Pardon My Take - Blake Bortles, Eli’s Last Game + Patriots SpyGate 2

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

Eli's last stand on MNF was everything we wanted. The Eagles are sad but holding on. (2:04-13:16) Patriots spygate 2 even though we can't fully muster up the ability to care. (13:17-22:48) Hot Seat/Cool Throne. (22:49-36:36)Blake Bortles joins the show to do the Wikipedia on footspeed, check in on how the season is going and talk about his memories from the greatest rivalry in sports Civil ConFLiCT. (39:10-1:04:32) Segments include the finalists for the Lowman trophy award,(1:08:58-1:11:08) bad visual Lane Kiffin's face (1:11:09-1:14:48) and guys on chicks (1:14:49-1:23:28)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, Eli Manning swan song. We recap Monday Night Football, we talk Patriots filming the Bengals, we have Hot Seat Cool Throne and one of our favorite guests of all time, Blake Bortles is back, Wikipedia Club is back. It is all brought to you by the Cash App, Cash App is the simplest way to send and save

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betting against the bears for Bad Beats Monday, you shouldn't have done that, check your Cash App account because we're hooking you up with some free cash and of course, when you download the Cash App and enter the referral code BARSTOOL, you'll now receive $10 and the Cash App will now send $10 to ASPCA, download the Cash App from the App Store or Google Play Store today. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App, go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL for $10 off and use code BARSTOOL for $10 to ASPCA, help some animals. Today is Wednesday, December 11th, Eli, I miss you Eli, that was such an Eli game. It was as close to having your funeral while you're still alive as you could get for Eli

because he had his wife there, he had Peyton there, his wife swore out, his wife pulled a Marlins man and said that's the one place I will not travel is Philadelphia and she said you know what, for my sweet darling Eli's last game, I will be there so Eli got to see all of his family, got to see how much we love him, how much we're going to miss him and so now they just have to put him down like old yellow, right? And in the first half, whatever shot they gave Eli before the game, whatever HGH shot Peyton put in his ass before the game, it worked. His wife put in Eli's ass.

Well Peyton's wife. Peyton's wife put in Eli's ass. He was good in the first half and everyone's like oh my god Eli, two touchdowns, 170 yards and then it was back to self sack Eli and there was one where he, it actually looked like he was playing one hand touch in the backyard for like a turkey bowl where it's like you have various, you know, you have like a 50 year old playing and a six year old playing so like let's play one hand touch, everyone take it slow. He had one of those self sacks.

He had, yeah, where he dove off one foot. To me that looked like, that was the first time that I've ever really seen Eli in a game where when he falls down, when he gets tackled, it's like when you're watching your 55 year old uncle fall down, everyone's like oh my god, is he okay? That looked really bad. Yeah, oh that's a hip. Yeah, that's a hip. He's going to be out for the rest of the evening.

Yeah. Eli, he played well. I actually thought he had some zip on the ball in the second half too. His receiver dropped that slant on the game winning drive. Now what sucks is now Eli's 116 and 117. So you got to play him again, right? 124 and 121 if you count the playoffs. Okay, yeah.

You got to play him again though. You have to play him again. You've got to give him a shot to get back to 117, 117. It was nice to see him out there at the other side of the story unless you have anything else about our sweet boy. No, I was just excited to see him. I was excited for the shots up in the suite and you are right. You called that flea flicker.

Yep, nailed it right off the bat. Booger had not his best game. That clip where he was explaining how the flea flicker was a bad call because the defense will stay back on third and long and as he's saying it, he's every single defensive back bit as hard as possible on it. That was and Booger actually had to stop talking because he's like, oh, shit. I think what we're watching is totally different from what I'm saying in that circumstance. Booger was right.

Yeah, but he was also wrong. He was right because for a normal quarterback, you wouldn't bite on that running play. For Pat Shermer, coaching Eli Manning, you're like, yeah, he's probably going to hand the ball off. If that's Friday Kitchens and it's fourth and long, you will bite on a play action fake. The good news for Booger is after that mistake, he did have the clip where he said, this guy is probably thinking, how did he come inside me? So that was that kind of supplanted the other one twice.

Yeah, double cream pie. Just try to figure that out, Boog. I think we're rooting for you, man. That was it was a good way to get the discussion moving on to the next topic. There are two ways you can do that. One unintentionally say like this guy just came inside this other guy. Mm hmm. Twice.

Yeah. The other way would be to just draw an accidental telestrator, telestrator penis. Or fart. Or fart. I don't think that we've had a telestrator penis this year. Yeah. I think guys are probably they're wise to it. They know not to make that mistake.

Yeah. On Madness, he's never had a lesson in telestrating. He just goes on the flow. But now people, the up and comers probably get trained in how to not telestrate phallic objects. I think also the people that are on the telestrator right now grew up in a world where everything kind of looks like a dick on the telestrator. It's like a Rorschach test, the ink blot thing, where you see what you want to see.

And after coming up, you know, the last 25 years, I'd say of telestrators being on these prime time games, people who are in the booth now have been trained to look for other guys telestrator penises. Correct. So you were saying the other side of the ball, the Eagles, the season from hell for them, Lane Johnson goes down, Alshon Jeffery goes down, they somehow win. This is the NFC East is just a test in our strength of how much we love football. Because that game started last night and I was very excited for Eli Manning.

Once we got about seven minutes into the first quarter, I like, wait, this game is fucking terrible. The Eagles are bad. The beast, the NFC beast. The giants are really bad. That's the narrative that needs to be put out there. It's the beast is back. They just beat up on each other.

And so they're worn out by the time they play outside the division, just for really good teams. It was tough watching the Eagles. Their wide receiver situation got down to the point where it was like Josh McCown, who's going to come in and play wide receiver. And Reggie Wayne even said that he was a drunk at a bar right now and he could make the Eagles team. And I was like, yes, actually 100% you could.

I'm surprised that Chad Otrosinko hasn't gone and tried out. There were two big misses. Chad Otrosinko didn't jump on this moment and Fred X didn't chime in. Fred X. Freddie Mitchell. You can usually count on Freddie Mitchell to insert himself into whatever Eagles wide receiver narrative is going on right now. True.

And I checked his Twitter. He hasn't tweeted in five days. Oh no. And Freddie is a guy that will show up around Philadelphia all the time. Someone checked on Fred X. We need like the Otis Nixon ABP from last year. Let me know that Fred X is still alive. Yeah.

TO2. TO, where are you at, man? No, still thinks he can get out there and play. So it's it's a bad situation for the Eagles. I still would probably take them to win the division because they have a home game against the Cowboys and they don't play. They play the Redskins and they play the Giants. So it's the Cowboys sandwiched in between two of those games.

Now you're saying to yourself, they just barely beat the Giants and they just lost the Dolphins. So there is no sure when for the Eagles. But if you had to ask me right now to put money on it, I think I'd still take the Eagles as bad as they've looked. Now, can the Eagles make it at six and ten or is it only the Cowboys? The Eagles? No, because I think the Eagles would have to win. They have to beat the Cowboys.

OK. They have to beat the Cowboys so they would have to then get their seventh win. But we could still get potentially the Cowboys in at six and ten. Yeah. That's what I'm hoping for. That's what I want. And I want the Cowboys to win a home playoff game. No, because the Cowboys are going to have to win that game, too.

I think someone's going to have to get seven wins. I'm going to consult. Someone's going to have to get seven. This is another thing where we've wasted so much time on the NFC East, not saying it's a bad thing. It's just they've trapped us. We are we are trapped in the quagmire of the NFC East thinking about it, watching it, talking about it.

They've done it to us. It's it's the aristocrats. It is interesting, though. It's an interesting situation that they found themselves in. Yeah. And yeah, all the teams suck. Everybody sucks in that division. Did you hear your guy, the new Greeny rule that he threw out there?

Maybe the only time Greeny's had a rule that made sense. Be careful, Chef. OK, so he he said, sorry, outside of the time, he said that he eats his grapes with the fork. That also makes sense because you don't want to squish them and what if there's a spider in them? You don't know anything about Greeny. He doesn't eat his fork. He doesn't eat his grapes with a fork and knife.

He eats his grapes in three bites. Got it. So he bites one half and then he eats the flesh out of the skin. The beta rules get confusing and then the chaser is the skin of the grape. Yeah, they get confusing. So Greeny said that the they not recede, but home field advantage should be by best record. Yeah. So the Cowboys or the Eagles, whoever wins the NFC East should not get a home playoff

game. I actually disagree. It makes perfect sense. But why would you take away the stupid like there are some rules that are out there that make no logical sense that I like that they make no sense? Do you know what I mean? I like the fact that the Eagles could win the division at seven and nine and host a playoff game simply because we get to sit here and say, that's not fair.

It gives us fodder. It does. It does give us something to talk about. Greeny's trying to take away like the inequalities in the world when sometimes the inequalities is what gets us through shows. Now, didn't didn't the Eagles play a playoff game against a seven and nine team at some point? I feel like maybe the Saints a couple years ago.

