Pardon My Take - Comedian Theo Von, NBA Playoffs, And We're All In On Liquid Death

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

NBA Playoffs are awesome and we try to watch Game 7 of the Blues/Stars while podcasting. The Sixers got whomped. Big Cat no longer misses Lebron (2:29 - 10:21) . The Warriors vs The Warriors is heating up and we play the Blame Game with Hank for the Celtics season (10:21 - 26:35). Hot Seat/Cool Throne including "Liquid Death" aka Water (26:35 - 46:42). Comedian Theo Von joins the show to talk about the comedy world, growing up in Louisiana, sports, and Coach O (46:42 - 88:05). Segments include Talking Soccer, PR 101 for Game of Thrones hating dogs, Thoughts and Prayers to Country House, and Guys on Chicks. You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/PardonMyTake

Hey, pardon my take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen, ad-free, on Amazon Music. Ready, Henry? What did you just break? It was already off. What? What?

Is it? I don't know. On today's pardon my take, we have the very funny Theo Vaughn in studio. He's a comedian, he is on tour, he is part of the Joe Rogan Mafia, very funny guy, and a good interview with him. We also have NBA Playoffs, Hotsy Cool Throne, guys on chicks, and a whole lot more. Before we get to all of that, the Cash App. It's time to talk about the Cash Card from the Cash App, the number one finance app in

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Shout out Ghost, do it for the animals and be a lover. Download the Cash App today and enter code BARSTULE, get some money and save some animals. Okay, let's go. Bye! Now in the street there is violence and then a lot of stuff will have to be done. No pistol hangers or washing and then I can't live all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna run down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna run down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher.

Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now, use code BARSTULE and they'll donate $5 to saving animals at ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, May 8th, PFT. We're in the new studio and we have TVs, let's see if we can do two things at once. This is gonna be very tough because we have two TVs going right now as we're trying to do the podcast. We're like, this is gonna be great. It's very distracting already, like I'm really into that course like commercial. So we have Game 7 of the Blues and the stars going right now behind us.

It is 1-1 with 14 minutes left so if you want to pause your DVR when you're listening to this, you go back in time, pause your DVR, you can watch the end of the game with us live, watch, party. But yeah, this is... Actually, if you start Part of My Take at the same time that you start the Blues stars game with 14 minutes left in the third. And the Wizard of Oz at the same time. It's all gonna sync up and then you also have to put on Pink Floyd and get the perfect soundtrack. But more relevant to tonight, a game that we have already watched are the Sixers Dead. Or are they just sick?

Do they just have diarrhea? Does the whole team have diarrhea because Kawhi and the Raptors and Pascal Siakam beat the fuck out of the Sixers? I have a theory. This is just the next evolution of the process for Joel and Bede. It's just have your star player get the flu and then cough all over the players in Game 5 and get all the unvaccinated Canadian millennials sick. And so in Game 6, they're all gonna be puking their guts out and your star player will be healthy as a horse. I like that theory. I don't know what the Sixers are doing.

It is... I feel like the Sixers won their championship in Game 3. When Joel and Bede was going crazy and had all Philly in the palm of his hands and the place was rocking and he had an unreal game. And it was like, okay, you know what? Let's wrap it up for the season. That was pretty awesome. We can basically beat any team at our very best. We don't have to prove it, right?

But we did one game so that works. I'd like to just go ahead and apologize to Nick Nurse. I judged a book by its cover big time when they hired him. Yeah. And I'm wrong. Well, it's a terrible name. Nick Nurse is an awful name for a head coach. I stand by that take.

And he's got a weird look. I think he's pretty good. Yeah, he's pretty good. And the... Look, I think the Sixers probably will win Game 6 and will go 7, but this is a beat... Like, whenever a team loses like this in a series, you're like, how the hell? I know we're just doing knee-jerk reactions, but how the hell are the Sixers gonna come back from that? And I don't mean...

I like the Sixers. I like Joel Embiid. I'm a James Butler fan, but it's just like nothing fits for them. Right. Jimmy showed up tonight. Jimmy showed up tonight, although he actually played decently. I think Joel Embiid's shits really didn't help. You know who's real bad?

It's Charles Barkley. Yes. Charles Barkley is very upset at Joel Embiid for not pretending that he's not sick well enough. Right. If that makes sense to you. It makes perfect sense. Well, if you're a guy and you're the dude on your team, if you're the guys... If you're the dude that all the guys are looking up to, you have to pretend that you're not sick.

So I want to revisit something and it's perfect after what Kawhi keeps doing every single night. And he didn't score his, you know, like 40 that he's been scoring. They actually had like very even scoring throughout the team. But I wanted to revisit something that we've said on this podcast and I'm gonna retract it. I don't miss LeBron. I don't miss LeBron in these playoffs anymore. I missed them in the first round. It's a mistake.

The first round felt hollow without LeBron. But I do not miss LeBron anymore because these are the best playoffs we've had in a very long time. And it's all because of these young guys, all superstars that are showing out night in and night out. I did some stats for you, PFT. I actually looked up a stat. This is a stat directly just for me. For me trying to navigate pro football, pro basketball reference. Not pro football.

Okay. Pro basketball reference. In the last 10 years, there have been nine total guys that have averaged 30 points or more after round one. This year, there are four guys total. So that's insane. How many guys are playing really well? The guys this year. Defense is bad.

Kauai, KD, Harden, Damian Lillard. And I didn't even mention obviously Yokech, who's averaging a triple double basically. Who's that? The Joker. Who? I don't know who he is. Yeah, we don't talk about the nugs on these podcasts. Giannis, who is destroyed Hank Celtics, and then the whole list of guys who basically are like a step below who can have unreal nights at any given time and bead stuff.

James Butler. CJ McCollum. Shout out to Hezzie Hay. Chris Paul. Jamal Murray. I'll throw him in there so Nuggets fans don't get mad. I love these playoffs because the star power is insane and all these guys, like all these guys are going off every single night. KD goes off.

Kauai goes off. Giannis goes off. Yokech. No one watches it, but he goes off. I'm going to tell you why that's an awful take. Okay. It's a terrible take. Yes, okay.

Yes, watching young players that are good, that's fun. If you like good basketball, that's fun. I'm not talking about good basketball. I'm talking about the possibility of watching LeBron James get curb stomped in the Western Conference Finals by the Warriors of the Rockets and go home in four or perhaps a gentleman sweeping five. Well, so he wouldn't have last, even if he got in the playoffs this year, he wouldn't have last past the first round. So you just throw that out there. Like the second where this has been such an unbelievable second round and all these players are playing such a high level and I'm happy you brought up the like we're missing that big story. Might I remind you, we have an all time battle going on between the Warriors and the Warriors.

That's true. But real quick, back up to LeBron James for a second. Yes. You would be so excited. I would actually contend that it would be a bigger thing for people to nitpick at him for. If he got blown out in the playoffs, then it is for him to miss the playoffs entirely. I don't know. People are just going to forget.

People are going to forget that he didn't play in these playoffs. People already forget that. Listen, we'll remind you. No. We will remind you. He showed up in these playoffs and you were watching him just get the shit kicked out of him night after night. Nope. That would do more to solidify y'all's little argument that LeBron James is not the goat.

PFT, I am passing the torch from LeBron to the rest of the NBA. It's in great hands. We do not need LeBron James anymore. I'm saying it like these playoffs have been unbelievable and I've loved watching like what Yanis did against the Celtics on Monday night was incredible. Then right after boom James Harden drops 38 and Kevin Durant tries to drag Clay Thompson and Steph Curry's broke asses to a win in Houston like every single night. It's unbelievable. I'm just saying you you would love it. You'd be salivating.

I need somebody out there to make an artist rendition of what would be happening in an alternate reality. Where LeBron James in these playoffs getting yammed on his like taking his headband off to reveal a new hairline every night. These are the storylines that the average sports fan craves. I would love to watch like LeBron lose your right on that. But I'm what I'm saying is without LeBron we've had four great series. And I guess I wouldn't even call the Celtics box has been borderline not great because it's three one and it looks like it's going to a four one finish on Wednesday night. Like all the other games have been must watch. Whereas in years past that has not been the case.

OK. You're also forgetting about the ancillary effects about having LeBron James in the playoffs which would be you get to look forward to skip and Stephen A Smith takes tomorrow morning. I got something for you. They're screaming about LeBron James the entire morning taking you taking you smooth sailing. Don't you worry. All the way to 11 a.m. nothing but LeBron James talks not nonstop. That's what I also I think the problem is I like watching the game. You like watching the game outside.

I like the game within the game which is outside which is Stephen A Smith in LeBron's head as LeBron is playing in a game. So we've done. You know what. Let's finish the war. Let's talk about the Warriors and then we'll get to Hank Celtics. Right now LeBron James is in your head inside of his own head inside of Stephen A Smith's head inside of his own head. He's got another barbershop show coming. I don't care. So the Warriors versus the Warriors game for PJ Tucker is you should love PJ Tucker.

PJ Tucker is a real dirt dog. He's slapping. He's grabbing. He's doing everything he needs to do. I call him BJ Tucker because he finishes. OK. So an update an update on the Warriors versus the Warriors. The Rockets are trying harder.

The Warriors don't try as hard. They look like if you watch the Rockets they basically are trying for every 5050 ball. The Clay Thompson is now fighting against the Yips and the Avengers nerds because he bashed the Avengers and he walked out after two hours. He probably just had to piss. Yeah. Steph Curry is dealing with now Aisha Curry's comments. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. I don't know.

I can't find anyone who actually is mad about it. So Aisha Curry said that she gets jealous because Steph Curry has a lot of women throwing themselves at him all the time and she doesn't have any male attention. She actually said that right which is weird because Aisha Curry is I think objectively a very attractive woman. But Aisha we'll give you some attention right now. I think you're great and your cooking show wasn't as bad as people said it was. Also who is the lady sitting next to you in that show that you did. Oh Steph Curry's mom. Steph Curry's mom.

Yeah. Very attractive as well. So yeah Aisha Curry said this stuff which I still can't find the people. It's a classic Internet 2019 thing where everyone one person says Aisha Curry is crazy and then the reaction to the reaction is so overblown that I can't even find the person who called out Aisha Curry because nothing she said was like outside of common sense. And it was actually a good comment by her. Right. And so now we have a bunch of people being like yeah you should go Aisha it's like wait but who are we yelling at here. Find me that person.

Yeah I also think that this is just a masterful Phil Jackson type trick that she's doing. You remember in between games Phil Jackson would always say something outlandish so that nobody would focus on his players or any problems they had on the court. They would just be like wow I can't believe that Phil Jackson like said that the refs need to meditate more. In this case Aisha is saying like she's getting something to put her name out there in the news. Now people aren't talking about the Warriors vs the Warriors anymore. Yeah but you know Draymond's mom is probably upset about it and also back to the Warriors vs the Warriors. Clay Thompson has been rumored by Woj. He's going to resign with the Warriors but Woj did the little trick that was like if he doesn't resign with the Warriors he's going to choose the Clippers over the Lakers.

So now we start that. Draymond is letting Chris Paul get rebounds over him and Kevin Durant's elbow got a boo boo. There was also just a lot of like elbowing and punching going on. A lot of elbows. And James Harden is very good but James Harden also sucks at not cheating. Yes. He is really really bad at not cheating. Right.

