Pardon My Take - Blake Bortles + A Wild Week 14
Episode Date: December 10, 2018Week 14 fastest 2 minutes (2:41 - 8:05). A wild sunday in the NFL with the Miami Miracle, 6 last place teams winning outright, the Steelers falling apart, the Bears dominating the Rams, and Patrick Ma...homes is an absolute Wizard (8:05 - 12:02). The Cowboys have the NFC East on lock but is that a good thing knowing Dak and Jason Garrett will get extensions? (12:02 - 27:43) Kyler Murray wins the Heisman and Whos back of the Week (27:43 - 50:09). Blake Bortles joins the show and talks about this season with the Jaguars, how he found out they were probably going to cut him, and we reconvene the Wikipedia Club with topics Poison Dart Frogs and Sports Comebacks (50:09 - 72:24). Segments include Sabermetrics, Seeing Red, Way to stay relevant Baseball, and a Monday Reading about a married woman inviting her boyfriend into their home with her husband's permission.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake
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Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube.
Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music.
On today's part of my take, we have the return of the boat, Blake Bortles, Wikipedia Club.
We are going to discuss comebacks and also Poison Dart Frogs, very fun time with our
friend Blake.
We also have a wild, wild week 14, maybe the best week of the NFL season thus far, who's
back of the week and a little Monday reading for everyone out there.
Before we get to that though, the Cash App, it is the number one app in the world, judged
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Bye!
Bye!
Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of stuff will have to be done.
No place to hang a low washing and then I can't live all on the sun, oh no.
We're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we're taking higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue.
Welcome to Part In My Take, presented by SeatGeek.
Today is Monday, December 10th, week 14.
We start in the frozen tundra where the Packers celebrated post-McCarthyism by having their
new coach Joe Regis Philbin use both of his lifelines, proudly displaying two red flags
in the first minute and a half of the game.
Judge Lance Edo Smith acquitted former USC standout Steve Sarkeesian of murdering the
Falcons offense.
But Prashad, this land is your land, this land is my land, this land is Brie land, had
a pick six, silencing Matt Ryan Gosling on his drive.
Hey, Teej.
Yeah, boom.
Verbal meme.
Arthur the Yardvark Plank watching his Falcons season.
Packers 34, Falcons 20.
In Raul John, Maryland, Mark Dirty Sanchez went ass to mouth.
Last week we were covering a fumble with his butt and this week smeared shit all over
Dan Snyder's upper lip.
Josh Lyndon Baines Johnson took over halfway through a young charismatic leaders team.
But Josh McCown don't touch that Johnson couldn't get it up for a comeback.
The game was decided in the first half and St. Juan Charles Barclay took the Redskins
defense to the round mound of ground and pound, throwing the finish through a glass
window all afternoon long.
It might be the radiation from the power plants in New Jersey folks, but the New York football
Giants fans are thinking playoffs.
Giants 40, Redskins 16.
To Western New York where the Jets finally coerced stoop kids Sam Hayd Arnold off the
stoop to play in a football game against a Bill's quarterback who ran so much he might
get his own show on Vic Jr.
With 104 yards receiving, Robert Foster is Australian for Kelvin Benjamin if you replace
the yards with kilograms.
Don't flush that turd down the Todd toilet bowls just yet.
The Jets got in the win column and no one circles the wagons like the four or nine
Jets that probably are better off losing at this point in the season so they'll get his
better drop back.
No one!
Jets 27, Bill's 23.
In Cleveland, the Browns look to oxyclean their Friday kitchens full of bad memories
as Baker, Billy, Maysfield snipped that goal line all game long.
Jar Jarvis Pink's Landry told his teammates, if you said that hurt, if you said fucking
hamstring isn't falling off you said fucking bone, you said better be out there dominating
the Carolina Panthers.
Cam Isaac Newton found to realize the gravity of the situation and the Panthers dropped
their fourth loss in a row directly onto Ron Rivera's head.
Proud fans have that dick job after another one, 26, 20.
We're a couple of weeks from Christmas as we head to Houston and the Texans' new wide
receiver was Damarius Mann in town.
Marlon Brando Mack told the Colts offense you could knock Michael Mann after scoring
zero points last week in Jacksonville.
The Colts QB played a game of Andrew Luck-Marie Kill consummating his marriage in the honeymoon
suite of the TY Hilton.
Zach Pascoe, Scooter and Eric Ebron James both scored on the way to a Colts victory.
Sheesh!
You write that?
You write that?
Colts 24.
Colts, Texan 21.
In Kansas City, the Chiefs and Ravens played a thrilling overtime game and Patrick Nolup
Mahomes stole the show gut again.
We go down to the field level where we have Patrick Nolup.
Made alive!
What a game!
Boy, howdy!
TY RICK HILSTER bailed me out.
You know what to say Tim?
Make some good work.
I truly believe every word of it.
I was making all kinds of neat throws, just closing my eyes, turning across my body,
just whipping and slinging, grooving and hanging.
I practiced throwing passes, my eyes closed up all the time.
Just about every night when I'm sleeping and dreaming, but how can pigs get?
My little paws switch like a hogdog dreaming about chasing rabbits while I do my afternoon
cat naps.
You don't need your eyes to win.
You need your wheeze.
Thanks, Patrick!
Stand on the corner, James, Winston, Tampa, Florida, such a fine sight to see.
It's a center, my lord, Matt, cause the Saint just scored yelling at his cranky QB.
Come on, Drew Brees, let's see those boobies.
We go down to Arizona where the Lions and Cardinals square off in an unbelievable game.
Sorry, boom, you're going to want to light a match in there.
To Cherry's world where Amore Pooper did his best impression of Chipotle and ran through
the back end of the Eagles secondary.
Aaron Revelle Sprouls invited himself into the Cowboys Endzone, bringing his career
earnings to 816,184 dollars per touchdown.
I feel bad for Eagles Nation, but this is tremendous content.
And let me be the first to wish Happy Birthday to the Dak Prescott Van Pelt.
It's not his birthday, boom.
Well, he threw for $455, so I'm saying Happy Birthday.
Cowboys 29, Eagles 23.
We finish in Miami where Ryan Tannehill drops back and whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop,
whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop,
I thought we don't talk about the dolphins on.
Ooh, and that is weak.
Why, you triggered him?
No, I'm just saying.
We had a running joke all year.
It wasn't really a running joke.
We just didn't do the dolphins.
Well, it started out like a lot of things doing the show, just us being lazy and then
turning that bit of laziness into content.
And then there was one game that we really wanted to talk about, especially any.
And that game was really meant for Boomer to give some whoops to.
Yes.
So sad.
Crazy week 14.
We had the Miami miracle.
We had six, six last place teams won a game outright.
The Raiders, the Lions, the Giants, the 49ers, the Browns and the Jets.
Wow.
Great day for Vegas.
Thank God.
Oh man.
They finally won that money back.
We had the Cowboys basically taking control of the East.
The Texan streak was broken.
The Giants put up 40.
Our friend, Joe Staley, caught a pass, minus four yards.
We'll just pretend that.
It didn't happen.
And we had Tyron Smith wearing a knee brace on his elbow because he's such a large man
that an, er, yeah, that an elbow brace wouldn't fit.
So what does he wear on his knee?
I don't know.
Like a, like a veterinary horse brace.
It was incredible.
Whatever they put on Barbara's leg, that's what they have to put on his quads.
And it was an insane, insane week 14.
We have a lot we have to get to.
Well, first, Blake Bortles.
But yeah, go ahead.
But before we start jumping in, let me just congratulate you on the bear's statement
win tonight.
I think that we should, because they are now the class of the NFC.
I'll just say it.
Sean McVeigh.
What are you doing?
Can name every single player that picked them off tonight that assaulted him.
Yeah.
You can tell the police, Hey, these, this is the list of guys that assaulted my offense.
Listen, the Jared Goff can't play in cold weather narrative is cooking bear weather.
It's cooking bear.
Weathers thing.
You better strike while the iron's hot, by the way, because global warming in like 20
years, bear weather won't exist, but, uh, no, so I wanted to talk about the bears
and Rams and the chiefs and Ravens in tandem because this year has been the year of offensive
explosion and everyone's like, Oh man, offense rules a league.
Yeah.
Obviously the Ravens ended up losing, but they held the chiefs to 17 points until that
last drive where my home's makes an incredible play, right?
You know, to Tyree kill.
They sort of dominated that game for, I mean, their defense was able to hold the chiefs
down and then the bears were able to stop the Rams run and stop Jared Goff and Sean
McCvay.
And I'm just going to say it, boys, once the, once the weather starts getting cold, defense
does show up.
So maybe, maybe, uh, you know, all you people who are like, Oh man, the, the NFL is ruined
because everyone's just throwing the ball around and the big 12 offense is now in the
NFL.
I think defense still wins games.
How awesome would that be?
If it was this whole season, we're talking about the Rams and the chiefs, they had that
awesome Sunday night or that Monday night game.
And then we get to the Super Bowl and it's the bears and the Ravens.
Right.
I mean, but this is what happens in the NFL.
You have to like, it's obviously the, the evolution of the season is always fascinating
because you have teams that look like world beaters and then come back down to earth and
vice versa.
But the defense in the late game situations now, obviously the bears are going to have
to go on the road.
They'll probably have to play against the Rams or the saints if they win their first
game.
But the defense, when you have a good defense, you have a good pass rush.
It can beat anyone.
Right.
What I like about the chiefs though, they seem to, I don't know if you want to say they
play down to their competition because they also play up to their competition.
Yep.
They're like a very friendly team.
They're like, they're like a lab, a yellow lab of football teams where they're just like,
they get along well with everybody.
Right.
And if you watch the chief, even the Raiders, when they were out in Oakland last week, it
was an awesome game.
They're like a good game of Mario Kart.
Exactly.
They just keep everything close.
Yes.
If you're getting, if they're getting too far ahead, they're going to just.
You get a red turtle shell.
Yeah.
Well, they also, the beginning of the season, they were so ridiculous and then they've come
back down to earth and the fact that they don't cover those crazy spreads anymore.
But the, so the bears defense was unbelievable.
So much fun watching that defense.
I will be honest.
I have worries about the offense at times.
Okay.
That's all I'll say.
If you want to expand on that, I have, look, Mitch was coming back from an injury.
I don't know if he's a hundred percent healthy.
The offense did not click the way that we, they'll need to click in January.
Yeah.
But you can run the other thing that we learned on top of defense is you can just have a running
quarterback like Lamar Jackson and Mitch Tabisky or Josh Allen.
Yeah.
Or Josh Allen.
And the defense is so fucking funny.
They had fourth and two on like, I think it was the chiefs, maybe 10 yard line.
And you know, most teams will just run the ball there.
They passed it because it fucked them up because they're like, no one was expecting
them to pass.
Yeah.
And they just run and run and run some more.
And obviously they ended up passing a little more because they were, you know, down and
over time and trying to come back.
But it's like, like John Harbaugh has just found this system of let's just play defense
and control the clock and hope things work out.
And it almost worked out.
It did.
Like those crazy throws that Mahomes was making was ridiculous.
Yes.
Like a no look pass.
The no look pass.
By the way, is a no look pass really necessary?
Okay.
So the no look pass.
I don't want to hate on it.