Saints did with the Beast Quake. Yeah. That was in Seattle. Yeah. I don't know who the Panthers did when they went seven, eight and one in Ron Rivera. And they're still so funny. Ron Rivera got in front of everyone and said, I want back to back to back division titles. Just forgetting the fact that the third, the middle one was seven, eight and one where

it was a comedy of errors to win that division. But I like forever. I like that that that it makes no sense. I like that if you win your division, you get a home playoff game. Even if you're a terrible team, it just seems like one of those rules I don't want changed. And you can tell me the opposite and all the facts and logic stack up against me. But I'll just put up my hand and say, you know what, sometimes life isn't fair. I kind of like it this way.

I agree with the fact that it's it's more fair. It's more interesting. I know it's not more interesting. It's more fair to give the home playoff games to the team from the NFC West that are going to just be, you know, obviously able to pummel a team from the NFC East. But if there's a home game and like the Cowboys win, the Eagles win, now I could see the Eagles getting hot. They're always to me, the Eagles are all I know they suck.

I know they suck. No, I'm falling into the trap of what they've done the last two years. I agree with you. But I could see them just like going on a run right now. We do this all the time with teams because our our brains can't adapt to change. And when a team does well, when a team wins a championship, we talk about all the time with college football. When a team team changes their style of play, it's hard for us to adjust in the moment.

So I'm watching that Eagles game last night and I'm thinking the same thing where the Super Bowl Eagles are going to come out at some point. It's the same guy has to like they are eventually going to everything's going to click and they're going to they're going to flip the switch and they're going to be great again. I also love Eagles fans just totally going in on fire, Doug, fire, howie, fire, wintz, fire, everyone, everyone in the third quarter. They're like, get Doug's ass out of Philadelphia. Grace period.

This guy cannot get it done. Yeah. And it's like, no, Doug's probably going to stick around for a while. But then by the end of the game, they won. Now Eagles fans are happy again. I love you. This is a statue. Doesn't Doug have a statue?

Isn't it falls in Doug Peterson? It's just his visor dipped in bronze. I know. I think it is. Isn't it the two of them calling Philly Philly? I'm pretty sure that's a statue. There's a full statue of it already. I know.

Falls has a statue. I just don't know if it's Doug Peterson and falls standing outside. I'm pretty sure it is. I don't think the state of Pennsylvania could stand taking down two statues of a head coach. No, no. Joe Puzz. Joe Puzz records still count. 409.

Not. Yes, it is. It's Doug Peterson and Nick. They got a statue. Yeah. The statue outside the stadium. That's forever. Yeah.

Tell you what? Bring. Why don't you bring falls back? I mean, you'll have that chance. You will have that chance. I think a lot of these Eagles fans would be into that. Yeah, absolutely. Okay.

Here's the news from the NFL. The Patriots have caught themselves in a little situation again. Now for anyone who's living under a rock, it essentially goes like this. The Patriots have a documentary piece that they do. It's called Do Your Job. It's gets into inside everyone's job inside the Patriots facility. So it will be the equipment manager, the tape guy. And apparently they had a episode where it was about a scout and advanced scouting.

So they had a interview in Cleveland for the Bengals Browns game. And how the story goes is that they did the video for the Do Your Job. And then apparently the videographer stayed there taping the Bengals sideline. Independent contractor. Independent contractor. Mind you. And then when someone from the Bengals watched as he just taped the sideline for the whole first quarter, then when he was asked what was going on, he said, I would like to just

can we just delete the footage and forget this happened? Maybe my friend Mr. Washington or Mr. Lincoln will change your mind. He slips him a nice finski, go our separate ways. I'm shocked that they did it to the Bengals. That's weird. Now that tells me if you're taping the Bengals, you're probably taping everyone. Well, Hank, do you want to defend or do you want me to throw out the theory that our good friend Adam Farone had earlier in the day, which I think is spot on?

Which would you like first? You theory first. So Ron, who everyone knows is Angela Palantoni on this show had this theory and I think it's spot on. He says that the Patriots do best when it is the Patriots versus the world. Of course. And this entire setup, the fact that it was so blatantly obvious, the fact that they're videotaping something that you can't even videotape because it's radio calls.

He thinks that this was specifically ordered by Bill Belichick to have it become a controversy. So then he can then reverse it and use it as a rallying cry. That's what I said. That's the Patriots problem. Yes. The theory is that Belichick wants people mad at him. And he's sick of people saying that this is the worst team that he's had and, well, the offense can't get it done.

Taping the Bengals would either be the dumbest thing that he's ever done or the smartest thing that he's ever done if he's trying to get some bulletin board material. But I don't even think they were doing it. I don't think they were doing anything wrong. I think they were doing it just to get some motivation in the end of the season in December and get maybe the narrative off of Tom Brady in the offensive line and the wide receivers. Hank, your thoughts. My other thoughts are clearly in the statement, they stated that it was an independent contractor.

So it wasn't like a team employee. And as, you know, when you get hired as an independent contractor and, you know, you're done filming, but you're in the press box, you want to look busy. Like everyone, no one wants to be the guy that's like, what is that guy doing? He's just sitting with his thumb up his ass. We paid him. For what? Got it.

He is filming stuff just to be like, Oh, what is that guy doing? Oh, I'm filming. I'm doing my job for his own, your job for his own private real. Well, yes. And he can show it later. Yeah. Right. And he just did, he wanted to look busy.

He didn't want to look like he was doing nothing and he didn't realize the consequence of his actions. Uh-huh. I like that because it's like Belichick has now discovered that by using independent contractors, he can get away with anything. It's like Uber, but for cheating, which is quite an innovation. Call someone up. Yeah.

He's basically not an employee, so I can't be responsible if he gets drunk and runs somebody over. That's, you know what? That's actually brilliant. It'd be brilliant if this is the lengths that the Patriots and Ernie Adams were willing to go to. Well, I'm, I'm going to sit here right now as a member of the media air quotes. Not really.

Uh, I will not engage. I will not give the fodder because that's what he's looking for. I feel like that's what he's looking for people to go on, get up and for to go on first take and be like the Patriots, the cheaters, the Patriots, the cheaters. Don't fall into that trap. I would say who cares now? Do you think that this was planned out specifically for the Bengals because they have a rookie head coach?

No. That would take the bait. No, it's even better. It's deeper than that. It's planned out for the Bengals because the Bengals are so bad. A lot of people are saying, why would you even have to tape the Bengals? And that's the point. If this was like the Ravens they were taping, then you would have to actually like media

members would actually have to get themselves up in a lather and cry foul. I would also say that maybe this is a case of the videographer just being a pervert. Just like trying to get upskirt shots, doing zoom ins on the coach's asses on the sidelines. I think it's time that we have a conversation about cameraman respecting boundaries when they're not on the clock. He technically wasn't on the clock, right Hank? Because he was finished with his interview that he did at the advanced scout. Yeah.

Well, he had to film and get B-roll and stuff. You never want to, yeah, you never want to, especially if you're an independent contractor, that's where it's like, if it's something to shoot with you guys, I know what I need to do, I know what I need to get, I have all that institutional knowledge. You do your job. When we hire outside contractors, they get extra stuff, they get extra B-roll because they don't necessarily know exactly what we need in the edit. So they're just making sure that they get more than enough so that they do their job

well because they probably, you know, it's the Patriots that want to do good for them. So this is a double whammy for you because as a Patriots fan you're like the Patriots in cheat and as a member of the video, you know, community, you're like, hey, this guy is being unfairly criticized. I would like to see this footage as well, just to see, you know, any good wrap up. For the B-roll. Yeah, for the B-roll. Yeah, for the B-roll.

Exactly. Interesting. So this actually is a dilemma for Roger Goodell right now because Goodell wishes that he did not have a copy of this tape. Goodell wishes. Does he have it? Well, no, he hasn't. Yeah, he hasn't.

I thought they deleted it. No, no. The crew immediately turned over all footage to the league and cooperated fully. Don't start those narratives. You know, Goodell has it and the Bengals have a copy too. So Goodell is in a bad, bad situation here because he would like to just forget all this and pretend that didn't happen. But if he doesn't punish the Patriots, the first thing the Bengals are going to do, they're

going to release that tape and then Goodell is going to look bad. So this is a no-win situation for him. See, what I still don't fundamentally understand here is that it's not like they're calling in plays from the sideline. It's radio. There are signals though. But the plays are still coming from the radio. The plays are coming in, but you can tape, you can figure out what different adjustments

that they've made. But they don't make signals that way that they do like in college. It's a little different. They're still hand signals, I'm told. So this is, I don't know, it's weird, man. This is exactly what this time of year needed right now. This actually, and then I put some pepper in my stuff. It's championship DPD.