Or not trying to make the refs think that he's cheating. Trick the refs. He tries to trick the refs constantly. But that series is really really fun to watch. I'm starting to get into the Mike Greenberg zone where I'm like I just wish well you don't know what the Mikey says. No he's like I wish I played 9. I wish I played 11. Yeah exactly.

I wish this was the finals and the semifinals and they just played 82 games next year. Rockers vs Warriors. Yep that's exactly what they say. But yeah that is by far the best series but it would be even better if there was a looming LeBron James dunk off where he was just going to get the ball game through his face in the next round. Okay so Hank we are going to get to your Celtics but we should just mention that we're about to start the Nuggets vs Blazers. So here you go Nuggets fans that get mad at us. Yolkich is awesome. We love Yolkich.

He drinks three liters of coke a day or used to. He used to be chubby. Used to. CJ McCollum is our guy. Dame Lillard is awesome. What else can we say that we'll like this is our time to basically. You know what. So people can be like why didn't you talk about that.

This is the series that you watch if you're a true basketball fan. True. If you're a basketball. We're about to watch it. If you're a basketball purist you say you know forget about the Rockets and the Warriors just tricking each other into fouling on three pointers. That's not basketball. You know what my basketball is. Guard play.

Yes. Excellent guard play and good crisp dribbling. And that's what you get in the Nuggets Trail Blazers. Minus Yolkich. Minus Yolkich. He's not a guard. He's not a guard. But he gets a lot of assists.

But he's a good player. He's a throwback. So there you go. Where are you going to say Hank? Every Nuggets game I just think that Isaiah Thomas is going to come off the bench and drop like 40 and like a heroic performance. It just doesn't happen. It's going to happen. Never happens.

One day. One day. Hopefully. Shout out to Pepsi Center. Shout out Rato. Shout out Seerad. We're going to watch Game Six. Nugnation.

We have we have something we have to do tomorrow. We're going to watch Game Six and record after. So we'll have your thoughts for that. Don't worry. We got your back Nugs and Seerad. Don't. Yep. Hank.

So this is what you do. This is called moving the goalposts. Say this right now. Now Nuggets and Blazers fans are like, oh, they got our back. They're going to watch Game Six and comment that on Friday's show. I'll have a look at the Friday show. No one will fucking remember what I'm saying right now. Fuck shit, bitch.

I also have a lot of stuff to unpack about how much I enjoy the city of Portland, but I'm going to save that to the next round. Love Rato. Yeah. Love places you can smoke weed. We've gassed up. We've gassed the shit. Yeah.

Out of Rato already. We gassed man. I'm ready to un-leash. Un-leash. I'm ready to just open mouth kiss the entire city of Portland and tell you how great I think it is once in the next round. You know what I'll say? If the Nuggets and the Blazers win the NBA championship, I will eat Portland or Denver's

asshole, meaning I will swim in one of their sewage pipes. Did it ever occur to you guys that the names of both of those teams are very re-related? Yeah. The Nugs and the Blazers. The Nugs and the Blazers. The Chilla Series and NBA history. What? What are you going to say?

Don't. You gave me a look like you're going to have to do it. And guess what? I will. I'll swim in this, like a, what are they going to, like one of those lakes where all the sewage goes to? What are those things called? Reservoir.

No. That's where you can't shit. Okay. But I have. A city hall. City hall. Okay. I will eat city hall.

All the politicians. Yeah. All the politicians. Hank, let me ask you this question. When it comes to your Boston Celtics. If there were a knife, a gun, and a grenade on your desk, which one would you reach for first to terminate your life? Probably grenade.

Yeah. You just jump on it? Go with the bang. Yeah. Would you be screaming? I don't blame Kyrie. Sit down. Right before you blow up.

You would let it sit on the table and take a grenade to your face? How? I don't know. Okay. Okay. That's one way to do it, I guess. All right. So where are you at?

This is a classic case of a team that we talked about on Monday. They were trying to, you know, flip the switch all year and they couldn't seem like they flipped the switch in game one, but it was the biggest cockteas of all right, but it but as is very often in sports, the team that you are all year, which was talented, but ultimately very inconsistent is exactly what they are in the playoffs. Yeah. I mean, obviously they had shit all year. I was still thinking that everything you said in the beginning, all the stars, I thought

that was going to be Kyrie. He was going to come out, take over, flip the switch, do what he had to do to win. And it seemed like they were going to do that. Like the game was set up for them to win that game, but no one hit shots. When they got down, they just like acted like they were beat. They gave up. It seems no fight. There's no fight.

It seems like Kyrie's gone. No one cares. Marcus smart got clowned on by Yanis. That was funny. That was funny. Yeah. Yanis, it's, it's one of those. They're the best defensive team in the league.

And Yanis is the MVP. That's the thing is I think it's because the Celtics have so much star power and because they were in game seven, Eastern Conference final last year without Gordon Hayward and Kyrie Irving that everyone was like, well, they're the best team in the East, but you forgot that like the box won 60 games and Yanis isn't up. Yanis is unguardable. He really is like everything, everything he does. And then when all his guys start hitting threes, like, what are you supposed to do

to that? I mean, that's the key is, is having, he's going to get to the hole no matter what. And then when he kicks it out, are you able to make a three? Right. That's that. And they have been really, really good at that. There was still ultimately no fight though. That's where it was like disappointing.

It was like all three of the last games, the third and fourth quarter where it was close, they just gave up the lead and they didn't, there was no, there was no, literally no fight, no second unit. Like no one. Okay. So let, let's do a blame game. Throw the, let's do, let's do the blame game. Rank these guys that you put the blame on one Kyrie Irving shooting like 25% from three.

He said he credit crack Kyrie Irving. He did say you will not see another eight out of 22 for me. And then he went seven for 22. So he's not a lot of facts. Not a liar. Two, Gordon Hayward, basically just not being the Gordon Hayward that was in Utah. I mean, three, Jason Tatum regressing because Kobe got in his ear for Brad Stevens, who's 24 and 25 as a coach in the playoffs.

Kyrie, one, far and away. Yeah. He's supposed to be the leader. He's a guy. I do think Kyrie, like he, he like kind of fucked himself here because he, the whole way he left Cleveland, he's like, I want to be the guy, like you're going to get judged as the guy. And guess what?

There's probably only five or six guys in the NBA. Like I'm talking best guy on an, on a championship team. And Kyrie is not what he's right below it, but he's not one of those guys. He's not a Yanis. He's not a Kawhi. He's not, you know, a KD LeBron real quick, wait, wait, real quick, if he had hit those shots and he was putting up like 30, 40 a game, these playoffs, you would have, he would have been the same as Dean.

I just want to point out real quick. You're saying like, to matter of fact, it's like that always come out in the last like seven games. But this was his prove it. Yeah. Yeah. This was his, his prove it postseason. I pulled some Saber metrics.

He was seven for 22. You know what that is. That's pie. It's 3.14. Damn. I don't know what that means, but I think it's, I think it's very notable and it's probably going to impact the series in some way of moving forward. And then after the game, you mean the Celtics might lose?

They might. Yeah. They might lose. I don't know what it's going to be, but I'm just saying all you numerology buffs out there, keeping, keeping your antennas up. And then after the game, he was asked about his performance and he said, who cares? Who cares? He said, who cares?

Said his shooting wasn't good. Mike Francesca. Who cares? Who cares? And do you think that his choice of words was bad or do you think the attitude is bad? Well, that quote was kind of taken out of context. I agree with that. I mean, he's gone.

Like the, he's out. You can tell he's gone. It doesn't seem like he's going to come back. I thought it's kind of like Kawhi. Like if they win this series, there's a chance he's going to come back to Toronto. I thought if Kyrie made it to the Eastern Conference finals or like finals, maybe he would come back. But I just don't, I don't see it happening.

They just came out with the way they're like playing. The thing with Kyrie, and I do think who knows. I mean, they might make a miraculous comeback, but they saw the way they just quit last three games. Basically, The, who cares? Quote was definitely one of those ones I saw on Twitter and I was like, I feel like this has a little more context and he did do like he basically what his point was,

I know what I'm going to keep shooting. He's going to keep shooting because that's what you have to do. Exactly. He's Australian. He lives by the no rules, just right lifestyle. Right. He's going to keep on that trigger. He's saying what if, what if the troops at Normandy stopped shooting?

Right. Greek right now because Giannis would dominate. What if they had stretched before him Bob Wiley? Yeah, that would be a disaster would have been if they were just doing yoga for 30 minutes That was definitely one of those moments where you saw the headline who cares Yeah, like wait and the reporter was like you went 8 for 22 then you said you were gonna fix it Then he went 7 for 22. What does that mean for he's like who cares you just keep shooting right? But so back to Kyrie like I don't I Kyrie is obviously an unbelievable player

It's just the problem is what he wanted and what he like Like basically the way he acted all year like wait till the playoffs wait till the playoffs wait till I go off People are gonna grade him on a curve and that curve is you got to be the best player in the series and obviously he's not better than Giannis so it's like what are you gonna do? He's like maybe the seventh eighth best player in the NBA But the top five guys are the guys that you need to win to be the alphas on a championship team So I don't know what's wild is if they win the next game, then they're back. They're there Hank will be so back. This was fucking Boston could be so back

This was rushing Hank if you go to game six in Boston, you will not be back. No game seven need games No, you're gonna wait excited. I'm not kidding the way it was the way the game that ended yesterday like they literally there was no Sometimes like even teams at Celtics teams in the past the team that went to the Eastern Conference finals last year Like they would have comebacks. They would show fight They would have these like big fourth quarter turnarounds that game yesterday was like they got down there. It's like all right Pack it up. Yeah, yeah, which is exactly what I would do if I were a player You know what let's just go on what fucking sucks about Boston sports Is that Hank was so so upset because the Celtics lost a non elimination game

And then he changed the channel to watch the Bruins close out a playoff series So, yes, so Hank had like five minutes of normal sports fandom feeling an emotion inside his body Which was oh man, this sucks. I'm so disappointed. Oh wait. We yep. We're gonna get on the parade. Yep I saw somebody I forget who it was But somebody online was pissed off that the that Boston has the opportunity to have four championship parades in a season and the Celtics are those guys from them the Celtics are taking that I said to yeah They didn't the the Boston sweep deserved to get you know go out with some fight and it did not did not Well, who knows if they win on Wednesday night, you are definitely gonna be back and I know you're gonna be back

I have a yogurt steak real quick. Okay. They just showed it by the way. Yeah, they just showed them on TV You want to say that's that no, I was gonna say that he is he is not served well by high definition No, he is a low-deaf guy like you can't see he doesn't have any definition that's muscles And so when you have high definition on his no definition It it's striking just how pasty and kind of like flabby is but he's a really good basketball player Well, and that's kind of why I love him because he's like the people's champ He's he looks he looks like a guy who like will come out for like a Saturday morning run Yeah, he looks like a guy. He's seven fun on pros vs. Joe's. Yeah. Yeah, that just dominates everybody

