Pardon My Take - Brooks Koepka, Play In Games Night 1, NHL Playoffs, And Uncle Chaps Reads Roasts

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

Play in Game night was a dud as the Pacers rolled the Hornets and Jayson Tatum put a burger up on Russell Westbrick and the Wizards (2:56 - 9:17). Stanley Cup playoffs (9:17 - 18:40) Kwame Browns has officially changed his legacy and Tony LaRussa is the last great guardian of unwritten rules (18:40 - 30:43). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including Shohei Ohtani being incredible and politicians pretending to like sports (30:42 - 56:12). Brooks Koepka joins the show ahead of the PGA Championship to talk about his new goatee, a terrible picture that was taken of him and more (56:12 - 72:04). We finish with the return of our good friend Uncle Chaps and listener submitted roasts.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have our good, good friend, best friend, Brooks Kepka, head of the PGA Championship, his new goatee, a bad picture that was taken of him on Tuesday. We discuss it all. We have the NBA playing game night one, Stanley Cup playoffs are still going on, hot seat, cool throne, Kwame Brown has basically changed his entire, I don't know, good name in the

course of a day and a half of Instagram Live. Yeah, he reclaimed his name. Yeah, he reclaimed his name. I think he approved it. Yeah, and then we have our good friend, Uncle Chaps on the show to do some listener roasts and some motivation from big time Tommy. Okay, before we get to all that, Chevy Silverado. You've heard us talk about it.

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Chevy Silverado. Check it out. Most advanced Silverado ever. Okay, let's go. It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take presented by the Chevy Silverado, the most advanced Silverado ever. Today is Wednesday, May 19th, and the Washington Wizards have been eliminated from the playoffs.

Not true. Oh, shit. Not true. You're almost happy. The playing. Yep. They lost tonight to the Celtics, to Hank Celtics. So they've earned the right.

The loser plays the one seed, which is the Indiana Pacers who scored like 170 points tonight. Yeah. The Hornets did not want to show up. I'm going to be, I've decided I'm not going to be Mr. No Fun. I'll just let the playing game happen. I'm not going to tweet. This is stupid.

I'm just going to sit here and be right in my silence because this was stupid. So I agree. It was stupid. It was very stupid. But Hornets didn't want to play even a Smith voice. However, if there were two close games, you'd be like, of course, the playing game was the best. Right.

But I had it. I had the take before. And I, I mean, yeah, I still would have probably said it was stupid. Either way. The stadium is awesome. He's a play in legend. Fifty burger. Is he playing tapes?

He might be play in T. Yeah. And well, that was it for that's all the play in that you'll get if you're the Celtics fan. That was it. They're now in. They are in. And then Russell Westbrick. That's unnecessary.

Unbelievable. That's end of the season triple double and holy fuck did he suck. I really do think it is. This is one of those things. He wears the sleeves almost all the time, I think at this point in his career. But it is. It's like a fat reliever. When a fat reliever comes in and he does well, he is powerful when he does poorly.

He's fat when Russell Westbrook puts up a triple double with sleeves on. It's cool. It's awesome when he comes in and he shoots like four for 16. It's like, dude, why you got sleeves on? He looked like a defensive back from like the late 80s when they would rock all the elbow pads and stuff. He doesn't look comfortable. I feel like that would mess up your shot a little bit, but it's Russell Westbrook.

He went six or 18. He probably knows better than I do. Bradley Beale didn't play that great either, just not a great showing. The Wizards are not built for the play-ins, their regular season team, but we do get another game of playing basketball in Washington. So the Wizards, I'm looking right now, the Wizards going three for 21 from three is that's something in the NBA because everyone can make shots in the NBA. So that was probably, besides Tatum, Tatum's 50 burger was the top line of the night.

And then three for 21 from three is the secondary line of, oof, that's. I also think any time Robin Lopez is like your, you know, your go-to guy, you're probably not going to win that game. Doing some post moves on everyone's ass. Robin Lopez is playing like above 32 minutes a game. You probably, I don't know what the Saber metrics are on that, but like for the course of his career, you probably are losing a good 65% of those games. I just thought it was a little bit classless on Boston's part.

They were out there like throat punching, scraping necks, Burton's almost got killed out there. I mean, it was like Richard Zednick. He didn't stop the game. The Wizards didn't even call a timeout, one of their own guys was basically choking out on the floor. He was. He was dying.

And he basically like grazed the guy's hand and fell down. I think Burton's has, is it Bertans, Bertans? I think he's got hemophilia, the disease that the king said, because his neck just turned like all sorts of red afterwards. Yeah. He looked like he got in a fight with a cat. Yeah. Which I, if I had gotten in a fight with a cat, we all know, would have killed it, grabbed

by its tail, win pipe. Is the game tonight or did they get another day off? They get another day off Thursday night. Back. Yeah. Thursday night. So, so tonight is the Lakers Warriors game at 10 p.m. I have a solution, big cat.

Mike Greenberg's dumb rule. All the playing games happen on one night, so you got to, you got to play two, two games. Oh, I like that. Okay. Perfect. I like that. I like it. Yeah.

That would break YouTube. I boys. Like us. So it's playoff season. I, I'm like trying to work myself back, you know, like when it comes to this podcast and just sports watching seasons, football season, we're so locked in and it's like every night, late nights, then you get March Madness, same thing, college basketball. There was an elongated gap this year because of the late starting playoffs where I got into

a nice rhythm of like, Hey, I might go to sleep at 9 30 tonight. This is nice. Catch up on a little Z's. So I'm out of rest. I mean, I'm out of shape in that respect. I thought about doing this. I don't know if I'm going to. You guys can make fun of me.

I was thinking about watching the first half of the Warriors Lakers tomorrow night and then DVR in the second half and watching it when I wake up, you're halfway to being Mike Greenberg. That is no, no, that's Tony. Cornhizer. Yeah. Cornhizer is for sure. Greenberg.

I think he has like his PAs that cut it up and not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I've got the thought crossed my mind and I think that's the first step of just being like I have now fully given up. I don't think that you'd have the same takes though. Like the blood flows differently at night when you're watching the games. If you do it, what you have to do is you have to live the next morning as you're watching

it live and just say like no spoilers, please. Okay. So maybe I'll do that. But because I do wake up at 7 AM. So that's exactly what I'll do. If only there was a place where, you know, games could end earlier. And for the people that wake up early, they start a little bit earlier to Hawaii. We're talking about California.

Oh, okay. We do have some expert analysis coming in for tomorrow night's game. What do you guys think? Do you think it's going to be the Steph Curry show? Sure. Neither team gets eliminated and both teams will beat the Spurs or the Grizzlies. So here's what's going to happen. Skip Bayless predicts, I expect Steph Curry hounded by two or three Lakers every possession

to go two of 14 from three tomorrow night at Staples. And I expect the Lakers to win by 20. So that's expert level skip. And that would be great for me. Because I'll just go to sleep ahead of the story. And that way when the Lakers win by 14, Skip Bayless already thinks that LeBron James is a disappointment. This playoffs season.

That's true. That's true. He didn't live up to the expectations. Yep. So, all right. So playing game night one, we have Stanley Cup playoffs are still going on or are still like the first round. The regular season is still going on.

The regular season is still going on. There's actually a game today at one o'clock, but the Bruins in the, Hank just snuck a fry with the mic on. The Bruins and Caps played another overtime game and I have a question for you fellas. Is it better to go to overtime, maybe go to double overtime, have that like, holy shit, this game will never end or have what happened in game two overtime starts go right away. See what happened in game two easily, easily because I literally missed it taking a shit. I'm not joking.

I just came out and it was, I was, I was like, oh, okay, I was kind of upset. It does suck for a second because you waited that like 20 minutes in between periods and then you kind of, I think last, I think game two for the Caps Bruins was a little too quick. If you could get like four minutes because then you're like, there was a little bit of an overtime. That was, it was just, boom. I'm honestly fine with that because the longer it goes on, like watching overtime hockey we talk about all the time.

It sucks if one of your teams is involved. I would rather have it just be over early. That way I don't even get like an expectation that, hey, maybe we might win. I don't have a shot that like hits off the post. And then I'm like, if that had just gone a quarter inch to the other side, we would won that game. There's no looking back. It's like, okay, it's basically just a loss.

What I don't like is first round overtime hockey playoff games because you just, you constantly think to yourself, you have so many more of these series to get through and we're already playing extra. It's a slog. But you have to. Guy was one Stanley Cup and all of a sudden he's just looking past every game. You do have to, you have to build up. Like we talk, you know, it's, it's about the ride.

You can't, you can't lose like all your energy and use all of your like mojo, karma, rooting energy on a first round series. Yes. Yeah, but sometimes it takes a little bit, it takes a few overtime wins to for a team to find it's mojo and then they keep it rolling for, if they dominate 4-0 sweep and then all of a sudden they're like, fuck second round. Yeah. So for the hockey fans out there, we will have the chicka guys are going to be in the

office I think this week. So we'll have a biz on on Sunday and then we'll have Whitney on throughout the playoffs as well. So don't worry. I, the one thing that I, I think I'm out of practice because last year was so weird and we had like NBA playoffs and hockey playoffs going on during football season starting. So it was like football's king. Like we're not arguing this.

I did not miss the annual springtime tradition of hockey and basketball, Twitter and everyone being really annoying being like, how are you not watching this hockey game? How are you not watching this basketball game? Hey, guess what guys? I got some news for you. I have multiple TVs. No sick brag. I mean, it's true.

Hank, you also have multiple TVs. Three. Confirmed. Three. I like both. You're going to ask me how many TVs I have? Do you have two? I have multiple screens.

Okay. Congrats on having your laptop. I have many screens. Your TV is smarter than you too. I've got a, what do you mean? The ESPN plus. Yeah, that's true. Your TV is smarter.