The no look pass was real.
It was.
It was a hundred percent real.
I wish he hadn't moved his head at the end to like really show up then.
You know when like the Bron will do a pass where it's not a no look pass and then he'll
like snap his head around to be like, look, I wasn't even looking the opposite direction.
Right.
So he did that at the end, but I watched it again.
I was like, no, that actually was a straight up no look pass because you saw the linebacker
put his hands up in a completely different direction from where the pass went.
You're like, holy shit, Patrick Mahomes just did a no look pass down the field.
My favorite part about Pat Mahomes like coming out this season is the truthers.
So there have been no look pass truthers like saying it wasn't a true no look pass.
I was at first, but then I watched it and I was like, no, this is a no look pass.
He did a no look pass.
There have been a left handed pass truthers like you didn't really need to switch the
ball to that.
Right.
So there's been a reason to like fun.
People don't like fun.
No one can have fun, but I think Mahomes is as close as we'll get.
I don't know anybody that hates Pat Mahomes.
Uh, yeah, I don't think so.
Maybe Raiders fans, maybe, maybe, maybe Chargers fans after Thursday night if they win.
But he is maybe Cliff Kingsbury being so good that he got fired the next year or two years
later.
And that, that, um, yeah, like the Bobby Petrino effect with Marj Jackson, but that, that throw
he made at the end of the game, the regulation to Tyree Kill.
That was, that was Aaron Rodgers ask where you're just kind of running around and then
throw it so far down the field and you say, wow, how the hell this guy make this play?
He is electric to watch, but like I said, defense, you can, defense can show up and Ravens
could have won that game.
They could have.
Um, so we also have, we have to be so funny, by the way, is going to be, uh, the NFL like
overreacting to one week of really good defensive play, beating good teams or like playing well
against good teams.
And now there'll be like, you need to go out there and get a defense like that.
Yeah.
And that's like 12 weeks when it's like, you got to get the next Sean McVeigh.
Right.
Well, yeah.
It's always very easy.
It's always like, okay, well, you just got to go get the next Sean McVeigh or Patrick
Mahomes.
And now it's going to be, well, if you can just go get it, Aaron Donald or Clio Mack,
it'll be good.
Right.
Well, yeah, no shit.
Um, should we talk about Tom Brady's house of horrors?
Yeah.
Which actually wasn't his fault at all.
He had an unbelievable game and the Patriots offense was clicking, but he is now one in
five in Miami in his last six and a play that, I mean, how many times do we see a
lateral play at the end of the game?
I don't know.
Like 50 times a season and they never, ever work in this somehow worked.
And they're just that image of Rob Garnkowski playing safety.
I don't know why he was out there.
Hail Mary.
Hail Mary from injured Ryan Tannehill was going to throw a 75 yard bomb.
But that was, I mean, it was stunning.
It was stunning.
And cause it, when those plays happen, you watch it and you just expect there to be
another guy.
You're like, okay, so where's the reason why it happened?
Right.
You're like, where's the other guy?
There's another guy, but the other guy was just Gronk and he just, he just wasn't able
to do it.
Yeah.
After those plays are over, it's always, you spend about 20 seconds, if you're a fan
of the team that just got beat, just staring at the bottom of the screen, hoping for the
yellow score book to flash up that there's a flag and just not believing it when there's
not.
Now, when we came into the office, Hank was, uh, you were saying it wasn't that big of
a deal that they lost, right?
Hank?
It was a statement loss.
Well, it's a big deal.
Like, there was a point during the afternoon where I was like, Oh, great day.
Pat's are going to win.
Chiefs are about to lose.
Home field advantage.
That's right.
It was a real witching hour.
And then all of a sudden it just went from zero to 102 seconds.
So it was bad.
But it is one of those losses that what I was saying is that it's one of those losses that
shows up in the beginning of a championship DVD where it's like the Pats lost to the dolphins
in heartbreaking fashion.
They fucked up their defense.
They kind of woke up.
They're going to go into the film room.
Belichick is going to like tear into them and that's what's going to give them the motivation
they need to push through the playoffs.
Ernie Adams is going to come down and be like, I've got it figured out.
We're not playing Rob Gronkowski at safety anymore.
Yeah.
And the dolphins continue to just hang around because we said it on Friday show the dolphins.
I think the AFC stands now are the Colts are seven and six.
The dolphins are seven and six.
The Ravens are seven and six.
Like there's just all these teams of Broncos lost, but they're all these teams that are
now just going for that six spot.
And somehow, some way that the Miami Dolphins are in that position.
Can I also just say the Browns are in don't look now mode?
The Browns are still in the hunt.
They are still very much in the hunt.
The Steelers have a really tough schedule coming up.
Yep.
I want to talk about the Steelers because I think we all can agree no one knows what
the Steelers are.
They went from a mess at the beginning of the season to one of the best teams in the middle
of the season to an absolute mess again at the end of the season.
And it's like baffling.
I mean, they lost.
So they lost to the Broncos in a terrible game.
They gave up a 16 point lead at home on Sunday night football against the Chargers and they
lost to the fucking Oakland Raiders who are not even trying to win games.
No, I have a stay woke by the way about the Raiders in that field.
I don't know.
It wasn't just the last kick of the game where Boswell slipped.
It was throughout the entire game.
People were just falling down left and right, falling down left and right, slipping on that
turf.
I think Mark Davis is purposely like fucking up the turf a little bit making it bad so
that people are like, yeah, he had to leave.
He couldn't stay in the stadium.
Well, are you saying purposely or just he's not investing any money into the stadium or
the facilities?
He's purposely still not investing.
He's purposely making this the field shitty by not having any money because he gave it
all to John Groot.
Yeah.
But this time it's like on purpose that he's not right.
Well, that's how he's justified it.
This year I'm, I'm fucking up the stadium for a reason.
It somehow gets worse when they make it all grass.
Yeah.
When it goes from a baseball stadium, it's better than what it is right now.
Yes.
That go field.
It would be better.
Yes.
Than where it is now.
So the Raiders, I mean, sorry, the Steelers, I have no idea what they are.
I just know Steelers fans are very mad at Mike Tomlin and they now think now they now
have to like the AFC North is actually a fight here.
Yes.
Because they have to play the Patriots next week and I think they have a couple more
tough games.
The Saints maybe.
Yeah.
So that's going to be a fight down the stretch.
There's a ton of playoff.
Like the last three weeks of the season, I can't remember the last time where it felt
like so much was up for grabs.
Can we talk about Big Ben today?
Yeah.
Like what happened?
He just stayed in the locker room at halftime.
His ribs.
I pictured it like it was, you know, it's in Spinal Tap where they're trying to find
the stage and they get lost backstage.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
Big Ben was just like wandering around like I need an adult in like the halls of the
Oakland Coliseum.
Or like, yeah, like awesome powers that you just get stuck trying to turn around in one
of those small hallways and you can't figure it out.
And then he did the classic Big Ben.
He waited until they needed a hero like I'm back and then I'm ready to go guys.
My favorite part about that was like after he threw a touchdown, he like looked up towards
God and he like, he tried to do this, the cross move on his body, but he doesn't know
that he just, he's just seen other people do that and he like, he like touched his dick,
his nipples and like his throat.
He was all over the place.
He is incredible.
The amount of injuries this guy goes through that some are, we don't even know if they're
real or not.
Do we know what this one was?
His ribs.
Okay.
He probably just got a cramp.
He probably just got a side cramp, like a fat kid.
Yeah.
Like that.
Like in gym class.
I mean, it happens all the time.
You just got to go sit down, do the, do the stretch where you're like, oh man, I just,
I just got strung.
I forgot to stretch today.
It's like, no, you're just fat and your fat belly has a cramp.
It just, your fat belly is yelling at you.
Hey, stop doing things.
Yeah.
It was a vintage Big Ben game.
It was.
So now, yeah, you're right.
They've lost three in a row now.
Three in a row.
That's tough.
So the Steelers, no idea who they are.
We also had the Philly Dallas game, which now Eagles fans, you have every right to be
mad about the beginning of the game that, that clear recovery fumble was an absolute
joke.
That was bad.
Absolute joke.
But they couldn't tell which of the three Eagles recovered.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
Very confusing.
But the Cowboys are so fucking hot and Dak Prescott.
Now this is the part where if you're a Cowboys fan, are you happy or are you mad?
Because the Cowboys are going to win the NFC East.
They actually look like a team that can compete with almost anyone because their defense is
so good.
But that's, Dak Prescott is getting an extension and Jason Garrett is getting an extension.
And you have to fucking deal with that.
Like that.
Is it worth it?
This is, we talked about how we're going to do a contract year podcast.
Like this is an ultimate contract year podcast by both of them.
And Jason Garrett probably has a billion years left on this contract.
But he's, every year is a lame duck year.
If you're the Cowboys head coach, right?
They, those two guys, you're going to be stuck with them for a long time coming and you're
going to have to overpay for Dak Prescott.
And he broke.
So I have a couple of stats today.
The first was Dak Prescott had 42 completions.
He has, that's the Cowboys record.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And I still, if you're a Cowboys fan, you still would not trust him.
Like he still misses guys downfield and fumbles in the worst times.
Bad overthrows.
Bad overthrows.
Yeah.
And then there's the quarterback stats too, because all of them are like, okay, uh, like
Tony Romo, who I think, it's probably Tony Romo has the season record for touchdown passes.
And then people start thinking, well, what about Troy Aikman?
He was like really good for a long time.
And his like season high total is like 19.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Because, because Emmett Smith would just run the ball and they would kick the shit out
of people.
But, uh, the, I'll give, I'll give, so he's just kind of made a downer for all the Cowboys
fans out there.
I'll give a little pat on the back.
The Mari Cooper trade, when we laughed at it and everyone laughed at it, that was a fucking
ballsy move and it has worked out.
Mari Cooper has basically refound himself.
He, you know, obviously he was a little injured last year and he was unbelievable before that,
but man, he's fucking good.
Yeah.
Jerry Jones tried his very best to overpay for something.
Yes.
Because that's what Jerry Jones does.
I feel like he, he feels better about himself if he overpays for something.
Right.
Like, hey, um, this, uh, this new concession stand in the stadium, it's going to cost 20
million.
He's like, make it 40.
Yeah.
Because he wants the best.
Put in some dipping dots.
Exactly.
Ice cream in the future.
Yeah.
So he tried to overpay for Mari and the production he's gotten is actually he underpaid for
it.
It's insane.
And I don't know what took me so long to notice.
I think it was those slimming pants that he wore out in Oakland, but Mari Cooper's got
an ass.
Yes.
He's got a big old booty.
He took over in my ass power rankings.
It used to be like the Godfather was, uh, was it Kevin Booth, the lineman for the Giants
back in the day?
Larry Fitzgerald.
Larry Fitzgerald.
Yeah.
He's the ass king of the NFC thick with many, many, he's the part of my take, uh, second
half ass MVP, put someone make a graphic for that.
That's the, it's put it, put it on the books, but yeah, the cowboys, like I think cowboys
can beat anyone.
I mean, I, when I say that, not the same, I know what's going to happen is, well, yeah,
they can definitely can't beat the saints.
I know what's going to happen is Dak Prescott will fumble at the worst possible time, but
their defense and they, they, that was a game where, yeah, it was a weird play to end the
game.