So, yeah, the stat was most triple doubles in first playoff appearance magic Johnson 5 Yolkich 4 LeBron James 2 that's pretty insane. Yolkich's Twitter account sucks though. So magic's got him on that Oh, yeah magic wait, what do magic had a fire tweet the other night that was talking about this series He's so it's been let's kick it over to our senior tampering correspondent magic Johnson Analysis magic Johnson who quit his job so that he could tweet us all these gems from the NBA playoff We'll be doing him a disservice if we didn't amplify his voice magic Johnson said James Harden is 38 points tonight Had the Warriors players on ice skates. He led his rockets to an even series 2-2 fact So if you missed this is this is our our daily segment of if you missed the playoffs magic Johnson's got you

Kevin this is one of my favorite things that magic Johnson does by the way when he Does lists that just go on forever Uh-huh, so he did Kevin Durant verse James Harden reminds me of some legendary player matchups like Michael versus Isaiah Michael versus Clyde Michael versus Reggie Kobe versus Allen Iverson Shaq versus Tim Duncan I can't forget matchups like Larry versus Dr. J Larry versus Dominique Wilkins Larry versus Charles Barkley Charles versus Carl Malone Hakeem versus Shaq Hakeem versus David Robinson classics Every playoff that has happened in the last 40 years magic Johnson's just it's such a pure Twitter account when he does his game recaps It's indistinguishable from this update. I just got sent from Twitter. That's the news for you notifications

Yes, it says Raptors demolish the Sixers to take 3-2 lead in Eastern Conference to my finals that right there same might as well Be a magic same exact tweet So we have by the way a little update four minutes left in game seven still won one Whoa shots on goal. Oh, I don't even see what that's it All right, so back to us trying to do a show where we have TV. We're gonna have to fix this Yes, it's not sustained. I don't know what we're gonna do But we remember when you were like, oh man, it's gonna be so sweet in the fall We can watch games while we do the podcast. I

Just like the idea of having a functioning TV, right in front of our faces at all times Yes, so we can never miss anything Want to do hot seat cool throne? Let's do it Hank. Why don't you start sure my hot seat is the Browns Okay, go on. I feel like they've been the darling of the NFL ever since the end of last year Tide hasn't really turned but then Odell Beckham. He had an interview and he said Baker me field. I would say he's next but I feel like he's now he's Brett farve. He's going to be a Hall of Famer, which Fair fair call. I'm gonna wait for Scott van Pelt to tell me who's now Yes, please of every state and then he said he plans he turns he wants to turn the Browns into a championship dynasty level team

I plan on being here for five years and bringing as many championships as possible turning the Browns into the new Patriots Okay, which is where Jimmy Haslam's gonna start getting jerked off and Rashady Salon I mean that he did just bring up a good, but maybe at a pilot J I mean if you think that a guy that owns 90 truck stops hasn't taken a few handjobs all day We don't we don't kink shame some concrete blondes. Oh speaking of kink shaming. We don't kink shame on the new barstool gold Podcasts that we're dropping when that's coming out on Thursday. We interview a dominatrix dominatrix goddess of eva goddess of Eva I agree with you Hank though the Browns are quickly like

They're darlings everyone's excited when you start predicting a dynasty when you're the Browns I don't know if he's predicting a dynasty as much as he's saying I would like to be a part of the turning the Browns into the new Patriots. Yeah, so he's not predicting. That's what his goal is and trust me Hank. I agree with you that All signs are pointing towards heartbreak in the situation because yeah, the Browns are on a nice little upswing and they've acquired some Awesome pieces that in my opinion, they definitely have the most talent in Inside their entire division if not like, you know, one of the top two or three in the AFC And I hope that they do really well, but I've been watching the NFL for long enough to know that when you're certain of something being good That's when it's gonna be bad. Yes, by the way, Nuggets up to nothing that game's over

Game set match. Let's go Rado get good job Nuggets. What is your cool throw on my cool throw with that being said his shorts? Okay, I'm in Odell Beckham showed up to the Met Gala wearing like a dress So I feel like that just with what I said earlier. Was it a kilts? Was it a roddy rod? Oh, I think you just cut I think Odell Beckham was inside the cab or he probably he probably takes an uber uber share Overpool uber pool away. Do you want to say your idea? That's like the meanest thing ever for our next bet Yeah, for our next bet I think the loser should have to take uber pool instead of uber for a month I used to take uber pool home sometimes really just those adventure or cussers

That's the only way you'd be able to get an uber because you're reading solo. Well, let's lift let's share. Okay. Got it Yeah, that's that's a great idea, but I think it's gonna be so mean I think Odell was probably on the way to the Met Gala and somebody told him Hey, the theme this year is camp and he was just already he's just dressed in tuxedo He's like what's camp and you googled it. He was like shit You just cut off the sleeves and the legs and that's me It's like it's like a last-minute science fair project that you do the night before it's due So what is the Met Gala besides really like is it?

I feel like it's just basically a meeting of everyone in the Illuminati that they do it in public So they're like, we're not in the Illuminati. Look with the Illuminati all get together It's like one of those it's a charity thing and it's like 250 grand for a table. What type thing so it's like, you know Charity, but then only the richest people can go so it just turns into a Katy Perry wore a hamburger suit Uh-huh and dressed as a chandelier and Cardi B dressed as a period. Oh Really she dressed as her aunt Flo. Yeah. Oh, okay from so celebrating the blood festival got it. Yes. That was nice I I think it was my guy bro pair on Twitter said the Met Gala looks like an event that Bane would attack. Yes Should attack. Yeah, I mean it absolutely so the I still every year just pops up and I'm just like what is going on here?

And so it's the Met formerly called the Costume Institute Gala CIG the sig Why don't they go with that? I think met sounds more prestigious. Yeah, well the New York Mets. Yeah, so maybe not Yeah, so I guess they just raise a bunch of money It is weird though seeing all these people who are like it It's like these people don't care about the Museum of Art, right? Well, they do in the fact they could write a check to you and just be like here you go take this check Yeah, yeah, I as far as I know it's just like a row of steps that people walk up and get photographed on Yeah, it's like Jason Derulo. Yeah, Jason Derulo did fall down. It's the New York version of the Rocky steps

Yeah, and it's also it's like it's the level of fame that is just above Like if you are someone who maybe like had a hit movie this last year and you're like, I'm really fucking killing it If you're not at the Met Gala, you know that like oh, yep There's another stratosphere that I'm not even close to yeah So Hank, but thank you for raising awareness of shorts being back on where are they on the hot seat of the cool throne Oh, okay. Thank you. Yeah, it's short season. I'm wearing them right now. Good job It's now seven nothing nuggets this game is over. See you. All right PFT what do you hot seat cool through? Yeah, my hot seat is moods

Yeah, just having moods because Burger King has announced a new line of meals saying hey Sometimes you're not always happy So we're gonna do things that'll make you happy if you're not and we're having real meals Not just happy meals including the pissed meal the blue meal the salty meal, which is that's just like every fast food meal Yes, the yas meal why a a a s meal. Yeah, okay, the DGAF meal, let's don't give a fuck Hank bleat that out. Whoa as part Yeah, as part of mental health awareness month in May So they have all sorts of meals depending on what your mood is wait. Is that don't give a fuck

Doesn't feel like that jives with mental health awareness. Yes, but it does jive with putting Burger King inside your body got it Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's a good point. So which one is it? What which one's your meal the horny meal the horny meal? It's just it's actually just an Arby's sandwich and an eggplant and you just put your dick right inside of it No, you just put them together. Oh nice and you watch. Oh shit I thought you ate the eggplant while you put your dick in the Arby's mouth. You can do whatever you want with the eggplant Yeah, no King. No King shaming. All right. You got any other corn seats? Yeah, my other hot seat is pussies who drink beer Yeah, saw this because former Netflix creative director Mike Cicero

Announced he raised one point six million dollars for his startup called liquid death. Mm-hmm. What is liquid death? You might ask it's a straight-edge theme canned water startup. Yes So it's it's a it's bunch of tall boys that look like beer, but it's just hardcore water called liquid death It's finally water for guys who aren't pussies. Did you see the commercial? No, I didn't oh my god So the commercial so actually this was my cool throne Because I was gonna go cool throne. What's I gonna say for cool? Maybe it was my hot seat, but either way the the commercial is a woman. She cracks open the beer Yeah, it's actually water and she's just pouring it out and she starts talking

She says hi I'm a professional actor and I'm getting paid to tell you about a revolutionary new product for years a bunch of marketing fuckboys Have tricked you into thinking that water is just some girly drink for yoga moms. I don't know who did that Yeah, who has ever tricked a lot of people Okay, only pussy drink water and then goes on and on and on and Energy she's like every year water is responsible for thousands of thousands of deaths. That's actually true Hurricanes monsoons that drowning drowning all that stuff energy drinks only kill like what one or two kids So please don't fall for the marketing bullshit water is not yoga water is liquid death and then it pans out and she's waterboarding a guy

I feel like we're getting punked. Yeah I feel like this is yeah This is a late April Fool's joke that they like they didn't have the money to get out on time But now they're just gonna be like guess what the new April Fool's is May whatever date it is in May. However, we might be getting punked, but I watched the commercial I read up about this liquid death drink. That's just water I'm all in because I saw that like the Sonny and the aquafina and the Paul Poland Springs bottles I was like I ain't drinking that pussy shit. I want the tall boy of water liquid death

Yeah, Russell Wilson made water that'll help you heal a concussion This is water that's gonna kick your little pussy bitch ass. It's I mean, I'm in if we can get some liquid death Yeah, well, who's someone send us water for people who aren't pussies. It's called vodka liquid death. It's probably so expensive too Sounds awesome. Yeah, it does. Give me a six pack of liquid death. My cool throne. It's water My cool throne sounds like something we would have made up really high is also beer. Okay, so Hank pointed this my direction Thank you Hank for the heads up your my little newshound Rugby World Cup is advising Vendors in Japan that bars and restaurants might run out of beer during the tournament

So they better stock up and buy a shitload of it. What is this tournament? So this term? This is a different rugby tournament It's a different game strap in this is all right. Let's go. Okay. We're gonna do a little explain it to you guys Yep, this is the medium But this is the game of rugby 15 be here a while rugby 15's which is the full-sided game Rugby 7's is the one that we're currently number one in the world in wait So we've been playing half you've been talking about flag football. No talking about the big three. No, in fact You might say that the athletes in sevens are more athletic than the guys that play 15s But they're only playing with with seven of us

It's just two different types of the sport if the NFL came out with football for fives Would you be like this is awesome? They do seven on seven right? And it's not football, but I'll put it this way everyone says like rugby I manic sweet in seven Matthew Stafford is awesome in seven. They're both beautiful games in different ways Okay, so the world or the World Cup is this summer in 15s, but in the Olympics. They only do sevens Wait, so sevens is the Olympics hold on hold on so 15s Do they play multiple tournaments or just one just one because it's it's 80 minutes. Oh and then do we Do we finish fourth in that? No, we're not very good in 15s