Oh yeah. I'm in a mental chess match against several apps and just against like Google Airplay. It's not going well. I'm losing. I didn't. Let's say I was, you know, a Neanderthal and only had one, one screen called PFT couldn't be made. No, no, he's got these.

Yes. He's confirmed. He's confirmed. No. I've got screens. It's okay to like both sports. I'm going to start that. I'm going to start that trend.

You can like both sports. Normalize. Playoffs. Normalize liking both sports. Yeah. It's okay. Just because you're a hockey guy doesn't have to be like, why the fuck would you watch NBA playoffs?

Just because you're an NBA guy doesn't mean you have to say hockey is the worst sport ever. I like both sports at the same time. I like whichever sport I'm currently watching at that point. That's the sport I like more. The best game. And then when I go back, I like that other sport more. It's a novel idea.

We need to, you know what we need to do? We need to unionize the like both sports crew because we get, we get completely washed away by the diehards on either side. This is actually, I'm fixing America if you just really paying attention. The people in the middle who are basically saying, hey, I kind of just like sports. Stand up for yourself. Say it's okay when you see someone attacking you saying, hi, you're not watching the ads versus the wild.

Guess what dude? I am, or maybe I'm watching a basketball game. It's better at this moment. It's okay to live in the middle. It's okay. But sometimes it's the people that are on the farthest degrees to the other, to the opposite sides that are the loudest and they have the takes that get heard the most. I also just love the one last thing about this.

I love the idea of a diehard hockey guy who loves hockey, playoff hockey so much or basketball. They love their sports so much. They spend the entire game policing people on Twitter, tweeting about the other sport. That's how you can tell. You should actually be watching the game. I might just, what about the guy that's tweeting about baseball? Yeah. Imagine that.

Imagine that. Imagine that. If you were just tweeting about baseball during these games, like you would just get it from all this. Guess what? I watched the Cubs game tonight too. Oh, you know what? You know what's fucking back right now?

Yeah. We've got time lapse season. We've got floor changes. We've got floor changes. I wish that the Rangers had made it to the playoffs if Tom Wilson didn't own their franchise and drive them out of the league because the MSG, the Mecca floor change would be, that is really the one that I'm looking forward to the most. When that comes back.

But speaking of Tom Wilson, Hank, would you like to apologize for what you've done to my sweet boy and how just, he gets all these calls against him all the time. He got called for embellishment when you hooked him. You shoved a stick up his ass. You did that. And you dragged him down. And you did that? What needs to happen is we need to give Tom Wilson positive reinforcement, I think.

Who's we? He's gotten so much negative reinforcement. We as a society, Hank, if you're a real hockey fan, then you would know that what Tom Wilson does is he plays the game the right way. He plays it hard. He plays aggressively like they used to back in the day. But the negative stuff, the negative reinforcement hasn't worked on it. It's gotta go.

I would say, I would do it like De Blasio does and he gets shake shack for every time he doesn't hit a guy in the face with a stick. And it's got to the point where now our guys are getting hit in the face with sticks and they're getting penalties for it because of Tom Wilson's reputation. You feel good about yourself, Hank? You should feel bad about yourself. That's your own, you know, blame your ownership, blame your GM. No.

Maybe get him off the team. The push for conviction of hockey. You literally just admit that having him on your team is putting a target on your other good players. Yeah, but that's fine. You've got to, sometimes you have to have a target if you want to play with a chip on your shoulder. So I can't tell.

What do you want a target or do you want a target? I would like some fairness from the NHL. I'm about to issue a statement today. But then you have no chip on your shoulder. I'm about to write up a statement decrying the horrific acts of violence that have befallen upon our sweet Tom Wilson and castigating the league for the lack of attention. It's not fair. It's not fair.

Jake, sorry about your panthers going down O2. It's all right. Long series. Well, nah, you owe. Nah, you, yeah, but that was home ice. So no, it won't be. It was a rowdy and sunrise tonight. The lightning will probably, they'll finish that off.

Yeah. Sweep. Sawgrass Mills vibe. Awesome first game. First game was just like fights. Goals. You can tell when a game, when a hockey game, like just is played wide open end to end and just guys are fucking flying around.

That is now I'm sounding like hockey guy. That is really the best. That is the best. All right. I have the other Mike Greenberg's dumb rules and this will tell you just how stupid we are when it comes to hockey. We're talking about this in the room. It might have been before you guys got in here, actually, it's me and Jeff Lowe.

We're watching the Vegas game. Jeff D. Lo. Jeff D. Lo. We were talking about how, how like scared the cap school he looks, Anderson, the third string guy. He's 40 years old, looks very out of his element, looks just, he looks like I feel bad for him

because it looks like he knows that he's kind of put in an imposter situation and everybody else kind of realizes it at the same time. Like this, you can't expect anything out of this guy, but he can't escape it. He has to be out there on the ice. Is there a rule that would prevent a team from just laying down all their players like stomach to back, stomach to back in front of the goal in the crease on defense? Well, maybe, maybe not. No, yeah, there's got to be a crease rule.

Is there? You can't do the big stack. Yeah. I mean, this is kind of like this. I think it's a rule. I think it's more just the law of physics. Yeah. Or get a sumo wrestler to sit in the goal.

Well, there's, there's that, but I don't think the sumo wrestler could cover up the entire surface area of the goal. But if you had, he had everybody just going laying, laying down on each other's backs. What happens when they just start ripping slap shots at them? Just play off hockey. You got, you got to block some shots, sacrifice your body for the team. That would suck. Yeah.

That would. 60 minutes. No. Like, yeah, we were talking about it in an end of game situation. Yeah. Park the bus. Yeah. Kind of how there was that NBA Reddit thread of like, why don't players just hold hands

and form a circle around Steph Curry and then walk down the court and he gets an open shot every time, which I still don't know a reason why that wouldn't work. Still, still doesn't make any sense. It should absolutely work. Players have a guy's meeting in the crease. Why not? Yeah. All right.

Well, quick, quick word for us about the shout out to Tony LaRusa, who is keeping. He is the last bastion of unwritten rules in baseball. So if you missed it, German Marseille Mercedes hit a home run in a 14 five game with a position player pitching 47 miles an hour off a 30 pitch. And obviously everyone was like, that was sick. I would do the same thing if I were him. Why not get your stats? Tony LaRusa said that's wrong.

He told them to take the pitch and he said he's going to have to deal with that with the family. Yeah, he said. LaCosta Nostra. So what he said was he made a mistake. There will be a consequence he has to endure here within our family. And it sounds like he wants to spank him. It's Tony LaRusa or Wacom.

He's their father. Yes. Yes. I just want to remind people because I saw the public outcry against Tony LaRusa and I get it. But I want to remind people if you chase off every single guy who is holding up the unwritten rules, eventually we will like society will crumble. You need the old guy yelling at clouds.

You need the Tony LaRusa being like, that was Bush League for his own team. Because then we can have the counterbalance of shut up Tony LaRusa. This is fun. Yeah. Tony LaRusa, he serves kind of as an ombudsman for his own team. It doesn't sound like he's their manager. It just sounds like he, because he's taking the side of the opponent. Right.

I do agree with you about like, if you don't have Tony LaRusa doing that, then we don't have a lot to talk about in baseball between May and like late July. I'm also very excited for Tony. The White Sox are very good. And so Tony LaRusa, like he could win AL manager of the year, which would be so funny. I'm just going to take it one step further. Could you blame Tony LaRusa for sending his players out there to bat in a game? Like, isn't he kind of showing up the opponent?

Because what he could have done, he could have forced them to bat out of order. Then you get an out and then the other team can be on their merry little way. Or they all should have just bunted and not ran to first base. That's also kind of showing up though, if you bunt, you got to be careful when you bunt too. But yeah, it's on. Wait for rain. It's on Tony.

You can get your team out of that mess. And also I happen to notice, so they're up 12 games on the twins right now. And yet LaRusa fielded a team tonight, just running up the score in the division on them. Do you know what they should do is they should let all the bullpen hit in these situations. So if a team puts in a position player, then the other team has to respond with only pitchers batting. That would be cool. That conversation went with Tony.

You think he was like, Hey, don't do that. And he probably waited. He probably woke up the next day and was like, Wait, what happened? Oh, yeah. Okay. That was bad. Yeah. Wait, somebody explained it to me.

And then, but I feel like this is not getting I was on many drinks. I feel like Mercedes is going to be like, Well, I'm going to, I'm not going to not swing because if I mean baseball is a stats game and when it comes time for his next contract, you want home runs. Correct. And major league baseball, because then you get more money, which can then be exchanged for goods and services and property. So I feel like if I'm in Mercedes, but I would do, I would be like, Sure, sure, dad.

Okay. Yep. I'll never do it again. I promise. Yes. And then just do it again. And, and, and Mercedes is also one of those guys. He, he was in the minor leagues forever.

Like he, he's, I think he's a 28 year old rookie. And let's, I mean, let's be clear. I know he doesn't really have a great track record in controlling Mercedes. Correct. That's true. That one was on a tee. Um, he, do you think he, he wouldn't be a Mercedes guy. I could see him driving.

I see him driving like a mom, like Lexus RX and old Mercedes. Yeah. Maybe like one. So maybe a Volvo cause he's like, guess what? This thing could get beat up. I would. Yeah. Like if I, it's like when, uh, when a parent has like a really irresponsible kid, they

go to the dealership. I just want something that if he crashes, if he's out driving drunk, it's always a Volvo. Yeah. Maybe a Subaru or just looking four door Volvo, the biggest truck he can find. Yeah. Don't worry about it. I feel like, no, Tony's definitely got, he's got one like everyday driver, which is beat

up. It's got dents in every panel. And then he's got like the restoration car that he works on occasionally on weekends. And he's like, I hit a deer. It's like, what? You hit a deer? Like, dude, like we're in Chicago. Yeah.

