Pardon My Take - Blake Bortles, Mt Rushmore Of Athletes We Thought Would Be Better, And Hard Knocks

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Hard Knocks Episode 3, the Gruden show. Jon Gruden was on full display and is the funniest coach in the NFL (2:28 - 8:45). Baker Mayfield had a hell of a time on the internet and we defend our guy (8:45 - 12:11). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Hawaii Football being back for degenerates (12:11 - 28:52). Mt Rushmore of athletes that we convinced ourselves would be better than they turned out to be (28:52 - 45:48). Blake Bortles joins the show live from his Tesla to talk about going bald, the Rams offense, and Wikipedia Club for hair loss (45:48 - 64:39). Segments include hurt or injured ronda rousey, pmt sports biz minute, Talking Soccer, trouble in paradise Zeke/Jerry Jones and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, add free on Amazon Music. On today's pardon my take, we have The Boat, Blake Bortles, newly shaved head. We talked to him about what went down. We have a Wikipedia club, Hair Loss.

We also have Hard Knocks, Episode 3. Yes. We review Hot Seed Cool Throne and the Mount Rush more of guys we thought were gonna be better. The guys you convinced yourself this is going to be the superstar for my team and then. Before we do all that though, the Cash App. Pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App,

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Boy! Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna run down to electric revenue, and then we're taking higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to electric revenue.

It's part of my take presented by Fall School Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App, go download it right now, use code Barstool, you get $5 for yourself, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, August 21st. Whoa, Sunday night. Oh, Sunday night.

Is that the old one or the new one? Okay, that's the new one. I've been waiting all day is the new old one. Okay. So what was old is now new again. And I had just fell in love with the new old one. Exactly, it's like next year they're gonna get rid of the NFL 100 logo after everybody falls in love with it.

Love with it, and you get a tattoo. Yep. Yeah, so that was big news, but let's talk about hard knocks. The John Gruden episode. John Gruden leads the league in being pumped. The Frank Caliendo John Gruden episode. This was the episode we wanted

where it was just so much Gruden, and I fucking love him. I'm switching, I'm switching. We make fun of John Gruden, we make fun of the Raiders, the whole $100 million contract. I have switched, I want John Gruden to succeed because we need him in our lives for as long as possible. Him just throwing in swear words, it made no sense.

What would he say to Glennon? Fucking neck, man. That was a great shit drive. That was a great shit drive, man. I can't believe that John Gruden went how many years on Monday Night Football without dropping an F-bomb. Yeah.

Considering how often he does it in hard knocks, just in his regular vernacular. They don't even make sense. Nope, just put fuck in there, and it becomes a football guy, I say. Great shit drive, Glennon, man. So yeah, it was the Gruden episode. It's great, like every single play,

no matter what, he acts like he has an orgasm. Yeah. You know how we talk about Nick Saban never coming? He never allows himself to nut unless he wins the national championship. Then he gets one, and then it's back to recruiting. Yes. John Gruden is the exact opposite.

He's like Nick Saban, like if he did tantric play call. When he does that thing where he's got a little belly now, and he like went belly to belly with Antonio Brown, and you're just like, are they about to fuck? Like he's like, yeah, we'd love to have you out here, man. And like just like kind of almost like foreplay with his belly. And it was just, it was the tension just was rising

in the room, and that's John Gruden. That's how football coaches get close to their players. You ever see the movie Coneheads, where they had intercourse by rubbing heads? Yes. That's what a football guy does. He just rubs his belly on you, and that's how he lets you know that he loves you.

The other key to John Gruden being a football guy when he had to talk to Drew Rosenhaus, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else in the planet. Doesn't have any time. Fuck this guy. I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear about Antonio Brown's helmet. I am officially as well, so sick of Antonio Brown's helmet.

Yes, sick of the helmet, but in love with the jumpsuit. Yeah, in love with the jumpsuit. In love with the boomin' on his pads. Put the helmet gate. Holy shit, I am now on Mike Mayox's side. Just, just decide it, dude. I'm sick of talking about it. Like the whole episode, he was with the team,

and then right at the end, he's like, oh yeah, he's not here. It's so stupid at this point. I'm sick of it. Just either find a helmet, don't play with a helmet. I don't care. We might riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff. I absolutely agree.

How about that? We riot if he continues to do the helmet stuff. Yeah, it is kind of annoying because it's like one of those things where you look out and Mayox said it, there are 89 other guys out there that are playing. It's just the dumbest story at this point. I thought it was a fun story when it happened,

when that first, Mike Silverhead, that first tweet thread, you're like, this is ridiculous. And you were hoping maybe it would be like a two, three day story that would get us a little bit closer to football. We're on what, week two now? Week three of this? It's exhausting, and I'm sick of it.

It is. Do you think that when Frank Caliendo was doing his impression of Gruden in front of the team, Mark Davis thought that he was doing an impression of him? Yes, definitely. I think so. He's like, no, this guy's awesome. I do be sound like that sometimes.

That is awesome. Yeah, this is good job, bro. Try to dapp him up. Yeah, that was perfect. What are you doing here? That was perfect. Other notes, we had Luke Wilson, our guy, Luke Wilson, one of the best, all time most random,

but best recurring guests when he told the story about the Seattle Super Bowl and the locker room after. He's review of the Golden Gate Bridge, pretty cool fucking bridge. Even though he's seen bridges before. This is not his first bridge, but even he's got to take his hat off. Well, that's what he was like.

I grew up in a town with a bridge, so I didn't think I'd be excited to see another bridge. That goes like spits in the face of the old saying, when you see one bridge, you've seen them all? Yeah. That's not a true saying anymore. Golden Gate Bridge. It hits different.

Pretty cool fucking bridge. It was, yeah. He's Kombucha Rob Gronkowski. Yes. He's MDMA Gronk. That hair, too, is so good. I know. So good.

We also had our hard knocks player that everyone's going to draft late in their fantasy league because we get sold on it. Or he might just get cut and everyone has a tearjerker. It's the Devin Kajusti Award. So it is. What was the guy's name? I already forgot.

Waller. Darren Waller? No. You sound pretty tough. Darren Waller. No, no, I wrote a no-town. Well, yeah, he's had like a bunch of substance abuse issues in the past.

Boots. Yeah, I slipped in my loop. Loot Wilson. No, quick. They probably not a great choice of words for the announcer to be like, everyone's real high on Darren Waller this year. Bill Walton was announcing, so. That's true.

But yeah, otherwise, pretty entertaining episode. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. It was pretty good. It was good to hear Uncle Brent's voice, too. Always good. When they were playing against the Cardinals, he was probably up there in the booth scoping out Cliff Kingsbury's wife.

I'm going to go with, I'm going to go 3.5 balls. OK, that's a strong ball, Ray. Yeah, yeah, yeah, actually not a strong ball. You don't think that's a good ball, Ray? Out of five? That's seven out of 10 balls. It's like a seven. Now you're doing multiplication, Hank.

No, it's 3.5 out of five. Five balls. But Hank's right with the math. I get it, but I don't like that. It's a five ball scale. Yeah. What did you give balls wise? I was cracking up the whole time.

I'd probably give it like a 4.4 balls. Whoa. 4.4 balls, OK. That was one of the most entertaining episodes of Hard Knocks I think I've seen. Flat four balls for me. Four balls? All right, so then we averaged out to about a little tick

under four balls. There we go. Yeah, an epididymis under four balls. 3.99 balls. That sounds about right. That's pretty strong, yeah. Other big NFL news today. Oh, yeah.

Our guy Baker, back in the news. So we have sworn an oath to defend Baker against enemies foreign and domestic. And he did an interview with GQ, who, Clay Skipper, the author. You might remember him from he did a thing about us a couple years ago. Remember that?

Yes. And that's what we know Clay Skipper for, and that's it. Yeah, so he got Baker to sit down in a restaurant that we're talking about. Daniel Jones are talking about other quarterbacks. And Baker said some things that might have come off to be kind of saying tortino Jones. But I don't think so.

I'm just saying I think that that's the type of quarterback that you want on your team. The guy that thinks that he's the shit. Here's the thing I don't understand about this whole entire controversy or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Because listen, Baker was probably misquoted. And if he wasn't, we stand by.

He was misquoted. And he used the Barstow Sports Instagram page to shout that out. So thank you for that. OK, so Grace. So boom, he was misquoted. But let's say he wasn't misquoted. OK, let's just go under that hypothetical.

He said nothing different than everyone else in the entire world. And I get it. Yeah, it's Baker. So it's different because it's not a talking head. But everyone has spent the last five months shitting on Daniel Jones. And Daniel Jones is used to it at this point.

He's just literally been getting shat on. And guess what? Baker just added on. He was the last one to do it. And you know what? Baker probably is friends with Daniel Jones and was motivating him. That's true.

He's probably being a good buddy. It was really nice. And then Daniel Jones had the most Daniel Jones responsible time. He basically said, I appreciate Mr. Marra for giving me the opportunity to learn behind Eli Manning and the entire Giants organization in our very boring shade of blue pants.

Yeah. So good job, Daniel Jones. I don't. I mean, so are we saying misquoted? Misquoted. Officially out of context. OK, so we're not even going to hate Daniel Jones anymore. He was misquoted out of context.

Guess what? It was crazy that he drafted him with a six pick. We all thought that. It is. We all said it. Doesn't mean he can't be good. Baker's just being a normal guy, just like the rest of us. And you know what?

When we swore to protect Baker, I don't think we realized how full time of a job that would be. Oh, my god. Yeah, I mean, it's every single day. I don't mind it. No, I love it. It's a great part of my job. But I feel like we should outsource some.

