Pardon My Take - Blake Griffin And Antonio Brown's Free Agency Ends

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Antonio Brown has finally ended his Free Agency and is now an Oakland Raider (2:27 - 9:43). A-Rod gets engaged to J-Lo and Big Cat may have to fight Jose Canseco (9:42 - 15:36). Hank is 100% getting a cat (15:36 - 27:55) . Who's back of the week. 6x NBA All Star and runner up for Blake of the year, Blake Griffin joins the show to talk about why NBA players are unhappy, the time he blew by Ballmer, how he got good at 3 pointers, and how many free shoes he's going to get us (27:55 - 74:09). Segments include Mike Greenberg's Dumb Rules for Jay Glazer's veteran refs, Talking Soccer, Kings stay Kings, and Monday Reading "Why Straight Men Are Joining Masturbation Clubs" You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have recurring guest and runner-up for Blake of the Year, Blake Griffin, six-time NBA All-Star, I should probably mention that as well, Antonio Brown's free agency is finally completed. We have Who's Back of the Week and because it's Monday, we got a Monday reading for everyone. Before we get to that, it's time to talk about the Cash Card from the Cash App, the

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Okay, let's go. Bye. Bye. Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will have to be done. No place to hang alone washing, and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher. It's part of my take presented by Barstools.

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Okay, today is Monday, March 11th, 311 day. And what the fuck are you doing here, Hank? Welcome back, Hank. Hey, Hank's hiatus is over. Makes his triumphant return to part of my take. Actually, a lot of people thought that he was seriously quitting when we lit his shirt on fire, and told everybody that he was quitting on Friday. This kind of on us?

Yeah, no, I'll agree with that. For some reason, that rumor got out there, don't know how it started getting spread, but Hank is back, and we're very, very glad to have you back. Good to have you back, Hank, and glad to have you back for such a big show. We have Blake Griffin coming up, but before that, Antonio Brown's free agency has finally been settled. He is an Oakland Raider. One of the greatest free agencies of all time, even though he was technically signed

and technically traded, he was traded for a third and a fifth, and then signed a new contract with the Raiders 30 mil guaranteed. He basically... I think it's more than that, isn't it? I think it's 30 guaranteed, like right up front. Okay. That's pretty sweet. He basically signed a contract two years ago, got a bunch of guaranteed money.

When the guaranteed money ran out, he's like, I want a new deal, and then he got it. And so he is the hero to the working man. Is that it? Sure. Yeah. That's kind of the take that everyone's going with. I just see it as, Antonio Brown, good job. You're getting paid for what you're worth.

I'll always take the side of someone who deserves that type of money, but you did it in a really asshole way. I would say he did it in a very weird way. I don't even know if you can call him an asshole for the way that he... If you're a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, you're coming at it with a perspective of, I loved watching this dude on Sundays, he made my team better, he was fun, but now they probably hate him and they probably think that he's just a total weirdo asshole. But I think that there's a case we made that it was the weirdest contract negotiation of

all time. Yeah. But it ended up working. You can only do this if you're a top four wide receiver or if you're a top 32 quarterback. Yes. Top 45 quarterback, probably. Yeah, 45, yeah. The whole thing is so strange because, like I said, I do...

Joe Flacco's both. Yeah, he is. I'm totally fine with Antonio Brown getting... He is one of the best wide receivers in the game. He probably saw Odell Beckham, who is in the conversation for best wide receiver in the game, get his new money and was like, hey, I want some of that new money too. It's just that it felt like for the longest time it was about all these other things, not winning team MVP, not showing up at the end of the week, week 17, just basically a

healthy scratch. Big Ben thinking he was his child. Calling out Big Ben, which is fair because Big Ben probably is a huge dick, but the whole thing was... You said it is. Yeah. Right? Not has.

No, well, both probably, but it's... It's gray. Everything gray looks smaller. The whole thing was messy as possible, but we've finally gotten to the resolution and now we have John Gruden, like there's no way that Derek Carr is going to be the quarterback going for it, right? Well, this year he's going to be. I don't know.

Yeah. I think John Gruden's going to put all his chips in the middle and get himself a quarterback. Well, John Gruden does love to collect old ass quarterback, so he'll probably get David Carr on the table. No, I'm saying he's going to get Kyler Murray. I think he's going to put all those chips. He's got... Credit to John Gruden on this.

It is weird that he traded away his franchise edge rusher, his franchise wide receiver, then to get back another wide receiver, but he got three first round picks in the process. He didn't have to give up any of them to get Antonio Brown and... Mr. Big Chest. And he basically, I guess there's like two ways to look at it, like Antonio Brown, locker room cancer, maybe, but I don't even know if the Raiders have like an identity to ruin. Right. That's true.

They're starting from scratch. Right. They play on a baseball field. Right. I think that like getting somebody in that stirs things up a little bit isn't always the worst thing in the world. Right. With Antonio Brown, it's like he's so weird and so bizarre that he's either going to

be great for the team or he's going to just be the... he's going to destroy the team before they move to Vegas. It's just going to be John Gruden, Deuce, and Antonio Brown going to Vegas together. And Tom Cable. He also kind of, I want to say it, he kind of brings back the Raider like mystique. Yeah. Because, you know, a malcontent, super talented wide receiver, being in the silver and black, like play that song, Hank.

The Autumn Wind is a pirate. That's a great song. I feel like that comes back now. I also feel like he has to die the middle of his mustache silver now, right? Yeah. He can't stay gold. Now that I'm thinking about it, now that we're talking about it out loud, I think my problem with Antonio Brown is like he, I am in favor of him doing all this stuff to get players

rights, to get the money, all that stuff, but he did it with a blonde mustache. Mm-hmm. That's really fucking weird. It's like, come on, Hank. Like if he just did it all without that blonde mustache, he'd be like, yeah. Really in another color too. Right. Like the golden mustache was just really, that's actually not a bad trophy.

So a couple of things I want to touch on with Antonio Brown. This now, can we say the Steelers had the greatest fake dynasty of all time with Laveon Bell and Antonio Brown? Yeah. The Killer Bees. Nothing. They are dying at an alarming rate. Yeah.

And at various points, they had the best wide receiver, best running back in a top five quarterback all at the same time and one absolutely zilch. Well, no, they beat the Patriots in the regular season one time. Yeah. And well, actually, we need to give credit where credit is due. The goal line, there's that goal line overturned. Yeah. That Jesse James.

Exactly. They beat the Patriots last year. But yes, Blake Bortles, the utter destruction of the Pittsburgh Steelers is complete. Never the same. It is totally complete. I'm also kind of glad that Antonio Brown never went to the Bills. Not because, like, I don't think he would have been a good addition. He would have been great for our guy, Josh Allen, but he would have looked weird in a

Bill's uniform. Wait, what do you mean, the Bills? Was that reported? Yeah. Oh. But who? By Ian Rappaport. Oh.

That was a tough night for Ian. That was... Very, very tough night on Thursday. He was refreshing Twitter and there was, like, a new wrinkle coming out, like, he was tweeting at the NFL Instagram account. Yes. Not tweeting, but he was posting on the NFL's official Instagram account being, like, fake news, fake news.

And then at that point, you knew that Ian was starting to sweat. Oh. Ian was turned into a little puddle, like, a tear drop of sweat. Like, you should... Like, you should... You should just... Ian Rappaport just failed, like, the gut test. Will Antonio Brown go along with playing in Buffalo?

No. Okay. So this is probably not going to happen. I think he probably... He's going to a much better franchise than the Oakland Raiders. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's true. He'll demand a trade.

What if he demanded a trade before he played a single down of football? Well, he technically, I mean, as soon as someone else gets more money, as soon as a wide receiver gets more money, I think Antonio Brown is going to probably want to get more money. He's going to want to test free agency. He's going to keep getting more money. But think about, wouldn't he look weird in the red, white, and blue of Buffalo? Yes.

It would just be a strange look for him. And I feel like it would have been a bad fit because I think Josh Allen is going to be just fine on his own and Antonio Brown might have... He might have complained a little. Let's just say that. Yeah. When Josh Allen wins Team MVP over next year and League MVP, then Antonio Brown is going to be like, hey, let me get my taste.

What do you think about the theory that Big Ben basically after Antonio Brown bashed him was like, hey, this guy's gone, no matter what? Yeah, I think that's probably true. Because you feel like a third and a fifth is not enough for a guy with Antonio Brown's talent. He's been the most productive wide receiver in the last five years. And he's still... Yeah, he's 31 going on 31, but he's going to be good for a few more years, for sure.

I'm just glad that the diva wide receiver is back in the NFL. Oh, so bad. Like, you remember the golden age of the divas back in the mid-2000s when he had Tio doing sit-ups in his driveway. Tio, Randy Mosco, Randy Mosco. Randy Mosco. Randy Mosco. Go and fly fishing out in Oakland instead of going to practice.

Yep. Like, actually, now that I say that out loud, that's the least diva thing I've ever done. Randy Marshall practicing in his jammies. Yeah. Like, planting the balls and you're just catching, like, into the trees. We need it. We need that. It's so much more fun when you have wide receivers that are like, give me your money.

Like, basically, the guy from Jerry Maguire, give a gooding junior, we need, show me the money type wide receivers. It's at least so much more fun. Yes. So, but yeah, I do agree with you that Big Ben, I think the second Antonio Brown went on Facebook Live from the locker room after that game, I think Big Ben was like, get these cameras out of here. Big Ben does not let cameras around me when I'm naked.

We should probably also throw, I don't mean to pile on Mike Tomlin, but like, it does all kind of start from him being such a player's coach that everyone can basically sit out whenever they have a problem. And Levy on Bell, who now is being rumored to also go to the Raiders, which would be awesome. Derek Carr followed him on Instagram. This league, this league guys, it's crazy. Yeah.

That would be pretty awesome if they just became the West Coast Steelers, right? I feel like Derek Carr is out. Like, I really do. I think John Gruden is like, I can't. Like the Antonio Browns would be great, but we, I feel like he just hates him. Yeah. Well, Raider is a synonym for a stealer. Did you also see that Larry Fitzgerald was speaking out against Antonio Brown?

No. He said that, so Larry Fitzgerald was like, I think he's handling this process incorrectly, which reminded me, I have a big time stay woke about Larry Fitz, you know, he's doing the thing where he's just going to keep playing for the Cardinals for forever. I think Larry Fitzgerald's goal here is when he, he's going to wait for a Senate seat to come up in Arizona and he's going to retire and run immediately for the United States Senate. And so that's why he keeps playing in Arizona so that the entire population that stays like,

this is our guy. We love him. We love him. We love him. Call that Q rating. Exactly. Keep that Q rating high. Exactly.

So just put that in the tickler file for later. All right. So Antonio Brown, that's it. The saga's over. It was, it dominated the last month in the NFL world and free agency officially starts on Wednesday. And I don't know. The tampering period starts today.

The legal tampering. Correct. So you can have discussions. Yeah. Those discussions have not happened at all. Yeah. All last week. Nope.

