? The floor hasn't hit you up. I'm like going to be mad at some of these guys because like they don't love Blake the way we,

like if we had an NFL team, you'd be on it. We'd just have you be like, it almost be like a no show construction job job. You could just not show up if you didn't want to and we'd give you a check. I appreciate that. No, I haven't heard. I heard from a couple guys in like the Green Bay organization, but that's probably got, he's got definitely bigger things going on than worrying about what I'm doing. Yeah.

We're going to get back to Blake Bortles in a second. But before we do, this show is brought to you by Chevy. We love Chevy. We're starting to see pretenders and contenders emerging after the first round, first month of the NFL season. There's one player that's never a pretender and always a contender. That player is the Chevy Silverado. Silverado shows up weekend and week out with the unstoppable grit and determination.

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Like, what if another team wanted to sign you to a one-day contract to retire as that team? Yeah, I'd probably do that. Like a team that you didn't even play for. Yeah, so I could just add one more to like the Wikipedia list. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah, just a random team. Seahawks signed you for one day.

You look good in a Seahawks jersey. Yeah, you are. I guess like holding it up next to you. You probably not even have to put it on. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, great color combo. What are you benching these days? That's a very important question.

Oh, man. I haven't bench pressed since college, like a bar. What else would you bench press? You do the dumbbells? Yeah, the dumbbells. That was immediately just like all quarterbacks have to do dumbbells because it's better for whatever. Um, the dumbbells we have, we have like a little makeshift weight room in the garage and it goes up to 60 pounds.

Lightweight. Yeah, I'm feeling good. I get after those. Lightweight. Did you resistance bands? Yeah, a lot resistance bands working on the stretch and for the golf swing. Yeah, what about, um, a lot of people were wondering if maybe now's the time to start your construction career because you had the famous clip where

Sophie Julia asked you what you'd be doing if you weren't in the NFL and you're like just working construction and ripping sick. So have we thought about that? Like it would be very funny if we just got a picture in a year of like a roadside construction crew. And it's just you just having a sick during lunch break being like, yeah, just out with the, with the fellas just doing some work. There is that. So, uh, where I could, we're building a house and we had a meeting the other day with the builder

and I asked him, I said, you know, like, I don't have anything to do. Is it okay? Like if I just come help you guys, like you don't have to pay me. I just want to be there and have something to do. And you know, a little camaraderie with the guys building the house. And he said, absolutely. So we'll see. Hell yeah.

You have to send us a picture of you out there with them. You're going to get addicted to dipping again. You know that. I know that way. That or cigarettes you have to do. I feel like in that life. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. How long has it been since you've dipped? I mean, the, yeah, the occasional, you know, the, like it's hard like playing golf or doing something and then you're with somebody and it's just like, I don't think I've bought a can of dip in a couple of years. Probably. Oh, nice. Oh, so you're just a mooch.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I've turned into. It's just like, oh, hey, let me get one of those. Just bumming dips off people. That's smart though. That's a good way to cut down on it. And technically, if you never actually buy the can of dip, you never restart it.

So as long as it's not my can. That's right. And it can't be a problem. Like you can't be a problem if it's not like coming out of your pocket. That's right. Yep. No money of mine went towards this. So the other Sophie Julia clip, wake up in the morning.

What's the first thing you do? Do you still piss? Like right away? Every morning. Yeah. Every morning. Is that is that not what you do? No, I do it because like you're my hero.

And I saw that was like, if I want to grow up to be big and strong like Blake, first thing I do is not like take your vitamins, you know, do your homework, eat your cereal. It's you get up in the morning and you piss. You just go right to the bathroom. That's it. That's the key to being in a full quarterback. You get a great day started.

That's beautiful. I really want you to come hang sometime too in New York. That'd be nice if you just came and hung out. I feel like you never leave the state of Florida. You're like the reverse Dave Portnoy. You don't have to worry about your taxes because you're just there. That's right. No, I'd love to come hang out.

I've only been in New York City a couple of times. Not a huge fan, but I don't fit in. I don't think right there. Yeah. You're a Florida guy through and through. I'm very relaxed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you are very relaxed. That is that is like your MO. What about are you worried at all that retiring from the NFL is going to hurt you in Blake of the Year competitions? Yeah, I have thought about that. I'm going to have to find something else, right? Because Blake Griffin's obviously he just signed a new contract, right? Yeah.

Do you know where? Oh, we're going to start with him. Yeah, I was going to say Boston. Yep. Brooks is doing his thing. I'm going to have to find something else to boost my resume because it's not as cool like Blake Brooks and then NBA player, professional golfer, part-time construction worker that doesn't get paid for it. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I think you are the OG Blake. So you have that going. It's like you are the grandfather of the Blake's. Right. We can get grandfathered in you think for a couple of years until I can figure something else out. Yeah.

I think like you have a seat on the on the Blake of the Year competition for as long as you want it. What about doing a podcast? Would you do a podcast with another Blake? I don't know. I've thought about it, but it's just I feel like there's a lot of people doing it. Like you guys crushed it. You got in early.

You guys are kind of the OGs of podcasting. I feel like in the sports world, everybody's kind of doing it. And I also think that like I would have a hard time filtering, you know, what I said into a microphone if I had to do it too often. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I'd be great at that. And they're, you know, I don't know about having certain things out there that are just

there forever that like, you know, my kids could listen to or like my mom's going to hear. You know, I'd rather just save it for for hanging around drinking beer telling stories. Yeah. I actually need to probably think about that a little bit. But there's a lot of bad tape of us out there. For sure. But once you get to a point, no, but once you get to a point, it's like, yeah, I've said some shit.

