Pardon My Take - Blake Bortles And Blake Griffin, Plus Phil Mickelson Ruined Golf

Episode Date: June 18, 2018

Phil Mickelson has broken the spirit of Golf. We talk US Open and Phil's moving putt that took the golf world by storm. Was the Course too hard? Many people are saying it was (2:27 - 12:51). World Cup talk as Mexico takes down Germany (12:51 - 17:32). Who's back of the week (17:32 - 25:52). Blake Bortles joins the show as our first member of the Mt Rushmore of recurring guests to do the Mt Rushmore of times its ok to cry (25:52 - 38:19). Blake Griffin joins the show to do Mt Rushmore of trades that make no sense (38:19 - 69:50). Segments include Ass in the Jackpot for Kawhi Leonard's ass being in Stephen A Smith's jackpot. Hurt or injured every soccer player in the world. Bad Visual German Newspaper saying they'll build the wall against Mexico and Trouble in paradise for Todd Haley and Ben Rothlisberger You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we talk US Open. The course won, Phil kind of fucked up and caused a tizzy. We also have some World Cup talk and the beginning of Mount Rushmore season where we debut the first two members of the pardon my take 2018 recurring guest Mount Rushmore, Blake and Blake.

Blake Griffin and Blake Bortles on to do their Mount Rushmore's Blake Griffin of bad trades and Blake Bortles of times it's okay to cry, even though he didn't cry. He didn't cry, but if he had, then it would have been okay. Just water. Before we get to all of that, if you haven't heard, we've switched to the Cash App. By now you know it's the number one ranked app in finance and lets you do the most with your money. So you want to pay people back, buy and sell bitcoin, deposit your paycheck right into

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Jenna Joe 55. What's up Jenna? So you too can win some free money every episode we're giving away to a lucky award-winning listener, download that Cash App, tweet your Cash Tag App Pardon My Take and you can get some money. All right, let's go. Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by SeekEek, today is Monday, June 18th and I am going to show you guys what we've got, we've got a lot of great stuff going on, we've got

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one, now in golf hitting a moving ball is like a chef coming out and sticking his elbow in your lobster bisque, who hasn't had that happen, it's not done, it's never done by anybody this side of John Daly on a bender and it sure as hell isn't done by the ambassador of golf, Phil Mickelson, that's the best part that they've elevated Phil to the ambassador of golf so that they can tear him down as, how could you do this to us? Yeah, well I mean Rick Riley definitely, if you didn't think that Rick Riley was a Phil guy, we haven't been paying close attention to him. No, he's a huge Phil guy, so I'll skip a little here, this is my favorite part because we

get to a nice little slippery slope situation here. Okay, you just heard a legend of the game admit he willfully and purposely cheated on the golf course in order to save shots. Is this what we're doing now? If you're playing your usual game tomorrow morning at Weasel Hole Acres and you hit a shot that ricochets off a rock and starts rolling out of bounds, can you now run ahead and back in? Two shot penalty?

Has golf become cricket? So, Phil Mickelson, it's bad for society because now all of our rules are basically gone. Like next thing you know, people will be marrying pigs because Phil Mickelson hit a shot once at the US Open when the ball was moving. It's a very, very slippery slope. Next thing you know, people are going to be selling stocks without actually, or selling stocks by hearing insider tips on them and not reporting those to the SEC. He went on to talk about whack-a-mole and everything, but here's the end, which is just so perfect.

What Phil did is not just illegal. It's unthinkable. It's not just cheating. It's against the spirit of the game. Again, the spirit of the game has been broken. Golf is a game of honor. We referee ourselves. We don't look for tiny, greasy loopholes in the rules.

This is all just so unfil. Get it? He's really in his fillings on this one. It's pretty good. So that was Rick Riley. I'm shocked he didn't work in like a tooth pun in there somewhere. He's like, he took the teeth right out of the rules. I have a spin zone.

Phil Mickelson basically just did something nice for the entire world because what better topic on Father's Day to give to the world than a guy breaking the spirit of the golf game? Your dad probably doesn't want to talk about politics. He wants to be left alone, but he definitely will sit there and pontificate about the spirit of golf. Listen, Rick Riley knows that you learn two very important things from your father. One is how to police yourself while you're playing around in golf because no one's going to be looking over your shoulder doing it for you. The second is when it's time to jack off to swimsuit models because your dad took you

on a tour of an island that has a sports illustrated suit. I'm just happy he's back because this, like Phil Mickelson breaking the rules in the U.S. Open has just Rick Riley written all over it. I don't know what, can you imagine what Rick would have tried to write about if it weren't for Phil Mickelson? Well, he probably would have wrote about the course. Yeah, funny you asked, good segue. He called it a Mickey Mouse, a clown golf course.

Now me and you are on opposite sides of this debate because I mean, I am a course guy. We always root for the Fescue. We've been pretty consistent about that, but I had to call it out when I saw it. I think that this course became a diva this weekend. It started off strong. It had a little bit of success. Let the fame get to its head. Change itself around a lot.

And guess what? On the very last hole, when the lights were shining brightest, when Kepka was coming down there, trying to put away the U.S. Open, the course hotdogged it so much that the grandstand, it literally grandstanded. The grandstand was so close to the green that it allowed a bank shot to get kicked off of it and let Brooks Kepka win the U.S. Open because of it. But that's not the course's fault. That's the grandstand's fault.

That's a man-made object. That's part of the course. So, listen, the course on Saturday maybe had the greatest showing in U.S. Open. Yes, Saturday was great. I also learned, the best lesson I learned from this weekend watching golf was that if golfers complain enough, they'll just make it easier because that's exactly what happened. Saturday was really, really hard and then everyone complained. Zach Johnson, getting in front of, I think he was on Sky Sports or something, he was

talking like it was a doctor delivering the news to a family like that their child had died. He was like, they've lost the course. They've lost the course. Also, one thing I picked up this weekend, golfers really hate the USGA. Oh yeah. They hate the USGA. We love the USGA.

Big fan. USGA was accommodating great people, awesome time. We love them. And guess what? I love them even more because they made a course that won because plus one was the winning score. So the course won. Until it choked.

Well, go course, go. I just think it's so. I don't think that the course won this. I think that Kepka, well, he won it. The course lost it at the end. Yeah. But the Kepka won and he won back to back at US Opens, but the story basically was stolen by the course and Phil Meckelson.

I actually had a great time watching golf this weekend because I'd like just make a course that everyone can bitch about. I mean, Ian Polter had a meltdown. Like he said, talking about like bozos creating the course and how they needed a moment, like cry a little bit more, dude. Watching, like you said about watching Phil double putt that like watching these golfers struggle and hit balls on the green that roll 50 yards into a bunker like in the fairway. Yes.

That's very relatable. Yes. As a golfer who sucks. I can appreciate that. Someone else said that they're like, they made a fool out of us. Yeah. Like, well, guess what, man? I make a fool out of myself every time I golf.

That's what golf does. It makes a fool out of you. And it's a, it's a mental test. I'm, I'm all, I love the USGA even more. I hope they make every single course from now until the end of time, the hardest course in the world. Just so we can hear like suit millionaire athletes say this game has gotten too hard for us.

Yeah. I mean, also it extended the Imagine Dragons curse with Patrick Reed. So we're all talking about that Tampa Bay Lightning first, Golden Knights second, Patrick Reed. Well, we had, we had him on the show. His real curse. We had him. Yeah.

We did have him on the show. So we cursed, but we've, we asked them about the curse and he said he didn't believe it. Are we cursed? I think if we just keep talking about this curse, we're going to end up being cursed. Hi, let's talk about something else. I have a question for you. It's the Seekik question. Okay.

Because I forgot to do the Seekik question for Blake and Blake. Put in promo code, take, you get $10 off your Seekik purchase. Have you been watching the World Cup? I have been. It's great. I've been watching a lot of soccer. Today's you, today's Germany, Mexico game. Great.

Was awesome. Awesome. Watch an earthquake. It did cause an earthquake in Mexico. Yeah. Wow. You know what I really like about the German team? This is kind of funny.

Like they all have the Macklemore haircut. The guy on the team has the exact same haircut and it reminds me of like FIFA 98 when you'd select your country that you wanted to play with and like the graphics weren't that good. So they just gave everybody on the team like the same facial hair and same hair. So that's what Germany is. And their coach, their coach, big orgy guy also, also booger eater. So I'm saying very woke on Fox has these very strict rules about you not being allowed to post any clips to social media.

I think the German coach got to him because he got caught like three times in the last World Cup eating his own boogers. And Andy smells his own ass. Yeah. And he smells his own ass. That's true. He like puts his finger in his nut sack and his grundle and he sniffs it. I mean, the Germans are weird.