I feel like there's been a lot of tweets about the Browns like making these crazy moves that just haven't happened yet. Yeah. The rumor to be going after Odell Beckham, he tweeted out like the emojis. That's basically how the league does detective work nowadays. It's just like what, what player has tweeted out an emoji recently. I emojis. They're on, yeah.

They're on the chopping block. Yep. Well, obviously Wednesday will be a big show because of the league new year starting, happy new year coming up. By the way, keep Odell Beckham and his, his boat parties with the joints away from that river in Cleveland. Yeah. That's just like it.

Highly flammable. All right. So other news we have to get to. My boss, A-Rod has engaged, he's gotten engaged to Jennifer Lopez, the king and queen of America, royal family is back, Kamala. The question is, will I get invited to the wedding, which is a ridiculous question to throw out there. But I think maybe, I don't know, I mean, that, I have to imagine that that wedding is going

to be A-listers. And if you go to it, it would be, it would be amazing. I need to get a plus one. Well, well, you got a new suit. If I get a plus one, I'll say it right now. If I get a plus one, I will put that up to the highest bidder like money wise auction off charity. Yeah.

Harvey, whatever his name is, Starbucks man, the Harvey guy, he's going to, he's going to give me a million dollars to come to the wedding and put a GoPro on his chest. Yeah. I will have to go on the biggest diet of my life if I do get invited because those are some pictures that will, will be everywhere. I think pinstripes suit. Have you earned your pinstripes? I actually think A-Rod, it looks slimming on you.

I think he's going to like, he's going to invite me, but he's going to like make me park cars or something. He's going to invite you to like the reception. Yeah. Like pass out trays. Like the next, the next day brunch. Yeah. Right.

Right. Like, hey, you want to come by this brunch, it's going to be great. He'll invite you to the rehearsal dinner, but not the actual wedding. Hey, listen, I will trade right now with A-Rod, if you're listening to this, I will go to the bachelor party and not the wedding. I don't want you to go to the wedding. Or you just pitch that you can get corp interviews, like, hey A-Rod, like if we just, you know, you just take a break for a second.

Just let me schmooze. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I'll go to the bachelor party. I'll, I'll fall in that sort. I have a theory about his, the ring that he gave J-Lo. Do you see the size of that, Rod? Yes.

Huge. It was massive. I think that A-Rod paid exactly $1 million for it. Love it. That would be such an A-Rod move, right? Love it. He goes in the drawer and they're like, this ring is $600,000. She's like, let me just pay you a million dollars for it.

Yes. Yes. And also, Jose Canseco's coming at him. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not to fight Jose Canseco. Who knows if the wedding's even going to happen, because Jose is putting A-Rod's shit out there big time online.

He also challenged him to a boxing match or an MMA match, and I will fight him. I will fight in A-Rod's honor. He would fight Jose Canseco. If A-Rod asked me to. I would fight Ozzy. Okay. Perfect. Tag team.

Let's do a tag team boxing match. Two of us at once against Ozzy. Yes. And then, yeah. We can't take both of them at the same time. I feel like they can't move anymore. I know that I would get my ass kicked, but I also, in the back of my head, I'm like, eh, maybe not.

Mendez boxing. Yeah. It's fucking 3-0 and Ruffin Roddy's. We would take so many steroids to get rid of him. Yeah, yeah. Because you got to out-steroid them. Right. And they would take all the steroids.

Right. And they're probably like one or two steroid cycles away from their body just to sit. Yeah. Their liver is worse than LeBron's right now. Right. And then the other news we had, speaking of LeBron, great segue, PFT. Thank you. LeBron Lockwood.

Hank's cat. Hank's future cat. So Hank, I even said to you like, I don't even think this is a bed anymore. I just think you're getting a cat. Duke is not Duke anymore. And Zion, maybe not playing. Yeah. I'm not going to lie.

Wow. When this whole bed thing started, you know, I was going along with it, I was irrationally confident and I didn't really even consider the fact that there was ever a chance I was going to get a cat. This weekend watching the game yesterday, I was like, okay, like, maybe, maybe not. I'm not, I'm not worried. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm worried. Yeah.

No, you're definitely not worried. But I mentally prepared myself for the possibility that I might have to get a cat, maybe. You know what you should do. You should. But I'm still, I'm not worried. You're not worried. You're still not on gift registry online so that all these horny dudes out there can just thirst trap themselves into buying them at whatever they want.

Yeah. You should make a registry at PetSmart, just of like all the stuff that you want for a future little Lebron Lockwood. You do have 365 tuna fish cans coming your way, buddy. I'm going to get you so much catnip. Hank, do you know what catnip is? Nope. It's pretty cool.

So you get your cat drunk on it, and then they fall down, they act drunk. So, it's crazy. So it's over, right? The cat. You're getting a cat, the brown Lockwood. And as godfathers of that cat, we will take care of it from afar. I think we're going to have to wait till to see what happens

in the ACC tournament. That will be after the ACC tournament will be, it's like. I mean, they look bad against UNC. Not really, they actually look pretty good. Come back a little. Yeah, I was betting on them. I was surprised they came back. Cam Reddish played very well.

If RJ Barrett didn't play here a while down the stretch, they probably could have won. And Zion, you lost to a coach that has. And Zion's going to come back. They can't stand up. That's the thing, I'm not going to sit here and act totally rationally confident because I think Zion's going to play because he might not rest first rest.

Zion is going to play and he's going to play the ACC tournament. I don't think so. I think they're saving them for the for the NCAA. No, because they know you rest first rest. They know you need to get warmed up. Here's the biggest thing is if Duke loses in the first, I think the first round or second round of the ACC

tournament, I think they might not get that one seat, right? Right. That's that's what you really have to be worried about because this whole bet was based on the fact that they'll be playing like a four or five in the sweet 16. You'll be set. Uh-uh. We should get you.

We should get you a great cat. Oh, and about a three seed. Oh, we should get you a great cat. And then you can dye its hair black, like Coach K is here. Just like a little, a little black circle on top. I'm going to love this cat from afar. Yeah. From afar.

We definitely never visit it. Definitely set up an Instagram account for the cat. Oh, yeah. Hank's Pussy. Yeah, we'll do. We'll get the cats of Instagram. Hashtag cats of Instagram. We'll get all kinds of free shit for you.

I'm not worried. Okay. You're worried though. All right. Let's do who's back. Why don't you start, Hank? Um, I was back the week is cereal. So I'm sure you guys saw last show or the soup.

It was the soup. It was national cereal day last week. Lots of debates being raged about who had the best cereal. Arm out Rushmore from last summer. Got brought back up. Everyone unanimously said that I had the best and also cereal. The podcast is back because I guess we're turning it into an HBO documentary.

I never listened to the podcast. I still see it ranked higher than us, which I don't fully understand. There's new ones too. Yeah. The one you're talking about came out five years ago about Adnan Syed, who I think is really, really guilty. But for some reason they just, I don't know,

maybe I could be convinced otherwise. He just seems like it was a show about a guy that was guilty that had like the police work wasn't very good. Very charming murderer. Yeah. That would be a much better name for it. I don't know. I honestly, I listened to it when it first came out

and I think I had a strong opinion there. But at this point, I'm big time for Ancestor. Who cares? He just said Ray Lewis did it. Like it's a Baltimore unsolved murder. Who cares? Shout out to Baltimore though for having like three different crime dramas based about them.

Like wildly successful crime dramas. You've got cereal. You've got homicide and the wire. Yeah. And Ray Lewis. And Ray Lewis. For real life. Hard knocks.

I'm Ray Lewis. Also bats are back in San Antonio. No. I don't know why, whatever reason, there's bats. What are you even doing where you stumbled upon bats in San Antonio? Hank, we talking Mexican free-tail bats? You've seen the video of the population of bats?

Not regionably, like when a bat comes into that arena and he ends up swatting down. So we talking about Spurs bats? Spurs bats are back. Got it. So they said that. Wait, so they're inside? Bats in San Antonio.

They're inside the arena? I thought they were just hanging out on the river walk. Here's a little pro tip for everybody. Don't touch a grounded bat. Those are the bats that have rabies. It'll electrocute you. Make sure you don't close the loop on a grounded bat is actually where you're staying.

Stand in a puddle of water if you must touch a grounded bat. Yes, exactly. Always wear protection. The bats in San Antonio. Got it. I thought you were talking about the population, the bat population in San Antonio is back to being healthy. They'd send a bunch of bats to San Antonio.

It is spring training, so wooden bats are back. Yeah, one of my favorite things to do when I lived in Austin and I was around the river that had the bridge with all the bats underneath. If there were tourists around in February or January, they'd be like, where are all the bats? We want to see the bats. And I'd just go tell them to stand out on the bridge,

but the bats are only there like April through October. And so they just stand out there and make fools of themselves. Do you think there's anyone still standing there from you? Probably. I accumulated a lot of negative karma from that time. So I was just like, man, that guy, that fucking, that Christmas tree salesman told me that there were some bats under here.

What the fuck? All right, go ahead, PFT. My who's back in the week is the hook shot. Xavier Simpson at the University of Michigan has perfected. He has re-perfected the art of the hook shot. I've seen him do it several times this year. He's been doing it all season long,

but now that people are starting to pay more attention to college basketball, you'll hear people discussing it more often. And it's awesome because he's not like a big man, so it's not necessarily like the Skyhook. He does like a running layup from like 10 feet out. Yeah, he looks, he's just like throwing the ball almost behind his head at times and hitting the backboard.

And it's gonna make Bill Raftery nut. Yes. It's gonna be, announcers are just gonna cream themselves watching this guy do a hook shot. I mean, I love a hook shot. It is sweet. It is the unblockable shot. If you can get the Skyhook perfected,

like if I could pick one thing to have, it'd be just some automatic hook shot. Just show up and just whoop. I would pick being able to shoot a really wet three pointer. That's what I would pick over everything. I'm saying, if you have an automatic hook shot, you can shoot it from anywhere. Like full court hook shot.

Yes. Yeah, I like that too. So three point hook shot? That's pretty good. Talk about unblockable. My other who's back of the week is Tiger Woods' neck. He didn't play this weekend. And just Tiger Woods in general is back

because he's gonna have to go back to Jupiter to get a lot of therapy on his neck. Hopefully he can find a good place that will take care of him and treat him in his deep tissues, his very extremely deep tissues somewhere in Jupiter. So shout out to him. He's definitely gonna be back this week. He's definitely gonna be back.

I usually win the Masters this year. Oh. Yeah. What are you gonna do if he doesn't? Get a cat. I'll get Hank two years of tuna fish. Oh, for shit. For his cat.

Two years. Two years. That's a lot. That is a ton. Where do you want, do you want me to deliver it all at once to your door? Like do you want all the, you probably want all the cans at once, right?

No, I want you to get one each day. No, no, no, no. Get him a tuna fish at the month club. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Well, and if that doesn't exist, we will create that. With varying levels of mercury. Yes, we will create that.