But if you look at the stats, like the cowboys demolished the Eagles in terms of yards and
all that stuff, and they should have won that game in regulation and they're, it's crazy
that Jason Garrett was fired.
We fired him.
Yeah.
Five, five weeks ago, we fired him.
Yeah.
And he's back.
Stephen A Smith was pretty heated about this too.
Oh, yeah.
And it's again, it all goes back to Skip Bayless.
He's starting to address rhetorical cowboys fans on Twitter and just saying how they're
like pissing him off and how he hates all of them.
It's very clearly just about one person.
Yes.
And he's tweets in all caps and his wife's name is Ernestine.
Yes.
Yeah.
Um, we have, uh, let's do stat, I have a couple of stats that I want to throw out there.
So the Dak Prescott stat.
Okay.
Uh, I have Aaron Rogers, 368 passes without a pick.
That's incredible.
They must be good this year.
Great coaching by Philbin.
Yeah.
They must be awesome this year.
Got a record.
And that they must be, what's the record right now?
They're pretty good, right?
They're first place in the North.
Look it up.
Look it up.
They must, I mean, 368 passes without, without an interception.
That's insane.
What's a record?
Hank?
This is taking a long time.
571.
Oh, damn.
I don't know what went wrong there.
And then my other Saturday day, 40 games, 40 games under Hugh Jackson, three wins without
Hugh Jackson.
Five games, three wins.
Okay.
So the exact same.
We don't know.
Listen, big cat.
You don't know what the rest of the 35 games are going to result in.
They could lose 35 in a row.
You're right.
You're right.
We're one week premature on that.
That's my fault.
Put that in the memory machine for next week.
This is like one of those things where Hugh Jackson, he's been fired for, for a month
and a half, but I want to refire him because I feel like I haven't gotten justice.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like he is so, looking back, he is so bad.
We will look back at this 10 years from now and be like, wait, Hugh Jackson coached 40
games and only won three of them?
Yeah.
40?
How's that possible?
It's something to aspire to.
It's crazy.
If you had coached the Browns right now with your level of experience, if you had coached
the Browns over the last three seasons, with their roster.
I think I would have had more wins because I simply would have just said to the smart
people, do smart things and not been a total asshole to all my players.
Yeah.
I would have just been on the sidelines, just moving my lips, not saying anything and just
hoping for some really hilarious bad lip reading captions at the end of the year for
us.
Yeah.
Just walk into the first meeting and be like, Hey, listen guys, when I do get fired, I
will not blame anyone.
Yeah.
Here's the deal guys.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm a total fraud.
Yeah.
And they'd probably respect you more.
Yes.
Because instead of being like, listen, I'm the, I'm the guy who's going to, the famous
hard knocks when, when, uh, Todd Haley tried to offer, offer up an idea and Hugh Jackson
was like, I hear you, but you're not in my seat.
Yeah.
I would have been like, you know what, Todd?
You're probably right.
Wait, let me spell your breath, Todd.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
You're probably right.
Okay.
You, yeah.
My, my nose breathalyzer says you're about a 0.09.
That's way better than I am right now.
You're just, you're just regular hungover drunk.
Not actual drunk.
Yeah.
I've got a stat for you as well.
Oh, late army.
James Devlin.
Yup.
Season totals.
Six rushes.
Four touchdowns.
1.2 yards per carry.
Damn.
That is the fullbackest year of all time.
Speaking of which, we have the low man trophy coming up.
We do.
It's a stay tuned.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We have a little treat coming for you guys.
Got a little something.
Got a little something.
Maybe during a little famous bowl game, they can connect some dots here.
The biggest bowl game of the year.
How's Bitcoin not sponsored a bowl game?
I think they did.
Didn't they?
Did they?
They're set.
We're going to have to pay you all the time today.
I have, I have a quick woe.
Okay.
I know we haven't discussed this.
I'm just going to insert it real quick here.
So we were talking shit about Rob Gronkowski at safety and about him like at, he looked
old.
He looked old.
Hank swears that he doesn't look old.
Because I honestly, can I just throw this out there before you get to your woe?
I think his elbow brace is so heavy that it's like he's lopsided.
That thing is enormous.
It was a Bitcoin bowl in 2014.
Whoa.
First and one and only.
Damn.
It's a shame they didn't bring that back.
Maybe Rob Gronkowski is wearing a new brace by accident though.
That's true.
Good point.
He looks like Mega Man.
Is that your woe?
No.
My woe is.
He does look like Mega Man.
He does look like Mega Man.
He's not a good safety, Hank.
That's all we said.
Got it.
He's a really good receiver.
He's not a good safety guy.
His hips aren't oily enough to be a safe.
He can't open them up.
Yeah.
That's fine.
But why wouldn't he be a really good safety?
Here's my woe.
If he is Rob Gronkowski, wouldn't he be the only person in the world who would be able
to cover Rob Gronkowski?
They have the exact same skill set.
Yep.
He wasn't covering Rob Gronkowski.
Well, isn't Rob Gronkowski the best player in the game?
Is that what you're telling me, Hank?
No.
But if you cover.
So you're saying Kenny and Drake is better than Rob Gronkowski?
No.
Rob Gronkowski is not a safety.
Period.
OK.
But he could be.
Do you think, do you think my theory that his elbow brace is too heavy has any credit
to it?
No.
No.
He did kind of fall over that way.
I'm being serious.
That elbow brace is the biggest elbow brace of all time.
Yeah.
He's got a fucked up elbow.
It's bigger than that.
Remember when Barry Bonds at the end of his career when he just wore like a full armor?
Yeah.
He was wearing Kevlar.
He wouldn't move when he'd get hit by a baseball.
He wouldn't even flinch.
I mean, what can you do?
Maybe it's because he's down in the heat.
Doesn't the heat make your injuries act up more because you go sit in an ice tub to
like reduce inflammation?
That was Bill Belichick putting Rob Gronkowski in that spot is pretty mean.
Like he should have been there.
I don't understand what the theory was.
Well, I tweeted this out, but you have Nate Ebner on the team.
If your opponent is going to run a rugby play, why not have an Olympic rugby player out there?
That's true.
Hey, speaking of which, should we win today?
We, well, yeah, you wait for who's back on that one.
Oh, okay.
Nice.
Nice.
Anything else we want to talk about with week 14?
It was a, I mean, Heisman Trophy.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, Kyler, Kyler Murray won the Heisman Trophy.
Yes.
Look forward.
Everyone should look forward to that being the random stat we hear for the next 20 years
like Antonio Gates, Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw.
I have a tough question asked for Kyler Murray won a Heisman.
Yeah.
My question is, so Oklahoma's won two Heismans in a row now, right?
Um, they're an offensive juggernaut.
They're not really known for being a tough smash mouth team anymore.
At what point do we discuss removing the label Oklahoma from Oklahoma drill?
Oh, because they don't, they haven't done that in like 50 years.
Fair point.
Fair point.
It absolutely is a fair point.
Just trying to bring back Barry Switzer and the Boz.
That's right.
To make it actually work.
But yeah, Kyler's awesome.
I'm glad that he won.
I am too.
I'm trying to get a vote, which someone get me a vote.
I'm trying to get a vote.
Please get me a vote.
That's how it works.
Yeah.
Someone out there with a Heisman.
Yeah.
Well, someone get me a vote.
I would have voted for him.
Wait, did Tom, Tom Fornelly was joking when he was saying he had a vote, right?
No, he has a vote.
What?
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
No, no offense to Tom.
He's a good friend of ours.
But yes, they give anyone a fucking vote.
No offense.
I know.
I thought it was like, I thought it was like a, I think if you buy a Nissan, it comes
with that now, right?
Yeah.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
It comes with a bunch of Nissan's in front of it.
So did you watch the Heisman trophy presentation?
I did.
It means the best ceremony in sports.
Oh my God.
I hate that ceremony so much.
They waste so much time and Nick Saban laughed, which was cool.
And then the guy, it was, it was very like, it made me feel weird to watch him laugh.
I think Nick Saban has like one spot on his body where he's really ticklish and he knows
when he's supposed to laugh.
So he just said, he tells Miss Terry, he's like, press my button so that I need to, I
need to laugh.
My kneecap.
Yeah.
But the guy who announced the Heisman, who was that guy?
No idea.
He was, he had like a Russian accent.
He mispronounced to his last name, which dude, just call him Tua.
We've been doing it all year.
We have not even attempted his last name, but that guy was just so odd.
Like, yeah, it was so out of place to have this college football award.
Like no, the only people who watch college football are hardcore college football fans
and then you got a guy with a Russian accent come up there and not be able to pronounce
one of the guy's names and be like, this has been a great race.
Like what?
It should just be either Brent Musburger or Uncle Vern.
Yes.
That would make everybody happy.
That would make everyone happy.
Just roll, roll Vern out there.
Roll him out there.
Let him do.
I know he doesn't need a wheelchair, but he, he seems like he'd enjoy pushing himself
in a wheelchair.
He's, he's, his face is the face of Augustus Gloop.
Yes.
Getting stuck in the tube.
Oh, here.
The chocolate river.
He reminds me of Augustus Gloop or is that the other, no, that's the, that's the other
guy.
No, I'm thinking of the blueberry.
Who's the rich guy from big Lebowski, Lebowski, actually the big Lebowski.
He reminds me of that guy.
Who's that guy?
Oh yeah.
Lebowski.
Yeah.
He does.
The bum's lost, sir.
Yes.
He actually, yes.
He is exactly big Lebowski.
That was played by Uncle Vern.
Yes.
Um, so Kyle, Kyle Murray, congratulations.
You have just punched your ticket to have Nick Saban have the most motivated team in
the entire fucking world.
I actually thought Oklahoma could give Alabama a game.
Like I was talking about it on our college, we went to the Army Navy game, which was awesome.
Um, but, and you got to handle an ass.
I did.
Big ass.
You handle the ass.
Handle the ass real well.
But I, I said, I gave all my reasons like Oklahoma could keep it, keep it close to getting
a shootout.
There's nothing like an Alabama team that feels slighted in any way.
And this is just perfect.
Like they will kill Kyler Murray when they play.
Embrace debate.
The fact that Tua's entire family moved with him when he went to college, do you like that
or not?
I like that.
I like it from an outsider's perspective, but if I was too, I would hate it.
Yeah, but I feel like when you're that level of talent, nothing is normal.
So it's, it's almost like you, you just have a support staff for the whole time and your
little crew.
You can't, if you're that level of talent, you have to have a crew with you at all times.
Yeah.
And the crew's family.
Yeah.
To go to college just so that the pop in was eliminated.
That's all you need.
If you're in college, just the possibility that there's like a surprise visit from your
mom.
Right.
That's all you need to.
Tua's got that.
But Tua's mom is taking a shit in the morning and, and she's just knocking on the door.
You think they live together?
They probably do.
They probably do.
Yeah.
The next day they probably bought him a big house.
Right.
Definitely.
All right.
Oh, I forgot.
I have to do the Seeky question.
So the Seeky question, put in promo code take, you get $10 off your first Seeky purchase.
You can go to a college football bowl game.
Bowl Mania is starting next week.
My Seeky question is Hank, who's back?
There's a, there's a lot of, a lot of people and a lot of things that are back.