We should get a Russian troll farm to just handle our light work. Like if it's Coward. Yeah, there's no political candidate in the United States that needs a troll farm of Russian internet accounts more than Baker Mayfield does. Yeah, let's get it going. Go after Coward. I'm sure he said something.

I don't even care at this point. Yeah, so Coward is just using that as the hobby horse. Who cares? Who cares? And Stanley, who cares? Yeah, I had a thought this weekend. I mean, foreshadowing, and that's basically you guys in like 10 minutes.

Yeah, that's true, because we're taping the beginning of the show after we tape the rest of the show. Oh, that's a good point. That was a my friend says a quote, by the way, that I don't. I I do care about standing Stanley. Yeah, yeah. No, I care.

I care about Stanley and Baker and Baker both care about everyone. Everyone call God's children. I care about just not calling Coward. Yeah. No, fuck that guy. No. Yeah. Before we do hot seat, cool throne barstoolgold.com

slash PMT. Check it out. We got a new one bonus one coming in a couple of weeks. You can watch all of our interviews. You can watch all of our podcasts. You can see us right now. Hi, guys. What's up?

We're doing a special hand gesture to just the Barstoolgold people. That's only the Barstoolgold people know this one. Yep. Everyone else are listening. You don't even see it. Go check it out. Barstoolgold.com slash PMT.

OK, let's do our hot seat cool throne. Hank. My hot seat is Kenny Stills. Oh, Dolphins wide receiver. He came out on Monday or Tuesday, and he was kind of came out a little critical of Jay-Z and the whole partnership with the NFL. Today, his coach, Brian Flores, played

eight Jay-Z songs in a row during practice. Whoa. And no Beyonce? No Beyonce. That's problematic right there. Whoa, did he play any Stephen Ross raps? I don't know. Oh, he's pretty good.

That's Stephen Ross. I saw Mike Floreo tweet out that Stephen Ross is out of the social justice working group. I didn't even know that was a category at Westminster. He got kicked out. Yeah, he got kicked out. He's no longer certified by the AKC. That's right.

Yeah. So what are your thoughts on this, Hank? I just feel like it's a bad sign if you come out and say something, and then your coach's response is to basically troll you. I'm not talking about the whole issue, all that bullshit. I'm just saying, if your head coach sees you talking out to the media, and then he gets so upset with that

that he basically trolls you, that's not a good sign. It's also just not a good sign in general if you're a Miami Dolphins wide receiver. Yeah, so we could just end the conversation. Could also be just guys being dudes, though, little ball busting. It's funny. It's ball busting.

But it's like, you're on the hot seat. You've been put on the hot seat. Right, right. Your comments didn't get unnoticed by your coach. Correct. People know what's going on. Or he's just a huge Jay-Z fan. Doubtful.

Could just think that. 8 in a row? I don't know. He's got a lot of hits. He does. Got a lot of hits. My other hot seat is. Maybe he just did Spotify, radio, or whatever, and just boom.

Yeah, good point. Good point. Left it on. Well, then it would probably be mixing a variation of Jay-Z, and people like Jay-Z. True. He just clicks. My other hot seat is Spider-Man.

Yeah? He's out of the MCU. Oh, is that a hospital? Was he in trouble? No, it's a universe. OK, all right. So what is that? He's out.

What is MCU? That's the Avengers universe. OK. Marvel comic universe. Why did he get kicked out? Apparently, there's some ownership issues. Sony, his rights are owned by Sony, and they're having issues with Disney.

And so they're saying that they're not going to let Spider-Man appear in any MCU movies. When he's been like the person, he's like their top prospect in the MCU. So it's kind of awkward. Got it. So I have a question. Wasn't the Avengers the last Avengers?

Yeah, I thought so. Wasn't that it? I thought they were just like, we're going to agree to not make any more $100 million movies. Right. To make us all rich. To quote Lashaw McCoy, didn't Tony Stark die? He died, but they basically set up Spider-Man

to be the new Tony Stark, the new guy. Oh, OK. Is it Toby McGuire? Nope. Damn. So is it Toe for Grace? Is Toe for Grace dead? No.

Damn. Toe for Grace is long gone. He's like, he's two Spider-Man's removed. He was a Spider-Man? No, but he was the bad guy in one of them. Got it. But then Andrew Garfield, Spider-Man, came on. He is no longer in existence.

That's a made up name. He's the new guy. Also Toe for Grace, he's the easiest villain to kill. That's not real person. He's a president, right? Is that a real person? Yeah, he's a president. OK.

All right, so got it. No more Spider-Man ever. Can't see you. No, he'll still be in Sony in Venom. I don't see. Now I have no idea what's going on. Jesus Christ. I have no idea.

That was, you can't do that. So two different companies own Spider-Man, at the same. Spider-Man is he's. Basically, Sony. He's on Sanders. Sony owns Spider-Man. Sony owns Spider-Man. And let's say, you know, it's an NFL.

And they let him go play in the NBA for a while. But he's still playing the NFL. Now they're saying, you can't play in the NBA. You can only play in the NFL. And that's it. And all the NBA fans are very upset because the NBA is way more popular. A spider, by the way, would suck for the NBA.

Come on, Hank. The NBA. Oh, OK. What are you going to work for the ringer? Be traveling the entire time. OK. And then my cool throne is the Matrix. Try establishing a pivot foot if you're interacted.

That's what I'm saying. My cool throne is the Matrix. OK. Yeah. They announced the Matrix for today. OK. Keanu. Yeah.

Fuck yes. That's one of those movies. I just put that on my cool throne is to say that's one of those movies like Jurassic Park that I just never seen. Really? Yeah. That one's fair.

I remember vividly, Matrix 1 was like life changing. Matrix 2, I think I watched it in the theaters and it was like, this stinks. And I don't think I saw Matrix 3. Which is why it's surprising that 20 years later they've come out with the Matrix. But I'll go back for that. Like, I'll go back for the nostalgia factor.

Which is the one where they had him meet God, the guy with a beard? Was that number three? I just remember being mad about two. So yeah, I was mad about when he met God because I was just like, I'm way too high to understand anything that's going on here. Well, why isn't he dodging bullets?

Exactly. That's what I signed up for. I hope Matrix 4 just starts out. It should just be John Wick inside a computer. I'm cool with that. OK. Done. Then my other cool throne is crispy chicken sandwich.

It's something you guys can probably actually relate to unlike my other three. Yeah. Why? Because we like food? Yeah. Is that a fat comment? Yes.

OK. I've already eaten it. What has been going on? Popeyes just came up with a chicken sandwich, and now it's on? Popeyes came out with a chicken sandwich, and then in response to the announcement of the chicken sandwich, Chick-fil-A got a little cutesy on Twitter.

Oh, a little brand-off? Yep. Nothing better than a brand-off. You can't believe 17 times Chick-fil-A dunked on Popeyes on Twitter. No, no, no, no, no, no. Uh-oh. Popeyes dunked on Chick-fil-A.

Nice. Chick-fil-A tried to get in the mix, and then Popeyes and just all the fans just dunked on him. Wendy's got in the mix. The Avengers of chicken sandwiches. It sparked. No, not really. They're all going at each other.

It's like a royal rumble of chicken sandwiches. Correct. Shake Shack on the next thing I've done by everyone. Shake Shack can get the fuck out of town. They're not in the same league. Why doesn't Popeyes just mark it to, hey, we sell chicken sandwiches on Sundays? I think they are.

I think they've started to do that. That would be great if it just became a chicken sandwich off, and then Chick-fil-A was forced to sell chicken sandwiches on Sunday. They'll never do it. I don't think they're going to do it. I don't know if they're bottom dollar. What about Taco Bell, Hank?

Trouble in paradise? You guys don't have a chicken sandwich? Not yet. A torta? A chicken torta? That would be nice. Here's what you do. You just buy a shitload of Chick-fil-A sandwiches

on Saturday night. Yes. Hang on to them until Sunday morning. Put them inside one of those Crunchwrap deals and say, hey, this is our chicken torta. Why don't we do that? Why don't we stand outside of Chick-fil-A with a bunch of Chick-fil-A sandwiches

we bought the night before on a Sunday when everyone comes through and like, shit, it's close. Like all the stone is like, shit, it's close. Hey, dude, we have a $50 Chick-fil-A sandwich for you. I like it. It's like a lemonade stand for chicken. Part of my taste. How quickly do you think that would get cut to a shutdown?

Not quickly because they don't have cops around on Sundays. Perfect. And they have to be very polite to you. They say, my pleasure when they serve. That's true. They are very nice to you. Very polite people there. Is that it?

That's it. OK. PFT. OK, my great job, Hank. Great job, Hank. Hey, Hank, that was awesome. You're so great. It's ridiculous that you need approval.

My hot seat. I'm going right into it. Greenland is on my hot seat because the president of Denmark just said that it's not for sale. See, again, I don't believe it. But everything has a price. But that's out of the deal. Who cares what if the president of Brazil

says it is for sale? Wait, does Denmark own Greenland? Yes, they do. Yeah, they actually do. Why? You were thinking Portugal. Why? They speak Brazilian and Portugal.

Yeah, no, they do own Greenland. It would be like someone trying to buy Puerto Rico, and we're like, not for sale, guys. Yes, exactly. I think so. I mean, if President Trump wants an island that doesn't support ICE, he should just go for Puerto Rico. It's just Vincent that we should buy Puerto Rico.

