Pardon My Take - Coach Hugh Freeze, Football Guy Of The Week, And CFB Week 1 Recap

Episode Date: September 3, 2019

Football is back and we recap all the Week 1 College Football madness. Tennessee is dead, Florida State forgot to hydrate, the Big Ten is back, and Lincoln Riley is a mad genius (2:29 - 17:46). NFL Cuts and the Texans made some big time trades (17:46 - 24:40). Football Guy of the Week with nominees Hugh Freeze, Joe Burrow, Oklahoma Coach Shane Beamer, and an Offensive Lineman named Parker Titsworth (24:40 - 28:12). Who's back of the week (28:12 - 39:36). Liberty Head Coach Hugh Freeze calls in from his hospital bed to talk about coaching Saturday's game from a hospital bed (39:36 - 56:34). The famous fake funeral at Ole Miss and more. Segments include Talking tennis, is Pat Riley Dead yet? Bad Visual Joe West, Lebron James invents, and the return of Hashtag Hyphy #ThingsWeShouldCancel You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. On today's part of my take, we have Liberty Head Coach Hugh Freese, who is going to win Football Guy of the Week for the first week. We will still vote on it and give you your nominees, but he coached a football game from a hospital bed. So we had him call in from that hospital bed and tell us the reasoning behind it and everything

that happened on Saturday. We have a recap of the whole weekend of football. We have Football Guy of the Week and all the nominees. We have NFL Cuts, Who's Back of the Week, and hashtag Hyphy is back. So for people who are longtime listeners, it is a segment we tried a long time ago. We're bringing it back. Before we get to all of that, pardon my take is brought to you by the Cash App. The Cash App is the most powerful way to send, spend, and save.

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Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now. Use code BARSTOOL and you get $5 to yourself, $5 to ASPCA. Today is Monday, September 3rd, and football is back. Again, Hank. It's Tuesday. Tuesday. Yeah, September 3rd.

Labor Day show. Yup, football is back. And the SEC is dead. SEC is pretty much dead, so I think they have to look at getting rid of either Tennessee or Mizzou at this point. You should become a member. If you lose a week one game against an inferior opponent, you should just become a member of whatever conference that they're from.

I don't hate that at all. I also, it's got a relegation in the EPL, but Tennessee, let's start with Tennessee. Oh boy, was that fun to watch because now if you're a Tennessee fan, you're probably going to want to just skip, hit that 30-second fast forward. Watching Tennessee fans just sitting there in disbelief. There's something about that week one, when you schedule these smaller schools, you pay them to come into your stadium, and then they put a whooping on you. And Tennessee, you should have known when the boat called Chances are sunk in the Tennessee

River, I think it is. The Val Navy. Yup. That should have been a sign right there that this season, it wasn't going to feel like 98. It was going to feel like 1983 when they lost a home game to a non-power five team. It was a bad omen, for sure, to get the weekend started, the flames for Tennessee Orange. And the orange color and that like checkerboard design that you see, seeing somebody that's

sad wearing that like festive, nice, autumnal color, it hits a little bit different. It's like, it's kind of, it gives me pleasure to see somebody in pain wearing that color. There's also something so distinct about college football and programs that expect to be great and can't, and they hit these downturns that are just, it's like watching a train crash. You just, you can't take your eyes away from Tennessee fans being like, it feels like 98 or Florida state fans being like, you know what? We have, what's his name? Art Braille's fail son is the offensive coordinator.

And now we're going to Kendall Braille's and now we're going to be awesome and we scored 31 points in the first half. Oh, whoops. We forgot to do conditioning tests and got our asses kicked in the second half by Boise State. So they actually said that they weren't hydrated enough. That was Florida state's excuse is that they, the boys didn't drink enough water pre-game. So they're going to get that fix.

They're going to get that turnaround. It's an easy fix. When it comes to Mizzou and when it comes to Tennessee, there's no like, there's no easy answer for any of that stuff. But I mean, I was Wyoming, the altitude. Yeah. I was a little bit on, man, those in zones in Wyoming. They're so confusing.

I love them. They're so confusing. With the little cowboy on the horse in the background that looks like he's part of a 1970s discontinued cigarette ad. Yep. I love that mascot. I love their helmets. But when it came to Tennessee, it's like, that's, I think that fan base has kind of moved

on from expect until they get paid mannings like younger nephew. That's like an eighth grade that's throwing for 4,000 yards a season already until he comes to the campus. I don't think that they really have an expectation. I don't know if Derek Dooley can't bring you home a national title. I don't know if it can be done. 24 point favorites. Uh, I'll say it curse of Greg Shiano, all you crazy Tennessee fans on Twitter.

Thank you, big cat led by someone, I don't know, uh, decided to house Greg Shiano before he could even get the job and bring back Phil Fulmer. I just love, and I'm sure Tennessee will be good eventually at some point in the rest of their history. But when these teams have these downturns, you saw it with Nebraska, Nebraska is now back. I don't know if big time back. Yeah.

Big time back. But, uh, we make the jokes all the time with Texas and Notre Dame, like, are they back? It's something about these programs that expect that they're going to let it all like basically flip, uh, flip a switch and be like, Oh yeah, it's a 1985 again. Every time I watch Tennessee now, I just can't help but either think this could be Greg Shiano or this could be John Gruden on your sideline right now. And John Gruden's entire complexion and his hair would work so well with that color palette that you got there.

Yep. Yeah, I'm just missing it. Or bring back Lane Kiffin. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Um, I just have a stat for you. Actually, before I do a stat, I wanted to quickly go back to the FSU game.

So the Boise State quarterback, true freshman wins on the road, great second half. The most notable thing about him though, his brothers, did you hear about this? So Hank Backmeyer is his name, his three brothers, their names, Buck, Tiger and Bear. That's a fucking football program right there. Buck, Tiger and Bear. How pissed are you if you're Hank? No offense. Well, no, I mean, that's a great name.

But I mean, that sucks. If your brothers, if you had three brothers named Buck, Tiger and Bear, you're Hank. In that situation, it's a boy named Sue situation where you're always fighting against the fact like... No one names their son, Tiger. Dude, Idaho people, people in the fucking mountain west. Yes, absolutely. They named Tiger.

They basically named their kid whatever the first animal they saw out their window when they gave birth in a bathtub. All animals that the father has killed at some point, he names his son after them to honor their spirit. He killed some badass Hank right before Hank was born. Yeah. No, but seriously, if your name's Hank and your little brothers, Tiger, Buck and Bear, you have to almost step out more.

You have to fight... You have to beat FSU in the second half. This is a man that has been searching his entire life of some accomplishment that he's had that's been worthy of earning a nickname. So I don't know. He probably needs a nickname now. How pissed are you that your parents didn't name you Tiger or Bear? Pretty upset.

Yeah. Hank? I mean, Hank's a good name. I like the name Hank. Bear. Bear. Buck Lockwood. Buck Lockwood?

Buck Lockwood is awesome. Buck Lockwood sounds like a 1970s backup quarterback. Or yeah, like the bully from a 1980s movie. Or just a poor star. Buck Lockwood. Here comes Buck Lockwood. Great born name. He's in varsity wrestling wearing his leather jacket down the hallway.

All right. So that was Hank Brogwer. All right. My stat. The Big Ten was 12 and 2. Okay. The SEC was 9 and 5. Okay.

That's just a stat. Big Ten's back is what you're saying. First part about the SEC and I joke like, oh, the SEC is dead. The SEC is going to benefit from the fact that the bottom of the SEC is utter trash. So now Georgia and Alabama and LSU and Texan and Florida like the top of the SEC is just going to kick the shit out of the bottom. And there's something different about if you if I told you right now, you beat a team like you beat Tennessee 56 to seven.