It will just be just out in the open, like a bag. It will actually, it's just a Ziploc bag of tuna fish delivered to your house every day. I'm surprised nobody's used the joke, the giant red spot of Jupiter is the burning sensation you get three days after you visit orchids. Okay. I'm just surprised.

It just hit me right now. Like Jupiter's a planet. That is a planet. Yeah. Big one, a big motherfucker planet. It's chonk. Which one's the biggest? Jupiter.

Is it? Actually, yeah. Saturn? So there used to be a planet in between Mars and Jupiter. That's where the asteroid belt is. But it got nuked by an alien. So now it's just a bunch of rocks out there. Wait, which one?

It's Jupiter? I thought Saturn was pretty good. No, Saturn's got the rings. So Saturn's a champion. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Jupiter never had, never got the Robin to its Batman. Okay, I got it. All right, my who's back is Rick Riley.

So apparently there's a new trend in Italy. Italian clothing brand GCDS dropped jaws during Milan Fashion Week by giving two models a third breast. I think this might be old. The bizarre statement was supposed to show what humans might look like in an imaginary dystopian future. Rick Riley lives in Italy, right?

Look at that. Yeah, they got third breasts. Dystopian, so they're just taking that from that movie. What was it? The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, where they go to Mars. Kindergarten Cop. Yeah, Kindergarten Cop, exactly. With the lady at the bar with three boobs.

Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah, so Rick Riley, you're back. You're a visionary. You're ahead of your time. You're an Italian taste maker with the three boob dystopian look. In Italy, the third boob just puts out red wine. Yeah, it's beautiful.

Alfredo sauce. No, it's actually, it's the left boob is white, the right boob is red, the middle boob is rosé. Oh, I like that too. Yes, Laura. It's like a soda fountain. Or if the chick's a rat, it's just, it's a microphone. That also.

Just wearing it around it. Yes, watch out. All right, my other, who's back is, this isn't even an ad for our friends at FelixGray, but Digital Eye Strain is back because we're starting the two weeks conference championship going into March Madness where you will log so many hours looking at a TV

and I'm so excited for it. My eyes already hurt from watching basketball, but I'm ready for it. I've noticed that our brains just move from season to season based on what we spend all our time watching on television. Like a month and a half ago, we were like, Digital Eye Strain is back because we're watching so much college football.

Now we're watching so much college basketball. Remember the AAF? Yeah. That was crazy. That was a wild week. Remember when? I'm so old, I remember when the AAF was a thing. All I know is that Orlando Apollo's are fucking awesome.

Wow. Steve Spurrier's good. And who has them? Steve Spurrier. No, on who? I believe that's Hank or Bubba. No, it might be Bubba. It's Bubba.

It's Bubby. Flying too close to the sun there, Bubby. Yeah. Okay, before we get to Blake Griffin, a quick word from a couple of our sponsors. Guys, our favorite beer is back, Bud Light, and just in time for conference tourney week. And throughout the rest of the college basketball season,

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and you'll get an extra 25% off when you keep all items in your box. That's stitchfix.com slash PMT to get started today. Stitchfix.com slash PMT. They got the big cat seal of approval. One more time, stitchfix.com slash PMT. Okay, here he is. Blake Griffin.

Okay, we now welcome on our good friend recurring guest. It's been a long time. It has been a long time. Six-time NBA All-Star runner-up for Blake of the Year. But maybe, I don't know, 2019 could be huge, and also a happy early, pre-lated birthday. It's birthday week. Wow.

You're gonna be 30 in six days. So how does that feel? Feels good. You're like a grizzled veteran. That was a lie. I'm always one of those people I feel like I'm at my best at whatever age I'm turning. Oh!

Living in the moment, you're like, yeah, I'm at the peak of my best. I hate when people are like, oh, high school is awesome. Yeah, but 30, now everyone's gonna be like, well, he's old, so maybe you wanna get rid of him. Not saying the pistons are gonna hit you. All right, let's start with this. The conversation around the NBA is a serious question.

Let's start with a serious question. Conversation around the NBA these days is everyone's unhappy. Rate your happiness and then tell us why the hell everyone's unhappy. I'm pretty happy. I saw that. I didn't quite understand that.

Also, Adam Silver's talking about the young guys. Yes, yeah. I'm not a young guy, as we just covered our time 30. You're also not as active on social media as you used to be, I feel like. Right, I used to be active on Twitter. Yeah, you kinda gave that up.

Yeah, I used to just wanna write jokes on Twitter all the time. And that was really it. Do you not write jokes because you're unhappy now? Yeah, I'm a little depressed now. I feel like you write better jokes when you're unhappy. That's actually true. Tortured artists. Maybe I should get a little unhappy.

But why do you think everyone's unhappy? Because I think the story that, it was basically the guys who were all asking for new contracts or trying to get traded. And Adam Silver essentially said that guys like can't go out, they don't have friends. Is that, have you found that to be the case at all? No, I have, I got so many friends.

You're doing this for those right now. They're just right off frame in the camera. They're all right behind you and the camera can't see them. Yeah, showed up so well. Yeah. Are we your best friends? Travel on the road with friends. I feel like it's not necessarily like unhappy.

It's like, I feel like a lot of guys are very like insecure. You know what I mean? Like, and that's what kind of social media kind of does that a little bit. Yeah. You always see bad, I mean, you see good things, but you see a lot of bad things. Do you ever read that?

Because that was actually one thing he said. I was reading, someone else said it maybe, but essentially that being open to that many, like that much criticism on a day in and day out basis can kind of falls with your mind. Yeah, I try not to. I don't really like read like mentions during the season. That's weird because I was looking at your likes on Twitter

and you like a lot of things that mentioned you. Yeah, I also have people that try to show love to fans. Yeah, that's true. So, but seriously, like you actually, you make a conscious effort to read your mentions less during the season? 100%. I still see some, but I don't like,

I'm not gonna like sit and scroll through every day. Like on game days, especially I don't, I don't read any mentions on game days. Are you like Baker Mayfield where the first thing you do after you have a really good game as you go and you check your phone for text messages and then text your family back? Because that seems like a distraction to me.

After the game? Yeah. Yeah, I check my phone after the game. Okay. Do you think that that's a distraction? After the game? Yeah. No.

Neither do we, but Jason McIntyre certainly is. Wait, how many years left do you have on your deal right now? Three and a half? No. I have, well, after this year, I have two and then a player option. Okay, so that's why you're not unhappy yet, because when you have a year and a half left,

that's when you start demanding trades and all that stuff. That's the new move. Yeah, I guess. That is, how does that work? That's the way it works. You're an impending free agent? Yes. The unhappiness to like,

how many years you have left? Exactly. I know you kind of did like the opposite in LA where you preferred not to have been traded after they retired your jersey there. But like, how does that work when players demand a trade? And like, why are owners like, okay, well, he demanded a trade.

I guess we got to trade him now. Like, what is the leverage that the player has in that situation? Well, for like Anthony Davis and those guys, like they just say like, all right, I'm gonna leave. So you might as well get something for them, right? Right. In my situation, like I have three years left.

So it's like, or two years after this. So it's like, we'll deal with that. We'll deal with that way. If I was to say that. Right. But it sounds like you like Detroit now. Like it's kind of, the city's growing, right? Yeah, I really do.

Say some nice things about Detroit so that we can make headlines. Like, what's your favorite thing about Detroit? The pizza. My favorite thing about Detroit. I actually really do like the sports fans playing in LA for so long. You know, there's, there's good sports fans in LA,

but there's so much stuff going on. Right. That people don't really care that much. And there's a lot of people who aren't sports fans actually hate sports in LA. So like Detroit, when, when you're like rolling, like it feels like everywhere you go, people know what's going on.

They know like whether you lost last night or you know, they know like what's going on. I love that. Like being an athlete. Yeah. Like fans that actually like know what's going on. They're locked in. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. What about the Coney Dogs? Coney Dogs are solid. The Detroit style, obviously. What does that mean? What kind of, what kind of chili are we talking about on that? It's just like chili, regular chili, but then it's onions and mustard.

That sounds pretty good. Yeah, it is pretty good. The signature Detroit dog. Do you like Detroit pizza? I do like Detroit pizza. It's good. Very underrated. It is underrated.

There's a place, oh man, I hope I don't. I think it's Buddy's Pizza in Detroit that I had the other night. This is a risk. Uh-huh. Yeah. If you screwed this up. Shout out Buddy's Pizza.

Buddy's Pizza. Blake's favorite. B, it starts with a B. Oh, okay. B pizza. I was doing some in-depth research on you before this interview. And I guess you have a new nickname?

Blake Superior? Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, I like that one a lot. I mean, honestly, that makes a pretty good case for Blake of the year right there. Somebody had like, I think I did this podcast with Neil Brennan.

Oh, wow, you're cheating on us. Got it. No, this was like eight years ago. Before you guys were even, I think. Yeah, yeah. And they went through a whole bunch of nicknames. I think Blake Superior came up. But it doesn't really make sense.

Now it makes a lot of sense. Yeah, yeah, I like that nickname. Blake Michigan is not bad either. Blake Michigan. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess you could go Blake Ontario. Yeah. There are a few, a few likes. Blake Erie, I think is probably my favorite.

The land of a thousand blakes. The Great Blakes. If we get another. That would be cool. Maybe the Lions trade for Blake Bortles. Ooh. Wow. Two blakes in one town.

We might have to move to Detroit for all of our blakes for in one day. Blake of the year and runner up Blake of the year. What are you doing for training-wise for Blake of the year? Because it's coming up, it's this summer. And it's basically based on who picks up the phone call first. Yeah, I think a lot of, mostly just like response time.

So I just, you know, a couple hours, I'll just have people call me. I send out a little text, like a group text, hey guys, let's go. Thumb exercises, any stretching? Yeah, and it's all just like, it's all just, so I work partially like if the phone's down and I have to swipe.

And then partially if I'm on the phone and you gotta hit the green first quickly. I mean, you know what I mean? You know that if you win, that's gonna be top of the list on your Wikipedia page in terms of like the award section. Blake of the year. That's very prestigious. I had so many people, oh,

who was Archie D'Nachino, I don't know how to say his last name. Today, somebody was shooting free throws and we lined up and he goes, hey man, good luck on Blake of the year. So shout out. On the bull, that's funny. That's hilarious. You made the news on, part of my take,

a couple of weeks ago when Bradley Beale kind of posterized you. He drove past you. Post-dry. Yeah, yeah, he posterized you. When he took like seven steps. Yeah, it's a poster. We were put in the show, yeah, we were gonna put it on a poster,

like those Costacos brothers posters. It's gonna be called, just walk this way. That's him taking seven steps. But the reaction that you had in the moment was fucking hilarious to like, you were in midair trying to block his shot and the look on your face was like, how is this going on?

I think Big Cat said it was just a gather step. I said it was a crab dribble, so it's not really a walk. But walk us through what was going through your mind when you saw that and the resulting non-travel call. So you like, it's a pick and roll. I switched onto it and I know he had, like I'm counting his steps.