They love like shit porn and stuff like that. That's like par for the course for them. Yeah. But I noticed that there was one time from behind that you could see the German coach picking his nose. I was like, I really want to screenshot this. But I know that I'm not allowed to. Yeah.

I mean, I've watched, the Sports Center, SVP had to do, they're doing drawings of the games. Yeah. And I also, hot start for the year that I picked to have Messi be my goat and Ronaldo be overrated. Yeah. On back to back days. It's a hat trick and Messi beefed up a PK and I'm often running with my soccer predictions.

I think that Argentina might be better without Messi now. Hmm. Interesting. Did he get hurt? No, he didn't. No. He just played like he was. No.

He's fine. He's fine. You can tell the whole team, they're in the win one for Messi mode. Yes. Yeah. What else do we got? I mean, I don't know. Cool.

I like watching World Cup. Yeah. Did Ronaldo get like a $30 million suit put against him for not paying his taxes? No, that was Messi. No, no. And Ronaldo. No, that was Ronaldo. Yeah.

And Messi. Neither one pays taxes. Yeah, they don't. Listen, when you're rich, you don't pay taxes. I think Messi actually just had his dad go to jail for him. Pretty power move. He's the ultimate fall guy. Happy Father's Day.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's a Spanish government because he's from Portugal, but he plays in Spain. And I think he just settled that and then he came out against Spain and scored three goals on him. Love it. Love it. I'm trying to think what else happened.

England hasn't played yet. They're going to beef it up tomorrow. Sweden, my team, Sweden's playing tomorrow. Zoltan, is he going to play? Nobody knows. Sweden's in trouble though because Mexico winning, that's their group. Now they are the group of death. Well, they, yeah, they've been the group of death.

Right. But Germany now is out for blood and you don't want to see that. No, you don't. No, no, no. The Germans fail too. Yeah. Oh, I love, I mean, who could not, like, I mean, I'm not a Mexico fan, I'm not Landon Donovan, which by the way, did you guys see how?

No, because I'm blocked by Landon on Twitter. Oh, really? So Landon Donovan did a Wells Fargo ad that was like, my other team is Mexico and people flipped. And then he like did a whole, he tried to explain how he grew up playing with, you know, Mexicans and he like, you know, football is the international game like, dude, you realize that if you just said, I got paid for this, no one would have cared. Like, when you do an ad like that, just say, yeah, I got paid, like, would you turn down

free money for a tweet? And he didn't have like, don't try to explain to us how you actually are a Mexican fan. Just say you got paid and move on. That's so easy. Yeah. So you are rooting against, are you rooting for Mexico or against them? I'm rooting against Germany. So I was rooting for Mexico today.

I don't know who they play next and I don't really care, but I'll just keep rooting against Germany. Okay. What's your word for taking pleasure in someone else's defeat? If only the Germans came up with something like that, Schadenfreude. Spell it. S. Country of origin.

Germany. C.H.E. With like the two dots above it. In Umma. Yeah. Yeah. N. Yeah.

F-R-A-U-D-E. That's pretty close. Yeah, that's pretty close. I'm gonna give you that one. I'm gonna start calling it Schenfreude. Yeah. I'm gonna give you that one. All right.

Let's do who's back. Which we obviously started for Tiger Woods back in the day. If you had taken out the first and second hole, Tiger would have finished second in the U.S. Open. So he's kind of back. Ooh, okay. When you do it that way, yeah. He's just a slow starter.

Yeah, exactly. And he also didn't play the other two days. Tiger likes this. We know Tiger likes the weird holes. Oh yeah. The first and the second hole. Well, he'll actually... He gets bored with those.

I disagree. He'll take any hole he can get when he really put it down to it. He'll do any hole. All right. P.F.D., why don't you start? Okay. The first who's back of the week is Statement Ties. A lot of Statement Ties first in the Argentina game and then later on in Switzerland against

Brazil. A lot of Statement Ties. Yeah. And the U.S. Open Amateur was a Statement Ties. Yes. The announcer, Matt Parnell... Statement Ties is also a perfect Father's Day gift. Yeah.

The announcer even said Iceland beats Argentina 1-1 at the end of the game. Yes, I saw that. They said that. And the Viking flag. So soccer. Yeah. That was amazing. The first who's back of the week is going to be talking about the ball in the World

Cup. So I'm actually getting ahead of this because I haven't heard anything yet. But to the astute eye, you guys know I'm a big soccer head, right? Yeah. It's no secret. When you see that ball take its first bounce on a long pass, it skips. So in every World Cup, at the very start of it, people always freak out about something weird with the ball.

Like back in South Africa, it was the Jablani ball. Remember that? No one could figure out how to kick it. Yeah. And it moved like a balloon in the air. So when the ball skips. So I'm getting ahead of that one. Interesting.

It skips a little bit too far and you see a lot of whiffs on half volleys, which as we learned are different than full volleys. So that's my second who's back. My third one is obviously going to be Sweden because they're about to get on a hot start against Korea today. Mark that one in the book. So it's a pre-who's back. It's a pre-who.

I'm doing two pre-who's backs, which are sometimes more potent than the regular backs. Isn't that who's next? Yeah, who's next? Who's now? Well, no, it's not who's next. As you're listening to this, it's who's now. It is who's now. Sweden.

Yeah. Hank. I got a few. This was last week, but Degrassi is back. Drake decided that his response for the diss track, basically coming out of his entire livelihood, was to just do a video from his childhood acting days. Big Degrassi reunion. Wow.

Okay. Well, I'd say, I'd say problem solved. Were you guys not Degrassi fans? No. Happy Father's Day to Drake though. Great show. Great show. Degrassi is back.

Free agency is coming up. David Ortiz tried to get Magic Johnson to tamper with LeBron. He was like, they had, they had Sunday Night Baseball or whatever in LA and Magic Johnson was on like the panel and David Ortiz was like, how are you going to try and get LeBron to the Lakers? Because he got, remember you got in trouble for tampering with Paul and George. So David Ortiz was trying to get him to tamper with LeBron. Oh wait.

So you're saying that David Ortiz was actually standing up for Boston in this and trying to screw over the Lakers? Yes. Yeah, sure. This goes, this goes deep. And until free agency starts like technically there's a ton of players tampering by tweeting doing anything. Like you're not allowed to say or do anything.

Well, and they all know where they're signed. Yes. So David Ortiz is basically Danny Angel's burner account. Yes. Okay. Okay. That's next level shit. And then Jay-Z is kind of back because he released a new album except it's only a title

so I don't know if that really counts. Titles still a thing? Fuck. How is that still a thing? Spotify. Shout out Spotify. Oh, title. T-I-D-A-L.

Title. Yeah. Title waves. So nobody heard it? No. No one has heard it yet. Yeah. Because this thing that they tried to create just didn't work.

Hank, if you just tweet with authority, have you actually listened to it? No. No. So if you just give, if you give a track by track breakdown of it on Twitter and you say it with enough confidence then everybody will totally believe what you say about it. You can start the narrative. Yeah. Let's do that.

That's a good call. All right. My who's back. The first I have is Spanish announcers. Everyone always says you got to watch one game in Spanish announcers because they're so great. They're pretty good. I don't know.

I'm kind of, I feel like that's like, you're kind of a soccer noob if you're like, man, you should hear these Spanish announcers like, dude, we know, we've been watching Foody for four years now. Actually, the best way to watch it is the Spanish announcers doing the announcing in English. Yeah. So in that Argentina, Iceland game, those two announcers, Jorge, you talk about a capital J.

Yes. Jorge was going nuts. And Alexi Law is getting pissed about something. Alexi Law is, it's a tale as old as time, whenever they cut to him in that little studio, which I can't figure out yet if it's an actual like open air studio or if it's a set. I think it's got a screen behind it, like game day, so people can't throw Molotov cocktails at him. That's important for Alexi.

So when they cut to him, he always has this like, it looks like he just ate like a big turd. Yeah. Every time the camera cuts him. He's always angry at something. He's like the J. Billis. He's like J.

Billis right after the bracket comes out. Alexi Lawless is like the most serious guy in the world, but he thinks he's cool because he probably wears weird socks. Right. And he had big red hair back in 94. We all remember Alexi. Cool. And then my other who's back is Ted Cruz.

He beat Jimmy Kimmel 11 to nine in one on one, which the best part about that is the game was supposed to go to 15, but it was taking so long, they just changed it to 11. Ted Cruz also put out a video where he was warming up and I've never seen anyone so happy with themselves for hitting a layup like Ted Cruz. I mean, it was a sweet finger rule. Yeah. You see it? The Iceman.