That seems like a better win than if you beat Rutgers 56 to seven. Oh, absolutely. There's no question. So it sucks. Because Tennessee is still in the back of your head. Right. They were good. They'll be back.

They have a sweet ass live mascot on the sideline. Feels like 98. Smoky is probably the unborn son, the unborn brother of the Hank Buck and Snake and whatever the rest of the Bear family. The other thing we had was two of the worst gambling losses you could have in the week one. I mean, I can't believe it happened. Both of them in week one.

Plus three and a half. They were covering for 59 minutes and 51 seconds. And then Northwestern, which is just this is now become. I think we just call it a Northwestern because it was a virtual replay of the Ohio State Game Day night game in Evanston like six years ago where the game's over and it's always when a team, if you're like the 20 minus, you're just like, fuck, this could happen. This could happen. Please don't.

Please don't fumble. Please don't intercept this. And then boom, it happens. They even had a guy that was about to recover it in the end zone. Of course they did. And like you saw it coming. As soon as the ball was fumbled, it's like, okay, this is over. I didn't even see the end of that game.

We all have like a little mental check sheet during college football Saturday on which one of our bets are already winners and which ones are losers. That one was firmly in the winners category. I'd cast that ticket. I had. Yeah, I did too. I had to find out from Twitter that I had lost it. And that's the worst feeling ever.

And I saw the highlight and everyone's upset about it. I was like, well, I know exactly which camp I fell into on this one. So bad beats are back. College football is back. The big 12 is back. The big 12. Yeah. Jalen Hurts, dude.

Now that they got rid of Mizzou, they're back. That's 600 pound squatter, man. Every time they try to tackle him, the people just bounce off his legs. Can you imagine if like for once in the program's history, I mean, they've been a great program. But if they had, if Alabama had a great quarterback like Jalen Hurts, how unstoppable they would be, like that's the one knock against them. And he was fucking lighting it up and Lincoln Riley, I'll say one bad thing about Lincoln Riley.

Go ahead. He's very good, but his collarless shirts piss me off. Yeah. They don't look good. I see too much of his neck all the time. It looks like a CrossFit type shirt. Put a collar on. Also hoodie.

Also unfair because he was up against the Swagmaster and Dana Overson, who looks so good. Amazing. When he pops that visor off in the head, the red really just makes us everything pop. Yeah. And he does the Cougar. Yeah. Yeah. He loves this one.

Fucking love it. Yeah. Oklahoma, by the way. That's a good signal change to that too. Yes. Well, no, they have the owl, which might be problematic now. Yeah. So I think that's, here's the new lane.

The new lane. The new lane. Kiffin is just the owl. I'm going to fist you. This is the owl. Oh, if you're watching on barstowgold.com slash PMT, you can see what the owl is. Do owls have penises? Uh, yes.

Small ones. All right. They're like little drills. That's it. Well, that's why their necks can turn so contortionally so that they can do other things. Yes. By the way. Big old, old birds, those owls.

I love Oklahoma football. Their defense has been so bad in the last however long that, uh, they had like one quarter where they were tackling and everyone's like, Oh my God, this defense is incredible. They tackled. It's a low bar space. It's a low bar. They have much that they hold Houston to was it like 31 points. Yeah.

But they tackled and saw a defensive performance for Oklahoma. I was, I was watching the game and I was thinking like Lincoln Rally is such a good head coach that if you're an Oklahoma fan, you almost, you have to be like a little bit afraid right now. Right. Because how is he really going to stick around there for life? He doesn't seem like a Bob Stoops. I want to make my entire life in Norman, Oklahoma.

I don't know. Especially he's got those gimmicks won't, won't play in the NFL when you have a good big boy football. That's how if you ever want to be a real naysayer online about the genius of Lincoln Riley, just respond to every breakdown of, of the Oklahoma plays be like, if he had to go up against the NFL D liman, he'd be fucked. If they had to go against a real pastor, I should speed. They can't run an RPO or Pete.

He's doing PROs by the way. Well, so pass rush off. He's running rush option plays that nobody's ever thought about doing, which is faking a pass and then running it out, which is like that's to a college football coach. That's like discovering cold fusion. He did a play where they did a fake handoff and then a Jalen Hertz rollout that was going to be a run and then a pass. And they did it another way to where the fake handoff and then a Jalen Hertz rollout with

a fake pass, then a run. Rollout Lincoln Riley. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Come on, man. But I do think that there should be, I don't know, some sort of measure in place if you're an Oklahoma fan and you know that you won't be able to keep around for forever. Every fan base should be allowed to keep one head coach like locked up and just having

them be head coach for life and they're a little college town, like Jesse Pinkman cooking meth and breaking bad at the very end. Just keep him locked up here. He's not going anywhere. But you only get to do it like once every 50 years. I like one head coach that has to live in a shack called the Bill Snyder rule. I like it. Yeah.

College football is better when you have guys that have been around a program for forever enough to piss off everyone else in the state. Yeah. And they own every cop within 150 miles. Yes. That's what we love about college football. The only other notes I had, Justin Fields is awesome. So Ohio State is going to be awesome again.

Jonathan Taylor is going to win the Heisman. That's not biased. And then Bo Nix, Bo Nix, who I didn't think was that great. I mean, he's a freshman. He's true freshman, plays on the biggest, the biggest game of the weekend, Oregon versus Auburn, makes the huge throw at the end, which wasn't like some fanta, it was kind of a jump ball. But Bo Nix, the thing I love about college football and especially SEC football, Bo Nix

could never play another down in his life and he'll have a street named after him somewhere in Alabama. Like that play alone. They already had the play up in the facility, a picture of it. It really helps that his entire name consists of two syllables. Right. And they're people in Alabama that just slapped that on a sign and named after, obviously, he's a son of an Auburn player, but also named after Bo Jackson can't really be better

than that. That's actually a great governor's name for Alabama. Bo Nix. Governor Bo Nix. BEAU though. I don't know. I think, I think the boo or a boo. How do you pronounce that?

Just keep it simple. Two letters. Two letters. Very easy to sign. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Have we reached the point where we're, are we officially out?

On new turnover props? Yes. That was totally awesome. That happened when Nevada had a turnover towel. Yeah. The turnover towel was tough. The turnover plank that Kennesaw had last year. The best.

It was pretty sick. The two by four. The best. But yeah. They're just everywhere right now. Yeah. I'm so many. Turnover axe.

I think there was a mask. Yeah. There's the Oregon State has the chainsaw. Yep. Which seems very, very dangerous. I like that though. Yeah. But they probably fucking took.

They took the chains off it. Yeah. And also like the batteries out of it or some, some bullshit. They neutered it. Yeah. They should actually let you run the chainsaw on the sideline. Yes. They should, they should just have a big tree and slowly chop it down.

I like that idea a lot. They should do also just like something for the offensive line. Like a pancake chain. I like the, I like all the. Blockchain. All the turnover chains are so funny because it basically is like how many ways can we give the student athlete something instead of money? Right.

So we're not original at all. Like the first one was very original and it's like, oh shit, we need to turn over something like. Right. But how we gave them free Jordans, they get to eat like they get $50 a day to eat. We maybe a couple of jumpsuits throughout the season. How about we let them wear a really expensive chain for 45 seconds on national television? Don't forget about the cheese at bowl package that you get.

Don't make it there. Just a shitload of snacks. I tried to buy a cheese at bowl, TCU cheese at bowl championship shirt a couple weeks ago and it was out of stock. Really? Yeah. I mean, that's a collector's item right there. It would have been.