Okay.
Let's get into it.
Yeah.
But the definition of, of back has many different defining character sounds like you're selling
right now.
My first one is Atlanta.
Yeah.
Oh.
And it's the state of Georgia.
Yep.
You know, the Falcons, Georgia, they finally got back on the right, the right track that's
weekend.
Atlanta United.
They lost.
The soccer team.
Yeah.
They won their first championship.
They did.
The curse of Atlanta is over.
That was talking soccer.
Yeah.
You ruined talking soccer.
Oh, that's tennis.
Oh yeah.
Sorry.
Um, it was Dose of Sero.
It was Dose of Sero.
It was weird watching a soccer game inside, inside.
You watched it?
Yeah, I did.
I bet the over didn't hit.
Um, but the crowd was insane and I think that might have been the game to make soccer
big in America.
I think you might be right.
I like how Arthur Blank just went on a mission of acquiring sports teams until he found one
that wouldn't disappoint him.
I got to win one.
He, he went down, he went down to field level with about five minutes left in the game.
And I was like, Arthur, don't, don't do it, dude.
It would have been, if you were watching that game from an outsider's perspective, not someone,
you know, who's a fan of Atlanta, what is it?
United.
United.
Uh, you were just rooting for the craziest heartbreak ever, which would have been so
fucking fun.
It would have been ridiculous.
It would have been unbelievable.
I like how soccer teams get, they make an addition to their logo every time they win
something.
So Atlanta gets a little star.
Is that true?
Above it.
Yeah.
Oh.
Well, have you ever seen like EPL teams?
Well, your team number one championship.
I think they actually give out stars for basically any victory.
Like if you win like the FA cup, the EPL, UEFA, they're just like a bunch of stars.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is trophy, trophy culture.
It is trophy culture.
Do you have any other who's backs?
Oh yeah.
My other who's back is USA rugby.
So, uh, despite their loss to Fiji and then sevens made history with back to back silver
medals in first place standing in the world, that was fucking cold.
That was cold.
They're back.
So they lost.
Yeah.
But they still made history.
So how'd they make history?
Well, Hank doesn't know.
No, Hank, you explain they got their first back to back silver medals in first place
standing in the world.
Wait.
So this is the second.
So we're the second best team ever.
Uh, no, we're actually ranked number one in the world right now by finishing second.
Yes.
And back to back weeks.
This is the best.
I love it.
Well, I mean, rugby.
And if you look at the standing, it's like us, Fiji, New Zealand, and there's like one
point separating all of us.
But we fit.
We're the only team that's finished second place back to back.
It's the first U.S. team that's finished second place back to back.
So you don't have to win to win.
In rugby.
Well, yeah.
No, yeah.
Right.
If we finish in second place every single week of the world series of sevens, we will
win the world series of sevens.
So.
Okay.
Hold on.
18 other teams out there.
So yeah, unless we get beaten every week by Fiji.
So so this just everything that Herm Edwards taught us is a lie.
Yeah.
Well, you don't play to win the game.
No, you play to finish second over and over and over until you win the tournament.
You play to win the game until you reach the finals and then it doesn't matter if you reach
the finals every time.
So we're going to win the world cup of rugby by finishing second.
World series.
World series.
It's a world series.
So Bill's would have won the world series of NFL in the early 90s.
Right.
Those four years on aggregate.
Yeah.
So and after they were dynasty.
How many points do you get for winning?
What do you mean?
How many points do you get?
How many points?
You get a trophy.
Oh you get?
But do you get a trophy if you?
Oh, I forget to you how the point total breaks down.
But it's something like 18 points for first place, 15 for second.
Okay.
Let me ask you a question.
Alright.
So if USA, how many is there's seven?
7?
7 tournaments?
No, they're more than that.
Well, it's the 7.
Seven players on each side, and there's seven and a half,
12 to sevens.
So how many tournaments are there?
I need to look that up, I don't know.
All right, so let's say there's 10, 12, 12, 12.
All right, so there's 12 tournaments.
If we finish second in every tournament,
the last tournament, we lose the final,
and then they're like, here's your trophy for winning.
Yeah, so what they'll do is,
they have the first, second, and third place stand,
and then they'll have us in second place,
and then they'll make a switch at the last second,
and be like, congrats, you won the big thing.
So we're number one in the world.
Well, I'll put it in terms you can understand.
Okay.
If you finish second place in every single race
in a Mario Kart Grand Prix,
Yes.
You'll probably win the whole thing.
Got it.
And then the guy with the clouds comes down
and hands you the thing.
Okay, that makes sense.
Thank you.
It's like Mario.
You're welcome.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Appreciate it, thank you, Hank.
All right, well, that was my, who's back for the week,
was Rugby too.
So thanks, Hank.
You only have any ones?
Well, I had another one.
I was just gonna say five nine guys are back,
is Kyler Murray.
You're saying you're five nine?
Yeah, I'm five nine.
Okay.
That's true.
It depends on what shoes I'm wearing.
But yeah, Kyler Murray,
making a stand for all of us,
totally normal sized people out there.
Is he actually five nine?
Or is that something they just say because he's five 10?
And like when you have Johnny Manziel,
who is six feet tall,
they started calling him like five 11.
It's like the opposite of LeBron James with Kyler Murray.
Like LeBron James gets an inch taller
and 50 pounds heavier every time I mention him.
With Kyler Murray,
I feel like he gets an inch shorter
every time they talk about him.
So wait, are you saying that short people
lie about their height?
No, no, I'm saying that other people lie
about short people's height to make them feel shorter.
Got it.
So in football, if you're six feet or under,
you pretty much are basically five nine.
Got it.
If you're six one or taller, you're always six two.
Oh, okay.
So six feet and under, everyone's the same height.
That's a nice little life hack.
And if you finish second in every tournament,
you finish first.
Bro, have you ever seen a meme?
When a girl's like, when he says his height.
This is the greatest rules ever.
When he says his heart's, his height starts with a five.
Yeah.
We're all in that same boat.
Yeah, that's true.
Five, two, five, nine.
Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?
Fogsy Boges and Ray Frolstin are the same height.
Darren Sprouls, touchdown.
He's actually five, six.
I can look down on him.
It's crazy that he's actually short.
Not just.
Not football.
Yeah, not, yeah, not short, you know, athlete short,
where, where, you know, like a basketball player is six two
and you're like, oh, that guy's short.
Like, no, he's not.
He's very tall.
Darren Sprouls is really short.
Those are my who's backs.
Thanks for taking them, Hank.
OK.
My who's back is actually Hank took two seconds.
He took my who's back and are talking soccer.
You might want to run those bias groups.
Eating it all up, Hank.
Yeah.
You know what?
You go ahead.
You finish the show, Hank.
Do you want to do big cats who's backs for him?
You probably think about it.
You know it.
The 85 bears.
You know it.
No, you know it.
All right.
My who's back is Santa Con and all day drinking events.
I feel like every city has one of these.
Chicago had a teabox.
So we were talking about it at PFT.
We were coming back from the Army-Navy game.
We saw just a bunch of fucked up Santas in the city,
just like in really long lines.
Weird shit.
I have no problem with Santa Con.
I think this is this new trend that everyone on Twitter is
like, fuck Santa Con.
I want to look cool.
Fuck them.
Listen, if you're in your early 20s,
Santa Con and like all day drinking events,
they're so much fun.
Just being like, you know what?
I'm going to wake up at 10 AM on a random Saturday morning
in December and get shit-faced all day with my friends.
That's awesome.
When you get older, it's the last thing I'd ever want to do.
But we have an actual who's breathing.
Bubba.
Bubba's breathing.
Bubba's still hungover.
Bubba's letting us know that he's here.
Bubba is nervous because he's going to tell us he went to
Santa Con, so we have a real live person in the studio who
attended Santa Con.
Now, Bubba, tell us what you did.
Did you dress like Santa?
I had a Santa hat.
Oh, so you got a half-assed it.
Yeah, pretty much.
We are such a fucking hipster.
I mean, I didn't mean to.
And then I realized halfway through the day,
I have probably five ugly sweaters that I've just
gotten from here and forgot all about them.
OK, so how many bars did you go to?
I went to two or three bars.
The first ones that I went to, the lines are just insane,
the longest lines I've ever seen.
And I did the classic the whole day
where you're in contact with like 5, 10 people.
You're trying to meet up?
You actually have no intention of meeting up with them,
though?
It's like I found one place where I can get drinks,
so I don't really care.
OK, so I'm 33.
I haven't done this in a very long time.
But back when I did attend things like this,
the two biggest questions are, how much did the bars
smell like farts?
Pretty bad.
That's a big hallmark of an all-day bar crawl
with an entire city that every bar just smells like farts.
And barf.
Yeah, how many girls were you with just
started puking after a bunch of fireball shots at like 11
a.m.?
The super annoying thing with at least my friend group
is girls constantly have to pee when you're in an Uber.
It's the worst.
And it's like we're like three blocks away.
And it's like, no, no, no, it's really serious.
I have to get out and then go to this other bar.
Are you sure they didn't just have cocaine?
But OK, yeah, yeah, OK.
I really got to go to the bathroom.
Got to go again, girls.
Got to go again, got to go again.
So what were you going to say, Peter?
You had a question?
Yeah, I was just going to say, so you go on this,
you're wearing it.
I would imagine one of the most annoying parts
about attending a Santa con would be you meet up with friends
and you go, and then you get really drunk,
and everyone's drunk, and you're looking for each other,
and you look around the room, and you're like,
I have no idea who our friends are,
because everyone's wearing a Santa outfit and a beard.
Yeah, it's fun now.
OK.
So you had fun?
Yeah.
Would recommend?
Yeah.
And then afterwards did the classic.
Like, we went back to one of my friend's apartments
and started watching Army Navy order some pizza,
and we're all talking about the whole time, like, yeah,
we're going to go back out and everything.
And then once you get the food, everybody
has the same intention of just not going back out.
And then somebody says it like, eh, maybe we shouldn't.
And then everybody agrees.
That's when we start really farting.
Well, what happens is somebody passes a joint,
and you're like, OK, this is our commitment to the couches.
We're just going to fake and watch TV.
Yeah, pretty bad.
Narcos, this new season.
I used to go on barcrolls a lot.
They were a lot of fun.
I did a lot of stupid shit in my 20s.
The best.
That was a lot of fun.
They're the best.
That I never want to do again.
Right.
I've been around Santa Cone, and if you're not
participating in Santa Cone, it's awful.
Yes.
But it's fun to watch the fights from across the street.
Oh, yeah, all-time fighting.
Yeah, all-time fighting.
But if you're involved in it, it's like,
and here's the shitty part.
So I got dropped off after we got back from Army Navy.
I was wearing my red capitals jacket, this one right here.
And so I was walking down the street,
and it was one of the situations where people are looking at me,
they're like, this guy's in Santa Cone right now.
It's like when I was in high school during the DC Sniper,
I was driving a white van, and everybody would look at me
like, that's the Sniper right there.
That's fucked up.
And so it was, yeah, I was just like, back when the chick.
That took a real turn for the dark.
Or when Chick-fil-A was in trouble for homophobia,
and I was eating at Chick-fil-A because I
loved their sandwiches.
And people were like, oh man.