What? Yeah. I hit a deer. All right. Last up before we get to hot seat, cool throne, Kwame Brown, Kwame Brown needs a shout out. So if you've missed it, uh, Steven Jackson, uh, Gilbert Renis and or Gilbert Renis went on Steven Jackson and Matt Barnes podcast called all the smoke. They basically made fun of Kwame Brown, Kwame Brown, who I feel like we haven't heard from

for a very long time. Uh, and if you forget who Kwame Brown is, he was the first pick in the draft. MJ picked them. Uh, basically the story goes that MJ was so hard on him that he ruined him. But when we say he ruined him, he still had a 13 year MBA career made $63 million. I think he averaged like nine points a game. Like six. It's not great.

Not like an outstanding MBA career, but I mean, he lasted a lot of money, made a shit load of money. Lasted a long time. Kwame said, I put my mama on a golf course when I was 18 years old, so they made fun of him. Uh, and then Kwame Brown, who has been the butt of a lot of jokes, not from us for the record, not for us. We've never said a single bad word about Kwame Brown decided to just like crush everyone,

including Steven A Smith who got involved in this and his Instagram lives. He was just killing all of them in a hilarious way. They all have basically, I don't know if you saw, but Matt Barnes and Steven Jackson like tuck their tail and we're like, Hey, sorry, dude, like that was wrong of us. Gilbert tucked his tail last night too. And then this morning Kwame was like, me and Gilbert are okay. We hashed it out. Gilbert's terrified of Kwame because like, okay, Kwame might not have put up the most

points. He might be, might not be a prolific score, but apparently he's just a badass and he's country strong. So Gilbert posted a great screener. Yeah. Oh yeah. When Kwame Brown said, you think I sucked like you guys all wanted Kobe to score. Well guess what?

When he scored 81, who was setting all those picks? I was like, okay. He said, Kobe and I combined for 82 points and I set all those screens for him. Some hard ass screens. Yeah. Gilbert Arenas told this story on his Instagram comment. He said, talking about Kwame Brown, he's like Holyfield in real life. I've got bodyguards.

I've seen bodyguards been put to sleep. It took 20 bodyguards to take him and his brother down inside a club outside the club. It was six bodyguards and then two picked three each to take on me and Larry Hughes looked at each other like, so you all don't need no help because I didn't lift today. So I'm not feeling all that strong. So apparently they picked the wrong guy to fuck with. Yeah. And the happiest people in the world have to be Kwame Brown's kids right now because

they're like, finally dad's yelling at somebody else. But this is like, I've never seen a quicker like reversal of a guy's legacy than this. He basically went from the butt of everyone's joke, you know, a bust in the eyes of he was the first overall pick to, holy fuck, this guy doesn't fuck around and no one should fuck with him. Yeah. It was 24 hours. So I don't think I've ever really seen Kwame Brown in front of the media at all like going

off. And besides like one or two word answers in a post game press conference, I had no idea what his personality was until this morning. And now I'm addicted to his live streams and he's addicted to going live too. So he's gone live, I think seven or eight times since noon and what he's doing is he'll go live on his YouTube and then he'll be like, all right, I'm going to shut this down and then I'm going to go show Steven or Steven Jackson my mom's cooking on my IG live and then he'll go live on IG and flip back to YouTube live.

He's addicted to the live life. And honestly, it's like, it's about time for him. I have no idea how he was able to hide this personality because right now you could take Kwame Brown and Charles Barkley put them in a truck because Kwame Brown's a real big truck selfie video guy. Oh my God, he's going like 70 down the highway. Never fuck with a truck selfie guy. And so he's, you could put him like in comedian cars, getting coffee, except it's Charles

Barkley and Kwame Brown talking about how youngsters these days have it so easy in the NBA. Like forget the TNT show, which is wonderful. I think we can all agree there should at least be like 10 minutes a day of those two just going at it. Yeah, it should be or they should just have Kwame Brown on the TNT show and just be like, hey, now let's just get really real because like what he said about Matt Barnes, you can't come back from when he was talking about Matt Barnes and Derek Fisher.

And he was talking about Matt Barnes, his wife, he goes, yeah, you had a girl. She chose. Yeah. Like you, Derek Fisher is your mentor. Uh huh. Like what? So I was going at Stephen A Smith because Stephen A Smith has said some bad things about Kwame Brown in the past and they asked, well, first of all, Kwame said Stephen A Smith needs counseling

and a to pay. That's, I mean, he's just fucking, he, every single second with this guy, he's got another one liner. It's amazing. And then Stephen A Smith was asked to respond on Twitter and Stephen A said, I will do no such thing. I will not waste my time. That man is right.

He's been retired for years. All of us have been guilty of getting on him from time to time. He has every right to speak his mind. Go for it. So Stephen A Smith tucked his tail into his giant pants and he basically said, yeah, Kwame, I'm not going to, I can't, I will not reply to Kwame Brown except for this big statement replying to Kwame Brown. Perfect.

Perfectly put Stephen A, everyone is scared of him. He basically is Omar coming like everyone just scattered when he started going on Instagram line. He's got huge old man energy too. Yes. He is the southernest person. Country strong. Very, very country.

Yes. He's got, he's the kind of guy that has, he probably has the cleanest sidewalk in Georgia. Yeah. Just like outside. Perfectly manicured. Sweeping it up. Yelling at kids on bikes. Yep.

Yep. So shout out to Kwame Brown. We don't want any smoke. All right. Let's get to hot seat cool throne. Wait. One last thing about Kwame Brown. The funniest part of the situation was he was talking about Stephen Jackson.

He was like, Stephen Jackson, meet me in Seattle because Seattle, he goes, Seattle is a mutual combat city. You don't need to sign a waiver. Meet me up there and we'll have it out. Like that's a guy that, you don't fuck with a guy that has a robust knowledge of which cities in America are mutual combat cities, which is a thing that apparently exists. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

So you can use it. That's the new Temecula. No. In Seattle, if two people are fighting like the cops won't break it up. Really? Yeah. They'll let it happen. Like unless someone's getting actually hurt, they will let, like, they won't, you know,

if there's two people fighting on a sidewalk, like they'll arrest someone or they'll at least detain someone. The person who's winning usually. In Seattle, right, in Seattle, like if there's two people fighting on a sidewalk and the cops come by, they'll just, like, let it kind of end and then they walk away. How is that a thing I did not know about? Yeah. I've spent a lot of time in Seattle.

Yeah. I haven't gotten into any mutual fights. I think there was a YouTube video where, like, some MMA fighter was, like, going and basically picking fights and, like, fucking people up and was like, all right, this is bad. Is it that zone that they have? No. This has been a while. Damn.

Yeah. I guess Steve and Jackson meet Kwame Brown in Seattle. Perfect. That's really the only way, if you're Steve Jackson, he prides himself on being, like, kind of a hard dude, right? Yeah. Not anymore. That's the only way that you can get the respect back on your name is by, you better

be in Seattle right now. And that means he should not get his respect back on his name because he shouldn't do that. Yeah. Like I'm advising you, Steve and Jackson, do not do that. You do not want all the smoke. No, you do not. And as Kwame said, your name, the name of your podcast should be changed to, I want maybe some of the smoke sometimes.

Exactly. Put perfectly. All right. Let's get to who's, uh, a hot seat cool drop. It's brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. If you ever feel like you need to chill, if you ever feel like you need to hit that reset button, well, Coors Light is the beer for you. It's the coldest beer in the world.

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My hot seat is Philly, Philadelphia. Wow. Philadelphia. That's wild stuff. Why? Did I steal that from you, PFT? Yeah, this is all my cool throne. Oh, that's lit.

Um, Philly was on the, I don't know, I'm not going to do it. No, don't do it. Don't do it. I can just do water and goff. Yeah. Uh, no, that's paper. Philadelphia. Philadelphia was among, it's, yeah, they were, they were, it's bad, it's bad, Hank.

They were in the one of three finalists to be Amazon's next headquarters and basically because the guy that's going to be the CEO after Bezos steps down, he's a Giants fan and he basically nixed it just off the fact that Oh, I love it. Philly's trash. I love it. Yeah. Like there was an internal email that was like, me and my people would never want to

live there. I really liked that. I, I like the fact that billionaires making like the most complicated business decisions of all time at the end of the day, sometimes it's just like, they're my rival. Yeah. That city is my rival. And Philadelphia is a beautiful city to live in. Right.

Five billion dollar projects. All just basically like, you're close, but the reason we didn't choose you was solely because you know, our CEO, future CEO is a Giants fan. Maybe I'm just making this up. Maybe it's just recency bias because I feel like there was that big deal about Amazon maybe going to Queens, I want to say. Is Amazon just like, like saying we're going to build a new facility every other day? I think this might all be the same thing.

There's a book that's coming out about Amazon. So this might be like a retroactive story all around the same. Because I feel like Amazon has sweepstakes. Ah, okay. Because I was going to say Amazon has figured out like the perfect way to get cities to basically all bid for like the lowest taxes and be like, hey, please, please, please want us. And then they can just be like, nah, fuck it.

We'll go somewhere else. They pretty much do like, like Peyton Manning free agency tours, non-stop for themselves. It's crazy. All I hear about is they love being dated and having every single city in America like have all the mayors spend like $250,000 putting together a proposal, just essentially like bending over for Amazon. They're like, yeah, you know what? I don't think we're going to move after.

Right. No, so it was from June 2018. So this is the story. So it was right around the same time. The book is coming out. Makes sense. The book is coming out. So it's just like, you know, salt in the wound from Philly.

Yeah. Oh, would have been great. My cool thing is Albert Pujols. Okay. The Dodgers. He's on the Dodgers. Yeah. Crazy.

I don't know why. Yeah. Truly why. Truly seeing him in blue, just in general. Dodger blue. Wild. It's really strange. I don't know why he, I don't know why the Dodgers, I guess they, I mean, they do have

some injuries, but like, why, why, why, I don't, I guess. Yeah. Just to like, just to, as a draw, maybe. He was already there. I think it was like a situation where I was like, oh, guys, my shit's already in L.A. Yeah. Like, can I just pop over and get a few A.B.'s? Yeah.