That would imply that we're good in sevens. We're very good in sevens even though we've never won No, we did win. We've never won. We did full seven. Yes. We will not the entire Listen you take what you can get when you're an American rugby fan, and we're very good right now And this is the golden age of American rugby if we make it to Paris and we have a chance to win I might go to Paris. Okay, when is that a paris and I think it's late, June Is that all what when is the 15th? That's July and August, so I have no interest 15s I also like the seven guys play in the 15s some do okay somewhere on the national team. Yeah, and which one pays better Well like worldwide. Yeah, 15s. That's where I

Put the sevens or not No set listen First time watching sports because the because the sport that you care the most about the the sport that you care the most about As a fan is the one that you're best at if so facto I care way more about sevens right then I do about 15s right now Got it But like the sport that pays the most usually is the top league and you just said the 15s pay the most But the sevens is the top league well if all you care about is money

Yeah, but a lot of people think that sevens pays more in respect from your competitors got it That's all you need. I that was great rugby. I had another cool throne, but I'm not gonna do it Why is you're just gonna know you're just gonna you're gonna insult me no, I'm not I didn't insult you I asked my enthusiasm through the mud I want to learn about rugby and you are the you are a great teacher. I've learned a lot I didn't even know appreciation. I didn't even know other numbers, right? Yeah. Oh, that's a good question Hey, well, there's another number. You're fucked. They're like five ten tournaments that take place each summer But those aren't real. It's not a real sport. Okay, that's that would have been too much

But yes, I didn't even know 15s existed until you just brought that up So I feel like I'm walking out of this studio with more rugby knowledge and I walked in there You would like watching sevens more than you'd like watching 15 faster game You would like playing 15s more because there's a lot of walk around guys They don't I listen. I assume that what so what's your other cool? That's it. Come on. I'm done Pft, please. No, maybe I'll maybe I'll double up next week. I don't have a cool throne Okay, can you do cats cool throne is one day contracts? Okay, because it's one day contract season where they're bringing back a lot of players who are retiring that you thought might have been retired for

The last several years in the NFL to sign with the teams that they got famous playing with and then And then they just you know, they're done after one day like Jamal Charles I'm all Charles Chris Johnson I think did one Jamal Charles now that I think about it the chiefs with all the problems They've had should just do one day contracts with everybody. Yes They should just show up and have everyone be one day. Yeah a couple of bad apples ruined it for everybody on the chiefs I want to see someone show up for a one-day contract and like really milk it because you know They just go they sign it they take a picture. They do a press conference and it's in over like what if someone shows up and like

This is my one-day contract. They lift they get in the tub. They get all like the treatment They get the electric stem treatment on their back. Yeah, they sit in meetings. They use the cafeteria I want to see someone just milk the fuck out of their one-day contract. Jamal Charles got a rep in they did they gave him a Handoff for his the best part about one day contracts in my opinion is that you get to see all their highlight reels again Okay, you remember how awesome Chris Johnson was yeah that one year that he won me my fantasy football league Yes, Jamal Charles was so fucking really really fast so so fast. All right, so that was my cool throne one-day contracts Thank you PFT. That was good. Yeah My house how I didn't insult it. I didn't insult the rugby's I asked questions you

The rugby I'm not insulting your grammar I asked I asked questions you answered them and they got more hilarious as we got down the rabbit hole All right, I'm happy to do a deep dive on this anytime you'd like my hot seat is max kellerman Did you see what max kellerman did yesterday or Tuesday today yesterday? He had two takes that were so so hot that I think he is gone too far like even skip Can do a good job of giving a little kernel of truth. He started with Kobe is better than Kauai is better than Kobe which Steven A. Smith like he looked like he was he actually Steven A. Smith was like listen Like I'm gonna be nice to you. I'm not gonna say anything mean, but you're like the dumbest person

I've ever talked to yeah, and he misses skip so much misses skip so much and then he also said Larry Fitzgerald might Make the Hall of Fame. Yeah, number two all time in reception yards Well, you never know because Larry might come out tomorrow and just say something like all sports writers are fat Slabs and Bruce Springsteen sucks. Yes, and then nobody will vote for him There's never been more of a lock for Hall of Fame than Larry Fitzgerald. His father was a sports writer He loves sports writers. He's really really good. Did you know he was a ball boy for the Vikings a ball boy for the Vikings? There's videos of him being a ball boy for the Vikings there like he will be a hundred percent first vote

Also, his his career is even more impressive when you consider the quarterbacks that he's played with 11 Pro Bowls for 19 different quarterbacks. Yeah, that's insane. It is it is nuts. That's insane So yeah, he's definitely you know what I was thinking we were talking about this before the show But now that I'm a minister and you should become a minister as well I want to just start marrying people without their consent just I I am declaring on part of my take that Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless are married. Oh and Max do Max Kellerman in like a toad Dearly beloved we're gathered here today to witness the marriage of two Reptiles Max Kellerman and a toad. I now pronounce you man and amphibian shout out to Max

I'm not telling you which is which for just trying. He's trying. He's not doing a good job I think this is all just to to hide the fact that he farted on TV a couple weeks ago So he's just coming out with yeah, or maybe he's just being a good buddy and Steven A. Smith has been getting dragged recently So he's like I'm gonna take the heat off of true. That's a good point. That's a good point He probably is doing that. But yeah, the Max Kellerman takes her in Fuego right now. He's in the zone He's like NBA Jam his shoes are on fire. So he's just dunking the ball. Um, should we get to Theo Vaughn? Let's do Theo Vaughn our interview with Theo Vaughn is coming up here in a second before we do that. Oh Gold blues

That was a highlight highlight They're going to overtime by the way, that's breaking news. We forgot to break they're going to overtime So watch the rent as the rest of the game with us in the segment portion of the show Okay, the he Theo Vaughn interview is brought to you by 1-800 flowers 1-800 flowers for a few weeks now We've been reminding you that Mother's Day is fast approaching now. It's just days away So 1-800 flowers is here to help you pick out a gorgeous bouquet that will show her

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The next one okay, the next one that you get mine's good answer J. Beagle J. Beagle there we go So bird dogs are actually no seriously though. They're super super comfortable. We wear them all summer They're like they have this stretchy feel you can they're like a hybrid of a gym short nice looking short and Bathing suit and you can just basically do anything. Can I go off script here? Yeah, I have a quick anecdote to after you. I okay. I'll let you do your anecdote because mine was just okay They're fucking awesome. Yeah, they are. I wear it solves a lot of problems when you don't have to worry about clean underwear Yes, it is awesome last year you guys warm all summer and I was kind of upset because no one sent me any and I was just like

Quietly jealous and then we were cleaning out the pile. We found them. Yes, and that was an awesome anecdote We found the ones that you were supposed to have yes from last year. Got it. I'm glad I stood down for that one Go to bird dogs calm right now enter promo code take and they'll throw in a pair of nun chucks Yeah, you heard that right nun chucks. They'll give you an actual It says murder weapon. I'm gonna say it They'll give you an actual murder weapon along with your pair of bird dogs That's bird dogs calm promo code take and boom a free pair of nun chucks with your pair of bird dogs You will not take these things off. I promise you go to bird dogs calm right now and use that promo code take

Okay, here he is comedian Theo Vaughn All right, we're bringing on Theo Vaughn rising comedian, right? Are you still rising? I mean, I think we're all rising, you know Yeah, I mean it depends on how high you want to get would you say rising star? I don't know. I don't know about that. Just let's just say comedian. Okay, cuz we were just having a conversation I wanted to I rushed into it because we have to keep going with the conversation. We're having we were talking about Bitcoin the great like Barstool bamboozle of 2000 was at 17 18 the Bitcoin craze Yeah, we hired a guy who whipped everyone up was his name Bitcoin Marty Bitcoin Marty. I heard about the guy Let's put him on black. He's a legend. I bought Bitcoin it

I think I bought two bitcoins at $11,000 each and they dropped almost instantly Yeah, so I'm the biggest mush when it comes to the Bitcoin market. Do you own cryptocurrency? Yep? I lost probably I think like every basic white dude. I lost about $3,200 in Bitcoin. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. You still own it Yeah, I think I still own it. I can't get the damn wallet open. Yeah, that's the other thing There's there's the wallets they can be hacked into and then that dude was it the Japanese Bitcoin wallet guy He just left. He just disappeared. He doesn't know faked his own death. I think yeah one guy evaporated I think or something disappeared. Yeah, that's what happens When you get to a level where you can kidnap yourself like where you're at the I need to kidnap myself

That's got to be a thrilling moment. Oh, wow. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's past the kill your wife level Right, right. It's kill your kill your like co-worker kill your wife Then it's like shit. I got to kidnap myself and just disappear. Yeah, the poor man's kill Kidnap yourself is to push your wife off the cruise ship When you go next level and get that that Japanese that You know that ninja for hire two ninjas showed up, you know what you read like just hanging out of the park Sexy of your limbs to people. That's when you know, you've really made it Yeah, like I got approved that I'm kidnapped

So I'll make a self ransom video and send them my pinky. Oh, I could see that though, dude Especially as we get a little bit more automated I could see somebody looking at their hands and be like, oh hell yeah, I could get rid of three at ease I mean, I bet last year. I've I'm a degenerate gambler and wow, okay I've long like I know, you know, if you're a degenerate gambler, you know that it just keeps going up like, you know $5 20 years ago is no no longer a $5 bet So I finally reached the apex where I bet the tip of my pinky that the Houston Texans wouldn't win the Super Bowl and Once you'd make that bet like I'm gonna eventually I will lose my pink wouldn't ever win it this last year

They wouldn't okay. Do we specify that? No Check but either way, I'm gonna bet it again because once you get that like it was a real thrilling few months Yeah, I mean, oh, I bet man. How much were you? Basically like the top knuckle up. Oh my god, yeah, right above the top knuckle But when you think about it, what do you do? We do use that nail for anyway, right pinkie nail cocaine maybe cocaine maybe cocaine maybe to help you if you have like a like a Like an 18 ounce like a we have what is those 18 ounce canned drinks to get tall boy compliment the weight on the other Yeah, keep it underneath. Yeah, yeah to hold it a little bit better if you get a little loose in there

I think you don't realize that things get then you're just Yeah, that's like a doctor's answer. They're like you don't realize but the 99% of your grip strength comes from the tip of your pinky Yeah, well if you play guitar Rollerblades with it Ultra where they're like just rollerblading. They're like, yeah, you can drink and Exercise actually makes you more healthy. It's basically a protein shake All right, so we we do have feel Vaughan in studio that was a terrible intro by me. It's okay. We started the convo Thank you for coming in. Thank you guys for having me man. Thank you guys. Congratulations. Congratulations on all your success

Oh, thanks. Thank you. I wanted to usually list people list the success when we say okay. Congratulations on Oh You know the things you guys do for others. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, we do a lot of that the gambling outreach Yeah, pretty much people first that's a lot of putting yeah, I mean putting half of America probably in me undies and CBD We sold a bunch of people Harambe shirts that they'd probably stop wearing after a week Well now it's it's racially profiling to wear a Harambe shirt. Listen cancel culture comes for everyone. Yeah, oh, it's coming fast Yeah, yeah, are you worried about that ever being in comedy? I Don't know man