What are you going to do? Like I've said so much shit. You know, like I've been taped for a decade plus every single day. I just pretend it doesn't listen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's the same thing. Yeah. You guys have done it for so long too that it's like there's nothing that you're going to say while being recorded. That's worse than something you previously said. Yeah. That's true.

Like maybe it cracks the top 10. But yeah. Yeah. We buried ourselves. We flooded the zone with so much crap that it's hard to make anything else stand out. Yeah. Do you know how much money you made in the NFL? It's pretty cool.

No. I mean, I know like contractually what I made, but I didn't get like the back half of my second contract here and then taxes. No. Do you know like the exact number? It says 47 million. That's fucking awesome. Sounds right.

Now that's awesome. Yeah. I can't do that. Just good enough to ask for some money. Yeah. That's pretty fucking sweet. Like when you say it and you're just like, oh yeah, I did make 47 million in like seven years of work.

That's pretty fucking sweet. That's right. Suck it, nerds. Score one for the good guys. Love it. I fucking love it. I love it. Like what pieces of advice do you have out there for any youngsters?

Any youngsters coming up, whether it be in college football or just hanging out, just outside of sports? Just in general? Yeah. How should people try to live their lives to be more like Blake? I mean, yeah, finding a way to make some money playing a sport is always a great thing. So if you're able to do that, more power to you. I don't know, man.

I always like, even while playing football, you obviously take your work very seriously and everything, you're getting paid to play football, especially as a quarterback. You have to make sure that you're keeping a clean profile and doing the right things and saying the right things and all that, representing everybody that supports you. But for me, it was like, make sure you're prepared and working hard. Play as hard as you can play. And like outside of that, have as much fun as possible and just don't get in trouble. And I'm struggling at times doing the back part of that.

But I think as long as you enjoy what you're doing, you're lucky. If not, then when you don't have to do it, enjoy something else. What about any regrets? Life advice. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's a lot. No, come on. Just in general, in life, what regrets do I have? Yeah, I mean, it seems like, I mean, you objectively have had an enormously successful

career. Like that's just a fact. Like you, you got to the highest level of your game. You got paid what, $47 million? Yep, 47. Like from a business standpoint, you are, you should do a business podcast. Yeah, I don't think that would do well. We could talk stocks. We could talk investment portfolios.

The numbers don't lie. You are like a, you're a businessman. I am a businessman. I mean, yeah, it's kind of crazy to, to think about, you played football, started playing football when I was five and was lucky enough to play 12, which 30 and was able to do some of that stuff. Because if not, we might be working construction rip and six. Yes, yes.

All right, Blake, I have one last question for you. Wait, I had some before. Go ahead. I was doing some reminiscing of my own before this interview and I realized that the history of Blake and Super Bowls, I just wanted to rattle through these. Maybe you have some memories or like some history, but 2015 or no, 2016, part of my take was still in the womb. It existed, but it wasn't out to the world yet.

It wasn't out to the world yet. You did a casting couch interview with Eric Ebron and Jabari Price. That was chaotic. 2016. That was in San Francisco, right? That was in San Francisco. San Francisco, yep. 2016.

Yeah. My marketing guy was like, Hey, these guys are, you know, they're kind of like busting into the sports world. And I don't know. Had you guys interviewed any NFL quarterbacks at that time? I don't think so. And that wasn't even like a, yeah, there wasn't even a plan to do those interviews until we got there.

Yeah. Right. That's what, yeah. He's like, uh, nobody really knows much about him. And like, obviously knew a little bit about Barcelona. He's like, I don't think anybody's doing it. And kind of like starts explaining it to me. And I was like, yeah, dude, absolutely.

Let's go to them. That was, uh, that was a Super Bowl that Dave had bought his flight and a house in San Francisco before the Super Bowl, but like before the playoffs. And it was the famous one where he didn't account for the air when the Patriots played the Broncos. And he's like, I just fell as I just didn't account for the air. And we had the, we had the house and we had the, the RV. And we like, he begrudgingly was like, fine, we'll just go.

And then we just started interviewing people on that RV. And I had the picture with you where I found, I don't know where I got that jersey, but it was like size. That huge jersey. Yeah. Yeah. That was awesome. All right.

Sorry Hank, go ahead. 2016, the, the party, Super Bowl party to end all Super Bowl parties. You and Jared almost burnt down the Totino's house. I mean, that was, that was, that was my personal favorite memory. That's when, you know, you and, you and Jared became, became my guys for life, legends for life. That was, that was an amazing moment coming back to the house. It smells like smoke and I go into the kitchen and there's,

there's Blake Bortles and Jared Goff and they're starting a fire in the kitchen because they can't figure out how to cook Totino's pizza rolls in the oven. Do we accident something? There was an extra zero or something that got added. We put them in there for an hour and thought it was like a minute or two and then just forgot. That was when, wasn't that when we were in an Uber and Hank was just wandering down the side of the street and we picked them up.

Yeah. All right. I was reminiscing. I happened to drive by him and was like, oh shit, that's Hank. Yeah. I was, I was trying to remember if that was you or not, but yeah, I was like, I think we went to the house together. Yeah.

Yeah. And that was also when Hank and Blake both saw Dave getting head. Because his windows were open in his room. All time funny night. And then, I mean, we interviewed you in Minnesota. Wait, one other, one other for the 2017 Super Bowl or 16, whatever it was. Houston. Houston.

That also, I can't remember if it was you texting me or Jared texting me being like, I think it was you texting me being like, hey, do you know where Jared is? And I was like, the next morning. And I was like, what are you, are you really asking me? Like how, like, I don't know where Jared is. No, I think it was reverse. It was reverse probably. It was Jared asking where Blake is.