It was. He was playing some lockdown D. The ICE man. Yeah. So, yeah, exactly. The like, have we gotten the Jimmy Kimmel's problematic for humanizing Ted Cruz? Oh yeah. We've had several of those.

And also you saw how Ted Cruz, he did like a photo op with Grayson Allen. Yeah. Before the game. Jimmy Kimmel should have done one with Carl Malone. Hmm. People forget. People forget that about Jimmy Kimmel. I mean, this is a big six months for Ted Cruz.

Yeah. Talk about getting humanized. He's liked porn on Twitter. Yep. And he beat a very bad and inferior opponent in basketball. And locked up a billion children. So he's basically J.R. Smith, except for the children part. Yeah.

He's J.R. Smith. He's turning into J.R. Smith. Yeah. And maybe Antonio, or what's the name? Camarty. Yes. Yeah. Combined.

If those guys had a kid. Well, they have a lot of kids. They have a lot of kids. You get what I was saying. Let's get to our Mount Rushmore. We have first up Blake Bortles, then Blake Griffin. Before we do that, though, a little shout out to me undies. We all wear me undies, right?

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Enter the code PMT at checkout and get $100 off accessories with your Peloton bikes purchase. Get a great workout at home anytime you want. Go to onepeloton.com. Use the code PMT and get started today. All right, here he is Blake Bortles. All right, it is Mount Rushmore season officially and we are debuting our Mount Rushmore of guests and we now have back. Is it back to is it triple three feet?

It's back to back. It's the opposite of docking. Yeah. Were you on the first week? Blake, were you on the first Mount Rushmore of guests or is this your I don't think we did it the first year. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't because in a row.

Yeah. You're two for two. You're two for two. So it's Blake Bortles. Starting quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars. QB1. And we are going to do the Mount Rushmore of things that make you cry in honor of you not crying in the ANC championship game.

You just missed your face with the water bottle, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's what happened. Okay. How's the off season going by the way? Are you, how's minicamp? It's been good.

We had day one today. We're there all day. So we've got two more days and then we're, we're down for the summer. Nice. Is Coach Morone taking it a little easier on you now that he knows that we're best friends? No, he hasn't, but he did get some shit for that shirt off picture with you guys in the pool. Oh, the team, the team roast him.

He was looking, he was looking thick. Yeah. He's got some big legs. You ever just like stare and practice at the size of that dude's quads? Yeah. He's, that dude's girthy for sure. Lot of girth going on. Yeah.

He's a football guy. All right. Blake, because you are our guest, we will let you start. So let's go. Blake, PFT, Hank, me, I'll go. No, we won't do it. Let's not do snake. Let's do one by one.

No. I think we should snake it. You want to snake it? Yeah. All right. Let's snake it. Go ahead. We look, we rocket snake.

Go ahead, Blake. We got it. We kill it snakes. So Blake's going to start. All right. When it's acceptable to cry is what we're doing. Yes. Yeah.

Things that make you cry. Right. You're dog getting ready. Well, you only get to do one. We're doing a snake trap. My bad. All right. So losing it.

Jesus Christ. Your dog got run over? Losing the FC championship. No, no, never. It would be acceptable to cry. Not that you did, but it would have if you did cry. Yes. Yes.

So now we're going to go in snake trap. So PFT is going to go then Hank, then me. Then we're going to, I'm going to go. We'll come back to you. Okay. All right. Well, my first one is going to be during the national anthem. It doesn't matter which national anthem.

It could be any national anthem, but during a national anthem, it's acceptable. We'll cry always. Shout out. No. I like that. Hank. Anytime ESPN or like E 60 does one of those make a wish Tom Bernaldi gets involved. Yeah.

An uncontested touchdown by a make a wish kid. Yeah. Who that gets it going? Yeah. Yeah. Tom Bernaldi's voice. You just start reflexively. Yeah.

Um, is it bad that I, if I steal what play, I will not stealing, I had it as well, but it's a little different. I was going to say anytime you just think about your dog dying, you can cry. Yeah. If you think about it, it's pretty sad. Yeah. So think about it for a second. No.

Moving on. All right. Okay. My second one is, uh, when you can't beat a level in a video game, you're just like really frustrated, but it's not, it's like a, it's kind of like an anger cry. Yeah. You're not sad. Right.

It's just like, I'm so, I'm so good at this game that I should be. Yeah. And you shut it off. Shut it back on. When you're mad because the game is cheating. Right. Exactly. Did that ever happen to you, Blake?

Yeah. Yeah. All the time. I just went to a dog and video games when you're so bad. By the end of the summer, we have to get good at the snake trap. When you're trying to get a license or like a new identification and they just like refuse to let you get it because you don't have other forms of identification. So it's like, you need to get a license, but you need a social security card to get a social

security card. You need a license. And it's just, it's frustrating. You know, you guys know. Okay. Yeah. Very relatable. Blake, I have a question for you off of that.

Do you have someone that like does stuff for you? Do you have like an assistant? No, I mean, no, no, not at all. So like who opens your mail? Who like remembers to pay, you know, if you go, if you get a speeding ticket or if you a parking ticket or anything like that, you do it. No. Well, like I got this past off season when I was out in California, I had like a bunch

of parking tickets because like I've worked out at this junior college. So obviously didn't have a parking pass. So I'm just parking there every day, just racking up these tickets. And at the time I was like, yeah, like there's no way I'm in a rental car. There's no way they're ever going to, these are going to get back to me and I'm going to ever have to pay them. You know, it's how smart I am. And then like four weeks later, like nine of them get sent to my house here in Jacksonville.

Oh God. So I sent them to like, like I just sent, I have a financial advisor to send them over there. And was like, Hey, I think we probably need to get these paid. So you have someone to do it. It's part of your financial advisor's job is to pay your parking. Yeah, I love that. He's probably some guy at Goldman Sachs.

Yeah. How should I go about paying these? And he's like, there's a lady that works for him and her like one of her, she has a couple of people that she helps out and like I'm one of them, so she kind of helps her things like that. Okay. So you do have a person. Yeah.

I mean, I guess in a sense, like she's not like doing my laundry or like opening my mail or anything. But like if I need to get something paid or there's bills, like she pays my bills and stuff. You don't open your mail. I saw your mail. You just don't open it. No, I like usually like I take it from the mailbox and I set it all on the trash can

and I open up the other trash can and I just look at the envelope and like if it looks like something that needs to be opened, like I put it in one pile and if it looks like trash, which majority of it does, I just throw it away. Yeah, it's a fine. That's a good filing system. Mine is very similar. Yes. My second one is when you and your dad are like watching the cool sports moment together

and you cry, but it's not because you love each other. It's because like the cool sports things on TV. And so you just saw it at the same time as him and just sports, sports, sports on the good side, not sports like losing the AFC championship, sports winning, right? If something good happens and it's you and your dad and it reminds you of maybe a time that you guys had when you were younger and not because you love them though, just because the sports is good. All right, Blake, you have two now.

You get to go back to back. I'd say kind of like piggybacking on what Hank said about the Make-A-Wish like when the military people come back and they surprise like a family member or whatever like those always get me, especially like when it's a dog to surprise their dog. Did you guys, did you guys see the video that went viral last week where it was a bunch of dogs that people thought they had lost that came back? That one was a tearjerker. Yeah.

Anytime a dog returning or a person returning to a dog, that's a cheat code for crying. Dogs just in general. Yeah. Okay, next. Those are special. And then I would say, and remember the Titans when Gary Berture gets paralyzed. Oh, that's a good one, huh? Yep.

That's definitely. Once the James Taylor comes on. Yeah. And the end, the last scene. It was so, that is so sad that they use the music when they present the Stanley Cup. Yes. That is. Yes.

Football music for Stanley Cup. All right, PFT, your third. My third one is just when you're drunk. Yeah. Just when you're drunk, it's always, it's not that you're crying, it's because you're, you can be like fun about it and you go, oh, my eyes are pissing. That's so crazy. But it's when you're drunk.

So it doesn't really count as a cry, but when you're, when you're drunk, you're allowed to cry. When you, what, usually it happens when I get a little lost when I'm drunk, like when I, I, well I was, when I was in Colorado for the Cubs Rockies, I got lost in the stadium. I didn't cry, but I was close. You thought about it. I was, I thought about it because it was like, I might never get found. Because when you're drunk, all these things can happen, like any of these events and it's

just like an immediate cry. Absolutely. Yeah. Again, it's not because you want to cry, it's because you're drunk. Yeah. I want to make that clear. All right, Hank. Michael Scott's last episode of the office when they start singing the 525,600 minutes

every time. That's a really good one. That was a really good song that they wrote for that episode. Yeah. That was a really good one. All right. I have, whenever I listened to Fleetwood Mack landslide, that one gets me real good. I also had like maybe a backup when a Coldplay song hits you right, you know?