I think I'm on the other side of the thing where I don't get like I think the other side of the coin is the other side of The teeter totter is building so much faster that if you're milling around still on that janky side over there where it's just like Then I think you're on the loose inside of the spectrum Yeah, most people just want to have fun and they're not gonna let somebody in media like tell them What is funny or what isn't anymore? It is gonna swing back and it's like people who are what's swinging back like Ned fucking Stark I'm right and they're like people who just want to have fun and have people You know make people laugh and not take themselves too seriously You're gonna end up winning and that's most people and I think that's one of the reasons why like a lot of different networks and different

People are having an opportunity. I think Hollywood just didn't see like they thought that they just like Narrowed everybody's mind and cornered them and owned them so much in corporations that they had just owned them so much that they could do whatever they want with them and then Yeah, whenever like elections were happening it seemed like I'm getting deep I guess no go for it It seemed like they were you know whenever celebrities started telling me who I could vote for who how I could behave or what my views were Dude, that's when I decided. I don't want to be a Celebrity, you know, I don't want to be whatever that is. I don't ever want to judge somebody for you know What they think their political choices are or whatever. I don't know their life

I know so that but that's when a huge possibility. Yeah, when people are like, oh, well these people they just want my money They don't really want to entertain me. They want to tell me how to be entertained, right? I also think celebrities they reach this point where they're super comfortable with everything kind of like you see with a bunch of billionaires like Jack from Twitter and Mark Zuckerberg. I think man Jack from Jack in the Box Money yeah, he's got a big old head Yeah, and his son is like half his son half not but when you get to this one When you get to a place where you're super comfortable with everything in your life Then you start making all these weird decisions for yourself

You try to enforce them on other people too because you're bored. You don't have anything that makes you uncomfortable So you have to go find weird shit to do that's totally outside the realm of what everyday people experience And the last celebrities get to that point like George Clooney once he made you know a billion dollars on tequila or whatever Yeah, all of a sudden he has all the answers for everybody. Yeah, it's got this disproportionate voice So I agree with you. I think that there you know a lot of people are out of touch. Yeah, it gets out of touch And it gets dangerous man. I think that kind of stuff is getting overplayed to like I think Celebrity and like greed. I think a lot of that stuff's gonna start to go out of style. Yeah greedy's just so dirt It's just like at a certain point

If you have every if you have everything that means somebody else has to have not have something Yeah, I never understood this it might be just one of those things because people get really really rich and at some point They were like us who were not really really rich because I sit here. I'm like man if I had ten million dollars I wouldn't give a fuck. I would stop, you know trying to attain insane amount of wealth You know, there's definitely a point you'd think but then how did someone get a billion dollars? Yeah, they just kept on going and they just wanted more money. It's crazy really you think it had to be kind of I mean, I just I don't know it's it's interesting to think yeah If when does like greed step in when do your voice start to change but it's kind of like the bets

I was talking about like I say sit here, and I'm like ten million dollars. You'd still be making picky bets Yeah, and then if I if I made ten million dollars tomorrow. Yeah, probably like, you know, what's cooler twenty million dollars Yeah, you're like if one of these bitches that I don't know up here in the in the in the in the infirmary or Infant ward, you know rolls twins out of our vagina today. I'm making 11k You're betting on crazy shit You're betting on a random floor full of women who are dialing that one. I was gonna fucking roll triplets I actually I haven't said this out loud, but I told the PFT. I made a I'm having a kid in June. Oh wow Man, it's crazy dude. I'm one of my close friends is also having a kid in the fall

And we just we're together last weekend and we bet ten thousand dollars at 18 We're gonna get him in front of independent panel and which see which kid could turn out better. Hmm. I like that $10,000 cash. Oh praise. I'd lobby for that. That's like a good bet, right? Like cuz it's like, you know, it's kind of competitive friendship How we're not gonna tell the kids trick is how do you find the the panelists though? How do you make sure that independent because you know that you guys are gonna try to bribe them? You're gonna try to get to him somewhere. Yeah, that's right Panel, why would you even I why have the whole thing? It's in you didn't gonna bribe the people and try to get to him

Yeah, I'm confident I mean, that's almost a bigger kick in the ass Yeah, that's true But kind of if your kid loses he's gonna realize that he ain't that all of that Yeah, that's got to be kind of rewarding as I haven't really thought about the psychological effects to the kid But I feel like you know ten thousand dollars. So what we gotta do is put in an escrow let it make some money right now Yeah, that's a good point, dude. Um Yeah, this would be a good time for a Robin Hood app plug you guys you Robin Hood. No, we don't damn never

You should start doing that because you have a podcast called this past weekend Yeah, if you just went on other podcasts, you're like, hey, can I just do a couple my ads real quick My guess is you probably have a lot of listeners that don't listen to us that are new So if you want to take this time on our show to plug our show to your listeners that are that are crossovers You can go ahead and do that. Look, I'll say this people that are coming here from this past weekend and King and the Sting These guys seem like nice guys. I came up in here in this building before it kind of has like kind of a What's that call when the lady keeps the girl makes her be a pageant girl in the house and tells her she has down Send her out. Oh, what's he doing? Great? The act the act. Yeah. Oh, so yeah, it has like

I don't know what I'm talking about, but it has um, but they seem like nice guys. Thank you Yeah, this is the last actual this is the last interview. We're doing in person in this studio. Really? You're shutting the place down like once the Ovan does it's like We got to talk about some Louisiana Oh, yeah, so we're big LSU fans. Oh, wow. We love we went down to Baton Rouge for The Bama LSU game didn't get a cheer once. Uh-huh. They got the shit kicked out. No, we cheered a lot Oh, yeah, before the game before the game the environment was like nothing that I've ever seen. Yeah The tailgate situation was just insane from these huge coach. Oh guys. We had him on the show fucking love

Jojo's Ron. Oh, yeah Accent of all time. What is it about Louisiana? Like there's something about Louisiana that just is it's like this mystic alluring Quality to it that I can't really put my finger on that and you're from there. So can you explain it? Maybe? Yeah, I mean, I think look dude a lot of legend lives down there. You know, it's like a lot of plays It's more it's like the rumor belt, you know, people still trust electricity technology that much Thing ever, you know, you're not gonna find a lot of you know, you still people running on 3g down there You get outside of the city limits. I'm saying 3g. That's if I like that's the point that we've reached now We're like mystics and ghosts and shit is on the same wavelength as 3g. Slightly inconvenient. So

Tall tale of 3g. Oh He can barely get a full jpeg, you know, you get out of the swamp you here to 3g Whistling through the tree download a podcast over an hour down there Oh, you listen to 15 minutes and just kind of just imagine just with the last 45 It'd be like you have any kind of place it's kind of because you still fuse your imagination You know, and they have a lot of different textures in the land, you know, they got a lot of swamps which are very mysterious You know, they have a lot of like hearsay Just the kind of things that keep kind of like story and legend alive, you know a lot of places

They washed out all the legend. So you also say that you grew up in the stray animal belt of America. Yeah I I love that saying and I just imagine you having like just Raccoons and cats and dogs and fuck we had a batch of lemurs come through one year, dude I don't know where they were from What it's everywhere zoo. Yeah, I wouldn't say a zoo, but I think they escaped somebody somebody with maybe a startup zoo Yeah, there are a lot of startup zoos down there. Remember that guy in Ohio? There are a lot of like Sanctuaries where it's just like a dude and some gators that he wrestles the gator farms. Yeah, well, they used to have a dude

I remember they had a gay guy who would come fight a bear during like on college campuses and they would bring him by and do You know wrestling or something in the lobbies of or not lobby like at a bar you go see him You know and it was like $5 and the bear had all of its toenails pulled out or whatever But you could go watch him and people would watch it wasn't really it was more hugging like hard hard hugging, right? Why was it a gay guy? What are that? They said it was Yeah, but yeah, and the toughest gay guy dude Let me tell you this Louisiana got the toughest fucking gay dudes ever man shout out to my boy Billy comforted

I used to roll with and he got he passed away, but he um, oh dude, bro He fucked you up, man. You can't even imagine what he'd look like and why you're thinking about what he looks like He fucked you up, bro Dude officer, dude, and he'll sell you weed too I love it. Well, I'll fucking you up and it'll fucking and then it'll take your brother out for ice cream, bro You know I'm saying toughest dude ever looked like Don Flamanco, dude, right? 40 years old We were bus boys together We used to bus boy ever by this dude's place who the guy wouldn't even a chef told everybody

He was a chef started making food at a high-end restaurant, right? And it was garbage, bro Keep a job or did they fire him to the video like, you know, we work here for two years, dude Coming out of the fucking I mean as long as you say a thing with enough confidence people like let you go by Oh, that must be is the Louisiana flavor that's coming out. It's like no the dude just doesn't know how to cook Oh, yeah, and he had that hat. I mean that's the thing about a chef's job a lot of jobs that come with a hat you You know you immediately believe the person has the degree in the years of culinary experience, right, right? You know jobs. Yeah. Oh this dude. Yeah, he had a yeah

He had a couple of cut-co-knives and a fucking, you know a batch of rare olives and he called himself a chef But there was a lot of rich people come up there because rich people know what the fuck they're doing dude If you put candles up, you know, you put candles up They'll fucking show up and pay an extra 60 right little fork I feel like that's what you get the what you get to like the fit the third little fork You're like, oh, this must be nice The amount of forks is what the level is Smaller

What am I doing this for yeah, this work is to put like you just don't know there's like seven pieces If you have a black tablecloth to me, I'm like, okay, this is nice This is nice as long as it's not plastic and like red and white checkered But yes stray animals remember Remember these have more stray animals. Yeah, like now everybody animal has ownership some animals have a fucking chip It's Bob Barker, yeah, and his wife to her Betty white. Yeah, they got all the animals spade neuter, which is probably a good thing Yeah, you like you see a dog walking around with balls Yeah, like it. I like to see a dog who teaches of the asshole in the neighborhood who's really boss

You know that mother nature runs the battleship. You just like alphas Well, I just like there to be alphas because you got to even it all out man You're running around with a bunch of people hopped up on fucking fish oil down here in Manhattan Yeah, Jewish Atlanta, then you don't know what the fuck's going on What about if you just spade all the dogs so you still left all the males intact? So they could go around proving alphanus, but the females couldn't get pregnant like on birth control That's basically what we do in the United States dogs do birth control We just trust women to take birth control because guys are too dumb to use it properly

Yeah, and they're not taking it. They're lying to people. You think so. Yeah, are you speaking from experience? Oh, yeah, dude I'm speaking from every guys experience a lot of women are lying about it They say they're taking another night. Yeah, and they're using the kids to get lawsuits. You know, it's I don't know Man, we've opened up nine cans of worms, dude, and we want to go fishing. I want to go back to one can of worm Okay, dog balls are weird You don't see him very much off like you like we're saying like you don't you don't Dogballs are one of those things like it's almost I mean you reference Game of Thrones. So I assume you watch On the first season I'm on episode four

You fucker I was wondering you said swinging like Ned Stark. I was like, oh, he's awesome, and he he's the best You're gonna love the rest of the he's awesome. Yeah, he's awesome. He's awesome But the dragons were like lore dog balls are gonna be like that drag dog balls are the new dragons Yeah, remember dog balls. Well, you don't see him ever. Oh, yeah, you know. Oh, yeah, dude When I was young you and that's how you learned about sex watching a couple of dogs It's better than what birds of the bees is just like the rabbit dog in the backyards fucking again Yeah, the fucking birds in the beach Maybe not own cuz you can't own it a stray animal

