Pardon My Take - CFB W/ Tom Fornelli and Andy Staples, Fyre Fest + Worst Mt Rushmore Ideas

Episode Date: August 30, 2019

Football is Back (again). The Colts are bringing in the best backups and the NCAA is stupid. (2:48-12:45) Fyre Fest Of The Week (14:40-21:30) plus the Mt Rushmore of worst Mt Rushmore ideas. (21:31-32:08) CBS CFB writer Tom Fornelli joins the show to preview the season, tell us who is winning the Big Ten and a guaranteed lock of the week. (32:08-58:08) The Athletic's Andy Staples joins the show to talk SEC, his final four, and how crazy college boosters are. (59:22-1:18:08) Segments include embrace debate carli lloyd,(1:20:20-1:24:14) sabermetrics, (1:24:15- 1:28:00) talking soccer (1:29:28-1:31:52) and Jilly Football's exit interview.(1:31:53-1:44:09)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, college football preview with our good friends, Tom Frinelli and Andy Staples, they give you some picks, some winners, some preview of each conference, some insights, because college football is back. We also have Firefest of the Week, Mount Rushmore of worst Mount Rushmore topics we could do, and a special bonus Jake has compiled, our worst picks of the year, to end Mount

Rushmore season. I didn't have many. And then at the end of all of this, the eggs interview with Jill, Jilly Football. We say goodbye, although she can, she's going to be around, but we say goodbye officially to the summer intern, Jilly Football, the shooting star. Before we get to all of that, pardon my take, is brought to you by the Cash App. The Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend, and save. You already know the Cash App is the number one finance app in the App Store.

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You get $5 for free. $5 to the ASPCA. Today is Friday, August 30th. Are you ready, Hank? Are you ready for what I'm about to say? I don't think so. Football is back. For the 16th time, actually we're like the 8th out of 16 future ones because we do football

is back when the preseason starts. We do football back when week zero. Now this, college football, we're going to do it for Thursday. We're going to do it Sunday, Monday. And then also the first color rush game of the year. That's going to be football. You hate it, Hank. Football is back.

Football is back, kind of though. Right now it really is. Although I'm kind of, we're recording this at 253 as the crow flies right now. So we're going to do a little chooser and adventure, but I'm looking at the slated games for tonight. Not great. And it looks like Clemson beat the shit out of Georgia Tech. Smoked them.

Texas State covered against A&M because Alexis Texas, I lost money on that. Okay. Yeah. Well, you didn't know that Alexis Texas gave a pump up speech to the Wildcats or the Bobcats over there at Texas State. And then I'm going to go with BYU covered against Utah. But Utah won? The Mormon off.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, we're doing this a little early. This is actually like our last, basically our last early show that we're going to do until after the Super Bowl. Yay. Yay.

Yay. We're going to be here every night, Hank. Love it. You love it. So football is back, college football. This morning. And I know Hank, we're joking, but I do wake up every time, quote unquote, football is back with an extra pep in my step because you wake up and you're like, there are real

college football games. I'm going to bet on all these. I'm going to watch it Saturday has the worst slate of college football games except Oregon and Auburn. And I'm going to watch every single one of them and I'm just ready for it to be here. But you know what? It's not even about the slate of games. It's just whenever you see the colors of a football powerhouse back on the field again,

it feels great. The song is the song, the college game day. Me waking up at 10 a.m. perfectly on the dot. It's actually 9 a.m. Does Desmond Howard have to choke a bit? Desmond Howard will have to joke a bit. Yeah. It's going to be a great weekend.

I'm very excited about it. And it's Labor Day weekend, which means that we don't have to work until Monday night. So there will be shows Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday of next week. And I can't wait to get that extra Sunday in. I can't wait. Even the Lord rests. I can't wait. So the other football is back.

Brandon Whedon is back. Well, let's just say possibly the three kings of backup quarterbacks all converged on Indian apolis today. Brandon Whedon, you had, let's see who else you had. Brock Oswiler. Brock Oswiler, Jesus and Matt Castle all in Indy on the same day vying for the backup spot to swag Kelly. Do you think swag Kelly knows that one of these guys is going to take his job?

Hey, what's up, man? Swag Kelly doesn't know much about it. Want to go party later? Swag Kelly lives his life second to second. So I don't think he's got this in the back. Do you think swag Kelly is scared of vacuum cleaners like your dog is? Oh, absolutely. He sees one.

He's like, oh, yeah, I got to get out of here. PTSD here. Yeah. Do you think you can get chased out of a house that I shouldn't be in wearing a costume? So I saw those three names, right? Oswiler, the castle and Whedon. And I have to imagine that they've run into each other in airports before auditioning for the exact same backup.

Yeah. Like I got a club. There's Secret Society of Backups. It's like Amy Adams and Isla Fisher running into each other in the audition room for the same role. Yeah. This type of thing has to happen all the time for me. They probably do like the Jeep wave to each other, the backup quarterback wave.

They're probably all staying. Just taking off your baseball cap and rubbing your head and putting your cap back on. They're probably all staying at Jim Sorge's house. Yeah. Like, hey, Jim, where the backups are here, let's all just hang out and trade stories of the times we didn't play. Yeah. I'm excited, though, whatever happens to the Colts' backup quarterback situation this

year because, man, that is a murderous row of guys that aren't very good. Let me ask you a question. Now that the dust has settled, do you think, what would you put percentage-wise that Andrew Luck plays another down in the NFL? Well, I like this game. Because I have, after the dust has settled and everyone got their takes off and we did the whole thing, I just feel like he might come back next year. I would put it at 9%.

Really? That low? Yeah, less than 10. Single digits. Okay. Because I could see him being like, you know what, I feel good. I took a year off. I traveled.

I did architecture. Wait. I did all the stuff. In the NFL or the XFL? No, in the NFL. NFL. XFL, I would put it at 25%. He wouldn't play in the XFL.

Why not? I'm not even for his dad because he's an elite of the elite. He's not going to play in the XFL league. Even if his dad was like, hey, Andrew, we can make this league together. We can build it. Does his dad have equity in the XFL? What if his dad was like, you can't get touched? Then maybe he would.

Yeah. Andrew Luck gets to wear a red jersey. Do you imagine if they did that, if they did, if the XFL was like, hey, we wanted some, we want the rating quarterback. No. Yeah. And it's two-hand touch with Andrew Luck. What if they just made Andrew Luck all-time quarterback for whatever game he was in?

Right. He plays both sides. It's two-hand touch. I've been saying for the longest time about the XFL, if they want success, they need to get two-thirds of the Golden Triangle of Johnny Manziel, Colin Kaepernick, and Robert Griffin, and Tim Tebow. It's a weird fucked-up triangle. But if they can get two-thirds of those guys playing in the league, then people will watch.

Add Andrew Luck to the list. So if they get two-thirds of the triangle of those four plus Andrew Luck, that league's going to be a success. Okay. So I'm going to put the percentage, you know what I'm going to do? Little trick, little media trick for you out there. I'm going to say there's a hundred percent chance that Andrew Luck plays another snap in the NFL.

Oh, that's good. You know why? Because I can basically keep saying it for the next 10 years, and by that time, I'll be dead. And yeah, and just be like, hey. So I put an expiration date on my own life, and Andrew Luck's like potential of, you know, who's out there, Andrew Luck, that will last far longer. So not to take down your take too much.

I had some of you. Because you don't know. We'll have to wait for 20 years. You listen to what this interesting Connect the Dots is. We're not conspiracy guys, but we're Connect the Dots guys. There is a doctor out there. He specializes in holistic medicine, so you know it's legit. He thinks that Andrew Luck's shoulder didn't heal correctly because Indianapolis was the

first city in the country to get 5G service, and he thinks that all the data swimming through that city interferes with the regeneration of stem cells. So he thinks that Andrew Luck's shoulder is actually never going to repair because of that. I didn't know that Alex Jones got his platform back. He's had a long, well actually he did on YouTube, and he's got a big line of mail enhancement products that I've sampled out there. The humanoids in Indianapolis.

Alex Jones is basically a doctor if you want to get down to it. But then I thought to myself, wait, but he's got the flip phone. How does the data work? But then I was like, you know what? Maybe your cell phones... Then you were like, I'm too high for this. Maybe your cell phones that connect to the 5G service, maybe those draw all the Wi-Fi and all the data into them.

If you have a flip phone, it just goes into your body instead. So I'm going to say, you know what, I'm going to say zero percent for Andrew Luck. Okay, the other side. You say a hundred percent. Well, you already said nine. One of us is going to be right. Yeah, exactly. It's a zero sum game here.

He's either going to play again or he's not, and it's going to happen in 20 years. By that time, I'll be long gone. Yeah, I just don't see it happening. Okay. So the other news we had was the NCAA continues to be the NCAA. And so explain this to me. You briefly explained to me before the show, and it's essentially college football and the NCAA.

Just keep finding ways to get in the news for ridiculous stories that everyone universally says is bullshit. Yeah. It took me a second to truly believe this, but Virginia Tech's offensive lineman Brock Hoffman, he transferred there, I believe, from Coastal Carolina, a transfer to Tech to be closer to his mom, who is recovering from, she had brain surgery, she had a tumor. And so he did the medical hardship thing where he wanted to be closer to his family. And the NCAA won't let him play this year because he's 106 miles away.

His parents' house is 106 miles away from Blacksburg. And you have to be within 100 miles. And they just issued that ruling like a month ago after he had already transferred. So now everybody is being like, NCAA, what the fuck? What are you doing? And do you know how badly you have to fuck up to make me feel sorry for Virginia Tech? Right. Like normally when I heard the NCAA is screwing Virginia Tech football over, I was like, yes.

And then they said, because one of their players, mom, had a brain tumor and he wants to be closer. And I was like, damn it, I can't, I can't side with the NCAA on this one. So I actually think the NCAA depicts these stories specifically. They're like, we need to find a way where everyone would think our ruling is completely unjust and bullshit. Rule that way. So everyone talks about that and not the fact that we make billions of dollars and, you

know, like extort everyone and basically run an entire corporation that is bullshit. Right. If you can put a couple of high profile fuck ups out there, like this one, getting rid of the NCAA video game, still waiting on that to come back, then people will spend their time complaining about that and asking Jay billis to commentate on that as opposed to just being like, Hey, what's up with the cartel? Right. And then what they'll do is they'll be like, you know what, after further review, we're

going to let this kid play. It's the old Roger Goodell banning celebrations in the end zone, have everyone say the no fun league and then being like, guess what? I'm giving you the celebrations back. Yeah. You can have it. You guys didn't do anything for you guys. You're right.

It's like the actual cartel in Mexico, having that like $2 billion shipment intercepted that was going to Chris Long, probably in Philadelphia. And they're just like, Hey, we'll sacrifice this $2 billion. If we can keep flooding El Paso and keep flooding all these borders, red herring, yeah. We're on to you. NCAA. Well done. You're not that smart.