No, it was. Because we had a flight. My phone died. I don't know what ended up happening later that night, but my phone died and we were flying out at like 9 a.m. and like, I remember, you know, kind of exiting everything and then being like, dude, like flights at nine, don't miss it. And, you know, just pulling up at an Uber telling the guy to go as fast as possible out on the tarmac at like 8.59.

Just popping out like, we made it. Yeah. And that was one of those moments. It was like, what is my like, there's one NFL quarterback texting me asking me where the other NFL quarterback is. And I was like, what is going on right now? Like what is this? This is a wild thing to be a part of.

But that was, yeah, that was an all time night. All time part. That was special. All right. Interviews you in Atlanta or in Minnesota on the bus. I don't think anything crazy from there. Yeah. In the van.

And then the Atlanta Super Bowl. That was a man of the year year, right? Yeah. You were there for the man of the year. Atlanta. Shoot of one. Do you think you got fucked over in the man of the year competition? Well, yeah.

I didn't know Chris Long was supplying like a whole continent with water. I don't think any of us would have gone. Somebody actually said that to him. Like, bro, why didn't you tell us you were like supplying all of, I don't know. I don't want to. It's all about Africa. Yeah. It was something like that.

Yeah. It was like, I don't know if it's a couple of countries, but it was essentially like dude supplied like a whole continent with water. It was like, yeah, no shit. He was going to win. And then the Atlanta Super Bowl Patriots won. I was going into the after party. My friends from home were there and then Dave and like a bunch of people from

Barclays also didn't have tickets to get in. So I was like, all right, I'm going to get in. I'm going to try and I got to, I'm just going to get in and figure out a way to get all these people in here once I get in. I saw you at the bar downstairs. No one was even there yet. And then I was telling you my situation. You took, took the pass off your neck or like here, I'm not saying for this party,

take my pass. It was, I think you were there for NFL man of the year too, because it was like an all access pass that you could just walk in and out. You didn't need a ticket because you were staying at the hotel. So I was able to take that pass and then get like all my friends from home and like 10 other people in one of my favorite nights I've ever had. And that was all because of you. That's all Blake.

That was, that was, and then you got everybody in and then Dave was in there for like 10 minutes and they tossed them, didn't they? Yeah. Like he, he like came and left. It was like, uh, yeah, I forget, I forget exactly what happened, but that if, if it wasn't for that pass, cause I think in the, in the previous ones, it was easier to do pass backs. And I was like, oh, I was telling people as I go, you know, in the past who I've been

to it was kind of easy to get people back and forth. And I got in and I was like, this is going to be a problem. Cause it was like, you had to have a ticket. Once you gave them your ticket, they took your ticket. So I was like, fuck, I need, I need something and Blake basically had like the gold pass. Yeah. Yeah. That's an all time Blake move.

Like that's why you're a ride or die guy. I still have the pass. Anything for you, Hank. How awesome was that night for you? That had to be a great time. Yeah. I mean, top, top five, top five nights of my life too. I'd say.

Thanks to Blake. Thanks to Blake. Thanks to Blake. Any time. Solid, solid. Um, all right. So I had one last question. It's a rowback question promo code take 20% off your first purchase.

Q zips, polos, hoodies and the new rowback joggers, which are incredible. If there's one person that we can hate for you, some person who said something or did something during your career, give it to us. We want to just carry the legacy. I know you don't care. Like you're the most, I don't, you know, whatever people say shit, but let us, we, we do care and we like to protect our friends. So just, you know, one person we could put in our back of our brain and be like,

yeah, that guy will carry the hate for you. Um, I mean, I don't know if there's many people in sports that like didn't have something negative to say about me at some point while I was playing, but like if there was one person that, uh, did not even know, you know, who hated me. And I would, I don't even know him. I would imagine like if you asked him, he'd be like, yeah, that guy sucked. It was Chris Sims. Yeah.

Yeah. He did. He did. The Sims hated me. I saw a list one time. He ranked me as like the 47th best quarterback in the NFL and I was starting in Jacksonville and I was like, he's got 15 backups ranked ahead of me as, as a quarterback in the NFL. That guy really did not like it.

Yeah. I, I felt like there was a moment in time where people like basically propelled their career by being like Blake Bortles sucks. Yeah. It was an easy one. You know, and I respect that you got to do what you got to do to advance in your profession. I didn't really care, but, um, yeah. Okay.

And then one guy, one guy who championed you, like who's the, who's the one guy that was like, oh yeah, that guy always like, he was pretty cool. There was a couple of good local dudes here in Jacksonville that I still keep in touch with. Is that who you're talking about? Like media people? Yeah. Yeah. Um, trying to think.

Prescott? Jeff Darlington was always great. We love Jeff. The problem was, is I never paid attention to anything. So like, at least people could have been, you know, here I am thinking like, what a great relationship we have. And then he's on Twitter just hammering me and I'd have no idea. Mark Long and Mike D Rock, the ESPN guy here in Jacksonville, those two dudes I still talk

to, they were always great. I love it. And I love it. What about Prisco? Did you ever, did Prisco, Prisco wasn't still around, was he? It's his first name, Pete, Pete Prisco. Yeah. Yeah.

Little guy, small guy. It's really short. Tiny. Maybe it's, maybe when I first got here. Put it in your pocket. I can't remember. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Did you ever watch The Good Place? No. I need to. I want to, just because like it's actually a pretty good show, right? Yeah. That's what you should do. That's what you should do and take advantage of the days off that you have.

Watch The Good Place because they love Blake Bortles on that show. Yeah. I think I need to check that out. It was a couple of years ago, 17 or 18-ish. They asked me to come do like a little special thing in there because some guys are massive Jacksonville fan in it, right? Yeah. And it didn't work out.