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Yeah. That's real good. Yeah. Do you like Coldplay Blake? Yeah, big fan. Oh, nice. All right.

Cool. That's the same thing. All right. And then my last one is when you get high and you're laughing so hard and you cry that way. That's all. That's a good cry. That's a real good cry.

So it transitioned from the laugh into like a cough into a cry. Yes, into a cry, and then you just catch a breath. That was Jimmy V's speech, right? Yeah. If you can smoke weed, laugh, cough, and cry in the same day. Yeah. That's a hell of a day. Yeah, exactly.

I was going to have a laugh. I'm going to piggyback off that one. It's when we're recording the interview, and I have to hold my laugh in. And then that makes me produce tears, because I'm trying not to laugh. And then the only thing that comes out is tears. Sorry about that.

Sorry about doing that all the time to you. Nice. That's good. I'm not going to laugh so much. All right, PFT. It's my last one, right? Yeah. OK.

I got lost a little bit in the snake there. I shouldn't have done that one. That was a mistake. That was a really bad one. That was a mistake. That was a mistake. That's actually the worst start to Mount Rushmore you could ever have, Hank.

And you had a great Mount Rushmore. Well, no, actually, I didn't think you had a great Mount Rushmore. He had a fake Mount Rushmore. He was a monkey in the numbers last year. Oh, yeah. Definitely. That's what I was doing.

All right, sorry, Blake. I feel bad that you had to witness that. OK. I was going to be itchy. My last one is when you pretty much have a broken hand. Yes. That's really pain. That's pain worse than death.

Now, do you cry in that, or do you just tell the media? No, I'm saying, well, you can cry to the media. OK. And you can whine about it, and together, that's a cry. If you wanted to cry, it would be OK. Yeah. Blake, what do you got for your last one? My last one is dropping really anything on your foot

or your toe. Yes. Stubbing your toe. Stubbing your toe. Stubbing on a Lego. Kicking something. Shins. Getting hit in the shins.

Did you guys have any extra that you wanted throughout that? Back to the whole song. What song, the Coldplay idea? Yeah, Coldplay and Landslide. I had two. During Purple Rain, you can cry. Also, if one shining moment is playing, it doesn't matter the circumstance, you can cry to that.

Cry about all the money you lost in the last month. Blake, do you have any special ones that you just missed to cut? No, I think those were all the four I had. Did you actually have a dog that got hit by a car? Me, no. I had a bulldog that died from obesity. Because bulldogs don't have the sense of being full.

And my mom would just keep feeding it because it just kept eating. And it was like, wow, the bull's gone. It keeps eating. It must still be hungry. And it eventually ate itself to death. Oh, man. You live and learn again.

But for the last year of that dog's life, it was probably pretty funny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Pretty awesome life for him. I had a couple of adjustments to cut. One is just in the shower in general, because then it's not really tears.

It's water, yeah. When you think about how good Derek Rose would have been if he had real knees, that one gets me. And then also when Chrissy Teigen and John Legend do something that shows how much they love each other. I was going to say, when Chrissy Teigen and John Legend get divorced. Yeah, that too.

I'll cry then. Yeah, cry then. Definitely. For sure. Tears. Yeah. Hank, did you have any lectures? Because you had such a bad Mount Rushmore.

I was going to say, when you're in the gym listening to a Veechie, you're getting pumped up. And then you remember it's dead. Veechie's dead. So you're bragging about it. You're working out. You didn't do that. Yeah.

You're crying in the gym? Also, like when you're in the gym and you're crying, because you did so much weight on bench press, it was a personal record. You deadlifted to your PR. You finally got it. Muscles are swelling out of your body. You finally got to the 3-3.

You finally got to the 1,000 Club with your deadlift and your bench press and your squats. Just, you know, it's pretty normal for a guy to cry then. Do it all the time. All right, Blake, thank you for joining us. Congrats on making the Mount Rushmore again. Hey, I appreciate it, man. It's an honor.

Yeah, you and the other Blake. Two Blake's. We are the only Mount Rushmore in the history of Mount Rushmore as it has two Blake's on it. Yeah, right? It must be a good name, I guess. Yeah, it's just kind of a coincidence. It's not really have anything to do with it.

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And now, for something completely different. All right, we now welcome on the second member of our four-part Mount Rushmore. We're unveiling it. First was Blake Bortles. The second is another Blake. The only Mount Rushmore with two Blake's on it is Blake Griffin from your Detroit Pistons.

Blake, congratulations. How honored do you feel making the Mount Rushmore? Is this back-to-back years? Yes, it is, back-to-back years. Yeah, I don't know if there's ever been a better run in podcast award history. Facts. Listen, I'm blessed, I don't take this for granted.

This is something that I take very, very seriously, and I appreciate all of the award-winning listeners and everybody who voted. But you know. It was just us. Yeah, it was just us. Yeah, yeah, I know, but you guys listened too, so. Yeah.

I noticed you didn't give us credit for putting you on the Mount Rushmore. I mean, how much of this do you think was? I wasn't done, I wasn't done with my speech, just cut me off in the middle of my acceptance speech. But also, like to think, the cat and PFT for their recognition. I don't know, man, I'm blessed.

I'm blessed to be stressed. That's true, that's a good hashtag. What about Hank, you wanna thank Hank or no? It's his birthday. No, I think it's Hank's birthday. It's Hank's birthday, yeah, it's Hank's birthday. Oh, happy birthday, Hank. Thank you.

Okay, so no thank you, but it's a happy birthday, Hank. Okay. Yeah, no thank you, but happy birthday for sure. Yes, yes. All right, so we are going to do the Mount Rushmore of Dumbest Trades, not talking about any other trade that recently happened, this is a totally coincidental thing. Dumbest Trades in history.

So it can be sports, it can be not sports. You wanna know what our backup Mount Rushmore that we were tossing around, the idea that we were tossing around to do with you? What's that? It was biggest celebrity couples. So, yeah. We decided not to do that.

It was also maybe gonna be worst Microsoft technology products at all time. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. But we landed on this, yeah. So dumbest trades. I like that one.

The trades are like, what are you thinking? You just signed the guy and you put his number up in the rafters. Come on, you made a big sales pitch to keep this guy around and then all of a sudden you just jettison him? Yeah. Like hypothetically. Those type of trades, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Like just really dumb, like really dumb. Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. All right, so because you are our guest and you are on the Mount Rushmore, we'll let you start. Should we do, let's do snake draft. We're gonna get this right at some point. So we're gonna do a snake draft. It's gonna go you, then PFT, then me, then Hank twice,

then it's gonna come back around and then you're gonna go twice and then it's gonna come back around. We, we're more, I'm more explaining it for ourselves because we fuck up with the snake draft all the time, but you start with one and then we'll get it going. Okay. All right.

I did a little research. My, my favorite story is in May 17th, 17, on, on May 17th, 2010, this guy traded 10,000 bitcoins to buy two pizzas. You can look this up at the time, it was what like cents, it was actually like literally like he was getting cents for, for this, for these pizzas. Now today, that's $65 million for 10,000 bitcoin.

This guy traded $65 million for two pizzas in 2010 and now it's worth obviously 65 million, but. Do you know where you ordered the pizzas from? I don't know, I'll look. My guess would be Papa John's because those pizzas are so expensive and they're such shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, you mean like the what?

I don't think Papa John's was accepting bitcoins at the time. This had to be like a mom and pop shop or something like that. Jesus, that's tough. I mean, I don't know it. That's really, we should start our own currency, Bitcoin, just for pizzas. If you do that, you can never eat a pizza again, right? You can't even look at a pizza.

Yeah, it's done, it's done. You also just can't handle currency. You have to have somebody else to handle all your currency, all your investments, everything. You just have to stop making any type of decision for yourself that could have negative ramifications. Agreed, yes, agreed. That's a good first trade.

That's really strong. But I mean, if I'm nitpicking, you probably could have gotten that later in the draft knowing that me and Big Cat did not do our research. We didn't even know it, yeah. But it's good. What if I have more heat coming later? We'll see.