Okay. So before we get to our firefests and our Mount Rushmore, quick word, barstoolgold.com slash PMT, we have next week, a firefighter coming into the studio and we're going to interview a firefighter in the studio, Hank, what are you going to say? We might do the Mount Rushmore thing too. We might do the Mount Rushmore thing too. It might be the month after. So make sure you go to barstoolgold.com slash PMT bonus episode next Thursday.

Look at the new hats we just put on sale that PFT is modeling currently. And coach, oh, hats, shirts or sweatshirts. We got some new stuff coming out. We got a whole line. We got short sleeve sweatshirts, sweatpants. Shorts, sweatshirts. Yeah, they're over there. Shut up like Belichick style.

Go get them. Go get them. Throw me one. Go get them. Let's finish the show. PFT is going to get them. I'm going to live narrate. Ready to do a snap.

And then we'll cut back with you guys wearing it. No. Oh, no, no, no. Keep this all in. Okay. Yeah. Because it's funny. It's stupid.

And it's funny. Okay. Bubba, how's your voice? Oh, hell yeah. Oh, these are sick. Okay. All right. We're back.

I'm going to do the snap again. There we go. And they have it be like PFT is slowly putting his on. And we're back. We're wearing our, pardon my take, the, I feel like I could do a challenge flag right now. Right. If you, short sleeve sweatshirts, sneaky, the best way to look like an athlete without

being one. Like you put it on and people just say, whoa, where are you coming from? What kind of training regimen are you doing? It's awesome. You guys look like you're part of an organization. Oh, right. I am part of an organization. Yeah.

So at least organized organization of all time. But yeah, if you wear one of these shirts, a matching pair of sweatpants and then earbuds, like we're going to squat 500 today. You're basically on an NFL team at that point. Yeah. I feel very good about this. Um, okay. Firefest of the week.

Hank, why don't you start? All right. Boys. I mean, you guys don't have this problem. I've been grinding away for the past two months ever since my ad read, I took a notice of my followers. Shout out to everyone that has followed me since then, Henry Lockwood won on Instagram. I finally got to a hundred K and I was like, all right, I'm going to apply to be verified.

I figured once I get to triple digits, that will, you know, push me over the edge to get verified. I finally applied. We have gas, a social media guy who's like supposed to be in with Instagram, like has all these connections and I like hit him up was like, yo, can you help me out? Grease the wheels a little bit. Still got rejected. No, no blue checkmark.

And I don't want one on Twitter. Like that's, you know, same that that one's done. But Instagram, it's a good look. It is a good look. Why? Why is it a good look? But when you slide into other people's dams, whose DMs, whose DMs do you want to be slide? No, if you like, like, even if you, even if you like celebrities like pictures and stuff,

they'll be like, Oh, who's this blue checkmark? Like, Oh, shit. Oh, it's Hank Lockwood. Yeah. Damn. Okay. He's the one who's been sliding into my DMs and liking every bikini picture that my name is Sophie Turner.

But now that's just, I'm never going to get that recognition. So Rachel Bush won't reply to your DMs. Your firefest of the week. That sucks. Okay. Sorry, Hank. Thank you. Yeah.

I apologize for your hardship. Thank you. PFT. What's yours? Maybe Hank, maybe it's because your name is Henry Lockwood one and say just Henry Lockwood, like something nice and clean like that. Well, it's at Henry Lockwood. The numbers, the numbers is really a JV move.

Yeah. My firefest of the week is I have had to come to terms with something recently. I think it's actually like a good life skill to have. Okay. But it's tough to pick up. It's, I've had a hard time learning how to not disagree with somebody who's making a valid point just because I don't like them. No.

You know what I'm saying? That's stupid. It's tough. But you're saying, wait, hold on. You're saying someone you dislike, they say something that is correct. Yes. And you now agree with them? And no.

And now, like I find myself not wanting to agree with them because I don't like them. But then I realized that they're making. I'm trying to. No. Don't. That's so stupid. So you're basically saying you have learned to not be petty. Exactly.

No. Well, petty wars, dude. It's tough. So my inner pettiness is fighting against my brain. It's like my brain and my balls. You want to say who you're speaking of? Well, yeah. It's basically like every conspiracy theorist in the world, the QAnon people are saying

that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered and that he didn't commit suicide. And I'm like, I kind of agree with it. I think that. I don't like. I think they're 100% correct. But I don't like them. And so how do I? How do I stop myself from from thinking that way?

This country's all about, though. Yeah. So what are you going to do to fix this? I'm going to go back in time and murder Jeffrey Epstein myself. So that way I know exactly what happened because the report just came out today that two of the cameras that were monitoring his prison cell just happened to be malfunctioning just half at that point in time. Allegedly.

Yeah. Allegedly. Yeah. Pete. Come on, Pete. I mean, if Pete was the Clinton's like assassin, he'd be pretty good at it. That's. Okay.

Now I'm yeah. Now I'm now our relationship with Pete is fucked up. Yeah. Just keep an eye out. Now we hate Pete. Now he's going to kill us because we know too much. But yeah, it's a tough skill to pick up and I think I'm learning it. No, you can't do it.

Just fight against it. If you don't like someone, you just have to disagree with them at all costs. They could tell you dogs are cool and you'd be like, fuck that. I think Martin Scherle was right about jacking up that drug price. 10,000%. Yeah. No, wait. I need to have an open mind.

No, don't. Open minds are for suckers. All right. My fire fast. I got two. One is hard knocks, which we talked about on Wednesday, having to watch it an hour later because we don't have cable. That's I now know what it's like.

You know, the old saying like walk a mile in another man's shoes. I know how stupid it is for all you anti for all you cord cutters out there. You're dumb. You're stupid. Listen to us. Yeah. And then my other one is Jay Cutler announced that he's going to opening night Packers at Bears and it's a pre-fire fest.

I think people are going to boom. Oh, really? Yeah. That'd be a real shame. I don't. I don't know. I think it's going to be a mix, but I think what would be great is if everyone just yelled out in unison, don't care, but I don't think that can be done.

So I think people are going to boom and it's going to just depress me. I think that that Chicago Bears season ticket holders are within their rights to Boo Jay Cutler. No, don't. He holds all the records. I think that if Hey, you were the one that was defending. You were standing in defense. You were a big time.

No, I'm not saying they shouldn't. No, I'm saying it will. It will bum me out as a Jay Cutler guy. Yeah. I'm not going to say, oh my God, how could you I'm saying it's going to bum me out if it happened. You need to make sure to take to Twitter if that happens and just let everybody know that it's not.

Keep it classy. You're right. You're right. Stay classy. You've got to get Jay on his body on the line for your franchise. Really? We're going to get Jay on the show. I'm going to work.

I'm going to work as much as I can and by that, I mean, I'm going to text him once every month and he'll never reply. He had to. He comes on. He had a fake MCL injury that he played that he played for you. That was real. That was real. That was real.

Let's do our Mount Rushmore. Should we do Jake first? Should Jake tell us the worst Mount Rushmore answers we had? Does he have a compilation? Let's do that. So Jake. So we're going to do the Mount Rushmore. The finale of Mount Rushmore season is going to be the Mount Rushmore of worst Mount Rushmore

topics we could do. We haven't done. I have some breaking moves. No, we could do. Yeah. I have some breaking moves. Breaking moves. Breaking moves.

Breaking moves. As first reported by Woj on Twitter, Spencer Haas had a workout with the 76ers today. They brought him in for a workout. I've just heard from Spencer Haas. It went well. Nice. Really? Hell yeah.

So the workout went well. Hell yeah. That's breaking moves. And that was brought to you by Chocolate Milk for real coverage. That tastes real good. And we scooped Woj on it. That's what's most important. Where was Leroy on that?

I don't give Ironclad scoops to Leroy. I give the half ass ones that have like a 10% chance of coming true. By the way, Leroy was right and wrong simultaneously. He was shredding his dog. He said that the game, the FSU game was going to be moved to Friday night to accommodate the storm. Turns out it wasn't. That was gracious to them to accommodate the storm.

Yeah. They said we're going to welcome you here, but we're going to get the game in Friday. That was incorrect on his part. But he corrected his scoop and said they're actually moving the game to Tallahassee on Saturday instead. Shout out Leroy for nailing that one. Wow. One boop.

All right, Jake. Our worst Mount Rushmore responses as decided by the AWLs. So first off in general, everyone's colors because why the colors one was great red. Good pick. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Remember when we were like, oh, yeah. Red sick pick.

Yeah. I think that my mind sucked. Yeah. Yeah. Joc's Levy on pick. Yes. See, that's where it's like, that was the best pick, but it was the worst, but it was the best.

Yeah. Pft. Goodell as a future guest. Yep. That's soccer. I think everybody listen to that. Everybody listen to that. I'm surprised that people didn't say just all of Pft's picks.

They're all going to. If Goodell. Get there. Everyone be like, you guys are pussies. You didn't ask them any hard questions. I would try. You literally couldn't. We had a gun to our head.

I would try to jerk them off. I would try to sexually assault them. Okay. When Hank said the people who clap on planes aren't psychopaths. Oh, I that was the wrong by the AWLs. I think you should clap on planes. Always. It's a feat.

It's a modern miracle. It really is. Big Cat wanting Cardi B on the show. Oh, why is that a bad another bad thing to him? These are the bad worst Mount Rushmore picks. I saw a tweet the other day that said Cardi B just talks like she's ordering in the drive through but permit all the time. Pretty funny.

That's pretty yelling really loud. Yeah. Yeah. How convenient is that? Okay. In the Mount Rushmore of meats. Hank's meet up for tickets before the big game. This is.

This is like. I forgot. I know. That's a pretty good one. Yeah. Last year, but PFT's Hornet got a lot of pop. Dude, that was the best pick I've ever had in a lot of. That was a bad pick.

Yeah. And then overall, there's a conspiracy. All of PFT's fourth answers when he tosses out something horrible. So when he loses, he can blame it on that. No. Not the fact that he thinks of Mount Rushmore. Ding, ding, ding. Okay.

Let's do it though. Mount Rushmore of worst Mount Rushmore topics. Some of these we might do next year. We'll see. Mount Rushmore season is always fun, but it's always as good. It always feels right around the time when it ends. It's like, yeah, it was ready to go. There's a reason special.

Yeah. If your birthday was every day, you wouldn't give a shit when you turn a new age. Yeah. So it's like Mount Rushmore season is great when it happens. And then by the end of it, we're all ready to go home, be on our way, start with football because football is back. Okay. Mount Rushmore of worst Mount Rushmore topics.