I was, it was in LA and I was leaving LA. But yeah, I might need to watch that. The other thing that I had was, you remember that highlight when you were running against the Pittsburgh Steelers and somebody just absolutely leveled that dude and you started smiling and laughing in the middle of the play? Yeah. It was TJ Yellen hit Mike Mitchell. And I do remember that.

It was on our sideline. It was awesome. I think it was a third down, too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, sometimes fun things happen. You can't help but laugh while it's going on. Yeah.

There's also a picture of you in the Hall of Fame that you know that, right? There's a picture of you in the Hall of Fame with your tongue out getting just smoked. Yeah. By who? You're in the Hall of Fame. It's not somebody that's in the Hall of Fame. I don't know. I can't remember.

It's just a random picture. Yeah. Didn't we take that picture? There was like a picture of you getting just absolutely leveled. I can't remember. Let me look it up. As I look this up, do you know just off the top of your head who the number three all-time ranked player in yards per carry is in the NFL?

Three. Yeah. No. I'm on there somewhere, right? I think it's you. Am I third all-time? I think it's you. Maybe just for quarterbacks.

And this was before Omar Jackson. You know what needs to be the next is like guys that ran, although there's probably nobody else even on that list that ran a 49-40 at the combine. Yeah, but you were just efficient. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. The slowest guy by far.

You know what it was? It was all the, I used to call it something else, the tackle of man with the football. You play as a kid, you know, growing up. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Get the guy with the malls as we called it. Yeah.

Just get that guy with the football. Uh-huh. Yeah. You might actually be the most efficient runner in the history of the NFL when you take into account your speed versus the amount of yards you're able to cover. Yeah. I mean, it's a wild stat that I'm on that list. Who is like one?

Is that someone like Michael Vick or somebody? I think Vick might be number one or two. And the other guy Randall Cunningham. The other guy played in like 1950, I think. Okay. Bar star. Yeah, something like that. He's something like that.

Yeah. Yeah, but you're up there. George Mira. Then. Oh, George. Yeah. Yeah, old Georgie. And then Mike Vick.

And then, and then Blake Bortles. That's pretty cool. Yeah, that is cool. That's pretty wild. Well, Blake, I mean, you have to, we'll keep in touch. I do also just want to say to end it like thank you because you bought in with us very early on and that, that was big. Like that, that's one of those things that when we think about like the history of pardon

my take, you being cool and wanting to come on was a big deal for us. And it still is a big deal. So you should definitely know that that's like part of, you're not only part of NFL history, like you can't write the story of pardon my take without Blake Bortles. You're in the pardon my take Hall of Fame. I'm honored to be a part of it. Man, you guys have always been great. Thanks for, you know, being a friend to me sticking up for me.

You're going to make me emotional. I'm just kidding. Thanks for, thanks for sharing your fans, you know, I got a lot of fans from you guys that were great. We had great times and I was, I mean, what you guys have done is so cool and it was such a non normal thing and sports media at the time. Everything was so buttoned up and quarterbacks always had to give the political power. Correct on the line answer.

So being able to talk with you guys and kind of let it fly a little bit to me was always something that was really enjoyable. Yeah, honestly, honestly, thank you. I appreciate everything that you've done for us. You didn't have to a lot of these times. So it's been, it's been great to, to build this relationship with you. I know that you're going to be great on the senior tour. Yeah.

Being retired 15 years. Yeah. Yeah, you're going to be a great 2042. Okay, hashtag 2042. We'll catty for you. We'll catty for you. I also, uh, last thing, um, my parents still live in Orlando. There's like a fake Twitter account.

That's my name and for whatever reason, these stuff like this is still happening, but it tweeted out, you know, after the thing came out retired. I'm going to pursue what I've always wanted to do is, you know, riding equestrian horses and get ready for 2024 Olympics in Paris, France. Like the news stations in Orlando were like running it all afternoon that I was training for the Olympics in 2024 for Paris to ride a question. So are you saying you're not? No, I might.

Okay. All right. Good. Good. So rerun it, rerun it. That's right. He's not closing the door. Yeah.

No, we'll stick to that. No, but thank you guys, man. You guys are the best. Always have been. All right. Thanks Blake. Love you, man. See you guys.

We will put you in the part where you call a fame. You'll be the first inductee. Blake Bortles is brought to you by our great friends over at Instacart. What is your favorite dip for game day? Hank. Buffalo chicken. Buffalo chicken dip is so good. What about you, Jake?

Guac. Guac, man. What about you, Billy? The question was what was your favorite dip on game day? Guac. Okay. A couple of guac boys over there. Yeah.

I like that. Just putting, getting that guac all in your mouth. I personally like Buffalo chicken dip. I like queso. I like salsa. I like dipping cool ranch Doritos into salsa. That's one of my favorite things to do. I think you guys will enjoy that as well.

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What I've been on a real kick of recently. I like to order ice cream sandwiches delivered to my house. Just a real treat to arrive. You put them in the freezer. They're still cold, usually good to go. Instacart will deliver all the possibilities and more with a fast, efficient shopping experience, fast and flexible delivery in as fast as an hour,

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Okay, we now welcome on. We're current guests. I'm not going to say good friend because he just beat my bears. And then I have to look at his smiling face. It is Kirk Cousins, quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings. It's one question with a quarterback. Kirk, we each get one question, yourself included. My one question is a very important question.

I saw when you were in London after the game, you did the gritty off the field. Do you think you killed the gritty? Because I don't think it's, I don't, it's not cool anymore after you did it. I haven't seen the tape, so I got to see the tape and then I could give you a better answer. But no, there's room for improvement.