Yeah, rebuy Puerto Rico. But there are other ways to take over a country besides buying it. Like, let's just ride. A war? What's Denmark going to do to stop us from invading Greenland? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Yeah, there's probably some treaty that would stop it, but that's a piece of paper. Yeah, Denmark has bigger fish to fry. I have one more question regarding Denmark. Yeah, according to Google, it is the kingdom of Denmark, but the guy goes by the president. Yeah. So here's what happened in Europe like 100 years ago.

So a bunch of countries were like, hey, we shouldn't have kings anymore because it's just about who fucks who. And they decided to have presidents, but the kings still hang out, and they get to wear crowns and stuff, like the Queen of England. Yeah, Queen of England. But there's a president of England as well?

Yeah, there's a prime minister. It's the Rob Ford guy. Got it, got it, all right. Yeah, Boris. Any more questions about Denmark? That was kind of fun. Yeah, we broke it down. Yeah, actually, we're going to have probably the most famous

Denmark citizen on part of my take on Friday. Oh, what a teaser. How about that? How about that? With that one up. With slash, slash Greenland. Slash Greenland. Yeah, we could probably just buy Greenland

from Morton Anders. Greenland's own Morton Anders. Yes, it's going on Friday. My cool throne is, well, are we going to get into Todd Gurley's cat-hank? Let's do it. Okay, my cool throne is LeBron Lockwood. Yeah, because I think what we just found out

from Todd Gurley is that you can get a cat and sell ad space on it real easily. And Hank seems receptive to the idea of owning a cat if it can get sponsored. So Hank. I can get money for this. Yes, so name your price. Because I actually thought about this last night as well.

If we got a cat named Cash App and it was yours, how much money do you need to be paid for Cash App the cat? 100K. Whoa. That's kind of stupid. I don't know. How about 10? Yeah.

Okay, let's move to the middle. 25. He's just now. $25,000 cash in your Cash App. Yeah, now you're thinking. No, 25. Cash App, Cash App, 30. Cash App.

Yeah. Also, right to your fucking Cash App? Why are you negotiating over the internet with this? Because Cash App's going to listen. We should make it higher. Well, I'm doing as good as money. Well, no, Hank, no, I wanted to just prove that you're doing it.

$150,000. And it's $450,000 deal. Okay, so you pretty much said that you would buy a cat for like 10K. Yep, nope. I mean, this is one of those things where it's like 100K and then they're like, how about 10? You're like, deal.

Here's the thing about Todd Gurley's cat though. It's like, fuck you, Todd Gurley. Yeah. You've been talking about getting a cat for a year. And then you just did that. And then you get a fake cat. Yeah, whoever. Merkin, a little fake pussy.

Makes ads out of their content. That's fucked up. It's disgusting. Yeah. Like, can you imagine using one of your pets as like a marketing thing on Instagram? Or like starting a bit and then having it become an ad and like naming a whole week after it.

Like, and then selling grit by the bottle. Or other. We should sell grit by the bottle, holy shit. Just water. Imagine it. Yeah, just bottle some fucking water. It's air. We just go, we're like, everyone is year on grit week.

Like, ooh, here's air from Coach Harbaugh's office. Here's air from inside the van. Coach, oh, breathe the little air in here. That would be great. Mike Dicka farted into this one. Boom, done. Sold. That one probably wouldn't sell that much

because you can get it for free if you just walk around Chicago. If you just walk behind them like a pooper scoop. Yeah, pretty much. But that, write that down. Different coaches breath. Yes. Hot dog breath.

All right, anything else? That's it. Okay, my hot seat is Devin Booker. So there was a video that was released of a little run over the summer. Joe Kim Noah and Devin Booker. So essentially Devin Booker was mad because Joe Kim Noah sent a double team on him.

And Devin Booker was like, hey, we don't double team in open run. And we're working on our game here. And Joe Kim Noah, who I love forever, was like, yeah, that's part of the game, dude. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. And it was an awesome clip because it just showed

maybe Devin Booker is the S word soft. And also he sent Tony Snell as a double team. So it was like, damn, the bulls are back. I'm just, I'm shocked that Joe Kim Noah is still playing. He's ready to go. Yeah, he is. He's ready for that New Zealand contract. Did you see that Kobe quote?

Yeah, the Kobe quote was awesome. So Will Conroy said, I remember being with the Lakers in pre-preseason. What's pre-preseason 0-6. And during our open runs, we double Kobe constantly. Not once did he get mad. Not once did he pass LOL. Well, yeah, you didn't have to say that part.

You wasted characters on that. Exactly. That has no bearing even if he was single team. He said, y'all better send three to guard me. By the way, that's the year he had 60 plus and didn't play the fourth against Dallas. In that year. In that year.

So, yeah, I mean, listen, Devin Booker seems like a nice guy, but that is a soft move. Joe Kim Noah, I love you. Good rule of thumb is if you're playing in any sort of game, any sort of scrimmage, that isn't an actual regular season game for a professional league.

Just don't complain about shit. Right. From the time that you turned like 12 years old, just stop complaining about stuff in practice. But it is crazy that Devin Booker was like, we're here to work on our game. What more could work on your game than having a double team? You get double teamed in the NBA.

Why wouldn't you want to be double teamed right here? Yeah. Does Devin Booker get double teamed? Yeah. Oh yeah. He scored, he fucking lights it up. Okay. He can score by the bunches. He scored what?

He scored 70? Oh yeah, that's right. This is crazy that he would be upset about something like that. You'd think that would make him better. My cool throne is the generic gamblers. So, Mountain West announced today that Hawaii football games are gonna stream live

on Facebook. Thank fucking God. So, all you degenerate gamblers, the chase game that everyone bets, Hawaii basically has been part of your life forever. I used to do the move where I would follow, like if Hawaii was playing rice, I would follow Hawaii and rice Twitter accounts

and then put alerts on and just sit there and wait for them to pop up. Because the scores wouldn't update if you were looking in a score app. So, but now we can watch it live. And so, what time are those games? When do they start? They're usually like midnight?

Okay, I love that. I love that. So, you extend the day. It's the game that you bet when you've had a terrible Saturday and you're like, let me just try to get one win before Sunday starts. Okay, so the way I'm doing the math right now,

basically we have like three hours of downtime between college football and when the pre-season, or the pre-game shows start on ESPN, like the Sunday, the match up. You're forgetting about EPL at like 6.30 in the morning. Oh yeah, I had an idea about that. I love just the hangover, reducing qualities

of just turning on my TV and seeing grass. Grass and English accents. That helps, but if you just see grass, just green grass on your television, there should be a grass channel for dads. Someone tweeted me over the summer, I think it was around Wimbledon time, and it was the most appropriate tweet ever.

He said, I'm so hungover, all I wanna do is see a ball moving. And that's really it. You just wanna sit on your couch and just see a ball on your screen, go back and forth. On grass. Yes, absolutely. So excluding that, if we're talking about just football though,

we've got three hours where we can fall asleep, honestly, I love that. Are we gonna be able to watch Army against Oklahoma this year? I don't know if they play again, but I just remember last year, that's the stuff. There's a pay-per-view, because I was gambling on that.

I watched that periscope where it was just the dude's feet for half the time. It was crazy. Was that, that was the channel? Yeah, no, it was the periscope, but he just had his feet in the screen the whole time. Everyone's like, dude, get your fucking feet out of the thing.

A periscope of a live event, the comment section is such a hilarious spot to be in. The comment section, then every now and again, the guy turns the phone back onto himself and promotes his mixtape. Bro, what are you doing? Turn up the volume, we can't hear. Yo, I didn't watch this football game,

we look at a dude. I fucking love it, I love it. All right, let's get to our Mount Rushmore. We got a big one here. Before we do our Mount Rushmore though, PFT, I wanna ask you a question. What's your favorite vodka? That's easy, it's New Amsterdam.

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New Amsterdam vodka is the official vodka of our stool sports. Get the Pink Whitney's starting September 1st. Our guy, Ryan Whitney, one of our favorite recurring guests. He has his own drink named after him in New Amsterdam vodka. It's a premixed vodka and lemonade and you gotta get it Pink Whitney's, so check him out. Okay, here we go.

Mount Rushmore of guys we thought were gonna be better. So this idea came to me when we were talking about Mike Glennon last week and I was convinced that he was going to be a fantastic Bears quarterback. We're like, hey, that one was like just, you had to convince yourself for self-preservation. Going into a season, they're all sorts of lies you need to tell yourself to be a NFL fan.

So here are the rules. We're gonna, cause other, cause you know, I did a brain dump and I just basically did like all the Chicago guys that have disappointed me and it's a long, long list. Obama. So who we're going to do, you can pick two from the teams you root for

and then the other two have to be national. So it's guys that you were convinced we're going to be better than they are. There'll probably be some crossover with bus, but it's not necessarily a bus. Okay. All right. Hank, first pick ahead.

My first pick, this movie is probably like one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. One of the first documentaries I ever saw, made me love like sports documentaries, sports movies, Sebastian Telfair through the wire. I watched that movie was like this kid is going to be, and also I was young and it was like a sports documentary that made him look really good.

And in my head, I was like this, he's skipping college, like he's Dominant White Howard. He is going to be the greatest NBA player of all time. Yes. That's a good pick. He recently just went to jail, which was sad, that video of him in court. Damn.

Why'd you do that? Yeah. Tough. All right. My first pick, I would have put my life, my 20, no, my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable pro, Joey Harrington. Yeah.

Joey Harrington was going to be so good. It was right when Oregon became Oregon. They hadn't been that team yet. You had him on the cover of the NCAA football game. I think he lost like two or three games his entire college career. Joey Harrington in my mind was like, this guy is going to be incredible

because it was also like Oregon, up tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Yeah. Joey, why doesn't he go by Joe? What an idiot. Joey Jeans. If he was Joe Harrington, he probably would have been good.