I go first. I think it's me, then PFT, then Hank. Yeah. All right. Let's go. I think it would be a really bad Mount Rushmore topic if we did the Mount Rushmore of racial slurs. Fuck, I had that one.

That's a great bad Mount Rushmore topic. Yeah. That would be a bad one. Hank, do you agree or disagree? Of course I agree. That it would be good or bad? Bad. Okay.

Bad? Bad? Very bad. Why would it be bad? Because we would get in a lot of trouble. Your picks wouldn't be good? No. Because we get canceled.

I don't even know any racial slurs. Right. Same. So they would be bad because we wouldn't, we'd just be like, my first pick is? I don't see color. I don't have one. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. That's good. We get Richie on here for that one. Okay. You don't have anything? That one's perfect. We don't have anything. Okay.

We don't have anything. We could have a little russ more of things we would change about each other. Oh. Because that would get. Don't have anything for that either. Yeah. Yeah. Because we wouldn't have anything.

That might be a good one. It would be a bad for the show's health. It would be good for the listeners. It would be bad for the future of the show. But the listeners would love it in the moment. The tension would be ripe. Yes. Okay.

Hank, you have two. The Mount Rushmore of Patriots. Okay. Wow, you really don't like the pets, huh? I just feel like people would get upset if we did that. Okay. Okay, and now rush more of astrological signs. Oh Okay, okay. Is there only 12 right? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, that would probably be bad. That would probably be well 13 with Equimini Yeah, that's it Hank come on. You don't know Equimini? Mm-hmm

Okay, somebody educate this man PFT my next one. I'm gonna go with Mount Rushmore of Worst Beyonce traits just because the Bayhive would get after that would do it and we would get yes That would that would be a roasting. Okay I'll go so I have to now How about the Mount Rushmore of most gruesome child abduction cases? Mm-hmm. You guys have any on top of your head. I mean right off the bat. You gotta go you gotta go Lindberg, baby Yeah, I want to be go balloon boy. That would be bad. I can't even say the goat It would be bad. Yes. It's the vote. Okay, and then my third pick will be Mount Rushmore of

reasons why the pay gap between men and women is actually understandable That would be a bad one. That would be a really bad. That would be a bad one to do really bad We're just talking problematic about rush. Yeah, it would be really I mean it would be bad It would be very bad. Okay. Okay, and we again don't have any answers for that. Mm-hmm What are you looking at me for a when you told me about this? You're like, yeah, we'll just think of ones that we might actually do in the future

No, I said it just the worst one offensive you we could do it if you wanted. I don't want I don't want to either Okay, they're the worst Mount Rushmore topics. Yes, we would never do them Okay Okay, my next was at the beginning that we might do these actually no Well, you kept on saying we should do them for the gold episode. I was like, okay Well, we can try but you didn't explain that you were going. Okay. My bad. Okay. My next was Mount Rushmore of True facts about why vaccines are bad. Yes. Okay, that would be

Do you want to take a second, Inc. No, I'm good fucking crush that Mount Rushmore of types of hats Okay, okay. That's also a bad one. Yeah. Well, actually, I mean now that I'm thinking about it You got your sobreros you got your dad hats bucket hat. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's bad Your hat on the head. No, actually as we're saying it. It's bad. Okay. Top hats Or like where like you wear multiple hats like my political. What is it? Like political people wear two different hats. Are you talking about the MAGA hat? No, like different hats and different branches of government red hats. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Okay

And then my last actually don't Like he wears multiple hats. That's a thing that people Jack of all trades. Yeah, that's right. No, gotcha One I will go with great hat. I'm just saying we'll be on. Yeah, the Mount Rushmore of the worst Mount Rushmore's we could do Oh, so this one pulled like the trump card on all this. So we're getting we're getting very meta with this Yeah, that actually is a good one though. Uh-huh. I think this has been going swimmingly I wanted to do a more contentious one. Okay. So this is my last one I'm going to go with Mount Rushmore of dreams that we've had because nobody likes hearing about somebody else's dreams Yep, I had that as well. All right, my last one. I didn't have a crazy one last night, though

Okay, go I won't you want me to get into it. I did that we're doing this Mount Rushmore Rushmore and it went way off the rails How about Mount Rushmore land my last pick Mount Rushmore of favorite porn cream pie scenes? I Mean, yeah, that would suck when it you got to go with China Trump on that one. That's hot Wait say it again Mount Rushmore of favorite cream pie porn scenes that I mean that could be a very educational OG mudbone, uh-huh Alexis, Texas it's sports related. Oh, all right. What other ones do we have that miss the list religions? religions be bad, uh-huh

No, I think gifts would actually be good. No, I would be very tough to like explain it though No, the video that we would make out of it would be good. I think best Fantasy drafts we personally had Yeah, like in 2006 I got with Danny and Tomlinson in the fourth round. Uh-huh. That's pretty good How about Mount Rushmore of oh? episodes of mash Agreed, I mean, I don't know No, I haven't either. That's one of those shows tough. We would we would really lock in on the 70 plus audience. Uh-huh

Mount Rushmore vegetables Yeah, really eat a lot of vegetables fuck that Mount Rushmore of tragedies where over a hundred people died Uh-huh Mount Rushmore of things that can melt steel beams Mount Rushmore terminal illnesses. Yeah, these are all great bad choices. That would suck It would suck. These are all really bad, right? These are all very very bad Mount Rushmore of people on part of my take yeah, yes Yeah, Mount Rushmore of Uh authors, I don't think we'd do well on that. Oh

You want to try you want to try to put together Billy Shakespeare? Just one RL Stein RL St. Gary Paulson JK Rowan. Okay done. I didn't even get one in there So what's our Mount Rushmore? Julian Edelman Gary Gary Paulson Tom Brady Shakespeare RL Stein I was gonna say I was gonna say Mike Greenberg for mine. What's is the book of his name? My wife won't let me yeah It was like it was like my wife makes me wear gloves to type this book That uh, yeah, we could just we just do a reading. How about Mount Rushmore favorite Mike Greenberg passages from his book Oh, it's definitely the one where he talked about getting to his hotel and not having Wi-Fi and trying to jerk off to internet porn No, what sorry it was internet porn. It was the hotel dirty movies that they show

Yeah, and then going down to the lobby and seeing that on your list when you check out What about Mount Rushmore Creed songs? I Mean there's that too played out. There are so many higher my own prison Mount Rushmore of NPR hosts Ira Glass Yeah, that's it. There's only one he just they all one song. Yeah, it is one so basically you make him in a factory It's so great when you hear an NPR voice. You're like wow, that's yeah Perfect the way NPR works is they just have somebody that just injects them with methamphetamines every four hours and just keeps them going

Yeah, but it but then also maybe doses them with Nyquil so they have that like subdued voice Yeah, they have to have that laid-back subdued. I could fall asleep at any moment Yeah, like they're concussed but also on math right All right vote on the last Mount Rushmore of the year Hank, wouldn't you say this is contentious by how mad you are at me? Wouldn't that what didn't we solve Hank's issue with what he wanted to do I think so like you're furious Took the gloves off for this one. Yeah, you keep giving me the finger

Hank really didn't like the Hank liked None of them except for your cream pie one Yeah, hold on I got a couple picks already All right before we get to our interviews. We got Tom Fresneli first then Andy Staples A quick word from our friends at Direct TV for over 20 years Direct TV has been the exclusive home to NFL Sunday ticket The only way to get every live game every Sunday Good news NFL fans Direct TV has expanded the service if you're a student actively enrolled in a college or university You can now get NFL Sunday ticket without a satellite plus there's an exclusive student discount

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All right, here he is our good friend Tom Fresneli Okay, we now welcome on our good friend and College football writer it is Tom Fresneli. He's also. Oh shit. You just tweeted a second ago Were you talking to your lock of the week a second ago while you were oh that was timed. Oh, okay It was scheduled in tweet deck. I thought you were okay. All right, so he's a trick I like to use yeah CBS sports writer He has his picks on sports line which you should get and you can see all Tom's picks He does great college football gambling and I didn't realize this because you didn't make an announcement of why you were going to the athletic

But you write on the athletic. I don't write for the athletic I host a white socks podcast. I'm your competition now got it. Yeah, how many people listen to that white socks intriguing upwards of 15 or 16 Everyone who goes to the game gets a free subscription Yeah, okay. Yeah, they actually hand out episodes. Yeah, all right Let's do some college football because Tom actually is very very smart when it comes to college football his picks are always sharp Where do you want to start out? Actually? I'll tell you where I want to start are we going to buy? The Nebraska hype because I'm sick of it

What's your level of hype? Well, so they're my dark horse this year, but I feel like they're everyone's dark everyone Here's my level of hype. Adrian Martinez is gonna get invited to Manhattan They're going to win the Big Ten West and It's going to be the 80s and 90s all over again and people Nebraska fans think I bash on them I actually like like Nebraska, but I just am not ready It's one of those programs that you are what you are and Holding on to the glory days is so silly to me. So go ahead. Tell me I'm wrong Well, Nebraska's like become the Big Ten's version of Texas in which everybody's always proclaiming its back and it hasn't been back yet

So I get why you're tired But I do think that Nebraska could win the Big Ten West this year And I also think that if you look at them Adrian Martinez could be the best quarterback in the Big Ten I think that's a big reason why people are so overhyped on them. I picked them to win the division, but I Also think that there are six teams in that division that can win the division Illinois is the only one that's not doesn't really have a chance minute if Minnesota wins the Big Ten West I'm not gonna be surprised. Well a little surprised, but it wouldn't be that big of a shock So when I look at it that offense is gonna be very good

Scott Frost wherever he's gone the offense has been great and the defense should be improved with another year of experience Although that's still kind of a wait-and-see kind of thing But if that defense takes a step forward as far as talent level goes and as far as explosive that offense can be Compared to the rest of the teams in that division. They have an advantage there. So yeah, I think they're a legit threat to win the West I think they're a little too popular So I agree with you on that Tell me this Tom because I always struggle with this one with college football when we're judging going into the season When a defense stinks, but then they're like they're returning 10 out of 11 starters

Where do you usually weigh in for what they are because that happens all the time? We're like, well, they're returning a lot of starters, but they fucking sucked It depends who the starters are if I would rather have if my secondary sucked last year, but all four of them are back That's good. If my defensive line sucked last year and all four of them are back and there's nobody that's able to take the job That's not great. I'd rather have new guys in those positions where secondaries I feel like are important and the more experience you get the more valuable it is So if you're young and stupid you're gonna make mistakes that you might not make your sophomore and junior year So it depends who's back

But at the same time like you said it is one of those situations like yeah We have 10 starters back from a defense that allowed 44 points a game last year. Oh boy It's so it's it's really hard to judge just based on that how good they're gonna be So I look at the secondary and I look at the defensive line that those are the two most important things to me as far as which starters are back interest before we go any further I feel like I've wanted to ask this question for you for the last two years But now it's gotten so far that I'm embarrassed to ask it But I'm gonna ask it anyways. What is the cartoon dog in your avatar that you always post? Who is that?