There's always room for improvement. We can all be better big cat. But I got to watch that tape certainly. And I would agree that anything that I do is no longer cool. So like when I wear the plaid button down to week one, you know, it looks like I got it from Kohl's. But if Justin Jefferson wears that same plaid button down to next week's press conference,

everybody in Minnesota is buying a plaid button down. So I'm fully aware of that. And I don't want to do anything to tarnish the gritty. It's got a lot of momentum right now. So it's probably best if I just stay away from it. I hate that you have the self-awareness there because that makes me, okay, all right. That was a good answer.

That was a good answer. My one question. Also, God damn it. I don't think Minnesota needs any help buying button down flannel shirts. That's true. I feel like they're doing okay. Yeah, that's why I think, that's why I think, right in.

All right. Now I've got a lot of pressure on my one question because I also want to be a jerk to you, but I'm trying to think how you're going to disarm my question. So my one question is how much money do you have? I got plenty. Plenty. I'll say that.

And how much money? Well, hold on. I only got one question. Yeah, you only got one question. You almost made a mistake. This is, it's this. I pause, I pause before I said anything. Yeah.

Let me think here. So I know both of you guys don't love the Vikings and both of you guys don't love me. So I guess my question is, what's your all-time favorite? Who's your all-time favorite Vikings player? That's a good question. Great question. I would say, shoot.

I mean, the easy answer would be Randy Moss, right? But I also like John Randall. He was a beast back in the day. I'm going to go with CJ Hamm. I think CJ Hamm is my all-time favorite Vikings player. I'm a fan of fullbacks. What can I say? I think he makes you look good out there.

I think your system quarterback and without CJ Hamm as your fullback, you completely fall apart. Yeah. I think that's a good thing. Okay. I also, I mean, Randy Moss is one of those guys that even if, you know, I don't like the Vikings, but he was so cool and so good that it was like, man, this is hard.

He was another guy who could wear a plaid button down. Yes. And it looked good on him. Yes. Like Justin Jefferson right now is in that camp of like, I don't like him. He plays for a rival, but every time I'm watching him, I'm like, holy shit, this guy's incredible.

I'll go with Blair Walsh. I'll go with Blair Walsh. Yep. Yeah. Blair Walsh feels right. He's my favorite. That's par for the course. Okay.

We have Jake, you have one last question to our, one of our guys here in, he has the last question to end. One question with a quarterback. Hi Kirk, Jake Marsh, part of my take podcast. You like that? I do like that. I'm liking this interview. I've never been asked in an interview how much money I have,

and I think that's just tremendous. Yeah. Yeah. And we can't ask follow-ups. Yes. So that was, that was one question with a quarterback. We, I mean, Kirk, you're welcome to come back on any time for one question with a quarterback.

We've kind of screwed ourselves in this entire segment. It started as a joke. I don't know if you saw last week Blake Bortles retired during one question with a quarterback, and then we didn't, we couldn't ask follow-ups. So this, yeah, that, this is it. This is the conclusion of it. And thank you for joining us.

Thrilled to be on with you guys. A lot of laughs. Good way to start my week. And we'll get another question going down the road. Okay. I hate how much I like you. Great. Great.

I just, I can't stand this. This is, this is, this is. I'm not going to come around on me. It's going to take time. No. I know. No, it's, we're doing it again. You're doing double sportsmanship.

Yeah. No. It's like a sick joke that I had to watch you beat the bears and then have to like see your smiling face on Monday morning. And I can't even ask another question. So that's that. See, I'm going to retire and you guys are going to be sad about it. Yeah.

Actually, that's true. That's a fact. That's true. Like half of our jokes are gone. You do give us a tremendous amount of content. Yes. Maybe one day, maybe a one day contract with the football team. Who knows?

Yes. Yes. There you go. Okay. Thank you Kirk. Appreciate it. Thank you. We'll see you.

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or if you just like comfortable, manly boots and clothes, get yourself some Rockies. Get 25% off your pair today at RockyBoots.com with the promo code Barstool. That's 25% off your pair today at RockyBoots.com with the promo code Barstool. And now here's Uncle Chaps. Okay. It's roast time. It's been a while.

It's been a while since we've seen our good friend Uncle Chaps. We got to spend Sunday with him. We got to watch the Jaguars just continue to be the Jaguars. Nothing has changed. Don't. I thought we were going to start on a nice note. We're not being ugly. Something's changed.

Yeah. Yeah. You got no beer. You got creamed. And I'm feeling pretty, pretty good about it, boys. It was a big time backfire. We bet Chaps on the Jaguars Commander's Game and the loser was going to have to get creamed.

And Chaps got creamed this morning. I creamed him in the studio. And you look awesome. Thank you. It very sucks. Last time whenever I shaved and everybody made fun of me, I had to FaceTime my wife and she said that I made her want to throw up. This time she said I could still have sex with her, which is sweet.

Whoa. Yeah, I know. Congratulations. I know. I know. Congrats on that. Thank you. But back to the Jaguars.

They stink. They do stink, I think. That's, where are you at with Trevor Lawrence? Because we've been in a good place. We've been the most reactive podcast in the world to Trevor Lawrence. We thought he sucked. Then he had a couple good games and I was like, he's awesome. And now I kind of think he sucks again.

I do too. I mean, I don't think he sucks, but he definitely sucks throwing the deep ball, which makes him suck. And they don't really have anybody to catch it either. They don't have anybody that's super fast. But some of the throws that he's made when people are wide open, that's the reason why we lost to you guys. That's the reason why we lost to the commanders.

That's the reason why we lost to the Eagles. Wide open throws and he just can't make them. He's not making them right now. So yeah, that's tough to have a quarterback that's really good at short and intermediate throws. And then just won't hit anything downfield at all. It's very frustrating. Yeah.