Three XL, which would have been. I would have had to gain the weight. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. Did you see Mike Leach? So Mike Leach gave a press conference that he's thinking about going to Area 51 when they storm it. Of course.

I hope he does. Just take the week off. He's got a game that weekend. So he's like, I don't think I'll be able to go. Right. But I'd really like to listen, Mike, I think speaking for the entire United States of America here, I think we will all much rather have you storming Area 51 and documenting your experience than coaching a game against probably against Oregon State.

Let's reschedule the game like you do when the hurricanes come or like any kind of like, oh, well, the lights went out. Mike Leach had to go to Area 51. Yes. Everybody will get it. At the very least, just send the Washington state flag there like on game day. So we see the footage of people like storming it. There's somebody waving it in the back.

Right. Does Louisville think we're watching this game live? By the way, does Louisville think they're going to fucking win this game by kicking field goals? Some of us need the over. It's better than. They're not going to kick out of your bowls to win this game. All right.

Should we talk a little NFL? That was a good college recap. Nathan Peterman is on the IR. Yeah, that's tough. That was a tough break. But he'll be back. It's a minor injury. Yep.

And coach Gruder's stockpile and quarterbacks again. He picked up to Sean Kaiser. Yeah. Who, by the way, to Sean Kaiser, someone pulled this. I saw it on the big lead to Sean Kaiser had the worst Patrick Holmes take of all time. What do you say? He said he was talking about himself before the draft. No one else game plans the way I do.

No one else prepares the way I do. No one else knows football the way I do. No one else is as big as I am. No one else is as powerful a runner as I am. Pat Mahomes might throw the ball 80 yards and I can only throw the ball 72. But I guarantee he can't throw an outright out route the way I can. That's OK. Yikes.

Well, I've never seen it because I don't guys. I don't think he's ever played an actual game. So the jury's still out on that one. Yeah. So that is a pretty bad take. But that like just because he's a bad quarterback that hasn't stopped John Gruden from signing that player to the scene before. I think you might have already cut him by this is what he does.

He just he he's like Jay Leno for cars. That's what John Gruden is for old quarterbacks with a lot of mileage just needs him all in his garage. Yeah. He just loves him. He's he's like a compulsive guy that collects quarterbacks just because he likes talking to him. He likes being around quarterbacks.

Hey, you hear about this one. Yeah. Exactly. I'm pretty confident if Gruden wasn't an NFL head coach he'd just be a serial killer. Yeah. Is that fair to say? Well, he did do money football without killing anyone that we know of. That's true.

That's we don't. Yeah. Well, jury's still out on that kind of is the perfect cover because you get to go city to city. Yeah. Exactly. It's perfect. There for a couple days.

John Gruden should be on the next season. Mine hunter. Yeah. All right. So the other news we had LaShaw McCoy to the chiefs. Hmm. Credit to Leroy. Yeah.

Thank you. Right. Thank you. It took him a while. Four months in advance. That's fine. He's going to get cut as soon as today. Yeah.

Four months. Right. And there was a material change in that they just had to wait four months to do it. He's on the chiefs though now, which I'm sure he'll be awesome. Hmm. Like that feels like an Andy Reed. I just picked him up and he's going to have a resurgent year. Yeah.

And then next year, when everyone's like resurgent LaShaw McCoy, he'll tear his ACL and training camp. Yeah. So I noticed that like he was very excited to get to Kansas City immediately started saying I can't be, I can't wait to be reunited with Big Red. I forget. Were we calling Andy Reed Big Red before he was on the chiefs? I think so.

He was always Big Red. I think he's always been Big Red. Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. That was that was one question I had about that. But yeah.

He'll they're just going to do that thing where they throw a shitload of screen passes to him. Yeah. And I'm sure he'll get like a thousand yards receiving. Yeah. And then Paxton Lynch got cut. Shame. Okay.

And then the big trade. So Houston. Wait, wait, wait. We're just going to gloss over Kyle Sloder. Oh, Kyle Sloder. Yeah. What happened with him? And now the Vikings are cursed.

They're cursed this year. Oh, wow. Kirk Cuggins might not win a big game. He won't win a big game. The Vikings who historically have been clutched in the playoffs aren't going to win the Super Bowl this year. Kyle Sloder got picked up immediately in Arizona though. Okay.

So he'll be fine. He got a good landing spot. Damn. With Cliff Kingsbury. So I'm happy about that. But I'm just officially cursing the Minnesota Vikings for this year. Yeah. I don't franchise it as all the success in the world.

Yeah. Do they have a kicker yet? I don't know. I don't think they do. Yeah. The Texans were busy though. So they traded for Laramie Tunsel and Kenny Stills. By the way, Brian Flores, they're going full tank, which is I don't.

It's impossible. It's very hard for an NFL team to actually say, Hey guys, go out there and kill yourselves and also try to lose. But Brian Flores is doing the, he's, he's like most Belichick disciples. He's become a mini Belichick in Miami because I don't know if you saw, but the report before Laramie Tunsel was traded when it was just, you know, out there said that the locker room would riot if Laramie Tunsel was traded because he was like the glue to the locker room. And then he also had the Kenny Stills JZ thing.

So Brian Flores has taken all the fun out of Miami and then says, go ahead and lose for an entire year. You're forgetting that they have the best anti-tank defense of all time and his name is Ryan Fitzpatrick, who will win you five games out of the first seven every single season. And the second minus six and a half is like, I'm, I am, I am a mouse just walking up and being like, look at that huge piece of cheese and just grabbing it and snapping my neck in half.

So I will take that bet. No, you're right. It is, it's almost impossible to tank in the NFL unless you do it from like a structural standpoint, which it looks like they're trying to do a little bit, just getting rid of all their good players. But like you're right. No one's going to go out there and not play hard on Sunday. So that's, that's going to be tough to use.

Plus I always say that like in the NFL, if everybody is sure about something, then everybody is always wrong. I invented saying that. Yep. And so you think the dolphins are going to be good? I think, I think the dolphins are going to go like six and 10, seven and nine. I'll take the under on that. And I think, and I think that Daniel Jones is going to, I've, I've tricked myself into

thinking Daniel Jones will be a very good NFL player. That one I could see happening because the dolphins winning seven games is the most insane thing I've ever heard. Six to seven games for the dolphins. Okay. There we go. Seven games. I don't, they're going to win four at most.

That would still be an improvement over what most people think right now, but they will beat the pads like in Miami, right? Yeah. Whenever that game is, yes. All right. And then also Jadavion Clowney is on the Seahawks, which the Seahawks, I think it, we're going to do, we'll do our predictions on Friday. I like the Seahawks out of the West before, before Jadavion Clowney got traded there,

just because I think the Rams still make the playoffs, but I think it's very hard to come back from losing in the Super Bowl. It's going to take a little time. I think the Seahawks are going to be a tough, tough team. Like, like, there will be that story in October. Yeah. Seahawks are back. The problem is they just don't have anybody to throw the ball to.

It doesn't matter. They don't have anybody to throw the ball to. They've got Tyler Lockett. I think he's the Lockett. They still have. No, they drafted Metcalfe. Yeah. But he's hurt.

Oh, yeah. Metcalfe isn't playing. Never mind. But I do think that defense is on. Jadavion Clowney is a guy that is going to get Pete Carroll's gum jaw really going. And he's playing for a contract and he's playing for a contract. As long as Seattle Seahawks have at least two guys on a defense with sick dreadlocks, their championship window is still open.