It's mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack Horseman. Oh, okay That's one of those shows that I know I would like if I actually sat down and took the time to watch it Because everybody talks about it. Yeah, I just haven't gotten around to it yet Give it time, you know you get through football season and then when you're fiending for more football in like what? February 3rd or so just just try it for a little bit and see how you like So I think you will enjoy it. What is the significance when you post the picture of the avatar of mr. Peanut Butter or whatever? Does that mean you just won a bet or you lost a bet? It doesn't really mean anything

I mean it's the winning the bet is the Donald Duck gift mr. Peanut Butter just kind of became a meme Okay, because people associate it with me now because I think more people follow me than probably watch Bojack Horseman It's like so I think that they just like like you a lot of people don't know who it is They think it's just my avatar. So I just use it and have kind of I don't know. What's the correct word? Yeah, there we go. I've appropriated the cartoon culture Okay, I'm glad that we cleared that up because it's been it's been bugging me for a while Earlier you said that you think six teams can win the Big 10 West. Yes. Is that accurate? Do you really really believe that? Yeah, I mean, I think you look Nebraska. We already went over. I think Wisconsin it can win the division again

I don't think that they're gonna be as bad as they were last year Iowa's still gonna be good Northwestern is still Northwestern It's a team that's gonna win games by three points, but it's somehow gonna find ways to win them Purdue could take a huge step forward and I think Minnesota if you look at what PJ Fleck has done He's really increased the talent level of that roster over what it had been in previous regimes So and they have a really good quarterback I feel like in Tanner Morgan a guy who could kind of you know emerge is one of the top quarterbacks in the Big 10 So when you look at that division top to bottom it like I said earlier

Illinois is the only team you look at and say I don't see a path for them there But you look at everybody else if things break, right? Like they're not like a baby a title contender in the conference I don't know if they would beat Ohio State or Michigan in the championship game But every team in that division is at least capable of beating every other team in that division So which are we saying now that there's a chance the Big 10 is better than the SEC? Can we get that rivalry going? You can say it I'm not gonna I'm not gonna agree with it

But yeah, I mean I think that if you look at the top of the conferences I think the SEC is still clearly better than everybody else But once you get past those top three or four teams, you know just three or four of them Then yeah, the Big 10 is pretty much on the level with the SEC outside of Ohio State in Michigan I mean the only thing I'll say in defense of Wisconsin obviously I'm biased This is the perfect situation where last year they were ranked number four everyone said this is the best offensive line in whatever History or you know, they had the they had the sports illustrated spread and Jonathan Taylor The hype was too much

Wisconsin succeeds when they are right where they need to be and that's ranked like anywhere from 15 to 25 And they can sneak up on a few people. So I'm basing it solely on that Yeah, and plus the defense went to shit because the defense was really good in 2017 and they lost a lot of important people We all just kind of overlooked it for all the reasons you just mentioned. Hey, that's a Wisconsin offensive line They've got Jonathan Taylor is the best running back. They've ever had We'll just ignore all the sacks and defensive, you know The tackle for losses and the interceptions that left that defense and think that they'll just be able to maintain it and Wisconsin is not a program that can lose that kind of production and just maintain it at least not on the defensive side of the

Ball, so it was somewhat of a reset year. I think defensively. I think Jim Leonard's still a very good defensive coordinator So I expect that unit to improve again in 2018 I don't know if it's 10 11 12 win improvement But I do think that with what they do on offense. They have their formula. They follow it It works for him if the defense can take another step forward like we saw in 2017 This is a team that could easily end up winning the division and getting the Indianapolis Jim Jim Leonard Leonard is my favorite Badger of All time. Oh, he's the best. He's the best. He's the better than Jim Sorgi Just because Jim Leonard the punt returns and like Leonard got choked out right there when I was in school and all that stuff

So he he's a legend. I want to do the other side of the big 10 real quick Everyone's saying Michigan is the best team in the East Obviously, they have the coaching change at Ohio State. I Jim Harbaugh is never going to be on the hot seat because Michigan has no moves beside him But what happens to Michigan this year if they don't beat Notre Dame beat Michigan State beat Ohio State Which they haven't been able to do and since he's been there I think that I don't know if he'd be on the hot seat But I do think the natives will start getting restless and start wondering if they can maybe you know

Exoombo shambuckers Corpse and have him run the program again It's just because it is the perfect situation for them where you look at Ohio State Ryan days in charge now So that's a brand new thing. We saw what happened last time Ohio State had a coach resigned and they brought in You know one of his assistants to run it. They went six and six and now they've got the transfer quarterback in Justin Fields Who has all the talent in the world? But you know, nobody's actually seen him do it and you look at Michigan. They've got Shay Patterson a veteran quarterback They've brought in Josh Gaddis to run the offense. They're modernizing it. They're gonna, you know, move quicker. They're gonna spread things out It's not gonna be three yards and a cloud of dust stuff that we kind of seen through most of our bus tenure

So they're in a position and they get those games at home Notre Dame's at home Oh, Ohio State's at home So you you get that sense that if it isn't this year, man, I don't know when it's gonna happen I have them winning the big 10 though. I have them getting the playoffs. So I do think it happens this season Okay, so last question on Michigan because I've been asking a lot of people this and I would love your take on it fourth quarter Michigan's down a touchdown four minutes left in the game. Do you actually think that Josh Gaddis is calling the plays? Because that's really what the season kind of comes down to to me like Michigan has all the talent

I think they're gonna be very good Will it be Jim Harbaugh calling the plays when the rubber meets the road or will it be Josh Gaddis? I think it's going to be Gaddis. I think that Harbaugh is going to entrust the offense to him And he's I think I think Jim kind of had an epiphany where he saw that what he was doing wasn't working It's not all that dissimilar to what Saban did a few years ago And you know Saban's got a lot of national titles So if Nick Saban could look at his office and say, you know I've got to change things up if we're going to compete if we're going to stay at the same level

I think Jim Harbaugh is just as smart as Saban and he can look at his office and say hey This clearly isn't working for us. It hasn't been able to do what I wanted to do We have to change and maybe Josh Gaddis is the guy that said there's still a lot of questions about Gaddis because While he was at Alabama last year. He wasn't the primary play caller So this will be his first season calling play So there's a lot of questions there But I do think that Harbaugh is serious about turning the control of the offense over to him Interesting. So if we go to the team down south Ohio State, uh, what is their biggest weakness besides institutional credibility?

Uh, there's there's a lot of questions. I mean Ryan Day took over for three games last year But urban Meyer was there So the the wins go on Ryan Day's record But the fact was urban Meyer might not have been on the sidelines for the games, but he was in the building He was helping put the game plans together. Do you kidding? He was just controlling things just as much as ever Ryan Day was just doing his normal job and he was the guy that got to throw the challenge flag if he wanted to But we haven't seen him do it over the course of the season and like I mentioned too with Justin Fields

We haven't seen Justin Fields take on the role of being the five-star quarterback yet Even at Georgia when he was playing and there was hype around him It was still Jake Fromm's team So he didn't have all that pressure on his shoulders to carry it And there's a lot of pressure at Ohio State because there's still plenty of talent elsewhere That defense is still going to be really good. They've got plenty of five stars at receiver five stars And running back five stars on the line everywhere you look it's one of it's probably the most talented roster It's up there with alabamas in the country. So this is still going to be a very good team

It's just as we saw that when Jim Trestle resigned and Luke fickle took over He took over a very talented team and the bottom fell out. I don't think that's going to happen I think that with Ohio State this year. They still should be fine long term We could start to see a little maybe slippage, but I still think that the roster right now Is just too good or I guess too big to fail. It's just I don't know if they could Go to Ann Arbor at the end of the season if they're going to win that game, uh, okay So let's go to the let's go out west. I want to talk a little pack 12 with you Um, Oregon Auburn obviously is going to be a huge game for the pack 12

Everyone's picking Utah as their dark horse, which makes me scared of Utah Larry Scott has ruined the pack 12 Do you see there's any way that a pack 12 team gets into the college football playoff? Or will this now be what will be three years in a row that they get left out? I think it's If Oregon wins against Auburn on Saturday night I think they've got a very good shot because I think that would be a very good sign for them going forward But I when I look at this conference as a whole

I think the team that's most likely to get there honestly is Washington the last team that did get there. They've got USC at home they get Oregon at home They get Utah at home They get Washington state at home the only really tough road contest that they have is Stanford The problem that Washington is going to face and the problem that any pack 12 team is going to face Is the narrative surrounding the conference? They can't afford to fuck up. They have to win every single game if they lose a game They will find an excuse to keep them out and especially if it's not, you know A if it's not a one-point loss to Oregon or another top 10 team

The committee will look for reasons to keep the pack 12 out and put an sec team in or another big 10 team in because The pack 12 just hasn't shown in recent years that it could win these games when washington got there a few years ago It got crushed by alabama. So They not only have to go undefeated, but they have to be very impressive while doing it And that's the pack 12 problem right now and the other biggest problem is that USC has been so mediocre over the last five years They really need that dominant program to emerge But they're too busy worrying about starting games at 9 a.m. Local time for some reason, right? I hate that It's the worst idea of all time. I don't why do they think that's a good idea for in terms of like even revenue generation

I don't get it The thought process is if we start games at 9 a.m. Or noon eastern The east coast will watch the games so we'll have more exposure But the people on the east coast are already watching the teams that they watch So if you're an sec fan, why the hell are you going to watch an organ game when you know Auburn's playing or whoever you root for if you're an ohio state fan Why are you going to watch usc play at night at 11 a.m. Instead of the buck guys? It's it's just a really dumb idea from a conference that has floated out a lot of really dumb ideas

Well, larry scott's an idiot and he's basically running the the entire conference into the ground It sucks because I love college football and I love when there is that team out west That feels it just feels different when usc or organ is in the mix Uh, it's just gonna I think the only thing that's going to fix it is urban mire is going to go coach usc Yeah, so what's the over under like six weeks seven weeks? When is the first official report linking urban mire to usc going to come out? I'm surprised it hasn't come out yet But if if you look at usc schedule, look they start off against fresno stay on saturday night Which is game they should win because I think fresno states replacing a lot of important players

But then they get stanford at b yu utah at washington at november all by mid october So there's a very good chance they've lost four or five games You know halfway through the season and clay helton is going to be out of the door at that point and some Somebody we don't know it might be gram harrell the offensive coordinator is going to take over as the interim coach But as soon as that begins the urban mire talk will start in earnest and I think that you know I a lot of people wanted to deny it and say that it's just too obvious But I think it's too obvious for a reason because we've seen mire do this before and I don't think urban mire is