Because you see, I've never had that happen to me. No, you've never had that. It's nice that you're in this grieving stage where you're like, he doesn't suck. But then when you describe it, it's like, oh no, that is what you just explained was a bad quarterback. Yeah. He's year two, week five.

So yeah. So I'm riding and dying with every quarter. Like my opinion on Trevor changes every single quarter. Yeah. And yeah, that is a very familiar feeling where it's just like, it's just everything is volatile. Everything you see, you're like, there it is. He finally figured it out.

And he's like, no, he actually stinks. I feel like if the Jaguars can go around 500, you'd be pretty happy. Oh, I'd be thrilled with 500. Eight wins, nine wins. What really screwed me was that win against the Chargers, because they had a bunch of guys out and we dominated them after shutting out the Colts. So I was like, man, we are back.

The defense looked like it was flying. They could stop the run. But now they can't. They gave up. And they did dominate the Texans. They did. Yeah. Yeah, they did.

They statistically dominated them. They just didn't do the thing that you need to do is score points. Right. Throwing interceptions in the end zone, bad. Bumbling it right near the end zone. Bad. Missing field goals, bad. Yeah.

If the end zones were at the 20 instead of the end zone, the Jaguars would have won by like three touchdowns. They changed that rule next year. Look out. What is it about the Texans? Why do they own you? I don't know because they stink. Like they stink against everybody else.

It's kind of like we are with the Colts, I guess. We own the Colts and have beat them, I think, like seven times in a row or at home. And the Texans dominate us. Nine in a row against the shitty Texans is disgusting. It is nice, though, that the AFC South is kind of like, you just know there's a rhythm to it. The Texans will beat the Jaguars.

The Jaguars will beat the Colts. And the Titans will never be good, but they'll always win the division. Yeah. Like that's kind of what it is. Yeah, that's five years. If you went and had like a coma for 10 years and you said that sentence, you're caught up.

Yeah, right. That's the AFC South. It's the junkyard version of the NFC West where you can figure out exactly what's going to happen, like which coaches own the other guy. Yeah. Yeah, basically. And just throwing the Titans in the mix

where it's like you just look at the Titans constantly and you're like, that's not a good team, but they will go to the playoffs. I had such a bad feeling that the Titans were, or the Texans were on the one yard line and I have real bad PTSD about that against the Jags because of what Derek Henry did a couple years ago and absolutely dominated us.

I thought for sure Pierce was going to take 199 yards. Shoes shrink tackle. It almost happened again. Yep, yep, yep. So how do you feel about old Doug? I love Doug. I think Doug is people, there's been some media in Jackson like I don't know about Doug.

He wants to rely on the past instead of the run, but the quarterback has to make the throws. Like the play calls have been good. It's 2022. I think it's okay to have a coach who likes to pass the football. Yeah, I think it's okay. I think that's perfectly normal at this point. Do you want to do some roasts?

Yeah. How's the reading going these days? I'm getting better at it. By the way, listen to ZBT. I actually was talking to Chaps today about I was just, whenever Chaps is in studio or in the office, I just catch up on my international politics. I was like, so is Putin going to do this nuclear thing?

And you're like, nah, if he moves those, if he touches those nuclear things, we'll fucking blow them up. Yeah, I think they monitor that stuff pretty well. That's good. That's how we know North Korea stuff. It's how we know around stuff. They have sensors in the sky, essentially, that they can figure out where these movements

and people that watch it all the time, they start moving a nuclear weapon and it'll be hell for them. Is that, like, how does it work? Do they have to move it for a while? Like, I would imagine it's not a button that you press. They have to arm it and everything. Yeah, it takes a little bit for it to get going. I mean, there is some that are smaller

that you can have pretty readily available, but if they move one that's going to make, like the tactical nuclear, you know it's moving too. They have an idea of where all of those weapons are. Yeah. OK, that's kind of bad. But also, you look at military intelligence over the last two decades and you're like,

well, maybe you guys don't actually know. What about the suitcase nuke? Is that still a thing? I don't think so. Like, the World War II nuclear weapons, they got most, that was part of, what was it, the disarmament agreement between Russia and us that we were going to get rid of all those.

They used to have one. I don't know if you've seen this, like, an RPG that you could put a shoulder-fired nuclear weapon and shoot it off. Dude, you would feel so cool if you were rolling around with a nuke on your hip. There's a video that just came out recently. It was like two or three days ago

as Ukraine pushes towards Crimea and try to get that back. There was a guy that was standing with one of our new anti-missile technology standing on, like, a road. And you could hear their anti-aircraft missile go off and that's what's causing a lot of destruction there. Their missiles, the surface-to-ground missiles.

And whenever those hit, the guy stands and shoots the technology that we have and it intercepts it in the sky. And all of the other Army dudes from Ukraine are going bananas. That must be awesome. Yeah. Such a cool feeling. That, it brought me so back.

I was on a roof one time and there was a bunch of terrorists that went into this one house and you see, like, a gun run come. And as soon as, like, an A-10 warthog comes over where people start shooting hell-fire missiles, everybody's like, oh, my fucking god, let's go. The close air support with the brrr.

Yeah, it's like that. You got some? Brrr. And then you go by and the amount, how big those rounds are and the amount of damage that they cause, even in, like, vehicles, you're just like, holy shit. It's like a bullet that can hit 10 feet away from you

on the ground and it'll still kill you. Yeah, like, just the wind that kind of goes by you, the pressure force there. When you hear those, like, so we would have these briefs before you go out on a mission and they would tell you what your air support was. They'd tell you if you have F-18s,

if it's just helicopters, every time if they said you have A-10s in your area, people were like, let's fucking go. Yeah. Because they can get so close to you. Other ones, you have to stay pretty far back. A-10s are so accurate. They can be a lot more, like, 200 meters.

