Pardon My Take - Bulls 1st Rd Pick Wendell Carter Jr + Ryan Whitney Mt Rushmore Of Insults

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

018 NBA Draft and Salty Woj won the night. Big stories from the draft including Mikal Bridges being traded, Michael Porter Jr's spine being made of dust, Grayson Allen going to the Jazz, and Cal on th...e hot seat (2:27 - 21:08). Chicago Bulls first round pick Wendell Carter Jr joins the show to talk about playing at Duke, what the draft process has been like, and how he sees his game fitting in the NBA (21:08 - 40:41). Ryan Whitney completes our Mt Rushmore of guests with the Mt Rushmore of insults (40:41 - 56:38). Talking Soccer, Messi is dead. Ass in the Jackpot for Colin Cowherd, Kings Stay Kings Dwight Howard, and Jimbos of the Week. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Chicago Bulls first round pick, Wendell Carter Jr., and the completion of our Mount Rushmore of Recurring guests with Ryan Whitney. We do the Mount Rushmore of Insults with that Muppet, Big Eared, Ryan Whitney, and the return of Jimbo's with a little draft talk sprinkled in. Before we get to all that, if you haven't heard, we've switched to the Cash App.
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Starting point is 00:02:01 Cash App. Come up with a hilarious name for yourself. It makes you statistically like five times more likely to win, I guess. Are we picking him? Or do you pick him? Bubba. Bubba picks him. Okay, good job, Bubba.
Starting point is 00:02:13 All right, let's go. Bye! Bye! Now in the street there is violence, and then a lot of stuff will have to be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to electric revenue, and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric revenue, and then we'll take it higher.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Today is Friday, June 22nd, and the winner of the 2018 NBA Draft is Salty Petty Woj. Woj Ornowski. So if you're an NBA fan, if you're not an NBA fan, we'll explain it real quick. So there's a guy who's a reporter named Woj. He knows him. He's not just a reporter. He is the NBA. He created the Woj Bomb.
Starting point is 00:03:26 So he is the insider of insiders, and he always has all the information before anyone else. And he came to ESPN, who also has the draft, last year, and ESPN kindly asked him, please don't tip off the picks so that we can have the draft picks be live and people won't know beforehand. And he said, okay, I will do that. Then what happened was NBA Twitter, other reporters were tipping the picks, and Woj was like, this is... He was basically like the wire.
Starting point is 00:03:55 He's like, this is my corner. My name is my name. And he went on to tweet every single pick, but not actually tip them off, just suggesting that teams were going to pick picks. Well, the guy that is his main competition, Shams, worked with him at Yahoo. So he was like Woj's understudy. Yeah, exactly. So he was the one that was coming at Woj, and Woj couldn't let him take the crown.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Yeah, you come out the king, you best not miss. And what Woj did was he started every single tweet with Source, and then he'd say... He basically had the Source lined up, I guess, because he would say, here's an example, Source. The Sixers are enamored with Larry Shamet at the 26th pick. He actually was just... Portland has a laser on Anthony Simmons. Yeah, he actually just had Doc Emmerich whispering into his ear all night. Cleveland prefers Colin Sexton with number eight pick.
Starting point is 00:04:43 That's the best, and then they pick him. My two favorites. One is, the Lakers are unlikely to resist Mo Wagner with the 25th pick. You know who else can resist Wagner? Yeah, true. Well, you know that. And then Utah Jazz have no plans to pass on Grayson Allen with the 21st pick. I mean, he put on a great show, just so, so petty.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Honestly, it was better than any NBA finals game. Just watching Woj on Twitter tonight. Boston is tantalized by Robert Williams with the 27th pick. That one just happened 56 seconds ago. It's great, isn't it? It is so, so great. So the NBA draft. And it's like ESP is not going to do shit to him.
Starting point is 00:05:22 No. Because he's Woj. Well, and also... It's bigger than the league. Technically, he didn't tip any picks. No. He just said that they're unlikely to pass on. Yeah, or they're lasered in on someone.
Starting point is 00:05:31 It'd be a real shame if they didn't take bridges here. Yeah. He'll zero it in. So the NBA draft, it kind of went as, there was only a couple like real stunners. The first was obviously the Trey Young-Donchich trade, which I don't care if you, like, if Trey Young could end up being a good NBA player. But if Luca Donchich becomes like an all-star, they'll always be linked together. You'll always have the picture of them wearing the other team's hat.
Starting point is 00:06:00 And the Hawks will always just like be just dragged on the internet for that. It's a major Philip Rivers Eli Manning situation. You're not going to stop discussing that. Which, by the way, embrace debate. I think the, I think the Chargers won that one. Yeah. Philip Rivers, better quarterback. Really?
Starting point is 00:06:15 Much better. Better career. More viral. I'm not, I know the two, I know the two Super Bowls. I don't, look, we start talking football. He fits a line, had those. I get a little excited. But Philip Rivers, statistically, better quarterback.
Starting point is 00:06:25 And way more hilarious. How many Super Bowls were the Giants have won with Philip Rivers? Best quarterback. Probably like nine. At least nine. Minimum nine. Yeah. Best team to not make the playoffs last year.
Starting point is 00:06:35 That's actually a fact. Yeah. That was, that was a good fact by me. Agreed. Yeah. Trey Young, I think he actually stole the show at the draft with his shorts. Yeah. Shorts are back.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Yep. Trey knows that. Big time. Am I wrong? I mean, I'm granted, I'm not a great basketball mind. That might surprise you at home. No, you're a brilliant basketball mind. But Trey Young looks like he sucks to me.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Well, it's the hair. The hair is not great. And also he sucks. Yeah. He, I'm not a big Trey Young guy. I was very worried that the Bowls were going to take him. And I was very happy that didn't happen. Luka Donchich, I think will be very good.
Starting point is 00:07:08 He dominated the Spanish League. People love his, you guys are laughing. That's the second best league in the world. He's 18 years old. He won the MVP of the Spanish League in his 18. Oh boy. That's pretty fucking good. We will.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Okay. I mean, hey, look, you said you're a brilliant basketball. I am. I'm telling you. Basketball is in 49 states. 49 states. Luka Donchich's mom, everyone loves her. You know, Luka Donchich's Spanish League is messy.
Starting point is 00:07:31 And we'll get to him later. Yeah, we will. He did dominate. He did. And he still did go. We'll get to him later. Andre Iguodala wants to go on a date with Luka Donchich's mom. He's, he tweeted mom's mom's decent.
Starting point is 00:07:43 And Luka Donchich wants to go on a date with Jennifer Anderson. Yeah. Make it a double date. Yeah, exactly. Um, and then the other shocker was Michael Porter Jr. doesn't have a spine because that's the only reason why he fell all the way to the 14th pick. People actually thought like he obviously was injured at Missouri.
Starting point is 00:08:02 He played three games in college, but going into last like going into the college basketball season, he was going to be the number one pick. He has 19, he has back surgery, falls all the way to 14. Now remember, if you remember Wednesday's show in the quote, we're talking about a mix between Kevin Durant, Giannis and T-Mac. Yeah, minimum. Minimum. So future Hall of Famer.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Yes. I'm going to put my doctor's hat on real quick. I'm more worried about the hip injury. I think hip is, and that's maybe just a recency bias because IT just kind of stopped playing basketball. True. Because of a hip. You're old and you have, you've got a hip and you've got a back.
Starting point is 00:08:36 You might not be able to have children. Yeah. You basically can't play that. You can't play sports. So that's a pretty, playing sports is a very large part of being a basketball player. But that's one of those things like he was supposed to go as high as you know like three or four. One before the season.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't going to go one tonight, but he could have gone three or four tonight. Like people were going to, people were saying he's a game changer. So for him to fall to 14, I'm just convinced he just doesn't have a spine. And there were tons of smoke screens with him too. You remember like earlier this week, teams were saying, well, we're not really concerned that we can't get an MRI on his hip because he's that good of a player.
Starting point is 00:09:11 So he's going to be going real early. Who needs medicals? Yeah. We don't need that. That's never happened. Get out of there. Well, the other big story I thought was Bridges, Mikhail Bridges getting drafted by the Sixers. His mom works for the team.
Starting point is 00:09:24 VP of HR. Yeah. So I'm a little bit woke on this. Great moment. Yeah. So she got really, really excited. And then they traded him for Malik Zaire. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:33 So they traded him to the Suns. After he already gave interviews wearing his Sixers hat talking about how excited he was to stay in Philadelphia. Yeah. It's Villanova legend. Yeah. Like perfect fit for the Sixers. All Sixers fans were going crazy.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Then boom. Even the Sixers tweeted out the clip of he and his mom celebrating, unbelievable moment. Actually you're going to be going to the greater Scottsdale area. So I'm a little bit woke about this. I think that his mom might have been behind some of those burner accounts to get Colangelo fired so that she could make sure that her son got drafted. But then she traded. But then so they found out after they drafted him, they found out that she was the one that
Starting point is 00:10:12 did the burner account. Oh, in those 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes. That's when they cracked the case. I'll tell you what. We need TMZ cameras to like just follow her around in the hallways tomorrow at the Philadelphia Sixers. She's got to resign.
Starting point is 00:10:23 She. Yeah. Resigned. Sir. Damn. How dare you? Yeah. How dare you?
Starting point is 00:10:31 Spirit of 1776. How dare you? We have a constitution. Well, they got Zaire. So I don't know that much about Zaire, but my understanding about him is athlete. He can dunk. A-T-H. So all he does is dunk, right?
Starting point is 00:10:42 Yeah. So he can't forget how to shoot because he doesn't shoot. Yeah. People, there's always one or two of these guys in the draft where their athletic ability just gets everyone drooling. It's the length. Length and strength. Wendspan.