But like they just hung out the Vaughn household, you know in the in our neighborhood you had a lot of stray animals You go outside the stray animals up there, right? They got a big dog in a neighborhood, you know Somebody shot a big dog with an arrow in our neighborhood with a fucking bow and arrow one time No, it didn't come on dude. Yeah, do that. That's a bummer. It was a French guy I'd moved in our area and it was he shot a rot wall. Remember these have rot wallers. Yeah, they're still around So that way the bully was always the there was a like checks and bullions is like the bully always had a had a system where He wouldn't you know, I'm saying the dog had a chance to come to the fucking the weak guys rescue

Like there was just more animals around like they had more stray animals. Yeah, you had dog balls everywhere. Yeah fucking Ecosystem yes, you had more of an ecosystem, you know, a lot of people when they get their dogs neutered They put fake dog balls inside the sack so the dog doesn't know what the dog knows. That's a little too much the dog knows They're called neutacles. Oh, oh really? Yeah, I used to work at a place that I was a dog salesman I was a used dog salesman Like the people bring in the market brought out on the bar They bring in their strays and then it was my job to like get all these strays and take them outside like a pet smart Or outside of Pekko or you know a grocery store in the neighborhood and set up the cages

And then just try to get these dogs adopted so I'd have a bunch of shitty dogs that had like Ticks and fleas and all that stuff that we're trying to take care of and then I get one puppy a day And if you had a puppy, you were good You were good to go so you use that puppy and go out and you'd wave at cars with a little puppy paw And that's how you draw the customers in and they'd be like I want to adopt that puppy I'd be like now this puppy's already adopted Little rock, but yeah, but can I interest you in this cat a hula in this anemic cat a hula? Yeah, and so I try to switch them the old bait and switch. It was actually a very rewarding job

Yeah, you want this one Marana with a shellfish allergy over here? One of my bad boys in the back Yeah, remember that that show pound puppies back in the day was a bunch of dogs that were all fucking sick and dying Yeah, yeah, it's just like everything now. It just feels so safe out there But but it's not really you're not getting preparation. But yeah, we lived in a strand of belt man We had all kind of what else dude raccoon you see a bunch of raccoons out there fucking fist fighting in the morning, dude You know a couple mixed boys out there fucking just beating each other up near the recycling bin You know what the internet's done to raccoons though

It's made people think that raccoons are like the sweetest animals in the world Yeah, and they're not at all because all you see is the cutest videos Yeah, yeah raccoons are vine stars you get them off that six second loop all of a sudden they're coming at you Like your toes and give me your rabies. Yeah. Oh, yeah, man raccoons are really I mean, they're burglars man If you look at them, they're really they're always in the garbage. They're kind of the homeless animal Even though all animals are technically homeless, you know, you know according to God, but they're they're the homeless animal Yes, they act homeless. Yeah, I'm fucking out here. You know, be a scarf Let me have a dollar and then yeah, they'll pack you right as you get your hand in your pocket

Let me do a backflip for a dollar Backflip for a dollar. Yeah, that's a good deal like for the entertainment value Yeah, but then some other guy comes up and fucking hit you in the back of there with a pistol and they take your watch Yeah, okay. Good to know Speaking of like just being down New Orleans and all the street hustlers down there I feel like when I go to the French Quarter, that's one place where Even though it is a tourist trap the the locals still hang out there You know, like a lot of cities you go to their tourist trap neighborhoods

And it's just all people from out of town feel like New Orleans still has that authenticity where it's like people from New Orleans Still hang out in these like CD bar type neighborhoods. Oh, yeah Yeah, I remember when we were kids or we would go over there and go into the Especially around sugar bowl or something Virginia Tech had played somebody and this is probably in like 19 maybe 1996 and And we were drunk and we never were to sleep We're trying to sleep just like on these in the lobby of um, I Think it might have been like this when Howard Johnson still had some real sweet But you know, man, I used to be a name that carried some weight. Oh Joe. Yeah. Oh, yeah a lot of man a lot of

Parents would meet up and swap the kid to the other parent and Howard Johnson, you know kid trade was going to your weekend Yeah, it's your weekend But anyway, it was Virginia Tech Hokies and I remember some guy came up he goes What's a hokey and we were like drunk and just like I don't know we thought maybe he was a pedophile or somebody wasn't you know So we kind of like you know, just like oh, this is just a regular guy, you know, and then He's like, oh, it's a kid to your mom's room. That's what he said. I remember that And that was the first thing I never even heard about college sports was going down there and seen about the sugar bowl and stuff Yeah, but then I got a little older one tell us you for a while and

And and yet they have a real, you know, it's even more than a religion down there People say that a lot of time they're so religious, but a lot of those religions are really those yeah those teams Yes, absolutely. You can feel it. It's there's a there's just going the farther south you go, especially with football It just feels like it and I don't want to say it means more because then people like well We love our team too, but it is it's like a religion. Yeah pass through the years and people just care so so much Yeah, they attach to it so much. I don't know if it's it's definitely beautiful kind of to watch. It's alarming sometimes It is it's weird when when people use like 99% of their like who they are is a team. That's a little yeah, that's when it gets a little alarming

You're like, so like what do you like? Yeah, this yeah, yeah when they have a daughter named Dabbo, you know, right? Yeah Yeah, actually Swinney Yeah, yeah, I was yeah, if you had a girl that's a real good-looking girl You know or juice who was the one other guy these stuff. I got juice somebody on Clemson remember him They called him the juice maybe this and I'm not Dexter Lawrence was on the juice was he this year He was on it. Yes on it. Well, we don't know Dabbo said he wasn't and I tend to believe Dabbo you ever tried steroids Oh, yeah, dude, no shit me and frickin shot up Billy Comfort, so dude

He's on the topic today, but me and he used to pull off the interstate and shoot steroids in each other's butts You get really jacks. Oh, dude, I could fucking for the first time in my life. I could keep my hopes up man I was strong. Where did you get the steroids from? We got him from this guy Sean. Were you competing in any sport at the time or you just want to get swole? Just looking nice in math, you know, that was it just trying to look nice in math class And I even remember my math teacher one time dude and she never gave me any attention She always looked at all the handsome boys in our class and I'm her one day. She finally said wow the That shirt looks nice on you and I knew what she was fucking saying. Yeah, I've been doing Sean's there

Oh, I knew what she was saying dude. I knew her husband wasn't enough. So yeah, yeah, her husband when she got home today He wasn't gonna be enough. Yeah But I yeah, it was fun. That's back when steroids was more everybody was doing them Yeah, and uh, and it was fun. It was it was scary, but it was fun. Yeah now It's hgh more I think than the steroids. Oh stem cells now You'll see Joe Rogan has a little stack of fucking fresh stimmies. He's eating off from under a table Wait, does he have the uh, he does the hgh and all that stuff? I don't think he does but I wouldn't be surprised if he's got a fridge full somewhere, you know

He feels like Joe and I wanted to get to him because uh, you're part of the rogan mafia or whatever you want to call it But he feels like Joe Rogan has gotten to the point where I'm convinced that like rich people And people of status have just different drugs than everyone else Like they have science that we don't have he may have access that I bet yeah People approach them first because they have the money for it, right and it's awesome He's doing stuff that will keep him alive for 200 years. Yeah, it's like that's pretty sweet Yeah, yeah, I think I mean I think he would yeah He might have that access well, even if you get a little bit more money you get nicer things offered to you

You know, I think I think like uh DMT guys were like, hey Joe, we need we need a voice for our movement I'll give you all the DMT that you that you could ever smoke in your life as long as you talk about it on the podcast And so now now everyone just associates DMT with Joe. Have you ever smoked it with him? I've never smoked it I don't know. I don't think I would ever smoke it but um But I think I've done enough drugs that seem kind of cool if a really cool drug comes out I'll do it, but I'm not doing some of this janky shit that got out there right now, you know, right, right? Because you're sober now too, right? Yeah, I'm sober now, but I just don't

Some of this I don't know what's going on. You know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to disappear for nine minutes at my fucking cousin's house You know I'm saying like some of these dudes like what are you doing you you got to go to work still You're bossing gonna believe you were in another dimension. Yeah 11 minutes Not about an excuse. Yeah I wanted to actually just bring up rogan real quick and like how what what is it? It is crazy because It feels like Joe rogan is like the new media where you know

30 years ago you go on johnny karson's couch and then you're made it Joe rogan now has that ability and you got linked up with him And i'm not going to say like he made you but would you say that your career has kind of taken off a little bit to a different level With your you know meeting Joe rogan being on his podcast being friends with him yeah, I think um I was thinking about this yesterday. Some man was talking about this to me. This was um, I was thinking about this. I think you know Going on Joe rogan and I didn't know Joe rogan, but I remember getting a text a DM from him one night and uh

And it said hey man would love for you to come on the podcast and it was It was equivalent to like whenever I first got in uh, hollywood Like saying somebody's gonna give you a shot like you get a half hour comedy central special It was like it carried that much weight and I didn't expect that and so I was really really excited Um, yeah, he's got a neat universe over there. I think it's another example of where You know that hollywood's just gotten to Boy, you know, even the people that work in hollywood, they're all like from the same like they're third

It's nepotism now. It's a lot of third generation. Nobody from the middle of america. Nobody has any stories Everybody's just running on like statistics from different places and so people want more They want something more a more of a real experience and I think joe's kind of like an Experiencer, you know, I mean imagine if oprah did DMT dude, you know, I mean she'd have the number one podcast. Yeah, yeah So, yeah, so it's like but so I think he's he's kind of experimental in that work in that way I think joe rogan's is the best interviewer because he's curious He's genuinely curious like even when you talk to him server dinner like he's fucking He will not stop being curious and it's fascinating to watch somebody be that curious

He's like a golden retriever that's brave enough to do DMT, you know That's the best pet in the world. Yeah, and he's become like a planet And and he's he has his points of view, but he doesn't seem very judgmental You know, he doesn't tell people how they should vote or what they should think, you know Like or how they should live their lives, you know, what do you mean? He's like a planet He's become like a planet like there's more information. Remember pluto used to be a planet Then it wasn't yeah now joe rogan took its place. Yeah Fought them right out

We know more about joe and you can see a moon sometimes if you catch joe in the right light You can see a moon off in the distance, right? But he does have this little orbit. That's uh, it's been incredible to watch Yeah, and I think it's just um, I think it was necessary. Otherwise the road we're down were stuck really It's even you guys, you know, like people love just freelance. They want the america They want that, you know, this the american dream or whatever this is, you know That somebody could pick up and have a voice again, right? It's not so controlled by just um a couple of few channels No, it's true It's I think that's a big reason for our success as a company and as a podcast is like

We are sports fans, but we're not gonna we don't really have access We were friends with some of the athletes, but right we'll tell you when we're friends with them We admit our bias You know what I mean? We don't pretend to be something where we're not in that respect, right and you don't have a huge corporation Maybe I don't know which else structures, but it doesn't seem like you have a big corporation overhead telling y'all We can't really talk about these things. No, just don't bash any peter turnin movies. Yeah here. Really? Was it david mic need wedding dates? Yeah What was your favorite part of that movie?