They just look like the same Seahawks. And I'm always going to be like, I would be afraid to play against them. Yes. All right. Should we do our football guy? I'll tell you what, if this fucking over, they scored 28 points in like five minutes. Don't laugh, Liam. There's a lot of football to be played.

I hate football. We got 11 minutes, 45 seconds left. We're fine. I don't have the over. I hate football. All right. Let's do our football guy the week. So first up, we have the nominees are Liberty head coach Hugh freeze, who we have on the

show today. He coached from a hospital bed. Yeah. And that's going to be impossible to beat. Impossible. It was pretty much dying. The football guy of the year moment in week one, the visual of him sitting in that hospital bed in that window was so fucking funny.

And then the, the press conference after with all of the reporters sitting there while he skied in was incredible. I got to wonder, did anybody think to position his bed so that he was facing the field during the game so that he, he wasn't looking over his shoulder the entire time. So, oh my God, it was so, so good. I could, I mean, the whole thing, the thumbs up with Dino Babers at the end. Yeah. We're going to get to it with you freeze when he comes on.

By the way, Dino Babers just put this in the tickler file. I was going to say this anyways, before we interviewed coach freeze and he brought it up a couple of times. Dino Babers might be leading the league right now in terms of the amount of times you have to say the word classy. Yeah. We discuss him. Yes.

He is the client like Tony Dungey was the classy guy for forever in the NFL. Dino Babers is the classiest of the class head coach in college football. He also just has a winning name. Dino Babers. It's either a winning football coach or like the neighbor of Fred Flintstone. Yeah. I was going to say, I was actually going to say a cartoon dinosaur. One of those.

That has like a list. Yeah. It's perfect. It's perfect. All right. The next one we have is LSU quarterback Joe Burrow, who coach our friend said that he smashed his head against the wall before every game to get himself pumped up. Yep.

The old Gus Ferrat is what we know that as. That doesn't surprise me about Burrow. No. Burrow is a big headbutt guy. Yeah. Everybody, most guys growing up, they have at least one or two friends that are headbutt friends that usually it's like pretty inappropriate and annoying to be around them. But if you're wearing a football helmet, then it's cool.

So maybe the most badass thing that anyone could ever do in like a bar fight is go straight to the headbutt. Straight headbutt. Straight headbutt. That is the coolest thing you can do. Oklahoma coach Shane Beamer gets stitches between his eyes after headbutting a player during a TD celebration. Look, metal as fuck.

Another headbutt guy. And then we had Ohio freshman offensive lineman named Parker Titsworth. He wears number 69. That's it. That's it. That and the Norse normal circumstances that should be good enough for at least second place. We need to get a Titsworth jersey up here.

Yeah. Just no, because we like the player. Right. Right. Because we're big Ohio State fans. Yeah. On our side. And then we also had honorable mention.

You mentioned this one. Wyatt Teller from the Bills got traded to the Browns before Thursday night's game and still wanted to play in the last game for the Bills, which I don't do that, dude. He was just confused. He was like, do I? Okay. I know I was traded, but do I still get to play? Yeah.

He's just like hurting that and then doesn't get the guaranteed contract on Labor Day and all that shit. Come on, man. Come on. I don't know. To me, there's something awesome about a guy that just like his brothers one last time. Yeah.

He's like, hey, I'm here. You might as well roll me out there one more time. Right. Let's go to war. All right. So that's our football guy of the week. We're going to put that up for a poll. Everyone vote as a reminder, every single week, whoever wins, we're going to try to get

on the show. If you can help, please help. We have Hugh Freese on the show because we figured he'd win, but going forward, if you could help us at all get the football guy of the week, we had a good run the last couple years. Yeah. We even got the dog from the Boise State kickoff dog. That was amazing.

That was incredible. So vote for it and then send us any help getting the winner. Okay. Who's back of the week before we get to coach Hugh Freese? Hank, get us going. Okay. I have a few. Oh, good.

First one is rookie hazing. So push from America has been kind of, you know, taking it away. People are scared to do rookie hazing. They don't want to do anymore. Tom Brady, man of the people brought it back. I saw this. Yeah. Chase Winovich has like long PFT type ponytail hair and he brought a pair of scissors up

to him on the sideline and started cutting it. There you go. Did he donate it? I don't know. I'm sure he did. Probably. Yeah, that'd be great. It was a pretty funny prank.

Did he actually, he actually did cut it, right? Yeah. Yeah. I thought he just did the whole like pretend to cut it and then just show the scissors. But that also, do you think the minute I saw that video, I was like, well, they're both Michigan guys. So he probably can't be mad. Like not even though he can't be mad.

No, I feel like you, I feel like it's, he did that because it's a Michigan guy. Yeah. Well, I also feel like Michigan guys always stick together and pretend that it's 1904. I don't think Chase Winovich, a rookie is going to get mad at the greatest quarterback of all time. But also like Michigan men, they are very much like a high and tight haircut type of program. The Yankees.

So yeah. So he cut those sideburns madingly. Yeah. Not looking good for Louisville, by the way. Notre Dame just scored. We need one more touchdown for the over. The Joker is back. Mm-hmm.

Both the movie. A lot of people are talking about the reviews of the movie. You better not. You better not. Yeah, don't do what you're doing. What I'll say. Quit. Apparently, apparently you can retire from tennis in the middle of the game.

It's called having a shoulder injury so bad that he couldn't even walk. How does that not come out before the game starts to match whatever the fuck you want to call it? I'm worse and worse as he lost the first two sets, idiot. It's tough to battle back from a shoulder injury after you're already going to lose. Right. You lose the first two sets and then it's like, ow, my fucking arm really hurts. Guess what?

He also probably wanted to let Nadal and fucking Rafa, no, that's the same guy, Rafa and Federer. Federer. They can play the finals now. Rinka can play each other and like one of you idiots can win while the goat rests up his shoulder. Do we have a Doug Gottlieb take yet about another millennial retiring early because of a shoulder?

No. That's it. I'm waiting for that. Come on, Doug. Copycat league. It's probably a sticky fingers Gottlieb probably out there stealing something. Imagine if Gottlieb was the tennis, the ball boy at the U.S. Open and just fucking stuffed all the balls in his pockets in the game or if Gottlieb was like, dude, I want to serve

the ball. He's like, I don't have any. His pants are just, he's wearing like the cargo pants with like eight different pockets. And he's like, I don't have any. He's just full of balls. He's got a backpack. He's got a clown car filled with tennis balls and he's got parked outside. He's got like the feral hat and he's just got tennis balls inside.

Doug Gottlieb should be the joker. He just loves to watch the world burn by stealing inconsequential shit. Maybe he'll steal this take. And then my final who's back is Feel Good Scholarship Stories. The Nevada freshman hit a last second 56 yard field goal to beat Purdue and then in the celebration in the locker room after he was, he gave him a scholarship, which is like, yeah, that seems like a spur of the moment type scholarship where, yeah, like the coach won't woke up the next morning with a big scholarship hangover, like, oh, no, what did I do?

Something about Nevada, by the way, Nevada, I gave him a scholarship. Every time I watch a game in Nevada, I don't know what they do. They just release like trash in the air and it just blows everywhere. Every single time you watch a game there, the wind, there was just trash passing game. I don't know. I'm talking about their actual trash on the field. It looks like someone just ran a ticker tape parade like five minutes before the game started and it's all game long and it's every time I watch Nevada.

I need to watch more Nevada home games then CBS sports. The that's like it's Wyoming, Nevada, like all those Mountain West teams. I just feel like they're just ingrained in my brain. That's just the trash blown in from Burning Man. Yeah. That's like embers from the man that got all the cool people. Is that a Hank? Okay.