Starting point is 00:10:57 And yeah, exactly. And can play all five positions, but none of them well. He's a stretch. He's a stretch one, two, three, four, five. Yes. Correct. He's just a stretch. The other story.
Starting point is 00:11:07 How about Mobamba's forearms, huh? Mobamba's. Mobamba has maybe the best name in the draft in a long time. Thanks, Mobamba. Mobamba. Mobamba. His forearms are just insane. His forearms are twice as long as what do you call the, his three arms, the upper arm.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Yes. Whatever they are, they're like twice as long as his upper arm. Most soon in some league before we get a Mobamba, more problems from his team. Yeah. That's a good one. Matt, our friend Matt Jones from Kentucky Sports Radio. By the way, we will be hosting Kentucky Sports Radio on Tuesday from 10 to 12 Eastern. He was in the office tonight and he had a great line about Mobamba.
Starting point is 00:11:41 He said, the best, the best you'll ever see Mobamba is the first time you lay eyes on him. Cause then from that moment on, you're like, wait, he's, he can't really play basketball. Yeah. He's good. He's just a dude that looks like he just blocks people and then he, but he's a war. He's a work in progress. I liked the workout videos that they have of him.
Starting point is 00:11:56 He was doing this thing. It looked like he was like on skis, just moving his arms and circles simultaneously. It's a very important thing to do when learning how to play basketball. I'd like to see him maybe work out with a basketball in his hands or one nearby. Yeah. No, you don't have to have one in your hands. It's just like in maybe a hoop around you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Yeah. Just like be standing on a hardwood floor at some point in that day, you actually shot a basketball. That's all we care about. That's not too much to ask. Yeah. He got drafted by just crossing up a chair. That's true.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Like that shit happens. Those overseas videos are some of the funniest things that you'll ever see. If the guy working at a gym with like a 65 year old Yugoslavian trainer and full sweatsuit. It's just like falling around with a broom and being like, yeah, look at him. Look at him. Just like beat this guy off the dribble. And it's, yeah, it's just some fat guy in a Puma sweatsuit with a broom. I'm also psyched about the grittiest backcourt perhaps in NBA history with Dante DiVincenzo
Starting point is 00:12:52 and Matthew Delvedova. Ooh. Ooh. Try, try. Yeah. Try driving to the hole and not drawing a charge of those two on the court. That's going to be nice. Um, it sucks if they don't, if the bucks don't get rid of Delvedova.
Starting point is 00:13:03 No, they're not. Although as owner of the New Zealand breakers, I am entertaining trade discussions with the bucks. If they'd like to trade Deli. Can I have a little, can I just throw something out there that kind of kind of took, took away from tonight? The fact that Dante DiVincenzo's problematic treats came out after the national championship. That really should have been a draft night story.
Starting point is 00:13:20 You got to save that. Yeah. Sit on that. It didn't feel like we ever had one of those huge, you had, what was the one tweet from Bridges? From Bridges, he said something like, I took, I took three pills of Extenzos, now my dick longer than five stretch limos, which is pretty good. Which I assume obviously is going to be, you know, it's probably a lyric, but that doesn't
Starting point is 00:13:40 matter. Why, why do you say that? I don't know. It just sounds like rhymes. It's kind of rhymes. Yeah. It is. It's odd future.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Um, and then we also had Tia. You actually look at that up? No, I know, I know fucking no odd future. Okay. Okay. That shit goes. What other shit does he have? It slaps.
Starting point is 00:13:58 What other stuff does he have? Odd future. He sends a lot of great numbers. Yeah. Like, um, like a lot of knee poppers, right? Yeah. It goes, man. That guy's great.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Yeah. That guy's, is he related to future? That dude's awesome. Yeah. He is? No. Yeah. It's his cousin.
Starting point is 00:14:14 He's not even a human being. Odd future. I mean, PFT just told me that he's real. Yeah. Big odd future guy. Yeah. So, um, this tweet mishap was Deandre and tweeting out. This is one of my favorite when players don't know how to do the ads yet and he's tweeted
Starting point is 00:14:27 out, this is a direct tweet. All he needs to tag is black ops for and call of duty partner and the rest can be in his words. That's the direct. What was it? The, uh, DeSean Jackson one from a couple of years ago is like, tell DeSean to tweet this. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Yeah. It's something so great. Oh man. I love when players do that. Um, I have. It's actually, it's a brilliant PR strategy. The guts is talking about that tweet way more. Shit.
Starting point is 00:14:52 We should, we should just start doing that. Yeah. We'll do that. Anyone who wants to advertise this will just, we'll fuck up your tweet for an extra $5,000. Yes. Fuck it up real bad. I had two other draft stories. One cows on the hot seat.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Yes. So 10 straight years. Coach Cal Parry had a pick in the top eight. This year, Kevin Knox picked ninth by the Knicks. He is slipping. That's such a, that's such just a random number for you to pick though. Oh, well, no, this is, this is Matt Jones again. Matt Jones said, said this stat and then I texted him asking him, what's the stat?
Starting point is 00:15:27 And he said, 10 straight years, top eight. Now it's 10, and now it's 11 straight years, top nine. I also another reason to put Cal Parry on the sticky seat tonight. Um, he was on get up this morning. We have to talk about get up at least once per show. There it is. Um, and, and he was on there with Jay Wright, former recurring guest of part of my take from Villanova.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Whoa. No, recurring guest. Yeah. But former guest. Who's also recurring guest. Yeah. Okay. I was like, don't, don't close that door.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Yeah. Uh, Cal Parry said, I always love rubbing up against the coach that won the national title. Hopefully it rubs off on us. Just dudes rubbing on each other. Just a couple of dudes docked with Cal Parry this morning. Yeah. That's what Jay Wright tweeted. It was just, just guys hanging out and then it's rubbing up and against each other like
Starting point is 00:16:09 a bear on a tree. And then Cal, Cal went to a Yankees game and was hanging out with our good friend Tommy Lasorda. And it was just, just years and years of coaching wisdom. That's a lot of Italian to be in one state. A lot of spicy meatballs in one box. Um, I had one last story and it's the, the best story of the entire draft. Grace and Allen's going to live in Salt Lake City.
Starting point is 00:16:30 So perfect. It is so perfect. It is great. Jazz fans are going to fucking love them. I'm going to get out in front of this and, uh, hey, you got Ted Cruz and Mitt Romney cheering for the same team. Huh. There you go.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Who to thunk it. I like it. I do really like about this pick as he's paired with Donovan Mitchell, who you'll remember slapped Grace and Allen in the face when he was at Louisville. Yes. Yes. So that's going to be a nice little welcomed for, uh, for Ted Cruz. Yes.
Starting point is 00:16:56 By the way, I'm looking at the picture right now. It actually was Tommy Lasorda, John Cowbari, Jason Garrett and Brian Cashman. That's, that's a, that's a squat. Jason Garrett didn't talk at all. Who, who calls dibs on pussy on that one? I got to give it to Lasorda. Yeah. You got it.
Starting point is 00:17:12 That guy's hung like a can of slim fest. Pussy. I mean, like the spaghetti and gravy. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously just nuts deep in the Gabagool Tommy, Tommy gets, Tommy definitely gets the last piece of garlic bread that they bring out. Like, don't touch that Tommy strikes me as a guy that sneezes on the garlic bread right
Starting point is 00:17:28 when it comes out. So it's all his. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe spits up on it on purpose or drops it on the floor and picks it up. He coughs up some sort of non-descript substance out of his mouth and you guys can eat this. You can go ahead and take that one. Oh, he loves his breadsticks.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Hank, do you have any other draft thoughts? Did the Celtic, who did the Celtics take anyone? Oh yeah, they just took a, hold on, let me pull it up. Okay. We have Wendell Carter Jr. coming up in a second from the Bulls. How about that? Yeah. That was a, we knew that was going to happen.
Starting point is 00:17:58 That's why we had him on. Yeah. Easy. Yeah. Celtics. Celtics. Robert Williams, who Woj says is a lottery level talent, a player with immense talent. If you can show commitment to playing hard, this could be the steal of the first round.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Wow. So he just hates basketball. Yeah. That sounds like Brad Stevens' Wonder Project right there. Yeah, it does. He's going to get, he's going to love that. He's going to get a terrible Richard Jefferson basketball tattoo on his arm. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Or no, that's Luke Walton. Luke Walton has it, right? Well, Richard Jefferson has. He's RJ. He's RJ. Luke Walton has a basketball with dancing bears around it. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:33 So he's going to love basketball. Also shout out to Bill Walton's wife for chiming into that. You'll recall the story Rachel told us about Bill stealing the picture of Bill Russell off the wall. And his wife tweeted at us and she said, Bill came home with that picture and I asked him where he got it. He said, someone gave it to me. So how many times do you think that happens where Bill Walton walks in the door with
Starting point is 00:18:56 something in his hands and he's like, yeah, this was just given to me and it's just something he stole? Right. It's like a five-year-old walking home with like a dead squirrel that he found. Yeah. Come on. Where'd you get that dog? The dog putting the squirrel in the mouth.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Come on. Not again. Like stop killing all the squirrels in the neighborhood and it's already, you know, like when you get to a point in age where you can just start stealing stuff and people won't do anything. And he's like, oh, there goes Bill Walton just stealing our fucking art again. Maybe his wife will probably bring it back in a week. She'll figure it out.
Starting point is 00:19:27 She'll figure it. She'll look at the back of it and be like, should be on the set of the countdown or what is it? Jump down? The jump. The jump. It's called The Jump. They should think about jump down.