Best movie of all time. I never saw that movie was Was on my plane the other day coming here. He were we're gonna interview him in a couple weeks I'll listen to this show. He he is. Yes. What a I was the guy in the uh, who got bumped up in the first class And then I got my food tray. I put it under my seat when I was done eating I didn't know and it got stuck in the mechanics of my Of the bed. So dude the ladies spent for 15 minutes Getting meatballs and ricotta out of the mechanics of the uh, they were like we picked the absolute worst guy to bump up

The first class wait, so you that's where you're at now in terms of your career. You're bump up to first class Yeah, I'm bump up to first class first class on its own No, I got uh, I got politely asked to stop using the first class bathroom on my flight back from hong kong I was in coach and I was like, you know what? I'm in this tiny little seat I'm gonna go up to the first class and take a leak up there Experience a little bit of luxury highlander. Yeah I'm gonna give myself a little treat on the 16 hour flight And I'm walking back from the restroom and the lady comes up to me. She goes, excuse me, sir

You're not allowed to use that bathroom. I was like, listen my pee smells just like everybody else's make a video, dude Make a video. Yeah. Um, all right. So so comedy you're playing. Uh, you're doing a tour right this summer Yeah, we just started a new tour and so yeah, like, um everywhere. I mean Yeah, I was seeing that you're go you were literally going basically everywhere Yeah, we're going everywhere and you know, australia tour dates are coming out next week and those people don't know But they're so excited and uh, but yeah, I got vancouver seattle portland boysy san antonio austin tulsa, oklahoma city Nice. Do you uh, love doing comedy? Like do you do it every single day? Do you go to a club every single day? A comics comic. I I hear I've heard that phrase before. Yeah, like are you a comics comic?

No, I don't think so. I just like I like I don't know like that for the first time the other night I went up and I was just I didn't want to be there I was just kind of tired. I was just like I think I'm just a little bit burnt out. Yeah So I think I just need to take a break or You know do some less episodes of podcasting or something. I'm just tired like my brain can't think recharge the battery a little bit It makes a difference like a lot of times when I'm just chilling out when I'm if it's a long weekend I'm not thinking about the show and I'm just living life. I'll come up with better ideas for the show And I'm not trying to yeah, as opposed to just like sitting down on a desk and be like, hmm

Time to be funny. Yeah, what can you think of now? You know that sort of thing? Yeah. Yeah, I don't like getting that point I've never felt like I'm at that point, you know before and so now it's just like Yeah, it just feels like a little bit more like not out of my control But just you know, like whenever you're a kid and you learn a bike, you know Finally like in bike and then Half a second after you think you got it. You start fucking the front get you know Like you start shaking the front and the fence and the neighbor's fence gets closer. You know, you're like that's you right now Yeah, that's where I'm at. I'm just like, I gotta park this bike dude

You know and take a moment when you when you listen to comedy, who are the the guys that you tune into? Oh, Richard Pryor. I like Um, you know, I like watching christalia. He's really entertaining me. He's just such a goof Uh I like watching Joe Rogan hit a lot of his stuff. He like he's kind of fearless. He gets up there and tries new stuff Coco Diaz Joey Diaz um He's fucking I don't know what happened in but it's amazing and uh Who else man? I don't know anybody else some Latinos. They got a Latino guy. Can you understand them?

They got this dude tocho that works in a kitchen at comedy store and he gets up and says pussy over and over But it's good man. I mean it is. I mean, it's to me. It's my vagina monologue good It's the only it's the only word he knows really and he puts on these he puts on rubber gloves and just keeps saying it But I like norm mcdonald David spades entertaining to me nicks warts and makes me laugh just as just being around somebody norm is one of those guys that just absolutely never gave a fuck about anything Even when he was at the pinnacle of comedy when he was on saturday night live And they tell him hey norm stop making oj jokes. He'd be like, yeah, sure

And then the next episode he would do nothing but oj jokes. Yeah, like I admire that willingness to just say fuck everybody I'm gonna do what makes me laugh. Yeah, norm mcdonald is I mean just one of a kind and then it gets to be like You'll see a lot of comedians who they're not learning about themselves because they're so afraid to be themselves And that is uh, that's a scary place to be I think it as a young comic Um I think you know, let's talk about a sport. Okay, which favorite sport? I mean, I like the new one on saints, but I like lsu dude I saw less miles one time at the Whole Foods dude buying way too much toilet paper, right? Because he eats grass

Yeah, so he just craps it straight out. Yeah. He's like a goat Dude, I'm sitting there with my sister and we don't really get along with us who are already fighting in the car You know, we parked that's how good the fight is right. So we had to park Yeah, so and less miles goes by with three things of shit tickets, you know and fumbles one I'm right in front of the car ball security and uh, yeah, and so Uh, but I was like, you know, I opened the door. I was like, hey, we love what you're doing over there less, you know Yeah, kocho is the best. I mean he is He is like so louisiana. Yeah, so down louis and like just being around him when we interviewed him

Just like talking to him being in his presence just lights you up. Is it really? He's got an energy for sure. Oh, wow. I could I could see that man Like he seemed like that level He seemed like teddy ruck's been if he got kind of like discontinued went down to the south to rebuild his life Yeah, and you just get you like get I can get why he's so good at recruit, you know Like he's recruited guys, you know back in his miami days when he was recruiting that entire team Uh, and that tire defensive line like when he gets around you, you're just like I'll run through a wall for this I'll put it this way. He out Charisma the rock, right?

Wow, you like Dwayne Johnson and he no, no, I'm saying he recruited the rock to the University of Miami And the rock gives kocho credit for developing him into the person that he is today. I think he gave him the nickname the rock actually Really? Yeah, that's interesting me. Yeah, it's amazing how some people just have that much charisma built in him What a what a nice gift that some people just some people just get that I don't know if you can build that See, I think that that back to what we were talking about earlier I think that like people are born with that Louisiana like he's got this Louisiana charisma You got something similar where it's like there's something about you in people in Louisiana. You just kind of drawn to them That's Spanish most magic is yeah, there's a little yeah that little fog rolls in

Oh, yeah, and then people show up and they got a they got that Cajun accent You're like I want to hang out with this guy, right? We're gonna have a good time wherever we end up his brains on 3g. Yeah Yeah All right, I know you got a we got to wrap up because But you guys have to go I got a radio show that I do every day, but I can be I can be late for it So I did want to ask you about uh The fact that you had a grown man's cock at six years old. Yeah How the how'd that change you?

You had but you invented big big dick energy. Well Brennan Shaw talks about it a lot, but yeah I guess I did um, I don't know how it affected me hard to sleep at night You know like princess in the pee you've heard of that. Yeah Well, this is like just you know little fauntleroy in the penis. This is prince prince is in the penis, you know prince in the penis Um, yeah, not really cool man having a sleep on the side. It's almost like having a body pillow though at a very young age You know built into your body. Were you aware of this? I knew something was going on dude when I would be uh You know what had to run different, you know, I could run side to side faster than I could run straight And that's what I knew something was going on

The body caught up to it. Yeah. Okay. So it's like you were It's just like somebody that has like a big big ears and they grow into them grow into them You know into them so about 11 or 12 you start to grow in the ship Remember remember 11 or 12 like somebody comes to school and in their chins like four inches longer You're like, yeah summer break ends and someone's six inches taller. You're like, huh lay off the puberty Daniel Right, exactly. Wow. You fucking one of your buddies his arm one of his arms three inches longer Yeah So you were just like, come on man. Keep up with the rest of this

Yeah, and yeah, and my body caught up, you know, but I was born, you know I mean I had the heart of a lesbian. That's what the doctor told me when I was young. What does that mean? You know, um I don't know man. You know, I think it just means, you know, it was probably technical term at the time You know, but this is a different time. That's Louisiana technical term. Yeah, heart of a lesbian. Yeah, you actually had like Scoliosis rib cage of a large cat. That's what he said Rib cage of a large cat. And he was my dentist your doctor Yeah, oh, he was definitely our dentist. Yeah. Yeah, but um, but yeah, remember that some kid is all this arm would be longer

This one would be short or something like the draw strings on like a on a pair of like gym shorts Yeah, they're closed like you they hit the gross spur, but they hadn't gotten the new clothes yet So their pants didn't fit and their shirts were too small and everyone's like it is fucked up to think about puberty how like Everyone was just like boom you hit it and then there's that one kid who didn't hit it And he's still he's still like four or five and you're like, yo, this sucks, man. I'm sorry, bro Like eventually you'll get to us. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty bad But now that's a drug I would do puberty bro. You break out a couple grams of puberty. I'll smoke that shit So, you know what I'm saying? Go through second puberty. I'll make you arm grow grow a beard in the middle of your back

I like that. That's a good idea for a drug. Just wake up with energy Like I can do anything energy. Oh just grow a fucking mustache on the fucking rim of each one of your balls In your sack get a little your your dick looks like a fryer's head I just got a little a little crown of of hair around the head of it You remember having that energy too like I haven't had that energy in so so long where you just you wake up and you're like I got this like I can do anything I can run around for 10 hours and still be ready to go Yeah, I'm gonna play seven games of basketball today, dude And then I'm gonna real quickly get ready for work and and make it to work on time. Yeah, masturbate 16 times

It'll feel okay. Only taste some of it It's just for fun. Just a little taste On the tip of your tongue didn't get to have any noise cracking a little bit. There's some downsides to puberty again Well, that's the dark side. It's just like methamphetamines, man You know I'm saying puberty is just I mean that's mother nature's fucking Crank yeah, it's mother nature's crank bro because it gets you feeling good with us some downsides as the acne You know, there's the uh, you can't sleep, you know Your arms are getting feeling real long. I also think that kids these days are getting

Desensitized to porn so like when we were going up and we when we were going through puberty You found like a playboy magazine or something like that and it was like holy shit. This is the holy grail Oh, this is amazing. These are boobs. I can't believe it. It was something special nowadays It's like you got to have uh, you got to have some weird dark shit for kids to get excited I bet kids today probably do watch porn way too early because I mean baywatch was porn for me Like oh man, this is awesome. They're in bikinis. Do you watch? Yeah, watch a mom crack open a beer do right by the sofa and that keenie was fucking that was our bay watch, you know But it was different. Do we used to have me and a black buddy of mine when we were young used to go

somebody had chiseled a A pair of tits and like a half of a birch tree out near us behind the fence so we'd go back there and jerk off To a tree look at this tit tree. Yeah, people will be out there all the time adults be out there Yeah, you see that tit tree and this is a different time, you know and people had respect nobody was like Oh, you look at you over there coming by the wood, you know People would wait their turn be like, all right, man. I'll be back in a little you know with that tree make sure to wipe it down I got a few more sets like going to the gym Like no, let me just finish real quick. We can get on it the bus belt man. It was just different times, dude