Okay, all right, PFD, you're up. Okay, so mine, this was actually a really easy one for me. The Louisiana Purchase. And that's just for like the beignet and the gumbo and the crawfish and all that. That's worth the price of admission alone. France really blew it. I would say that's probably the worst foreign policy disaster

of, well, of the 18th century for France. They've had a number of them. But that was pretty bad. We got all the land like west of the Mississippi River, which features some of our most fried food and some of our cheesiest food and some of our nicest beers. So thanks a lot, France.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a big time, big time gumbo. I thought about that one, but being, especially being from the area, the territory that contained the Louisiana Purchase, I felt like it was a good trade for us. It's a numb trade for France, but I don't really care about France.

Yeah, good point. Can you speak French? Wee-wee. Oh, okay. You're in touch with the culture then. I didn't say that. Oh yeah, I am from the area. Yes, true, true.

Everyone knows Oklahoma has the most French people ever. Yep. Yeah. All right, I'll go sports for my first one. I'll go with the worst trade in NFL history, Herschel Walker to the Vikings that basically started the entire dynasty for the cowboys in the 90s when the Vikings were like, draft picks,

who needs draft picks? And they traded a billion draft picks to Jimmy Johnson and the Cowboys, and then the Cowboys won three Super Bowls. And guess what? They're still relevant if you talk to a Dallas fan. My favorite part about that trade is, you know how they always say those who don't learn

from history are doomed to repeat it? Yeah. Mike Dicka just didn't pay attention to that at all. Yeah, no. He was not aware. No, no, definitely not. All right, so I have two. Yeah, you have two, Hank.

All right, so my first one, I'll stick with sports as well. Babe Ruth. That's a good one. Got traded from the Red Sox to the Yankees for $100,000. And a musical. And a musical. And a musical.

Don't forget the musical. No, it was $100,000 and $300,000 loan to finance no-none in the net. Okay, no-none in the net's a heater though. Yeah, someone should bring that back, yeah, no-none in the net. They should, someone's gonna make a movie of that. Surprise hasn't already happened. And then my second one is just international trade.

I feel like of all domestic versus international, by far the worst trade out of those two. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Selling stuff to other countries. We get to deal with tariffs and shit and all that stuff. So keep it in house. Yeah, keep it in house.

So just make the United States like its own pyramid scheme. Yes. Okay, I like that. I like that. Okay. I like that. Yeah, Egypt had the original market scheme. All right, my next one, my next trade is actually,

it's a current, so we don't know, this is gonna be airing on Monday. We're sitting here on Wednesday on June 13th, Hank's birthday. But currently, Microsoft is down in trading. So bad trade to touch Microsoft. Don't, that's a bad company. Yeah, I don't know who's, yeah, just stay away.

Bad foundation. Yeah, that's a bad trade for anyone who wants to get involved. Fuck Clippy. Yeah, I think that paper clip. They, I don't know, I thought they'd done a good job in the past like two, three years. Under, I can't remember the guy's name, but they've done a good job.

But, you know, it's tough to build something like that when the foundation is four. Mm-hmm, yep. Bad top-down leadership, agree. Yes, absolutely. Okay, PFT. I don't know. Okay, my second one is going to be,

I think this might be a worse trade, almost as bad as the Herschel Walker, the RG3 trade in the draft, where the R words gave up like three first round picks, two second rounders, just basically, everyone who could have contributed to the Redskins for the next four years, and they sent it to Jeff Fisher,

who turned that bounty, actually he didn't turn it into anything, but he did turn it into another four years of keeping his job. Yes. Because like he got all these draft picks, let's see what Jeff Fisher's able to do in terms of developing them.

So it's a masterful trade, if you're in the Jeff Fisher camp, really, really bad trade, if you're in the Mike Shanahan camp. Yes, agreed, agreed. All right, so Blake, you have two now, you have two. Oh, I have two. Yep.

Okay. I'm gonna go with the Dave Winsfield trade. Okay. If you heard about that, he was traded for a player to be named later, but after the deadline, like two weeks later, the strike ended, and Winsfield never ended up.

He was traded from Minnesota to the Indians. Okay. Strike ended, the player was never named, and so the executives from Minnesota and Cleveland decided to just go out for dinner and like the Indians paid for dinner. That's crazy. I've always wanted to.

Yeah. And this is Dave Winsfield who like, is over like 3000 hits and like. Yeah. You know, I mean, we obviously know who Dave Winsfield is. Pretty good. I actually have, I met Dave Winsfield once in a San Diego airport,

and I just saw him and I said, hey, that's Dave Winsfield. And then he just nodded and then I was like. That's me son. That was it. I kind of ruined my moment with Dave Winsfield. Fun fact about Dave Winsfield, he was drafted in baseball, basketball,

and I want to say football. Mm. That is fun. So three sport gaps. That's a very fun fact. Very fun fact about Dave. I've always wondered about the player to be named later. How does that work?

Is it always just an IOU and it's like. Yeah. Okay, we trust you that you'll be good. Yeah. You just pick someone. What if you named your son a player to be named later? And then that way they just always get traded. That they're always in MLB.

Yeah, but it's the team who's, the team who's getting the player gets to name the player, correct? Is that how it works or can you veto that? I feel like there's a couple loopholes. I actually didn't even think about that. I don't even know how that works to be honest. Yeah.

Well, there's been a couple of times in baseball history where a player was traded for a player to be named later and they were the player to be named later. So they're traded for themselves. I would love to see that make its way to basketball. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, that would be amazing. Yeah.

Oh, it's always J.R. Smith. Yeah. Blake can maybe go back to the Clippers. Yeah. Whatever. All right, you're up again Blake. You're up again. This is another little, what's that?

It's a snake. He's got a second one. Yeah, it's a third pick. See, I told you we're gonna struggle with this. No, we're just making sure. Okay, all right. No, I got it. I got it.

I'm on pace. Another little, after some research I did, there was a guy named John Odom who was traded for 10 maple bats, like actual bats. Um, which at the time, for discount, for buying that many bats, it was $65.50. Jesus. He was traded from like a,

and he actually never ended up even playing for the team that he was traded for. Yeah, but how much of those maple bats worth now? Yeah, my home runs. It could be like a big point in the intuition. Yeah. 0.4% for inflation. I mean, you're talking upwards of $79.

See, not so bad. You gotta quit your sport if you get traded for literally like a bag of balls. There's always that ham sandwich idea where, oh, you got traded for a ham sandwich. Ham sandwiches are delicious. I mean, that's the Dave Winfield trade. Yeah, if you get a general manager

that's high enough and hungry enough, they'll trade somebody for a ham sandwich and I don't think it's a bad deal necessarily. Yeah, I'd trade my soul for a sandwich if I was hungry enough. Some mustard on there. Yeah. A little bit of provolone. No, I mean, it depends on the end result.

Everybody wants to like say who won the trade right away, but I mean, wait till that sandwich goes down, wait till that hunger has subsided. It's wait till all the facts are in. Yeah. It's a marathon. Yeah. All right, PFT, you're up.

Okay, my third one is gonna be Martha Stewart, the trade that's in her to prison. Yeah. So insider trading, she went to jail. Yes. Let's just be cognizant of the fact that just because you know something about a company doesn't mean that you should make money off of it.

Yeah, could also do Phil Mickelson there. But he's not. He's not in jail. So that was actually great trade. So that was actually great trade. Trade went to prison for him. Yeah, I'd have a fall guy. Do you have a fall guy, Blake?

You can't really name a fall guy until you need the fall guy. Fall guy to be named later. I feel like we could be your fall guy. Like we, I will happily- There's a point, no. Yeah. In this, there's a, yeah,

the fall guy will be named at a later date. Yeah, but we, could we, could we apply for the job of fall guy? Yeah, I mean, possibly, but you know, now we've already kind of incriminated ourselves a little bit. Well, let's just say this, okay? Blake, part of Blake's Mount Rushmore acceptance is he actually gave us the password

to all his social media accounts. So if he ever does anything bad, it was probably us. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay. Now Blake's here. Somebody actually tried to reset my Twitter password today this morning actually.

Yeah, it was us because we have your passwords. We try to hack into us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe it was someone looking for your burner accounts. Oh gosh, they'll never find those. What, let's just go off a little tangent here. What would you do if, if, if, uh, your general manager came out that he had burner accounts?

I mean, it's just the lamest thing ever, man. I just can't wrap my head around creating a burner account and then tweeting about yourself. It's just, I'm sorry. It's just so like Brian Colangelo, five burner accounts, man. And say you're tweeting stuff like nice guy. I've worked with him. I don't care if it's your wife or not.