Is serious about not coaching as maybe he thinks he has right right right he can say all the right things right now But once the game starts, well, it's not he's going to hate being on tv Yeah, I was gonna say it's not the game started. It's the fact that he's on tv that he's gonna hate It's gonna be like this sucks here. I'm gonna put a name out there for you ready? Not a lot of people are talking about it usc starts a tank ling kiffin It's the return it would be it would be funny

I don't think it happens, but it would be hilarious when they realized shit We probably shouldn't have fired him because things really haven't been any better since we got rid of yeah Maybe should have kept it brown because I mean he did take over that program when it was under nc double a sanctions And I don't think he really did get a fair shake because if you look at how usc's been since then He was recruiting well He just wasn't winning the games and he had a limited amount of you know scholarships He was able to get out you give him the full slate of 85. Maybe he puts together a winning team Okay, can you tell me why we were so very wrong about her medwards last year because we we had a lot of fun

At old herms expense when he was still like appearing on first take a month and a half into his tenure as head coach at asu But then then somehow he put together a pretty good season by being like the ceo of that program Why were we so wrong about him? We were so wrong because our expectations were super low I mean it was just the idea that they were hiring him straight out of espn after he'd been at espn for what felt like Two decades and hadn't been on the sideline in forever and last we saw on the sideline It's not like he was winning a ton of games in the nfl that we thought Oh my god, Arizona state's gonna win like three games a year

This is gonna be a huge embarrassment. He's gonna get fired and then they go seven and six and you're like Hey, this this wasn't that bad, but the truth is seven and six isn't very good It's really no better than Todd Graham was doing that got Todd Graham fired in Arizona The first place look in seven and six. Yeah Well, Todd Graham had good because it was five more wins than we expected. That's all it was right and Todd Graham also had the Clear headset which if you are a school like yeah, if your school like Arizona state you need a look and that was the look And herms got like a look, but it's more of a look of bewilderment a lot of the time Right. Um, all right. So my last question actually have two last questions

One is please tell us that it's not going to be Clemson, Alabama. Even though it's going to be Clemson, Alabama What's your final four? My final four is Clemson, Alabama, Oklahoma, and Michigan. Oh, nice Yeah, I picked Oklahoma and Clemson to be in the final I think Oklahoma beats Alabama in a semi this year just because and we saw it with dylan moses injury today He's out for the year torn ACL. That's a huge loss for alabama at linebacker And you look at their problem last year that defense dipped off now. They're losing one of their best defenders I think that this year Oklahoma's defense is going to be better. I think the offense is still going to be very good

I think, you know, maybe they they catch Oklahoma in a semifinal and they get revenge on them Jalen hurts revenge game. That'd be great. Holy shit. I got goosebumps thinking about that. I actually lied by the way I have two more final questions. I have yeah, then you have final questions Tom knows under on four five final questions. I think we'll be probably Four and a half. I take the over you take the all right. Give me your uh, lock of the week Lock of the week. I talked about it earlier. I've taken USC Minus 13 and a half against Fresno. Like I said, I think that there's we're just under rating the Trojans But Fresno State went 122 games the last years

But everybody on that team that mattered is gone and Fresno State is not a team that's just going to reload So USC is going to be by far and away the most talented team on that field Saturday night Okay, and then give me uh, 30 seconds about Illinois football so that we can say we talked about in Liddyville Is Liddyville still going? Yeah, Liddyville still going. Lovey is recruiting very well. He's got a bunch of four and five kids. So, you know interesting Look at the recruiting rank. It's 24 seven sports does their talent rankings of rosters, Illinois now the eighth most talented roster in the big

10 more talented than the Wisconsin badgers. Tom, that's interesting. Lovey Smith just showed up and started recruiting. Well, hmm interesting Huh Are you done? Huh? I know it's lying, but I hope it's true one more thing. Yeah, I know that's the thing like That's the best part about being a college sports fan Is that I actually kind of wish Wisconsin cheated like everyone kind of hopes that their team sure who cares nobody cares If your team wins games does lovey sell the beard

Yeah, yes. Yeah, I can't wait to see lovey in the snow with that beard again and new facility at Illinois Yes, it's a very nice new facility to it. They finally caught up to everybody else. Yeah Okay, go ahead. All right, uh, give me your your low man trophy watch list who are the best fullbacks in the country Last year. I think you told us Chandler Cox and ben mason uh, analog ingold I'm devastated that ben mason's no longer playing fullback this year. Uh, I think you know Golaspy is gone. I don't know who replaced him at texas and but it's it's your usual suspects. There's suspects There's only a few teams that are still using the fullback. So I think we have to look at LSU We have to look at texas a&m

Michigan's not going to have a fullback. Ben mason's going to play fullback though. He's going to go both defensive lines going both ways But they're going to be in a shotgun most of the time. Maybe he'll be a goal line fullback So I hope I'm rooting for ben mason. I want ben mason to win the low man to be the first two-way player To win the low man. I want him to get a couple touchdowns a couple fullback assists And I want him to get a few sacks. Okay. That'd be that'd be something. That'll be awesome. Um, my last question is texas back No They might be third place at the big 12 Really? So what part of the team don't you believe in because they got a coach that well, I guess he doesn't kiss the players anymore

He should start kissing the players more I don't think they're going to be bad. It's just I don't I think that while they're they're improving They're not improving at the same rate that oklahoma is still improving. So I just think there's still a huge gap between them and oklahoma I think oklahoma is on a level of its own and then texas is kind of fighting with oklahoma state baler And iowa state to be the second best team in that conference Okay, okay, uh, and then we had one last question. So I guess we hit the over. Yep, uh, you got it Hey, do you have a question? I have a question No, I've learned a lot this this this interview. Okay. So you want to read through my tweet tank?

He's actually figure out some asks. He's doing that right now So, uh, we'll cut this part out the rivalry between hank and tom Stays stays, uh, lit. Are you excited? Here's my last question tom. Are you excited? Have you noticed, uh, You need to tweet more information and not links I'm not clicking through any of that wasn't a question. That was just a critique. It's hank being mean. Yeah I I took i'm taking a mental note hank once the season starts and I have information to tweet out I will be you'll be the first to know Thank you. Okay. All right. Well, I guess that's it. I do have a I do have a question

Do you know that since 2000 there have been seven teams to turn the ball over seven times in a game and still win the game The last time was when east caroline and turn it over seven times the 28-23 win over uab Thanks, you know, it's funny you bring that up because hawaii almost pulled off that same feed on saturday night Yeah finished with only six, but that's that's a really interesting fact. Thank you for that way to go interesting Uh, so one of my favorite parts about college football season is big 10 guys like media guys Having these little side battles against sec guys. Um, so why are you? Why are you bringing that up with me and tom here? Because we're gonna have andy staples on yeah Yeah, but what it's not a battle big 10's better. No, but I like the media like picking out your opponent going head to head

I want to give tom an open floor to trash andy staples and then we'll let him trash you Tom, I won't let him trash you just so you know, I got your back Are we talking about noted food blogger andy staples? I didn't know he covered Oh Yes, I like it. Got him. I like it got him Um, I won't let him trash you tom. Don't worry big 10 guys got to stick together Andy probably doesn't even know who I am Well, we'll let him know. Yeah, we'll fucking buzz that tower deliver the message. Yeah, we'll buzz that tower

Mr. Ivory tower big shot. Yeah Does he work for the athletic? Yeah, oh, yeah, it's all work to the athletic. He's got a podcast now too. So you've got you got a lot of you got a lot of Competition now boys. So between the two of your athletic podcasts, you get like a thousand downloads Yeah, probably fingers crossed. I'm a good week. Check still clear. You see tom You totally fucked up not doing a why I'm going to the athletic I'm not going to the athletic. I'm just Relancing a co-hosting a white socks podcast. That's what they all say. CBS sports is like, yeah, tom go produce content for another company

Uh, yeah, they allowed me to they're very nice. They're very accommodating at cbssports.com You ever think about like maybe when you get a little too high like, uh, the athletic is just a Uh, a dark star a black star. What do they call that black hole black hole? And it's just sucking every media member in there and eventually we will all work for the athletic Oh, yeah, it's gonna be like the amazon of sports writing right and then it's just state controlled sports writing And then they just take it out of your paycheck every month You don't even have to like your taxes five ninety nine a month goes to the athletic I didn't even think about that till now. Jesus. All right the board. All right, tom

Thank you. Everyone follow him at tom fornelly f o r n e Yes, he's italian. Don't make italian jokes or you just follow me. Yeah, or just follow Hank Follow tom fornelly at at h en underscore ea se. Yeah, but he really does have great picks and he's very very sharp So do follow him tom. Thank you very much. We'll hopefully talk to you again this season Thank you very much. I look forward to coming back. Love you tom Love you too. Oh, that was quick That interview with tom fornelly was brought to you by let go

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Okay, we now welcome on Andy Staples. You can find him on the athletic on serious And that's it now. You've moved. Why did you join the athletic? This is a theme of your interview and tom fornelly's interview We realized everyone eventually their fate in media is going to join the athletic So you're on the athletic now It's sort of like demolition man. You know how all restaurants are Taco Bell. Yes. Now all sports writing is the athletic. That's The way it works. So No, I just

Some of my best friends are there. They're like, hey come over write whatever you want Do it the way you want to I was like, uh, okay That that sounds really good. So And and it seems like people are willing to buy it, which You know, I didn't know if people people want to pay for stuff and It seems like people are willing to pay for stuff. So I'm I'm kind of happy about that. Okay, so, uh You can write whatever you want and I'm happy you said that because I have a bone to pick with you

I got to get out of the way right now one done. You cursed wisconsin with your Uh, huge feature when you went and ate with the offensive line And then they had a terrible year after being ranked fourth and then two You wrote a very interesting article, which I really liked this thought experiment Uh, if you put dabbo or nix sabon on any power five team, which ones would win a national title in the next five years? And you specifically said wisconsin was not on that list. So fuck you man Yes, it was a compliment to barry alvarez and brett bilima and paul chris That I think they have got wisconsin about as close to the ceiling

as you can be That that's that's why because the natural talent base just isn't there You've got to have some natural talent base to be a national title concern now I included a brass on that list because of the the brand name is so big that I think they can they can get people to come I just don't know with wisconsin I feel like they they've got them, you know, that's when they were rolling 10 11 wins every year I think that's the ceiling right there Damn damn so that actually I mean I had the on wednesday show

I said A hard pill to swallow is the fact that wisconsin will never win a national title If you I love college football. You love college football. We all love college football Do you think it's a fair criticism of college football to say? there's really only Maybe 10 teams that win a national title in our lifetime I think it's the most valid criticism of college football because that's the complaint I get the most is people feel like it's pre-ordained and