Starting point is 00:19:39 That's actually kind of. The jump down? Let's steal it. Yeah. The jump down. It's a parkour show. Parkour. All right.
Starting point is 00:19:47 Let's do Wendell Carter Jr. from the, formerly from the Duke Blue Devils now. Are you a Duke guy now? Yeah. Looks like big cats of Duke Fair. I don't know. Well, I mean, I did think it was their year. So I mean, and it's their year again, it's Duke's definitely going to win it all. They have Zion, right?
Starting point is 00:20:03 Yep. Don't even roll the ball out. Yeah. Also, don't pay attention to when big cat talks a lot of shit about Duke and Zion in this interview. Yes. Correct. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Did I? Yeah. Oh, fuck. All right. This is brought to you by the new Bud Light Lime and Orange. They're out now. The best summer beer you can have. They're brewed with real orange and lime peels, famous among friends.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Just think about it. You're at a nice barbecue backyard. The sun is beating down on you. You reach for that cooler. By the way, there's no copy on this ad. I'm actually just coming up with this. That's pretty good, right? That's great.
Starting point is 00:20:35 The sun's beating down on you. You reach for that cooler. There's just ice and a beer at the very, very bottom, the coldest one you got. You pull it out. Boom. It's Bud Light Lime or Orange. Delicious. You know what the best feeling in the world is?
Starting point is 00:20:51 That first sip of the cold beer. Yeah. When you're really hot. A cold Bud Light Lime or Orange. When there's sweat coming down your cheeks, you're just, you're out. You've been out in the sun maybe for two hours just beating down that one sip of Bud Light. Actually, yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:04 First, when you're about to put your hand in the cooler, the world's in black and white, and then you put your hand in the cooler and you take a sip, boom. Music starts blaring. Beach ball comes in. All the light comes down. It's pretty nice. All right. Let's go to Wendell Carter, Jr.
Starting point is 00:21:19 All right. We now welcome on what should be, actually, let's guess right now. So it's Wendell Carter from Duke. You want to just say where you think you're going to be picked on the draft? We're going to air this after the draft. So where do you think, like, let's predict right now? I have one pick. Yeah, you have one pick.
Starting point is 00:21:39 I'm going to say Chicago. Oh, okay. Okay. I like that. All right. So top five, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:50 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I like that. So is that like information? Have you been, have you heard from Mark Cuban? I've heard a lot. Has he texted you yet?
Starting point is 00:21:58 Yeah. I have his email address if you want to email. We could email him right now and just be like, hey, make the call. Have you, the more important question though, have you picked out your suit and are you ready for draft night with everything you got wearing? Yeah. Yeah. I've had it picked out for about a month now.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Ooh. Yeah. It's putting a lot of thought put into itself. It's going to be definitely something different. Okay. So you're not bringing back the Kirk Heinrich look, are you? Nah. The Jinko suit?
Starting point is 00:22:23 Nah, nah, nah, nah. Anything special? I'd like to see that come back. Yeah. What color? Anything special? Anything we got to be ready for? Like I said, it's all black.
Starting point is 00:22:31 Okay. Ooh. Okay. That's Joe Prunty special. I like that. So you are, so we're sitting here on Tuesday, it's two days away from the draft. We're in New York City. Your emotions must be going crazy right now, just waiting for Thursday night because you've
Starting point is 00:22:47 been looking for this moment for a really long time. Are you excited, nervous? Like what's going on? Probably all that in one. Okay. Excited, nervous, happy. Yeah. I mean, then it's time I can't even put words into how I'm feeling like it's just like just
Starting point is 00:23:05 really ready for the next step. Have you figured out what type of handshake or greeting you or a gift to Silver when you get up on the stage? I was thinking more formal. Okay. But then I got a feeling once I get up there, like I might just switch it up like right at the end. So.
Starting point is 00:23:20 Just pick them up and give them a big kiss. Yeah, you'll be excited. You'll have to do it. That way you'll always be the alpha over. Yeah. If you can lift them up on stage when you get drafted, he'll never find you. He'll never suspend you. I like that.
Starting point is 00:23:30 That's true. Yeah. Just put them in a little doghouse. Yeah. So you have to be the only person ever to be who, when they were going to college, you were deciding between Harvard and Duke. Yeah. What, like, I mean, were you that close to going to Harvard?
Starting point is 00:23:45 Yeah. Mom, dad both wanted me to go to Harvard like really bad. Like even after I came into Duke, they were wearing the Harvard jackets and like letting people know like that's where they really wanted me to go. But no, it was a real thing for me. I just wanted to explore something, try out something different, you know, not the norm. So I looked at it and I thought Duke was probably the best choice. I mean, it would have been awesome.
Starting point is 00:24:11 It would have been incredible. Yeah. They called it the Duke of the North. Yeah. They called Duke the Harvard of the South. I don't know if you've ever heard that before. It would have been great to see you dominate the Ivy League. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Just talking about a much like five foot nine white guy, like people would look like me. They'd be playing against me all day, you average 35 points a game. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that was an amazing. That was a sliding doors moment. Yeah. So, you know, leading up to the draft, obviously you're thinking who's going to pick me, who's going to pick me.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Have you ever just given any consideration because I've seen this take more and more recently? Like what if there was no draft? What if it was just like a free agency? Like you come out of college and you can pick where you want to go. Like how would that factor into things? Would there be like, is there a certain style of play on a certain team that you really like or a certain city that you like to visit that you'd like to live in? The city would definitely play a take then in the style of play, the people in my position
Starting point is 00:25:04 on that team. So, like, for example, I thought I would choose Chicago if it was a free agency, like Fred Hollywood in his last year. So I could learn a lot from him and they don't have, you know, a lot of bigs. So it'll be like a perfect situation for me. Yeah. Yeah. What's what's the one part of your game that's put under the weakness category that you think
Starting point is 00:25:26 people have wrong? My athleticism. Okay. For sure. Like in the workouts, they even said, oh, yo, I didn't know you was that athletic. Like, and I mean, I just, I guess I didn't show it as much when I was at Duke, but it's definitely something I'm going to have to show. Yeah, because it is the one thing.
Starting point is 00:25:43 I mean, I think it's also probably because you played with Marvin Bagley and everyone kind of puts you guys in two camps like, oh, he's, you know, Wendell's brother. He's a better defender. Marvin Bagley is a better athlete, but you both can probably do both. Yeah. Um, have you, have you stayed tight with Marvin, you know, going through the whole process? Yeah, I have. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:01 We talk pretty much every day. You know, he's a, he's a real close friend for me. Yeah. What about Grace and Allen? Yeah. I mean, everybody who, who, who came out this year and people who are still at Duke, like we're really tight. We got a group chat.
Starting point is 00:26:13 We probably talk every day. Like, you know, it's, it's a real, like when people say, y'all one and done is no way you can be a brotherhood. Like we still talk every day. Like we still have each other's backs. Like, even though we're far away from one another, like we still down for one another. What's, uh, what's Grace and Allen like in the group chat? He strikes me as a big emoji guy.
Starting point is 00:26:32 He is. Yeah. He's definitely an emoji guy. What's his most commonly used emoji? The blue heart. He has a real heart. Yeah. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:26:40 I love that. Do you think Grace and Allen's misunderstood or do you think, uh, people think he's just a heel who trips everyone is actually exactly what he is? Nah, he's misunderstood. Okay. Um, no, he, he definitely had that perception from a lot of people, especially when I came, like I was told, like he's a bad person, like from a whole bunch of people around me. But, um, as I got there and got to really know him and like spend some quality time
Starting point is 00:27:05 with him, like he was just caught in bad situations. Um, you know, he, like another guy was running over. Yeah. And his foot just happened to go off. His core strength. Draymond taught us that. That's true. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:16 His core wasn't strong enough. Yeah. Yeah. He's, he's a competitor and he does, I mean, a lot of people have their, what they do, like sometimes they just made a mistake or they may have done it on purpose for sure, but it was just a mistake. So, um, people think like he's just a bad person who just wants to go out and trip people, which yeah, he trips some people before, but it's not like that's, that's, that shouldn't,
Starting point is 00:27:41 I shouldn't, they shouldn't allow that to define him. Right. He's a competitor. He's like a hockey player. Yeah. Wearing a basketball. In fact, you've roomed with him at the combine, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:52 What was that like? Was like Ted Cruz knocking on your door at six a.m. trying to get some tips from him? Working on his post-game? No, no. I mean, uh, he's, he's, he's good people, so I guess he's good to be, he's fun to be around. We always have a good time whenever we're together, so. I've always wondered about that, like in a situation where you guys are obviously about
Starting point is 00:28:10 to go pro, you're obviously about to, you know, do very well for yourselves financially and you're still, you're rooming with a guy at the combine. Did you just like want to go down the front desk and be like, Hey, just give me a moment. No, uh, I like, I like having company. I like being around other people. So, um, what is just coach K still do you keep in touch with him like through the draft process? Does he help you guys through that process as well?
Starting point is 00:28:34 Yeah, for sure. Um, after every city I went to the workout, I got a phone call from him, you know, asked me how to work out when it, you know, repeatedly telling me, you know, and every, if I need something, don't, don't hesitate to reach out. So he's definitely been involved in my recruit. I'm in my, um, draft process, but I don't know about anybody else. Yeah. What kind of coach was he?
Starting point is 00:28:53 Like what kind of coach was he in practice? Was he angry? Would he yell a lot or was he more of like a, I'm disappointed guy, I'm disappointed guy. Yeah. Yeah. And at times he would yell, but that wasn't him. He was more of a really, that we were going to do and then we'll just run.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah. Just make you, yeah, make you run it out afterwards. Um, so with, with coach K, uh, it was there any point in this season where he like tried to give one last shot to convince you to stick around or was it just obvious from the get go? Like you're going to, you're going to go pro. You got what it takes to be pro or did he even make an effort to be like, Hey, come on, just maybe one more.