All right. The thing that moves back the week is giant tennis balls at the U.S. Open, a tradition unlike any other. It's the only time that you ever see it, but for some reason, everybody that attends the U.S. Open walks around with a giant fucking tennis ball that they get everybody to autograph. And then they get home and they're like, shit, what do I do with this huge tennis ball? Who are these people that I'll never use for the rest of my life? I don't even have a place in my apartment to put this because I live in New York.

Yeah. And who's this guy who signed it? Who makes like $30,000 a year traveling around and losing in tennis matches. It's just one of those things that you see. It's kind of, it's like a turkey leg at a state fair. If you see, you see somebody else walking around with it, you're like, oh, I should get one of those. I got to have one.

I got to have one. So I guess I'll buy a big fucking tennis ball. Okay. That's it. I like that. My other one was going to be John Gruden, but we already discussed him. Okay. By the way, if Triggs is listening to this, can you draw a picture of Doug Gottlieb, which

is stuffed with tennis balls everywhere? Thanks. My who's back is Hurricane Innovation. That guy looks exactly like the dude in my avatar. I think it's the same person. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I really do. If you can put them side by side, I'm like 90% sure that if it's not the same guy, it's an idea that the dude in my avatar has thought of before. Okay. So play the clip right here. Didn't see how they haven't come up with some kind of way to come, come back these storms yet. They keep saying now, you know, two days ago, three days ago, oh, it said this, but

it's going to get all this warm weather, all this warm weather and warm water. We have a Navy. Why don't the Navy come and drop ice in the warm water so it that they can't get going as fast as it's going. There's got to be ways to combat this instead of just pointing at the thing and say, well, it's now it's getting worse. Yeah, we know it's getting worse, but you tell us, oh, it's the warm weather. Oh, it's the wind.

Well, we have an Air Force. Right. So Air Force planes around to get the winds going the opposite way. The Navy to go in circles to fight it the other way. Hurricane innovation is fully back because every time there's a hurricane, it feels like a lot of ideas come out there and we haven't tested any of them. So this guy liked dropping ice into the water. Wait, like icing the hurt like, yeah, no, I take a knee and chug a little bitch.

He's like, they talk about this warm water. Why don't we just ice it? Uh huh. Getting the Air Force at the hurricane to reverse the wind patterns. I think that was like an issue of Superman, the comic book. I just, I just know that it feels like hurricanes are at the point where like we should solve it. Why don't we just windmills on the coastline?

Windmills are just build a giant blow dryer on the east coast of Florida or just ice it. Just get, maybe get one of those icebergs that everyone's crying about and bring it down. Just to Florida. I just tow it down. You tow it down. We just, uh, we'll just cover it and wrap first and then bring it down. Okay.

So it doesn't spoil. Yeah. Yeah. Just, or we could send a bunch of Tennessee football fan ships at it and just light the hurricane on fire. Yes. What would happen if you parachuted into the eye of the hurricane? You'd probably, you'd get so late afterwards when you have a great story to tell.

By the way, there's a meteorologist who, but like there's nothing going on in the center of it. It's the eye. It's an eye. So if you, like, you know, they show this, the views from space, like if you fell straight into the eye, would you even get wet fellas? No. No, you wouldn't.

There's no, there's no rain. I love looking at aerials of hurricanes. I just want to say, like, fuck the hurricane. Yo, big time. I want to make sure that we're disavowing hurricane rush is selling Bahamas strong as a hundred percent of proceeds. There we go. Hundred percent of proceeds go to the Bahamas to help them in their rebuilding and recovery

efforts. Anti-Nazi anti-hurricanes. Yes. Yeah. But hurricane. Hurricane science is back in a big way. Yeah. I really don't see a problem with just flying the air for it.

I know he didn't really like think through that idea. Well, he's an ideas guy, but flying the air force directly at something. I mean, we don't know if it doesn't work until we try it. Correct. Correct. And icing a hurricane. Same thing. Bombing a hurricane.

That is. Okay. So there's that geostorm idea. You ever see the movie outbreak? Yeah. If we drop the bomb from outbreak that sucks everything in that works to giant vacuum bomb. A big net. I might have invented the maybe the next that they refuse to put up around major league

baseball parks. So kids just keep like getting beaned by balls. That's what that over. Yeah. Because you're not using it. Yeah. Right. Okay.

Um, let's get to coach. You freeze. This over is not going to hit. All right. Before we do that, a word from Velveeta. So Velveeta is back. Only Velveeta delivers extra creamy cheesiness, especially perfect for your tailgate or game day party, making those dishes.

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your box that they send you. That's stitchfix.com slash PMT. And now, Coach, you freeze. Okay, we now welcome on what we assume will be the football guy of the week going away because it was one of the all time greatest football guy moves we've ever seen. It is Coach Hugh Fries, the coach of Liberty. Coach, we got to start with just a basic how are you feeling because you coached in a hospital bed.

Yeah. I've had better days, big cat. It's been a tough two weeks. I haven't been on practice field in 16 days and that's just misery to me. Thanks to our IT department, I do get to watch it live and kind of communicate with our coaches via walkie-talkies, but it's certainly not the same and it's been this difficult and disappointing that it happened this time of year. I'm really anxious, I'm going to get a report tomorrow or Wednesday from the doctors as

to whether or not they're going to try to do another procedure to ease some of the pain that I'm having in the lower back. But I'm hopeful I don't have to do that because that would really be another setback. What really happened was the staff infection somehow got to my spine and kind of had its way with one of those lower discs and now I think the operation was successful. The staff is under control, but for some reason my body is retaining a lot of fluid in that area which is causing the spine, I mean the nerves there to be irritated and they may have to go in and drain some of that I'll know in the next few days, but we're praying

that it's going to be good news and I can get back on the practice field in a week or so. Yeah, we hope so too, Coach. This is our PFT here. I was curious when I saw you up there coaching the game, did it occur to you that maybe you should sit this one out, like maybe the doctors would like you to take it a little bit easy? Yeah, it's been a back and forth with the doctors and I on that and it really had it been anything where I would have had to sit in a chair or stand, there's no way I could

have done it and the Liberty IT and Engineering departments came to the staying in a hotel room across campus so that I have everything live feed to me and they came to me and said, Coach, we've got an idea, we think we can cut out a part of a wall and put a hospital bed for my medical school in there and lay you down and you know, because I'm very comfortable laying down because there's no pressure on that area and you know, when they said that I just, you know, I feel like I owe it to our kids and coaches if I can add some type of value to to be there for them and I'm going to do anything possible that doesn't set me back and so I talked to the doctors and when I told them that I would be laying down on

the bed they I don't know if it's reluctantly but they said that that they would agree with that and and so I just that was the only possible way that I could have been there. So the I'm a huge wrestling fan and late 90s wwe and I have to say that you getting wheeled in in the wheelchair and then doing the press conference beforehand from the hospital bed it felt like Stone Cold Steve Austin was going to pop out of that that that hospital you know or whatever room you were in and start hitting you with a bedpan. Did you at any moment were you like this is a little absurd or were you just like I'm here to coach football. No you know it I'm I also am an old wrestling man I don't watch it anymore but when when

the Rock and Stone Cold and those guys were doing it I was into that too and I can visually see exactly what you and then and truthfully truthfully I really thought I was going to coach football and then when all of the interviewing started from it and me looking like I'm just that was a little over the top for me. I didn't but I didn't quite know how to say no to to you know the people that always do the pregame and then our IT department had hooked up where I could do the pregame talk from there and then talk to our players at halftime and postgame that was pretty neat. But the interviewing and then doing the press conference from there did did did feel a little bit over the top. Yeah yeah I got assume there was maybe a little