To get healthy. Maybe I could swim by. I'm not going to move somewhere to play, but if you guys, you know, I could be there in 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a hookup for him. Yeah.

Okay. Give me a call if you need, like within 30 minutes of game time, if there's an emergency situation, I'll show up, I'll step in the hole, I'll take care of it, but don't expect my practice every day. You got a hit too. Yeah. Jorge Castillo on Twitter reminded everyone that he is the last active player from Backyard Baseball 2003.

Damn. That's crazy. How about that? Insane. And wild. My hot seat is the 86 Mets because they no longer have the worst nosebleeds in the history of that franchise after last night when Pilar got drilled in the face. Oh, yeah.

95 miles an hour right off the beak. He was leaking. That was a nice setup for that. You like that? Can't see that one. You like that? Well, Zig when he's asked. Yeah.

Coke joke. It was bad. It was like, for a second, when you just saw like the blood pouring off his nose, actually Frank, the tank had the best tweet about it, he goes, hopefully it's just a bloody nose. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

You know, you saw the blood. So you know that at least he has a bloody nose. Yeah. But it was one of those things where you saw like 94 miles an hour show up on the score bug, the guys down to the ground and they just pops up and walks off the field. Yeah, he was fucked. Playoffs. Yeah.

Yeah. Hockey tough. There was also a picture. I saw a picture that someone, a photographer on down in like, you know, right by the dugout got a picture of basically the split second before he got hit. Oh, no. It was incredible. Do you like those?

I know you like watching the videos. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't, the ball had not contacted him. His eyes were fully closed and it was just ready to fucking smash him. He knew it was judgment day. Yeah. Now, I think that there should be like in instances like this and especially in mixed martial arts, there should be a follow up video or follow up pictures that everyone is

required to put out like the day after an interview like that because today he probably can't even see his eyes are probably just completely swollen to go viral at this point. You could get major, major internet points for that. Tough ass dude though. Yes. So if that happened to me, if I took 94 to the face, you just hear me screaming, shoot me now. I would kill me now.

I would never play baseball again. Yeah. I did that when I threw out my back. I just said, kill me now. Can you imagine stepping back into the batter's box? I got hit in like coach pitch and for like a month, I was like, I don't want to pick up a base. Yeah.

I'm scared of this. Yeah. This sucks. Yes. Also prime opportunity. I missed it for, I love cocaine meme. He's just got the hand up. I got to do better than that.

My cool thing was going to be Philly actually, because I know you said it was on your hot seat. I was doing it for a different reason. They got Ryan Kerrigan. The Phillies have, I think the most wins in the Middle East. The Sixers are the number one seed overall in the playoffs right now. And the Flyers haven't lost in a couple of days. And Kate Winslet in Mary Vistown is really hot in the streets right now.

And whenever somebody can like, it's enough for a Hollywood actor to be able to pull off the Philadelphia accent, but when somebody from like overseas does it, that's always like wild to me because if you were to ask me, if I were in another life and actor and you were like, go do a Manchester accent. See I think that's one of those things that people in England or like Australia can do all the American accents easier than American people can do other accents. You think so? Yeah.

Because I mean, it's probably just like Americans forcing it on them, but like they've already had to learn how to do an American accent where, where like an American actor could just go their whole entire life never having to learn a different accent, right? That's true. Like a, like a actor from, from England is at some point probably going to have, if they're in Hollywood, going to have to do an American accent. Right. You'll have to do an American, but then to, I think most people learn like they learn

the California accent. Right. They're able to do all of it though. They do the Texan. Like if you, if you grow up in Australia or in Europe, you probably think of the United States as like New York, Texas and California. And those are the three places. Those are like the three accents that you have to do.

And Philadelphia and Michael Jordan. And Michael Jordan. Yeah, that's it. But it's like such a, such a regional accent that I feel like it'd be, it'd be really tough to put. Like Idris Alba. Yes. When he did the Baltimore accent in the wire.

In my mind. It's crazy. He's number one of people that legitimately blew my mind. Yeah. Yeah. What about, was it Christian Bale? Yeah. When he talks, that's weird.

Yeah. Yeah. Hugh Jackman. Yeah. Christian Bale fucked me up too. But Idris, Idris, obviously watching the wire, he's like the biggest gangster and then seeing an interview where he's talking British, like, you know, proper English. Wait, what the hell?

What's going on? Yeah. Yeah. All right. My hot seats is, so I have two. One is now, I love Dan Herron, 2010 Dan Herron, greatest hitter of all time, but I'm starting to get nervous because Shohei Otani, leading the league in home runs and with a 2.1 ERA is fucking insane.

It is. And the way he hits home runs too, like he's not just hitting home runs. He is fucking murdering the baseball. Did you see the picture of him when he had the cutoff shirt on and he was doing the press conference after the game the other day and his shoulder? He looked like that big ass kangaroo that everybody doesn't think we can kick their ass. Yes.

He hit a home run that he hit. He had like his ass all the way out and hit an opposite field home run over the Kreen monsters like this guy's a freak. And we should also really appreciate Shohei Otani because he might be the last of a dying breed and you might say, Oh my God, like, you know, pitcher who can rake like that hasn't happened in a while. Dying breed. It hasn't happened in forever.

No, I'm saying last of a dying breed because there is a clip of Mike Francesa saying that he is going to be a huge bust and why would the Yankees ever want him? And we're going to run out of this eventually. I never said that. We're going to run out of Mike Francesa being wrong about people in sports because he doesn't do a show anymore. So like you got to embrace the guy like Shohei Otani and hope that he is a hall of fame all time player just so that we can hold on to that clip because there will be a moment in

10 years from now where all the players out there will not have any slander put upon their name by Mike Francesa. I think what we have to do is just like you have to basically get Mike Francesa to do a radio show every day via cameo just like just send him a note be like, Hey, can you real quick? Can you talk about the Tigers bullpen? Yeah. What are your thoughts on Trevor Lawrence?

Yeah. Real quick. Do we need to we need to preserve these amazing takes that are going to come out? Yeah. And then my other hot seat. Do you want to do you want to witch hunt? What? All right.

How how badly do we want to defend? No, I think in this circumstance, I think we made our point. I think Dan's legacy speaks for itself. He's going to be a Hall of Famer. I think we should enjoy show Shohei Otani is one of those rare talents where I think you just got to sit back and be like, Holy fuck, I can't believe this guy's doing this. He is. He's standing on the shoulders of Giants.

And here and those that came before him blaze the path. Right. So Dan walked so that Shohei could mash. Yeah. I show is so goddamn good that I'm not I'm not going to put face to baseball, but round the cuneum. I have dubbed you face to baseball. Shohei is getting.

Is he the ass of baseball? He might be the shoulders of baseball. Shoulders of baseball. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. What was I said, there were people who were roasting Shohei when I was trying to get Dan

Herron 2010 going and they were like, Dan Herron, like he could have run, but he actually can't run. So he would have been just as good as Shohei does. Does Shohei have a cool nickname yet? That's the only thing. It's like the show. The showtime. Yeah.

Yeah. That works. I feel like he needs a cool nickname in order to be the face of baseball showtime on Google. Oh, there we go. Showtime. We just invented that. Please credit us with the tiniest font possible. Top left corner.

Yeah. Barrier. If you could put it in like the same color font as the background of the picture, that'd be wonderful. So you can only see if you highlight it in Photoshop. Yeah. All right. The other hot seat I had, I think this was just one of those headlines to go viral, but

it did say airlines may start weighing people to get a midfiers aircraft are being overloaded by fat passengers. That's just a heat check for airlines. I think that was just airlines. They're not going to do it, but they basically told everyone who's fat, hey, maybe pack a little bit less. They were going to weigh you. They want you to know that they have the power to do it.

You know what it is? That it's not off. Nothing's off the table if they're thinking about weighing the passengers because it's not enough to only look at you naked before you get on their planes. They also have to see how much you weigh. Do you know what this is? This is the invisible P detector in the pool. That was never real.

Yeah. But it's scared every fucking kid to never pee in the pool. The purple dye. Yeah. If you're in a public pool, you're like, oh, you hear about the purple dye. You don't want to be the kid who has the purple dye. That didn't exist. But somehow everyone found out about it and they're like, oh, you can't pee in the pool.

This is what the airlines are doing. They're not going to weigh people. They're going to weigh fat people, but they're going to let that be out there that they might weigh fat people. So then fat people are just like, fuck it. I just won't travel, which I may not travel. So in the case of the airlines, I think that they need to take some of the power back in their own minds because you've got people tweeting about them willy nilly.

You've been doing more skull fucks than ever. I think your stats will bear that out that it's been on the increase in the last several years. So if you're an airline, you're like, I need to keep our passengers in check a little bit because the balance is starting to shift a little bit too much. And so now they're going to be like, they're just letting you know that they're crazy enough to fucking put you on a scale before you step foot on the plane. So if they're like update to our policy, we're going to weigh anyone who complains about us

on Twitter. Yeah. Just directly hit me. I'm like, fuck, I can't do this anymore. Here's how I know that they're probably not going to do it because they'd have to weigh the flight attendance too. Yeah. Can't do that.

Can't do that. Can't do that. Workplace harassment. Can't do it. Brother. Way the pilots. Yeah. Can't do that.

Would you feel more confident or less confident stepping onto a plane if the pilot was like real fat? How fat? Like 350 pounds. 510 has a barbecue stand on his cheek. Neckbeard. No mustache. No, that would be probably, I don't know.

I'd switch my flight. OK, there is the answer. All right. My cool throne is Bill de Blasio. I don't know if you guys saw, but that guy's a sports head. He's a sports junkie. You look pretty cool. Fucking he's ready to make some dunks.