Starting point is 00:29:28 So, um, we had a after season meeting like each person did. And then when I went in, he was planning on just, you know, helping me with the agency process and all that, but I came to me like your coach, I might be staying another year because I actually want, I was thinking about it for a little bit. So like he, he wasn't even planning on talking about me coming back. Like he thought it was a done deal. I was leaving. So when I told him that, then the whole, the whole script flipped when we were just talking
Starting point is 00:29:55 about the benefits of me coming back, the pros and cons of both situations. So, uh, yeah, what were, what was the reason that you were thinking about coming back? You want to get a championship or was it more about like personal growth? Um, I want to just be closest to my degree. They say like, like 0.1% of people who are one and done, um, get their degree. Marvin Williams was the first one in like 2014. So, um, I just wanted to be closest to that. And then with that will come, you know, the extra growth on the court, off the court,
Starting point is 00:30:25 um, older, wiser, stronger, all that thing, all those things. So, um, that was all took place. And what was the deciding factor for you to be like, all right, I'm going to actually go to the NBA. NBA is a dream of mine. The one do that since I was a little kid. So I thought why not do it now while I'm young, fresh and healthy? Was it, I mean, obviously you're projected to be in the lottery.
Starting point is 00:30:47 If you were like maybe a fringe lottery guy, you think you would have stayed? Is that, was that part of it? The projection process? Yeah, a little bit. Did you talk, like, how does that work? You talked to scouts, did you talk to scouts for you? Like who tells you that, okay, when you go to the, uh, draft, you're going to end up like, I assume you're not just reading, you know, mock drafts on ESPN.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Yeah, right. Um, I talked to coach K, you know, he'll just tell me, um, how you feel about the hostage situation, if it's a good situation for me, if I'm going to be picked at the spot where he thinks I'm going to be picked. And he thought it was, he thought, you know, I would be picked very high. Let me just jump in big get. Don't make fun of mock drafts. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:25 No, I'm not very, I'm a bigger mock draft guy than you. Well, I went through, I, I read 30 mock drafts. Who do you think just like looking at us? Who do you think is a bigger mock draft guy? He pointed me, but the record says that he pointed at me. Oh, really? So why is the camera not on you? He pointed me.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Oh, but we didn't see the point. Liam's got it right there. No one knows where you're sitting. I'll just get it right now. Um, so yeah, Dicky V actually had you in his mock draft, going to the Bulls to be excited to go play with the fin reaper, the finisher marketing. Yeah, I think you guys would be a new twin towers. Yeah, that would be dope.
Starting point is 00:31:59 That would be awesome. I'm rooting for that. Um, have you considered, um, like to add an extra element to your game, just like gaining a shitload of weight? Getting up to like 300 pounds and just being in a new shack. I try to convince every big man that we interview that the NBA needs somebody with like a huge ass that just backs people down and dunks on them. And then does the step over on it.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Like it'd be fun to gain that much weight. Wouldn't it? No, I disagree. I guess maybe that's why I'm not a professional basketball player. Can you shoot the three? Yeah. You sure? Yeah, because you have to now.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I mean, you didn't take that many threes. Do you know what your 3.8 percentage was? Like 47 was 41.7. I think. Yeah. So you should actually just like put that out like around your neck.
Starting point is 00:32:42 And it's like, I shot, I shot the three at 41% big man, because that's really all anyone cares about. It feels like now. Yeah, that's the fact. I saw, I found a typo in your Wikipedia entry on your page there. It says that you were born in 1999. That can't be right. That's right.
Starting point is 00:32:56 That's bullshit. That's such bullshit that you were born in 1999. Have you ever seen a funny Simpsons episode? I don't really like Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, because you're born in 1999. Have you ever owned a VHS tape? Yeah. God damn it.
Starting point is 00:33:10 CD? Yeah, I had. Okay. All right. Did you go through your tweets and delete any problematic tweets? Did you have any problematic tweets? Yeah, my number was out there. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:33:22 I don't know why. Did you have an intern that put it out there? That's what happened to us. An intern. Yeah, I tweeted it out herself. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I saw one that you might want to look at. So December 6th, 2016, you quote, treated a Florida versus Duke game and said,
Starting point is 00:33:38 money time. What does that supposed to mean? The bag got dropped off then. What's going on? Just asking. Money time. It seems like you're hiding in plain sight. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Instead, coach K's new strategy, just like everyone say, money time all the time. That will know. Yeah, that's the cue for when the direct deposit hits. Yeah. You actually don't, you don't have any bad, you don't have any bad tweets. I went back and it's like, you only have like 750 tweets. Yeah, well, that's a nerve wracking thing, right? Even when he's getting drafted, you have to be aware of that now.
Starting point is 00:34:07 And we tried to look at Josh Allen's tweets and we missed a few when he got drafted. Well, no, we're not, we're not very good at researching tweets. The time he had deleted them by the time we had looked at that's very true. Yeah, speaking of the bag man, there's a huge controversy. I guess your mom ate lunch one time. Your mom had a lunch paid for her. Oh, how do you sleep at night?
Starting point is 00:34:28 What's your order? She didn't even eat the food. That's the crazy part. Oh my God. So she would just make a mockery of the NCAA and their fine institutions. That's disgusting. I'm sick and what's the first thing you're going to buy? I already bought what I want to buy my first car.
Starting point is 00:34:46 What kind was it? Mercedes S550. What if you get drafted by the Knicks though? Can't have a car in New York City. I'm going to ask to park it. I'm going to put it up somewhere. You could probably actually afford a building that has parking. Now that I think about it.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Yeah, I can't afford none in New York City. It's too expensive. Yeah, that's I mean, if you're getting drafted, like that's go live in Hoboken. That's where I like to the young kids live. I'm sure get like a 15,000 square foot mansion in Sacramento. You have to live in Sacramento. Yeah, actually, that's a good point.
Starting point is 00:35:16 Yeah, the thing about you live in, if you got drafted by the Knicks and you live in the suburbs, you've had, you'd have like a million of these articles about you'd say, oh, he takes the train into work and then you become like a working man here and then you're a fan favorite in New York and they're probably going to raise your jersey up to the rafters no matter what, because they just need somebody to root for. Yes. Very badly.
Starting point is 00:35:36 What's the weirdest question you've been asked in the draft process? I really wasn't asking anything weird. Like I was going into a lot of interviews thinking they were going to ask me something weird because I was told like all questions, but I never was asking a thing like the NBA soft like that. The NFL, they'll ask you like, yeah, I've heard up things. I've heard. Yeah, that's NBA soft.
Starting point is 00:35:57 What was the weirdest place you ever saw Coach K fake an injury? Did he fake an injury or year? No, he didn't. I don't know that either. Did he sit out? Did he not coach a game? Yeah, it was one game. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:09 So he did fake an injury. It was an illness or whatever it was. Yeah. Yeah. He had ideas. Yeah. When things go south, he's like, oh, my arm. Oh, I feel, I feel faint.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Tell you that like that was part of the recruiting process. Like, listen, I want you to come play for me. And when, when things go bad, I'm going to have someone else coach because I don't want that on my record. No, it was actually winning when he got hurt. So he probably, well, he probably smelled the losing street coming. He can tell he's got it wrong.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Yeah. He's like how dogs can sense earthquake and they start limping around. So you usually lose to VC or something. It's like, ah, this isn't the schedule. Yes, exactly. Did what day of the week would his hair go from like slightly a little bit gray at the roots to Jeff Black again?
Starting point is 00:36:52 I was like, what was it? It was a Tuesday guy every other Tuesday. I don't know. He probably died in every other day. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. What do you think it's Duke's year? It was Duke's year all year. And then you guys lost.
Starting point is 00:37:09 But do you think this year is Duke's year? Um, this depends on if everybody buys in. Like, they definitely have the talent. Like, it's no doubt about that. But as long as they don't let egos get involved, they shouldn't be honest. Do you? What was it like playing for Duke and knowing that everyone
Starting point is 00:37:25 hated you, including myself? Didn't know that. So yeah, no. Hank actually hated you. Hank actually liked you. Hated you. Yeah. Hated you.
Starting point is 00:37:35 I mean, Grayson took a lot of the hate in that skinny. What's that skinny white guy's name? Yeah, Alex Conner. Yeah. Fuck that kid. But yeah, for the most part, we just hate everyone on Duke no matter what. It looks like, like, where's Macklemore with Kool-Aid lips?
Starting point is 00:37:48 Yeah, yeah. So it's like, yeah, you're just, like, part of the most hated group ever. I actually don't mind Duke as much as Big Cat does. But I think he actually asked a valid question in there, which is, like, you know that you've got a target on your back when you play at Duke, right? You know that every single time you have a road game,
Starting point is 00:38:06 you're going to get, you know, the loudest boos from the fans all year long. You're going to get, you know, targets from, you're going to get every other team's best shot. Did you like having that, like, us against the World mentality or how did that factor into your prep? Well, first, I don't think it would have been that bad if Grayson Allen wasn't playing for us.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Because I think, like, when we went to Indiana, like, whenever he caught the ball, it was, fuck you, Grayson, like, that was their chance. Every time he caught it, like, even at the end of the game and all that. So I think with him gone, I think it's definitely going to die down a little bit. No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:38:41 You guys have the number one recruiting class. I'm going to hate all whoever comes. Zion Williamson, bust. Big time bust. That guy stinks. He's got no explosiveness. That's what I'm saying, because he's got a ton of explosiveness.