It's the same thing as the Dolphins last year. It's like the deflate gate you need. It is true that it helps bring all the Patriots together, whereas everyone's coming at us, they're calling us cheaters, we need to go out and prove how good we are, and then we don't need any tape or any of that bullshit. On top of all these theories, maybe it was actually Brady who ordered this just so that Mike Florio would stop writing, Tom Brady's going to be the next Raiders quarterback or Tom Brady to the Chargers.

So basically- I haven't seen any of those headlines in the last two days. Cool off Florio. Yeah, Florio's hot takes were getting too hot. Get him on the legalities of taping people from the press box. Or maybe it was Brady that was doing this to frame Belichick so that Belichick would get fired because Brady and Belichick are sick of competing for who gets all the credit. Back to Seth Wickersack.

Yeah, yeah. Brady's sick of Belichick in all his winning ways. It's never a dull moment. That's all you got to say though. Isn't it hypocritical that ESPN is publicizing these reports when they videotape coaches on the sidelines all the time? During a game, half the shots are of the different coordinators being held back or doing signals. Wait, isn't there also a bunch of guys who worked at ESPN who then went back to the coaching

ranks? Wouldn't John Gruden have all the access to the tapes that ESPN taped on Monday Night Football through the years? They didn't change his login when he quit? No, it's still boob 69. No, John Gruden definitely doesn't know how to use a computer. It's still Hooters. Pass 123.

Yeah. John Gruden's technology experience is just like- He knows how to use the coach's clicker that's connected to an old school like actual projector. Yeah, John Gruden definitely does like password, like forgot your password and then it says sent an email to and it's like John69athotmail.com. He's like, fuck, I don't know what that, I don't even have access to that. Gruden definitely emails memes to like 20 people instead of retweeting. No, not emails, forwards the emailed meme.

Forward forward forward. He's a forward guy. Yeah. I think that's that. I think it's all pretty much nothing. I don't know. I can't get myself worked up about this because it just doesn't, it doesn't feel, I've been, I went through the deflate gate stuff, I fought with Dave endlessly for about a hundred rundown

straight. I was like, this is just not something. Until we see the tapes, I don't think that there's anything else that we can say about it right now. Yeah, so- You need to see those tapes. Also- Never a dull moment.

No, if you're going to a game and the Patriots are going to play that team next week, just bring your own phone, record the sideline, record the sideline and then send it to Belichick and Ernie Adams. Yeah. I'm sure they have, what is it, signal or whatever secure messaging, messaging system that reporters use? Telegram. Telegram.

Yeah. Onion. To our architecture. Slack, get in the slack. If you want to watch us, by the way, we're on part of my take, sorry, barstowgold.com slash PMT, barstowgold.com slash PMT. Let's do our hot seat cool thrones. Hank, why don't you start?

One of my hot seats, you can see this if you're watching barstowgold is- Good segue there. Me and we got, so we got the bench press in, I was building it yesterday and I was calling you. I. You got the bench, me got the bench press and doesn't work. I got the bench press, not me got the bench press. We, I said we.

Oh. Maybe. Me and Spider. But- Spider and I. Us. Spider and I was calling the guy mobile that sent us the bench press. They didn't send any instructions and the guy who was my contact there has not been

returning any calls. So it's like half set up and unless this guy calls me back, I don't know that we're going to get set up. I kind of like it not being set up. It's like we have the bench press and then people are like, why do you have a bench press? Yeah, it's not set up. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

That was one of my hot seats. My other one. We'll just do it until we get a guest who's a handyman and be like, hey, first question. Do you know how to set up a bench press? If we just, yeah, trap or silo in the studio and lock them in here within 15 minutes we'll be set up. Absolutely. My other hot seat is Phil Rivers is apparently not a humble guy whatsoever.

So there was that mic'd up clip. We all saw it. We'll put the audio here. 90 yard touchdown. 90 yard touchdown. I see him too. You see, I ain't talking. Stay humble, bro.

Stay humble, bro. I could be excited. Yeah. But don't do that. Buy my ear. Don't do it. Buy my ear. I will do it.

Buy my ear. I will do it. I will do it. I will do it. No, no, no. That's what I do. What's up? That's what I do.

I'll hide that you're out there to get it. 17. Just keep talking. One of the funnier mic'd up clips of all time. All time. The guy was heated. Like, stay humble. And even the ref, that was like, get the fuck out of here.

That was surprising, I thought. The ref just like, shoot him away. I thought the ref was saying, get that shit out of here. Yeah. Because he was yelling in Gokway's ear. He was just, 90 yard touchdown. 90 yard touchdown. And then it feels like, yeah, I'm just going to, I'll yell it.

I can. Yeah, I was like, stay humble. Fuck you. I'm just going to yell it. Not fuck you, but. Listen, it was his birthday. It was his birthday. It's not, Phil Rivers doesn't have many games like this where he doesn't throw any interceptions

and actually looks good. I love this. Phil Rivers, you can tell too, because the fact that he was tattled on, when someone gets tattled on like that, you know that they're really annoying. You know, because it's like, I can't do anything. He's so annoying. Phil Rivers is such an annoying winner. I have to tattle.

Yeah. The thing was, he was like, he was telling the people on the sidelines that he won't stop talking trash. Yeah. Because Phil Rivers was like, I'm not going to stop yelling it in your ear. That's what I do. That's what I do. That's what I do.

Such a great clip. And yeah, all of the Phil Rivers mic'd up. It's so frustrating to have a guy just talking shit to your face when he's not cussing. Right. You just want him to get me. Yeah. You need to reason to punch him in the face. Right.

He's just, he's just using words. He brings you to tattle. Yeah. It's so confusing because he's, he's looking aggressive and you know, he's like putting you down, but he's not actually saying anything mean to you. Right. Like a golden retriever trying to like bite your leg. He's like, what do I do?

You're too cute. I can't, I can't do anything with this. But yeah, Philip Rivers was, was so great in that clip. And the fact that they had him mic'd up after the play was over. That makes me think back to Mason Rudolph when they told us, oh sorry, NFL films, we turned the mics off after the plays so we don't have any of the audio from after the whistle blew. So it was a 90 yard touchdown.

So maybe that was still technically he was still running, but even, no, even when they were going off the field, 90 yard touchdown, if he was still, well, no, I mean, he knows where he is on the field and he probably know, like, and see that he's like got, you know, 20 yards left. But yeah, but he was going off the field. Keenan Allen was doing pirouettes and then they had in Gakway on the sidelines. Damn. Talking about, so interesting, you know, all right, cool throne.

This league, Paul George was back in Indiana last night and they were booing them. And then after the game, they're like, Oh, why, you know, does it affect you? Why? Why are they booing? Paul George. Yeah, I know, but they still, they got old depot from that. Right. And so Paul George's interview was like, Well, actually, one day I'm going to tell my side

of the story and the person you're really booing is still here talking about like the management, the GM stuff. He didn't say what it was and he didn't give any details whatsoever. But he was like, Oh, actually, you don't want to be booing me, Pacers fans. You want to be booing your like management. I want to say something, but I'm not going to say it. Right. The worst, the worst argument ever.

That's what you usually say when you have nothing. Yeah. Or you have something super, super mean that's just going to like ruin everyone's day. I don't know. I feel like that's the last, that's the last thing that you can say when you're totally beaten in an argument. It's like, well, I have something that could utterly destroy your argument, but I'm too nice.

So I'm not going to say it. Yeah. Okay. And my other cool throne was just fantasy playoff bad beats. I've seen a lot of them the past few days. It's that time of year. Damn. It all comes, all comes crumbling down.

I was starting Josh McCown, a wide receiver and I thought he was going to get, I need, just need two yards. Thoughts and prayers. That's the answer to the Dolphins kicker. Sanders is his name. Did he ruin anyone's fantasy league? There was one guy, but he, he stressed that the league he is in is AFC East plus Raiders only.

What the fuck? Yep. This is him and three other friends. You could ever imagine. It's a four person league. Oh, because you need a 15 for buys. Yeah. And he won it.

And he won it. So, uh, because of Sanders. So there's your answer. Yeah. All right. PFC. What do you got? Uh, my hot seat is Sean Payton's butcher.

Oh. So Sean Payton went to the grocery store and his butcher was giving him shit about going for two in the game. So he's like, Sean Payton was like, I told my butcher, you worry about running out of meat. I'll worry about coaching the football team. Classic. Classic.

Yeah. But the butcher obviously doesn't understand math. Right. He doesn't know that if you go for two the first time, you actually increase your chances of winning. Always. This is like stuff that we learned a long time ago. Yeah.

You know, it's always like. Last year. Either you're a math guy or not. It's really that simple. Yeah. It gives you a higher probability to win. Mm-hmm. So he said stick to groceries.

Uh. What does mean? Wait. That's what he said. Yeah. No, I know. That's mean though. Like I think a butcher like groceries is very, a butcher is very important.