It's just like a subconscious thing. Right. And so I know at that third step, he's gotta go up. Or he's gonna have to pass it. So I go up. So I go up thinking, okay, this is great. Like we're on a little bit of a run, like there's gonna, and he takes two more steps.

And I look at the ref, stone face, just like, yep, that was good. Still counting. And I just lost it. Yeah, you were like screaming as you were coming back down to the ref. I mean, I have crazy like ref reactions already. And the slow-mo video is great.

Do you think you're getting a little rep as a bad boy amongst the refs community? No, you know what's crazy is like, a lot of refs now come up to me and they'll be like, hey man, I just want to say like you've really, you've really matured and got better. And I'm like, I just screamed at you for like 30 minutes. I think it's just the way you do it.

Do you butter them up beforehand? Just like a hello thing? Yeah, I mean, you know, like knowing their names is a big thing. So I always like try to like go say hello. And I've gotten to know like some refs really well now. So it's like, it actually is like a relationship. Yeah.

Do you miss Joey Crawford? Because I miss him. I do miss Joey. Who doesn't? I miss Joey. Joey made, the league was about Joey. Wasn't about the players. Yeah, it was great.

It was Joey league. How'd you become a three-point shooter? Well, I, like people don't know this. I need like the actual house so I can get to that. People don't know this because I don't post my workouts on Instagram, but I just went in the gym and I just started shooting them. How many?

Upwards of hundreds. A day? No, I think, I mean, it depends. I mean, I've, you know, I started shooting threes what like two and a half seasons ago and not that many. I probably shot like two a game. Yeah.

Like for a half of a season. And then the next year I shot like more. Last year I think I shot like five a game at like 35%. And now I just, I shoot, I feel like I shoot a ton. Yeah, there's some games you shoot 10 and you're shooting like 36%. So teach me your ways. 36.4.

Elbow in. Oh! Elbow in. Blake doesn't look at stats. And just, no, don't look at stats, don't look at mentions. Elbow in and just, you know, you just let it fly. You got to trust in yourself and believe in. Okay.

So you're the, you're the perfect person to ask this. And I know you're probably, I know where your answer's going to be, but I'm going to ask you anyway. We've have an ongoing embrace debate. I have been recently converted that a three pointer, like a 40 footer in someone's eye. You see Trey Young, like a couple of last week did it like a statement three.

When he got kicked out. Yeah. It's better than a, than a posterizing someone than Bradley Bealing you. I don't know, man. Cause like, like it depends on the guy, right? If I hit like a 40 footer, like most guys are going to be like, all right, well, whatever.

Like that's the shot where you're like on the, in the NBA, you always say like, we'll live with that. Right. You know what I mean? Like if somebody's taking a 40 footer, like at the end of the shot clock, you're like, nobody's going to beat you on that. If you like dunk on somebody,

it's just like, all right, we tried everything. You know what I mean? It's way cool. So I don't, yeah. So you would rather dunk on somebody. I mean, yeah, but like, that wasn't that great of a question. You see that highlight though?

There's the highlight. I think it was like a five year anniversary of Steph just dribbling through all the clippers and then hitting a three in all of your eyes. Like literally everyone. I wasn't on the court. Oh, you, actually Spencer Haas was, that was probably what happened.

No, shout out to Spencer Haas. Shout out to Spencer Haas. He's back, back. He's got it in the G-League contract. He's in the G-League. Oh yeah. He's back. Like he's on the way back.

He's going to fix the Lakers. Yeah. He's the one piece that they're missing. He's the guy. It's really crazy that like he's not in the NBA. We think he's getting blackballed for his radical political views. I mean, he did wear a Hillary for prison shirt

for like a month straight. Couple of years ago. Just connect all the dots. That didn't age well. Yeah. Yeah. In retrospect, the InfoWars shirt was. Maybe don't shout, not no shout out to Spencer.

Until we fixed that. I'm sorry. He came in the office and I was like, Hey, you know, that's an InfoWars shirt. And he was like, Oh, really? Shit. I didn't know that. I just thought it was funny.

We're going to get that going so we can get a big settlement. The first thing I know it's about you when you walked in the room was your beard. Like me and you kind of have a nice beard thing going on between the two of us right now. Are you a lumbar sexual? Now that you moved up to not Minnesota, but Michigan.

It's all like the mitten. Lumbar sexual. Lumbar sexual. Can I get like a full definition? Do you wear more flannel? Use it in a sentence. Wow. You really scarfed down those pancakes this morning.

That's very lumbar sexual of you. I do love pancakes. Okay. Wow, Blake. Why are you fucking that tree? That's very lumbar sexual of you. I like trees. Yeah.

As friends. Big tree guy. How come your mattress is made out of brawny paper towels and they're all still in the wrapper? I guess I am a lumbar sexual. Do you think you're ripping off James Harden? You're shooting three. You got the beard.

I don't know. I like to put my own twist on things. Who's your best friend not on your team? In the league? Not on my team in the league. Chandler Parsons. Okay. None of them since I was 16.

Is he still in the league? Yeah, he's with Memphis. Okay, got it. Who's your biggest enemy not on your team? Biggest enemy. That's tough. I don't like, if you asked me like in my younger days, like I feel like I would have had a good answer now.

Like I feel like I like get along with everybody a lot better. That's why. You hate someone. Chris Paul. You guys are buddies? Yeah. Great friends.

Okay, there's a headline. Blake Griffin and Chris Paul have squashed their beef, their huge feud, and now they're friends again. All thanks to this podcast. All thanks to this podcast, I love that. I got an easy question for you here. Where do you stand on the former NBA player, Hedu Turkulu, in his support of Turkish president Erdogan?

Especially like how he's trying to kill it in his cancer. That's gotta be weird, right? Boy, that is a great question. I think that there was like some sort of Turkish intelligence unit that got him stuck in that elevator. Oh yeah, like Gassam or something like that. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

That would have been a good. It would have been good for sports blog business. Like definitely would have had some takes about that. Yeah, a lot of times. Turk, I played with Turk for like a year and a half. Great guy. Did he ever give you any indication that he was an agent of a foreign government?

No, no. No, no. Okay. No, he didn't. I haven't seen the said interview. Did it come out today? No, no, it's he's just been very supportive of the president. I thought there was like an interview there.

And it can't, he was like in fear of his life. Actually, you know what? No, Spencer Hawes sent me like a, it was like a. I'm sure it's a YouTube video. Yeah. Sorry. A reputable link. He sent me like a preview of like some interview

he just did on ESPN or something. Oh, really? I think it came out this morning. Canter? Does that come out on Sunday? Yes. Yeah. Well, I don't watch ESPN.

Oh, there we go. Oh, respect. That was a little fist pulp there. We haven't talked to you since the famous Ballmer blow-by. 44 points. Steve Ballmer tried to come up to you pre-game. Did you see him? Yeah.

You saw him? Yeah. And it was intentional to blow-by? Yeah, I've said this after the game, but I always do this thing. I mean, I finished my free throws. I talked to my two coaches that I work out with and I sprinted to the locker room.

Even like the attendance at Arena now, they know and they clear the hallways. I just like sprint. I don't stop sprinting until I get to the locker room. And so I saw him, but I'm just like, I'm already there. I started to go. I saw him and I was just like, I'm gone. Also, it's just like, you have my number.

Right. You have my agent's number. Has he reached out to you? No. So like if you wanted to like, hey, let's meet in the hallway. Let's meet outside the locker room. He wanted it for cameras.

Cool. And yeah, I just, I didn't like. And then after the game, or before the game, after that happened, somebody, one of his people called my agent was like, hey, can like go up to him before a jump ball. So like. Yeah.

That's like so fake. Come to me as like a man and say, hey, like I'd like to, and not cool. Absolutely. But not like that. I stand with you on that one. Yeah. I think everyone did.

But you can't. But if you're getting ready for a game, I assume like you just said you have a routine. Right. I assume most players have their thing that they do every time to get prepared. That was just like, he knew that people were watching.

He probably knew that his own players were watching. And so he wanted to look cool for them. Yeah, I don't know. I was probably for free agency and all that. Right. And then you dropped 44 on him. Ooh. Fucking awesome.

Who won that trade? Is it safe to say the Pistons won that trade? Yeah. Not really a big like who wins trades. Well, you're doing a podcast now. Aren't you trying to get in the media after this? Am I? I don't know.

That's another question off of that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they got a lot of picks lined up. You won that trade. Yeah, definitely. What is it like with the Pistons this year? Because you obviously are the team leader. And I think people didn't expect you guys

to be in the hunt for the playoffs. And you've kind of, I don't want to say drag the team. But there's been moments where you have been like a star guy with a young team, a team that people don't expect from. Has it been fulfilling? Or has it been like, oh man, I wish we had maybe more help around not saying your teammates are bad, but like more help around at times?

It's been like a fun fulfilling, I guess, or it's been a fun challenge. Like we had a bad stretch December and January. But we're also one of those teams. I said this at the beginning of the year. We're one of those teams that we can't have like one guy hurt. Right. You know what I mean?

We need everybody. Right. Because when we're collectively all healthy and together, like we're a much better team. And Ish Smith, our backup point guard, who's like a big, big piece for us, was hurt for basically those two months. Reggie Bullock, one of our best shooters,

who's now at the Lakers, was hurt. And we just didn't quite get it together. And now we're healthy and playing better. But it's been fun because that team is like a little, like a little bit of young, but also a little bit of just like playoff and experience and like good team and experience. Right. I mean, we have Zaza and like Jose,

who have like been on good teams. And they've done a great job as far as leadership too. But it's been a fun challenge. What about the famous video bomb by Reggie Jackson? When you were giving a speech being like we won, but we like should have won by more. And we kind of blew that game. Reggie and I talked about it.

I was just like still in the moment. And Reggie, that's who Reggie is. Like you see him on the plane, on the bus. He's always joking around, always cracking jokes. He's like that guy that keeps everybody loose. So it was just like a bad time. I mean, that was a team, that was Blake team leader. That was sending a message.

Yeah. That's you. That's the ref saying you've grown up. Before the interview, I was like, hey, come, come, like do something fun. Yeah, that's an amazing collaboration. Is it Frank? No.

No, son. Do you guys still play like cards and stuff? Or is it just everybody's on their phones? We play cards? We play, yeah, we play Bure. And actually at the end of this flight, we were just teaching some of the other guys how to play this different game.

What's the game? The game's called Guts. Oh, I think I played Guts before. It's really fun. Do you have it? Yeah. No, that's a good game. And do you guys, well, no, I won't ask them to be in trouble.

Yeah, you were about to, if you got what's about to ask, who loses the most money? I'm not, no. I'm playing this right now. You play for fun. No, here's the deal. Who is the worst card player on the team? Well, ThonMaker just learned how to play.