People were like, hey man.
Did you just tell everyone you were the cornflake kid?
Yeah.
I was the cornflake kid.
All right, Bubba, thank you.
That was a report from Santa Cone.
Seriously, I really do get mad when I see people
bashing these things, trying to look cool.
It's OK to say I'm too old for it,
which I am way too old for it.
But fuck man, there's nothing better
than being like 23 years old and saying,
I don't really care if I get wasted all day.
And I probably hate my job, and I'm
going to be hung over for a couple of days.
I don't give a fuck.
Well, no, when you're 23, it's like, I'll be hung over.
I guess I'll deal with a hangover until 10 AM.
Yeah, right, that's true.
That reminds me of another idea that we had a while ago,
like two years ago, for a hangover crawl.
Yes.
For people that were in their early 30s.
Yeah, I had an idea once, or actually my friend
had an idea that we should do a bar crawl where you actually
have to crawl and see how far we could go.
Down these sidewalks here in New York?
Yeah, you actually have to get on your hands and knees and crawl.
Everyone's got hepatitis by the time they reach the second bar.
It would just, yeah, I mean, survival of the fittest, right?
I like it, yeah.
OK, let's do our interview with Blake Bortles.
The boat is back.
We have the Wikipedia Club back.
Very excited.
We also have an update on when we're getting our tattoos,
right?
Yes.
OK, we're getting our tattoos.
We are getting our tattoos.
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Okay, here he is, Blake Bortles.
Okay, we now welcome on our very, very, very good friend.
It's been a little bit of time.
It is the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club.
We are back in session, Blake.
It is good to hear your voice.
It's good to talk to you.
How are you doing, man?
I'm good, appreciate you guys having the tech on.
So we, let's just get to it right now.
Obviously this year has not gone exactly how we all expected
the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club
and Blake Bortles himself.
What, how, what's the future?
You're, I mean, come on.
This is obviously a minor setback for a major comeback.
Can I, is that fair to say?
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, I apologize for letting the Wikipedia Club down.
I feel like I did a disservice to you guys
and in the Wikipedia Club members.
But yeah, no, I had, you know, a little minor setback,
but it's okay.
Thinking about maybe, maybe a mid career position change
or maybe see if I go play in the arena league or something.
I like that.
I like that.
What position would you, would you change to tight end?
Oh, I'm a natural tight end, always have been.
I agree.
Listen, I don't, I don't, I, apology not accepted.
You can never apologize to us.
We'll just keep, keep fighting the fight on the internet.
And you don't have to apologize for us.
Shit happens.
Well, I appreciate it.
Yeah.
We got your back.
Night and day.
Oh yeah.
We'll get it figured out and you know,
whether it's in Jacksonville or somewhere else,
you know, get another opportunity and see what happens.
Well, first of all, let's talk about that real quick.
So I guess somebody announced or something leaked out
saying that they were,
they're probably gonna let you go this off season.
Now I want you to tell us that we are not authorized
to negotiate on your behalf.
That way we're gonna be doing a lot of tampering.
We're gonna be making some phone calls,
reaching out, tweeting at people.
But if you tell us that we're not authorized,
then it can't be held against you.
Right.
Yeah.
No, you guys are definitely not authorized,
but I appreciate the help.
Wing, wing.
Got it.
So, so how, like, has anyone talked to you or is this,
how does this work?
Or do you just see an Ian Rappaport, uh, you know,
a report on the TV and you're like,
Oh, I'm not in Jacksonville next year.
Like, how does this all go down?
Yeah.
My mom, my mom actually sent me,
because I don't have Twitter.
So my mom's on Twitter and sent me the thing.
It's like, I guess you're done in Jacksonville.
And I said, Oh, I guess so.
Geez, that sucks.
I was kind of how we found out.
Yeah.
You know, I have no idea.
I mean, like I go in there one day and they're like,
Hey, you know, we're going to make a change.
It's like, all right, cool.
But like, obviously sucks, but it's like, you know,
I'll do whatever I can to help Cody out and, you know,
help the guys try and get a win.
Then all of a sudden sitting there when I think it was on a bus,
like we were in wherever we just were in Tennessee.
And my mom sent me a text and it was the screenshot
of the tweet from whoever said it,
the Jags are parting ways with me.
So I was like, all right, cool.
I guess it's news to me, but it sounds good.
Does your mom follow us on Twitter?
I don't know.
I wouldn't be surprised maybe.
Okay.
Stop my spirals.
Yeah, hopefully.
Yeah, what's up?
Oh, just make sure I know that now.
We got your son's back.
Here's a spin zone, Blake.
You already signed your extension.
Yeah, right.
I tricked him a year early.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
So you're good.
No, but we're obviously, you know, it sucks.
This is pro sports, didn't go,
this season hasn't gone your way,
but I do think that, you know,
someone's obviously gonna,
you're gonna end up somewhere.
So you're, it's not like you're retiring
unless you're telling us you're retiring.
No, no, I'll let you guys,
I'll definitely break the news
with you guys when I'm retiring.
But yeah, I mean, it's part of it.
It's a business.
And I mean, Jackson will give me an opportunity
and drafted me out of college.
So I'll always be super appreciative to this organization
and look forward to getting a chance to play football
from your own feet through here soon.
Well, I think the bigger news is
you're winning off the field.
You were nominated for the Jaguars,
as the Jaguars Walter Payton Man of the Year.
Yes.
So that was done by your teammates, right?
Yeah, I think, I'm honestly not sure who votes on that.
I think that is a teammate thing.
But yeah, I ruined it though,
because like they had this big thing planned out where,
like, you know, they were gonna interview a bunch of people
and play this video for it,
because Daryl Casey wanted for Tennessee.
So it was gonna be like this big thing on Thursday night,
football, and then I got benched,
so they didn't play any of it.
That's fucking science.
You know, so kind of crushed the name of the year thing.
But it was awesome.
That's a cool honor, and it really helps out my foundation,
and you know, they've been at August for money,
so it was a cool deal.
So you mentioned like working with Cody
and trying to help him as much as you can.
What has that relationship been like
over the last couple of weeks?
It's been good.
We've known each other for a long time.
We work out in California together every off season.
So I've known Cody for three or four years now.
So when he actually got to Jacksonville was cool,
because we trained together every off season.
So it's kind of like, you know,
just having a buddy immediately come in
and be in the room with all the time.
So we got a good relationship.
Are you saying we got to stop being mean to him?
You know, whatever you guys that take on him
is whatever.
Well, no, if you're friends with him.
I'm 100% behind Cody.
Okay.
He's a good dude, and he works hard.
Fine, we're behind Cody too now, I guess.
Yeah, no, no, no.
If he's, if he's, if he's,
Blake is friends with Cody and Blake is behind,
Blake leads the charge in the Wikipedia club.
So if you're behind Cody, we're now behind Cody.
I'll get behind Cody, but every time I'm behind him,
I'm going to be thinking about you.
Yeah.
Right, just, yeah.
I mean, once you're on, you're on.
You know, you're fully jagged off.
Right, exactly, exactly.
All right, well, so now that we got the,
that business out of the way,
let's get to the real business.
It is the Wikipedia club.
We have not done a Wikipedia club in a long time.
So there might be some people who,
this is their first Wikipedia club,
how it came about.
Andrew Luck started a book club.
We joined Andrew Luck's book club.
We even bought the books,
and then they sat in all of our apartments and were like,
wait, we're not actually going to read this.
So we decided we're Wikipedia guys,
and Blake is our friend.
So we started a Wikipedia club,
where we read two random, totally random,
Wikipedia entries, completely random.
And then we talk about them, discuss them like a book club.
So this completely random Wikipedia entry
that we've decided to read this week,
it is a comeback in sports.
So let's get into it.
Yeah, go ahead, Hank.
To start, I just want to ask
if any of you guys donated to a Wikipedia.
I saw that every single page there,
they're really pushing heavily for donations.
No, but you know what?
Every time I look at it, I think about donating.
And I feel guilty when I don't,
so I feel like that's close, right?
Have you donated, Blake?
No, it's like the people outside the grocery store
around Christmas that like shake the belt.
Yeah, salvation army.
Yeah.
You just feel so bad, but it's like I got nothing.
I got no change, I don't even have any cash.
Yeah, I don't even know what happens.
Like when you click on that link,
does it take you to like a website
that I know like a PayPal or a cash up?
Or how does that work?
I've actually just realized that like,
once the world goes without money
and we all are just like using our retina
to pay for everything,
almost people are kind of fucked.
But you know what?
You know what we're doing right now?
It's almost more valuable than donating money.
We're raising awareness.
True.
For the Wikipedia drive.
True, true.
Good job, boss.
Okay, so come back in sports.
So just to start off, a comeback or a comfort behind
is an occurrence of an athlete.
An athlete, let's just circle that.
Or sports team engage in a competition
overcoming a substantial disadvantage in points
or position, particularly if this results
in the disadvantage team winning.
So I, like I said, this is completely random.
And the Wikipedia page has a bunch of like crazy comebacks.
They obviously had the Super Bowl with the Falcons.
I'll kick it to you, PFT.
What do you have notable here
that you want to bring to everyone's attention?
I just thought it was interesting
how you can always come back in certain sports
that don't involve a clock.
So if it's tennis or if it's like baseball,
for Yogi Berra used to say it ain't over till it's over.
That's actually true in those sports
because until you make that final out
or you give up that final point in tennis,
it's always possible to come back.
And likewise in a career, it's it ain't over till it's over.
Correct.
You can just, you can make a decision to come back
and achieve wild success at any given moment
because there's no clock on your career.
Yeah.
Blake?
Yeah.
That was good, PFT.
Thanks.
Anything, anything of note that you saw?
I didn't know there was a,
there was like a game called the comeback.
You know, there's like the catch like Odell's catch
and like there's all these one phrase,
one liner phrase deals.
The comeback was, was the bills beating the Oilers.
We came back from 32 points.
Yes.
In the fourth quarter.
That was Frank Ray, right?
I believe so.
I think so.
I think it was.
Yeah. The, let's see.
I'm going to click on, I'm going to do a little,
well, big go off chart here, boys.
I'm going to, I'm going to click on it.
Yes, it was Frank Reich.
He was down.
Yes.
So as the backup quarterback for the Maryland,
Oh, he also had the same thing happened
when he was in college too.
That's the crazy part about it.
So in college, wow.
Now we're getting down to rabbit hole in college.
Frank Reich, he was, he came in as the backup.
The, the Maryland Terrapins were down 31,
nothing at halftime and he brought them
to a 42, 40 victory over the Miami Hurricanes.
Wow.
So, and then in, in the NFL,
he did the same thing with the Buffalo Bills
in that comeback game.
And what did they come back?
So he's the ultimate chill out in the first half
and go the fuck off in the second half.
Yeah. What was that?
What was the comeback for there?
Came back from 32 points.
Whoa.
So again, I don't know, 31, the 31 in college,
32 in the NFL.
That's crazy.
That is pretty crazy.
What's the biggest comeback you've ever had, Blake?
Oh, I got no idea.
Yeah. You're just, you just pour it on in the first half.
It's about to happen.
Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah.
Like you get a lead and then just kind of keep it.
Yeah. Hold on to it.
I had, I'm going to go a little off script here
on the Wikipedia.