Starting point is 00:38:53 So if you just say it's not NBA explosiveness, people are like, wow, that guy knows something that we don't know. He can dunk in college, but he can't dunk in the NBA. He lives in a horror in the NBA. Yeah, exactly. All right, well, any questions for us? Because we're media. So do you have any questions about how to deal with us?
Starting point is 00:39:09 Because you're going to deal with us a lot more. Yeah, how do I deal with him? You did a good job. You did a good job, yeah. If you don't want to say anything, yeah. If you have to give any money in your wallet, we can pay. You can always pay off the media.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Yeah, guys like us, just give us five cash. Either that or just buy us Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, or buy us lunch. We'll eat it, unlike your mom. That was very rude of her. Because we respect the NCAA as an institution. All right, Wendell, thank you so much, man. I appreciate it, man.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Oh, yeah, Seeky question. Hank, give me the Seeky question to put in promo code $10 off, I forgot to ask a Seeky question. Here's my question. I noticed that you were wearing a sweatsuit with shorts. Is that like, are you trying to say something like, hey, LeBron, I like wearing suits of shorts. No comment.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Play for you. No comment. Have you ever met LeBron? I have. Wait, what does your tattoo say? Fear night. Fear what? Fear one.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Night. Fear night? Fear eight. Oh, I like that. Does it say every across your chest? Or you're every night? So that's actually cool, because you start flexing in, OK. So you never met LeBron?
Starting point is 00:40:13 Never. OK. I mean, I have once, but I was like. He big-timed you? Yeah, big-timed. He thinks he's like a star or something. It's crazy. The whole thing has gone to his head.
Starting point is 00:40:24 It's crazy. That was our Seeky question. Put in promo code, take it, $10 off. All right, Wendell, good luck. Hopefully the bulls or the nicks or the Sixers draft you. That way, this is a lot more relevant, because the magic, we probably won't even run this interview. But I'm just being honest.
Starting point is 00:40:42 I hope it's a maverick. Yeah. No, the maverick should be good. The magic or the hawks or like the kings, like we're not even going to run this, no one really cares. But good luck with the draft, and we'll be rooting for you. I appreciate it. That interview with Chicago Bull, Wendell Carter, Jr.
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Starting point is 00:41:39 at Bass Pro Shops and Cabela's near you, visit BassPro.com slash stores, or Cabela's.com slash stores. Bass Pro Shops and Cabela's, your adventure starts here. And now, that fucking pheasant, Ryan Whitney. And now for something completely different. All right, we now welcome on the final member of our Mount Rushmore of 2017-18, we're current guests. It is Ryan Whitney, first time Mount Rushmore recipient.
Starting point is 00:42:13 How excited are you? Stick tap. Thanks for the clap, guys. I have a, I'm excited, but I have a couple beats. One, or a question, my first is what, is this only because I threatened you if I wasn't on Mount Rushmore this year? Partially.
Starting point is 00:42:31 No, I've seen you fight, I'm not worried about that. I know you're a little scared of this height and this range, big cat. I think I could box those ears in pretty easily. Second thing, second thing, four people are on Mount Rushmore, correct? But I'm like splitting it with Rastillo, so am I really on it? What's the Ryan's?
Starting point is 00:42:53 Yeah, the Ryan's. You're on. The Rian's. You got your name on the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could see you guys' faces right now. All right, I'll take it. I'll take it. OK, I mean, come on.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Like, there's a lot of special moments this year. I think that the two of you are perfect to split. It's the Ryan's. It's actually the most powerful. I felt Ryan correctly. Yeah, I know, but I would actually take your spot on the Mount Rushmore versus the other three spots in a fight.
Starting point is 00:43:17 You and Rastillo, versus any of the other people, I take you in a fight. I think Rachel Nichols could kick your ass, actually. Yeah, maybe she goes straight for the groin. Well, we know you could beat up Blake Griffin, because he's a basketball player. And Bortles would probably just be like, whatever, man. Just chill out.
Starting point is 00:43:32 Also, Ryan, if we had given you a full spot on Mount Rushmore, this year, then you won't have anything to work for next year. It's like giving an athlete a big contract. So we're giving you a little taste. We're franchising you this year. And then you can prove it. Maybe get your own spot next year. Yeah, like Barry Truck, won it all,
Starting point is 00:43:46 and now he's gone from your club. That's fine. I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. Totally fine with that. OK, yeah, sure you are. OK, so we're going to do the Mount Rushmore of insults. And we did this because it's like,
Starting point is 00:43:57 you always have your hockey words that are great, pigeon, or whatever. Hank is upset. So Hank has a bone to pick before we get started. We switched it up like 10 minutes before we taped. Yeah, well, last year, it was pretty known, well known, how much I dominated Mount Rushmore. Every single episode I won had the best Mount Rushmores.
Starting point is 00:44:18 This year, Big Cat and PFT have been pulling some fucking weird shit. Is it weird? Is it weird? Wait, Tommy, is it weird? We're going to use Mount Rushmore reasons why we hate hockey with Ryan Whitney. Ha, ha, ha. So I get ready.
Starting point is 00:44:28 I do my preparation like I always do. Oh, why don't you give it to us? Give us the four. Yeah, we'll do insults. No, you do the hockey. Yeah, yeah. No, I'll do insults. And fine, but.
Starting point is 00:44:37 Hank, you know, insults have to be a quick thought of the moment thing. You can't prepare. You just have to give an insult. Yeah. That's the point, you fucking. I'm not going to say an insult yet. I'm going to wait.
Starting point is 00:44:50 All right, well, you want to do snake cell? Yeah, let's do it. All right, let's go wit. And then we'll go Big Cat. OK. Then me, then Hank. And then Hank, you go twice and back. All right, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:45:02 So I start. Yeah. OK, all right, all right. I was just going to use this one. It's an all-time classic. It goes around locker rooms like wildfire. And what it is, it's like you're a goddamn pigeon. Nothing's worse than being a pigeon.
Starting point is 00:45:18 You're a complete joke of a bird. You got no place to live. Pigeon's my number one. OK, that's a good number one. It's a good hockey one. That's a good number one. My number one is going to be. It's basically the same, but it's
Starting point is 00:45:33 like you can go back and forth with the name. Do I have to? All right, so it's fuckhead or shithead, but I guess I'll pick one. I don't think you can do that. All right, I'll do one. So I'll say shithead. Shithead is my first one.
Starting point is 00:45:45 OK, that's a solid one. It's got that sting to it. Yeah, it does. Right, you're just a shithead. Yeah. Right, fuckhead is more like the remix. My first one, this is a favorite of mine. Clown.
Starting point is 00:45:57 You're a clown. That's good. Because there's so much disrespect loaded into that word. That's really good. I like bozo for clown, but I agree. Ooh, OK. A little too narrow.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Yeah, that's also the remix. My first one, I'll go with fuckhead, because it's like shithead, but fuck is like a more insultous way. Hank's not mad either. Yeah, Hank's not mad. No, it's like, you're not mad. No, there's like levels of swares.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Crap. My second one is going to be triggered for Hank right now. It's the worst one. It's not your turn yet. Yeah. And then my second one, I'll go dink. Ooh, that's good. See you, dink.
Starting point is 00:46:30 Yeah. All right, my second one is bum. You're a bum. That's a good one. You're a bum. That's a bum. Bum hurts a lot. Bum hurts a lot.
Starting point is 00:46:38 OK, I'm going to go with mouth breather is my second one. Mouth breather, someone who just breathes through their mouth. You just know it when you see it. Eli Manning. Yeah, big time mouth breather. That's a tough one. Yeah, that's a tough one. Hank, I'm not going to dog you, but dink's not
Starting point is 00:46:56 going to go very far in a lot. So dink's not that powerful. My second pick is another classic. It's another classic. You come off the ice, you've played one ship. This is a hockey winny. And you know what you get? You're a peasant.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Oh. Peasant. Yeah. You're a peasant. It's like a bum combined with a dink combined with a shithead. My number two is a peasant. OK. OK.
Starting point is 00:47:21 My number three, this being a snake trap, I understand after Hank went twice. I wasn't sure what that was. My number three, this is a classic. And you might not understand, but all you got to do is go up to someone and say, you're such a non. A non? A non?
Starting point is 00:47:37 Like Indian bread? Yeah. A non beauty. Ooh. That hurts. Yeah, I wouldn't know. No one's ever called me that. So just so that your third one is just a non.
Starting point is 00:47:46 So you don't want to be called a non. Yeah. Just N-O-N. A non means that you're a virgin too. I would say it's like you're a non factor. Exactly, it worked either way. OK. All right.
Starting point is 00:47:57 My third is going to be just calling someone a liberal. So you just say liberal, and that's the biggest put down you can ever have. Just lib. Yeah, you lib. The lib or liberal? The libs are at it again. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:48:08 That's pretty much a pretty big put down. Yeah, exactly. OK. My third one is fraud. So I'm sticking with the one symbol. It's like I got clown, bum, fraud. Really hit them. A fraud's just like a delusional bum.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Yeah, yeah. That's a good one. Hank? I just had one in my head. I mean, just calling someone ugly, just you're ugly. Yeah. No matter who you are, no matter how much self-confidence you have, that gets to your head a little bit.
Starting point is 00:48:33 I agree, Hank. If you see somebody, you're just like, what's up, ugly. That'll follow them around for a couple of days. Yep. Yep. And then I guess I'll just say, just calling someone short. Ooh. OK.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Yeah. That would be bad, hypothetically. Actually, it's not a cut down. It's also another thing you can just say. Whenever you're nagging with someone, if you have the height advantage, you say, well, you're short, that gets to their head every time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Also means I'm closer to bed level, so easier to have sex with. Yeah. OK. There's that. All right, you're fourth. Good memories, Hank. Thanks. Yeah, no one said that.