But yeah, Joey Harrington, I was convinced, was going to be that dude. Yeah, that's a good pick. I liked Joey Harrington a lot too, when he was going to the cover lines. That was great. And then they got him all these, yeah, the cover. They got him all these weapons at wide receiver.

Yeah. Well, I actually have a couple other guys from there. Yeah, you could make a Matt Miller on this. Honorable mention, yeah. Yeah, okay. My very first, I'm going to have to go with the goat, Freddie Do. And we still don't know.

He still could be great. True. He did that commercial with Pele. It was at a time when America was really, really desperate for the future of American soccer. He wasn't. At that point, America was so far in the past, that we still hadn't had a future of American soccer yet.

But he was the first one. I went to his very first game for DC United. I was there. He got in after like, I don't know, 70 minutes. And I was like, if he's really good, he should probably be starting. That was my first clue. Yeah.

That maybe he wouldn't be great. He was like 16. He was like, yeah, he was like 15 or 16 years old. That was the, yeah, the start of the long list of guys who were going to save American soccer. Yes, he was, he was originally one of those. My second big cat probably has this guy on this list. One of the best college running backs I've ever seen.

Ron Dane. Ron Dane, I still think one of these days for the Giants, he's going to suit up and run for 170 yards. He had that Thanksgiving game. He had one good game, but at the Texans, I thought he was like the next Bo Jackson. Okay. I thought he was going to be great.

I'm kind of fucked up. He picked one of my teams. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah. No, that's fine. You could have. I could have picked.

All right. My second pick I'm going to go. I alluded to this because I said this might hurt someone's feelings, not a friend, but a friend of a friend. I was big time. Greg Odin's better than Kevin Durant. And I was like, how can you pass on a big man this good? I think I was probably biased because he played,

you know, I watched him play the big 10 in Ohio State and Wisconsin played, you know, twice a year and all this shit. I would have put everything on Greg Odin being that block he had. I think it was in the tournament. Maybe I can't remember. It was like the final four.

Not to make it even worse, but it was like, holy shit, this guy can do everything. Yeah. They needed to win that national championship. Yeah, they did. Well, that national championship is like the number one. I'm so mad that that NCAA basketball has the five foul rule because remember Joe Kimnall and Greg Odin

had like two quick fouls and they didn't play the first half. I'm like, why are we watching this? Hand up. I agreed with you on that draft. Oh, yeah. I was like, you got to take Odin. Kevin Durant gave me a bench. And also, like in the back of your head,

you still had a dominant big man like Shaq exactly all the way. So you're like, this is the next evolution. I know that Steve Kerr was going to come in and fuck everything up for everybody. Right. But yeah, and when he had his hand injury, his wrist injury, I was like, oh, this is a fluke injury.

He's fine. I don't care that he's shooting foul shots with his off hand. He'll be fine. He's going to be healthy. He looks like Abraham Lincoln. Big men this skilled never fail. Yeah, exactly. I think I said that to myself many times.

Kevin Durant couldn't even put up 185 fouls. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Right. He was so skinny. B-word. And he didn't even like the Durantula nickname. Greatest nickname that's never stuck. Or Slim Reaper.

Or Slim Reaper. That was actually what I was thinking of. Two for two. Durantula's gifted, though. Slim Reaper's awesome. This is another one from my youth that I was just very ignorant. But Scott Kazmir was a pitcher on the double raise,

left-handed pitcher. So I went to a Red Sox game. He dominated him. I think he threw a complete game and had like 15 strikeouts. Won the rookie of the year that year. And so I was like, this guy's going to be like the greatest player of all time.

And I just looked up his stats because I was thinking just brain dump and I went to look. And it's like 10 and 8, 13, 9, 12 and 8, 10 and 9, 8, 7, 2 and 2, careers over. Yep. Scott Kazmir. Yes, Scott Kazmir. Because also lefties, you're always like, wow.

Yes. And obviously, I was like lefty. I'm the lefty like this guy's the lefty. You can see yourself. Yeah, you and Scott Kazmir had a little something. Your dad let you play in the Little League World Series. I'm going to beat him up. I have to.

He was distraught over that, I guess. I mean, it was in retrospect. He said to let you play in retrospect, finding out that you didn't get to play as a 13-year-old in the Little League World Series. And then the immediate reaction being like, we're going to kick your ass, Mr. Lockwood. It's a little much.

My next. How much cooler would this podcast be, though, if we had a Little League World Series champion? Oh, my whole way. I mean, I probably wouldn't be here. You would not. No, no, you'd be in the big leagues.

For sure. My next one will be James Young, more recent. But I kind of had a connection with him. I knew him, shout out to Sam alone. I had run into him a few times. He had that dunk in the tournament against Yukon. Celtics then drafted him. And I knew him.

I got to hang out with him a few times. So in my head, I was like, yo, if this guy blows up, like, I'm going to be fucking cool with the best player on the Celtics. I don't think he ever played more than 10 minutes game. He just did play defense. And he was like hooking up with Rihanna. You sit in courtside with Rihanna.

Had that dunk in the tournament. I'd say he also played in the spectators. Then, yeah, I mean, all things being equal, I'd probably rather that than have a successful NBA career. I feel like the successful NBA career would probably be better without banging Rihanna. Yeah, think about it. I don't know if they were just courtsided against him.

They could've just been, yeah. All right, I'll go with Chicago one. I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength, come on. And just throwing the defense in. But yes, yes, I still was like, Rex Grossman is a franchise quarterback. In fact, you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten

Peyton Manning in that game, Peyton Manning would have never won a ring. Correct, correct. Facts. But yeah, I still, I don't know. I mean, dude, guys who can throw deep, why not? And he didn't mind throwing it deep.

Why not? You know what he did? He trusted himself a little bit too much. A little too much. A little too much. All right, what do you got next? So my last two, I'm going dice-k, right off the bat. Dice-k, matcha-zaka.

No, because Hank. You want a ring? Yeah, but he, I was, I was promised the, the gyro ball. I was promised the gyro ball, okay? And I never got the gyro ball. I was told that he had like 500 different pitches that he could throw that he was going to come over and do things that no human arm had ever done before

in the history of pitching. And then he came over and he threw like 93 on the black. So that to me, I was- The gyro ball was very- Yeah. Yes. I was, I was waiting on the gyro ball. And my last one, I'm going to go with-

Oh, actually, yeah, he only had one good year. Yeah. He went 15, 12, 18, and three, and then just fell off a cliff. Yeah, yeah. 18 and three, wow. That's a pretty good year. Yeah.

My last one, I'm going with David Boston. David Boston, the wide receiver. He was a legend coming out of Ohio State. He had an awesome year on the Cardinals. I pulled up these stats. He had 1,600 yards and eight touchdowns. Pretty good year. And there was a legitimate debate

which receiver is going to be the future of the NFL. David Boston or Randy Moss. I thought it was David Boston. I was, some would say I was wrong about that take. But he had a body like a fucking Adonis. And then he just decided to quit football and become a bodybuilder. Yeah.

So not a bad profession, backup plan. But I agree. I thought he was awesome too. He got caught using steroids. And then he was like, you know what? I might as well, can I make steroids a career? Full send. Full send.

Full send, fuck it. All right, my last pick, I still, again, these hurt because you still think that you like hang on to him. Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym. Wow. Tyrus Thomas could jump out of the fucking gym. When he went to the Final Four with LSU,

I was like, and then the Bulls drafted him. That was the same draft. They drafted the Marcus Aldrin and traded him. I was like, Tyrus Thomas at four is a steal. This guy, he had the like classic youth thing where it's all upside. Yep, he's stung. He was the ultimate length guy of all time.

I had him on my list. Did you? That was my next pick. Do you remember how high he could jump? It was insane. That Final Four run, I think. They were incredible, incredible. And he just got better every single game.

And you're like, that was a all time draft stock tournament. Whereas like Tyrus Thomas goes into the tournament, okay, maybe it could be a pretty good pro, comes out of the tournament, like, holy shit, this guy. He was also incredible. Very fun to play with on 2K the first year out. Yeah. Because he was like the hops.

Yeah, he had the hops. Who are the all time draft tournament stock guys? Wally Serbiac. Wally Serbiac. Keith Van Horn. Yep, yep. Mellow. Mellow, yeah.

Big time Mellow. Yeah. Anyone the bulls have drafted, who was like a four, you know, a senior in Iowa, that's a career. Yeah. All right, your last one. My last one, speaking of Mellow, I'm going to go with Mellow Trimble.

Okay. I was at a game. I went to a UNC game. I mean, all minor basically like things I just saw in person. But I went to a UNC Carolina game in 2015. And he dropped like 25 points. Was the best player on the court by far. And this was the year that if he went in the lottery,

he would have been a lottery pick. And so I was like, oh, this guy's destined for greatness. And I don't even think he's playing anymore. I don't know. Probably probably Europe, which is crazy. Yeah, that is crazy. 2015, he was like lottery pick. Yeah.

I think he had a game winner against Wisconsin. I was like, holy shit. Oh my god, no, he's from Melbourne. Yeah. Yeah, he plays in the NBA. Oh, fuck him. He's a rival. I never thought he'd be shit.

Yeah, he stinks. He's stunk out loud from the day I saw him. Yeah, that's also one of those ones, Hank, where you see Mellow and your mind just plays tricks. Yep. And also just the last name, Trimble. Yeah, yeah. Bad ass name across the board.

And he had a few shots that were like court, like the crowd silencer. Yes, big time. This guy's a big time player. Good hair, too. Like a sick flat top. All right, guys, it missed the list. So I did a Chicago dump.