From different fan bases you get this what's in it for me Because their team's not going to compete for the national title and it seems like that group at the top has gotten even smaller I actually have something coming about this this week A reader asked me the same thing like is there anybody else that's going to join the club because right now I think I can name five teams that can win the national title this year, and I don't I'm not sure there's anybody else Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, Ohio State, Oklahoma Oh, no, no, Michigan in there. I noticed I

I gotta see Michigan be to Ohio State first. I really do I just I don't I don't get the people who are saying well urban Myers gone now. Michigan's gonna win the the big 10 Well the talent gap that was exposed Very wide During that game last year is still there Penn State has actually recruited better than Michigan has so if anybody's gonna come and Step in because urban Myers not there anymore I would guess it would be Penn State, which has a coach James Franklin who has already actually won the big 10, but

With Michigan, I just need to see it The other ones that I think maybe could join that club I think LSU's getting closer, but I don't think they're there yet I think Texas might be getting there Auburn's the interesting one because Auburn's the weirdest team in the country They're the highlight highest ceiling lowest floor. They're ceiling is national championship Their floor is five and seven and they beg us mouths on 28 million dollars to go away But they have the talent to win

huh, so um Jumping back to your original take that you just brought up about how you think that you could take any coach Basically put them anywhere in the United States Or sorry not not you could put dabbo and nixson anywhere in the united states I actually I actually think that at any power five school They could win like no matter where it was because you don't necessarily need to just stick to regional recruiting anymore Especially if it's a guy that's got championships, you know Like you could be based in the upper peninsula of michigan and still be able to recruit uh in southern california if you've got

Nick Saban's track record, right? No Because you're still going to run into people for whom Proximity to home is the most important thing that that has always been the biggest factor in recruits decisions Uh overall And it still is now it's less important now, but you do have to think about you know How you grew up where you grew up? Kids who grew up in the south are very unlikely

To go north and freeze they that's just not Not in their dna for the most part now you'll get a few of them, but It would be hard sitting there in the up to get players from georgia to come play there because Somebody closer to home is going to offer them something almost as good And they just don't like being cold. Yeah, that's actually a good point counterpoint

I hate to say this I so I was born in south carolina We moved to florida when I was seven I've never lived north of noxial tennessee and noxial was too culturally like if you Tried to convince me to move to madison When someone said I could live in athens georgia. Mm-hmm. There's It's it's not happening Yeah, okay. I can see that being cold does suck. Yeah, it does eight months out of the year in new york is trash I mean bare weather makes you a man

It does make you a little bit excited stepping outside and getting like slapped in the face by god You guys say this but We say this now in florida when I walk out my my door and you can drink the air when it's 95 100% humidity that's what makes you a man. No, that's tough. That just makes you annoyed. Yeah, and you stay in your ac all day No, no, we just just take our clothes off. It's florida. Yeah, we have no qualms about nudity Yeah, do enough basalts. You think it's winter So speaking of florida your big florida homer It obviously clouds your journalistic integrity a little bit. Are you able to say that philippe frank sucks stinks?

Nope Stinks. It's funny. They got so mad at me last week all those florida people because I predicted they go eight and four And then the miami game happens and they're like, uh, eight and four is too too good You're gonna be like we'll be like six to six and and yeah Gone in on a philippe frank. He's fine. He's not a great college quarterback. He's fine. He's gotten much better The old philippe franks would have thrown five picks and gotten sacked five times the other night the new one

Only through the two Yeah, progress. That's huge. Are you like paul finebomb and you think miami is a third world program I No, no, but I don't think I don't think they can get back to where they were dominating before It's it's so weird because they have so much talent around them But the politics of recruiting miami are so nasty Like I wouldn't want to be manatee as trying to root in miami because it's always Everybody every time you offer somebody like 10 other people get mad

And then every time you don't offer somebody like a hundred people get mad So there's no winning there But I I do think I do think mani is going to be good at miami And I think that quarterback could be pretty good if somebody would block Yeah, he actually did impress me. I was I I was like there's no way miami feels like they haven't had a good quarterback in forever But he was impressive in a loss. Yeah, uh, I want to talk real quick about the sec and georgia Is this the year that georgia finally can get over the hump and beat alabama and uh kind of exercise those demons Or is there maybe a dark horse

In the sec that we're not even thinking about you can freely say lsu because we are coach. Oh homers Oh, of course. All right. I know I know how you feel about coach. Oh, so but okay, so here's my thing Georgia is farther from the rest of the east than alabama is from the rest of the west so I I think georgia probably has an easier path of going undefeated through the regular season in alabama does Now do they get over the hump is another question? They should have won the last two times they played You know, I still can't like my mind is still blown at the whole Justin fields fake punt thing. Yeah, how they ended up losing that game. I don't know

But you think if they play Again, eventually they are going to break through because As we've seen the last couple times the talent level is not that different Now my dark horse. I love lsu I need their offensive line to be a little bit better, but I feel like they've improved Everywhere else since a since coach. Oh took over Auburn's the one if this bonex kid the true freshman can play the quarterback They got the best defensive line in the country. Maybe

They could be really good and they could beat alabama In the iron bowl in auburn and then all of a sudden Everything's different. I mean, I'll tell you right now. He can play. He's the son of uh, uh patrick nicks, right patrick nicks Right and bow nicks Close your eyes bow nicks Quarterback in the sec great name. I mean that's that's it right there I don't even have to tell you anything else about him. He's going to be successful Absolutely

I mean he's patrick nicks his kid named after the best player to ever play at auburn And my favorite athlete as a child growing up So except for steve sannihill who's the greatest college football player of all time But yeah, your name bow you play for auburn. You got the right last name your dad was a coach. He's coach's kid You know, yeah, I love it written in the stars. It's sold coach on the field Yeah, so well, they don't have one on the sideline. So it's a good thing. He's under center. There you go That's is he getting fired this year are piling on gus So

I don't think so because I think they're gonna turn out pretty good but Their schedule is so hard that If they drop a few and they're sitting there at like eight and four Maybe because they were it they get these itchy trigger fingers at auburn. They were ready to do it last year It went on in like 32 million dollars. Yeah, he looks like such a nerd library. He's got a bad look to him That's that he has a very fireable face Well and part of it is

Gus is Gus is all about You know Ball and and muffle house. He doesn't care about anything else and It makes it very hard to make him lovable And I think they were trying to make him a little bit more lovable this off season And I think you're gonna work the only the only thing auburn fans actually love is winning So if you do that great, if you don't do that, they'll write you one gigantic check to leave

Okay, so the the check thing I wanted to actually ask you a question I think a lot of people maybe the casual fan doesn't fully understand how it works And maybe I don't but I'm gonna throw it out there because I think I understand you can correct me When a team wants to fire a coach It really could only take One or two huge boosters who basically say they'll come to the table and write the check. Am I right? Yes, and there's there's a story That enough people have told me is true that I believe it that when kevin someone was at texas a nm

And if that the time his buy it was 20 million dollars And the way his contract was written Was that they had to pay it in one lump sum within 60 days of his firing which that's not normal Usually you paid out over a few years. So this was this was a big ask 20 million dollars in one shot People stepped up and were willing to write those checks now. They didn't do it that year They wound up doing it a couple years later, but people were willing to write those checks They had the guys that had enough juice who could just you know Enough in checking right now

To make that happen. It's crazy and and gusts is actually a similar situation Doesn't gusts have a clause where if he gets fired he gets 13 million dollars within 30 days I believe so. I mean he they had him in a pretty tough situation when jimmy section did that contract because So it's this and this is a very arbor and way of doing things It's 2017 they're going into a gauntlet that includes george in alabama in two games in three weeks And the thought is if he loses both those games, he's fired

Well, he wins both those games Suddenly arkansas opened. Yeah gusts is from arkansas people actually believe he might want to go back to arkansas And they just gave him whatever he wanted. It's crazy. They should just let him go to arkansas That's such a sweet gig to be a coach. Yeah, but isn't it crazy just to think like there are fans out there boosters Who if your coach is on the hot seat? He is on the hot seat literally because some rich dude some oil dude in texas or some guy who you know Has a huge corporation in in alabama is saying I will write a check for 15 million dollars to get rid of this guy It's insane and i'm pretty sure that checks the tax deduction, which is awesome

Oh, hell, yeah, you can get a tax deduction for firing a football coach. Yes I believe so I'm shocked that t-boon pickings has kept uh old uh gundy around for that long if that's the case That's a nice goal though to be like hey, I can just fire my coach Yeah, they had there's keep on knows he's got a good thing in gundy. Oh, yeah Yeah, you know slide into the dms of of the tennessee ad and and say hey, yeah, i'll talk to you But at the end of the day, we we know his mullet will stay in in still water As long as they just you know throw a couple more

Dollars on the contract. Yeah, but t-boon also loves the tax deduction. Just add those big fan of that. Yeah Just add those dollars farms for that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Who is um, who's the best former sec quarterback transfer in the nation right now Blake Barnett at usf I want to see justice fields in the last state because you know all all All Indications were he was pretty good in practice last year But couldn't beat out jake from which look you can't if you don't beat out a guy who led

His team to the national final game was a true freshman. There's no shame in that so Justin fields has a big skill set I I am interested to see him in that offense that did ryan day runs because he I mean He can throw like the way in haskins, but he can move like jt barrett If you put those things together any process as well Be hard to stop Do you believe I was never a big jail in jail in hurt sky? But I believe in link and riley and making it uh, very easy for the quarterback in that system

I don't think he's gonna be baker or tyler But are you buying into the fact that like oklahoma is going to just basically roll on from this? Yeah, link it'll find a way to To emphasize what jaylon does well and minimize what he doesn't do well Well, I will say if you go back to that PC championship game last year there were some throws he made He would not have made those throws his freshman or sophomore year So so there was some improvement last year that if if that has continued

We may be a little surprised at how well he throws the ball because I felt like I went back and watched his first game at alba having his usc last year because I was curious And watching him throw the ball in that game It was almost like he'd regressed over the next two years and then when you saw him again playing his georgia He then looked like he'd actually made some progress. So I'm not not so sure jaylon's gonna be just a you know run it and think and don't throw Guy, I think he's gonna be able to throw a little bit in this office. He also squats like 600 pounds

So you're seeing that video. No, that's the same fucking better worse than lebron Dude, it is insane how much heat the jaylon hurts can squat. Do you know? Yes, even squat twitter didn't didn't have any criticism for that. No, seriously. It was I've never seen a team so high We went parallel at least Yeah, that's saying something because squat twitter will get after you. Yeah Um, andy, I got one last question for you. Give me your final four in the champion and uh, I mean, obviously you're gonna just say Clemson alabama Yeah, I have the most boring final four

known to man I have Clemson alabama oklahoma and ohio state With clemson winning international title great good another electric season in the books I love college football though. So I don't care. I'm gonna watch every fucking game. What are what are the odds? Just give me some daylight here Andy, give me some daylight here. What are the odds that lsu gets in the final four? It's not impossible. Okay. Yeah, but they got a block better