I also wanted to just go and just, again, very random,
just look up some of the greatest comebacks
in American football players.
Oh, okay.
Okay. So here's a fun fact, no one knew.
Well, I actually probably a lot of people know,
but I didn't know.
He was cut from his first team.
Steelers cut Johnny Unitus.
Wow. Yeah.
Crazy, right?
Hall of Famer.
No big deal.
Had a great career with the second team.
Chris Carter also cut.
Everyone knows that.
That's true.
He was cut by the Eagles.
Hall of Famer.
Hey, Blake, ever heard of a guy named Kurt Warner?
Yeah.
Think about it.
Kurt Warner was like working at a grocery store.
Or he was fighting in the arena league.
That's right.
He was stocking shelves in a grocery store
and then got the call back.
And then he was like, he was a backup when he came in.
And then was it, was it Bolger that got hurt?
Or was it Trent Green?
Trent Green got hurt.
Yeah.
So you just need an opportunity, really.
That's all.
He drew breeze.
San Diego let drew breeze go.
Yep.
That's true.
Oh, wow.
That's also true.
Yeah.
So maybe you need to either have shoulder surgery for drew
breeze or stock shelves or overcome Chris Carter's cocaine
problem.
Right.
Yeah, definitely getting off season jobs.
You got that.
I thought the most interesting comeback on the Wikipedia
page that they listed was in the 1995 Indy 500.
Did you guys read about this?
No, I didn't.
Please tell.
Jacques Villanueve, I think that's how you pronounce it,
overtook the pace car by mistake.
When the pace car was driving at like the start
and then he was penalized two laps,
but then he recovered and won the race.
So he was just like, he started like a little bit too quickly
and then he fell behind and came right back out.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
Hank, do you have anything?
Did you read it at all?
Well, I mean, of course, the 2013 America's Oracle yacht team.
Yeah.
One of the greatest comebacks in the sea's history.
Oh, Blake knows.
Wait, go ahead, Blake.
You read that too?
No, I was honestly just pulling up the yacht
racing right now.
They won eight races in a row to come from behind.
That's sick.
So right now, that's the biggest boat
comeback about to be overtaken by you.
Wow.
It literally says this has been described as possibly
the greatest comeback in sports history.
I mean, who could argue?
No, Blake.
Wow.
So, hey, do you like the nickname of the boat?
Yeah, I really don't care.
It's all right.
Well, eight races in a row is wild.
I don't remember.
I have to admit, I don't remember where
I was when that comeback happened.
Do you guys?
Oh, of course.
Yeah.
Who could forget?
I don't remember what I was doing.
I was changing the channel because ESPN
was covering a boat race.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Want to come back.
And then the other one I had, the college basketball
comebacks, they're fucking wild.
Let's see, the Nevada.
I've been saying Nevada wrong and people get mad at me.
Is it Nevada?
Nevada.
Nevada.
Nevada.
I've been saying Nevada.
If you're from Nevada, you say Nevada.
Yeah, I've been saying Nevada and people are like,
dude, that's not how you say it.
I think the state got together like 10 years ago
and was like, we're going to call it Nevada now,
just so we can have something to correct other people on.
So Nevada, which I love, I love that team,
they came back from 14-point deficit with a minute and three
left.
And Texas A&M came back from a 12-point deficit
with 34 seconds left.
One of my personal favorites today
was actually the anniversary of it was Tracy McGrady
when he scored 11 points in like 30 seconds and beat
the Spurs.
Yeah.
OK.
That was pretty cool.
So Blake, to sum up the comeback,
I mean, like I said, you're probably
probably going to have, you're going
to be on this Wikipedia page in like a year, right?
Yeah, I think we're definitely rooting for a comeback
to happen now.
OK.
Yep.
Definitely on board of a comeback.
It'd be a real shame if someone put it
on to Wikipedia already.
Just said Blake Portals.
Comeback prediction.
Yeah, 2019.
Comeback starts 2018.
And then it's dot, dot, dot.
Who knows when it will end?
It's already starting.
We're on the comeback now.
Yes, comeback season has started.
You have to fall behind if you want to have a comeback.
Yes.
You're in a good position to become a legend.
Yes.
Perfect.
All right, so next up, again, totally random.
This one is very random.
The poisonous dart frog is what we're
going to do for our last Wikipedia entry today.
I threw this out there because I've always
been curious about poisonous dart frogs.
Poisonous, I'll read the first couple sentences for the people
at home.
The poison dart frog is the common name
of a group of frogs in the family.
Hank, why don't you read this one?
You read this, Hank.
Read the start.
Dendrobathide.
Which are native to tropical central and South America.
So it's actually a bunch of frogs.
Dendrobathide.
And they look really fucking cool.
They actually look like something I'd want to lick.
And they do.
Like, dude, they got fucking cool ass.
Like, it's like eating like a cool ass candy.
So here's the thing, an airhead.
The weird thing is nature's like flipped a script on us
because they make these frogs these bright colors
so that animals won't want to eat them.
But then humans have taken over and been like, you know what?
Those are extreme colors.
We're going to make sour candies those colors.
And now it makes us want them.
Right.
Exactly.
Blake, what's your favorite part of this Wikipedia?
They lived to be 25 years old.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That's right.
How about that?
They also write probably common sense,
but they use the poison to put on the end of blowdarts
to shoot people and kill them.
That's crazy.
I don't really understand how that works.
I thought it was also kind of wild
how they can use the poison to make a pain reliever.
Did you read this part?
They make a pain reliever out of the toxin.
But the pain reliever is so dangerous
that it's just as likely to kill you
as it makes you feel great.
So it's very rarely used.
Like a risk it for the biscuit deal.
Exactly.
Yes.
Exactly.
So yeah, let's see.
They lose their toxicity and captivity.
And the females get to pick who they mate with.
Just like in real life?
Like bumble.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Exactly.
It is like bumble.
Yeah.
I also read that when they give birth,
the little tadpoles piggyback on their mom's backs
because the moms are literally covered in snot.
And so the tadpoles just stick to their backs.
And then the mom feeds them unfertilized eggs, like an omelet.
Their own eggs?
No, so it's eggs that aren't fertilized.
So it takes the little baby tadpoles
and then shoots out a bunch of unfertilized eggs.
Just blanks.
Just yeah, just firing out a bunch of empty vessels.
Like just making breakfast for them.
They just put their cum all over like leaves and stuff too.
Yeah?
Is that a problem?
I don't want to make a Harvey Weinstein joke right now.
That's very problematic.
But if I were to, that would be the place.
OK, so what else do we have for the poisonous dart frogs?
I got nothing.
I think we covered it.
Yeah, they are probably the coolest looking animals.
I would like to see, I don't know,
if like an NFL team or maybe when the XFL comes out,
like poison dart frog themed uniforms.
Are there any animals you'd want to like more?
That is a good idea.
Oh, that's a great idea, PFT.
Poisonous dart frog uniforms.
Yeah, so they have a whole.
They might have that in the arena league, Blake.
Yeah, I feel like that could be a future uniform for sure.
Yeah, you'd look good in a poisonous dart frog uniform.
There's just tons of options for colors.
Yeah, to color rush and those things.
Hell, yes.
It looked better than the honey mustard.
Yeah, were you upset that they didn't do that?
No, we were all white the other night.
So it was kind of a color rush thing
because we don't ever do that.
But they technically got rid of it, right?
Like there's no more color rush.
Yeah, they did, but they did, but they didn't.
They didn't mandate it anymore,
but now teams are just doing it on Sundays,
which kind of makes it a little bit less special sometimes.
But I do miss the honey mustard jaguars uniforms.
Those are pretty sweet to have once a year.
Those are special.
I didn't mind them.
I feel like if we would have gone all teal or something,
that would have looked pretty cool,
but the mustard wasn't a bad choice.
I'm trying to think of what the other uniforms.
What uniform, jaguar uniform do we have a debate on?
Or the helmet?
No, the two-tone helmet.
Yeah, the helmet.
Yeah, the helmet.
The one in San Francisco that may or may not have fit you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.
That's right, the famous picture
where I was in an extra small Blake Bortles jersey.
All right, any other Wikipedia's
that anyone wants to bring up real quick
before we end this session?
So one other thing, yeah, it kind of dovetails off
the poison dart frog one.
Some of their poisons can be used to cure athlete's foot.
I've always heard that if you pee on your feet,
it can cure it.
Have you guys heard that?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, Moises Alou used to do that.
No, his hands, he peed on his hands,
so he didn't have to wear batting gloves.
Right, yeah, it cures everything.
Oh, jellyfish things, athlete's foot.
Everything.
Hey, in an NFL locker room, do guys wear,
do they go raw dog with their feet in the shower?
Something like, there's a couple dudes that do.
I think most guys wear flip flops or like crocs,
but there's a couple of just behemoths
that walk in there with their shoes on.
What's the situation like in NFL locker room showers it?
Do you guys have like personal showers now,
or do they still just have like a huge room
where everyone just stands there naked together?
Yeah, yeah, no, it's a big naked party.
That's so weird.
It's always like the, I mean, it sounds,
but there's just, there's great condos in the shower,
you know, like everything's out there on the line,
you got nothing to hide, shoes are just good condos.
It's so weird though that like everywhere else in the world,
you know, the locker rooms have kind of evolved
where they actually have personal stalls,
but NFL locker rooms, they're just,
everyone's just showering.
Yeah, it's just a big group shower session.
Yeah.
I saw any given Sunday, big chat room, locker room talk.
How bad are the away team facility,
like the locker room and all those things
when you go on the road?
It depends, like summer nights, like obviously like Dallas,
we went up to Minnesota practice there,
their new facilities are incredible.
Atlanta, like there's some good ones
and then there's some, some not so good ones.
I'm trying to think where we play.
We played at Kansas City and there was like,
I mean, at stadiums old and obviously a lot of history
and it's kind of cool playing in it,
but the locker room is just like, man,
like it's really like, like Rich Gannon
and some older dudes were sitting in these same bar stools
in front of their locker.
Yeah.
Were you impressed by Patrick Mahomes, No Look Pass?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's pretty impressive.
I feel like you've done that though.
Like, not that impressive.
Right, but it might've gone to the other team.
Yeah, but so.
The only difference, minor detail there.
Yeah, but.
He's doing physical facilities to his own guy
and mine hit off somebody's helmet
and the other team caught it.
Oh man.
All right.
Well, this has been fun.
It's always great to have the Wikipedia Club
get back together.
Maybe we'll see you in Atlanta though.
Oh, I can't wait.
I look forward.
Is this the third annual?
Yes.
We'll do a Wikipedia Club live from Atlanta,
from Super Bowl.
Maybe we'll get that tattoo.
Oh, I think it's about time.
Oh, I think it might be.
I think it might be.
Yeah, the W.
Get everyone to get the Wikipedia tattoo.
I think that'd be good for morale for the squad.
I think it would too.
Are you open to leaving the state of Florida
for the first time?
Yeah, yeah, I am.
I've been trying to leave since I was like 12 years old
and just really struggling getting out.
But I think this is my first real opportunity.
Yeah.
Bucks are going to sign you for sure.
We should actually make a video.
Don't say it income tax though.
True.
You should come up to New York.