It's just the lamest thing ever. I don't know. Can't wrap my head around. That's, that's how you get a grassroots movement. Everyone's like, man, I've heard around. He's a nice guy. Eric Jr. makes some good points. You know, Philly fan one, two, three, four, five, six, seven

said that Colangelo was doing a really good job with the cat. I really do think that it all stems from the collars because those collars were so bad that that burner account was basically created to defend his collars. And then it just snowballed from there. Like they got a little taste of the burner life. And next thing you know,

you're leaking, you know, physicals and all that stuff. Yeah. I mean, it's understandable if you've seen those collars. Yeah. All right. My next one, I'll go back to sports. I'm going to go with the Colts and Elway. So classic trade, John Elway kind of forces hand there,

but who could have been a quite a different story if the Colts had had John Elway instead of Denver. It turned out to be pretty good. Very good for them. Yes. But I don't know if you can put that on the Colts necessarily, because what was the option? They draft him and then he goes in place for the Yankees?

Yeah. And then you, I mean, maybe you get seasoned tickets to the Yankees and watch them play baseball. Yeah, that's a good point. It's probably better than having to live with the, wow, we could have had John Elway. Yeah, very true. Maybe if we'd just been less Indianapolis,

we could have had John Elway. Hank, you got two. My third one is going to be the Kendrick Perkins trade from the Celtics. They traded him to the Thunder in 2011 for Jeff Green and their team basically tanked right after that. Doc Rivers, Blake's old coach, even said after the fact there was a bad trade.

Did you ever play with Kendrick Perkins or have a run in with him or anything? Yeah. No, we kind of missed each other coming in on the league. Okay. Did you ever really had any? You ever run in? Never really had a run in, no.

Okay, all right. Never like dug a tunnel underneath like any stadiums and tried to fight them in the locker room or anything like that? You know, heavens, no. No, not with whole perk. Hey, speaking of that, were you shocked that Chris Paul got injured in the playoffs?

All right. And then my last trade is the Hornets trading Kobe Bryant for Vladeke. Yeah, you took mine. Yeah, that's a good one. That was going to be mine. That's really good. Vladeke pass the ball.

Yeah, and smoke cigarettes. And he smelled like goat. Mm-hmm. I don't like that trade. I don't hate that trade. Blake, what would you, would you be able, if you smoked a pack a day, how quickly would you be out of the NBA?

Oh man, I don't know. I've never really smoked so. Man guard. I feel like I would just kind of redefine myself. I would just become like a spot up like a, or maybe I'll just be like a bruiser. Yeah. Maybe you get fat.

I'll try and shake Kendrick Perkins tight. Yeah. I would definitely put on some weight so that I could disguise the fact that my lungs were shot. Mm-hmm. That's a good call. And then, yeah, it would just be like,

oh, you know, he's just being for sure now. Mm-hmm. You know, I would sit on the end of bench and like, if anybody, I would just go try to sign with like a, like, you know, one of the top teams and just be like, yo, if like anybody messes with you guys, like, let me know, I'll check in. You know.

I like that. And that, just knowing that that never happens in the NBA, there's no such thing as an enforcer. Yeah. Except for actually, you know, the last enforcer, do you guys know who it is in the NBA left? Charles Oakley. Mm-hmm.

I feel like he gets something like that. No, no, no, no, like left playing, like left playing. Like actually, we were on a team last year. Who is it? Eudonis Haslam. Ooh, good call. Yes, that is, you don't fuck with Eudonis. That's absolutely right.

No. So. All right, my last trade is going to be the movie, The Matrix. They traded Keanu Reeves and Nick Cage was supposed to be Neo. And that is maybe the worst trade ever. That would have been so amazing getting Nick Cage.

I mean, and also I could have thrown in Nick Cage being... Forrest Gump. No, what's his name? Jeff Bridget, no, Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. He was supposed to be with Jim Carrey. Oh, damn it. It would have been amazing. I thought you were gonna say the big short.

Oh yeah, that was a bad trade. That was a bad book. Oh yeah, I read the book. Yeah, the book was better. No big deal in the movie. It's like, whatever. I just read a book. Oh, the big short just says trading.

Yeah. I get it, Hank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the book, I did read the book. Yeah. Yeah, so credit to me. All right, PFT, your last one. So my worst trade of all time, probably.

I know this is my fourth, but it's really the worst. Was the Chicago Bears getting Jay Cutler? Mm, disagree. Really bad trade. He has terrible trade. Every record, every record bears passing record. Nah, he won a playoff game. Didn't, no, he never got through Super Bowl.

He won a playoff game. He got just his shit pumped by Aaron Rodgers again and again and time and time and time again. He holds, Jay Cutler, worst trade of all time to the Chicago Bears. He holds every passing record. So.

And the illustrious history of Chicago Bears quarterback. I'm not saying, I'm not talking about the past. The past is for cowards and losers. All right, Blake, go with your last one. Well, okay. I had two sports. One was Babe Ruth and one was a Kobe Bryant. So my backup.

Don't you get forgot thanking me. Let's see. Now don't you, now also don't you feel like you draft, your draft strategy was pretty poor when you went with the Bitcoin first? Egg on my face, guys. Egg on my face. I feel like an idiot.

Hank, let me just stop this right now and say I'm really sorry. Wow. Thank you for apologizing to Hank. That is so big of you. I was great. I was never expecting to hear that on the show. Yes.

A humbled man, I come before you. You had better strategy than I did. You came in prepared. Thank you. That's why I dominate Mount Rushmore's year and then year up. Okay. All right, back to mine. Anyways, there was a company called Excite.

They were like the second biggest search engine. This is more of a failed trade. Okay. They were the second biggest search engine in 1999 behind Yahoo and the Google founders offered to sell Google to Excite for $1 million. Excite turned it down, then they lowered it to $750,000 and Excite still passed it up.

Wow. And now Google's doing pretty good today. So it wasn't actually a trade, but they turned it down and could have had it. That's taken ahead. I think Google's valued now, I think, over $750,000. Do you know why they're valued so high though? It's because they technically have ransom on every single person,

or blackmail on every single person in America that's ever used in product. They, at a moment's notice, they can release your search history. So I would personally pay $750,000 right now to Google to not release my search history. I always thought that would be like a fun game show. Like you go on and then you just relinquish all privacy and people just get to go through your search history.

Oh yeah, real fun. You get a chance to explain, but if you don't explain well the first time, like, bam, you're done. Mm-hmm. That sounds, oh, it sounds like a blast. I'm just calling it. At some point in the next five years, there's going to be a massive, massive data dump

of like a presidential candidate's search history. And it is going to be amazing and I'm excited for it. Yeah, it'll be fun. Well, all right, so what would be your worst search history? Like what would you be most, let's play the game real quick to wrap it up, what would be the worst? The worst thing they could find? Like, maybe not the worst worst,

like I'm not talking about, don't do the bestiality shit you've gotten into recently, but like, so. Like one that's hard to explain. Yeah, like I, okay, I'll start, I'll start, I'll start. Like yeah. I'm an animal lover. You know what, Sarah J's past her prime,

but every now and then, yeah, we take a little, you know, Google search for it. Take a spin. Yeah, right, so I probably have to explain that. Yeah, like she's a porn star over 40. That's fucking weird, big cat. Sorry, okay, sorry. There's memories there.

Mine would probably be jumping back to Jay Cutler, a lot of the Jay Cutler bodybuilder searches. Oh, that's a cop out. I've seen, I've seen a lot of pictures of that guy. That's a cop out, come on. Searching for Jay Cutler is a bad, is your worst? As bad as it gets for me. Okay.

Wow. When you live life in the fast lane like me, you don't need to go to the internet to try to fill all those voids, you know? I've seen enough with these two eyes. I don't know if, I mean, there's obviously some shit we won't get into, but I feel like my stuff is just like basic,

like life things that I just don't know. Yeah. Like how to do your taxes, like how to, I don't even know, let's see. How do your taxes work, by the way? Oh, ooh, that's a good question. We got a Blake Messy on our hands over here. Yeah, so you pay money, unless you do charity,

if you do charity, it's actually a cop out because then you don't have to pay taxes as we've learned from Chris Long. You just pay charity to the United States government and then they give you a weapon. Yeah. I googled how to boil eggs recently. That's pretty good.

I've done that before. Yeah, that's pretty good. What about you, Blake? What's the thing that would be like, oh, how do I explain that? Like what neighborhoods in Detroit are most like LA? I think the worst thing, well, actually, recently I remember talking to somebody.

The worst thing I have in my Google search right now, probably within the past week, is LeBron James shirtless. And I don't know if I can explain. I was having a conversation, trying to explain that LeBron's a big, strong guy, but I feel like people think he's just jacked from head to toe. And I feel like he's got big shoulders.