Geez. And there was also kind of a sad moment because I was talking to Kate and Chaps and I was like, so why is Ukraine winning? And it's like, well, we're just paying for all their weapons and I was like, well, if history repeats itself, we'll just invade Ukraine and they'll shoot us with our own weapons

in, like, 20 years and they both just side. And war is the biggest home field advantage, too. Like, it's the most home field advantage. It's like Arrowhead. They don't care those Russians that are going in and try to take over. All the conscripts in their army, they don't give a shit about that territory.

Ukraine does. Yeah, that's their home. That's it. Okay, War Talk. That was War Talk. Yeah. Subscribe to ZBT with Chaps, Kate and Kahn's. Let's do some roasts.

Okay. Yeah, so the reading is okay. It's not going to go great. Okay. I feel like you're going to be able to talk better without all that beard in your mouth. I think so, too. Did you send it, Hank?

Oh, he's not sending it. See, I don't like how cool Chaps looks with just the mustache right now. He looks awesome. I feel like... So the bet was a full creaming, but then I told him, yeah, you'll look like a pervert

if we just go mustache, but he doesn't look like a pervert at all. No, it looks cool. I feel like I should be able to just cream the rest of his face. No, we agreed and you agreed that it's done. Done. I can't go back.

I feel so good about my... It would be ultra cruel if I had to lose it now and I look like shit. Yeah, what happens now if the Astros, your beloved Astros lose the first two games, then you'll have to think to yourself, wait a second, did I do this again? Did I do it again?

Did I do it again? Because last time we were up against your beloved gnats three to two. That's true. And you creamed your entire face, shaved your entire beard off, and then boom. While wearing two ring shirts.

Put it on you. Mm-hmm. Yep. Okay. Here we go. Let's do it. You want me to do Big Time Tommy again? Sure.

Okay. What's up, Instagram? It's Big Time Tommy. If Hanks eyes were even or any further apart, they would fall off his face. PFT's hair looks like it would always smell like sewage water and the beach. There's nothing to say to Big Cat,

other than I'm sorry you have to watch the bears. Billy football has definitely jerked off to boobs he drew. Wait, Hanks doesn't have- That's the old school way, honestly. Hanks doesn't have eyes that are far apart. No. Yeah, no, I've noticed that about Hank for a while. You're basically that lady from the Queen's Gambit.

That's Hank. Your hammerhead shark. Yeah, Justin Fields. Yeah, I don't think that's you at all. Me neither. Yeah. This one is like a soliloquy. You don't have to do big time.

I know it takes a lot out of you, so you can switch back and forth. All right. With my tongue? To your click? And to your click. Yeah. I know it's a nickname Big Cat,

but that doesn't mean he has to eat lasagna for every meal. He's just the father of two, but that doesn't mean you need to look like you're having to. Just accept that you've reached the Tommy Bahama phase of your life and it gets better. Yeah. Hell yeah. Tommy Bahama is a great phase.

I don't think that's not a roast. That's gassing you up. No, it is. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I have reached that phase. I do wear a lot of Hawaiian shirts. They are very distracting to my physique. And yeah.

Have you started looking for colognes that smell a little bit like limes? No, if not, I should. That's the real old man. I should absolutely. I also don't eat a lot of lasagna. You don't? No, lasagna's good, but I...

How many times? Lasagna's what, like four times a year? How many times a year? I eat lasagna on Christmas. Yeah, about four times a seasonal. Yeah, it's like four times a year. It's like, oh, that's a good lasagna. Chili on the other hand.

Oh, all the time. Buddy. PFT is constantly pushing his liberal agenda. I fucking hate liberals. Rattling on about how much he loves the commies. Okay, there we go. Putting your left hand up. He also looks like he should be giving guitar lessons

to middle schoolers. He is just missing a bleach-stained megadeth shirt. Ooh, okay. I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah, again, that makes you sound pretty cool. I've done all those things. I don't think this guy understood the assignment. Yeah.

Hank has a dream job. And yet he gives off the vibe of someone who says, quote, living the dream to his coworkers while Googling the best load-bearing ropes. That was pretty good. Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah. Billy is what happens when you spend four years

of college listening to the Joe Rogan experience instead of your professors. He is the perfect example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Okay, yeah. What's that effect? No idea. I'm pretty sure that with Billy, he's actually the result of just like,

if we grew somebody's brain in a lab listening to only part of my take. We brought Billy upon ourselves. Could you guys do that? You know those tweets that go out? Like, I made a computer watch, Seinfeld for 1,000 hours and this is what happens. Yeah.

You guys should do that for P&T. It's just Billy talking about two-point conversions. So the Dunning-Kruger effect is in psychology, a cognitive bias whereby people with limited knowledge or competence in a given intellectual or social domain greatly overestimate their own knowledge or competence in that domain relative to objective criteria or to the performance of their peers

or of people in general. That could not be more spot on. Honest to God, I think I might change that to ZBT's bio. Yeah, it's the Billy football effect. That's not what it is. The Dunning-Kruger effect out Billy football. That's just called running on vibes. Yeah, that is, that is, that is.

Max is basically just a wah-wah in human form. Okay, that's good. He's unassuming, normal, but so Philadelphia and it becomes unlikable. Yep, yep. That's true. When he's Philadelphia shows, it's like, ooh. Scared me.

He's scared me on Sunday. Don't bring around any kids. If P&T were NFL coaches, Big Cat would be Andy Reid, a big sloppy unit of a man that puts nothing but highlights out. Okay. PFT would be Mike Daniels, fun and quirky little guy who's quick on his feet and always attempts to have an answer yet can't prove that he can lead a team on his own.