So we were like teaching him on this flight. So right now, just by default, he is. We don't really have bad card players on this team. That's a lie. I mean, that's a very smart way. Do you think, I saw your last Instagram video, again, we just did a ton of research for this interview. Do you think you ended racism?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so. I watched it and I was like, damn. Did you, were that sincere? I watched the whole thing. Well, here, OK, can I say, so it is a great video and it's a powerful message. But you have like, you're a very funny guy

and you have a deadpan humor about you. Oh, yeah. So when the video started and you started talking in your deadpan way, I was waiting to be like, to like feel like, and here's what I'm pitching today. Right, right, right. It's like, wait, no, this is a serious video. Yeah.

So you need to get like, maybe I don't know what it is, but your reflection needs to change because I was waiting for the punchline. And then the punchline was, nope, play Griffin just fucking stomped on racism. Yeah, right. So which which inflection? I don't know my serious.

I was just waiting for a joke. I thought you're going to pitch me something funny. I agree with Big Cat. Like I it's tough to tell if you're joking first. I think a lot of people like think that about me and Big Cat, too. And we start to ask a serious question. You should just do like an Australian accent when you're being serious.

You're serious. Well, I can't do that. That's how you know. Good line of like Griffin. I'm here to talk to you about racism in the ugly ugly past. It's rendered sorry. I got that's how I got it. Yeah, anytime I asked a serious question,

I start with SAR and then I just ask it right. Yeah, just a sarcasm. But you know what I'm saying, right? Like, yeah, no, I get that all the time. People are like, I can't tell if you're joking or not. Yeah, just waiting for it, which actually is a great thing to do because then it's like you just leave everyone waiting. It's fun for me.

Yeah, I watch so much fun for other. Right, right. So that was that video, your idea? It was like a part of the NBA's Black History Month campaign. And they asked me seeing as I have a unique perspective, I guess. Yeah, absolutely. Well, let's talk about Oklahoma real quick. They're pretty good this year, huh?

Football? No, no, I'm talking about, of course basketball. Yeah, we just because you know, yeah, because I was money every time I bet on it. We just beat Kansas to get our 19th win. Everyone beat Kansas this year. That's that's got to hurt to be like we finally beat Kansas in the year when everyone gets to beat Kansas.

Listen, I mean, is it our best year? No, right? We are like a solid team. We get a win in the tournament in big 12 tournament and we'll get into the NCAA. I know it's going to suck when you guys get into the NCAA tournament. I got to watch Oklahoma basketball. Our one pre-conference loss was Wisconsin.

I know. John Lauer had. So actually, Wisconsin is great. I mean, Oklahoma is great because we need it for the resume. You guys are actually really good this year, beat Kansas. That was a big win. Nice spin, quick spin. I forgot how much it matters.

Like your quad one wins and shit. No, it's quad one. They do the quads now. What is that? It's like if you beat a good team, it counts as a quad one win. Why quad? I don't know. There's just like there's sounds bad ass every year.

I watch less and less college basketball. So I don't like. Oh, if you were a Zion, would you play again? Oh, man, this is a good headline. I was like, yeah, I would play. It's bad. At the end of the day, you got to play basketball. I totally get it.

If you wanted to sit out, I wouldn't be like, oh, that's BS. If he wants to sit out, cool. But I personally would play. You guys are kind of similar players. Like in terms of body size, do you still have bounce? Not quite like him. Yeah, have you ever broken a shoe? I have, actually, in the playoffs.

In Memphis, there's video of it. I stopped and my two toes went through the front of my shoe. Really? What kind of shoes were they? They were Nike's. Oh, I'm noticing a pattern. And then I switched to Jordan that next summer. Nice.

Hasn't happened since. Nice. Would you ever wear another man's shoe? No. Yeah. He was wearing Paul George's shoes. Right, right, right. Maybe in college.

College, I guess you would. What about Kyler Murray? You ever talked to him? You know what I haven't. I haven't ever talked to him. Yeah, well, he doesn't talk a lot. He's got a bad attitude as well. Charlie Casterly told us he's got a bad attitude.

Oh, really? Because he didn't use Charlie Casterly's combined interview prep service. Who was at the Super Bowl? Was it Caleb when he asked him some question? Oh, yeah, he asked him about baseball and football. Yeah. No, he was not in the mood for that.

He was not in the mood for that. All business. That's how I like my quarterback. Would you do that baseball? What would you pick baseball or football? You were just as good at both. Oh, man. Baseball, you can play forever.

You get to be overweight. Yeah. You get true. Yeah, true. That's something we hadn't even considered. You go to baseball. I mean, you go to a lot of baseball. It's so slow.

Like, the guys are just like. Just hang out. Yeah, I'm so amazed at a guy on the on-deck circle. And the guy in front of him strikes out. And he's just kind of like, here I go. And he's like, ding's the thing, the weight's down. And he's just kind of like, a guy one time looked at me and was like, I'm a big fan.

You're a big game. Yeah, you're a big game. It's so absurd. It's a big game. If you're watching on TV, my favorite thing to do watching a baseball game is just like, count the seconds. What's the maximum amount of seconds

that they show a guy before he spits? And it's just like, it's just a series of shots, close-ups of different guys just chewing and spitting. That's all baseball. They got to get everything. But there's a quota they got to get. Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous. You should have seen how psych Hank was when you said that

if you were Zion, you would play. Are you aware of the stakes that we have with Hank's cat? Yeah, but tell me exactly the, I knew the, I knew the. It gets complicated, but the bottom line is if Duke doesn't make the elite eight, Hank has to get a cat for life. And name it LeBron. Yeah, LeBron Lockwood.

Are you a cat guy? I'm not a cat guy. What would happen if you were forced to get a cat? Forced to get a cat? Yeah. You'd probably just buy a separate house for the cat. I would probably make somebody else take care of it. Yes, he or she.

Yeah, it, I think, is the proper. Do cats have cat penises? Yeah, they, cats are genderless, actually. I don't know if cats have penises. Because they don't, they don't pee, they spray, right? I can't say I've ever seen a cat penis. Yeah, of course they have penises. How do you, that's a good band name though, isn't it?

Have you seen a cat penis? I think they're just spraying. No, but think about it in your head. Have you seen a cat penis? No, but I also haven't seen the underneath side of many cats. Right. But like, you know what a dog dick looks like. Yeah, but I've had dogs my whole life.

Yeah, the cats do have penises. All right, Hank has confirmed. Oh boy, that's a crazy Google search. That's a crazy Google search. Yeah, that's a crazy Google search. She's a good thing about that. Oh my God, throw your phone out the window, Hank. That's terrible, that's terrible.

Here's a good question. Good question. Does every single NBA player have a passport? A passport? Yeah, like, because you have to play against Toronto at some point, right? So how does that work? Do they have like passport day,

where everyone has to like line up and they get their pictures taken? I regret, I rescind my good question. No, because think about it this way, OK? If you were to take just a random group of 13 guys, age 20 to 35 or whatever, the chances of them all having a passport are very, very low. So they have to make sure, yeah, for like 100%.

Not if you like are thinking about it. You either from overseas or you went to like a very good college and you like, like, I got my first passport because we went to go play in this tour in Canada. So the college got like. You also play for Team USA. So it's like, yeah, obviously you're going to play. Right, but I'm saying when I was like 17,

I got my first passport. And then like, I just feel like most guys have passports. I hate to burst you. I don't know about that. I don't think most guys have passports. In the, in that play high level college basketball. I just want to, like, most of them have played Team USA like 17 under, 16 under, whatever it is.

I'm going to do some digging on this. I'm pretty sure that I'm right. But I just don't know how to prove it yet. Yeah, that was a quick team poll. Should I take the group chat? Yeah. Yeah. Who's not in the group chat?

It's passport day. Everyone's in the group chat. Everyone? Well, except the guys that just got traded, you know. Interesting. Like, how quickly do you, how quickly do you take somebody off that group chat after they get traded?

You know what, Reggie Jackson started the group chat. So I think he's in charge of like doing it. I think that's how it works. So he takes people off and on. He's, he's pretty responsible. What if he gets treated? Something like that. Ooh.

That's a problem. Well, trade deadlines can pass. So I don't have to worry about that. That's true. That's true. Good point. How long were you on the Clippers group chat before they took you off?

The trainers start, the trainers do the, so they took me off. There's like protocol. It's like, take your, I mean, I texted like the group when I got traded, like, hey, like, I love you guys, like good luck, blah, blah, blah. And then people responded and then it was like.

That's cool. But no, that's a nice clean ending. It's like, you say your piece, you say your goodbye. I mean, I got like individual texts. Did they take you off the one that you were on with the whole team and then the one you were on without Chris Paul on it?

Like how'd that work? I didn't, I didn't realize I wasn't on one until now. Got it, yeah. Yeah, there was definitely a separate one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they kept you guys separate. And then you thought everyone else was on it. Can you say something like Salacious

about the one and done rule so we can make a headline? Salacious about the one and done rule. Yeah, you think it should go away? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. What about, oh, we have a new idea. Like, you know, it's basically the world

of like player empowerment. What about if you just started shooting in whatever hoop you wanted to? Right. Cause like you're your own CEO. Exactly. It's a business. You pick your hoops.

You don't feel like a piston today. Yeah, yeah. You wake up, you're feeling. The CEO of my brand. Yeah, you feel like a new brand for you. Guys, brand Blake will be shooting here. Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah.

What do you think about that? Tomorrow night you should try it out against the Nets. I like that. But I just don't like, as far as official scorekeepers, I don't think they're going to be on board with that. They're a little old school. Give them heads up before be like, listen guys, I woke up and I'm just trying to live my best life.

I've been really unhappy lately. Uh huh. And I just think that being able to score on whichever goal I want will make me happy. Right. You did a little research and you actually wouldn't get credit for the points scored on your own hoop. It would be whoever was closest to you.

Kind of like lacrosse, I guess, like when the ball goes out of bounds, that's how they figure it out. So just like pick a buddy on the other team and be like, hey, I'm going to pat your hats. Is that how you like really hone in on basketball rules? You find a lacrosse rule. No, I just did that so Hank would understand. Explain basketball to us in lacrosse rules.

That's how we start every interview. I got you. Yeah, exactly. Do you want to say something bad about the NHL? Because Whitney's been talking a lot of shit about the NBA recently. Like what? Give me something.

I mean, you guys don't try until the fourth quarter. LeBron's. Well, that's OK. He's throwing back the line. I want to say that. Do you give your kids wine? I don't give my kids wine. Not yet.

You're a good father. Yeah, you're going for father of the year as well. Just focus on Blake of the Year. NHL, I just, I respect those guys, man. They're just like, I was listening to a, I think, on Instagram, I saw like a Mike Del Hockey thing, which is my favorite thing ever, because their trash talk is so much different than ours.

Yes. It's like, oh, oh, yeah. Real cool, bud. Real, real cool, bud. Real fucking cool. Yeah, that's karma for you there, bud. And like, the NBA is like, it's just so much different. Yeah.

I really, I really like the start contrast. Do you talk trash? I don't really talk a lot of trash, unless somebody like starts talking trash to me, which like doesn't really happen that much. Oh, because you're like a veteran guy. And there's like, I got this beard. Yeah.