It's not impossible though. They if they can beat alabama. They can beat anybody. That's the one They they have enough talent everywhere else. They just got a block Okay, and they need the sec to not screw them over on these like terrible missed calls like they did last year with Oh, who is it? Devin white and delpit all that shit. Free Devin white. Free Devin white. Yes. Yes, free Devin white Um, all right. Oh, did you want to ask me if you wanted to bash tom? Oh, yeah, so tom bashed you when we had him on and I love a nice little sec big 10 media beef So, uh, why don't you say some bad shit about tom? They can feel like a real asshole

Well, I mean if I actually read anything tom ever wrote, I probably have more to say Let's go. He actually burned you pretty well. He was like andy staples the food blogger Well, he's right about that I'm better at that than writing about football I I would say I'm gonna score this one to one. You guys both got a nice burn that didn't hurt anyone's feelings and uh, it's been a good time Now mr. Ford alley is wonderful and I hope I'll come on my radio show again I think you won't now there you go. You can always have hank on if tom went to yeah, he's actually smarter than tom So don't yeah, andy. Thank you so much man. Hopefully we see you at a game this year

All right, thanks guys. See you man. Thank you That interview with andy staples is brought to you by peloton Why does men's health call the peloton bike the best cardio machine on the planet? Well, let's break it down It is awesome. I use it. You can put it to right in your living room It fits in almost any space you have access to a gym quality workout That's just steps away a lot of times. I don't feel like making the walk down to the gym I'll stay in my apartment. I hop on the peloton I usually do a 20 30 minute burn some pretty solid

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Or excuse me one peloton.com. It's o-n-e-p-e-l-o-t-o-n Dot com Inter promo code take and you're going to get a hundred bucks off accessories when you purchase the peloton bike I actually use it. You can follow me on peloton. You can compete against me. I'm not very good So probably beat the shit out of me on it. I love peloton. You should get one too. It makes for a great gift as well Okay, let's get some segments first up. We have embraced the bait Carly Lloyd is going to try out for an nfl team in 2020 She says that she's open to it

So she hit a 55 yarder in practice at the eagles training facility. Okay, it was like a five step approach to it As opposed to like a two or three step approach like morton anderson did but morton anderson says he's going to teach her How to hit the middle because the middle never changes now I'm assuming that there are a lot of people who are very mad at the idea of this even happening There are okay Why would you think that because I just know the internet in 2019 and I for one am all for this because it's entertainment Like if she makes a team awesome If she doesn't awesome we get to talk about something in the middle of the summer next year

Yeah, who cares if she doesn't make a team like it is right. She should get a try out. Why not right? She could be awesome. I have no problem with that now. She um, I think she could actually play quarterback for some teams out there Probably with the box the Colts. Yeah. Well, no swag. Yeah, but the this is one of those stories that if you have a very Like like both sides, right? If you if you say She's going to make the team guaranteed or this is an affront to football. How could you let her come out for a tryout?

You're a loser. Mm-hmm. This is a story that it's it's similar to Irmuff's pft. Yeah tim tebow playing baseball. Yeah, like just let him play a great idea. Thank you Yes, a great idea, right and tim tebow would have a fun time with the crossbar as well So I agree. I think like let her kick. Why not? I think that women actually might have a natural advantage in their bodies when it comes to kicking Because they don't have those clumsy testicles that you squish sometimes when you kick true It's like guys can we can rest beers on our chest more effectively. It's just how god designed us They're probably designed to be kickers. I'm all for it. Let her kick. Hmm. Let her let her kick. Why not?

I mean as a bears fan Would you give her a shot? Yeah? I would give anyone who's ever kicked a ball Ever a chance. Okay. That's just like more nanderson. Actually more nanderson should be on the bears Why not? Right? I mean let let carly let it be a situation where maybe carly for 2020 is on the bears And same with morton and she it's like a brett farver and rogers thing like you're not ready yet Let her let her learn under him and game speed and then we'll pass the torch Anyone who could kick a field goal At any kind of efficiency should be on the bears what I love about this argument is uh

People saying that she wouldn't be able to tackle players on a kickoff We'll let let somebody else handle the kickoff. But have you seen kickers try to like as a former kicker I can make these jokes right and it's not pretty we aren't good at tackling naturally That's like part it's part of our dna to shy away from it's just one of those stories that like why would anyone care either way Just let like if if she's awesome. That's really cool story if she's not Okay She's not who cares like yeah, there's a lot of kickers out there who are floating around There's probably like a hundred kickers out there who are just waiting for a spot and trying to get a try out

Why can't she just be in that pool? I agree let carly kick Hank your thoughts Damn, we are so progressive. Definitely let her kick. Fuck. Yeah, damn I could just Pat ourselves in the back. Good job. Good job anti nazi anti-nazi pro women women football player kickers in the NFL. Yeah, love it Uh, where when do we get like all the retweets and the likes from the blue checkmark? Great. Does that happen now? Yes, we've made it. Okay. Also. Just like she's used to having rows to set her up Just have rose beer holder pc word picket what after my firefest. It's kind of fucked up

Yeah, that's true. What'd you say the the the b-word? The blue check. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Hank thoughts and prayers Okay, Hank you just totally derailed the whole thing because you aren't verified on instagram and you can't slide into dms Um, sabre metrics pft Yeah, interesting sabre metrics. We talked about the seven-year bump And how some players are still waiting Derek Carr is hitting the seven-year bump this year, right the classical Jay Cutler's Not immune to it. Um, so somebody actually put the stats together out there. Shout out the Geico gecko I don't know if that's the real is the real one if it's the commercial gecko

But they put together a spreadsheet and that they found out that 19 out of 22 quarterbacks entering year seven Had a better touchdown and attempt or touchdown per attempt percentage Everyone except for Jay Cutler had a better completion percentage 15 out of 22 had a better interception per attempt percentage and yards per game in 16 out of 22 Had a better yards per attempt I gotta admit

All those numbers just watched right over me I'm just hung up on the fact that like we actually haven't seen the the geico gecko for a long time And what if he is just uh sabre metrics of football sabre metrics guy now? I could see that like I I'm trying to think the last time we saw The gecko the geico gecko I can't remember it So do you think he got laid off and this is his job now? I don't know. I could see flow being a number cruncher too Yeah, I could see flow putting together some I didn't it's just one of those things I can't when you say four numbers in a row

I just lose track. Okay. So basically the seven-year bump is real And geico gecko guy now we know where he is he confirmed it. Yeah All so I agree with you those percentages don't make sense to me when I hear geico gecko I just think uh 15 percent or more off car insurance. That's true. And Here's a question for the for the team Do you think the voice of the geico gecko has used that? In a pickup line. Absolutely. Hell yeah, has it worked Yes, 15 minutes. Yeah, and I could take he's like hey, you see that commercial at a crowded bar smells like stale farts peanuts on the floor

Boom commercial comes on can't even hear it because it's music's playing and he's like you see that gecko I'm the voice behind it. I think I think he would just I think he would just tell girl Like he would walk up to a girl and say the geico commercial commercial. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so caught up in my work Yeah, what do you do for work? Oh and the geico gecko funny. You should ask Absolutely. I one time I worked with a guy uh on a a temp job That was the voice of the dogs that did the jingle bells the dogs barking jingle bells song That was his that he recorded like 10 years ago and every now and again He just go wolf and people would look and be like, why do you keep saying wolf?

He's like, oh, that's actually my dog impression that I did when I was the voice of the dog singing jingle bells We need to write this down hank for a future barstow gold episode. We need to interview Like a medium famous voice from a commercial Like a commercial acting voice where he's got one claim to fame. Mm-hmm. And that's him I would love to get the gecko guy He's actually though. He's a weirdo and also he has done a ton and he's still working I want the guy as you do. Well, he does all the sports. There's if I think he also does like one trick all the radio stuff Either way, I want the guy who it was 10 years ago and he's now just jerry in subway

Yeah, he was like that guy will interview him. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no his his video cameras outside cell turned off shit Mount rush more of reasons why jared from subway wasn't really that bad. Yeah, that would be another bad Mount rush more of jared holding a different pants jared celled up Okay, um Jadavian clowny free agency. We should get the guy from uh, cnn. This is cnn. Oh, I bet he'd be good He'd be an interesting interview jadavian clowny. Maybe the cars were kids Whole thing the whole fans. They're probably grown up. We'll separate that one from the jared interview. No, it's in my head all right, jadavian clowny update he there's five teams he wants to be traded to

And he says no to the dolphins. Well, so he's doing this like antonio brown did where he's he's willed himself into becoming a free agent Right through his contract situation. So yeah, he said he doesn't want to go to the dolphins But he met he met with the dolphins even though he's on the Texans So I don't know what that's all about collecting info behind the scenes. Okay. I don't know but he wants to go to the eagles the seahawks And I think those are the two ones that he really wants to go to This is a classic case of the dolphins like you can't if you were the dolphins You cannot make it known that you want jadavian clowny Just in case he says I don't want to go to the dolphins. You cannot let yourself be out there like that

This is like a buffalo bill situation where ab was on the bills for three hours like ew Yeah, and then he's like no i'm not i'm not allowing myself to be traded to the bills Right like don't go ask the girl out because she could say you're gross and I would never go out with you Yeah, general rule of thumb. Don't say don't say that you're interested in another player if you are a team in the afc east Right ever general rule of thumb. Don't ever let yourself become emotionally Uh available ever other people to crush that emotion. Right. That's why we're dicks all the time to everyone Just put up a heart facade and just tell everyone to fuck off Uh talking soccer before we get our exit interview with uh jill

We had talking soccer eric cantana who is a legend of the game As soccer fans, we know that uh, he pronounced that beautifully by the way. Yeah, he had uh The swans are a wagon that they were in six nothing midweek in the championship league I think this is actually the ffa cup first couple rounds. Anyway He did a speech for the champions league draw What the fuck was he on can we put actually the audio in let's put the audio in there Uh as flies To wanton boys

We are for the gods They kill us for the sport Soon the science Will not only be able to Throw down the aging of the cells soon the science will be will fix the cells To the state And so we will become eternal