I had Mike Glennon, Eddie Courage, Jared Allen, Ben Wallace, Gabe Karimi, Fukudome. I went to his first game and he hit a home run off Ghana. And I was like, holy shit, this guy's going to be Hall of Famer. Tony Snell, I would throw a flag on him. I would throw a flag on Jerry Patterson. Jared Allen, Hall of Famer. Yeah, I know.

But when he came to the Bears, it was like, this is the piece that will take him over the top. So that sucked. National ones, Ameca Okafor, same thing, big guy. Big guy can't fail. I thought Robert Gallery was the greatest pick of all time. And I saw him at a bar in Iowa City in like 2005. This guy is so fucking huge.

He's a massive guy. He looks like the basis from Slipknot's dad. That's how fucking big he was. Like Kane, with a little bit of Kane mix in. Yes. But you know why everyone thought he was going to be a great pick? Was because he was a safe pick for the Raiders. Right.

It's like, oh, the Raiders didn't fucking draft a wide receiver. That, you know, was a sprinter until two months ago. Yes. This must be a sane pick. Also offensive line when you take like Gabe Karimi is a perfect example. When you take an offensive line and you're like, oh, this is great. Like they they feel like you got to build from the trenches. This guy can't fail.

Yep. You just assume those guys don't fuck up. Gabe Karimi had that look, too. Yeah. He just, you know, he looked. Baird you. Yeah, yeah. You can say I've got.

If we want to go hometowns, Patrick Ramsey was on mine. Patrick Ramsey, he had a fucking cannon. He was the NCAA Javelin champion. His senior year at Tulane. So for that reason, I thought he was going to be a top five NFL quarterback. Yeah, I kept saying that for like five years. I was like, take Mark Brunel out. Don't get off Brunel off that hill.

He was a fucking Javelin player. He's got a cannon on his arm. Die there. Charles Rogers. Yep. He I was like the the Lions are making the greatest moves. Just get all the greatest wide receivers. Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, Roy Williams, Mike Williams,

Mike Williams was another one, too, where I thought he was going to be unbelievable. Yep. And I also I was convinced Maurice Claret was going to be awesome. He might have been. He could have been. If you didn't get that year off. Well, and also get his goose on. But that's what I'm saying, that you're off.

You have a lot of time to be goose. And so the back then he was drinking the goose in the Gatorade bottles. I'm saying I'm getting my goose on my goose on to Marcus Russell. He's on my list. Yep. People forget he could hit the crossbar while he's wearing shorts from 50 yards. Harvard Rugland, you guys might know him more commonly as kickalicious. The trick shot kicker from like Denmark.

A lot of Denmark talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was doing all these trick shots on YouTube, hitting the post. He would have been a great Bears kicker, actually. Think about it, but he was fucking awesome. And then you got to try out in the NFL and he did pretty well in preseason. Then we just never heard from him anymore. And then he was poof back to the YouTube life.

I did think Ryan Leaf was going to be an awesome quarterback. Yeah, you throw him in there. Anyone else think that you had? No, Kimbo Slice in the UFC. Kimbo Slice, the UFC. Dude, Kimbo Slice and Dada 5000. Greatest fight of all time. It's greatest fight of all time.

Both those guys had like multiple heart attacks in the ring. Yeah, they get they both got double KO'd by their own bodies. Their own metabolism laying on each other for all rounds. Fuck out. It's hard to say, but probably Yabu. Oh, you bought it. You bought the Yabu stock. Oh, you know, it also says Doug McDermott, Dougie Buckets. And and I mean, you kind of can relate to this big guy,

but somebody make a T-shirt for where you have. Yes, you're like, Yabu, it's like if this guy does good, then we're going to sell so many T-shirts. Yeah. You I legitimately sold one. Jimmer, Jimmer to one person that bought the Yabu shirt. Yeah, Jimmer is up there because you just assume you're like, well, he can he can shoot. What else matters?

Like he doesn't have to do anything else. He can just shoot and like, oh, yeah, he is so bad at defense. They just blow right by him. I mean, an obvious one would be Robert Griffin as well. But I know there's a story hasn't been told. It has been told. There's an injury as well. We could still he could still make the Hall of Fame. He could he's Trent Richardson Richardson in quarterback form.

Yes, I also had myself as an honorable mention. I thought when I was in like elementary school, I was going to be a baseball player. Yeah. Well, if your dad let you play let me play the league World Series, but my dad wouldn't let me do it because I didn't qualify. All right. That was a good Mount Rushmore. So a lot of personal ones.

Tweet us the ones. I'm sure there'll be some funny names that you can throw out there that really you were like, this guy is going to be it. This guy is is the thing. Let's go to our interview with the boat. Blake Bortles, before we do that, simply safe according to studies.

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You'll get free shipping and a 60-day risk-free trial. You've got nothing to lose. Go now and be sure you go to simplysafe.com slash PMT, so they know our show sent you that simplysafe.com slash PMT. Okay, here he is. The boat, Blake Bortles. Okay, we now welcome on one of our best friends.

He is a quarterback in the NFL for the Los Angeles Rams. He also is a newly bald man. It is Blake Bortles, the boat. Runner up, Blake of the Year. Runner up, Blake of the Year. Blake, you are calling from your Tesla and you do not have your hands on the wheel, correct? No, that's correct.

Tatiana's got control. Tatiana, busting down the highway. Tatiana's got the wheel. All right, so where do you want to start? Because this is jarring, and I think we've kind of pushed you towards this for years now, and then all of a sudden, what happened? You just woke up and you're like,

hey, today's the day I embrace being a bald guy? I never thought me shaving my head would attract so much attention, but it was kind of like a combination of things. I got some, I've been getting some peer pressure from wit and some of the guys, some fellow baldies, and then, dude, I got a barber out here, and every time I go in, I've gone in like 67 times,

and every time he's like, what do you think? Today, today, we cut it all off. I'm like, no, dude, give me a normal haircut. So I went in the other day, and he's like, what do you think? Shave it off today? And I'm like, just go ahead, man. No way.

So what was the first thing you thought when you looked in the mirror and you saw your new haircut? Were you happy with it? Were you like a little bit like unsure? I was unsure going into it, but I mean, in all honesty, I was kind of just like, nothing can make this look any worse, so I think anything's a stated thing or an upgrade.

So there was a theory that maybe when you had your first pre-season game this year, and they had the graphic of you tossing the ball to yourself, and you couldn't wear a hat, that might've been part of the reason it pushed you over the edge. I tweeted a picture of it. It wasn't the best picture.

Did that have anything to do with it? Yeah, I mean, you definitely stepped into some of the peer pressure that's been going on for like four or five years now. So I think it was just kind of a culmination of a lot of what you have said at my hair. So I decided to just shave it off. Now that you have shaved it off,

what has been the reception? Has everyone been? I mean, you said it was a picture. You looked, oh, is that Tatiana? Yeah, that's Tatiana behind me. Reminding you, put your hands back on the wheel or what? By the way, we got to talk about the Tesla for a second. We'll go back to the bald.

When you told us the story about how you bought the Tesla because you wanted to quit dip, I forgot that like Teslas, you don't need to drive. They are auto driving, so that's actually the greatest card to dip in. Yes, yeah, you kind of get both. That's the greatest card to dip in, but at the same time, you don't ever need to go

to the gas station. So if you go to the gas station, you're strictly going to buy this. Okay, all right. So back to the bald. What has been the reception? Has everyone been like, holy shit, dude, you're hot? Anyone ribbon you?

Cause we're firmly of you're hot. Not that you weren't hot, but you're hot turd now that you have embraced the bald. Right, no, I appreciate it. You know, it's been kind of a mixed bag. Some guys like it. A lot of people stand out and grow out the beard. I think that might be the next move,

but I mean, I feel more aerodynamic and really, you know, I feel moving better. So it's definitely helping me there. Would you say you feel faster? Yeah, yeah, definitely. That's good. Have you experienced any issues with like a facial recognition software on your phone,

like identifying you and holding up to yourself? No, that was the first thing I thought of too, was like, damn, is my phone going to recognize me? And it was fine. So the scariest thing is like out of practice looking down on the ground and seeing my shadow and it just looks like a foam. So like when you, when you looked at your shadow

beforehand, were you, were you seeing flowing hair? Because it's like, yeah, that much hair. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't see a receding hairline in the shadow. You see just a little lettuce, you know, kind of just going different directions. And then now I look down and yeah, it's just completely hairless.

Oh man. What's your, what's your shower time situation like? Did you knock a couple of minutes off that? It's just old spice body wash on the whole body now. There's no need for even any head and shoulders. Yeah, that's weird. I didn't even think about that part. Like the practical things of,

hey, you don't need shampoo anymore. Yeah. Yeah, you really, you really saved some money. Shut up. I got it. Yeah, so. Was that Tatiana you were telling us to shut up? Yeah, sorry.

Tatiana's, it blinks Tesla. If anyone didn't understand, it's not an actual person sitting next to him. But yeah, no, definitely cut back on shampoo costs. Okay, I love it. So all in all, you're feeling pretty confident out of this. You think it's a new year, new blake, new hair? Right, yeah.

No, it was definitely a long time coming. So it's time to, time to just embrace it and until I find Brian, our lackers guy, I think this is a look. Yeah, then we can do a big reveal on part of my take and you can do a big ad deal. So the other part that we thought might have had something to do with it is

you obviously were in Jacksonville for your whole career. You come out to LA, all new teammates, did that kind of push you over the edge where people, you know, beforehand, they're like, oh, we kind of knew Blake when he had hair. So we're not going to bust his balls too bad. Then you show up like new school and everyone's like, damn, this guy is still holding on.