Starting point is 00:49:04 That was your Hank. You're still very mad. Talk to yourself, Hank. My last one. I'm surprised this one lasted until four. Cuck. Ooh. It's so much fun to say.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Yeah, it is fun to say. It is fun to say. I think you misplayed your hand by saying lib instead of cuck. I think lib, I mean, lib, people get, cuck kind of had its hot, hot in the streets. And it faded a little. Lib, lib keeps going. Like, it gets bigger and bigger.
Starting point is 00:49:29 The nice thing about cuck is it can always go back to the original definition, which just means, hey, someone's plowing your wife. Yeah. You like it. True. All right, my last one, this one, not saying anyone's ever said this about me, but just telling someone bitch tits.
Starting point is 00:49:43 That one hurts a lot. Oh, yeah, that one must stink. That one hurts. Like, Mickelson, Mickelson. It'd be like calling you Dumbo. Yeah, but you know what? I hear it very well out of these things. So I don't take offense to a bitch tits, I promise.
Starting point is 00:49:59 Exactly. My fourth one, I gave pigeon, I gave peasant. But I love when you combine the two and it really stings. And you're just a pheasant. What a pheasant. It's a pigeon and a peasant combined. Pheasants are very beautiful birds, though. Yeah, if you know that.
Starting point is 00:50:15 If you've ever seen a peasant in the wild. And that kid's an absolute pheasant. See how he comes back from that one. Do you realize when you combine those words, it's actually another word? Like, it's not like that's a bird. Not in the insult world. OK.
Starting point is 00:50:33 In the insult world, it's just a double whammy. Also, also. Wait, have you ever called somebody a peasant? And they're like, hey, wait, I didn't hear you. Did you call me a peasant? Yeah. And then you have to go back and re-pronounce it and explain it?
Starting point is 00:50:44 Because I feel like that would lose a lot of the sting. If you're like, no, pH is a combination. And you had to explain it. I've actually called people a peasant. And they were so shocked because they used to be calling a peasant. And they know peasants even worse. It's an absolute disaster.
Starting point is 00:51:01 Also, I like calling somebody. You just, some kid, you can't stand. You say, oh, that guy's such a Gary. You know, this guy's such a Gary. Yeah. Yeah, I understand. That's the most community insult I've ever heard. Gary over there.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Oh, that's good. So you call any white girl a Becky? Yeah. In Canada, you're like, it's either a Doug or a Gary. I had some. You see some guy not dressed well. You look like Gary. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:29 That actually hurts. Do you have honorable mentions? We have honorable mentions? I got one. Just a journeyman. Call anybody a journeyman, Ryan. That hurts. If you're going to call anybody like a hockey player,
Starting point is 00:51:40 just a journeyman. Just means you can't stick around anywhere. Yeah. Because no one loves you. That hurts more than the Dumbo. That really actually cut me to the core. And then my last one was, it's a very specific one. It was actually just the time that Bill Belichick
Starting point is 00:51:55 was asked about Fred X after the Super Bowl about what he thought about Freddie Mitchell. And he said, he's terrible. And you can print that. I was happy when he was in the game. The fact that it came from Bill Belichick, and he said that, makes it really, really bad. I had a couple honorable mentions.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Tool. Yeah. Calling someone butt. Bull. Bull. Yeah, butt or butt cheeks. Cheese dick. Knuckle dragger.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Pig fucker. Oh, knuckle dragger's good. Knuckle dragger. Pig fucker. Yeah, pig fucker. Bronze sexual. That's a pretty bad one. You don't want to be called that.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I like liberal. Yeah, liberals are the meanest thing you can say to someone. What do you got, Hank? Liberal, if you murder someone, if you call them a liberal, that's fine. They're allowed to murder you if you call them a liberal. I like to call someone a mop head. That's good.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Mop head's good. I like that. Never had that. Yeah. What else? What about, I get the guys get a body like a bag of milk. Like a bag of milk. That's very specific to Canadians.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Yeah, and we don't have bags of milk. Whole milk. Whole milk. Bag of whole milk. I like calling skinny fat people cumbelly. That's always a good one. Oh, man. What do you call somebody from situate?
Starting point is 00:53:16 Is situate? Situate? Situation. The opposite of a non. A peasant. Non, in a way. Non, non. But non, non.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Yeah, I'm trying to think. Anything else? I mean, there's a million others that we probably can't say. Yeah, there's so many you can't say. I mean, grocery stick's always a good one for hockey. That's a grocery stick. Bender. Ooh, is that one played out?
Starting point is 00:53:46 Oh, yeah, what a bender. What a bender. I like that. What about just sick fuck, you? A civ? Yeah, what a civ. I mean, what an absolute, like, you know what? What an absolute joke you are.
Starting point is 00:53:59 You call someone a joke, that hurts. You're a joke. The you just being, everyone knows you as a muppet. That one hurts. Douchebag was on the streets for a while. Douchebag was big back in, like, the early 2000s. Now, if you say Douchebag, it's just like you're not creative. Douche nozzle?
Starting point is 00:54:16 Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. I didn't have to spend it for saying Douchebag at one point. That was a bad word back in the day, like a bad word. Yeah, dickhead. I don't know if we said dickhead, right? No, your coach was just like, hey, Ryan, the NHL totally suspended you for saying Douchebag.
Starting point is 00:54:31 He just didn't want you to play. You cock. You're a cock. I mean, if we're going to go down that road, cunts are pretty strong with you. Yeah, actually, if you're over in England, it's really not that bad. It's just like how they say hi.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Scumbag, too. Scumbag's hurtful. Scumbag is like, you're actually trying to hurt someone. I think it's a point of pride. Scumbag's just like, you're a rat. You're like, big cat. You'd probably call a ratty tour of the scumbag. Oh, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:54:56 Although Hank is bringing up when Dave called him a scumbag because he didn't know how to tell the difference between wine when he was 18 years old, which, looking back, Dave was kind of the scumbag in that situation. Dave is a scumbag. Dave doing a wine-tasting test versus an 18-year-old, and then calling him a scumbag. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:16 What about? I think Dave was a scumbag. What about when your parents say, I'm disappointed in you? That's a cut-down. Yeah, that is. That is. That counts. That's a bad one, too.
Starting point is 00:55:24 That wouldn't leave a mark. Oh, my dad would go so psychotic on us that kid told me it was actually worse who had parents that would just go dead silent. I guess silent treatment from parents was even worse than getting screamed at. I never would have known. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:37 But when your parents just go silent, that's bad. If silent's the number one put down, it's OK. Yeah, just ignoring you? Probably. That is. Negging. Yeah. Ignorant.
Starting point is 00:55:50 All right. Helen Keller was actually the world's best put-down artist. Yeah, that's true. Putting everyone down. All right, Whitney, thank you. Let Helen Keller joke. They're coming back. Thank you for being on the Mount Rushmore.
Starting point is 00:56:01 Thank you for being such a great guest this year. Now you realize you've got to stay on it, though. Well, I'm just going to go around and just be calling people names. And hopefully, people laugh at when I say it. And I know I'll have a new one for next year, because you can never really get too quiet or get relaxed in terms of put-downs.
Starting point is 00:56:18 I mean, God knows, Hank needed three hours to find a couple. Just kidding, Hank. Love you, buddy. I know we've got a 60-year-old, Whitney. Have we had you on since the finals ended? No, guys, what a sport. Good year in the NBA, huh? What a big celebration that was at the end.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Looked like they won that fucking Saturday morning men's league that begs big cap plays in. But they won the third. They won their NBA title. They're checking their phones to see how quickly they're on Instagram if they got any pictures up yet. Sweet series, though. 4-0, and that was awesome.
Starting point is 00:56:49 Good game. Vegas, Vegas, Washington. Vegas, Washington had people on the edge of their seats. People were sleeping at the Golden State Warriors Arena. They won the title. What a league. What a joke. All right.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Thank you, Whitney. We'll talk to you later, man. That Mount Rushmore was brought to you guys by the Black Tux. It's the easy way for guys to rent suits and tuxedos online. They have amazing new selections. The Black Tux has tons of fresh, new, complete looks and suit essentials for all your upcoming spring events and weddings.
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Starting point is 00:58:56 I got bad news, boys. Woj gave up. He just did Brooklyn Will Select. Is that the last pick of the draft though? That's the 29th pick. That would be a nice little cherry on top. Yeah, but it's sad. Like I wanted to see him keep going.
Starting point is 00:59:08 I think he just got pissed off and gave up. Come on, Woj. His picture too pisses me off. His picture is a little smug. I just want to punch him in the face. It's a little smug. No, that sounds fun. It's the body language.
Starting point is 00:59:19 He's turned to the side and then his head's back. It's like a LinkedIn profile for a guy that's senior vice president of institutional research. Right, or a senior vice president of a bank, he thinks he's a big wig at JP Morgan Chase on Wall Street, but he really is Omaha Mutual. Well, what it is, it's definitely a finance company, and he's a vice president at it,
Starting point is 00:59:43 but it's one of those companies that has 10,000 vice presidents. They just give you the title because they don't want you to call yourself salesperson. Right, and they don't want to give you equity. Yeah. So everyone's a vice president. Here you go.
Starting point is 00:59:54 You take a VP. He just looks like he knows something that I want to know and he won't tell me. I just want to punch him right in the nose. Every draft pick. Yeah, exactly. All right, let's do some segments. First up, we have a talking soccer.
Starting point is 01:00:04 Messi's dead. Messi is dead, done so. Listen, it's a team sport. Go back to Argentina, Messi. OK, it's team sport. The Argentina stinks. Messi's great. Yeah, enjoy Messi's UEFA titles.