Who's the, who's the biggest trash talker that you've come across? In today's game or ever? Today, both. KG. Yeah, everyone says that. Yeah. I think I've said this before,

but he, he was just a different type of trash talk where he would like, you'd be, you're me and I'm KG. And he's like, not looking at you, but talking shit about you. So you're kind of like, he's like, it's my fuck. Can't guard me. Can't guard me.

Like all this stuff. And you're just kind of like, is he talking to me or is he talking to me? He's like almost looking at a teammate, but you know he's talking about you. No look trash talk. Yeah. It's intimidating.

It's like more disrespectful because he's not even addressing you. He's not giving you the time of day to even look at you. Yeah. He's like, I know you're going to listen to what I have to say, even if I'm not addressing you. I should have hit him with that.

Yeah. Yeah, there you go. I thought you were doing an ears joke for his big ears. That would have been funny too. Yeah, big ears. I feel like he's got big ears. Yeah, maybe. I feel like everyone in the shaved head.

I feel like he has small ears. Really? Yeah, you're right. The shaved head thing, it makes the ears pop. Yeah. How often does your brother be like, man, that sucks. Like got all the genes. I mean, he played professionally for eight years.

But still. He got drafted to the sun. Yeah, but still. It's pretty good. I don't know. My brother's like, he's my right hand guy. Right. He's like my guy.

But every now and then does he give you a look like maybe when you wake up and he's just hovering over you while you're sleeping? Well, no, he never does that. Separate houses. God damn it. God damn it. Yeah, I guess he's had a pretty successful career as well.

I figure if you ever at any point in your life get paid to play a sport, you can consider that a success, right? That's pretty good. Are you guys already looking ahead to the Pacers? Didn't they just lose third place? They did. Did they?

To the Sixers today? Yeah, so no. Okay. Who would you rather play in the first round? Pacers, Sixers, or? Celtics. I'm not going to answer that one. Okay, what about Garrison?

What would you say your team no one wants to see? I think, yeah, teams at this point, if we keep this momentum up, I think, you never really want to see the team that's hot. So, I mean, hopefully we... I like that. I like that. Keep rolling.

All right, my last question. Seat Geek question. Put in promo code, take it. You'll see Blake play in Brooklyn tomorrow night. Seat Geek, promo code. Take $10 off. Won't that be tonight? Tonight.

Tonight, yeah. Go check it out. Daylight savings got me fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how it is. How much tampering goes on at the NBA All-Star game? That's a Seat Geek question. Somebody asked me that question at All-Star,

and I was like, I don't know that much. And they're like, really? And then I started thinking like, oh, no. Am I just the guy that nobody tells me? Yeah, I was going to say, you get offended that you haven't been tampered with. No. Trust me, I get tampered with all the time.

Guys are tampering with me. A little bit. Like, hey, would it be cool? I feel like people over, I think they think All-Star is just like all the guys hanging out all the time. Everybody has like their appearances, and like it's not like we're all together a lot. Like practice in the locker room a little bit.

The game, the most. Other than that, like guys aren't just like standing around like talking to each other. Because the Twitter, the NBA Twitter community, like this league community, I think they just view All-Star game as everyone just standing there being like, we should play together. Like two years, let's play together.

At All-Star, there's cameras and microphones everywhere. So you tamper in like Morse code. I tamper in private. There's a lot of winking. Every NBA player knew Morse code, and they were just winking at each other. Our American sign language? Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be sick. Yeah. Tamper? Yeah, tampering is cool. It's like magic brought tampering back. It's like just tamper with everyone. If you tamper with everyone, they can't really get you for tampering with anyone.

If anybody could do it in that magic. It's true. It's true. My last question. Do you still like pretend to dunk on door frames when you walk through them? Because I do that all the time. It's pretty cool.

I can't know. Did you used to do that? Of course. All the time? I had, my brother and I had matching nerf hoops. I had a lot of hoops. I had a lot of hoops. I had a lot of hoops.

I had a lot of hoops. I had matching nerf hoops on opposite ends of the living room. They were both attached, obviously, to door frames. It was some of the best basketball I ever played in my life. What age were you better than him? He was much better than me. He'd left to go to college. I think that's kind of when I hit my growth spurt

and also filled out a little bit. Super, super skinny. We started playing a little bit of one-on-one in college. I think, I don't know, somewhere else. He stopped because he was like, shit, he can beat me now? Well, again, no, he didn't stop because he went on to play professionally. Yeah, that's true. I was just curious of the brother.

No, my brother's one of my best friends. He's my biggest supporter. So how many free shoes do you give him? He gets a lot. He gets whatever he wants. I judge your friends on how many shoes. That's why we have yet to start our friendship officially. Well, it's coming soon.

12. 10 and a half. Don't worry about anything. Don't worry about the other ones. 12. 10 and a half. 6. Just 12.

6. All right, you got any questions for us? What's next for Blake Griffin besides winning some playoff games and carrying the Pistons to a title? What else you got? Are you going to be on Comedy Central? I mean, basically, I feel like every offseason, you just do our job better than us.

I'll have some comedy stuff this summer. My charity event comedy by Blake will be this summer again. Is it in Detroit or LA? It's not. The destination is not yet confirmed. OK. It might not be in either. That's, yeah, tamper.

You want to be a Nick. Do it here. It might not be in Oklahoma. Yeah, so we'll see. In the offseason, I just, you know. Hang out or hang out. Yeah. Yeah.

Probably coming to New York, hanging out with you guys. Have you had a Netflix offer yet? Sort of. We had a conversation. When I first went to Montreal, just for laughs and to stand up, I came back and I had a bunch of like kind of like meetings. And I just like at the time, like I'm not, I wasn't really like trying to like go right like half hour or whatever it was.

Yeah. Do you realize how much that pissed guys like me off that you got on stage and you were really good at it? There's a lot of comedians off. And so like I try to be aware of that. I don't want to like. Wait, are you saying I'm not comedians? Did you just say there?

That's funny. Again, that's fucking funny. Stand up. Stand up. OK. Stand up. Not like a, you know. Whatever I am.

You just let them all dunk on you. Yeah. So I try to be aware of that. And I only like do stuff where I'm like hosting a show where you have other, you know. Yeah. Like I'm not trying to take people. Like people are doing that for a living.

And they've been doing it for a long time. And it really grinds itself. Well, if you have any companies that you don't want to do business with, send us instead and we'll do the like, we'll do your bidding. If you like, you know what, like if I don't know. Oh, yeah. Like some streaming service that you don't have any interest in doing business with.

Right. We'll go and send your agents. Right. Or try to get some free shoes out of it. Or you can just be like. Free shoes. Yeah. We'll just get free shoes from everyone.

Here's what you do. Just be like my idea for my concept for my 30 minute show in Netflix is PFT and Big Cat doing a show for you guys. Right. Yeah. So I'm just pitching you guys. Yeah. No, we're pitching for you.

You're not even in your own Netflix special. No, I'm not even in the pitch. Yeah, yeah, no. No, I know that. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying like. No, I was trying to take his Netflix special from him. Yeah.

Where he's like my creative vision for this show is my two best friends, PFT and Big Cat wearing cool shoes that I gave him. Right. Doing a show for you guys. Right. And then yeah. So the first maybe 60 seconds of the show you're in telling us to go do it. And then it's just us convincing you guys in this beautiful.

Yeah. It's a Blake Griffin special. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Don't take it off the table. We'll talk. Yeah.

Yeah. No, no. We should. Yeah. I feel like that's a verbal confirmation that's legally binding. Anything else? I do. What do you guys have anything cool coming?

Well, Hank's getting a cat with a penis. That's pretty cool. What? What are the? What are like, is he coming back? Like what? I don't know. I don't.

Yeah. I guess I think he probably will play in the tournament. There's some stay wokes now. In the ACC tournament? No, I don't think so. He's going to save it for it. I think he's going to save it. Yeah.

Stay woke out there is that he's not coming back and it's this more serious injury than people realize. And Coach K is just faking that he's going to come back so that he can keep so he can possibly get a one seat. Right. Because they won't give him a one seat of sign. He's not going to play. Right.

You put him in a tight, tight little polo. Yeah. Sit him on the bench. Yeah. Good point. He's the only guy besides like Jesse James that rocks that top button. Yeah. Choking him out.

Yeah. Yeah. It used to be like super popular. Yeah. But you don't even dress nicely anymore because you're lumbar sexual. Why do they call it street clothes? I feel like that's kind of problematic. Like if somebody's not dressed out for the game.

Oh. Like, oh, check him out. He's wearing street clothes and he's wearing like a suit. Oh, he's so street. Yeah. How much do we have to pay you to wear a part of my take shirt on like your playoff game walking? Oh, now we're talking.

Now we're doing business. Now we're talking. Now we're doing business. I'm going to need those four shoes back. Yeah. Okay. Don. Deal.

Deal. Relinquished. Okay. I'll get you a sheesh shirt. That'd be cool. Yeah. You should wear it though. We should, we either need to go like extra small or like six X so that you can be like

it's a fashion statement. Maybe wear nothing. Maybe go naked at the bottom. How did this turn from me making my demands? Naked at the bottom with a six X shirt. No. I'm like a knight. We need to poo in it.

Yes. I'm not, I'm not walking into a playoff game with a jar of honey. I would pay you $300 to do that. Wow. I'll kick in an extra 50. 350. 350. What do we got here?

Uh, yeah. 500, 400. Hank, anything? Hank? Whatever I get for those shoes. Okay. Yeah. So you get us the shoes first and then the offer might go up.

I just said we're taking those off the table. But we have to sell them to get them on. He can keep his because I can't find anybody else to give him to. Well, no, your baby, you have like a kid that's like four. My son wears way bigger shoes. Come on. Oh man. All right.

We'll, we'll, we'll talk. We'll take this offline. I think you and a six X part of my take shirt. Um, Am I allowed to layer it? What do you mean? Can I throw like a snazzy jacket? Absolutely.

Or a flannel? Yeah. As long as you have no pants or underwear on. Flannel, axe, jeans and boots. Uh, no. Knit cap. I think we're going maybe, Jordan's sandals and white socks.

Okay. See. Some Tivas. We'll get you into some Tivas. Yeah. Birkenstocks. I wear Birkenstocks. Yes.

Um, all right. No, Crocks are out. Crocks are out. Yeah. Birkenstocks. Yes. Blake. Thank you.

Good luck. Blake of the year. Now should we, let's just finish with this. Should we give Blake a heads up before Blake of the year? Can we talk about this? Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's have a dialogue to end this. It's just, it's just random. Yeah. No, it's, it's whenever we happen to be recording the takey awards, we call both of you guys. Yeah. And we time it. So there's a, there's a week. Yeah.

So I think maybe we'll do this. Can I get the week? Yes. I think that's fair. Or you can just listen to the show and find out when the takies are going to be. It's the week of, yeah. I think the week that we do it, I think we will tell both of you. Can I do a thing where in case I'm flying again, like last year when I was servicing,

servicing the country, can I do a thing where I, anytime I take a flight, I say, Hey guys, I'm going to be in the air. Okay. I think I'll update you on my whereabouts. If we do one week, if we do a week and call you guys at any time in that given week, I think each of you gets a total of maybe two, two five hour windows where you can be like, can't do it in that week. Two five hour windows.