Like, you know, that's a, that's a high level guy. He's got a, he's got to cut the neck of the, of the pigs and everything. Well, it's a, yeah, it's definitely a cut down. He's not your normal. He's not bagging groceries. Yeah. I know. But it's just.

He's killing animals. Yes. You know what? Saints fans should be one to talk because they were the ones that were putting paper or plastic bags over their faces for years and years and years there. He hates. Uh, my cool throne is Levy on Bell. So he didn't practice, or he didn't play on Sunday.

Turns out that he was bowling, which is just a cool thing to do. He had the flu, but he wasn't sick enough to not go bowling, which you don't really need to be held. Well, I just thought about this. If you're bowling with the flu, your fingers are going in all those balls. You're probably passing your germs around a little bit. Yep. Um, so maybe Sam, Donald's going to come down with a flu after he makes out with another

six. Uh, it was a bad optic is what Adam Gase said. So not bad visual. He says just a bad optic. I've had, I've had a word with Levy on, we've straightened it out, but, uh, he had a great time on Sunday with bowling. Yeah. Bowling is always fun.

Bowling is one of those underrated fun things that you just don't do enough. And then when you do it, you're like, Hey, that was fun. We should do that again. Imagine how long it takes Levy on belt to get up to the line to pull his, his bowling ball. It's, it's nine steps. Bowling is the anti-golf where you leave. You're like, that was a lot of fun.

I want to do that. Uh-huh. Again. Yeah. Golf is the opposite. It's indoor golf. That's easier for everybody. Right.

And you just have a good time. Um, all right. My hot seat is, I forgot to mention this on Monday. It's Jim Nance's tie because I don't know if you guys saw this clip, but Gus Johnson gave his, uh, played by play sheet to J K Dobbins after the big 10 championship game signed. I did not know that went up to him like unsolicited and say, Hey, he was like, Hey, young fella, I want to give you this.

You can frame it. He showed it to him and it was very awkward because J K Dobbins, while appreciative, walked off like, okay, that's something. So Jim Nance, your tie is now on the hot seat. Gus Johnson has given away these play sheets. Jim Nance, step it up. Give away your underwear. Yeah.

I mean, that's strip naked. Give away the, the picture in your wallet of the burnt toast. No, you, come on. You don't want to do that. He probably has a bunch of those. No, he's got one. And he's had it for 30 years. If he had a, if he had a business card and it was just burnt toast, if Jim Nance ever

lost that toast thing, he'd have to have probably five conversations with different assistants trying to get them to print out the exact same picture. He's like, that's a different magazine that you're using. He'd have his assistant like in the, in the kitchen, burning toast to various levels. To take pictures. To try to take pictures of it. Listen, this was from the June 1979 Readers Digest. I need a copy of that.

Yes. But yeah, so is J K Dobbins, is he a senior? He's a junior. But he's going to go to the pro. So he's, he's like, you know, next time I see you, he'll be on Sundays. Yeah. I just wish it was a true senior that he gave it to. It would have been nice.

All right. My other hot seat is Tom Ricketts, Cub's owner because he's poor. So he, he missed the budget for Wrigley expansion by a hundred percent, he said. So just, just hate it when these guys who have billions of dollars or hundreds of millions of dollars, when time comes to pay their really expensive players, what they're worth, don't have the money. It's crazy how that always works. I love that he pulled out stadium expansion expenses like it was an unforeseen medical

event. Like that's, yeah, you or I would say, you know what, I'm going to be a little bit late on my rent this month. I had to go visit my mom. Yeah. Tree fell through my roof. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what to do this year.

Yeah. So all my budgets are off. Sorry. Is it okay if I just delay it for a couple of weeks? He's like, yeah, I had to spend a billion dollars on city. It just kind of snuck up on. Yeah. Not only that, but I had to spend a billion dollars, which I will then make like a hundred

billion dollars in the next hundred years because I'm going to own this team and give it to my kids. Damn. Didn't see that one coming. Sorry. I had to put up a bunch of signs that we're going to block the rooftops of buildings where people used to watch my team play. It's one of those things you understand.

It's brutal. It's brutal. We all got to balance our checkbook at the end of the month. Damn. That payroll, it's tough. They just, they don't have the flexibility that they thought they would have because of all this money that they're making. A hundred percent over budget and construction really isn't that much over.

You got to, if you ever sit down to estimate a construction project, no matter what it is, you got to immediately say, okay, triple it. And now that's my real budget. Oh man, the worst. All right. My cool throne is sticking on baseball. Are you guys, are you guys going to trade Rizzo? No.

Or trade Chris Bryant is the word. Chris Bryant. Yeah. And everyone's, you know, what, what happens is whether they trade Chris Bryant or not, I do not want them to trade Chris Bryant, but what pisses me off more than anything is fans were like, well, you got to trade Chris Bryant because we have no money. Like, don't buy that bullshit. Right.

Don't buy that bullshit. Like that's, it's not just you can't, you can't sign Chris Bryant. You know, his best friends are Bryce Harper. It's true. They've always wanted to play. They've always wanted to be on the teams that have been talked about, which would be just that would suck. All right.

My cool throne sticking on baseball, mystery team, mystery teams back. Yep. So John Heyman said, for Garrett Cole, here's, here there, there's, there's a mystery team on Cole. Hard to imagine anyone thinks they are coming in late and outbidding the Yankees and two LA teams, even if one's an Anaheim, no idea, no idea the identity of said team, but that's why it's a mystery. So he explained the mystery team to whatever team it is.

They better have a shitload of trash cans next to their clubhouse. Yes. That is what Garrett Cole is looking for in his new team. I like that the mystery team always comes from John Heyman. I'm pretty sure Scott Boris just has like, he has a phone in his office and he picks it up. It's the mystery team phone. He's like, John, do the mystery team tweet.

We need, we need to, we need to get a little more money out of the Yankees here. Gonna need a mystery team tweet. It's a, it's a red phone, like the, like the nuclear phone in the Oval Office, except they just got question marks all over. Yeah. Has the mystery team ever gotten the guy? No. So if you root for the mystery team, that sucks.

Well, if you root for the mystery team, you also never lose though. True. And you also don't know who you're rooting for ever. Right. It's, it's like the airhead where you didn't know what flavor was stuck in a black hole. You think it was? Yeah. It's definitely the white raspberry one.

Damn. That was so, so cool. Yeah. There was some hot debates about the mystery flavor of airhead. What goes on at these winter meetings? Because the best I can tell is it's just a bunch of old rich dudes that are drinking margaritas in a hotel lobby. And then at the end of the week, the one who's the most sober ends up actually making good

transactions. So you nailed it. Yeah. Okay. The winter meetings. Yeah, yeah. Actually, that sounds fucking awesome. No, it sounds awesome.

They're in San Diego. What are you gonna say, Hank? You're talking about the white airhead. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely not raspberry. Yes, it was. Look it up.

Oh. Google it, bitch. That's right. White airhead. I'll do it again. Flavor. White. It says each white cherry or white apple.

White apple flavor. What is white apple? Okay, so. Turns out that airhead's white mystery flavor is just the leftover flavorings that couldn't make a full batch. So, will you retract the bitch? That sounds like you could. Will you please retract the bitch?

No, I won't retract. It changes from batch to batch. So we're not, yeah. This is the one I had. This is from reference.com. The one you had? The one I had was retracted. No.

I won't. Retract the bitch. We were always going to get into the mystery team business. The bitch was. That sounds like a really good way to expand the brand. The bitch was strong. The bitch was mystery coach. Yeah.

Do mystery. There's a, I'm hearing a mystery coach who's going to sign with a mystery team. It's always Jeff Fisher. And then you just have it. And then you just, whenever the next signing happens, boom, it happened. All right. Let's get to our interviews. Wait, what if it was like the pickup artist's mystery?

Ooh. He's, what, I wonder what he's doing. I'm reading that book now so that I can use the techniques on interviews. All time. It's a game. Maybe we want to talk about mystery, but the fact that he never got me tooed credit. Yeah. Well, I think that would have been a, his life was just an entire me too.

Right. But it's so open about it. It's true. He just wrote about it. So I guess that works. Before we get to our interview with Blake Bortles and the return of the Wikipedia club, a quick word from our friends at Velveeta. You know Velveeta, you know the mac and cheese, you know the queso dip, you know the PFT's

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Okay, here he is. Blake Bortles. Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite recurring guests is Blake Bortles. Quarterback of the Los Angeles Rams, one of our best friends, runner up for Blake of the Year. No, third place for Blake of the Year, 2019. Did not finish. First place, 2018, Wikipedia club member, Blake, before we do the Wikipedia, how's the

season going? We've seen you. You've gotten in a couple of times. It is. Yeah, I've gotten my player performance reps are getting up there. So hopefully that'll account to a nice check at the end of the year. Wait, what does that mean? What does that mean?