He's got the prototypical NBA body, a smaller chest, like skinny waist, and big arms. Yeah. Obviously, strong legs. Powerglass. And I was trying to explain that to somebody. And then I Google searched LeBron James shirtless. And then I went down this entire rabbit hole of him

without shirts on. He has a picture of him and Kevin Durant and his tights. It's a weird thing to admit, but that's like one of those things that I would really have a hard time explaining if somebody was like, why did you Google search LeBron James without a shirt? Yeah. Like, be honest, have you ever put yourself

into the ESPN trade machine? I don't think I have. I haven't done the trade machine. OK, be honest with this. When you Google search LeBron James shirtless, did you wind up at the picture when he showed everyone the world his dick? No, I didn't.

But I did see that. I did see that. People forget that. People forget that we saw his dick. Was that in the playoffs? I think it was. Yeah, I think it was. Yeah, it was on national TV.

It was great. What did you have for your honorable mentions, guys? I had Spain and Portugal at one point in history split up the earth, but they didn't. They split it like right down the middle, but they didn't realize that basically all of Asia existed. So they split it down the middle, and then when you look at it, when you zoom out,

Spain got like 90% of the earth. Portugal got like the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Pretty bad trade. I had domestic trade on my honorable mention, but I went with international. Oh, OK.

OK, so you just don't like trade. You just don't like it no matter what. OK. I had Werner von Braun. We got Werner von Braun from Germany at the end of World War II in exchange for not prosecuting him for being a Nazi, and then he sent us to the moon.

Yeah. He built that rocket. That's a pretty good trade. Yeah. I also put in when you ever try to, whenever you are trading in your car to the dealership, you'll always get a worse deal. Yeah.

You've got to try to sell that. You sell that independently. Yeah, sell it on your own. It takes a little bit more time, but guess what? You take it in the dealership. They're going to give you about 60% of what it's worth. Yeah, yeah. If you're trading in your Kia, are you still Kia guy?

No, I'm not Kia anymore, man. I moved on. Nobody trades in a Kia, though. That's the thing. Yeah, it's true. You keep that thing for life. You keep it forever. No, no, no.

You just jump over as it gets old. You know, they used to tell me, like, yeah, we actually had to shut down some of our service centers because the cars just weren't breaking down. That's such a lie. Yeah, no, it's true. I used to sell cars for me. We said that about every single model.

Yeah. You just couldn't keep up with how good the cars were. I mean, it sounds awesome. They're like, oh, my gosh. All right, Blake, thank you. Congratulations. So I get to say my honor. Oh, yeah, if you got them.

Yeah, yeah, I thought you were tapped out. My goodness. You seem tapped out. No, I've got tons. My other sportsman was going to be Bill Russell. He believes he's traded to Boston from St. Louis for like two guys. Obviously, Bill Russell went on to win 11 championships.

The goat. St. Louis probably could eat. St. Louis could have used like three or four or five, you know? Yeah. They could have borrowed some. Do they have any championships, St. Louis? I don't think so. Not the blues.

Cardinals have a couple. Yeah, Cardinals have a few. We don't have them. Maybe like one or two. Yeah, they stole them, though, so asterisks. Yeah, that's it. OK, so oh, so you had one on a bunch. Yeah, you had a lot of honorable mentions there.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I mean, like I said, Kobe was going to be one. Babe Ruth was going to be one. I tried to go historical with the other ones. Yeah. All right, do you have anything else? Any other, I mean, you haven't been in the news, you know, like on the beach or anything in a long time.

What's what's going on? I'm laying low, man. Laying low, really taking a look at myself. I think it's a 2018 summer, the summer of reflection for me. So I'm staying out of the tabloids. Yep. Do you find that it's harder to stay out of the tabloids in Detroit or easier?

I think it's harder to stay out of the tabloids in Detroit. Yeah, you stick out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't been in them in a long time, like no one's mentioning you. Yeah, no, I've been, listen, I'm a low-key guy. You know, I fly under the radar and, you know, that's how I like to keep it.

I'm staying off the grid. Summer of staying off the grid is what I'll change it to now. I like that. I like that. All right, Blake, we're going to send you your Mount Rushmore shirt. It will be there when you get your recurring get. Well, the problem is you moved.

So we got, the package said that it got delivered and you weren't known as there to sign for it. So now we've got to send it to Detroit. Yeah, so, sorry. Well, Detroit's closer than New York, at least. Well, it's got to come all the way back. And then it's at the facility. And then also time zones, so it technically

has to go into the past to get here. So you're looking at another six, eight months maybe. Yeah, but you'll get there. You'll get there. You'll get there. Hopefully you'll still be in Detroit. Is it being sent back on foot as well? Yes.

It's actually a guy wearing it. So you're probably going to want to wash it when you get your shirt. Well, of course I'll wash it. All right, that's fine. That's fine. I'll send you guys my new address. And top of 2019, I'll look for it.

Yeah, OK. All right, Blake. Thanks, Blake. Thank you. Appreciate it. And congrats again. Thank you guys. Thank you so much.

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All right, let's get to some segments. Also, shout out our dads. Father's Day. Yeah, shout out our dads. I think they all listen. Shout out them. Shout out Mike Florio, too. Yeah, Mike Florio.

Internet dad. Yeah, and Robbie Lang, also internet dad. I was telling you guys, I had a great convo with my dad, and then he hung up right as I said, I love you, dad. And then he taxed me, he was like, what'd you say? Nothing, I was talking about sports. Don't worry, that was my one time a year where I can do my feelings.

You missed it. I got my dad a bunch of shirts from the barstool store, and they were all the wrong size. OK, well, guess what? Guess what's good? Too small. Good news, Hank. Good news?

Well, I mean, the Taco Bell King. It just means Taco Bell's delicious, right? Delicious, right. You never trust a skinny cook. That's what they say. Good news, Hank, is you can always return your shirts if they don't fit, right? And you should check out all the new Pardon My Take shirts

at the Barstool Sports Store and Fanny Packs. Hank's got a Fanny Pack on right now. It's awesome. You can, we put a bunch of new gear, and I think do we have stealth car sticks? No, we're sold out of car sticks. Ha, ha, you should have had one. Should have gotten one.

All right, you know what? Fanny means something totally different down in Australia. Yeah. If you decided to meet me through Day of the Dead, well, you're putting a pick on your vagina. It's ridiculous. Well, we went for Fanny Packs of Deli. OK.

Have you talked to Deli recently? I have. Yeah. How's he doing? He's doing good. He's partnering up with a new exciting company that I'm sure you'll hear all about soon. Ooh.

Yeah. What, Nike? No, not Nike. It's a NAP. Deli's got a NAP coming out. Jesus Christ, I cannot wait for that. OK, all right, those little breaking news right there. All right, our first segment, we have Ass in the Jackpot.

So we have Kawhi Leonard's ass is in Stephen A. Smith's Jackpot, which, as we know from Stephen A. Smith, that means your ass is getting eaten. Yeah. I mean, yeah, Stephen A. Smith is looking at his own jackpot like, damn, how many beers? Yes. Damn.

But Stephen A. Smith, let's play the clip. Kawhi Leonard, if you're listening, here's the deal. Do me a favor. Stop. Just stop it. You want to go to Los Angeles. That's it. I am so sick and tired of folks walking around.

I mean, just no heart. No heart. What are you scared about? What are you scared about? Kawhi Leonard doesn't want to be in San Antonio anymore. The Riverwalk is not enough for him. He prefers Rodeo and Malrose and Wilshire and then his beach. That's what he prefers.

LA Live, downtown, Staples Center. That's what he prefers. He doesn't care if there's no state income taxes in Texas. He wants out because he wants to be in LA. You don't have to sit up there and come up with excuses. Oh, they were upset at me because I went and got a second opinion. They paid you $20 million and you played nine games. You should be upset at you.

So why couldn't they be? Stop it. Stephen A. Smith, not happy. Is that what he prefers? Rodeo Drive. The Riverwalk is not enough for him. That was all time Stephen A. Smith. They actually have Rodeo in San Antonio, too.

They just pronounced it correctly. They call it a rodeo. Yeah, rodeo. Stephen A. Smith, though, he's personally offended that Kauai Leonard just not want to play for the San Antonio Spurs. Is that what he's upset about? Or is he telling San Antonio your city's not good enough for Kauai? No, I think he's outgrew your city.

You're a loser, Kauai, for sitting out this long and now demanding a trade, which I think, yeah, I think the Spurs ass is in the jackpot because Kauai wants out. Yeah. So, OK, so the city of San Antonio is collective ass. And as we know from Charles Berkeley, that's a big sweaty ass. Big swampy ass. So the entire district is inside one jackpot. And then Kauai, Kauai's ass is not in the jackpot.