Starting point is 01:00:17 Love Ronaldo's World Cup titles. And European championships appreciate Landon Donovan's statement ties all three are equal. You got me. Messi never won a Euro Cup. Wow. There's room for all three. Yes.
Starting point is 01:00:34 But yeah, the World Cup's been going great. And Messi, yeah, like it kind of sucks. You know what I do love about the World Cup? Credit to Argentina. They are in the group of death. Yes, because they stink. Well, yeah. Any team, here's how you can tell
Starting point is 01:00:48 if it's the group of death when Nigeria is in it. They're always in the group of death. Or if America is in it. Yeah. You two were not in the World Cup. The greatest part about the World Cup is I think it is the saddest fans in the entire world. Oh, Argentina's fans today were kids crying.
Starting point is 01:01:04 They were like popping cyanide capsules. Yeah, like, you know, people, well. Joel indeed said he was crying, too. Argentina's got a little. Yeah, I know. It's a history of that. You're born with a cyanide capsule underneath a false tooth.
Starting point is 01:01:15 Yes, exactly. They had guys with face paint who probably spent their whole entire life savings to go see Argentina lose 3-0 to Croatia and fucking Russia. And just, oh, it's so sad and so funny. So funny. And then there's a 20-hour flight back to Argentina that you have to sit on after dropping like $5,000
Starting point is 01:01:36 to get over there. Right. And they ran out of beer in Russia. So that's even worse. Well, there's plenty of vodka. Yeah, but they ran out of beer. Yeah. Well, that's because soccer fans love beer.
Starting point is 01:01:46 That's because they're serving beers in those big containers. Those like contraption hold like eight at a time. And people forget you can do cocaine and heroin in the stadiums. Yes. True. How can you run out of beer if everybody's on heroin?
Starting point is 01:02:00 You could do basically every illegal action possible in the stadium at a Russian soccer game. You can hack an election. Yeah. You can just get right in this inside a Russian stadium. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Start trolling libs.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Good news for that was funny because that was on your Mount Rushmore. Yeah, of libs. I actually think Lib is, it sounds worse than Liberal. It cuts someone down. The Liberals. You fucking Lib. Yeah, but the good news for Argentina,
Starting point is 01:02:26 you have a country full of beautiful people and grilled meats and dry, robust reds. Yes, and mountains. Beautiful mountains that sometimes soccer teams. Did that happen in Chile or Argentina? It was a Uruguayan rugby team, I think. But did they get, I think they crashed in Argentina. They ate each other.
Starting point is 01:02:46 They ate each other. And that's grit. Wilds. I read that book. Did you really? Yeah. I saw the movie. I didn't finish the book.
Starting point is 01:02:53 I read some of it. So I read the cover of it. It's fucking wild. All right, we got asked in the jackpot. This is for Colin Coward, because Baker Mayfield put his ass in the fucking jackpot. He went on Colin Coward's show, and Coward tried to basically say Baker was a bad teammate.
Starting point is 01:03:10 And Baker just dunked on him. Do we want to play the audio? Yeah, we'll play a little audio. And then I see this play right here. Now watch this, Baker. And you throw a touchdown. And instead of this, I don't like this. I'm going to tell you right now, how come you're not, what?
Starting point is 01:03:22 Where are you going? Where are you going over there? Our band is over there. Our student section is right there. And then straight back to our sideline. What about your teammates? Did you watch the rest of the game? I watched the whole game.
Starting point is 01:03:32 You did? So you saw me celebrate with my teammates, like the three touchdowns before that, too? I don't like that. Oh, OK. Yeah. You pulled the one clip of me running right there to our fans and people that traveled well to that game,
Starting point is 01:03:44 first of all. And then you didn't show the rest of the clip of me going to our sideline? No, no, no. You have to go to the sideline. You're not going to go to a hospital. Well, where are you going to go after the touchdown? You're not going to go.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Well, you're acting like I just ran away from everybody. Well, you did. But then you came back and circled to the sideline. This is a five-second clip of you're showing me. And then I'm off the screen right there. I'd like you to be with your teammates. Watch the rest of the game. I was.
Starting point is 01:04:09 Oh, I know you went back to the sideline. No, no, no. Watch the other touchdowns. I got very excited on that one. So you think my accusation that this is a three? I feel like you're going for the fact that I'm not a team guy. I'm selfish.
Starting point is 01:04:21 Is that where you're shooting at right here? It is a, no, I don't think that. I think sometimes your judgment's just a tad off. And I think the NFL's a judgment league because the game is so fast. You have to make the windows get really, really tight and really, really small. You got to make decisions really, really fast.
Starting point is 01:04:35 In college, you got that Orlando Brown guy. Got a little more time. I don't love that decision. I don't love it. The celebration? Do you see what people do in the league now, celebration-wise? Hip thrusting, not a fan. I'm not a big fan of hip thrusting.
Starting point is 01:04:47 I'm not going to lie to you. I don't like when Antonio Brown's doing that stuff. I'm not into it. You know what? Do you have your celebration? No, I have nothing. I have nothing. You're just going to give the ball to me.
Starting point is 01:04:58 Apparently, I think I need to just run away. My favorite part about that is Coward delivered probably the most Colin Cowherd line of all time, which is, the NFL is a judgment league. Like, what does that mean? I don't like guys thrusting. The NFL is a judgment league. What, people judge you for actions in the NFL?
Starting point is 01:05:18 That's crazy. Yeah, weird. The novel concept that never happens in any other part of life. And by a guy whose, basically, his entire existence is to judge people. Yeah, and he usually gets it right. Like, when he talks about John Wall, or when he talks about Sean Taylor being killed
Starting point is 01:05:33 because it was his fault, he does a good job. So Colin Cowherd, he knows which way the wind's blowing. All being dumb. Yeah, like, he does a great job. Yeah, so I'm going to defer to him. What kind of name is Baker? Yeah. NFL's a, I like, uh-oh, we got Greeny coming in here.
Starting point is 01:05:49 I like, I like a league where the cream rises to the top, not the yeast. Greeny, Greeny just took over Colin Cowherd. Oh man. And also Baker were an undraftable sweatshirt, which was also a power move, because Colin Cowherd said, I think the exact tweet was something like, like undersized can't be the number one pick in any league.
Starting point is 01:06:14 Undersized, not athletic, and he was like, well, I was, buddy. Yeah, and he replied, yeah, it just happened, so suck it. So I love Baker, Mayfield. I know, he's shot up to my post draft big board. Because he's number one. Right, because he, it was more than just like, how he beat Colin Cowherd, he was so calm and cool about it. Like, he didn't get mad.
Starting point is 01:06:34 He was just like, you're fucking idiot, man. And so Cleveland, I think you found your quarterback. Is Christine Lay still on that show? Is she still like, way off on the other side? She's got her own show. So now they're in that huge studio with like an empty chair on the other side where they used to banish her too. It's probably just, Colin probably was like,
Starting point is 01:06:50 all right, so if Kristen's leaving, I'm just going to put a mirror above me so I can jerk off and watch myself masturbate. That sounds pretty hot, actually. I'd love to have a good look at Colin Cowherd every time I jerked off. That hair, that hair, that tan? We just went left turn right there.
Starting point is 01:07:07 All right, before we get to Jimbo's, we've got a King's State Kings. Dwight Howard, the worst teammate. Can we say he's the worst teammate of all time? Mm. Brace debate. I mean, Benedict Arnold was pretty bad. Pretty bad.
Starting point is 01:07:20 Yeah, he's up there. I'd say he's 1A behind Benedict. I mean, the best interview ever for anyone who doesn't know, go Google Stan Van Gundy and Dwight Howard when Stan Van Gundy gave an interview and said confirmed that Dwight Howard wanted him fired and to the media and then Dwight Howard came up, put his arm around Stan Van and was like, we're good.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And then Stan Van walked away and they said, Dwight, you want Stan Van Fiery? He's like, that's not true. That's not true. Who told you that? They're like, well, Stan Van Gundy just told us that. That sums up Dwight Howard right there. But either way, he got traded again
Starting point is 01:07:52 and then to his new team, the Nets, they just ate his salary and cut him. So King's State Kings, Dwight Howard, just become being the worst teammate ever and no one wanting him. He alienated his teammates before he met him. Yeah. That's pretty impressive.
Starting point is 01:08:07 I'd say actually it's Benedict Arnold, one, Delante West, two, something he suggests don't come back from. Allegedly, yeah, yeah, allegedly. And then Dwight Howard, three. He is, it's exceptional, he's kind of, he's the Robert Griffin of basketball, I think. But not, I see what you're saying, but like he has, he's not even
Starting point is 01:08:28 an ounce of a sympathetic figure. Like Robert Griffin has somehow now become kind of like, ah, Robert Griffin. Right. Dwight Howard, there's not one piece of him where I'm like, I feel bad for Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard lost an arm in an alligator attack. Then he would be Robert Griffin.
Starting point is 01:08:42 Yeah, I don't know if I'd, I'd still be like, man, I kind of deserved it for like all the times he trashed everyone. Outside that alligator to long-term contract. Yeah, the end of Dwight Howard's career is going to be fascinating because I could just, Is it not here already? Well, no, that's, I think he's going to like,
Starting point is 01:08:58 and be like one of those guys who ends up in China and just like dunking on people and putting up ridiculous numbers and like everyone flipping out about him in China and it's like, oh, Dwight Howard, like he's still out there doing it, huh? I think what he's going to do is, I could absolutely see Dwight Howard say,
Starting point is 01:09:15 I want to go win a championship. I want to go to Golden State. Yeah. And then Steve Kerr's like, we don't really have a place for you out here at Dwight. Or Steve Kerr being like, you know what? Let's take a shot. And then two weeks into the season being like,
Starting point is 01:09:29 the bottom line, Golden State Warriors cut Dwight Howard. It's like, yeah, he actually was that bad of a teammate. What if he went to Cleveland with LeBron? Super team. The two of those together. Super team. Oh my God. He's super team. The antics.