So it's like, based off of how many plays you play and like when you got drafted. So it's really meant for like guys that went undrafted or got drafted late that end up playing a lot, like they get, you know, per play, however much money I have no idea how that is calculated, but they get a check at the end. So you know, it's kind of the two or three plays I get when we're beating, when we're beating somebody pretty good, you know, they'll come in, maybe get $100 or so after the year. So how many, how many more plays do you have to get in to hit like your next level of bonus? Oh, I'd imagine I'd have to play a couple of games worth probably.

So that's definitely out of the question. Yeah. Okay. No, the season's going good. Yeah. Season's going good. We had a big one the other night against Seattle and we got Dallas coming up. So it kind of feels like, you know, we're starting to play, starting to play good football

in December and hopefully getting rolling at the right time. Now, what about that catch you had on the sidelines? That was pretty spectacular a couple of weeks ago where you looked like a tight end out there. I appreciate it. I mean, that is, that is my natural position. It's kind of funny because I knew I had, you got the earpiece in so I can, I can obviously, I hear the plays that Jared gets into his helmet from Sean and like that play, I was

like, so I moved down a little bit because I was like, if Jared doesn't like this, actually had the thought. I was like, if he doesn't like it, he's just going to throw it over this guy's head. So I'll be standing right here for like my moment this year. That's right. That's awesome. You're the primary receiver. You didn't like it.

Oh. He threw it over it, threw it right to me, it worked out perfect. That's so beautiful. So you were just, I mean, like that's something that everyone sees and they're like, oh, that's random. The plate caught it, but you were, you knew exactly where to be. Six foul ball. Yeah.

No, I actually like, I moved to a good like 20 yards down the sideline to get right behind that route. I threw it over his head if he didn't like it. Fucking eight. That's so perfect. How's, how's ball life going? Are you sticking with it? Yeah.

Yeah. It's going good. I get like, I do like the, the half guard, like once a week or so. So it's going good. You know, it's just kind of like, I've accepted it. You know, you, you own it cause when you're balding, like people are like, dude, what are you doing? Like you're still, you're the hanging on too long or like you need to go get plugs.

But when you shave it, it's just like, look, this is, this is who I am. This is what I got. Yeah. And uh, yeah. Bold. Yeah. What about the Tesla? How's, how's she running?

Tesla's running beautifully. Um, I actually, I actually ran out of juice the other day, pulling into, uh, pulling into my, so like I have the charger in my garage and like, I like to test the boundaries with it sometimes just to see how far I can go on zero miles and, uh, like this thing dies, pulling into the garage. So actually I had a buddy with me. So we had to get out and push it like six feet into the garage so the, the charger could reach it.

That's amazing. So you're, you're just kind of a bad boy with the, with the charge, just seeing if you can really push the limits on this thing. Yeah. Yeah. You know, living, living dangerously in my Tesla, that's, that is the most dangerous thing a Tesla owner can do, right? Cause you don't even have to drive the car that our smoke weed on Alex Jones's show.

Yeah. And then your stock plummet. That's true. You wait. So wait at Tesla, you actually aren't driving the car at all? Uh, no. So like you can't, I guess the new update, the, the, the one that's supposed to come out here pretty soon will read stop lights and traffic signs or like stop signs and traffic

lights. Cause right now like you put it on my highway, as long as there's dotted lines in the road, like you can sense all that my cars all around it. So, um, it gets a little, a little sketchy on back roads and stuff like that where it doesn't have a whole lot of things to kind of sense off of. Got it. Got it. How has the post game handshakes worked for you this year?

Have you been just going straight to the backup quarterback or what's that like? It's a major. It actually had a conversation about this a week or so ago. It's kind of a weird dynamic because like as a starter, like, you know, you talk to a couple of guys after the game, dependent, you know, if you ended the game, all the field taking a knee or trying to score at the end, you talk to the decent guys right there. And then you always, you know, say what's up to the other start and quarterback, but

as the backup, it's a, it's kind of a free for all. You know, I find myself talking to kickers at times, um, really, really just all kinds of people. Is that, is that a moment where you're like, damn, where's your life gone, Blake sitting here talking to a kicker? Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, kickers are people too.

So, um, I mean, they deserve good conversation. Like I got to spend some time with Jason Myers after the Seattle game, who I was with in Jacksonville for a while, but it's, uh, it's kind of funny. And then there's times like we were playing Baltimore, um, when they beat the crap out of us the other night and, uh, like walk out after the game, cause the game, like when you're playing, even if you don't know anybody, like it's still kind of the respect thing of, Hey, we just got done playing four quarters against each other. Good game.

Yeah. Yeah. But like when you're coming off the bench in a clean jersey, walking out there, like nobody's really looking to talk to you. So you, I walked out there and kind of realized, you know, once I got to the 50 yard line, I'm like, I don't know a single person on this team. So then just kind of hit a light dog to the locker room. Wait.

So why don't you every now and then just maybe, you know, roll around in the grass a little bit. You know, get in there before the second half starts and feel a couple of the punts or something like that. Well, that's, I try to do that pregame. I usually hit an up, down or two in our pregame warmups to, you know, and they kind of throw us the, it hurts me when we play on turf cause then I get nothing, but yeah. Um, yeah, I try and get a little grass on my jerseys.

Maybe, maybe get on the bike too, on the sidelines, get on that, uh, just, just the hand part of the bike, just keep yourself loose a little bit. Yeah. I spent, I spent a lot of time behind the bench during TV timeouts, you know, throwing water on my face and rubbing eye black on my jerseys. Um, what, so we talked a couple of weeks ago about, uh, Jeff Driscoll starting for the Lions. Now, I mentioned that he played you in your rival high school.

You put it on them, huh? Can we get the real story about when you played Jeff Driscoll? Yeah. We, so I actually like pretty much grew up with Jeff. Uh, he moved into Ovito. I think he was like six or seven and we kind of played baseball against each other growing up. He, he went to Haggerty, which was the, like I went to Ovito, he went to Haggerty kind

of rivalry schools in the same town and, uh, we beat him, we beat him pretty good. I want to say it's like 50 something, uh, maybe 14 or 17, which was my senior, his junior year. And then the following year, his senior year, he, he blew up. I mean, he was putting up ridiculous numbers, I think was the number one rated quarterback coming out of high school and all that. And I think he beat the crap out of us, but, but my last year there, we, uh, we put it to Jeff.

The, the best part about when we talked about Jeff Driscoll and Blake Bortles playing in high school, uh, you know, rivalry game is after we talked about on part of my take, some random kid tweeted at me and was like, Hey, you didn't mention the fact that we didn't even run any of our real offense in the second half. We could have put up a hundred and I sent it to Blake and he's like, yep, that guy was on the team. He's, he's right. We didn't run our offense.

That kid too is, is, if Kyle, he's incredible. He was, uh, he was pretty juiced up that you guys recognize his tweet. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. All right. Well, we are, uh, we're having our latest meeting at the Wikipedia club. What did we talk about last time?

It's been a long time. I don't even remember. Yeah. Balding. I, I do, I do think of the Wikipedia club there every year, right around Thanksgiving time when you're wondering why isn't Thanksgiving the same day like every year. So that always confuses us. That was a real like throwback three years ago when we couldn't figure out that it wasn't

November 25th every year. Also Hanukkah is coming really late this year. Hanukkah is coming late. So really threw me off too. Cause I'm used to like, I feel like December 9th is when Hanukkah gets started usually. It's probably totally wrong. It floats. Uh, so yeah, we're going to do foot speed.

We want to do foot speed cause PFT, we were talking about it. We're like, what should we do for Wikipedia club and PFT throughout the idea of will there ever be like, what's the fastest someone will ever run? And cause a human body is only built to go so fast before it just breaks. Right. So no one will ever run a hundred yard dash in five seconds in four seconds. So I'll just read the general, uh, topic and I think this is going to be one of those ones where we click on a bunch of links and maybe go down a rabbit hole for this Wikipedia.

But foot speed or sprint speed is the maximum speed at which a human can run. It is affected by many factors, varies greatly through the population and is important in athletics and many sports such as football, rugby, American football, track and field, hockey, basketball and baseball and basketball. I don't think it's not baseball or hockey. Yeah. I mean, foot, I guess stealing bases, running bases in the outfield, Blake, were you, when you were growing up, were you the fastest kid?

No God, no, never. Really? Um, yeah. Yeah. No, I was never good at like running unless somebody was chasing me. Like that was the only time like I was able to run as fast as like, if you want, It's like Jerry Rice. If somebody sent me a, yeah, somebody sent me a thing the other day of me running the

40 at the combine and it looked like, uh, like what's his name, Chase and Shooter McGavin for happy Gilmore's jacket. Like it just, it's not a good look. So just naturally running was never my thing. You're like, you're like my dog Stella. She won't run at parks unless another dog chases her. But she's smart. Yeah.

It's no fun to run them by yourself. Conserve that energy. Right. Exactly. So what's the fastest 40 you've ever run? We had actually a defensive line coach at my high school that, uh, it was an older fellow. So a little late twitched and partially blind clock, man, a four, six one time. Oh my God.