bit of I don't want to say like helplessness that that sat in but you're up there in the booth and you know you're used to be on the sidelines where you can scream at the officials and all that stuff. So you're missing out on like a little bit of the normal game day experience. Did you find yourself you know trying to yell at the refs trying to like get get involved like you normally would or is that kind of an interesting like I guess something a little bit different that you had to adjust to. Now it felt totally out of out of place for me. I didn't feel it home. I didn't feel almost surreal like it wasn't a real game. It was totally different. You know I've never been in the press box and called a game and it did it did feel quite

different. You know I've got a great staff that's done a great job preparing and then you know what we just you know obviously we didn't play very well on offense and give Syracuse a lot of credit for that. I think they're a very good defensive football team but we we had our chance to get a few points early on in the first half and miss both opportunities to do it. And from there it's pretty downhill. But but my it just it just really seemed odd to me and hard to see because of the angle of the bed to see everything that was going on. So it was something I'm not. I really hope I never have to do again. But I mean it proved in football guy fashion like you will lay in a hospital bed while you're coaching

football. That's that's kind of the mantra of the football guy. Yeah. Basically good man. Look at the end of the earth to coach football. That's right. Well I've set out you know I mean I've waited a long time for this opportunity and then I told my players when I saw it will take it will take a lot to keep me from being there and I wanted to just make sure I proved that to him. We also got to give you credit for the post game press conference which I have to admit I laughed because it's just the visual of people sitting in a press room and then you're Skyping in or teleconferencing in. But you holding the Coke zero I think it was whatever the Liberty official drink is. That was a nice touch by you. I'm glad

you noticed that and put that out. You know I see Nick Saban doing that all the time with his Coke Coke so I figured I'd better get Coke zero in for the Liberty. You know that we're a Coke zero team. Yeah. I was I got to admit I was rooting for you guys because I wanted to see how you might handle the post game Gatorade shower from your bed if there was a protocol in place. I would have I would have let them I would have let them put whatever they wanted. As we won and you know the very interesting thing and I'm glad no one got it on camera is is the fact that I had to have a P break and I couldn't move out of bed. That was quite interesting to see my coaches. You know they didn't know they had

signed up for that. Yes. When they tried to help me get I was about the middle of the third quarter. Oh that's fantastic. Yeah. So sweet. They shield it. They shield the windows. Well they they they finally got the shield up because I was begging them to my please shield it but I can't hold it any longer. And you're still coaching through the whole thing. Coach through the whole thing. Yeah. So I have to also ask the the end of the game when you gave the thumbs up to Dino Babers coach Syracuse and he gave you a little it was basically a handshake from 400 feet away or whatever it was. If for some reason we've seen games where coaches maybe don't agree it at the 50 yard line after a contentious

game. If that had been a contentious game what is it like. Do you throw them the you know flipping the bird. What do you do. You got to you got to do something different. Right. You know I would have done the same. He would have to. He's a class act and you know he just you know if it had been contentious the way he probably would have been a little shorter for both of us. But you know it wouldn't have been anything that he had done or I had done it would just probably would have been some calls that we didn't agree with or didn't go our way. And I don't think you hold that personal toward the opposing coach. And you know I thought what he did was a very classy gesture. I'm glad I saw it because I was kind

of trying to who can help me get out of this bed. And my operations guy said hey look Dino's a motion into you. So I'm so glad I saw it. And I text him after the game and just told him what a class act. I thought it was. I appreciate him wishing luck. And he did the same for us. Also notice that you were you were wearing your game day full attire on the sidelines. He had the shoes on in the bed. For me if I'm laying down I didn't have the pants on. No I couldn't get them on. I tried. Way too difficult. Yeah. Oh coaching in your underwear. That's a fantastic move. Well no I had I had a khaki shorts. Yeah which is a great backup plan. I mean you looked like you were ready to get down on the sidelines

there. I just I've never laid in bed with shoes on. I don't think and but I saw you know I was like that's how I would do it if I was coaching a football game. Yeah I had to wear my game day shoes that were that were dressed to me by Nike. Yeah. All right I got a question for you coach freeze because it's through the football guy years and everything we've talked about one of my favorite moves of all time was something you did at Ole Miss and that was the fake funeral. Can you talk us through that because that's a legendary football guy. Yeah that one guy that one guy took quite quite blown out of proportion a little bit. You know there was never any casket there was never any any funeral attire

it was simply a slide show on the on the big screen of at my funeral this is what I would like for my wife to say about me my kids to say about me my players to say about me my friends to say about me and then I went from there on how do I get there because all of us make mistakes all of us have had things that we are not quite proud of and so how do you make the most of the time that you have remaining to make sure if this is what I won't set about me you know how do I do it so this is my funeral you know what is my wife going to say today and what are my kids going to say what are my players going to say so it was more of me having a conversation about that than what it kind of grew to be.

OK well I'll put my hand up I probably had a part in making it a bigger than it was but I would like you probably started that in you. Yeah I would like to live I think when I first read the story I was like Coach Fries had all his players show up to the practice facility and there was just a casket there and his assistant coach said Coach Fries died last night. That's no truth to any of that. We're hoping it was like a Viking funeral type thing where they just they wheeled a casket out onto the fifth yard line set it on fire and said you killed your coach because you didn't play hard enough. Yeah that's what they say y'all are definitely WWE. Yes so so along those same lines is there anything

else that you've done through your years of coaching that has helped motivate the team something maybe a little outside the box like a fake funeral. I haven't let's see I'm sure there's there's some things I did take a team through a through this we probably can't do this anymore but we did this army deal relay race through this swamp. It was quite interesting. That's awesome. And then it was a lot of fun but I don't know if I've done too many other things that are quite out of the box. Yeah I mean coaching in a in a hospital bed is pretty out of the box. That's it's pretty out there. You just kind of take what life throws at you. Yeah yeah. I heard that a mutual friend of ours my old colleague Ben

Carson helped you to identify that maybe you were dealing with a serious medical issue is that was there any truth to that? I tell you what you know you've done your homework and you know I'd been in the hospital two days and and and really we weren't sure exactly what was going on because I mean I'd been at eight straight practices a fall camp and you know running around wild man excited to be back out there in no pain at all. And after practice they have a scrimmage and I'm sitting in the film room with our coaches and going over to with our players and didn't have to walk through and all of a sudden you know my back just starts getting really tight. And by the time I got home I told you you

got to help me to bed. And the next morning I couldn't walk. And so we got to the hospital and I had no pain in my legs or or anything but in total spasms if I even moved. And so I wasn't really sure what was going on and they they did a little epidural hoping that would ease it. It didn't phase it. And that was day two and that's when I called the Jerry Falwell and just said you know I'm not sure what's going on but I'm hopeful you have some contacts in the medical field that can help us and man it wasn't 10 minutes that my wife was on the phone with Ben Carson and I think he may have been one of the first to say you know that this may be this may be some type of infection or an attack on a on a disc or

something and not necessarily a disc issue. And so then we immediately started saying well where can we get him to handle that. And again Dr. Jerry Falwell was able to get one of the top. Ben was was willing to help us but getting to Johns Hopkins in the pain I was in was a very difficult task. And so the next best option that they recommended was another top surgeon that does this Dylan Alagala. And he's in Scottsdale Arizona and Dr. Falwell flew in in the UVA. He has surgical rights there. And man I'm just thankful he came in he spent five minutes with me saw me. He says you've got some type of infection in your spine. And we've got to get in there right now. And you know the next morning seven