Yeah. You can text us and be like, Hey, one of my five hour windows starts now. What if like, I'm playing USA basketball and like, we're like, we're, we're overseeing. We got to figure out. Yeah. Which games were they asked? I don't know. I don't know.

That sounds like a yes. You probably won't. You're 30 now. So I'm 29 now. Yeah. Well, no, you're going to be 30. And at that point it's like, he's washed. I just don't think that that was very fair.

But I, you know, we'll give you, we'll give you an option. Just like, let us know at the start of the week when we should not be calling. I don't need the five hour window thing. Okay. I just need, I just need flights. Okay. Fine. Flights.

If I'm like flying. That's fair. Flights. But you know, Blake's scared of flying and that's family emergency. Yeah. Blake does never. Yeah. Borders never flies.

Jacksonville doesn't have an airport. We'll figure it out. It will be fair this year. Maybe, maybe we'll do, we'll put both of your numbers on Twitter and then whoever has the most text messages at the end of the day. That could be a way. Whoever replies to the most AWL text messages. You know, you never know, we might just totally change how we do Blake of the year this year.

Yeah. We might not even involve a phone call. Right now it does. But now I'm just, now you're trying to game the system. We don't want to, we don't want to screw up your mojo right now. You guys are on a winning streak, but just be ready. Okay. I'll let you know.

I'll be ready. We'll give you a heads up. Blake, thank you. Oh yeah. What if I just call you right after this? That's good. Yes. That interview with Blake Huron was brought to you by SimplySafe, Alarm, the Willys, the

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Why? I love it. How about Bubbalicious? It's like, people don't know if you are a 24-year-old producer or a grandmother. 23. 23? 23, even better. Bubby, what'd you do this weekend?

Not much. Okay, cool. Good talk. All right, let's start with Mike Greenberg's dumb rules. Jay Glazer, I actually, I can't tell if this is parody or not, but it's actually knowing Jay Glazer, he's incapable of doing parody, but he has maybe the greatest idea ever to fix NFL officiating. Here's what he says.

Here is my solution, capitalized my. Here is my solution. Like it's God? Yeah. To the officiating problem. As off the wall and out of left field as it sounds, I truly believe in the craziness that I'm about to give you. Here's the solution.

Change out the officiating department and hire all new officials. All combat veterans, special operations backgrounds, go hire a bunch of Navy SEALs, Marine Recon, Delta Force, those guys. Think about it. They'll be in the shape to be in better position. They literally can react faster than the rest of the world, even when bullets are flying. They can react quicker than anyone else when something happens on the field. And also, coaches will be a little less inclined to rip into them out on the sideline.

It's harder to go yell at a Navy SEAL if coaches are upset about a call. Again, their reaction time is better than everyone else's. That's a great point, though, about yelling at them. Yeah. Like you're disrespecting the troops if you go scream at a ref who's a veteran. This is such a wild take, but I love it. I love it, too. Do you think that's where John Harbaugh got his idea for, was it the Sky Chief that he

said? It's just an out of commission drone. This is, like I said, it's satire, but it's not. Jay Glazer being 100% serious. These games would move faster because the officials wouldn't want to see flags touch the ground. Mm-hmm. True.

Would be disrespectful. True. And maybe we work into some of those Coronado training regiments during the game. Like a two-point conversion is now how long you can run around the field with an inflatable dinghy over your head. I also think the ref should be allowed to make tackles. That would also be great. If you commit a penalty, they should be allowed to let you the fuck up.

Yes, yes. So I'm in for this. Jay Glazer, I think you just revolutionized the game. I don't think it's ever going to happen, but I'm 100% in for it. My favorite part about this is he suggests firing every NFL official. Yes. And then just... They don't deserve jobs.

The implication... Hold on. No. Hold on. They can go do basic training... So they can become... ...and keep their job. No, they can become a Navy SEAL...

Correct. ...and then come back. It's a little bit of a backwards route, but yes, they can do it. ...leave and then reapply and then come back. So it's not firing, it's just changing the requirements for the job. My favorite part about this is the implication that every former soldier wants to be an NFL ref. Yes.

That's something that they would want to do. They're pinning for. They're going from the job where you get the most praise for what you do to the job where you get the least amount of praise for what you do. And also, wouldn't it be like, isn't there a whole rule, like, don't make Navy SEALs public? Like, don't have their identity back. Don't dox them?

Yeah. So Jay Glazer's plan is to dox every Navy SEAL? It seems... Every CIA special agent... Yeah, it seems kind of counterintuitive there. Just have them be at the center of every ref in controversy. I do think refs should be allowed to carry firearms, though. I think that's kind of a no-brainer.

Maybe we can, like, find a middle ground here and go with, like, pellet guns. So they've... Yeah, it's... No killing. No killing. Now, stick with me here. You know, I talked about, like, the out-of-commissioned drones. You know how when they bring back service dogs from overseas, after they've been led

out of the military, they give them jobs and stuff, and they adopt them out, like, a drone that is no longer, you know, firing missiles at your many weddings overseas. Yes. They bring back... That's the replay review system, or the Skycam. And instead of a missile, it's got, like, the paintball equivalent of a missile, which doesn't exist, but I just invented it, where they fire a missile at you, but it explodes just paint all over you.

And then Obama's sitting in New York City at the NFL League Offices, controlling all of them? Yeah, he's the ol' Dean Blandino. I actually love that idea. Yeah, it's like PETA dumping fake blood on you and they're just controlling all the drones. Yeah. Yeah, a live shot of recreating the Osama Bin Laden raid live picture.

Yes. That's a new command center for the NFL. Jay Glazer, you've done it again, you magnificent bastard. All right, let's go to Talking Soccer. I think Jay Glazer thinks that he's a troupe. Yeah, he absolutely does. Yeah. He's just a...

Those are his best friends. It's like, it's guys who play hockey, and they just all of a sudden think they're Canadian. Yeah. They're Canadian accents. That's Jay Glazer. He hangs out with troops enough. He's like, yeah, I'm a troupe. And he kind of is.

But yeah, he does do a lot for the troops. Right. I actually think it's at the point now where it wouldn't even be stolen valor. You kind of are a troupe. You are a part of... He's like Tom Hagan of troops. He definitely has. He can't be in the family, but he's like a consigliere for the family.

Yeah, he's got enough special forces tactical gear. I don't know if he actually owns it, but when he's watching a movie like Sicario, he can identify the different specs on the night vision scopes that they're using. Well, he's actually watching Sicario with the night vision goggles on. Really enhances it. Yeah. What's up? What's up, Liam?

What's up, Bubby? Are we being that funny? Bubby's losing shit. Oh, fuck. I thought you were doing something with the cameras to like make our faces look stupid. You put a filter on us? Yeah. Don't put a filter on me.

I'm doing the dog filter. I need to start losing weight again. No, you look good. The year of the Corps was ending the year of the Corps in March or February was a little premature. I'll just say that right now. You got some weddings. Step on the scale.

Who knows what I'm going to have to do. I might have to fight Jose Canseco at A-Rod's wedding. What if during Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace, Jose showed up? I feel like Jose Canseco has disrupted several weddings. How badass would that be if A-Rod's like, you can come to the wedding, but your one mission is to shoot and kill Jose Canseco if he shows up? Yeah, you should do it. Yes.

I'm in. I'm in. All right. Talking Soccer. We had a fan run onto the field in a English soccer. I think it was League 2. Who cares? I mean, League 2.

Only losers playing League 2. Is that the championship league? Nope. It's one below it. Okay. So a fan ran on and punched Aston Villa's Jack Grillish in the face. He basically just came up and sucker punched him mid game. And I kind of love it, but you shouldn't do that, but I love it.

You shouldn't do it. It worked perfectly because it was in Birmingham, England, and that's where Peaky Blinders is set. Peaky fucking Blinders. Ran onto the field was wearing the scally cap that the Peaky fucking Blinders wore. Right. He just went out and he just dispatched this dude with extreme prejudice. Yeah.

Because I got up behind. It was very much a sucker punch, but then I'm taking soccer's man card. I'm giving, I'm giving their man card a red card. Okay. Because nobody on his team stomped the dude out. Yeah. I know they kind of hovered over him. Yeah.

And they thought about it, but they didn't do it. Yeah. You got to stop that guy out. You have to. By all of the Peaky fucking Blinders. Off or shall be. Do you know what the problem was? When a fan does this, you have like a 10 second window to violently attack the fan.

Yeah. Then if you don't, people kind of come to their senses like you can't hit him. Well, because in that 10 second window, you can claim that it's self defense. Correct. Because you don't know who he's going to punch next. Correct. Yeah. He could be me.

He could be me. Yeah. You don't know that stuff. So yeah. You got to, you got to fly in and just like do a double leg drop kick on him. Um, credit to the, to the soccer player though for not diving and not like milking it. Yeah.

He just got punched and he fell down and he got back up. And if his name are, he'd still be rolling. Oh, he would have rolled all the way across to the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah. By now. Yeah. Um, who you got though? If it's Birmingham, Alabama or Birmingham, England in terms of their fans.

Birmingham, England. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. There's got to be some like a Paul Feinbaum equivalent of a radio show host in Birmingham, England. Yeah. I mean, I watched this.

I was like, Oh, that wasn't even that bad. Even though it's very, very bad. Yeah. Like if it happened in American sports, it would be the biggest story ever. Yeah. But I watched it. I was like, yeah. Oh man.

Yeah. It would be a great story game. The takes tomorrow would mean something. It would be like, if this happened in an NFL game, they would put an electric fence around the field. It would be incredible. NFL players would kill the guy. Yeah.

It would be awesome. Or Obama's drone would have hit him. Yes. All right. We finally have King State Kings, James Dolan. So a fan yelled at James Dolan at the next game today, I think, or yesterday. Yesterday. And basically said, sell the team and James Dolan replied with, you have fun watching

it on TV. When they took his information, I'm pretty sure they banned him from Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Welcome to the club. But James Dolan banning people. He's not really in a position to be like, I don't want to sell this guy Nick's tickets anymore.

Right. Well, no. See, this is why I kind of love this move because James Dolan essentially is becoming like a medieval time king. I do like that. Yeah. Like if you say anything bad off with your head, yeah, slash you can't come to the mecca. I do like that about him, that he's totally like leaning into ban all of New York before

he sells the team. It's like Katy Perry being like, okay, I'm going to not let these people buy tickets to my tour that doesn't exist because nobody wants tickets to it. What's the Katy Perry slender about? No, I'm just saying, I like Katy Perry, but she doesn't sound like she's not moving product. I like Katy Perry. I would never say what you just said. I do too.

But you know, for a fact, she's not selling out. I'm confused. When was the last time you went to Katy Perry concert? I think you're in New York. I've been to one Katy Perry concert. Okay. How many have you been to New York in a long time? Yeah.