I don't know who. If you missed it, the mayor of New York, who's a total buffoon, did a press conference. He was wearing a Brooklyn Nets jersey, but with a long sleeve shirt over it. And the jersey was on skin. Yeah. So it wasn't like over. It was a white beater. Yeah, it was his undershirt.

Yes. It was just a Brooklyn jersey. And then a Brooklyn Nets hat. When I first saw it, I thought it was like a SNL skit, but it was real life. And just politicians pretending they like sports is one of the funniest categories ever. Who was it that did the basketball ring? Was it Ted Cruz? Yeah.

Then John Kerry. Didn't John Kerry say something about like, you went kite surfing. He yeah. He said something too that was like, I can't remember. He fucked up something very easy. I just love it. I think just in general, if you're a New York City politician to pick the team that no one cares about.

That's the other part. The Knicks are like the biggest story in New York right now. No one cares about the Nets. Well, and then the other guy that's like in first place in the polls, Andrew Yang, he disavowed the Knicks before this season because he knew that he was going to run for mayor. So he was like getting out ahead of it, being like, I'm a Nets guy now because the Knicks have broken my heart. And then yeah, politicians.

When I saw that picture of the Blasio, that to me is the epitome of competitive casual wear. Yeah. He's wearing a suit and then a jersey underneath it. It's like the look of going, you know, you work like banking all day and then you throw on the hockey sweater and go to the game. That's a great look. That's just like, hey, ready to let's let's fucking take the top off this thing and get

drunk. Would you really like to have a diehard sports fan as mayor? I think I would. How badly can a mayor fuck up a city? Why not? Why not? I feel like you have enough people. And they would care about the teams.

Yeah. They would probably make the billionaires pay for their own fucking stadium. Well, there's that whole theory. I know we talked about a while ago on the show, but it bears out in election season that if if like your local college football team, if you have a big state school in your state, if the team finishes in like the top 10 or if they finish with a winning record that season, the incumbent politician is more likely to get reelected. Right.

It's like it's statistical proof. Just happiness. So really all. Yeah. If you have a winning sports team, people are like, hey, all in all my life, it's pretty good. The city's doing well. Yeah.

There's a buzz. All right. And then my other cool throw is Stanford wrestling because it's back. I saved it super league two weeks ago. Stanford wrestling this week. I don't know. I'm not saying thanks to me, but thanks to me. So was it ever in jeopardy?

Yeah. No, they pulled it. But then I just tweeted save Stanford wrestling once like a month ago and then today they announced it's back. So I did a lot of work. You skull fucked the tree. It was a lot of hard work. Is the sailing steam still good over there?

I think so. I think they're funded for the future. Yeah. They've got like six kids from full house that are fraudulently on the team right now. So they're good. All right. Jake, your hot seat. Cool throne.

Hot seats in Minnesota Vikings. Oh, because week one, they play the Bengals and Joe Barrow is all systems go and he's going to be on a mission. All systems go. Week one against the Vikings. I love it. Yeah. So that's great.

Wait. Does he have a cool hashtag though? Because like that's the most important thing. When a rookie quarterback gets hurt, you'll remember RG three. The main thing for him was just like getting that Brandon going leading into his second season. Yeah. So he needs a good.

I think he was like hashtag all in for week one didn't really work out. Joe needs a hashtag. All systems. Joe. Oh, I like it. Yeah. All systems. There we go.

So yeah, that will be on September 12th. Okay. 1 p.m. game. Never forget. Yeah. Cool throne. Marv Albert calling it a career after the NBA playoffs, one of the broadcasting goats. Also all time horny guy.

Oh, the biggest perv. I think he is. So you're saying there's a job opening. Oh, for wait for horny guy PFT or for an ounce or Jake Marsh announced or Jake Marsh. Okay. It was just confusing. Yeah. Do you have you ever worn women's underwear?

No. Have you ever had a ball gag in your mouth? No. Have you ever answered the door of a hotel with blood on your back from getting it bitten? No. Okay. Well, then you are not fit for the job. We're going to go.

Shout out. Marv was the best. Oh, dude. Marv was all time freak. Yeah. How did one of this come out? You don't know about this? Oh, yeah.

We should do like a dramatic reading of Marv Albert. Let's focus on the fact that he's done this for 60 years and is considered one of the best NBA play by ever. No. He is. This is not a sex shaming podcast. No. The fact that he overcame all of this is incredible.

He's not a lot for broadcasting, a lot for Syracuse. Oh, Syracuse. Oh, they make different Syracuse special gear. You have a picture with him? Yep. Is this on? Yes. It's on background right now.

Oh, your phone background. Not my phone background. Jesus Christ. Is it? Are you guys wearing leather? No. I'm in like a quarter zip and a t-shirt and he's wearing a suit. It's in my sports media album on my phone.

Marv Albert. He is. Yeah. I mean. He's Marv, freshman year. Oh, look at that. Also great all-time two-pay guy. Yes.

All-time. He just, he said fuck it. So I guess it was what it is. Wait, was it sexual assault? That's not good. Oh, was it? He was just a horny guy. He was accused Albert of throwing her onto the bed, biting her, then forcing her to perform

oral sex. All right. So that's not good. This is Val Marv Albert. No. One of the best broadcasters ever in basketball history. He was actually, I mean, smart to get out right now because he's been on borrowed time the last couple years.

Yeah. He was a biter. Yeah. He was a biter. I thought he got bit. No. He was a biter. It would be fitting if he got the chance to do a Nick's Playoffs series, 1960, 70, 2004,

the voice of the Knicks. What a way to go out. I think when they booked him into the Manhattan Correctional Facility, he's like, I'm way downtown. Can we focus on his other accomplishments? March Madness Broadcasting. I saw him recharge his stops, 12 months of suspended sentence. Yes.

Oh my God. Also Kenny. Kenny is a real up and comer. Yeah. He basically took over for Doc Emmerich as the number one hockey guy. He's great. So yeah. The Albert's have done a lot for the broadcasting.

They have. The Albert's. The first family of American broadcasting. For the box. Embrace debate. Oh. The Eagles up and coming. The Eagles up and coming.

The Eagles are up and coming. It's so weird to say. Okay. I'm going to go with the box. You got two animal families there. Yeah. You got to know what the box. You want the deer or the birds.

The longs are kind of a hybrid. Old media, new media. Yeah. True. Yeah. Old school. That is true. Oh, by the way, shout out Kenny Main.

We got lucky enough. He did his is like farewell to ESPN and the LA Times and he was like, I did a bunch of interviews. Levitar show. Part of my take the Chris Long podcast and and a lot of other interviews. So huge for us not to make the other interviews cut. We just snuck in there. It would have been terrible.

That would have been awful if Chris had gotten in there and we just having it be the other interviews. I'm sure Kenny Main went on Chris's podcast immediately, yeah, which I wish we had known because we've been like, dude, you don't have to do that. We like stay with us. We'll prank them or if we join the zoom with them or something. Yeah. Oh, that would have been that would have been crazy.

That would have been some crazy pod podcasting, but yes, go down the download the green light with Chris Long. It actually is a great podcast and he's a dear friend of ours. Albert Metter in the motel room wearing white panties and a garter belt. Yeah. So oh, the woman testified escaped his clutches after ripping his to pay off his head. Yeah. Oh, all time to pay.

It sounds like he's he's the fucking guy from Goodfellas. What's that guy's name? Oh, Morris Wiggs. Morris Wiggs. He's Morris Wiggs. Yeah. Right. He's jumping in the pool.

All right. Let's get to our interview. We got Brooks Kepka. PFT. You got a quick word from one of our fabulous sponsors. One of our wonderful sponsors. Yeah. I love liquid IV.

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Picat, do you have a Costco membership? I don't anymore, but I used to, and Sam's Club. As a father, you should get a Costco membership, and that's like your social activity on a Saturday. You get the donuts, then you go to Costco, you eat the samples, get a hot dog, you run into the neighbors there, then you come back and tell all your kids, oh, I ran into your friend's mom at Costco. That's what dads do.

It's 25% off everything for Liquid IV when you order today using promo code TAKE at liquidiv.com. LiquidIV.com promo code TAKE, and here he is, Brooks Kepka. All right, we now welcome on our best friend. He's our best friend. It is Brooks Kepka getting ready for the PGA Championship in South Carolina, which is news to me because I looked it up and the name is the, where is it? Kiawa? Kiawa Islands.

It's in Hawaii. I thought he was in Hawaii. Seriously, I was trying to plan when he came on. I was like, well, you're six hours behind. So either way, here he is. He's ready for the PGA Championship. Brooks, do you want us to start with the goatee or the picture of you looking fat today? Did I thought it was unfair?

Yeah, it's all about angles. Let's do the goatee. Okay, so have you hit any cool Applebee's recently or like, what's up with this? I like it. It's kind of like, oh, who's the bad guy? Yeah, you know, I thought it made my face look slimming. That's why I went with it. Uh-huh.

Okay. I mean, you do kind of look like a mid-90s relief pitcher. Yup. Who drives a Ford Raptor. That's exactly what I was thinking. Yup. Yeah. You come out of the bullpen anytime.

Now do you have certain facial hair that you find that you play better when you're in? Like if it comes down to Sunday, are you going to keep the goatee or are you going to shave into the mustache? No, I think I'll just keep the goatee. You know what? It's so windy here. I'll be able to tell which way the wind is blowing every time because I get a nice little you know, gust across the stash.

It could be a big benefit. Yeah. I like that. It's like a cat with their whiskers. They know exactly what width of a hole they can fit through based on whether or not it touches it. Exactly. That'll be me this week.

All right. So we're fans of the goatee. I think the goatee does like put a little intimidation factor on the opponents. Now let's talk about the picture. You know, listen, as a guy who's taking a lot of bad pictures, I understand what can happen. I think what you just said with the wind is what we need to go with. When the wind is whipping and it sticks your shirt to your belly, angles can look bad.