We're looking at the video right now. You have so much hair in your combine video. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a tough one. You're looking good.

All right. Here it goes. And you're off. One thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand, four, one thousand, five, one thousand, and you're done. About five seconds hand timed five. Oh man. You looked good.

You looked real. Your 10 yard split was 1.72. And then you slowed down a little, but that's okay. Not a speed guy. No, no, 10 yard increments only. The hammy's locked up a bit after the 20 yard mark. The arms look good too. I don't know if did you get any curls in before you, before you ran?

Yeah. Hit a little push-up circuit before we started. I don't think this is mean, but you look like a different person with hair. Oh, and you also already are already balding. You can see it. I think you would see the shadow on the top of his head. I think you look better now, Blake. I do too.

You look more distinguished. Yeah. I appreciate it. I wouldn't draft that guy. I would draft the guy right now. Who is the fastest guy you've ever played with? I think it's probably Brandon Cooks, a receiver we have out here in LA, and I actually trained with him for the combine.

We were training down in San Diego together, and I thought he was fast in, but he's on a whole other level of fast, and the definition of foot speed is extremely quick. When you watch someone who's super, super fast, or you're just in awe, because NFL's one of those things where you don't really, until you're on the sideline and you see them moving, you're like, holy shit, these guys are enormous, and they run so fast. Yeah. And then, I mean, especially what Lamar Jackson's doing as a quarterback, like every quarterback playing in the NFL wishes they had the ability to do what Lamar can do on every single play.

So getting the chance to watch that guy play in person was kind of like, holy cow, like if you thought you were faster athletic in any way, you're definitely not compared to him. Now, saying there are two different types of foot speed here, there's more of the slow twitch and there's the fast twitch, which is what I would assume Lamar Jackson has, but maybe you're a distance guy. What's your best mile time? I ran cross country in elementary school.

I think I broke six minutes one time, maybe, maybe seven. I couldn't tell you to be honest. Six and a half sounds good. You ran cross country in elementary school? Yeah. It's crazy that Florida had. Whoa. Our parents made us, I think, trying to be active.

We're also maybe getting a little bit on the heavy end, so is there a way of making this exercise? What was a young Blake Bortles favorite afternoon snack when he gets home from school? I was a big Swiss Rolls guy. You remember the Swiss Rolls? Yes. I had some of those on the way to the office on Sunday. They're incredible.

Swiss Rolls and the zebra cakes. Was your house, the house like everyone knows the friend whose house like their parents would just get everything and it was like a convenience store? We always had good snacks and the fridge was always stocked with Gatorade, so people rob us every time we had friends over. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like every house in Florida is like that. There's zebra cakes and gushers. Right.

Everyone knows the one house, but Florida just has all the houses like that. Every house is just stocked. Yeah. Just stocked with little Debbie's snacks and everything. It says the fastest that the human has ever run is 27.8 miles per hour. That was, you say, between meters 60 and 80. I always assume that like the 40 to 50 meter range would be the fastest, but I guess his legs are so long and he's still picking up speed at that point.

That's crazy fast. That was really fast. It has animals here. The domestic cat reaches 30 miles an hour. I did not think that. That's wild. Fast twitch. Yeah.

Fast twitch muscles. The American Quarter Horse is 55 miles an hour. The Mongolian Wild Ass, now I'm going to click on this right here. Yep. Got to look at that one. Mongolian Wild Ass. I don't think that there was any reason to include that animal because it was just the house cat, the cheetah, and then they threw in the Mongolian Wild Ass as the other animal

here. Just the name is great, which is why it was included. Do you, Blake, when you watch guys, when you're like the coaching staff, do they preach speed constantly? Do they ever like get on guys like, hey, you're not fast anymore? That's got to suck if you're fast and you lose your speed. Right. Yeah.

I'm sure with guys that are getting a little bit older, and maybe aren't as fast as they used to be, but it's kind of crazy listening to guys talk to our receivers here and Sean or the receivers coach talk to them and talk about like, hey, you just got to hit another gear here and get up over the top of the sky. The guys are just like, yeah, no problem. I got that. Right. They just take off and run faster.

The guys with the ability to do it are unbelievably impressive to watch, but there's definitely a factor of getting older, maybe being banged up and not being able to move like they used to. When do you think the fastest athletes reach their peak? Like, does Brandon Cooks, for example, is faster now than when he was training for the 40? I don't know. I imagine everybody is probably different, like, I think I'm faster now than I was when

I was training for the combine. But I would say there's probably guys that are the opposite of that. That everybody's probably going different. So maybe you put in some plays in the playbook, where it's like you running the red option, You doing the Lamar Jackson type of offense because you were drafted essentially to play a different style of quarterback and what you're equipped to do right now Exactly, I didn't I don't know if you caught this or not But we tried a little something like that against Pittsburgh and it did not go well. I did see that. Yeah, but you are the Pittsburgh killer Right, right. Yeah, I've had some good games against Pittsburgh

But unfortunately, they got us this year So we tried to run out there with a little zone read option type deal and it was kind of a botch job Didn't fumble though that No, it didn't fumble, but that package probably got shelfed for a little bit Um, I don't know why I have never brought this up and why I've never asked you this But it just popped in my head randomly and I need the answer and I we could do the rest of the entire podcast on this You played in the inaugural civil conflict. How have we never talked about that? No, the USF UCF game. No the Yukon UCF game

Well, that's what that it's called. Oh, yeah, the USF went to war on my for is it? What do they call it? Civil Conflict Bob Diacchio from Yukon just made up a rivalry trophy And then you guys just didn't acknowledge it and left it on the sideline Yeah, that was the I was gone when they did that but I remember we played them because that was the first year of the American athletic conference Which was the old big East. Yeah, and at that I'm not sure how they are now, but at that time Yukon was was not very good. No, they're bad now I don't know. Yeah, are they still yeah? Yeah, you beat him 62 to 17 now was that so when they you don't remember at all Was it truly like they didn't even tell you that?

Like hey, this is a rivalry game like coach O'Leary was he like hey guys. I don't know if you heard but we're in a rivalry now No, no, we had we had no no idea that that that was a rivalry game or we're playing for a trophy We just thought it was another game You didn't have a clock in your locker room that counted down the minutes until that game No, no, we missed out on that one the famous quote from Bob Diacchio was there UCF They don't get to just say whether they are our rival or not And then the New York Post said that it was the worst rivalry in sports history Yeah, I think there has to be some sort of like agreement when two teams want to become a rivalry like equal hate or whatever

No needed to form that disagree, but apparently not. Yeah, who would you say? No, I think if you say like hey, we're rivals now and Especially because they made it it was genius because it was civil conflict and if you've never seen it But it's conflict with the FL capitalized and the CT capitalized so Florida, Connecticut Right makes total sense. Yeah, see what's interesting about rivalries is I don't know if this was the case for you Blake But back in the day sometimes we would settle our beef via a foot race. Did you ever do that in elementary school? We tie it back in. Yeah, that was a that was a big a big thing on the playground Whoever whoever won the race won the argument. Yeah, they win a whole lot of those

We got to bring that back. We got instead of fighting each other. Hey kids Don't bring a gun to school. Just race race your rival I can't believe that you weren't the fact like you're pro athlete. You weren't the fastest kid ever No, no, not at all. I was always I would like I was average like I was middle of the road I was always a little bit taller than the rest of the kids But like I was never the fastest never the slowest. I was somewhere in the middle. Okay, same damn All right, anything else we got on foot speed or civil conflict or Blake any questions or anything that we want to bring up Has anyone has anyone in the victory?

Formation or another victory formation the meeting in the middle of the field does anyone brought up your terrible performance in Blake of the year Yeah, I get a lot more chirps from from the crowd There was actually a guy last week on the on the on the field when we were warming up pregame that had a part of my Take shirt on just yelling Blake of the year So like yeah, I mean he's 15 feet away from me and I'm warming up there and he's just screaming Blake of the year at me No, there was There's there's been people that yell at me usually from the crowd a couple guys a couple guys It's actually when we were in Pittsburgh not a part in my taker Blake of the year thing

But like I walked over after we got them warming up and Ben Rothesberger was standing at the 50 yard line And we got the same agent, you know, I've known him for a while and take my helmet off You know kind of just to say hello and shake his hand and like just a look on his face with me Just goes where'd your hair go? I Don't know. I don't know if you notice or not, but it's been going for a while Yeah, it's just gone. No, he thought you did a witchcraft. Yeah, Ben doesn't understand haircuts I don't know if you've seen his face recently, but he just he doesn't know what clippers are. Yes. Yes All right, anything else where you got just like a hypothetically

What do you think is the fastest that a human will ever be able to run? Oh? Dude, I don't know. I think Because I mean how like how low is the 40-yard dash record gonna go? I don't like there's no way anybody's ever gonna break four seconds Yeah, I don't know. I guess maybe maybe high for one like if you say bolt had to run a 40 But it's not really a specialties more of like the back end of the hundred guy. Yeah, US rugby has a couple guys Carl and I was in Perry Baker. They could probably do like four oh one I four three nine nine It's also PFT brought this up before but like the fastball to like how fast is the fastest fastball gonna be thrown?