Kauai is about to hit the jackpot in LA. Yes. So big shot Hollywood Kauai. You think he's going to be a movie star? Yeah, probably. He's that type of charisma? Come on. Jumps off the screen.

He could be probably the second guy killed in a Taken movie. Do you think Kauai Leonard, like all the reports are that Kauai Leonard is upset that he doesn't have a big shoe deal and like isn't considered a big start? Do you think Kauai Leonard, like someone in Kauai's group is like Kauai? Like they're just not letting you your like personality show, dude. Like you're funny, man. You're fucking, you know, if your charisma is so infectious. If you weren't just under the oppressive Popovich regime,

and you could just totally let your personality show out in LA. He's going to go to LA and just give canned answers. Like, oh, yeah, Kauai's still a dud. Kauai's not out here. Great player, dud. Yeah, are we lending any credence to the idea that Kauai is a conservative and that Popovich's liberal takes have alienated him? You squatted on that.

I don't hate it. We were privy to a picture that I wasn't allowed to tweet. I showed you guys. It was Pop and Kauai sitting at a restaurant and Pop was very upset. He looked like a dad that was being told that your son wants to move to LA to be part of the thought to Raj. So the idea is he's going to go to LA. It's going to be him, maybe LeBron, and maybe PG, and Jello, and how many balls? One ball, two, still one ball.

No, there's two, because Jello, well, yeah. Well, three balls then, because I'm talking about like there's just one ball, but actually out there, there are three balls. My favorite part about NBA free agency and, you know, the Kauai like demanding a trade is that whenever someone puts together like, okay, so now LeBron, Kauai, and Paul George are going to go to the Lakers, you get everyone saying, well, they're going to beat everyone easily. Like Mike Greenberg is like, it's not even close. This is the best team in the league.

Like, I don't know. Maybe I'll take the team that just won three out of four championships and plays as a team instead of just like mishmashing a bunch of guys together and hoping that it works. Well, we also don't know if KD is coming back. True. So there's that. True. Yeah, I mean, it's probably going to take a year or two for those guys to jail

if they get together, right? Yes. And I'm not buying the idea that LeBron wants to play in the West. I think that it's still very, LeBron's like claim to fame is that he always makes the finals. Yes. And that's very much his claim to fame is losing finals. Very much in jeopardy. It would break his heart if he couldn't lose the finals.

He's working on that double digits to bring it full circle. I'm just going to say right now we're going to cross off New York City for Kauai Leonard because you don't come to Stephen A. Smith City after he gives you that kind of that kind of speech. It's over. That's like Phil Jackson knows you don't want Stephen A. Smith to open that ass unless you're a Latina. He loves a Latina city.

That was no secret either. They don't love him back, though. That's what he said. He's like, I wish they loved me back. Like, OK, that's the saddest love story. Unrequited love. Is this Stephen A. Smith's like next chapter of his career just talking about how horny he is all the time.

I'm telling you, he's trying to get fired so you can go reunite with Skip Bayless. He's pissed off that Kauai Leonard pulled his move before he had a chance to pull his move and go out to LA. He needs to have a quad injury from having so much sex and just sit out on the sidelines. Stephen A. Smith Broadway, is it big enough for you? That's what you prefer. All right. We have a herder injured for all of the World Cup players.

So every single one of them. It's flop season, which I like soccer, but if you mentioned flopping, like that's the one thing that I think soccer fans, like diehard soccer fans, they have no answer to. And it's great to watch them squirm or flop. Yeah. So, I mean, there's a very easy way to get rid of this, which is just like give a yellow card immediately. Yeah.

Make it video-reviewable. By the way, soccer has perfected the video review. It's awesome. Yeah. The guy just walks right to the sideline. They're in, they're out in like 30 seconds. Yeah. Yeah.

It is perfect. Like the amount of time that they spend on it as opposed to football, but just give a yellow card to the first guy that does it, like make a point to card a guy for flopping the first two minutes. Yes. And then it'll probably take care of itself. That actually is why Alexi Lallis was mad. I forgot what he was mad about.

He was mad because Switzerland played like the bad boy Pistons defense on Neymar. And he was, this is ruining the game. They're just like, oh yeah, Neymar's really good. But if we just kind of hit him a couple of times, he probably will just get injured. Either that or you say at the start of every game, we're going to give your team collectively 10 rolls. So when you hit the ground, you're allowed to roll over 10 times. And there's going to be like a bonus clock that ticks down every single roll that your

team does to embellish foul. Yes. You get 10 and then after 10, you're not allowed to roll at all. I wish that soccer, if they could fix soccer, it would just make it first to three. How much more fun would it be? Wow. Yeah. Think about it.

I'm in. Yeah. Just first to three goals. Because that's the worst part. Again, I am a soccer fan. The worst part about soccer is when the inferior team goes up and then the rest of the game is ruined. They just like, all right, we're just going to put everywhere, we're going to park the

bus. They put 12 guys in the box. Yeah. Right. Oh. Stephen A. Smith. Tell us. Yeah.

I mean, the thing about Mexico, their defense was, they kind of played that way, but they're two strikers and they're like attacking midfielder and their striker were good enough that they could still play like nine guys in the box and then have a really awesome counterattack. The counterattack. Yeah. They were an awesome team to watch. Yes. Mexico might be my second team now.

Oh. I think Landon Donovan, he persuaded me. Wow. That's right. Doesn't mean anything to you. We also have sticking on soccer because it's the only sport going on, well, baseball's going on, but baseball needs to get to the All Star before we start being like baseball. Also golf.

Also golf. The German newspaper that said, today we build the wall for Mexico. Whoops. Bad visual. I mean, if there's anything. You've got to win that game. If there's anything the Germans know, it's how to construct a wall that'll stay up for, you know, hundreds and hundreds of years.

Yes. You've got to win that game. You've got to win that game when you say you're going to build that wall. Yeah. If I'm the Mexican newspaper, my front page is just going to be the Berlin Wall, with like that guy slamming a sledgehammer through it and then David Hasselhoff performing on top of it or whatever. Yes.

Chicharito. Just sitting, just like fucking the wall, the Berlin Wall. How about that wall? You don't call him the little green pea for nothing. Yeah. Do they? That's what Chicharito means. That's awesome.

Hey, awesome name. Yeah. All right. Last up, we have a Trouble in Paradise. I don't think the Todd Haley, Ben Rothsberger situation is going to work out. You know what? I was optimistic because those two guys, they seem like they get along so well. So Todd Haley said, he works for the Browns now because Ben Rothsberger said that he

was going to retire if Todd Haley, if he had to look at Todd Haley one more time. I think it's more smell. Yeah. If you just smell, catch a whiff. Yeah. A little gin. Yeah. Todd Haley said, Browns may have the best QB room he's ever worked with.

So not the guy who won two soup bowls. It's the Browns, the known for, the Browns franchise, known for quarterbacks. Todd Haley. No. He's not mad at all. He's laughing about how this all worked out. He likes this new situation. Who wouldn't want to coach the Browns quarterbacks?

That's a bucket list thing to do right there. He did say the QB room, so maybe he just meant the actual room. True. Good point. Nice carpet. Yeah. Lighting. Yeah.

It doesn't smell like any one thing too badly because there's been so much turnover. So it's not like you have that musk of Johnny Manziel sticking around, you don't have the musk of Josh MacCown. You have Ben's walking booth sticking up the corner. Yeah. It's a very transient room. That's true. It's like a hotel room.

That's a good point. And hotel rooms always smell way better than people's houses. Yes. That's absolutely true. Although every now and then you get that hotel room that doesn't smell good, and it's maybe the most disgusting thing. A little moldy. Yeah.

Just like, you get that whiff and you're like, oof, someone died in here at some point. I think it was very clearly just Todd Haley sending a shot at Big Ben. Yeah. And we're all like, okay Todd, we know that you're a dickhead and an asshole to work with. We didn't have to do that. So Todd's going to definitely keep updating like his Instagram with pictures of him with his new quarterbacks.

Yeah. I'm so happy right now. I mean, think about it. Todd Haley is so detestable. He makes Ben Rothsburg a sympathetic figure. That's incredible. That is quite a skill. That is quite a skill.

Quite a skill. Shout out Todd Haley. All right. That's our show. Wednesday, we have Mount Rushmore recurring guest continues. We have three. Someone predicted it correctly. We've already sent the shirts.

There was one person predicted correctly. A lot of people got four out of five. So we will reveal the three Mount Rushmore recurring guests to actually, you know, the third, fourth, and fifth on the Mount Rushmore on Wednesday. We'll see you. Love you guys.