This is disgusting. His male pattern baldness is gross. Makes me want to puke in my mouth. Yeah, there was definitely some of that. Like you said, like I had hair or some hair when I first got to Jacksonville. So it wasn't bad. Guys kind of saw me struggling through the process

whereas I showed up out here as the new guy and it was just like, wow, the new guy's balding. Like, what's he doing? So yeah, that played into it. It was one of the many factors and it cut it all off. Was it, did you have any teammates that gave you a hard time for shaving your head or was it all just universally Blake?

You look like Jason Statham. We're so glad that you did it. Yeah, I mean, Jared probably gave me the most shit. So outside of that, I was all right. Well, I was going to say, is Jared worried about his job now? Because you're a new guy. Like this is, he had Blake, the male pattern baldness guy,

puke in my mouth guy show up. He's like, oh, well, he's not going to take my job. Now it's Blake, Jason Statham. Wow, he looks so hot. He might take my job. Yeah, no, I think there's definitely, I would say more so than taking his job, just more of a chance to maybe have to get him

on the field at the same time for a trip play. Oh yeah. Well, I mean, we did show that play to Sean McVeigh. Remember that? It just looked like a dick. You guys ran a seam route that looked like you guys were just making a big dick. Yeah.

Yeah, it looked like a potential big play. Have you been watching hard knocks at all? I saw, I watched the first episode just because we went up there practicing against them for a couple of days. I was just trying to kind of get a feel for who they had and kind of what their guys were doing. But I haven't seen the second one and then what the third one is coming out soon.

It's coming out tonight, yeah. Yeah, so you saw, did you see that John Gruden used to call Sean McVeigh piss boy? Has anyone in the facility called, tried to throw that out at him? No, no, that, I don't think anybody has sent that directly to his face, but I actually did see that clip.

Has he paid that forward? Because he tries to be like a little grudging himself. I was thinking maybe he's got somebody in the building that he calls piss boy now. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't heard him actually call anybody piss boy or if there's anybody that's actually in that role. I don't know, a little bit of different times.

I think back in the day it was a little more acceptable to kind of talk like that around the building. So I think that maybe it's changed a bit. Right, now you have to say piss person. Right, use the correct pronoun. Right, yeah, exactly. We gotta include everybody. Are you, have you found any friends in LA?

Because when we were last out there you were eating dinner by yourself and it was kind of a sad, it was a sad. I felt sad because I love you and I don't want you to be lonely. I appreciate it. Yeah, no, it's gotten a little better. I'm probably getting closer to filling out

of my space top eight. Whoa, there we go. I like it. Have you gotten more attention from either some old flames or some new ladies ever since you took the hair down? You got a new look? Yeah, well, I'd say it's been kind of a mixed

mega of reviews there. I've gone cold in some conversations and others have picked up. Okay, I think what PFT was actually asking was what does Sophie Julia think about this? I haven't heard yet, so I'm assuming it's negative. Who's just a friend, by the way, just a friend and a friend of ours as well.

Literally a close friend of ours if we go by Instagram. Right. Yeah, we are in the, are you and the close friends on Instagram? I don't, you guys are pretty tight with her. Yeah, we're in the club. We get the, this is two podcasts in a row that we shout it out, Sof.

Shout out shooting with Sof. Subscribe, rate and review. Okay, so do you want to talk any football? How's the football going? I mean, this is a training camp kind of sucks, I'm sure, but you guys are winding down, getting ready for the season. Yeah, it's been good.

We've got back from Hawaii, played Dallas over there. So it's going good. Preseason games are kind of always entertaining and a bunch of surprises that kind of get thrown out there. But it's been good so far. We've stayed healthy for the most part. So that's kind of the key getting for it. And we got, we got two more to go.

Oh, go ahead, Pete. I was just, I was curious if you've gotten hit at all in training camp, because I know they try to keep the quarterbacks upright, but I know that you love contact a little bit. So have you been able to stay safe back there? Yeah, yeah, no, it's been all right. Every now and then, or actually a lot more than every now

and then, Aaron Donald gets back there, but he's pretty good about running by. Yeah, that's good. So I forgot, I had to ask you, Todd Gurley's cat, the ad cat, so mad. Did you get, did you get to meet the Hulu Watchers Live Sports cat or did you talk to him at all? I haven't, yeah, I haven't seen it yet.

We, we had a brief conversation about it. He seemed pretty fired up about it. So I was happy for him. But he's not even keeping it. Yeah, no, I think it was more just a photo shoot type too. That sucks. I'm just fired up about it. I'm so mad about that.

That's, that's a fake cat. Yeah. Quick little Instagram stumpled by Todd and I thought it was great. All right, before we get to the Wikipedia, my last question for you, you promised us that you would get back on Twitter because that's kind of what backup quarterbacks do.

What's, what's up with that? Yeah, it's, it's in the worst. I think it will happen here pretty soon. I'll probably, probably bring the social media back and get back home there. So it's gonna kind of sit down and do it, I guess. If you want us to run your accounts, we will. Yeah, that honestly might be the best idea.

Yeah, yeah, we'll do it. Ernie. Dude, we wouldn't even say that it's you. It would be awesome if you had a Twitter account and it was just like run by PFT and big cat and we just tweeted random things, but everyone knew that it wasn't you. And you know, we wouldn't obviously jeopardize you,

but it would be funny if we just had, like maybe we just live tweeted, like Ram's games. Either that or Blake's looking awesome right now, talking from your own account. Yeah, yeah. Like the Mike Grinnell Senator account for when he was running for president. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'm okay with that. Just like in-game live tweeting as I'm standing on the sideline. And we'll sprinkle on some Wikipedia links too. Right. And we'll just be like, everyone knows, it's not you tweeting, it's us tweeting, but you should follow Blake Bortles

for all the relevant Blake Bortles facts. Yeah, no, come again. I think I could be a hit. Okay, all right, we're in. All right, so let's do it real quick. The Wikipedia hair loss. I'll start with just the first sentence. Hair loss, also known as alopecia or baldness,

refers to a loss of hair from part of the head or body. Typically, at least the head is involved. The severity of hair loss can vary from a small area to the entire body. How's your entire body doing? Yeah, I mean, the hair on the rest of the body is strong. Okay, good. I've heard sometimes it even gets stronger

as you lose it up top. Yeah. Oh, here's something on this Wikipedia. Andre Agassiz on here. We need someone to switch it so it's Blake. Yeah, dude, that picture that my heart kind of sank when I first opened this because I thought that was a picture of me.

Oh, with the one of Andre? We'll get the other one at the top. Is that the other one at the top? Yeah, the one at the top, like there's definitely a resemblance there. We could maybe get somebody to work on that one too. So there's, yeah, go ahead. That's the view I get when the barber asks,

hey, it puts the mirror behind me and goes to check out the back. So there was a diagnosis section and I wondered how much of this you did. There's the pull test. You can, you gently pull to see if any hair comes out. There's the pluck test where you pluck them out by the roots to see if they're just falling out.

There's a daily hair count. Wait, how does that, where you just pull it out by the root to see if your hair comes out? I don't know, I think maybe this is a doctor does this. What, it's crazy that you'd need a doctor to be like, hey dude, you're going bald. What was the test that you did other than just us making fun of you for the last five years?

Yeah, no, I said two. So one was the white interior on the helmet. You just wear a helmet all day and then you take it off and you see how much hair's in there and then the other's just washing it and then looking at your hand. Okay, so like, You know, both of those were kind of my two

is like, yeah, this is a good one. Well, that's not so sweet falling out. Yeah, so over the years when you're doing the white helmet test, you're just monitoring whether or not that the amount of hair is increasing. Right, right, yep. And you kind of leave it in there and let it build. And in what year would you say like,

you realized, okay, this could be an issue? Uh, probably maybe my second year in the NFL. It's kind of like, this is going to be a problem. This is going to be, yeah, this is going to be tough. Yeah, I'm going to be something. We're going to have to revisit here pretty soon. There was also, where was, oh, that was Tatiana. What up? What up?

So there was also a part of this. Wait, I got to find it. Oh, so traction alopecia. I just wanted to mention this. This is not for anyone. It's most commonly found in people with ponytails who pull on their hair with excessive force in addition, rigorous brushing and heat styling.

Yes. Are you worried, PFT, about losing my hair? Because of ponytails. I don't do ponytails. Okay, that's why I do the high bun. Nice. Oh, it also says and high buns. And no, it says cornrows.

So I did cornrows once. Yikes. Probably, yeah, I don't know. Maybe not going to do cornrows anymore. Yeah. Yeah, okay, that's my resolution. No more cornrows for me. I feel like Blake would be sick with cornrows.

Yeah, dude, I wouldn't mind that. If I had hair, I would do a lot of funky things. You can get cornrow tattoos. Ooh. Just get the tattoo hair done. Yeah, that would be sick. Yeah, do the boozer. You should do the boozer.

Just do the full thing, shave the eyebrows and get those tattooed too. Yeah. There's under, my favorite part of this Wikipedia is under management. It actually says, part of the management, you can do embracing baldness. Instead of concealing hair loss,

some may embrace it by shaving their head. A shaved head will grow stubble in the same manner and at the same rate as a shaved face. The general public has become accepting of the shaved head as well, though female baldness can be considered less socially acceptable in various parts of the world. That's sheneto conner made that actually cool.

So that's wrong. But there you go. You are socially acceptable with your shaved head. Yeah, it kind of make it seem like it just recently became acceptable too. Yeah, just you did it. Yeah, you are the man. You destigmatize people going bald.