Right. Yeah, exactly. I don't know I wish I could throw one like Strasburg. Yeah. Oh nice. That's a topical reference way to go That's for life. How fast could you throw fastball? I could throw like I had an issue I could throw it hard But I could only throw it hard like a couple times and then my arm didn't show to get thrown a baseball I think I threw it maybe like 92 was the fastest I ever threw a ball. She's still really fast. Yeah, damn But yeah, it was one and done that was all I had and then it was all knuckleballs after that I'll still get you drafted in like the 60th round. Yeah, like the A's will take a flyer on you

Just show a little potential. Yeah. Yeah, if you were from Southern, California You'd maybe even get drafted in like the 28th round if you just you know, right? They love those Southern California pitchers. Oh, I know I was definitely more of a bullpink at your guy Have you seen the new stadium yet? Not in person Well, I mean I've seen it like flying over like flying into LA X and then obviously pictures and videos of it But I have not seen in person looks pretty awesome though. Is that where your training facility is going to be? No, it's gonna be separate there

I think they're actually still trying to figure out where they're gonna put the facility because it's not gonna be at the stadium I don't believe Interesting All right, last question for me. Seeky question promo code take put in promo code take you get $10 off Are you gonna be well, maybe the Rams will be in the Super Bowl? But if they're not will you be in Miami for a rough and rowdy? Are you guys doing a Super Bowl week? Yep, Stu finders gonna fight Who is that oh damn that's that's gonna best gambler in the history of the world

It's yeah, we're gonna do it Friday night like we did last year. You're gonna be there Yeah, there's a chance. I mean a rough and rowdy event in Miami at the Super Bowl Sounds like a good time. Are you not winning one of those awards this year? No, the man of your thing I think I don't think it's a wanted done deal, but no, I probably would not win that this year So we'll see have to figure it out. We got to create like a charity last minute Yeah, and just you can pledge your money to get that would be actually a good resume thing for you Blake Bortles This year has pledged a hundred million dollars to the PMT charity fund right and then we put an asterisk under it and be like

Dependent on how many snaps he has and that how big that check is at the end of the year and also the PMT charity fund is right Just us. Yeah, it's us Just to check your personal bank account. Yeah. Yeah, wait last last question We're staring at a bench press right now. We have it in our studio. What do you bench? Oh? Man, I couldn't say I haven't benched press and Five six years probably since I left college. Yeah, I can maybe do 185 one time You don't even lift anymore Sam No more of a more of a duck. Well, I mean kind of once you leave college

Like, you know, no quarterbacks really bench, you know, I guess after Brady Quinn did 26 reps or whatever Just stop doing it What do you guys mention? I haven't done max in a while they don't have enough weights at the gym find out once we get this thing set up the Dumbbells only go up to 120 each. So Like if you don't bench you can't really bench heavy weights, so I haven't benched in a while So like soon as I get back on it, I'm sure we'll come back to me It's a real bench to it's not like a bow flex or one of those. No, it's a real bench

It's a real bench. We got against both flex dude Oh, nothing. I was just trying to figure out what kind of equipment you guys got. Oh, it's real got some equipment It's huge. Sorry this equipment big-ass weights. You don't want this the Iron Dungeons Yeah, you guys got you you guys need to have some sort of office olympics in there just in our studio Yeah, an office pro day you bust out the 510 5 the 40 the bird the bench and see who's the use of specimen of the office I wonder like I like that. I like that. Oh, yeah, the wonder lick. What'd you get on the wonder lick, Blake? I Think I got a 30. Wow. Oh, I mean You would yeah, I knew you would really only 30

Yeah, no actually so we get scouting reports every week of obviously who we're playing the defense and like the personnel's and We just figured out the other day. There's always like it says, you know, their name their number where they went in school When they got drafted All kind of the info and there's always like this random there 40 times There's always this random number on there and we've been trying to figure out what it is And we actually just found out the other day. It's their wonder lick score. Oh, now we just go through We go through each scouting report and try and find out who's got the lowest one to like score and see if See if that's something we could say to them. Oh, that is good. Yes. I like that a lot. All right. Well, Blake

Thank you so much for your time. Appreciate it. Appreciate you always doing the Wikipedia Club. Hopefully we see you soon It's been too long, man It has thanks. Thanks for having me. Enjoy talking to you guys. I love you Blake I love you. Love you. Love you. Love you That interview with Blake Bortles is brought to you by movement. Holy shit. The holidays are already here You should have listened to me when I told you get your shopping done early Fortunately, you've still got a couple weeks to buy your loved ones gifts If you have somebody that you don't know exactly how to shop for movement watches are great

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Lowman's trophy award low man trophy low man and PFT is going to give us the finalists Yes, so the low man trophy you guys know it. It's the collegiate award for the nation's best fullback and the finalists are drumble Tori Carter from LSU Suspended first that's fine. Yeah, we'll get in the second. Okay, John Chanel Chanel, Wisconsin good Connor Sloan was that army. I'm doing a drum roll

Hank you want to do drum roll? I'm too lazy to actually drum roll. We got to start this over again I need I need more theatrics out of you Hank We'll pump it in. Okay. We'll pump it in later John Chanel from Wisconsin. Yes Connor Sloan from army awesome Ben Mason from Michigan award winner returning champion Yeah, would be the first back-to-back winner from the history of the award against Wisconsin Brady Ross, Iowa Yes

That's just a fullback name. It is Brady Ross, Iowa. Mm-hmm. Jeremiah Hall from Oklahoma nice and Mason Stoke also from Wisconsin. Oh So we've got we got to we got to we have two Wisconsin fullbacks nominate that's a first in the history of the award. Nice. We've got a returning champion Yep, Tori Carter was a finalist last year as well. So it was Connor Sloanka Brady Ross If you've ever seen a picture of him, he looks like the definition. Yeah, Brady Ross. Yeah So I'm very excited about this. So halftime Thursday football

We've got an award ceremony set up ready to go featuring a very special presenter. Nice. I'll remain nameless and We also will have pigs in the blanket again. Yeah, and we got to build the trophy Yeah, we have to build rebuild the trophy build the trophy which is gonna be fun And I'm happy that we have two Wisconsin guys there because the Heisman trophy just completely never inviting Jonathan Taylor is a travesty Mm-hmm, but whatever Next up we have bad visual for Lane Kiffin Ole Miss So there was a picture of Lane Kiffin. He is now the head coach of Ole Miss Lane Kiffin has not skipped any meals in the last couple years

Lane Kiffin salads Yeah, he's he's not getting a salad moves the salad course off to the side Lane Kiffin looks he with the visor and The fact that his cheeks are his cheeks in his neck are no lot like his cheeks have enlarged and his neck is no longer there Yeah Well the way that the visor is set up he needs to switch to a baseball cap because the visor it acts like a belt on the head almost Yeah, where it pushes some of the fat above it and then some of the fat below it So you get like a pear-shaped thing going on with the head I was saying that he looked like a guy who invites you on his pontoon and calls it the poon tune and then you know

Everyone's got a my tie in their hand right away My famous my tie and there's maybe some females on there like is that is that his daughter is that his girlfriend? We don't know but it's the poon tune and motorboating crew Yeah, and then he you know hops in the Chevy after and and goes on home day drinking so he's not you can't get it He does look like he's bright red Like he looks like he's day drunk day drunk. He's got that nice glow to him Yeah, he looks like he's Leonard Skinner's accountant Like he spends a lot of time outside

But and he likes to party, but he also has a very nice home right can be organized We has a great has it has an extremely detail oriented assistant. Yeah care of things sick He has a sick bar in his basement and then also like a mini bar upstairs So he's never more than like 30 feet away from a bar. Mm-hmm. He's a man of leisure. Yes It looks like Kenny Chesney's cowboy hat had one wish to become a real boy. Yes. Yeah, so Lane Kiffin good visual bad visual I mean, it's a great visual for Ole Miss. Yeah, he looks like an Ole Miss coach right now. Yeah, he absolutely does He's he's fit every stereotype So it's good to have him back in a major program

It's like he's been holding a burner phone up to his face and it's just scalded the shit out I'm just so excited for Lane Kiffin to get that 330 game on CBS and just get absolutely shit pumped by Alabama and just watch him be mad He's also cosplaying as Ben Rotsberg. Yes. Yeah, well, he's been doing that for a while But it's really coming to shape and now that Ben has been injured for a little bit Ben is cosplaying as Lane Kiffin as well You know like in a race to try to look as much like the other guy as possible. Yes. I just want to say I love the SEC I love the SEC. It's like a it's like ballet for people in the South