Um, all right. Well, we do actually have to go now. Damn, man. Thio. This has been awesome. Yeah, thank you guys I'm sorry that I talked too much. No, you were great. I will Everyone go check out your tour coming up. We're gonna actually be LA a couple weeks. So we'll meet you up there Yeah, have you guys been out to the comic store before? Uh, no, you've never been no. Oh, man I'll take you out. Do you know what weekend it is? Uh, we're gonna be there Oh good, man. Well, yeah, I'll get you guys. Yeah, let's go. Let's go out one night. That'd be awesome Awesome. All right. Thanks. Thanks, Theo. Yeah. Thank you guys so much, man. Yeah, I really appreciate you guys That interview with Theo Vaughn was brought to you guys by roman

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Okay, let's get to some segments the overtime in game seven has started the blues and the stars Uh, you want to just do play by play for like four seconds. Yeah, okay, so, um, okay, they're passing it This guy's skating pretty hard The goalie's behind the net and he's dumping it off. Um, neither of these teams are the capitals That's all I got. Okay, so we'll update you if there is a goal a real goal Or if the capitals appear or if they show a replay of a goal again, we'll probably say that too Uh, let's do some segments though. First up. We have talking soccer Big time champions league drama

Liverpool comes back from down 3o to win four Nothing which they ended up winning four three on aggregate. It's two legs, Hank Come on. Okay. It's the world's most beautiful. It's aggregate. So the two games the score counts as one game four three Oh, wait, I don't understand the rules of this this tournament. So complicated. You're so upset about the rugby thing I think you might be what do you want me to do? I can apologize. Do you want me to say I love rugby? No, I try to grow the game and you guys don't want to experience new things. So that's fine Okay, so I was talking about inside of talking soccer. Uh, yeah, they hit him with a hezzie hay on the corner Yes, the ultimate hezzie hay the big time has he hey. It was actually a very cool set piece

Um, yes, so credit to liverpool like I guess three nothing. Has that ever happened before? Uh, actually so 2017 Uh, I'm pretty sure Paris Saint-Germain blew like a 5o lead or something a 4o lead That's a team not a person. There's a team Paris Saint-Germain. Yeah, they uh, they lost six I think they lost six one in the in the second leg So it has happened But it still was incredible because you'd think our goat messy would be able to stop it But unfortunately he doesn't play goalie. So it's not his fault right not his he's actually Usually as far away from the goal is Boston and Ronaldo was out like a couple rounds ago

Yeah, so he still maintains goat status. Corrects also brilliant pr move by barca No one's talking about the defeat of the spanish armada by the english while ago. This is the biggest win for england Yeah, also really nice color rush All red versus highlight green. It was it was very very nice. Very cool. So now it's liver the liver pudleons versus either Ajax, which I know I'm saying incorrectly. I know people will get mad ajax, but I'm spelling it. I'm american ajax Uh, versus Tottenham Okay, so to see who goes and plays liverpool in the last leg. Yes No in the champions the championship of the champions a league. Yeah, okay. Everything's just a leg. Yeah, every game in soccer

There's no there's only one leg in the last one. Oh really? Yeah, is it neutral sites? Yeah, neutral site championship of the champions. I like that that was talking soccer We have a pr 101 hank. Why don't you introduce this pr 101 the game of thrones pr 101 Uh game of thrones fans are very very very upset After the last episode because when john snow basically gave up his dog got rid of him forever dire wolf He didn't pat him And so, you know people were upset online afterwards and I guess a writer the writer of the show afterwards said It was because they didn't have the budget in the CGI to happen pet

Which then just set people off even more This is the same show where dragons breathe fire onto people and just like literally people just disintegrate And they pet dragons. Yes. Okay, cool. Yeah, I just want to make sure yes Yes, and the show that like goes and films in new zealand for like four years straight And uh, they can't just have one little boop on the way out I have a I have a theory about this. Okay I think this was all a setup because they see how good those youtube videos do of soldiers returning from battle to their dogs Yes, john snow is going to return back to winterfell and it's going to be the ultimate

Soldier returns for more and his woofer has a major case of the zoomies That would be an all-time scene the problem is though people are just upset because the writers the writers don't there's no like They're not doing any of that surprise. It's not like they're saying that knowing that they're going to get outraged But it would be great if they think that's a real explanation. Yeah, they do think it people are really really mad I'm one of them people are also mad about the starbucks cup thing, which I think is like who cares Yeah, I have I have a comment about the starbucks cup that I haven't seen anybody make yet I don't think it was a starbucks cup. Oh, I think people are giving them millions of dollars of free advertising I think it was just a normal coffee cup that had the sleeve around it. Yeah that like brown sleeve

I'd agree with you. And so now people are using the term starbucks like we do with Kleenex They're gaslighted starbucks on us. They are where it's it's a brand name that just is substituted from now on for coffee Yes, I'd agree I actually completely agree because I saw it and everyone called it a starbucks cup So I naturally just saw a starbucks cup. Yep. Sorry. Not sorry. Yeah, it might have been a pizza cup By the way, didn't you read that it's actually better to not say goodbye to your dog? You were telling you're telling me about that. Yeah, so there was a major case of well actually going on It's the best part about the internet on the internet fighting about CGI dogs. Yeah, yeah

This is very hot hot debate in the streets right now Somebody said actually if you make a big deal out of leaving then your dog gets more anxious while you're gone So you should just be a huge dick and never pay attention to your dog that way. They're never happy to see you when you Yes, that's I mean, I guess that makes sense I do always say to Stella right before I leave I'll be right back because she doesn't she's a dog She doesn't know time I'm getting some cigarettes and milk from the store. Yeah, I'll be right back And but she doesn't know time like I could be gone for 12 hours or two seconds This time is time. I tell Leroy. I love him every time I leave. Hey, I'll be right back. Don't worry. I say I love you

And I give him a little boop little boop boop All right, we have a thoughts and prayers for country house Done dead Yeah, he's out of the preakness. Oh wait, not dead. No, he's out of the preakness still alive still not paced yet Um, they said that he's coughing and acting like he's going to get sick So he's you're on beat. He's faking it. Yeah, he's either Joel and bead or I could see this if I'm country house if I'm that horse. I'd probably do the exact same thing Yes, because you're never going to top that. Yes, you were going out

Completely at at the top of your game your Kentucky Derby winner And why would you ever try to follow that up? You're going to finish like 11th in the preakness and everyone's going to get Remad about the fact that you won the Kentucky Derby. That's what absolutely would happen Right, it's like a one hit wonder that should have retired after after their first album So now maximum security has to go and win the last two legs and then it can be like the greatest Non triple crown that should have been a triple crown ever that would be great Is maximum security is he gonna race or is he banned for life for almost causing the big one? That's true

It might have banned him for life. Yeah bad horse. Let's hope. Yeah Hank you want to finish this up with the guys on checks? We got 15 five minutes into the overtime Blues just shot missed Guys on chicks. What are your guys favorite part of a chicken of a show good question. So Um, I like I like the breast. Oh, no, obviously I'm a big wing guy. Yeah dark meat dark meets good Yeah, the dark meets where all the flavors at yeah, although it is a little gooey sometimes As a white person, I never season it. That's true. I just boil it you boil a big chicken and then serve it Yeah, I don't even de-feather it. No

I don't even kill it. Mm-hmm. If you don't de-feather the chicken when you poop it out. It wipes your butt for you. Yes, exactly Hey boys, especially future dad cat my five year old daughter has heard my husband say things like not in the nuts Or ooh right in the nuts while grimacing in pain So she of course has started to say similar things in similar situations like when her sister throws something at her for example It's honestly so hilarious, but I definitely worry about her Exclaiming this at school and her teacher's thinking we're shitty parents with our little girl apparently thinking it's hilarious to say she is nuts What would your talking points be if you were in our shoes? Well, I'd probably just go with and this is probably not good for my future parenting skills, but I go with the theory that uh

Any stupid thoughts that your kid has will just be bullied out of them. That's a very good theory I mean, it's true, right? Like eventually he like the the Kid is going to go to school say not in the nuts and everyone's like you don't have nuts You idiot and then they're going to be shamed and they're never going to speak confidently again in their life life finds a way Yeah, I would suggest if you really want to correct this behavior Just tell your husband whenever something gets through and I'm say hey not in the clip And then it'll make way more sense when she says it at school Don't hit

That's good. That's perfect Why do you guys get so upset and disrespectful towards their favorite team? Just because they lose a game Well, it's personal and it's very personal now that it's in social media age because your team is your identity And when your team does poorly you take everything that's said about it as a huge slight against your own personal like life Yeah, I I went through this I've gone through this most years of my life. You just did it with rugby. No, I'm still very much on board I'm leading the choo-choo train of usa 7s

But I'm saying that like as a capitalist fan of experience disappointment many many more times than I have joy And I experienced it a couple weeks ago And I was definitely in a funk for about like 24 hours and then I just thought to myself like this doesn't make sense That's maturity. Yeah becoming an immature adult male is learning how to not let every slight on your team Like ruin your week. That's where you really I'm down to 24 hours. Right progress, right? Like cody parki jokes bother me for about two weeks Then I was okay. Yeah, like that's not bad Right, like you if you can get to a point in life where someone can can bash your favorite player

Or your favorite team and you're like, I don't care Then you're you're basically buddha. Mm-hmm It actually helps doing a podcast a sports podcast because that's what we do to each other all the time Right, so we're kind of immune to it. So I would suggest Having the man in your life start a sports podcast, but not a really good one So it doesn't take away from us correct just so he can get that bullied out of him. Yes All right, last one Sup boys, especially thick cat. Oh, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and while we were together

He decided to DM a bunch of NFL players asking for autograph jerseys Using the fact that he's in the military. Really cool. Normal long story Totally normal long story short. I have his autograph Malik Jackson The only player who has time to respond to regular people's dms. I guess jersey should I give it back? I was fully intending on giving it back But I recently found out he's already talking to girls within the two weeks we've been broken up Well, he's probably DMing him because that's what he does for over a year Uh, yeah, I say you give him the malik jackson jerseys back because that's I no no disrespect to malik jackson. We're current guests, right?

Yeah, I was good. Yes. Yes. Yes. No, what you want to do is you want to hang on to that memorable interview Well, you want to hang on to that malik jackson jersey and you want to get framed in all your No, it wasn't who it was malik jackson on the show. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was Yeah, absolutely very memorable. No, he definitely was Super Bowl champion in the studio I thought you were saying Malik jackson, he's the guy that made cam newton make the business decision. He's he's good. All right You remembered it all famous you framed that jersey put it behind you then in all your thirst traps that you take on instagram

Have his jersey that says like thank you sir for your service autographed on it in the background Yeah, that'll really get to him or you can also do you can dm all the guys that he dm'd asking for an autographed jersey And because I assume you have yourself as your avatar They will definitely answer and they will definitely give you an autographed jersey And then take a picture of all your autographed jerseys of all the guys that wouldn't send him autographed jerseys That's that that's a very very good solution because like, you know, they're like, oh, you want to oh, okay Yeah, you can have an autographed jersey. Yeah, and then you just get a whole like, you know library of autographed jerseys I think that's elegant. You just need to one up them in some way shape or form

Yeah, and then just shove it in his face or like monday's reading Just whoever's favorite player is just late night. Here's what you do. You got to fuck malik jackson You got to you have on top of the jersey in his jersey in his jersey and then have him sign it again Yeah Okay Oh It's part of my take presented by boss