We should make a video of you just standing outside
without a shirt on in the cold, being like,
I can handle it.
Don't worry, guys.
I can play in this.
I promise.
Yeah.
Yeah, a hype video.
Send all the CFO teams.
Yes, exactly.
Come on.
No, don't say that.
It's comeback season.
Starting now.
You're right.
Yes.
It's a good answer.
Once we get the tattoos, the comeback season officially
starts.
Yes.
All right.
It's on.
Deal.
I mean, I already said I was going to cut off my pinky
if the fucking Texans win Super Bowl.
What's a tattoo for a made up Wikipedia club?
Well, it's not made up.
Well, we did make it up.
Everything's made up, I guess, right?
But it's very real.
Whoa.
It is legit.
Whoa.
All right, Blake.
All right, Blake.
We love you.
Yeah.
All right, good talk to you guys.
Thanks for having me.
All right, we love you.
All right, see you guys.
Good talk to you.
We love you.
Blake Bortles was brought to you guys by Bud Light.
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Okay, let's get to some segments.
Oof, I just read this tweet from Booger.
I think bears get exposed.
Niggie has done a great job of scheming up offensive mitches
played well within the system,
but I think the Rams are the best team in football.
I'd be shocked if they don't win in Chicago.
He doesn't believe in bear weather.
Do you believe in bear weather now?
I was telling you before that I get,
like everyone I know, like we joke about it,
but it's also real.
Yeah.
Like everyone's like, yo, it's cold today in Chicago.
Like it's going to be bear weather.
It's going to be tough for the winter.
You know what it is?
People don't talk about it very much with Chicago,
but it's the wind.
I think that really makes it.
There's no wind tonight, but yes.
Yeah, no, there's always the ghost,
the illusion of wind in Chicago.
It's like the perfect meatball thing
that you can laugh at like, ha, ha, ha, bear weather, ha, ha,
like it's just a joke.
But then when you're in your heart of hearts,
like, no, no, that's fucking real.
What's the difference?
Bear weather is 100% real.
Between bear weather and pack weather.
Packers don't have the weather.
No.
They don't have bear weather.
They don't have bear weather.
Where's the frozen tundra?
No, you'll see next week
when the packers come down to Chicago,
they haven't had weather like that.
They can't take the bear weather.
They cannot take the bear weather.
The frozen tundra.
Well, they have coils in the field.
That's true.
I also noticed that Aaron Rodgers,
when he plays in Chicago,
he always has like the biggest undershirts on of all time.
Be on the lookout for that.
It kind of catches the wind like a sail.
He's doing the fuck you thing.
Although those numbers weren't that great today.
They're okay.
How about Joe Philbin throwing his two challenge flags
in the first minute and a half of the game?
He's just like being like, this is my team now.
He missed it.
I'm gonna fuck up.
I'm gonna be the fuck head coach
that fucks this whole thing up.
Yeah.
He missed having control of the red flag.
Yeah.
He's putting his like stamp.
You know how they always say like,
the head coach has to basically instill
what they are into the team.
He's making it like, hey, listen,
we're gonna fuck up in a different way
than Michael Carthy did.
I feel like such an idiot not betting on the Packers
because it's my rule of thumb to always bet
on an interim coach no matter who it is.
And the Falcons, I don't know what the Falcons do.
They just fold as an organization at this point.
Yeah.
I mean, it's crazy.
Atlanta's back.
Atlanta's a soccer town now.
Do they fire Dan Quinn?
Yeah, I think they clean house.
I think they fire Quinn.
They fire Sark.
It's crazy that that team,
I know they've had a million defensive injuries,
but still like they should be so much better than they are.
I think Sark in this game at least,
he intentionally got Julio Jones two touchdowns
because he's on the hot seat.
True.
And so what's the one big thing
that you hear about Sark all the time
is like he can't get Julio Jones involved
in the offense in the red zone.
He must be a shitty offense coordinator.
He's like, I'm gonna just scheme everything to Julio
and hopefully nobody notices.
Yes.
What are you saying?
We got a DM saying they were getting rid of Sark today.
Fake news.
Fake news.
Fake, fake news.
That's why we didn't break the news anymore.
We don't do it.
I almost did.
We don't do it.
No, we don't do it.
Yeah, no, the Falcons though,
I bet the over in that game,
so I was following it on my phone
and it was just a classic,
like the Falcons were on the eight yard line
with first and goal.
And then I refreshed and was like,
the Packers have the ball on the eight yard line.
What the fuck just happened?
Oh yeah, they fumbled because they got in the red zone.
These motherfuckers.
So, but we got lucky at the end.
All right, let's do some segments.
First up, we have a little Saber metrics.
Now this one is interesting.
So this is from Alex Kennedy NBA at Alex Kennedy NBA.
Researchers tracked the tweets of 112 NBA players,
including LeBron James and Kevin Durant
from 2009 to 2016.
When players tweeted late the night before a game,
their points per game, rebounds per game
and field goal percentage drop the next day.
That is awesome.
So basically, if you tweet late at night,
you suck at your job the next day.
And the fact that someone went through all of this,
that's the worst job ever.
Yeah, what I'd like to see is whether or not
it makes a difference if somebody's tweeting late at night
or if somebody's faving tweets.
Like if you know the person's up late,
if you know the person's up late
and they're liking tweets, is that the same effect?
Cause I feel like if you're up late tweeting
and you get that engagement going,
you get the endorphins pumping,
that's probably better if you're tweeting
than if you're just sitting there passively,
like acting like you're not awake
and silently just liking people's tweets.
Right.
And this is also, this is one of those things
where someone spent a lot of time researching it
just so that there was one article on like USA Today Sports
that someone clicked on once.
Yeah.
And it's like, okay.
Well now, like the entire theory is
if you're tired, you don't perform your job as well.
Anyone could have told you that, dude.
Yeah, I think that's accurate.
That's pretty, and they also,
they scored just 0.21 fewer points,
grabbed only 0.13 fewer rebounds.
That's not really, oh no, that was one year
and then there was other years where it was more.
So what we need to do is we need some sort of bot
that tracks every single NBA player
and puts into a neat spreadsheet for me
to consume the next morning.
It shows me which team had the most players
that were tweeting more so they can bet on the other stuff.
By the way, have you ever accidentally like stayed up late
and wandered into West Coast Twitter?
Yeah, it's scary.
It's a weird place.
It's a barren wasteland.
It is.
But there's some people,
what it is is a barren wasteland,
but then if you show a sign of life,
it's like wolves come out and you're trapped on a highway
in the middle of the desert and all these vultures are like,
oh man, fresh meat, let's get them.
They're always tweeting about weird stuff,
like the trailblazers or an earthquake or something.
Yeah, right.
The other thing with this whole article
I just read just dawned on me,
this is where we're at in sports now,
where it used to be you knew a guy who knew a guy
who worked at the club and he saw, you know,
Wilt Chamberlain out late at night
and then you got the tip and it was fucking awesome
because you could win a bet.
Now it's fucking Twitter.
I wonder if they take into account
other social media platforms,
like if Andrew Boe gets up late at night
interacting with somebody on Gab
or if that's just like a Twitter thing.
Yeah, whatever.
This whole thing, you spent too much time researching
that sleep makes you bad at your job.
Yeah.
I just listened to a podcast that we do
when we're on the road after a long day.
Can confirm.
Yeah, it sucks.
Okay, we have a, oh, I gotta do seeing red real quick.
So, and I want you guys to get involved
because this is fucking ridiculous.
Go off, King.
So the Bulls lost, the worst loss
in Bulls franchise history, they lost by 56 points.
56, 56 points.
Now this is after the Bulls have fired Fred Hoiberg
earlier in the week.
They said they needed energy and spirit.
They had lost their energy and spirit
and they lost by 56.
But the real thing here is Jim Boylan
who is the interim head coach,
he tried to hold a practice after back-to-back games
and a 56 point loss.
And the team was very close to boycotting
and just not showing up.
They had a text message thread going,
where they're like, let's just not show up.
I'm pretty sure it was just Jabari Parker being like,
guys, if I had to run wind sprints again,
I'm gonna puke everywhere.
Let's not show up.
But it is the dysfunction at the Bulls organization.
They are an absolute laughing stock of an organization.
And then there was another story that came out
that essentially Fred Hoiberg was fired
because Dwayne Wade and Jimmy Butler told him a few years ago
that Gar Forman spies on everyone, which everyone knows.
Tom Thibodeau was spied on, like he has moles.
I'm pretty sure he wiretaps everyone.
Like they are the most, like,
there's such a lose.
He used to be with Scott Piolli and that whole crew.
Right, and there's such a little, little people.
Like they're so scared of any criticism
or anyone having a negative thought about them
and they're so sensitive and stupid.
And they spy on everyone.
And they basically, they spy on people
so that when they trade players,
they can bash them and fuck them over.
And they do all this fucking,
they're literally a laughing stock.
But Gar Forman, I guess, caught wind
that Fred Hoiberg went to Paxton and was like,
hey, you guys are spying on me?
Like Jimmy Butler and Dwayne Wade said
they don't trust anyone.
And Gar Forman has basically held a grudge against him
since then because he got tattled on.
And he's a little, he's a little fucking loser.
I hate him.
I hate his, I hate his haircut.
I hate everything about him.
He was drawing up plays.
Gar Forman was drawing up plays.
Can I just say all-time worst name as well?
Yes.
You're gonna trust a guy named Gar.
They fired Fred Hoiberg to get energy and spirit
and lost by 56 points.
And then the fucking coach wanted to run a practice next.
He ran a two and a half hour practice in the NBA.
In the NBA.
Well, so you lose by 56 points,
get the boys out there, run the three-man weave.
Don't fix it.
Every single organization in the NBA laughs at the Bulls.
It's true.
They run it.
Like the Bulls should be a big-time NBA franchise
and they get run like they're the Indiana Pacers
or something, no fancy Indiana Pacers.
But they're, you know what I mean?
They're not run like a big-time organization
and they are such a joke and no one gets fired,
no one's held accountable and I'm fucking pissed.
Now correct me if I'm wrong,
but the NBA has so many games that basically like
these December games are like practices, right?
They said that it was,
it's unheard of to have a practice after a back-to-back.
Yeah.
And then a back-to-back with a 56 point loss.
And then so they had a practice,
a two hour long practice the day after that
and then they had a game.
Tried to.
They tried to have a practice but they boycotted it.
And then Jim Boylan came out and was like,
yeah, you know, we decided not to do practice today.
I'm trying to communicate with the players,
trying to get to know them.
He's been the fucking assistant coach for like three years.
He knows them.
It's the most insane, dumb, stupid franchise in the world
and I'm so sick of it.
And I just want everyone fired and I'm done.
Okay.
That was a good thing read.
Yeah.
I'm frustrated.
I like my favorite.
Markinon still stood.
Wendell Carter was the right pick.
Zach Levine.
I mean.
Are we gonna blow it all up territory?
No, because we have, that's the worst part.
They actually have drafted like decently well.
It's just everything else is a joke.
So there's actually some defenders out there
like, oh, they drafted well.
So they have like a two year window
and everybody that they draft before they're totally
alienated.
So their game plan should be just draft international
players that won't understand what pricks they are
until they learn the language well enough
to be like these guys are jokes.