When you look at the different coaches that they have like a soap opera, it's you got coach. Oh, you've got Lane Kiffin You got Nick Saban. You've got probably the most normal coach in that entire conference Is the one that lets his wife make out with all the players when they get off a bus? Yes You've got the new Arkansas head coach. Have you seen the Arkansas coach? He is he looks like Joe Pesci on steroids Sam Pittman is who you're talking about. He's the Georgia O-line coach That is a panic hire for Arkansas. No, I think that I think that screams Suey, I saw his face is like that's not a head coach. That's not a head. Look up pictures We'll have to tweet. Sorry. That is not a head coach of Arkansas's head coach

Yeah, I think it's a perfect fit for Arkansas football Because he wanted Lane and they're like tell you what we're gonna get the guy nor Val All these guys can't get Lane, but we can't get the guy that looks like he was Lane Kiffin's high school principal That's suspended him a bunch of times. Yeah, he's he is he is the the the bad teacher from the 80s movie Mm-hmm. That's who that's who he is. So I yeah Sam Pittman. I think is his name Man, I just saw I just love the SEC. It's great. It's great. Great character guys. All right. Let's finish up with guys on chicks Hank, what do you got? My husband and I live in Los Angeles

He's a huge Lions fan who's never been to a Lions game for Christmas I'm buying us tickets to fly out to Detroit line Packers game Even with as bad as the Lions have been this year. Is this a good move? No, no, you want to say it's it's super easy You know game, you know how easy it would be to be a Lions fan in Los Angeles. It's like playing a video game on rookie mode It's fine. They lose you walk outside at 70 degrees Unless there's a bad traffic jam on the 405 then you you have an afternoon where you can be happy if you want to if you're a Lions fan in Detroit and you lose you still have to walk outside Just wait wait wait until next year. They're gonna play the Cardinals again, right?

Go to a game in Phoenix or go to a game that they can win or tie But yeah, if you're a Lions fan and you're taking your husband to his first Lions game ever in Detroit You have to do it in September when there's still hope here's here's a better Christmas present for a Lions fan This is a sick throwback Barry Sanders Jersey. Yeah, there you go Like a real top of the line Barry Sanders season tickets to the Rams. Hmm get him a get him a black light picture of Jim Caldwell That's brutal. I heard the guys on chicks episode where a girl asked why her boyfriend locks the door when he poops When I heard that I realized mind us to accept me. I never would I ever even attempt to barge in on him I agreed with y'all in the sense that I don't want to know what the fuck is happening in there

And I don't and I want to steer far away from it. However My problem is whenever whenever I have to go to the bathroom even just to pee he always barges in on me Sometimes he will knock one time I say hold on and he continues to still enter anyway Why is it such a double standard where I'm allowed to not allowed to do this? Nor I want to and he's in there But he wants to when I'm peeing is in my fault or not walking the door to like he does I thought there was an unwritten rule of respect when it comes to a closed bathroom door in your own house and not having to Take the extra step to lock it. Thanks. You might have a fetish. You might just be into watching you pee

Yeah, he's gonna pee pee girl fetish either that or he's just he's probably just making sure that you're safe Yeah, that's not I you gotta fall in you got a lock. You got to get deadbolt. I don't know people barging in That's that's a big that will ruin a relationship very quickly The one way that you could stop him is if he walks in you just start unloading a giant crap. He'll never do it again Not again. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, babe. I got this thing whenever I hear a door open. It just makes me shit Sorry, I had brisket last night, honey We should get that's a good idea. Oh, what? In front of each other. Oh, okay. Yeah for dinner

My boyfriend only talks and baby talk and he wants me to talk like that too, especially when we hook up What do I do? Also, I have a 62 year old sugar daddy that pays me to talk to him every night online. What is that weird? I'm all so scared curveball I think it's totally normal to just do some hot chat room action with 62 Listen do whatever you want online if you're getting paid for it I think as long as you give a portion of that money without him knowing to your boyfriend like, you know Whether it be date night whatever it is as long as he gets us kickback again

He doesn't have to know a silent kickback. I think it's okay. I'm also baby talk The baby talk is that's weird have him watch the Seinfeld schmoopy episode They're probably too young to even watch Seinfeld, but that will make you stop doing baby talk forever. Mm-hmm It's a I don't know the whole act of getting paid to like sex the 62 year old That's that's a little strange to me I think that he would probably find that weird if you uncovered your chat logs or whatever So just hide your tracks very carefully. Yes big time Hey guys

So I had a dream last night that I went on a date with PFT I was so confused when I woke up this morning He was shirtless and wearing goggles and I recall having a great time Is it welcome? Is it wrong to have dreams about other men such women when you're in a happy relationship? Or does that mean subconsciously? I'm not as happy as everything seems no listen Should I feel guilty when you tune into the Peloton halftime show and I got the quads going and I've got my goggles on and the winds Blown through my hair. I turned on us. Yeah Yeah, the question's open. Yeah, I opened the floor for questions. You got to say

You got to say I opened the floor for questions It's totally natural. It's just like, you know, that's when women see an alpha male like that on a Peloton They can't help it have these dreams. Yeah, your dreams are your dreams. Good thing about your dreams You don't tell anyone about the dreams because that's the most boring conversation ever. Mm-hmm. Hey boys fancy teams. Yeah Fancy football factory subscribe and iTunes only two more episodes. Hey boys ever this season. Are you gonna bring a new season? Yeah, we're gonna mix it up a lot. Whoa. We'll see If you tune into Thursday's episode all the all information will be there. You're new fancy rugby. Nope. Is that a thing that can't be there's no way

Please God, please fantasy NASCAR Hey boys, especially can't get it up Hank people don't forget I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now and recently moved in together I was vacuuming our bedroom and stepped on the carpet by his side of the bed and it felt really rough and different from the rest Of the carpet throughout the bedroom. I asked him what happened and he couldn't give me a straight answer that made any sense I kept asking him and eventually he got the truth eventually got the truth He told me it's his jerk-off spot and that all guys have a part of the house where they jerk off and just leave it Is this true to all guys really just jerk off onto the floor and claim a spot like dogs?

Always my boyfriend a crazy person, please help. Yeah, no, it's true. You caught us I do say it's usually the shower, but yeah, I guess if you want to just nut on your own bedroom floor That's cool, too I guess this is how you gotta not move into your boyfriend's apartment and get your own Yes, you start fresh. Oh, babe. That's my nut carpet I do think there is something with like one in ten guys have this like I think everyone knows someone who knew someone who's like This guy's gross like he just likes to sit on the bed and just like yeah distance boom, right? Measure yourself and I'll never clean that you trying to beat your record the next time. Oh my god

I ate pineapple last night, so I'm gonna be shooting. I'll get a scoot back on the carpet That's a good way to get framed for a crime, too Or just leave your semen out or it's a great way to be exonerated for a crime that you didn't commit You just say detective go take like two strands off my shag carpet on the right side of my bed And I think we'll straighten this whole thing out Last one. Hey big cat PFT and handsome Hank I have a boyfriend of two months who I really like his parents invited me to their Christmas activities But mine are set on not inviting him to ours

How do I convince them to invite him and or how do I break the news to him without it hurting our relationship? Wait say it again. He's getting invited. She is getting invited to his Christmas. Yes Her family does not want him at their He's a bad boy. I think you say horse is too early. They're like, they're like well We don't want to accept you know our little girl has a serious relationship with fucking deadbeat Kev. Yeah I was gonna say like just Tell them that he might propose in two months, and then though. Oh, that's how long they've been dating. Yes Yeah, tell them that you're pregnant. Well, the question is to invite him

He shouldn't feel he should know how do I convince them to invite him? No and or wrong How do I break the news? Yes without hurting our relationship say? Just talk down about how terrible your Christmas is with your family and be like it's the worst We all have to get out and do like we play Pictionary for five hours, then we play a game of risk and There's no alcohol involved and just do that over and over and over we all wear the same PJs You don't want to be there. You don't like Pictionary now for five hours with your family Or you could just say that you're an Italian family, and it's gonna be seven kinds of fish or whatever the fuck they do

Yeah, and so then he'll be like yeah, no thanks I'm gonna stay home and eat my turkey Calamari part is good. Oh, absolutely But at some point like you get to like the six or seven. Yeah, there's not a lot of fishes in the ocean the fifth fish You're like I think I I think you're fooling me and this is the same kind of fish that I had on the second plate Yeah, isn't that weird saying like there's so many fish in the ocean. Isn't there a finite number? I mean, I know we like scientists always find those stupid Species yeah looks in the bottom of the ocean. We've only I think we've only uncovered like 1% of the different species No, we know all the great unknown. We all know you got tuna. You got bass

You got salmon salmon. You got gefelta fish stripa help the fish. You got Cooper yeah, halibut Jeff Fisher flounder red snapper red snapper Derek Fisher Derek Fisher lobster Tim Sam Okay So Oh Oh Hey