Thank you. It says you can also go with the comb over. Oh yeah. Now, did you ever consider the comb over? Because that would have been a look. No, no, I never had enough for the real comb over. I was more of just, let's just cover this thing up with a hat.

I'm gonna say something right now that's probably gonna get me in trouble, but shout out my dad. He's been rocking the comb over for like 10 years. If it's done well, he can't tell. He just doesn't think it's happening, but it's happened. Hang on to it as long as you can. So I read here, I did not know this,

but it says that in men, anywhere between zero and 78 hairs each day fall out. That seems like a lot. What? Yeah, no, that's not if you're losing your hair. That's normal. So it says when more than a hundred hairs fall out per day, then that's when you're starting to lose your hair.

Damn. That's wild stuff. That is wild. Wild. Confirmed. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, I got one last question. It's Seeky question.

Put a promo code takey at $10 off Seeky purchase. Have you learned the entire playbook and is Sean McVeigh a genius? I would say, I know everything that we've put in is obviously still some stuff that hasn't been installed in some game plan specific stuff. So I get more and more comfortable with everything that's in, and then I would say, yeah, he's extremely smart,

really good at talking and explaining and coaching, and you learn something from just being around him every day. Any tight end plays in for you? No, no. I stand to practice sometimes and work on my three-point stance and get on the jugs machine and stuff. So just kind of staying ready in case I get my number called. I like that.

You guys should definitely run the Philly Special at one point this year. That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Yes, it would. At that point, that's the pinnacle of the Blake Twitter account when that happens. Oh, I did a live tweet, but you guys on that one too. It'd be so amazing.

There's one other option, though, if you're losing your hair. But nobody, only probably losers would ever do that. And that's the surgery to get new hairs to get it transplanted. You've got to be a vain narcissistic loser. Big loser to do that. Huge loser. Yeah, definitely. You got to just own it.

It's not like you can really do anything about it. Right, right. And then you especially can't say that you have surfer hair if you get surgery, exactly. Right, no, if you have fake hair, that's like the opening line of the statement. Like, if it isn't my real hair, this is post-surgery, just to let everybody know it's not your actual flow.

Exactly, it's like trying to become a porn star after you get a fake dick. Right, can't do that. Come on, man, you can't do it. Yeah, all those guys have fake dicks. Everyone knows. Yeah. All right, Blake, well, thank you for joining us.

This is, I think I was more excited than you were. I was freaking out, you were on the plane to Hawaii, and I was like, dude, you got to call. You're like, I'm on a plane to Hawaii, but I was, it was a huge night. It was a huge night. Hey, man, I'm glad you guys shared my excitement. No, you really do look good.

That's the first thing that we said when we saw the picture. You look hot, you look great, Blake. Just make sure to use sunscreen on your head. Yeah, you truly are the embodiment of Hot Boy Summer. Yeah, yeah, no, I could get a good base burn, and then I'll kind of just pan it from there. I love it.

Okay, all right, thanks, Blake. Talk to you later, man. That interview with Blake Bortles was brought to you by MeUndies. That's right, MeUndies is here to change your underwear, not literally, but it's here to change the way you think about it. They believe Undies shouldn't take themselves too seriously.

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because I'm not rocking my bird dogs. I'm wearing my athletic shorts, my gym shorts today. I've got MeUndies on underneath. All winter long, if you catch me in a pair of jeans and sweatpants, you're catching me in a pair of MeUndies. MeUndies has a great offer for my listeners. For any first-time purchasers, you get 15% off and free shipping.

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From August 14th through September 2nd, cops across the US are increasing enforcement on impaired drivers. There are three main points that they're looking at, okay? Drive sober, get pulled over if you're driving a car, if you're driving a motorcycle, or if it's drug-impaired driving. I don't want anybody out there to get him up.

Nobody out there, go to jail. You don't need that, especially not over your Labor Day weekend that you've worked so hard to earn thanks to unions. Remember, if you feel different, you drive different. Drive high, get a DUI, drive sober, or get pulled over. Ride sober on your motorcycle, or get pulled over. If you feel different, you drive different.

Don't drive high. It's not, we're not saying no big deal anymore. It is a big deal if you get a DUI. You're gonna get in trouble. You could hurt yourself, you could hurt somebody else, and look out, be safe, look out for your friends, look out for yourself, don't drink and drive, don't drive drunk.

Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, we have hurt or injured Rhonda Rousey. What happened? I just saw you, you were just like, ah, gross. Here's exactly what happened. It looks like she was fingering a drugs machine because I looked at the picture on Instagram, and it's just, I'll put it this way,

the Tampa Bay Buccaneers probably have strong interest in signing her as a past rusher. So she, a boat door on her finger? She got her finger shut in a boat door, and her finger basically came off. Okay, I like looking at gory injuries, it's fucked up, I like puke videos, whatever, but getting something slammed,

maybe you're slammed your finger in a car door really hard. It is the worst. The worst. Probably the worst pain of all time. It's awful. Somebody sent that picture to pro football doc and see like, hey, is she okay? Is this a sprain?

Is she gonna be okay? Yeah. She'll be fine. Two to four weeks. It is one of those injuries that when you look at, it is, it's just revolting. I almost threw up. Yeah.

When I looked at it. Yeah, you were just like, oh, oh, oh, I can't do it. Is that like kind of, I wasn't like that. I mean, I knew I could do it, but I was just like, it's gross. Yeah, but you saw it and you just saw it, damn. Gross. Is that an advantage if you're a boxer

or not a boxer probably, but if you're a UFC fighter, you're not allowed to, I gouge, you're not allowed to fish hook anymore. True. And guess what? She's not MMA anymore, right? Oh, that's right. Yeah.

She's WWE, right? So she's fine. She's totally fine. Unless it's her middle finger and she's like stone cold where she flips everybody off. Right. Then it could be an issue. Then it will be a big issue.

Hank, you just sent us something. What are people mad about? Breaking moves? Breaking moves. People are mad online. All the Mets tweeted out a video of a fan reaching over the appropriate, like whatever, like, what do you call those things?

Rallings, if you will, to catch a foul ball so that the bravest player couldn't catch it, which is illegal and the thing are kicked out for it. But the Mets tweeted it with like best fans in baseball and people are mad. The Mets are promoting. Yikes. Yeah, that's the Cardinals fans too.

Yeah. Everybody knows that. Yep. Joe Buck is going to come kick your ass. That was actually the Mets playing the Indians. So wow, Hank. I said the Braves. This is a quick look.

Yikes. Yeah. Big, big mistake. Big yikes. That breaking moves is brought to you by Bill with Chocolate Milk for, oh fuck, they took the sign down. Oh no, Hank. We, by the way, we're soundproof now.

We should, we will say it at the top of the show. So this is just time traveling. Bill with Chocolate Milk brought to you by Bill with Chocolate Milk. Thanks to Bill with Chocolate Milk for giving us Bill with Chocolate Milk. And for maybe also buying Hank and Kat. Yeah.

A real cover that tastes real good. There we go. Yeah, yeah. That was it? Yeah. Okay, great. Let's do our PMT Sports Biz Minute with Jake Marsh. Good morning.

This is Jake Marsh with the PMT Sports Biz Minute. We've made it week zero and the college football season is here. The headliner, the Florida Gators, the Miami Hurricanes Saturday Night in Orlando. The word zero has a few origins. One of them coming from Italian mathematician, Leonardo Pizzano, a.k.a. Fibonacci.

Other words for zero include not, nil, zilch, zip, and of course, love. How ironic. The week with a number that represents nothing actually gives us everything but that. And in state rivalry, the beginning of the fall, bets to win, but more to lose, and all the other baggage that comes

with this beautiful sport, football is back. One of the biggest faces in cereal is taking over college football. The Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl is now a thing. Almost start up on New Year's Eve. In 1952, Tony edged out Katie the Kangaroo, Elmo the Elephant, and Newt the New to become the official Frosted Flakes mascot.

That's our PMT Sports Biz Minute. Mr. Cat, Mr. Commentary, back to you. Thanks, Jake. Thanks, Jake. That was so cool. Yeah, that was very cool. How about some Talking Soccer? MLS Rivalry Week.

It's MLS Rivalry Week. That was Talking Soccer. Okay, I just know that I'm juiced up. Are you guys juiced up? Of course, I mean, who can forget? I have no idea. New York versus New York. Atlanta versus Orlando.

It's gotta be New York versus Boston, probably, right? No, you gotta go, it's a Derby, Hank. I think it's actually New York DC. No, it's DC Marvel. Yeah, that's true, Spider-Man's gone. But yeah, who could forget Rivalry? Well, I do know it's Seattle, Portland, because they play each other like 10 times a year.

Fire? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chicago Fire. And then give us all the rivalries. Minnesota versus Kansas City. We don't have to do that. Sorry, that was Talking Soccer. All right, Trouble in Paradise, Dallas,

before we get to guys on chicks. Trouble in Paradise, Zeke Elliott's mad at Jerry Jones, because Jerry Jones said Zeke who? And Zeke said that's very disrespectful. It was disrespectful by Jerry Jones. And furthermore, they just signed, what's his name, Jalen Smith to an extension.

Man, if I was Zeke, I'd be pissed off about that too. Sit out. Man, Zeke, man, all this disrespect being thrown your way by Jerry Jones. You don't have to take it, Zeke. It's kind of a bad look, though, to be like, I can't believe that he said Zeke who. I mean, that's kind of a funny thing

to say by Jerry Jones, isn't it? Zeke who? Yeah, Zeke who? I don't know who Zeke Elliott is. Yeah, I mean, this is Jerry Jones negotiating in the public. This is what he does. He's not drunk. He wasn't drunk when they asked him that,

or maybe he was blackout drunk when he actually forgot who Zeke was. Do you think Zeke, oh, it's gonna sit out at all? No, I don't either. I don't think that he will. I don't think so. Well, where is he now? He's in Cabo?