Markinon was the one who was like,
hey guys, maybe it's unprofessional to just not show up
to practice.
Exactly.
That's what they should do.
Yeah.
He doesn't know how stupid these people are
and how awful they are at their jobs.
And that's the only saving grace.
Yeah.
So if you're, if you're the bulls,
you just bring all international players in
and then you just try to convene,
try to find that one sweet window
until they all talk to each other.
And to basically until one person says to Lori.
Here's it out.
Hey, Lori, by the way, these guys are idiots.
They actually don't know what they're talking about.
Right.
Then you've got them.
Yeah.
So it's true.
Two year window for everybody.
I hope that the NBA rigs the draft and we get Zion.
Although no, he missed those two dunks again.
Hartford.
Yeah.
When he blocks the ball, it goes out of bounds.
Usually instead of catching it.
Not that good.
Being in a box to pass to a teammate.
Not that good.
Yeah.
Not that good.
I also haven't seen him take a charge this year.
Interesting.
What happened to Coach K's team?
Yeah.
They don't take charges anymore.
They don't slap the floor.
I'd rather have that little kid from Wisconsin.
Brad Davidson, did you see the nut shot he had?
No.
Oh my God.
I'll show it to you.
You're going to love it.
A live reaction to watching the heel that America,
like people are going to hate Brad Davidson.
A two player would never.
On Grayson Allen's level, they're going to hate him
that much because he is such, it was, it was.
They're not good enough for people to hate him that much.
All right.
That's enough.
He's going to be around for like five years.
Yeah.
Ready?
Live reaction.
Watch the left hand of Brad Davidson, right there.
Oh wow.
That was just, it was a drive by.
It was so blatant.
He just buzzed his tower.
Cock shot at him.
Oh man.
Yeah.
People are going to hate him.
Okay.
The greatest day relevant baseball.
Baseball announcer Hall of Famers this year on Sunday.
In the middle of Sunday night football.
In the middle of the most exciting week 14 or week
of the NFL season, Lee Smith and Harold Baines
are going to the baseball hall of fame.
Yeah.
I actually think they timed it to announce it.
Like as Chris Collinsworth was doing his slide in.
I think it was coincidental with that.
It was insane.
And it was like a big announcement too
because Harold Baines, there was like a big debate about him.
Yeah.
And he like didn't play in the field that much.
Right.
And, and Lee Smith's the closer.
And so the whole thing, but then they, you said it to me
and I just sat there kind of staring in disbelief.
It was like, no, they didn't actually do this right now.
And I tried to keep poking holes like, no, no, no,
that must be like some other hall of fame.
But no, baseball, they announced their hall of famers
in the middle of the most exciting NFL weekend.
And they did, they did their gold glove winners
on like some random Thursday night too or something stupid.
It's basically like the DNC,
you remember the DNC debates that they had back in 2016
where it was like Hillary and they were trying to protect her
and they had those debates on Saturday nights
during like, during championship weekend of college football.
Yes.
That's exactly what's going on.
Debbie Wasserman and Schultz and they'll be commissioner.
Yes.
It's a deep cut people.
Yeah.
Raise your hand right now wherever you're sitting
if you get that.
I think maybe because the owners are in Las Vegas right now
or the GM's are in Las Vegas, but still baseball.
Figure it out, man.
How about four o'clock this Tuesday?
No one's got anything going on.
We don't got anything.
I'll be there.
I'll be there.
Fucking announce it then.
Twitter will actually talk about it.
Now you just got completely buried by Twitter and football.
When are they gonna have some MVP?
That's gonna be like on Christmas Eve.
Dude, they, I still don't know who won the NBA MVP last year.
When did they announce that?
They haven't.
I mean, they did.
Was it James Harden?
They used to do it.
They used to do it during the playoffs.
Yeah.
Like at halftime.
And then you had the awkward time when it was Dirk
who was like bounced out of the first round
and he came back for the second round.
Also, does MLB even have a ceremony for this?
No.
It's just like one guy on Twitter.
They're like, okay, go ahead, tweet it out, I guess.
Yeah.
It's, it's, it's Peter Gammons, I think.
It's the one who gets to tweet it out.
He just tweets it.
He pocket dials it.
What was that?
Guys, Peter Gammons butt tweet.
That's perfect.
Last up, we have a little Monday reading for the people.
So PFT, I'll let you take us away.
Yeah.
So this was in the New York Times.
It came out on Friday.
They had a woman write an article
about her husband and her boyfriend.
So I guess instead of like a wedding section,
now the New York Times has a cucking announcement section
where anybody who's, who's dating somebody
with a consent of their husband or wife can announce it.
So yeah, she wrote this article.
Her name is Sherry Resher Balloo.
I'm sure, I'm sure you know that one.
That's perfect.
We read the title.
The title's so funny.
The title of it is,
When a Boyfriend Joins the Marriage.
All right.
I kiss one good night, but not the other.
One is my boyfriend of 10 years.
The other is my husband.
My husband and I actually consider ourselves exes,
but we never divorced.
We still love each other just not romantically.
We have lived together all these years under the same roof,
although not the same bedroom.
What happened was this, 15 years ago,
I woke up in the night, nudged him awake,
and said, I need your permission to have an affair.
Okay, wait, hold on.
So they live in the same house, but they're not romantic.
Listen, what's her name?
Sherry, Sherry Resher Balloo.
Your husband's probably jerking off to you having sex.
All the time.
Like listening through the wall?
Yes, yes.
Well, no, because maybe he is now,
but at the time they made an arrangement
where he said, I don't want to know,
just don't bring it home.
Oh, that always works.
And this went on for several years,
and then she met a guy.
Now listen, this new guy sounds like a real romantic.
I fell for him the moment he handed me a red Gerber daisy.
I fell for the small gap between his teeth.
I touched his hand by feigning interest in the ring
he had made from a bicycle spoke.
So this guy's walking around wearing jewelry made
from bike parts.
Where the fuck are these people?
I'm gonna guess San Francisco, like shot in the dark.
Yeah.
Wait, oh, okay.
Days later, he waltzed with me on Berkeley Pier.
I'm guessing that's where we go.
My gloves arranged in his breast pocket like a kerchief.
He created a rabbit out of a squeegee and a towel
and made me laugh at his antics.
Fully married woman.
Fully married woman just going down Berkeley Pier.
So then she says, the afternoon I chose to tell my husband,
light streamed into our yellow kitchen.
Our son was in his room playing with Hogwarts toys.
This wasn't our agreement, he said.
We discussed it calmly.
One of us mentioned divorce.
One said, should we move apart?
Basically what happened was, yeah, go ahead.
Hold on, I was gonna say that the fact that she's like,
ramping up the imagery of the moment that she told her
husband that she was like, fell in love with another man.
The light streamed into our kitchen.
Thanks.
You're like, F. Scott Fitzgerald is talking about
how he cucked, he cucked her husband.
Yeah, great.
All right, so basically what happens is,
things progress from here.
And she says that she wants her husband to meet the boyfriend.
And the husband's like, no, our arrangement was that
I didn't want to know who this was or anything like that.
Fair, fair.
And eventually she just like harped on,
harped on, harped on it.
And he agreed to, and they met at a beer garden.
That's a very awkward scene too.
I recommend you go read this if you have access
to the internet.
But then it progresses even from there.
And she says that she wanted him to meet her son.
And the husband eventually says, no,
and then gets beaten down into submission.
He's like, fine, okay, we'll do it, we'll meet.
My boyfriend would show up.
Well, my son and I would be playing on the monkey bars
and I would introduce him as my friend.
When he arrived, he was carrying an old radio
and some tools he had remembered from our conversations
that my son loved to disassemble electronics.
He smiled and said, hey buddy,
want to take this thing apart with me?
Hey buddy, I'm fucking your mom, but I'm not your dad.
I want to take apart this radio and make a bomb.
So what happens is eventually they get to the point
where the guy kind of moves in,
the boyfriend kind of moves in, they build sheds together.
And this guy's the cuckmaster.
Yes, this guy's the absolute-
He's building a shed with his wife's boyfriend?
Yes, yeah.
He said, well, he's supporting his wife's boyfriend
as he builds a shed for his wife in his own backyard.
And like handsome, the wife's boyfriend's like,
hand me the 316th wrench.
No, I said 316th, that's the wrong one.
He's like, oh, sorry, I don't know, I'm not handy.
So what this does is it progresses from a woman
being like, hey, I think that I should have a boyfriend
and I promise you'll never meet him.
And it progresses from there to her writing about it
in the New York Times.
With a real name, with a real name.
And this kid is...
Wow.
Yeah, the kid's kind of fucked.
So I hope that this is a trend.
I hope this continues.
I hope the New York Times does actually consider
adding a cucking announcement.
Yes, a cucking announcement would be unbelievable.
There was one part that I wanted to also bring up
because I read this, I skimmed it.
Twice a year, we all traveled to my mother's house in Ohio
along with my husband's parents spending two weeks
in a flurry of card games, water balloon flights
and lingering meals.
So if you ever think that family time with your family
is annoying or hard,
just remember you aren't going to family time
with your family, your wife's family,
and your wife's boyfriend.
Yeah.
That's incredible.
What about, imagine being the parents of the husband.
Right.
And showing up and like you have to deal with
your daughter-in-law's boyfriend.
You know, you know that the dad of the husband
definitely likes his boyfriend more.
Yeah.
Like all the boyfriend watches games with me.
Yep.
Boyfriend hangs out, he builds sheds.
Yep.
This guy.
Oh my God.
That is pretty awkward.
The master cock.
I can't.
I have to take my hat off to the guy.
And also, he let his wife write the whole story.
So everyone who doesn't know the situation would be like,
wait, like old classmates would be like,
wait, isn't that Jim's wife?
Yeah, he took it international.
Yeah.
So I'm sure that the idea of this story
was probably the wife's boyfriend being like,
hey, you tell such beautiful stories.
I think it'd be great if you could express yourself
in the New York Times.
And this guy is just sitting up in his fucking window
looking out at their fuck shack in the backyard
while the kid plays Hogwarts.
Like, God damn it, my life sucks.
The boyfriend's hanging a tie on the door handle
of the shed and taking the wife in there.
Fuck.
His tie?
Oh man, what a story.
What a story.
All right, that's our show.
We have a awesome interview coming Wednesday.
It's a shark.
Damon J.
John, Damon John.
I always fuck up his name
because I always want to say Dramon
and then you'll see it.
But it was one of the most fun interviews
we've done in a very long time.
Yes.
Damon John coming Wednesday.
And on Friday, a little teaser for the people.
Hall of Famer.
Hall of Famer.
Certified.
Legend, if you are a kid of the late 90s early aughts,
it could possibly be, in some circles,
it's the biggest name we've ever had.
You might have spent more time with this person
than your parents.
Yes.
But wouldn't you say, in some circles?
Yes.
This will be the biggest name we've ever had.
Absolutely.
In certain circles.
Love you guys.
I'm talking away.
I thought I don't know what to say, I'm saying it anyway.
Your days and my days, they're calling you, shine away.
I'm coming for your love again.
I'm coming.
He loves to say, I'm setting it's about me.
So I'm gonna lay it away, so I'm gonna let him know he's OK.
Say out to me, I like the way that you be saying it.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
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