a.m. we went in sure enough it was a somehow got staff in my bloodstream to attack that area. And thank God they got in there fast enough so it didn't go anywhere else. All right we hope you you start feeling better pretty soon here. I had one more question about kind of the protocol afterwards. I always see football coaches they get the state trooper escort after the game. You know how to do the handshake. Was there did you get the state trooper escort out of the press box when they were we had that I had the chief of chief of police for our university took care of it. All right. I got one last question. It's our C key question. You want to go to a college football game this year put in promo code

take you get ten dollars off your C key purchase. So you did the hospital bed. You said you don't want to ever do it again. If you I think what next week you're going down to Louisiana. What happens what happens if the doctor says you've got a coach in a wheelchair or with an IV bag. You know next to you are you doing that on the sideline. Oh man. If he says I can do that I will be there. I know I'll get talked about again and made fun of again but I'll do that for my kids and team if we can do it. I am going to listen to them though. I want to get well for the long term and we're going to have a big conversation on Thursday. I know and kind of see where things are. But if he says

that's permissible you'll you'll be talking about me again maybe toss in a fake funeral and throw it in there. So yeah really do it. Just be like hey listen I was in a hospital bed and just be like actually this is the perfect time. You can have one of your assistant coach be like hey guys we didn't score. We didn't score on Saturday. Coach freeze died. Well I'll tell you what if I have many more Saturdays when we don't score many you'll have to be. I'll be on suicide. There you go. Oh here's what we can do. You can bury the hospital bed. Oh put that behind you. You know a lot of a lot of coaches in football burn it. Yeah you've buried some footballs I would assume right.

Yes. Yeah you got it. I could burn the hospital bed and then come out with a steel chair. Perfect. All right coach freeze. Rest up. Hopefully you feel better and congratulations on winning the week one football guy of the week. It's a big award and we'll send you something in the mail. We've been saying that to everyone. We've never sent anything but maybe you'll be the first one. Yeah well thank you guys so much. All right thanks coach. You know people often refer to me as the Messiah of sexual health. Many people do the shepherd guiding your genitals into an STI list future. The lord of unintended pregnancy prevention the deliver of the best safe sex advice on the market the savior of safety

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gonna be white panda month they made a bunch of take on your mixes they're all I mean we've had some good ones over the years but these ones are all extremely high quality so we're gonna put one on the end of each episode for the entire month I think yes thank you white pan shout out to white panda thank you I'm there I mean I've heard them all so I'm excited but I'm excited for everyone to listen them week by week they're like Panda they're so fucking good and that was actually one of the most random follows that I got that I was like oh fuck yes because it happened a couple years ago but barely legal if you've never they're like year-long remixes they used to put out they still do those that I'm in

2016 I think was last one I remember but so good the best the best so shout out to the guys from white panda go listen them right now okay first up is that was about to be right chock-a-mole for real cover that it's real good damn nail nailing Hank is Pat Riley is Pat Riley dead yet Pat Riley was trending I thought he died he did not he did not die thank God and that was his Pat Riley dead yet he's as alive as he's ever been he was on a boat with Dwayne Wade dressed like a pirate uh-huh dancing cutting absolute rug and yeah he's just one of those guys who as he gets older he's cooler yeah he looks awesome and with Dwayne Wade it's one of these situations where a guy retires and now he just hangs

out with other retired people so like once you once you stop working I feel like you don't really have an age anymore you're just like he's now Dwayne Wade's an old guy right Pat Riley has to be and it's not Mount Rushmore season anymore but has to be on the Mount Rushmore of greatest stories like that he holds in his brain yeah if you sit down think about it the Showtime Lakers the Knicks in the 90s Dwayne Wade and LeBron like winning the championship with Shaq and Dwayne Wade he has seen and done so many things I guarantee you he just has stories on top of stories on top of stories yeah I would also say that he's probably on a Mount Rushmore of cool slick ass old dudes yes he was a slick ass

young dude yeah but now like he became a slick ass old yeah he's almost like he's almost younger now that he's old if that makes sense rare to happen usually slick ass young dudes age poorly very poorly yes who do you think is a better old man dancer him or Mac Brown Mac Brown damn Mac Brown fuck he's so good at the media shit like the way he was crying after the game it's like god damn it did it again Mac you fucking did it again and then his dance he has not missed a beat on the how can I get more recruits to UNC cry about my kids and then dance in the most awkward way possible that's kind of endearing yeah no he always looks like he's he's a father doing like a choreographed father's daughter

dance at a wedding right like the little hand motions that he was doing just corny but lovable lovable lovable yeah so shout out Mac Brown being back all right next up we have we already did talking tennis because we're on a collision course we said that over bitch and Rafa in the finals to once and for all determine who's the goat we have bad visual Joe West he fell on Raj Davis is he okay he did the move where he actually put more I had to delete the clip because I'm always scared of the MLB but I had it up for a while he he fell on him and then to get off of him he put all of his weight on his lower back and it the whole thing was ridiculous because Joe West essentially was saying I'm too lazy to move three feet when I know there's gonna

be a plate to play it's Joe West is extremely relatable yeah he does not give a fuck anymore I have to imagine if you were to make a list of people that you'd want to fall on you Joe West would probably be towards the top if he's got a body type that like seems like it would like feel kind of nice to have him land on you pillowy yeah very pillow there should be a Korean massage where it's just they bring Joe West in I don't know and then he just like trips and loses his balance and then has to excuse himself and waddle out the visual of Joe West falling on top of you and then like being on top and he was on top of him for a while yeah though you got to go face down yeah that's why you do it on a massage table where you're looking through that but then

I don't think Joe West I think Joe West is like a turtle on its back like if Joe West goes to the ground or like a horse like you can't let a horse or was a cow well a turtle if a cow goes on the ground you got to kill it not calling Joe the cow but when Joe if Joe West goes all the way to the ground I don't think he's ever getting up again right he just bringing out the apron they're putting it around him the shower the shower curtain and shooting him like a horse yeah the tarp might be one answer oh if you just get like another portly guy and like a turtle to just walk over to him and belly up and just roll him over onto his onto his feet again I think that would probably work too he just needs somebody with his exact body type he needs right Kevin Farley to come in and

just be like hey stand up right right yeah just come on you get up I'm gonna bump you up yeah yeah you bump each other up and then they both end up in the mud and then we just have to blow up the whole stadium it's a worst disaster never getting out of there all right last up before we get to hashtag hyphy I don't even know what we're calling this one LeBron just LeBron's an asshole let's just go just a business hour with LeBron okay and I'm sure the LeBron stands will get in my mentions and be like you you just hate him you just hate him whatever fine I do just hate him he is trademarking Taco Tuesday trying trying trying this is the guy who his big inventions his big ideas business ideas yeah talking in a barber shop with his friends with his friends