Absolutely. I mean, I feel like I'm in peak male performance, like right now I've got a great dad bod. The belly button definitely swallowed the shirt. To say the least, I mean, it's, yeah, I've definitely had better angles, but hey, I'm okay with the dad bod. You look powerful though. You look like you could add, it's a very long course, right? Isn't it like the longest PGA championship ever?

Yeah. Yeah, it is. So I can definitely put a little more weight behind the ball. What are you hitting right now? I don't know. Hitting like normal. So probably about three, just over 300, but you know, with a little extra weight might go to 305.

Okay. Do you still get adrenaline when you're on like a long par five and you step up to the tee, maybe like the first par five of the weekend, do you get that extra like five, ten yard bounce? No. If it's downwind, I'm, yeah, I'm 100% going to swing as hard as I can just because I want to out drive. Who am I playing with this week?

I think Rory and JT, so yeah, if we get downwind, I'm swinging as hard as I can. Have you thought about possibly playing the entire tournament this weekend in a sweatshirt? I don't know if you noticed, but it's actually like 80 degrees in New York City right now. I'm wearing a sweatshirt. That's just the move that you got to do if you're feeling a little bit self conscious about your belly. Yeah. I'll put that phone call on an icky, I'll see if they can make it somehow maneuver that.

Double XL sweatshirt. You know what you should do? You should be like go sleeveless, like go check. Yeah. Or you could be the first golfer with pinstripes. Vertical stripes are very, very slimming. Exactly. I was wearing a horizontal striped shirt today just for the record.

Yeah. I was just going to put that out there. Not flattering. It was a perfect storm of bad angles, questionable wardrobe, but I mean, it was a practice round. So I think you'll step out there on the tee. You look good. Now, are you 100% confirmed playing right handed this weekend? Yes.

Right handed this week. This week. Yeah. We got to get to the lefty competition with Dave. I saw a quote that is very, you are a football guy in a golfer's body. So the quote, you're going to love this quote. Someone asked him. Jason Sobel asked him how his surgically repaired knee is feeling.

And Brooks said, I was injured at the Masters. Now I'm just hurt, but you're never 100% anyway. I want to prove to everyone on my team that everything we've done has been great. Two questions. One is, are we part of your team? Yeah, absolutely. I thought you guys were catty. You will know.

I'm saying like right now, like when you say, I want to prove to everyone on my team, we're part of that. Right? Absolutely. Okay. Good. And two, that's just an awesome quote. That's not even a question.

I just love the fact that you admit like, Hey, I was injured, but now I'm hurt and I'm good. Do you know when you crossed over into being hurt as opposed to injured? No idea. No idea. It sounded somewhere between August and now. Okay. It sounded like a good quote.

It's time. Maybe it was a great quote. Yeah. I think your brain just went to the hurt or injured segment on this show and you're like, yeah, that's it. I'll just throw that little red meat. They'll print that up. You used it perfectly though.

Yeah. Because you were injured at the Masters. Right. I also saw another quote from you said, I can't run. I'm not where I want to be. When was the last time you had to run on a golf course? No, I'll be honest. Never.

That would be that would be intimidating as fuck. If you got if you got Blake Kepka decked out in his gym room goatee sprinting down the fairway, that would put the fear of God into your goal, into the guy that you were golfing against. Just bomb one, three, 20 and start sprinting after it run out like David Eckstein running the first base after a walk. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. He's sick. Get down there. I don't know. There's probably a 5% of the listeners actually are like die hard. I want to hear some golf talk. Can you tell us some facts about the course this week?

It's long as you guys mentioned. It's very windy. Depending on if you're into the wind or downwind, you're going to get a good shot of someone's oversize belly or belly button. And then there's water. So if anybody decides to choke coming in, it'll be, it'll be very absent. Okay. That's a great summary.

Like I actually, you could see a great collapse at the last like five bowls. Oh really? They get harder at the end? Okay. I don't hope that you collapse in the last five. No, don't say that. I don't. But I'm just saying that clip of you just saying somebody could collapse in the last

five holes. No. Don't say that. Don't say that. Just internet point. If that happens, we'll delete this part from the podcast. Exactly. We can always go back and fix this.

But SpinZone, it has the PGA tour. Have they implemented the Blake Kepka rules, which is the more interaction that you get online, you get a little extra coin in your pocket? I see everybody's paying attention now. Yeah. Yeah. I guess, yeah, we've had that all week. They started that.

They told us last year and then for whatever reason, I think it started January one of this year, but for, I don't know, perfect storm, I guess it was released to the media and then just so happened that this match came about. So yeah. So on the match, so you're going to be playing left handed against our boss, Dave. What are you, what would you shoot if you had to play the PGA championship left handed? Probably the same as I would right handed, honestly. I don't understand how you can like, I saw a clip of you shooting lefty, lefty.

Like, how are you able to shoot lefty that well? I don't know. I think I don't know. I honestly have no idea. I just know to swing as hard as you can from the other side of the ball. I mean, it's going to go far. I'm like the typical average golfer when you go left handed. All I want to do is spin it and hit it far.

I mean, that's better than what we could ever hope for. Yeah. Yeah. So, so we're going to be on your bag. What do you actually expect from us? Because I don't know if we're able to deliver. Hmm. Um, I just want the cat.

I want you to just keep being super positive to Portnoy. Okay. Yes. Yes. Over positive, overly positive. I mean, just, I mean, that'll get to him. Yes. I know.

I mean, yeah. We're already, we're already in this head. Yeah. He's good. Yeah. And then PFT will actually have to carry the bags. Yeah, exactly. PFT will do all the work.

Perfect. Okay. Perfect. I'm not, I'm not great at distances or math or really anything that would, that you would need as a caddy. So neither my caddy. So we're good. I will stomp the fuck out of any fire ants that are nearby.

I absolutely. Yeah. You just need to pay attention for fire ants in case, you know, anybody's, you know, cheating, anything like. I'm the Orkin man. I will stomp those motherfuckers out. Oh, here's, here's something that I saw a little golf news. Maybe I can break this to you.

Uh, I saw Tony for now, just figure this out during the press conference today. You're allowed to use a rangefinder this week. Did you know that? Oh yeah. Yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah. Um, I guess we'll have in the bag in case we need it, but I don't know this.

See relies my caddy. He can't mess this up. I mean, he's definitely messed up a few before. I've messed up a few before. Um, I love Rick, but, uh, I don't know, in case we get really offline, in case I had like a foul ball, it might be, uh, it might be needed. So what the rangefinder will tell you, like to the exact yard, how far away you are. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll tell you exactly. It makes it a lot easier if, but sometimes it makes it more difficult because we want to know, like how far it is to the front. I'm not always like trying to fly it to the pin or whatever. There might be slopes or something to front. So, um, it can sometimes help if you're like how to position, but other than that. So like how far do you hit your seven iron?

If you were to take like a pretty full swing at it? Just 200 yards, 200 yards. So if I told you, uh, landed 198 yards, would you actually take anything off? Or would you go with a full swing? No, full swing. I can't tell the difference in two yards, 200. Are you kidding me? I don't know.

I don't know how these things work. I laugh. I laugh all the time when pros are like guys will be talking and they're like, yeah, I'll just take two yards off this. I'm like, dude, from 55 yards, I can barely tell if I'm taking two yards off it. Like, I don't know how you're doing this from 200. I have no idea. I love it.

That's the honest. I mean, I would imagine most people are bullshitting when they try to say that that's what they're doing because it's really two, two yards off 200. Um, quickly back to the match. Are you going to bring your trainer not for you, but for us? In case we struggle with 18. Well, I think big cat, you're in, you've got the dad bod. So you're good.

You're, I mean, that's in right now. Right. That's real. Yeah. It's always in. I've got it. You've got it. PFT.

You might have to have a little bit more work to get there, but I think we'll be all right. You got to put a little, you got to put a weight on PFT. All I need is, I need, uh, I want you to try and be able to do that weird stretch that he did to you. What was that? Like hold your hips and he was jerking off your leg. Yeah, I need, I need, so yeah, that's what I want.

I want that after whole, probably just after the first hole, after every hole. I would like that. Yeah. Yeah. We might bring them. Um, when you were playing the masters, you were obviously visibly like injured like we talked about, uh, yeah. And I started talking about how heroic it was and people took, uh, great

Umbridge with that comment. They were saying it's not heroic to go play golf and like he's just a golfer. I, you agree. Like that was. I couldn't agree to any more. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it might have been one of the most heroic things ever done.

That's it. We got to put that on a quote, we got to put that on a quote. We got to put that on a quote board. It was one of the most heroic things I've ever done. Brooks Kepke talking about Brooks Kepke at the masters. Missing the cut at the masters. It was a great two days. You did it for the fans.

It was, it was for us at home. You made the ultimate sacrifice and went out and played two rounds of golf. Absolutely. Thank you for your service. Yeah. All right. Last question real quick. Uh, it's the row back question.

Use code PFT on rowback.com for 20% off your first purchase. R H O B a C K.com code PFT. They make the best performance polls and the only performance polls we wear. And for our guests today, we'd like to gift you a row back performance Q zip on us. Um, all right. So you're going, you're going, we're going to let you go in two seconds because you got to go to the, uh, dinner beforehand. Does it, is it like the master's dinner?

Did someone pick the menu? Yeah, yeah, it does. I didn't get to pick it last. So Colin Markow was picking it this year. I don't know what he's serving. Um, I have no idea, but I don't know. Every past champion that's playing in the event will be there at the dinner. I'm assuming it's always quite fun.

So what did you pick when you won? I had Miyazaki beef. And then I think it, I think it was like potatoes or something like steak and potatoes, I think. Okay. That's potatoes and, um, I don't know, some kind of blanket maybe next time. Pigs in a blanket. Yeah.