Only accidents crimes Wars will still kill us But unfortunately crimes and wars Will multiply I love football Thank you What the fuck was he on uh whatever it is it sounds excellent. I like I love soccer. Yeah Ending it with saying I love football really it tied it together for a second I thought he was going to go off the rails a little bit, but then he brought it back to football at the end

and you know all the stuff about uh flags or flies to Wanton boys That was it was very bizarre basically eric cantana thinks that we're we're going to evolve as a species To the point where we don't die right ever unless we're killed by something right and then ending it with I love football Is such a sneaky great move like jeb bush should have said I love football instead of please clap Yeah, because people would have clapped. That's just a great campaign slogan for anybody. Yeah, I love football. I love football too Okay, cool that guy's smart. We should put that on a shirt Yeah, I love football

Sunday fun day What a cool shirt that would be all right, let's do uh Exit don't talk to me. Don't talk to me until I've had my mimosa. Hmm Okay, exit interview with jill plus some roast Uh, we thought jill I I'm we I we let you know that the internship was ending this week We thought we were gonna do this on thursday and then you haven't come until today. I thought you irish could bite us jill I was I was very worried. I felt bad. Yeah, we were worried nice racial slur hank Oh

Yes, um, no, I had a lot of other interviews, you know cbs cbs sports called Yep, pn. Yep. Fuck that. Al michael called personally wants me to be on monday night football I mean, I had things to do. Okay, so you came in you showed up you you basically like a big smoke food some awesome cookies You did the classic move where I called it a grandma move and I'm sorry for that because you're not actually a grandmother, correct? I am not a grandmother. Okay soon to be hopefully someday. Listen jill's kids The clock is ticking get to fucking she did the cookies with the uh rhesus cooked into them Which is a cousin to the sugar cookies with the her she kiss into them. That's that's amazing. You have to be I didn't know that we had over 60 years old to cook that and it's always great always. Thank you. Thank you

Are any of your kids in danger of uh of having kids in danger? Yeah, are you are you starting to pressure them in danger? I the pressure is on the pressure's on get to watching those cream pie scenes. Are any married? Nobody's married. Okay, so then you have a big problem. We got to get that happening first Um, okay, so jill your your entire internship. What'd you learn again? You are you're welcome to come back anytime I think we'll see you you'll just pop in you better. Okay. You better ask me to come back. Yes, I'll be I'm around Well, we might not ask you might just open door. Well, I will show up We will ask but you also can show up anytime you want. Absolutely. I will okay, so with cookies

Yeah, anything you by the way, I saw great. I saw jill at like uh 11 o'clock this morning. She was drinking a truly Hell yeah party girl last day of school last day of school. You got senioritis All right, so what did you learn before we do roasts and and everything else? Okay. Well, I learned twitter Yes, I learned twitter and how crazy it is It is crazy. You know, I mean you I would say 99 of it was really positive, but then you have The dicks who just want to be dicks. Yeah, you know, so I learned that and I

Well, I also learned that pizza douche bag. Yeah pizza douche bag. Yep, and possibly the assassin for the clintons Yes, yeah, you In with that one. Yeah, yeah, by the way, you have 60,000 twitter followers. That's all in one summer That's pretty. Whoa. I know. I mean, I'm And I have to say I meeting some of these jilly beans. Yep on the street has been amazing. I mean So keep saying hi to to jill if you're jilly beanies here. Oh, yes, absolutely I will stay on twitter because I love it. It's kind of like a backhanded Skill that we taught you in twitter like congratulations. We ruined your brain

Like here's the worst app that's ever been made, but we're all addicted to it jill. You are legitimately very good at twitter I'm looking at your twitter right now. Did you see this one? She's great. Excuse me, ma'am Do you know this if the strain stops the courthouse in arkansas and it's this old guy who's We're in a seersucker. Yeah, like you just came up with that. That's actually a fire tweet. So Great job on twitter. We're gonna I watch a lot of old movies. So yeah, you're gonna keep doing twitter. Do you have any Worst mount rush moors we could do. Did you have any ideas that sprung up during that? I actually you kind of mentioned them today. What which ones? Um, I like the I I kind of like the hat one. I think that was kind of you know, it was really bad, but good and and the

The diseases or the yeah, that would be a bad one. That would be awful Really bad. Um, all right, so you had twitter you did twitter you learned twitter You are a great intern anything else before we do these roasts. We're doing a rose. You want to roast us like you can Oh, yeah, you like to come on. Okay. Well, can I just say that again that I'm not mad But I am disappointed that The internship is over. Yep, and I'm waiting for my what 75,000 check per episode game check. Yeah, it's a game check Yep, you know, um, it's on the way. Okay. Yeah, you'll get it by the way a 99.9% of that goes to your union dues Oh, that's right. I am which is me, you know, which I will

Uh, what do you call it? Oh, you'll strike you'll put a big rat in front of the absolutely. I'll do whatever's needed. Okay Um, but I want to also say that um, you do realize Statistics show that when um, someone Retires. Oh my god. This is that they die. Well, this is why So I think you're you're you're kind of killing me. You know, I mean look at you're gonna joe pos Paterno bear bryant. I mean come on

Okay, so you're jillie. It's only a matter of time You're not allowed to do any strenuous activity for the next week because I don't want to be liable for this Second we're leaving an open door. So you can come in If you want to we're not we're not retiring you. We're not pushing you out the door. So don't put that evil on me Joe, I'll go the other way. I think it would be a fucking power move. You just died right in our face in two weeks Okay, I'll come in and die Yeah, I'll just come in and die and make sure you break Do a funeral pyre and then fuck you guys. I think that's like a very, you know, yeah

Yeah, that's a very funny last move to just be like fuck you guys why the internship You know and boom i'm dead You know, it's hard to roast you guys though. I mean come on. We love you I have to say one thing I have a lot of things to say but one thing I don't know half the things you ever talked about I didn't understand fair. I was nervous doing the My first times on the podcast. I never had a microphone in my face before that's fine

But I really want to know what What what really is a car stick Oh Hank I pretend it but I have no idea and nobody nobody has told me whatever you pretend It is probably exactly it's under the galaxy brain like qualification So it's understandable not many people in this world fully understand the capabilities of it But essentially it's a it's like uh, it's like a swiss army knife. Basically. There's so many things that you can do with it That it's almost limitless. It's really like the human brain. We've only locked a small percentage of its uses

As we invent more things the car stick will become more useful to interact with those things So really it's just an investment in the future Have I sold you how many can I put you down for? Let's drive you drive. Do you drive? I do drive. Have you ever uh dropped your cell phone in between the seats and the center console? I have and how hard is it to get that phone out of that spot? Borderline impossible would you say? Actually, it was quite easy. It was tough. No, okay. Yep. So if it to deal with that almost near impossibility Okay, and the stick was invented that helps you fish out your phone

Yeah, right. Okay. Yes. No. Yeah. No that yeah, that is what it is. Okay It's the car stick seemed like you don't believe me, but that's actually I don't believe you. That's no, that's it. That is that is it Well, oh, thank you. Not all of us are blessed to have such skinny arms and a toned physique as you And we get our chunky little wrists caught in between the the gear shift and the seat So it's tough for me. I like the back scratcher in my car. You you have a car stick. Yes That is a car pretty much. Yeah There you go. Then I am Or the car stick can be the back scratcher. Yes, like I said Swiss Army nice. It's everything

Alrighty spatula murder weapon. Yep, mini hockey stick mini hockey stick, which is really what it actually is Yeah, fly swatter. Yep. Ooh car jack Yeah, it could definitely be a spoon Or if you're stuck in an extremely tile tiny boat you need a splint. Yes, if you broke your leg And you need a splint. You just tape the car stick to your leg. This is blowing my mind. Uh-huh Um, yeah, that's pretty much it. There's actually only like 50 left on sale in the in our warehouse So if people want to buy them, I can't believe those No, that's sold out. This is the uh, probably fifth the rerun. Oh, okay. Oh my uh, all right. Hank. Let's end with some roast

Uh My one stop shop for all packers news. Yep Hey spot the lie That wasn't funny spot. By the way, did you see erin rogers today? He was dressed up like the like the orderly Oh, my god, really? He looked exactly like him. It was pretty funny because that movie just came out I wonder if he'll stop doing practical jokes and actually listen to his coach for once Julian Edelman's chubby older brother a greasy drug guy and a bearded 14 year old with a cat talk about the bats are at and sometimes sports

Well, that's not true. So I'm julien Edelman's chubby older brother. That's that's not about it. But yeah, I will sign me up Julian Edelman could put on 50 pounds and still be a man rocket A fatso. I'm willing to bet my net worth will be a terrible father Oh Yes, go off a grungy hobbit with possibly no eyeballs Yep, and a vacation addicted millennial that can't make one joke You touch ass You still owe us that joke

You still owe us that joke For every conspiracy theory imaginable. Yeah, I mean that one is pretty good That jazz is a brisket. All right, you gotta let it fucking cook in the oven. You put it in your green egg Yeah, you're just waiting for it to come out. Okay. I'm not a hobbit because hobbits actually can grow body here Yeah, and he does have eyes. They're just little moldy eyes. He's really good to make you want to puke. Yeah An instagram model's boyfriend, uh, jesus's drug guy and a recovering chancoholic asked famous guests how much money they make Okay, jesus's drug guy. Hell yeah, I listen to that show Jesus's drug. Yeah, jesus. Yeah, that's awesome. I can turn one into one like that

There's a lot of nice ones here. Great party. Damn. Thanks guys. We appreciate that This podcast has an impact on my life for the better constant laughs with the relatable guys You'd like to get a beer with you actually may learn a thing or two in the process I probably I probably order a diet coke. But yeah, yeah, I would drink his beer Actually diet cherry coke. Yeah a cat guy a wannabe cat guy I always do enjoy when we're out for beers. Oh like it's like, uh, it's a power move when you order the diet coke Oh, I'm just like get diet coke. Maybe a little grenadine on top. I'm not driving A cat guy a wannabe cat guy that could use some roman swipes and a drug guy talk about life and sports ish

The most reliable journalist of the crew is a dog that doesn't delete tweets. Please boop. Okay Uh, okay, that was a good one Let's do two more Too pretty. All right guys mostly funny some of the time the one guy hank needs hsh verse brain I don't know why you're laughing I know you don't because you need hsh for your brain but you can't understand it This is not helping your case hank sad people i'm just there's so many nice ones It's like give us one end this with one nice one

Uh produced by the least qualified person at the company transgender freddy mercury and animal the puppets simultaneously jerk off to their twitter following That's pretty good. Very accurate. I end with one nice one Okay, uh, this is by alice the goat july 18th 2019 says great Thank you alice the goat alice the goat you know, you're the goat no wait We're the you're the you are the goat. You're the goat for yeah Acknowledging the goat. All right. Everyone have a safe long weekend. We'll be back on tuesday Recap all college football and then back again on wednesday. Yep. Thank a labor union member for uh, thank you pft For giving you this weekend

You're welcome. Love you guys. Thank me. Thank you big cat. You're welcome. Thank you hank You're welcome. Thank you bubba Love you guys Go now