Space Jam 2 remember when he created Plinko the greatest game of all time literally the greatest game on Price is Right he was like I'm just gonna make I'm gonna call it the wall and and put it on ABC I'm LeBron James he invented book clubs invented book clubs he invented Deli's some some all yeas she's shing yeah and he is invented now Taco Tuesday which has been trademarked by was it Taco John's I was gonna say competition Tuesday for a coach oh he does he really think he created this yes yes you can trademark Taco Tuesday well he's one of those guys where he trademarked he thinks that anything he says he's doing in a service because it's LeBron so it's like yeah he's a goat the same guy listen if you scream anything loud enough into your Instagram

stories it becomes your trademark if you do it for enough weeks in a row I don't know how you LeBron people wake up in the morning let me just say that as nicely as possible with a bunch of rings as only three but not a bunch a bunch of rings a bunch would imply more than three is a few yeah a bunch you had to endorse them some brutal brutal final losses okay so I'm not endorsing his final losses final losses but what I am endorsing is the fact that he owns getting a haircut and eating tacos yes he's hanging out in a barber shop with your friends and eating Mexican food is property of LeBron James and it seems like that's I'm actually just describing DJ college life do you you you know how like when you go into a pitch and you're they always say like don't

compare it to something else that's really good yeah like don't be like hey I got uber for scooters uh-huh LeBron just goes into a pitch he's like I got Plinko I got Plinko but I said I got Plinko it's it's it that's the end of the pitch huh I actually wouldn't put it past LeBron to be like in a business meeting this is uber but for tacos on Tuesday where you make you can only order on Tuesday it's a gig economy where everyone out there is their own chef and they're all making their own tacos god damn it I love it all right last up we have a hashtag hyphy so oh by the way we're gonna have a show tomorrow so back to back shows we're gonna do we have Jerry Ferrara turtle you might know him as turtle awesome interview and also we're gonna recap hard knocks

the season finale speaking of back to back pft we haven't talked about this since uh since last week so I don't know if you've you've cooled down on it but is that distracts still happening oh yeah the distract is coming I wrote it on Friday so yes I'm continuing my battle against Drake even though he did write the seminal lyric of our generation imagine if I never met the broskies that was good and I mentioned that in my song tip of the cap Drake but I'm coming out of his ass and I wrote I basically better be ready I heard some of it I heard some I murdered him like he's dead he's already dead I haven't even laid it down to you I almost feel bad putting Drake out of business like this I need a fumble that's not what happened in

Sanford Northwestern when it when I didn't need one hey when are we gonna put out back to back Friday Friday okay nice little treat taking you into NFL weekend I like it I like it I love it um okay hashtag hyphy so imagine if Drake responds what does he have one of those lame Twitter it would be the first time Instagram handle is uh what oh damn Hank oh yeah you gotta get him Hank was he is he champagne poppy on on Twitter you don't know I don't think uh is he uh that uh champagne poppy guy yeah I saw somebody say that yeah you know he doesn't tweet all I'm saying is the second family was mentioned a lot in in the lyrics that I wrote you went there a lot you went there um that's dude that's you broke broke

code yeah I did big time well I mean you can say it about Bartolo Cologne you can say it about Drake that's true uh all right hashtag hyphy so I think when we created this it was just explain a hashtag and uh right now there's a hashtag trending called things we should cancel so brawn no yes taco Tuesday if you cancel LeBron you also cancel tacos you realize yeah and making fun of LeBron uh huh sure we can't do that yeah no I'm right Hank you you you you would miss it we all would miss it uh I want to cancel comedy specials because I'm sick of people telling me I haven't seen the Chappelle special but I know it's I know I'm not supposed to like it or I am supposed like I don't I just want to watch a comedy special and laugh but now it's become something that I have to have

a very strong opinion about oh yeah whichever way you respond to it then you fall you're that guy on whatever side of the argument there's like no gray area what so I watched it I thought it was okay oh am I allowed to say it was okay no it was okay I don't think so the parts that he's getting criticized for it's it was kind of weird how he handled some of it were basically for half the show he was like I'm gonna say some stuff that people are gonna get mad at me for saying but I'm gonna say it right now he's gonna go there oh I'm permission to go yeah permission to go there which is like a weird way to frame it if you're gonna tell jokes and not be afraid to go there then the jokes need to be really really really funny yes and sometimes they were sometimes it

were I thought it was okay I just okay for me to think no it was like I'm exactly 50 50 no you're not it's not okay so I'm I'm ready to cancel comedy specials and I don't want to do comedy anymore okay just forget about it when did we start it's not worth it yeah it's not worth it um what else you what do you got I'd like to cancel well I'm told that we already are canceling Christian girl autumn is that true I was getting all set for it I got some lip gloss I got some riding boots I got some nice jeans big hat some scarves but I'm told that Christian girl autumn is getting cancelled okay no is that news to you I don't want to it's not something I want to I've heard fuck boy falls happening oh nice what about what about uh hot hot boy summer are we just gonna

roll that yeah we can roll that little hotness that rolls into fuck boy fall yeah I didn't use all my hotness up um what about uh I was thinking September where we just take a lot of eat a lot of toms I like that avoid heartburn I like the responsible um how about hurricanes just canceled if we canceled hurricanes maybe that's really the idea for fuck putting ice in the air force just cancel them on twitter I think it's it's like an ecosystem thing though what take away hurricanes then the whole world crumbles that's sure is that how is that how does that work that's just my understanding of flooding and erosion everything he just said is right okay thanks right what if what if we stopped naming hurricanes and we stopped giving them the distinction of uh

of having like a proper name or I feel like we're giving hurricanes too much of the spotlight when all they're doing is just destroying everything we should just call them evil storm they should they should have put the names for hurricanes up for auction and then all that money goes to fighting the hurricane yeah but then companies go fund me yes companies no but companies will bid with each other to be like hurricane progressive hurricane awareness month do you really think that like a company like would want their name associated with the storm that's going to kill how many impressions are no they're anti-hurricane no such thing as bad press is that what you're saying yeah kind of okay because then it's all the money is going to then

hurricane relief so it's like yeah you're actually you're you know you're helping what if you just named hurricanes like if you were to able name a hurricane after your ex hmm that'd be pretty sick too what if we did the windmill thing and it was a text you know it's like text to this number for a dollar to the Red Cross if you texted it and then the text message controlled the windmills so every time you hit text it it windmills why don't we hook up every single peloton bike in the world correct to an anti-hurricane I kill that hurricane myself an anti-hurricane like giant leaf blower yeah um I want to cancel scooters bird scooters all of them razor scooters I'm kind of done with them because they're just intimidating yeah they're fun but they're also intimidating

and I just I don't know I'm done with them I'm done with them but we don't have my best report right now yeah we don't have them here which is good I feel like I've seen dude in Brooklyn they have actual motorcycles you can rent there's a black market for that doesn't seem safe no it's it's it's like Vespas you can rent a Vespa I don't like that yeah I don't like that it's crazy um yeah that's I like canceling those okay bird scooters canceled it's canceled um I'm gonna cancel I'm just gonna cancel Kirk Cousins I'm mad at him okay and Doug Gottlieb and Doug Gottlieb unless he's a ball boy no he's yeah he's one of those where you want to keep him around so you can say he's here's a bad guy okay um anything else I think that's good we should cancel yeah

so do though we what is it by the way the hashtag things we should cancel when this ends up going out people are gonna be the hashtags to be over it's one of those hashtags that was funny first and then people made it very political not if you listen to it right when we put the show out yeah then you can cancel anything yeah oh also uh speaking of canceling scooters I know that Austin has a real scooter problem a really bad scooter problem I'm gonna be in Austin on Wednesday night nice those are seamless plug come out to east side tavern come to east side tavern we're doing a power out of the hardfacker boys will you for me will you kick over at least three scooters absolutely okay thank you appreciate it and I'll hide some of them too and uh you'll be back

because we're doing a live stream uh at the Fandall Sportsbook for Thursday night football that's true Bears Packers very true uh NFL 100 get ready even though I'm wearing an NFL 75 hat that's fine you're just supporting the entire continuum of NFL football right I have all the time from zero to 100 all right we'll see you tomorrow love you guys I Take on me Take on me Take on me

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