No, we're going to go way more simple next time. So next year at this time when we talk, cause it's basically like tradition. When we talk on a Tuesday, you know, it's basically an automatic win. Yep. Good things happen. That's true. And you then have to come on again on Sunday night, but that's, that will be celebratory.

That'll be awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I barely, yeah, you won't remember on Sunday. Yeah, I think, yeah, because I faced that. Yes, you did. I think you absolutely, you had a couple of Coors lights in yours. What are you, Mikalov?

Yeah, yeah, we'll give you that. Yeah, Mikolov. Yeah, we'll give you that. Um, what about the other time that you won? Remember, you won the PGA championship twice. Yeah, I did. I mean, I'll be honest. If, yeah, if I call you after, there's probably a good chance I have no idea.

Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. Have they, if I win, I'm 100% celebrating and I'm celebrating hard. Have they fixed the trophy? What, uh, yeah, because then the top fell off. Yeah. Yeah, he dropped it last year. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, who knows? I mean, I'll be honest with you. What was it? We dinged up the U.S. Open one pretty bad in Vegas or my caddy kid. That was one of the best times in my life. We kind of dinged that one up a little bit.

But yeah, the rest of them are in good shape, but we'll take care of this one. Perfect guy. Perfect. All right. Well, as part of your team, we're very excited for you to be, uh, no longer injured, but only hurt playing in the PGA championship this weekend. Um, don't worry about the picture. Don't worry about the picture.

Here's something I'll say. I didn't even know it was you. I thought it was someone else. Yeah. That's how fat you looked. Yeah. Yeah. That's how fat you looked.

I was like, wait, that can't be Brooks. And then someone was like, no, it's Brooks with the, it said Brooks Kepka on the top and it was still you. And I was like, Oh God, it is him. It'll be interesting whether I fit in the suit or not tonight. Don't bend over. Yeah. No dancing.

I've been in one in a while. So this will be interesting. Your buttons might be popping out here. Just look for the photo that'll probably come out sometimes. Sucking as hard as you can. Um, all right. Well, Brooks, best of luck. We're rooting for you.

Obviously. Number one. Um, and, uh, if not you, then Max. Then if not Max, then will. So, but you're number one always. Don't worry. Oh, I love it. Yeah.

All right. We'll see you soon. All right. Thanks guys. Later buddy. See you man. Brooks Kepka was brought to you by our great, great friends over at Roman. Got great news.

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One, the Barstool Sportsbook is live in Indiana. Two, Hank is playing Jake on Thursday on Stool Streams. Play Barstool app. Go download it right now. If you're a real one, you'll pick me. You'll bet on me. I won't let you down. Yes.

Yes. You're setting yourself up for the triple hunter. There's three great matchups. $500 maker picks. PFT versus Hank as well. Yes. I will be announcing with who might not. Rico Bosco.

Yeah, Rico Bosco. Rico Bosco. Jake, how are you feeling about that matchup? I'm looking forward to it. Hank's a great competitor. He's got to stay locked in and get the win. Do you think that you're better than Hank? We'll see.

Do you think that you're the better player in the office? We'll see. Out of everyone. We'll see. OK. I guess so. All right. So we have we have Chaps back.

You look great. His eye is fixed. Took him a year and a half. Yep. He's down what, like 70 pounds? 30. 30 pounds. Do they look like 70?

When was the last time you did leg day chaps? Never. I'll never do leg day. Tiny little club. I haven't done any day. Yeah. No days. You just not do chess.

Arms. I'm not doing that day. You technically don't skip leg day then. No. It's just never you never have a day. No. Cool. I never will.

All right. So it's great to see you. Good to see you guys. What's going on in your world's UBT rocking? No, I need some wars. We just need. I mean, honest to God, like this whole Biden thing's a mistake. Like we, I just need, we need to bomb somebody.

Like not that we really care. Like some open area. Give it some time. Like the outback of Australia. Like no, no kangaroos. Fuck up some kangaroos. We're not even like the real desert part where it's like literally nothing will get killed.

Yeah. Just blow up that big rock that's out there. Devil's Rock. What about we take out that big Jesus in Brazil? There's a lot of people over there. I think it's a war crime to take out religious monuments. Also, there's a lot of people there. But not on that mountain.

There's a lot of people go to the Christ statue. Yeah, but they all go up there. I don't even think it existed before that movie City of God. I think they just put it in there as a prop. It's like the Rocky statue. Did you guys see that another city in Brazil is building a bigger Jesus? I love that. I love that.

Yeah, and it's only like a 90 minute drive. And that's the only reason why people go to that city is to see that Jesus. And now there's going to be a bigger one, like 90 minutes. We got Jesus war going on. Yes. What if we just throw this out there? You can talk to your friends in Space Force about it for me. What if we blew up the moon?

I thought about that. People said tides, but they didn't have tides in Pangea. True. Good point. And that's when we all got along because we're all in the same continent. You know, that was actually our strategy for how to win the Cold War. Initially was we came up with a plan to set off a nuclear weapon on the moon just to show Russia, look how fucking crazy we are. We'll blow up the moon.

I mean, that was crazy. Don't fuck with us. Pangea, though, would then everyone get along and no more wars. So you'd really kind of fuck yourself. That's a real step for downloads. No, but they didn't have McDonald's. The old Pangea has one McDonald's and they all do. Pangea is more of a Burger King kind of place.

Yeah, that's true. All right. So everything's going well. It's good to see you. You're back in the office. Dogs good. Don't. Gustin Little Babydale.

You know, it's Babydale Woohoo. First of all, say his whole name, but yeah, they're good. Good. The cat is good. Good. Yeah, sprinkled ankles. Yeah. What about the other cat?

Why are you looking at me? Because you know what you did. I know what I did. I know what I did. All right, let's get some more. So Chaps is a dog trainer. That's what he did in the military for a while. Not that dog.

I'm actually thinking that when... You thought about it. Autumn, not Gussie Boy. Not Gussie Boy from Heaven Above. He would never kill his sister. Babydale, first of all. Little tail. It's Babydale Woohoo and then Gussie Guss from Heaven Above, right?

Gussie Boy from Heaven Above. Gussie Boy from Heaven Above. Sprinkled ankles. Are you sure you're in the military? Yeah. All right. We're just stealing Valor for like the last five years. Incredible content.

You'd honestly be the worst stealing Valor person ever. Yeah. Like maybe the most high profile case. But what I'm saying is maybe when we get a certain person back, we've tried to train him as a human trainer. Oh. I feel like we just, we kick him to a dog trainer. Yeah.

And we let Chaps work. How would you work your magic on a human? That's the same exact principles really. It's called successful approximation. With Billy, we just do baby steps. This is just baby steps all the way along. Right. Not being 30 minutes late.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll work on it. Well, late, we're going to have to go... You can do induce or convulsion training. I would definitely go with hands-on. More pain-induced training. Strangle. Shot call every time he's late.

Shot call or pinch call or I'm against it for animals, but for humans, it's fine. We should absolutely give him a shot call. Yes. Yeah. All right. So you have two things for us. We're going to do roast, listener submitted roasts.

And also you're going to mix in some big time Tommy, which I miss so much. You started to do it when you're sitting across from me this morning. And I was like instantly smiled. I was like, save a couple of those for the show. So let's go. All right. And also just a reminder, Chaps, is not the greatest reader.

Duh. That was a good... That's nice. That's being nice. Not the greatest. He said that you're not the... Like, you're not the best of the... None of us here are the greatest.

That's true. I'm not the greatest. I'm not out. Correct. I was correct. Well, he's dead. He probably... You're probably better than him right now.

I don't know. He's pretty... Chaps, pretty bad at reading. Also, we have the roasts weren't updating. So some of them, if you wrote a roast, you don't hear it. That's why. And there's, to note, we have 69,000 iTunes reviews. Not reviews or whatever, stars.

Yeah, yeah. We have 69,000 stars total. 69,000, five stars. 69,000? I think there's like 1,001 stars, but... Fuck those people. Yeah, 69,000, five stars. All right, thank you.

We gave one star to people. Yeah, Hitler. There it is. Wow. All right, thank you, though, for everyone who actually does a rate and review. We really appreciate it. All right, you guys ready?

Yes. All right. An Alpha Pink Ponger, Sunshine from Remember the Titans, a wannabe rock star and their chubby dad who looks like young Jeff Fisher, talk everything from crypto to cold sore. Now, I like these because you sometimes have to unpack them. So Sunshine would be the man who can't be named. Then wannabe rocker is PFT?

Yeah, I think Sunshine is. I got confused, though, too. Yeah, that's how it's gonna be a hair thing. Sunshine is usually just the hair guy. We just mix all of our insults. Yeah. I like that, though. Okay.

Who's young Jeff Fisher? You? I guess that's a compliment. No. Yes, absolutely. Jeff Fisher cost me a Super Bowl. Well, he also got to a Super Bowl. Yeah.

Cost it. Well, that's the reason why. You think he would have beaten the ranks? Yeah, because people don't talk about this enough. The defensive coordinator, Greg Williams, he stole the Jags playbook. The offensive playbook. The year that they were 15 and three, all three losses went to the Titans. Ah, he stole their playbook.

And they averaged like 39 points a game against everybody else and against the Titans, it was 23. I am so, so rude to not ask you as a lifelong Jags fan, Tim Tebow. What a great sign. Why did you do this? Again, I told you specifically, that was one of the agreements that I didn't want to talk about Tebow, because I want to do it as I showed a good move. How do you feel about the depth of the tight end position?

I feel okay about it. How do you think, how do you feel about the leader, the depth of the leadership position? We don't have a dearth of it, but we're going to be okay. Do you think that there's an element of Tim Tebow, knowing all the dirt that Urban Meyers done in his past, that kind of, he kind of blackmailed his way into being on the roster right now? That's very possible. There could be a chance that Tebow is just a really shiesty guy.