Ooh, that's mean. That was mean. Damn. Hank is Bill Belichick, grumpy fuck but gets his work done, thinks the team wouldn't be successful if it wasn't for him. Forget who won him in his rings. Okay, okay. Billy would be Dan Campbell.

Steroids, heavy things, never going to be the main guy. I don't know. I think this one just explains it itself. Yep, yep, that's absolutely true. We had a reading throw back there. We did a little grugration. Yeah, words on your strong suit. Yeah, it's tough.

Yeah. Uh, Jake is Pete Carroll. He's a nerd with glasses, maybe related. He's history of great battles with Belichick, Hank, but will always be the best in the office and doesn't need to cheat to win competitions. I would have gone with Tom Coughlin there personally if you're going to make that comparison.

Okay, yep, yep, yep. Chaps is George Halas. He takes too many bathroom breaks for Tom Coughlin though. Wait, what is it? George Halas. Oh, George Halas. Yes, the founder of the Bears, the basically the NFL. Oh.

Your Papa Bear. Okay, well that's good. How am I that guy? I don't know. That doesn't make any sense like George Halas. Like, that might be the least person I'm like. I would never have found him that well. That's a big compliment.

That's literally the only, like, when the Bears talk about, like, tradition and history, that's, it's 85 and then Papa Bear. That's it. His other nickname was Mr. Everything. Yeah, that's pretty good. Well, he's an insane athlete. So. This guy fucking loves you.

Yeah, no, he loves you. That's a great compliment. That feels good. I'm not just sitting that for a minute, honestly, before we move on. All right, Big Cat looks like he walks dogs for a living, but also touches them inappropriately before he brings them back to his owners.

Okay. PFT looks like he cares around a Ziploc baggy full of loose change and pours it out on the gas station counter to buy the cheapest eighth of vodka in a pack of parliaments. Okay, I like it. We've all been there. Yeah, I love parliaments. Billy looks like an eastern island head.

Hank looks like a homeless guy who lost his jaw from his ongoing crack addiction and walks around with jeans eight sizes too big and yells at clouds. Okay. Jake reminds me of someone in high school who had a rolling backpack and started and sprinted to every class.

And his most prized possession is a cartoon porno mag. Okay, yep. And he says, by the way, I fucking love you guys. PFT looks like he does magic to pick up women, but his only magic trick is making their bodies disappear. Ooh, yikes. That's a real flip. Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's double throw. A magician murderer. He gave me a great idea for Netflix. Billy looks like a high school villain that secretly hooks up with the theater boy at lunch, but then bullies him at the homecoming. That's pretty spot on. Yeah, that is very spot on.

That's pretty good, yeah. Big hat looks like he has to fluff himself a bit not to piss on his own balls. Oh. Okay, yep, yep, that hurts. I will be there someday. That is just says I have big balls. Yeah, that's the last one.

Okay, great. It's always great to see you. Thanks. Good to see you too. Yeah. Anything else you want to plug? Just the show. I had a drink.

Not only did I lose PFT's bet where I had to shave, but I also lost a bet to Kate on the Eagles. And I had to drink a grog yesterday and it was absolutely disgusting. No, that's tough. How are the dogs doing? Baby Dale's all right. He's doing great.

Gussie boy from heaven above. Had to go to the doctor today. My guy has double ear infections. Oh, no. You got the stick stuck in the ear. I actually should more importantly say how's the cat doing? Sprinkle dinkles is doing great. Pepper's still dead.

No issues? Dead. No, no. No, I think we got all the aggressive dogs out. Okay, good. Which is good news. Maybe a little too late. Too late for sure, but we still,

we learn from our mistakes and we move on. That's all you can do. Yeah, we don't need to hold ourselves accountable forever. Eventually you have to give yourself some grace. Yes, yes, absolutely. Forgive yourself. Yes, yes. But maybe not forgive the dog though.

You just had a crate that day when you left. Yeah, I think Otto got put down too. Oh, no. Had an issue at the other house. More severe than eating a cat? Well, I texted the guy that I gave him to like three years ago and I was like, hey, how is Otto doing? And he was like, I don't know.

I got rid of that dog too. Oh, man. I mean, kind of deserves it. He needs to be on life on the run. Yeah, yeah. Okay, numbers. Would you like to? Yeah.

Chaps, have you ever gotten this? No, not even close, actually. Hank, have you ever gotten this? Nope. Would be a real shame if you got it before Hank. Chaps. It would be. Okay, so give us your number.

I'm going 75. That's a good number. I'm going to go 20. 69. 17. 18. I'll go 79. Okay, 28.

Hank, what were you, 17? Yep. I just saw the 69 pass through. Oh, 19. So close. Oh, Hank, can you say a guess right around there? Oh, damn, dude. So close.

You guys have been doing this like two years and he's never won? Never won, Chaps. Damn. More than two years. Love you guys. Lobsters communicate by peeing on each other. That's sick. That is sick.

Wait, really? Their bladders are on their face. I don't know if I believe that because you're definitely able to use that. How do you pee in that? Like, how can you pee on a lobster in the ocean? Up in your diet. Up in your cold.

Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. Up in your cold. Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. You pee used to pee just like twins.

Silenting the same energy. Now for dead battery. Use a lot about the thing. Now you're plain boring. I should know that you're not gonna change. Up in your cold. Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out.

You're up in your diet. You're wrong when it's white. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You don't really want to say no. You don't really want to guess no. Up in your cold.

Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. Up in your cold. Silenting the same energy. Now you're plain boring. Up in your cold. Yes, then you'll know.

You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. You're wrong when it's white. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You're up in your cold. You're in and you're out.

You're in and you're out. You're up in your cold. Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up.

You don't really want to say no. You don't really want to guess no. You're up in your cold. Yes, then you'll know. You're in and you're out. You're up in your diet. Thank you for watching.