Cabo. That's tough when Cowboys go to Cabo. Can you believe that Dallas Cowboy would go to Cabo before a game? Damn. All right, let's do guys on chicks. Let's wrap it up. Sup boys, especially tall PFT.

And I don't know who that person's talking to. That was really nice. They put him at Moji, I'm trying to. I work in a sports-related field where my department is male-dominated. For example, there's one guy who calls me by the wrong name and now all the guys consistently call me by the wrong name because they think it's funny.

How do I get them to stop and make sure I insert my dominance? Call them all Chad. Yeah, you can, ooh, that's good. Yeah. Call them all Chad. Call them all Brad. Are incels?

Yeah. Ooh, yeah, you'd love to, you'd love to fuck this, you incels. Yeah. You guys are all in the friend zone, little incel bitches. Or you could just cry. Yeah, you could. That's actually great.

You can always just cry. And then guys will change their behavior. They probably have a crush on you? I would say so. If they're basically grade school bullying you. Yeah, they call you, are they pulling your hair? Is this, are you actually in seventh grade? Because they might like you.

Yeah, might be the case. Yeah, call them Chad and Brad. Own them. Hey guys, especially Daddy Cat. I have an important question. My boyfriend of five years just recently moved seven hours away. We're trying to keep things fun from a distance.

As a guy in a committed long distance relationship, what would you like to give, oh, what would you like to receive from a girl to keep you content and satisfied until you can see her again? I love that you're so about this internet life that everything's content instead of content. I know, it is tough, it is tough.

Gold membership, we talk about content all the time. Gold membership to Barstool Sports and gold membership to Brazzers. You decide which one you wanna buy first. Double gold, I like that. Yeah, it's like you can either be watching videos or getting content and being content. You should get his mama sex toy.

Mm, that's good. Send him letters. Do be one of those hipster people. He'll never, then you'll show up in like six months. Did you get my letters? And he'll go into like a stack of unopened mail and be like, oh. But dude, you hear about that all the time

where they're like, well, we were away for a year, so we went offline and we wrote letters. Yeah, good point, Hank. I think that nowadays, if the post office notices like somebody receiving an abnormal amount of letters, they just report that person to the FBI. I'm just saying letters, baby. Write a love letter.

See how it goes. We appreciate your business, but we have to flag this. Listen, you write a love letter, he's either all in or all out. If he's like, that was weird, don't ever do that again, break up. Seal it with a kiss. Yeah, I don't know how you do that.

Some lipstick. Yeah, anything else? I don't know. Skype. Yeah, just a lot of nudes, really. Skype it. Don't do, no, but don't do too many nudes because guys are dicks.

I watch you for you. I did. Like all the girls just did nudes and then they just ended up on websites. No nudes. Don't do nudes. Actually, that's good advice. Leave them wanting more.

I watch you for it. I mean, is that not what happened, Hank? Literally, every single girl had sex and boom, next thing you know, there's a sex tape out there. It's the way you said, did nudes. Hey, Big Cat and P.F.D. I'm 34 and I'm a dad.

My boyfriend and I are huge fans of the show and after last Friday's episode where you revealed Blake's new haircut, I was anxious to see how he looked. After seeing the picture, I stated I thought he looked extremely handsome and my boyfriend got offended. Is this something I should be concerned about

or is it just common knowledge that a bald Blake is better than a Blake with a full head of hair? It's common knowledge that just everybody in the world is intimidated by Blake Bortles because he's a good looking guy. Really good looking guy. And he's rich and successful and lives in LA and drives a Tatiana.

Yeah. He drives a Tatiana. Well, it also doesn't dip as much. I would imagine your boyfriend has male pattern baldness and he's like, shit. So I should have done this. Yeah. So if you're in that situation,

you have to be first to market with a bald head. Mm-hmm, big time. Sup PMT boys, especially hot boys summer P.F.T. Oh. My boyfriend and I had an argument this week about whether or not it's okay to pee in pools like people do in the ocean. Are you kidding me?

I have never done it in my entire life and he thinks it's the most convenient thing ever. I think it's gross and unsafe. What are your thoughts? Do you need to stop peeing in the pool? No. You don't pee in a pool, you're unsafe. Yes, exactly.

Pee actually makes a pool safer because there can be too much chlorine in there and Pee is sterile and so it waters it down a little bit. No, but seriously, when you, I have been watching Mindhunter so I'm kind of on like a sort of in the FBI, no serial killers, serial killers, like they've had trauma when they were little kids,

they skin cats, they are abusive relationships and they get out of the pool to go pee. All facts. That's it. These are all straight up facts. Here's some more facts. You're more likely to injure yourself getting out of a pool and getting back in

than you are if you just stay in the pool and pee. True. So I mean, unless you wanna break his neck, that might be something that you're into. Also peeing when you're wet, standing in a bathroom is gross. Yeah. That's gross.

It feels gross. Also, when you have to take a shit, that's the worst. When you're wet and you have to take a shit, so you poop in the pool too. Poop in the pool, yeah. I'm gonna get a pool just so I can have it, just basically an outdoor toilet. Yeah, it's a toilet.

I mean, birds. You already have that. Birds use it as a pool too. But seriously, when you think about it, if you walk through the house after being in a pool, you're creating an enormous slip and fall hazard. Facts. Like if you have children or you have the elderly

are both around and you're tracking water through the house, you're basically putting a gun to their head. Yep. So pee in that pool. So you take your piss inside that pool. Also, dude, break up with your girlfriend. She's a weirdo.

Yeah. This is very strange behavior to ask you. What's the next thing? Like don't pee in the bed. Make sure she's still subscribed though. Last question. Sup boys? I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half.

Until recently, I thought we are a pretty normal college couple. Last week, he gave me a promise ring. When I gave him a weird look, he said it's not that kind of promise ring. So I'm hoping you guys can clear up what kind of promise ring it could be. No, he's definitely right.

Go pack up. Yeah, so he got you a promise ring, but then when you said like this is weird, he was like, psych. It's like, it's a classic joke. Guys do a psych on an engagement ring all the time. How long have they been dating?

Year and a half. Yeah. In the college couple. If you're over a year, I don't think you can get any kind of jewelry that you can put on your hand without it being the ring. Yeah. I feel like that's kind of the kind of.

Also getting a ring in college, like what are you doing? Also getting a promise ring. What are you doing? Yeah, it's, listen, it's 2019. What promise ring is just that? Unless there's a mood ring. I was into mood rings a couple of years ago.

Promise ring just means that you're gonna marry them eventually. So an engagement ring? No, it's a promise. I won't cheat on you. It's a promise. We're gonna get married as soon as I figure my shit out. Yeah.

As soon as I have enough money to buy you a real ring. As soon as, I promise, as soon as I get the courage to marry you, I'm gonna ask you to marry me. Yeah. So this person was just, the guy was just feeling like super anxious. No.

He just fucked up. No, he was just, he was just a moron. Yes. Yeah. He gave a, he brought a promise ring to a wedding ring party. Yeah. And she's like, no, this isn't gonna cut it, buddy.

He entrapped himself. Here's what you have to do. Get her pregnant. That's the ultimate promise ring. Or an STD. Get, contract an STD for me. Or dog. Get a dog together.

Get a dog together. That's a promise that you'll stay together. Speaking of last, last, last one. Sup boys, especially all of you. That's nice. My boyfriend will not stop with this over the top obsession of us getting a golden retriever.

If he's a couple in public with one, he'll literally try and have me guilt them into agreeing. How do I convince him to adopt on shop and get me an adopted pup? Uh-huh. PST's in the AWL, so hit him hard. Okay, get the fucking dog. And here's why you should get it,

because golden retriever puppies are incredibly cute. But don't shop. Adopt. Clear the shelters. Hashtag, clear the shelters. We save lives on this show. Yes, we do. One time I screwed this guy over so bad on the street

because it was him and his girlfriend. And his girlfriend was like, tell my husband that we need to get an English mastiff just like this. And I was like, yeah, dude, you gotta get it. He was like, dude, fuck, come on. And I was like, it's great. He's a great dog.

And he was not prepared to go from like zero dog to 160-pound dog. Sorry, sorry, dude, if you're out there, my bad. Yeah, that's fucked up. But yeah, I'm cool with dog-shaming people and being like, hey, this is awesome. You should get a dog. How many people have you talked to

who are like, I got a dog and it sucked? Yeah, no one regrets a dog. No, no, ever. That's facts. What? What do you, what do you? Was that I wrote? Joey Porter, baby.

What? What are you saying? Michael Vick? Actually, no. Michael Vick regrets getting two dogs. Right, because then that ruined his career. Yeah, the first dog, he was good. Right, then he became like, this is awesome.

I love it so much. Oh, shit. Who else were you talking about? Nothing. You were talking about someone specifically. So you regret, someone regrets getting a dog. All right, that's our show. Who regrets getting a dog, Hank?

I don't know. Hank, oh, are you talking? No, dude. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not talking about anything. I'm not talking about anything. Oh man, that's fucked up. Oh, Hank, that's fucked up.

Hank, come on. Damn it, I love you guys. Love you guys. Talking away, all on the one. I'm just saying, I'm saying it anyway. Today's another day, check out when you shine. I'll be coming for your love, OK? Take on me.

Take on me. Take me on. Take on me. Take, on me. Come on, You. Take on me. Take me on. Take on me.

It's part of my tape presented by Barb Stool Sports.