Oh, I don't know. It's all about himself. It might, well, yeah, I think to a certain extent probably is, but I don't think. See, that's a fact. I don't think that Tebow really had to like do anything shady. He had to just be like, hey, coach, you want to bring me in for a tryout? Urban Meyers was like, fuck, I can't say no because he knows. His answers about Tebow have been so bizarre, too.

I know, I haven't seen him. But when I watched him, it was pretty good. And then when he came back, he was even better. This guy is the greatest professional athlete and trier you will ever see. Try this, try it. I actually do think that Tim Tebow is. That should be his position, the trier. He's the best trier of all time.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a rugby thing, right? You score a try. All right, next. PEFT just looks gross. Oh, that's me. That's just all in all mean thing to say.

Oh, it's so mean. By the way, 50 really is getting hammered in a lot. That was really mean. It was really mean. And I kind of fucked myself over on last Friday's show during the fire fest when I was like, I think I got a cold sore coming in on the day that Fauci says we can take the masks off. Yeah.

It turns out I just didn't have a cold sore at all. And I just had like an itchy lip for a couple of hours. Got it. So that can get in your head so much that you can give yourself a cold sore. But then I just decided to go on our national podcast. Yeah, our national international sports podcast and tell everybody at a global global soccer all the time. I save soccer cricket and cricket.

Sassan Tantukar. Yeah, you guys are the rules to cricket. Yep. You just play for at least two days. Why does it take so long? I just told you the one rule. Did they play for at least two days? If you have bad defense, you can just run it up.

Yeah, run it up, run it up, run it up. And how do they know when to stop? It's like baseball. It's once all the batters get out. So you keep, every batter keeps hitting until they personally get out. Oh, so it's the least mercy roll. That's just the top of the first inning. Wow.

And then also I think it's just a sport for people that really hate their families to go watch. And you can hit it backwards. Yeah. Wait, into the gate? The whole world. The wicket, it's called a wicket. Oh, I don't like that.

Sassan Tantukar was the master. He was the wicket king. PFT sitting in his chair. Multiple videos of PFT's feet. Not touching the ground when he's sitting in his chair in the studio. It made me feel really uncomfortable. Is that true? Well, I rest him on this guitar case sometimes.

And then also I just like put him down sometimes on the leg of the chair. But it's not like my feet can't touch the ground. I'm not a confirmed. You've got to be more cognizant about the guitar thing. Not like I'm not some put them all the way down. I'm not cotton from King of the Hill with no shins. Yeah, rest them all the way down and a half like a normal person. Right.

My old lady ordered me a pair of PMT socks knowing I love them. Three weeks later, she gets an email canceling, refunding her purchase because they were out of stock. What a boner killer. Sad day. Get some damn socks. Thanks, Chief. Love the show.

I didn't we sold socks? When was that from? What? The socks in the game. Really? Yeah. All right. Well, sorry about those socks, dude. Mix in a big time. OK, I got my own motivational quotes.

Oh, you made them. Yeah, no, I didn't make them, but you asked me to get some motivational quotes. So I have those too. Yeah, from Tom. Yeah, yeah, they're from Tommy. They're actual ones that I use. The next one, I wonder if Marlon's man's son is named Shark Boy.

Shark Boy. I don't know. That's not really a burn. No, Marlon's been son. Shark Boy would actually be a sick name. He was in the first. What's up, Shark Boy? Shark Boy is an amazing name.

Yeah. And also, like, I wouldn't be his son. He met my mom. Yeah, two years ago. You just involved yourself in this conversation. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's obviously. Oh, it could be.

Yeah, someone else in this room. Oh, yeah. Good point. Who? Anybody else from? I don't know. Anyone want to say they're Shark Boy? Actually, we've got we've got two guys from Florida. Shark Boys. Shark Boys.

I think Shark is a great name for a son in general. Yeah. If your wife is pregnant or something. Oh, Shark. I met a daughter with a daughter. My neighbor had a black lab named Shark. Really? Yeah, great name for a dog.

Did that dog get any cats? Shark Keeloneel. Why? I do like Shark, though. Shark Lockwood is a alpha name. Hell, yeah. Now, that your son would absolutely be the alpha over Jake. Mm-hmm.

Shaq Lockwood. Please, please, please mute Billy's microphone forever. Every time he starts talking, I hit delete on the episode. He's inseparable to listen to, especially after a fight when he doesn't realize that Jose took a dive. And he's just brain dead and actually think he knocked him down. So, yeah, this is what we were talking about. Some of these didn't update.

So Hank found just essentially, I guess people don't like it. We had some feedback that we didn't even know about. So, we've heard your feedback. This one's about you. Overweight Dad, or it could have been about me a couple months ago. Overweight Dad, that kept reminding you about his fatherhood as lukewarm takes while David Spade's neglected younger brother cries for more attention by agreeing with his co-host every time.

I don't think I bring up my son that much. Not to mention, like, what am I supposed to do? I can't be like, hey, I'm getting fucked up on the weekend, as I don't. No, you eat donuts. Yeah, I eat donuts. My life is simple. All right, you guys ready for some motivation?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. After that? Yeah, I got some motivation for you. What's up, Instagram? This is Big Time Tommy. Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. That's the old school way. OS for life.

Take it easy. That's a real one he did? Is this Pinterest motivational quotes? I love that, too. Was it work for a cause, not for applause? That is definitely going to be in a locker room. I was going to say, that's like a high school football coach wet dream right there.

Dan Campbell's taking notes with his good hand that he still has. Yeah. Oh, thanks for listening. Yeah, no, I saw a clip. A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms. It's true. All right.

Actually, I think that's not true. Flowers, they do compete for sunlight. Yeah, they absolutely compete for sunlight. And all plants, they like grow. That's the reason why canopies extend. Yeah, they literally grow bigger to get the sunlight. That's the exact reason. This one's good and it's the full introduction.

Hey, what's up, Instagram? It's Big Time Tommy. You look so delicious. I want to explore every inch of your body with my tongue. That's the old school way. Is that a real one? Yeah, it's a real one. That's a real one.

That's a good one, right? Yeah. I think that one's fine. All right, just Instagram comments. Yeah, right. For gentselter's ass. Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.

It is the courage to continue that counts. O.S. for life. Take it easy. Is that from him? No. A lot of these. Oh, that one's from Winston Churchill. Yeah, that one's so sweet.

That's a good one. Can you read the Ray Allen tweet? Oh, yeah. Yeah, read the finished physical with that. And then you're going to pick numbers, Chaps. You've got to pick a number. I hope you get it. All right, here we go.

Do the whole thing. Let me see if I can find it. Oh, man. This is fucked up. By the way, your shoes are cool, too. Thank you. What are those? Ciconies?

So for my shoe game, this is my shoe game. I go into Amazon and I go bright shoes, men, clearance, and just find the cheapest one. These were $15. Hell yeah. Oh, all right, here it is. Do they come in men's? Yeah.

Cool. That was a roast. That was. Hey, what's up? Instagram is big time, Tommy. I'm getting there. When you masturbate, think about my tongue on your clit and switch him back and forth from my dick to my tongue.

That's the old story. Take it easy. All right. Numbers, chaps, seven, 16. I'll go 99, 18, 46. Check out my pyramid with the numbers. What did Liam say? On my Twitter, 55.

Hey, Jake, I like the pyramid. Crazy how there are some that are five. One, one. Oh, wow. Uno, one. Uncle Chaps, thank you. Everyone go download. So what happens now with one?

Subscribe. It goes back in. Yeah. Do you have an animal fact for a year now? Actually, it's almost about a year. Maybe a Bible fact because of your other part. Yeah, there you go. Oh, yeah, Barstool Confessions Meet.

PFT is going to be on this week. We're going to be doing a little bit of this game. It's called Things Christians Like, and we're going to combine that with Cards Against Humanity. So it should be very sacrilegious. It's going to be great time. You want an animal fact? Or a Bible fact.

Or a Bible fact. Maybe an animal from the Bible. OK. Or a fact about a fact. OK, my favorite Bible fact that people don't know about is how naked and drunk Noah was all the time. Like people always thought Noah was this super nice dude. Oh, no, his son, Ham, came in drunk as shit.

Noah passed out with his dick in his hand because he was just beating off. All right. Whoa. Hey, did you ever talk about Seth? No, I haven't talked about Seth yet. You should talk about Seth. Yeah, I'm going to bring KB on for that. Yeah, I'm obsessed with Seth.

Who's Seth? K. Nable and Seth was the other brother. He was the stepbrother. He was the Howie Jr. of the Long Family. Seth. That's mean. Howie Jr. is doing great. He is.

Yeah. But I'm talking like. Right. But that's still, I mean, yeah, Seth. What's Cooper Manning up to? He's the funniest one of all. He just gave me a ESPN Plus show. Yeah.

Is he? Probably. Wow. Cooper's Place. And Arch Manning might be a Jaguar once Trevor Lawrence is up. Love you guys. I actually didn't mean that. We got to stand in solidarity.

We talked about that. Yeah. Because if Trevor Lawrence sucks. Oh, I do have a fun fact. You said you're done with the NFL. I have a fun fact that I was telling PFT before. It was a guess and it proved right. Did you know the entirety of the NFC North could fit inside Jacksonville?

What do you mean? Every other city, Chicago, Detroit. In the landmass or the other. Green Bay and the same time. That's crazy. And they only add up to like half of Jacksonville. Jacksonville is a thick boy. Jacksonville is enormous.

It is the biggest city. Wow. If you were to look at a map in the United States, more of the United States would be taken up by Jacksonville than any other city. Therefore, it's the biggest market. Trevor Lawrence is right. All market.

No. Not so fast, my friend. Nobody. Yeah. All duval. Great, great fact. All right. See you everyone Friday.

Love you guys. Chaps, thank you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey To the top of the world By the time you hear the next pop, the folk shall be within you Take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me

Take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me Take on me, take on me Take me, it's part of my tag presented by Barstool Sports