How many have you been to? I've been to about 10 in my mind. No, I'm a much bigger Katy Perry fan than you. Listen, she was my pre-Cardi B. Well, you stole Cardi B for me. I stole Cardi B for me. I mean, Cardi Cat was a thing. I remember when I was like, I'm going to start.

On this very show, I said I was going to start rapping and going viral, rapping Cardi B stuff. That was like a year ago. Well, I was in love with Cardi. I'm not trying to steal. I'm not trying to rap. No, listen. You stole Cardi B for me. I'm not trying to rap.

I'm not trying to rap. And go back and retweet my Cardi B tweets. I have no idea what Cardi Cat is, but I do know that I have a massive crush on Cardi B. I know. We know because you stole it from me. Everyone's been talking about how you try to steal it. So you can have Katy Perry and I'll take Cardi B.

No, she was my pre-Cardi B. Either way, just don't slander Cardi B or Katy Perry. No slander of anyone. Any music from any female ever. Okay. What about T-Swift? I like T-Swift. She has bangers.

She has a little bit of a banger. She hasn't had a bang for a while. I feel like it's coming though. It's kind of like the, it's like the big one. It's like the volcano out in Yellowstone. Okay. You just, it's coming. What about Rihanna?

There's that blog that you wrote where you said that she was fat. Oh, Riri? I love Riri. No, I never said that. Stop that. You stop that. I thought it was out of bounds because I'm a big, I'm a big Riri stance. You stop that.

I love Riri. Actually, I'm not, I'm not, well, I'm not a Beyonce fan, but I respect the Bayhive. Yeah. Let's just say that's a smart policy. Yes. Let's just say I will keep my safe distance from the Bayhive. You guys do you. We'll just be over here loving Cardi B, Katy Perry.

There's more than enough to go around for everyone. Hank, what do you think about? Who's your favorite? All the names are just listed. Your fave could never. Cardi. Cardi. You stole Cardi B for me, Hank.

You're more of a Nicki Minaj guy. Yeah. You do like Nicki Minaj. I do like Nicki too. Well, you can't like Cardi and Nicki Minaj. I do. I like the tension. You can't.

I like the tension between them. You're going to get dog walked. And one side against the other. You're going to get dog walked. All right. Hank, decide what you want us to do for our Monday reading. Here are the two headlines. The first is why straight men are joining masturbation cult clubs.

You can say cult. I think it's a cult. I think it's a cult, yeah. I think it's a cult, yeah. The second is my month inside a group of people who drink their own piss. I mean, we're going to do the other one. We're going to do the other one next week. You just pick.

Oh wait, Big Cat? Yeah. Um, Jose Canseco tweeted at JLo. If you want the truth about Alex Rodriguez, call me and give his phone number. Do we want to call him? Yeah, we want to call him. Let's give him a call. Fuck this guy.

He's probably, everyone's calling him right now. Yeah. Do star 6ix9ine so he can't call you back. In honor of Mr. Kraft, I think we should do the masturbation cult. Wait, where's this tweet? Hold on, let's call. It was direct at to JLo, so it doesn't pop up. Yeah, it's very private.

It's called real quick. I'm calling right now. Fuck this guy. Okay, let's see, Star-69, does Star-69 still work? Yeah, I think so. Welcome to Verizon Wireless. Your call cannot be completed if dialed. Yeah, it's fake.

Damn it, it's fake. He got me. It's good thing you blocked your number, otherwise I would have been very bad. All right, so we're gonna do, what'd you say, Hank? Masterbation Club. Okay. Why straight men are joining Masterbation Clubs?

All right, so it starts where you should need it. It's long, so we're gonna skip around here. When Brandon was in his early 20s and studying abroad, he went on a trip to Israel with his friends to hike in the Judean caves. At a certain point, they reached a part of the cave that was pitch black. It didn't take long for someone to suggest

we all jerk off in the darkness. Brandon, now 35, says, and so we did. After they- Isn't that Skull and Bones? Isn't that like the initiation? Yeah, you now can be a president of the United States. Yeah, it's fun to imagine that John Kerry and George Bush probably jerked off in the same room at the same time.

Yes, absolutely, 100% did. After they finished, they zipped themselves up and proceeded to continue meandering through the caves as if nothing happened. They never spoke of it again. Brandon self-identifies as straight. That's a great use of words there, self-identify. So other people might not identify.

You gotta make sure you cover all your bases when using tags like that. He had never masturbated in front of another man, let alone a group of other men before in his life, yet he says in retrospect, the weirdest thing about the incident was how not weird it seemed at the time. Yeah, it's kind of strange how that thought just came to him

where he was like, obviously let's jerk off in this cave together. Yes, exactly. So essentially they explain like, there's a whole history behind it. We know it's, this is a doctor who wrote a book. He says, we know it's common for teenage boys to masturbate together or to instruct one another

on how to do it, says Dr. Jane Ward, author of the 2015 Not Gay, Sex Between Straight White Men. What a book! What a book! The title's called Not Gay. The title is, Not Gay, Sex Between Straight White Men. No homo. Let's jerk off in this cave together.

Shut up Ray Hibbert. And she coined the viral term brojobs to describe straight men having sex with each other. Okay. Ward cites a 1981 report on male sexuality by, see this is like, when they go into like doctors talking about male sexuality, sexologists, Cher Haight, which suggested that nearly 20% of men

had engaged in group masturbation during adolescence. Well, here's the deal. Yeah, that's called pledging, dude. Guys are just horny. I don't think it necessarily means anything. I think it's just sometimes guys, we got a nut. Yeah, sure. If that's in a cave, so be it.

I'll make a stalactite out of my sperm. Okay, so here we're going, we're jumping ahead here. In Seattle, for instance, there's the Rain City Jacks, a Jackoff club for men who wish to, per the website, jack off openly and safely in a uniquely sex positive, non-discriminating and mutually respectful community. Hey, we're sex positive. Do you think they have jackets?

Well, if it feels like a leather jacket club, like a motorcycle gang, you've got the patch on the back, the Rain City Jacks. Every Sunday and Tuesday, the Rain City Jacks meet in an erotic art gallery in Seattle. The furniture is covered in canvas. I feel like you'd want to do plastic. Yeah, you want to make that look like a kill room in Dexter.

Okay. Volunteers hand out small plastic cups of lube to guests. Oh, please note, they try to be environmentally responsible if people want their own clean lube. So, and then they- Wait, yeah, no, the big question is, are the cups, are they recyclable? It's a big, it's an important question.

The lights are dimmed slightly in soft music plays while the men gather either alone or in small clusters and proceed to jerk off. All the while keeping conversation to a minimum to ensure everyone stays in the moment. Should we go do this for Barstool Gold? Yeah, this is the cult that we're going to join. This is, I didn't know this was a thing,

but it seems like it is. It seems like this is definitely a thing that people are doing. Now, how many people did Sarah and the Rain City Jacks? Didn't give an exact number. Okay, I'm going to look up, I'm going incognito mode, looking up Rain City Jacks just to see if this is a real thing or something that somebody made up as a prank.

In recent years, Jackoff clubs have catered to an increasingly diverse, younger, and more sexually open clientele. The younger the guys are, the more open they are, says Steve, the younger generation is so comfortable with gay people, they'll play with another guy even though they prefer women. Okay, I should not have gone to this website.

Yeah, that was a bad Google search. I was just making sure it was real. So essentially there's just like, this is kind of like the jerk off crystals that Danica Patrick told us about. Yeah, she's really into that. Listen, I don't want to knock anybody's hobby because I'm sure some of the thing,

I'm sure watching football every Sunday. We basically are in a Jackoff club without Jackoff. Yeah, we jack off our brains and eyes to playing fantasy football. Fantasy football is a Jackoff club. Yeah, absolutely right. It's just fantasy football players don't have the balls to just reach down and crank it in front of their bros.

This is, yeah, I mean, this is, listen, if you want to be in a Jackoff club, everyone just wants to be a part of something. That's just human nature, right? Do you think they shake hands after they're all done? I feel like the secret handshake has to happen before. Yeah, I think it's, the handshake goes on throughout. The secret handshake club.

The secret handshake is just jerking yourself. That's the secret handshake. Yeah, it's just a handshake club, but you're just handshaking dicks. Yeah, your own, that's how you can internalize it if you prefer women over men. Right, it's essentially like a frat, as you said, but the secret handshake is just

cranking yourself off to completion. Yeah. Oh, here's another thing. Very intricate handshake. Here, I'll read this last paragraph. On its surface, the idea that a man might masturbate in front of other men as an assertion of heterosexuality might sound strange,

but in truth word points out, there's not much of a distinction between the communal experience of a jack-off club and say going to a strip club and getting a lap dance at the same time as your friend. Actually, not a terrible point, or having sex in the same room as your male roommate during college, okay?

It's a threesome, right? That counts. Yes, presumably there are women present in those scenarios, but the result, communal arousal is the same. While both of those experiences are not uncommon for men in their teens and 20s, they're staunchy, staunchly homoerotic nonetheless, and it's also worth noting that there isn't quite

an equivalent for young women. The norms of collective arousal for men are very different than they are for women. Ward says it's just common for men's sexuality to express itself in a public way. Just guys being dudes. Yeah. That was essentially just explained

that guys love to be dudes. It's just kid stuff. Yeah. He just needs a release. That's fine. How long do you think these meetings last? Because I would imagine that if just a bunch of horny dudes is probably in and out in five to 10 minutes.

Do you think there's anyone in the club who are like, yeah, that guy, he leaves way too quick? Yeah. You know what I mean? Probably. Probably. Just embarrasses himself. Rick.

Yeah, Rick. That was off the top of my head. That'd be a tough look for Rick. Yeah. Do you think these parties are catered? I would assume so. There's got to be an open bar, right? Yeah.

You can't just go in and start cranking off sober. When you say catered, you think open bar, I was thinking of like little sandwich food. You're thinking of corn dog bites. Yeah. Pigs in a blanket. Pigs in a blanket. Pigs in a blanket.

Just goes along with a jerk off. Pigs in a blanket dipped in ale. That works for me. So yeah, this is a new trend. Again, sex positive. I didn't think this was something we'd be reading, but Hank wanted to read it. So we've done it.

Good job. Good job, Hank. Yeah. All right, that's our show. Hank, are you going to stick around this week? Yeah. All right, it's good to have you back, Hank. It's great to have you back.

We missed you on the show. Thanks. And I'm very excited for LeBron Lockwood. And what's going to come out. See you everyone Wednesday. Love you guys. I'm talking away. Oh, I don't know what I'm to say I'd say anyway.

Today's another day to find you. Shying away. Oh, I'll be coming for your love of faith. Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone. I'll be gone. Go, go, go for the moon.

Go for the moon. To me, let's say I'm on set in. So put on these dough a little weight. And further than the clock, it's OK. Say out to me, it's no better to be safe than sorry. Take on me. Take me on I'll be gone

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