Starting point is 01:09:42 I don't even think he would work on the Celtics. Call me crazy. Ooh. You want that with young guys? Yeah. And Kyrie, Dwight Howard would definitely think he used the Alpha. But Brett, they wouldn't let him be the Alpha.
Starting point is 01:09:54 And if, I mean, if he didn't fit, he wouldn't fit, but I think he could fit. Either way, Dwight Howard. He should just go to Dallas. Wait, who got Mubamba? Not Dallas. No, the magic. No.
Starting point is 01:10:08 Sure, the magic. The magic got Mubamba. He should go to the magic. And teach. And just be, just have. Go back to the magic. Yeah, just have the key filled with arms at all times. It would be like those flailing car sign people
Starting point is 01:10:21 that just like advertise car sales. Just down in the low post at all times. Yeah. I mean, I don't hate it. So Dwight Howard, I mean, kings stay kings forever. Maybe I actually do feel sympathy for him. By the way, I'm confirming. Sources indicate Mubamba to the Orlando magic as first reported by part of my take.
Starting point is 01:10:40 Last up, we have Jim Bose. Yep. I got Alfred by Rick Riley and burned on Twitter by Darren Revelle in the same week. Yeah, that sucked. Yeah, that'd be tough for that guy. Okay, so you want to, Revelle, like, Revelle does this thing.
Starting point is 01:10:58 He responds to all of our tweets. First of all, he's still like very scared of PFT. Like shaking in his boots when he sees PFT. I saw him today and I came up to him and he was afraid I was going to do something weird with my handshake. Right. So like, I could have responded to be like, dude, could you really see me when you had tears
Starting point is 01:11:15 in your eyes at the sight of PFT? But Revelle does this thing where like, he's texted me before and he's like, that's too far when I like come back at him. So I can't really do anything. Like he just, he gets his nerd points. Everyone's like, he roasts me and I just stay silent. So I don't really want to get texted by Revelle.
Starting point is 01:11:30 Revelle is halfway back on my shit list because he stole one of my headlines for Revelle times, which I sent to him, granted, yes, I sent it to him. You said that and he was like- But I said, TM PFT commenter, please credit. And he goes, yeah, I stole it. And I didn't give you a hat tip. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 01:11:45 Right. And he, yeah, he like was just basically, yeah, I stole it. So Revelle, I'll let Revelle have his fun. He can't really respond. I mean, what should I say? I can't really respond to Revelle. He like, when he tweets at me, I'm like, all right, man. Everyone says you don't got me.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Good job, Revelle. Text me if I say something mean to him. Interning for the summer in an office. Accidentally said, I have nothing to do all day, too loudly to another intern, have spent the last six hours copying, pasting Excel sheets. Yeah, that's tough. Here's what you got to do as an intern.
Starting point is 01:12:15 You got to establish yourself as like the top intern. They granted, nobody will give you that title or that responsibility, but if you just take it for yourself and you identify a weaker intern, then you just take all the work that you get and you say, hey, can you help me with this project? And then you just give that person all of your work
Starting point is 01:12:33 and then they do it for you. Or you could just like complain all the time and just be ultimately lovable because you're a big lab and then go off to college and never hear from him again. Yeah. Beyonce leaves for girls night. After five minutes, I pull at the laptop in lotion and she walks in to grab her keys.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Dear in the headlights to say the least, I had nothing to say to her. Here's what you say in that situation. I was going to jack off. Yeah. And then you just let that hang out there. Yep. And then what you do at that point,
Starting point is 01:13:03 you put your hands behind your head and you lean back in your chair. Let me just see where the night goes. I like that. She's actually just going to turn around and leave. Set the mood. I tried fighting my newspaper delivery guy when I came home late one night
Starting point is 01:13:15 because I thought he was just some asshole trying to litter in the yard. Wait, how late did you come home? Because he was throwing paper into your yard. That is littering actually. Yeah. How late did you come home? Five in the morning?
Starting point is 01:13:28 Yeah. That would make sense if you're that fucked up. That late. I guess that guy does deserve a little piece of your mind at that point. I didn't want a room with another dude on a work trip so I told our corporate office that I had a history of night terrors
Starting point is 01:13:42 and I needed to room alone. I thought they knew I was full of shit but gave me the room since I made up a solid excuse. When I saw the event coordinator in Florida, she told me that her son also suffered from night terrors that require treatment and asked how I was coping. Nervous, I told her that they weren't getting better. Corporate now has a file on me in my night terrors
Starting point is 01:13:59 saying I'm probably not fit for a promotion. Oops. I don't know if that's legal to not consider somebody for a promotion because of how they sleep. Yeah. It's your business, what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom.
Starting point is 01:14:12 That's persecution. Love is love and terror is terror. ADA regulations. You're actually a terror victim. I met Nat Patricia at a water park a couple of weeks ago. I stalked him for a solid three minutes just falling behind him because he was with his wife and kids.
Starting point is 01:14:29 I didn't want to seem intrusive. Yeah, no, that's much better. I eventually got his attention and shook his hand. However, my wife saw me tailing him and saw how creepy I was being. I wasn't trying to bother him so I just stalked him. Yeah, I mean you get caught in one of those weird moments where it's like you missed your shot
Starting point is 01:14:45 probably saying hello in a normal way and then you just end up being a stalker. The good rule of thumb is whenever you see somebody that you'd like to say what's up to, do it within the first five seconds of seeing them or else it's weird. Yes, just say what's up. If the moment passes, it passes.
Starting point is 01:14:59 But one thing that I love so, yeah, go ahead. Well, I was gonna say they know that you want to say what's up, so just say it. Just say it. Like they can feel it. But don't like linger around. Just like go up and be like, I got this, they'll appreciate it. The thing I like about water parks so much
Starting point is 01:15:13 is you see truly every single walk of life at a water park. You always go there and you see people who, you see like gang members, but they're just having fun on a water slide. It's a great equalizer. Yeah, it's just everyone goes there. Like water, when it's hot out, water just cures everything. Maybe water to the Middle East.
Starting point is 01:15:32 Build a water park. Yeah, huge water park. Just turn the entire United States into a water park actually. That works too. Soon enough with Global Warming. Yes. I got super drunk at a concert.
Starting point is 01:15:41 I woke up in the middle of the night and shit in my girlfriend's laundry basket. I immediately realized my mistake and had to hand scrub shit out of her clothes at 3 AM. Is this Najae Davenport? Yeah, I'm sure that took it all out too. She definitely couldn't tell. Yeah, shit out of water smells so bad.
Starting point is 01:15:58 Human shit out of water. Remember that time when we were in Philly and you saw that human shit and puked? Yeah, that was really bad. Horse shit smells so much better than human shit. It's true. Incorrect. No, human shit out of water is the worst smell ever.
Starting point is 01:16:11 I puked when PFT ate horse shit. Yeah, but what about when you saw human shit? I didn't puke. Therefore, horse shit is worse. But PFT didn't eat it. It's true. You guys tried to eat it, though. We just got really close to it.
Starting point is 01:16:24 Yeah, no, we just ate since we had a chili, which is the same thing. Just to see if that guy was still healthy. All right, last one. I went to the ATM to deposit money. I got approached by a stranger who said his card wasn't working. He asked if he could deposit his check in my account and have me cash it out for him.
Starting point is 01:16:40 I did it. It took two days for the check to bounce, and now I just gave a stranger with $300 with no way of getting any money back. Never trust anyone in Baltimore. You kind of deserve that. Yeah. You're an idiot.
Starting point is 01:16:52 One time when I was, I think, 17 years old, I was walking out of a restaurant in Strip Mall, and this dude came up to me. He goes, hey, I'm trying to pawn this necklace, but I don't have any ID on me. Can you just take it in and pawn it for me and I'll give you 20 bucks? The guy says it's worth 100.
Starting point is 01:17:09 I was like, yeah, that sounds good, free 20 bucks. So I took the necklace in, pawned it, and of course, when you pawn piece of jewelry, you have to give your ID and stuff. So I gave my ID, pawned the necklace, went out to the guy, he gave me 20 bucks. Cops call me like a week later. And they're like, hey, you turned in stolen property
Starting point is 01:17:26 to a pawn shop. Accessory to a crime? Yeah, accessory to a crime. But luckily, the person at the pawn shop wrote down this very shady dude walked in, and I didn't let him pawn it, and then five minutes later, this 17-year-old kid walked in and pawned the exact same necklace.
Starting point is 01:17:41 So I got away with it. But it's an all-time dumb move. I mean, I think this guy's move is even worse than mine. Yeah, but the 20 bucks, did you get to keep it? Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, then it wasn't a dumb move. Yeah, so, yeah. Actually, it was a great move.
Starting point is 01:17:54 Bank air in my favor. And you got to talk to the police. Yeah, thank them for their service. It's pretty cool. Yeah, that actually is pretty cool. We should, anyone have stolen shit, they want me to turn in, I will happily do it. Yeah, for a small fee.
Starting point is 01:18:05 And I also have to get to meet a cop. Yeah, exactly. With a real gun. All right, that's our show. Monday, we have Vince Carter. Vince Sanity. Yeah, big time interview coming. So we will see everyone on Monday.
Starting point is 01:18:18 Love you guys. Oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop oop-oop-oop-oop-oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop-oop-oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop

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